Dear ancien amoureux,

Few months after we met,

Few months before we wed
Oh I should have known that the words on the crumbled
parchment bleached – so crisp i thought it would break in
my crystal hands, were too good to last long.
Those words, those sweet and salty lies were melting on
me like Gruyere on a bowl.
“A thousand kisses, mio dolce amor! But give me none
back for they set my blood on fire.”
For a few moments, I was unguarded until you took me
down all in flames.
And then there i was, A lover’s rose with no endearing
passion;
Only a hanging blood drop in your garden.
The golden medallion you gave with the inscription “ to
destiny” made me want to believe that maybe you are
capable of loving me.
And I did.
I didn’t just believe in you, I loved you.
Oh, I did love you once.
“ Sweet and matchless rose, how strangely you work
upon my heart”
You told me you loved me and found ways to bleed my
arms with your abusive grip.
They said,
 
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
 
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-
seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. 
 
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the
truth. 
 
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes,
always perseveres.
where there are prophecies,
 love will cease;
where there are tongues, 
love will be stilled;
where there is knowledge,
love will pass away.
“Ever since I left you, I have been sad. I am only happy
when by your side. Ceaselessly I recall your kisses, your
tears, your enchanting jealousy; and the charms of the
incomparable rose keep constantly alight a bright and
burning flame in my heart and senses”
You used to come back every time after you left
and I still kept your sheets warm even though you always
left me for another bed,
every time the weather gets rough.
So I started on a journey.
A journey to find my safe haven,
A ray of light in this eternal dawn.
And I found it.
I found love again.
Not the kind that was filled with heartless games
Not the kind that was emotionally draining.
Not the kind that was abusive
But the kind that put my mind into a frenzy of sparks.
The kind where his lips set me on fire and I feel the earth
below melting away with every moan.
The kind that heals me and consumes me at the same
time.
With a man who makes me feel safe to venture with my
heart in his hands,
And his heart equally and completely mine.
“No, my darling, I am not jealous but sometimes worried.
Come soon; I warn you, if you delay, you will find me ill.
Fatigue and your absence are too much”
Oh, how you would manipulate me into not leaving you
alone – a fate you very well deserved for ruining my love
and my heart.
Now here you are, castaway in St. Helena, with no one
you love.
I would have once given up my world for you if you had
only known how to love unconditionally but alas, here we
are.
You – alone and in exile,
Me – in love with a man who flies me to the moon with
every glance, every kiss and every smile.
The kindest thing I could do for you now is continue
sending you letters as i know that mine are the only
ones keeping you from breaking.
Forgiveness is said to a part of love
But that’s the thing darling,
I love you no more so i do not wish to be kind.
Did no one ever tell you to never lead on a fierce yet
kind-hearted lady?
For now you know if you break her heart, the heart of the
one who loves you the most, you will spend every minute
of your despondent life in madness of regret.
I hope in your last days you think of me smiling without
you in my life to rip my wings.
I hope regret floods your heart as my name leaves your
lips, the lips that were once so familiar but now marked
with disgust in my heart.
I hope when your life flashes before your eyes, you see
the person who could have been the queen of your heart,
be hopelessly in love with another without a thought of
you.

Never yours again,

Marie Josèphe Rose Tascher