Professional Documents
Culture Documents
101 Cheesy Baseball Jokes ... That You'll Laugh at Anyway
101 Cheesy Baseball Jokes ... That You'll Laugh at Anyway
101 Cheesy Baseball Jokes ... That You'll Laugh at Anyway
1. I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
5. The reason baseball games are at night is because bats sleep during the day.
9. If you sing while playing baseball you may not get a good pitch.
12. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?
Forget it. It’s way over your head.
13. What’s the difference between a rain barrel and a bad fielder?
One catches drops and the other drops catches.
14. I like baseball so much more than football. It’s just a batter game.
15. It was so foggy today that the Cubs couldn't even see who was beating them.
18. You might be a diamond nerd if you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner
are, "Play Ball."
20. What Do You Get When You Cross A Tree With A Baseball Player?
Babe Root.
26. Did you hear the joke about the fast pitch?
Forget it. You just missed it.
27. Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?
Forget it. It’s way over your head.
28. What’s the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog?
You can buy a Yankee hot dog in October.
29. Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base?
From second to third base, because there is a shortstop in the middle.
30. Bob didn’t believe that Fred’s dog could talk. So Fred asked his dog, “What’s on top of a
house?”…“Roof,” the dog barked. Bob wasn’t convinced. So Fred asked the dog how
sandpaper feels….“Rough.” He still wasn’t convinced. “O.K., who was the greatest
baseball player of all time?” Fred asked the dog….“Ruth.” With that, Bob walked away,
shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: “Should I have said
Gehrig?”
32. A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk
with him. “I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the pitcher. “You always lose control at
the same point in every game.” “When is that?” “Right after the national anthem.”
33. What would you get if you crossed a pitcher and the Invisible Man?
Pitching like no one has ever seen.
37. Why do we sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ when we’re already there?
40. A book never written: “How to Be a Better Baseball Player” by Ben Schwarmer.
43. What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster?
A double header.
46. A book never written: “The Quickest Baseball Game” by Earl E. Wynn.
47. Why did the baseball player shut down his website?
He wasn’t getting any hits.
48. What does a ballplayer do when his eyesight starts going bad?
He gets a job as an umpire.
50. A man leaves home, makes a left turn, makes another left, then another left turn and
goes home again. When he gets home there are two men wearing masks waiting for
him. Who are they?
The catcher and the umpire.
51. Why did the baseball player bring a pacifier to the game?
He wanted to play like the Babe.
53. Manager: Our new infielder cost $10 million. I call him our “Wonder Player.”
Every time he plays, I wonder why I bothered to get him.
55. What is the difference between a boy who is late for dinner and a baseball hit over the
fence?
One runs home and the other is a home run.
56. Why are baseball players so rich?
Because they play on diamonds.
58. How can you pitch a winning baseball game without throwing a ball?
Only throw strikes.
59. If a basketball team were chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?
Five after nine.
61. Did you hear the joke about your pitching style?
Never mind. It’s foul.
62. Two guys are walking down a street in hell when it begins to snow. One guy looks up at
it and says, “Well, it finally happened. The Cubs just won the World Series.”
64. What goes all the way around a baseball field but never moves?
The fence.
65. You are locked inside a car with nothing but a baseball bat. How do you get out?
Unlock the door.
66. Why couldn’t the fans get soda pop at the double header?
Because the home team lost the opener.
67. There once was a pitcher so bad, the crowd started singing, “Take Him Out of The Ball
Game!”.
68. One hit struck a chicken… Now that was a real “fowl ball!”
69. What do you get if you cross a lizard with a baseball player?
An outfielder who catches flies with his tongue.
70. Little League Vampire: Dad, what’s the best way to hold a bat?
Father Vampire: By the wings, son.
71. Why was the mummy sent into the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew, once he sent the mummy in the game would be all
wrapped up.
72. One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed,
“”Very well. But you realize that we’ve got all the good players, Babe Ruth, Mickey
Mantle, and the best coaches.” The devil snickered, “I know, and that’s all right, We’ve
got all the umpires.”
73. What do you get when you cross a baseball pitcher with a carpet?
A throw rug.
75. A baseball scout found a remarkable prospect -- a horse who was a pretty good fielder
and who hit the ball every time he was up at bat. The scout got him a tryout with a big
league team. Up at bat, the horse slammed the ball into far left field and stood at the
plate, watching it go. “Run!” the manager screamed, “Run!” “Are you kidding?” answered
the horse. “If I could run, I’d be in the Kentucky Derby.”
87. A teacher asks her students if they’re Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for
one student. “Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?” ”The Red Sox.”
“Why’s that?” “Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I’m a Red Sox fan too.”
“That’s not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a
moron too?”
“No, that would make me a Yankees fan!”
89. Two baseball teams play a game. The home team ends up winning, but not a single man
from either team has touched a base. How can this be?
The teams were all-women.
90. Why do you need to take a baseball player with you when you go camping?
To pitch the tent.
94. What are the best kind of stockings for baseball players to wear?
Stockings with runs in them.
101. Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd base, or from 2nd base to 3rd base?
2nd to 3rd because there is a short stop in the middle.