THE PROBLEMS OF BEING IN A MILITARY FAMILY

The problems of being in a military family

Joey Murphy

The University of Texas at El Paso

April 8th, 2020

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Having a life in the military seems to be mainly rewarding isn’t it? Your education is paid

more, more money is given, and you get a lot of traveling experiences. The only downsides are

the training and moving away from certain friends and family right? Well, not exactly. Just like

there are a lot of ups from this lifestyle, there are plenty of downs as well. Many people in the

world focus more on seeing all of the positives of military life that they do not see a lot of the

negatives as well. What hurts even more is that many people overlook the problems these people

in the military lifestyle are not given the help needed and resort to unfortunate solutions. Being

in the military is not as easy many people see it as and it not only affects you but your family as

well.

A lot of people see traveling around as a possible negative because you have to move away

from home and leave away from any friends and family. While this is true, there is a lot more

damage that this does to someone's physical and mental life. In the military, there will be times

that you will need to move around in different parts of the world. This process can happen every

few years depending on the orders given. It also means that there is a need to change or adapt to

a new lifestyle for the person and their family. These changes can be from finding a new job,

starting new at school, or even socializing. The worst part is that many families have to obey the

different rules and ways of life that are given from the military's contract. An author by the name

of Sylvia Engdahl writes an article called “Introduction to Military Families: Current

Controversies” talking more about the situation. She states how new places are required for

change in living ways on and outside of base, “Some family members enjoy the sense of

community this provides, while others find it uncomfortably restrictive. Either way, they are

bound by it ” (Engdahl 2014). This leads to the conclusion the families need to adjust to their
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new lifestyle since the military requires them to do so. As a personal reference, I have to say that

this statement is completely true. When my family and I were ordered in other parts of the world

like Italy or Japan, we had to respect and obey the new rules given when living on base or how a

different culture works. However, this does not include inside a family’s homes. Another issue

with this problem is families would have to leave friends and families behind with little to no

chance of seeing them again in their lives. The chances of a family seeing other parts of their

family again are likely with some time needed, however, this can not be said much with friends

made along in their travels. Most friends that are discovered in new homes stay in contact

through social media and can be sometimes forgotten. Unless a person’s friends are very close

and can meet up again later on in life, there are very few to no occasions of meeting those groups

of friends again. Another traveling problem has to do with deployment, where the active duty

member will leave for months while their families worry about that person’s safety. This event

happens a few times in every military member’s career and can miss out on a lot of events with

their families while they are away. With all of the traveling, it leads to another problem that most

families face when moving away from their homes: money.

Mostly every military will face financial problems sooner or later in their lives just like

everyone else. However, they are in more of a deeper hole depending on their living status. In the

article “Military families say this is their top concern”, one of the main points is how “financial

concerns weigh on them more than deployment” (Epperson 2019). According to the website’s

research, it also suggests that “Nearly 9 in 10 active service members and 84% of spouses or

partners have worries about personal finances,” (NFCC 2019). They also mention how

“Roughly 3 in 10 spouses or partners of service members said they do not pay their bills on time
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and about 1 in 10 said they currently have debts in collection, according to the survey” (NFCC

2019). This is caused by how many families are not really prepared for emergencies in the future

and will reduce their debt to grow bigger because of the lack of money. The article uses U.S

Army Sergeant Eric Wanner and his wife Jane as an example of a family who is struggling with

many problems. They have said to travel around four times within the past 12 years, which has

caused them housing finances and other needs that they have. Mrs. Wanner even gives an

example by saying “When we came back from overseas we had to rent a car for two months

while we waited for our other car to get shipped...That was a massive expense”(Wanner 2019).

When a family is living out of the states, it is extremely difficult due to how urban they are and

how far from home. Even though there are resources that can help families during these

situations, it still will not help them knowing the fact that most of the help they could have is not

with them. As more financial problems pile on military families, it starts to lead into the cases of

becoming stressed out and lead to a worse state of mind.

During a Military member’s time in the military, there are many possibilities that they or their

family can develop some sort of mental problems that can be treated or get worse over time.

These mental issues can be as small as stress but can lead to worse results like suicide. There are

many ways a family can start developing these problems such as deployment, moving,

loneliness, and many more little things that can be help triggered. For the veterans themselves,

they can form stress from either training, moving, war, or being away from family. Author Bryan

Reynolds of the news article “PTSD potentially a life and death struggle for veterans” tells the

story of how Staff Sergeant Benjamin Hovest was mentally affected by his time in the military.

When joining the army after 9/11, Hovest was sent to Iraq two times from 2002 to 2003 and in
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2006. Once returning from his deployments, he started to develop PTSD. His family noticed his

sudden changed and even talked about committing suicide, which lead to him talking to his

veterans group for certain help. Sadly after 13 years of suffering from PTSD, Hovest arranged

everything for his funeral and shot himself in a deserted alley on June 5, 2016. Studies from VA

Claims Insider in their site “VA Disability Rating for PTSD in 2020” show that “Presently,

1,039,794 veterans out of 4,743,108 VA compensation recipients have a VA rating for PTSD.

Thus, 21.9% of all disabled veterans receiving disability compensation from the VA have a

service-connected rating for PTSD of 0% or higher” (VA Claims Insider, 2020). Even though

this rating does not seem that high, it is still a frightening number of people who have PTSD and

either get better or worse as time goes by. Veterans that have PTSD are not only put in situations

where they are dysfunctional to themselves, but to their families as well. Not only do veterans

have the most chances of developing mental problems, but their spouses as well. As a spouse is

moved away or left alone while their partner is gone, that person is left with the responsibilities

of dealing with family and other duties around the house. When my father was gone from

deployment, my mother had the tasks of not only taking care of me when I was little but my

younger sibling as well. During the eight to nine months away, she dealt with raising two young

kids, going to work, paying bills, and other duties as a single mother at the moment. She told me

how she was so stressed with all of these responsibilities and often cried because of how hard it

was. My mother even admitted to being depressed during the time as my father left due to orders.

However, she was able to get the help and comfort needed from friends, family, and my father

once he returned. Many spouses do not really get the help they need and resort to other ways to

“calm their stress”. Many spouses, either from home or away, turn to alcohol and drugs for

“comfort”. Author Jena Hilliard did a research of 405 spouses who have at least one child, which
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makes up a third of the military population, in her article “New Study Shows Depression and

Binge Drinking Is More Common Among Military Spouses”.As the results came in, she reported

that “Researchers found that 7% of military partners met the criteria for clinical depression,

compared to only 3% of women from the general population. Additionally, 9.7% of military

spouses reported episodes of weekly or daily binge drinking, compared to that of 8.9% from the

general population” (Hilliard, 2019). Researcher Jeffrey Juergens talks about how “At least 30%-

40% of alcoholics also experience a depressive disorder” (Juergens, 2019) in the article “Alcohol

and Depression”. This usually leads to conflict in the family and can lead to deep depression and

addiction. Most of the time those spouses who are into depression and addiction result in states

of no coming back from help and even suicidal acts. While parents are able to develop these

problems, military brats are also capable of obtaining them as well. While a child is brought into

a new home, they are forced to start over from their social life outside and inside of school. As a

military child myself, I have had to start over multiple times from the places I lived in. Most of

the time it was challenging being the new kid, other times it was kind of easy since there were

problems with who were through what I have been through or liked me from the start. When my

father was gone from deployment I was a bit upset at first, but we managed to still keep a close

relationship through calling. Other kids do not have that opportunity and start to stress out about

fitting in and worry about their parents, which can also lead to depression. Most kids will even

stay distant from their families and blame them for their problems. Author Carla Olivo

interviewed a spouse named Carrie in her article “The downside to life as a military brat” about

how her kids were during her absence. Carrie reports that “One was suicidal at age ten when

[she] was deployed for a third time to Iraq, and then again while [she] was on [her] fourth

deployment." This mom remembers her youngest "hated [her] after [she] returned from
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Afghanistan"(Olivo, 2019). The next step for children like this is to cause mischief and use

alcohol/drugs. Worst case scenario is that these children will even begin suicidal thoughts even

when there are many resources that are given to help them. Dan Rabb writes in his article “A

Lesser-Known Group At Risk of Suicide—Children of Servicemembers” how

“While only a small fraction of military kids attend DOD-run high schools—roughly 12,694,

which includes students in DOD schools overseas—DODEA provides funding for programs

intended to lower risk factors for the children of service members in certain military-heavy

school districts” (Rabb, 2019). Even for adults there are resources to help them out but, they

either take that type of help or they do not. Main point is that no matter whoever or the age of a

military family member, they can develop mental problems that can worsen over time.

People believe that a military family is super easy and do not realise most of the problems that

they face in their career. They also are not given the help they need at times and their issues can

get overwhelmed and go into wrong decisions. Whether it be from traveling, money, or mental

problems, they go through so much and are not seen for their sacrifices. While I am not saying

that being in the military is a completely bad idea, I just want to inform people about some of the

risks that military families make and should be helped when they see they are in need. If you see

someone who is in the military and are stressed out, it is best to confront them and give them the

assistance they require so that way they feel welcomed and do not resort to any drastic measures.
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Resources Cited:

● Dickler, J., Epperson, S.,Young, K. (2019, May 25th). Military families say this is their
top concern. Retrieved from https://www.cnbc.com/2019/05/24/for-military-families-
financial-concerns-outweigh-deployment-issues.html
● Engdahl, S. (2014). Introduction to Military Families: Current Controversies. (2014).
Current Controversies. Military Families. Farmington Hills, MI: Greenhaven Press.
Retrieved from https://0-link-gale-com.lib.utep.edu/apps/doc/EJ3010905101/OVIC?
u=txshracd2603&sid=OVIC&xid=5e36f1e6
● Hilliard, J. (2019, November 21th). New study shows depression and binge drinking is
more common among military spouses. Retrieved from
https://www.addictioncenter.com/news/2019/10/depression-binge-drinking-military-
spouses/
● Juergens, J. (2019, December 5th). Alcohol and depression. Retrieved from
https://www.addictioncenter.com/alcohol/alcohol-depression/
● Olivo, C. (2019, September 30th). The downside to life as a military brat. Retrieved from
https://taskandpurpose.com/pcsgrades/the-downside-to-life-as-a-military-brat
● Rabb, D. (2019, April 15th). A lesser-known group at risk of suicide—children of
servicemembers. Retrieved from https://thewarhorse.org/a-lesser-known-group-at-risk-
of-suicide-children-of-servicemembers/
● Reynolds, B. (2018, May 27th). PTSD potentially a life and death struggle for veterans.
Lima News, The (OH). Retrieved from https://www.limaohio.com/news/302169/ptsd-
potentially-a-life-and-death-struggle-for-veterans
● VA Claims Insider. (2020). VA disability ratings for PTSD in 2020. Retrieved from
https://vaclaimsinsider.com/va-disability-rating-for-ptsd-in-2020/