The Key to Morality

I have always been afraid of what people think of me.

The​ Mortal Instruments​ is a series of six fantasy books, which were published in May of 2014 by
Cassandra Clare. The franchise was an instant success and sold over 24 million copies
worldwide. They had merchandise including makeup, steles, shirts, and perfumes. After, they
released a movie and a TV show inspired by the books. The movie earned 14 million dollars on
the first weekend and a total of 95.3 million dollars. The TV show was an even bigger success
as fans raised 13,000 dollars in order to save the show from being canceled.

The Mortal Instruments ​showcased Clary’s road to being a shadow hunter, her struggles,
moments of pride and many others. Clary Fray’s life changed as soon as her eyes showed her
the killing of a demon by shadow hunters. Her eyes led her to find out about her connection to
being a shadow hunter. Her eyes also led her to become friends with several shadow hunters,
Jace, Isabelle, Alec, and Magnus.

I have found myself sending quotes and screen-caps from the books to all my friends. My
camera roll filled up like a raft of wind and shaft of sunshine. Clary taught me to be more aware
of my surroundings.

Clary, the heroine, had her life change by what she saw. She saved the world from demons
multiple times. Clary becomes more comfortable in her role of being a shadow hunter, although,
her life’s puzzle wasn’t completed as she went through many hardships. Her mom being
kidnapped, Simon, her mundane best friend, turning into a vampire, she loses Jace a lot (a lot)
and she finds out she has a half-demon brother.

I am fascinated with Clary’s ability to remain a marvelous human being and still save the world.
Clary had the pressure of being a hero and saving the universe. Jace, Isabelle, Alec, and
Magnus never left her side even in failure and loved her regardless. Clary is probably one of
fantasy’s strongest heroines. She is kind, strong, brave, and loyal. Reading the mortal
instruments at a young age, I learned to become like Clary. Although this may be frowned upon,
it has really helped my younger self endow confidence and learn how to be strong.

I consider myself to be a metaphorical shadow hunter. I am not literally fighting demons

however I was fighting the figurative demons and struggles in my life. I continued on my path
just like Clary. I had to jump the obstacles like a goldfish trying to cross the sea filled with
sharks.

I’ve always struggled with making friends. My hands get clammy when I’m having a
conversation and I feel like I don’t need to be there and leave. My head is like a house with way
too many rooms. I express myself in weird ways. Locked in my immense emotions, I either feel
like a heavy rock that clings to a person or like concrete and feel stepped on.
I had a friend who left.

Her memory still daunts me and feels heavy. She was one of my closest friends and I trusted
her. Meeting her swept me off my feet, as she was my first real friend. We were like the
completion of each other. Our relationship was very similar to Anna and Hans’s as she made
me happier than the sun on a summer day. She read me like a book and knew everything about
me, she lived by me and she carried me like a Kangaroo comforts his son or daughter in his
pouch. My happiness reached the highest level in the game of life.

But then she left. Not like when your teacher leaves class to talk to someone. However, like a
wife loses her husband. She became the ghost in my life. Her voice echoed in my head. Clary’s
Prabatai, which are warriors who are bound together by an oath, was Simon and she was mine.
When one half of a Prabatai dies, a part of the other half shuts off. I had lost my Parabatai. I lost
a part of myself, forever.

I looked for someone who looked like her. Tall about 5’7, tan, curly hair, had a brother, born in
February. Which I now realize is impossible, however, my mind needed that. Needed her. I lost
my trust in humanity.

Moving to another country. Just like Clary moved to the shadow world. New friends. Just like
Clary made new friends.

I had a friend who wrapped me around her finger like a band-aid.

For the first time, since my previous friendship, I felt like I became best friends with Clary.
Obviously, I was ecstatic. She was the pin that got me out of the bubble I created as a barrier
from the outside world. Her humor lit up the room and surprisingly brought me back to life. It
wasn’t easy letting her into my life as it led to sleepless nights of predictions and worries. I let
her in because a plant needs to grow and heal.

In what felt like ages, I was happy, proud ecstatic and any adjective that translates into
happiness. She didn’t have the signs that I told myself to look out for. Her presence made my
muscles and bones calm and airy. Her jokes drew the biggest real smile on my face. I finally
made it. A friend like Simon, Jace, Alec, Magnus, and Isabelle. A Prabatai. A friend. A real
friend.

Crying, crying and more crying, is all I remember. Laying on my mother’s warm and comforting,
lap crying. I was lied to. Someone manipulated me. Was I an easy target because of my weak
personality? I was heavier than the whole universe combined.

I sat in my dull room covering myself, protecting myself from this gnarly world. I remember her
laugh. Her loud contagious laugh when I told her something funny, or when she did something
stupid. Her sad face when I told her about my other friends. Her promises. Her “Did you die”
when I didn’t reply to her messages in more than a second. Her support. Her questions. Her
last-minute decisions.

Brain mapping studies show that love is similar to an addiction. The brain reacts similarly to the
loss of love that it does withdrawals from a drug. Passionate craving, obsessive thoughts,
separation anxiety, reality distortion and loss of control are emblems of withdrawal from both
substances and love. (The Anatomy of Love)
 
Clary once said “ Heroes aren’t always the ones who win. They’re the ones who lose
sometimes. But they keep fighting, they keep coming back. They don’t give up. That’s what
makes them heroes” I lived by this motto the second time around. But, this time it seemed as
impossible as me becoming a billionaire in an hour.

I still saw her around the school’s hallways. I still heard her obnoxious laugh. I still wanted to
laugh. But, I couldn’t. I was an experiment, a method to become closer to people I know. A
placeholder until she found someone better. A sub in her game of friendship and in every game
someone wins while the other loses. If you don’t know the rules you’ll probably lose. Just like I
did.

Since these relationships, I have met a friend that makes me happier than both of these people
combined. It was like we were destined to meet and be friends. Just like Clary, I kept fighting, I
kept coming back.

Today, this caused me to be afraid of what people think about me. I don’t open up to anyone in
fear of being hurt again. I am like a human porcupine that’s incredibly afraid of letting people in.
Into the surface layer of my ocean, people can swim however only the rarity of humans make it
into the deep depth of my sea.

As I read through the Mortal Instruments, I was struck by the intense traumas the characters
have gone through. Although the human world doesn’t include demons, vampires and shadow
hunters. The world has versions of these individuals living in them. Clary outgrew all the
segregation she went through because she lived a mortal life for so long and then quickly turned
a shadow hunter and many others didn’t like that.

My life as a metaphorical shadow hunter included the search for the mortal instruments and
that search requires blood, sweat and a lot of tears. My search might be over, but if it isn’t, I’m
ready to do it all again as this new me. I now realize that I grew up playing a version of myself
that sacrifices authenticity to minimize humiliation and prejudice. I now have to unpick which
parts of myself are truly me and which parts I’ve created to protect me. It's the same me: a
fusion of blonde and brown hair, hazel eyes, warm skin, small hands, big feet, it’s the updated
version of me.
Work Cited:
Fritscher, Lisa “The Science of Heartbreak.” ​The Anatomy Of Love​, 24 Feb. 2016,”
Vineyard, Jennifer. “Your Guide to Understanding The Mortal Instruments.” ​Vulture​,
Vulture, 21 Aug. 2013”
“Clary Fairchild.” ​The Shadowhunters' Wiki”
“The Mortal Instruments.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 6 Jan. 2020,
Clare, Cassandra. Mortal Instruments. Margaret K. McElderry Books, 2012.