Jewish Times

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Issue

‫י‬‫ר‬ ‫ז‬ ‫ת‬

‫מ‬ - ‫ע‬
‫ע‬ ‫ר‬ ‫ו‬ ‫צ‬
i s s a n
V u v N 2 0
C h o f 0 / 2 0
8

y 4 / 2
o n d a
M Cover design by Shaya Feller
 Editor’s note
We hope everyone had a
good week. The expanded
pesach issue got lots of
good responses. Thank
you so much!
Jewish Times Team

To be interviewed Click Here and fill out the form.

Peek at the week

And more…
Flyer by Aizik Gurevitz, Need a flyer for free? Email me at Aizikgjew@gmail.com.
 Announcements

Shout out to
Menachem Zev Herman
(MZ) on getting multiple
subscribers for
Jewish Times Magazine
Thank you MZ,
Jewish Times Team
Jewish Times Magazine got a new logo this
week created by Aizik Gurevitz. All logos that
say Jewish Times Magazine most probably
belong to us, we have more then one logo.
 Our magazine is easy print!

Instructions on how to print.

1. Press the Print button on the right corner.
2. Press More settings button on the bottom of the page.
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 Fan-Tastic Feedback
Feedback on our magazine!

Your expanded
Pesach issue was
really
EXPANDED!
- Shmuli G
Email your Fan-Tastic Feedback to
Jewishtimes770@gmail.com
Rebbe Story
By: Levi Gansburg
Dr Harold Serebro relates: him and his family were
close to Rabbi Bernhard, the Rabbi at the Oxford
synagogue of Johannesburg. One day, he came to my
office and had a pile of X-rays in his hand and said,
there’s a lady in the community, Mrs. Lavner, these
X-rays have been sent to the Rebbe, and the Rebbe says
that there cannot be an operation, so I said what’s the
problem? So he said nu, take a look. So I took a look,
and you could clearly see that there was cancer by the
kidneys, so I said that you can clearly see that there is
cancer by the right kidney, but the Rebbe said that we
shouldn’t do an operation. Her husband asked the Rebbe
what he should do, should she have an operation? But
the Rebbe insistently refused to recommend surgery. But
I said (Dr Harold Serebro) that with all due respect Rabbi,
but you cannot interfere with a medical care of a patient!
Rabbi Bernhard said well, we have to listen the Rebbe’s
word’s and if the Rebbe is telling us not to go ahead with
the operation, there must be a totally
 different reason why the Rebbe told us not to do it, So I
said let me look at the X-rays for a minute, I looked at the
X-rays, and realized that on the bottom of every paper
there was a name, Mrs. Van De Merwe. So I called Rabbi
Bernhard and asked is the lady’s name Mrs. Van De
Merwe? Rabbi Bernward said no, it’s Mrs. Lavner, so I said
but in the picture it says on the bottom Mrs. Van De Merwe.
So I called the doctor of the hospital that the IVP was
done, so I called and asked him, on this date, how many
IVP’s did you do? So he said 2, Mrs. Lavner and Mrs. Van
De Merwe. I said to him you got a serious problem, you’ve
taken Mrs. Van De Merwe’s x-rays, and gave them to Mrs.
Lavner, and Mrs. Lavner’s, to Mrs. Van De Merwe, so you
better switch them and put them in the right place. That’s
when I realized why the Rebbe said not to go ahead with
the operation.

THE END!
 Dvar Torah
Avremi Tenenboim
In this week’s Parsha we learn about the
Mitzvah of having a Bris at eight days old.
The first one to have a Bris at that age was
Yitzchak Avinu. Yitzchok means to laugh,
which is a synonym of being happy. The
Mitzvah of a Bris Mila must be done with
great joy and happiness-the father, the
Mohel, the Sandek, and all the participants.
It is one of the Mitzvos we have a special
meal for! Since Bris is the first Mitzva that
the boy does, it is the foundation Mitzva.
And since by the Bris we must be happy, we
should be happy by all Mitzvos, as it says
‘Ivdu es Hashem b’Simcha’, serve Hashem
with happiness. If we fulfill all Mitzvos
joyfully, it will surely bring the Geula and a
stop to Corona NOW!
 Interview With Winner…
Mendel Perlstein
In a spreadsheet

Thank you for your time Mendel Perlstein

 Finding A Way
A Serial By Moshe Mendelow.
Recap: Rabbi Greenberg gets a call from the bank, they
threaten to take away some of his belongings if the cost of the
renovations isn’t paid.

Rabbi greenberg was pacing by his desk wondering what he

should do.
Not only was the cost of the shul not paid but also the contract
was signed in his name.
Rabbi greenberg tried to think of ways to make money.
Fundraiser? No, Were already doing that it still won't be
enough!
Auction? No, no-one has enough money to bid over $1000
Sell unneeded things? Yes! That can work i can sell my antique
collection! and that's easily worth $10,000!
Wait no, the the cost is more like $400,000...
Well so much for that.
Nothing will work, we will to try to keep up as best as we can.

Even though it still won't be enough, we won't be able to

keep up at all!
We will need to do something that will make a bang!
A big bang!
I got it!
All of a sudden the phone started to ring, it was Mr. Bronstein
I should probably tell him now!

To be continued...
 News section
By: Moshe Mendelow

Is a Bronx Zoo Tiger Sick

With covid-19?
A tiger at the Bronx Zoo has been infected with the coronavirus, in what is
believed to be a case of what one official called “human-to-cat
transmission.”
“This is the first instance of a tiger being infected with Covid-19,” according
to the federal Agriculture Department, which noted that although only one
tiger was tested, the virus appeared to have infected other animals as well.
“Several lions and tigers at the zoo showed symptoms,” according to a
statement by the department. They are expected to recover.
It probably was given to the large cat by a zoo employee.
“That’s the assumption, that one of the keepers who was asymptomatic or
shedding the virus before they were sick was the source of the infection,”
Dr. Paul Calle, chief veterinarian at the Bronx Zoo said
While the zoo employees usually keep a distance from the animals, they
often come within a few feet of them but on the opposite side of the barrier.
The tiger, a 4-year-old Malayan tiger named Nadia, appeared visibly sick
by March 27.
Her sister Azul and two Amur tigers are also sick. They live in the zoo’s
Tiger Mountain enclosure. Another tiger that lives in the same place has
“not exhibited any clinical signs,” according to a statement by the zoo.
And zoos, unlike museums or Broadway theaters, cannot entirely shut
down. Animals still need to be cared for and checked on. Penguin chicks
might require help after they hatch. Captive tigers, alligators and grizzly
bears probably should not be by themselves in their enclosures.
 Gif
or Jif
Contest winner
So far the winner is...
Jif!
The score is
Jif:8 Gif:2

Click here to send in your answers!

Remember the contest is how it’s
pronounced not how it’s spelled!
 Absurd Rec ords
By Aizik Gurevitz

Longest time controlling a

soccer ball by foot while on the
roof of a moving car
— 93 seconds
Fun page!
By: Levi Gansburg
 Chol Hamoed Trip Winners
Winner
Meir Goldman
We rented a huge water slide
that we put in the back yard with our cousins.
Runner up 1
Menachem Zev Herman
Since our family can't go anywhere, we had another idea that we found
online. On this website we got an online escape room! Pretty much they
send you these boxes and you can look up things online, and you can go to
these different websites and you put in the codes. However you still have
to discover things in your box, like for example you have to unscramble
word and so on.

Runner up 2
Levi Gansburg
We had city scavenger hunt with our cousins. f.x.: find a
bird, graffiti, ECT. the winner, (which was our family) got
a 60$ gift card to Amazon.
 Other entries
Vita Cohen
My family and I had a lot of exercise and that included bike rides around
London , strolls and trampolining in the backyard, we also had a few cook
offs, as well as lots of cooking and baking generally, and massive dinners
each night, loads of activities and I actually made a crystal lamp, and we
watched loads of concerts including shwekey and hasc which would finish of
the end of every day.
Musia cohen
I went On a bike ride.
Yisroel Pressman
My chol hamoed was not so great because well you know
why... I stayed inside, I want on the computer or just my
book were like YouTube videos I was also very bored
everyone else (that I know of).
 Absurd Rec ords
By Levi Gansburg

Longest nails on a pair of hands and

was achieved by Lee Redmond and
her nails were 8.65 meters. (24 feet
and 4 inches)!
Optical illusions By Aizik Gurevitz

https://www.optics4kids.org/illusions
Diary?! Pesach Seder
By Aizik Gurevitz
C an you read this? Perfect you can read this so let’s
start and I can tell you about my Pesach! Well I should
probably tell you my name first, my name is Sroly and I
have 6 Siblings KA”H ok now we can get to the my Pesach
Seder. Here we go!
Pesach is over and I can write, well I want it to stay but
the food… ok so here's how my seder went. It was on the
first night of Pesach and it was Kadesh and you know
what that means the first cup of grape juice or for my
father, wine, Yum! Then a few minutes later it was Magid.
When Maggid stated all of the little kids were saying the
Ma Nishtana in their tired voice It felt like time stopped!
Magid was just going on and on! FOREVER! Then near the
end of Magid we had, I bet you know what, the second cup
of grape juice. By the end of that we drunk the second cup
I felt my stomach exploding! I’m alive.
Here we go Shulchan Orech. What's over their? Food, and
over their? Oh… more food, great as if my stomach isn't
filled with grape juice but I am hungry. There was not
much to eat, their was Matzah and chicken and that's
about it. I may have been really hungry and eat a lot of
Matzah. Ok so back to my Pesach Seder. What felt like a
million hours later it was Bayrach and guess what,
another cup of grape juice my stomach felt like it was
about to explode. Oh guess what, less than five minutes
later we had another cup of grape juice. Too much grape
juice! That night I discovered how much sugar is in grape
juice and it's a lot! I was up laying in my bed the whole
night not able to sleep for 2 reasons
A. Sugar from the grape juice and
B. Pesach food like Matzah can make your stomach hurt so much!
In short the lesson is that next year use water instead of
grape juice for the last two cups
(if that's even allowed:)).
I also learnt a new math equation it look like this
4 Cups of Grape Juice + Pesach food= A hurting stomach and
no sleep at all.
Leshana Haba B'Yerushalayim! Jewish Times Magazine
Jewish Times Magazine
Now has A
New Website!

To visit our new

website click Here.
The link is:
https://jewishtimes1.weebly.com/
 Jokes ‘N’ Riddles
by Levi Gansburg
Q: What’s the best thing about switzerland?
A: I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

Q: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

A: Because every play has a cast.

Q:What has 26 letters but only contains 3 syllables?

A: Alphabet.

Q: Why was the big cat eliminated from the race?

A: it was a big cheetah-er.

Q:What do you call somebody with no body and no nose?

A: Nobody knows.
 Fun Facts About…
Calculators
By Aizik Gurevitz

Numbers to letters
on a calculator
Just put in the numbers you want to
write the word and then flip over
your calculator and read it upside
down

The largest
0= O or D collection of
1= I electronic
3= E calculators belongs
to Gerhard Wenzel
4= h or a (Germany) and
5= S consists of 4,113
6= g or q items as of 7
September 2013 in
7= L Solingen, Germany.
8= B
9= g OR b

r s w ere
Some calculators
ula t o
give different Cal c
i n 1 642
answers then a
e n t ed
different inv
calculator
 SO TRUE
Your really down for no
reason and someone tells
you to cheer up...
 Riddles
By Levi Gansburg
I’m by the dinner table but you don’t eat me, what am
I?
Plates and silverware.
I sound like parrot, and I am bright orange with a
green top, what am I?
I am a carrot.
You can hear me, but not see or touch me, and you
control me. What am I?
Your voice.
A girl fell off a 20 foot ladder and she wasn’t hurt.
Why?
A: Because she fell off the bottom step.
Q:what do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.
Q: How does a penguin make an igloo?
A: He igloos it together.
 Riddle of the week
By Aizik Gurevitz

Riddle of The Week

I follow you all the time and
copy your every move, but
you can’t touch me or catch
me. What am I?

Last week’s riddle:

You answer me but I never ask
questions.
What am I?
A Phone
Shout out to Vita Cohen and Sheina Loewenthal
getting the answer correct!
 JOKES 4 U
By Aizik Gurevitz

The next 5
pages have 1-2
jokes a page.
Tell us your
favorite joke!

*No they are not original by Jewish Times Magazine

 Does anyone know how long
toilet paper lasts if you freeze
it? Oh.. um I’m just asking
for a friend!
What’s up?

The sky!

Really… I’ve been inside my

house for so long I don’t even
know if the sky is still up there*
LOL!

*This joke is 100% original.

Bored?
Names and profile picture were
removed for privacy purposes. But
these were not all the same
people.
I Got up this
morning and ran
around the block 5
times. Then I got
tired, so I picked up
the block and put it
back in the toy box.
What is the tallest
book in your city?
The library because it
has the most stories
 To all you people buying
all the toilet paper,
what are you going to do
when I have all of the
plungers?
 Chelm joke by Levi gansburg,
Joke title:
being happy over a jew being murdered?

In a small village in Poland, a terrifying rumor was

spreading: A Christian girl had been found
murdered.

Fearing retaliation, the Jewish community gathered

in the shul to plan whatever defensive actions were
possible under the circumstances.

Just as the emergency meeting was being called to

order, in ran the president of the synagogue, out of
breath and all excited. “Brothers,” he cried out, “I
have wonderful news! The murdered girl is
Jewish!”
 VS.
No this is not a contest

I think I'll
stick to the
original
type of
coke!
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Credits:
(Editor in Chief, Writer, Owner) Aizik Gurevitz
(Editor, Writer) Shaya Feller 38
(Editor, Writer) Moshe Mendelow
Contact The Editors
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Jewish Times Parshas
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