Dear Liz,

I like my job but I'm having problems with my manager, "Brian."

Brian is super smart. I could never criticize his subject matter expertise or his intelligence. He goes to
a lot of meetings with the top executives and he has a great reputation with that group.

The problem with Brian is that if he isn't in a meeting, Brian spends his day hunched over his
computer, working. He doesn't talk to anybody. He hates to be bothered. He hates to have to do the
manager part of his job, but he supervises the IT department. He has 12 employees.

He loves coding. That's what he wants to do. He loves to create custom reports for the executives.
He hates to talk to his employees and avoids conversation with us.

Brian has never called a meeting as long as I've been in the department (14 months). Last year at my
annual review, he said, "I hate these meetings!" in an angry voice just as we sat down.

I said, "Brian, I already got my 3.4% raise. If you prefer, we don't have to walk through my
performance review. We can just talk about my 2018 plan. I don't care that much about the
performance feedback stuff and the numeric ratings."

Brian said, "You think I want to do this? I don't. I have to."

I said, "You can send me the performance review form and your comments."

He said, "No, if I have to sit through one of these things, so do you." I sat there. He gave me high
marks in the important categories and a few average marks that I think he threw in just to justify my
unexciting pay raise. Apart from that one review meeting which was horrible, Brian has never given
me any feedback at all. He has never praised or criticized me. I don't think he knows my role, what I
care about, how I think or what I want in my career. He has never asked for my opinion. He has
never asked for any employee's opinion and he has no relationship with any of us. He hides out from
us. If Brian had a private office, we would never see him.

We're afraid to bother Brian. We tiptoe around him. He's not a jerk but he's not in the right position,
either. He's very smart technically but he has no ability or, I guess, desire to interact with his team.
Two people have left since I started here and three others are job-hunting. Brian constantly
complains about how he can't keep people in the department, but he's clueless about his part in that
problem. I want to do something about the "Brian problem" rather than just quit. If I transfer
internally, I have to get Brian's blessing. That's how our company works. He wouldn't want to lose
me but I'm sure he'd rather lose me to another department than to another employer.

Ironically, without any feedback from Brian I still know the company values me. I've heard other
managers praising me and I heard our VP telling Brian "Hang onto Amelia, she's a godsend!". That
kind of feedback would never make it back to me through Brian, of course.

What should I do?

Thanks Liz,

Amelia
Dear Amelia,

Brian may not have chosen his uncommunicative style. He may have a preference for coding over
conversation because he struggles with the kind of interaction you want from your manager.

Brian sounds like a guy who should be in a senior technical role, not a management role. It's sad to
see good employees leaving your company while Brian's higher-up managers remain clueless to the
lack of fit between the IT leadership role and Brian's skill set. It's a shame that all of you are stuck in
a frustrating situation when it would be so easy to get Brian into a role where he would be happier
and so would the employees who currently report to him.

If you are going to leave the company if you can't transfer internally, then you have nothing to lose
by exploring options inside and outside of your organization at the same time. Start an external job
search. When your job search engine is up and running, begin looking at internal opportunities.
Begin telling managers you trust that you are open to changing roles. When you are ready, ask Brian
for a one-on-one meeting. Tell him that you're very glad to have learned all the things you've
learned from him, and that you respect him as a subject matter expert. Tell him that it's time for you
to change roles and you would like his support in moving to another department where you can
have a more collaborative relationship with your boss. Brian may prefer to champion you in
changing departments to changing his management style to suit you. You can tell Brian the truth
about your reason for leaving the department. You can tell him that you think he's an amazing
technical whiz but not the most contented IT manager you've ever met. The more truth you tell
Brian and other company leaders, the more other people will begin to acknowledge and eventually
to speak their truths, too. Your secret leadership void is not much of a secret. It's just that so far,
nobody has been talking about it.

Folks like Brian get stuck in inappropriate leadership roles all the time. Because Brian does a great
job presenting to the leadership team and because your team produces great work, few managers
may suspect that your department lacks a chief.

Here are ten signs that someone is a manager, but not a leader:

1. The boss has good ideas but they don't ask for your input. They lay new plans on you instead of
working with their team to produce an even better plan.

2. They communicate in writing about topics that should be discussed one-on-one or in a group.

3. They think about the work to be completed, but they don't think about developing their
employees or creating a fantastic culture in the department. They may not realize that department
culture is a thing, much less a critical thing!

4. They find it easier to tell people what to do than to ask them "What do you think we should do?"

5. If you asked the boss-but-not-a-leader how a certain employee is doing, they'd say "That person
hit their goals this month so I guess they're doing okay." They don't know how their employees are
doing. They aren't tuned into their employees' needs, feelings, challenges, triumphs and goals.

6. They give instructions or orders, but they don't ask employees "How do you think we should hit
the goal?" They make it hard for team members to share their opinions.

7. They don't see the point in acknowledging people for their contributions. They may say "It's a job
-- I'm not going to thank people for doing their jobs!"
8. They see their employees' obligations to them and to the firm. They don't see their obligation to
their employees.

9. They ignore or look down their nose at "touchy-feeling" things like discussing sticky topics at a
staff meeting (sticky topics could include confusion over roles, group norms and expectations, stalled
communications or stress on the team). Even in a crisis -- for instance, a key employee walking off
the job never to return -- the boss-not-a-leader will say "You guys handle it. We don't need to talk
about that."

10. They do not have a vision for the department or for themselves. How can anyone be a leader
without a vision?

There are plenty of non-leaders in leadership roles but we can't blame them for being there.
Somebody said "Want to be a manager? The job pays more and you have more authority" and they
said "Okay." We all have the choice to continue working for someone who's in a leadership role but
not leading, or to look for something better.

I predict that you'll do brilliantly moving up and out of your role either inside your organization or
someplace new. I predict that Brian will do fine, too. He cannot hide out forever. Somebody will put
two and two together or some departing employee will spill the beans and things will shift. You don't
have to be there to see it happen!

All the best to both of you,

Liz