Provider Response Form

Welcome to the Writing Lab!

Analysis and recommendations regarding specific parts of your paper are included in the tutor
response form. A copy of your paper is also posted below this form, and it includes additional
comments in brackets. If you have additional questions, you can direct them to
info@brainfuse.com.
Thank you for choosing the Writing Lab, and best wishes with your revisions!

Part 1 – Overview

This is an interesting and engaging paper in which you discuss an article by Paul Krugman. My
primary concern here is with the paper’s focus, as it seems to shift back and forth between a
critique of Krugman’s work and a discussion of your own assertions. I’ve offered notes and
comments regarding this, as well as other items, in-text and below.

Part 2 – Main Idea/Thesis

A good thesis statement will contain your topic and your primary assertion regarding that topic.
Your thesis statement seems to indicate that you’re rejecting Krugman’s views and instead
asserting your own. If this is simply a critique of Krugman’s work, you’ll want a thesis that
focuses on evaluating his argument.

Part 3 – Introduction and Conclusion

Your conclusion seems to be a fairly subjective assessment of Krugman’s work, but many
aspects of the development seem like you’re trying to offer an objective look at the ways in
which Krugman crafted his argument. This contributes to the lack of a clear focus in your work.
Part 4 – Development

The development of a paper such as this should simply be an extended effort to defend the
assertion made in the thesis statement. Your thesis statement appears to be a sense of your own
views of the topic brought up by Krugman. Your development, though, seems to be a mix of an
assessment of Krugman’s rhetorical strategies and a reflection on how you feel about Krugman’s
arguments. As a result, the thesis and development appear misaligned.

To fix the misalignment, make sure that your thesis statement is directly responding to your
assignment’s prompt, and then make sure the development directly supports the assertion made
in your thesis.

Part 5 – Organization

Regardless of the approach you eventually take, it would seem as if emphatic organization would
work well. Begin with your least persuasive point and work your way up to your most persuasive
ones. You can use emphatic signals, such as clearly, more importantly, and most of all, to help
achieve this.

Part 6 – Style

Many professors and style guides (including the APA) discourage the use of the passive voice in
academic writing, primarily because it creates sentences in which the subject can be unclear.
With the active voice, the subject performs the action. With the passive voice, the subject has an
action performed on it by some other agent. For instance, “the cat ate its dinner” is written in the
active voice, and “the dinner was eaten by the cat” is written in the passive voice.

The APA style guide, as well as others, calls for the use of the serial, or Oxford, comma. Place a
comma before the conjunction immediately preceding the last item in a series. For instance, “I
like apples, pears, and bananas” contains a serial comma. “I like apples, pears and bananas” does
not.

Part 7 – Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics

Please use The Brainfuse Essential Grammar Guide to identify and edit errors in grammar,
usage, and mechanics. You can view the guide by clicking on this link below and logging in to
Brainfuse:

http://www.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1381694219673.html

If you would like a review focused on your grammar, usage, and mechanics, in the future, please
request a grammar review in the comments box.
Part 8 – Formatting
Please use the Brainfuse Style Guides for information on citation formatting.
APA http://admin.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1458072374726.doc
MLA http://admin.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1458072312746.doc
Chicago Style http://admin.brainfuse.com/curriculumupload//1458072430107.doc

Additional Comments

I have also added specific comments to select paragraphs in your paper. You will find them in
brackets below.

Note that your paper has been copied into this file. Please make all changes to your own
original file to maintain the header and footers.

In “Confronting Inequality,” by Paul Krugman, he states, “The ugliness of our politics is in large

part a reflection of the inequality of our income distribution” (pg. 569). He argues that social

inequality is a result of economic inequality and that lower and middle class families are impact

[watch your verb tense here] by this imbalance due to corruption in our government system.

His solution to equalize the economy is to increase minimum wage, increase tax on the wealthy

[review the use of a serial comma] and revitalize unions. It is necessary for the people with

power to restructure our government and its infrastructure, reshape healthcare reform and

implement quality education in order to maintain our economic and social equality. [so, are

you saying that Krugman’s ideas won’t work and that we should instead focus on the items

offered in your thesis?] [what’s the actual focus of your paper?]

Krugman states that social and income inequalities are intertwine and it reflects one

another raising serious cost to our society, and leads to corruption in politics. Politicians are

passing laws to benefit the wealthy minorities while the vast majority of low income and middle

class families sacrifice high mortgage debt to race for better education for their children. At the
same time lack of healthcare in low-income families and the uneven quality of education,

hinder their chances at life opportunities, which contradict the belief that all American’s are

entitled to equal chance. Krugman believes by eliminating the Bush tax cut [in your

introduction, you began with Krugman’s thoughts about the minimum wage] for the wealthy

and adding surtax will regain significant revenue and in turn will help fund healthcare reforms.

Increasing minimum wages for low-income earners and revitalizing unionization will create

unity and balance.

Krugman’s argument regarding inequality was well written [passive voice] and

moderately comprehensible [these two things don’t go well together – moderately

comprehensible sounds like it was just sort of easy to understand] . The context was engaging

from start to finish and he provided historical and international evidence along with tables,

quotes, studies and references. I especially appreciate that he included opposing viewpoints

from economic experts and authors to help readers better understand his perspective along

with the process and complexity of our social and economic system.

I believe he touched all aspects of what he intended to and was thorough in most areas

of his argument. However, in my opinion, he lacked convincing points on quality education and

healthcare. I strongly believe they are essence to humanity and if health care can be affordable

for everyone if not free and education practical it will sustain our foundation and harmonize us

as a nation.

According to Krugman, “the lion’s share of economic growth in America over the past

thirty years has gone to a small, wealthy minority, to such an extent that it’s unclear whether

the typical family has benefitted at all from the technological progress and the rising
productivity it brings” (p. 561). This statement reminds me of the saying, the rich get richer and

the poor get poorer. With friends and acquaintances that are scattered in this spectrum of

income classification and with my own observations; I agree to an extent that low and middle

class families have limited access to such benefits and opportunities [is this your assessment? It

seems like you’re using your own personal experiences to determine the credibility of

Krugman’s argument] . Former Clinton advisor Larry Summers says, “When the rich get richer

they get more powerful and that puts them in the position to lobby for policies that make them

richer still.” This statement is so true and it confirms Krugman’s argument regarding our

corrupted politics. An example of this goes back when our economy crashed in 2008. The

people most affected by this financial crisis were the hard working middle-income earners who

ended up losing their homes and their jobs while the big money makers such as bankers felt no

harm and I absolutely feel that that banks also contributed to this economic meltdown. I am

certain that majority of younger generation in the mid-income category will agree that indeed

they are neglected and left to struggle.

Overall, I agree with Krugman’s solution to adhere the nation’s equality, however, in my

view I am uncertain that increasing tax and distributing wealth to little money earners will

restore our divided society. I believe the government must restructure so people are working

for people and not against each other. Education and Healthcare is a valuable asset to our

society and both should be top priority when it comes to funding and policy reforms. Thomas

Jefferson wrote, “The small landholders are the most precious part of a state” (p.562). Perhaps

the restoration and reestablishment of policies should have middle classes in their best interest.
 In conclusion, Krugman’s essay about inequality triggered concerns and raised my

awareness of the unequal society we live in and the corruption of our government [so would

you say that it’s an effective argument?] . I agree with his theory of distributing wealth by

modifying taxes and raising minimum wages to equalize our economy but I also believe changes

ought to start with rebuilding and sustaining our government’s foundation. Extra efforts must

take place to implement effective and practical quality in education along with reforming

healthcare so it is affordable for everyone. I believe this will create a more united and balance

society in our nation.

Addendum:

1. Plant Naysayer (pg.82-83): 5th paragraph, 8th sentence

2. Voice marker (pg.72-75): 6th paragraph, 1st sentence

3. Introduce quotations and or paraphrase (pg.46): 1st paragraph, 1st sentence

4. Explain quotations and or paraphrase (pg. 47): 5th paragraph, 1st sentence