Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD

Fuck You Startup World

That’s right, I said it.
Shem Magnezi Follow
Oct 11, 2016 · 5 min read

Fuck your startup scene with your 30 minute morning routines of reading
TechCrunch, TNW, Wired, Gizmodo, Mashable, The Verge and
ProductHunt- all so you don’t feel ‘left out’. Fuck your weird fucking
conversations, things like “OMG did you see Snapchat’s new feature? OMG
Instagram is totally copying Snapchat? Did you see Zuck’s live townhall?

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
 OMG did you see what Elon Musk tweeted? OMG Uber raised another
round!” Fuck that. Nobody cares.

Fuck your crazy work hours. Nobody gives a fuck that Elon musk is working
100 hours a week, and that Marissa Mayer pulling in a 130 hour work week
while still breastfeeding her newborns. You’re not Elon Musk- you ain’t
Marissa Mayer, you’re not going to get to space, and you won’t build the
next Space X. Do me a favor, put your fucking Mac away and go play with
your kids.

Fuck your drinking culture too. Please stop celebrating every fucking
imaginary milestone with whisky, beer, or pizza and beer. Like, every ‘cool’
company has a bar now? Oh, OK, I’ll come work for you because you have
the Glenlivet 17 and not the 15. That’s why I show up to work every day.

Fuck your eating disorders, why the fuck does everything have to be so
extreme with you? On one end of the scale you’ve got the pizza-guzzling,
o ce-snack hoarding monster, and on the other end you have the ‘I-must-
optimize-every-living-second’ douche that only drinks fucking Soylent.
Seriously, what the fuck?

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
 And fuck all those parties after raising money. Don’t you get it? You just dug
your grave a little bit deeper. You should celebrate any day that you don’t
have to sell o another part of your company.

Fuck your open space oor plans- You really think Zucks builds Facebook’s
2017 roadmap while a nerf war is raging outside? Fuck your standing desk,
exercise ball desk, laying desk, and treadmill desk. It ain’t gonna mitigate all
those fucking doritos you just munched on, so just shut the fuck up and sit
in a normal chair like normal people.

Fuck reading a book a week. No one can read that fast. Let me repeat that -
NO ONE CAN FUCKING READ THAT FAST. How about actually reading
that god damn book?! Fuck your references to Malcolm Gladwell and Dan
Ariely, and stop fucking quoting Lean Startup, for Christs sake. We’ve all
fucking read it.

Fuck “entrepreneurs” nowadays, seriously- Everybody is a fucking

entrepreneur now. Especially all those straight-out-of-college-
entrepreneurs. Just so you know- it’s called “unemployed”. Fuck your
bootstrapping, too. Fuck working out of garages and fuck your 2.5 square

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
 meters “workspace”. “But hey! At least I can bring my dog to work!”. Fuck
you, seriously.

Fuck you productivity freaks. You try to make me feel bad because I woke
up “only” at 6AM. Shit, you woke up at 4:30, meditated for 30 minutes,
reviewed your quarterly and yearly “goals” for another 30 minutes, and
slurped on a delicious Soylent shake while checking daily retention trends.
Fuck your noise cancelling headphones and Pomodoro timers, your fucking
to-do lists, apps, notes, sticky notes, and God knows what else.

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
 Fuck you for telling me that TV is a waste of time but you’re all about the
Net ix and chill. You all fucking watch the same TV shows. Stop fucking
talking about how Mr. Robot is kind of like you, because you like to geek out
on that shit. You’re just a fucking robot, that’s di erent. Keep laughing
about how HBO’s Silicon Valley is sooooo realistic instead of asking why. But
stop fucking telling me to “Always ask Why”.

Fuck you and your stupid interview questions. Who the fuck thinks of these
stupid fucking questions? I never had to shift a bit in a C array in my life!
And I never got a compilation error on a white board, when I need a hash
set in Java I just use HashSet- I don’t fucking care about the complexity of
this code block because I can a ord another EC2 instance! So fuck you.

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
 Fuck your fucking jargon and acronyms. Fucking DAU’s, WAU’s, MAU’s,
ARPU, LTV, CPM, CPI, CPC, PPC, CPA, CTR, SEO, ASO, YoY, WoW, Fuck
over Fuck. Who the fuck can keep track of all this shit? And the fucking
networking events, my fucking lord. Everyone there is the CEO of
something-something and they’re all building a MVP to disrupt the who
gives a fuck market and that hockey-stick growth is guaranteed.

Fuck the transparency trend, the post mortem and the 5 whys. We can
fucking see right through you. Fuck having a Design sprint in EVERY sprint,
pushing to production 100 times a day, using no staging environment and
building a micro services architecture. Fuck your feature ags and endless
variants in your A/B testing. I want to get the same version of your site
every time I refresh it, stop fucking changing it up on me.

Fuck you startups with your extravagant parties and crazy o -site events
that cost way too much money, you’re supposed to buy some fucking servers
instead! Fuck spending money on ping pong tables that no one ever uses,
fucking music rooms, nap rooms, meditation rooms, stress-free rooms, and
pilates rooms. Fuck the ridiculous incentives that you give, too. Fuck your

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
 unlimited vacation policy, it’s fucking bullshit. We all know that your
employees will take less time o .

But more than all, start-up world, fuck you for

making me one of you.
. . .

Special thanks to Omri Aloni for helping me write this. Fuck you, bro.

. . .

Update: this post got lots of tra c and I’m pretty shocked, I wrote about it a
bit here.

. . .

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
 Photo credit: Rakka, my-e gy via VisualHunt / CC BY-NC-ND

Startups Startup Lessons Life Humor

30K claps

WRITTEN BY

Shem Magnezi Follow

Doing what I love @WeWork. http://shem8.github.io/

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
 Startup Grind Follow

Stories, tips, and learnings from and for startups around the
world. Welcoming submissions re: startup education, tech
trends, product, design, hiring, growth, investing, and more.
Interested in submitting? Visit our submission form here:
https://airtable.com/shrShpeN89HrzCzOB

See responses (1035)

More From Medium

More from Startup Grind

Remote Teams: Mastering Time Zones

Santiago Semino in Startup Grind
Mar 23 · 6 min read 141

More from Startup Grind

I Got Rejected by Apple Music… So I

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
 I Got Rejected by Apple Music… So I
Redesigned It
Jason Yuan in Startup Grind
May 9, 2017 · 12 min read 67K

More from Startup Grind

How to not suck at design, a 5 minute guide

for the non-designer.
Marc Hemeon in Startup Grind
Apr 30, 2017 · 6 min read 26K

Discover Medium Make Medium yours Become a member

Welcome to a place where words matter. Follow all the topics you care about, and Get unlimited access to the best stories
On Medium, smart voices and original we’ll deliver the best stories for you to on Medium — and support writers while
ideas take center stage - with no ads in your homepage and inbox. Explore you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade
sight. Watch

About Help Legal

Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD
Create PDF in your applications with the Pdfcrowd HTML to PDF API PDFCROWD