To be taken or not to be taken

Some People are single because they choose to be, and some People are simply not interested in being
in a relationship, but have you ever questioned yourself that everyone seem like everybody else on the
planet is happily paired off with a perfect partner except you? Before you panic, ill assure you that not
being in a relationship means there’s something “wrong” with you. Nonetheless, if you’re a part of Club
Single and wonder why that could be, check out these 10 reasons why you are still single.

1. You don’t go out much.

To my fellow introvert people, I’ll be saying this, if you want to better your chances of escaping the
single life, you need to go out and meet a bunch of people. It’s like finding a job, you need to move,
build a network, plant seeds, and do a follow up.

2. Your self-esteem is low

You regard yourself so poorly that you assume there must be something wrong with anyone that takes a
romantic interest in you. A common trait between people with low self-esteem is that they overthink
immensely. People with low self-esteem are the polar opposites of people with an inflated self-esteem
because the former is quick to find fault with themselves while the latter is quick to find fault with
others. Unfortunately, your low self-esteem may be pushing away good potential relationship
candidates. There isn’t a quick fix for this because building confidence is a long and bumpy
road. Nevertheless, always remind yourself that everyone deserves to be loved.

3. You’re too independent

A relationship consists of two people. If you think you’re going to get into a relationship without
sacrificing any aspect of yourself, you’re badly mistaken. Whether it’s your time, routine, diet, or etc.,
you must be able to show some level of flexibility if you want potential partners to believe that they can
coexist with you. If you’re completely set on just doing your own thing, then maybe deep down, a
relationship isn’t exactly what you’re looking for.

4. You need to figure yourself out.

If you’re going through a big life change, like going to a new school, starting a new job, living in a new
city, or (insert something new and exciting thing here) that could be why you are still single. It is unwise
to invite a new partner into your life if you have a lot of house-cleaning to do. Take your time while
settling into your new situation: love will be waiting for you when you’re ready.

5. You don’t know what you want.

Your standards for what makes a person an “excellent” match will change as you mature. There could be
times where you’re just plain confused about what you want in a partner, and that’s okay. It could help
to go on a date with a few different types of people; you’ll come out with a general idea of what traits
attract you to a person and be better able to choose a partner you can be happy with.

6. You aren’t comfortable in your body.

A lack of confidence in yourself can reflect in how you present yourself. Be confident in your body
because it’s a glorious thing capable of carrying you anywhere in the world. And besides, what you see
in the mirror has more to do with how you perceive yourself than reality. Curvy, muscular, skinny,
somewhere-in-between? It doesn’t matter. Run, lift weights, take a yoga class, or practice healthy
habits if you’d like to lose weight and get fit. But love your body today, because you’re incredibly good-
looking as you are. And being confident in the vessel you have will draw people to you. Confidence is
hot!

7. Your self-esteem is too high

You regard yourself way too highly to the point that you don’t think anyone is good enough to be with
you. I’m pretty sure no one will admit to this and a lot of people may even carry this trait without
realizing it. So here are some questions you can ask yourself to find out if this is the issue, and
remember, we’re being brutally honest with ourselves. Do you think your purpose in life is above other
peoples? Are you convinced that your path in life is absolutely the correct path? Do you quickly assume
that others are not doing as well as you are in life? If you’ve answered “yes” to any of these questions,
then maybe you’re single because you have an inflated sense of self. You’re way too judgemental and
you write people off so quickly that your demographic of potential partners makes it statistically unlikely
for you to find a relationship.

8. You’re too mysterious

Having an air of mystery about you is an attractive trait but only to an extent. This isn’t middle school
anymore; nobody is attracted to the person that shares nothing about themselves. If you want to
connect with people on a deeper level, you’re going to have to make yourself vulnerable and reveal
uncomfortable aspects of your identity and life that make you who you are. In Mark Manson’s book
“models”, he writes, “You cannot be an attractive and life-changing presence without being a joke or an
embarrassment to others. You simply can’t. You have to be controversial.” Therefore, exhibiting
vulnerability is necessary for finding someone who will explicitly choose to be with you and only you.

9. Pickiness

Our defense mechanism often leave us feeling pickier and more judgmental. This is particularly true
after we’ve had bad experiences, where we were deceived or rejected by a person for whom we had
strong feelings. Many women start to have thoughts like, “There are no decent men out there” or “All
the good ones are taken.” Men may have thoughts like, “You can’t trust a women” or “Women are all
out to take advantage of you.” We may have unrealistic expectations for a partner or pinpoint
weaknesses from the moment we meet someone. When viewing the world from critical or distrusting
eyes, we tend to write off a range of potential partners before even giving them a chance. We think of
dating certain people as “settling” without ever seeing how that person could make us happy in the
long-term.

10. Fear of Competition

A lack of self-esteem often leads to fears of competing. It’s easy to put ourselves down in relation to
others, especially when it comes to dating. When we meet someone we like, it’s all too easy to think,
“He/she could do better.” When we see that someone else is interested in the person we like, we may
be quick to back away. We may feel unwilling to compete, particularly as we get older, and we start to
have self-attacks like “Your time has passed, you’re too old for this.” Our fears of competition can lead
us to avoid putting ourselves out there. We may be afraid of looking like a fool or of not being chosen.
We may even have fears about winning the competition, thinking we will “hurt the other person’s
feelings” or that our success will result in aggression from the loser. The simple truth is: dating is
competitive. It is scary to take a chance and go for what we want and compete, but when we do, we
most often find it is well worth it to face our fears. We end up with a stronger sense of self, and we
increase our chances of creating a relationship with the partner we really desire.

Single-and-ready-to-mingle but feeling nervous? Don’t be. You’ve got this. Remember: be confident!

Single and fine with it? Great. You can be happy alone and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, so no
big deal.