CREATED BY

Robia Rachid

Season 1

EPISODE 1.01

“Antarctica”

Interested in having a girlfriend, Sam researches dating advice and puts

it to the test. Meanwhile, his overprotective mom Elsa must learn to let
go.

WRITTEN BY
Robia Rashid
Dennis Saldua
Ava Tramer
Michael Oppenhuizen
Jen Regan

NOTE: This is a transcription of the spoken dialogue and audio, with time-code reference, provided without cost by ybinge.com
for your entertainment, convenience, and study. This version may not be exactly as written in the original script; however, the
intellectual property is still reserved by the original source and may be subject to copyright.
 1
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:10,635
[man] I'm a weirdo.
That's what everyone says.

2
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,179
Sometimes, I don't know what people mean
when they say things,

3
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:17,267
and that can make me feel alone even
when there are other people in the room.

4
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,936
And all I can do is sit and twiddle,

5
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,689
which is what I call
my self-stimulatory behavior,

6
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:27,360
when I flick a pencil against
a rubber band at a certain frequency

7
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,529
and think about all the things that
I could never do,

8
00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:34,075
like research penguins in Antarctica
or have a girlfriend.

9
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:36,995
I don't know.
I'd like to go to Antarctica.

10
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:38,872
It's quiet there...

11
00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:42,208
except in the rookeries,
where the penguins breed.
 12
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:44,294
[chuckles] Those aren't quiet. No, sir.

13
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,088
I'm finished with my answer.

14
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,215
Great.

15
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,718
Almost done for today. Good session, Sam.

16
00:00:51,801 --> 00:00:53,970
I can see your bra. It's purple.

17
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,140
[chuckles]

18
00:00:57,223 --> 00:01:01,061
Um, there was one more thing
I wanted to discuss.

19
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,813
And I don't need your answer now,

20
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,232
but I'm asking all my clients
if they'd be willing

21
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,984
to donate their brains for research.

22
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,611
[laughs]

23
00:01:09,694 --> 00:01:10,945
Donate my brain?

24
00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:13,865
-After you die.
-Oh.
 25
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:17,160
Yeah. There's such a shortage
of brain matter available,

26
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,829
and, you know,
there's no substitute for the real thing.

27
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[chuckles]

28
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Just think about it.

29
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,586
-Okay.
-And, hey, Sam,

30
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:29,923
what you said earlier
about having a girlfriend?

31
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:32,383
People in the spectrum date, you know?

32
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:36,137
You can try to find someone,
if you wanted to.

33
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:39,182
-How?
-You just have to put yourself out there.

34
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:41,184
Out where?

35
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:45,021
[Sam] Buses are okay,

36
00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:48,024
but I don't like the feeling
 of the seat on my back,

37
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:49,859
so I sit like this.

38
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,653
I don't know how people stand it.

39
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:55,281
Maybe they've developed thicker back skin
from riding the bus so much.

40
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:58,660
There's a type of Antarctic cod
that has a special protein

41
00:01:58,743 --> 00:02:01,037
in its blood that stops it from freezing.

42
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,206
[chuckles] Antifreeze in fish.

43
00:02:03,289 --> 00:02:04,332
[laughs]

44
00:02:08,169 --> 00:02:10,547
I was just thinking about Antarctic cod.

45
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,970
Antarctica is the most remote continent
on the planet.

46
00:02:19,430 --> 00:02:21,391
It has 90% of the world's ice,

47
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:24,185
but it's considered a desert
because the annual rainfall

48
00:02:24,269 --> 00:02:25,687
is only about eight inches.
 49
00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:29,232
You wouldn't think it was
a desert when you looked at it.

50
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:31,943
That's why I like it.

51
00:02:33,319 --> 00:02:34,863
It's not what it looks like.

52
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:38,158
[woman] Sam! Dinner!

53
00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:41,578
So, I ordered those T-shirts
that Sam likes, in bulk...

54
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,454
you know, 100% cotton...

55
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:48,001
and they switched them
to something that they called "tri-blend."

56
00:02:48,084 --> 00:02:52,422
So I called the company,
and I spoke to this woman named Rizwana.

57
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,424
I think I was speaking with India.

58
00:02:54,507 --> 00:02:55,592
[man]
Mm-hmm.

59
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,260
But, anyway, um...

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00:02:57,343 --> 00:03:01,055
And she found a box of the old ones,

61
 00:03:01,139 --> 00:03:02,724
and they sent them free of charge.

62
00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:05,101
-They're exactly the right kind.
-[man] Mm.

63
00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:07,061
Wow. That is a great story, Mom.

64
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,438
Oh, don't be a dick, honey.

65
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,149
So, Sam, how was your session
with Julia today?

66
00:03:11,232 --> 00:03:12,775
She wants me to donate my brain,

67
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,444
but don't worry, it's after I die.

68
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,447
What, like, for research?
That could be kind of cool.

69
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:18,531
Absolutely not.

70
00:03:19,198 --> 00:03:20,825
And the queen has spoken.

71
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:23,077
Well, it's gross, Casey.

72
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:26,039
You tell Julia, "Thank you, but no."

73
00:03:26,122 --> 00:03:28,333
-[Sam] Okay.
-You're so easy to boss around.
 74
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,585
I don't care what happens
to my dead brain.

75
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:33,171
It's either I give it to Julia,
or maggots eat it.

76
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,089
If Mom wants maggots to eat it, fine.

77
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:37,467
No, no, no. That's not what I'm saying.

78
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,551
Kind of is.

79
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,220
I don't care. I'll be dead.

80
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:43,431
Can we stop talking about you being dead?
You're not going anywhere.

81
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:45,141
Wow, this chicken's really good, honey.

82
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:46,851
Thanks. It's a dry rub.

83
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:48,144
It's a good dry rub.

84
00:03:48,811 --> 00:03:51,272
Julia thinks that I should
put myself out there

85
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:53,316
and find someone to have sex with.

86
 00:03:53,399 --> 00:03:54,776
[laughs]

87
00:03:54,859 --> 00:03:56,778
She didn't say the sex part. I added that.

88
00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,154
[laughing]

89
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,204
[theme music playing]

90
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:28,977
-[school bell rings]
-[indistinct conversations]

91
00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:36,359
[Sam] My school is crowded, noisy,

92
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:37,986
and it smells weird,

93
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,405
but it has one thing going for it:

94
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:42,490
it has lots of girls.

95
00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:47,287
Well, I think every girl is pretty
in her own way,

96
00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:50,164
like a snowflake
in a seasonal Antarctic storm.

97
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,807
[Sam] But girls don't notice me at all.

98
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:14,689
Thank you.
 99
00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:19,944
Banged a veterinarian
I met online last night.

100
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:22,613
She had a pet parrot that
repeated everything she said.

101
00:05:22,697 --> 00:05:25,908
"Do me, Brown Sugar!
Do me, Brown Sugar!"

102
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,244
Oh, shit. I think she's racist.

103
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:30,455
What kind of parrot?

104
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:33,124
Oh, I don't know. The red rainbow one?

105
00:05:33,207 --> 00:05:35,543
-That's a scarlet macaw.
-Oh.

106
00:05:41,507 --> 00:05:42,550
Zahid...

107
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:44,886
do you like dating girls?

108
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:48,264
Yeah, dude. I like dating girls.

109
00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:53,186
[camera shutter clicks]

110
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,605
What are you doing?

111
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,191
 Going online to try
and find a girl to date.

112
00:05:58,274 --> 00:05:59,734
That's hilarious. I'll help.

113
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:02,987
Okay, finish this sentence:

114
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:05,323
"I spend a lot of time thinking about..."

115
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:06,657
Easy. Penguins.

116
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:09,535
And, especially,
I'll say chinstrap penguins.

117
00:06:09,619 --> 00:06:11,579
They're my favorite bird,

118
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:14,123
but all four types
of Antarctic penguins are good.

119
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:18,252
Did you know early explorers thought they
were fish and classified them that way?

120
00:06:18,336 --> 00:06:20,088
Not birds, fish.

121
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:23,841
I'm gonna put "sports."

122
00:06:23,925 --> 00:06:25,134
[woman] Hey, kids.

123
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,469
What you doing?
 124
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,679
Casey's helping me sign up
for online dating,

125
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,681
but hates all my answers, so she's lying.

126
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,477
-Wow.
-Mm-hmm.

127
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,145
You're a little young for that.

128
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,940
You know, I saw an episode on 20/20.

129
00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:42,276
There's actually something
called "catfishing,"

130
00:06:42,527 --> 00:06:45,571
-and it has nothing to do with fishing.
-Bye, Mom.

131
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,660
Should we take another picture
with Edison?

132
00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:53,621
I read online that girls love animals.

133
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:54,831
Maybe like this?

134
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,459
I think this might go quicker
if you just leave.

135
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,838
[sighs] Damn it.
 136
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,174
Careful. What are you doing?

137
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,717
Honey, can you get that for me?

138
00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,763
-Which one?
-Three to five.

139
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,975
This room, it's, like, so disorganized.

140
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,477
-Such a mess.
-You okay?

141
00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,312
Yes, fine. Totally fine.

142
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:19,230
[sniffles]

143
00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:20,231
Yeah.

144
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,818
Sam's gonna start dating,
so that's something.

145
00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:25,194
Do you remember these?

146
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,988
-Sam's emotion cards?
-Yeah.

147
00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:29,323
"Someone's making this face,
they might be sad,

148
 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:31,033
so you should try
to be kind to them."

149
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,911
A woman in the support group,
her son was just diagnosed,

150
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:34,912
so I said I'd throw

151
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:36,706
some things together.

152
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:39,959
This was the exact face he made
when I surprised him with Mets tickets.

153
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:41,919
-Remember that?
-Yeah, I do.

154
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,173
I wanted us to just have one thing
in common.

155
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:46,466
Just one thing.

156
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,470
Me and my dad used to go
to the ball games all the time.

157
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:54,474
I think it's all right that
Sam's gonna try to date.

158
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:57,018
I mean, you and I weren't
much older when we met,

159
00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,978
and that was fun, right?
 We had a good time.

160
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:02,023
-Sam's not like us.
-I know, but he has to start...

161
00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:04,108
Do you know that every time
the phone rings, I jump?

162
00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:06,152
Every time.

163
00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:09,655
I think he's crossed the street again
with his eyes closed...

164
00:08:10,531 --> 00:08:12,533
or he had a freak-out in a store

165
00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:15,870
or he's hit a police officer.

166
00:08:15,953 --> 00:08:18,247
-Every time the phone rings.
-I know. I know.

167
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,083
But maybe now it's time for us
to take a step back.

168
00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,628
Spend time together, just the two of us,

169
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:26,547
you know, get back to where
we were before all of this.

170
00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:28,049
Maybe we go on a date.

171
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:29,842
 Hmm?

172
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,719
Or we... we fool around.

173
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,346
[scoffs, laughs]

174
00:08:33,429 --> 00:08:34,764
-Huh?
-Yeah, right.

175
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:35,890
No?

176
00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:37,350
[laughs]

177
00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:39,602
Oh.

178
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:41,479
You're serious.

179
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,689
I'm not serious.

180
00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:45,441
-I'm sorry.
-I'm just playing.

181
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:57,745
[Julia] Common traits
of autism spectrum disorder include

182
00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:00,248
repetitive behaviors,
difficulty socializing

183
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,209
and persistent, intense preoccupations.
 184
00:09:03,292 --> 00:09:06,963
I have a patient who came up
with 95 ways to cook an egg.

185
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:11,676
Come on in.

186
00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,346
Please, sit.

187
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:17,974
-Yeah, thanks.
-Oh.

188
00:09:18,057 --> 00:09:19,183
[chuckles nervously]

189
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:21,894
Is everything okay with Sam?

190
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,397
Oh, yes. It's fine.

191
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,773
I just, um...

192
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:31,529
Sam said you spoke to him about dating.

193
00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:32,446
[chuckles]

194
00:09:32,530 --> 00:09:34,824
He mentioned wanting a girlfriend,
so I thought...

195
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:36,701
I appreciate you're trying to help,

196
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:40,621
but all the things that make
my son's everyday life difficult...

197
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:44,208
like reading social cues,
exchanging small talk...

198
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,961
all the things I've helped him
navigate his entire life,

199
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,421
are magnified in dating.

200
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,256
Um...

201
00:09:50,965 --> 00:09:55,011
Dating is almost entirely
nonverbal communication,

202
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:57,179
and Sam's the most literal
person I know.

203
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,516
Yeah, and there are strategies
that I could teach him.

204
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,601
Are there?

205
00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:05,771
Are there strategies
for when you get your heart broken?

206
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:09,567
Sam is doing really well.

207
00:10:10,151 --> 00:10:12,153
I mean, we're 32 days
into his senior year,

208
 00:10:12,236 --> 00:10:14,488
and he hasn't had a meltdown yet, so...

209
00:10:15,489 --> 00:10:16,741
I don't want to push him.

210
00:10:16,824 --> 00:10:20,119
I mean, relationships are hard enough
for neurotypicals.

211
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,622
I don't want to put that kind
of pressure on my son.

212
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:26,667
There was a study done
in Toronto a few years ago.

213
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:30,630
Researchers found that only nine percent

214
00:10:30,713 --> 00:10:32,548
of adults with autism are married,

215
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,508
not because they lack the desire,

216
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:36,677
but because they don't know how to do it.

217
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:40,014
Your son has the same desire
to be loved that we all do.

218
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:41,891
Why shouldn't he pursue it?

219
00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:45,019
He's not ready yet.

220
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:48,022
You know,
 a lot of parents have a hard time

221
00:10:48,105 --> 00:10:49,899
as their kids become more independent.

222
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,693
It's completely natural.

223
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,945
So if you ever need someone to talk to,

224
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,156
I can refer you to one of my colleagues.

225
00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,783
Oh, wow. No, um...

226
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,369
[exhales]

227
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:02,870
That won't be necessary.

228
00:11:04,580 --> 00:11:05,706
Thank you for your time.

229
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,461
That's okay. I got it. Thanks so much.

230
00:11:10,544 --> 00:11:11,796
-Have a great day.
-Okay.

231
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,096
[Sam] When I'm learning something new,

232
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:24,058
like how to get infinity lives
in a video game or date girls,

233
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:25,559
 I do a lot of research.

234
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:26,560
I like research.

235
00:11:26,644 --> 00:11:28,020
Insult them.

236
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:31,565
Something like, "Baby, those some
serious bug eyes you got."

237
00:11:31,649 --> 00:11:32,483
[chuckles]

238
00:11:32,566 --> 00:11:34,360
-Trust me, brother...
-Bug eyes?

239
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:36,404
...quickest way to get a chick
on your dick.

240
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:40,241
[Sam] I examine as many sources
as possible.

241
00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:42,243
Yo, yo, mamacita.

242
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,537
Is that a phone in your back pocket?

243
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:46,872
'Cause that ass is calling to me.

244
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,376
And I ask questions.

245
00:11:50,459 --> 00:11:52,420
Just listen to what they say.
 246
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,839
Don't bring up seals
or penguins or whatever.

247
00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:56,674
And don't stare at their boobs.

248
00:11:56,757 --> 00:11:57,883
Wait, slow down.

249
00:11:57,967 --> 00:12:01,178
I'm still on the no penguins part.
What if she likes penguins?

250
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,055
Just assume she doesn't.

251
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,518
The trick is knowing when
to put my research to use.

252
00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,186
I'm not great at picking up signals.

253
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,482
Yo, Sammy.
Red over there is making eyes.

254
00:12:14,066 --> 00:12:15,818
-What?
-That chick.

255
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,737
Bubble Butt by the monitors.

256
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:20,698
What about her?

257
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:22,575
Dude, she's smiling right at you.

258
00:12:24,285 --> 00:12:25,119
Oh.

259
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:26,579
So?

260
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:29,248
-Smile back.
-Really?

261
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:35,713
[Inhales sharply]

262
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:39,717
Wow.

263
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,677
You scared her away
from across the store.

264
00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:43,804
Impressive range, dude.

265
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,602
[laughing]

266
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,688
[camera shutter clicking]

267
00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,987
[laughing]

268
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:03,073
Oh, no.

269
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:06,285
I'm sure whoever did this
just feels terrible.

270
00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:07,244
[laughing]
 271
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:09,830
Bailey.

272
00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:12,875
[all gasp]

273
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:22,218
I don't get it.
You're not even friends with Beth.

274
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,303
So? You don't have to be friends
to do what's right.

275
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:27,765
Sweetie, hitting someone's face
is never right.

276
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:30,935
Of course you don't get it.
You were the one picking on the fat kids.

277
00:13:31,018 --> 00:13:32,353
I had a pudgy friend.

278
00:13:32,436 --> 00:13:36,398
Besides, Bailey Bennet is a lovely girl,
and she did not deserve to get punched.

279
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:37,733
Bailey Bennet is a twat.

280
00:13:37,816 --> 00:13:39,235
Casey Gardener, language.

281
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,612
Sometimes a word or phrase
gets stuck in my head,

282
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:45,282
like on on a loop,
and it just plays over and over
 283
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,575
and over and over.

284
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,619
Twat. Twat.

285
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:51,622
Twat, twat, twat,
twat, twat, twat, twat...

286
00:13:51,705 --> 00:13:54,542
-You got suspended?
-[Casey] You didn't waste any time.

287
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,253
-You're gonna miss practice.
-They said I could practice.

288
00:13:57,336 --> 00:13:58,629
-Twat, twat.
-[man] That's good.

289
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:02,466
-At least she's not gonna miss practice.
-She punched a pretty girl in the face!

290
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,260
[Casey]
Why does it matter she's pretty?

291
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,428
Twat. Twat.

292
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:07,805
Twat.

293
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,975
Twat, twat, twat,
twat, twat, twat, twat.

294
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:12,393
 You're grounded.

295
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,812
All right. That seems fair.
I'm gonna go for a run.

296
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,605
Can I run when I'm grounded, warden?

297
00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,899
I'm done. You deal with her.

298
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,776
Go ahead.

299
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:24,446
-Awesome.
-Great. Now I'm the bad guy again.

300
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,408
Casey and I are cool. You're always gonna
be the bad guy with her.

301
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,371
[Glass Animals' "Black Mambo" plays]

302
00:14:32,454 --> 00:14:34,540
♪ Leopards laze each ♪

303
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:37,293
♪ On plush pillows ♪

304
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:41,297
♪ Paperback dreams
In their deep doze ♪

305
00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:44,091
[screams]

306
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:58,689
Hey, Casey!
I brought you a chocolate cake.
 307
00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:00,441
I make amazing cakes.

308
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,318
I won three bake-offs at my church.

309
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,696
This is my brother Evan.
He drove me here.

310
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:07,406
-Hey.
-Hey.

311
00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:10,242
Okay. Thanks for the cake.

312
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,161
Thank you for today.

313
00:15:13,329 --> 00:15:14,163
-Twat!
-Sam!

314
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:15,831
-Jesus!
-Um, hello.

315
00:15:15,915 --> 00:15:17,207
What is wrong with him?

316
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,376
Nothing's wrong with him.
Get away from him.

317
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,547
It's cool. I got it.

318
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:25,549
All right, bye.
 319
00:15:27,509 --> 00:15:29,720
You forgot your chocolate cake!

320
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:31,388
I'll just leave it on the porch.

321
00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:33,641
You're such an asshole.

322
00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:37,061
My sister doesn't let anyone beat me up...

323
00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:43,609
Got to do it four times, right?

324
00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:44,693
Ow!

325
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,487
...except herself.

326
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:51,116
So, how's your week?

327
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,701
Well, I still don't have a date.

328
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,662
I scared a girl off from across the room,

329
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:56,830
and we had meat loaf twice,
and I hate meat loaf.

330
00:15:56,914 --> 00:15:57,790
How?

331
00:15:57,873 --> 00:15:59,541
My mom just made it in the oven.

332
 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:02,086
[chuckles] I mean,
how did you scare her away?

333
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:05,422
I don't know. I've been wondering
and wondering and wondering.

334
00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,050
Okay. Pretend I'm her. What'd you do?

335
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:11,387
I just smiled at her like this.

336
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:13,555
Ah.

337
00:16:14,223 --> 00:16:15,599
I read about it online.

338
00:16:17,518 --> 00:16:20,688
"Making eye contact and smiling
are step one for flirting."

339
00:16:20,771 --> 00:16:21,939
That's what I did. Look.

340
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,735
"Insults equal chick on dick."

341
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,696
Not that part. The eye contact part.

342
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,782
Right, but we should get
to that at some point.

343
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:34,535
Anyways, the problem is

344
00:16:34,618 --> 00:16:38,497
you're crossing the line
 from flirty to creepy.

345
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:41,125
When you make eye contact,
you have to look away a bit.

346
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:45,004
But how can I make eye contact
and look away?

347
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:47,297
I mean, I'm not a mantis shrimp.

348
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:48,590
-[chuckles]
-All right.

349
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,969
Okay, you make eye contact...

350
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:53,929
glance away...

351
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:56,223
make eye contact again.

352
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,809
Otherwise, it can seem scary.

353
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:01,687
-Hold on. Let me write this down.
-Okay.

354
00:17:03,105 --> 00:17:04,773
Now, the smile.

355
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,194
You need to turn that down, like, 70%.

356
00:17:09,278 --> 00:17:11,947
-70% smaller?
-At least.
 357
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:16,326
Try no teeth?

358
00:17:18,495 --> 00:17:20,998
Yeah! That's the one. That's perfect.

359
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,795
They didn't taste purple,
but they were purple carrots.

360
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,548
-[laughs]
-It's a new kind of carrot, right?

361
00:17:29,631 --> 00:17:31,759
It tasted weird, but it was good.

362
00:17:31,842 --> 00:17:35,721
Okay, don't look,
but there's a couple on my right

363
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:39,266
that's on possibly
the worst first date ever.

364
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:41,143
-[whispering] I said don't look!
-These two?

365
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:44,646
She just asked him
if he wanted children.

366
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:48,442
-They haven't even ordered appetizers.
-God. There's no coming back from that.

367
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,778
-We should tell them what they're in for.
-No.

368
 00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:57,159
You know, there is a small chance
that you're right.

369
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:58,202
Yeah?

370
00:17:58,285 --> 00:18:00,579
-A night out was a good idea.
-Just a small chance?

371
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:01,747
Yeah.

372
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:03,749
I'm even wearing...

373
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,585
-[whispering] a thong.
-[whispering] You are?

374
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:07,503
Me, too.

375
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:08,962
[both laugh]

376
00:18:09,046 --> 00:18:13,467
-How's yours? Mine's really uncomfortable.
-I feel good. Holds everything in place.

377
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:15,969
[laughs]

378
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:16,929
See, this is nice.

379
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:18,097
Mm.

380
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,182
-We needed this.
 -Mm-hmm.

381
00:18:22,559 --> 00:18:23,602
We did.

382
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:28,273
It's just hard for me
to relax sometimes.

383
00:18:28,357 --> 00:18:29,191
[groans]

384
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:32,736
-I get so worried about the kids and...
-I know. But everything's good.

385
00:18:32,820 --> 00:18:34,655
The kids are great. Everything's fine.

386
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:38,700
-The kids are great?
-Oh, come on. Here we go.

387
00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,830
No, I just want to hear
why you think the kids are so great.

388
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,790
-Why are you getting upset?
-I'm not.

389
00:18:44,873 --> 00:18:46,834
You're implying that I worry over nothing.

390
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:49,378
Well... I mean, sometimes, you do.

391
00:18:50,671 --> 00:18:53,841
I mean, who cares? Sam wants to date.
That's good. That's a good thing.

392
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,884
 He's 18. It'd be weird if
he didn't want to date.

393
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:59,012
Because, Doug, it's not just dating.

394
00:18:59,096 --> 00:19:01,306
First it's dating,
and then he's graduating,

395
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,433
and then he's moving out into the world.

396
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,561
We can't protect him,
and that's terrifying.

397
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,020
That's what we want for him.

398
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:08,313
There's a lot we want

399
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:10,524
-that aren't possible for him.
-How do you know?

400
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:13,152
I'm the one that's been with him
for these last 18 years.

401
00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:15,946
You've never been close to him.
You don't even try.

402
00:19:16,029 --> 00:19:19,283
I mean, honestly, there is times
I think you don't even like him.

403
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:22,911
That's what you think?

404
 00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:25,956
I love our son.

405
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:31,461
I always have. Has it been hard
to connect with him? Yeah, it has been.

406
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,548
I thought he'd be more
like me or like you.

407
00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:37,885
He's not like either one of us
or anyone else I've ever met.

408
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:39,678
-I know.
-Yeah.

409
00:19:39,761 --> 00:19:42,097
You remember his ninth birthday?

410
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,140
He wanted an igloo.

411
00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:45,267
-And what did I do?
-You built it.

412
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:48,103
Yeah, I spent 19 hours hauling
and stacking

413
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:50,230
fricking ice blocks into the backyard

414
00:19:50,314 --> 00:19:52,482
just so my son would notice I was there.

415
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,109
So he would like me.

416
 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:56,195
And he wouldn't even go
inside because...

417
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,488
the ice blocks weren't lined up precisely.

418
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:00,908
-Okay.
-You're not the only one in the family

419
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:02,492
who has an autistic kid, Elsa.

420
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:05,996
Can I get you anything else?

421
00:20:06,079 --> 00:20:08,540
-No. Thank you.
-No, thank you.

422
00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,003
[knocking on door]

423
00:20:13,086 --> 00:20:14,296
Not it.

424
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:15,964
[man speaking indistinctly on TV]

425
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:17,799
[knocking continues]

426
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:21,220
Hey!

427
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:25,891
Hi.

428
00:20:27,184 --> 00:20:30,270
I just came to get Beth's cake pan back.
 429
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:31,772
Okay.

430
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:33,941
I could've brought it to school.

431
00:20:34,608 --> 00:20:35,442
Weird.

432
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:37,152
Should I come in or, um...

433
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:38,654
I'll just hang here.

434
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:41,990
Here you go.

435
00:20:42,532 --> 00:20:45,410
It's been washed twice...
once by me and once by my mom.

436
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:47,371
-'Cause that's my mom.
-Thanks.

437
00:20:48,163 --> 00:20:51,166
That was nice of you to punch that girl
in the face for my sister.

438
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,126
Oh, yeah, you're welcome.

439
00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:56,421
Hey, do you want to go out sometime?

440
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,133
Go out?

441
00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:03,720
-With you?
-Yeah. That's what I was thinking.

442
00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:06,139
I'm sorry. I don't really date.

443
00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:08,141
It's just not a distraction I need.

444
00:21:08,225 --> 00:21:10,894
I'm gonna get a track scholarship
and get out of this town.

445
00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,771
Oh. Well, fair enough.

446
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:16,984
I'm probably gonna change your mind
about that dating thing, though.

447
00:21:17,067 --> 00:21:18,735
You know, I kind of grow on people.

448
00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:21,238
Stop the presses!
A girl wants to go out with me.

449
00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:23,198
Oh. Hello.

450
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,159
I got to go.

451
00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:35,502
Her name's Bree, B-r-e-e.

452
00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,838
And she likes something
called vegan taquitos,

453
00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:40,299
and she has a cat named Simba.
I don't love cats.
 454
00:21:40,382 --> 00:21:43,218
-Do you think she'd get rid of it?
-Do not ask her that.

455
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:46,388
-Where are you gonna go?
-I thought about it.

456
00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:49,933
-I'll take her to Techtropolis.
-Take a date to an appliance store?

457
00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:52,394
-I have to go where I'm comfortable.
-Oh, my God.

458
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:56,189
It'll be fun. We can sample different TVs
and see which one has the best clarity.

459
00:21:56,273 --> 00:21:58,150
I know,
but we'll see if she gets it right.

460
00:21:58,233 --> 00:21:59,943
-[chimes]
-She wants to go for coffee.

461
00:22:01,028 --> 00:22:02,863
-Coffee?
-Mm-hmm.

462
00:22:03,697 --> 00:22:05,615
Who goes out for coffee?

463
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:08,994
Hey. Relax. This is gonna be okay.

464
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:11,330
No, it's not.

465
 00:22:12,748 --> 00:22:14,207
Yeah, no, it's not.

466
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:18,712
[Sam] Being in a loud,
unfamiliar place can be hard for me.

467
00:22:18,795 --> 00:22:21,798
I can't think.
I can't listen. I just freeze.

468
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:24,301
But... don't worry.

469
00:22:24,384 --> 00:22:25,343
I have a strategy.

470
00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:27,971
Floor here's kind of sticky.

471
00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:32,809
Did you know that some frogs have pads
on their feet

472
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:36,188
that secrete a thin layer of mucus
so to help them climb things?

473
00:22:37,439 --> 00:22:38,982
What's with the headphones?

474
00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:42,986
Oh. I just turned on
the noise-cancellation feature.

475
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:45,405
Need a little protection from the racket.

476
00:22:46,406 --> 00:22:48,658
-[pop music playing]
-[customers chattering]

477
 00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:55,082
Baby, those are some
serious bug eyes you got.

478
00:22:55,665 --> 00:22:56,500
What?

479
00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:02,047
Mamacita...

480
00:23:02,589 --> 00:23:03,590
your ass is on the phone?

481
00:23:06,635 --> 00:23:09,221
I don't like cats.
Would you be willing to get rid of Simba?

482
00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:15,602
Yo, I'm clocking out.

483
00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:18,063
-Can you see my nipples through here?
-Yes.

484
00:23:18,146 --> 00:23:20,774
Good. I was standing
in front of the air conditioner.

485
00:23:20,857 --> 00:23:22,526
So, how's it going with the ladies?

486
00:23:23,401 --> 00:23:25,862
I'm not dating anymore.
It's too difficult.

487
00:23:25,946 --> 00:23:29,950
You have to guess what people are
thinking, and not just people, girls.

488
00:23:30,033 --> 00:23:32,160
-They think I'm weird.
-You are weird. So what?
 489
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,455
The French eat snails. That's weird,
but you know they're getting laid.

490
00:23:35,539 --> 00:23:37,040
Hey, look. Red's back.

491
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:39,417
Ask her out.

492
00:23:39,501 --> 00:23:40,877
Go, go, go!

493
00:23:40,961 --> 00:23:41,962
Go!

494
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:43,547
Go.

495
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:56,643
Laser or inkjet?

496
00:23:56,726 --> 00:23:58,228
Oh, uh...

497
00:23:58,311 --> 00:24:01,189
I don't know.
I didn't really do any research.

498
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:04,234
Well, lucky for you, I love research,

499
00:24:04,317 --> 00:24:05,944
and I know all about these printers.

500
00:24:06,027 --> 00:24:07,237
You should get this one.

501
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,781
The other ones are garbage
and should be set on fire.
 502
00:24:09,865 --> 00:24:11,867
Wow. Thanks.

503
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:13,702
That's actually really helpful.

504
00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:15,996
[mouthing]

505
00:24:32,429 --> 00:24:34,472
Would you like to go on a date with me?

506
00:24:34,556 --> 00:24:37,726
That's the reason I came over here,
not to help you with printers.

507
00:24:38,685 --> 00:24:39,603
[chuckles]

508
00:24:42,564 --> 00:24:43,398
Okay.

509
00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:46,151
[funk music plays]
♪ Ow! ♪

510
00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:47,652
♪ Gold rush ♪

511
00:24:49,237 --> 00:24:52,032
♪ Hey, I got... uh! ♪

512
00:24:53,992 --> 00:24:55,243
♪ I got to dig for it ♪

513
00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:56,369
He got a date!

514
00:24:56,453 --> 00:24:57,787
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
 515
00:24:58,872 --> 00:24:59,706
[Elsa] Hey, hon.

516
00:24:59,789 --> 00:25:01,541
-You going to hockey?
-Yeah.

517
00:25:01,625 --> 00:25:03,126
I shouldn't be home late.

518
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:05,462
Honey.

519
00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:08,965
I'm sorry about dinner the other night.

520
00:25:09,049 --> 00:25:12,093
I'm just stressed, and...
it was a really nice idea.

521
00:25:12,177 --> 00:25:14,471
It's all right. Oh, listen, I...

522
00:25:14,554 --> 00:25:15,889
I got you something.

523
00:25:16,556 --> 00:25:17,807
You love to dance, right?

524
00:25:18,725 --> 00:25:22,103
You should check this out,
have some fun, maybe make a friend.

525
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:23,396
You look good.

526
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:24,689
Sheesh!

527
00:25:24,773 --> 00:25:27,317
 I don't even know
if I'll be able to dance anymore.

528
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:29,861
♪ Mamacita say, "Oh, oh" ♪

529
00:25:29,945 --> 00:25:32,489
♪ Mi amigo say, "Oh, Oh" ♪

530
00:25:32,572 --> 00:25:35,033
♪ Everybody say, "Oh, oh" ♪

531
00:25:35,116 --> 00:25:37,244
♪ We got your drummer there,
"Oh, oh" ♪

532
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:39,704
♪ Mamacita say, "Oh, oh" ♪

533
00:25:39,788 --> 00:25:41,539
♪ Mi amigo say, "Oh, Oh" ♪

534
00:25:41,623 --> 00:25:44,834
Thank you so much.
That was so much fun!

535
00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:47,671
Oh, you're welcome! You're great.
You're a dancer, huh?

536
00:25:47,754 --> 00:25:49,881
What? Oh, no. I mean, forever ago.

537
00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:53,093
I was the captain
of the dance squad in college.

538
00:25:53,176 --> 00:25:54,469
-Oh.
-Yeah.

539
00:25:54,552 --> 00:25:56,805
 We ranked nationally three times,
almost four.

540
00:25:56,888 --> 00:25:59,015
We were robbed, but whatever. I'm over it.

541
00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:02,811
Hey, a few of us are gonna go grab
a drink. You want to come?

542
00:26:02,894 --> 00:26:05,480
Um, uh...

543
00:26:06,648 --> 00:26:07,857
Sure.

544
00:26:07,941 --> 00:26:09,609
[laughing]

545
00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,278
This is so much fun.

546
00:26:12,904 --> 00:26:15,198
I feel like I'm back in college again.

547
00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:16,199
[laughs]

548
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:20,203
Want another drink?

549
00:26:20,912 --> 00:26:23,290
Um... no, thanks.

550
00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:26,543
I think I've escaped
my real life long enough.

551
00:26:27,877 --> 00:26:32,215
I don't know why I said that.
I love my life. I love it. Love it.
 552
00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:33,633
This one's on me.

553
00:26:40,307 --> 00:26:44,060
When you told me we were having dinner
in the Techtropolis parking lot,

554
00:26:44,144 --> 00:26:45,645
I thought you were kidding.

555
00:26:46,479 --> 00:26:47,522
No, I don't do that.

556
00:26:48,356 --> 00:26:49,649
Oh.

557
00:26:49,733 --> 00:26:51,151
-You're very pretty.
-Thanks.

558
00:26:51,234 --> 00:26:53,737
I always thought my nose was too big.

559
00:26:53,820 --> 00:26:56,990
A little,
but the rest of your face makes up for it.

560
00:26:58,241 --> 00:26:59,659
[laughs]

561
00:26:59,743 --> 00:27:00,827
Wow.

562
00:27:00,910 --> 00:27:02,203
You're really honest, huh?

563
00:27:02,287 --> 00:27:03,955
Yes. Is that bad?

564
00:27:05,123 --> 00:27:06,958
No. It's refreshing.
 565
00:27:07,042 --> 00:27:08,960
-Tell me more.
-Okay.

566
00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:11,713
I'm really good at fixing computers,

567
00:27:11,796 --> 00:27:14,174
and biology is my favorite subject
in school.

568
00:27:14,257 --> 00:27:15,383
Girls don't like me.

569
00:27:15,467 --> 00:27:18,803
I love penguins,
but I'm not supposed to talk about it.

570
00:27:18,887 --> 00:27:20,388
I've never had sex before,

571
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:22,807
and I have a pet turtle named Edison,

572
00:27:22,891 --> 00:27:25,602
who's named after Thomas Edison,
but he's not as smart.

573
00:27:25,685 --> 00:27:26,895
[laughs]

574
00:27:28,438 --> 00:27:29,647
You're hilarious.

575
00:27:29,731 --> 00:27:30,774
Thank you.

576
00:27:33,735 --> 00:27:34,903
You never had sex?

577
 00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:36,404
No.

578
00:27:38,823 --> 00:27:39,657
Want to?

579
00:27:42,410 --> 00:27:43,661
[footsteps approaching]

580
00:27:43,745 --> 00:27:45,413
-[breathing heavily]
-Hey.

581
00:27:46,414 --> 00:27:48,166
[panting]

582
00:27:50,710 --> 00:27:51,628
What are you doing?

583
00:27:51,711 --> 00:27:55,298
I just came to see if you changed
your mind about going out with me.

584
00:27:56,758 --> 00:27:57,801
I brought you this.

585
00:27:57,884 --> 00:28:00,095
What is up with your family
bringing me sweets?

586
00:28:00,970 --> 00:28:02,430
I don't know. I like you.

587
00:28:03,306 --> 00:28:04,140
Why?

588
00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:05,517
Uh...

589
00:28:07,143 --> 00:28:11,147
'Cause most people don't stand up
to assholes, but you do.
 590
00:28:25,495 --> 00:28:26,955
-Then there was Mel.
-Mm-hmm.

591
00:28:27,038 --> 00:28:29,290
That was my longest relationship,
like a month.

592
00:28:29,374 --> 00:28:30,417
Wow. A month.

593
00:28:30,500 --> 00:28:32,043
Stop it. [chuckles]

594
00:28:32,711 --> 00:28:35,130
Why am I telling you this?
Let's talk about something else.

595
00:28:35,213 --> 00:28:37,424
What? No. I want to hear about
your month with Mel.

596
00:28:37,507 --> 00:28:38,883
[chuckles]

597
00:28:40,885 --> 00:28:43,680
I don't know.
I like what I do, I guess.

598
00:28:43,763 --> 00:28:46,057
-Mm-hmm.
-I don't mean my job necessarily.

599
00:28:46,141 --> 00:28:47,559
Just my life.

600
00:28:48,351 --> 00:28:51,062
I wake up when I want.
I do what I want. I go where I want.

601
00:28:51,146 --> 00:28:53,606
 Last week, I wanted to go
to the mountains, so I did.

602
00:28:53,690 --> 00:28:56,109
I didn't have to plan anything
or run it by anyone.

603
00:28:56,192 --> 00:28:58,862
I mean, that may be weird, but I just...

604
00:28:58,945 --> 00:29:00,029
I need that.

605
00:29:02,407 --> 00:29:03,491
[chuckles]

606
00:29:04,284 --> 00:29:06,202
Is that totally lame or what?

607
00:29:08,496 --> 00:29:10,165
No, that sounds great.

608
00:29:10,248 --> 00:29:12,834
I mean, you're a little old
for that, but, you know?

609
00:29:13,334 --> 00:29:15,420
-Thanks.
-[both laugh]

610
00:29:16,045 --> 00:29:18,923
I think, if it were really, really cold,

611
00:29:19,007 --> 00:29:20,592
like Antarctica cold,

612
00:29:20,675 --> 00:29:23,178
the coldness would feel
like a sound.

613
00:29:23,261 --> 00:29:26,014
The cold would be so intense
 that you could hear it.

614
00:29:26,097 --> 00:29:27,515
I would like to hear that sound.

615
00:29:27,599 --> 00:29:29,392
[Milo Greene's "Cutty Love" plays]

616
00:29:37,275 --> 00:29:40,445
♪ I slip softly through ♪

617
00:29:41,029 --> 00:29:44,365
Never been in a dorm. This isn't
what I thought it would smell like.

618
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:47,827
Yeah.
My roommate makes a lot of ramen.

619
00:29:47,911 --> 00:29:51,331
[Sam] Sometimes, being touched
makes me... jumpy.

620
00:29:51,414 --> 00:29:54,209
It has to be hard touch, uh, pressure.

621
00:29:54,292 --> 00:29:56,377
I like pressure. I don't like soft.

622
00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:58,880
Is that okay to say on the first date?

623
00:29:58,963 --> 00:30:00,840
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

624
00:30:03,510 --> 00:30:05,053
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

625
00:30:05,136 --> 00:30:10,350
♪ It'll burn, burn, burn, burn, burn ♪

626
 00:30:10,433 --> 00:30:12,644
♪ Burn us both alive ♪

627
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:17,941
Aah!

628
00:30:18,024 --> 00:30:19,484
What the hell?

629
00:30:21,319 --> 00:30:23,321
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

630
00:30:23,404 --> 00:30:24,864
What is wrong with you?

631
00:30:24,948 --> 00:30:28,618
Seriously, are you retarded?
Is there something wrong with your brain?

632
00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:33,957
Get the hell out of my room.

633
00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:40,380
Sometimes, when I feel most alone,

634
00:30:40,463 --> 00:30:42,507
I imagine myself in that ice...

635
00:30:42,590 --> 00:30:45,760
frozen, unable to move, but safe.

636
00:30:49,180 --> 00:30:50,682
[horn blares]

637
00:30:55,270 --> 00:30:59,190
I thought technical school would be
dumb, but I actually really like it.

638
00:30:59,274 --> 00:31:00,400
[chuckles]

639
 00:31:00,483 --> 00:31:03,820
Oh, hey. There he is, the "twat" guy.

640
00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:05,864
What's wrong?

641
00:31:07,448 --> 00:31:09,075
-[Sam sniffling]
-Sam?

642
00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:22,422
Here. Careful, it's hot.

643
00:31:24,299 --> 00:31:26,759
[Evan]
Hey, dude, don't feel too bad.

644
00:31:26,843 --> 00:31:28,678
The first time's always a shit show.

645
00:31:29,512 --> 00:31:33,975
My first time was on a Ping-Pong table,
and it collapsed like two seconds in.

646
00:31:34,058 --> 00:31:36,853
My balls got all wrapped up in the net.
Really freaked her out.

647
00:31:38,021 --> 00:31:40,315
How about you, Case?
Was it crappy your first time?

648
00:31:40,398 --> 00:31:41,774
Okay, gross.

649
00:31:41,858 --> 00:31:44,485
I'm not discussing my sex life
in front of my brother.

650
00:31:44,569 --> 00:31:46,654
Not that there's anything to discuss.

651
 00:31:49,532 --> 00:31:51,242
Sometimes, I wish I was normal.

652
00:31:51,326 --> 00:31:52,660
Well, dude...

653
00:31:53,286 --> 00:31:54,370
nobody's normal.

654
00:31:59,292 --> 00:32:01,252
[breathes deeply]

655
00:32:20,355 --> 00:32:23,358
In fourth grade,
my biology teacher, Mr. Durocher--

656
00:32:23,441 --> 00:32:27,403
he was fat-- said penguins are similar
to humans...

657
00:32:28,696 --> 00:32:32,408
because once they copulate,
they stay with the same partner for life.

658
00:32:33,159 --> 00:32:35,453
So, what about you? What's your life like?

659
00:32:35,536 --> 00:32:37,538
-Mm.
-[chuckles]

660
00:32:38,081 --> 00:32:41,000
Well, ironically, when I was in college,

661
00:32:41,084 --> 00:32:43,211
I also dated a girl for about a month.

662
00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:44,629
[laughs]

663
00:32:44,712 --> 00:32:46,506
Mm. [laughs]
 664
00:32:46,589 --> 00:32:49,258
And I am a hairdresser.

665
00:32:49,342 --> 00:32:50,593
Yours is too short.

666
00:32:50,677 --> 00:32:51,678
[chuckles]

667
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:55,014
You're funny. And kind of mean.

668
00:32:55,098 --> 00:32:56,933
[both chuckle]

669
00:32:57,892 --> 00:33:00,144
Yeah, I'm always mean to people I like.

670
00:33:00,770 --> 00:33:02,939
I think it's 'cause I expect so much.

671
00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:05,108
So you like me.

672
00:33:05,191 --> 00:33:06,818
[both laugh]

673
00:33:08,027 --> 00:33:10,071
[Sam] But according to the 2010 census,

674
00:33:10,154 --> 00:33:12,365
which is the most recent data
I could acquire,

675
00:33:12,448 --> 00:33:15,034
49% of marriages end in divorce.

676
00:33:17,662 --> 00:33:19,414
Sorry. Um...
 677
00:33:21,666 --> 00:33:23,501
You know, um...

678
00:33:23,584 --> 00:33:26,421
if you turn the heat up
on your dishwasher,

679
00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:29,882
you won't have those ugly white spots
on the glasses. Just so...

680
00:33:42,353 --> 00:33:43,813
[Sam] Penguins mate for life.

681
00:33:45,648 --> 00:33:48,317
So penguins aren't like people.

682
00:33:53,031 --> 00:33:54,490
They're better.

683
00:34:15,553 --> 00:34:17,680
I wonder if they ever get tired
of swimming.

684
00:34:18,181 --> 00:34:19,307
They don't.

685
00:34:23,644 --> 00:34:26,981
You know, Casey...
told me what happened...

686
00:34:28,357 --> 00:34:29,650
with the girl.

687
00:34:31,861 --> 00:34:33,279
I wish I had a time machine.

688
00:34:33,362 --> 00:34:36,699
I would go back in time
and never ask her out

689
 00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:39,243
and also maybe visit
the Middle Ages because...

690
00:34:39,327 --> 00:34:40,578
jousting.

691
00:34:41,621 --> 00:34:45,208
Look, I don't know about some
of that stuff you're into,

692
00:34:45,291 --> 00:34:48,377
but girls I know about, okay?
And they're tough.

693
00:34:49,670 --> 00:34:52,799
I'm proud of you
for putting yourself out there.

694
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:58,096
I should never go on another date.
I should just stay away from girls.

695
00:34:58,971 --> 00:35:01,849
Sam, look, you got some stuff
to figure out, but you will.

696
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:04,894
You're a good guy.

697
00:35:04,977 --> 00:35:07,188
You're sensitive, and you're funny,

698
00:35:07,271 --> 00:35:10,274
and the woman who ends up
with you will be lucky.

699
00:35:11,651 --> 00:35:13,319
You want to marry your best friend.

700
00:35:14,654 --> 00:35:15,530
Edison?
 701
00:35:15,613 --> 00:35:16,572
No.

702
00:35:17,198 --> 00:35:18,491
Not your turtle, Sam.

703
00:35:18,574 --> 00:35:20,993
You said my best friend.
He's my best friend.

704
00:35:22,078 --> 00:35:23,121
I just...

705
00:35:24,038 --> 00:35:28,292
I meant you want to be with someone
who appreciates you for what you are.

706
00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:32,797
You know, who loves all
the little odd things about you...

707
00:35:33,506 --> 00:35:34,590
who gets you.

708
00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:39,762
Penguins mate for life, you know?

709
00:35:41,389 --> 00:35:42,515
Yeah?

710
00:35:43,850 --> 00:35:45,184
Well, good for them.

711
00:35:46,853 --> 00:35:50,565
So, how are you feeling now?
Still ready to give up on dating?

712
00:35:50,648 --> 00:35:53,317
I don't know. My dad said to find someone

713
00:35:53,401 --> 00:35:56,571
who appreciates me for what I am,
which is a weirdo.

714
00:35:57,530 --> 00:35:58,614
We talked a lot.

715
00:35:58,698 --> 00:36:00,158
Glad to hear it.

716
00:36:00,241 --> 00:36:03,411
And that makes sense.
You're easy to talk to.

717
00:36:07,206 --> 00:36:08,291
Yeah.

718
00:36:09,041 --> 00:36:10,376
You're easy to talk to, too,

719
00:36:10,459 --> 00:36:13,671
which is good 'cause,
otherwise, you'd go broke.

720
00:36:13,754 --> 00:36:14,964
[chuckles]

721
00:36:18,259 --> 00:36:21,179
[Sam] When a male gentoo penguin
chooses a mate,

722
00:36:21,262 --> 00:36:22,346
he makes an offering.

723
00:36:23,139 --> 00:36:24,682
He finds a pebble,

724
00:36:24,765 --> 00:36:27,101
often taking the time
to find the smoothest one,

725
00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:29,020
and presents it to the female.
 726
00:36:29,854 --> 00:36:32,690
I'm a human,
so it would be weird to offer a pebble.

727
00:36:33,357 --> 00:36:34,233
Julia.

728
00:36:36,277 --> 00:36:39,197
-I've decided I want to give you my brain.
-[gasps] Really?

729
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:40,448
After I die.

730
00:36:41,115 --> 00:36:42,950
Oh, Sam, that's so great.

731
00:36:45,369 --> 00:36:46,871
You're gonna help so many people.

732
00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:48,581
[chuckles]

733
00:36:48,664 --> 00:36:50,291
Good smile.

734
00:36:50,374 --> 00:36:51,751
It's not creepy at all.

735
00:36:51,834 --> 00:36:53,252
I've been practicing.

736
00:36:53,336 --> 00:36:54,503
Yeah, I can tell.

737
00:36:56,839 --> 00:36:59,425
[Sam] If the female places the pebble
in her nest,

738
00:36:59,508 --> 00:37:01,219
 she accepts him as a mate.

739
00:37:01,302 --> 00:37:03,846
And as you already know,
penguins mate for life.