The way of loneliness

He was sitting on the terrace and was looking

towards the flourished trees, towards the infinite blue
sky when a hoarse voice made him wince. It was
again him, the man who gave him useful advice
every time he needed, taught him to respect, to
admire, and love. He taught him that, to understand
life, he had to look deeply into ‘her’ depths; he had
to try to discover them from ‘her’ mystery.
Albert is that boy, who is looking for peace
immersing him in memories, contemplating, and
philosophy on life. His grandfather is the only who
understands his perplexities. They spend many
evenings together troubleshooting memories,
admiring what nature, life and God can offer them.
Fericirea este singurul fenomen spre care aspira.
Fericirea deplina niciodata, pentru ca pentru el viata
inseamna ore intregi de cugetat sau zile de-a randul
de asternut pe hartie randuri fara noima unite in final
prin idea de efemeritate.
Nature is the ideal place to complete his ideas
aroused from a child’s heart. He likes writing about
what he wants to have: friends, happiness, and
fulfillment.
Today, his grandfather’s good humor makes him
believe that his place is not on that terrace where
they meet daily. He feels his mind too dark and he
wants only tranquility. Of course it follows now, from
his grandfather, the story of funny moments from an
entire life spent with his family, his children and his
nephews.
Sometimes, grandpa tells him about death and
this is scaring to him, but at the same time this
determinates him to roll his eyes on this part that,
fara voia noastra makes part from what we call
“world’.
“In the pursuit of happiness”, “On the brink of
happiness”, “We love life; instead we receive
contempt” are just some of the works he wrote. Now,
these works are read by him to remember the times
past where he discovered answers more easily. He is
now on a permanent confusion; murky looks are
shone on him when he tries to write. He feels germ
by the past’s shadows, that past that left scars on his
life. There were moments when the fun with his
friends brought him on the pedestal of an abstruse
happiness.
“I was happy or was it only a sensation? Or
maybe happiness can be defined as a short time
sensation, rapture, smile that is disappearing so
rapidly that I can’t feel nearby me? …”
Because in his mind there are so many questions
about what “to live” means, Albert tries to discover
their solutions daily walking in places where he can
be alone, away from his grandfather’s hoarse voice
or his friends’ screams of joy.
Now, he is on the bank of the river that is
crossing the village and he is looking through the
water that shall continue its way. The murmur of
water is chilling him. On the river’s bank there are
pieces of ice and this determinates him to feel his
hands live and his temples throbbing with power. He
is looking at the trees, analyzing every movement,
feeling the wind on his skin, living moments of
tranquility loving this very much. These are
unforgettable moments and for Albert this dream is
the only he wants for ever. Being in a continuous
meditation, feeling this silence in nature every
moment, noting, making observations, smiling when
the sun is rising, crying with the rain or singing with
the birds; all these represent the ideal moments for
him to find the only moments of happiness.
There are days when he feels alone or days
when he wants only the company of the old man who
took care of him all the time. It is something
abnormal for an adolescent to find the best
alleviation in an old man’s words, but Albert feels
that little part of happiness with him. Albert spends
whole days with him…
He defines life and the appropriate definition for
this is “everything”. Everything means the morning
when the scorching sun bathes his face, the old
man’s smile, and the moments spent at school; the
most important, life means creation to him, it means
order of letters, it means pages where
exteriorizations of the feelings he lives at different
times can be found. For him, life is loneliness – an
overwhelming loneliness which he can now put in
endless pages. His life from the past will be also his
future life in his dream.
He’s roaming on the deserted streets at night
only to find the appropriate place for a moment in
which he will create – a night when he’ll write what
he felt, what he viewed, what he wanted to view.
He’s deeply impressed by the image lying in front of
him that is so normal – darkness, tall trees only
flourished, a bank where he could take a rest and
dozens of homes. Today he has not spoken to his
grandpa and he is feeling impatient; privirea a ramas
atintita spre casa lui vazuta destul de mica de acolo.
He is writing now… He’s writing whole pages and he
feels proud for this; this is his only work that can be
appreciated by others. Grandpa likes to hear his
stories.
Sometimes he talks about love in his works; he
found this feeling and he wants to find all its sides.
He felt capable of deep feelings; he felt that he can
offer everything for some moments of happiness. He
gave up everything for love: his belief, he left the veil
taken by passion and he remained alone.
“I loved, so I felt that I was living!”
He loves his life and the only few moments when
he feels happy. Din acea noapte a scapat cu greu.
The next day, he takes his usual place on the
seat and he’s waiting for his grandpa to appear. He
misses his voice and his sweet words. Now, they’re
talking more than usual. How many smiles, how
many playful looks and Albert…what life in loneliness
Albert has …
Time passes without looking at what it leaves
behind. Time is responsible for what Albert lives, but
especially for what he lived and he can’t have
anymore. The same time is responsible for the death
of Albert’s grandpa. He avoids talking about death
but he knows that this is an imminent phenomenon
and it will appear/occur soon. He tried to talk about
death in one of his works. For him, death is the
phenomenon that appears suddenly and steals
everything from you. He couldn’t believe that he
would find that part soon but now, on the terrace, he
is lonely. Now, his grandfather is not there to offer
him his sweet words; today he’s away and the nights
when he was sitting to watch the lights among
houses barely flashed, they do not have the same
charm.
 He was afraid of the moments in which his
grandfather told him about death, but today he
wants to hear his words more and more…from him.
In endless torment he ends the days and the
mornings are empty. He is living in a continuous
present… What happened yesterday he can feel
today, too!
In his universe he alleviates his suffering. The
old man was for him the muse who inspired him to
create. Just two eyes are now looking away from that
terrace forgotten by all. Left alone, Albert dropped
down even in the pursuit of happiness.
The sun has warmed the water but Albert is now
cold for all that is happening around him. “Today”
became troublesome. It’s the time that is going
through infinity…”today” repeated many times.
He feels free, but sad and he seeks the relief in
lyrics and love. He tries to love. He spends whole
nights roaming again… On the day in which he found
the person who could love him he felt a great feeling.
He is fighting now for something realizable because
Sophie has a great soul and her sweet word has
determinated Albert to look into a future life and see
him happy close to her.
He is writing now about happiness. He is writing
what he feels and his lyrics have their own beauty.
He gives his life to his two passions and he feels that
he really lives in a lost world.
On the abandoned terrace voices are heard
again; now there are the words of love from two
lovers who are implied in a love story that gives
them complete happiness. They are living the
present without regards to the past. They are
thinking about the future and their story is written in
rows that seem interminable on these pages on
which Albert should write words about unhappiness.