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NEWS FOR
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THE WORLDS BEST SELLING NEWSPAPER

Bikini Bachelorette
Bottom.
BY: VALENTINA ARTALE

Season 2 of BIKINI BACHELORETTE

BOTTOM, guest starring The Power Puff Girls,
SpongeBob Square-pants, and Sandy Cheeks.
An intense season arises when 3 sisters all fight
for their dream man, and find conflict in not
only competing between each other, but

Who runs the world? Dogs!

competing with one of the bachelor's closest
school friends. Who will be next bachelorette?
Tune in on May 15, 8:00 pm Pacific time to find
out. 

BY: BAILEE EARWOOD
Breaking News today hits the World
with a huge change. Starting
November 2020 no longer will
humans be in charge of the World and
be President, it will now all be run by
dogs. Who made this humongous
change you may ask? The Senate and
the House! They are tired of everyone
always fighting about who should be
President and why this person is good
or why this person is bad, so they just
decided to give up on people and turn
to the only thing they could think
of…. DOGS!
Starting in November new bills will be passed about
how dogs are no longer allowed to be on leashes, and
they are allowed to go to the park whenever they may
please! More bills will be voted on in November. Now
the big question, what dog will be chosen to be
President of The United States? Well, that is for you to
decide. If you know or have a dog that would make a
perfect fit in becoming president contact this number:
1-(800)-213-dogs to cast your vote. There are already
two dogs in the running; Snoopy and Brian from
Family Guy so hurry up and cast your vote for your
new dog President!!  You never know, maybe this will
be a good thing for the World.

IN THIS ISSUE
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NEWS FOR
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WORLD FAITH DIVORCE LOVE MUSIC

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KEYWORD

The Savior Phoebe Buffay

We shall not forget him.
BY: LAZARO LEON CERVINO
The world is chaotic and everybody is like
crazy looking for the new virus that is killing a
lot of people. Nobody knows how to make a
cure. Some people say that there was a man
that could cure without even touching you.
Other people say that the man is still alive but
you can't see him. There's a book where you
can learn about him. As time passes people
believe more about that man with no religion
just words and teachings. He has not cured, he
does not believe in medicine or viruses. The
man becomes more and more famous and
people are happy when applying his teachings
in their lives. Five years later people forgot
about the chaotic world, the virus never
existed. It was us making drama with
unimportant things. The man never cured us,
he reminded us that we are divine,
untouchable, no virus can harm us, no
medicine is needed. The man taught us that we
must take care of what matters. He has many
names you know, I almost forgot about him,
but my mom told me that his name is Jesus.
performs at
Coachella!
BY: RACHEL WHITED
This past Saturday was the Coachella Music
Festival. The festival featured music from
Miley Cyrus, Camila Cabello, The Weekend,
and many more; But what stole the show and
had everyone on their feet was the one and
only Phoebe Buffay from the show Friends.
She started her set with her smash song “hit
Smelly Cat” that had everyone sucked in from
the start. She then sang her song “Shower
Song”, followed by her holyday song. She
then finished her set by singing “sticky
Shoes”. Her musical returned will be what
everyone is talking about for the weeks to
come. After her performance, Kelly
Clarkson’s record label talked with Ms.
Buffay and offered a two- year singing
contract under their new label. She gladly
accepted. You can expect to see Phoebe’s new
album on the store shelves in the nest coming
year.
Covid-19

Coachella, 2020.

It’s over!
BY: Jennifer Ramirez

Arriving as an early, gossipy Christmas present, Super Star Stephanie S. is seen with a mystery man.
As reported last month Stephanie’s husband was seen moving things out of their mansion in Hidden
Hills. The super start has not confirmed the split. She was seen yesterday leaving a popular club
holding hands with this mystery man whose face was covered. There are many speculations regarding
the split of these two superstars. Sources connected with the couple tells us they split after Stephanie
returned from Tour. One source says “It was something he did” but the source would not be specific.
Who is this mystery man and when will Stephanie admit to the split with her husband of 5 years?

Love triangle Radaronline.

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=

Almost divorce?
BY: ISABEL SERRANO
I was able to interview Marge at her I love Marge too much, and if I ever did something
house where she said: " of course I like that you would see me in a coffin."it turns out
Breaking news! Were Homer Simpson and Marge they were not holding hands, Wilma was giving
Simpson about to divorce? Everyone on social media was mad, Wilma is my best friend so Homer a handshake because they had agreed on a new
was asking the same question and using the hashtags when I saw the video I lost it," and business plan, they were also planning Marge's
#HomerandWilmaisoverparty and added that Homer told her he was
birthday surprise, and Fred Flintstone had gone to the
#MargedivorceHomernow. The news came in last night going on a business trip for two days. bathroom that is why he was not seen in the video.
when Homer Simpson was seen with Wilma Flintstone Today, Homer posted a video on Everything was clear out before it became a huge
at The Venetian in Las Vegas, holding hands. A Twitter explaining everything where
he said, " this is why you can't believe mess, don't miss out on the interview with them on
paparazzi took a video of them holding hands and The Late Show with James Cordon next week.
quickly leaving, the video went viral on Twitter. At the everything you see on the internet and
end of the day, it was all a misunderstanding, turns out the video is a complete
that Fred Flintstone was with them at the Venetian misinterpretation of what happen that
Casino. night,

Could it be true?
BY VALERIE MARIN

After spending six weeks in quarantine due to Covid-19, The

Kardashians were spotted outside. They sure do look different!
Their butts are deflated, wrinkles on their face and lips are normal
size. I thought with all their money Doctors would of made house
calls but with the Governor locking down the state of California,
not even the Kardashians could get this privilege. Here people
thought they had worked out to get their enormous size butt or
got implants. Boy were we wrong! Botox and fillers all around!

Simpsons

KEYWORD

Kanye for 2020!

BY: JELANI FERNANDEZ
There is nothing that can stop him
now BUT Taylor Swift is not
We all remember Ye’s iconic MTV music video supporting this action, she doesn't
award speech and mentioned running for president in believe he is president material.
2020. Well now the time has come when we are Rumor has it she has been talking
preparing for a new president, and Kanye is first in with high profiled congressmen to
line to winning this election. From his shoe/clothing sabotage Kanye’s votes. Will
company to his charity work, to his Sunday church Kanye end up on top? Or will
services. His wife Kim Kardashian is also looking to Taylor's long-time animosity
master her law career, helping innocent prisoners and towards him get in his way?
getting them out, if you ask me it sounds like a
perfect first lady. There is nothing that can stop him
now BUT Taylor Swift is not supporting this action,
she doesn't believe he is president material. Rumor
has it she has been talking with high profiled
congressmen to sabotage Kanye’s votes. Will Kanye
end up on top? Or will Taylor's long-time animosity
towards him get in his way?

Kanye Sticker 2020

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NEWS FOR
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Tiger King Finds His Kitty Queen!

BY: MELISSA VILLA
Exotic and Baskin formed and unlikely friendship that turned
into an unrelenting romance, which the happy couple can’t
Joe Exotic, the unlikely star behind Netflix’s newest
stop gushing about. Carole Baskin is the first woman Joe
docuseries hit, has reached out to press to announce he is to
Exotic has been with, but when asked if his previous
be wed once more, and you’ll never guess to who! More
preferences affected their relationship Exotic was quoted
scandalous than his crimes and sequined tiger shirt, Exotic is
saying, “I got tired of playing with lion cubs and wanted to
to be wed to none other than his arch nemesis Carole Baskin!
hunt a lioness.” Exotic and Baskin are hoping his sentence
After not one, not two, but three failed attempts at happily
may be repealed considering their new relationship status and
ever after Exotic is certain that he has found his “purrfect
upcoming wedding, where Carole Baskin is to be wearing a
pawtner” in Carole Baskin. The two hit it off after a series of
custom Vera Wang dress, in you guessed it, tiger print! When
letters Joe Exotic sent from behind bars begging for
we asked Baskin about her second husband, that coincidentally
forgiveness.
when missing right as her relationship with Exotic turned
romantic, she said she’d rather talk about her dress before she
biked away from our writers. Well cool cats and kitten we are
not lion when we say we wish them nothing but the best!

Netflix, 2020.

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