Compassionate

Letter Writing
Although we can be kind and caring
towards others we often neglect having
that same gentleness in how we approach
ourselves. One way to develop this skill is
by writing a letter to oneself. This can
be done by taking the perspective of ‘I’
or by imagining a friend is writing to you in support of a difficult
time you are experiencing.

Before you begin your letter take some time to relax first. Sit
quietly, close your eyes and focus on your breath going in and out.
Notice the noises around you, the texture of your seat and the smell
of your surroundings. After a few minutes come back to your breath
and notice it going in and out again.

Once you have completed the relaxation exercise, form in your mind
an ideal image of your kind self…. the self you have for others when
they were in need of support. Image how your tone of voice,
mannerisms and expression on your face would be as that ideal
compassionate, kind, loving and non-judgemental person. Now, as you
write your letter, access that part of yourself that gives
understanding and compassion to others when they have sought your
help. Use your imaged ideal kind self to guide you in what to say. If
negative thoughts come up, just observe these, then, refocus back
to your writing task. During your letter writing if you feel yourself
getting distressed take some time out or redo the relaxation
exercise again. However, keep in mind there is no right or wrong way
to feel and this is an exercise just in accepting your feelings and
having kindness toward them no matter what they are.

Jay Welly 1
When you write your letter try to show care and concern for
yourself. Try not to be critical, judgemental or dictate to yourself
what you ‘should’ do but rather show sensitivity and warmth. Help
yourself to understand how your feelings came about and the
difficulties you have faced. Congratulate yourself on your bravery
and the things you have been able to achieve.

Letter Example

‘Dear Suzi,

I heard things haven’t been going so well for you lately. It must be
really hard for you so I understand perfectly that you might not
want to see anyone. These sorts of problems really affect your
confidence and make it hard for you to face the day. We’ve talked a
lot over the years, so I know how difficult it has been for you with
all that has happened in your childhood. However, I’ve seen how
bravely and courageously you have approached your life even with
these complications. There are lots of poor choices you could have
taken in your life but didn’t. I’m saying this because I’ve seen you be
very critical of yourself and I hope you realise that you have many
positives attributes. ……’

Feeding a Painful Wolf or a Compassionate Heart

A Native American grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt.
He said, “I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the
vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one.”
The grandson asked him, ‘Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?” The
grandfather answered, “The one I feed.

Jay Welly 2