Season 9 – All Subtitles

Season 9 Episode 1
{185}{232}Joey?
{268}{318}Oh, my God.
{377}{406}Okay.
{709}{789}So I guess we should|make it official, huh?
{844}{879}Look, Rach, I...
{890}{990}Hey, Ross is here!|Hey, look, it's my good friend Ross!
{995}{1064}- Hey, Ross.|- Hey, Joey.
{1091}{1139}- Hey, you.|- Hey, you.
{1144}{1275}And he brought flowers! Thanks, Ross.|I'm really more of a
candy kind of guy.
{1322}{1349}You're weird today.
{1404}{1487}Listen, I wanted to talk to you|about something.
{1491}{1581}Yeah. Actually, I kind of need|to talk to you too.
{1585}{1653}- Joey, could you give us a minute?|- No.
{1695}{1796}- What?|- I'm sorry. I meant, "No."
{1816}{1851}Hi. Hey, look who's here.
{1873}{1951}Where's my granddaughter?|I've been practicing my magic
tricks.
{1956}{2023}He pulled a quarter out of my ear.
{2046}{2109}- Hey, where's Mom?|- She went to pick up Aunt Liddy.
{2114}{2178}Aunt Liddy's coming?|That means we get $5 each!
{2198}{2322}So when do I get to meet Emma|and show her this:
{2341}{2384}Okay, wow.
{2420}{2482}Emma's in the nursery.|I'll take you now if you want.
{2486}{2571}- But I really want to talk to you.|- I know. I still need to
talk to you.
{2576}{2633}But before you guys do that,|I need to talk to you.
{2638}{2707}And, Ross, I need to talk to you.
{2712}{2768}- And I need to talk to you.|- About what?
{2773}{2861}To see if you know|what these guys are talking about.
{2868}{2917}The One Where No One Proposes
{2942}{3142}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{3167}{3367}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{4008}{4060}Isn't she beautiful?
{4070}{4151}Look at her, my first grandchild.
{4202}{4270}What about Ben?
{4285}{4385}Well, of course, Ben.|I meant my first granddaughter.
{4509}{4591}Have you thought any more|about you and Rachel?
{4595}{4675}Yeah, actually I was gonna talk to her|when you guys came in
the room.
{4680}{4783}That's so exciting! Wow.|You could've done that with us there.
{4817}{4859}- Yeah, right.|- Sure. Okay.
{4863}{4943}You can touch yourself in front of us,|but you can't talk to
Rachel.
{4947}{5031}What? When have I ever|touched myself in front of you guys?
{5035}{5169}Oh, please. Just before,|when you were asleep in the lounge.
{5173}{5247}That Armenian family was watching you|instead of the TV.
{5300}{5414}That reminds me. That Mr. Hazmegian|still has my Game Boy.
{5419}{5482}- Chandler, can I talk to you for a second?|- Sure.
{5546}{5588}Dude, I just did something terrible.
{5601}{5657}That was you? I thought it was Jack.
{5675}{5777}No, no. That was Jack.|Rachel thinks I asked her to marry me.
{5782}{5893}- What? Why does she think that?|- Because it kind of looked
like I did.
{5913}{5946}Again, what?
{5960}{6028}Okay, I was down on one knee|with the ring in my hand...
{6033}{6093}As we all are at some point|during the day.
{6129}{6184}It wasn't my ring.|It fell out of Ross' jacket...
{6188}{6263}...and when I knelt down to pick it up,|Rachel thought I was
proposing.
{6268}{6318}Ross had a ring?|And he was gonna propose?
{6323}{6398}- I guess.|- And you did it first?
{6402}{6479}This is gonna kill him. You know|how much he loves to propose.
{6498}{6547}I know. I know. It's awful.
{6552}{6609}Well, what did she say?
{6613}{6654}She said, "Yes."
{6683}{6732}Does Ross know?
{6736}{6807}Oh, my God.|What the hell am I gonna tell him?
{6812}{6872}- Maybe you don't have to tell him.|- I like that. Yeah.
{6898}{6963}If you clear things up with Rachel,|Ross never needs to find
out.
{6967}{7037}But you have to do it before|he hears about it and kicks your
ass.
{7042}{7118}All right, let's not get carried away.
{7152}{7189}I want a baby.
{7193}{7293}Honey, we've been over this.|I need to be facing the other
way.
{7314}{7428}If we have sex again, it'll double|our chances of getting
pregnant.
{7432}{7526}- I think that closet's still available.|- I am so tired.
{7630}{7707}- Yeah, okay, but no foreplay.|- Deal!
{7794}{7856}Dad, seriously!
{7887}{7985}You know, you really should|see someone about that.
{7989}{8034}Noted.
{8058}{8155}I wanna go talk to Rachel for a minute.|Are you gonna be okay
alone for a bit?
{8159}{8264}Are you kidding me?|I could stay and look at her forever.
{8320}{8370}Actually...
{8472}{8511}- Hey.|- Hi.
{8515}{8571}Are you all right?
{8622}{8725}- I think I just got engaged.|- Oh, my God! He did it?
{8730}{8781}What? Did you know|he was gonna ask me?
{8785}{8890}Are you kidding?|I'm, like, the one who talked him into it.
{8894}{8985}I like to think of myself|as the puppet master of the group.
{9017}{9106}- And you really think this is a good idea?|- I just talked
him into it.
{9110}{9176}Don't tell me I have to do you too?
{9180}{9268}- The puppet master gets tired, people.|- Okay.
{9273}{9337}I don't know. It just doesn't feel right.
{9342}{9429}Why? You two are so meant|to be together. Everybody thinks so.
{9433}{9492}Really? Even Ross?
{9520}{9591}Especially Ross.
{9649}{9748}Hey, Pheebs. You know what?|I'll come back later.
{9801}{9865}Wow. Kind of a full house here.
{9902}{9986}I guess I'll just... I'll come back.
{10041}{10118}There he goes. Your fiance.
{10149}{10201}I guess so.
{10213}{10266}Although he does|play with himself in his sleep.
{10271}{10344}I can't say I'm surprised.
{10417}{10511}- Dad, what are you doing?|- There are people in there
having sex.
{10588}{10668}It can't be me. I'm standing right here.
{10688}{10722}- Wanna peek?|- No!
{10726}{10752}Come on.
{10780}{10850}You know what?|I don't like you without Mom.
{10855}{10904}Come on.
{10920}{10989}We're not peeking?
{11026}{11082}Well, I'm peeking.
{11103}{11171}Oh, my God!
{11179}{11277}Hello, sir. You know Monica.
{11643}{11708}- Hey, is it okay to come in?|- Of course.
{11713}{11807}Joey, this ring, l...|It's beautiful. I love it.
{11838}{11945}Yeah. Look, Rach,|there's something I gotta tell you.
{11949}{11975}- Hey.|- Hi.
{11979}{12081}- Are you ready to try nursing again?|- Yeah. Hi, Emma.
{12085}{12133}Why do you think|she won't take my breast?
{12137}{12194}It's all right.|It takes babies a while to get it.
{12198}{12262}- But don't worry, it'll happen.|- Okay.
{12352}{12445}Okay, sweetie, you can do it.|Just open up and put it in
your mouth.
{12458}{12525}Dear Lord.
{12560}{12653}- I'm sorry, honey, what were you saying?|- Yeah, look, I
think that...
{12657}{12727}Because, look! She's pulling away again.
{12732}{12820}Do you think my nipples|are too big for her mouth?
{12898}{12949}She looks scared.|Doesn't she look scared?
{12954}{13032}You know, I don't really know her.
{13039}{13107}Why don't we try massaging|the breast to stimulate the flow?
{13112}{13194}- Okay.|- Are you kidding me?
{13220}{13288}This is so frustrating.|Why doesn't she want my breast?
{13293}{13374}I don't know! Maybe she's crazy!
{13419}{13483}- Hey, wait up.|- Hi.
{13487}{13529}Congratulations.
{13533}{13610}I didn't want to say anything in front|of Joey. I didn't
know if he knew.
{13615}{13699}What? That we had a baby?|Now let's give him a little
credit.
{13703}{13786}Although he did eat a piece|of plastic fruit earlier.
{13790}{13854}No, no, that you|and Rachel are engaged.
{13877}{13947}- What?|- Oh, it's a secret?
{13951}{14053}Goody. Yes! We haven't done|the secret thing in a long time.
{14066}{14155}Phoebe, there is no secret, okay?|I didn't propose.
{14159}{14185}Are you lying?
{14190}{14296}Is this like that time you tried|to convince us you were a
doctor?
{14385}{14442}I am a doctor!
{14484}{14556}You know what? I'm just gonna go|and talk to Rachel myself.
{14560}{14622}All right. Well, me too.
{14678}{14747}- Well, should we wake her up?|- No. No. Come on, let her
sleep.
{14751}{14857}- She's so exhausted.|- And so engaged.
{15119}{15209}Oh, my God. She thinks we're engaged!
{15233}{15304}Why? Why, why would|she think we're engaged?
{15308}{15382}Perhaps because you gave her|an engagement ring?
{15386}{15451}You know, Ross,|doctors are supposed to be smart.
{15489}{15540}- I didn't give her that ring.|- You didn't?
{15544}{15599}- No!|- So whose ring is it?
{15611}{15658}It's mine.
{15683}{15730}- Is it an engagement ring?|- Yes.
{15735}{15778}- But you didn't give it to her?|- No.
{15783}{15832}- But you were going to propose?|- No!
{15851}{15927}I might be losing interest in this.
{15939}{16020}Look. Look, my mom|gave me that ring...
{16024}{16073}...because she wanted me|to propose to Rachel.
{16077}{16130}But all I wanted to do was see...
{16134}{16226}...if she maybe, kind of wanted|to start things up again.
{16231}{16292}What beautiful lukewarm sentiment.
{16317}{16398}I didn't want to rush into anything.|It seemed like she
didn't want to either.
{16402}{16474}But I don't understand|how any of this happened.
{16478}{16573}What, did she find the ring in my jacket,|assume I was gonna
propose...
{16577}{16658}...throw it on|and just start telling people?
{16663}{16733}No, no. She said you|actually proposed to her.
{16738}{16861}Well, I didn't! I didn't propose!
{16874}{16918}Unless...
{16962}{17006}Did I?
{17112}{17217}I haven't slept in 40 hours and...
{17258}{17370}It does sound|like something I would do.
{17584}{17641}Look, we can't stay in here forever.
{17654}{17725}It's just, I still can't believe|that my dad saw us having
sex.
{17730}{17832}He didn't make it to one|of my piano recitals, but this he
sees!
{17842}{17936}This is okay. We're all adults here.|There's nothing to be
ashamed of.
{17940}{18029}Now, let's put our underwear|in our pockets and walk out the
door.
{18178}{18229}Hi, Dad.
{18241}{18368}- I can still call you that, right?|- Of course. I'll always
be your dad.
{18372}{18492}I just want you to know that what you|witnessed in there,
that wasn't for fun.
{18543}{18620}- It wasn't fun?|- Why, why, why would you...?
{18633}{18694}Look, I just don't want you to think...
{18698}{18762}...that we're animals who do it|whenever we want.
{18767}{18807}Well, I don't think that.
{18811}{18903}Before today, I never thought|of you two having sex at all.
{18907}{18970}It was a simpler time.
{18992}{19064}The truth is, Dad, we're trying.
{19073}{19128}- What?|- Yeah, we're trying to get pregnant.
{19136}{19185}Oh, my God, this is so exciting.
{19189}{19247}Well, get back in there!|I'll guard the door!
{19251}{19321}That's okay, Dad,|we can wait until later.
{19325}{19376}Whoa! I don't think so.|Aren't you ovulating?
{19389}{19434}Daddy!
{19439}{19477}You gotta get at it, princess.
{19481}{19532}When your mother and I|were trying to conceive you...
{19536}{19598}...whenever she was ovulating,|bam, we did it!
{19602}{19639}That's how I got my bad hip.
{19665}{19764}That's funny. This conversation's how|I got the bullet hole
in my head.
{19769}{19855}This one time I had my knee|on the sink, and your mother
was...
{19859}{19957}Daddy, I don't think we need to hear|the specific positions
you and Mom had.
{19962}{20025}You're right.|This is about your positions.
{20029}{20116}Now, what I saw in the closet|is not the optimum position...
{20120}{20171}...for conceiving a child.
{20175}{20265}- Although it might feel good.|- I don't feel good right
now.
{20270}{20363}But pleasure is important,|and it helps if the woman has an
orgasm.
{20401}{20447}You up to the task, sailor?
{20452}{20526}Seriously, sir,|my brains, all over the wall.
{20677}{20744}- Hey.|- Hey. Oh, I need to tell you something.
{20755}{20869}Well, now's a good time.|I'm on my way to have my ears cut
off.
{20876}{20916}Joey asked me to marry him.
{20924}{20969}- What?|- Joey proposed to me.
{20974}{21079}- Is he crazy? You just had Ross' baby!|- Well, I said yes.
{21084}{21150}What, are you crazy?|You just had Ross' baby!
{21187}{21278}It's so inappropriate.|No, it is worse than that. It is
wrong.
{21290}{21348}It is bigger than mine!
{21359}{21457}I know. "Days of our Lives",|thank you very much.
{21461}{21518}- You can't marry him.|- Why not?
{21522}{21606}Come on, I don't want to do this alone,|and he's such a
sweet guy.
{21610}{21646}And he loves me so much.
{21651}{21681}Well, do you love him?
{21717}{21743}Sure.
{21786}{21884}- Sure?|- Yeah, I mean, whatever.
{21889}{21955}Honey, the question is...
{21959}{22000}...do you really want to marry Joey?
{22045}{22087}No.
{22091}{22159}No, I don't.
{22213}{22304}Could you be a dear and go tell him?
{22314}{22370}You still haven't told Rachel|you weren't proposing?
{22374}{22431}No. She had the ring on...
{22436}{22509}...she seemed so excited,|and then she took her breast out.
{22525}{22638}Joey, you have to tell her what's|going on. And what did it
look like?
{22642}{22701}I didn't look at it.
{22705}{22761}The stupid baby's head|was blocking most of it.
{22785}{22850}Go and tell Rachel right now,|before Ross finds out.
{22854}{22937}Look, it's not that easy.|She said she wanted to marry me.
{22941}{23004}I don't want to hurt her.
{23013}{23069}Okay, look, just do it gently.
{23101}{23126}You're right.
{23130}{23226}You're right. I'll go tell her now|before Ross finds out,
and I'll be gentle.
{23230}{23332}I can do that. I am a gentle person.
{23336}{23441}By the way, two people screwing|in there if you want to
check that out.
{23640}{23678}Hey.
{23683}{23724}Hey.
{23830}{23876}Listen, I heard about the engagement.
{23909}{23942}Surprised?
{23971}{24037}And confused.
{24108}{24187}Rach, sweetie...
{24215}{24253}...I didn't propose to you.
{24287}{24343}I know.
{24373}{24441}I don't think you do.
{24495}{24558}You didn't propose to me.
{24562}{24624}Joey did.
{24630}{24713}Poor baby, you're so tired.
{24738}{24863}Rach, I didn't propose to you.
{24867}{24938}Joey didn't propose to you.
{24942}{25065}And Chandler didn't propose to you.
{25111}{25168}You didn't propose to me.
{25172}{25246}Chandler didn't propose to me.
{25250}{25293}But Joey did.
{25305}{25369}Joey proposed to you?
{25373}{25453}- I can come back.|- Wait. Wait. Wait.
{25458}{25542}- Joey, did you propose to her?|- No.
{25552}{25653}- Yes, you did.|- Actually, technically, I didn't.
{25658}{25741}- Well, then, why did you give me a ring?|- Wait.
{25745}{25899}- You gave her the ring?|- No, and I did not ask her to
marry me.
{25904}{25937}- Yes, you did.|- No, I didn't.
{25941}{25970}- Yes, you did.|- No, I didn't.
{25975}{26045}Yes, you did, and don't|you say you didn't!
{26049}{26119}He was right there. He got down|on one knee and he proposed.
{26123}{26180}- You were down on one knee?|- Yeah, that looks bad.
{26184}{26293}But I didn't propose.
{26298}{26363}- Then what did happen?|- Yeah, what did happen?
{26368}{26442}Okay, the ring fell on the floor,|and I went down to pick it
up...
{26446}{26527}...and you thought I was proposing.
{26532}{26630}Yeah, but you said,|"Will you marry me?"
{26635}{26680}- No, I didn't.|- Yes, you did.
{26685}{26765}- No, I didn't.|- Yes, you did. Oh, my God, you didn't.
{26915}{26977}- Why didn't you tell me that before?|- Well, I tried...
{26981}{27087}...but people kept coming in,|and then you took your breast
out.
{27148}{27209}You saw her breast?
{27213}{27312}I'll tell you about it later. Be cool.
{27340}{27411}Then what the hell were you|doing with an engagement ring?
{27416}{27478}It wasn't my ring! It's Ross' ring.
{27483}{27594}That's why I felt so bad, Rach,|because he was gonna
propose.
{27599}{27632}What?!
{27666}{27708}You were gonna propose to me?
{27839}{27873}No.
{28118}{28160}Well, this is awkward.
{28211}{28351}But I was going to see if, you know,|maybe you wanted to
start dating again.
{28355}{28496}- But that, I mean, that was all, Rach.|- Dude, step up. I
proposed.
{28500}{28543}No, you didn't.
{28547}{28680}That's right. There's a lot going on here,|and I think I ate
some bad fruit earlier.
{28722}{28858}Hey, she just woke up. She's hungry.|Why don't we give this
another try?
{28863}{28922}I can't believe you told her|I was gonna propose.
{28926}{29017}- I can't believe you're not gonna.|- Hey, I am not gonna
rush into anything.
{29022}{29071}Yeah, dude, I totally understand.
{29075}{29158}Usually after I have a baby with|a woman, I like to slow
things down!
{29191}{29225}- Oh, my God!|- What?
{29230}{29271}She's doing it!|She's breast-feeding!
{29288}{29356}It's beautiful.
{29361}{29421}- I'll come back for her later.|- Thank you.
{29437}{29579}- Wow, this feels weird.|- What, good weird?
{29584}{29633}Wonderful weird.
{29664}{29733}You know what, you guys?|I'm gonna go too.
{29737}{29839}And I'm sorry about everything.
{29844}{29936}- Honey, don't worry, it was my mistake.|- No, Rach, I
should've told you sooner.
{29940}{29981}It's just that...
{29985}{30030}Man, that kid is going to town!
{30389}{30441}She's perfect.
{30445}{30499}We're so lucky.
{30504}{30555}We really are.
{30658}{30783}Look, I know it's not a proposal,|and I don't know where you
are...
{30787}{30881}...but with everything that's been|going on and with Emma,
I'm...
{30885}{30979}- I've been feeling...|- Yeah, I know.
{30983}{31028}I've been feeling...
{31032}{31076}- Yeah?|- Yeah.
{31124}{31195}Okay, well, that...|Wow, okay, well...
{31199}{31287}Then maybe at least we can|talk about us again?
{31330}{31391}Yeah. Maybe.
{31395}{31447}Well, good. Okay.
{31451}{31542}I kind of think, you know, if we, if...
{31609}{31687}You're wearing the ring.
{31812}{31849}What's that?
{31911}{31994}And you told Phoebe|you were engaged.
{32058}{32117}I'm sorry, what?
{32159}{32273}When you thought Joey proposed...
{32280}{32320}...did you say yes?
{32604}{32745}Kids, I spoke to a doctor and picked up|these pamphlets on
how to get pregnant.
{32766}{32831}- Hey, Dad.|- Hi.
{32951}{33061}Sorry to bother you again,|but could you pass my pamphlets
back?
{33134}{33177}Thank you.
{33280}{33305}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 2
{90}{146}You said you'd marry Joey?
{152}{232}Okay, you have to realize,|I was exhausted, I was emotional.
{237}{277}I would have said yes to anybody.
{282}{383}Like that time|when you and I got married.
{402}{450}I'm not helping.
{458}{564}So you said yes to him,|and you just had our baby?
{570}{665}That is right. And traditionally,|the daddy gives the mommy a
present.
{670}{720}But I am prepared to let that go.
{748}{839}So when I came here to see if you|wanted to maybe start things
up again...
{844}{924}...you were engaged to my best friend?
{930}{963}Well...
{967}{1006}Really?
{1011}{1073}I thought Chandler|was your best friend.
{1078}{1161}Well, Chandler's my oldest friend.|Joey's my... No!
{1222}{1284}Hey, I'm gonna take off.|I just wanted to say goodbye.
{1290}{1334}Rachel said she'd marry you?
{1360}{1427}This isn't the right room. Sorry, folks.
{1473}{1523}The One Where Emma Cries
{1548}{1748}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{1773}{1973}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{2711}{2806}I don't want to be negative. So I'll say|most of the signs you
bought are good.
{2881}{3016}No, they ran out of "It's a Girl!"|But I can fix this one.
{3124}{3169}See? Huh?
{3230}{3265}So sexy.
{3294}{3355}- Honey?|- Yeah?
{3394}{3439}- Honey, why don't you lie down?|- It's okay.
{3445}{3539}Ross and Rachel will be back soon,|and then I gotta go to the
office.
{3638}{3682}Am I producing them?
{3717}{3778}- Why are you so tired?|- I couldn't sleep last night.
{3783}{3854}I started worrying about this big|divisional meeting I have
today.
{3860}{3915}The more I worried,|the more I couldn't sleep.
{3920}{4013}You know, and then I was, like, "If I fall|asleep now, I'll
get six hours' sleep.
{4018}{4094}But if I fall asleep now,|I'll get five hours' sleep."
{4099}{4153}No matter what I did,|I couldn't fall asleep.
{4159}{4245}You know what you should've done?|Told yourself that little
story.
{4306}{4335}- Hi.|- Hey.
{4341}{4374}- Welcome home.|- Hi.
{4380}{4411}Phoebe did the signs.
{4437}{4525}You guys, thanks for doing this.
{4531}{4591}Look at all that stuff people sent.
{4608}{4681}Oh, my gosh. Look, there's something|every mother needs.
{4686}{4791}A giant, stuffed gorilla that takes up|the entire apartment.
{4796}{4922}What are people think...?|You guys, I love it.
{4958}{4998}Hey, so where's Ross?
{5004}{5058}He's downstairs getting the stuff|out of the cab.
{5064}{5126}- Is he still mad at us?|- Well, you more than me.
{5131}{5202}But he can't stay too mad at me.|I mean, I just had his baby.
{5208}{5269}That's not fair. I can't do that.
{5284}{5338}I'm not sure you should be here|when he comes up.
{5344}{5441}I didn't think I should be here either.|But somebody said he'd
be over it.
{5447}{5508}Hey, what do I know?|I wanted to get a bigger gorilla.
{5660}{5747}The numbers we're seeing in Chicago,|New York and London are
solid.
{5752}{5863}But many of our field offices|have reported disappointing
yields.
{5999}{6063}Boston is down. Atlanta is down.|Houston is down.
{6067}{6133}I could go on and on.|But instead of boring you...
{6138}{6233}...I'll go straight to my 42-point plan.
{6462}{6510}Walter.
{6548}{6602}She's just so cute.
{6609}{6716}I just want to bite her ear off|and use it as a sucking candy.
{6746}{6779}Phoebe.
{6783}{6885}But I could take one of those little feet|and put it in a pita
pocket.
{6908}{6990}- Okay. I put most of the stuff away.|- Oh, great. The
pacifiers?
{6995}{7063}- It's in the cupboard.|- The burping cloths?
{7073}{7139}- Linen closet.|- The diapers?
{7145}{7178}In the hospital.
{7220}{7337}- Wow, you guys got a hospital? Fancy.|- No, I left the
diapers at the hospital.
{7342}{7407}There's some in the bag,|but I'll run out and get some more.
{7412}{7440}All right, thanks.
{7446}{7499}Could you stop at the coffeehouse|and get me a muffin?
{7505}{7585}- Sure. What kind?|- Let me think.
{7590}{7655}What do I want?
{7660}{7721}What do I want?
{7727}{7796}Please, take your time.|It's an important decision, not
like...
{7801}{7920}...say, I don't know, deciding to marry|someone. This is about
a muffin.
{7981}{8026}- Blueberry.|- Blueberry it is.
{8031}{8087}Thank you.
{8107}{8153}Wow, he's not letting this go, is he?
{8159}{8213}God, how long do you think|that's gonna last?
{8219}{8329}I don't know. He got over the|"We were on a break" thing
quickly.
{8344}{8401}You know what,|I can't worry about it right now.
{8406}{8486}Because I've got the cutie little baby.
{8514}{8611}I can't believe how much I love her.|I mean, I can't get
enough of her.
{8616}{8675}Like, right now? I miss her.|I actually miss her.
{8698}{8752}You know, that's her?
{8819}{8923}God, look at her sleeping.|I love her so much.
{8929}{8976}- I think I'm gonna wake her up.|- Rach, no.
{8981}{9050}You know, you're never|supposed to wake a sleeping baby.
{9056}{9113}Well, I can do whatever I want.|I made her.
{9151}{9289}Come on, little girl.|Yes. Hello, Emma. Hello. Hi.
{9385}{9481}Well, I would say I told you so,|but she's kind of doing that
for me.
{9501}{9575}I'm sorry. Mommy's so sorry.|Go back to sleep.
{9580}{9624}Go back to sleep.
{9642}{9739}- It breaks your heart, doesn't it?|- It really does.
{9754}{9820}How long do you think|we have to stay?
{9866}{9922}Okay, if everyone's on board,|it's settled.
{9927}{9987}Chandler?
{10127}{10154}- Chandler?|- Yeah.
{10159}{10217}Are you on board?
{10234}{10285}Yes.
{10292}{10374}Well, then problem solved.|Chandler will run our office in
Tulsa.
{10380}{10439}You're gonna love Oklahoma.
{10530}{10618}All right. We already tried feeding her,|changing her,
burping her...
{10624}{10721}Try this one. "Go back in time|and listen to Phoebe."
{10774}{10815}- All right, here's something.|- What?
{10820}{10877}It says to try holding the baby|close to your body...
{10882}{10951}...and then swing her rapidly|from side to side.
{10970}{11051}Okay.
{11213}{11243}It worked!
{11296}{11367}No. Just stopped to throw up|a little bit.
{11408}{11441}Mon, what am I gonna do?
{11445}{11531}It's been hours,|and it won't stop crying.
{11560}{11663}- She, Rach. Not it. She.|- Yeah. I'm not so sure.
{11692}{11764}- Oh, my God, I'm losing my mind.|- Yeah, no kidding.
{11769}{11859}All right, this just proves no good|can come from having sex
with Ross!
{11979}{12078}Hey, Gunther. Can I get a couple|of blueberry muffins to go?
{12084}{12132}- Diapers, huh?|- Yep.
{12137}{12182}So I guess Rachel had your baby?
{12200}{12288}- Yep. Can you believe it?|- Nope.
{12293}{12370}I can't even believe|she slept with you in the first place.
{12441}{12520}You mean, like...
{12672}{12711}Hey.
{12762}{12829}I know you're pissed at me,|but we have to talk about this.
{12835}{12903}Actually, we don't.
{12912}{13005}Fine. Okay. But I gotta say, technically,|I didn't even do
anything wrong.
{13044}{13118}What? You didn't do anything wrong?
{13124}{13205}- I said I didn't technically.|- Okay.
{13216}{13270}Let's put aside the fact|that you "accidentally"...
{13275}{13384}...picked up my grandmother's ring and|you "accidentally"
proposed to Rachel.
{13389}{13434}Can I just stop you there|for a second?
{13440}{13473}When people do this:
{13478}{13536}I don't really know what that means.
{13673}{13702}You were saying?
{13708}{13796}And I could even understand|that you couldn't tell Rachel.
{13801}{13898}But why couldn't you tell me?|You had all day to, and you
didn't.
{13903}{13999}I know. I should've.|"I'm sorry."
{14133}{14175}Not using it right, Joe.
{14209}{14258}"I'm sorry."
{14332}{14365}- I'm gonna go.|- No, come on.
{14369}{14420}- Ross, we have to get past this.|- Give me the bag.
{14425}{14501}No, I don't know what else to do.|I said I'm sorry, now...
{14506}{14577}Now you should scream at me|or curse me or hit me.
{14582}{14655}- I'm not gonna hit you.|- You'll feel better. I'll feel
better.
{14660}{14722}You know you want to,|I can see it in your eyes.
{14753}{14782}- I don't.|- A little bit.
{14787}{14831}- No.|- Little bit.
{14860}{14910}- No.|- A little bit more.
{14917}{14978}- Give me the bag. Give me the bag.|- No, hit me. Hit me.
{14984}{15033}- Give me the bag. I'm not kidding.|- Hit me.
{15039}{15085}- No.|- Hit me. Hit me. Hit me!
{15383}{15462}- You ducked!|- I'm sorry! It was a reflex!
{15468}{15548}- Oh, my God! This really hurts!|- I couldn't help it.
{15554}{15646}When a fist comes at your face,|you duck. Look.
{15697}{15757}What is the matter with you?
{15763}{15811}You were supposed to duck!|Why didn't you?
{15817}{15863}Let's talk on the way to the hospital.
{15869}{15975}Good. Yeah, maybe while we're there,|they can check your
reflexes.
{16361}{16431}- Try feeding her again.|- I already fed her.
{16437}{16501}I know. That's why I said, "Again!"
{16529}{16582}You guys,|we can't turn on each other, okay?
{16587}{16640}That's just what she wants.
{16659}{16701}- Hi.|- Hey.
{16707}{16752}- Can I talk to you outside?|- Just stay here.
{16757}{16815}I'm gonna check her diaper.|Pheebs, you want to come?
{16821}{16889}I'm kind of part of this.
{16944}{16999}Actually, it's a husband-and-wife|kind of thing.
{17005}{17063}I knew I should've married Chandler.
{17106}{17167}- Okay, what's up?|- Okay.
{17175}{17241}You know we said it would be fun|to move to Paris for a
year?
{17246}{17310}And you could study French cooking,|and I could write...
{17314}{17416}...and we could picnic along the Seine,|and go wine-tasting
in Bordeaux.
{17421}{17471}- Yeah.|- Okay.
{17476}{17561}You know how people say|that Tulsa...
{17596}{17647}...is the Paris of Oklahoma?
{17709}{17745}What? Who says that?
{17771}{17835}People who have never been|to Paris?
{17852}{17951}- Well, what's going on?|- We're moving to Tulsa.
{18018}{18073}- Excuse me?|- Okay.
{18078}{18144}Ms. McKenna,|she kind of works above my boss.
{18150}{18220}She asked me to move to Tulsa and|be president of our office
there.
{18225}{18309}And I was sleeping|and apparently said yes.
{18316}{18400}- Tulsa, Oklahoma?|- The Sooner State.
{18437}{18479}Whatever that is.
{18489}{18564}Chandler, I don't even want to see|the musical "Oklahoma."
{18570}{18637}"Oh, What a Beautiful Morning,"|"Surrey With the Fringe on
Top"?
{18643}{18749}Are you trying to tell me we're moving|to Oklahoma or that
you're gay?
{18791}{18880}All right, not that this matters, but did|they at least
offer you a huge raise?
{18886}{18987}No. But they are going to lease us|a Ford Focus.
{19032}{19102}- I'll get out of it.|- Thank you.
{19113}{19157}- What is wrong with Emma?|- She misunderstood.
{19162}{19213}She thought she was moving to Tulsa.
{19323}{19387}Ma'am, do you have a minute?
{19391}{19495}I kind of have some bad news.|I don't think I can move to
Tulsa.
{19508}{19621}- What?|- It's a funny story, actually.
{19639}{19719}I kind of fell asleep|in the meeting this morning.
{19724}{19808}So when I said I'd move to Tulsa,|I didn't really know what
I was saying.
{19814}{19841}You fell asleep?
{19847}{19911}But only because I was up all night|worried about this
meeting.
{19915}{19948}Isn't that funny?
{19993}{20055}Irony. Not a fan? All right.
{20103}{20135}See, here's the thing.
{20141}{20223}I went home and told my wife|about Tulsa, and she won't go.
{20228}{20320}See me, I love Tulsa. Tulsa is heaven.|Tulsa is Italy.
{20325}{20373}Please don't make me go there.
{20379}{20480}- Chandler, l...|- No, look, Carol. Can I call you Carol?
{20539}{20584}Why would I|when your name is Elaine?
{20713}{20773}What a great picture of your son.|Strapping.
{20823}{20896}That's a picture of your daughter,|isn't it?
{20902}{20990}Well, she's lovely.|I like a girl with a strong jaw.
{21055}{21119}I'll call you from Tulsa.
{21216}{21276}Hey. So how is it?
{21281}{21374}- I broke my thumb.|- Your thumb?
{21435}{21501}That's weird.|Are you sure you're punching right?
{21505}{21567}Make a fist.
{21585}{21632}Maybe later.
{21637}{21678}Ross, I feel terrible.
{21683}{21793}You know what, you can go.|I just have to fill out some
forms.
{21903}{21946}You want me to help you with that?
{21952}{22042}Why, does it look like I'm having|trouble with my misshapen
claw?
{22126}{22175}Name?
{22209}{22277}No, I know Ross.|But what's it short for?
{22282}{22332}You know, like Rossell.
{22346}{22438}Or Rosstrophor.
{22445}{22505}Just Ross.
{22521}{22570}It's pretty.
{22586}{22665}- Okay, date of birth?|- You know my birthday.
{22670}{22721}Sure.
{22730}{22827}May... tember?
{22837}{22961}- October 18.|- Occupation? Dinosaurs.
{22999}{23132}Actually, I'm a paleon...|Dinosaurs is fine.
{23141}{23215}The drawing is not.
{23293}{23371}All right, who do you want|as your emergency contact?
{23397}{23475}- Rachel, I guess.|- Okay. Relationship?
{23480}{23548}Boy, this could take a while.
{23626}{23676}- Just put roommate.|- Come on.
{23681}{23764}You guys are more than that.|You're gonna get together,
right?
{23770}{23816}I don't think that we are.
{23868}{23919}But you two are supposed|to be together.
{23925}{24001}Well, I thought so too.|But then she said she'd marry you.
{24011}{24065}Come on, Ross,|that didn't mean anything.
{24070}{24138}She'd just had the baby. She was|freaked out about doing it
alone.
{24143}{24239}- She would have said yes to anybody.|- Yeah, that's what
she said.
{24244}{24324}- So?|- So I don't want to be just anybody.
{24402}{24439}- Wow.|- You know what?
{24443}{24516}It's better this way anyway.
{24548}{24617}I don't know what I was thinking,|going down that road again
with us.
{24622}{24757}It's just much easier if we're|just friends who have a kid.
{24763}{24811}- Really?|- Yeah.
{24816}{24905}- And you're okay with that?|- Yes. That's what we always
planned.
{24910}{24970}And if you have a plan,|you should stick to it.
{24975}{25056}That's why they call them plans.|Hello?
{25118}{25159}I'm fine.
{25181}{25222}Hey, for what it's worth...
{25227}{25336}...with Rachel, I don't think|you'll ever be just "anybody."
{25342}{25420}Hey, there you go.
{25449}{25497}"Thanks."
{25622}{25704}Oh, my God.|How long has she been crying?
{25709}{25766}About a week and a half.
{25773}{25882}Well, it looks like you guys got it|under control, so I'm
just gonna go.
{25913}{25990}No? Really?|Misery really does love company?
{25995}{26047}All right.
{26069}{26155}- Try holding her a different way.|- Look, I'm doing the
best I can.
{26160}{26235}- Anyone else is welcome to try.|- All right, I'll try.
Fine.
{26240}{26295}- Yes. Okay. Okay.|- Here you go.
{26300}{26364}Hey. Oh, gosh.
{26369}{26444}Nothing works with this child!
{26449}{26542}God, what am I gonna do, you guys?|I can't even comfort my
own baby.
{26547}{26611}- I'm the worst mother ever.|- No, you're just new at this.
{26616}{26693}You'll get better. Think about|your first day at work.
{26698}{26757}That couldn't have been easy,|but you figured that out.
{26763}{26875}Yeah, I don't think dressing|provocatively is going to help
me here!
{26881}{26967}- God, just please take her.|- Okay, I'll take her. Come on.
{26972}{27042}Oh, boy,|I have to go to the bathroom.
{27047}{27120}I have to go scream into a pillow.
{27207}{27305}Bouncy. Bouncy baby. Bouncy baby.
{27310}{27425}Oh, baby, baby. Oh, baby, baby.
{27430}{27509}Oh, baby, baby, baby.
{27551}{27615}Have I gone deaf?
{27662}{27804}It worked. Oh, baby, baby, baby.|Oh, baby, baby, baby.
{27810}{27872}You must be a fireball in bed!
{27914}{28052}I can't believe it. She's asleep.|I got her to go to sleep.
{28057}{28114}I have actual magical powers.
{28162}{28221}I can hear traffic and birds.
{28226}{28288}I can hear the voices in my head|again.
{28337}{28388}I'm kidding.
{28457}{28548}Oh, my God!|You got her to stop crying!
{28554}{28653}Yes, I did. I'm Monica, super aunt.
{28665}{28775}- You are the official baby-crier stopper.|- Yes, I am.
{28781}{28864}- You're never leaving the apartment.|- Say what?
{28871}{28973}That's your new job, day or night.|She starts crying, I need
you here.
{28979}{29067}- No, no, no.|- Thankfully, you don't need me at all.
{29072}{29171}So okay. Hey, super aunt?|See you later.
{29175}{29260}Rachel?|Let's give it six to eight months.
{29475}{29539}Okay, so listen,|I'm gonna go lay down.
{29562}{29586}What?
{29592}{29661}The book says whenever|she's sleeping, I should be sleeping.
{29666}{29699}So...
{29745}{29777}{y:i}Thank you.
{29859}{29903}Hey.
{29908}{30009}- We just got her to go to sleep.|- So there can't be any
yelling?
{30059}{30108}No.
{30174}{30249}- We're moving to Tulsa.|- What?
{30328}{30403}I can't... I can't hear.
{30536}{30633}- Hey.|- Hey. Where have you been?
{30681}{30764}- What happened to you?|- I had a little thing with Joey.
{30770}{30823}If you think this is bad,|you should see him.
{30860}{30915}No, Ross, this is not good.
{30920}{31026}We have to talk about this Joey thing.|Please sit.
{31101}{31188}All right, you have got to get over|this Joey thing.
{31200}{31321}Okay? I never really wanted|to marry Joey, okay?
{31367}{31393}Okay.
{31437}{31501}You know what I really, really want?
{31552}{31610}What, Rach?
{31628}{31688}I wanna sleep.
{31714}{31842}I wanna eat.|I wanna take a shower.
{31848}{31947}I mean, before she wakes up,|and we gotta do this all over
again.
{31952}{32030}- Right.|- I mean, because I got news for you.
{32035}{32110}Emma: Not easy.
{32132}{32221}Well, that's what I'm here for.
{32303}{32375}- You want me to get that?|- No, that's really okay.
{32380}{32489}- Monica?|- Got it, got it, got it, got it.
{32724}{32811}I've been thinking about this.|And I gotta tell you, it's
not my fault.
{32816}{32878}- It's a natural instinct.|- What are you talking about?
{32884}{32952}Okay, what would you do if I did this?
{33285}{33309}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 3
{111}{215}So, what's the big news you had us|rush all the way over here
for?
{220}{317}Our news. My company has asked me|to head up our office in
Tulsa.
{322}{379}So as of Monday,|I'm being officially relocated.
{384}{425}- Oh, my God!|- What? Monday?
{429}{510}- How long do you have to go for?|- They said it could be up to
a year.
{515}{570}- A year?|- Well, do you have to go?
{632}{682}Well, I kind of have to, don't I?
{687}{757}Because of this stupid thing.
{830}{911}There's nothing like the support|of your loving wife, huh?
{916}{971}Wait a minute.|Wait, you can't go to Tulsa.
{976}{1070}Maybe you forgot, but we have tickets|to the Jets game next
week!
{1075}{1141}I'm sorry, but I don't think|I'll be able to make it.
{1152}{1221}But we were gonna go see the Jets!
{1269}{1370}You can't go. I mean, you're the glue|that holds this group
together.
{1381}{1439}- Really?|- Not you.
{1520}{1574}I can't believe you guys are moving.
{1640}{1693}- I call their apartment!|- No!
{1748}{1798}The One With the Pediatrician
{1823}{2023}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2048}{2248}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{2617}{2670}- Here you go, Rach.|- Thank you, Joey.
{2675}{2757}You know what?|I'm not even sure I can have caffeine.
{2762}{2859}I went through this with Ben and Carol.|One coffee won't
affect your milk.
{2863}{2957}Just to be sure,|I'm gonna call Dr. Wiener.
{3046}{3102}Every time?
{3117}{3193}You don't have to call him|whenever you have a question, okay?
{3198}{3312}- Trust me. I know this.|- All right. I trust you.
{3326}{3382}I can see you dialing.|I don't understand why...
{3387}{3471}I'm on the phone! Dr. Wiener?
{3499}{3607}It's so weird seeing Ross and Rachel|with a baby. It's just so
grownup.
{3612}{3715}I know, yeah.|I feel like we're all growing up.
{3720}{3784}A person named "Wiener."|God, that kills me.
{3808}{3909}- Look at you all grownup.|- Well, actually, you know what?
{3920}{3955}I am, you know?
{3960}{4028}Well, that whole thing|with Rachel made me realize...
{4033}{4120}...that maybe I'm ready for a more|serious relationship, you
know?
{4125}{4209}Like, I'd like to meet a nice,|mature, commitment-minded lady.
{4214}{4287}And looks aren't as important as...
{4297}{4334}Nah, she's gotta be hot.
{4358}{4406}You know, I might know somebody.
{4411}{4477}How about you set me up|with someone, and we double-date?
{4482}{4536}I can do that. Yeah.|How's Friday?
{4541}{4565}- Done!|- All right.
{4570}{4621}Good, really?|Okay, let's see.
{4652}{4699}All right.
{4709}{4771}You know who's great?|Sandy Poopack.
{4812}{4855}"Poopack"?
{4920}{5023}Yeah. All right.|Well, that rules out Lana Titwyler.
{5132}{5229}- I've got good news.|- You got out of the whole Tulsa thing?
{5234}{5293}Okay, I have news.
{5305}{5391}You don't have to move to Tulsa.|You can stay here and keep
your job.
{5396}{5429}That's great! How?
{5433}{5516}My boss and I worked out a deal|where I'm in Tulsa four days a
week.
{5521}{5571}So the other three,|I can be here with you.
{5584}{5663}So you're gonna be gone|four days a week?
{5688}{5712}No.
{5717}{5795}I'm sorry, are you just|used to saying that?
{5854}{5926}No. I can't be away|from you for that long.
{5939}{5983}- Really?|- Yeah, you're my husband.
{5988}{6091}I won't live in a different state|than you for 208 days out of
the year.
{6101}{6217}That's fast math.|We could use you in Tulsa.
{6254}{6382}Thanks for trying to figure out a way,|but if you go to Tulsa,
I go with you.
{6393}{6440}You said that without gagging.
{6456}{6511}I know!
{6575}{6615}Well, excuse me?
{6620}{6712}Oh, yeah?|Well, up yours too!
{6735}{6810}- Who the hell was that?|- Dr. Wiener.
{6862}{6943}Rach, you can't call people|at 3:00 in the morning.
{6948}{7025}You know what?|You sound just like his wife.
{7036}{7085}Was there anything|even wrong with Emma?
{7090}{7187}Yes, of course there is!|Okay? I'm not insane.
{7202}{7229}What was it?
{7251}{7299}Hiccups.
{7304}{7405}I told you, you can't call him|every time any little thing
comes up.
{7409}{7504}Well, not anymore I can't.|He fired us!
{7544}{7618}What are we gonna do?|We have to find a pediatrician.
{7623}{7685}Wait, Monica said that|when you guys were growing up...
{7690}{7743}...you liked your doctor.|What was his name?
{7752}{7799}Dr. Gettleman?
{7804}{7868}Yeah, no, I don't think|that's a good idea.
{7872}{7927}In fact, I think he's dead.
{7932}{7981}Why does everything happen to me?
{8015}{8089}I promise, first thing tomorrow,|we'll find another doctor.
{8094}{8154}But I gotta get up early,|and I'm not feeling well.
{8159}{8229}You're not feeling well?|What do you have? Rubella?
{8233}{8308}Because don't go near Emma,|she has not had that shot.
{8316}{8407}You know, come to think of it,|it does feel rubella-like.
{8648}{8714}Wiener!
{8718}{8766}Wiener! Wiener! Wiener!
{8771}{8795}Rachel!
{8810}{8876}Great! Now he's gonna|know it was me!
{9028}{9131}So how is this|for our big double date tonight?
{9148}{9191}Oh, my God.
{9224}{9304}Great. Just the reaction|I was hoping for.
{9309}{9396}Yeah, so you found someone for me?|You didn't forget?
{9401}{9459}Of course not.|And you'll love Mary Ellen.
{9464}{9549}She's really smart and cute|and funny and...
{9554}{9682}I can't tell you how I know this,|but she is not opposed to
threesomes.
{9709}{9735}All right.
{9748}{9851}- So tell me something about my guy.|- No.
{9887}{9961}Come on, give me something.|What's his name?
{9979}{10053}- Mike.|- Mike. Okay, what's his last name?
{10057}{10159}Damn it! Is there no mystery left|in romance anymore?!
{10164}{10240}We'll see you and Mike|at the restaurant in a couple hours.
{10245}{10339}All right, great.|See you. Bye-bye.
{10344}{10456}Why'd I have to say Mike? I don't know|a Mike! Why couldn't
I have said...?
{10503}{10577}There's no guys in there!
{10627}{10719}It's impossible to find a good doctor.|How do you know the
good ones...
{10724}{10810}...from the ones who'll push|their penis against your knee?
{10844}{10869}Excuse me?
{10874}{10926}I know what she's talking about.
{11032}{11109}Well, we've gotta find|a new pediatrician.
{11114}{11186}Ross was getting sick last night,|and Emma may have caught
it.
{11191}{11261}- Why don't you see Dr. Gettleman?|- Ross said he died.
{11265}{11339}He didn't die.|I just saw his daughter last week.
{11343}{11473}She said he was fine.|Her, on the other hand, botched Botox.
{11479}{11541}Great. Well then, I'm gonna|take Emma to see him.
{11546}{11589}I wonder why Ross said that he died?
{11593}{11661}Maybe he confused him|with his childhood therapist.
{11666}{11692}He saw a therapist?
{11697}{11767}He used to have a recurring nightmare.|It freaked him out.
{11772}{11821}Wow, what was it?
{11826}{11867}That I was going to eat him.
{12210}{12257}Mike!
{12289}{12330}Yeah?
{12398}{12445}Okay.
{12540}{12594}I can't believe|I'm doing this with you.
{12599}{12657}Although I did just end|a nine-year relationship...
{12662}{12711}...so I should be open|to taking some risks.
{12716}{12757}It'll be fine.|Follow my lead, okay?
{12762}{12809}All you have to do is|pretend to be Mike.
{12814}{12861}- I am Mike.|- Attaboy.
{12937}{12972}Here they come.
{12978}{13029}- I'm Phoebe.|- Phoebe. Mike. How you doing?
{13034}{13105}- Nice to meet you.|- Joey, this is Mary Ellen Jenkins.
{13110}{13192}So, Mike, how do you and Joey|know each other, anyway?
{13271}{13328}How do Joey and I know each other?
{13333}{13432}If I had a nickel for every time|somebody's asked me that.
{13450}{13506}- From school.|- We met in college.
{13572}{13631}I mean high school.
{13662}{13765}You guys go way back, then.|So, what are you up to these
days?
{13769}{13870}- Well, I'm a lawyer.|- Mike, attorney at law!
{13877}{13936}- Actually, I just gave up my practice.|- What?
{13941}{14036}That's the kind of thing|you usually run by me.
{14049}{14152}I want to play piano professionally.|If I don't do this now,
I never will.
{14157}{14214}Great. I like that better|than the lawyer thing.
{14219}{14312}Which is why I waited until now|to introduce you to Mike.
{14317}{14364}You thought he was still a lawyer.
{14369}{14445}No, that's not what I meant.|Let's get you a cocktail.
{14556}{14583}What are you doing?
{14588}{14652}Looking for restaurant jobs|for you in Tulsa.
{14656}{14705}That's so sweet.|Did you find anything?
{14710}{14774}- Slim Pickins.|- Nothing, huh?
{14779}{14874}No. Slim Pickins.|It's a barbecue joint.
{14879}{14966}They're looking for a cook. Actually,|"cook" may be a bit of
a stretch.
{14971}{15031}They're looking for somebody|to shovel mesquite.
{15067}{15124}"Slim Pickins"? That is so cheesy.
{15129}{15197}Well, So Cheesy also has an opening.
{15202}{15268}Honey, that's okay.|I know this woman, Nancy...
{15273}{15345}...who's a restaurant biz headhunter.|She may know
something.
{15349}{15413}Can I say how much I appreciate|you coming with me?
{15417}{15534}When we get to Tulsa, I am taking you|for a great dinner at
Slim Pickins.
{15549}{15573}So Cheesy?
{15619}{15674}Whole Hog?
{15694}{15783}It's gonna be tough|to keep kosher in Tulsa.
{15882}{15950}Hi, Nancy?|Hi, it's Monica Geller.
{15955}{16087}I'm good. Listen, I'm looking|for a job in Tulsa.
{16096}{16180}Yeah, well, my husband's|been relocated.
{16185}{16245}Because I love him.
{16256}{16313}No, I don't want a job in New York.
{16318}{16394}Javu's looking? Oh, my God!
{16399}{16494}He asked for me personally?|Oh, my God!
{16499}{16581}Wow, this is really,|really flattering.
{16586}{16654}But I'm moving to Tulsa.
{16658}{16720}So, just, if you would tell Javu...
{16725}{16781}...I'll take it!
{16807}{16886}My name's Rachel Greene.|I have an appointment for Emma.
{16891}{16985}Dr. Gettleman is finishing up|with a patient. He'll be out
shortly.
{16990}{17076}I think you just have a cold.|It's definitely not strep.
{17081}{17112}Thanks, doctor.
{17181}{17282}- Would you like a lollipop?|- Do you even have to ask?
{17402}{17452}He is alive!
{17566}{17656}It's so surprising that you and Joey|have known each other
for so long...
{17661}{17700}...and I've never heard about you.
{17705}{17809}That's because we had|a bit of a falling out.
{17814}{17885}Mike hit my mom with a car.
{17945}{18039}- No, I didn't.|- That's okay. I have forgiven you.
{18044}{18098}Now we're friends again,|and everything's great.
{18103}{18144}Well, wait. Is your mom okay?
{18149}{18241}Please, we're trying|to have a conversation.
{18269}{18321}You're a lot nicer|on "Days of Our Lives."
{18326}{18387}"Days of Our Lives"!|That's why you look so familiar!
{18392}{18418}- What?|- What?
{18423}{18473}What?
{18487}{18553}Do you not know each other?
{18585}{18715}Of course we do. He's playing a game|we used to play in high
school.
{18720}{18799}We pretend we don't know each other.|We played all kinds of
games.
{18804}{18911}You remember that one where I punch|you in the face for not
being cool?
{18949}{19040}Let me ask you something:|How many sisters does Joey have?
{19045}{19144}- Six.|- What are you doing? I said seven!
{19207}{19285}Joey, why did you set me up|with a stranger?
{19290}{19385}Because I forgot about our date.|I'm so sorry.
{19390}{19495}I'm sorry too. And just to be clear,|I didn't hit his mother
with a car.
{19510}{19622}You are unbelievable. I spent so much|time finding the
perfect girl for you.
{19627}{19699}Mary Ellen is really smart|and cute and loose.
{19753}{19815}Who are you kidding?
{19917}{19991}You find some guy|off the street for me?
{19995}{20043}God, this is humiliating!
{20048}{20147}I'm so sorry. If you don't like this guy,|I can find you a
better one.
{20151}{20217}Mike? Mike?
{20241}{20269}I'm out of here.
{20281}{20325}It was nice meeting you.
{20330}{20409}- You're leaving too?|- I'll stay if you can tell me my
name.
{20414}{20442}Have a good night.
{20545}{20613}We leave tomorrow,|and you still have a lot to pack.
{20617}{20644}You're right.
{20667}{20708}Maybe I shouldn't go.
{20737}{20784}What?
{20795}{20901}So Nancy told me about this job|at this great restaurant,
Javu?
{20906}{20959}But it's just|a little outside of Tulsa.
{20964}{20995}Well, how far outside?
{21017}{21052}Manhattan?
{21104}{21177}And you're thinking of taking it?
{21220}{21305}Before, you said that being with me|was more important than
any job.
{21310}{21427}But I guess now it's|old job, me, new job.
{21460}{21511}I'm gonna miss this hand!
{21561}{21601}I know this is a lot to ask...
{21606}{21678}...but, my God, this is|a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
{21683}{21755}What happened to "you can't live|without me four days a
week"?
{21759}{21882}Well, if you really think about it,|I mean, four days is not
that long.
{21887}{21929}I see you Monday|before you go to work...
{21934}{21975}...and Thursday when you get back...
{21979}{22068}...and I always work late on Tuesdays,|so really if you
think about it...
{22073}{22106}...it's really just one day.
{22111}{22230}And well, if we can't make it one day,|we got real problems,
my friend.
{22330}{22405}- I think you should take the job.|- Really?
{22410}{22507}I know it must be important to you|when you start chattering
like a monkey.
{22562}{22633}That's the nicest thing|anybody's ever said to me.
{22748}{22820}- How was the pediatrician?|- I really liked him.
{22825}{22936}Yeah, yeah.|It was really, really, really good.
{22944}{23027}- You promised not to say anything.|- I know.
{23032}{23109}Ross still sees his pediatrician!
{23148}{23200}I don't care.
{23223}{23300}Are you serious?|You still see Dr. Gettleman?
{23305}{23351}He is a brilliant diagnostician!
{23356}{23445}Diagnostician or boo-boo fixer?
{23462}{23528}Seriously, you gotta go|to an appropriate doctor.
{23533}{23632}Why? I know it's a little weird,|but he is a great doctor,
okay?
{23637}{23678}He knows my medical history.
{23683}{23751}And every time I go in there,|he makes a big deal.
{23756}{23816}You know,|"Look, it's my favorite patient."
{23821}{23910}Does he say that before he sticks|his thermometer in your
tushy?
{23915}{24024}I seem to remember someone bringing|his security blanket to
college.
{24029}{24099}That was not a security blanket.|That was a wall hanging.
{24103}{24152}It didn't spend much time on the wall!
{24396}{24440}Excuse me.
{24459}{24541}Hi. I was hoping to run into you.|Can we talk?
{24548}{24576}Sure.
{24581}{24668}I'm sorry, really.|I'm so embarrassed...
{24673}{24721}...that our...
{24767}{24875}Really, I'm a pretty nice guy.|Just ask my parole officer.
{24947}{25028}Apparently, I'm not a funny guy.
{25073}{25151}Well, why did you go along with that?
{25156}{25281}Because I was told that I'd get|a free dinner, which I
didn't.
{25286}{25362}And that I'd meet a pretty girl,|which I did.
{25420}{25470}That's true.
{25546}{25607}Well, is anything you told me|about yourself true?
{25612}{25683}My name is Mike.|And I do play piano.
{25688}{25778}- Prove it.|- There isn't a piano here.
{25783}{25868}That wouldn't stand in the way|of a true pianist.
{25887}{25920}Okay.
{26315}{26352}You are really good.
{26460}{26542}- I play a little guitar myself.|- Really? That's great.
{26547}{26634}- What kind of music do you play?|- Like acoustic, folksy
stuff, you know?
{26639}{26754}But right now I'm working on|a couple Iron Maiden covers.
{26793}{26927}Do you think that, maybe,|sometime, I could...
{26932}{26990}It's okay. Go ahead, ask me out.
{27024}{27113}Okay. You think, maybe,|sometime I could take you out?
{27130}{27182}You just caught me off guard.
{27210}{27253}Yeah, that would be nice.
{27258}{27320}Look at this! My two best friends!
{27449}{27515}Excuse me.|I don't mean to be a jerk...
{27520}{27604}...but the baby with the rash|came in after me.
{27625}{27699}The doctor will be right with you, sir.
{27784}{27833}Mommy, I can't find Waldo.
{27840}{27900}What, the circus?|He's behind the elephant.
{27905}{27994}Wow. So your child's a big fan|of the Waldo books too?
{28051}{28123}Yeah, that's how I know.
{28141}{28213}- I'm Ross, by the way.|- Hi, I'm Sally.
{28217}{28307}So no ring. Can I assume|you're also a single parent?
{28312}{28402}- I am a single parent.|- It's hard, isn't it?
{28407}{28490}There's no time for a social life.|Where are you gonna meet
someone?
{28495}{28652}Let's say, I don't know, you met|someone in the
pediatrician's office.
{28683}{28738}Rossie? We're ready for you.
{28943}{28978}Yeah...
{29028}{29125}Come on, Ross Jr.|It's time to go in.
{29157}{29204}Mommy.
{29299}{29349}Mommy, what's wrong with that man?
{29354}{29410}Hey, I helped you find Waldo!
{29590}{29664}- Good, you haven't left yet.|- Where have you been?
{29669}{29750}I got held up|at Dr. Gettleman's office.
{29755}{29867}There was some guy|that freaked everybody out.
{29872}{29936}You got here just in time.|I really have to go, buddy.
{29941}{29965}Oh, man.
{29970}{30061}- Promise to call me when you land?|- Of course I will. I
love you.
{30066}{30093}I love you too.
{30217}{30310}Watch the tongue, people.|We got a baby over here.
{30323}{30391}- Bye, Chandler.|- Bye.
{30395}{30450}- Bye, honey.|- Bye.
{30557}{30648}- What's the matter, Joe?|- I'm mad at you for leaving.
{30653}{30743}You know, you're nothing|but a big leaver.
{30751}{30832}A big leaver with a stupid suitcase.
{30879}{30993}Any chance you're trying to pick|a fight to make all of this
easier?
{31060}{31137}Dude, you see right through me!
{31351}{31408}Okay, well... Bye, Mon.
{31425}{31473}Bye, Ross. Rachel.
{31488}{31563}- Bye, Emma.|- Okay, bye-bye.
{31568}{31644}Have a good trip. Okay.|Oh, my God.
{31744}{31787}Wait.
{31822}{31892}It goes old job...
{31897}{31946}...new job...
{31951}{31979}...and you.
{32031}{32079}This is just something I have to do.
{32093}{32142}I know.
{32147}{32202}I love you so much.
{32207}{32269}I know that too.
{32521}{32612}Don't worry.|I'll be back before you know it.
{32617}{32658}Yes, it will be the same.
{32678}{32739}Because I know, that's how.
{32744}{32769}I promise.
{32774}{32805}You double promise?
{32917}{32955}Call me when you land.
{32994}{33050}- Can I talk now?|- Okay, bye.
{33055}{33099}- Joey!|- He had to board.
{33252}{33276}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 4
{70}{97}Hey, Ross.
{101}{189}I'm so glad someone's here.|Could you zip me up?
{255}{289}- Sure.|- Thank you.
{293}{356}Can you believe no one|between my apartment and here...
{360}{412}...offered to do that for me?
{416}{453}People.
{474}{546}So why are you so dressed up?
{550}{603}Mike's picking me up for a date.
{607}{678}How's that going?|Is it getting serious?
{682}{765}I don't know. I don't know.|I mean, I like him.
{769}{849}But am I ready to take|my Grade A loins off the meat market?
{853}{904}I'm not quite sure.
{941}{1037}You know, I really admire|your whole dating attitude.
{1041}{1116}It's so healthy. I'm always like,|"Is this moving too fast?
{1120}{1182}Is this moving too slow?|Where's this going?"
{1186}{1258}I know.|You are a bit of a drama queen.
{1276}{1379}You're so much better off. You just|go from guy to guy having
fun...
{1383}{1486}...and not worrying that it|never turns into anything serious.
{1490}{1543}I wouldn't say "never."
{1547}{1602}You know, there is that guy.
{1620}{1667}Okay, well, what about...?
{1683}{1744}Okay, there's gotta be someone.
{1748}{1862}- There isn't! That's what I'm saying.|- Oh, my God, you're
right!
{1866}{1953}I know. And yet, here you are,|all ready for the next date.
{1985}{2055}I can't believe I never|realized this before.
{2059}{2161}I'm in my 30s, and I've never been|in a long-term
relationship.
{2165}{2232}Oh, my God, what's wrong with me?
{2326}{2368}There's nothing wrong with you.
{2372}{2500}I mean, you don't strike me as the type|of person that wants
to get married.
{2504}{2561}I want to get married!
{2565}{2623}No, please...|Please don't cry because of me.
{2627}{2744}I don't know what I'm talking about,|okay? I've been divorced
three times.
{2748}{2788}At least you've been married.
{2792}{2875}Oh, my God!|I want to trade lives with Ross?!
{2946}{2993}Phoebe.
{3000}{3068}- What's wrong?|- Nothing. I'm excited about our date.
{3106}{3218}Mike, this is Ross Geller.|Ross, this is Mike...
{3266}{3318}- Sorry, I didn't catch that.|- Mike Hanigan.
{3322}{3364}- Ross Geller.|- Hey.
{3374}{3444}So are you sure you're ready to go?
{3469}{3511}How do I look?
{3551}{3633}- Do you have a compact in your purse?|- No.
{3638}{3683}You look great.
{3754}{3803}The One with the Sharks
{3828}{4028}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{4053}{4253}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{4693}{4761}- Hey, Joey.|- This girl won't turn around.
{4765}{4850}I can't tell if she's hot or not.|What do you think?
{4854}{4952}Joey, I am not going|to objectify women with you.
{4959}{5013}But if her face is|as nice as her ass...
{5017}{5070}- Mama!|- All right. Thanks.
{5074}{5161}- Have you talked to Chandler?|- He has to stay in Tulsa this
weekend.
{5165}{5223}- How come?|- I don't know. He has to work.
{5227}{5296}There's some big rush on the...
{5370}{5493}Damn it. I'm gonna have to start|listening when he talks about
his job.
{5507}{5577}Why don't you fly out there|and surprise him?
{5581}{5638}Maybe I will go.
{5672}{5768}We'll have a little second honeymoon|at the Tulsa Ramada.
{5772}{5906}You should bring your black see-through|teddy with the
attached garters.
{5977}{6076}- How do you know I have one of those?|- Didn't until just
now.
{6132}{6187}Hot. Not hot.
{6214}{6252}Hot!
{6269}{6296}Excuse me?
{6376}{6439}I said that I think you're hot.
{6443}{6517}And... now I'm embarrassed.
{6526}{6578}I thought you said "hi."
{6595}{6644}That would've been better.
{6648}{6725}I'll try that. Hi, I'm Joey.
{6729}{6759}I'm Hayley.
{6783}{6909}Look, I don't normally ask out women|that I meet in
coffeehouses.
{6995}{7033}Gesundheit.
{7158}{7223}- But...|- I would love to go out with you.
{7227}{7297}Really? Great.
{7301}{7366}Did l...?|Did I actually ask you?
{7370}{7448}That's just where you were going.|I figured I'd help you out.
{7452}{7566}You don't seem like the kind of guy|who does this a lot?
{7634}{7688}You should see someone|about that cold.
{7692}{7763}If it gets much worse, you could die.
{7848}{7914}- So how'd the date go?|- Well, it was awful.
{7918}{7982}Every time I thought about|what you said, I cried.
{7986}{8053}- So he hasn't called?|- Would you call this girl:
{8057}{8134}"Thanks for... a lovely... evening"?
{8157}{8216}Now I feel terrible.|This is all my fault.
{8220}{8281}You know what you should|feel terrible about?
{8285}{8337}This could have been my serious guy.
{8341}{8401}He was sweet and smart and funny.
{8405}{8462}You know how hard it is|to meet a guy like that?
{8473}{8525}We are a rare breed.
{8645}{8686}What a great dinner.
{8690}{8790}Thanks again for letting me have that|last piece of cake at
the restaurant.
{8814}{8895}You're welcome again.|I'm gonna go make some coffee.
{8899}{8962}- Can I get you anything?|- Do you have any cake?
{9109}{9161}{y:i}So this is going pretty good.
{9165}{9243}{y:i}Dinner was nice.|{y:i}We've got a lot in common.
{9247}{9296}{y:i}Victoria 's Secret.
{9300}{9343}{y:i}We even like the same books.
{9426}{9465}{y:i}There's a scary painting.
{9485}{9518}{y:i}Wait a minute.
{9522}{9610}{y:i}I think I've been scared|{y:i}by that painting before.
{9642}{9704}{y:i}You know what?|{y:i}This whole place looks familiar.
{9708}{9759}{y:i}I have definitely been|{y:i}in this apartment.
{9763}{9831}{y:i}I know I've seen|{y:i}this weird plant before.
{9852}{9915}{y:i}It did that the last time!
{9919}{9990}"Oh", "my God."|{y:i}I've gone out with this girl before.
{9994}{10051}{y:i}Yeah! We had sex on this couch!
{10055}{10120}"And then on that chair", "and..."|{y:i}No.
{10124}{10169}"No", "we didn 't do it here..."
{10173}{10266}"... which is weird", "because it seems"|{y:i}like a
perfectly good place.
{10270}{10308}That's why.
{10501}{10606}Hey, Mike. Sorry to just drop by|like this. Can I come in?
{10610}{10645}Sure.
{10659}{10700}Who are you?
{10712}{10784}I'm Ross. Phoebe's friend|from the coffeehouse?
{10788}{10879}I really, really need to talk|to you about something.
{10883}{10912}Unless...
{10916}{11020}You're not gonna try|and get me to join a cult, are you?
{11053}{11135}No, it's just, you know,|you have that look.
{11149}{11213}Damn Supercuts!
{11263}{11345}- Well, what's up? Is Phoebe okay?|- Oh, yeah, yeah.
{11349}{11427}Phoebe is great. But...
{11431}{11479}I'm an idiot, okay?
{11483}{11592}Right before you guys went out,|I accidentally got her all
upset.
{11615}{11649}That's why she was weird.
{11653}{11783}Yes. I said something stupid about her|never having had a
serious relationship.
{11787}{11884}But you should know, she is|so much fun. A wonderful person.
{11888}{11988}- Please, don't blow her off.|- I'm not gonna blow her off.
{11992}{12063}I just spoke to her.|We're going out tomorrow night.
{12067}{12189}I mean, I hope that's okay with you,|stranger from the
coffeehouse.
{12204}{12272}Well, then, I didn't need|to bother you.
{12276}{12375}You or the four other|Mike Hanigans I bothered.
{12439}{12528}Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.|Is that true what you said?
{12532}{12613}Phoebe's never had|a serious relationship?
{12624}{12667}Of course she has.
{12672}{12732}If she's never had|a serious relationship...
{12736}{12791}...do you think I'd go|around broadcasting it...
{12795}{12900}...like some kind|of unstoppable moron?
{12929}{13028}- But you did say it.|- Yes. Yes, I did.
{13061}{13120}And I will also say...
{13124}{13187}...what I'm about to say...
{13202}{13252}...vis-a-vis...
{13256}{13308}...the following.
{13345}{13475}Phoebe has never had|a serious relationship...
{13486}{13522}...since...
{13526}{13639}...her super-serious relationship...
{13643}{13673}...with...
{13677}{13714}...Vikram.
{13749}{13817}- Vikram?|- What? That's a real name.
{14037}{14078}Stop it!
{14082}{14152}Why couldn't they have|sent me to Texas?
{14174}{14223}Seven o'clock.
{14229}{14279}Maybe I'll hit the gym.
{14418}{14494}Who am I kidding?|Pay-per-view porn.
{14831}{14900}- Do not disturb! Do not disturb!|- Surprise!
{14953}{15017}- Monica?|- Is everything all right?
{15021}{15067}Yeah, everything's great.|I was just...
{15071}{15141}...watching some|regular television there.
{15155}{15222}What a pleasant surprise.
{15402}{15482}- I'm gonna go freshen up, okay?|- Okay, honey.
{15608}{15651}That was close.
{15735}{15770}- Hello.|"- Hey", "Rach", "it's me."
{15774}{15877}Okay, I just got to Chandler's room,|and I caught him...
{15881}{15930}...molesting himself.
{15974}{16024}That couldn't have been pretty.
{16028}{16079}But you know, guys do that.
{16083}{16119}Well, the weird part is...
{16123}{16206}...he was getting off...|to a shark-attack show!
{16217}{16328}- No!|- Yes! Chandler watches shark porn!
{16463}{16513}- While watching sharks?|- Yeah.
{16517}{16573}Are you sure that's what|he was doing?
{16577}{16647}You know how many times|I've seen him jump up like that?
{16651}{16699}Believe me, I know what he was doing.
{16725}{16784}Man! Sharks!
{16788}{16869}I always knew there was something|weird about that dude.
{16886}{16929}You promised to love him|no matter what.
{16933}{17033}"What" means, like, if he|gets a disease or kills someone.
{17045}{17133}Not if he gets his jollies to "Jaws."
{17154}{17207}You know what, honey?|Guys are just different.
{17211}{17273}They like things|that we can't understand.
{17277}{17333}I once dated this guy|who wanted to pretend...
{17337}{17413}...that he was an archeologist,|and I was this...
{17417}{17537}...naughty cavewoman|who he unfroze from a block of ice.
{17578}{17625}Are you talking about my brother?
{17629}{17681}I didn't disguise that very well, did I?
{17751}{17776}- Hey.|- Hi.
{17780}{17879}I went out with this girl last night.|Halfway through our
date I realized...
{17883}{17922}...I already slept with her.
{17969}{18076}You've slept with all the women in N.Y.,|and now you're
going around again?
{18080}{18116}That's not even the weird part.
{18120}{18220}- She didn't remember sleeping with me!|- You don't remember
sleeping with her.
{18224}{18312}But she should remember sleeping|with me. I am very
memorable!
{18341}{18387}- You guys know.|- How do we know?
{18391}{18468}- We've never slept with you.|- And whose fault is that?
{18500}{18556}What's the big deal?|You forgot, she forgot.
{18560}{18630}- Maybe you were having an off night.|- Hey!
{18699}{18761}I never have an off night. Okay?
{18765}{18846}Although, sometimes if I'm|a little bloated, I don't feel
that sexy.
{18850}{18916}But even then, I'm better than most!
{18936}{19011}Honey, why don't you just let it go|and ask her out again?
{19015}{19086}You're both so slutty, you don't|remember who you slept
with.
{19090}{19128}You're made for each other.
{19172}{19219}Interesting.
{19250}{19331}Well, I'll go out with her again|and I'll try to get past
it.
{19335}{19399}No salt! Bloaty!
{19403}{19438}- Joey?|- What?
{19442}{19488}You don't think|sharks are sexy, do you?
{19492}{19534}No.
{19542}{19610}Wait a minute.|Wait, what was the Little Mermaid?
{19702}{19752}It's open!
{19765}{19872}- Hey.|- Mike called! We're going out again!
{19947}{20004}Quick thing.|I went to talk to Mike.
{20008}{20040}What?
{20046}{20103}What did you...?|What did you do, Ross?
{20107}{20180}Oh, boy. You got mad at that part.
{20196}{20266}I went over there, you know,|to tell him how...
{20270}{20356}How great you are. But...
{20360}{20425}Well, you know me.|Blah-blah-blah.
{20481}{20570}- And I ended up telling him that...|- What?
{20597}{20672}You had a six-year-long relationship...
{20676}{20727}...with a guy named Vikram.
{20767}{20816}What? Why?
{20820}{20883}Well, he seemed...
{20887}{21029}...to bum hard when I told him you'd|never been in a serious
relationship.
{21109}{21177}If you hadn't just had a baby|with my best friend...
{21181}{21262}...I swear to Lucifer...
{21266}{21386}...a rabid dog would be feasting|on your danglers right now!
{21402}{21472}I think you'll feel differently|when you know...
{21476}{21532}...a little bit about Vikram.
{21546}{21594}Okay, he's a...
{21598}{21674}He's a kite designer.
{21721}{21799}And he used to date Oprah.
{21840}{21932}I'm not going along|with some lie you made up, Ross.
{21936}{21994}- I'm just gonna be honest with him.|- Good.
{21998}{22030}Just be honest with him.
{22034}{22094}- I have nothing to be ashamed of.|- No.
{22098}{22205}So I haven't been in a relationship|that lasted longer than
a month.
{22209}{22268}Okay? I haven't had a real boyfriend.
{22272}{22383}If he can't handle it,|then he can leave. Which he will.
{22387}{22474}And, you know, that's okay.|So I'll just be alone forever.
{22478}{22544}You know, all right.|It'll be fine. It'll be fine.
{22548}{22635}I'll go on walking tours|with widows and lesbians.
{22693}{22739}- I'll get it.|- Okay.
{22808}{22907}I'm trying to remember the last time|I opened a door and you
weren't there.
{22982}{23046}Phoebe, are you okay?
{23090}{23167}Yeah. There's just...
{23188}{23251}There's something you should know.
{23300}{23372}Vikram just called.
{23404}{23474}So it was really a shock|after 25 years of marriage...
{23478}{23548}...my parents getting divorced.|I took it the hardest...
{23552}{23611}...because I was the youngest.|- Sure. Yeah.
{23615}{23677}How can you not remember me?
{23694}{23719}What?
{23723}{23770}How could you not remember|that we slept together?
{23774}{23846}- What? When?|- I don't know!
{23860}{23939}I really, really think|I would remember sleeping with you.
{23943}{24025}Come on, come on.|Search your brain, all right? It was...
{24029}{24116}...a certain amount of time ago.|I was here. You were here.
{24120}{24179}We had sex here, here, here...
{24183}{24229}Not there.
{24233}{24308}- Anything?|- No, it's not ringing any bells.
{24312}{24364}My God, woman!
{24368}{24437}How many people have you been with|not to remember this?
{24441}{24516}Hey, Hayley.|We really gotta fix that doorknob.
{24558}{24585}Joey?
{24695}{24744}I slept with you!
{24786}{24878}And you obviously remember me!|Hey, I still got it!
{24882}{24935}So we're good.
{24950}{25002}I'll let myself out.
{25045}{25116}And I said, "Okay, Vikram...
{25120}{25203}...you can't just call|every time you get lonely.
{25207}{25290}You gave up that right|when you slept with Rachel."
{25318}{25375}Rachel? I thought she just|had a baby with Ross.
{25379}{25426}Yeah, well...
{25430}{25474}Yeah.
{25482}{25550}But Emma's birth certificate|might say "Geller"...
{25554}{25631}...but her eyes say "Mukherjee."
{25661}{25755}That is so wrong.|And on top of that, he's a glue sniffer?
{25759}{25829}I know. But he calls,|and my heart goes to him.
{25833}{25960}You know, that bastard is one|smooth-talking freelance kite
designer.
{25991}{26067}I think there's somebody|better out there for you.
{26071}{26159}I mean, you know, I'm...|I'm not saying me, but...
{26183}{26240}Maybe... me.
{26303}{26373}And you don't have to worry about|glue-sniffing with me.
{26377}{26462}Although, I do smell|the occasional Magic Marker.
{26495}{26564}Yeah. Anyway, I just...
{26573}{26630}I think I can make you happy.
{26714}{26772}- Okay, I can't do this.|- What's wrong?
{26776}{26873}Well, there is no Vikram.|Ross made him up.
{26877}{26912}Because I...
{26916}{26986}I really never have been|in a long-term relationship.
{26990}{27099}I've never lived with a guy. I've never|even celebrated an
anniversary.
{27103}{27146}So...
{27177}{27247}If that's too weird for you...
{27251}{27303}...and you want to leave,|I understand.
{27307}{27389}In fact, I'll close my eyes|to make it less awkward.
{27567}{27618}You kissed me.
{27679}{27756}- You don't think I'm a total freak?|- No.
{27760}{27800}Well...
{27822}{27857}Look, can I...?
{27861}{27934}Can I think you're a little weird|and also cool...
{27938}{28002}...for telling me the truth|and also want to kiss you?
{28006}{28059}I guess so.
{28063}{28122}Can I think it's cool|that you kissed me...
{28126}{28188}...and also want to kiss you again?
{28228}{28329}And be a little concerned|about the Magic Markers?
{28334}{28380}Definitely.
{28536}{28594}{y:i}This is Vikram.
{28791}{28850}Hi, honey, I'm home.
{28867}{28897}Hi.
{28901}{28987}- How was your flight?|- It was great.
{28993}{29038}Why don't you sit down.
{29042}{29077}Get yourself comfortable.
{29081}{29145}Because I have a little...
{29149}{29203}...surprise for you.
{29229}{29292}Well, well, well.|It must be 5:00 in Tulsa...
{29296}{29388}...because it's "sex o'clock" in N.Y.C.!
{29430}{29534}Okay.|This is how much I love you.
{29559}{29610}{y:i}The great white...
{29746}{29784}Honey?
{29789}{29871}Why am I watching|a bunch of sharks swimming around?
{29899}{29954}Is this...?|Is this not the good part?
{29958}{30064}Do you want me to fast-forward|to something... toothier?
{30074}{30170}No, I'm just not sure that you|got the right movie, that's
all.
{30197}{30259}This is the only one|they had at our video store.
{30263}{30338}Though they did have something|called "Crocodile Killers."
{30342}{30409}Or does it always have to be sharks?
{30460}{30509}Does what always have to be sharks?
{30513}{30566}Look, we can do something else.
{30570}{30669}Do you want me to|get into the tub and... thrash?
{30712}{30793}- What's going on?|- It's okay. It's okay.
{30797}{30841}I still love you.
{30845}{30940}- Let me be a part of this.|- Let me be a part of this!
{30974}{31027}I saw what you were doing in Tulsa.
{31031}{31097}Angry sharks turn you on!
{31130}{31168}No, they don't.
{31182}{31283}Then why were you watching them|and giving yourself a treat?
{31297}{31376}Oh, my God! When you came in,|I switched the channel.
{31380}{31443}I was just watching regular porn.
{31471}{31498}Really?
{31502}{31605}Yes. Just some good, old-fashioned,|American, girl-on-girl
action.
{31653}{31730}Can I tell you how happy|that makes me?
{31766}{31837}You are an amazing wife.
{31841}{31922}Really, you are amazing. You were|actually gonna do this for
me?
{31926}{32029}Where do you find the strength|and the understanding for
that?
{32059}{32126}I'm very, very drunk right now.
{32290}{32375}Ordinarily, I would talk to her,|but my confidence is
shaken.
{32379}{32455}Did I sleep with her?|Did I not sleep with her?
{32467}{32579}Maybe this is a wake-up call. You know,|about your whole
dating attitude.
{32583}{32703}You're in your 30s and you have|never been in a long-term
relationship.
{32711}{32757}Here you go from woman to woman...
{32761}{32818}...meaningless experience|to meaningless experience.
{32822}{32910}Never even worrying that it doesn't|turn into something more
serious.
{32914}{32989}You're right. I love my life!
{33087}{33146}I actually did sleep with her.
{33297}{33322}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 5
{80}{109}Oh, hey, you guys?
{113}{180}I couldn't get a reservation|for the night of my birthday...
{185}{236}...so we'll have to do dinner|Thursday night.
{241}{359}- Thursday? But that's Halloween.|- So?
{368}{419}It's just spooky, that's all.
{443}{485}So is Mike coming to dinner?
{490}{580}No. It's my first birthday|with a boyfriend, and he has to work.
{584}{681}I'd get mad at him, but I think|it's too soon to show my true
colors.
{723}{807}I would make the reservation for five.|One of us has to stay
with Emma.
{811}{861}- Which one of us should go to dinner?|- Rachel!
{918}{1015}Actually, I was thinking|maybe both of us could go.
{1088}{1155}Thanks. I'll put a lot of extra thought|into your gift.
{1188}{1241}All right, so great, we can all go now.
{1245}{1304}That is fun! Hey! You know what?
{1308}{1397}We all haven't been together,|the six of us, in such a long
time.
{1402}{1455}What are you talking about?|We're together now.
{1460}{1521}Mon? Chandler's not here.
{1611}{1645}Oh, dear God.
{1682}{1731}The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner
{1756}{1956}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{1981}{2181}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{2597}{2668}Hello. It's nice to see|our team together for the first time.
{2672}{2754}Now, before we get started,|are there any questions?
{2759}{2800}- Yes. Ken, is it?|- That's right.
{2805}{2881}Is it true the reason you're in Tulsa is,|you fell asleep in a
meeting...
{2885}{2957}...and took the job without realizing|what you were saying yes
to?
{3009}{3083}Well, don't believe|everything you hear, Ken.
{3087}{3124}But yeah, that's true.
{3157}{3285}All right, let's get started by taking|a look at last
quarter's figures.
{3313}{3417}Claudia, aren't you supposed|to blow smoke up the boss's ass?
{3434}{3574}- I'm sorry. Does the smoke bother you?|- No. I smoked for
years. Then I quit.
{3578}{3636}Right now, I can't remember why.
{3652}{3708}You're not allowed to smoke|in this office, right?
{3713}{3799}Yes, in Oklahoma it's legal to smoke|in offices with 15 people
or less.
{3803}{3891}- Would you like one?|- All right, look. I don't smoke
anymore.
{3896}{3974}But if the rest of you want to light up,|go ahead, it's fine.
{4057}{4113}So you all smoke, then?
{4117}{4191}You know, it's almost rude|that I'm not smoking.
{4196}{4253}- That's not true. If you don't want...|- Ken, please!
{4332}{4406}No, I can't. I can't smoke.|If I smoke, my wife would kill me.
{4411}{4465}I'm sorry, but isn't your wife|back in New York?
{4515}{4585}I've always liked you, Ken.
{4714}{4780}Trick or treat.
{4817}{4862}- Hey.|- And "treat" it is.
{4928}{4982}Wow. So glad I changed.
{4996}{5087}I almost wore my threadbare robe|that can't contain my
breasts.
{5142}{5191}This is not what I'm wearing.|I'm ovulating...
{5195}{5277}...and Chandler's gonna be home.|So I thought we would try
before dinner.
{5282}{5371}Wait, does that...? You guys won't|be late for my dinner, will
you?
{5376}{5422}We haven't seen each other|in over a week.
{5426}{5470}We'll probably be the first ones there.
{5496}{5541}Okay. See you there. Happy humping.
{5599}{5634}Hey. Well, hey!
{5644}{5719}Wow, somebody smoked out here?
{5771}{5855}My God, don't people know you're|not allowed to smoke in
public spaces?
{5860}{6007}Actually, in Oklahoma smoking's legal|in offices with fewer
than 15 people.
{6012}{6055}Oh, you smoked.
{6060}{6174}No. I just happen to know a lot of trivia|about smoking in
different states.
{6178}{6288}For example, in Hawaii,|cigarettes are called "lei-lana-
lukus."
{6321}{6430}- Oh, Chandler, you stink of cigarettes!|- Do you think Monica
will smell it?
{6435}{6519}Are you kidding? That woman|has the nose of a bloodhound.
{6523}{6605}And the breasts of a Greek goddess.
{6687}{6738}Pheebs?
{6754}{6805}I'm gonna go.
{6893}{6977}Okay. Something to cover the smell.
{7054}{7110}Oven cleaner.
{7220}{7279}Unscented.
{7319}{7355}Welcome home.
{7398}{7451}I've missed you.
{7455}{7564}- You want to join me in the bedroom?|- No, thanks, I'm good.
{7576}{7681}Okay. So you want to play it|that way, do you?
{7691}{7751}Well, you know what, actually,|I just got off a plane...
{7756}{7811}...so I'm feeling gross.|I should take a shower.
{7816}{7906}- Come here, you don't need a shower.|- All right, the truth
is...
{7910}{7979}...I soiled myself|during some turbulence.
{8071}{8148}What do I smell? I smell smoke.
{8152}{8204}Did you smoke?
{8208}{8277}Yes. But I just had one.
{8281}{8316}Two.
{8320}{8386}Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five.
{8427}{8520}A pack. Two pack... A carton.
{8524}{8584}Three big fat cartons in two days!
{8627}{8699}But it's over. I've made a decision,|I'm not gonna smoke
anymore.
{8803}{8838}Well, those are for you.
{8895}{8976}All right. Well, we'll just see you|when you get here. Bye.
{8997}{9067}Oh, that was my mom.|She's stuck in terrible traffic.
{9072}{9138}That is now the third sign|that I should not leave Emma.
{9143}{9215}- What are the other two?|- Well, the first one is, I don't
want to.
{9219}{9303}And second one, I'm not going.
{9308}{9369}I know this is the first time|we're leaving the baby.
{9373}{9422}I know how hard it is for you. But...
{9426}{9501}But everything's gonna be fine.|I mean, my mom is gonna be
with her.
{9505}{9557}- She's great with kids.|- She is?
{9561}{9612}Yeah.
{9619}{9654}What about Monica?
{9659}{9757}You only hear Monica's side of that.|Okay, that little fatso
was a terror!
{9824}{9934}- I just don't think I can do it.|- Know what? You can and you
should.
{9939}{9986}Really, it will be good for you.
{9990}{10025}In fact, you know what?
{10029}{10093}Go ahead to the restaurant,|and I will wait for my mom...
{10097}{10186}...and then I'll meet you there.|No, no, really, you should
go. Go out.
{10190}{10347}Really, the world is your oyster.|Kick up your heels. Paint
the town red!
{10367}{10472}- You need to learn some new slang.|- I'm serious. Come on,
you should go.
{10477}{10545}Here. No, just go.
{10549}{10596}- Well...|- No, no! You know what?
{10600}{10696}You're not getting back in there!|The baby's fine. Now,
scram!
{10739}{10793}Yeah, tell your story walking!
{10829}{10894}I was just going to say|that I left my keys.
{10979}{11057}Holy moley, are we in a pickle now!
{11142}{11222}Where is everyone?|They're 40 minutes late.
{11227}{11274}- I know.|- I'm starving.
{11279}{11343}I knew we were coming here tonight.|I ate nothing all day.
{11348}{11399}What about me?|I only had one lunch today.
{11442}{11511}So are we expecting|the rest of our party shortly?
{11516}{11572}Yes, they are expected presently.|Yeah.
{11576}{11663}Their arrival is in the offing.
{11673}{11722}Right. We have a table for two available.
{11726}{11766}- Perhaps you'd...|- No, they're coming.
{11770}{11806}We're waiting right here.
{11828}{11876}Joseph!
{11914}{11989}One needn't worry.|They shan't be long.
{11997}{12079}It's just that we do have|some large parties waiting.
{12084}{12154}Oh, one really does have a stick|up one's ass, doesn't one?
{12223}{12299}How can you smoke in this day and age?|Have you not seen
that ad?
{12304}{12395}Where the little kid walks|through Grandpa? It's chilling!
{12400}{12468}I messed up. It was a meeting.|Everybody was smoking.
{12473}{12524}So what? Don't you have any willpower?
{12529}{12599}Willpower? I've watched home movies|of you eating Ding
Dongs...
{12603}{12647}...without taking the tinfoil off!
{12701}{12759}You said that was sexy!
{12803}{12889}Okay, look, can we just drop this?|I'm not gonna smoke
again.
{12893}{12954}That's right, because I forbid you|to smoke again.
{12959}{13007}You forbid me?
{13012}{13066}I've flown a long way|to see my loving wife.
{13070}{13116}Is she here, by the way?
{13121}{13264}Chandler, don't joke with me. Okay?|I'm very, very upset
right now.
{13269}{13341}- Is this the most upset you could be?|- I think so.
{13346}{13396}Well, then I might as well...
{13401}{13451}...do this.
{13692}{13758}Not really sure what to do now.
{13789}{13849}I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
{13853}{13915}We're already late|for Phoebe's birthday dinner.
{13919}{13965}So you're going to put out|that cigarette...
{13969}{14037}...we're gonna put this fight on hold,|and go have sex.
{14042}{14115}Fine. What?
{14120}{14188}Sex! This is the last day I'm ovulating.|If we don't do
it...
{14192}{14244}...we're gonna have to wait|until next month!
{14248}{14296}You're serious?
{14300}{14384}- Oh, yeah!|- All right, fine, I'll do it, but no talking!
{14390}{14460}- And no cuddling.|- And no kissing your neck.
{14465}{14548}Oh, good! I hate it when you do that!
{14590}{14667}And lots of kissing your neck!
{14689}{14730}Okay, well, the super's not home.
{14734}{14795}But my mother's gonna be here,|and she has the key.
{14801}{14878}I can't wait that long. You have to do|something. Knock that
door down!
{14883}{14935}I would, but I bruise like a peach.
{14993}{15087}Besides, you know, everything's|gonna be fine. The baby's
sleeping.
{15092}{15193}- What if she jumps out of the bassinet?|- Can't hold her
head up, but jumped.
{15219}{15265}Oh, my God!|I left the water running!
{15269}{15362}You did not leave the water running.|Please, pull yourself
together, okay?
{15367}{15470}- Well, did I leave the stove on?|- You haven't cooked since
1996.
{15482}{15565}Is the window open? If the window's|open a bird could fly in
and...
{15570}{15615}My God, you know what?|I think you're right.
{15619}{15653}- Listen.|- What? What?
{15657}{15763}A pigeon. No. No, wait, no.|An eagle flew in!
{15791}{15861}Landed on the stove and caught fire!
{15914}{16059}The baby, seeing this, jumps across|the apartment to the
mighty bird's aid.
{16063}{16131}The eagle, however, misconstrues this|as an act of
aggression...
{16135}{16176}...and grabs the baby in its talon.
{16180}{16258}Meanwhile, the faucet|fills the apartment with water.
{16262}{16346}Baby and bird, still ablaze,|are locked in a death grip...
{16350}{16466}...swirling around the whirlpool|that fills the apartment!
{16503}{16559}Boy, are you gonna be sorry|if that's true.
{16670}{16711}- Hello.|- Hi.
{16716}{16762}It's been an hour.
{16766}{16862}The maitre d' asked if you'd reconsider|switching to a
smaller table.
{16869}{16905}Maybe we should just eat now.
{16909}{16996}You can't order until the entire|party's arrived. Restaurant
policy.
{17001}{17071}Well, how about this?|Another table leaves, right...
{17075}{17148}...but there's still some food left|on their plates.
{17152}{17235}Okay, what's the restaurant's policy|about people eating
that?
{17240}{17310}- It's frowned upon.|- But it happens.
{17395}{17454}- All right, I got to go to the bathroom.|- You can't go.
{17459}{17512}No, no, no.|I can't hold this table on my own.
{17516}{17565}If they ask me to move, I'll cave.
{17570}{17617}Well, if you ask me to stay, I'll pee.
{17764}{17824}Good evening, miss.
{17845}{17894}Miss?
{17942}{17999}Miss? Miss?
{18003}{18113}Okay, fine, I'll move. All right.|You don't have to
manhandle me.
{18137}{18221}Where? Okay.
{18233}{18332}Thank you. Wow.
{18450}{18518}Finally. You guys made it.
{18686}{18718}Pheebs, who the hell...?
{18885}{18967}Spend more time with the tie!|That will make a baby.
{18987}{19090}Look, I can't do this. I can't make love|to you while we're
fighting this way.
{19095}{19150}Oh, sure. Now you're Mr. Sensitivity.
{19154}{19218}But when you wanted to have sex|after my uncle's funeral...
{19223}{19273}That was a celebration of life!
{19309}{19352}All right, I'm not gonna do this.
{19357}{19417}Is this the way you want our baby|to be conceived?
{19451}{19511}No, you're right.
{19530}{19569}No, we shouldn't do it like this.
{19645}{19710}For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
{19714}{19793}I shouldn't have come down on you|so hard about the smoking.
{19800}{19893}So you had a few cigarettes.|It's not the end of the world.
{19898}{19960}- Really?|- Yeah.
{19970}{20020}You are incredible.
{20024}{20085}And listen,|I'm not gonna smoke again.
{20089}{20163}And if I do, I promise|I will hide it so much better from
you.
{20346}{20381}- Want to?|- Let's celebrate life!
{20385}{20436}Okay!
{20479}{20531}Oh, God.
{20535}{20580}Oh, thank God you're okay.
{20585}{20644}I'm sorry we left.|Mommy will never leave you again.
{20648}{20721}Never, ever, ever again.
{20730}{20770}Great. So let's get going.
{20807}{20886}I mean it. After what just happened,|I'm never leaving her
again.
{20891}{20957}I understand. Separation is hard.
{20961}{21057}One time I was about to leave Ross|to go to the beauty
parlor.
{21061}{21127}And he got so upset|he took off all his clothes...
{21131}{21209}...tucked his willy between his legs...
{21213}{21329}...and cried out, "Mommy, I'm a girl.|Take me with you."
{21512}{21615}Somehow, over time,|it got easier to be apart from you.
{21738}{21809}You are welcome.
{21838}{21915}- You know what? Let's not talk.|- What?
{21920}{22003}- I am still so mad at you for smoking!|- But you said you
forgave me.
{22007}{22078}It was just a couple of cigarettes,|no big deal.
{22125}{22234}I was ovulating and you said you|wouldn't have sex if we
were fighting.
{22255}{22392}- You tricked me to get me into bed?|- That's right. I got
mine.
{22452}{22520}I feel so used.
{22552}{22634}Well, I guess they're not coming.|You want to just order?
{22651}{22699}Thank you.
{22780}{22861}Waiter? All right, this is gonna|go fast, so try to keep up.
{22866}{22916}Risotto with shaved truffles|and the rib steak...
{22920}{22981}...with the golden chanterelles|and the Bordelaise sauce...
{22985}{23069}...unless any of that stuff I just said|means "snails."
{23077}{23157}- It does not.|- Tomato tart...
{23162}{23209}...and which of the pastas|would you recommend?
{23214}{23281}- Oh, well they're both exquisite...|- Both it is. Thank
you.
{23289}{23338}Oh, can I make a special request?
{23342}{23387}Can you bring everything|as it's ready?
{23391}{23440}- Appetizers, entrees, we don't care.|- Hey!
{23512}{23591}- I'll wait to put your order in.|- You guys are over an
hour late.
{23595}{23647}- What happened to you two?|- So sorry.
{23651}{23732}- We got locked out of the apartment.|- That's a great
story. Can I eat it?
{23757}{23827}And then Rachel wasn't sure|she could leave the baby.
{23831}{23914}It wasn't easy, but it's your birthday|and I did what I had
to do.
{23920}{23978}And that's Judy over there at the bar|with Emma?
{24070}{24143}This is for the best. I'm not distracted,|worrying about
Emma...
{24147}{24234}...how she's doing at home, and I'm|gonna be completely here
with you.
{24239}{24282}- Oh, she spit up. She spit up.|- What?
{24286}{24351}Judy? She spit...|Judy, look alive, Judy!
{24431}{24491}- Thank you.|- Thanks.
{24538}{24607}Oh, everything looks delicious.
{24611}{24702}What should I have?|What should I have?
{24706}{24799}Never hit a woman.|Never hit a woman.
{24820}{24869}I know what you mean,|this menu's incredible.
{24874}{24943}Ross bruises like a peach.|He bruises like a peach.
{24971}{25025}Okay, I'll have the fig salad|and the duck.
{25030}{25073}I'll have the soup and the salmon.
{25078}{25125}Remember, whatever comes up first,|okay?
{25129}{25162}- Hurry...|- Happy birthday!
{25167}{25194}Son of a bitch!
{25222}{25296}- Where have you been?|- Well, we had a little fight.
{25300}{25348}I would never lie|to get someone into bed.
{25352}{25439}You used to tell girls|you were a Kennedy.
{25489}{25535}Thanks.
{25571}{25637}Thanks. Wow.
{25641}{25710}A little tight, isn't it?|Why didn't you get a bigger table?
{25768}{25842}You had a big table|but they made you move.
{25846}{25881}Shut up, Monica.
{25934}{26029}Oh, well, I suppose that Chandler|will have the smoked duck.
{26061}{26185}And I suppose that Monica|will have the manipulative shrew.
{26190}{26250}- I'll give you another minute.|- What, where you going?
{26255}{26318}He said she wanted the shrew!
{26346}{26389}Rach, come on, Emma's fine.
{26394}{26494}You're turning into an obsessive|mother, okay? You need to
stop.
{26508}{26623}You ever hear the story about when|Ross' mom went to the
beauty salon?
{26654}{26772}- You mean the willy story?|- They already know it.
{26862}{26913}We've been waiting for you|for a long time.
{26917}{26953}- You should order.|- That's okay.
{26957}{27026}- I told the waiter what they want.|- Why would you do that?
{27031}{27087}Chandler, control your woman.
{27107}{27168}Okay, well...|Everybody has ordered.
{27172}{27332}I would like to start the celebration|and make a toast to
Phoebe.
{27336}{27417}- She dropped her sock.|- What?
{27432}{27506}- No. No, Emma dropped her sock.|- Mom's here?
{27511}{27607}I wanted to have lunch with her today.|She told me she was
out of town.
{27612}{27685}She still has not noticed|that the baby's sock is on the
ground.
{27690}{27745}It's a good toast.
{27750}{27813}Look, will you please get her attention?
{27833}{27888}Mommy?
{28105}{28155}Oh, for God's sake, Judy,|pick up the sock!
{28159}{28233}Pick up the sock! Pick up the sock!
{28335}{28383}I'm sorry, was that rude?
{28414}{28481}Did my little outburst...
{28486}{28586}...blunt the hideousness|that is this evening?
{28591}{28636}Look, I know you have a lot going on...
{28640}{28782}...but all I wanted to do was have|dinner with my friends on
my birthday.
{28786}{28919}And you are all so late, and you|didn't even have the
courtesy to call.
{28944}{29023}Well, it's too late now.
{29032}{29069}Pheebs, I don't think that's us.
{29108}{29205}Oh, well, this is... This is not over!|Hello?
{29255}{29346}- What is going on with you two?|- Well, you see, I'm
ovulating.
{29350}{29413}Oh, yeah, that's what she says.
{29445}{29552}Maybe you're not ovulating. Maybe|it's a clever ruse to get
me into bed.
{29568}{29668}Yeah, Smokey, that's what it was.|I just can't get enough.
{29684}{29725}You're not gonna believe this.
{29729}{29785}She tricked me|into having sex with her.
{29797}{29874}So? You got to have sex, right?
{29885}{29970}What's the matter with me?|Why am I such a girl?
{30000}{30080}- Okay. That was Mike.|- Oh, Phoebe, honey, we are so sorry.
{30084}{30161}You are totally right.|We are here 100 percent...
{30165}{30246}...and we love you, and we are ready|to start your birthday
celebration.
{30251}{30327}You guys, that means the world to me.
{30402}{30437}Okay, I'm gonna take off.
{30485}{30515}What?
{30520}{30577}I love you guys too, but|Mike got off work early.
{30581}{30625}Wait.
{30652}{30738}I'm not the... I'm not the kind of girl|that just ditches
her friends...
{30742}{30796}...to be with her boyfriend.
{30801}{30831}You know what? I am.
{30854}{30914}Bye, guys. Judy! Bye.
{30971}{31014}If Phoebe's gone,|can we take Emma home?
{31018}{31116}That's a good idea. Our babysitter|just pounded another
chardonnay.
{31120}{31150}- Bye, you guys.|- Bye.
{31154}{31256}See you. Well, I guess it's just us.
{31332}{31438}So I'm probably still ovulating.|Do you want to give it
another try?
{31444}{31521}So you've never had sex|with a Kennedy, have you?
{31551}{31603}- You're gonna go do it?|- We don't have much time.
{31607}{31659}Once the egg descends into the|fallopian tube...
{31664}{31708}Oh, wait, oh, get out of here!
{31812}{31893}I sincerely hope the rest of your party|is returning.
{31898}{31954}No, just me. All alone.
{32062}{32133}Dinner for six for one.
{32146}{32229}Well, you boys are about|to see something really special.
{32539}{32576}- How was everything?|- Excellent.
{32580}{32663}The shrew, in particular, was exquisite.
{32690}{32729}I hope you've got some room left.
{32936}{32964}Joey. Joey.
{33086}{33111}This is the best birthday ever!
{33202}{33227}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 6
{330}{363}Hello.
{436}{468}Hello.
{479}{511}I love my new job!
{520}{583}- Honey, you're screaming.|- You bet your ass I am!
{587}{634}I just had the best first day ever!
{638}{690}The kitchen?|Twice as big as Allessandro's.
{698}{738}Oh, that's great.
{747}{845}And clean? Not just health|department-clean, Monica-clean!
{862}{887}Awesome.
{896}{953}Oh, and the people are so nice.
{958}{1007}There's this one guy, Jeffrey,|he's the maitre d'.
{1016}{1063}Chandler, you will love him!
{1067}{1163}He is without a doubt|the funniest guy I have ever met!
{1216}{1265}The One With The Male Nanny
{1290}{1490}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{1515}{1715}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{2431}{2495}- This is nice.|- I know.
{2713}{2780}- You need both hands for that?|- Yeah, I kind of do.
{2784}{2833}Well, how's this?
{3175}{3250}Look at you two holding hands.
{3259}{3304}Is this getting serious?
{3352}{3400}Have you not talked about it yet?
{3444}{3490}Am I making you uncomfortable?
{3540}{3590}If you were bigger you'd hit me.
{3711}{3737}I'm sorry.
{3741}{3835}It's obviously way too early|for us to be having that
conversation.
{3844}{3891}- Is it?|- Maybe not. Is it?
{3920}{3945}When I got divorced...
{3949}{4024}...I didn't think I'd feel this way about|someone for a really
long time.
{4028}{4096}Then again, I didn't think I'd meet|someone like you. And...
{4100}{4198}This may be crazy-soon,|but I want you to have this.
{4235}{4280}No, not... That's gum.
{4337}{4413}Oh, five bucks!|I love it when that happens, you know?
{4417}{4467}- You don't know it's there...|- I know. Keep digging.
{4476}{4503}Sorry.
{4612}{4637}It's a key.
{4641}{4722}To be honest, I think I'd prefer|the five dollars.
{4751}{4808}- It's to my apartment.|- Wow!
{4835}{4872}Big step for Phoebe and Mike.
{4876}{4953}I don't want you to feel like you|have to give me your key...
{4962}{5023}- No, I want to.|- Thank God.
{5082}{5169}Wow. I was starting to think|I'd never meet someone that...
{5173}{5216}...I wanted to do this with.
{5239}{5278}Here you go.
{5317}{5371}- This is cool.|- It really is.
{5380}{5512}I know it. It is amazing.|These little things open doors!
{5609}{5659}So I don't go back to work|for another four weeks...
{5663}{5710}...but we would like our nanny|to start right away...
{5714}{5756}...so that Emma could get|a chance to know her.
{5765}{5812}I think that's really smart.
{5816}{5873}The easier we can make the|transition for her the better.
{5877}{5902}That's great. Great.
{5906}{5963}- So do you have any questions for us?|- Not really.
{5967}{6023}All right. Well, thank you|so much for coming.
{6027}{6089}- Thank you.|- It was really nice to meet you.
{6093}{6153}- We will call you.|- Oh, you know, wait.
{6157}{6198}I do have one question.
{6202}{6273}Do you guys do random drug testing?
{6328}{6393}Boy, we hadn't really thought of that.
{6397}{6492}That's cool. But if you do,|I'm gonna need three days' notice.
{6501}{6531}Okey-dokey!
{6572}{6609}We're never gonna find a nanny.
{6613}{6698}Come on, Rach. We will. I promise.|We have more interviews.
{6702}{6801}Worse comes to worst, we can always|reconsider the first one
we met with.
{6810}{6896}- What, the blond with no bra?|- She was blond?
{6958}{6983}Just a sec.
{6992}{7050}Okay, this one's name is Sandy.
{7054}{7146}She's got a degree in|Early Childhood Education.
{7159}{7258}She worked for her last family|for three years.
{7312}{7383}Hi. I'm Sandy.
{7463}{7524}And she's a little mannish.
{7702}{7742}Oh, my God! David!
{7778}{7873}- Is this a bad time?|- No, it's a great time! Come in!
{7878}{7928}Wow! Hi!
{7932}{8018}Oh, my gosh! What are you doing here?|Are you back from Minsk?
{8022}{8053}Just for a couple of days.
{8062}{8119}I'm here to explain to the people|who gave us our grant...
{8123}{8203}...why it's a positive thing that|we've spent all their
money...
{8207}{8273}...and accomplished nothing.
{8289}{8333}Who cares? It got you here.
{8337}{8413}It got me to New York.|Then I got in a cab at the airport...
{8417}{8457}...and the guy said, "Where to?"
{8461}{8552}I just gave him your address.|I didn't even think about it.
{8604}{8636}Where's your luggage?
{8684}{8719}Damn it.
{8757}{8805}All right, I'll call the cab company.
{8810}{8907}We can call them later.|Can you just stand there for a moment?
{8966}{8994}Boy.
{8998}{9066}There's an old Russian expression|that goes:
{9166}{9214}Roughly translated, that means:
{9218}{9296}"This thing that I'm looking at: Wow."
{9349}{9381}Thank you.
{9385}{9471}You should see me when...|Actually, no, I look pretty good.
{9496}{9533}Are you kidding?
{9537}{9601}You know, when you don't see|someone for a long time...
{9605}{9664}...you build them up in your head,|you start thinking:
{9668}{9734}"Come on, don't be crazy,|nobody's that beautiful."
{9738}{9798}But, well, you are.
{9844}{9917}Well, so are you seeing anyone?
{9955}{9991}No.
{10026}{10080}I'm just the worst person ever!
{10089}{10146}How can I not tell David|that I'm seeing Mike?
{10151}{10189}Maybe he didn't give you a chance.
{10197}{10276}He said, "Are you seeing someone?"|And I said, "No."
{10306}{10371}Well, that would've been your window.
{10383}{10465}I mean, I don't know.|I was looking in his eyes...
{10469}{10555}...and I was just thinking,|"Oh, my God, it's David. David's
here."
{10559}{10617}He's so irresistible.
{10626}{10701}- Really? The scientist guy?|- Really? Chandler?
{10855}{10897}Continue.
{10928}{10953}Then it gets worse...
{10957}{11007}...because I told him|I would see him tomorrow night.
{11016}{11094}- Phoebe!|- I know! Evil!
{11148}{11278}I like Mike so much, you know?|It's just going really well.
Oh, my God!
{11290}{11339}Isn't it ironic that David|would show up...
{11343}{11403}...on the same day that|you and Mike exchange keys?
{11467}{11544}Yeah. You know, and given|my lifelong search for irony...
{11548}{11597}...you can imagine how happy I am!
{11647}{11731}- What are you gonna do?|- I mean, I guess I just have to...
{11735}{11819}...tell David that nothing|can happen between us.
{11825}{11878}Unless I don't.
{11882}{11930}You know, complicated moral situation?
{11934}{11998}- No right, no wrong?|- You have to tell David.
{12003}{12093}I knew I should've had this conversation|with Joey.
{12154}{12217}Funniest guy she's ever met.
{12221}{12271}I'm funny, right?
{12280}{12336}What do you know? You're a door.
{12340}{12406}You just like knock-knock jokes.
{12469}{12528}Save it for inside.
{12603}{12715}So Oklahoma's a crazy place. You know,|they call it the
Sooner State.
{12719}{12778}Frankly, I'd sooner be in any other state!
{12829}{12888}And what's with Oklahoma|having a panhandle?
{12892}{12933}Can all states have stuff like that?
{12937}{13018}Hey, yeah, I'm from the waistband|of Wyoming.
{13023}{13120}But when I was 7,|we headed over to the crotch.
{13157}{13200}Was your cabin pressurized?
{13233}{13306}And don't get me started on the way|the people from Tulsa
talk.
{13325}{13353}Okay.
{13380}{13498}What's with the word "y'all"? You know,|just two words just
pushed together?
{13502}{13591}Are we all allowed to do that?|Because if so, I say why stop
there?
{13595}{13672}You know, your new poodle|could be your noodle.
{13678}{13741}And fried chicken could be fricken.
{13758}{13815}Waiter? Waiter, excuse me,|I'll have the fricken!
{13889}{13946}See, that's funny with the fricken, right?
{13950}{14043}No, it just reminds me of something|this guy did today at
work.
{14047}{14095}I told you about that funny guy, Jeffrey,|right?
{14106}{14145}Yeah, he came up.
{14166}{14269}Well, he did this bit.|You probably had to be there...
{14273}{14385}...but it was Liza Minnelli locked|in our freezer eating a
raw chicken.
{14503}{14585}- Were you there?|- No, but it sounds fricken funny.
{14656}{14752}I really understand how hard it's gotta be|to leave your
child with another person.
{14756}{14835}I mean, it's like leaving behind|a piece of your heart.
{14853}{14939}Sandy, that's exactly what it is.
{14973}{15019}Are you gay?
{15064}{15115}It's okay. I get that a lot doing what I do.
{15119}{15175}But I am straight. I'm engaged, actually.
{15189}{15254}- Her name's Delia.|- That's pretty.
{15297}{15401}So you're just, like,|a guy who's a nanny.
{15453}{15533}I realize how it's a bit unorthodox|for some people.
{15537}{15634}But I really believe the most satisfying|thing you can do
with your life...
{15638}{15674}...is take care of a child.
{15684}{15724}Okay.
{15788}{15821}Like at my last job.
{15825}{15876}I met Daniel when he was|3 weeks old.
{15880}{15967}And I got to watch him grow|into this awesome person.
{15971}{16046}When I left, I said, "I'll see you soon."
{16050}{16123}And he said to me, "Skadandy?"
{16167}{16220}That was his name for me.
{16233}{16345}"I'll see you every day right in..."
{16486}{16581}- It's okay.|- Yeah, kids say all kinds of crap.
{16688}{16742}Oh, God, she must need|her diaper changed.
{16746}{16859}- I can take care of that, if you want.|- That would be
great.
{16919}{16995}I love him, I love him, I love him!
{16999}{17049}Come on. Rach, he's a guy!
{17058}{17108}So what? He's smart. He's qualified.
{17112}{17164}Give me one good reason|we shouldn't try him out.
{17173}{17252}Because it's weird!
{17264}{17291}Why?
{17296}{17355}What kind of a job is that for a man?|A nanny?
{17368}{17433}I mean, it's like if a woman|wanted to be...
{17437}{17468}Yes?
{17514}{17558}King?
{17603}{17688}I hope you don't mind. I used|some of my homemade lotion on
Emma.
{17692}{17791}It's a mixture of calendula and|honey cream. It'll dry that
rash right up.
{17795}{17870}Plus, it keeps the hands young.
{18033}{18084}Yes! Sandy, you're hired!
{18093}{18138}That's great!
{18231}{18257}I'm sorry.
{18261}{18344}It's just such an emotional thing|when you're welcomed into
a new family.
{18352}{18380}Oh, God. Come here.
{18477}{18525}You gotta be at least bi.
{18953}{18993}I need you to set me up for a joke.
{18997}{19056}When Monica's around,|ask me about fire trucks.
{19082}{19180}I don't know, Chandler. I'm not|so good with remembering
lines.
{19238}{19299}Thank God your livelihood|doesn't depend on it.
{19303}{19347}I know, right?
{19374}{19407}Why are we doing this?
{19416}{19498}Monica says that her maitre d' is|the funniest guy she's
ever met.
{19502}{19598}- Seriously? She actually said that?|- Yes. Am I crazy to be
this upset?
{19605}{19673}- No! Being funny's your thing!|- Yeah!
{19681}{19763}Without that, you just got|"lame with women"!
{19786}{19814}Hi! There you are.
{19818}{19848}Fire trucks!
{20115}{20213}Wow. You look even more beautiful|than you did yesterday.
{20260}{20315}In fact, I'm going to kiss you now.
{20330}{20390}- Wait, wait.|- I can't get away with stuff like that.
{20394}{20466}It sounded sexy in my head, so I...
{20475}{20523}No, no, it's not that.
{20562}{20653}Remember when you asked me if|I was seeing someone and I
said no?
{20657}{20730}Well, I am. His name's Mike.
{20820}{20894}- I should've told you.|- No.
{20912}{20961}Well, yeah.
{20976}{21118}- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.|- Well, it's okay. I understand.
{21124}{21167}Well, are you happy with this guy?
{21175}{21222}- I am happy.|- Damn it.
{21239}{21309}I'm sorry. I don't mean that.|I want you to be happy.
{21313}{21392}But only with me. No, that's not fair.|Who cares. Leave him.
{21396}{21474}I don't mean that. Yes, I do.|I'm sorry.
{21483}{21583}I think I should probably go.
{21593}{21684}But, David, I just want you to know that,|you know...
{21690}{21798}...telling you this is one of the|hardest things I've ever
had to do.
{21822}{21868}Well, just so you know...
{21872}{21947}...hearing it wasn't exactly|a Vladnik carnival, either.
{21997}{22103}- Can we at least hug goodbye?|- Of course. Yeah.
{22279}{22368}You know, and a kiss on the cheek|wouldn't be totally
inappropriate.
{22372}{22439}- No. No.|- I mean...
{22512}{22544}- In Minsk?|- Yeah?
{22548}{22611}It's two on each cheek...
{22615}{22734}...and one on the lips.|- Well, if that's what they do in
Minsk.
{22867}{22923}In New York, it's...
{23132}{23169}Oh, boy.
{23286}{23311}Is everything all right?
{23320}{23368}Oh, yeah. No, it's fine. It's fine.
{23372}{23464}Sandy was just telling me about how he|proposed to his
fiancee...
{23473}{23513}...and it was so beautiful.
{23522}{23595}Her favorite flower is the camellia.|From the poem...
{23604}{23652}I can't hear it again!
{23656}{23713}You know, I can't tell it again!
{23726}{23774}And I'm fine never having heard it.
{23825}{23938}- Rach, can I see you for a sec?|- Yeah. Excuse me.
{24012}{24138}Do you realize that man has cried|in our apartment three
times?
{24149}{24222}I haven't cried that many times|since I moved in!
{24231}{24307}Look, Ross, Sandy's just sensitive.|That's all.
{24311}{24417}Okay, okay. See, that is the problem.|He is too sensitive.
{24426}{24468}Too sensitive to take care of our baby?
{24476}{24573}No, I mean, that guy...|These are amazing!
{24579}{24626}Sandy made madeleines.
{24634}{24709}This is exactly|what I'm talking about.
{24748}{24846}What kind of a guy makes delicate|French cookies?
{24850}{24933}They're not even butch,|manly cookies with...
{24937}{25023}You know, with chunks!
{25097}{25163}Well, you know,|I don't know what to say.
{25167}{25261}I mean, I never thought of you as a guy|who needed his men
to be men.
{25265}{25401}I gotta tell you, Ross, it's not like you|just came in from
branding cattle.
{25477}{25570}Hey, there's sensitive and|there's too sensitive.
{25579}{25643}Okay, what is too sensitive?
{26246}{26310}No, I can't. I can't do this. It's bad.
{26324}{26428}But it's nice. And nice is good.
{26432}{26518}And good is not bad.|Ergo, we should keep kissing.
{26527}{26583}- No, no. No.|- But...
{26605}{26645}Ergo.
{26680}{26751}Look, David, if you had never left, then...
{26755}{26821}...yeah, we'd probably still be together|right now.
{26825}{26980}But you did leave. And I'm with Mike|and I really care about
him.
{27087}{27123}Goodbye.
{27315}{27359}The key works.
{27397}{27493}And, you, thanks for the face massage!|Thank you!
{27549}{27629}Did Rachel tell you we hired|a male nanny?
{27638}{27669}I think that's great!
{27678}{27809}Did she tell you he plays the recorder,|recites poetry and
bakes madeleines?
{27871}{27988}- How are they?|- Lighter than air, but that's not the
point.
{28047}{28101}Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
{28124}{28159}Really?
{28163}{28213}Guys do that?
{28217}{28276}- That's weird.|- Thank you!
{28285}{28334}- That's like a woman wanting to be...|- What?
{28338}{28424}- What's the end of that sentence?|- Yes. What is the end of
that sentence?
{28502}{28546}A penis model!
{28683}{28750}Anyway, did you tell Chandler|that some guy from work...
{28754}{28799}...is the funniest guy you ever met?
{28806}{28879}- Yeah. So?|- Wow!
{28897}{28954}Really? Do you not know Chandler?
{28994}{29108}Is that why he's acting so weird?|He's jealous?
{29112}{29140}Oh, my God, that is crazy.
{29144}{29202}- It's not like I'm attracted to Jeffrey.|- So what?
{29206}{29323}Being funny is Chandler's thing.|Like Ross' thing is...
{29436}{29486}Science?
{29492}{29574}Academia? Being a good father?
{29675}{29764}- I can't believe he's that upset.|- You have to do some
damage control.
{29768}{29800}Because he's feeling like...
{29874}{29924}What are you guys talking about?
{29947}{30035}Rachel and I hired a male nanny.
{30046}{30121}You got a man who's a nanny?
{30125}{30156}You got a "manny"?
{30388}{30436}You know, I don't mind a male nanny...
{30440}{30484}...but I do draw the line|at male wet nurse.
{30621}{30672}You are on a roll, mister!
{30692}{30763}If I'd known you guys were coming over,|I would've brought
more pizza.
{30819}{30918}Okay! Okay! Stop it, you!|You stop it!
{30975}{31019}What is so funny about that?
{31037}{31117}I don't know, it's...|Just the way you say it.
{31121}{31216}I mean, you're funny. You have|that funny thing. You're a
funny guy!
{31298}{31364}Did you tell her what we talked about?
{31582}{31673}So those were pity laughs?|Pity laughs?!
{31690}{31746}Honey, listen.
{31755}{31804}You have nothing to worry about|with Jeffrey.
{31808}{31859}Oh, yeah? Is he funnier than me?
{31868}{31928}Well, you're different funny.
{31932}{31988}I mean, you're more sarcastic.
{31992}{32078}Well, he does bits and impressions|and limericks.
{32087}{32112}I do limericks.
{32128}{32248}There once was a man named Chandler|whose wife made him die
inside.
{32283}{32348}Honey, you know I think you're hilarious.
{32352}{32398}You know that joke|you told me last week?
{32402}{32471}The one about Jerry Lewis|and the girl with the lazy eye.
{32479}{32513}That slayed me.
{32524}{32623}Hey! I made up that joke|and told it to you.
{32712}{32817}- Not knowing when to shut up.|- Yep, that's my thing.
{32943}{33022}So how many guys have your key?
{33049}{33095}It's not as bad as it looks.
{33104}{33149}I was saying goodbye to an old friend.
{33158}{33206}Your lipstick's on his mouth.
{33228}{33299}We just happen to wear the same shade.
{33331}{33406}No, David and I did used to go out.
{33415}{33533}But years ago. And he lives in Minsk.|He's only in town for
a couple days.
{33550}{33590}- Did you...?|- No. No.
{33594}{33634}- Kiss him?|- Oh, well, yeah.
{33673}{33748}Yes, but you should know,|she really likes you.
{33752}{33835}In fact, I don't think you realize|just how lucky you are,
fella.
{33840}{33896}- Don't point your finger at me!|- Why?
{33900}{33938}What are you gonna do about it?
{33947}{34012}Well, I'll show you|what I'm gonna do about it.
{34016}{34076}- Oh, really? Really?|- You want some of that?
{34169}{34244}Stop it! Stop it!|Before someone gets really hurt!
{34309}{34368}Here, David, you should just go.
{34372}{34403}All right.
{34433}{34546}But if I ever do come back from Minsk,|well, you just better
watch out.
{34555}{34628}- Lf I go to Minsk, you better watch out.|- Oh, you're going
to Minsk?
{34633}{34701}- Well, I might.|- Really?
{34705}{34785}Well, if you do, come in the spring.|It's just lovely there.
{34794}{34852}Okay, well, guys?
{34884}{34923}- Goodbye, Phoebe.|- Bye.
{34928}{35013}- Hey, what, are you kidding me?|- Right-o. Right-o.
{35102}{35148}Take good care of her.
{35216}{35268}I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
{35272}{35352}If you want your key back,|I totally understand.
{35390}{35464}- It's never gonna happen again, right?|- Right. Never. I
swear.
{35555}{35653}I just want to say, if you do ever|come to Minsk, that's my
number.
{35657}{35740}We'll party up Vladnik-style.
{36122}{36160}Yeah! All right!
{36169}{36270}Hey, Ross! Check it out!|Sandy taught me "Hot Cross Buns"!
{36284}{36345}Really? Sounded like "Three Blind Mice."
{36354}{36420}- "Three Blind Mice" goes like this.|- I swear to God.
{36510}{36598}- Who's up for puppets?|- Me! I'm up for puppets!
{36602}{36670}Well, please welcome:
{36674}{36721}The Snufflebumps!
{36725}{36813}Who wants to be Mr. Wigglemunch and|who's gonna be the
Grumpus?
{36817}{36942}How exactly is a 2-month-old|supposed to appreciate puppets?
{36951}{37050}Studies show that the movement and|colors help their
cerebral development.
{37054}{37139}The whimsical characters are just for us.
{37237}{37306}I want to be Mr. Wigglemunch!
{37334}{37364}Oh, my God.
{37370}{37435}Well, I guess we know who's|gonna be the Grumpus!
{37568}{37630}- That was kind of rude.|- Oh, I'm sorry.
{37634}{37731}Please apologize to Sandy|and the Snufflebumps for me.
{37745}{37815}- You know, he was just doing his job.|- You know what?
{37819}{37968}I'm sorry I'm the only one who isn't|in love with Gary
Poppins out there.
{38027}{38089}But I just... I can't go through with this.
{38098}{38133}- Come on.|- No! You know what?
{38139}{38258}I would never force you to hire someone|you were this
uncomfortable with.
{38344}{38391}That's true.
{38395}{38423}Thank you.
{38429}{38485}You want to fire him,|so you have to go do it.
{38564}{38693}So you see, Wigglemunch,|that's why it's important to share.
{38749}{38828}I am learning so much from you.
{38946}{38976}Well, I'm off to Tulsa.
{38985}{39063}So if your maitre d' friend|has any funny Oklahoma jokes...
{39067}{39181}...tell him to e-mail me at|www-dot-ha-ha-not-so-much-dot-
com!
{39234}{39272}Honey, you can relax.
{39277}{39358}Last night at work Jeffrey|told this really sexist joke.
{39362}{39432}- After that, not so funny anymore.|- Really?
{39441}{39528}See, that's the thing.|You gotta keep it smart, people!
{39558}{39612}Don't miss that flight.|You know I love you.
{39621}{39673}I love you too.
{39678}{39768}- And I like you as a friend.|- Right.
{39772}{39833}- See you later.|- See you.
{39871}{39955}- Did the guy really make that joke?|- No, he still kills
me.
{39959}{40062}Last night he had me laughing so hard,|I swear a little pee
came out.
{40262}{40290}Here goes.
{40295}{40374}I can't watch. It's like firing Elmo.
{40485}{40519}Sandy? Hi.
{40523}{40565}- Hi.|- We...
{40569}{40618}We kind of need to talk.
{40714}{40769}I'm afraid it's not working out.
{40892}{41013}I mean, Rachel and I think you are great|with Emma.
{41017}{41095}- We just feel...|- You! You feel!
{41116}{41224}I just feel...
{41228}{41309}...that the chemistry isn't right.|I'm sorry.
{41313}{41377}We're more than happy to give you|a good recommendation.
{41386}{41487}No, that's okay. I had a lot of offers|from other families.
{41491}{41546}I just picked you guys because...
{41550}{41648}...I liked you the best.|- Oh, damn you, Geller!
{41726}{41798}Anyway, well I'm glad|there's no hard feelings.
{41807}{41919}None at all. You need to be happy|with whoever is in your
home.
{41924}{42009}Although, if you don't mind telling me...
{42013}{42096}...what was the problem? Maybe it's|something I can work on
in the future.
{42113}{42248}No, you know, it's nothing you did.|It's my issue.
{42275}{42313}What is it?
{42372}{42411}Please?
{42497}{42652}You know, I'm just not that comfortable|with a guy who's as
sensitive as you.
{42677}{42702}That's fair.
{42727}{42814}Although, can I ask,|why do you think that is?
{42829}{42873}Why? I don't know.
{43058}{43119}Maybe because of my father?
{43223}{43283}You know, when I was growing up,|he was a tough guy.
{43318}{43430}You know, and as a kid,|I wasn't the athlete I am now.
{43461}{43528}I play squash!
{43614}{43748}Anyway, I always got the feeling|he thought I was too
sensitive.
{43760}{43792}That must have been hard.
{43829}{43878}It was hard.
{43908}{44033}I remember I was in my bedroom,|playing with my dinosaurs...
{44059}{44091}Playing and learning.
{44155}{44295}And my father walks in and says,|"What are you doing with
those things?
{44300}{44442}What's wrong with you? Why aren't you|outside playing like a
real boy?"
{44452}{44528}- But you are a real boy.|- I know I am!
{44583}{44706}And when it's summer and it's hot,|why can't you wear a tank
top?!
{44739}{44888}It's all right. Crying is good.|It lets the boo-hoos out.
{44920}{44972}Here comes some more!
{45148}{45226}And what's the one kind of boat|that can never ever sink?
{45235}{45350}- What kind?|- A friend ship!
{45395}{45475}Wow! You blow my mind!
{45522}{45571}I gotta go.
{45575}{45618}- How much do I owe you?|- Twenty bucks.
{45633}{45706}It's like the cheapest college ever!
{45818}{45843}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 7
{130}{207}And that's why,|no matter what Mommy says...
{218}{309}...we really were on a break.|Yes, we were.
{313}{405}Yes, we were.|Come here, gorgeous.
{437}{521}Look at you.|You are the cutest little baby ever.
{525}{617}You're just a little-bitty baby,|you know that? But you've
got...
{621}{669}You've got big, beautiful eyes.
{683}{772}Yes, you do. And a...|And a big, round belly.
{779}{870}Big baby butt.
{900}{956}I like big butts.
{1283}{1376}Oh, my God, Emma.|You're laughing.
{1392}{1458}Oh, my God. You've never|done that before, have you?
{1462}{1550}You've never done that before.|Daddy made you laugh, huh?
{1554}{1640}Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot.
{1652}{1717}What? What?|You wanna hear some more?
{1898}{1973}I'm a terrible father.
{1979}{2031}The One With Ross' Inappropriate Song
{2056}{2256}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2281}{2481}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3150}{3234}- What do you know about investments?|- How come?
{3238}{3332}I'm starting to make good money on the|show, and I should do
something with it.
{3336}{3436}- What do you do with your money now?|- It's taped to the back
of my toilet tank.
{3440}{3539}I didn't say that.|It's in a bank guarded by robots.
{3577}{3645}- Do you have any ideas?|- A guy at work got me excited...
{3649}{3725}...about going in on an emu farm.|That'd be kind of cool, huh?
{3730}{3816}Pitching in on the weekends,|helping to plant the emus.
{3857}{3943}Joe, emus are birds.|You raise them for meat.
{3948}{3979}Yeah. Right!
{4040}{4092}People eat birds. Bird meat.
{4096}{4180}Do they just fly into your mouth?|Or you go in a restaurant
and say:
{4184}{4260}"Excuse me, I'll have|a bucket of fried bird."
{4264}{4339}Or maybe just a wing. Or a...
{4413}{4473}You should consider something|a little less risky.
{4482}{4536}I think real estate is|your best investment.
{4543}{4668}The Fed just lowered the rates, and the|interest on your
mortgage is deductible.
{4672}{4729}That's right. I know some stuff.
{4734}{4772}Real estate, huh?
{4777}{4841}And you know who's selling|a great apartment? Richard!
{4845}{4938}And you know whose knowledge of|her ex-boyfriend is shocking?
Monica!
{4950}{5055}- My dad told me. They play golf together.|- Well, maybe I'll
join them sometime.
{5059}{5123}I just hope the club doesn't|slip out of my hand...
{5127}{5205}...and beat the mustache|off his face.
{5352}{5455}Hi! You have to help me pick a dress.|I'm meeting Mike's
parents tonight.
{5463}{5528}Wow, the boyfriend's parents.|That's a big step.
{5537}{5648}- Really? That hadn't occurred to me.|- They'll love you. Just
be yourself.
{5653}{5718}They live on the Upper East Side|on Park Avenue.
{5722}{5783}Yeah, she can't be herself.
{5787}{5860}Okay, so, all right, which dress?
{5968}{6043}- You can say neither.|- Oh, God. Neither.
{6067}{6127}I'm sorry. We'll take you shopping.|It'll be fine.
{6131}{6217}You are in such good hands,|and I am so good with meeting
parents.
{6222}{6306}With the father, you wanna flirt a little,|but not in a gross
way.
{6310}{6410}Just kind of like, "Mr. Pinzer, I can|see where Wallace gets
his good looks."
{6414}{6519}- You went out with Wallace Pinzer?|- He took the SATs for me.
{6541}{6662}- I knew you didn't get a 1400!|- Yeah, well, duh! I mean...
{6670}{6727}So now, what about with Mike's mom?
{6732}{6836}Well, with the mother, just constantly|tell her how amazing
her son is.
{6840}{6928}Take it from me. Moms love me.|Ross' mom one time actually
said...
{6932}{7002}...I am like the daughter|that she never had.
{7075}{7211}- She said what?|- She's like the daughter she never had.
{7215}{7264}Listen.
{7503}{7569}I just got Phoebe all dressed|to meet Mike's parents.
{7573}{7628}She's so nervous. It's so sweet.
{7632}{7683}Guess what. I made Emma laugh today.
{7696}{7753}You what? And I missed it...
{7757}{7845}...because I was giving a makeover|to that stupid hippie?!
{7863}{7964}Yeah, and it was like|a real little person laugh too.
{7968}{8011}It was like:
{8171}{8251}Only not creepy.
{8255}{8334}- What did you do to make her laugh?|- I...
{8338}{8402}Well, I sang. Actually...
{8406}{8468}...I rapped...
{8475}{8505}..."Baby Got Back."
{8556}{8599}You what?
{8604}{8684}You sang to our baby daughter...
{8688}{8759}...a song about a guy|who likes to have sex...
{8763}{8824}...with women with giant asses?
{8828}{8877}You know what,|if you think about it...
{8881}{8987}...it actually promotes|a healthy body image...
{8991}{9048}...because even big butts...
{9052}{9131}...or "juicy doubles" are...
{9239}{9300}Please don't take her away from me.
{9438}{9517}Hi, come on in.|I'm Catherine, the listing agent.
{9521}{9558}Hi, I'm Joey. This is Chandler.
{9562}{9652}So how come Richard's selling|the place? Went bankrupt?
{9656}{9746}Medical malpractice?|Choked on his own mustache?
{9782}{9874}He's buying a much bigger place.|It's got a great view of
Central Park...
{9878}{9916}That's enough out of you.
{9920}{9985}Is there anything we should know|about the place?
{9989}{10097}All the appliances are included.|There's a lot of light, a
new kitchen.
{10101}{10201}I think you guys would be|very happy here.
{10336}{10411}No, we're not together.|We're definitely not a couple.
{10416}{10488}- Okay. Sorry.|- That's all right.
{10492}{10569}Wow, you seemed|pretty insulted by that.
{10580}{10634}What, I'm not good enough for you?
{10662}{10746}We are not gonna have|this conversation again.
{10750}{10835}Look at this place.|Why am I so intimidated by this guy?
{10839}{10929}Pretentious art.|This huge, macho couch.
{10933}{10988}When we know|all he does is sit around...
{10992}{11080}...crying about losing Monica|to a real man.
{11084}{11151}- You don't think he's here, do you?|- I don't know.
{11155}{11277}It's a nice place, but I gotta say,|I don't know if I see
myself living here.
{11281}{11327}Well, let me see.
{11495}{11550}Yeah, I can see it.
{11569}{11654}Look at these videos.|I mean, who does he think he is?
{11658}{11743}"Magnum Force", "Dirty Harry",|{y:i}Cool Hand Luke.
{11747}{11787}- Oh, my God.|- What?
{11802}{11872}There's a tape here|with Monica's name on it.
{11876}{11972}A tape with a girl's name on it.|It's probably a sex tape.
{12002}{12036}Wait a minute.
{12040}{12095}This says "Monica."
{12125}{12203}And this is Richard's apartment.
{12251}{12283}Get there faster!
{12698}{12748}Wow. You look...
{12762}{12797}...like my mom.
{12832}{12897}I'm wearing pantyhose.
{12926}{12978}- Great! Come on in.|- Okay.
{13064}{13121}Thank you.
{13127}{13203}- Oh, my God. You're rich.|- No, my parents are rich.
{13207}{13290}Well, so? They gotta die someday.|Hello!
{13295}{13334}Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe.
{13338}{13405}Phoebe, these are my parents,|Theodore and Bitsy.
{13409}{13445}Theodore, Bitsy...
{13490}{13547}...what a delight.
{13568}{13653}- It's so nice to finally meet you.|- And you.
{13657}{13713}Your home is lovely.
{13727}{13810}Thank you. I'll give you a tour later.|It's actually three
floors.
{13815}{13859}Holy crap!
{13903}{13971}Why don't you come meet our friends.
{13979}{14026}Try and stop me.
{14030}{14118}- What are you doing?|- Trying to get your parents to like
me.
{14122}{14187}I'm sure they will,|but you don't have to do this.
{14191}{14257}I want them to get to know Phoebe,|not "Phoebe."
{14266}{14324}- You've got it.|- All right.
{14331}{14375}It's hard to stop.
{14401}{14439}Well, come on.
{14443}{14527}Phoebe, these are our friends|Tom and Sue Engel.
{14531}{14618}Phoebe, come sit.|Tell us a little bit about yourself.
{14622}{14687}- So where are you from?|- Okay.
{14692}{14777}Well, all right.|Originally, I'm from upstate...
{14781}{14886}...but then my mom killed herself,|and my stepdad went to
prison.
{14890}{15000}So I moved to the city, where I lived in|a burned-out Buick
LeSabre for a while.
{15004}{15056}Which was okay. That was okay.
{15061}{15125}Until I got hepatitis, you know...
{15129}{15190}...because this pimp spit|in my mouth and...
{15225}{15259}But I got over it.
{15263}{15383}And, anyway, now I'm|a freelance massage therapist...
{15387}{15492}...which isn't always steady money,|but at least I don't pay
taxes.
{15671}{15724}So where does everyone summer?
{15870}{15968}- Oh, God, this is not going well.|- No, you're doing fine.
Really.
{15972}{16058}- Why don't you go talk to my dad.|- Okay, okay, okay.
{16062}{16124}- Still sure about me being myself?|- Absolutely.
{16129}{16186}Though maybe just|a little less "pimp spit."
{16320}{16422}So, Theodore, I can see|where Mike gets his good looks from.
{16449}{16481}Well...
{16486}{16600}- You must work out all the time.|- Not all the time. I do
the best I can.
{16604}{16662}Yeah, I bet. Look out!
{16674}{16755}- Oh, my God. Are you okay?|- I recently had surgery.
{16768}{16826}- I'm so sorry.|- No, I'll be fine.
{16830}{16904}- I just should check the stitches.|- I really am sorry.
{16908}{17005}How could you know? Why wouldn't|you punch me in the
stomach?
{17062}{17126}Did you just hit my dad?
{17130}{17228}Yes. I'm sorry. I've never met|a boyfriend's parents before.
{17232}{17296}But, I mean, you have met|humans before, right?
{17309}{17355}Why don't you go talk to my mom.
{17359}{17440}Okay, yeah, your mom.|She looks nice. I can talk to her.
{17444}{17561}You do that, and I'm gonna go check|my dad for signs of
internal bleeding.
{17604}{17709}Bitsy? Listen, I wanted to thank you|again for having me
here tonight.
{17713}{17742}Well, not at all.
{17746}{17833}Also, I just want you to know|what a wonderful man your son
is.
{17837}{17946}- Thank you. I think so too.|- It's a testament to how he
was raised.
{17950}{18023}Especially to you,|because he's very respectful of women.
{18027}{18118}- Is he really?|- He is so considerate of my feelings.
{18122}{18242}You know, I think you'd also like|to know that he is a very
gentle lover.
{18335}{18382}Excuse me?
{18386}{18471}No, don't get me wrong.|No, not in like a sissy way.
{18475}{18519}When he gets going...
{18523}{18622}...he can rattle a headboard|like a sailor on leave.
{18677}{18745}That's... my boy.
{18911}{18938}Awesome.
{19030}{19119}I'm not gonna watch it.|I don't need to watch it.
{19123}{19214}I mean, what good could|possibly come from watching it?
{19232}{19296}Well, we know I'm gonna watch it.
{19312}{19397}- Hey, dude, what's up?|- Don't judge me! I'm only human!
{19423}{19453}Did you take that tape?
{19457}{19541}I had to! Lmagine you were married|and you found a tape of
your wife...
{19545}{19634}...in another guy's apartment. Wouldn't|you need to know
what was on it?
{19638}{19707}I don't know. Who am I married to?
{19742}{19777}Some girl.
{19781}{19831}She hot?
{19868}{19941}How did she get me to settle down?
{19952}{19994}All right, I'm gonna watch it.
{19998}{20065}I mean, it's probably|not even what I think it is.
{20069}{20185}Even if it is, it can't possibly be as|bad as what I'm
picturing in my head.
{20189}{20232}Can it?
{20237}{20327}See, in my experience,|if a girl says yes to being taped...
{20331}{20418}...she doesn't say no to much else,|I'll tell you.
{20446}{20502}- Then you have to watch it for me.|- What?
{20506}{20600}Just for a few seconds|so I can know what it is. Please?
{20604}{20719}All right, fine. But if I enjoy this,|you have only yourself
to blame!
{20831}{20917}- Why am I hearing cheering?|- It's okay. It's just a
football game.
{20935}{21012}- It's just football?|- You were all worried for nothing.
{21028}{21074}It's football! It's just football!
{21078}{21159}This is great! This is the first time|I've ever enjoyed
football!
{21163}{21237}I think it may be customary|to get a beer!
{21264}{21302}What the...?
{21366}{21459}- What are you doing?|- You don't wanna see what I just saw!
{21463}{21510}What are you guys doing?
{21514}{21583}Oh, my God! Is that Richard?
{21669}{21765}Okay, please laugh for Mommy.|Please?
{21770}{21800}Please laugh for Mommy.
{21917}{21964}Not funny, huh?
{21968}{22015}Well, so is it...
{22019}{22115}...only offensive novelty rap?
{22120}{22212}Or maybe just, you know, rap in general.|Because Mommy can
rap.
{22365}{22427}I can't rap.
{22470}{22593}All right, sweetheart. This is|only because I love you so
much.
{22600}{22709}And I know that you're|not gonna tell anybody.
{23499}{23563}Emma, you're laughing! You are!
{23567}{23679}You really do like big butts, don't you?
{23683}{23778}You beautiful little weirdo.
{23801}{23872}You missed it! She was laughing!
{23876}{23907}It was amazing.
{23916}{24013}It was amazing. It was the most|beautiful, beautiful sound.
{24018}{24102}I know, isn't it?|What'd you do to get her to laugh?
{24151}{24230}You know, I just...|A couple of things I tried. Different...
{24234}{24291}Just sang a little|"The ltsy-Bitsy Spider."
{24319}{24384}You sang "Baby Got Back," didn't you?
{24392}{24496}Nothing else worked!|That girl is all about the ass!
{24526}{24608}And then it goes back to the chorus.
{24684}{24759}Resolve.|And that's the end of the song.
{24798}{24872}I realize you hadn't asked|to hear it...
{24876}{24937}...but no one had spoken|in 17 minutes.
{24967}{25084}Phoebe writes lots of songs. What was|that one you sang the
other night?
{25099}{25129}"Pervert Parade"?
{25189}{25273}- "Ode to a Pubic Hair"?|- Stop.
{25368}{25419}Oh, God. Is that veal?
{25425}{25508}Mom, I thought I told you,|Phoebe's a vegetarian.
{25513}{25607}No, that's okay. That's okay.|I mean, I am a vegetarian...
{25611}{25698}...except for veal.|Yeah. No. Veal I love.
{25703}{25813}- Phoebe, you don't have to eat that.|- Any baby animals.
Kittens, fish babies.
{25832}{25882}But, you know, especially veal.
{25890}{25983}You know, and this nice vein of fat|running through it.
{26346}{26398}Yummy.
{26654}{26692}So...
{26710}{26743}...what do you think?
{26836}{26897}So you stole that tape|from Richard's apartment?
{26922}{26993}Listen to the judgment|from the porn star!
{27025}{27107}That tape was never meant|to be seen by...
{27111}{27205}Joey, I would feel more comfortable|if this conversation
were in private.
{27209}{27331}Monica, look, I don't think you and I|have any secrets
anymore.
{27357}{27418}Not ready to joke about it yet?|See you later.
{27428}{27519}Why in the world would you take|this tape? And why would you
watch it?
{27523}{27580}Because that's who I am. Okay?
{27595}{27685}I'm sure a man like Richard could see|a tape like that and
not be bothered.
{27689}{27746}It'd just be another saucy anecdote...
{27750}{27850}...for him to share at his men's club|over brandy and
mustaches.
{27866}{27948}Is all of this about you not being able|to grow a mustache?
{27972}{28043}This is about you and Richard.|He's clearly not over you.
{28047}{28115}He keeps a tape so he can|look at it whenever he wants.
{28119}{28209}Isn't that sad?|Can't you see how pathetic that is?
{28213}{28273}Don't be jealous.|You should feel bad for him.
{28277}{28344}Yeah, well, poor Richard, he...
{28348}{28401}I can grow a mustache.
{28431}{28548}This is not our problem. We have|each other. That's all that
matters.
{28561}{28676}But I just keep picturing you rolling|around with him, with
your...
{28680}{28725}...cowboy boots in the air.
{28751}{28866}Cowboy boots? I've never worn|cowboy boots in my whole life.
{28871}{28950}Good, good. Play more|because I wanna see how it ends.
{28971}{29074}- That's not me!|- What?
{29084}{29158}That's not you! Life is good again!
{29178}{29241}Ride 'em, cowgirl!
{29255}{29338}That bastard taped over me!
{29383}{29436}Is that a problem?
{29447}{29542}It's just so insulting.|Spring for a new blank tape, doctor!
{29601}{29653}I can't imagine what he sees in her.
{29657}{29743}She actually makes me miss|that pill-popping ex-wife of his.
{29788}{29813}Hello, dear.
{29849}{29920}- What's going on?|- We were just chitchatting.
{29924}{29990}- How's your friend?|- A little better.
{29999}{30105}Do you know who's moving back into|town? Tom and Sue's
daughter, Jen.
{30110}{30219}You remember her, Michael.|She's lovely, well-behaved and
single.
{30224}{30322}- I'm not interested.|- Please, darling, let's be honest.
{30326}{30422}You can have all the sailor fun|you want with that one.
{30426}{30476}- But let's be real.|- All right, stop.
{30480}{30588}All Phoebe has done is try and get you|to like her. Maybe
it's not clear...
{30593}{30629}...but she did her best.
{30633}{30752}- She's a little different than you are.|- Michael, a pimp
spit in her mouth.
{30795}{30876}So what? If I can get past that,|it shouldn't bother you.
{30880}{30957}You don't have to like her.|Just accept the fact that I do.
{30961}{31020}If you can't even be civil|to the woman I love...
{31024}{31117}- The woman you what?|- Yeah, the woman you what?
{31170}{31213}The woman I love.
{31323}{31355}I love you.
{31399}{31511}Something I shouldn't say for|the first time, in front of my
parents...
{31515}{31567}...and Tom and Sue.
{31571}{31706}Who are, by the way, the most sinfully|boring people I've
ever met in my life.
{31757}{31813}- I love you too.|- You do?
{31862}{31900}How great is this?
{31991}{32028}Wanna get out of here?
{32040}{32142}- Mom, Dad. Thanks for dinner.|- I had a great time.
{32146}{32245}It was really top-drawer.|And here's something rich.
{32249}{32353}Thirteen bathrooms in this place,|I threw up in the coat
closet.
{32358}{32387}Ta-ta!
{32844}{32890}One more time from the top!
{33071}{33144}Rachel, please!|That is so inappropriate!
{33283}{33308}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 8
{140}{199}Hey, hon? Would you help me|get the plates down?
{203}{278}Hey, here's an idea. Why don't|we use our wedding china today?
{282}{358}No, I think we should save our china|for something really
special.
{362}{418}Like if the queen of England|comes over.
{432}{504}Honey, she keeps|canceling on us. Take the hint.
{531}{581}What if something breaks?|They're expensive.
{586}{659}What is the point of having them|if we never use them?
{663}{734}Okay. But if something breaks|and then the queen comes over...
{739}{826}- I will explain it to her.|- Like I'd let you talk to the
queen.
{871}{945}The parade is really good this year.
{949}{1016}Man, those horses can crap.
{1032}{1092}{y:i}Next up is a marching band|"from Muskogee", "Oklahoma."
{1096}{1171}Muskogee?|That's like four hours from Tulsa!
{1223}{1293}{y:i}Here's the float with the stars|{y:i}of the popular
daytime soap...
{1298}{1349}...Days of our Lives.
{1426}{1478}Oh, my God!
{1482}{1575}Aren't you one of the stars of the|popular daytime soap "Days
of our Lives"?
{1580}{1651}I forgot! I'm supposed to be there!
{1682}{1772}I can't believe I forgot! I usually write|stuff like this down
on my arm!
{1842}{1905}Stupid long sleeves!
{1938}{2007}- What are you gonna do?|- I'll come up with a good reason...
{2011}{2049}...why I wasn't there.
{2053}{2120}The producers are gonna be mad.|They sat us down and said:
{2124}{2245}"Everyone has to be there, 6 a.m. Sharp.|That means you,
Tribbiani."
{2249}{2317}Like I was some kind of idiot.
{2362}{2414}Well, you proved them wrong.
{2449}{2501}The One With Rachel's Other Sister
{2526}{2726}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2751}{2951}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3593}{3647}Oh, Emma.
{3651}{3724}This is your first Thanksgiving.
{3728}{3785}What are you thankful for?
{3789}{3838}Mommy's boobies?
{3857}{3922}A lot of people are thankful for those.
{3980}{4026}Hello? Rachel?
{4031}{4058}Who is it?
{4062}{4136}It's your favorite sister.
{4140}{4197}- Jill?|- Amy!
{4202}{4247}Hide my rings.
{4365}{4442}Amy! Happy Thanksgiving.
{4558}{4607}Do you have a hair straightener?
{4636}{4685}Hi.
{4693}{4724}- Hi.|- Hi.
{4728}{4785}Hair straightener.
{4789}{4894}- I haven't seen you in, like, a year.|- I know. I know. I've
just been crazed.
{4899}{4976}Well, me too.|I had a baby.
{4991}{5062}I decorated Dad's office.
{5066}{5197}Yeah? Well, unless you pushed a desk|out of your vagina, not
the same thing.
{5222}{5285}About that hair straightener,|honey, I really need one.
{5289}{5356}I'm gonna have dinner|at my boyfriend's house.
{5380}{5430}Oh, my God.
{5434}{5491}Is this Emmett?
{5579}{5632}It's Emma.
{5637}{5671}It's a girl?
{5717}{5780}- Hey, Amy.|- Amy, you remember Ross?
{5808}{5853}Not really.
{5857}{5946}But you are much cuter|than that geeky guy she used to date.
{6015}{6062}That was me.
{6074}{6171}No, he was this creepy guy from high|school who had this huge
crush on her...
{6176}{6220}...since, like, the ninth grade.
{6224}{6258}Still me.
{6278}{6318}No, I'm not talking about you.
{6322}{6390}It was your fat friend's brother|with that bad Afro.
{6395}{6491}Okay, Amy, I'm gonna save you|some time, okay? All me!
{6611}{6688}Careful. Careful.
{6695}{6740}Careful!
{6749}{6805}I'll tell you what.|For the rest of our lives...
{6809}{6867}...I'll be careful until told otherwise.
{6919}{6979}- This isn't the china we picked out.|- I know.
{6983}{7064}After you left the store,|I chose different ones.
{7079}{7175}- Why?|- Your taste is a little feminine for me.
{7180}{7241}Suddenly flowers are feminine?
{7268}{7338}Hey, everybody! Happy Thanksgiving!
{7343}{7399}- Happy Thanksgiving. Pheebs!|- What's going on, Joe?
{7403}{7457}Listen, I need a good lie.
{7461}{7494}Okay.
{7501}{7597}How about the whole "man walking|on the moon" thing, you know?
{7615}{7694}You can see the strings, people!
{7699}{7791}No, no, no. I need a good lie to explain|why I wasn't at a
work thing today.
{7802}{7862}- Honey, you stink at lying.|- I do not.
{7867}{7947}Really? Let me ask you something.|Yesterday at the
coffeehouse...
{7951}{8039}...I went to the bathroom. When I came|back, my muffin was
gone. Who took it?
{8074}{8127}Somebody opened the door|to the coffeehouse...
{8131}{8226}...and a raccoon ran in and went|straight for your muffin. I
said:
{8230}{8309}"Hey, don't eat that!|That's Phoebe's! " And he said...
{8363}{8454}He said, "Joey, you stink at lying."|What am I gonna do?
{8458}{8523}Don't worry. We'll come up with a lie.|I'll help you.
{8528}{8623}- Great. That'd be great. Thank you.|- Sure. What was the work
thing?
{8659}{8733}- "Pick up Grandma at the airport."|- Oh, man!
{8811}{8866}She's precious.
{8878}{8968}Do you ever worry|that she's gonna get your real nose?
{8972}{9018}Amy...
{9045}{9102}Yes, I do. I really do.
{9208}{9246}Hello?
{9250}{9335}Yeah, hang on, one sec.|Can I take this upstairs?
{9339}{9393}Sure. We don't live there, but...
{9417}{9512}Seriously? It's just these rooms?
{9529}{9621}- I thought you were a doctor.|- Yeah. No, Ross has a Ph.D.
{9759}{9839}God, she is unbelievable.
{9844}{9918}I know. I mean, a Ph.D.|Is just as good as an MD.
{9923}{9965}Sure, Ross, yeah!
{9969}{10075}If I have a heart attack at a restaurant,|I want you there
with your fossil brush.
{10122}{10172}- Stupid Thanksgiving.|- What?
{10176}{10252}- What? What happened?|- My boyfriend canceled on me.
{10256}{10316}I mean, I finally find a real relationship.
{10320}{10439}Someone that I can spend this day with,|and then his wife
comes back into town!
{10443}{10521}I swear, it's almost not even|worth dating married guys.
{10532}{10574}Don't say that.
{10608}{10667}God, I was so looking forward to this.
{10671}{10744}It was gonna be such|a beautiful Thanksgiving.
{10748}{10806}We were gonna have sushi.
{10835}{10899}Amy, don't cry.
{10927}{11016}- Ross, can I talk to you in private?|- Sure, you wanna go
upstairs, or...?
{11133}{11205}Look, I was thinking,|if it's okay with Monica...
{11209}{11271}...I would like to invite Amy|to Thanksgiving.
{11279}{11421}I think that's a great idea. It'll be like|the Pilgrims
bringing the Indians syphilis.
{11453}{11523}Look, I know she's a little tough to take.
{11527}{11631}But she has nowhere else to go,|and she's my sister. She's
Emma's aunt.
{11635}{11755}- And I would like them to bond.|- I don't want them bonding
too much.
{11759}{11820}I don't want her telling Emma|she needs a nose job.
{11825}{11920}Ross, she may need one. We're just|gonna have to make our
peace with that!
{12097}{12140}- Hi!|- Hey.
{12144}{12221}Hey, you guys. This is my sister, Amy.
{12225}{12323}This is Chandler, Joey,|Phoebe, and you know Mon.
{12328}{12364}Oh, my God.
{12368}{12421}You're on "Days of our Lives"!
{12425}{12458}Yeah.
{12462}{12544}Wow! They must put|a lot of makeup on you.
{12596}{12652}Happy Thanksgiving.
{12677}{12721}- Hey.|- Hi.
{12777}{12850}So welcome. Is this the first time|you're seeing Emma?
{12855}{12930}Yeah, I think so.|It's nice to meet you, Emma.
{12983}{13063}- Phoebe.|- That's a funny noise.
{13152}{13244}- Pheebs? I still need some help here.|- Right. Okay.
{13248}{13354}So it's not just the lie you tell,|but it's the way you tell
it. For example...
{13358}{13438}...if you look at the ground when|you talk, people know
you're lying.
{13458}{13555}I don't know why this is so hard for me.|Lying is basically
just acting...
{13559}{13641}...and I am a terrific actor.|- You are a terrific actor.
{13709}{13803}- Hey. Where's the baby?|- We just put her down for a nap.
{13807}{13896}Listen, I was just thinking.|You know what would be
incredible?
{13901}{13966}If you guys died!
{13997}{14050}Thank you, Amy.
{14055}{14123}No, no, then I would get the baby.
{14127}{14231}It would be just like a movie. At first|I wouldn't know what
to do with her.
{14235}{14334}And then I would rise to the occasion.|Then I'd get a
makeover and get married.
{14339}{14395}That's a great movie!
{14432}{14506}Yeah. Listen, not that you guys|could stop me or anything...
{14511}{14568}...because you know, you'd be dead.
{14572}{14627}But I was thinking about|changing her name.
{14631}{14689}I'm just not really a big fan of Emily.
{14728}{14767}Emma.
{14783}{14831}Emma? Ross wants you.
{14887}{14937}Phoebe!
{14968}{15040}Why does she keep making that noise?
{15101}{15157}Honey, I don't know|how to tell you this...
{15161}{15265}...but if something were to happen|to Ross or myself...
{15270}{15348}...you wouldn't get the baby.|- Well, who would?
{15364}{15451}Well, we haven't officially|asked them yet...
{15455}{15520}...but we would want|Monica and Chandler.
{15524}{15579}I can't believe you'd want us|to raise Emma.
{15583}{15629}Oh, my God, I'm so moved.
{15634}{15698}I don't believe this. Hold on a second.|You guys die...
{15702}{15762}...and I don't get your baby?
{15767}{15847}Amy, see, we're a lot closer|to Monica and Chandler.
{15851}{15953}We see them every day. And truthfully,|you don't seem
connected to the baby.
{15958}{16044}Connected? To what? She's a lump.
{16107}{16175}You know, guys, I've gotta say|this means so much to me.
{16180}{16259}I mean, that you would|trust me with your child.
{16263}{16326}I mean, we all know|that Monica and I have been...
{16330}{16386}...trying to have a baby of our own.
{16390}{16515}You know, I've had my doubts|about my skills as a father,
but...
{16551}{16601}That you two...
{16614}{16689}- That you two...|- This guy?
{16719}{16756}Seriously?
{16886}{16939}Okay, it's time for dinner.
{16943}{17008}Everyone, we're using our fancy china...
{17012}{17106}...and it's very expensive,|so please be careful.
{17270}{17359}Okay, just to be clear, comedy with|the plates will not be
well-received.
{17542}{17585}Hey!
{17589}{17683}How come my plate's less fancy|than everyone else's?
{17710}{17772}Do you not trust me with a fancy plate?
{17776}{17851}No, honey. That's a special plate.
{17855}{17944}See, it's a game.|Whoever gets that plate wins.
{17981}{18048}I can't believe I won!
{18071}{18150}You know, this is such a slap|in the face. I mean, I'm your
sister...
{18154}{18249}...and you would give your baby|to these strangers over me.
{18254}{18314}Monica is Ross' sister.
{18327}{18418}No, Ross' sister was really fat.
{18455}{18489}That was me.
{18506}{18613}No, she was this dorky girl in school who|followed Rachel
around like a puppy...
{18619}{18674}Amy, you've got to stop doing that!
{18820}{18889}Okay, listen, I know you're having|a bit of a family
crisis...
{18893}{18955}...but you don't have to take it out|on the plates.
{18959}{19027}I mean, in fact, I think that everyone...
{19031}{19125}...should cut their food like this:
{19180}{19250}Now, see? This way,|you protect the plates...
{19258}{19304}...and let's face it, you have fun.
{19346}{19413}Okay, how about this?|If you guys die...
{19417}{19509}...and the crazy plate lady dies...
{19531}{19610}...then do I get the baby?|- No, if crazy plate lady...
{19676}{19768}If Monica dies,|then I would get Emma. Right?
{19851}{19918}- Well, actually...|- Actually what?
{19923}{20004}It's just...|It's just that in that case...
{20008}{20054}...then Emma would go|to my parents.
{20066}{20117}- What?|- Hurts, doesn't it?
{20202}{20279}Who has to die for me to get her?
{20434}{20513}So if Monica's not around,|I'm not good enough to raise
Emma?
{20518}{20576}No, that is not what we're saying.
{20581}{20622}Yeah, he's lying. He looked down.
{20683}{20734}Well, what's wrong with me?|Am I incompetent?
{20739}{20825}Because I managed to survive whatever|it is that killed the
three of you!
{20891}{21012}You're taking this the wrong way.|We think you'll be a
wonderful parent.
{21016}{21104}It's just... You're more|the, you know, fun parent.
{21108}{21209}Yeah, and we wanna make sure|Emma also has someone like
Monica...
{21213}{21258}...who's more of a disciplinarian.
{21262}{21331}Someone who can be firm and strict.
{21335}{21397}That's not how you see me, is it?
{21423}{21484}No, you're all about the fun.
{21632}{21720}I may not know a lot about babies,|but do you really think
I'm not capable?
{21725}{21790}No. You both are equally capable.
{21794}{21856}It's just you're strongest|when you're together.
{21861}{21953}Okay. So if we both had Emma,|and I died...
{21969}{22010}...she'd have to give her up.
{22025}{22089}Sure. Monica would have to give her up.
{22103}{22173}I lie better than that, right?
{22206}{22301}Let me just get this straight.|So my two friends die, I get
Emma.
{22305}{22403}Then my wife dies. Then Emma,|the one tiny ray of hope left
in my life...
{22407}{22491}...gets taken away from me?|- There's your movie.
{22579}{22644}Hey, there you are.
{22648}{22725}- You disappeared after dinner.|- Did somebody miss me?
{22730}{22800}Was there a child to raise poorly?
{22813}{22866}Ross and Rachel don't know|what they're saying.
{22871}{22916}It's not like they're so responsible.
{22920}{23027}Emma is a product of a bottle of merlot|and a five-year-old
condom.
{23071}{23167}No, but they're right. I'm not a strong|father figure, and I
never will be.
{23172}{23235}No, you learn these things.|You grow into it.
{23241}{23283}Yeah, but it's not who I am.
{23288}{23411}Everything they said is exactly why I was|worried about
having a kid. And it's true.
{23415}{23486}- And look, everybody knows it.|- I don't know it.
{23490}{23576}I wanna have a kid with you because|I think you'll be an
amazing dad.
{23580}{23643}At the fun parts and at the hard parts.
{23648}{23732}Well, can you picture me saying,|"Go to your room, you're
grounded"?
{23752}{23809}Can you hear me say,|"You're grounded"?
{23813}{23872}You said that to me last week.
{23916}{24000}How hard is it?|"No shoes on the furniture!"
{24157}{24256}The producer from "Days" left a message|asking why I wasn't
at the parade.
{24261}{24361}They said everybody's really pissed off|at me. And they all
got to meet Santa!
{24401}{24459}It's okay.|I thought of the perfect lie for you.
{24464}{24547}It's easy to remember,|and it doesn't invite a lot of
questions.
{24552}{24644}You weren't at the parade|because you had a family
emergency.
{24649}{24710}I like that! Yeah!
{24714}{24783}I wasn't at the parade|because I had a family emergency.
{24788}{24835}What happened?
{24839}{24913}- My sister's raccoon came...|- No, nothing with a raccoon!
{24988}{25056}- Wait, what are you doing?|- Setting the table.
{25060}{25152}We thought it might be nice|to use the fancy china for
dessert too.
{25157}{25243}How nice. Maybe later we can all|blow our noses on my
wedding dress.
{25417}{25473}Hey, dude, you okay?|Sorry about before.
{25477}{25578}That's okay. You're totally right. I don't|know anything
about disciplining a child.
{25582}{25691}But it did hurt my feelings,|and I want you to know that if
I die...
{25695}{25749}...you don't get Joey.
{26079}{26152}In case you hadn't noticed,|I'm not talking to you.
{26203}{26269}You know, this is just...|This is classic Rachel.
{26274}{26381}Right. Remember in high school when|I died and didn't give
you my baby?
{26443}{26513}This might be my one chance|to have a child, Rachel.
{26518}{26598}I mean, you know that I have been|so busy focusing on my
career...
{26602}{26693}- What career?|- I'm a decorator.
{26698}{26779}You decorate Dad's office|and now you're a decorator?
{26783}{26895}Okay, I went to the zoo yesterday,|now I'm a koala bear.
{26963}{27054}- Why can't you ever be supportive?|- You want to talk
supportive?
{27058}{27149}You didn't come and visit me when|I was in the hospital
having the baby!
{27153}{27249}You didn't come see me in the hospital|when I was getting my
lips done!
{27285}{27337}I did the first time.
{27389}{27472}You know what? You want to know|why I am not giving Emily to
you?
{27476}{27534}- Emma.|- Whose side are you on?!
{27567}{27676}I'm not giving you Emma because you|can't handle the
responsibility of a child.
{27688}{27769}Well, how hard could it be?|You do it.
{27874}{27953}You wanna know why|you don't want me to have the baby?
{27957}{28011}Because you don't want me to be happy.
{28015}{28102}- You have always been jealous of me.|- Jealous of what?
{28106}{28195}Of your lack of responsibility?|Your immaturity?
{28199}{28271}Your total disregard|for other people's feelings?
{28276}{28332}To name a few.
{28377}{28416}You've always been like this.
{28420}{28502}You had to have everything,|and I couldn't have anything.
{28506}{28583}Like in junior high,|when you stole Timmy from me.
{28587}{28656}I mean, do you even realize|how much that hurt me?
{28661}{28720}Timmy was my boyfriend,|and you made out with him!
{28725}{28799}Come on, that was 20 years ago.|Get over it.
{28806}{28877}I cannot believe|that I invited you here today!
{28881}{28975}Yeah, well, you know what I cannot|believe? That my so-
called sister...
{28979}{29095}...gets a 30%"%" discount from Ralph|Lauren, and I still
have to pay retail?
{29153}{29190}It's 45.
{29223}{29267}You bitch.
{29328}{29375}You just think you're so perfect...
{29379}{29468}...with your new baby|and your small apartment.
{29503}{29627}Well, let me tell you something.|Your baby isn't even that
cute.
{29660}{29749}Too far, Amy. Too far.
{29802}{29851}- You take that back.|- No.
{29856}{29914}- Take it back!|- No. What are you gonna do? Make me?
{29919}{29989}Hey, man, I work out!
{30027}{30073}- So do I.|- I do Pilates.
{30078}{30119}- I do yoga.|- Bring it on!
{30132}{30201}Put the plates in the boxes!|Put the plates in the boxes!
{30260}{30318}- Did you just push me?|- Yeah, I think I did.
{30323}{30354}All right, that's it.
{30359}{30426}Forget the bubble wrap!|There isn't time!
{30480}{30523}Frizzy, frizzy, frizzy!
{30638}{30702}- Shouldn't we stop this?|- Are you out of your mind?
{30706}{30763}Let's throw some Jell-O on them!
{30874}{30914}Gross!
{31193}{31313}All right, that is it! This is our apartment,|and you cannot
behave this way!
{31317}{31383}If you can't act your age,|you shouldn't be here at all.
{31388}{31505}Those plates may not be as nice as|the pretty pink ones that
I picked out...
{31526}{31648}...but they're important to Monica.|And I want you to
apologize to her, now.
{31654}{31715}- I'm sorry.|- Mon, I'm so sorry.
{31719}{31765}Okay. That's better.
{31769}{31850}Now, I want you to apologize|to each other and mean it.
{31864}{31898}- Sorry.|- Sorry.
{31903}{31983}By the way, that fight|was totally arousing.
{32084}{32130}Dude, well done.
{32135}{32256}If I die and Rachel dies and Monica dies,|you can totally
take care of Emma.
{32273}{32316}Yeah? Well, thanks.
{32328}{32403}So...|So now do I get Joey?
{32448}{32564}Okay. But you should know he eats a lot|and shoves pennies
up his nose.
{32687}{32739}Are you okay, Mon?
{32743}{32832}I mean, these things happen.|I mean, it's just a plate.
{32836}{32926}- It's not like somebody died.|- It's all right. You can
mourn.
{32935}{33030}Thank you. It was so beautiful!
{33081}{33135}I'm gonna go to Joey's|and get the pies.
{33140}{33230}Actually, not pies. It's just pie.
{33263}{33316}I don't care.
{33320}{33406}Oh, my God, I've lost the will to scold.
{33503}{33554}Look, Amy...
{33565}{33603}...we got a little...
{33607}{33675}...a little out-of-control over there.
{33692}{33727}And I'm sorry.
{33731}{33793}You're my sister...
{33797}{33855}...and if it really means|that much to you...
{33863}{33934}- So you're gonna give me the baby?|- No, I was...
{33938}{34012}I was gonna let you use|my Ralph Lauren discount.
{34045}{34115}You are not gonna regret this.
{34184}{34261}- She needs changing.|- No, no, no. I'll get her.
{34266}{34374}I am super confident, totally responsible|and fourth in line
to raise Emma.
{34378}{34483}I'll be right there, Emma! Just let me|get my trusty diaper
bag here.
{34616}{34690}Well, what do you know?|I guess I'll be the one who dies
first.
{34929}{35017}- Does Monica know about her plates?|- Nope.
{35022}{35058}- Broke them all, huh?|- Yep.
{35063}{35107}- You gonna tell her?|- Nope.
{35157}{35243}Hey. So I'm gonna|put the plates back.
{35247}{35332}I think you're right. We shouldn't|use these plates for a
long time.
{35337}{35421}- Like only if the queen comes?|- Maybe not even then.
{35446}{35483}Hey. I did it.
{35488}{35572}I told my producer I had a family|emergency. He totally
bought it.
{35576}{35688}- Thanks for teaching me how to lie.|- No problem. Next
week, stealing.
{35721}{35792}- Bye, plates.|- You told her you broke all the plates?
{35848}{35916}What?!|Something happened with the plates?
{35955}{36045}Yeah, this raccoon came in...
{36173}{36198}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 9
{110}{190}This kitty is Mittens.|This one is Fitzhugh.
{194}{264}And this little guy|in the cat condo is Jinkies.
{326}{396}That's a lot of cats, Jo Lynn.
{400}{427}Single, are you?
{497}{522}Chandler Bing.
{526}{613}{y:i}How come you're answering your own|{y:i}phone? Where's your
crazy assistant?
{705}{730}What's up, Joe?
{735}{786}What have we always wanted|to do together?
{805}{878}Braid each other's hair|and ride horseback on the beach?
{882}{940}No. No. No. When you get home|tomorrow night...
{944}{1025}...you and I are gonna be|at the Wizards-Knicks game,
courtside!
{1030}{1065}- Courtside? Oh, my God!|{y:i}- Yeah!
{1070}{1161}Maybe Michael Jordan will dive for|the ball and break my jaw
with his knee!
{1167}{1221}That is so cool. I'll let Monica know.
{1310}{1345}- Hello?|- Joey just called.
{1349}{1422}He's got courtside Knicks tickets|for him and me tomorrow
night.
{1427}{1508}But tomorrow night's the only night|I get off from the
restaurant.
{1512}{1574}If you go, we won't have|a night together for a week.
{1578}{1680}But honey, it's courtside!|The cheerleaders will be right
in...
{1695}{1753}That's not the way to convince you.
{1757}{1809}I don't wanna be one|of those wives that says:
{1813}{1883}"You can't go to the game.|You have to spend time with me."
{1887}{1944}So if you could just realize|it on your own...
{1970}{2045}I know. You're right.|I wanna see you too.
{2049}{2125}I gotta figure out a way to tell Joey.|He's looking forward to
it.
{2129}{2189}{y:i}Tell him you haven 't seen|{y:i}your wife in a long time.
{2194}{2286}Tell him that having a long-distance|relationship is really
difficult.
{2290}{2389}Tell him that what little time|we have together is precious.
{2422}{2457}I'll think of something.
{2524}{2573}The One With Rachel's Phone Number
{2598}{2798}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2823}{3023}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3565}{3627}You look...
{3654}{3755}I mean, it's just...|That dress...
{3765}{3830}Well, I hope the ends|of these sentences are good.
{3834}{3911}They're good. It's just been a while|since I've seen you like
this.
{3915}{3963}You clean up good.
{3981}{4041}Really? Well, thank you.
{4142}{4187}Okay, stop looking at me like that.
{4192}{4261}- Last time that happened, that happened.|- Right, right.
{4395}{4488}So are you excited about|your first night away from Emma?
{4492}{4552}Yeah, yeah. Phoebe and I|are gonna have so much fun.
{4556}{4626}- Thank you for watching the baby.|- It's fine.
{4630}{4681}Actually, I invited Mike over.
{4685}{4710}- Phoebe's Mike?|- Yeah.
{4717}{4765}- I didn't know you hung out.|- We don't...
{4770}{4813}...but I'd like to get to know him.
{4817}{4888}Maybe have a little dinner,|drinks, conversation.
{4893}{4958}That's so cute.|Ross and Mike's first date.
{5006}{5069}Will that be awkward?|What are you gonna talk about?
{5074}{5153}I don't know. But you know, we have|a lot in common, you know?
{5157}{5230}He plays piano.|I played keyboards in college.
{5272}{5358}He's been divorced.|I have some experience in that area.
{5410}{5463}- Yeah?|- Hi!
{5532}{5603}Girl's night out indeed.
{5607}{5666}So I think Emma is probably|down for the night...
{5670}{5723}...but if you need anything...|- We'll be fine.
{5727}{5773}- You go have fun.|- Okay, you too.
{5777}{5834}- Thanks.|- And I hope you score.
{5842}{5900}- Okay. Bye.|- Bye.
{5904}{5966}So, welcome.
{5980}{6061}- I got beer.|- I got bottled breast milk.
{6110}{6177}- Why don't we start with the beer.|- Okay.
{6255}{6367}- So Phoebe tells me you play piano.|- Yeah.
{6371}{6438}You know, I used to play keyboards|in college.
{6450}{6483}Do you have one here?
{6522}{6560}No.
{6582}{6635}Okay.
{7042}{7132}You know, I'm divorced.
{7150}{7213}Phoebe... Phoebe says you're...|You've been divorced?
{7217}{7270}Yeah, yeah.
{7275}{7344}Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't really like|to talk about it.
{7425}{7510}That's okay. We'll talk about|something else.
{7722}{7781}- So you're a paleontologist, right?|- Yeah.
{7785}{7833}My cousin's a paleontologist.
{7948}{8045}Well, he and I would probably have|a lot to talk about.
{8174}{8231}- Welcome home.|- Well, look at you.
{8235}{8275}Yeah. What do you think?
{8285}{8333}Well, it looks great. It's just...
{8337}{8416}I'm wearing the same thing|underneath, so...
{8425}{8480}You see what I mean?
{8508}{8591}Hey! How come your door's locked?
{8595}{8642}- Just a second!|- No, no, no!
{8646}{8686}- Joey can't know I'm here.|- Why not?
{8690}{8748}I didn't want to say|I couldn't go to the game...
{8752}{8829}...so I told him I had to stay in Tulsa.|- So you lied to him?
{8834}{8925}It's always better to lie than to have|the complicated
discussion.
{8965}{9005}Except with you.
{9039}{9125}Hey, open the door! What's going on?
{9212}{9248}- What are you...?|- Hi.
{9252}{9315}Why are you dressed like that?
{9335}{9404}Because Chandler's gonna be home|in a couple of days...
{9408}{9500}...so I thought I would just, you know,|practice the art of
seduction.
{9508}{9556}I thought I heard a man's voice before.
{9560}{9626}No, I was just doing Chandler's side|of the conversation.
{9630}{9686}You know, like, "Hi, how do I look?"
{9690}{9793}"Really sexy. Could I be any more|turned on?" You know?
{9807}{9848}Okay. Wait a minute.
{9852}{9899}Why are there two glasses|of wine out?
{9912}{9960}Because one of them is for you!
{10068}{10137}Cheers! Okay, bye-bye.
{10177}{10292}You know, it's funny. I've been|practicing the art of
seduction myself.
{10360}{10408}- You might wanna keep practicing.|- Yeah.
{10457}{10526}- It's Joey.|- What?
{10530}{10602}- Hey, Joe.|- Dude, come home!
{10640}{10728}- What? Why?|- Come home!
{10733}{10777}Look, I can't. What's going on?
{10782}{10873}I don't know how to tell you this,|but I think Monica's
cheating on you!
{10877}{10948}I told you, you shouldn't have married|someone hotter than
you!
{11026}{11081}If you can't deal with this,|then I'm gonna.
{11086}{11142}- No!|- I just heard him!
{11175}{11236}Can you hear him now?
{11292}{11345}No. All right, I'm going in.
{11350}{11388}- No, wait!|- I heard him again!
{11472}{11526}All right, just stay there.|I'm coming home.
{11531}{11567}I'll see you when you get here.
{11571}{11625}I'll wait out in the hall|in case he comes out.
{11642}{11713}- Is that really necessary?|- Absolutely. You'd do it for
me.
{11717}{11828}Not that you ever have to, because|I know how to keep my
women satisfied.
{12107}{12163}Shouldn't the pizza be here by now?
{12167}{12302}I mean, they said 30 minutes or less.|Well, how long has it
been?
{12330}{12387}Eleven minutes.
{12532}{12592}And now 12.
{12669}{12766}- So you like the beer?|- I do. I do.
{12770}{12860}Although, it's actually a lager.
{12933}{12984}What's the difference|between beer and lager?
{12989}{13050}I don't know.
{13090}{13120}We could look it up.
{13165}{13245}Things are about to get wild.
{13375}{13436}Oh, God, remember the girls' nights|we used to have...
{13440}{13491}...sitting around talking|about you and Ross?
{13495}{13553}Oh, God! It seems like forever ago.
{13557}{13582}I know.
{13615}{13673}So, what's going on|with you and Ross?
{13692}{13813}Well, I don't know. I mean,|for a long time, nothing.
{13817}{13908}But you know, actually,|right before you picked me up...
{13912}{13973}...Ross and I had a little thing.
{13978}{14049}Oh, my God! I love things!|What happened?
{14054}{14133}Well, first he told me|he liked how I looked.
{14137}{14230}And then we had a little...
{14257}{14311}...eye contact.
{14345}{14374}Eye contact?
{14379}{14421}I hope you were using protection.
{14467}{14605}Excuse me, these are from|the two gentlemen at the end of
the bar.
{14615}{14701}Should we send them something back?|Let's send them mashed
potatoes!
{14706}{14738}No, wait! Don't do that!
{14742}{14790}That'll make them think|they can come over.
{14795}{14826}So, what if they do?
{14831}{14961}We're not here to meet guys. You have|a boyfriend. I have a
baby and a Ross.
{14980}{15075}Yeah, but nothing has to happen.|We're just having fun.
{15079}{15176}You know, not everything has to go|as far as eye contact.
{15224}{15288}Chandler, you have to tell Joey|you're not in Tulsa.
{15293}{15358}Isn't it better for him|to think you're cheating on me...
{15362}{15430}...than for him to think|I'm cheating on him?
{15435}{15478}I heard it.
{15490}{15549}I don't want him to think|I'm having an affair.
{15567}{15632}All right, I've got a plan.|I'll go down the fire escape...
{15637}{15713}Because all good plans start with,|"I'll go down the fire
escape."
{15718}{15751}Hear me out, woman!
{15794}{15844}I'll go down the fire escape and wait.
{15849}{15909}Then it'll be like I just got back|from Tulsa.
{15913}{15985}Joey and I will come in|and see that there's no guy in here.
{15990}{16072}Aren't you afraid that Joey's|gonna figure all this out?
{16150}{16187}I heard it.
{16375}{16424}- I'm gonna wait.|- The scary pigeon's back?
{16429}{16479}It's huge.
{17279}{17372}I can't believe you live in that building.|My grandmother
lives in that building!
{17376}{17434}Ida Greene? No sense|of personal space...
{17438}{17498}...kind of smells like chicken,|looks like a potato.
{17503}{17568}- "Spuds" is your grandmother?|- That's my "bubbe"!
{17647}{17718}So we're on our way|to a couple of parties.
{17722}{17801}Maybe we could get your numbers|and call if we find
something fun?
{17820}{17898}Yeah. I'm sorry, we weren't really|looking for anything to
happen...
{17902}{17963}...with you guys. I have a boyfriend.
{17970}{18019}- All right.|- It's no big deal.
{18067}{18175}So she has a boyfriend.|What is your situation?
{18185}{18270}Well, it's complicated.|I don't actually have a boyfriend,
but...
{18275}{18335}Then can I have your number?
{18350}{18391}I'm sorry, no.
{18402}{18428}Okay.
{18440}{18495}Oh, sure!
{18529}{18607}Oh, my God, you're giving|your real number!
{18647}{18706}Okay, thanks. I'll give you|a call later tonight.
{18711}{18756}- Great.|- Bye.
{18760}{18790}Bye.
{18837}{18878}So that's great.
{18882}{18971}You, Bill, Ross and Emma are|gonna be so happy together.
{18975}{19009}What were you thinking?
{19014}{19096}I don't know. He was cute,|and he liked me. It was an
impulse.
{19100}{19154}But what about Ross?|What about your moment?
{19158}{19207}- Don't you wanna talk to Ross about it?|- No.
{19211}{19286}No, because I know exactly|how the conversation's gonna go.
{19290}{19363}"Hey, Ross, you know, I think|we had a moment before."
{19367}{19446}"Yeah. Me too."
{19450}{19531}"Well, but I'm not sure I really want|to do anything about
it."
{19535}{19611}"Yeah. Me neither."
{19615}{19655}"Should we just live together...
{19659}{19711}...and not tell each other|how we're feeling?"
{19715}{19785}"Yeah, that works for me."
{19827}{19873}Yeah, I see what you mean.
{19877}{19956}By the way, nice Ross imitation.
{19960}{19997}Your Rachel wasn't whiny enough.
{20002}{20037}- Well... Hey!|- Better.
{20100}{20196}The point is maybe I should just stop|waiting around for
moments with Ross.
{20200}{20277}You know? I should just move|on with my life.
{20282}{20351}So really, you're moving on from Ross?
{20355}{20411}I don't know.|Do I have to decide right now?
{20415}{20486}You kind of just did.|That guy is gonna call you tonight.
{20490}{20562}Ross will pick up the phone,|and that's a pretty clear
message.
{20567}{20608}Oh, my God, Ross!
{20612}{20663}Ross is gonna pick up the phone.
{20667}{20740}I have to get my number back.|Oh, my God, he's gone!
{20745}{20829}"Oh, I have to get my number back!|Oh, my God! He's gone! "
Dead on.
{21185}{21266}- You know, I'm gonna take off.|- So soon?
{21270}{21303}- Yeah.|- Okay.
{21307}{21368}Well, thanks... Thanks for the beer.
{21372}{21460}- You mean lager?|- Yeah. Good times.
{21785}{21839}- Hello?|- Hey, Mike, it's me.
{21843}{21889}Listen, is... Is Ross near you?
{21894}{21931}No, I just left.
{21936}{21978}Well, you have to go back in.
{21997}{22108}What? Go back? To the land|where time stands still?
{22125}{22164}I'm so sorry, honey, but...
{22168}{22216}Okay, Rachel gave this guy|her number...
{22220}{22276}...and she doesn't want Ross|to answer the phone.
{22280}{22328}So you have to intercept all his calls.
{22342}{22369}I can't do that!
{22374}{22446}- He says he can't do that.|- Give me the phone.
{22450}{22538}Hi, Mike. Hi, listen, I know that this|is a lot to ask, but
you know what?
{22542}{22671}If you do this, Phoebe will do|anything you want.
{22675}{22776}- Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.|- All right. Thank
you. Hello?
{22780}{22873}Hi, I'm sorry about her. But actually,|she wasn't wrong
about the dirty stuff.
{22922}{22959}All right, I'll do it.
{22982}{23076}But really, how much dirtier|can it get?
{23107}{23165}Oh, Mike.
{23180}{23235}Bye.
{23330}{23373}Hey, buddy.
{23435}{23472}Hi.
{23480}{23548}- Can I come back in?|- Why?
{23582}{23717}Well, I was just thinking about|how much more we have to
talk about.
{23730}{23802}But you left.
{23910}{23949}That didn't take long.
{23954}{24040}I thought you said Tulsa was,|like, a three-hour flight?
{24060}{24149}Well, you're forgetting|about the time difference.
{24345}{24395}Yeah.
{24417}{24450}Chandler, you're home!
{24454}{24565}That's right! Your husband's home!|So now the sex can stop!
{24692}{24720}What are you saying?
{24725}{24769}Joey said you're here|with another man!
{24774}{24864}There's no man in here!|How dare you accuse me of that!
{24925}{25060}All right. Then maybe you won't mind|if me and my friend
take a look around.
{25140}{25165}What's he doing?
{25170}{25255}I arranged some pillows on the bed|to look like a guy.
{25297}{25410}Bedroom's clear. Although you might|need some new pillows.
{25417}{25490}All right, well, I'll check|the guest room.
{25674}{25727}Why do I smell men's cologne?
{25780}{25832}I think that's you.
{25892}{25990}Oh, yeah. I rubbed a magazine|on myself earlier.
{26017}{26057}There's nobody here, Joe.
{26076}{26101}I guess not.
{26110}{26216}I can't believe you thought I was|cheating. You owe me an
apology.
{26227}{26291}- You're right. I'm so sorry.|- It's an honest mistake.
{26295}{26346}It could happen to anybody. See you.
{26350}{26408}Wait a minute, wait a minute.
{26412}{26512}If you just got back from Tulsa,|how did your suitcase beat
you here?
{26600}{26681}I climbed down the fire escape,|and you can't put that in
the closet?
{26779}{26846}So, with the exception|of the fermentation process...
{26850}{26932}...beer and ale are|basically the same thing.
{26955}{27018}Fascinating, isn't it?
{27022}{27105}Maybe you should look up "fascinating."
{27135}{27182}I'll get it!
{27304}{27400}Hello? Ross' place. Mike speaking.
{27445}{27479}It's for you.
{27575}{27653}I don't understand|what just happened here.
{27710}{27751}What's going on?
{27755}{27782}I'm sorry.
{27786}{27885}I told you I was in Tulsa because I|wanted to spend the
night with Monica...
{27889}{27981}...and I didn't know...|I didn't think you'd understand.
{28007}{28098}You think I'm too dumb to understand|a husband needs to be
with his wife?
{28102}{28177}You think I'm, like...
{28235}{28300}- Joey?|- Yeah.
{28309}{28385}I don't know what to say.|We shouldn't have lied to you.
{28389}{28468}I feel so bad. Is there anything|I can do to make it up to
you?
{28527}{28608}You could go to the game with me.|Even though you said you
couldn't.
{28612}{28719}But then you lied to me and tricked me|and gave me a bump on
the head.
{28725}{28817}I'm sorry, that's the one thing I can't|do. I promised I'd
be with Monica.
{28832}{28863}All right.
{28881}{28924}- You can go.|- What?
{28928}{28996}You should go to the game.|It's okay. I want you to.
{29007}{29071}- Really? You gonna be okay?|- Yeah, I'll be fine.
{29079}{29167}You know, maybe I'll stay here|and practice the art of
seduction.
{29173}{29282}- You're gonna put sweats on and clean.|- It's gonna be so
hot!
{29292}{29321}- Bye.|- Bye.
{29325}{29353}Thanks.
{29375}{29409}Here's your ticket.
{29413}{29466}Thanks. Hey, listen...
{29470}{29533}...I'm never gonna lie|to you again, okay?
{29538}{29616}And I want you to know|that nobody thinks you're stupid.
{29632}{29661}Thanks, man.
{29740}{29820}- Where you going?|- Game's tomorrow night, Joe.
{29983}{30017}Oh, God!
{30021}{30090}So glad you're back!
{30117}{30156}So, what did you guys do?
{30161}{30228}You know, we just drank some beer.
{30232}{30297}Mike played with the boundaries|of normal social conduct.
{30327}{30395}It's true, I did.
{30416}{30441}- Well, goodbye.|- Okay.
{30446}{30508}- Bye. That was fun, Pheebs.|- I know. It was fun.
{30512}{30555}See you, guys.
{30559}{30612}Lock the door!|Lock the door, seriously.
{30652}{30716}Shoot, I forgot to pay Phoebe|for the drinks.
{30765}{30846}Wait, wait. Wait, sorry.|Did he call? Did that guy call?
{30850}{30886}No, just his mom.
{30891}{30920}Around 8:30?
{30925}{30963}- Yeah.|- Then again at 9:00?
{30975}{31021}Yeah.
{31152}{31202}Hello?
{31210}{31290}No, she's not here right now.|Can I take a message?
{31310}{31380}Bill from the bar?
{31410}{31540}Okay, Bill from the bar,|I'll make sure she gets your
number.
{31807}{31863}So... So how was it?
{31867}{31918}Did you guys...?|You guys have a good time?
{31922}{32030}We had so much fun.|It felt so good to be out.
{32097}{32136}Rach?
{32140}{32190}Yeah?
{32257}{32285}Never mind.
{32470}{32533}- Hey, you guys.|- Hey!
{32537}{32622}I'll be right back.|I gotta go to the bathroom.
{32972}{33029}Stout. That's a kind of beer.
{33286}{33311}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 10
{105}{167}{y:i}He sprang to his sleigh|{y:i}To his team gave a whistle
{171}{243}{y:i}And away they all flew|{y:i}Like the down of a thistle
{247}{322}{y:i}But I heard him exclaim|{y:i}Ere he drove out of sight
{326}{457}{y:i}"Merry Christmas to all|{y:i}And to all a good night. "
{502}{629}Wow! That was great!|You really wrote that?
{703}{771}Say goodbye, elves.|I'm off to Tulsa.
{775}{831}I can't believe you won't be here|for Christmas.
{835}{879}You're really not coming back?
{883}{959}We have this paperwork that needs|to be filed by the end of the
year.
{964}{1028}- Lf I don't get it done, I'll be fired.|- It's so unfair.
{1032}{1105}- You don't even like your job.|- So. Who does?
{1110}{1145}- I like my job.|- I love my job.
{1149}{1223}- I can't wait to go back to work.|- I can't get enough
dinosaurs.
{1329}{1379}I'm sorry I won't be here.
{1386}{1450}It's hard enough not seeing you|during the week...
{1454}{1501}...but for Christmas...
{1505}{1557}If this is what you have to do,|I understand.
{1569}{1618}Thanks.
{1622}{1652}I'll see you New Year's Day.
{1661}{1708}You're not gonna be here|New Year's Eve?
{1728}{1810}- Did I not mention that?|- No.
{1817}{1867}And to all a good night!
{1918}{1970}The One With Christmas in Tulsa
{1995}{2195}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2220}{2420}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3168}{3244}All right, everybody.|I know it is Christmas Eve...
{3248}{3329}...and you'd rather be with family,|but there is no call for
writing...
{3333}{3444}..."Screw you, Mr. Bing"|on the back of my chair.
{3453}{3505}By the way,|you can all call me Chandler.
{3536}{3588}- Hey.|- Hey. Where you been?
{3592}{3672}I was checking out that insurance|company's Christmas party on
three.
{3676}{3754}It was really beautiful. They have|decorations and this huge
tree.
{3758}{3830}And I just thought,|to hell with them, we have to work.
{3834}{3896}So I stole their ham.
{3928}{3979}Hear that?|You may not be with your families...
{3983}{4046}...but at least it's gonna smell like ham|in here.
{4077}{4126}My kid's in a play right now.
{4148}{4203}You know what?|I know what will cheer you up.
{4207}{4299}I had a talk with the boys in New York.|I told them about all
your hard work...
{4303}{4386}...and that a little Christmas bonus|may be in order.
{4391}{4521}"A donation has been made in your name|to the New York City
Ballet."
{4580}{4652}Well, that's like money in your pocket.
{4658}{4712}All right, you want me to say it?|This sucks.
{4717}{4774}Being here sucks. This work sucks!
{4779}{4834}Now it feels like Christmas.
{4850}{4890}I'm sorry.
{4894}{4965}At least you get to go home|and be with your families tonight.
{4969}{5030}I have to go to an empty hotel room|and lay down...
{5034}{5117}...on a very questionable bedspread.
{5128}{5199}Then tomorrow, you get to have|Christmas in your own houses.
{5203}{5262}Which, by the way,|none of you have invited me to.
{5267}{5369}- You can come to my house.|- No, thanks.
{5414}{5455}- It was a nice pep talk.|- Thanks.
{5460}{5550}I'm actually thinking about becoming|a motivational speaker.
{5565}{5658}So if you were home right now,|what would you be doing?
{5663}{5766}Typical Christmassy stuff, you know.|Our holidays are pretty
traditional.
{5770}{5840}So here's a very special|holiday song...
{5844}{5931}...that I wrote for some|very important people to me.
{7235}{7300}Happy holidays, everybody.
{7314}{7375}Pheebs, look in the kitchen.|I'll look in the back closet.
{7379}{7462}I can save you time, ladies.|I'm right here.
{7474}{7527}Yeah. Chandler,|why don't you take a walk.
{7531}{7578}This doesn't concern you.
{7599}{7660}We are looking for|our Christmas presents from Monica.
{7664}{7745}- What? That's terrible.|- No, no. We do it every year.
{7750}{7809}Well, that makes it not terrible.
{7838}{7944}No. Yeah, we never find them.|She's always bested us, that
wily...
{7948}{7980}...minx.
{8001}{8045}We're gonna search here|for an hour...
{8049}{8104}...and then we'll go to Joey's|and search. Okay?
{8108}{8175}No, not okay.|You can't look for Monica's presents.
{8179}{8224}- No, we have to.|- No, you don't have to.
{8228}{8323}And you can't,|because I live here too.
{8329}{8435}- Well, then you should look with us.|- Why?
{8439}{8511}Aren't you worried about what|to get Monica for Christmas?
{8516}{8569}No, I have a great idea|for a present for her.
{8582}{8647}That's it? "A great idea"?
{8667}{8734}That's not enough.|What if she gets you a great present...
{8738}{8789}...two medium presents|and lots of little presents...
{8793}{8871}...and you got her one great present?|That's gonna make her
feel bad.
{8875}{8942}Why would you do that to her?|Why? Why?
{8983}{9041}- Lf I helped, we could find them faster!|- Right.
{9103}{9182}- We have a live one!|- It's a Macy's bag!
{9237}{9297}Who's it for?
{9320}{9425}"Dear Losers: Do you really think|I'd hide presents under the
couch?
{9462}{9557}P.S. Chandler,|I knew they'd break you."
{9591}{9645}Rach, these are for you.
{9661}{9763}Wiper blades. I don't even have a car.
{9768}{9867}No, but with this new-car smell,|you'll think you do.
{9932}{10006}Okay, Pheebs, your turn.
{10077}{10125}Toilet seat covers!
{10200}{10263}Is that what you were doing|while I was getting gas?
{10268}{10327}You guys.
{10331}{10436}And for Ross, Mr. Sweet Tooth.
{10498}{10621}- You got me a cola drink?|- And... a lemon-lime!
{10640}{10714}Well, this... This is too much.
{10718}{10787}I feel like I should get you|another sweater.
{10835}{10906}And last but not least...
{10950}{11031}They're ribbed, for your pleasure.
{11047}{11094}Well, hey, Ben?
{11098}{11247}What if the Holiday Armadillo|told you all about the
Festival of Lights?
{11252}{11288}Cool!
{11293}{11334}Come on, Ben.
{11398}{11555}Years and years ago, there were|these people called the
Maccabees!
{11574}{11651}Merry Christmas!
{11688}{11726}Santa!
{11766}{11841}What are you doing here, Santa?
{11886}{11955}Well, I'm here to see my old buddy Ben.
{11965}{12013}What are you doing here...
{12017}{12108}...weird turtle-man?
{12147}{12307}I'm the Holiday Armadillo,|your part-Jewish friend.
{12339}{12429}You sent me here to give Ben|some presents.
{12433}{12488}Remember?
{12518}{12568}What?
{12578}{12625}Ben, why don't you open|some more presents.
{12630}{12695}Santa, the armadillo and I|will have a talk in the kitchen.
{12706}{12791}There's a sentence I never thought|I'd say.
{12814}{12851}What are you doing?
{12856}{12931}You called and said you had trouble|finding a Santa
costume...
{12935}{12998}...so I borrowed one|from a guy at work.
{13003}{13063}Thank you, but you gotta leave.
{13068}{13103}- Why?|- Because...
{13108}{13173}...I'm finally getting him excited|about Hanukkah.
{13177}{13213}And you're wrecking it.
{13218}{13315}But I didn't get to shake my belly|like a bowl full of
jelly.
{13390}{13482}I'm sorry, Chandler,|but this is really important to me.
{13492}{13587}Okay, fine. I'll give the suit back.
{13591}{13695}Hey, you think you can keep it|another night?
{13737}{13786}Santa? Really?
{13798}{13926}- Yeah, is that okay?|- Did your dad ever dress up like
Santa?
{13950}{14049}- No.|- Then it's okay!
{14101}{14154}You know what, everybody?
{14158}{14211}Go home.|You should be with your families.
{14216}{14269}It's bad enough we're working|New Year's Eve.
{14329}{14410}Did I not tell anyone|about New Year's Eve?
{14414}{14494}All right, look, go. Go home, okay?|Merry Christmas.
{14520}{14573}- Merry Christmas.|- Peace on earth.
{14577}{14690}- Bye.|- Good. Godspeed, good people.
{14707}{14807}- You're not gonna go?|- No. I couldn't leave you alone.
{14811}{14866}Thanks.
{14876}{14967}Besides, I can't leave until that|Christmas party downstairs
clears out.
{14971}{15050}There are some pissed-off|insurance people looking for that
ham.
{15143}{15199}- Chandler Bing.|- Hi, honey. We're all here.
{15203}{15246}We want to wish you|a merry Christmas.
{15251}{15303}- Merry Christmas!|- Merry Christmas!
{15369}{15419}Merry Christmas. I miss you guys.
{15424}{15486}So is it horrible?|Is everybody working really hard?
{15492}{15559}Well, no, it's just me and Wendy.
{15565}{15629}Wendy? That sounds like a girl's name.
{15650}{15710}It is. Did I not tell you about her?
{15738}{15805}About the time you told me|about New Year's Eve.
{15810}{15884}- Where's everybody else?|- "I sent them home."
{15888}{15979}You are such a good boss.|Is she pretty?
{16044}{16097}Answer faster. Answer faster.
{16102}{16170}- I don't know.|- Answer better. Answer better.
{16196}{16269}I don't think of her that way.|I mean, she's a colleague.
{16274}{16347}- What does she do there?|- She's regional vice president.
{16351}{16411}- She's just below me.|- She did what?
{16508}{16589}Below me.
{16622}{16679}Wait, is Wendy the runner-up|Miss Oklahoma?
{16683}{16723}What?!
{16755}{16807}Well, she didn't win.
{16840}{16883}All right, maybe I should let you...
{16888}{16959}...and the second prettiest girl|in Oklahoma get back to
work.
{16964}{17060}Second prettiest that year. Of all|the girls in Oklahoma,
she's probably...
{17065}{17100}Chandler, stop talking.
{17150}{17213}Honey, there's really|nothing to worry about.
{17218}{17272}- Okay.|- I'm serious.
{17277}{17307}Okay.
{17314}{17379}- Merry Christmas.|- Merry Christmas.
{17383}{17477}- Merry Christmas, you guys.|- Merry Christmas.
{17608}{17692}- The wife says hi.|- Fun conversation?
{17697}{17770}Well, she's just got|this weird idea that...
{17774}{17853}...because you and I are alone|something's gonna happen.
{17857}{17906}Really?
{17927}{17991}Would that be so terrible?
{18038}{18112}This is probably the wrong thing|to be worrying about...
{18116}{18208}...but you're getting ham|on my only tie.
{18365}{18442}- Back off, missy!|- Missy?
{18447}{18510}I don't know. I'm not used to girls|making passes at me.
{18514}{18611}Wait a minute.|Am I sexy in Oklahoma?
{18634}{18744}- You are to me.|- No. No. No!
{18768}{18854}- Look, I'm married.|- So? I'm married.
{18859}{18904}I'm happily married.
{18942}{18971}What's that like?
{18998}{19099}- Right. So I'm sorry, but...|- Seriously? Happily married?
{19103}{19178}So that phone call before,|that was happy?
{19183}{19260}Well, look, it's not easy|to spend this much time apart.
{19265}{19318}She's entitled to be|a little paranoid.
{19322}{19386}Or, in this case, right on the money.
{19413}{19520}You know, she's amazing|and beautiful and smart.
{19524}{19611}And if she were here right now,|she'd kick your ass.
{19673}{19803}Look, you're a really nice person,|ham-stealing and adultery
aside.
{19848}{19915}But what I have with my wife|is pretty great.
{19919}{19992}So nothing's ever gonna happen|between us.
{20005}{20059}Okay, let me ask you something.
{20063}{20149}If what you and your wife have|is so great...
{20153}{20231}...then why are you spending|Christmas with me?
{20265}{20327}You were the most beautiful woman|in the room tonight.
{20356}{20389}- Really?|- Are you kidding?
{20393}{20465}You're the most beautiful woman|in most rooms.
{20660}{20715}What's going on?|You and I just made out.
{20719}{20778}- You and I are making out?|- Well, not anymore.
{20796}{20888}- But we don't do that.|- I know. I just thought it would be
fun.
{20915}{20988}- How drunk are you?|- Drunk enough that I wanna do this.
{20992}{21070}Not so drunk that you should|feel guilty about taking
advantage.
{21112}{21161}That's a perfect amount.
{21313}{21356}- You know what's weird?|- What?
{21361}{21418}- This doesn't feel weird.|- I know.
{21422}{21547}- You're a really good kisser.|- Well, I have kissed over
four women.
{21581}{21668}You wanna get under the covers?|Okay.
{21876}{21915}Wow, you are really fast.
{21920}{21996}It bodes well for me|that speed impresses you.
{22029}{22103}- We're gonna see each other naked.|- Yep.
{22107}{22171}- You want to do it at the same time?|- Count of three?
{22175}{22211}- One.|- Two.
{22215}{22265}Three.
{22358}{22455}Well, I think it's safe to say|that our friendship is
effectively ruined.
{22460}{22523}We weren't that close anyway.
{22570}{22628}Are you really gonna go out|with that nurse-man?
{22661}{22710}Well, you and I|are just goofing around.
{22714}{22801}I thought, why not|just goof around with him?
{22851}{22953}I don't know if you've ever looked up|"goofing around" in
the dictionary.
{22957}{23012}Well, I have.
{23017}{23136}And the technical definition|is two friends...
{23140}{23291}...who care a lot about each other|and have amazing sex...
{23350}{23453}...and just want to spend|more time together.
{23457}{23533}If you have this newfangled dictionary|that gets you mad at
me...
{23537}{23626}...then we have to, you know,|get you my original
dictionary.
{23693}{23735}I am so bad at this.
{23757}{23812}I think you're better|than you think you are.
{23817}{23908}- Really? Okay. So if...?|- Know when to stop.
{23913}{23962}I sensed that I should stop.
{23987}{24040}- So we're okay?|- Yeah.
{24123}{24188}- Don't do the dance.|- Right.
{24227}{24288}I can't get married without|something old, something new...
{24292}{24354}...something borrowed, something blue.|- Okay, okay.
{24359}{24414}Here's something blue and new.
{24419}{24479}You are so efficient. I love you.
{24487}{24516}- Let's go.|- No, no, wait!
{24520}{24561}We need something old.
{24566}{24667}Okay. I have a condom in my wallet|that I've had since I was
12.
{24700}{24740}That'll work!
{24744}{24788}I don't think so.
{24806}{24852}Okay. Now we just need|something borrowed.
{24892}{24983}- Here, just take this.|- That's stealing.
{24988}{25049}We'll bring it back.|Just put it under your dress.
{25325}{25376}Okay, one thing at a time.
{25426}{25475}Listen...
{25506}{25541}...I've been thinking.
{25576}{25667}It's not fair for me to ask you to spend|all of your money
on our wedding.
{25671}{25745}I mean, you work...|You work really hard for that.
{25750}{25803}- Well...|- Well, you work for that.
{25849}{25914}Look, I've thought about it too.|And...
{25918}{26029}...I'm sorry. I think we should spend|all of the money on
the wedding.
{26051}{26147}- You do?|- Yeah. I'm putting my foot down.
{26188}{26239}Yeah, look, when I proposed...
{26243}{26342}...I told you that I would do anything|to make you happy.
{26346}{26434}And if having the perfect wedding|makes you happy, then...
{26438}{26485}Then that's what we're gonna do.
{26499}{26570}You are so sweet.
{26616}{26721}But wait. What about our...?|What about the future and
stuff?
{26726}{26816}Forget about the future and stuff.|So we only have two kids.
{26820}{26920}You know, we'll pick our favorite,|and that one will get to
go to college.
{26949}{27003}- You've thought about that?|- Yeah.
{27007}{27104}- How many kids were we gonna have?|- Four. A boy, twin
girls...
{27108}{27167}...and another boy.
{27185}{27234}- What else did you think about?|- Well...
{27251}{27344}...stuff like where we'd live, you know.
{27349}{27456}Like a small place outside the city|where our kids could
ride bikes and stuff.
{27460}{27548}And we could have a cat|that had a bell on its collar...
{27552}{27645}...and we could hear it every time|it ran through the little
kitty door.
{27649}{27752}We'd have an apartment over the garage|where Joey could grow
old.
{27879}{27931}You know what?
{27936}{28006}I don't...|I don't want a big, fancy wedding.
{28018}{28070}- Sure you do.|- No.
{28101}{28166}I want everything|that you've just said.
{28170}{28229}I want a marriage.
{28241}{28295}You sure?
{28339}{28438}- I love you so much.|- I love you.
{28780}{28879}- I love it!|- Really? You're not gonna return it?
{28884}{28919}Well, not this second.
{28987}{29045}Hey, look, you guys. It's snowing!
{29121}{29253}- Wow, it's so beautiful.|- Wow, it really is.
{29308}{29382}Wendy's a fat-girl name.
{29386}{29446}Aren't we done with that?
{29450}{29548}Okay, fine. Fine.|Let's talk about snow.
{29574}{29687}Do you think it's snowing in Tulsa where|my husband's having
sex on a copier?
{29746}{29807}- Hey.|- Oh, my God.
{29878}{29940}Look at that.|That's a Christmas miracle!
{29990}{30086}- What are you doing here?|- I wanted to be with you.
{30090}{30132}I missed you so much.
{30136}{30215}- Hey, hey. Who'd you miss the most?|- Monica.
{30240}{30289}Gotcha.
{30350}{30457}- I never want to leave you again.|- I thought if you left,
you'd get fired.
{30462}{30545}Turns out they can't fire me.|Because I quit.
{30554}{30639}- What?|- What? You...? You really quit your job?
{30644}{30727}Yeah. It was a stupid job,|and I could not stand leaving
you.
{30734}{30823}Why should I be the only one who|doesn't do what he really
wants to do?
{30828}{30946}- Well, what do you really wanna do?|- I have not thought
this through.
{30962}{31046}- Oh, my God.|- I know. I should've talked to you first.
{31051}{31127}No, I think that this is what|you wanna do. I think it's
great!
{31149}{31194}Thanks.
{31199}{31321}Chandler, your being here is the best|Christmas present I
could ever imagine.
{31358}{31418}- Now give me my real gift.|- Yeah.
{31422}{31471}- Thank you.|- Here, pass those around.
{31672}{31775}"A donation has been made in your name|to the New York City
Ballet."
{31817}{31873}How did you know?
{31877}{31973}What? Are you kidding?|I can't return this.
{32001}{32054}It's time we started thinking about|other people.
{32058}{32121}And besides, this gift still says,|"I love you guys."
{32126}{32217}- Mine says, "To Lillian Myers."|- I don't have a job.
{32342}{32404}Actuary? No.
{32412}{32488}Bookkeeper? No.
{32492}{32554}Topless dancer?
{32684}{32769}Hey, you know what I just realized?|You are the sole wage
earner.
{32773}{32905}You are the head of the household.|I don't do anything. I'm
a kept man!
{32910}{32946}You are.
{32950}{32984}Honey, here's 20 bucks.
{32991}{33054}Go buy yourself something pretty|while I'm at work tomorrow.
{33285}{33310}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 11
{115}{149}Good morning, tiger.
{155}{258}I'm making you a big breakfast, so you|can keep up your strength
for tonight.
{263}{321}You're gonna get me|good and pregnant.
{353}{423}I've got nowhere to go this morning.|I'm unemployed.
{427}{473}I don't know what|I'm gonna do with my life.
{481}{552}Well, I just lost my erection.
{561}{621}No, I mean, what am I supposed|to do with myself?
{627}{681}You're supposed to find|your passion in life.
{685}{752}You can be whatever you want|to be now. It's exciting.
{757}{831}Yeah, but it's all so overwhelming.|I don't know where to start.
{837}{906}Wait a second.|I can help you with this.
{911}{1013}You just need to be organized. We can|make a list of your
qualifications...
{1017}{1156}...and categorize jobs by industry.|There could be folders and
files...
{1161}{1268}Hey, this is where your hyper-organized|pain-in-the-ass stuff
pays off.
{1273}{1323}I know!
{1333}{1384}My erection is back!
{1421}{1472}The One Where Rachel Goes Back to Work
{1497}{1697}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{1722}{1922}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{2329}{2354}Thank you.
{2359}{2437}Joey, could I have a sip of your coffee|and a bite of your
muffin?
{2441}{2501}- Okay.|- Thank you.
{2663}{2702}Thank you.
{2755}{2827}Pheebs, have you ever been bitten|by a hungry Italian?
{2855}{2921}I'm sorry.|It's just, I'm a little short on cash.
{2927}{2978}If you want,|I could loan you some money.
{2983}{3056}Oh, no. I learned never to|borrow money from friends.
{3061}{3162}That's why Richard Dreyfuss|and I don't speak anymore.
{3175}{3258}Hey, how about this?|Wanna be an extra on my show?
{3263}{3296}You could do that?
{3301}{3381}The pay's pretty good, and you|could do it for as long as you
need.
{3385}{3468}- Oh, my God. I'm gonna be on TV!|- Okay, now...
{3473}{3563}I gotta tell you, being on TV isn't|as glamorous and exciting
as you think.
{3567}{3657}- Really?|- No, it is awesome.
{3671}{3703}Hey, guys.
{3765}{3802}Why are you all dressed up?
{3807}{3911}We're bringing Emma to Ralph Lauren|today to introduce her to
everyone.
{3915}{3968}- Doesn't she look cute?|- She sure does.
{3973}{4033}Why does she have a pink bow|taped to her head?
{4037}{4108}Because if one more person says,|"What a cute little boy"...
{4113}{4175}...I'm gonna whip them|with a car antenna.
{4181}{4242}I think she's gonna be|the hit of the office.
{4247}{4349}Yeah, she's gonna be hotter|than peasant blouses and A-line
skirts.
{4395}{4435}Can I get a blue bow?
{4513}{4578}Okay. I have looked through|a bunch of career guides...
{4583}{4641}...photocopied and highlighted|key passages...
{4645}{4769}...and put them into alphabetical folders,|so you can make an
informed decision.
{4773}{4825}How long was I in there?
{4845}{4916}Okay, let's start with the A's.|Advertising.
{4931}{5014}Wait. Advertising, that's a great idea.
{5053}{5102}Don't you wanna look through the rest?
{5129}{5219}I don't think I have to hear the rest.|Advertising makes
perfect sense.
{5223}{5271}Sorry you had to waste all this time.
{5275}{5376}You call eight hours alone|with my label maker wasted time?
{5381}{5429}Now I'll get to use my shredder!
{5445}{5541}I mean, I could write slogans.|How hard could it be, right?
{5549}{5665}"Cheese. It's milk that you chew."
{5737}{5856}"Crackers. Because your cheese|needs a buddy."
{5861}{5975}"A grape. Because who can get|a watermelon in your mouth?"
{6003}{6027}I got one.
{6031}{6128}"Socks. Because your family's feet|deserve the best."
{6133}{6169}Honey, leave it to the pros.
{6205}{6252}I actually know someone in advertising.
{6257}{6327}I grew up with a guy who is|a vice president at a big agency.
{6337}{6397}Maybe I can get him to meet you.|Give me the phone.
{6401}{6524}"The phone. Bringing you closer|to people who have phones."
{6557}{6615}"Marriage. It's not for everybody."
{6719}{6804}That went well. Almost everybody|knew that she was a girl.
{6809}{6893}Yeah, after you punched that one guy|who got it wrong, word
spread.
{6915}{6989}I'm just gonna go in my office|and pick up some stuff.
{7075}{7136}- Who the hell are you?|- Who the hell are you?
{7141}{7221}I'm the hell person|whose office this is.
{7225}{7278}Good one, Rach.
{7289}{7367}I'm Gavin Mitchell,|the person who's taking over your job.
{7371}{7400}Excuse me?
{7425}{7496}Your baby's so cute.
{7503}{7573}But why would you put|a pink bow on a boy?
{7695}{7748}Hey, Joey. Look at me.
{7753}{7788}I'm a nurse.
{7793}{7819}Yes, you are.
{7825}{7896}I think it might be time|for my sponge bath.
{7901}{7976}Sorry, I'm just so used|to hitting on the extras.
{7981}{8064}- So are you excited about your scene?|- Yeah, but I'm a
little nervous.
{8069}{8157}Relax. Don't be. They'll probably|just make you stand in the
background.
{8163}{8239}- Good.|- You. Here, come here. Here.
{8243}{8326}Take this tray, stand on this yellow mark.|You're gonna move
on "action."
{8331}{8421}Walk over to the operating table, stop on|the blue mark and
put the tray down.
{8425}{8464}Don't walk too fast.
{8479}{8540}But don't dawdle.
{8547}{8596}Okay. Now, what?
{8619}{8699}And, action!
{8833}{8857}Cut! Cut.
{8861}{8945}- I'm sorry. I'm just a little nervous.|- Well, don't be.
{8961}{9017}Okay, that helps.
{9037}{9099}And, action!
{9197}{9223}Cut!
{9229}{9319}Don't worry about it, Pheebs.|It usually takes me three takes
too.
{9323}{9353}All right, eight.
{9387}{9517}And, action!
{9937}{10020}So do you have any other|questions about advertising?
{10025}{10090}No. But let me show you what I can do.
{10105}{10163}"Bagels and doughnuts.
{10167}{10263}Round food for every mood."
{10293}{10352}Monica warned me you might do that.
{10399}{10466}I think we might have something|for you at the agency.
{10471}{10567}- Really? That's great.|- It's an unpaid internship.
{10603}{10702}That's funny. When you said "unpaid,"|it sounded like you
said "unpaid."
{10713}{10813}Come on, now. Monica has a good job.|It's not like you have
a family to support.
{10817}{10908}Actually, we're trying. I don't think|Monica is gonna want
to postpone it.
{10913}{10984}We're supposed to have sex tonight.
{11001}{11077}Actually, she's probably at home,|naked right now.
{11117}{11193}I tend to keep talking|till somebody stops me.
{11243}{11329}- I can just picture her on the bed.|- Stop!
{11367}{11426}Wait. What do you mean|you're taking over my job?
{11431}{11511}While you were on your baby vacation,|I was doing your job.
{11515}{11591}A vacation? My idea|of a vacation does not involve...
{11595}{11698}...something sucking on my nipples|until they are raw.
{11711}{11807}Clearly, you've never been|to Sandals Paradise Island.
{11875}{11966}All right. Don't get too comfortable|there, because I'm back
in two weeks.
{11971}{12010}I want everything back|the way it was.
{12015}{12096}I can't say I care too much for the way|you've rearranged my
office.
{12101}{12169}I can't say I care too much|for that smell you've brought
in.
{12177}{12302}- Excuse me?|- Rach, we have a code brown situation.
{12327}{12390}Honey, could you please|take care of it for me?
{12405}{12512}All right, but you're gonna|have to do one sometime.
{12541}{12582}Let me just get this straight.
{12587}{12667}So I go have a baby, and they send|some guy in to do my job?
{12671}{12769}Well, there was talk of shutting down|Ralph Lauren
altogether.
{12773}{12826}Okay. Right.|You're very cheeky for a temp.
{12831}{12915}I'm not a temp. I was transferred here|from another
department.
{12919}{12988}And what department was that?|The jerk department?
{12993}{13038}They didn't tell me|about your quick wit.
{13043}{13127}Well, did they mention that|I'm rubber and you're glue?
{13145}{13239}- Gavin, Ralph loved your ideas.|- Hi, Mr. Zelner.
{13243}{13288}Rachel. I see you've met Gavin.
{13293}{13365}When you left us, we weren't sure|what we were gonna do.
{13369}{13462}But then, Gavin to the rescue.|Super Gavin.
{13493}{13528}Well, that's great.
{13533}{13606}So now, Super Gavin,|when I come back...
{13611}{13686}...where do you plan on flying off to?
{13691}{13782}That's up to Mr. Zelner.|I'm sure he'll make the right
decision.
{13793}{13860}Super ass-kissing power.
{13875}{13931}Incidentally, when are you coming back?
{13967}{13993}Today.
{13999}{14096}- You said two weeks.|- No, I said today.
{14101}{14195}See, for a superhero,|not so much with the listening.
{14301}{14349}So, what'd he say?
{14363}{14419}He can be a little rough|around the edges...
{14423}{14537}...so I'm gonna replace a word|he used a lot with the word
"puppy."
{14571}{14696}So he said, "If your puppy friend|doesn't get her puppy act
together...
{14701}{14773}...I am gonna fire|her mother-puppy ass."
{14795}{14866}I'm sorry. I can't do this.|I'm just not an actor.
{14871}{14928}That's right. You're not.|You're a nurse.
{14933}{14992}- You're Nurse With Tray.|- No, Joey...
{14997}{15071}Nurse With Tray doesn't know Joey.|She has no time for
friends.
{15075}{15163}She gets in that operating room|and she carries that tray to
the doctor...
{15167}{15214}...because if she doesn't, people die.
{15219}{15261}Who dies?
{15265}{15308}Man With Eye Patch!
{15313}{15370}Now, you get in there,|and you do your job.
{15377}{15424}Yes, doctor.
{15443}{15516}Okay, let's try this one more time.
{15521}{15625}Hang in there, Man With Eye Patch.|Your tray is coming.
{15657}{15737}And, action.
{15857}{15911}Yes, I did it! I nailed it!
{15943}{15970}What's next?
{15977}{16033}The rest of the scene.
{16077}{16120}Okay, from the top, people.
{16285}{16365}Listen, sudden change of plans.|My maternity leave just
ended.
{16369}{16434}They said if I didn't|come back today, they'd fire me.
{16439}{16483}What? No, that's illegal.
{16487}{16552}I'll have the Labor Department|here so fast, they won't...
{16557}{16693}All right, calm down, Norma Rae.|They didn't actually say
that.
{16697}{16803}I'm just afraid if I don't come back now,|this guy will try
and squeeze me out.
{16807}{16880}But what about Emma?|I mean, we don't have a nanny.
{16885}{16958}I know. We're just gonna have|to figure out a plan tonight.
{16963}{17020}Can you please just take care|of her for today?
{17031}{17116}Absolutely. Just give me your breasts,|and we'll be on our
way.
{17155}{17233}Come on.|I don't know what else to do.
{17239}{17301}Fine. Fine.
{17305}{17394}We'll have fun, won't we?|Yes, we will. Yes, we...
{17519}{17554}Ross.
{17607}{17644}You're pretty.
{17795}{17884}Whatever I decide to do, I'm gonna be|starting a new career
from scratch.
{17893}{17959}It's gonna be a while|before I make a living at it.
{17971}{18071}Maybe now's not the right time|to be starting a family.
{18075}{18186}So you have to tell Monica you don't|want to have a baby
right now?
{18191}{18215}Yeah.
{18263}{18303}Goodbye.
{18391}{18474}Okay, it's baby time.|Pants off, Bing.
{18525}{18566}Didn't see you there, Geller.
{18615}{18661}Ross is here, so...
{18739}{18812}And I was really hoping|that maybe I could hang out.
{18847}{18914}You know, what do you feel like doing?
{18941}{18998}Well, we're gonna have sex.
{19015}{19078}I don't feel like having sex.
{19153}{19239}Maybe... I don't know. Maybe we|can watch a movie or
something.
{19245}{19279}Let me put it this way:
{19283}{19344}We're having sex|whether you're here or not.
{19363}{19405}Pants off, Bing.
{19507}{19618}Now that I'm back, why don't you just|fill me in on what
you've been up to.
{19625}{19718}Well, I've changed your screen saver|from that picture of
*NS YNC.
{19723}{19765}Hey, they were popular when I left.
{19795}{19856}I'm working on this|big presentation for tomorrow.
{19863}{19922}I should be involved in that,|so get me up to speed.
{19927}{19995}That'll take weeks.|Let me take care of the presentation.
{19999}{20053}No. I see what you're|doing here, all right?
{20057}{20163}This is my job, buddy. I've had it for|five years, and I
know how it works.
{20169}{20266}- So why don't you just catch me up.|- Fine.
{20271}{20352}Oh, God. You've totally messed|with the back support on my
chair.
{20357}{20412}- How do you fix this?|- You've been here five years.
{20417}{20507}- You figure it out.|- Fine, I will.
{20663}{20698}All right, fill me in.
{20871}{20958}Do you have a blue tie that would go|with this? Emma spit up
on mine.
{20963}{21028}Yeah, but you have to give it back|if I get a job.
{21033}{21097}Of course, by that time,|ties will be obsolete...
{21101}{21177}...and we'll all be wearing|silver jumpsuits.
{21207}{21251}Hey, good morning, lover.
{21255}{21342}I gotta say, after last night,|I'm a little weak in the
knees.
{21417}{21530}Here's an idea. You walk into a room,|take a quick scan.
{21593}{21618}Sorry.
{21623}{21737}But I kind of have this feeling that|we may have made a baby
last night.
{21741}{21838}Oh, God, I have to tell you something.
{21851}{21885}You're not pregnant.
{21895}{21926}What are you talking about?
{21935}{22016}Well, that thing that I have to do|to make a baby?
{22021}{22048}I faked it.
{22067}{22123}What? You faked it?
{22147}{22201}You know what?
{22239}{22292}I don't need a tie.
{22323}{22436}I mean, it's better open collar,|you know?
{22469}{22532}It's more casual.
{22655}{22731}Joey. Listen, I can't do this.|It doesn't make any sense.
{22735}{22826}Yesterday I was a nurse,|and today I'm a waitress at a cafe?
{22831}{22914}Sometimes we use the same extras|for different parts. It's
okay.
{22919}{23031}Well, it's not okay, because I gave a very|memorable
performance as the nurse.
{23035}{23142}And now, suddenly, I'm the waitress?|That's gonna confuse my
fans.
{23205}{23286}Well, maybe you are a nurse...
{23291}{23372}...but you moonlight as a waitress.
{23481}{23562}Because I'm a single mother|supporting my two children.
{23575}{23610}Nice.
{23651}{23681}Wait a minute.
{23687}{23794}Dr. Drake Ramoray and I work at the|same hospital. Wouldn't
I come say hi?
{23799}{23897}No. No, see, you and Drake|are having a fight.
{23903}{23940}About what?
{23945}{24016}He slept with you|and then never called you.
{24047}{24145}And I just wanted a new daddy|for Davey and Becky.
{24183}{24232}Okay. Okay, from the top.
{24243}{24313}And, action.
{24319}{24395}So I'm surprised you agreed|to have lunch with me.
{24401}{24459}I'm surprised too. But yet, here I am.
{24493}{24553}Cut! Cut!
{24557}{24592}What are you doing?
{24597}{24697}I'm very angry at him because he slept|with me and never
called me back.
{24703}{24750}- Me too.|- Me too!
{24781}{24835}Calm down. She means on the show.
{24839}{24902}We need some new extras|around here.
{24989}{25028}Wow. You're here already.
{25033}{25138}Yes. Emma and I came in a little early|to do research on the
presentation.
{25143}{25228}Actually, I made a few changes.|I think I'm caught up on
everything.
{25233}{25276}So ask me anything.
{25283}{25354}- How do you fix the chair?|- Except that!
{25379}{25487}Hello, Mr. Zelner. We are all ready|for our presentation
this afternoon.
{25493}{25608}- Good, because it's in 10 minutes.|- What? I can't do that.
I have the baby.
{25613}{25664}Ross is not gonna pick her up|for an hour.
{25669}{25736}Then Gavin can give the presentation.|We have to do it now.
{25741}{25827}Ralph needs to leave early today.|He's going helicopter
shopping.
{25903}{25958}Well, there you go, you win.|You win.
{25963}{26033}You get to do the presentation.|You'll knock them dead.
{26037}{26128}No one will remember that I worked here,|and then Ralph will
buy his helicopter...
{26133}{26217}...and Super Gavin will just fly|right alongside of him.
{26333}{26411}- You can do the presentation.|- No, I can't. I have a baby.
{26423}{26465}I'll watch her.
{26517}{26546}Why would you do that?
{26555}{26667}Because you worked really hard, and|it's your job. And
you're a little crazy.
{26695}{26736}That's really nice.
{26751}{26835}I should tell you that crying women|make me very
uncomfortable.
{26841}{26925}Well, you're not gonna like|what's coming.
{26987}{27047}I'm sorry, I'm sorry.|I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
{27061}{27096}God.
{27109}{27152}Thank you. Thank you.
{27297}{27377}I'm really fine. Don't worry.|I'm great with children.
{27639}{27712}Gavin Mitchell. Pleased to meet you.
{27757}{27825}Please don't fire my friend.|Just let me talk to her.
{27829}{27897}- Okay, but this is her last chance.|- Thank you.
{27901}{27955}How about I do something for you?
{27959}{28033}Tomorrow, I'll bring you a hat,|cover up the bald.
{28129}{28201}Listen, Pheebs. I was just talking|to the director...
{28207}{28278}...and he was thinking maybe|this time you don't hit Drake.
{28283}{28316}You just wait on the tables.
{28325}{28393}I can't do that. I'm an actor.|I have a process.
{28399}{28480}You're a masseuse.|You have a table with a hole in it.
{28517}{28578}Wait, I see what's happening here.|You're threatened.
{28583}{28609}What?
{28613}{28696}I'm so good in the scene|that I'm stealing focus from you.
{28701}{28778}Rise to the challenge, Tribbiani,|because I just raised the
bar.
{28783}{28812}Come join me up here.
{28927}{29014}Yeah, you can fire her, but I would|call security. She won't
go easy.
{29081}{29154}You faked it?|You couldn't have faked it.
{29159}{29255}Yes, you can. You just make|the faces and the noises.
{29303}{29343}Guys can fake it?
{29347}{29417}Unbelievable.|The one thing that's ours.
{29483}{29550}Why would you fake it|when we're trying to have a baby?
{29555}{29619}Well, that's actually why.
{29637}{29693}Look, I'm starting|a whole new career now.
{29697}{29746}I'm not saying I don't want a baby.
{29751}{29833}I'm just saying maybe|we could wait a little while.
{29837}{29871}Like a month?
{29893}{29971}- Or a year?|- Really? You wanna wait a year?
{29975}{30050}It could be less than a year.|I mean, you've heard my stuff.
{30055}{30177}"Pants. Like shorts but longer."
{30245}{30301}Lt'll probably be more than a year.
{30381}{30481}- I really wanna have a baby.|- Well, yeah, me too.
{30547}{30626}Look, I'll just get my old job back.
{30631}{30689}No, I want you to have|a job that you love...
{30697}{30779}...not statistical analysis|and data reconfiguration.
{30785}{30849}I quit, and you learn what I do?
{30919}{31013}I think there's never gonna be|a right time to have a baby.
{31017}{31068}Now you're unemployed,|and in a little while...
{31073}{31146}...you'll find a new job|that'll keep you really busy.
{31151}{31213}There's always gonna be|a reason not to do this...
{31217}{31319}...but I think once the baby comes,|we'll forget about all
those reasons.
{31355}{31396}I guess.
{31401}{31471}I mean, it's always gonna be scary|when we have a baby.
{31475}{31533}It's gonna be really scary.
{31537}{31608}I mean, God, when we have a baby...
{31613}{31697}...there's gonna be so much|that we're not able to control.
{31713}{31806}I mean, the apartment's|gonna be a mess.
{31811}{31877}I won't have time to clean it.
{31893}{31957}What if the baby gets|into the ribbon drawer...
{31961}{32025}...and messes up all the ribbons?
{32029}{32081}What if there's no room|for a ribbon drawer...
{32085}{32143}...because the baby's stuff|takes up all the space?
{32147}{32199}Where will all the ribbons go?
{32231}{32288}Should we go make a baby|before you change your mind?
{32293}{32336}- Yes, please!|- Okay.
{32341}{32409}And I promise I will not|fake it this time.
{32413}{32492}Well, I wish I could say the same.|I'm a little shook up.
{32611}{32666}I know you botched|that operation on purpose.
{32671}{32771}I can't prove it yet, but when I do,|you'll be going to jail
for murder.
{32775}{32816}I don't care if you are my brother.
{32839}{32888}I'm not your brother.
{32897}{32943}What about my children, Drake?
{32947}{32994}No! No! No!
{33165}{33190}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 12
{140}{179}- Where's Mon?|- She's at home...
{183}{251}...putting up decorations|for Rachel's birthday party tonight.
{256}{308}- You're not helping?|- I tried...
{312}{406}...but apparently singing "I Will Survive"|in a helium voice,
not helping.
{464}{513}- Hey, guys.|- Hey.
{578}{639}Don't say that loud.|Gunther's gonna want to hug me.
{705}{756}Good news, everyone.|We finally found a nanny.
{761}{880}- This is Molly. Molly, Chandler, Joey.|- Hi.
{885}{944}Somebody's getting a little fussy.
{949}{1031}You're damn right I am. I've been|waiting for a cookie for
seven minutes.
{1060}{1116}Okay. You know what,|I'm just gonna take her outside.
{1120}{1176}- No, you stay. I'll do it.|- Okay. Thank you.
{1180}{1262}- Nice to meet you guys.|- Yeah, you too.
{1277}{1330}- Wow, Molly's just great.|- Yeah.
{1335}{1407}Yes, bravo on the hot nanny.
{1418}{1491}- What? You really think she's hot?|- Are you kidding?
{1495}{1575}If I wasn't married,|she'd be rejecting me right now.
{1629}{1657}Joey?
{1662}{1705}How do you think she's doing?
{1757}{1816}Am I the only one that doesn't think|she's hot? Ross?
{1839}{1931}- I mean, she's not unattractive, but...|- Right.
{1935}{1992}...but hot?
{2003}{2047}Thank you.
{2101}{2131}Now that Rachel's gone?
{2137}{2198}So hot, I cried myself to sleep|last night.
{2266}{2317}The One With Phoebe's Rats
{2342}{2542}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2567}{2767}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3460}{3511}Hey, Mike,|what's the capital of Peru?
{3515}{3578}- Lima.|- No.
{3626}{3697}It starts with a V|and ends with an X.
{3701}{3793}And hopefully with a T-O|in the middle.
{3807}{3887}You know, come to think of it,|the capital of Peru is "Vtox."
{3944}{3976}- Oh, God!|- What?
{3980}{4035}Okay. I don't want to freak you out|or anything...
{4039}{4084}...but I just saw a rat|in your cupboard.
{4089}{4148}Oh, yeah. No, that's Bob.
{4192}{4236}Well, he's your pet rat?
{4241}{4304}Well, not so much a pet as, you know,|an occasional visitor...
{4308}{4439}...who I put food out for.|Kind of like Santa.
{4457}{4545}Except Santa doesn't poop|on the plate of cookies.
{4554}{4624}You can't keep a rat in your apartment.|They're unsanitary.
{4628}{4700}I mean, they transmit leptospirosis|and hantavirus.
{4705}{4742}- What are those?|- I don't know...
{4746}{4805}...but they don't sound|like spa treatments.
{4809}{4870}- You have to get rid of it.|- Okay, fine.
{4874}{4929}If it means that much to you,|I'll get rid of Bob.
{4934}{4974}Thank you.
{4978}{5068}It's so weird you think he's so gross,|yet you're willing to
eat his crackers.
{5249}{5294}- Hello.|- Hello.
{5298}{5363}Gavin, I just want to say|thank you again...
{5368}{5440}...for watching Emma yesterday|during the presentation.
{5444}{5489}I really owe you an apology.
{5496}{5562}- For what?|- When we first met, you know...
{5566}{5650}...I thought you were pompous|and arrogant and obnoxious.
{5656}{5719}Is this your first apology?
{5723}{5801}No, I just mean, you know,|first impressions don't mean
anything.
{5805}{5922}And I think you're a really good guy.|And I'm sorry that I
misjudged you.
{5928}{5984}- Morning.|- Hello.
{5988}{6064}But you know what?|Hey, new day, new leaf.
{6068}{6162}I am just really, really happy...
{6186}{6259}I'm sorry. Obviously, Heather's ass|has something more
important to say...
{6263}{6330}...so I'll just wait till it's finished.
{6341}{6388}- What?|- I was giving you an apology...
{6392}{6440}...and you were totally|checking her out.
{6445}{6539}I wasn't. I'm in fashion.|I was looking at her skirt.
{6544}{6663}Or was it pants? I didn't really see|what happened below the
ass area.
{6677}{6738}Wow, you are really...|You're really a creep.
{6742}{6793}What do you care|if I was looking at her?
{6797}{6829}Are you jealous?
{6834}{6874}Oh, yeah. I'm jealous.
{6878}{6958}"Oh, Gavin. Please,|please look at my ass."
{6989}{7048}Stop looking at my ass!
{7053}{7119}I mean, I just think|you are totally inappropriate. Okay?
{7123}{7204}This is a work environment.|She's your subordinate.
{7209}{7293}But it was okay when you|slept with your old assistant, Tag?
{7297}{7375}That is totally different|for two reasons.
{7379}{7462}One: I didn't know|that you knew that.
{7493}{7580}And two: I wasn't some creep|staring at his ass.
{7584}{7691}We had a... We had a deep,|meaningful relationship.
{7734}{7775}What was Tag's last name?
{7780}{7821}It was...
{7864}{7909}Oh, my God.
{7913}{7998}He didn't... He didn't...|He didn't have a last name.
{8002}{8138}It was just Tag, you know,|like Cher or...
{8147}{8206}...you know, Moses.
{8241}{8298}But it was a deep,|meaningful relationship.
{8304}{8376}You know what? My first impression|of you was absolutely
right.
{8380}{8447}You are arrogant. You are pompous.|Morgan! Morgan!
{8451}{8518}- Tag's last name was Morgan!|- It was Jones.
{8525}{8586}What are you, his boyfriend?
{8684}{8778}- Man, I wish I had a nanny like you.|- You mean when you were
a baby?
{8787}{8840}Sure.
{8898}{8937}Would you stop staring at her?
{8959}{9002}I wasn't staring.
{9006}{9063}I was leering.
{9077}{9122}What's the big deal with her?
{9126}{9200}Maybe she's attractive|in an obvious kind of way.
{9205}{9284}Yeah, obvious beauty's the worst.
{9288}{9351}You know, when it's right there|in your face.
{9355}{9422}Me, I like to have to work|to find someone attractive.
{9426}{9470}Makes me feel like I earned it.
{9498}{9549}Looks like Joey's doing all right|with her.
{9559}{9612}Yeah. Hey, that was nice of you guys|to back off...
{9616}{9691}...and let Joey get the girl for once.
{9722}{9806}- I'm gonna take her to the apartment.|- Okay. I'll be home
right after work.
{9812}{9871}- Okay.|- Okay, bye, Emma.
{9877}{9953}I love you.
{9962}{9995}- Bye.|- Bye.
{9999}{10058}They've elected me to talk to you|about the baby talk.
{10062}{10119}It's not so good.
{10125}{10176}I think it's sweet.
{10182}{10233}Bye, Emma!
{10277}{10396}Hey, listen, Joey. About Molly, I would|really prefer if you
didn't go after her.
{10402}{10475}- Why not?|- It took months to find a good nanny.
{10479}{10571}And I wouldn't want anything to,|you know, drive her away.
{10576}{10625}So you think I'm just|gonna sleep with her...
{10629}{10708}...and never call her again, and|things are gonna get
uncomfortable?
{10712}{10763}Yeah, that sounds about right.
{10784}{10840}Come on, there are plenty|of other women out there.
{10844}{10963}Just forget about her, okay?|She's off-limits.
{10968}{11043}Oh, man! What'd you have to go|and say that for?
{11047}{11135}Now that you told me I can't have her,|makes me want her
even more!
{11155}{11218}- What are you, a child?|- Yes!
{11223}{11280}Look, Joey, come on now.|For me, please.
{11285}{11402}Just try to focus your sexual energy|on someone else.
{11414}{11466}Fine.
{11640}{11668}Take me home.
{11795}{11852}- Hey, Mikey.|- Hey, Pheeb.
{11858}{11915}- What are you doing?|- Setting rattraps.
{11921}{12031}- To kill Bob?|- No. No, to test his neck strength.
{12036}{12114}No, I don't want to kill him.|I thought we were gonna
capture him...
{12118}{12181}...and, you know, set him free|in the countryside...
{12185}{12231}...where he could meet|a friendly possum...
{12235}{12305}...and a wisecracking owl.
{12312}{12402}- Okay, okay. I'll throw away the traps.|- All right, I'll
find Bob. I'll get him.
{12406}{12505}Bob? Bob?
{12509}{12566}Robert?
{12607}{12674}Wait, I think I hear him.
{12687}{12814}Oh, my God! Bob had babies!|Bob's a mom!
{12818}{12856}We'll have to think of a new name.
{12860}{12919}I don't know,|I kind of like "Bob" for a girl.
{12923}{13003}No, no. I mean, I'm not sure that we...
{13041}{13135}Oh, my God. We killed Bob?
{13139}{13203}Well, maybe it wasn't Bob.|Maybe it was a mouse.
{13207}{13264}Susie?
{13366}{13414}What's up?
{13443}{13494}Seriously, dude. Three years ago.
{13538}{13609}Listen, can you do me a favor?|I'm gonna be out today.
{13614}{13647}Can you keep an eye on Joey...
{13651}{13712}...make sure nothing happens|between him and Molly?
{13718}{13769}- You don't trust him?|- Well, no.
{13774}{13839}Some woman who sounded|a lot like Joey called earlier...
{13843}{13935}...and asked for her daughter,|the "hot nanny."
{13954}{14019}Is this your long-term plan,|for me to run interference?
{14023}{14111}Because I could get a job any day now.
{14115}{14201}You do appear right on the cusp|of something.
{14205}{14282}Look, come on, man. I'm sure|he'll lose interest in a week
or two...
{14287}{14346}...but for now, could you please|just do this for me?
{14351}{14396}Fine, but don't blame me|if it doesn't work.
{14400}{14463}Because you know once Joey|sets his mind on something...
{14467}{14550}...more often than not,|he's going to have sex with it.
{14584}{14649}Well, I mean,|we've gotta do something. Okay?
{14653}{14745}Nannies like her don't grow on trees.
{14801}{14854}- Picturing that tree?|- I am, yes.
{15036}{15090}Where you going, Joe?
{15195}{15237}For a walk.
{15242}{15288}You mind if I join you?
{15294}{15421}Actually, I'd rather be alone. You know,|I really need to
organize my thoughts.
{15451}{15504}Your thoughts?
{15512}{15553}Plural?
{15582}{15666}All right, fine.|I only have one thought.
{15683}{15734}It's about the hot nanny!|I gotta see her!
{15758}{15842}- I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Joe.|- Now you're
saying I can't see her?
{15847}{15955}You're killing me! She's forbidden fruit!|It's like, like...
{15959}{16049}...like she's the princess|and I'm the stable boy.
{16078}{16133}Why are you doing this, huh?
{16137}{16194}Did Ross tell you not to let me|go over there?
{16199}{16264}Yes, as a matter of fact, he did.|So I can't let you go.
{16285}{16361}Interesting. Now there are obstacles.
{16400}{16473}Hot nanny and me against the world!
{16477}{16528}This is the stuff great novels|are made of.
{16533}{16594}- Great novels?|- Fine. Mediocre porn.
{16712}{16763}- Gavin Mitchell's office.|- Rachel Greene's office.
{16767}{16804}Give me that phone.
{16839}{16927}Hello, this is Rachel Greene.|How can I help you?
{16954}{17048}Okay then.|I'll pass you back to your son.
{17077}{17145}Hey, Mom.|No, that's just my secretary.
{17219}{17291}Excuse me, Gavin.|I have a question I need to ask you.
{17295}{17368}Mom, I'll call you later. Yeah.
{17375}{17456}- Yes?|- Lf you like looking at butts so much...
{17460}{17542}...why don't you just go|look in a mirror?
{17564}{17598}Thank God you finally said that.
{17602}{17681}I saw you make a note on your pad|three hours ago.
{17754}{17811}- Man, I really bug you. Don't I?|- Oh, no. Please...
{17815}{17859}...I don't care about you|enough to bug me.
{17863}{17947}In fact, from now on,|I'm going to take the high road...
{17951}{18035}...and I'm going to be very, very nice|to you, you mama's
boy...
{18039}{18071}...starting right now.
{18126}{18160}- Hey, Rach.|- Hi.
{18164}{18208}- Ready for your birthday lunch?|- I am.
{18212}{18286}But first, Monica,|I would like to introduce you...
{18290}{18366}...to my very talented colleague|and more importantly...
{18370}{18438}...my wonderful friend, Gavin Mitchell.
{18443}{18486}- Pleased to meet you.|- Pleased to meet you.
{18490}{18527}Are you coming to Rachel's party?
{18532}{18613}Oh, no, no, no, no. Gavin can't.|He already has plans...
{18617}{18676}...most likely with his mother.
{18691}{18794}I don't mind. I'll cancel them. I would|never miss my
secretary's birthday.
{18844}{18944}Why did you invite him?|I can't stand that guy!
{18949}{19008}- You were being so nice to him.|- I was faking it.
{19012}{19056}Can't you tell when I'm being fake?
{19086}{19143}Hey, Mr. Phillips. Nice suit.
{19147}{19218}Right there.|That was so fake!
{19476}{19524}I still can't believe you invited Gavin.
{19529}{19597}He is just the last person|I want to see.
{19602}{19686}You're welcome for the party.|I'm glad you're having a good
time.
{19692}{19780}I hope he doesn't show up.|Of course he won't, the guy hates
me.
{19784}{19833}- Does he?|- What?
{19844}{19917}Maybe he keeps bothering you|so much because he likes you.
{19921}{19986}It's like in first grade|when Skippy Lange would push me...
{19990}{20049}...because he secretly|had a crush on me.
{20054}{20131}Monica, you think Skippy liked you?
{20135}{20214}Honey, all those boys had a bet|to see if he could knock you
over.
{20263}{20337}- She's out. I'm gonna take her home.|- Okay. Thank you.
{20341}{20400}Bye, sweetheart.
{20466}{20527}Do you see what all the guys|see in her?
{20531}{20592}Wouldn't kick her out of bed.
{20605}{20639}No more vodka for me.
{20684}{20743}Hey, Rach. So can I sing|"Happy Birthday" to you now?
{20747}{20831}- Yeah, sure.|- All right.
{20872}{20922}See you later.
{20944}{20988}Hey, Rach. Somebody got you shoes.
{20992}{21020}Give me!
{21048}{21179}- Wow. Wow. Oh, my God!|- Careful! Careful!
{21184}{21240}These are my rat babies!
{21306}{21388}Yeah. We have rat babies now.
{21425}{21513}You brought rats|to my birthday party?
{21518}{21588}So this is what a stroke feels like.
{21593}{21648}Well, I had to bring them.|We killed their mother.
{21653}{21706}They're our responsibility now.
{21711}{21805}You know, they require constant care.|You should know that,
you're a mother.
{21850}{21919}Are you comparing my daughter|to a rat?
{21924}{21971}No. Seven rats.
{22009}{22064}We should take them home.|We need to feed them.
{22068}{22135}You're gonna leave my party|to take care of a box of rats?
{22140}{22197}Well, I'm sorry, Rachel,|but I'm not like you. Okay?
{22201}{22265}Not everyone can afford help.
{22443}{22489}Hey, where the hell|are Joey and Molly?
{22493}{22529}I asked you to watch them.
{22534}{22593}I'm sorry. I got a little preoccupied.
{22621}{22694}Look, we have to stop them|before something happens.
{22702}{22766}Right behind you, big guy.
{22809}{22864}So you see, Molly,|what people don't understand...
{22869}{22957}...is that acting is a discipline.|It takes a lot of hard
work.
{22962}{23031}- So where'd you study?|- I didn't go to college.
{23036}{23177}- No, where'd you study acting?|- Molly, people don't study
acting.
{23246}{23336}Molly, do you mind giving us|just a minute?
{23342}{23396}- Sure. I'll go check on Emma.|- Thanks.
{23443}{23516}Will the stable boy|never get the princess?
{23524}{23624}What do you think you were gonna do,|have sex with her here
on my couch?
{23629}{23706}No. The leather sticks to my ass.
{23738}{23811}This isn't fair. What makes you think|I'm gonna sleep with
her...
{23815}{23853}...and then blow her off, huh?
{23857}{23959}Can't you guys open your minds to|the possibility that I
actually like her...
{23963}{24011}...and might want something real?
{24049}{24168}Look, the truth is, I haven't felt|this way about anyone
since Rachel.
{24173}{24253}Okay?|I didn't think I could ever love again.
{24276}{24312}- Come on!|- Joe!
{24464}{24520}Hi. Is Molly here?
{24525}{24566}Yeah, yeah. Come on in. Molly?
{24578}{24706}- Hey. Guys, this is Tabitha.|- Hey.
{24740}{24824}- I'll see you tomorrow.|- Okay.
{25046}{25149}Well, Joey, I guess|we have no problem.
{25175}{25267}It's like my favorite fairy tale|come true.
{25300}{25381}The princess, the stable boy|and the lesbian.
{25464}{25519}Okay. Okay,|you start preparing the formula...
{25523}{25564}...and I'll start changing the box.
{25568}{25643}And then we gotta put them|straight to bed.
{25648}{25693}When did we become|one of those couples...
{25697}{25756}...whose lives revolve around|their rats?
{25796}{25861}Well, you know what?|They're our responsibility now.
{25866}{25950}Okay, fine.|These rats are our responsibility.
{25955}{26012}What happens when they mate|and there are hundreds?
{26017}{26088}Mate? They're all brothers and sisters.
{26096}{26155}Yeah, not such a problem with rats.
{26159}{26241}No, they're more of a "love the one|you're with" kind of
animal.
{26260}{26310}No. Really?
{26314}{26396}Oh, my... Get off your sister!
{26437}{26498}Oh, my God. What are we gonna do?
{26502}{26577}The... We have seven rats.
{26581}{26644}So, what if each of them|has seven rats...
{26648}{26742}...and then each of those|has seven rats? That's like...
{26817}{26892}That's math I can't even do!
{26916}{26963}What are we gonna do?
{26968}{27025}Well, I know this is gonna|sound crazy...
{27030}{27188}...but we could|not let the box of rats ruin our lives.
{27237}{27323}Yeah, okay. I guess you're right.
{27327}{27407}All right, so we should just|give them away.
{27422}{27554}But to nice families with children|and reduced-fat Wheat
Thins.
{27558}{27615}Those were Bob's favorites.
{27619}{27665}It's gonna be okay.
{27696}{27786}- You must think I'm crazy.|- No, I think you're sweet.
{27791}{27945}Good. This is just so hard.|It's hard for me to let them go.
{27950}{28044}I guess it just brings back memories,|you know...
{28058}{28175}...from when I gave birth to my brother's|triplets and I had
to give them up.
{28319}{28376}I haven't told you about that yet,|have I?
{28676}{28755}Thanks for the party, honey.|Should I help you clean up?
{28759}{28863}No way. You had your party.|Now I have mine.
{28936}{28988}- Is everything all right?|- I just get bummed...
{28992}{29028}...when my birthday's over.
{29032}{29110}Well, at least you have one thing|to be happy about.
{29114}{29187}That jerk, Gavin, from your office|didn't show up.
{29191}{29255}Yeah, I hate him.
{29307}{29383}We weren't talking about you.|We were...
{29387}{29479}No. No way to recover. No. Okay.
{29520}{29602}- Fun party.|- Well, it was.
{29607}{29674}And you would have seen it|if you didn't show up at...
{29678}{29810}9:30?! God! This party was lame.
{29818}{29884}Again, you're welcome!
{29888}{30001}- Look, I'll just give you this and go.|- You bought me a
present. Why?
{30029}{30117}Let me explain how birthday parties|usually work. There are
presents...
{30122}{30190}...and a cake,|perhaps a fourth or fifth person.
{30247}{30293}Okay, I...
{30298}{30392}I got you the present to make up|for being such a jerk to
you.
{30408}{30516}Well, okay. Well, that's very nice.|And you wrote a card.
{30538}{30597}- "From Gavin."|- I really mean it.
{30771}{30808}It's beautiful.
{30813}{30866}If you don't mind...?|Let me.
{30921}{30999}Well, what do you know, it fits.
{31047}{31153}See, Gavin. You're capable of being|a nice guy.
{31157}{31207}Why do you give me such a hard time?
{31237}{31274}I'm not sure.
{31281}{31398}Well, Monica seems to think|it's because you have feelings
for me.
{31404}{31454}I do have feelings for you.
{31499}{31575}- You do?|- Yes. I feel that you're a little annoying.
{31610}{31642}See, why? Gavin, why?
{31648}{31745}Right when I'm about to change|my opinion of you, you go and
you...
{31825}{31891}And you do that.
{32521}{32600}Hey. Listen, I think I left something|here.
{32630}{32701}Well, somebody left this.|Is this yours?
{32706}{32741}No, but I like it.
{32770}{32841}No, I think I left one of my rat babies.
{32883}{32952}Well, no. I haven't seen it,|but if I do, I'll let you know.
{32956}{33035}Rat baby! Rat baby! Rat baby!|Rat baby!
{33073}{33097}Maybe that's him.
{33265}{33289}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 13
{95}{148}- Hey.|- Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sure.
{152}{222}Look, can we talk|about what happened here last night?
{227}{317}Sure. Just give me a second|to get all huffy and weird like you.
{328}{461}You believe that whoever did something|last night did what they
did or didn't do?
{477}{540}Okay, you really don't know|what I'm talking about?
{545}{604}- No.|- Okay. Last night, after the party...
{608}{694}...I saw Rachel kissing that jerk|from her office out on your
balcony.
{699}{733}Our balcony? Seriously?
{737}{818}That's so funny. I told Monica|we should put lights on our
balcony...
{822}{910}...and she said, "No, no. It's too cold.|Nobody will go out
there. " And I said:
{914}{973}"Maybe if we put some lights|out there they will."
{1030}{1118}Right, that's what I came over to talk|about. I saw Rachel
kissing some guy...
{1122}{1212}...on your balcony,|even though there were no lights!
{1241}{1306}So are you gonna talk to her?
{1311}{1403}Why? Why should I? I mean,|if she wants to move on, that's
fine.
{1408}{1494}You know when "that's fine" sounds|true? When someone yells it
and spits.
{1512}{1625}No, I'm serious. I mean, if she wants|to date people, fine. I
don't care.
{1629}{1681}But at least she could have told me.
{1685}{1769}You know, I've been putting my life on|hold and concentrating
on Emma.
{1774}{1909}But if she wants to go out there kissing|guys she barely
knows, then so will I.
{1978}{2036}Very funny! Ross is gay!
{2073}{2117}No, no.|Good, so you're moving on.
{2121}{2181}Do you have any idea|where you're moving on to?
{2186}{2231}I've got plenty of opportunities.
{2235}{2343}Just now, there was some woman|at the coffeehouse smiled at
me.
{2347}{2480}And then the other day on the subway,|a woman "accidentally"
sat on my hand.
{2496}{2600}Dude, don't rub my face|in your crazy single life.
{2614}{2670}And there's an anthropologist|at school...
{2674}{2764}...who totally came on to me during|the interdepartmental
potluck dinner.
{2769}{2832}Why did I get married?
{2878}{2926}The One Where Monica Sings
{2951}{3151}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{3176}{3376}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{4054}{4118}Hey, let me ask you guys something.
{4122}{4165}I'm having new headshots|taken tomorrow.
{4169}{4249}The photographer said she thinks|I should have my eyebrows
waxed.
{4253}{4308}Is that weird for a guy?
{4313}{4365}- Well, it depends.|- On?
{4370}{4438}On how far along he is|in the sex-change process.
{4478}{4573}No, I totally disagree. I think it's fine|for a guy to do
something like that.
{4577}{4615}Especially an actor.
{4620}{4689}I mean, not that you need to.|Your eyebrows are...
{4790}{4857}Stop it, you guys. Stop staring,|you're freaking me out.
{4862}{4917}Your knuckles are kind of hairy too.
{4937}{5001}Oh, man, now I have to get|those done too?
{5006}{5103}- Wow, talk about high maintenance.|- You dye your hair.
{5108}{5185}- I'm a woman.|- Double standards!
{5216}{5287}Before I forget, are you coming|to Mike's piano bar tonight?
{5292}{5384}- Only if I don't have to get up and sing.|- But everybody
sings. It's so fun.
{5388}{5488}Last time, this adorable old man got up|there, forgot all the
words, flipped out...
{5492}{5597}...and everyone booed him off the stage.|It was so funny.
{5629}{5685}Look, I'm not good at singing.
{5690}{5789}Oh, what's the matter? You scared?|You afraid I'm a better
singer?
{5793}{5846}You afraid I'm gonna beat you|at singing?
{5901}{5984}Nope. Nope. It's not working on me.
{5988}{6061}Wow, I must be growing up.
{6101}{6206}Okay, fine. Just please come and|support Mike. You don't have
to sing.
{6211}{6310}So I don't have to sing, and I can just sit|there and pass
judgment on others?
{6315}{6369}- While drinking.|- I'm there.
{6429}{6489}Hi, you guys.|Listen, I really need your help.
{6494}{6553}I think I did something|really stupid.
{6557}{6645}Well, yes, Rachel, but you got something|so beautiful out of
it.
{6708}{6775}No, not that.|I kissed Gavin last night.
{6780}{6806}- My God.|- You kissed him?
{6810}{6872}Yeah, it was after the party,|we were on the balcony...
{6877}{6957}Wait, wait, wait. I was at home|the whole time. How did I miss
that?
{6962}{7061}Well, it was the end of the party. You|were probably ironing
wrapping paper.
{7081}{7119}Oh, yeah.
{7184}{7229}So how did you end up kissing?
{7234}{7290}We were all alone|and he was being really nice...
{7294}{7371}...and he gave me this scarf.|- I thought you hated him.
{7375}{7441}Well, there is a thin line|between love and hate...
{7445}{7555}...and it turns out that line|is a scarf.
{7600}{7661}Are you thinking of starting|something up with this guy?
{7665}{7738}I don't know. It's so complicated.|I work with this guy.
{7742}{7827}I have the baby, and I have Ross.|I don't know what to do.
{7831}{7909}And I have to be at the office|and see Gavin in 10 minutes.
{7914}{7999}Sounds like you need to think|about what you want and talk to
Gavin.
{8003}{8098}- And you definitely should talk to Ross.|- Or...
{8113}{8188}...I could call in sick|and not deal with it at all.
{8213}{8284}Wow! Five months maternity leave,|you're back for four days...
{8288}{8391}...kiss a co-worker and call in sick.|They are lucky to have
you.
{8582}{8608}- Hi.|- Hi.
{8612}{8727}- I'm here for my eyebrow appointment.|- Name?
{8732}{8774}Chandler Bing.
{8833}{8868}Okay, very good.
{8872}{8949}Have a seat right here, Mr. Bing,|and Sonya will be right with
you.
{8953}{9003}Okay. Thanks.
{10092}{10162}I touched the stuff.
{10182}{10236}I'll take care of it.
{10334}{10369}Thanks.
{10373}{10447}So do you...?|Do you get a lot of guys in here?
{10451}{10518}- Oh, absolutely.|- Oh, good.
{10523}{10610}- You looking to meet somebody?|- All right, let's just do
this.
{10639}{10702}Okay, we'll get to the wax in a minute.
{10706}{10772}First, I want to tweeze|some of the strays, okay?
{10776}{10871}- Now, this may sting just a little bit.|- I have an
extremely high threshold...
{10875}{10973}Holy Mother of God!|Oh, my face! My face!
{11118}{11173}I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm all right.
{11177}{11258}It's just a bit of shock, that's all.
{11262}{11369}- But I'll be fine. You can go again.|- Okay.
{11453}{11493}Sorry.
{11621}{11680}Damn it, woman!
{11999}{12081}It's the most eligible man in New York.|How's the moving on
going?
{12121}{12218}Not well. I went on the subway again|and someone did sit on
my hand...
{12222}{12317}...but that person was neither female|nor wearing pants.
{12351}{12446}Maybe you're going about this|the wrong way. I mean, think
about it:
{12450}{12557}Single white male, divorced three times,|two illegitimate
children.
{12610}{12674}The personal ad writes itself.
{12698}{12793}You know, that's funny. Yeah.|So do you think you'll ever
work again?
{12829}{12908}What are you doing?|You know I can only dish it out.
{12926}{13034}I can't believe Rachel just moved on|and didn't say anything
to me.
{13038}{13077}Maybe she didn't move on.
{13081}{13168}Maybe that kiss was just an impulsive,|one-time birthday
thing.
{13172}{13244}No, a month ago, she gave her number|to some guy in a bar.
{13249}{13299}- Did she go out with him?|- No. When he called...
{13303}{13339}...I threw the message away.
{13383}{13431}The highroad.
{13449}{13556}All right, you know what? Enough.|Enough talking. I have to
get moving.
{13570}{13682}Hey, check out those two blonds|over there. Hey, come with
me.
{13687}{13750}Are you trying to get|everybody divorced?
{13765}{13848}You don't have to do anything.|It'll just be easier if it's
two of us.
{13852}{13956}Like college, remember? First, you|break the ice with some
kind of a joke...
{13960}{14058}...so they know you're the funny one. I|swoop in with
interesting conversation...
{14062}{14164}...so they'll see that I'm the brilliant,|brooding sexy one.
{14237}{14294}I thought I got to make the jokes.
{14337}{14413}- Don't you have to be at work?|- Oh, come on.
{14477}{14597}Hello. Hi, my name's Chandler.|This is my friend Ross right
here.
{14601}{14639}We were wondering...
{14643}{14739}...if you're up for it, we only need|six more people for a
human pyramid.
{14797}{14832}Swoop. Swoop.
{14929}{15020}Hey, I notice|you're reading the paper.
{15024}{15080}Another flood in Europe, huh?
{15137}{15187}Here's a question:
{15218}{15341}Would you rather drown|or be burned alive?
{15373}{15479}- I'm sorry, we're just leaving.|- Okay.
{15554}{15595}We still got it.
{15812}{15909}- Who is it?|- Gavin. I brought you some soup.
{15913}{15973}- Why?|- I heard your were sick.
{15977}{16070}Oh, right! Hold on,|let me just clean up in here a little
bit.
{16327}{16378}Hello, Gavin.
{16401}{16447}I missed you at work.|How you feeling?
{16452}{16541}I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm pretty sick.
{16545}{16621}Oh, good. Because I was having|a totally paranoid moment...
{16625}{16678}...where I thought you|called in sick to avoid me.
{16683}{16753}Oh, no, no, no.
{16822}{16869}So I had fun last night.
{16887}{16933}So did I.
{16998}{17051}Exactly how contagious|is this thing you have?
{17055}{17181}Is it a cold from standing on|the balcony, or did a monkey
bite you?
{17194}{17263}- It's just a cold.|- Do you have a fever?
{17267}{17322}Let me see.
{17459}{17500}What? What is it?|What's the matter?
{17504}{17564}What's Ross doing to you|in that picture?
{17568}{17658}Oh, he's dusting me with a fossil brush.
{17678}{17744}He thought it would be funny.
{17748}{17802}- Right. Right.|- Yeah.
{17806}{17854}- Ross.|- Yeah.
{17873}{17950}What's the deal with you guys? I don't|wanna get in the
middle of anything.
{17955}{18075}You're not getting in the middle|of anything. Don't worry
about Ross.
{18080}{18137}Hide! That's Ross! Hide!
{18151}{18206}- Hide! Hide!|- Yeah, but you said not to worry...
{18210}{18277}I lied and I'm not sick either!|Just stay behind the
curtain!
{18375}{18449}- Hi.|- Oh, Molly. You're not Ross.
{18453}{18522}No. I'm here to take Emma|to your mother's, remember?
{18527}{18565}Right. Yes, yes.
{18583}{18638}- Don't panic.|- What?
{18642}{18696}There is a man behind your curtain.
{18700}{18787}- I have Mace in my purse.|- No, that's okay! No, no, no.
{18791}{18912}This is my business associate Gavin|being silly. Come out
from behind there.
{18942}{19017}Hi. Gavin. Pleased to meet you.
{19040}{19099}It was my idea to stand there.
{19103}{19206}- Hello. I'll just go get Emma.|- Okay.
{19263}{19312}So...
{19316}{19407}...why did I have to hide?|- I thought it was Ross.
{19411}{19478}I thought there was nothing|going on between you.
{19483}{19530}There isn't. There totally isn't.
{19534}{19644}You hear keys in the hall and you jump|like a bronco coming
out of the chute.
{19699}{19751}I used to be a rodeo clown.
{19818}{19882}All right, look, Gavin...
{19944}{20037}...I guess I felt guilty|that you were here...
{20041}{20089}...which I shouldn't.
{20093}{20179}You know, Ross and I|are not in a relationship...
{20183}{20292}...but he is the father of my child.|And, you know...
{20297}{20383}...we do live together. And plus,|there's just so much
history, you know?
{20387}{20433}It's just...|I don't know.
{20437}{20536}- I'm sorry. I'm just all over the place.|- It's okay.
{20560}{20635}It's probably not my place,|but can I give you a piece of
advice?
{20639}{20722}- Yes.|- You should talk to Ross about all this.
{20747}{20806}People keep saying that.
{20862}{20910}I'm sorry, Gavin.
{20914}{20954}Don't be.
{20958}{21022}It's just bad timing.
{21053}{21105}So seriously, rodeo clown?
{21126}{21190}One of the best, ma'am.|One of the best.
{21870}{21960}Oh, she's my girlfriend.|That's not just how we do it here.
{21966}{22026}I'm gonna take a little break,|and when we come back...
{22030}{22111}...we've got Kenneth singing|"I Touch Myself."
{22127}{22191}I'm not here to judge.
{22274}{22351}- You have got to sing.|- No, I told you I can't.
{22356}{22439}But you would have so much fun.|And you have a really nice
voice.
{22455}{22529}- When have you heard me sing?|- All the time, when you're
cooking.
{22534}{22572}- What?|- Yeah, you're always singing:
{22576}{22643}"Yummy", "yummy", "yummy"|{y:i}I've got love in my tummy
{22675}{22715}Yeah, I do rock that one.
{22768}{22844}Isn't there just a little part of you|that wants to get up
there?
{22865}{22946}Just a little. But, God, it's so scary.
{22950}{22998}I don't even know what I would sing.
{23003}{23067}- Well, I've got a book around...|- "Delta Dawn."
{23273}{23402}Hi. I couldn't help but notice,|but that's an unusual
necklace.
{23406}{23475}You already hit on me an hour ago.
{23515}{23603}Right. So that's a firm no?
{23744}{23814}I don't believe this.|I just keep striking out.
{23819}{23877}I don't get it either.
{23881}{23946}I mean, you're obviously desperate.
{23950}{24042}You're asking women|how they wanna be killed.
{24046}{24121}This is great.|Rachel's gonna keep kissing guys...
{24125}{24218}...until she finds the one she wants,|and I'm gonna die
alone.
{24223}{24294}By drowning or...?
{24332}{24429}- Why would he break up with me?|- I don't know, sweetie.
{24433}{24536}All I ever wanted was to just love him|and have him love me
back.
{24540}{24630}I mean, am I so unlovable?
{24634}{24709}- Wow.|- I know.
{24954}{25018}All right. That was Kenneth with his...
{25022}{25113}...much too literal rendition|of "I Touch Myself."
{25117}{25218}Coming up next, we've got Monica|singing "Delta Dawn."
{25232}{25292}Wait. I can't sing in|front of all these people.
{25297}{25354}Just pretend they're not|even here. It's okay.
{25358}{25470}Once that spotlight hits you, it's so|bright, you won't see
anyone anyway.
{25533}{25645}Hi, I'm Monica. And I'm going|to be singing "Delta Dawn."
{26225}{26332}- Can you totally see through her shirt?|- Like an x-ray.
{26353}{26426}Bad day not to wear a bra.
{26724}{26784}I need your help.
{26833}{26883}Wow, it seems serious.
{26898}{26973}What seems to be the problem,|Ashley Judd?
{26977}{27073}I'm getting new headshots taken.|So I went to get my
eyebrows shaped.
{27078}{27148}I'm sorry.|Moment to make fun of that, please.
{27165}{27264}I may be a sissy, but I'll still|pound you into the ground.
{27269}{27361}Look, it hurt so bad, I could only|let her do one eyebrow,
and now...
{27365}{27431}...they don't match!
{27736}{27825}It's like a baby caterpillar|chasing its mama.
{27829}{27905}You got to help me out, okay?|Look, I have a magic marker.
{27909}{27980}Fill in the skinny one|so I don't look stupid for my
pictures.
{27985}{28047}Okay, first of all, this is green.
{28058}{28125}- What the hell am I supposed to do?!|- I will help you
out...
{28129}{28240}...but you have to promise you won't|tell anyone what I'm
about to tell you.
{28244}{28307}What? What?
{28315}{28347}Okay.
{28351}{28426}You know how most kids get their|allowance from mowing the
lawn...
{28430}{28540}...or taking out the garbage?|Well, I earned mine...
{28544}{28687}...by plucking the eyebrows of my father|and his "business
partners."
{28797}{28841}Oh, my God.
{28851}{28931}Yeah, well, I guess you don't need|my help, "Victor%
Victoria."
{28936}{29009}No, no, no. I do. I do.|I need your help.
{29014}{29101}But, Chandler, I don't know if I can take|any more plucking.
It hurt so bad.
{29106}{29220}Not with my combination of ice cubes,|aloe vera and my
gentle...
{29224}{29309}...self-loathing touch.
{29682}{29748}I'm sorry, the song's over.
{29805}{29881}- Did you see me up there?|- Every little bit of you.
{29914}{29997}I can't believe I sang|in front of people and they liked me.
{30001}{30064}Did you hear that guy shouting,|"Look at those tips"?
{30068}{30161}I mean, did I really help|you get a lot of tips?
{30165}{30192}Sure.
{30233}{30319}- Mon, not that you didn't sound good...|- Good?
{30324}{30406}Didn't you hear them? I was great!
{30410}{30522}Thank you so much for making me|do this. That is the best
gift ever.
{30527}{30593}Also a good gift: Underwear.
{30681}{30746}Thank you so much|for letting me do this.
{30751}{30849}Public bathrooms freak me out. I can't|even pee, let alone
do anything else.
{30859}{30946}But what's great is, you don't|mind talking about it.
{30950}{31061}It is so amazing that I met you on the|same day that Eric
broke up with me...
{31065}{31158}...because it's like, you lose a boyfriend,|and you get a
boyfriend.
{31214}{31333}No, don't worry. This is not some|rebound thing. I am
totally over Eric.
{31505}{31566}Good choice, Ross.
{31607}{31661}Hey. Hi. There you are.
{31666}{31752}- I've been looking for you everywhere.|- Hello. Well, here
I am.
{31757}{31828}My mom is not bringing|the baby back until 9:00.
{31832}{31941}So I was hoping you and I|could have a chance to kind of...
{32001}{32067}- Somebody here?|- Oh, yeah. That's Michelle.
{32071}{32147}- Who?|- Oh, just this woman I've been seeing.
{32184}{32264}- You've been seeing someone?|- Yeah, didn't I mention that?
{32268}{32338}I mean, we haven't been|going out too long...
{32342}{32435}...but there's this amazing|connection between us.
{32439}{32530}I mean, in fact just before you came in,|she called me her
boyfriend.
{32534}{32631}I thought it was a little too soon,|but also, it felt kind
of nice.
{32682}{32774}What are you taking amoxicillin for?
{32899}{32976}How great is this?|You're already comfortable enough...
{32980}{33045}...to look through my stuff.
{33049}{33108}I'm sorry, Michelle,|this is my roommate, Rachel.
{33113}{33163}And I'm also Emma's mother.
{33181}{33265}- Who's Emma?|- I told you about my daughter.
{33269}{33328}This is your daughter?
{33350}{33412}I could be your new mommy.
{33644}{33686}And done.
{33699}{33754}Oh, my God.
{33758}{33832}I didn't feel a thing.|Hey, are you still looking for a job?
{33837}{33922}Because you could tweeze circles|around that sadistic bitch
at the salon.
{33956}{34033}- Thanks. Wanna see what it looks like?|- Yeah.
{34072}{34151}They totally match.|They look great.
{34155}{34231}They look great. How you doing?
{34258}{34338}Yeah, I think it looks pretty good.|I was a little worried I
was...
{34342}{34408}...uncovering a birthmark|right about there...
{34412}{34486}...but it turned out to be|a little piece of chocolate.
{34491}{34552}- Chandler, thank you so much.|- No problem.
{34556}{34639}Listen, that was a pretty|girlie hour we just spent.
{34643}{34702}We should do something manly|to make up for it.
{34706}{34759}Yeah.
{34837}{34894}- Curl my eyelashes.|- Yeah!
{34969}{35087}For my next song, I think I'll sing|something a little more
upbeat, all right?
{35091}{35187}How about the Pointer Sisters'|"I'm So Excited"?
{35191}{35247}And make it bouncy.
{35251}{35322}Well, you can probably take care of that|on your end.
{35345}{35440}I'm sorry I'm late. You'll understand|when you see Joey.
{35444}{35530}Honey, you're just in time.|I'm about to sing another song.
{35535}{35600}- Really? In front of all these people?|- And they love me.
{35604}{35706}- Oh, my God.|- She gives the people what they want.
{35710}{35771}All right, watch.
{36179}{36254}Are those my wife's nipples?
{36262}{36357}Isn't that funny? I didn't see that before.|I wouldn't have
let her go up again.
{36361}{36432}I've got to stop this.
{36743}{36811}Who cares? They still love me.
{36888}{36978}You, touching yourself! Out!
{37116}{37167}Wow! She does that a lot.
{37204}{37287}Ross, you didn't tell me|you were a doctor.
{37292}{37367}Wait a minute. You haven't even|told her you are a doctor
yet?
{37371}{37418}How long have you known her,|like an hour?
{37423}{37498}Actually, about an hour and a half.
{37502}{37612}I told you it wasn't long, but there's|an amazing connection
between us.
{37616}{37672}You feel that too?
{37676}{37789}- I thought that that was just me.|- Are you kidding?
{37793}{37888}- Do you wanna go away this weekend?|- We'll see.
{37914}{37950}Ross, what's going on here?
{37954}{38025}Are we just bringing strange women|back to the apartment
now?
{38029}{38090}I don't know. Are we just kissing|guys on balconies?
{38103}{38190}- How do you know about that?|- Through the magic of sight.
{38263}{38367}- I was here, putting our child to sleep...|- Emma.
{38419}{38491}When I looked through the window|and saw you kissing a
guy...
{38495}{38543}...you've known for what, a week?
{38547}{38639}God, is that what this is all about?|You bring her up here
to get back at me?
{38644}{38728}No, actually, see, I had to pee|because I can't use public
bathrooms...
{38732}{38836}...because of the doody parasites.|- Okay, Michelle, it's
time to go.
{38840}{38906}- Well, call me.|- Okay.
{38911}{38953}Wait, you don't have|my phone number.
{38958}{39034}You know what?|If it's meant to be, I'll guess it.
{39070}{39126}Bye-bye.
{39143}{39190}Score.
{39194}{39259}Did you not like her? Because I was|hoping we could come...
{39263}{39312}...to your kissing parties|on the balcony.
{39317}{39402}I can't believe you are making a big deal|about this. It was
one kiss!
{39406}{39469}- One guy. One time!|- Oh, really?
{39474}{39537}- Yeah.|- Oh, really?
{39578}{39622}Oh, yeah.
{39627}{39693}- What about the guy from the bar?|- Who?
{39698}{39773}The guy you gave your number to.
{39777}{39880}- How do you know about that?|- Because he called here
looking for you.
{39884}{39983}So don't tell me kissing this guy|from work is a one-time
thing.
{39988}{40067}Because you've been out there|in bars and on balconies...
{40071}{40171}...for over a month now. And you|don't even have the
courtesy to tell me.
{40192}{40260}- Why didn't I get that message?|- What?
{40264}{40355}From the guy in the bar?|Why didn't I get that message?
{40360}{40436}Because I folded it up|and put it in my pants pocket.
{40440}{40516}Do you not look there?
{40563}{40600}Ross.
{40665}{40725}I never gave it to you.
{40729}{40770}Why?
{40811}{40875}- I don't know.|- Oh, God, you know what? I don't...
{40879}{40945}Who do you think you are?|Who are you to decide...
{40949}{41019}...what messages|I should or should not get?!
{41027}{41094}Who am I? I'm the guy|who's taking care of our baby...
{41098}{41177}...while you're at bars meeting guys!|- I cannot believe
you.
{41181}{41282}I actually came in here hoping to have|a mature conversation
about us.
{41286}{41348}But I can't do that with someone|who hides my messages...
{41352}{41420}...and brings crazy women|back to my apartment!
{41425}{41528}Hey, none of the sane ones|wanted to come back with me!
{41593}{41665}That's not the point, okay?|The point is...
{41669}{41766}...you are the one who moved on|and didn't tell anyone.
{41771}{41870}Oh, God, Ross,|this is just so messed up.
{41874}{41973}What is wrong with us? When people|hear about our situation,
they ask:
{41978}{42050}"You live together, but you're not|a couple, yet you have a
baby?
{42054}{42154}Isn't that weird?" And I say,|"No. It's not, because it
works for us."
{42159}{42205}But you know what?|This doesn't work.
{42209}{42308}- In fact, this is the opposite of working.|- Clearly.
{42350}{42391}And you know...
{42395}{42484}...we said that we would live together|as long as this makes
sense...
{42488}{42593}...and maybe this|just doesn't make sense anymore.
{42631}{42690}Yeah, maybe not.
{42720}{42779}So, what do you wanna do?
{42884}{42923}Hi.
{42927}{43010}Can Emma and I live here for a while?
{43015}{43072}God.
{43089}{43182}- Of course.|- Thank you.
{43282}{43350}Your eyebrows look weird.
{43954}{44026}So you'll just touch yourself|for anything, then?
{44150}{44175}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 14
{110}{158}- Morning, roomie.|- Hey!
{162}{255}You remembered|to put clothes on this morning.
{259}{319}Fifth day's a charm.
{324}{452}It's so great to be back here. You're|making it so easy on me
and Emma.
{457}{527}It's great having you back.|Stay as long as you want.
{531}{623}And when does she stop|crying all night?
{669}{760}Hey! You're not naked.
{765}{824}Rach, when will we expect|to see you tonight?
{828}{921}Probably around 6. But she's|in the bedroom, all ready to go.
{925}{968}But she fell back to sleep, so...
{973}{1070}She's probably exhausted from all that|adorable screaming she
did last night.
{1079}{1110}- Bye.|- Bye.
{1125}{1192}Hey, I hope Emma isn't making it|too hard on you.
{1196}{1248}No, hey, it's been great.
{1253}{1321}I just want you to know that|with Rachel staying here...
{1325}{1402}...all my feelings from before|are totally over.
{1406}{1438}And even if they weren't...
{1442}{1501}...when you walk in|on a woman using a breast pump...
{1506}{1566}- Yeah, that'll do it.|- Wow!
{1579}{1626}So how are you?
{1630}{1679}- I'm okay.|- Really?
{1683}{1783}Sure. I mean, do I wish me and Rachel|living together would
have worked out?
{1787}{1879}Of course. You know, I'm disappointed,|but it's not like it's
a divorce.
{1919}{1992}- Well, actually it...|- It's not a divorce. It is not a
divorce!
{2044}{2116}Anyway, I think Rachel and I|need to get on with our lives.
{2120}{2178}Maybe start seeing other people.
{2200}{2243}Wow. Really?
{2248}{2331}Sure, why not? In fact, if you know|anyone that'd be good for
me...?
{2335}{2409}- Sure. I know lots of girls.|- Any names come to mind?
{2431}{2468}Names?
{2530}{2644}The One With the Blind Date
{2669}{2869}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2894}{3094}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3519}{3593}- I was about to eat. Want something?|- What you got?
{3597}{3684}Okay, let's see, we got strained peas,|strained carrots...
{3688}{3752}...strained plums.|We haven't tried that yet!
{3757}{3787}Goody!
{3802}{3860}Thanks.
{3873}{3938}So how is it living with Rachel again?
{3942}{4005}I mean, apart from the great food?
{4010}{4054}I'm fine, I'm fine. It's just...
{4058}{4118}It's just weird what's happening|with her and Ross.
{4122}{4182}Yesterday he asked me to fix him up|with somebody.
{4187}{4247}Rachel asked me|if I knew anyone for her too.
{4252}{4301}- Why are they doing this?|- I don't know.
{4306}{4362}They're so perfect for each other.|It's crazy.
{4367}{4418}You know what's crazy? These jars.
{4422}{4512}What is there, like, two bites in here?
{4561}{4625}I just wish they'd realize|they should be together.
{4629}{4713}When they moved in together, I|figured that's where things
were headed.
{4718}{4795}They should be a family. They should|marry and have more
children.
{4800}{4904}Yes. And they should name|one of their kids Joey.
{4909}{4991}I may not have kids. Someone's|got to carry on the family
name.
{5044}{5130}You know what? Maybe once they|start dating and see what's out
there...
{5134}{5199}...they'll realize how good|they are for each other.
{5204}{5271}Yeah, because it is slim pickings.
{5275}{5349}I had this date last night. Yuck!
{5353}{5439}But we should probably keep it down,|she's still in the
bedroom.
{5482}{5563}So, what are we gonna do? Are we|just gonna set them up with
people?
{5568}{5656}I know, that just pushes them|further and further apart.
{5660}{5747}I know what we can do. We could set|Ross and Rachel up on
horrible dates...
{5751}{5812}...so they'll realize|how good they are together.
{5817}{5867}- That's a great plan.|- Yeah.
{5872}{5975}You know what the best part of it is?|I get to do my plan
laugh.
{6096}{6203}Okay, shh! Not so loud.|We don't want to wake up...
{6512}{6593}Hi. You guys aren't|doing anything tonight, are you?
{6598}{6682}See, now, why would you assume that?|Just because we're
married?
{6687}{6800}I mean, I will have you know|that we are very hip, happening
people.
{6804}{6904}Now if you'll excuse me, I have to|get back to reading the
obituaries.
{6921}{6995}I was just asking because I need|someone to watch Emma
tonight.
{7000}{7042}Sure we'll do it.|What are you up to?
{7047}{7119}- Well, Phoebe set me up on a date.|- Oh, my God.
{7123}{7221}- Why? What's the big deal?|- I figured because you and Ross
are...
{7225}{7323}What? Slept together a year|and a half ago? Yeah, I'm all set.
{7362}{7435}I think it's great you're going on a date.|It sounds healthy.
{7439}{7528}I mean, you have needs.|Embrace your womanhood.
{7544}{7629}You want a job? Turn off "Oprah"|and send out a resume.
{7685}{7748}- I'll bring her by around 7, okay?|- That's perfect.
{7752}{7835}You guys are gonna have so much fun.|She's at such a cute age.
{7839}{7927}A couple things. Now that she eats|solid food, she poops
around the clock.
{7931}{7998}And watch out for your hair|because she likes to grab it.
{8002}{8109}She's also in this phase where if you|leave the room, she
screams, but...
{8113}{8160}Thanks, you guys. Have fun.
{8217}{8323}Suddenly I wish I was reading|my own name.
{8376}{8446}Joey, hey. I'm so excited.
{8450}{8540}- I set Rachel up with the worst guy.|- All right. Who is he?
{8545}{8600}It's a guy I used to massage.|By "massage"...
{8604}{8701}...I mean hold down so he wouldn't|turn over and flash me.
{8705}{8794}- Wait till you hear who I got for Ross.|- Oh, yeah.
{8798}{8924}Okay. She's this really boring woman.|She's a teacher.
{8944}{9045}- A teacher?|- She's into history and foreign movies.
{9049}{9097}And she loves puzzles.
{9122}{9175}Come on, who loves puzzles?
{9179}{9221}Well, Ross does.
{9255}{9307}You're ruining the plan!
{9311}{9387}Joey, you fixed him up|with his perfect woman.
{9392}{9436}- Oh, my God, you're right!|- Yeah.
{9440}{9508}She even reads for pleasure!
{9536}{9641}- How do you know a woman like that?|- I'm not allowed to know
smart women?
{9647}{9736}- Joey?|- We met at the library. I went in to pee.
{9789}{9855}- So now what do we do?|- Well, okay.
{9859}{9953}I'll call her and tell her the date's|canceled and find him
somebody else.
{9993}{10083}What if we don't find him somebody|else? We'll just tell her
the date's off...
{10087}{10192}...but we don't tell Ross. He'll go|to the restaurant and
get stood up.
{10203}{10270}I hear that's bad.
{10280}{10353}So this is great. Rachel's|gonna have a terrible date...
{10357}{10453}...Ross gets stood up, and then they'll|realize how good
they have it together.
{10458}{10499}Yes, the plan.
{10578}{10615}It's not Santa's plan.
{10683}{10731}No, it's...
{10849}{10955}- Yeah, you know, it's not that fun.|- No, I think we killed
it.
{11028}{11063}Emma? Emma, look at me!
{11073}{11182}Well, I think I'll go downstairs|for a while.
{11333}{11400}No, no, no! It's okay! It's okay!|I didn't go!
{11404}{11458}Don't cry, it's just a bit!
{11462}{11551}I'm your uncle Chandler.|Funny is all I have!
{11565}{11663}Okay, just so you know, I'm gonna be|ovulating from tomorrow
until the 6th.
{11668}{11744}So don't touch yourself|for the next 48 hours.
{11769}{11820}I don't do that.
{11825}{11890}I'll try to stop.
{11902}{11948}- Did you say until the 6th?|- Yeah.
{11952}{11992}Today is the 6th.
{11996}{12047}No, it's not.
{12067}{12140}Yes, it's also 2003.
{12145}{12206}Oh, my God. Today's the 6th?
{12210}{12254}I may be done ovulating!
{12258}{12363}I may have also served some very|questionable meat at the
restaurant.
{12371}{12440}- Go take the test, see if we're okay.|- Okay.
{12610}{12665}Tough crib.
{12669}{12768}Hey, where are all my ovulation sticks?|There's only one
here.
{12821}{12926}I might have checked to see|if I was ovulating a couple
times.
{12983}{13056}I'm not working! There's not much|to do around here!
{13361}{13415}Excuse me.
{13419}{13499}Is there a woman waiting at the bar?
{13503}{13616}Someone average height, dark hair?|Or perhaps doing a
puzzle?
{13621}{13692}There's a drunk Chinese guy.
{13719}{13803}Well, if I'm still here in an hour,|buy him a drink on me.
{13821}{13862}Can I get you another glass of wine?
{13866}{13949}I don't know if I should.|I don't want to be drunk when I...
{13953}{14007}...go home alone tonight.
{14033}{14133}- Got stood up, huh?|- It's no big deal. It's just a blind
date.
{14138}{14225}Are you worried your date came,|saw you and left?
{14250}{14308}No!
{14383}{14433}We're okay. I'm still ovulating.
{14438}{14547}Oh, good, because as of 4:00|this afternoon, I am not.
{14575}{14640}So let's do this.
{14645}{14703}- I don't think I can.|- Oh, come on.
{14707}{14797}I know you're not 18 anymore,|but give it a minute.
{14824}{14901}- Because of Emma.|- Oh, my God, Emma.
{14905}{14973}Oh, sweetie, I forgot you were here.
{14977}{15048}You're right, we can't do this.|We can't leave her alone.
{15052}{15096}Sorry.
{15108}{15147}Unless...
{15151}{15207}...maybe we do it here.
{15211}{15283}I mean, how much can she even|be aware of at this age?
{15288}{15385}She's aware when we leave a room.|She may notice if we
start...
{15389}{15436}...canoodling in it.
{15472}{15534}- Canoodling?|- Well, I can't say hump or screw...
{15538}{15588}...in front of the B-A-B-Y.
{15633}{15699}I don't know,|I guess having sex in front of a baby...
{15703}{15779}...isn't so...|- Horrifying? Scarring?
{15783}{15846}Something people go to jail for?
{15894}{15936}- I guess you're right.|- You guess?
{15940}{15995}At that bed-and-breakfast,|we didn't have sex...
{15999}{16072}...because you thought a deer|was staring through the
window.
{16076}{16168}Well, what kind of a sick bastard|wants to do it in front of
a deer?
{16315}{16405}Wow, everything looks so good.
{16409}{16480}I think I'm gonna have the chicken.
{16542}{16607}I just have to say this.
{16611}{16738}- You're really beautiful.|- Wow, that's very sweet. Thank
you.
{16765}{16818}I'm kind of funny-looking.
{16861}{16910}- What?|- Look, I mean, come on...
{16915}{17008}...you're way out of my league.|Everybody in here knows it.
{17012}{17067}I bet that guy over there|is probably saying:
{17071}{17138}"Why's she out with him?|He must be rich."
{17183}{17234}Well, I'm not.
{17262}{17347}What do you think you want to order?|I'm real excited about
that chicken.
{17352}{17427}I'm not funny, either.
{17431}{17509}So if you were thinking,|"Well, he's not that good-
looking...
{17513}{17614}...but maybe we'll have some laughs,"|that ain't gonna
happen.
{17643}{17755}Well, come on, Steve,|let's not rule out nervous laughter.
{17805}{17871}Hey, now, wait a minute,|Phoebe told me...
{17875}{17950}...that you owned your own restaurant.|That's impressive.
{17954}{18056}I lost it to drugs.
{18164}{18215}I silk-screen T-shirts now.
{18220}{18305}Really?|What's that like?
{18310}{18402}It's really fulfilling doing something|you hate for no
money.
{18434}{18523}That's right. I have no money,|I'm not funny...
{18527}{18659}...I live in a studio apartment|with two other guys.
{18663}{18777}And I'm pretty sure I'm infertile.
{18867}{18916}Now, come on. Come on, Steve.
{18920}{19002}There must be something|that you like about yourself.
{19042}{19094}I do like my hair.
{19148}{19205}Really?
{19451}{19517}- Hello?|- Phoebe, it's me!
{19530}{19624}I'm going to hunt you down|and kill you.
{19669}{19728}Hey, Rach!
{19738}{19833}This is the worst date ever! How could|you set me up with
this creep?
{19838}{19913}You know, you are talking about|one of my dear, dear
friends.
{19918}{19986}I don't care. This guy is a nightmare.
{19991}{20055}All right, so he gets a little crazy|when he's stoned.
{20111}{20182}- He's not stoned.|- Did he go out for a cigarette?
{20197}{20266}- Yeah. Four times.|- My dear, sweet Rach.
{20317}{20428}Well, our plan is working.|Rachel's having a miserable
time...
{20433}{20505}...and Ross is stood up somewhere|at a restaurant all alone.
{20510}{20558}Pretty soon they'll be back together.
{20563}{20682}By the time anyone's figured out what|we've done, we'll be
in sunny Mexico.
{20713}{20798}Oh, wait, that's the end|of a different plan.
{20837}{20898}She's asleep. Chandler?
{20966}{21029}- What are you doing?|- Emma was doing it.
{21067}{21101}She's asleep.
{21138}{21218}- She's asleep. That means we can...|- Yes. But we have to
be fast.
{21222}{21287}Oh, okay, I'll try.
{21292}{21369}- And you can't make any noise.|- Okay, I'll try.
{21540}{21594}Hello?
{21636}{21690}Emma?
{21731}{21808}Hey! Hi!
{21840}{21906}How are you? How are you?
{21910}{21984}Where are your babysitters, huh?
{21991}{22068}Why is the bedroom door closed?
{22201}{22333}You can't have S-E-X|when you're taking care of a B-A-B-l-E.
{22455}{22560}I've got bad news.|The Chinese guy left.
{22599}{22669}If it was meant to be, it's meant to be.
{22674}{22718}Look, you got stood up. Who cares?
{22722}{22792}We're gonna show you a good time.|Sit and relax.
{22796}{22885}In fact, let me bring you|a crab-cake appetizer on the
house.
{22898}{22980}Wow, free crab cakes?|Well, that's nice.
{22985}{23086}Although I was hoping|to have sex tonight.
{23220}{23281}Just the crab cakes.
{23285}{23369}What are you doing? Are you trying|to get him to stay? You
can't do that.
{23373}{23465}- Just get out of here, okay?|- I'm sorry, what's going on?
{23477}{23553}Okay, the waiters have|a little pool going.
{23557}{23667}We have a bet on how long it'll take|before you give up and
go home.
{23703}{23761}What?!
{23765}{23840}You're making money off my misery?
{23845}{23909}Well, if you stay till 9:20, I am.
{23914}{24023}This is unbelievable. I have never|been so insulted in my
life.
{24027}{24119}Now, if you'll wrap up my free|crab cakes, I'll be on my
way.
{24191}{24291}Well, that was weird.|You were loud and I was fast.
{24295}{24356}I think we may have|really done it this time.
{24360}{24433}I wish I didn't have to wait|to take a pregnancy test.
{24437}{24492}You may want to get|some more of those too.
{24556}{24589}Where's Emma?
{24593}{24656}Oh, my God, where's Emma?|Where's Emma?
{24661}{24743}Don't ask me.|I was in there canoodling you.
{24764}{24848}Okay. Okay. I'm sure that Rachel|came home early and picked
up Emma.
{24852}{24925}You go look across the hall,|and I'll call her cell.
{24930}{24965}You better hope we're pregnant...
{24969}{25064}...because one way or another,|we're giving a baby back to
Rachel!
{25124}{25194}I can't believe I'm crying|in front of you.
{25198}{25250}You must think I'm so pathetic.
{25264}{25334}No, no, no, I admire a man|who can cry.
{25338}{25420}- Really?|- Don't touch my coat.
{25456}{25514}Sorry, that's my phone.
{25518}{25576}- Hello?|- Hey, Rach, how's it going?
{25581}{25651}Oh, my God,|this is the worst date ever.
{25674}{25732}Oh, come on.
{25736}{25835}Look, you know what, I'm sorry, but did|you really think
that this was going well?
{25902}{25962}- What's up?|- Hey, did you stop by here?
{25966}{26051}{y:i}- No.|- Oh, my God! Then...
{26088}{26134}Thank God! Emma, there you are!
{26198}{26265}What? What do you mean,|"there you are"? Where was she?
{26276}{26405}We were playing peekaboo.|She loves it when I'm dramatic.
{26491}{26585}- Why the hell did you take her?|- Because you two were
having sex!
{26634}{26714}- No, we weren't.|- Don't you lie to me.
{26718}{26819}I can tell by Chandler's hair. You are|so lazy. Can't you
get on top for once?
{26945}{26989}All right. All right, we were.
{26993}{27057}We're trying to make a baby.|Monica's ovulating.
{27061}{27134}It's unacceptable that you'd|have sex with Emma in the next
room.
{27138}{27225}- I'll have to tell Rachel about this.|- Please don't. She
will kill us.
{27229}{27296}Hey, I gotta. Unless...
{27301}{27337}Unless what?
{27341}{27409}Unless you name|your first-born child Joey.
{27464}{27525}- What? Why?|- Hey, I may never have kids...
{27529}{27589}...and somebody's gotta|carry on my family name.
{27632}{27698}Your family name is Tribbiani.
{27898}{27939}You almost had me.
{28098}{28135}Look...
{28142}{28217}...I think I know the answer|to this question, but...
{28255}{28310}...would you like to make love to me?
{28446}{28516}Really, really not.
{28540}{28589}It's just as well.
{28593}{28652}It doesn't work anyway.
{28851}{28938}All right, well, that's good to know.|Good night, Steve.
{29174}{29243}- Hey, what's wrong?|- I just had a rough night.
{29258}{29299}Crab cake?
{29341}{29383}Well, what happened?
{29388}{29454}This is kind of weird|to talk to you about this, but...
{29458}{29508}Monica told me you had a blind date.
{29512}{29581}- Yeah.|- I did too.
{29585}{29686}But is it technically a date|if the other person doesn't
show up?
{29723}{29814}Oh, no. Do you think she walked in,|saw you and left?
{29899}{29957}Why does everyone keep saying that?
{29977}{30059}If it makes you feel any better,|I wish my date hadn't shown
up.
{30064}{30134}- That bad?|- Well, he makes T-shirts for a living...
{30138}{30224}...and he thought it would be|appropriate to give me...
{30242}{30278}...this.
{30321}{30389}"Female Body Inspector"?
{30414}{30477}What size is that?
{30507}{30594}Now wait a minute. So they're gonna|name their first child
Joey?
{30598}{30663}How do I get them to name|the next one after me?
{30667}{30739}It's easy. You just|walk in on them having sex.
{30762}{30839}Oh, so they owe me,|like, three Phoebes.
{30858}{30927}Oh, my God!|Look, it's Ross and Rachel!
{30932}{30972}The plan is working!
{31003}{31066}Don't do the plan laugh.
{31091}{31189}The first dates we've had in months,|and they were both such
disasters.
{31241}{31287}You know, it is weird...
{31291}{31398}...that Phoebe would set me up|on a date that was awful...
{31402}{31512}...on the same night Joey set you up|on a date that didn't
even show.
{31533}{31590}Wait a minute.
{31594}{31665}You don't think it was intentional?
{31669}{31730}I mean, that's just stupid.
{31735}{31786}We're geniuses.
{31812}{31932}- Look at them! They're really bonding.|- They're falling in
love all over again.
{31975}{32037}Oh, they see us. Oh, they look mad.
{32082}{32137}They figured it out.|They're coming. Run!
{32141}{32192}- Where?|- Mexico!
{32326}{32395}Can you believe they're still not here?
{32399}{32480}I know. A double blind date|and we both get stood up.
{32484}{32537}What are the chances?
{32556}{32615}I know, I'm so bummed.
{32619}{32676}Could we have|our free crab cakes now?
{32716}{32785}- What?|- We've been stood up.
{32789}{32861}And we want our free crab cakes.
{32866}{32928}Guys, give it a rest.|Nobody's betting on you tonight.
{32932}{33037}Although we do have a pool going|to see how long it takes
that guy to cry.
{33075}{33141}I have such fat hands!
{33306}{33331}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 15
{75}{141}Guys! Guys! I've got great|news. Guess what.
{158}{202}- Monica's pregnant!|- Really?
{261}{311}Let's get past the moment.
{320}{360}- What's your news?|- Thank you.
{370}{418}I got a job in advertising.
{451}{495}Honey, that's incredible!
{500}{578}Gosh, what's the pay like?
{614}{669}Oh, come on, people.
{673}{726}If I don't know who makes the most...
{730}{810}...how do I know who|I like the most? Hi, Joey.
{847}{894}It pays nothing. It's an internship.
{899}{944}We have interns at "Days of Our Lives".
{949}{1022}Right. So it'll be the same,|except less sex with you.
{1070}{1121}What do you think they'll|have you do there?
{1126}{1201}It's a training program, but they|hire the people they like.
{1206}{1277}- That's great!|- There's gonna be some grunt work...
{1281}{1368}...which will stink. A grown man|getting people coffee is
humiliating.
{1438}{1509}Humiliating and noble.
{1522}{1568}Thank you.
{1608}{1660}You know, if I didn't|already have a job...
{1664}{1714}...I would've been good in advertising.
{1719}{1784}Ross, you did not come up with:|"Got Milk?"
{1789}{1836}Yes, I did! I did!
{1884}{1949}I should've written it down.
{1981}{2028}The One With the Mugging
{2053}{2253}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2278}{2478}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3184}{3262}Where's Chandler? I want to wish|him good luck on his first
day.
{3267}{3326}And I smelled bacon.
{3342}{3408}- He just left.|- Who did?
{3452}{3511}Joey, you're never gonna|believe it! She called!
{3516}{3553}- She did?|- You got it!
{3557}{3597}- I did?|- What is she talking about?
{3602}{3655}I don't know, but it sounds great!
{3659}{3711}Your agent called.|You got that audition!
{3716}{3748}- With Leonard Hayes?|- Yes!
{3752}{3841}Oh, my God, that is great!|It's for a play on Broadway.
{3845}{3944}And in a real theater. Not that little|one underneath the deli
like last time.
{3949}{3988}- Is it a good play?|- It must be.
{3992}{4078}I read it and didn't|understand a single word!
{4083}{4148}- Leonard Hayes is starring in it.|- Yeah, and directing.
{4153}{4212}He was so good in|that movie of "Macbeth".
{4217}{4308}- You saw that?|- No, but I saw the previews.
{4312}{4389}They played it right before "Jackass".
{4405}{4450}- He's done some amazing work.|- Oh, yeah.
{4454}{4507}I loved him in those phone commercials.
{4511}{4605}When the monkey hits him in the face|with the giant rubber
phone...
{4610}{4655}Maybe the monkey|will be at the audition.
{4660}{4750}Don't make me more nervous|than I already am!
{4965}{5031}- Good morning.|- Can I get you a cup of coffee, sir?
{5035}{5106}Oh, no, no. I'm an intern,|just like you guys.
{5110}{5220}Except for the tie, the briefcase|and the fact that I can rent
a car.
{5225}{5268}Seriously, you're an intern?
{5273}{5371}I'm heading in a new career direction|and you gotta start at
the bottom.
{5375}{5435}Dude.
{5445}{5570}I know I'm a little older than you guys,|but it's not like I'm
Bob Hope.
{5640}{5691}The comedian. USO.
{5730}{5814}It's U.S.A., sir.
{5955}{6028}This is Joey Tribbiani.|Joey, these are the producers.
{6032}{6103}And as you probably already|know, this is Leonard Hayes.
{6202}{6323}It is so amazing to meet you.|I am such a big fan of your
work.
{6328}{6396}I've been blessed with|a lot of great roles.
{6406}{6524}Tell me about it, huh?|"Unlimited nights and weekends!"
{6552}{6631}Are you making fun of me?|Because I am not a sellout.
{6636}{6700}I didn't do it for money.|I believe in those phones!
{6704}{6809}I almost lost a cousin because|of bad wireless service.
{6814}{6913}No, I wasn't making fun of you. I think|you were great in
those commercials.
{6917}{6949}- Really?|- Yeah.
{6953}{7027}Well, I do bring a certain|credibility to the role.
{7054}{7132}Are you kidding? When they shoot|you out of that cannon...
{7150}{7216}"Hang up that phone!"
{7220}{7296}- One take.|- Wow.
{7301}{7373}- So shall we read?|- Oh, yeah, sure.
{7377}{7474}Top of Act 2. This is my entrance.|You got it?
{7559}{7622}What the hell are you still doing here?
{7684}{7741}- I think you know.|- Bastard!
{7746}{7830}I am what you made me.|You know what? I could go right now.
{7835}{7899}- Go! Go!|- I can't.
{7903}{7992}Oh, I want to, Long Pause...
{8044}{8095}...but I can't.
{8116}{8261}So sorry. You're not supposed|to say "long pause."
{8300}{8406}Oh! Oh, I thought that was your|character's name. You know?
{8410}{8494}I thought you were, like, an Indian|or something, you know,
with the...
{8536}{8635}No. Thank you so much for coming in.|We appreciate it. Thank
you.
{8639}{8683}You don't want me to do it again?
{8687}{8726}- I could do an accent.|- No.
{8730}{8852}You know, Southern.|"I could go right now, mon!" Huh?
{8915}{8970}My God in heaven.
{8983}{9101}Joey, hang on. Leonard, can|we talk to you for a moment?
{9105}{9253}Yes? You've got to be kidding.|He can't act.
{9258}{9299}I don't care if you think he's hot.
{9303}{9415}If you want to sleep with him,|do it on your own time. This is
a play.
{9421}{9474}If you insist on this...
{9478}{9527}...I will call my agent so fast...
{9531}{9623}...on a cell phone connection so clear,|he's gonna think I'm
next door!
{9667}{9777}Hi, thank you so much for|whispering for my benefit.
{9782}{9888}Tell me what I did wrong. I'd love to|work on it and try it
again for you.
{9892}{9945}And also, how you doing?
{10028}{10136}Give me another chance.|I really want to get better. Please?
{10173}{10226}If you want to come back today...
{10230}{10272}...here are my notes. Ready?|- Yeah.
{10277}{10414}- You're in your head. Thinking too much.|- I really doubt
that.
{10419}{10508}No, no. It's that you're not|connected with anything in your
body.
{10513}{10566}There's no urgency.|The scene is a struggle.
{10570}{10655}It's a race.|Also, what you did was horizontal.
{10659}{10729}Don't be afraid to explore the vertical.
{10740}{10860}And don't learn the words.|Let the words learn you.
{10976}{11025}Couldn't I just sleep with the producer?
{11120}{11170}Hey, do you want to go|to dinner tonight?
{11174}{11266}I can't. I've got a date|with that waitress, Katie.
{11270}{11346}I know we've only gone out,|like, twice, but I don't know...
{11350}{11469}...I have a good feeling about her.|- Oh, I hear divorce
bells.
{11474}{11538}Give me your wallets,|and there won't be a problem.
{11542}{11585}- What?|- I have a gun.
{11590}{11666}Okay, relax, Phoebe.|Just stay calm.
{11713}{11772}Oh, my God, I can't find my wallet!
{11819}{11908}- All right, lady, now give me your purse.|- No.
{11913}{12011}What do you mean "no"? I knew you'd|be my death, Phoebe
Buffay!
{12032}{12100}- Lowell, is that you?|- Phoebe?
{12105}{12217}- Oh, my God!|- Unbelievable! Oh, my God!
{12221}{12328}I'm sorry. Ross, this is my old friend,|Lowell, from the
streets!
{12332}{12390}- Lowell, Ross.|- Ross, nice to meet you.
{12395}{12446}Yeah, a real pleasure.
{12464}{12552}It's been so long! Oh, so long.
{12557}{12640}- I can't believe you're still doing this.|- I know. But I
quit smoking.
{12645}{12687}Good for you.
{12691}{12732}You look like you're doing well.
{12737}{12799}I guess your mugging days|are behind you.
{12804}{12884}Oh, my God.|Phoebe, you used to mug people?
{12920}{12990}Excuse me, Ross,|old friends catching up.
{13120}{13203}- How'd the audition go?|- They want to see me again, but...
{13207}{13273}...Leonard Hayes did not like me.
{13277}{13365}- What happened?|- He said I wasn't urgent enough.
{13369}{13509}Everything I did was horizontal,|and I should be more
vertical.
{13515}{13648}- He said that I should think less.|- Well, so far so good.
{13653}{13704}Honey, I'm old!
{13734}{13759}What's wrong?
{13764}{13893}I am so much older than these other|interns. I can't compete
with them.
{13898}{13931}So you're a little older.
{13935}{14004}Look at the positive.|You have all this life experience.
{14009}{14142}Yes, but I don't think life experience|is gonna help me with
these.
{14147}{14289}Wow! It's like they're on fire!
{14395}{14455}- What are they?|- Prototype sneakers.
{14459}{14519}I need ideas on how to sell them.|Which I can't do...
{14523}{14586}...because no self-respecting|adult would ever wear these.
{14591}{14629}I'll give you $500 for them.
{14727}{14800}- What am I supposed to do?|- Come on, sneakers are easy.
{14804}{14893}- You wear them all the time.|- They're not called sneakers
anymore.
{14897}{15039}They're called "kicks" or "skids."|I think I heard somebody
say "slorps."
{15076}{15166}They've got wheels that pop out from|the bottom so you can
roll around...
{15170}{15252}...because apparently|walking is too much exercise.
{15256}{15361}"Kids! Kids! Roll your|way to childhood obesity!"
{15405}{15457}Would you help me try to sell these?
{15475}{15583}Okay. Have you considered|using a girl with huge knockers?
{15602}{15647}That's not what they're looking for.
{15652}{15713}Hey, that would work on me.
{15717}{15766}Why do you think I buy|Mrs. Butterworth's?
{16023}{16078}You'll never guess what just happened.
{16082}{16146}- Phoebe and I got mugged!|- Are you okay?
{16151}{16213}Yeah. Phoebe knew the mugger.
{16234}{16267}How do you know a mugger?
{16272}{16374}I'm sorry, I have friends|outside the six of us.
{16378}{16453}Know how she knew him?|Because Phoebe used to mug people.
{16458}{16499}Seriously?
{16503}{16588}Well, I'm not proud of it,|but, you know...
{16592}{16717}...when I was living on the street and|I needed money for
food and stuff...
{16722}{16815}- That is awful.|- I wasn't rich like you guys, okay?
{16819}{16917}I didn't eat gold and have a flying pony.
{16922}{17021}I had a hard life.|My mother was killed by a drug dealer.
{17026}{17140}- Your mother killed herself.|- She was a drug dealer.
{17160}{17279}It was a good thing she knew him.|I was about to do some
serious damage.
{17284}{17317}Okay.
{17357}{17429}This must have brought back|some bad memories for you, Ross.
{17434}{17501}- Why?|- Ross was mugged as a kid.
{17506}{17584}- You were?|- Yeah. And it was pretty traumatic.
{17588}{17640}It was outside St. Mark's Comics.
{17644}{17764}I was minding my business, seeing what|kind of trouble
Spider-Man was into.
{17769}{17818}Wonder Woman.
{17846}{17897}Anyway, I was heading|towards this bakery...
{17901}{18013}...to pick up a couple of dozen|linzer tortes for someone...
{18056}{18139}...when out of nowhere, this thug|with a pipe jumps out and
says:
{18143}{18198}- "Give me your money, punk!"|- Oh, my God.
{18202}{18271}I know. And the worst part|was, they took my backpack...
{18275}{18415}...which had all the original artwork I did|for my own comic
book, "Science Boy".
{18427}{18496}Oh, yeah! What was|his super power again?
{18501}{18570}A super-human thirst for knowledge.
{18623}{18660}I better get to class.
{18664}{18741}Are there any more of your|friends I should look out for?
{18746}{18820}No. Actually, you might want to stay|away from Jane Street.
{18824}{18913}That's where Stabby Joe works.
{18984}{19052}- I think we have a problem here.|- What?
{19057}{19180}Back in my mugging days,|I worked St. Mark's Comics.
{19184}{19293}- Yeah?|- A pipe was my weapon of choice...
{19297}{19373}...and preteen, comic-book nerds|were my meat.
{19416}{19441}So?
{19446}{19529}There was one kid who had|a sticker on his backpack that
said:
{19534}{19587}- "Geology rocks!"|- "Geology rocks!"
{19662}{19756}- Oh, my God!|- I know! I mugged Ross!
{19908}{19954}- You're late.|- I know. I'm sorry.
{19958}{20000}But can I just run to the bathroom?
{20005}{20101}- No. Leonard doesn't wait.|- But I am bursting with Yoo-
hoo!
{20132}{20194}Joey, here we go!|Let's go. Very quickly.
{20199}{20256}- I really need...|- We must go now, quickly.
{20261}{20334}- Yeah. Yes, sir.|- Ready?
{20355}{20448}- What the hell are you still doing here?|- I think you
know!
{20469}{20562}- Oh, you sick bastard!|- I am what you made me! Know what?
{20566}{20632}- What?|- I could go right now.
{20685}{20825}- Then go. Go!|- Oh, I can't. I want to, but I can't!
{20889}{20954}Cut. That was good!
{20958}{21043}- Very good. You did everything I asked.|- I did?
{21047}{21133}Yes. Plus which, you've got this,|I don't know, this squirmy
quality...
{21145}{21209}...you bring to the character|I couldn't have imagined.
{21214}{21250}Here's what we're gonna do:
{21254}{21315}Come back tomorrow|for the final callbacks.
{21319}{21394}Do all of this, what you got|going now. But you know what?
{21398}{21436}More. More. Can you do that?
{21440}{21544}Sure. I don't have time to say|thank you because I really
gotta go!
{21579}{21674}Look at that! Still in character.|I like him.
{21678}{21793}I plant seeds. I can't explain it.|I don't know.
{21894}{21961}- Hey. What are you doing?|- Putting on the sneakers...
{21966}{22030}...to get in the young mindset,|see if it sparks anything.
{22035}{22100}- Oh, anything yet?|- Yes, how's this?
{22104}{22225}"They're so uncomfortable, it's like|getting kicked in the
nuts for your feet."
{22552}{22614}You're probably wondering|what I'm doing.
{22621}{22657}No, that seems about right.
{22681}{22797}Yesterday at my audition, I had to pee.|Apparently, that
makes me a good actor.
{22801}{22873}I got a callback, so I'm drinking|everything. Oh, by the
way...
{22877}{22933}...that eggnog in our fridge was great!
{22938}{23047}- Joey, that was formula.|- We gotta get more of that.
{23094}{23198}These aren't half bad. You should|suggest these to Ralph
Lauren.
{23203}{23326}Okay, first of all, that's stupid.|Second, I'm not allowed
to talk to Ralph.
{23336}{23457}All right. I feel younger already.
{23498}{23582}Yeah, I think I broke my hip.
{23615}{23651}- Hey, you!|- Hey.
{23656}{23717}Hey. How was class?
{23736}{23787}No one asks me that. What's wrong?
{23815}{23888}- Nothing. I really want to know.|- Oh.
{23892}{23997}Well, there was actually a rather lively|discussion about
the Pleistocene...
{24002}{24062}All right, nothing is worth this.
{24091}{24156}I have a confession to make.
{24160}{24233}Okay, you know that girl that|mugged you when you were a
kid?
{24241}{24374}What are you talking about?|It wasn't a girl. It was this
huge dude.
{24379}{24462}You don't have to lie anymore.|I know that it was a 14-year-
old girl.
{24467}{24504}- No, it wasn't.|- Yes, it was.
{24509}{24609}You don't think I would have defended|myself against a 14-
year-old...?
{24614}{24703}- "Give me your money, punk!"|- Oh, my God, it was you!
{24740}{24834}I can't believe it. You mugged me?
{24852}{24936}Yeah. And I'm so, so sorry, Ross.|I'm sorry.
{24940}{25006}But, you know, if you think|about it, it's kind of neat.
{25047}{25146}I mean, well, it's just that I've|always felt kind of like
an outsider.
{25150}{25235}You know, the rest of you have|connections that go way
back...
{25239}{25350}...and, you know, now you|and I have a great one.
{25377}{25421}It's not the best!
{25445}{25524}I know. Please forgive me.|I don't know what to say.
{25529}{25618}There's nothing you can say! That was|the most humiliating
thing ever.
{25623}{25700}- Even more humiliating than...|- Let's not do this!
{25774}{25864}And then, at the end of the commercial,|the girls get out of
the hot tub...
{25868}{25927}...and start making|out with each other.
{25978}{26037}That's interesting.
{26050}{26134}Just one thought: You didn't|mention the shoes.
{26190}{26257}Who's next? Chandler.
{26269}{26329}You start with a guy|putting on the shoes.
{26333}{26382}- He's about my age.|- Your age?
{26443}{26516}He's rolling down the street|and he starts to lose control.
{26520}{26581}Maybe he falls.|Maybe he hurts himself.
{26585}{26674}Just then, a kid comes flying|by wearing the shoes.
{26678}{26765}He jumps over the old guy and laughs.|And the line reads:
{26769}{26834}"Not suitable for adults."
{26855}{26950}- Well, Chandler, that's great.|- Thank you, sir.
{26954}{27042}Or, man who's two|years younger than me.
{27057}{27172}You see, that has a clear selling point.|It appeals to our
key demographic.
{27176}{27248}- How did you come up with that?|- I don't know! I don't
know!
{27252}{27389}I was just trying to get into a young|mindset, and stuff
started to flow.
{27435}{27505}- That is great. Good work.|- Thank you.
{27510}{27574}We'll see all of you tomorrow.
{27798}{27881}The cold weather hurts my hip.
{27979}{28134}Hey, Ross. I know you're still mad at|me, but can I just
talk to you for a sec?
{28139}{28250}Sure, go ahead. Oh, sorry.|Sure, go ahead.
{28255}{28330}I just really wanted to apologize again.
{28334}{28450}And also show you something|I think you'll find very
exciting.
{28491}{28585}Oh, my God! "Crap from the street!"
{28685}{28747}Look, Ross. In this box...
{28751}{28861}...are all the things I got from mugging|that I thought were
too special to sell...
{28865}{28912}...or smoke.
{28949}{29021}Anyway, I was looking|through it, and I found...
{29037}{29080}..."Science Boy."
{29115}{29194}Oh, my God!
{29235}{29303}I never thought I'd see this again.
{29352}{29388}It's all here!
{29434}{29501}What made you save|it all these years?
{29506}{29565}I guess I just thought|it was really good.
{29569}{29626}And maybe it would be|worth something one day.
{29646}{29730}You really thought "Science Boy"|was worth saving?
{29735}{29857}Yeah. But you should know I also have a|jar of Vaseline and
a cat skull in here.
{29922}{29994}Still, this is amazing!
{29998}{30045}Oh, my God. Thank you, Phoebe.
{30050}{30156}You're welcome. Thank you for|Science Boy. I learned a lot
from him.
{30170}{30206}You're welcome.
{30275}{30360}- I need an answer!|- I can't tell you something I don't
know.
{30364}{30409}- You know!|- I don't know!
{30414}{30556}- I need an answer now!|- You want an answer? The answer
is...
{30744}{30803}She never loved me.|She only loved you.
{30808}{30873}You knew this all along|and you never told me?
{30877}{30999}I can never forgive you, or myself. I have|nothing to live
for. Bang! And scene!
{31047}{31101}Absolutely amazing.
{31155}{31252}- The part is yours.|- Thanks! Now I really gotta go.
{31257}{31351}No, wait! Congratulations!|You did it.
{31355}{31431}You did it. You can relax now. Yeah.
{31729}{31780}Wow! That's a big cable bill.
{31821}{31929}You don't have a job,|but you have no problem ordering porn.
{31944}{32004}On a Saturday afternoon?
{32012}{32069}I was in the house!
{32122}{32199}Hey. Phoebe didn't by any|chance mention that...
{32204}{32263}She was the huge guy that|mugged you? Yeah.
{32292}{32352}I see. You didn't happen to tell...
{32357}{32434}- Everybody we know? Yeah.|- Great. Thanks.
{32541}{32566}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 16
{100}{159}Have you seen our bank statement?|Can this be right?
{164}{254}I know. God, I haven't seen|my savings take a hit like this...
{259}{368}...since I was a kid and they came up|with Double Stuf Oreos.
{372}{464}- What happened to all of our money?|- I'm not sure exactly what
they did...
{469}{532}...but I'm inclined to blame Enron.
{566}{666}With you doing the internship, we're|spending more than we're
bringing in.
{691}{779}Yeah, maybe I should quit|and get a job that pays.
{785}{846}But you're finally doing something|that you love.
{851}{908}I mean, I can't ask you to give that up.
{913}{1036}Although it would be nice if the thing|that you loved was
finding gold.
{1041}{1107}You know, I think we're making|too big a deal out of this.
{1111}{1205}We'll pay our bills late this month. Next|month we'll cut back
on a few things.
{1209}{1311}And maybe we start eating|out of Joey's refrigerator for a
change.
{1315}{1414}You're a chef. What can you make|out of baking soda and beer?
{1419}{1490}Worst-case scenario is, we borrow|some money from my parents.
{1494}{1537}No, we're not borrowing money.
{1541}{1612}- Why not?|- We don't do that. We are Bings.
{1663}{1724}If there's one thing my father|taught me, it was...
{1729}{1844}...well, to always knock|before going into the pool house.
{1849}{1962}- The other thing is, never borrow money.|- I had no idea you
had this much pride.
{1966}{2058}That's right, I do. I am your man.|I'm gonna get us through
this situation...
{2062}{2146}...even if it means you working|twice as hard.
{2174}{2252}The One With the Boob Job
{2277}{2477}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2502}{2702}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3100}{3149}- I'm gonna go.|- Why?
{3155}{3225}I haven't been home in days,|and I need to get more clothes.
{3230}{3297}You don't have to go.|I have something that'll fit you.
{3323}{3399}I put that tube top on as a joke.
{3427}{3491}- I want you to stay.|- I want to stay too.
{3495}{3556}But I've got as much use|out of these boxers as I can.
{3567}{3614}- Why don't you turn them inside...|- Done it.
{3655}{3729}- I'll be back in a couple of hours.|- All right. I'll miss
you.
{3734}{3787}Me too.
{3883}{3969}You know what? I just realized|something. I don't want to go
home.
{3974}{4077}- Great! Okay, I'll go get the tube top.|- No, no, what I mean
is...
{4081}{4149}...I hate going back|to my apartment now.
{4154}{4254}Partly because I live above|a known crack den...
{4258}{4335}...but, you know, mostly because|when I'm there, I really miss
you.
{4377}{4430}So...
{4445}{4512}...do you want to move in together?
{4529}{4588}Wow, Mike Hanigan...
{4592}{4669}...you sure know how to|make a girl say "Hell, yeah."
{4684}{4770}- So we're doing it?|- Yeah, let's do it. Let's live together.
{4818}{4883}- We're really gonna move in together?|- Yeah.
{4897}{4991}I've always wanted to live with a guy.
{4995}{5061}Pick up your socks.|Put down the toilet seat.
{5065}{5151}No, we are not having sex anymore.
{5156}{5220}It's gonna be fun.
{5260}{5331}- Hey, Joey.|- Hey.
{5336}{5424}Listen, I need to know|that what I'm about to ask you...
{5429}{5515}...will never get back to Chandler.
{5577}{5680}I'd be lying if I said I hadn't|thought about it myself.
{5720}{5818}But Chandler is my best friend.|It would be wrong.
{5822}{5896}Good, but wrong.
{5926}{6010}Okay, first of all, it would be great.
{6014}{6094}But that's not what I'm here to talk|to you about. I need to
borrow money.
{6100}{6177}Oh, I don't know, Monica.|You know...
{6181}{6228}...lending friends money|is always a mistake.
{6234}{6336}- But Chandler lent you money.|- And he would tell you it was
a mistake.
{6340}{6426}Come on, I just... I need it|for some rent and some other
bills.
{6477}{6505}Well, how much?
{6510}{6578}- Two thousand dollars?|- Two thousand dollars?
{6582}{6668}What do you think I am,|a soap opera star?
{6673}{6738}- Yeah.|- That's right, I am.
{6802}{6857}- Hi, you guys.|- Hey.
{6862}{6942}- What's in the bag?|- You know how Emma started crawling?
{6946}{7040}I realized that this place|is very unsafe for a baby...
{7045}{7139}...so I went to the store and I got some|stuff to baby-proof
the apartment.
{7144}{7191}Oh, God, baby-proofing.
{7197}{7279}Why is it such a big deal now?|You know, when I was a kid, it
was like:
{7284}{7362}"Whoops, Joey fell down the stairs."
{7366}{7466}Or, "Whoops, Joey electrocuted|himself again."
{7488}{7580}Anyway, are you going to get|a handyman to install this stuff?
{7585}{7669}No, I was just gonna do it myself.
{7724}{7792}- You're gonna do it?|- Yeah. Why?
{7796}{7911}- You don't think a woman can do this?|- Women can. You can't.
{7940}{8038}Monica, will you please tell Joey|that he is a pig.
{8042}{8132}- You're a pig. And you can't do this.|- What?
{8136}{8220}What? Come on, I found|the hardware store all by myself.
{8226}{8269}The store's right down the street.
{8275}{8359}There is a hardware store|right down the street?
{8421}{8497}Hey, you guys?|Okay, we've got great news.
{8502}{8584}- Phoebe and I are moving in together.|- Congratulations.
{8588}{8672}I know, it's so exciting. You know,|I've never lived with a
guy before.
{8678}{8772}Well, it's just like living with a girl,|only they don't steal
your makeup.
{8777}{8857}Unless they're playing "This Is What|My Sister Would Look
Like."
{8881}{8940}Yeah, she's not so cute.
{8956}{9034}- I'm gonna go to the bathroom.|- Well, you put down the
toilet seat.
{9039}{9086}Yes, dear.
{9110}{9192}- Is that a bit you guys do?|- Uh-huh. We're playing you two.
{9249}{9325}We don't do that.|Tell her we don't do that.
{9330}{9407}Yes, dear.
{9412}{9490}I can't believe you're moving in|together. I'm happy for you
guys.
{9497}{9569}- I hear wedding bells.|- Monica, slow down, okay?
{9573}{9637}I'm just excited to be living with him.
{9641}{9688}You know, I mean, I don't know...
{9693}{9775}...can I see someday being|married to Mike? Sure. Yeah.
{9779}{9861}I could picture myself walking down|the aisle in a wedding
dress...
{9866}{9950}...that highlights my breasts|in an obvious yet classy way.
{9998}{10069}But do I want that house in Connecticut|near the good
schools...
{10073}{10184}...where Mike and I could send|little Sophie and Mike Jr.?
{10189}{10230}Oh, my God, I do.
{10246}{10353}- I had no idea you were so conventional.|- I know. I guess
I am.
{10358}{10446}Oh, my God, load up the Volvo,|I want to be a soccer mom.
{10503}{10560}- You ready to go?|- Yeah, you bet, roomie.
{10565}{10643}Don't you mean "groomie"?
{10682}{10731}- What are you talking about?|- Please.
{10736}{10851}We haven't even moved in yet, and|they have us picking out
china patterns.
{11024}{11090}China patterns!
{11154}{11228}This is easy. "Can't do this..."
{11352}{11429}Wow, seriously. Can't do this.
{11557}{11583}- Hey, Joe.|- Hey.
{11592}{11690}Listen, I need to ask you a favor, and|we can't tell Monica
anything about it.
{11695}{11802}- I thought you guys didn't have secrets.|- That will remain
the official party line.
{11870}{11952}Look, Monica and I are having|a little financial trouble.
{11960}{12021}- Yeah, I know.|- What? What do you mean, you "know"?
{12083}{12128}I just figured it out, you know?
{12133}{12242}I mean, you're not working,|and the economy is bad.
{12251}{12281}Oh, right.
{12286}{12364}That is the fastest I have ever thought.
{12402}{12457}Anyway...
{12480}{12531}...I need to borrow some money.
{12537}{12602}Oh, sure. Yeah, how much?|Two thousand dollars?
{12660}{12728}Yes, $2000 exactly.|How did you know that?
{12800}{12917}I know how much you used to make,|and I know how much your
rent is.
{12937}{12986}Oh, okay.
{12991}{13046}I am on fire.
{13073}{13149}Listen, this is really nice.
{13182}{13256}Did you write a check to Monica|for $2000?
{13260}{13299}Did Monica borrow money from you?
{13346}{13410}- Kind of.|- I can't believe her.
{13414}{13465}Did she tell you we were having|money problems?
{13470}{13540}No, no, no. It wasn't because|of your money problems.
{13544}{13617}It was for something for her.
{13622}{13661}What?
{13666}{13692}Something personal.
{13699}{13770}What would she get for $2000|that she wouldn't tell me
about?
{13774}{13804}Excuse me.
{13874}{13921}Boob job.
{13939}{14000}I don't want her to get a boob job.|That's crazy.
{14004}{14074}Well, it's not that crazy, okay?
{14078}{14162}Making them smaller,|that would be crazy.
{14203}{14307}Oh, hey, I wanted to ask you|about Monica's little "groomie"
joke.
{14312}{14404}Well, I think the reason people laughed|is that it's a play
on the word "roomie."
{14472}{14585}I get the joke. Sophisticated as it was.
{14589}{14677}No, the thing I want to say is...
{14685}{14746}Maybe we should've|talked about this before.
{14751}{14853}Us living together,|you're not expecting a proposal, right?
{14858}{14925}- Oh, no, no. Not at all.|- Okay.
{14930}{15012}We're just moving in right now.|We'll see where it goes.
{15026}{15122}Yeah, well, that's the thing.|For me, it's as far as it can
ever go.
{15144}{15224}- What do you mean?|- Look, Phoebe, I...
{15229}{15335}I love you very much.|But I never want to get married again.
{15400}{15494}- Wow.|- It's just, my first marriage was...
{15498}{15601}...you know, such a disaster that|I kind of lost faith in
the whole idea.
{15606}{15661}- Was it that bad?|- At one point, near the end...
{15665}{15769}...she deliberately defecated on my...|- Okay, well, that's
bad. Yeah.
{15803}{15903}But don't you think it might be|different with someone else?
Perhaps...
{15907}{15972}...a blond who always|uses the toilet?
{16027}{16109}Except for once in the ocean.
{16120}{16177}Look, it's not about who I would marry.
{16181}{16265}I was certain the first time I got married|it'd last
forever. I was wrong.
{16271}{16335}- But, it just...|- Look, Phoebe, it's not about you.
{16339}{16394}I just never want to get married again.
{16468}{16507}I'm sorry.
{16522}{16629}Are you okay with that? If not, maybe|us moving in together
isn't the best idea.
{16643}{16717}No. Oh, I definitely don't|want to get married.
{16721}{16813}I just wanted to make sure|you didn't want to, too.
{16845}{16913}Because if we move in|and you start changing your mind...
{16917}{16962}...there is gonna be|hell to pay, mister.
{16982}{17050}- Trust me. I will never...|- Yeah, I get that. Yeah.
{17240}{17310}Hi. So you gave in|and decided to call someone?
{17315}{17418}Yeah. I don't know who I was kidding.|I can barely use
chopsticks.
{17434}{17495}- You're all set.|- Oh, thank you so much.
{17500}{17555}Wait. You forgot your...
{17559}{17616}...game.
{17621}{17659}Thank you.
{17720}{17833}Hey, Rach. There she is,|my perfectly proportioned wife.
{17876}{17950}Don't look at me.|I never get his jokes.
{17976}{18029}- Thank you?|- No, no. Don't thank me.
{18033}{18127}Thank you. Do you know there is not|one thing I would change
about you?
{18133}{18211}Not one single thing.|And definitely not...
{18215}{18272}...two single things.
{18289}{18400}Okay, you're being weird. Do you want|sex, or did you do
something bad?
{18405}{18493}No. No. No. I just love|the way you look. I am warm...
{18497}{18564}...for your form.
{18601}{18681}Okay, you know the old classics like,|you know, "You look
nice"?
{18685}{18711}They're still okay.
{18722}{18798}But "you look nice" could mean|that I'm saying, "Your face
looks nice."
{18802}{18863}I want to compliment your body.
{18877}{18949}I mean, I wouldn't change it at all.
{18953}{19043}And more specifically, I wouldn't|want anything to get any
bigger.
{19078}{19108}- Okay.|- I mean...
{19112}{19187}...you wouldn't want any part of me|to get any bigger, would
you?
{19260}{19315}Don't answer that.
{19394}{19466}Just when you thought that dude|couldn't get any weirder.
{19491}{19560}Why do you think he was so worried|about me getting bigger?
{19565}{19641}I don't know.|I mean, what brought that on?
{19646}{19715}Oh, my God. You know what,|we're trying to get pregnant...
{19719}{19799}...so he's probably starting to freak out|that my body's
gonna change.
{19803}{19862}- You think that's what it is?|- You heard him.
{19867}{19937}"No bigger. You're perfect.|Just don't get any bigger."
{19941}{20047}My God, he sounded just like|my high-school wrestling coach.
{20105}{20179}- I'm gonna have to talk to Chandler.|- Yeah. If you don't,
I will.
{20184}{20274}Of course your body's gonna change.|Your breasts are gonna
get bigger...
{20278}{20333}...your ass is gonna get bigger...
{20338}{20408}...you're gonna lose bladder control.
{20492}{20551}God, it's just such a magical time.
{20708}{20788}Hi. Listen, I wanted to ask you|something about marriage.
{20793}{20838}Now you're seeking me out|to make jokes?
{20842}{20936}I mean, I can see if we're all hanging|out, but to come to
my home...
{20942}{20999}No, I really want to know|how you feel about it.
{21004}{21092}- Why?|- Mike doesn't ever want to get married.
{21110}{21157}- Never?|- Never.
{21161}{21239}Wow. Are you still gonna|move in with him?
{21249}{21358}I want to, but I wanted you to tell me|that marriage really
isn't that big a deal.
{21362}{21467}You know, that I won't be missing out|on anything. That
marriage stinks.
{21494}{21558}Yeah, marriage stinks.
{21579}{21684}I mean, if you want to see a man gain|weight and a woman
stop shaving...
{21688}{21753}...get them married.
{21757}{21831}- That's not how you really feel, is it?|- No, I'm sorry.
{21860}{21969}I know it's not what you want to hear,|but I can't help it.
I love marriage.
{21975}{22028}Seriously, you?|"Divorce-o"?
{22053}{22172}If you have to call me a name, I'd prefer|"Ross, the
Divorcer." It's just cooler.
{22204}{22298}Look, I know my marriages|didn't exactly work out...
{22303}{22379}...but, you know, I loved being|that committed to another
person.
{22384}{22476}And Carol and I had some good times|before she became a
lesbian.
{22480}{22546}And once afterward.
{22550}{22605}Anyway, I'm sorry.
{22624}{22667}It's okay. That's how you feel.
{22703}{22768}But, come on, I mean,|living together will be great.
{22772}{22840}I mean, you guys have so much fun.|And you love Mike.
{22855}{22908}- I do love Mike.|- Yeah, see?
{22914}{22992}And you were so excited about|moving in together before...
{22997}{23056}...and you know what, you should be.|It's a big deal.
{23088}{23147}Yeah, I guess you're right.
{23151}{23202}Yeah, thanks. This helped. Thanks.
{23208}{23269}The Divorcer to the rescue.
{23287}{23359}- It's not cooler.|- Yeah, I just heard it.
{23682}{23715}Rach?
{23918}{23979}Rachel?!
{24276}{24356}So I can't do anything I like?!
{24371}{24428}Hey, Rach.
{24432}{24522}Perfection.|Wouldn't change a thing. Not a thing.
{24526}{24550}- Honey?|- Yeah?
{24555}{24610}About that.
{24633}{24739}- I'm going to change.|- Yes, but, honey, you don't have to.
{24744}{24793}I'm gonna get bigger.
{24799}{24832}Honey, I...
{24836}{24908}I love your breasts the way they are.
{24918}{24977}Fascist.
{24991}{25063}My breasts are gonna get bigger|whether you like it or not.
{25069}{25151}And it's not just my breasts.|My ass is gonna get bigger
too.
{25157}{25218}Your ass?!
{25223}{25338}And don't be surprised if her hands|and her feet get bigger
too.
{25343}{25425}- They do that?|- It's kind of a package deal.
{25460}{25538}God, why? Why would you want to|do that to yourself?
{25544}{25609}I thought it was something|that we both wanted.
{25621}{25709}If it means that much to you, I may be|able to get onboard
with the boobs...
{25713}{25801}...but the giant ass|and the big clown feet?
{25826}{25867}Oh, my God, Chandler.
{25871}{25945}If you can't handle this,|what will you be like in the
hospital...
{25949}{26050}...with the blood and screaming and the|little person that's
shooting out of her?
{26119}{26152}What?
{26324}{26412}Joey, why did you tell Chandler|that Monica was getting a
boob job?
{26422}{26481}Because she is.
{26486}{26578}- Chandler knows I borrowed the money.|- For your boob job.
{26591}{26626}- Joe...|- It's over.
{26631}{26754}Okay, so I'm out $4000 and|nobody's boobs are getting any
bigger?
{26857}{26968}Hey. Hey, what do you guys think|about this: Ross, the
Divorce Force.
{26998}{27041}- Better.|- Yeah?
{27050}{27095}Very cool.
{27134}{27226}Hey, Pheebs? You know, I'm really glad|you came to talk to
me the other day...
{27230}{27303}...and I hope I was a little helpful.|- Yeah, you were
helpful.
{27307}{27350}- Yeah. No, thank you.|- Good. Good.
{27355}{27435}Because the more I thought about it,|the more I realized...
{27439}{27527}...I don't think marriage is necessarily|the right path for
you.
{27534}{27560}What do you mean?
{27565}{27614}I know the other day|in the coffeehouse...
{27619}{27693}...you were all caught up|in the whole soccer-mom thing...
{27698}{27799}...but is that really you? I mean, can you|honestly picture
yourself in a Volvo?
{27826}{27893}They are awfully boxy.
{27897}{28037}I mean, I don't know, you'd be so bored|with marriage. I
mean, it's so normal.
{28079}{28117}Yeah.
{28121}{28159}Hey, can I help?
{28163}{28249}Well, we climbed up four flights of stairs,|maneuvered a
narrow hallway...
{28253}{28357}...dodged a rabid pit bull. But these last|three feet are
where it gets really tricky.
{28413}{28507}You know, sometimes your words,|they hurt.
{28538}{28597}Hey, where do you guys want this?
{28602}{28665}Yeah, seriously,|because this is really heavy.
{28669}{28775}I mean, not for me, because I'm only|pretending to hold it,
but for these guys.
{28820}{28959}Just one last time on the marriage thing.|There's no wiggle
room? None at all?
{28981}{29038}No, but you don't want to|get married either, right?
{29044}{29072}Right.
{29077}{29134}Except that I do want to get married.
{29139}{29213}Couldn't have had this conversation|down at the truck, huh?
{29243}{29283}What? You want to get married?
{29297}{29327}Someday.
{29332}{29410}And... hernia.
{29447}{29589}I haven't had a normal life. And I never|felt like I was
missing out on anything.
{29593}{29699}But it feels like now it's my turn|to have some of the
regular stuff.
{29726}{29785}Why didn't you say something before?
{29790}{29899}I didn't know how much I wanted it. And|I love you, and I
wanted to live with you.
{29904}{29963}I want to live with you too.|I mean, let's do that.
{29968}{30017}But I don't think I can.
{30022}{30116}It was okay to move in when|I didn't know what was gonna
happen.
{30120}{30204}But I can't move in knowing nothing|is ever gonna happen.
{30210}{30319}Can we at least try living together? You|might change your
mind about marriage.
{30323}{30395}Are you gonna change yours?
{30409}{30458}No.
{30463}{30524}Me neither.
{30626}{30735}I think I need to be with someone|who wants what I want.
{30797}{30836}But I don't want this to end.
{30843}{30911}No, I don't want it to end either.
{30985}{31059}I can't believe this is gonna end.
{31121}{31176}I guess I'll have my stuff picked up.
{31199}{31246}Yeah. Okay.
{31327}{31401}Okay, so...
{31716}{31767}Goodbye.
{31796}{31886}- Take it easy, Mike.|- Bye, Mike.
{31982}{32019}I'm so sorry, Pheebs.
{32023}{32088}We're all sorry.
{32153}{32280}Look on the bright side. At least you|won't have to live
with this ugly chair.
{32297}{32365}That was here already, huh?
{32371}{32428}I love you.
{32694}{32755}I did it! I did it!
{32759}{32831}All right.
{32929}{33009}I'd better take all I can carry.
{33025}{33119}Who knows when I'll be able|to get in here again, huh?
{33274}{33298}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 17
{80}{132}- You ready to go?|- Let me just finish this.
{136}{214}Hey, Ross. Check this out.
{327}{369}Yeah, I can't do that.
{403}{450}- What are you doing?|- Have you seen this?
{454}{512}It's our new alumni website|for college.
{517}{606}You can post messages for people,|let everyone know what you're
up to.
{611}{716}Oh, great. A faster way to tell people|that I'm unemployed and
childless.
{721}{792}It's actually interesting to find|out what people are doing.
{796}{831}Remember Andrea Rich?
{836}{887}That tall girl that wouldn't sleep|with you?
{892}{1006}Well, her Internet company went under,|and she lost an ear in a
boating accident.
{1038}{1098}Bet she'd sleep with you now.
{1132}{1194}No, I already e-mailed her.
{1223}{1290}Let me see what you wrote|about yourself.
{1294}{1366}"Doctor of paleontology, two kids."
{1371}{1457}Wait a second. You split with Carol|because you had different
interests?
{1461}{1568}I think you split with Carol because|you had one very similar
interest.
{1595}{1664}I'm gonna finish this later, okay?|Let me just grab my coat.
{1668}{1719}Okay!
{1778}{1874}What, did you think you learned how|to do it in the last two
minutes?
{1956}{2048}Maybe we finish this for him.
{2134}{2225}Also, I cloned a dinosaur in my lab.
{2242}{2313}She is now my girlfriend.
{2336}{2467}I don't care what society says,|it's the best sex I've ever
had.
{2476}{2578}- And send.|- No, no... You can't do that to him.
{2583}{2631}- All right, let's go.|- Dude!
{2635}{2743}I think you made it clear you can't be|trusted with the ball
inside the house.
{2902}{2977}And send.
{3006}{3055}The One With the Memorial Service
{3080}{3280}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{3305}{3505}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3950}{4004}Hey. How was basketball?
{4009}{4078}It was fun. Right up until Chandler|got a finger in the eye.
{4082}{4127}Oh, no! Who did that?
{4132}{4188}Chandler. Yeah.
{4200}{4243}Hey!
{4265}{4294}- Rach?|- Yeah?
{4299}{4370}What's Huggsy doing|in the crib with Emma?
{4386}{4498}She was just crawling around and found|him, so I just let her
sleep with him.
{4502}{4591}- That's all right, isn't it?|- Of course. Yeah.
{4595}{4721}It's a stuffed animal, you know?|It's for kids. Not for
adults.
{4725}{4766}I know that.
{4771}{4840}Joey, you're sure? I mean,|I know how much you love him.
{4844}{4969}Rachel, let's be clear on this, okay?|I do not love Huggsy.
{4975}{5041}I like him a normal amount.
{5072}{5131}All right.|Well, Emma loves him.
{5136}{5218}Yeah. Well, why wouldn't she?|He's a wonderful person!
{5331}{5404}- Hi.|- Hey, Phoebe. How you doing?
{5408}{5487}- You feeling better?|- Breaking up sucks.
{5491}{5583}- Oh, I really miss Mike.|- Oh, I'm so sorry.
{5588}{5679}I've tried everything to feel better.|I even tried writing a
song about it...
{5683}{5758}...but I can't think of anything|that rhymes with:
{5831}{5901}Hey, Monica, I'm gonna need|your help getting through this.
{5906}{5958}You're saying you're|not gonna need my help?
{5963}{6016}No. When I get to the point|where I'm ready...
{6020}{6101}...to hear cruel, mocking jokes|about Mike, I'm gonna come to
you.
{6105}{6200}Oh, good, because I've already thought|of three. Four! I just
thought of a fourth!
{6225}{6285}Okay. I mean, I know|I did the right thing.
{6290}{6326}Mike never wants|to get married...
{6330}{6403}...and I shouldn't be in a relationship|that has no future.
{6407}{6463}But pretty soon,|I'm gonna miss him so much...
{6467}{6538}...I'm gonna want to see him again,|and you have to stop me.
{6543}{6597}Okay, you got it.
{6645}{6727}Unless...|Am I being too crazy about this?
{6731}{6847}All right, so there's no future. But that|doesn't mean we
still can't have fun.
{6856}{6941}- You know what? Forget what I said.|- Really?
{6945}{7034}- All right, if that's what you want.|- That was a test, and
you just failed.
{7059}{7131}Damn it! Rookie mistake!
{7230}{7290}I have sex with dinosaurs?
{7353}{7417}I believe I read that somewhere.
{7435}{7503}Not only is it not funny,|it's physically impossible! Okay?
{7507}{7631}Depending on the species, I'd have|to have a 6-foot-long...
It's not funny!
{7662}{7722}I respectfully disagree.
{7727}{7783}I can't believe you put that|on my alumni page.
{7788}{7851}- Who cares? Nobody reads those.|- You better hope not...
{7856}{7910}...because I just read what|you put on your page.
{7915}{7995}- I don't have a page.|- Oh, I respectfully disagree!
{8431}{8527}"Look at you. All sweet and innocent",|{y:i}sleeping like an
angel.
{8541}{8627}{y:i}With Emma's chubby little hands|{y:i}wrapped around you.
{8673}{8756}It's okay, Emma. You stay asleep.
{8796}{8865}Step away from the crib!|I have a weapon!
{8869}{8959}It's okay! It's okay, Rach!|It's me! Put down the scrunchie.
{8978}{9046}- What are you doing?|- Well, I heard Emma stirring...
{9050}{9135}...so I came in to make sure|she could reach Huggsy.
{9149}{9248}Oh, thanks. All right, well, now that|I'm up, I'm gonna go to
the bathroom.
{9252}{9338}Okay, there you go, sweetie.
{9346}{9397}This isn't over!
{9504}{9578}Wait a second. Why would|Ross tell everyone in your class...
{9583}{9675}...that you are "as gay|as the day is long"?
{9698}{9774}Because I told everyone|he slept with dinosaurs.
{9789}{9905}Well, that's clearly a joke.|This could easily be true.
{9940}{10043}Would you get that, please? People have|been calling to
congratulate me all day.
{10125}{10153}Hello?
{10157}{10254}No, he's not here.|Yeah, this is his wife.
{10261}{10354}Yeah. Well, it came|as quite a shock to me too!
{10382}{10494}Well, I guess I should've known. He just|kept making me
watch "Moulin Rouge."
{10498}{10537}Hang up! Hang up!
{10541}{10589}And that was a great movie.
{10635}{10702}I'm so gonna get back at Ross.
{10706}{10763}Oh, yeah, this'll show him.|Here we go.
{10768}{10848}- What are you doing?|- Oh, you'll see, my friend!
{10956}{11017}I'm dead?
{11061}{11114}And so young.
{11130}{11221}Posting that I died?|That really isn't funny.
{11225}{11273}Well, how you died was funny.
{11278}{11342}Oh, please. Hit by a blimp?
{11361}{11460}It kills over one Americans|every year.
{11478}{11557}Unbelievable. My classmates|are gonna think I'm dead.
{11561}{11635}My professors. My parents|are gonna get phone calls!
{11639}{11687}You're messing with|people's feelings here.
{11692}{11778}You wanna talk about people's feelings?|You should have
heard how hurt...
{11782}{11879}...Professor Stern was when I told him|I wouldn't be able to
go to Key West!
{11900}{11969}You've really crossed a line here.|But that's okay.
{11973}{12040}Because I'm on my way|to buy some Photoshop software...
{12044}{12082}...and a stack of gay porn.
{12086}{12185}That's right. Your coming-out|is about to get real graphic!
{12301}{12366}God, I wish Mike were here.
{12377}{12453}Okay, if Mike were here, what|would the two of you be doing?
{12484}{12577}What are you, animals?|It's 4:00 in the afternoon.
{12585}{12669}I gotta call him. Just to talk to him.|There's no harm in
that.
{12673}{12803}That's how it starts. "I don't need|to eat the cake, I'll
just smell the icing.
{12807}{12905}Why not just a little sliver?"|Or, "Okay, just a slice or
two."
{12909}{12962}The next thing you know,|you're 210 pounds...
{12966}{13033}...and you get wedged in going|down the tunnel slide!
{13083}{13125}Phoebe, honey, I know this is hard.
{13129}{13207}But look, if you talk to him,|then you're gonna want to see
him.
{13211}{13277}And if you see him, you're gonna|wanna get back together.
{13281}{13347}And I know that's not what you want.
{13381}{13443}All right, so give me your phone.
{13450}{13494}Here.
{13503}{13600}- And now your cell.|- Okay.
{13696}{13753}There you go.
{13904}{13994}- This is your cell phone?|- Yes.
{13999}{14079}This is your current cell phone?
{14093}{14173}Yes. It reminds me|of a simpler time.
{14210}{14294}Phoebe? Where's your purse?
{14329}{14368}- Hey! No!|- No!
{14372}{14415}- Give it to me!|- You can't have it!
{14419}{14469}- Give it to me!|- No!
{14520}{14567}- I'll go in there!|- Oh, yeah.
{14571}{14600}- Phoebe, come here!|- No!
{14604}{14699}- Give it to me!|- You're crazy!
{14759}{14832}Damn you, Monica Geller hyphen Bing!
{14897}{15022}Hey, look who's here. It's Joey.|And he brought home a
friend.
{15027}{15126}Emma's right here. You promised not to|bring girls home in
the middle of the day!
{15131}{15200}No, no, no, it's not a girl. It's...
{15204}{15270}...a brand-new Huggsy!
{15275}{15353}Oh! Oh, that's so great!|Now Emma has two Huggsies!
{15358}{15455}No, no. Oh, no.|No, Emma has one Huggsy.
{15459}{15500}The new Huggsy.
{15504}{15590}The other Huggsy, I don't know,|I guess I'll just take him
back.
{15594}{15711}You know what? When I was a little girl,|I had a little pink
pony named Cotton.
{15715}{15823}Oh, I loved her so much. I took her|everywhere. I would
braid her tail...
{15827}{15874}Make the transfer!
{15972}{16068}Should I be concerned that a button fell|off the old Huggsy
and I can't find it?
{16073}{16167}No, don't worry about it.|I swallowed that years ago. Hey!
{16198}{16283}Oh, what? I don't think|she likes the new Huggsy.
{16289}{16356}- But he's the same.|- I think she wants the old one back.
{16361}{16433}- Yeah, but he's the same.|- Joey, come on.
{16438}{16501}But he's the same!
{16561}{16623}You're not the same.
{16714}{16774}You know, it's a lot|less surprising to do that...
{16778}{16833}...after I've buzzed you|into the building.
{16864}{16944}So, Phoebe, why are there|men's shoes by the door?
{16964}{17023}Those are my shoes.
{17027}{17102}Well, when you get over this breakup,|we need to go
shopping.
{17116}{17189}Look, Monica, I really appreciate|you checking in on me.
{17193}{17252}- But I'm actually feeling a lot better.|- You are?
{17256}{17315}Yeah, I just kind of want|to be alone right now.
{17377}{17477}- Who's that?|- I ordered Chinese food.
{17530}{17603}What are the chances?!
{17610}{17702}One billion Chinese people,|and they send Mike!
{17821}{17876}- What are you doing here?|- Phoebe called me.
{17882}{17942}- Phoebe!|- I'm sorry. I broke down.
{17946}{17977}I wanted to see him.
{17981}{18032}Damn it, Phoebe,|how did you even call him?
{18037}{18091}There's a speakerphone|on the base unit.
{18096}{18177}Base unit. Think, Monica, think!
{18183}{18261}- Look, if I want to see Phoebe, and she...|- This doesn't
concern you!
{18296}{18377}Sorry. I guess I was thrown off|by the mention of my name.
{18419}{18472}Look, guys, you can't do this.
{18476}{18534}It's gonna make getting|over each other harder.
{18539}{18637}Not if nothing happens.|Why can't we just hang out as
friends?
{18674}{18764}Sure. If you're just gonna hang out|as friends, then maybe
I'll join you.
{18769}{18835}You know, I'm your friend|and Mike's friend.
{18912}{18963}Sit down.
{19053}{19102}Make room for your friend.
{19343}{19411}- So how have you been?|- I've been pretty good.
{19526}{19621}- You look really beautiful.|- Thanks. You look good too.
{19625}{19739}No, no, no. This is dangerous territory.|Keep it clean.
{19769}{19808}So how's the piano playing going?
{19813}{19893}Actually, I've been playing a lot|of love songs lately.
{19897}{19990}- I've missed you.|- I've missed you too.
{20055}{20176}You know, on the way over here,|I saw this drunk guy throw
up.
{20206}{20273}And then a pigeon ate it.
{20368}{20406}Hey. Ross.
{20414}{20487}Look, I just wanted to apologize.
{20491}{20586}Don't tell me you actually made|those gay pictures of me.
{20603}{20644}Check this out.
{20649}{20728}So that's what I'd look like|if I worked out.
{20744}{20830}And was being serviced|by a policeman.
{20834}{20886}You're not gonna actually|send these out, are you?
{20891}{20986}Actually, I don't need to, because your|little "Ross is
dead" joke didn't work.
{20990}{21032}Okay? There were no responses.
{21036}{21147}Nobody posted anything, nobody called|my parents, so the
joke is on you.
{21151}{21272}Nobody called, nobody wrote anything,|nobody cares that I'm
dead.
{21365}{21406}Oh, my God.
{21411}{21498}- Nobody cares that I'm dead?|- Oh, come on, you know that's
not true.
{21502}{21560}What are you talking about?|You get 60 responses...
{21564}{21605}...just for coming|out of the closet.
{21609}{21688}I didn't get one response,|and I'm dead!
{21692}{21798}Well, the gay community is a lot more|vocal than the dead
community.
{21802}{21944}I can't believe this. Not even my geology|lab partner. And I
carried that guy!
{21950}{21994}Look, let's think about this, okay?
{21998}{22075}You think people are gonna disturb|your family at this
tragic time?
{22080}{22145}That people are gonna post condolences|on a website?
{22149}{22192}This isn't about people not caring.
{22196}{22316}This is about people not having|a decent outlet for their
grief.
{22320}{22385}- You're right. There isn't a decent outlet.|- Right.
{22390}{22502}I'm sure if you had a funeral or memorial|service, tons of
people would come.
{22516}{22573}Exactly!
{22592}{22650}Ross, what are you doing?
{22654}{22710}You're having a memorial service|for yourself?
{22719}{22819}No, that would be stupid.|You're having it for me.
{22825}{22925}- Ross, don't press send. Don't press...|- No, too late. Too
late. It's sent.
{22929}{23007}Sorry, so is that picture|of you and the policeman.
{23054}{23122}I'm trying to put Emma down for a nap.|Have you seen Huggsy?
{23127}{23173}Original or crappy?
{23205}{23266}- Original.|- No. Sorry. Haven't seen him.
{23271}{23347}Then what's that big lump|under your covers?
{23366}{23447}- It's Monica, okay?|- That's not Monica!
{23451}{23532}All right, fine!|It's original Huggsy!
{23571}{23632}I know Emma wants him,|but he's mine and I need him.
{23636}{23701}She's being unreasonable.
{23706}{23788}Joey, there is a reason that Emma|loves that stupid penguin
so much!
{23793}{23843}Oh, don't cover its ears!
{23860}{23950}It's because it reminds her|of her Uncle Joey.
{23971}{24012}- It does?|- Yeah.
{24016}{24133}And she's comforted by him because|she loves her Uncle Joey
so much.
{24138}{24230}- Really? She loves me?|- Oh, yeah.
{24235}{24306}But you know what?|If you need Huggsy, don't worry.
{24310}{24387}Emma will totally understand.|I won't, but whatever.
{24392}{24501}Okay, wait a minute, Rach.|I mean, if...
{24505}{24592}If Huggsy means that much|to Emma, then...
{24602}{24632}Well, she can have him.
{24642}{24707}Oh, sweet, I knew Uncle Joey|would step up.
{24716}{24807}- Look, Emma. Look who's back.|- No, forget it! Forget it! I
can't do it!
{24812}{24881}Are you...? You're gonna take|Huggsy away from a little
child?
{24886}{24943}How do you think I got him|in the first place?
{25005}{25061}All right, you two.|I'm gonna go to the bathroom.
{25065}{25115}I don't want anything going|on while I'm gone.
{25121}{25168}Here's a few things you can discuss:
{25172}{25274}Mucus, fungus, and the idea|of me and Ross doing it.
{25359}{25393}I've missed you so much.
{25398}{25490}I won't ask you to get back together.|I know we want
different things, but...
{25494}{25556}- Just to be with you one more night.|- I want that too.
{25560}{25660}- But is that gonna make it too hard?|- It can't be any
harder than this.
{25665}{25764}I mean, if I had known the last time|I saw you would be the
last time, l...
{25768}{25840}I would have stopped to memorize|your face, the way you
moved.
{25844}{25897}Everything about you.
{25901}{25999}If I had known the last time I kissed|you would be the last
time...
{26003}{26062}...I never would have stopped.
{26093}{26154}Kiss him, you fool!
{26170}{26228}- What?|- Didn't you hear that speech?
{26232}{26286}If you don't kiss him,|then I will.
{26304}{26366}I missed you so much.
{26380}{26467}- I knew you'd be here!|- Crap.
{26471}{26563}- Who is this?|- My friend Manny.
{26567}{26639}I asked him to keep me|away from you.
{26654}{26759}- Hey, that's what I'm doing for Phoebe.|- Well, you're not
doing a very good job.
{26773}{26824}- Excuse me?|- What's with the kissing?
{26829}{26890}Hey, at least I knew|where my guy was.
{26894}{26970}Yeah, thank God you were here|to oversee all the kissing.
{26994}{27058}- You didn't hear the speech.|- I've heard the speech.
{27063}{27116}If he knew it was gonna|be the last time...
{27120}{27177}Hey, it was very moving.|You're just heartless!
{27182}{27239}- You're weak!|- You're weird!
{27244}{27307}Your pants are undone.
{27372}{27423}Where'd they go?
{27444}{27526}- Damn it.|- Well, we blew it.
{27530}{27582}I blame myself.
{27592}{27640}And I blame you too.
{27794}{27883}It's been an hour, and not one|of my classmates has shown
up?
{27888}{28003}I tell you, when I actually die, some|people are gonna get
seriously haunted.
{28042}{28089}There you go. Someone came.
{28094}{28147}Okay. Okay. I'm gonna go hide.
{28151}{28234}This is so exciting.|My first mourner!
{28308}{28364}Hi. Glad you could come.
{28368}{28455}- Please come in.|- Hi. You're Chandler Bing, right?
{28459}{28565}- I'm Tom Gordon. I was in your class.|- Oh, yes. Yes, let
me take your coat.
{28569}{28658}Thanks. I'm so sorry|about Ross, it's...
{28662}{28726}No, at least he died doing|what he loved.
{28730}{28785}Watching blimps.
{28914}{28974}- Who is it?|- You know some guy, Tom Gordon?
{28980}{29013}I don't remember him.
{29017}{29106}But then again,|I touched so many lives.
{29161}{29198}So did you know Ross well?
{29202}{29278}Actually, I barely knew him.|I came because I heard
Chandler's news.
{29282}{29345}Do you know if he's seeing anyone?
{29432}{29554}- Yes, he is. Me.|- What? You mean...?
{29609}{29724}Can I ask you a personal question?|How do you shave your
beard so close?
{29753}{29808}Okay, Tommy!|That's enough mourning for you.
{29812}{29893}Here we go. Bye-bye. All right.
{29897}{29988}- Hey, listen. Call me.|- Okay.
{30043}{30159}- I'm dead and no one cares?|- I look like a man?
{30170}{30240}Please, one ridiculous problem|at a time.
{30244}{30311}This isn't ridiculous.|Look around, no one's here.
{30316}{30405}You gave them one day's notice. Not|everyone checks the
website every day.
{30409}{30493}And Monica, it's probably|the way you stand!
{30522}{30602}I guess you're right.|Still, somebody must have seen it.
{30606}{30703}I went to that school for four years|and I didn't have an
impact on anyone?
{30707}{30786}Well, that's not true.|You had an impact on me.
{30790}{30855}I mean, it's 15 years later|and we're still best friends.
{30859}{30924}Doesn't that count for something?
{31019}{31099}Oh, great, more party boys|for Chandler.
{31105}{31194}I'm sure it's somebody for you.|Now go hide.
{31283}{31370}Hi. I'm here for Ross Geller's|memorial service.
{31389}{31475}- Kori? Kori Weston?|- Yeah.
{31487}{31553}- You look amazing.|- And you are?
{31558}{31643}Chandler. Chandler Bing.|And I'm not gay. I'm not gay at
all.
{31647}{31695}You are married, though.
{31699}{31776}Don't listen to him.|He's in a really bad mood.
{31860}{31946}I can't believe that Ross is gone.|It is just so sad.
{31951}{32000}I didn't know Ross and you|were so close.
{32005}{32097}Oh, we weren't. But we had one class|together. He was such a
great guy.
{32101}{32187}And he talked so passionately|about science.
{32191}{32278}- I always remembered him.|- I'm sure that would mean a lot
to him.
{32282}{32325}And if heaven has a door...
{32329}{32420}...I'm sure he's pressing his ear|up against it and
listening intently.
{32464}{32560}I thought so many times about|calling him and asking him
out.
{32564}{32609}I guess I really missed my chance.
{32619}{32674}No, you didn't!
{32717}{32780}I'm still alive!
{32790}{32850}Kori, I know this|is a big surprise for you.
{32855}{32954}It's a long story. But the things you|just said really made
my day.
{32958}{33010}The fact that you're here|means more to me...
{33014}{33079}...than if this room were filled|with people.
{33095}{33155}You sick freak! Who does that?
{33159}{33226}I can't believe I had a crush on you.
{33329}{33372}Did you hear that?
{33376}{33465}Kori Weston had a crush on me!
{33642}{33724}No, Mom, I am not dead.
{33735}{33813}I know it's not something|to kid about.
{33830}{33935}It was just a practical joke between|Chandler and me, but
it's over, okay?
{33947}{34061}Actually, no. Even if I had died,|you would not be left
childless.
{34093}{34144}Monica?
{34270}{34295}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 18
{180}{250}Monica?|Hey, can I borrow the Porsche?
{255}{296}- Okay.|- All right!
{301}{357}But what is it not?
{373}{445}A place to entertain my lady friends.
{459}{566}- And what else is it not?|- A place to eat spaghetti.
{583}{633}Very good. What do you need|it for anyway?
{639}{697}The Powerball lottery|is up to 300 million...
{703}{810}...and they don't sell tickets here.|- So you're driving up to
Connecticut?
{814}{890}Yeah, Connecticut.|Not West Virginia.
{929}{1006}Maybe I'll drive you up there.|I'd like to buy some tickets
myself.
{1016}{1117}Yeah, with Chandler not getting paid,|we could really use $300
million.
{1121}{1238}Yes, because if I was at my old job,|we'd say, "300 million?
No, thank you."
{1283}{1332}- Will you get me tickets too?|- Yeah, me too.
{1337}{1378}- Sure.|- I have an idea.
{1382}{1460}Why don't we all pitch in 50 bucks,|we'll pool our money
together...
{1464}{1552}...and then if we win, we'll split it.|- That's a great idea!
{1566}{1621}No, thanks.
{1639}{1693}- You don't want to win the lottery?|- Sure I do.
{1698}{1746}I also want to be king|of my own country...
{1750}{1816}...and find out what happened|to Amelia Earhart.
{1831}{1906}- Still on Amelia Earhart?|- The woman just vanished!
{1948}{1991}Seriously, you don't want in on this?
{1996}{2066}No. Do you know what your odds|are of winning the lottery?
{2070}{2156}I mean, you have a better chance|of being struck by lightning
42 times.
{2162}{2238}But there's six of us, so we'd|only have to get struck 7
times.
{2243}{2294}I like those odds!
{2314}{2407}Seriously, you guys, I can't believe|you're gonna spend $250
on the lottery.
{2412}{2490}I mean, that's such a bunch|of boo-hockey.
{2570}{2615}I'll ask.
{2634}{2669}"Boo-hockey"?
{2693}{2744}Oh, we think Emma's about|to start talking...
{2749}{2835}...so we're trying to be careful about|what words we use in
front of her.
{2841}{2892}So get ready to hear a lot|of boo-hockey...
{2897}{2958}...gosh darn it|and brother pucker.
{2999}{3046}How do you know|she's gonna start talking?
{3051}{3143}When I talk to her, I almost feel|like she understands what
I'm saying.
{3147}{3192}Kind of like Joey.
{3220}{3268}What's that now?
{3301}{3348}The One With the Lottery
{3373}{3573}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{3598}{3798}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{4541}{4627}God, look at all these tickets.|It's so exciting.
{4633}{4680}I haven't won anything|since sixth grade.
{4685}{4739}Pie-eating contest?
{4784}{4867}You assume because I was heavy that's|the only way I could win
something?
{4873}{4945}No, I saw a picture|of you covered in blueberries.
{4950}{5018}- That was a good day.|- Yeah.
{5032}{5126}- They're towing your car!|- I'm parked in a garage on Morton.
{5147}{5208}They're towing a car.
{5213}{5301}And I am seeing spots.
{5307}{5371}Ross, you don't have Emma!|Rachel, you don't have Emma!
{5375}{5432}- Where's Emma? Who has Emma?|- Joey, relax.
{5437}{5540}My mother picked her up two hours ago.|You were there.
{5564}{5630}- I was?|- Yes, and you talked to her.
{5641}{5715}- I did?|- She dropped off a casserole.
{5720}{5790}Oh, yeah, the casserole lady.
{5798}{5852}Did you come by to watch|us win the big bucks?
{5858}{5943}Yeah. And then I figured after you win,|we can all go out to
the balcony...
{5947}{6054}...and see a night rainbow|with gremlins dancing on top of it.
{6080}{6136}Don't touch the phone!|I'll get it!
{6148}{6210}- You think he washed his hands?|- Hello?
{6216}{6271}- Hey, Charlie, what do you know?|- What's going on?
{6277}{6354}Chandler's supposed to find out if he's|getting a job at his
agency.
{6358}{6415}But out of 15 interns,|they're only hiring three.
{6421}{6464}- Tough odds.|- Yeah.
{6469}{6558}If only it were a sure thing|like your 24-state lottery.
{6584}{6674}Yeah, look who's coming around!
{6680}{6768}Damn it. All right, call me|when you know more.
{6801}{6869}- Did you get it?|- One of the slots got filled.
{6882}{6987}- By you?|- Sense the tone.
{7019}{7103}- No, that kid Nate got it.|- Oh, I hate that guy.
{7108}{7186}I mean, come on, kid,|pull up your pants!
{7190}{7234}Well, there's two spots left, right?
{7240}{7302}Yeah. I mean, I want this so much.|I want to get one.
{7307}{7359}I want my friend Charlie|to get one.
{7364}{7413}Except I don't care about Charlie.
{7459}{7484}- Hey, you guys.|- Hey!
{7489}{7555}You are not gonna believe this.|I just saw my psychic...
{7559}{7651}...and she said I was definitely|gonna win the lottery
tonight!
{7685}{7734}I thought we could use|some extra luck...
{7739}{7787}...so I brought a wishbone home|from work.
{7793}{7947}A psychic and a wishbone?|Guys, give someone else a chance.
{7960}{8008}- All right, who wants to do it?|- Can I?
{8014}{8084}Vegetarians never get|to do the wishbone.
{8089}{8157}It's really not fair. Just because|we don't eat the meat...
{8161}{8235}...doesn't mean we don't like|to play with the carcasses.
{8250}{8291}All right. Rach?
{8296}{8352}I don't want that turkey smell|all over my hands.
{8358}{8442}I'll do it! Lt'll get the casserole|stink off of mine.
{8502}{8564}- I hope I win.|- Well, it doesn't really matter.
{8569}{8616}You're both wishing|for the same thing.
{8621}{8734}I can't tell you what I'm wishing for,|or else, you know, it
won't come true.
{8743}{8813}Right. But we know|what you're wishing for.
{8818}{8888}- I can't really say.|- I understand.
{8893}{8953}But you're wishing|for what we think, aren't you?
{8959}{9025}I'm not really comfortable|with these questions!
{9029}{9078}- Please!|- Just do it!
{9084}{9130}Okay. One, two, three.
{9135}{9180}I won! Hey!
{9185}{9259}You know what? I'm sure your|wish is gonna come true.
{9264}{9380}But, you guys, just in case, maybe a|genie will come out if we
rub this lamp.
{9412}{9460}That thing gets hot!
{9465}{9504}Ross, just keep making your jokes.
{9509}{9561}How are you gonna feel|if we actually do win?
{9567}{9642}- You're not gonna win.|- I know the odds are against us...
{9647}{9746}...but somebody has to win, and it could|be us. And then how
you gonna feel?
{9751}{9840}We're gonna be like, "Everybody, let's|take our helicopters up
to the Cape."
{9845}{9901}And you're gonna be all,|like, "Oh, I can't, guys.
{9906}{9982}I'll have to meet you up there.|I gotta gas up the Hyundai."
{10082}{10179}Okay, I've heard myself on tape,|and I sound nothing like
that.
{10198}{10260}I can see the headline now:|"Lottery Winners' Friend...
{10264}{10321}...Filled With Regret,|Eats Own Arm."
{10339}{10374}Why would I eat my own arm?
{10379}{10464}Well, you wouldn't, but we own the|paper. We can print
whatever we want.
{10469}{10531}You know what? I'm gonna|throw in 50 bucks for you.
{10548}{10594}- Why?|- Because I know that you think...
{10598}{10672}...that the lottery is boo-hockey...
{10681}{10765}...but we're all here, and we're gonna|watch the numbers and
have fun.
{10770}{10865}And you're my brother,|and I want you to be a part of this.
{10883}{10971}You don't have to do that.|I mean, I'll pay for myself.
{10976}{11069}But just the fact that you want me to|have fun with you
guys, that's so sweet.
{11073}{11112}Come here.
{11137}{11195}Get a room.
{11276}{11340}So now that you're in,|what are you gonna do if we win?
{11345}{11456}- I don't know. I'll probably just invest it.|- Calm down.
{11460}{11526}Seriously, that's your fantasy?|To invest it?
{11532}{11644}Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say, "invest it"?|I meant, "Be cool and
piss it all away."
{11700}{11786}I know! We should pool all|our money and buy the Knicks!
{11795}{11840}I don't really care about the Knicks.
{11845}{11915}You will when I pick you|as starting forward.
{11925}{12020}You would do that?|I never get picked!
{12037}{12082}I'm not sure a sports team|is the way to go.
{12086}{12164}You won't let me buy the Knicks?|I can't believe you're
taking this away.
{12173}{12267}You're right, it has been your dream|for over 15 seconds.
{12287}{12369}How long until they announce|the numbers, Mommy?
{12382}{12479}I'll take this one too.|"Mommy"?
{12495}{12555}Oh, I've gotten into the habit|of calling Rachel...
{12560}{12609}..."Mommy" when we're around Emma.
{12614}{12706}Which I now realize we are not.
{12734}{12815}I'm hoping that if she hears it enough,|it'll be her first
word.
{12821}{12920}Although if we're gonna do that,|we should probably call me
"Daddy" too.
{12933}{12992}I like that, Daddy.
{13082}{13150}I was just talking about Rachel.
{13156}{13224}Is Daddy getting angry?
{13270}{13334}Is Daddy gonna spank me?
{13380}{13433}Well, that depends.
{13438}{13504}Have you been a bad...?|No, I can't.
{13587}{13688}Hello? Hello? Hey, Charlie.|Did anybody else hear?
{13712}{13772}What? Susan got it? How?
{13777}{13851}Oh, man, I would've slept with him!
{13870}{13918}All right, bye.
{13933}{13995}Dude, I'm sorry.|But hey, there's one spot left, right?
{14000}{14064}- Well, Charlie's gonna get that.|- Hey, don't say that.
{14069}{14133}You've got just as good a chance|of getting that job.
{14138}{14177}He is the boss' son.
{14191}{14251}- Come on, lottery!|- Yeah!
{14256}{14320}- It starts in, like, 20 minutes.|- Okay, here we go.
{14325}{14405}We need to sort through the tickets|quickly to see if we've
won.
{14410}{14474}So does anybody have any ideas|how to organize this?
{14479}{14530}Okay, how about this:
{14550}{14598}We divide them|into six groups of 40.
{14603}{14675}The remaining 10 can be read|by whoever finishes first.
{14681}{14747}- I have another idea.|- I'm sorry, idea time is over.
{14797}{14855}- Well, are all the tickets in the bowl?|- Yeah.
{14861}{14943}- What about the ones on the nightstand?|- There are no
tickets there.
{14949}{15015}Yes, there are.|I just saw them a few minutes ago.
{15034}{15100}No, you didn't.|You must be mistaken.
{15105}{15195}- There are 20 tickets on the nightstand.|- Chandler, sense
the tone.
{15236}{15337}Well, well, well.|Look what Mommy found.
{15360}{15440}Okay, fine. I bought 20 extra|tickets for me and Chandler.
{15461}{15535}The psychic also said that|I would be betrayed.
{15576}{15644}I can't believe this.|I thought we were all in this
together.
{15650}{15730}- Hey, you just got in five minutes ago!|- Three minutes
ago!
{15734}{15794}I don't know why that's important.
{15800}{15899}I was with you the whole time.|When did you even get those?
{15904}{16011}When you were reading the dirty|magazines without taking off
the plastic.
{16020}{16061}I'll show you how.
{16085}{16163}Okay. Well, Monica, suppose one|of your special tickets
wins?
{16168}{16236}How are you gonna feel when you win|and lose your friends?
{16241}{16331}Please. If I win the lottery,|you guys are not gonna leave
me.
{16336}{16435}Someone gave me muffins last week, and|I couldn't get rid of
you for three days!
{16462}{16538}Chandler, would you just tell her|what she did was wrong?
{16544}{16612}She's right. You shouldn't have|bought tickets just for us.
{16618}{16657}Let me finish.
{16661}{16725}However, it doesn't look like|I'm gonna get this job...
{16728}{16831}...so I can't afford to have principles.|So screw you! The
tickets are ours!
{16855}{16916}There's the man I married.
{16923}{16977}All right. Believe me,|if you win the lottery...
{16982}{17029}...it's the last you're gonna hear|from us.
{17035}{17147}Fine. Don't be my friends.|I'll buy new friends.
{17154}{17271}Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic|surgery so they
look just like you!
{17276}{17340}You know what?|I want my share of the tickets.
{17343}{17402}I want my tickets too!|And I'm buying the Knicks!
{17407}{17465}And Steffi Graf!
{17470}{17526}Cool. Then I want mine too!|And if I win...
{17531}{17606}...I'm gonna put it all|into a very low-yield bond!
{17612}{17715}No. You guys, we gotta keep|all the tickets together.
{17720}{17768}No. No, we should divide them up...
{17773}{17830}...and I should get extra because|we used my car!
{17836}{17900}Hey! Hey! If anybody gets extra tickets,|it should be me!
{17905}{18016}- This whole thing was my idea!|- Yeah. Thanks for inventing
the lottery!
{18042}{18100}Just give them to me,|and I'll split them up!
{18158}{18206}Hey, hey!
{18223}{18295}God, I can't take it anymore!|I'm putting an end to this!
{18301}{18380}- Okay, if she jumps, I get her tickets!|- Wait, no, no!
Hey!
{18424}{18496}If we're not doing this together,|we're not doing it at all.
{18500}{18555}- Say goodbye to your tickets.|- No! No! No!
{18561}{18622}Do not come any closer!
{18627}{18715}Can I come a little bit closer?|Valuable things are getting
squished.
{18721}{18785}Now, what's more important,|your friends or money?
{18790}{18846}- Friends!|- Money!
{18927}{18964}Friends.
{18985}{19042}Hey, Monica,|what about your extra tickets?
{19048}{19095}They're all in there.
{19114}{19194}- Even these five that I hid in my bra.|- Monica!
{19198}{19266}Okay. Good. You guys were so scared.
{19270}{19338}There is no way I was|gonna dump this...
{19342}{19397}God! No!
{19469}{19533}I think I broke your bowl.
{19540}{19604}Go! Go! Go!
{19941}{20044}What a beautiful night to be running|around the street,
looking for tickets.
{20063}{20115}And the wind sure made it fun.
{20136}{20193}- Phoebe, we lost half of them.|- So what?
{20198}{20249}Monica, we have the winning ticket.
{20254}{20336}My psychic said I was|gonna win, remember?
{20341}{20450}Weird your psychic didn't mention|anything about the scary
pigeon.
{20467}{20553}As a matter of fact, she said|that's how I'm going to die.
{20558}{20661}So excuse me|for being a little skittish.
{20665}{20716}There's two messages.|This could be from work.
{20721}{20809}- Oh, play them.|- Okay. Here we go.
{20835}{20974}{y:i}Hello. This is the pigeon from|{y:i}the balcony calling
to apologize.
{20986}{21116}{y:i}I shouldn't have knocked the tickets|{y:i}out of the
pretty lady's hand.
{21133}{21242}{y:i}It was all my fault.|{y:i}Not hers. Bye.
{21381}{21457}Well, I bet that was very hard|for him to do.
{21508}{21547}"Hey", "Chandler", "it's Charlie."
{21552}{21596}This is it.
{21601}{21700}"Listen", "it turns"|{y:i}out I got the last spot.
{21705}{21773}"I'm really sorry", "man."|{y:i}It was a lot of fun working
with you.
{21777}{21835}{y:i}Give me a call if you want.
{21840}{21906}Gosh, I'm so sorry, honey.
{21910}{21947}Sorry, Chandler.
{21951}{22068}It is so unfair. It's like that time they|promoted Saundra
over me at work.
{22074}{22115}Was she related to Ralph Lauren?
{22120}{22207}No, she was just much better|at her job than me.
{22214}{22270}You guys, the drawing's|about to start.
{22274}{22333}We should call my mom's|and say good night to Emma...
{22337}{22385}...before she goes down.|- Good idea.
{22398}{22464}Honey, you're being really strong|about this.
{22469}{22529}I know how badly you wanted that job.
{22535}{22601}Yeah, you know, I really|thought I deserved it.
{22609}{22735}But let's go win the lottery. I mean, we|still have a 130
chances to win, right?
{22775}{22832}Hundred and thirty-one.
{22855}{22919}Yeah, good night, sweetheart.|I love you.
{22924}{23015}And remember,|you're Daddy's little girl.
{23020}{23092}Phoebe's totally ruined that for me.
{23171}{23206}Hi, Mom. Put her back on.
{23211}{23258}Rach, they're announcing|the numbers!
{23277}{23359}My God, I can already feel|myself changing.
{23370}{23462}{y:i}Here are your official Powerball|{y:i}numbers. We have
53.
{23468}{23527}- I've got that.|- We have one too!
{23532}{23598}We are on the road, people!
{23631}{23655}Come on!
{23661}{23791}Mom, please, I know you love your new|lips, but I can barely
understand you.
{23796}{23870}Would you please just let me|say good night to my daughter?
{23876}{23932}{y:i}And here we go.|{y:i}The Powerball is seven.
{23938}{24026}All right, check your numbers!|Make me rich.
{24062}{24109}You guys,|you're not gonna believe this.
{24114}{24194}I was just saying good night|to Emma, and she said her first
words.
{24205}{24250}- What?|- Well, what did she say?
{24255}{24323}She said, "Gleba"!
{24415}{24468}Make me rich!
{24484}{24564}- Isn't that amazing?|- Oh, yeah. No, no, no, that's great.
{24569}{24610}Why aren't you more excited?
{24628}{24716}Rach, gleba is not a word.
{24727}{24822}- Well, of course it is.|- Okay. What does it mean?
{24828}{24900}Well, I don't know all the words.
{24910}{24993}You know, I'm just glad I didn't|miss my daughter's first
word.
{24998}{25101}- Yes you did! Gleba is a word!|- Okay. Use it in a
sentence.
{25107}{25197}Okay. Emma just said, "Gleba."
{25271}{25366}- It's not a word.|- Okay, fine. I'm gonna look it up.
{25371}{25408}Okay, great.
{25413}{25487}While you're at it,|she said another word the other day.
{25491}{25539}Why don't you look up:
{25643}{25748}All right. Okay. Okay. Gleba.|Gleba. Gleba. Gleba!
{25753}{25881}Here it is! "The fleshy, spore-bearing|inner mass of a
certain fungi."
{25997}{26081}She's gonna be a scientist.
{26256}{26316}- Damn it. Anybody got anything?|- No.
{26333}{26372}I'm still looking through mine.
{26378}{26454}Just double-checking.|No.
{26458}{26528}No. No.
{26644}{26692}No!
{26770}{26836}Hello? Hold on.
{26841}{26870}It's your boss.
{26875}{26936}The "I'm sorry I rejected you"|phone call.
{26941}{27003}I'm not used to getting these|from guys.
{27029}{27088}- Hey, Steve.|- Chandler, hi.
{27093}{27163}I'm sure you've heard|we filled the three positions.
{27167}{27222}We felt that with your|maturity and experience...
{27227}{27285}...you wouldn't be happy|being someone's assistant.
{27291}{27353}I'd love to be somebody's|assistant. Answering phones...
{27357}{27400}...getting coffee,|I live for that stuff.
{27405}{27522}And I'm not too mature.|Farts, boobies, butt cracks!
{27572}{27650}Chandler, you were the strongest|person in the program.
{27655}{27737}We're offering you the position|of junior copywriter.
{27779}{27845}Me? That guy|who just said, "butt cracks"?
{27849}{27877}"Yes", "that's right."
{27883}{27939}We're excited about the level|of sophistication...
{27943}{27998}...you'll be bringing to the job.
{28033}{28120}Okay. Well, thanks, you won't regret it.|I'll see you
tomorrow.
{28420}{28459}What?
{28464}{28530}Oh, yeah, I'm gonna|be a junior copywriter!
{28561}{28631}Congratulations!|Oh, sweetie, I'm so proud of you.
{28636}{28698}Thanks. Does that mean|I get the good loving tonight?
{28703}{28794}You bet. No TV or anything.
{28811}{28890}- Hey, that is so great about the job.|- Thanks, man.
{28895}{28946}I'd like to think I had|something to do with it.
{28952}{29028}- Really? Why?|- Well, before with the wishbone.
{29033}{29171}I didn't wish we would win the lottery.|I wished you'd get
the job.
{29182}{29230}Oh, yeah?
{29241}{29322}Listen, don't tell Monica.|She'll rip your heart right out.
{29387}{29446}Well, you know what?|There was a little part of me...
{29451}{29500}...that really thought|we were gonna win.
{29506}{29660}Me too. So much for my|dinosaur/ Amelia Earhart theme park.
{29688}{29770}You guys? What was the Powerball|number again?
{29775}{29836}- Seven.|- We won.
{29844}{29887}- What?|- We won!
{29891}{29955}- Let me see! Let me see!|- Don't tear it!
{29965}{30055}Phoebe, you don't have any|of the first five numbers!
{30082}{30231}I know that, but look, we got|the Powerball number. We won
$3!
{30253}{30350}Wow, you think we should get that over|20 years or go for
the big payout?
{30355}{30466}I don't care. I've never won|anything before. I can't
believe this!
{30471}{30524}So, Pheebs, what are you gonna do|with your $3?
{30530}{30631}Well, it's not all mine.|We all get 50 cents.
{30642}{30692}You know what?|You can have mine.
{30697}{30726}- Me too.|- Me too.
{30731}{30784}Me too.
{30900}{30968}Well, I guess if everybody else is.
{31202}{31272}Hey, guys. So I just called|the Powerball hot line.
{31281}{31403}- Can you believe it? Nobody won.|- I beg to differ.
{31440}{31526}Maybe nobody won the jackpot,|but there was this guy in here
earlier...
{31531}{31648}...and he found a ticket on the street|right outside and won
$ 10,000.
{31892}{31999}Again, don't blame the pretty lady.
{32009}{32127}It was not her fault.|It was me, the pigeon.
{32213}{32291}Seriously, stop staring at her.
{32590}{32614}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 19
{90}{135}God, you're beautiful.
{152}{207}Why are we fighting this?
{215}{311}You know you want it to happen|as much as I do.
{315}{413}I want you. I need you.
{472}{533}Let me make love to you.
{537}{605}I don't wanna stand in the way|of true love or anything...
{609}{689}...but I think a cantaloupe|might hurt less.
{693}{750}No, I'm rehearsing my lines.
{755}{822}They're giving me a romantic story|on "Days of our Lives".
{827}{915}It's the first time my character's got|one. I'm nervous. I want
it to be good.
{920}{1027}I haven't seen you this worked-up since|you did that dog-food
commercial...
{1032}{1133}...and you thought you were gonna be|with a real talking dog.
{1137}{1198}Yeah, that was a disappointment.
{1203}{1297}You wanna come down to the set|and tell me if I'm doing okay?
{1302}{1340}- Are you serious?|- Yeah.
{1345}{1412}You just have to promise not|to get thrown out again.
{1416}{1482}- That was an honest mistake.|- Right.
{1486}{1591}"Oh, my God. Is this the men's room?|I feel so foolish.
{1596}{1688}Have you always known|you wanted to be an actor?"
{1713}{1789}Yeah, that was an awesome day.
{1802}{1851}The One With Rachel's Dream
{1876}{2076}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2101}{2301}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{2772}{2854}You guys wanna come eat dinner|at the restaurant in the next
few weeks?
{2860}{2925}- I'd love to.|- Well, you can't.
{2957}{3041}- We're booked solid for the next month.|- Well, I can't give
you a massage...
{3046}{3128}...because my license|has been revoked again.
{3133}{3219}- Phoebe, what happened?|- Well, it was an accident, you know.
{3223}{3305}It's a lot of oil and sometimes|the hand just slips.
{3348}{3415}Have I got a surprise for you.|Pack your bags.
{3419}{3524}Oh, no. You guys aren't supposed|to get divorced for seven
years.
{3563}{3641}What? No, I'm taking Monica|to a romantic inn in Vermont.
{3645}{3779}Oh, good. Okay, good for you.|Trying to recapture the magic.
{3812}{3867}- So can you get out of work?|- Honey, I can't.
{3872}{3962}- Things are crazy at the restaurant.|- You're really that
busy?
{3967}{4031}Yeah. I'm sorry, I really am.
{4035}{4115}That's okay. I'll just try and reschedule.
{4150}{4205}Hi, this is Chandler Bing.|I made a reservation there...
{4209}{4272}...and I need to change it.
{4291}{4388}What do you mean it's nonrefundable?|Well, can I just come
some other time?
{4415}{4452}Can't you make an exception?
{4458}{4524}Tell them I'm a chef|at a big New York restaurant.
{4530}{4635}Tell them that in two weeks, I will once|again be a masseuse
in good standing.
{4669}{4757}Look, this is ridiculous.|I'm not paying for that room, okay?
{4761}{4830}Well, thank you very much.
{4840}{4906}Yeah, I'm going to Vermont.
{4910}{5004}- Don't worry, use your travel insurance.|- I don't have
travel insurance.
{5009}{5114}Well, this is what happens|when people live on the edge.
{5120}{5173}Why don't you take Ross?
{5177}{5278}Don't you think that'll be a little weird?|I mean, two guys in
a romantic inn?
{5285}{5375}- No, not if the room has two beds.|- I guess.
{5380}{5474}It still seems a little...|"Moonlight boat ride"?!
{5589}{5660}Joey, is this the bed|where Olivia lost her virginity?
{5665}{5730}I don't know,|but one of the extras sure did.
{5734}{5816}Listen, Rach. Thanks again|for coming down to watch my scenes.
{5822}{5906}Please, honey. Just the fact that you|want me here to support
you, I'm...
{5910}{6025}Oh, my God. Is that Christian Saunders?|He is so gorgeous!
{6031}{6095}And also, so gay.
{6099}{6193}Well, in my head,|he's done some pretty not-gay stuff.
{6198}{6303}Well, at the Christmas party, him|and Santa did some
definitely-gay stuff.
{6307}{6360}Joey? Joey, we're ready for you.
{6364}{6413}Okay. All right, wish me luck.
{6417}{6505}Okay. Not that you need it, but good...|God! Is that Chase
Lassiter?
{6514}{6588}- He's straight, right?|- Rach, if you weren't here
wondering...
{6592}{6676}...if these guys were gay,|I don't know if I could do this.
{6682}{6756}I'm sorry, you're right.|I'm sorry. Good luck.
{6761}{6845}On a bell, please. Quietly.
{6849}{6892}And action!
{6922}{6971}Drake, what are you doing here?
{6976}{7021}Stopping you from marrying|the wrong man...
{7025}{7074}...and making the biggest|mistake of your life.
{7080}{7131}- Get out.|- You don't love him.
{7136}{7173}What do you know about love?
{7178}{7244}I know what I felt that night|when we kissed under the bridge.
{7249}{7337}- That kiss never happened.|- Well, what about this one?
{7387}{7454}Now, I told you to get out.
{7458}{7505}Fine, I'll go.
{7527}{7570}But let me ask you one question.
{7575}{7676}- You look real familiar. Have we...?|- Shh! He's asking her a
question.
{7699}{7795}Can you live the rest of your life never|knowing what we could
have been?
{7800}{7870}- I don't have a choice.|- Yes, you do.
{7875}{7984}Yes, you do. I'm the one who doesn't|have a choice because
I...
{7989}{8063}Because I can't stop loving you.
{8067}{8159}- Don't say that.|- Tell me to stop.
{8167}{8216}Just...
{8229}{8303}...tell me to stop.
{8309}{8375}- Cut!|- No!
{8402}{8486}Or, cut. You know, that's your call.
{8531}{8578}- Everything was delicious.|- Thank you.
{8583}{8644}It was. The duck in particular|was superb.
{8648}{8703}Thank you.
{8769}{8824}You haven't said anything.
{8830}{8889}Actually, I do have one small complaint.
{8894}{9005}Well, please, I welcome criticism.
{9021}{9099}The musician right outside the restaurant|is kind of a mood
killer.
{9105}{9131}What musician?
{9610}{9643}What are you doing here?
{9649}{9745}You said you had customers lined up|in the street, so I'm here
to entertain.
{9749}{9816}- Great.|- Yeah, it really has been great too.
{9821}{9866}They must have seen me|play before...
{9871}{9930}...because they requested|a bunch of my songs.
{9934}{9991}Yeah, "You Suck"...
{9995}{10040}...and "Shut Up and Go Home."
{10085}{10192}Listen, Phoebe. You know how much|I love listening to your
music...
{10197}{10265}...but...|- But what?
{10304}{10388}This is kind of a classy place.
{10398}{10428}Okay, say no more.
{10531}{10588}Everyone!
{10692}{10731}Classy, huh?
{10866}{10913}Hi, Chandler Bing. I have a reservation.
{10917}{10986}Welcome to the Chestnut Inn.|Where are you joining us from?
{10991}{11063}- New York.|- The Big Apple.
{11067}{11164}He's wound up. We had to stop at every|maple-candy stand on
the way here.
{11168}{11246}I ate all my gifts for everybody.
{11282}{11360}I'm sorry, there's no record|of your reservation in the
computer.
{11365}{11480}- That's impossible. Check again, please.|- Check again,
please.
{11503}{11589}- I'm sorry, it's not here.|- It's not there.
{11594}{11678}Let me get this straight. I called|to try to cancel my
reservation...
{11683}{11775}...was told it's not refundable. Then we|drove six hours all
the way up here...
{11779}{11855}...and now we don't have a reservation?|- I don't know what
to say.
{11860}{11913}She doesn't know what to say.
{11917}{11968}Just give us|the cheapest room you have.
{11973}{12069}The only thing we have available|is our deluxe suite. The
rate is $600.
{12074}{12131}- That's insane.|- It's totally insane.
{12136}{12233}Let's drive home. We'll hit all the|maple-candy stores on
the way back...
{12237}{12381}...and if they're closed, then maybe we'll|tap a tree and
make some ourselves.
{12386}{12484}Does that room have a closet|I can lock him in?
{12499}{12573}- We'll take it.|- Great.
{12578}{12648}- They are totally ripping us off!|- Dude, don't worry about
it.
{12653}{12750}I know how to make your money back.|This is a nice hotel.
Plenty of amenities.
{12755}{12870}We just load up on those. Like those|apples. Instead of
taking one...
{12874}{12927}...I take six.
{12942}{13030}Great. At $ 100 an apple, we're there.
{13035}{13138}Come on, you get the idea. You know,|we'll make our money
back in no time.
{13143}{13258}- Dude, you're shaking.|- It's the sugar. Could you hold the
apple?
{13374}{13408}- Hi.|- Hey.
{13412}{13527}Joey, I got to tell you, I have been|thinking all day about
that scene you did.
{13531}{13580}You were amazing.
{13588}{13666}You know, the writing was good.|And the director's good.
{13670}{13721}And my costar's good.
{13725}{13774}But they're not as good as me!
{13810}{13861}You have to tell me|what happens tomorrow.
{13866}{13932}I'm going over the script now.|Wanna read lines with me?
{13937}{14019}Me? Oh, I'm not an actress.
{14025}{14117}- All right, I can ask Monica.|- Screw her! That part is
mine!
{14121}{14188}Okay, so just from the top|of the page right here.
{14192}{14247}Okay.
{14304}{14384}Hello, Drake.|I'm surprised to see you here.
{14389}{14467}- I can't believe you married him.|- Well, what choice did I
have?
{14472}{14550}He was keeping my sister in a dungeon.
{14614}{14692}So, what about us?|Everything we feel for each other?
{14697}{14756}It's over. You have to accept that.
{14760}{14867}How can I, knowing I'll never|hold you in my arms again...
{14872}{14969}...or touch your skin or feel your lips...
{14983}{15057}...knowing I'll never make love to you?
{15062}{15134}How can I accept|that I can never kiss you again...
{15138}{15210}...when it's all I can do not|to kiss you right now?
{15290}{15318}Kiss me.
{15348}{15389}What?
{15408}{15440}Kiss me.
{15466}{15573}- Rach, it doesn't say that.|- No, I'm saying it.
{15578}{15646}- But...|- Just don't talk.
{15817}{15864}Well, that's new.
{16091}{16173}Hi, this is Ross Geller in suite 206.
{16179}{16220}I've forgotten a couple of things.
{16225}{16328}Could you have some complimentary|toiletries sent up to my
room?
{16332}{16422}Thank you.|Okay, a toothbrush, toothpaste...
{16427}{16571}...razor, mouthwash, deodorant, floss,|Band-Aids, shaving
cream, after shave.
{16576}{16625}And I feel like I'm forgetting something.
{16629}{16740}Is there anything else you have|that I haven't asked for
already?
{16748}{16824}Yeah, go ahead,|send up some tampons.
{16883}{16922}- What'd you get?|{y:i}- USA Today.
{16926}{16973}Nice. Put it with the others.
{16980}{17074}And I also got two more apples.
{17080}{17125}We're four short of a bushel!
{17149}{17246}God, I feel so alive.|I love being in the country!
{17250}{17305}Also, got these great|salt and pepper shakers...
{17310}{17365}...from the restaurant.|- That's not cool.
{17394}{17459}Dude, none of this is cool.
{17473}{17559}Look, Chandler, you have to find|the line between
stealing...
{17563}{17618}...and taking what the hotel owes you.
{17622}{17690}For example: A hair dryer, no, no, no.
{17695}{17769}But shampoos and conditioners,|yes, yes, yes.
{17800}{17882}Now, the salt shaker is off limits.
{17887}{17981}But, the salt...
{17985}{18051}I wish I'd thought this through.
{18055}{18152}I think I get what you mean, though.|Like, the lamp is the
hotel's...
{18156}{18232}...but the bulbs...|Oh, you already got that.
{18237}{18307}Not my first time in a hotel, my friend.
{18311}{18377}- Okay, how about this?|- No, no, no.
{18382}{18489}- You can't take the remote control.|- Yes, but the
batteries.
{18611}{18650}Thank you. Thank you very much.
{18656}{18738}- Let's celebrate with some maple candy.|- No!
{18772}{18852}At least tell me where you hid it.
{18940}{19010}- Can I ask you a question?|- Yeah.
{19017}{19089}Have you ever had any...
{19093}{19202}...weird, romantic dreams?
{19232}{19270}Let me think.
{19275}{19400}When I was younger, I used to dream|that I got married to
Mayor McCheese.
{19405}{19479}And on our wedding night,|I ate his head.
{19518}{19573}Okay.
{19578}{19637}Well, this is like that...
{19641}{19686}...in no way.
{19691}{19785}I had a dream last night|that I wanted to kiss Joey.
{19790}{19861}Wow! You mean like|"kiss him" kiss him?
{19865}{19945}Oh, yeah.|I mean, it was pretty intense.
{19950}{20001}- What brought that on?|- I don't know.
{20006}{20078}Maybe it had to do with the fact|I saw him do a love scene.
{20083}{20138}- A love scene? With who?|- Olivia.
{20143}{20221}Olivia?!|I thought she was marrying Connor?!
{20226}{20300}Oh, right. Real life more important.
{20306}{20388}- You think my dream means anything?|- I don't know.
{20393}{20498}I mean, you saw him do a love scene.|Maybe you don't have a
thing for Joey.
{20503}{20575}Maybe you have a thing for Drake.
{20633}{20738}Well, it was Joey reading|Drake's lines in the dream.
{20744}{20834}Of course it was. Trust me,|when it comes to psychology...
{20838}{20916}...I know what I'm talking about.
{20920}{21020}- I took two psych classes in college.|- You took the same
class twice.
{21025}{21086}- It was hard!|- I know.
{21102}{21157}- Hey.|- Hi.
{21162}{21281}Here, Monica, look what I got to wear|when I play at your
restaurant.
{21385}{21438}Wait.
{21474}{21589}Right? I think this might even class up|"The Ballad of the
Uncircumcised Man."
{21658}{21697}Phoebe...
{21701}{21772}...maybe I wasn't clear before.
{21776}{21860}I really love listening|to your music here.
{21864}{21932}But my restaurant,|it's sort of an upscale place.
{21938}{22051}Right, yeah, okay. I'll ask the butler|to fetch my diamonds
out of the vault.
{22056}{22124}Phoebe, it's not what you wear.
{22129}{22205}It's sort of your songs.
{22209}{22281}I just don't think you should play|at the restaurant
anymore.
{22349}{22419}Okay. Fine, I'll just...
{22423}{22489}I'll take the hat back.
{22534}{22585}There.
{22712}{22786}Hey, so you guys, the funniest|thing happened at work the...
{22792}{22841}My songs aren't good enough|for your restaurant?
{22847}{22908}Okay, we're still on that.
{22914}{22998}- I didn't say they weren't good enough.|- Then what's wrong
with them?
{23002}{23076}What, they don't go with your|tiny portions of pretentious
food?
{23102}{23161}- Tiny portions?|- Yeah, well, "Excuse me.
{23165}{23290}I ordered the smoked salmon appetizer,|but I can't see it. I
can't see it."
{23341}{23435}- Phoebe, it's not about quantity.|- Well, it's not about
quality.
{23458}{23513}Oh, really?|You wanna talk about quality?
{23519}{23622}Have you ever heard of a "key"?|It's what some people sing
in.
{23627}{23721}Well, at least all my songs|don't taste like garlic.
{23727}{23786}Yeah, there are other|ingredients, Monica.
{23812}{23849}So that's what we're doing.
{23854}{23926}When I'm in a coffeehouse bopping|along to one of your
songs...
{23930}{24018}...I'm wearing earplugs.|- Earplugs or cloves of garlic?
{24066}{24117}You know what?|I take back what I said before.
{24122}{24216}Keep playing at the restaurant, because|with your music
driving people inside...
{24220}{24261}...my bar sales|have gone up like crazy.
{24265}{24337}What are people having,|the garlic martini?
{24408}{24463}Here's your bill.|We hope you enjoyed your stay.
{24468}{24558}Oh, we did.|And you still have all your lamps.
{24607}{24697}- I didn't factor in the room tax.|- Dude, don't worry about
it.
{24701}{24822}I found an unattended maid's cart.|We're way ahead of the
game.
{24827}{24882}- Oh, my God.|- What?
{24886}{24949}There's something new in the bowl.
{24953}{25068}- Look, we have enough. Just walk away.|- No, but I want the
pine cones.
{25089}{25179}- There's a forest right outside.|- It's not the same.
{25184}{25245}Okay, go quick.
{25411}{25478}Thank you for a delightful stay.
{25682}{25752}My maple candy!
{26011}{26124}It's just you. I thought someone was|swinging a bag of cats
against the wall.
{26133}{26242}You'd better get back in that kitchen.|The garlic's not
gonna overuse itself.
{26246}{26307}- Okay, you have to stop playing now.|- Why?
{26311}{26366}The only person my playing|is bothering is you.
{26370}{26495}- Oh, yeah? Let's settle this. Come on.|- Get your garlic
peelers off me.
{26511}{26556}Excuse me? Excuse me?
{26561}{26645}Hi, I'm Monica Geller.|I'm the head chef here.
{26661}{26745}Okay, I was actually expecting|a little applause there, but
whatever.
{26751}{26817}Quick question.|By a show of hands...
{26821}{26922}...how many of you were bothered|by this woman's singing
outside?
{26939}{27029}Okay, okay. How many of you|enjoyed the music outside?
{27088}{27172}Let me ask you this question.|How many thought the music was
fine...
{27176}{27272}...but not in keeping with the tone|of the restaurant?
{27276}{27401}Who identified this restaurant's tone|as "pretentious-comma-
garlicky"?
{27405}{27551}Okay, who thinks the food is delicious|and a little
pretension never hurt anyone?
{27570}{27654}Okay, well, all right, who thinks|the food is fine, the
music was fine...
{27658}{27742}...but your evening was ruined|by this incessant poll-
taking?
{27830}{27889}Excuse us.
{27949}{28002}All right, here's a question.
{28022}{28102}Who was so worried about|her restaurant being fancy...
{28107}{28183}...that she made a big deal about|her friend playing her
music...
{28188}{28266}...and feels really bad about it now?
{28292}{28353}Well, who was so stupid|and stubborn...
{28358}{28415}...that she lashed out|against her friend's cooking...
{28419}{28499}...which she actually thinks|is pretty great?
{28505}{28575}- I'm sorry.|- I'm sorry too.
{28582}{28652}Hey, you wanna stick around|and I'll whip you up some
dinner?
{28658}{28771}Yeah, as long as it's free.|The food here is ridiculously
overpr...
{28834}{28951}Who hopes the hand-raising thing is still|cute enough that
you won't hate me?
{29087}{29200}Joey, do you have peanut butter|on the back of your head?
{29257}{29335}Oh, man. I thought I got it all.
{29369}{29404}How...?
{29409}{29452}How?
{29458}{29517}I was making a peanut butter|smoothie, right?
{29521}{29620}I couldn't find this little plastic thingy|that goes in the
top of the blender.
{29625}{29724}And I thought, "Well, you know,|how important can that be?"
Right?
{29739}{29780}Turns out, very.
{29824}{29869}Wow, definitely just Drake.
{29885}{29938}- What?|- How's it going with Drake?
{29965}{30022}- I don't think it's going very well.|- What?
{30027}{30070}That scene I saw was so good.
{30076}{30187}Well, I'm feeling really insecure|about the one we're
shooting tomorrow.
{30194}{30293}Is this that thing you do when you say|you're bad so I'll
give you a compliment?
{30301}{30348}A little.
{30353}{30505}No, I really am worried. I have to make it|convincing that
I'm in love with Olivia.
{30510}{30582}- So?|- So I've never played that.
{30587}{30677}Oh, honey, it can't be that hard.|I mean, you've been in
love before.
{30695}{30775}Well, just once...
{30779}{30834}...with you.
{30870}{30921}Okay. Well, this could be|a little awkward.
{30926}{30985}I'm just gonna blow past it.
{30990}{31062}Well, look, can't you just use|that method-actor thing...
{31068}{31185}...where you use your real-life memories|to help you in your
performance?
{31189}{31246}What the hell are you talking about?
{31326}{31445}All right, look, just try to remember|how you felt when you
were in love...
{31450}{31534}...and think about that|when you're playing the scene.
{31588}{31666}Okay. Yeah, I think I can do that.
{31671}{31745}Yeah. Okay, there's this|party scene coming up.
{31749}{31802}And Olivia and her husband are there...
{31807}{31932}...and all Drake wants to do is|grab her and kiss her, but
he can't.
{31936}{32045}That makes me think about those times|I wanted to grab you
and kiss you...
{32049}{32127}...but you didn't know, so I would|just pretend everything
was cool...
{32132}{32181}...but really it was killing me.
{32229}{32325}Joey, you never|talked about that before.
{32376}{32448}Hey, you know what else I could use?
{32452}{32532}There's this scene where Drake|sneaks into Olivia's
bedroom...
{32536}{32641}...and she doesn't know he's there,|which never happened
with us.
{32674}{32793}I mean, he knows he shouldn't be there,|but he just wants to
look at her.
{32827}{32862}You know?
{32866}{32985}And I remember all those mornings|before you even put on
your makeup...
{32990}{33119}...when I would think to myself,|"My God, she is beautiful."
{33160}{33281}And it hurt so much because I knew|I could never tell you.
{33346}{33465}But it was worth it just to be there|looking at you.
{33601}{33646}Thanks, dude. This is great!
{33903}{33958}I got you something from Vermont.
{33963}{34014}Besides tampons and salt?
{34053}{34094}Oh, my God.
{34099}{34185}Maple candy. That's so sweet of you.
{34210}{34257}That's weird, it's empty.
{34266}{34391}Hi, you guys. What's going on?|You guys wanna hang out
or...?
{34544}{34587}Do you guys hear a buzzing?
{34754}{34778}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 20
{80}{147}Hey, you guys? What are|you doing tomorrow night?
{151}{229}Oh, well, let me see.|I believe I'm...
{233}{285}Yes, falling asleep in front of the TV.
{311}{390}Well, my agent hooked me up|with six tickets to a great play.
{394}{433}I could fall asleep at a play.
{461}{510}- What is it?|- It's a one-woman play called:
{514}{615}{y:i}Why Don 't You Like Me?|{y:i}A Bitter Woman 's Journey
Through Life.
{627}{691}- That sounds interesting.|- That does sound interesting.
{695}{804}To listen to a woman complain for|two hours. I don't think it
gets bet...
{842}{922}I know! I know. We can drive.|We can vote. We can work.
{926}{986}What more do these broads want?
{1006}{1066}Well, you guys will have a great time.|I promise.
{1070}{1112}What? How come you don't have to go?
{1116}{1154}I wish I could, but I found out...
{1158}{1242}...that I have to be at work really|early the next day, so I
can't go.
{1246}{1309}But take the extra ticket|and invite whoever you want.
{1326}{1383}Let's see. Who do I hate?
{1437}{1470}Oh, sorry.
{1478}{1513}- Oops, sorry.|- Okay.
{1517}{1555}- Okay.|- Okay. Up we go.
{1559}{1612}- Oh, gosh, okay!|- All right.
{1843}{1898}Can I ask you a question?
{1908}{2000}Do you think it's possible|for two friends to fool around...
{2004}{2081}...and not have it be a big deal?
{2115}{2175}No, I don't think that ever works.|Why?
{2200}{2259}- No reason.|- No, no. Rachel?
{2266}{2354}- Who do you want to fool around with?|- Nobody! Forget it.
{2360}{2385}Joey?
{2407}{2446}Maybe.
{2474}{2510}- You can't.|- Why?
{2514}{2543}Because!
{2627}{2710}Okay, seriously, did not understand|a word you just said.
{2735}{2789}- In the hall.|- Okay.
{2853}{2898}- You wanna fool around with Joey?|- Yeah.
{2902}{2987}Ever since I had that dream about him,|I can't get it out of
my head.
{2991}{3054}I mean, what's the big deal?|People do it all the time.
{3058}{3122}Who do you know that are friends|that just fool around?
{3126}{3228}Okay. Off the top of my head...|Don and Janet.
{3232}{3296}- Who are they?|- I know them from work.
{3312}{3367}- Both of them?|- No, just one of them.
{3371}{3414}Which one?
{3424}{3488}I don't know.|What were the names I just said?
{3492}{3559}No, Rachel, things could get|incredibly complicated.
{3563}{3646}You're right. I won't do anything|with Joey. I just thought
it...
{3650}{3766}Okay, so that's two cups of tarragon,|a pound of baking soda
and a red onion?
{3802}{3842}What the hell are you cooking?
{3885}{3933}The One With The Soap Opera Party
{3958}{4158}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{4183}{4383}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{5136}{5205}You guys won't believe|what I have to do for work today.
{5209}{5318}Yes, but, Ross, you chose a career|of talking about dinosaurs.
{5344}{5428}There are these two professors|who are joining my
department...
{5445}{5529}...and I have to meet them here|and show them around campus.
{5533}{5560}What's bad about that?
{5564}{5629}I just know they'll be|a couple of old windbags...
{5633}{5718}...wearing tweed jackets|with suede elbow patches.
{5742}{5768}Ross?
{5772}{5836}What? These aren't suede.
{5923}{5996}Excuse me. I'm looking for someone.
{6000}{6073}You don't, by any chance,|know a Ross Geller?
{6077}{6102}No.
{6189}{6266}Hi. Hi, I'm Ross Geller.
{6270}{6336}Oh, hi. I'm Professor Wheeler.
{6365}{6443}Oh, that's... That's...|That's nice.
{6459}{6491}It's good to meet you.
{6495}{6564}Thank you so much for taking the time|to show me around.
{6568}{6612}No, it's no big deal.
{6616}{6720}If I weren't doing this, I'd just,|you know, be at the gym
working out.
{6746}{6776}Is he gonna introduce us?
{6780}{6860}I think we're just blurry shapes|to him now.
{6882}{6936}By the way,|I really enjoyed your paper...
{6940}{7047}...on the connection between geographic|isolation and rapid
mutagenesis.
{7058}{7122}I wrote that in one night.
{7163}{7224}Twenty bucks says they're married|within the month.
{7248}{7303}Well, we should probably get going.
{7325}{7374}We've got a lot of ground to cover.
{7378}{7443}Isn't another professor|supposed to come with us?
{7462}{7512}I don't think so.
{7521}{7584}I'm pretty sure.|A Professor Spafford from Cornell?
{7588}{7662}Well, he's obviously late,|and the rule in my class is:
{7666}{7761}If you can't come on time,|then don't come at all.
{7765}{7841}An option that many of my students use.
{7862}{7912}- Shall we?|- We shouldn't wait for him?
{7916}{7994}You know what, he's a big boy.|I'm sure he'll find us, okay?
{7998}{8055}- Professor Geller?|- Oh, damn it!
{8311}{8376}"Hi", "it's Jan Rogers."|{y:i}Can 't wait for your party
tonight.
{8380}{8491}"Listen", "I forgot your address."|{y:i}Can you give me a
call? Thanks. Bye.
{8574}{8602}What's happening?
{8628}{8709}It's a real shame you can't make it|to that one-woman show
tonight.
{8713}{8786}I'd love to, but I gotta get up|so early the next day.
{8790}{8879}- You know me, work comes first.|- Oh, yeah, yeah.
{8906}{9000}"Hi", "it's Jan Rogers."|{y:i}Can 't wait for your party
tonight.
{9043}{9098}Stupid Jan Rogers!
{9122}{9170}You are having a party tonight?
{9183}{9259}I'm kind of having a thing|for the "Days of Our Lives" people.
{9263}{9296}You weren't gonna tell us?
{9300}{9358}How did you think|you'd get away with that?
{9362}{9406}I do it every year.
{9445}{9494}You do that every year?!
{9498}{9550}I didn't have to tell you that!
{9558}{9623}God, I'm stupider than Jan Rogers!
{9647}{9724}That's why you got us tickets|to that play, to get rid of us!
{9728}{9754}Yeah.
{9758}{9841}Last year is that why you sent us|to that Medieval Times
restaurant?
{9845}{9874}Yeah.
{9895}{10006}The year before that, you set up that|nighttime tour of that
button factory?
{10010}{10084}I can't believe you guys went|for that one.
{10088}{10143}Why wouldn't you invite us|to your parties?
{10149}{10251}You're fine, okay? But everyone else acts|like an idiot
around famous people.
{10255}{10324}Well, then, so just invite me.
{10338}{10416}Please, I was trying to be nice.|You're the worst one.
{10420}{10516}Joey, come on! Please, please?|Let me come. I will behave. I
promise.
{10520}{10604}- I will behave. Please, please, please.|- Okay, fine. You
can come.
{10608}{10695}But don't tell anybody else.|It's up on the roof at 8.
{10701}{10737}A soap-opera roof party?!
{10741}{10829}I'm going to a soap-opera roof party!|Oh, my God! Oh, my
God!
{10893}{10943}And it's out of my system.
{11078}{11212}And then my wife and I went|on a cruise to the Galapagos.
{11216}{11317}There was a seafood buffet|you wouldn't believe.
{11326}{11444}There were clams and mussels|and oysters...
{11448}{11503}...and cracked crab...
{11507}{11559}...and snow crab...
{11563}{11623}...and king crab.
{11627}{11702}It's a pity I'm allergic to shellfish.
{11740}{11810}So where did you get|your undergraduate degree?
{11814}{11904}- And that's not all I'm allergic to.|- Oh, it's not over.
{11908}{12007}I'm also allergic to peanuts|and cashews...
{12011}{12063}...and almonds and filberts...
{12067}{12107}So basically all nuts!
{12114}{12165}Interestingly, no.
{12185}{12277}You're kind of playing it fast and loose|with the word
"interesting."
{12318}{12406}If you'll excuse me,|I'm going to use the restroom.
{12435}{12474}Oh, my God!
{12478}{12530}I've lost the will to live.
{12571}{12607}- Let's ditch him.|- What?
{12611}{12676}While he's still in the bathroom.|I am begging you.
{12680}{12771}Okay. Okay, fine,|but I just have one question for you.
{12775}{12849}When we exit, should we walk or run...
{12853}{12910}...or prance or stroll...?
{12914}{13030}Stop it! Stop it! He talks slow,|but he might pee fast.
Okay, let's move!
{13263}{13317}Oh, hey, you guys, this is Charlie.
{13323}{13391}Charlie, this is Phoebe|and my sister, Monica.
{13395}{13471}- Hi.|- Charlie will be joining my department.
{13475}{13527}- You're a paleontologist too?|- Yeah.
{13535}{13584}Oh, okay. Now, what do you think...
{13588}{13692}...of Renyard's new theory of species|variegation in
segmented arthropods?
{13737}{13851}Well, I think he's a little out there,|but he does have some
interesting ideas.
{13868}{13937}Oh, I'm sorry. I have to take this.|Excuse me.
{13944}{14006}Renyard's theory of species variegation?
{14010}{14134}I saw the article on your coffee table.|I memorized the
title to freak you out.
{14186}{14226}So did you two have fun?
{14230}{14289}Oh, my God. She's great.
{14293}{14396}We have so much in common, and she's|just cool, you know?
And funny.
{14400}{14489}And I don't know if you've noticed,|but she's a hottie!
{14497}{14522}Hi!
{14669}{14760}Hi, you guys. Listen, you know what,|I'm not feeling really
well...
{14764}{14846}...and I don't think I'm gonna get|to go to the play.
{14850}{14882}Really? What's wrong?
{14886}{14939}I don't know.|I think it's kind of serious.
{14943}{15026}You know, I was watching this thing|on TV this morning...
{15030}{15132}...about Newcastle disease,|and I think I might have it.
{15141}{15201}Newcastle disease is|a secretion-borne virus...
{15205}{15271}...that only affects chickens|and other poultry.
{15323}{15365}Okay, who's this?
{15378}{15458}I'm sorry. Rachel, this is Charlie Wheeler.|She's a
colleague.
{15462}{15508}Hi. Well, I would shake your hand...
{15512}{15591}...but I'm sure you don't want|to get my chicken disease.
{15604}{15681}- Rachel, can I see you for a second?|- Sure.
{15806}{15836}You're not sick.
{15844}{15887}What? Yes, I am!
{15891}{15950}Okay, then why are you all dressed up?
{16001}{16095}When you're sick, you do whatever|you can to make yourself
feel better.
{16133}{16212}You just want to stay home|so you can make a move on Joey.
{16216}{16283}No, I heard you before.|That is so not what this is.
{16287}{16341}Okay, then what is this?
{16357}{16382}Okay.
{16408}{16484}Joey is having a secret|"Days of Our Lives" party up on the
roof.
{16488}{16549}And he sent you guys to the play|to get rid of you.
{16559}{16601}What?!
{16621}{16651}What? What's going on?
{16655}{16742}Joey is having a secret|"Days of Our Lives" party up on the
roof!
{16746}{16852}He didn't want you to know about it,|but I came over here to
tell you.
{16866}{16951}- You came to say you were sick.|- All right, professor or
detective?
{16977}{17064}Wait, Joey's having a party,|and he wasn't gonna invite us?
{17068}{17154}He does it every year.|That's why he's sending you to the
play.
{17158}{17259}That's why he sent us to that medieval|restaurant and to
that button factory.
{17263}{17317}And that horrible museum tour?
{17325}{17368}No, I arranged that.
{17454}{17531}Hey, you guys, I'm turning in.|Have fun.
{17613}{17654}We know about your party, Joey.
{17658}{17742}- What party?|- The game's over. Take off your robe.
{17770}{17813}Okay, I mean...
{17874}{17955}Close it up! Close it up!
{18003}{18035}Nice to meet you.
{18264}{18310}Hey, you made it! All right!
{18314}{18367}Glad you could make it.|Thanks for coming.
{18376}{18447}- Oh, my God. Kyle Lowder!|- Hi.
{18463}{18505}I love you!
{18509}{18597}That's why I didn't invite you.|You have to calm down, all
right?
{18601}{18649}Just get yourself a drink|or something.
{18653}{18722}Oh, yeah, that's what you want.|My inhibitions lowered.
{18748}{18814}Oh, my God, can you believe|we're surrounded by all this?
{18818}{18855}I can barely control myself.
{18859}{18922}You might want to remember|that you're married.
{18926}{18980}Where is Chandler anyway?
{18984}{19022}Oh, my God! Chandler!
{19180}{19246}Where the hell is everybody?
{19298}{19362}{y:i}Why Don 't You Like Me?
{19457}{19535}Chapter 1: My First Period.
{19645}{19695}Hey, Joey said no autographs.
{19699}{19750}But if she's getting one,|I want one too!
{19754}{19853}"To Monica." And none of this|"best wishes" crap. I want
"love."
{19871}{19978}Okay, actually, Mon, Matthew was|giving me his phone number.
{19982}{20049}Oh, man! If I had known|I was coming to this party...
{20053}{20098}...I never would've gotten married!
{20126}{20176}- It was nice to meet you.|- Nice to meet you.
{20180}{20230}- Call me.|- We will!
{20273}{20382}Look at you with all the guys!|I guess you've forgotten all
about Joey.
{20386}{20453}Yeah, well, I guess I have forgotten|about Joey.
{20457}{20514}And clearly, you've forgotten|about Chandler.
{20538}{20589}Please. Chandler's|the love of my life.
{20593}{20643}Oh, leather pants! Have mercy!
{20715}{20810}So it's probably gonna be hard|for you to leave Boston, huh?
{20814}{20907}Actually, I'm kind of happy to be leaving.|I just broke up
with someone.
{20911}{20965}Oh, so sad.
{20978}{21043}Still, it can't be easy|for you to leave Harvard.
{21047}{21145}Especially after working with a Nobel|Prize winner like
Albert Wintermeyer.
{21155}{21222}Actually, Albie is the guy|I broke up with.
{21226}{21301}- You dated Albert Wintermeyer?|- Yeah.
{21305}{21375}And you called him "Albie"?
{21395}{21496}I mean, that's like calling|Albert Einstein...
{21515}{21540}Albie.
{21584}{21637}Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
{21641}{21693}You think?|I mean, you dated the guy...
{21697}{21780}...who improved the accuracy|of radiocarbon dating by a
factor of 10!
{21784}{21888}Yes, and while that is everything|one looks for in a
boyfriend...
{21892}{21932}...he had a lot of issues.
{21936}{21981}Oh, like what?
{21990}{22066}I'm sorry. I don't mean to pry.|It's just that this must
be...
{22070}{22170}...what regular people experience|when they watch "Access
Hollywood."
{22181}{22223}Okay, you want the dirt?
{22227}{22278}Albie was seriously insecure.
{22282}{22359}He was really intimidated by the guy|I dated before him.
{22363}{22445}Who's intimidating to a guy|who won the Nobel Prize?
{22449}{22497}A guy who won two.
{22510}{22541}Two? What...?
{22545}{22616}Don't tell me you dated|Benjamin Hobart?
{22620}{22665}Yeah, for three years.
{22669}{22702}Oh, my God.
{22723}{22826}Have you ever dated someone|who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
{22862}{22901}No.
{22920}{22971}But there was|my first boyfriend, Billy.
{22975}{23031}Oh, yeah? No Nobel Prizes for him?
{23035}{23114}No, but he did just win|a MacArthur "genius grant."
{23126}{23186}What a loser.
{23224}{23269}Some more wine?
{23369}{23427}Hey, Ross. How's it going|with Charlie?
{23431}{23476}Oh, great. After I finish my wine...
{23480}{23574}...I'm gonna blow|my average-sized brains out.
{23585}{23616}What's the matter?
{23620}{23731}She only dates geniuses|and Nobel Prize winners.
{23735}{23802}Oh, my God, at the Chinese restaurant|earlier today...
{23806}{23910}...I put chopsticks in my mouth|and pretended to be a woolly
mammoth.
{23922}{23968}I always loved that.
{23972}{24056}Of course you would!|Your brains are smaller than mine!
{24091}{24156}I can't compete with the guys|she goes out with.
{24160}{24221}They're so out of my league.
{24233}{24260}Oh, my God!
{24264}{24311}- Worse?|- Oh, much, much worse.
{24315}{24415}I did my impression of Joan Rivers|as one of the earliest
amphibians.
{24419}{24446}"Can we walk?"
{24499}{24554}- Oh, you like that?|- No.
{24558}{24588}What?
{24592}{24672}Come on! I think that's funny!
{24688}{24727}Woolly mammoth.
{24731}{24772}It's good!
{24823}{24923}I bet you're thinking that now would be|a great time for an
intermission, huh?
{24927}{24990}Oh, yes. God, yes.
{25004}{25050}Well, you're not gonna get one!
{25054}{25136}Because in life, there are|no intermissions, people!
{25166}{25257}Now, Chapter 7:|Divorce is a Four-Letter Word!
{25301}{25360}How could he leave me?!
{25402}{25466}I don't know. You seem lovely.
{25633}{25735}Ross, this is one of my co-stars, Dirk.|Dirk, this is my
good friend Ross.
{25739}{25797}- Nice to meet you.|- So, what show are you on?
{25801}{25882}I'm not an actor.|I'm a professor of paleontology.
{25902}{25944}That's science.
{25957}{26023}Hey, well, listen,|I play a scientist on "Days."
{26027}{26096}Yeah, my character just won|a Nobel Prize.
{26142}{26260}Dirk was wondering about the woman|you brought and if you
two are together?
{26290}{26318}Well, no, but...
{26322}{26416}I mean, she only goes out|with really, really smart guys.
{26420}{26495}Hey, I got a 690 on my SATs.
{26536}{26574}I'd lead with that.
{26629}{26696}That's it. Just sign right on the bra.
{26717}{26742}Monica!
{26754}{26831}Don't worry, Joe.|I won't come next year!
{26928}{26958}What the...?
{26962}{26993}What do you got there?
{26997}{27057}Just some boys gave me|their phone numbers.
{27061}{27115}Oh, really? Let me see.
{27134}{27192}Damn, that's a lot of guys.
{27196}{27251}Are you a little slutty?
{27293}{27346}I think I am.
{27352}{27423}Let me see if I approve|of any of these clowns.
{27427}{27481}- This guy wears a rug.|- Well...
{27485}{27543}This guy's Canadian.
{27555}{27617}Oh, and this guy is in a cult, okay?
{27621}{27735}Lt'll cost you $5000 to get to level three,|and I don't feel
any different.
{27773}{27823}Pass. Pa... Oh, pass. Pass.
{27827}{27904}- Why? What's wrong with these guys?|- Well, nothing major.
{27908}{27990}It's just that, you know,|they're not really good enough for
you...
{27994}{28047}...and you deserve the best.
{28050}{28105}Joey, you're so sweet.
{28109}{28214}It's true, but it doesn't matter. I already|know who you're
going home with.
{28218}{28259}Who?
{28344}{28376}Me.
{28381}{28419}What?
{28433}{28475}Really?
{28483}{28559}Yeah, because we live together.|It's a joke! It's a joke.
{28563}{28618}Right! That's funny! I get it!
{28622}{28692}- Got you!|- You're funny, Joey.
{28704}{28746}Oh, my God.
{28891}{28957}So how did you enjoy the play?
{28969}{29086}Oh, my God.|Honey, I am so, so, so, so sorry.
{29090}{29115}You should be.
{29119}{29220}You missed the most powerful|three hours in the history of
the theater.
{29224}{29300}- You really liked it?|- Oh, yeah. I mean, at first I hated
it.
{29304}{29405}But why wouldn't I? Because as a man,|I've been trained not
to listen!
{29476}{29600}But after Chapter 16:|Fat, Single and Ready to Mingle...
{29621}{29672}...I was uplifted.
{29698}{29724}- Oh, really?|- Oh, yeah.
{29728}{29806}I had no idea the amazing journey|you go through as a woman.
{29816}{29905}Tell me...|Tell me about your first period.
{29947}{29977}No!
{30019}{30058}Did somebody sign your bra?
{30062}{30158}So I got it when I was 13.|Very difficult.
{30187}{30299}Hey, Ross? So listen,|about you and the dinosaur girl?
{30303}{30391}Are you really just gonna let|a couple of Nobel Prizes scare
you off?
{30395}{30451}What is that?|Come on, a piece of paper?
{30455}{30505}It's actually a million-dollar prize.
{30514}{30561}Go, Charlie!
{30574}{30631}But my point is...
{30635}{30729}...okay, so she dated them,|but she also broke up with them.
{30733}{30867}Maybe she's looking to, you know,|slum it with some average
Joe Ph.D.
{30899}{31010}Yeah, maybe, and I do have|my whole career in front of me.
{31014}{31049}I mean...
{31053}{31123}I could still win a Nobel Prize.
{31127}{31267}Although the last two papers|I've written were widely
discredited.
{31311}{31432}You're so much more than just brains.|You are sweet and kind
and funny.
{31439}{31472}And sexy.
{31475}{31551}Okay, well, give her a chance|to see all that.
{31561}{31607}Yeah. Yeah. You're right.
{31611}{31672}- Thanks. I'm gonna go find her.|- Good for you.
{31676}{31794}Your paper on punctuated equilibrium|in the Devonian Era was
topnotch.
{31798}{31846}Stop going through my stuff!
{31954}{32022}I just wanted to let you know|I've changed my mind.
{32026}{32075}I'm gonna do it.|I'm gonna kiss Joey.
{32079}{32162}No! You can't!|Friends hooking up is a bad idea.
{32166}{32215}Please! What about you and Chandler?
{32219}{32290}That's different.|I was drunk and stupid.
{32294}{32350}Well, hello?
{32372}{32455}What about all the guys that you got|the phone numbers from?
{32459}{32521}- Why don't you just kiss one of them.|- I could...
{32525}{32610}...but I don't want to.|I want to kiss Joey.
{32626}{32722}All right. I think it's a big mistake,|but it's your
decision.
{32836}{32873}I'm gonna do it.
{32876}{32937}- And I can't stop you?|- No.
{33251}{33329}Hey, Rach, have you seen|Charlie anywhere?
{33467}{33524}I'm smarter than him!
{33671}{33740}Hey, thank you so much|for these tickets, Chandler.
{33744}{33849}This was a really important experience|for me. I wanted to
share it with you.
{33853}{33896}You're so wonderful.
{33928}{33978}{y:i}Why Don 't You Like Me?
{34013}{34095}Chapter 1: My First Period.
{34143}{34227}I can't believe you guys bought that.|Enjoy your slow death.
{34361}{34386}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 21
{115}{205}It's so weird. How did Joey|end up kissing Charlie last night?
{209}{309}- I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.|- I thought I'd end up
kissing Charlie too.
{313}{357}But surprise!
{387}{446}I missed most of the party.
{450}{484}Charlie's a girl, right?
{511}{617}Yeah, she's this new professor|in my department that I did not
kiss.
{630}{735}I don't know why Joey had to kiss her.|Of all the girls at the
party, God!
{767}{866}- Why do you care so much?|- Yes, Rachel. Why do you care so
much?
{941}{1057}Because Ross is the father of my child.
{1061}{1162}You know, and I want him|to hook up with lots of women.
{1172}{1289}All I'm saying is, I don't think that Joey|and Charlie have
anything in common.
{1293}{1393}I don't know. They seemed to have|a shared interest in each
other's tonsils.
{1404}{1510}Wow. Joey and a professor.|Can you imagine if they had kids?
{1514}{1573}And if the kids got her intelligence...
{1577}{1649}...and Joey's raw sexual magnetism...
{1653}{1711}...those nerds would get laid!
{1756}{1838}All right. So, Ross, you're|okay with all this? I mean...
{1842}{1916}It's no big deal.|I just met her. I'm fine with it.
{1990}{2053}God, I forgot how hot she was.
{2071}{2125}I'm gonna get some more coffee.
{2129}{2200}- Oh, you know, I'll come with you.|- Okay.
{2225}{2331}- So a professor, huh?|- Yeah. She is cool. And she's so
smart.
{2335}{2404}Her mind is totally acrimonious.
{2536}{2601}Guess that's not how she used it.
{2647}{2707}I feel like I owe you an explanation.
{2711}{2807}I don't ordinarily go around|kissing guys at parties.
{2811}{2846}I'm...
{2859}{2956}Well, I'm kind of embarrassed. I really|hope you don't think
less of me.
{2960}{3021}Think less of you? No.|I don't think less of you.
{3025}{3093}I mean, you saw someone you liked|and you kissed them.
{3097}{3178}Those people who like someone|and don't kiss them...
{3182}{3274}...those people are stupid.|I hate those people.
{3284}{3334}Actually, I'm a little surprised|at myself.
{3338}{3415}I mean, Joey's so different|from the guys I usually date.
{3419}{3495}They're all professors, intellectuals.|Paleontologists mostly.
{3499}{3570}- You know, very cerebral...|- Yeah, I know the type.
{3580}{3686}If we want to grab a bite before work,|we'd better get
acrimonious.
{3741}{3812}No?|Am I getting close?
{3845}{3894}The One With The Fertility Test
{3919}{4119}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{4144}{4344}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{5067}{5092}- Hey!|- Hi.
{5096}{5155}Hey, you guys.|Look what I just got.
{5187}{5264}Oh, wow! I love those!|Where did you get them?
{5268}{5386}I bought them off eBay. They used|to belong to the late Shania
Twain.
{5458}{5516}Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive.
{5539}{5583}Oh, then I overpaid.
{5649}{5678}Hey, what's this?
{5682}{5757}Oh, it's a gift certificate|to this new spa in SoHo.
{5761}{5853}You can't show Phoebe this. She hates|those corporate massage
chains.
{5865}{5918}What, now I can't get a massage?
{5922}{6003}There are so many things|that she disapproves of.
{6007}{6082}I can't eat veal. I can't wear fur.
{6086}{6144}I can't go hunting.
{6168}{6251}- Do you want to go hunting?|- I would like to have the
option.
{6301}{6366}What's that? Hey, Rachel?
{6370}{6413}No, you can't go there!
{6417}{6480}You know how I feel about|these big massage places.
{6484}{6543}They're putting people like me|out of business.
{6547}{6602}She wants to go hunting too!
{6689}{6740}Phoebe, come on,|I don't want to waste it.
{6744}{6797}It would be like throwing|away 100 bucks.
{6801}{6873}Okay, this is not about|the money. Okay?
{6877}{6954}It's about corporate greed|destroying our hearts...
{6958}{7034}...and leaving us hollow shells.
{7066}{7129}I don't care about any of that.
{7178}{7289}Well, do you care about friendship?|I feel really strongly
about this.
{7294}{7383}Please don't use this gift certificate.|I'm asking you as a
friend.
{7388}{7485}Oh, not as a friend. Phoebe!
{7506}{7537}Fine. I won't use it.
{7541}{7588}- Promise?|- I promise.
{7592}{7678}- Thank you.|- Well, I am going hunting.
{7818}{7876}Hey, honey. I missed you today.
{7880}{7940}- Oh, yeah?|- Yeah. Hey.
{7958}{8074}- What do you wanna do tonight?|- Oh, well, maybe we could...
{8305}{8389}Okay, trying to turn me on|by making a mess?
{8393}{8431}Know your audience.
{8471}{8550}Besides, tomorrow we're doing|those fertility tests.
{8554}{8626}Until then, you need to keep|your tadpoles in the tank.
{8661}{8712}Do we really need to take those tests?
{8716}{8766}We've been trying|to have a baby for a year.
{8770}{8840}I think it's a good idea|to find out if everything's okay.
{8844}{8941}- Just a few routine tests.|- But I don't want to do it in a
cup.
{8955}{9053}- What is the big deal?|- It's weird! You're in a doctor's
office.
{9057}{9113}It's not okay to do it|in a doctor's office...
{9117}{9199}...but it is okay to do it in|a parked car behind a Taco Bell?
{9268}{9355}I cannot believe Ross told you that.
{9369}{9464}And in my defense, it was a Wendy's.
{9472}{9534}Look, I don't want to do|these tests either.
{9538}{9594}But I really do think|it's a good idea.
{9598}{9655}I'm sure a doctor's office|can't be worse...
{9659}{9737}...than on a class trip|to the Hershey factory.
{9749}{9809}Oh, yeah! Rachel talks too!
{9980}{10060}Who says wine has to cost|more than milk?
{10202}{10227}- Hey!|- Hi.
{10232}{10285}- Come on in. How are you?|- I'm good.
{10289}{10354}- Can I offer you a drink?|- Please.
{10358}{10413}I have been crazed all day.
{10417}{10492}I had a meeting with the dean,|my syllabus for summer
school's due...
{10496}{10547}...and I'm writing the foreword|for a book.
{10551}{10661}I had a pretty hectic day at work too.|Today I had to open a
door and go:
{10719}{10766}So I am just so excited to be here.
{10770}{10848}- I can't wait to explore the city.|- Lf you need a tour
guide...
{10852}{10910}Oh, you mean it?|That would be so fun.
{10914}{11011}Oh, yeah, definitely. Definitely. Okay.|What do you want to
see first?
{11015}{11115}We could go see the Kronos Quartet|at Avery Fisher Hall.
{11201}{11231}Okay.
{11235}{11331}There's a collection of Walt Whitman|letters on display at
the public library.
{11337}{11382}I know.
{11416}{11518}- But first, I have to see the Met.|- Okay, let me stop you
right there.
{11522}{11593}The Mets suck, okay?
{11639}{11697}You wanna see the Yankees.
{11701}{11766}No. No, not the Mets.|The Met. Singular.
{11770}{11828}Which one? They all suck.
{11846}{11884}The museum.
{11926}{11975}I don't think so.
{12115}{12194}- Hi there.|- Hello. Welcome to Lavender Day Spa.
{12198}{12243}How may I help you?
{12263}{12354}Hi. I have a massage appointment|under Rachel Green.
{12358}{12473}- Okay.|- And here is my gift certificate.
{12510}{12627}- This has been torn up.|- And taped back together.
{12657}{12741}Okay. Well, I'll call you as soon|as your massage therapist
is ready.
{12745}{12807}- Okay.|- Have a seat through the glass doors.
{12817}{12913}- Through the glass doors.|- Through the glass doors.
{12941}{12975}Alrighty then.
{13161}{13228}Phoebe, your next client's|in the waiting room.
{13232}{13314}Do we have to talk like that|when they're not around?
{13389}{13429}Oh, no. No, no.
{13444}{13530}Listen, is there someone|who can fill in for me?
{13535}{13615}- Sorry. Everyone is booked.|- That woman can't know I work
here.
{13619}{13680}She's a friend of mine|and I made this big stink...
{13684}{13735}...about how awful|these massage chains are.
{13739}{13826}- Then why do you work here?|- Because it's good money.
{13837}{13878}But that doesn't change the fact...
{13882}{13959}...that this is an evil, bloodsucking|corporate machine.
{13973}{14049}Well, I think this is a great place|to work.
{14091}{14157}Okay, are they listening?
{14248}{14287}- Ross. Hey.|- Hi.
{14291}{14366}I need to talk to you about Charlie.
{14371}{14430}Oh, do you? Do you really?
{14442}{14501}Yeah, I'm kind of having|a little problem.
{14509}{14625}Look, if you don't know what the word|"acrimonious" means,
just don't use it.
{14646}{14686}Look, you know Charlie, right?
{14690}{14785}- She's cool, funny, her body is so...|- Get to the problem.
{14789}{14896}Right. She's just so much smarter|than all the girls I've
ever dated.
{14900}{14946}Combined.
{14950}{15067}You know? And I just...|I don't want her to think I'm
stupid.
{15138}{15197}Are you wearing two belts?
{15234}{15290}Hey, what do you know?
{15399}{15474}You were saying you didn't want|to seem stupid.
{15478}{15564}Well, she wants to go|to all these cultural places...
{15568}{15670}...and I don't know how to talk about|that stuff. You gotta
help me out.
{15674}{15745}I don't want to get involved|in your guys' relationship.
{15749}{15824}Oh, dude, please. Come on,|you're the smartest person I
know.
{15828}{15927}And I really like this girl, okay?|I don't want to lose her.
{16011}{16040}- Fine.|- Thanks.
{16044}{16088}Okay. Let's see.
{16092}{16184}- Oh, you should take her to the Met.|- The Mets.
{16212}{16308}No, no, no. The Met.|The Metropolitan Museum of Art.
{16347}{16403}Oh, that's what she meant.
{16407}{16491}If they're gonna shorten it, they|should call it the "Muse,"
you know?
{16495}{16561}Short for "museum"|and avoid all the confusion.
{16593}{16734}Yeah, most days the place is packed|with confused, angry
baseball fans.
{16738}{16807}Okay. All right,|so I'll take her to the Met.
{16811}{16954}Yeah. Okay. There's this great|rare bookstore on Madison
Avenue.
{16966}{17017}You know what?|She loves architecture.
{17021}{17107}You should take a walk down Fifth|to the St. Patrick's
Cathedral.
{17111}{17200}And there, there's this great|little pastry shop that she'd
love.
{17204}{17267}Jeez. Sounds like you|should be going on this date.
{17281}{17323}But I'm not.
{17353}{17412}- And you know what...?|- Okay, slow down.
{17416}{17495}You're going way too fast.|Okay? Just go back to the Met.
{17499}{17564}So you gotta tell me exactly|what to do there.
{17568}{17628}When you walk into the museum,|take a right, okay?
{17632}{17670}That's the antiquities wing.
{17674}{17753}Ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia,|up to the Byzantine Empire.
{17824}{17916}Okay. So I walk in the door|and make a right.
{18227}{18299}I have a weird feeling about|this place. How do I know...
{18303}{18400}...they won't secretly videotape me|and put it all over the
Internet?
{18434}{18534}Because, honey, and I mean this|in the sweetest way
possible...
{18538}{18597}...nobody's gonna wanna watch that.
{18634}{18676}Mr. Bing? Here you are.
{18680}{18752}Go into that room and deposit|your specimen into the
container.
{18756}{18791}Deposit my specimen?
{18795}{18880}I usually have to call a 900 number|for that kind of talk.
{18981}{19027}Thanks. Got it.
{19045}{19101}All right. Honey, my tests|are down the hall.
{19105}{19182}- Are you sure you're gonna be okay?|- Yeah, I guess.
{19186}{19255}Look, I know this is embarrassing,|but nobody cares.
{19259}{19326}No one here even knows you.
{19360}{19456}Oh, my God!
{19534}{19564}Oh, come on!
{19779}{19832}How great is this?
{19837}{19908}We're probably fertile.|Let's go home.
{19974}{20010}Why are you here?
{20014}{20093}Sid and I are trying again|and we had trouble last time...
{20097}{20189}No, no, no. I mean, why?|Why is she here?
{20198}{20306}Oh, someone's a little cranky today|because they have to do
it in a cup.
{20310}{20372}Oh, they gave you the kiddie size.
{20441}{20486}What?
{20553}{20661}This was fun. But I've got|an invasive vaginal exam to get
to.
{20696}{20783}I'd love to stay|but I've got a hot date.
{20787}{20885}Please go. Just let me know|if you need a hand.
{21012}{21077}I think it just fell off.
{21209}{21260}Hello, "ja".
{21300}{21365}It's time for your massage, "ja"?
{21369}{21419}Put your face in the hole.
{21480}{21560}A Swedish massage|from a real Swedish person.
{21564}{21630}Okay, then I'm Swedish.
{21681}{21738}So, what's your name?
{21742}{21809}It's a normal Swedish name.
{21813}{21853}Ikea.
{21896}{21969}- Wow. What an interesting name.|- Yeah.
{21973}{22050}- You know, l...|- Time for your scalp massage.
{22097}{22169}Wow. I really love your...
{22220}{22312}- Is something wrong?|- No, it's just...
{22316}{22366}It just feels so good...
{22370}{22413}...Ikea.
{22438}{22538}Hey, say, you'll know this.|What's the capital of Sweden?
{22573}{22608}Stockholm.
{22618}{22681}Damn. I wish I knew|if that was right.
{22730}{22825}Note the painterly lines|and subtle impasto on this canvas.
{22834}{22895}Monet painted quickly,|and usually outdoors...
{22899}{22999}...as his elusive subject|was light itself.
{23045}{23130}Now, do you have any idea|what you just said?
{23201}{23300}No, no. My mouth says the words,|my brain is thinking
"monster trucks."
{23358}{23409}Now, remember,|when you get to the museum...
{23413}{23509}...Monet is not spelled M-O-N-A-Y.|I just...
{23513}{23622}- I wrote that out phonetically for you.|- Phonetically?
{23643}{23725}Yeah, that means...|We just don't have time for this.
{23729}{23842}I gotta say, I'm really impressed you|were able to memorize
all this so quickly.
{23853}{23908}I'm an actor.|I can memorize anything.
{23913}{23951}Last week on "Days", I had to say:
{23955}{24011}"Frontal temporal|zygomatic craniotomy."
{24015}{24110}- Wow. What does that mean?|- No idea.
{24114}{24195}But the guy I said it to|dies in the next scene...
{24199}{24269}...so I guess it means,|"You'll get eaten by a bear."
{24363}{24400}Okay.
{24419}{24491}- So let's move on to the Renaissance.|- Okay.
{24515}{24575}Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here...
{24579}{24653}...to highlight the anguish|of the central figure.
{24657}{24699}Touch it. It's really bumpy.
{24734}{24844}No, no, no. No ad-libbing. And, dude,|you can't touch the
paintings.
{24848}{24878}- Come on.|- No. No!
{25145}{25194}My specimen's in the room.
{25198}{25300}I just want to thank whoever knocked|on the door while I was
in there.
{25304}{25355}Really helped speed the process along.
{25428}{25492}Janice, you're not gone?
{25521}{25552}Sid is still in his room.
{25556}{25661}I don't allow porn at home,|so this is like a vacation for
him.
{25695}{25762}So did you do it?|Did you make your deposit?
{25766}{25869}- Yeah. The hard part's over.|- That's not the hard part,
honey.
{25873}{25982}The hard part's what comes next.|Aren't you worried about
the results?
{25987}{26046}I haven't even thought|about the results.
{26050}{26106}I just assumed everything|would be okay.
{26110}{26165}Well, you know what? It probably is.
{26172}{26207}But what if it's not okay?
{26211}{26288}I mean, what if there's a reason|we can't have a baby?
{26292}{26372}Chandler. Look, you and Monica|are meant to have children.
{26376}{26425}I'm sure it's gonna be just fine.
{26464}{26591}Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Thanks. I can't|believe I didn't even
think of that.
{26595}{26705}I guess I was so worried about|having to come here and do
that.
{26709}{26765}You can do it|in a Taco Bell parking lot...
{26769}{26829}...but you can't do it|at a doctor's office?
{26885}{26940}It was a Wendy's!
{27172}{27287}And that's the Swedish national anthem.|Thank you for
asking.
{27316}{27372}Wow, lkea.
{27388}{27445}What a rich culture.
{27449}{27516}You know what?|I have a friend who's a masseuse.
{27520}{27609}- Oh? "Ja", "ja"?|- "Ja". She's not very good, though.
{27738}{27823}- And why do you think that is?|- I don't know.
{27827}{27904}Maybe it's because she's got|such callousy fingers...
{27908}{27972}...from playing crummy guitar.
{28159}{28250}Or maybe she has trouble|loosening your knots...
{28254}{28337}...because you're such|a high-maintenance tight-ass.
{28341}{28384}- Phoebe!|- You know it's me?
{28388}{28442}Well, for like a half an hour!
{28446}{28514}Man, you can lie about Sweden!
{28552}{28591}How can you come here?
{28595}{28680}- Why didn't you tell me you work here?|- I don't have to
tell you everything!
{28684}{28768}You do if you're gonna make me feel|guilty for getting a
free massage.
{28776}{28826}Tip's not included.
{28862}{28918}Why did you lie to me|about working here?
{28922}{29025}Because I was ashamed, okay?|I sold out for the cash.
{29029}{29155}And they give me benefits, like medical|and dental and a
four-oh-wunk.
{29282}{29399}But, you know, you pay a price.|Now I'm this corporate
stooge...
{29403}{29458}...and punching a clock...
{29462}{29507}...and paying taxes!
{29528}{29598}Phoebe, honey,|if you hate it so much...
{29602}{29692}...you should walk out there|right now and quit.
{29699}{29759}Be true to what you believe in.
{29763}{29850}Honey, you have principles,|and I so admire that.
{29854}{29907}I don't have any.
{29949}{30021}You know what? You're right.|I am gonna quit.
{30025}{30115}- It's time I took my life back.|- Good for you, Pheebs.
{30193}{30309}If you guys have microphones in|there too, I didn't mean any
of that.
{30325}{30370}I love you.
{30435}{30541}Got you!|Die! Die! Die!
{30568}{30671}Respectfully, Professor R. Geller.
{30733}{30779}Hey, how was the Met?
{30783}{30833}The museum was amazing.
{30837}{30894}Yeah, Joey really knows his art, huh?
{30898}{30950}Not so much, no.
{30954}{31019}He had clearly memorized|all this stuff to say...
{31023}{31089}...and some of it didn't|even make any sense.
{31108}{31150}- What do you mean?|- Well, for one...
{31154}{31225}...he was talking about paintings|that were nowhere around.
{31292}{31401}Wait a minute. When you guys walked|into the Met, did you go
to the right?
{31405}{31500}- No. No, we went to the left.|- Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey.
{31556}{31642}Still, it seems like you guys|are having a great time
together.
{31660}{31726}Yeah. Yeah, it's fun.
{31780}{31805}What?
{31848}{31893}Actually, Joey's your friend...
{31897}{31960}...and you don't know me that well.|It'd be weird.
{31968}{32033}Well, I mean, a little.|But no, what? Go on.
{32037}{32062}Well...
{32089}{32176}I'm thinking that maybe Joey|isn't the right guy for me
right now.
{32180}{32257}You know, maybe I should|be with someone...
{32306}{32396}...I have more in common with.|You know what I mean?
{32428}{32466}Yeah.
{32526}{32586}Yeah, but you know what?
{32613}{32686}I think you should give Joey a chance.
{32690}{32734}I mean, he's a great guy.
{32738}{32800}And sure, he doesn't know|that much about art...
{32804}{32869}...but you can always talk about|that with someone else.
{32873}{32927}- I guess that's true.|- Lf you think about it...
{32932}{33031}...he memorized all that stuff because|he thought it was
important to you.
{33035}{33100}You know, that's the kind of guy|Joey is.
{33104}{33165}He is very sweet.
{33169}{33209}Plus, he is hot!
{33241}{33325}That was gonna be my next argument.
{33381}{33431}- You ready?|- Yeah. Let's go.
{33435}{33460}Wow!
{33502}{33554}- Thanks, Ross.|- Yeah.
{33582}{33669}Hey, Ross. That art stuff worked.|You hooked me up.
{33712}{33743}Glad I could help, man.
{33748}{33845}Some of the stuff wasn't where you said|it would be, but I
made it work.
{34092}{34193}It is not okay that I'm aroused|by this now.
{34280}{34305}Hello?
{34317}{34388}Oh. Hi, Dr. Connelly.
{34397}{34454}No. Well, she's not here...
{34458}{34495}...but I can tell her.
{34499}{34565}Should I be sitting down for this?
{34932}{34994}Well, so, what does that mean?
{35111}{35168}Okay. Okay, thank you.
{35172}{35211}Thanks.
{35362}{35397}Hey, sweetie.
{35419}{35455}Dr. Connelly just called.
{35459}{35515}With good news?|Of course it's not good news.
{35519}{35563}You said, "Dr. Connelly just called."
{35567}{35640}If it was good, you'd have said,|"Dr. Connelly just called!"
{35644}{35696}So, what is it? Is it...?
{35700}{35797}Is there a problem? Is there|a problem with me, or with you?
{35839}{35892}Actually, it's both of us.
{35925}{35962}What?
{35966}{36042}Apparently, my sperm|have low motility...
{36046}{36163}...and you have|an inhospitable environment.
{36359}{36409}Well, what does that mean?
{36414}{36498}It means that my guys won't|get off their Barcaloungers...
{36502}{36591}...and you have a uterus that is|prepared to kill the ones
that do.
{36658}{36712}- It means...|- Wait, Chandler.
{36814}{36882}It means that we can keep trying...
{36897}{36986}...but there's a good chance|this may never happen for us.
{37123}{37170}Oh, my God.
{37221}{37261}I'm sorry.
{37275}{37319}I'm sorry too.
{37407}{37440}Well...
{37453}{37525}...we're gonna figure this out.
{37598}{37640}I know.
{38032}{38123}- Good morning, Phoebe.|- Good morning, receptionist.
{38127}{38212}Here's your schedule for the day.|Your first client is in
Room 1.
{38229}{38318}"Rachel Green."|Son of a bitch! She came back?
{38514}{38595}Are you ready|for your Scottish massage?
{38603}{38657}Put your face in the hole, lassie!
{38820}{38845}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 22
{110}{167}Oh, that feels so good.
{171}{264}Oh, lucky me.|Coffee and a live sex show.
{271}{309}- I'm sorry, what?|- I'm sorry.
{313}{399}- Nothing. I was just reading to Emma.|- From "Cosmo"?
{448}{508}Yeah. Yeah, it's:
{512}{584}"Climax Your Way to Better Skin."
{608}{687}So I have to go shopping today,|which is my least favorite
thing.
{691}{743}I'm so bad at picking out clothes.
{747}{847}So you need someone who knows|fashion to tell you what looks
good.
{851}{900}Not me. Not me. Not me.
{904}{970}- Oh, hey, Rach?|- Yeah?
{985}{1063}- Maybe you could take Charlie shopping?|- Oh, well...
{1067}{1125}- I'm sure you have better things to do.|- You kidding?
{1129}{1194}Rachel loves to shop,|and she has great taste.
{1198}{1276}She's the one that taught me not|to wear white after Labor
Day...
{1280}{1388}...and to always, always, always put|on underwear when trying
on clothes.
{1431}{1496}If you have the time,|I'd really appreciate the help.
{1500}{1554}Okay. Yeah, let's shop.
{1558}{1668}Okay, you are gonna come back|with some very classy clothes.
{1672}{1726}And some slutty lingerie. Slutty!
{1768}{1840}Okay, great. All right, bye.
{1844}{1894}Pain in the ass!
{1899}{1988}- That's off, right?|- What's the matter, Pheebs?
{1992}{2091}Mike's sister just invited me to|a party tonight and he's
gonna be there.
{2095}{2204}She was like, "Don't worry. I asked him|and he's totally okay
with seeing you."
{2208}{2300}So now I have to go so he'll think|that I'm totally okay with
seeing him.
{2304}{2372}- Which you're not. You're hung up on him.|- Exactly.
{2376}{2458}You want him to eat his heart out,|so you have to look
fabulous.
{2462}{2521}I didn't even think about that.
{2533}{2586}Sexual politics!
{2598}{2664}Pheebs, I'm taking Charlie shopping.
{2668}{2745}- Come and I'll help you find something.|- That'd be great.
{2749}{2882}Oh, isn't that nice? The three of you,|trying on slutty
lingerie together.
{2905}{3011}- That's not what we're gonna do.|- Why'd you ruin it? Who was
I hurting?
{3039}{3088}The One With The Donor
{3113}{3313}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{3338}{3538}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{4032}{4114}Fortunately, she has|a very pretty face.
{4210}{4348}I still can't believe this. My uterus is|an inhospitable
environment?
{4352}{4425}I've always tried so hard|to be a good hostess.
{4445}{4497}I can't believe my sperm|have low motility.
{4501}{4613}While I was growing up, they sure|seemed to be in a hurry to
get places.
{4628}{4658}- Hi there.|- Hi.
{4662}{4736}I'm sorry there wasn't better news|from your tests last
week...
{4740}{4806}...but I wanted to talk to you|about your options.
{4810}{4835}Okay.
{4839}{4937}Even though your chances of conceiving|through natural means
aren't great...
{4941}{5006}...you never know,|so keep having sex on a regular basis.
{5010}{5059}Oh, damn it!
{5095}{5186}Don't worry.|After a while, you'll tune it out.
{5202}{5294}Given your situation, the options|with the greatest chances
for success...
{5298}{5396}...would be surrogacy|or insemination using a sperm donor.
{5470}{5573}If you feel that neither of those is|right for you, you could
always adopt.
{5577}{5617}Is that a hint?
{5621}{5757}Because we love you, Dr. Connelly,|but we don't want you to be
our child.
{5864}{5932}Wow! Talk about|an inhospitable environment.
{5975}{6078}Hi. Okay, you ready to go pick up|Phoebe and go shopping?
{6082}{6145}- Let's do it.|- All right, have a good time.
{6157}{6211}Not gonna find any clothes in there.
{6242}{6272}- Hey, you guys.|- Hi.
{6276}{6394}Guess who's up for keynote speaker|at the National
Paleontology Conference?
{6398}{6440}- Chris Bailey?|- Yeah, right.
{6444}{6554}When was the last time he made|a submission deadline for an
abstract?
{6648}{6680}Why are you laughing?
{6684}{6771}Just seeing what it'd be like|to be a paleontologist.
{6780}{6814}It's fun. Yeah.
{6842}{6882}So you're up for keynote speaker?
{6886}{6929}- Who's deciding?|- Professor Sherman.
{6933}{7017}- I'm meeting with him today.|- He's a pretty tough guy to
impress.
{7021}{7072}I think I know how to dazzle him.
{7076}{7171}You're not gonna to do|a magic trick, are you?
{7187}{7212}No.
{7428}{7489}- Hey, guys.|- I want to ask you something.
{7493}{7570}I may get to speak|at this paleontology convention.
{7574}{7657}If I do, I'd love for you guys|to come and hear me.
{7661}{7783}I think I can safely say that we all have|family issues, work
and/or are sick.
{7818}{7868}- It's in Barbados.|- But you come first.
{7872}{7908}I'm there.
{7930}{7962}- We'll see you guys.|- Bye.
{7966}{7991}See you.
{8055}{8143}- So how did it go at the fertility clinic?|- Not as much fun
as last time.
{8147}{8230}Apparently, you only get porn|if you're giving a sperm sample.
{8260}{8295}So, what did the doctor say?
{8299}{8388}There's surrogacy, but Monica's dreamt|her whole life of
carrying a child...
{8392}{8486}...and she just felt that watching|a surrogate would be too
hard for her.
{8490}{8543}- So you're ruling out surrogacy?|- Yeah.
{8547}{8595}So I don't have to learn|what that means?
{8626}{8697}Aside from adoption, the only|other choice is insemination...
{8701}{8750}...so we're talking about sperm donors.
{8754}{8843}Enough said. I'm there for you, man.|Where is she, upstairs?
{8901}{8940}How do you feel about all this?
{8944}{9064}I wish there was an easier way for us|to have a child, but
there isn't one.
{9073}{9159}Come on, Ross, be a good guy.|Step up and do it.
{9186}{9211}What?
{9270}{9343}What?! No!|I'm not gonna give them Ben!
{9456}{9565}The data we're receiving|from MRI scans and DNA testing...
{9569}{9618}...of these fossils are staggering.
{9651}{9728}I mean, we've been accepting|Leakey's dates as a given.
{9732}{9806}But if they're off|by even a 100,000 years or so...
{9810}{9902}...then you can just throw|most of our assumptions...
{9906}{9961}...you know, right in the trash.
{9965}{10063}So, what I'm saying is...
{10069}{10111}Is that...
{10118}{10231}Is that repercussions could be huge.
{10235}{10325}I mean, not just in paleontology,|but if you think about
it...
{10329}{10430}...in evolutionary biology,|genetics, geology.
{10434}{10497}I mean, truly, the mind boggles.
{10593}{10653}Well, that's not what you want.
{10772}{10834}- Incentive for Men?|- I'll take some of that.
{10838}{10878}- Pheebs, that's for men.|- I know.
{10882}{10921}When I go to the party later...
{10925}{11021}...Mike will know I'm over him|because I'll smell like
another guy.
{11076}{11101}Okay.
{11114}{11189}Oh, good, I'm dating|a Russian cabdriver.
{11206}{11295}Seriously, does anyone buy this?|I smell like beets.
{11348}{11453}I really like those jackets with the|shoulder pads in them.
Where are those?
{11457}{11534}On Melanie Griffith in "Working Girl".
{11563}{11627}I think what you want is over here.
{11635}{11699}See, I told you I needed someone.
{11703}{11784}By the way, as a thank you,|I would really love to take you
out.
{11788}{11866}- Really?|- Joey and I are going to a movie tonight.
{11870}{11924}- You want to come?|- Oh, I can't.
{11939}{12000}Because I've seen them.
{12054}{12113}You've seen all the movies?
{12117}{12196}Yeah. I'm a big fan.
{12203}{12235}Of the movies.
{12239}{12290}You know, motion pictures.
{12294}{12327}The talkies.
{12375}{12433}Rach, will you come with me|to a dressing room?
{12437}{12462}- Sure.|- Okay.
{12466}{12512}Maybe we could do something else.
{12516}{12623}You know, that depends on what it is.|I've done a lot of
stuff.
{12836}{12914}So, what were you doing out there?|Do you not like Charlie?
{12918}{13013}She's okay. I don't know, I just don't|get a really good
vibe from her.
{13017}{13073}- Why?|- I don't know.
{13077}{13200}You know, just the way|she waltzed in here all smart...
{13208}{13244}...and tall, you know...
{13248}{13332}...and just swept Joey off his feet.|Nobody else has a
chance.
{13344}{13369}Who else?
{13389}{13414}Anybody.
{13440}{13465}You.
{13484}{13509}Me.
{13514}{13569}You know, Monica's mom.
{13624}{13658}You like Joey?!
{13662}{13688}Phoebe!
{13692}{13799}All right, look, I do.|I have a little thing for him.
Just...
{13816}{13866}- Oh, my God.|- It's just physical.
{13870}{13977}I have it totally under control, okay?|It's just when I see
them together...
{13981}{14057}...sometimes, I just get a little jealous.
{14061}{14149}Wow. Isn't that ironic|that he liked you, and now you
like...?
{14153}{14189}I get it!
{14219}{14271}All right, as long|as it's under control.
{14275}{14348}You can't do anything about it.|He's already dating her.
{14352}{14411}She is a nice person.|That wouldn't be right.
{14415}{14476}I know, I know.|So it's just not a big deal.
{14480}{14534}- So can we keep this between us?|- Sure.
{14538}{14637}Great, because I gotta get out of here.|The smell of beets
is killing me.
{14774}{14855}Any chance Charlie has a deaf twin?
{14984}{15011}- Hi, honey.|- Hey.
{15015}{15089}I brought a friend home for dinner.|This is Zack from work.
{15093}{15172}Oh, of course. It's so nice|to see you again, Zack.
{15176}{15240}- You too.|- You guys haven't actually met before.
{15244}{15289}But, boy, you're both polite.
{15293}{15341}Have a seat. I'll get you a beer.
{15345}{15376}- I got it.|- Thanks.
{15461}{15551}- So Zack's pretty nice, huh?|- Yeah, I guess.
{15566}{15655}So how would you like to have a baby|that's half yours and
half his?
{15750}{15775}Excuse me?
{15779}{15862}We're talking about sperm donors,|and Zack may be the guy.
{15866}{15987}Look. He's intelligent, he's healthy,|he's athletic. I mean,
he's sperm-tastic!
{16038}{16129}Chandler, this is crazy.|Well, what did you even say to him?
{16133}{16212}"Come up. Meet my wife.|Give us your sperm."
{16227}{16305}I invited him to dinner so you'd get|a chance to get to know
him.
{16309}{16387}With a sperm bank, you never|meet the guy, get to check him
out.
{16391}{16449}- Chandler!|- I'm telling you, he's great.
{16453}{16553}I mean, even if my sperm worked fine,|I think he'd be the
way to go.
{16587}{16636}I'm not going to be a part of this.
{16640}{16744}You can't bring some random guy home|and expect him to be
our sperm donor.
{16748}{16773}Okay.
{16821}{16861}- Zack?|- Thanks.
{16876}{16946}Do you have a coaster?|I don't want to make a ring.
{16950}{17002}Tell me about yourself, Zack.
{17108}{17194}Oh, God, do you think she heard?|Lt'd be so bad if she
heard.
{17198}{17296}Maybe she didn't hear. I'll go into that|dressing room and
talk. You stay here.
{17300}{17347}- See if you can hear me.|- Okay, great.
{17417}{17496}Oh, thank God,|I can't hear a word that you're saying.
{17500}{17611}- I didn't say anything yet.|- Well, get back in there and
talk.
{17643}{17668}I'm Rachel.
{17672}{17763}It's so annoying when I put Emma|on the phone to talk with
my friends.
{17773}{17798}What?
{17818}{17885}Well, some things are just hard|to say to your face.
{17920}{18017}Okay, well, I heard that.|Which means that she heard it too.
{18028}{18116}- We have a problem.|- Oh, what are we gonna do?
{18120}{18164}Just be honest with her.
{18174}{18211}Oh, my God!
{18215}{18271}It is annoying when parents|put babies on the phone.
{18275}{18323}All right, enough out of you!
{18487}{18576}- Hello?|- I need to talk to Charlie. Is she there?
{18580}{18648}No, she went shopping with Rachel.|Why? What's up?
{18652}{18747}I'm meeting with Professor Sherman|about my being the
keynote speaker.
{18751}{18808}- How's it going?|- It could be better.
{18875}{18911}He fell asleep.
{18915}{18987}What? But I already bought|my ticket to Bermuda!
{19021}{19088}- Barbados.|- Fine, I'll rent a car and drive.
{19129}{19167}You have to get that job.
{19171}{19226}What am I supposed to do?|He's out cold.
{19230}{19295}In fact, he was just talking|in his sleep before...
{19299}{19404}...and evidently he wants someone|named Fran to "spank him
harder."
{19431}{19487}- Well, just wake him up.|- I can't.
{19491}{19604}If he realizes that I'm the one who|put him to sleep, I
won't get the job.
{19608}{19636}{y:i}That's a tough one.
{19640}{19710}Oh, wait a minute.|This happened to me before.
{19714}{19840}Yeah, I was auditioning for a play,|and the producer fell
asleep. L...
{19844}{19895}No, wait a minute.
{19899}{19937}It was me who fell asleep.
{19958}{20058}I mean, hey, Shakespeare, how about|a chase scene once in a
while?
{20133}{20218}- Hey, guys, dinner's ready.|- I'm gonna go wash up first.
{20222}{20247}Thanks.
{20321}{20435}What do you think? I want his genes|for my kid. Those eyes,
those cheekbones.
{20445}{20525}Okay, there's enthusiastic,|and there's just plain gay.
{20572}{20628}- You don't like him.|- I think he's fine.
{20632}{20686}But we don't know|anything real about him.
{20690}{20794}- I wish we could get more information.|- All right, just
follow my lead.
{20813}{20898}- You guys have a great place here.|- Thanks. I'm crazy
about our place.
{20902}{20945}Hey, speaking of crazy...
{20984}{21068}...do you have a history|of mental illness in the family?
{21086}{21201}No. Although, I did have an uncle|who voted for Dukakis.
{21215}{21287}That's really not the kind of thing|we're looking for.
{21326}{21351}Okay.
{21381}{21452}So tell me, how'd you guys meet?
{21456}{21535}Oh, friends first, drunk in London,|you know the story.
{21539}{21580}I've got a better question for you:
{21592}{21669}Do you or any of your blood relatives|have diabetes?
{21727}{21752}No.
{21762}{21848}Heart disease? Alzheimer's? Gout?
{21903}{21969}You guys don't have people|for dinner a lot, huh?
{21981}{22030}We're just making conversation.
{22034}{22117}Yeah, well, okay.|I heard a joke today. It's pretty funny.
{22121}{22187}You know what's not funny?|Male pattern baldness.
{22280}{22364}You guys have shown a lot of interest|in me tonight, and I'm
flattered...
{22368}{22423}...and quite frankly, a little frightened.
{22437}{22482}Can we just talk about something else?
{22486}{22520}- Sure.|- All right.
{22539}{22569}This ravioli's delicious.
{22574}{22675}I notice you're enjoying that ravioli|with a beautiful set
of teeth.
{22679}{22724}Did you have braces as a child?
{22730}{22787}- No, I didn't.|- Yes!
{22860}{22920}We're teeth people, Zack.
{23040}{23124}Let's just do it. Let's just go|over there and see if she
heard.
{23128}{23155}- Good plan.|- Okay.
{23180}{23268}- What? Where are you going?|- Oh, I'm sorry, Rachel.
{23272}{23352}I don't have time|for your childish games, okay?
{23356}{23418}I still have to find something|incredible to wear...
{23422}{23494}...so I can beat Mike|at "Who's More Over Who"!
{23654}{23713}- Where have you been?|- Trying on clothes.
{23717}{23833}Oh, really? In the dressing room?|Well, that's so weird.
{23837}{23963}Phoebe and I were in the dressing room.|Gosh, it's just such
a small world.
{23967}{24028}Rachel, I heard you|two guys whispering.
{24032}{24107}Oh, God, you did, you heard.|Okay, look, let me explain.
{24111}{24159}There's nothing to explain.|I heard you.
{24163}{24195}Phoebe likes Joey.
{24314}{24339}Yeah.
{24389}{24456}I don't understand it.|I mean, Phoebe likes Joey...
{24460}{24531}...and then she's here to buy a dress|to impress another
guy?
{24535}{24650}Yeah, that's Phoebe. That's Phoebe.|You know, she just wants
them all.
{24654}{24723}It's, like, she's nympho.
{24760}{24791}- Wow!|- Yeah.
{24795}{24887}You know, by the way, I heard you|tell her not to do
anything.
{24891}{24995}Thanks for sticking up for me.|God, you are such a nice
person.
{25027}{25052}I try.
{25963}{26085}Oh, my God, you really want me|to be the keynote speaker?
{26105}{26148}Thank you!
{26202}{26243}You're welcome.
{26547}{26595}Wow! You look...
{26617}{26671}...stop-eating hot!
{26709}{26774}Which is like the highest level|of hotness.
{26778}{26882}Okay, are you sure? Because I am|really dreading going to
this party.
{26886}{26911}Then don't go.
{26915}{27005}Mike knows I'm coming. If I don't|show up, he'll think it's
because of him...
{27009}{27124}...and then I'm gonna lose face.|That's a very serious thing
in my culture.
{27149}{27259}All right, then you go to that party,|and you pretend to be
over Mike.
{27263}{27348}Afterward, you come to my place|and I'll get you good and
drunk.
{27352}{27394}You got it. Okay.
{27398}{27459}But not on the wine|that you made, okay?
{27463}{27557}Because I just don't want to go back|to the emergency room.
{27786}{27822}David?
{27826}{27864}Phoebe! Hi.
{27868}{27926}- Oh, my God!|- Hi.
{27942}{27998}Wow! You look unbelievable.
{28002}{28044}Oh, yeah, well...
{28098}{28131}What are you doing here?
{28135}{28206}Well, I'm back from Minsk.|Permanently.
{28210}{28239}Well, what happened?
{28243}{28287}Remember how I was trying|to achieve...
{28291}{28360}...the positronic distillation|of subatomic particles?
{28364}{28399}Yeah.
{28403}{28488}Well, after eight years of research,|I discovered...
{28492}{28552}...that it can't be done.
{28572}{28597}Well...
{28616}{28681}...great that you're back. How are you?
{28685}{28730}- Good. Good. Life is good.|- Good.
{28734}{28791}Well, I'm seeing someone.
{28832}{28868}- Good for you.|- Yeah.
{28872}{28977}She's also a scientist,|so she's very smart and pretty
and...
{28981}{29040}It's actually because of you|that we're together.
{29044}{29113}I mean, I saw what you had|with that Mike guy...
{29117}{29167}...and I just said, "Boy, I want that."
{29182}{29251}- Mike and I broke up.|- You're kidding me.
{29255}{29354}Because I'm not seeing anybody.|I just totally made that up.
{29358}{29407}- Really?|- I don't know why, I'm sorry.
{29411}{29474}I guess I just didn't want|to lose face.
{29481}{29532}I understand.
{29542}{29618}Yeah. Okay. So then, okay...
{29622}{29716}So we're both living in New York,|not seeing anyone.
{29720}{29774}- That's so not like us.|- Yeah, I know.
{29778}{29887}Well, this is probably a stupid question,|seeing that you
look like that...
{29891}{29960}...but do you have someplace|that you need to be right now?
{29964}{29989}Well...
{30020}{30045}No.
{30090}{30163}- Well, do you want to get a drink?|- I'd love to.
{30167}{30214}- Great.|- Okay.
{30282}{30334}Do you smell beets?
{30338}{30404}All right, stay upwind of me.
{30457}{30547}Hey, there's Phoebe.|Is that Mike she's with?
{30560}{30612}No, that's David.
{30616}{30682}There's a third guy?
{30693}{30770}Tip of the iceberg.
{30837}{30873}I'm gonna take off now.
{30877}{30938}You're gonna let me go home,|aren't you?
{30949}{30999}Sure you don't want to stay|a little longer?
{31003}{31054}No, I should get home.|I'm kind of tired.
{31058}{31099}Are you always tired?
{31103}{31172}Because that could be|a sign of clinical depression.
{31188}{31279}No, it's tiring to figure out the age|at which all my
grandparents died.
{31326}{31374}- I'll see you tomorrow.|- Okay.
{31378}{31403}Bye.
{31438}{31490}I think we found our sperm.
{31514}{31551}He does seem pretty perfect.
{31555}{31612}Yeah? You think so?|Should I ask him?
{31676}{31701}No.
{31705}{31768}Why not? Just because his|great-grandmother was obese?
{31772}{31836}Our kid's gonna get that|from you anyway.
{31891}{31940}No, that's not it.
{31944}{32051}It's just that when we were asking him|all those questions
before...
{32055}{32173}...I just realized I don't care if he|is the most perfect
guy in the world.
{32177}{32265}- He's not you.|- Yeah, he's better!
{32304}{32357}No, he's not.
{32361}{32465}If I can't get pregnant with you, then|I don't want to get
pregnant by him...
{32469}{32507}...or anyone else.
{32540}{32624}- Really? Are you sure?|- Yeah, I'm sure.
{32628}{32686}Thank God, because I|don't wanna do this either.
{32690}{32767}I was just doing it because I thought|that was what you
wanted.
{32771}{32857}I'm the husband.|I'm supposed to bring the sperm.
{32884}{32923}That is so sweet.
{32945}{32977}I love you.
{33064}{33115}So you know this leaves us with...
{33133}{33158}Adoption.
{33181}{33223}How do you feel about that?
{33258}{33321}I think I feel okay about it.
{33330}{33413}Actually, I think I feel|really good about it.
{33440}{33465}Me too.
{33479}{33583}I wanna find a baby that needs a home,|and I wanna raise it
with you.
{33587}{33676}And I wanna mess it up|in our own specific way.
{33716}{33797}So this is it?|We're really gonna adopt?
{33816}{33841}Yeah.
{33858}{33961}- Oh, my God! We're gonna be parents!|- We are gonna be
great parents.
{33965}{33995}And it could be soon.
{33999}{34075}I mean, think about it.|Right now, somewhere out there...
{34085}{34143}...our baby could be being conceived.
{34147}{34256}Wait. If we're lucky,|and we're really, really, really
quiet...
{34260}{34348}...we may be able to hear|the sound of a condom breaking.
{34485}{34511}Hey, Zack.
{34515}{34567}Hey, Chandler.
{34571}{34615}I wanted to apologize for last night.
{34619}{34676}I got the feeling|we made you uncomfortable.
{34680}{34708}- No, you didn't.|- Really?
{34712}{34753}No, you did.
{34757}{34821}My wife and I have|some boundary issues.
{34825}{34876}Sometimes we ask|inappropriate questions.
{34880}{34918}We're working on it.
{34922}{35002}- Here are the boards for Friday's pitch.|- Thank you.
{35056}{35145}You wouldn't know if Jeanette's planning|on keeping her
baby, would you?
{35320}{35345}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 23
{110}{174}Hey! I'm all packed and ready to go.
{179}{278}That's right. Daddy and Uncle Joey|are going on a trip today.
{284}{393}We're going to a conference in Barbados.|Right? Can you say,
"Barbados"?
{398}{444}Barbados.
{493}{588}Okay. I've gotta say, it means so much|to me that you guys are
coming...
{593}{657}...all the way over there|to hear me give my speech.
{663}{731}And I have a surprise.|I had to pull some strings...
{736}{856}...but I was able to get everyone passes|to the entire
conference. That's right!
{893}{1015}These babies will get you into all|the paleontology lectures
and seminars.
{1027}{1118}Do you have anything|that will get us out of them?
{1143}{1213}We're excited to hear the speech,|but the rest of the time...
{1217}{1262}...we're gonna want to do island stuff.
{1268}{1320}David will probably want to hear|a few lectures.
{1326}{1373}- Right, because he's a scientist.|- No, no.
{1379}{1467}He's been in Minsk for eight years.|If he gets too much direct
sunlight...
{1472}{1513}...he'll die.
{1519}{1562}- Okay, we'd better go.|- Yeah?
{1567}{1635}- So we'll see you guys tomorrow.|- All right, let's do it.
{1639}{1703}A five-hour flight with Charlie,|have a couple drinks...
{1708}{1767}...get under that blanket|and do what comes natural.
{1773}{1849}It's a blanket, Joe,|not a cloak of invisibility.
{1893}{1940}The One In Barbados
{1965}{2165}Ripped by|mrnch@dh.net.mk
{2190}{2390}Subtitles processed by|Subtitle Editor (c) Digital
Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004
{3206}{3359}- Wow, this place is beautiful!|- Look at all these
paleontologists!
{3364}{3469}I know. There are gonna be some|pasty folks by the pool
tomorrow.
{3483}{3572}- My God, I can't believe you're here!|- I think I've been
recognized.
{3577}{3679}- This happens all the time.|- Dr. Geller? I am such a huge
fan.
{3685}{3741}That never happens.
{3747}{3851}I've been following your career for years.|I can't wait for
your keynote speech.
{3857}{3961}- Wow! This is very flattering.|- I would love your autograph.
{3966}{4017}Well, sure.
{4057}{4090}- "Dear...?"|- Sarah.
{4094}{4220}"Sarah. I dig you."
{4244}{4322}- "Dr. Ross Geller."|- Oh, thank you so much.
{4327}{4428}Sure. Sarah, I'd like you to introduce you|to my colleague,
Professor Wheeler.
{4433}{4528}- And this is Joey Tribbiani.|- Are you a paleontologist?
{4534}{4611}No, God, no, no.|I'm an actor.
{4616}{4707}You probably recognize me from a|little show called "The Days
of Our Lives."
{4713}{4822}Dude, it's just "Days of Our Lives."|There's no "the."
{4884}{5008}Okay, Ross. Boy, you... Yeah.|No, no. I play Dr. Drake
Ramoray.
{5013}{5151}- I'm sorry. I don't own a TV.|- You don't own a TV?
{5155}{5217}What's all your furniture pointed at?
{5312}{5345}David, can you help me?
{5349}{5432}I'm trying to explain to Chandler|how a plane stays in the
air.
{5437}{5503}Certainly. That's a combination|of Bernoulli's Principle...
{5507}{5575}...and Newton's third law of motion.|- See?
{5580}{5667}Yeah. That's the same as,|"It has something to do with wind."
{5690}{5741}I'm gonna go pick up a few things|for the trip.
{5746}{5838}I should go too. Now, tomorrow do you|want to share a cab to
the airport...
{5843}{5881}...or should Mike and I meet you?
{5982}{6062}Mike? Who's Mike?
{6084}{6160}- Mike's your ex-boyfriend.|- That's right!
{6165}{6253}Oh, yeah.|Wow, I had totally forgotten about him.
{6258}{6399}- That's a blast from the past, huh?|- No, it's okay. Honest
mistake.
{6405}{6469}It really doesn't mean anything.|I mean, you know...
{6474}{6545}...Monica refers to Chandler as Richard|all the time.
{6604}{6672}- She does?|- Let's get you out of here.
{6790}{6866}Well, at least you took me down|with you.
{6872}{6956}I'm so sorry. I just...|I keep thinking about Mike.
{6962}{7051}I'm crazy about David, and|we're having so much fun together.
{7056}{7155}Why? Why do I miss Mike? That's just...|That's gonna go away,
right?
{7160}{7208}- Well, I guess. In time.|- Yeah.
{7213}{7283}I mean, my feelings for Richard|are certainly gone.
{7288}{7421}You just did it again. Chandler. Your|feelings for Chandler
are certainly gone.
{7464}{7530}Boy, Phoebe's still pretty hung up|on that Mike, huh?
{7535}{7607}I wouldn't read too much into it.
{7620}{7688}Still, a girl calls you|by her ex-boyfriend's name...
{7692}{7765}...that's not a good thing, right?|- Let me stop you there.
{7771}{7881}Because I think I see where this is going.|I'm not very good
at giving advice.
{7886}{7954}See, if you want advice,|go to Ross or Monica. Or Joey...
{7958}{8086}...for advice about pizza toppings|or a burning sensation when
you pee.
{8112}{8217}I'm sorry, I just wish there|was something I could do, you
know?
{8224}{8309}- Well, you know Phoebe...|- Seriously, we're gonna do this?
{8315}{8401}I'm sorry, I just wish I could make her|forget about Mike
already.
{8408}{8521}- Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?|- Because his penis was
too big.
{8614}{8696}I'm sorry. That's the kind of thing I do.
{8721}{8795}They broke up because Mike|didn't want to get married.
{8799}{8861}What if you let Phoebe know|you'd be open to marriage?
{8875}{8967}That's great. That's great.|I'll propose to her.
{8973}{9006}What?
{9012}{9068}I was probably going to do it|at some point.
{9074}{9138}- No, I didn't mean now.|- Well, why not? It's brilliant.
{9144}{9212}"Goodbye, Mike.|We'll see you at the wedding, fella.
{9216}{9285}Well, we probably won't invite you|to the wedding, but..."
{9290}{9374}- Well, thank you, Chandler. Sincerely.|- Well, you're
welcome.
{9380}{9425}Glad I could help.
{9455}{9534}- How do you think I should propose?|- I'm pretending to read
here.
{9539}{9578}I'm sorry.
{9666}{9732}Yeah. How you doing?|Hey, how are you?
{9790}{9858}You said you were gonna wear a thong.|Where's the thong?
{9879}{9990}I didn't mean a thong.|I meant thongs.
{10010}{10078}You really should have been|more clear about that.
{10191}{10257}You're never gonna guess|who I just saw downstairs.
{10275}{10315}Britney Spears!
{10321}{10389}Yeah.|She never misses these conferences.
{10397}{10479}- No, I just saw Dr. Kenneth Schwartz!|- Oh, my God!
{10484}{10521}- I know!|- Did you talk to him?
{10525}{10603}Oh, yeah. What am I gonna say|to Kenneth Schwartz?
{10608}{10707}You could say, "Hey, Kenny,|how come you're not Britney
Spears?"
{10715}{10779}- You ready to go?|- You're gonna go now?
{10784}{10875}- I thought we could hang out.|- I can't. I have seminars
all day.
{10880}{10930}I promised Ross|I'd look at his speech.
{10943}{11081}But maybe we could have dinner later?|Out on the balcony?
Lt'll be romantic.
{11086}{11138}Will you wear a thong?
{11144}{11185}I will if you will.
{11222}{11280}You got yourself a very weird deal.
{11340}{11400}I'm good. I have dinner plans.
{11431}{11484}- So you gonna be okay?|- Yeah, yeah.
{11489}{11586}I got tons of stuff I could do.|I'm gonna hit the beach, go
swimming.
{11592}{11633}Joe, have you looked outside?
{11655}{11695}No. Why?
{11760}{11817}- Oh, man.|- There's an indoor pool.
{11822}{11859}- You could swim there.|- Yeah.
{11864}{11948}I wasn't gonna swim.|I was gonna dig a hole.
{12056}{12129}That Mike thing was interesting.|I don't know what's gonna
happen...
{12134}{12244}...with Phoebe and David.|- I do. Want a hint, huh?
{12254}{12287}I do.
{12327}{12376}I do.
{12387}{12457}Okay, I'm sensing this is|some kind of wordplay...
{12462}{12535}...because you are pink|with barely controlled glee.
{12549}{12660}- David's gonna propose to Phoebe.|- What? Why?
{12679}{12745}Because we were talking about ways|he could beat Mike...
{12750}{12804}...and I told him Phoebe wanted|to get married.
{12810}{12855}Chandler, we have talked about this.
{12860}{12931}You are not supposed to give|people advice!
{12969}{13033}Couldn't you have made|some inappropriate joke?
{13038}{13098}I did! A penis one!
{13109}{13168}Just so I know, what was so wrong|about what I said?
{13173}{13226}They've only been going out|for a few weeks.
{13232}{13335}Phoebe is completely hung up on Mike.|I mean, she'll say
no...
{13339}{13425}...David's heart will be broken,|it'll be too hard for them
to recover...
{13431}{13499}...and then Phoebe will end up|alone again.
{13512}{13571}Man, that's some bad advice.
{13747}{13811}Oh, hey.|Thank God. You guys are here.
{13817}{13893}- What's going on?|- Everything is upside-down here.
{13898}{14039}It rains all day long and nobody|watches TV, and Ross is
famous.
{14091}{14132}I don't want to alarm anybody...
{14137}{14221}...but Monica's hair is twice as big|as it was when we
landed.
{14232}{14290}Okay. When I go places|with high humidity...
{14295}{14376}...it gets a little extra body, okay?
{14381}{14482}That's why our honeymoon photos|look like me and Diana Ross.
{14486}{14529}I'll show you guys where to check in.
{14533}{14605}Oh, honey? Can you make sure|we get a king-size bed?
{14610}{14723}Oh, David, get one for us too. Oh, and|see if they have a
heart-shaped one.
{14729}{14801}And with mirrors on the ceiling.
{14805}{14894}And make sure our room|isn't next to theirs.
{14899}{14976}Oh, you guys are so lucky|you're here with people.
{14982}{15033}You know, it's just|such a romantic place.
{15038}{15151}I just wish I could share it with a guy.
{15188}{15238}- Not Joey.|- Not Joey. No.
{15243}{15364}- I was just lusting after Chandler.|- Yeah, right.
{15427}{15534}So... I'm proposing to Phoebe tonight.
{15540}{15575}Tonight?
{15583}{15666}Isn't an engagement ring|supposed to have a diamond?
{15684}{15746}Oh, there it is.
{15752}{15855}Yes, well, being a failed scientist doesn't|pay quite as
well as you might think.
{15859}{15936}That's one-seventieth of a carat.
{15952}{16034}And the clarity is quite poor.
{16080}{16121}Nice.
{16155}{16230}- Monica, can I talk to you for a second?|- Okay.
{16236}{16279}David's gonna propose|to Phoebe tonight.
{16284}{16353}See what happens|when you give people advice?
{16370}{16444}- Well, I hope you told him not to.|- That would be advice!
{16469}{16519}Okay, fine. I'll handle this.
{16584}{16629}- Phoebe?|- Yeah?
{16642}{16741}- I need to talk to you.|- Are you leaving the Supremes?
{16890}{17020}Okay, my husband just gave|your boyfriend some very bad
advice.
{17025}{17077}David's gonna propose to you tonight.
{17092}{17141}Wow, really?
{17167}{17216}That's fantastic!
{17238}{17306}What? Are you serious?|You want to marry him?
{17311}{17383}- What about Mike?|- Oh, okay, you want me to marry Mike?
{17387}{17439}Let's just gag him and handcuff him...
{17444}{17499}...and force him down the aisle, okay?
{17504}{17568}I can just see it.|"Mike, do you take Phoebe?"
{17633}{17716}You know? It's every girl's dream.
{17733}{17805}Do you really think marrying|someone else is the right
answer?
{17810}{17911}Sure. Look, okay, bottom line?|I love Mike... David!
{17934}{18002}David! I love David.
{18007}{18079}Don't look at me that way,|Roseanne Roseannadanna.
{18179}{18291}"By using CT scans and computer|imaging, we can, in a very
real way...
{18296}{18406}...bring the Mesozoic Era|into the 21 st century."
{18453}{18535}It's great. You'll be the hit|of the conference.
{18541}{18578}It'll be even better tomorrow...
{18583}{18645}...because I won't be constantly|interrupted by Joey...
{18650}{18719}...checking to see if they put|chocolates on my pillow yet.
{18819}{18871}- Hey, guys.|- The chocolates aren't here.
{18876}{18922}Damn it!
{18927}{18981}Ross just read me his speech.|It's fantastic.
{18987}{19065}Oh, is it on the computer?|Because I'd love to give it a
read.
{19070}{19140}If you want to check your e-mail,|just ask.
{19145}{19196}What? May I?
{19262}{19379}What's with the rain, Geller? I mean,|when I signed up for
dino week...
{19384}{19453}...nobody said anything|about it being monsoon season.
{19459}{19544}- The wet season is June to December.|- It's not the time,
Charlie.
{19558}{19603}Oh, no. No, no! Dear God, no!
{19608}{19685}What, did someone outbid you|for the teapot?
{19739}{19811}Secret teapot.
{19815}{19875}Your computer. I don't know what...|Everything's gone.
{19881}{19930}- What do you mean?|- Must be a virus.
{19935}{19981}I think it erased your hard drive.
{19986}{20041}What? Oh, my God. What did you do?
{20046}{20102}Someone I don't know sent me an e-mail|and I opened it.
{20107}{20196}- Why? Why would you open it?|- Well, it didn't say, "This
is a virus."
{20222}{20292}- What did it say?|- "Nude..."
{20342}{20387}"Pictures of Anna Kournikova."
{20417}{20474}- I'm so sorry.|- What am I gonna do?
{20479}{20528}- My speech is gone!|- It's not gone.
{20533}{20597}I'm sure you printed out a copy.|You have a hard copy?
{20601}{20640}No, I don't!
{20667}{20753}Well, you must be pretty mad|at yourself right now.
{20976}{21031}- It's really gone?|- Yep.
{21036}{21106}I'd like to thank you guys|for coming down here...
{21111}{21183}...to complain about the rain|and ruin my career.
{21189}{21234}- I just feel awful.|- Yeah, you should.
{21239}{21362}Nude pictures of Anna Kournikova? She's|never even won a
major tournament.
{21393}{21459}Well, I tried Billie Jean King, but...
{21494}{21574}You know, you and Monica have|the same I'm-gonna-kill-you
look.
{21579}{21655}I can usually make it go away|by kissing her.
{21670}{21723}Get out.
{21746}{21818}You know, this happens all the time|to my computer at work.
{21824}{21863}- What do you do?|- I usually go...
{21867}{21923}...play Tetris on somebody else's|computer.
{21948}{21991}I can't believe this is happening.
{21995}{22055}I have to give the keynote speech|tomorrow.
{22060}{22147}I have to stand up in front of all|these people. What am I
gonna say?
{22153}{22204}You can use a speech I memorized|for auditions.
{22210}{22296}I don't think your monologue from|"Star Wars" is gonna help
me right now.
{22315}{22376}Ross, we can solve this.|I just heard your speech.
{22381}{22491}- We can re-create it. We've got all night.|- What, you
really think we can do that?
{22496}{22578}Oh, wait.|Joey and I are supposed to have dinner.
{22583}{22640}Don't worry about that.|I mean, Ross needs you.
{22645}{22735}Rachel and I will stay and help|any way we can.
{22759}{22823}All right. Okay, let's do it.
{22833}{22938}Well, I know we start by discussing|the shortcomings of
carbon dating.
{22943}{23027}And then I move on to what is clearly|the defining moment...
{23032}{23141}...of the Mesozoic Era,|the breakup of Pangaea. Hello?
{23146}{23245}And then there's the overview|of the Triassic.
{23250}{23347}Any chance any of this happened|in a galaxy far, far away?
{23552}{23593}- Hello?|"- Okay", "Mike?"
{23598}{23659}Enough is enough.|You love Phoebe, and she loves you.
{23664}{23726}So get over your|l-never-wanna-get-married thing...
{23731}{23764}...and step up!
{23778}{23815}Who is this?
{23830}{23873}"This is Monica", "Phoebe's friend."
{23878}{23917}Phoebe is back with David.
{23922}{23973}He's gonna propose,|and she's gonna say yes...
{23978}{24032}...but I know she really wants to be|with you.
{24069}{24144}He's gonna propose?
{24160}{24279}I'm sorry, did you say something?|I can't hear through all
this damned hair!
{24305}{24360}If Phoebe wants to marry David,|she should.
{24365}{24435}I'm not gonna stand in the way of that.|Neither should you.
{24440}{24504}You don't tell me what to do.|I tell you what to do.
{24525}{24608}Just call her. She's at the Paradise Hotel|in Barbados.
{24613}{24666}And while I've got you,|you've got curly hair.
{24671}{24716}What do you do in the humidity?
{24762}{24795}Damn it!
{24861}{24962}- Well, I hope you're happy.|- I hope you're happy too,
honey.
{24983}{25034}Phoebe's going to say yes to David.
{25040}{25141}- That's what happens when you meddle.|- Phoebe's gonna say
yes? That's great.
{25146}{25197}No, it's not.|She's still in love with Mike.
{25203}{25257}- There's no chance that will work?|- No, I called.
{25262}{25343}- It's not gonna happen.|- Meddler! Meddler!
{25351}{25397}If you hadn't meddled to start with...
{25402}{25466}...then I wouldn't have had to go in|and meddle myself.
{25470}{25543}No matter how much we meddle,|we'll never be able to
unmeddle...
{25548}{25616}...the thing that you meddled up|in the first place!
{25632}{25684}This vacation sucks!
{25822}{25881}I'm so bored.
{25904}{25976}Stupid rain. We can't do anything.
{25982}{26044}Well, I brought some books.|We could read.
{26050}{26096}Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.
{26125}{26170}Hey, hey, hey, don't mind if I do.
{26175}{26250}I'm sorry, sir, these are|for the pharmaceutical convention.
{26319}{26377}You feel like going to a convention?
{26393}{26463}- We can't. We're not pharmacists.|- I know we're not...
{26467}{26609}...but Frank Madaio and Eva...
{26694}{26758}- Kate Miller.|- Kate Miller it is.
{26763}{26829}- Okay.|- Oh, good...
{26833}{26920}And that's the most sex|I'm gonna have this weekend.
{26925}{27022}Well, in that case,|should I make sure it's on real good?
{27155}{27202}Thank you.
{27256}{27344}Oh, and then you said that thing about|bringing the Mesozoic
Era...
{27349}{27399}...into the 21 st century.
{27404}{27443}Well, yeah. That's it?
{27449}{27507}- Yeah.|- Oh, my God. We did it.
{27512}{27627}Actually, I did it, Ross. You remembered|shockingly little
of your own speech.
{27640}{27733}Yes, but I did make a pyramid|out of the bath products.
{27763}{27864}Oh, this is amazing.|Thank you. Thank you so much.
{27940}{27987}That's a pretty necklace.
{28049}{28082}Thank you.
{28109}{28165}Hey, what do you say we celebrate?|Champagne?
{28170}{28269}Yeah! Save the cork, and that way,|we can fill the bottle
with water...
{28273}{28329}...and put it back so they|don't charge you.
{28394}{28452}Oh, my God, I love you.
{28466}{28553}This is such a cute picture of Emma.|And is this your son...
{28558}{28624}...or just some kid whose picture|you bring on vacation?
{28630}{28689}That's Ben, my son|from my first marriage.
{28695}{28730}- Your first marriage?|- Yeah.
{28735}{28793}You've been married more than once?
{28799}{28836}No.
{28914}{28955}So why'd you break up?
{29002}{29060}Oh, it was...
{29084}{29192}It's complicated, you know?|She was...
{29201}{29262}...gay.|- Oh, my God.
{29267}{29307}This is so cool!
{29321}{29383}Okay.|Odd thing to get excited about.
{29388}{29470}No, it's just that I was engaged|to a guy who turned out to
be gay.
{29476}{29521}Hey! High-five!
{29560}{29630}Didn't you feel so stupid|that you didn't see the signs?
{29636}{29715}My fiance was always going on|long weekends with his "tennis
partner."
{29721}{29828}My wife had a workout friend she went|to the gym with every
day for a year.
{29833}{29892}She didn't get any fitter.
{29898}{29967}- Everybody's like, "I knew all along."|- I know.
{29973}{30058}If you knew, why didn't you tell me?|I mean, call, leave a
note.
{30063}{30135}"Hi. Just dropped by|to say your wife's gay."
{30142}{30175}- I know.|- And then...
{30180}{30246}And then you try to make the best|of a bad situation...
{30251}{30321}...so you float the idea of a threesome.
{30333}{30382}I didn't do that.
{30409}{30471}Me neither.
{30534}{30600}Well, who knew? Pharmacists are fun.
{30604}{30678}I know. That old lady at the end|was ready to take you home.
{30683}{30757}Not enough pills in the world, Rach.
{30811}{30904}What about you, huh? You're the single|one. See anybody in
there you like?
{30910}{31000}Well, let's see. There was that|really big guy that I was
talking to...
{31005}{31073}...with the really nice breasts.
{31090}{31215}But what about back home? Anything|going on there? Anybody
you like?
{31305}{31331}No.
{31370}{31455}- There is. You're blushing.|- No, I'm not blushing...
{31460}{31504}...and I'm sunburned.
{31512}{31573}From, you know, the rain.
{31579}{31622}You like someone. Tell me who.
{31627}{31681}- Tell me who it is. Come on.|- No. Joey.
{31686}{31750}Who do you like?|You're not getting away that easy.
{31754}{31797}- Who do you like?|- Joey, come on!
{31801}{31910}It doesn't matter, you know?|It's not like anything's gonna
happen.
{31915}{32019}What? Why not?|Rach, who can you not get?
{32146}{32249}Okay. Okay.|You really want to know who it is?
{32254}{32320}- Yeah. Who is it?|- Do you?
{32367}{32415}- Oh, hey.|- I just left you a message.
{32421}{32469}Ross and I were gonna go grab a bite...
{32474}{32536}...but now that you're here,|we could have that dinner.
{32542}{32630}Right! Of course.|Hey, did you guys finish the speech?
{32636}{32693}Yep! We got it. We got it.|Thank you so much.
{32698}{32743}- I had a great time.|- Yeah.
{32749}{32805}This isn't over,|because I really want to know...
{32811}{32844}Later. Later.
{32867}{32918}- So shall we?|- Yeah.
{32927}{32968}- Okay.|- Good night.
{32975}{33022}Good night.
{33179}{33255}- Okay, good night.|- Good night, Ross.
{33364}{33418}I can't believe she's gonna|say yes to David.
{33423}{33473}She's clearly in love with Mike.
{33479}{33570}You know, it's very hard to take you|seriously when you look
like that.
{33670}{33802}Phoebe, I have something I want to say.
{33807}{33873}Oh, God, he's gonna do it.|I cannot watch this. Let's go.
{33878}{33936}I think we have time.|Have you heard him talk?
{33941}{34063}"Phoebe, I would be honored if..."|Spit it out, David!
{34114}{34144}Phoebe.
{34225}{34376}You're an amazing woman, and the time|we spent apart was
unbearable.
{34381}{34463}Of course, the sanitation strikes in Minsk|didn't help.
{34469}{34500}Sure. Okay. Yeah.
{34505}{34651}But, well, now that we're together|again, I don't ever want
to be apart.
{34656}{34753}So to that end...
{34801}{34910}- Oh, my God, Mike.|- It's David, actually.
{34916}{34960}No, Mike's here.
{34988}{35027}Oh, hey, Mike.
{35058}{35111}Hi, David.
{35123}{35197}Chandler. Monic... Oh!
{35267}{35333}It's the humidity!
{35397}{35486}- Hi, Phoebe.|- What are you doing here?
{35505}{35551}I have a question I need to ask you.
{35557}{35645}I have a question I was kind of|gonna ask her myself.
{35651}{35754}Yeah, I understand, but before you do,|she really needs to
hear this.
{35800}{35843}Okay.
{35847}{35944}- Would you care for my seat as well?|- Actually, yeah,
that'd be great.
{35978}{36027}Well, that's fair, you've had a long trip.
{36306}{36349}Phoebe, I love you.
{36354}{36420}I've missed you so much|these last few months.
{36425}{36479}I thought we were apart|for a good reason...
{36484}{36543}...but I realized that there was no reason|good enough...
{36548}{36632}...to keep me from spending|the rest of my life with you.
{36642}{36723}Kind of steps on the toes|of what I was going to say.
{36765}{36826}I'm sorry, David,|but she really has to know this.
{36832}{36910}All right, but after this,|I want to see you outside.
{36915}{36954}If the rain stops.
{37029}{37116}You're the most incredible woman|I've ever met.
{37134}{37251}How could I lose you?|Now, I don't actually have a ring.
{37257}{37336}- I have a ring.|- I wouldn't brag about that, big guy.
{37374}{37420}But, Phoebe...
{37441}{37500}...will you marry me?
{37581}{37618}No.
{37808}{37917}I love you, but I never needed|a proposal from you.
{37923}{37981}I just needed to know|we were headed somewhere.
{37987}{38106}- That we had a future.|- We can have any future you want.
{38261}{38333}Okay, well, I'm gonna take off.
{38343}{38403}David, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
{38408}{38505}Just so I know, if I had asked first...?
{38510}{38642}Yeah, I might have said yes,|but that would've been wrong.
{38668}{38715}Please, you don't have to explain.
{38720}{38789}I mean, perhaps if I hadn't|gone to Minsk...
{38794}{38912}...things would have worked out for us,|and I wouldn't have
ruined my career.
{38917}{38994}Or lost that toe to frostbite.
{39008}{39045}It was a good trip.
{39138}{39197}- Is it okay if I hug you now?|- Oh, yes.
{39282}{39356}Because of our meddling! All right?
{39564}{39665}Oh, isn't this nice? It's so quiet.|I could just lie here
all day.
{39670}{39723}Oh, I know.
{39758}{39876}- Open your drapes! Open your drapes!|- So glad we got
adjoining rooms.
{39902}{40011}- The sun is out!|- Hey! Remember when I had corneas?
{40017}{40058}Go to the pool and reserve chairs.
{40064}{40167}- I will get the magazines and the lotion.|- Ladies? Ross'
speech is in 45 minutes.
{40172}{40217}- No!|- Damn it!
{40242}{40306}Walls are pretty thin, guys.
{40442}{40563}"Then we have to weigh the data from|recent MRI scans and
DNA testing...
{40584}{40709}...which call into question information|gathered from years
of carbon dating."
{40715}{40804}Look at the woman sitting out|by the pool getting tan.
{40809}{40897}She's all leathery and wrinkled.|I'm so jealous!
{40909}{41006}"Finally, factor in the profusion|of new species recently
discovered.
{41011}{41063}{y:i}Giganotosaurus.
{41080}{41169}"- Argentinosaurus."|- Not to mention "Coldsaurus."
{41241}{41334}"And that's just the herbivores. I'm not|even gonna discuss
the carnivores.
{41339}{41378}Their heads are already too big.
{41383}{41477}Which is ironic, considering|their stunted cerebral
development."
{41586}{41617}Really?
{41673}{41743}"But all kidding aside,|in much the same way...
{41748}{41865}...that "Homo ergaster" is thought to be a|separate species
from "Homo erectus"..."
{41951}{42030}- What?|- He said "erectus."
{42035}{42141}- You're kidding, right?|- No, he really said it.
{42167}{42229}"And while there are certainly|vast differences...
{42234}{42349}...between these Mesozoic fossils|and the example of "Homo
erectus"..."
{42412}{42445}"Erectus"?
{42449}{42504}{y:i}- Homo.|- Right.
{42544}{42683}"In a very real way, we can bring|the Mesozoic Era into the
21 st century."
{42688}{42744}Thank you.
{42881}{42926}- Really great.|- Oh, thanks, guys.
{42931}{43057}I thought it was wonderful.|Jarvis Oberblau. Cornell.
{43062}{43200}I mean, the ideas you put forth,|and from someone so young
and...
{43337}{43409}Okay, now we're just holding hands.
{43416}{43508}Alrighty. We're gonna hit the beach.|That was really great.
{43513}{43577}- Oh, thank you.|- Yeah. Oh, and so funny.
{43613}{43681}- Take it easy.|- All right, thanks. Thanks so much.
{43686}{43748}I can't tell you how much it means|that you were here.
{43753}{43798}You kidding?|We wouldn't have missed it.
{43884}{43927}I'm back.
{43943}{44020}Okay. Well, excuse me?
{44070}{44115}- Well?|- You were incredible.
{44120}{44153}You blew them away.
{44159}{44251}I can't tell you how great it was|to look in the crowd and
see your face.
{44256}{44342}I mean, did you know you were|mouthing the words along with
me?
{44348}{44385}- I was not.|- No, it's okay.
{44391}{44461}It made me feel like a rock star.
{44470}{44542}Oh, my God. I'm your groupie.
{44552}{44621}Hey, I better not find you naked|in my hotel room.
{44723}{44773}Look, I took it too far.
{44921}{44993}I can't believe it's raining again.|It's so unfair.
{44998}{45064}Well, on the bright side,|now we won't have to see...
{45069}{45151}...all these paleontologists|with their shirts off.
{45198}{45254}Not you guys.
{45262}{45326}You've got it going on.
{45403}{45471}- What will we do today?|- They have a game room downstairs.
{45476}{45513}They have Ping-Pong and stuff.
{45518}{45562}Ping-Pong?|Honey, they have Ping-Pong.
{45567}{45623}- Let's play.|- I don't think so.
{45652}{45707}- Why not?|- You know how competitive you get.
{45712}{45786}And while I say it's cute,|others disagree, and I'm lying.
{45829}{45890}- I'm not always that bad.|- Oh, yeah?
{45895}{45952}What happened when we played|last time?
{45957}{46018}I punched you.
{46024}{46090}- And?|- Phoebe.
{46111}{46192}- And?|- I clunked your heads together.
{46653}{46696}- There you are.|- Hey. Listen.
{46701}{46787}As soon as it stops raining,|we have got to go snorkeling.
{46793}{46881}Some kid told me about this sea turtle.|If you blow bubbles
in his face...
{46886}{46942}...he chases you.
{46948}{47055}I'm sorry, I can't. I'm running|a discussion group all
afternoon.
{47059}{47121}That's okay.|I'll find someone else to do it.
{47127}{47169}I'd do it alone, but...
{47174}{47257}...I don't know what happens|if the sea turtle catches you.
{47277}{47326}You know, I feel so bad.
{47331}{47399}I haven't seen you this whole trip.|Especially last night...
{47404}{47486}Don't worry about it. It was fine.|I had the best time with
Rachel.
{47491}{47585}I just felt bad for you, stuck|in that room working on Ross'
speech.
{47591}{47665}Actually, it turned out to be a lot of fun.
{47684}{47777}Oh, well, at least|we're both having fun, right?
{47811}{47881}- Is it weird that it's not with each other?|- Yeah.
{47885}{47925}A little bit, yeah.
{48040}{48096}I think we need to talk.
{48123}{48191}Yeah, I think we do.
{48255}{48293}About what?
{48366}{48434}- Come on, you guys, it'll be fun!|- All right.
{48439}{48528}- I'll play if we don't keep score.|- Well, then how do we
know who wins?
{48559}{48668}- Nobody wins.|- So we're just four losers. Super.
{48694}{48754}- Well, I'm not playing with her.|- I'm out.
{48759}{48802}- I'll play you.|- Okay.
{48807}{48867}- You don't know what you're doing.|- She gets crazy.
{48872}{48934}This scar? That's from Pictionary.
{48986}{49023}I think I'll be all right.
{49028}{49119}- You want to volley a bit for serve?|- Sure, if you want
to.
{49267}{49348}Oh, by the way, I'm awesome.
{49410}{49463}Oh, dear God, there's two of them.
{49485}{49530}- You ready to play?|- Hell, yeah.
{49536}{49673}- Did you know this about him?|- No idea. I thought he was
soft like you.
{49683}{49747}- Want to make it more interesting?|- How much you thinking?
{49752}{49795}- Ten bucks a game?|- Make it 50.
{49800}{49837}- I'll make it 100.|- One thousand...
{49843}{49888}Okay!
{49906}{49965}We'll flip to see who goes first.|You got a quarter?
{49973}{50041}No. Either of you girls got a quarter?
{50072}{50132}Honey, try to focus the trash talk|on him.
{50166}{50243}- Monica, you call it.|- Heads. No, tails! Heads!
{50249}{50306}- Tails.|- Oh, what are the chances?
{50429}{50471}- My point!|- Oh, no, I don't think so.
{50477}{50565}Standard rules: If at any time a player|uses his nonracket-
bearing hand...
{50570}{50642}...to touch the playing surface,|he or she forfeits the
point.
{50727}{50774}He was a lawyer.
{50822}{50874}{y:i}All the East Coast|{y:i}is having beautiful weather.
{50880}{50927}"In New York", "it's 72 and sunny."
{50945}{50991}Weather bitch.
{51044}{51083}It's open.
{51115}{51150}- Hi, Joe.|- Hey.
{51166}{51259}- What? Is everything okay?|- Charlie and I broke up.
{51265}{51314}No. Why?
{51320}{51386}Well, she said|we have nothing in common.
{51391}{51436}That's crazy.
{51451}{51503}No, it's not.|We have nothing in common.
{51530}{51583}- Yeah, that's true.|- Yeah.
{51589}{51661}I mean, she should be with someone|more like Ross.
{51665}{51743}You know, I mean he uses|all those big words too.
{51748}{51842}- Man, smart people are dull.|- Well, hey!
{51848}{51901}Okay, Rach.
{51929}{52070}I feel so stupid, you know? Why do I|keep going after the
wrong girls?
{52076}{52138}- What are you talking about?|- Oh, come on.
{52143}{52273}I mean, there's you, then there's Charlie.|It's like... What
the hell's my problem?
{52277}{52327}I just...
{52420}{52561}Okay. Maybe you're not|always going after the wrong girl.
{52567}{52639}I'm telling you, Rach,|Charlie is not right for me.
{52645}{52717}- I'm not talking about her.|- Well, then, who?
{52721}{52787}The waitress I went out with last month?
{52818}{52867}- You know what? Forget it.|- No, no, no, no.
{52872}{52928}- Who are you talking about?|- No, I don't...
{52933}{53001}I actually don't know who|I'm talking about, so...
{53012}{53061}- Okay.|- Yeah.
{53066}{53134}Well, I'm gonna go see|if I can get a room for tonight.
{53140}{53228}- And I'll see you later.|- Yeah, sure. Okay.
{53849}{53908}- You like me?|- Okay.
{53914}{53987}- Let's not make a big thing about this.|- It's a huge
thing!
{53993}{54044}Okay, not working with me, Joe.
{54054}{54179}Look, here's the thing.|Lately, I have been having thoughts.
{54189}{54239}Musings, if you will.
{54272}{54330}- Well, for how long?|- Oh, only like a month.
{54336}{54375}- A month?|- Well...
{54381}{54513}Dial it down. Listen, maybe they're|crazy thoughts, but
sometimes I do.
{54518}{54599}I have been thinking about,|you know, us.
{54642}{54721}- Okay, dial it up a little.|- Oh, you're right. Okay.
{54726}{54763}- I just have a question.|- Shoot.
{54768}{54849}- What the hell are you doing?|- I'm not trying to do
anything.
{54854}{54933}It's just, we have such a good time|when we're together, you
know?
{54938}{55039}And I mean, aren't you just|a little curious what it would
be like?
{55045}{55138}Am I curious?|I mean, I'm as curious as...
{55149}{55201}...George!
{55242}{55297}- Who?|- Curious George!
{55302}{55368}You know, the monkey and the guy|with the yellow hat.
{55373}{55430}- Of course. I remember.|- He had a paper route.
{55435}{55478}Yeah, he did.
{55484}{55566}- See, this is what I'm talking about.|- No, I know. We're
great!
{55571}{55637}But, Rach, no, this can't happen.
{55642}{55735}Can't it just happen a little bit?
{55791}{55868}- No! It can't happen at all!|- Why not?
{55873}{55961}Because, look, no one wants|this to happen more than me,
okay?
{55966}{56047}I have gone over this moment|in my head 100 times...
{56052}{56132}...and not once did I ever say no.
{56221}{56293}I couldn't do it to Ross.
{56311}{56381}- But that wasn't gonna stop you before.|- I know. I know...
{56385}{56517}...but I've thought about it a lot|since then, and it just
wouldn't be right.
{56586}{56619}I'm sorry.
{56681}{56739}I'm sorry too.
{56771}{56829}- Oh, God, I shouldn't have said anything.|- No, no.
{56834}{56882}No, no, no, no. Hey, we'll be fine.
{56887}{56951}- Like you said, it's no big deal.|- It's not a big deal.
{56957}{57003}- No big deal.|- It's so not a big deal.
{57009}{57089}- I'll see you later. All right, hey.|- Okay, great.
{57558}{57606}Okay...
{57909}{58014}Oh, I'm sorry, I think...|I think that may have missed the
table.
{58021}{58060}- Oh, do you?|- Yeah.
{58066}{58092}- Do you?|- Yeah.
{58098}{58141}- Do you?|- Yeah!
{58161}{58239}- You really find this attractive on him?|- Oh, yeah.
{58245}{58338}Are you telling me you're not even|a little turned on by
Monica right now?
{58490}{58587}This is the first time in our marriage that|I've felt like
the more attractive one.
{58606}{58662}All right, come on, Mike.|You can beat her.
{58668}{58726}Knock that dog off her head.
{58801}{58871}- Damn it!|- I sleep with him!
{58919}{58975}- Game point.|- Don't get too cocky.
{58980}{59017}Remember, I won the last one.
{59021}{59095}Oh, by the way,|how did that feel, losing to a girl?
{59101}{59171}You should look in the mirror|before you call yourself that.
{59277}{59359}- No! No! No!|- And that's how it's done.
{59375}{59405}Okey-dokey.
{59411}{59506}You've each won a game, and I've lost|what's felt like a
year of my life.
{59511}{59555}Everybody goes home a winner.
{59561}{59602}- Best of three?|- That's what I'm thinking.
{59608}{59726}Should I use my invisibility|to fight crime or for evil?
{59755}{59812}- Serve the ball, chump.|- "Serve the ball, chump."
{59818}{59905}Okay, better comebacks, Mike.|Better comebacks.
{59964}{60028}I'm just saying,|I have a cabin in the Adirondacks.
{60034}{60128}If you ever want to get away|from the city, well, that'd
be...
{60145}{60197}...just nifty.
{60247}{60364}Well, I've kind of got a lot on my plate|right now.
{60369}{60474}Not that I wouldn't love a weekend|in the country with a
strange man.
{60520}{60588}- Jarvis?|- Oh, you're back.
{60617}{60714}- This is my wife, Nancy.|- Well, get out!
{60753}{60828}- Ross? Can I talk to you for a minute?|- Yes, please.
{60897}{60965}So, what's going on?
{61011}{61103}Well, Joey and I broke up.
{61115}{61245}- Oh, my God. What happened?|- Joey is a great guy...
{61249}{61310}...but we're just...|We're so different.
{61315}{61394}I mean, like, during your speech,|he kept laughing at "Homo
erectus."
{61400}{61458}I knew that was him!
{61497}{61591}Anyway, I just...|I think it's for the best.
{61610}{61718}- Hey. Hey, you okay?|- I guess.
{61772}{61822}There was...
{61847}{61970}There was another reason that I thought|it was time to end
it with Joey.
{61983}{62129}I started to realize that I was|having feelings for someone
else.
{62163}{62229}Okay, Geller.|Last day of the conference.
{62235}{62289}You know what happens|to the keynote speaker.
{62295}{62367}Professor Klarik, we're in the middle|of a conversation
here.
{62371}{62476}- Can't you throw him in the pool later?|- Or we could throw
you both in now.
{62482}{62563}Okay, gentlemen, please.|Aren't we a little old for this?
{62568}{62632}I mean, we're scientists, all right?|We're academics...
{62636}{62735}...and most importantly,|you will have to catch us first.
{62739}{62790}Go! Go! Go!
{63014}{63071}Okay, so it's tied again,|41 to 41.
{63113}{63189}- Okay, look, enough is enough.|- No.
{63195}{63290}- I just have two more points to beat him.|- Monica, that
was also true an hour ago!
{63295}{63332}I mean, please, look at you.
{63338}{63445}Your hand is blistered, you can|barely stand, your hair is
inexplicable!
{63491}{63551}You've already proven|you're just as good as he is.
{63556}{63627}We missed our dinner reservations,|so let's just go
upstairs...
{63632}{63704}...order room service, take a shower|and shave your head!
{63749}{63821}I can't just walk away.|I've put in four hours.
{63836}{63885}You knew this about me|when you married me.
{63890}{63960}You agreed to take me in sickness|and in health.
{63965}{64025}Well, this is my sickness!
{64031}{64118}- What about the obsessive cleaning?|- That's just good
sense.
{64308}{64352}- You okay?|- No, honey, I'm okay.
{64358}{64451}Shake it off. Oh, no shaking.|No shaking. No shaking.
{64537}{64621}Oh, my God. I can't play.
{64627}{64684}- So you forfeit?|- Mike wins?
{64708}{64790}I can't believe it. I lost.
{64864}{64951}- No, you didn't.|- What?
{64957}{65031}- Because I'm gonna play for you.|- You can't do that.
{65037}{65115}It's okay.|I don't care which of them I beat.
{65134}{65226}Okay, we're taking that paddle home,|mister.
{65311}{65369}- Honey, you don't have to do this.|- Yes, I do.
{65375}{65429}I may not understand why|you have to win so badly...
{65434}{65495}...but if it's important to you,|it's important to me.
{65500}{65539}Because I love you.
{65562}{65646}But you suck.
{65676}{65721}You're welcome, sweetheart.
{65745}{65802}All right, let's get this over with.|Sudden death.
{65807}{65900}- Whoever wins this point, wins.|- Okay.
{65988}{66108}- Oh, my God. You're good.|- It's like watching porn.
{66246}{66310}And that's how it's done.
{66357}{66439}Oh, my God. Oh, my God.|That was so amazing.
{66444}{66487}Well, when did you...?
{66492}{66591}Hold on, I almost forgot. Loser.
{66659}{66738}- When did you stop sucking?|- I never sucked. I just didn't
want you...
{66743}{66791}...to know how good I was.|- Why?
{66796}{66843}- I don't know.|- Well, this is so great.
{66848}{66912}- Now we can enter doubles tournaments.|- That's why.
{67146}{67189}- They still looking for us?|- Yeah.
{67193}{67261}The bartender said they split up|into two search parties.
{67265}{67323}The herbivores and the carnivores.
{67356}{67438}You know, we, as a group,|are not the coolest.
{67443}{67487}Oh, look out.
{67646}{67726}- I don't think they saw us.|- I don't think they did.
{67891}{67988}So I started to tell you something earlier.
{68031}{68163}There was another reason that I realized|it was time to end
it with Joey.
{68168}{68291}I kind of realized I was starting|to have feelings...
{68296}{68348}...for someone else.
{68426}{68486}And can I ask who?
{68514}{68563}I think you know.
{68589}{68723}I think I know too, but I've been really|wrong about this
stuff in the past, so...
{69158}{69271}- I'm sorry, we can't.|- All right. All right.
{69277}{69363}I mean, you just went out|with my best friend, you know?
{69369}{69458}I just think it would be a really,|really bad idea.
{69546}{69617}Or not. I mean...
{70517}{70542}What?
{71854}{71878}[ENGLISH]

Season 9 Episode 24