Hi my lovely! How are you? Oh gosh, it feels truly great to get back to this convo.

I’ve been meaning

to do so for a looong time now, but I guess I’m simply the best at postponing my tasks xD Now with
this whole corona virus outbreak I’m pretty much stuck inside the house. Romania will be in total
quarantine so yeah. Fun times! Hope you had an amazing time over the holidays at home with all the
kitties! <3 Oh, have you and Elena found something yet? If not, I really hope you two find something
nice for yourselves! Now I just keep thinking about the day that I’ll finally move out of my parents’
house and I’m super excited for that to finally happen! xD Totally unrelated, but I just felt like
sharing the fact that I’ve discovered that I’m most probably bisexual since I had the opportunity to
make out with a girl from my school at a party xD We were both pretty drunk tbh but I remember
enough of it to decide that I enjoyed it lmao. Also, I’d like to ask you (again) about some uni stuff, if
that would be all right with you ^^

Oh my god, I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed that rather terrible idea of mine re: Melkor punishing
Mairon in order to make a point and prevent any form of disobedience from Mairon :3 Ahhh why is
Melkor such a jerk all the time??? The fact that you brought up how Melkor can punish him in a
relative extreme way over a small mistake can only make me think about the utter confusion it must
bring upon Mairon. This sort of behavior makes Melkor unpredictable, and I believe it makes Mairon
genuinely scared of him. And gosh, just imagine being stuck in such an awful, abusive relationship
where you’re basically walking on eggshells to not awaken your partner’s foul moods. I do think that,
during the periods of time when Melkor beats him up / rapes him, Mairon comes to automatically
flinch or raise his hands in defense at sudden / jerky movements around Melkor. And besides
sadness and grief, I believe Mairon also becomes ashamed of this. Maybe he even mumbles some
unnecessary apology, such as ‘I’m sorry, my lord… I just thought…’, and instead of comforting him,
instead of telling him that it’s all right, that he needs not to be afraid, I think all that Mairon receives
is a cold rebuke. Melkor might say something along the lines ‘Really Mairon? Is this what you think of
me? Are you afraid of me now? Are you a coward?’. And that only adds up to Mairon’s guilt and
shame. ‘Mairon would be very very unlikely to even consider disobedience.’- Oh yes, I think Mairon
rarely even considers speaking up against Melkor’s orders in private, let alone openly, in public. That
made me think of three particular scenes written by Elena: that one from ‘The whip and the wire’,
where Melkor whips him raw and leaves him bloodied and sore because Mairon ‘mewled out his
pathetic opinions’, that scene from ‘a slice of ginger’, where it is quite clear that Melkor merely
/thought/ Mairon was flirting with someone else, and that one scene from TGWP where Mairon
finds Melkor torturing that elf and wants to speak up, but once Melkor tells him to rid him of the elf,
Mairon /automatically/ starts to comply, for the instinct to obey is just so deeply ingrained in him.
And the last example backs up your point, i.e., that Mairon doesn’t need all of those threats and
punishments to be kept in line. He serves Melkor. He /serves/ him, loyally and dutifully so. I guess
that’s precisely the part that wrecks me more: Mairon DOES obey him. He helps him in all he can, he
is there for Melkor, he supports him emotionally, he cares for Melkor like no one else, and above all
else, Mairon loves Melkor with all that he has, he practically gave him everything that he had, and it
is still not enough. Melkor punishes Mairon because he can. He does it because he is sadistic and
malicious and envious and insecure, and sometimes he does it for his own vile amusements. Deep
down, I do think Mairon acknowledges this, and that knowledge cuts deeper than any slap or slash
of whip ever could. Phew that was quite a ramble! Sorry for that.
‘I mean, Melkor couldn’t get him talking either, but he conveniently chose to ignore that’- of course
he did, little bastard that he is :P Perhaps it is because Melkor considers this to be Mairon’s job?
Like… no one can question Melkor’s actions or effectiveness without being slayed on the spot. But
this is a task assigned to Mairon, and Melkor expects Mairon to do it properly. Same here! I don’t
think brute force is what got Maedhros talking in the end either. But calculated, repetitive, ritualistic
emotional abuse can break anyone, eventually. Hmm how do you think Melkor chose to punish
Mairon for failing to extract information swiftly from Maedhros?

Omg YES to everything that you said there! I 120% agree with what you stated in that whole
paragraph. Mairon contents himself with gaining obedience. Sure, he is sadistic and unpredictable as
well, perhaps more than Melkor, but obeying him leads to relative safety, to prizes, even. I was just
thinking how this could be due to Mairon’s nature. He loves rules and clear tasks. If you do this, then
this will happen. Not doing this leads to this etc. Lmao this somehow reminded me of that Trevor
quote in season 3: ‘I’m a simple man with simple pleasures’ :P So yeah, with Mairon, obedience
might buy you scraps of favour, he might take pity (of sorts) on you. Because I reckon Mairon wishes
to achieve some sort of behaviour from his victims. He breaks them with this repetitive, vicious cycle
of punishment-reinforcement-reward until the slave learns his place. You rightly pointed out that
Melkor, on the flipside, delights in the humiliation that restrains (unnecessary as they might be)
bring. Once again, he does it just because he can. He does it because he is sadistic and enjoys to see
others, as you put it, get messy. Instead of simply commanding Mairon to get on his knees and open
his mouth for Melkor to use it, he rather grabs Mairon by the hair and /forces/ him down on his
knees, just to hear him whimper, just to watch his eyes flare wide in alarm and hear the sweet hiss
of pain when he pulls at his hair. Instead of letting Mairon set the pace and move his head of his own
accord, he wold much prefer to clout him across the face and pry his mouth open before forcing a
gag behind his teeth (stealing your example here) to watch drool spilling from Mairon’s lips as he
sets a violent rhythm that forces tears out of the Maia’s eyes. Sorry if this got a bit too, erm,
descriptive xD

‘Now all I can think about is Mairon writing these beautiful letters telling Melkor what he’s been up
to, how his kingdom is faring, how he looks forward to seeing him again in person’- Daww, sounds
like Mairon is lowkey a hopeless romantic tbh xD I think we’ve crossed this subject before, but it
always amazes me just how different they are, actually. I mean, I’ve got this vivid image of Mairon
writing this soapy love letter to Melkor, asking Thur what metaphor would sound best, re-reading it
at least 10 times before handing it to her and bidding her take the letter to Melkor personally.
Meanwhile, Melkor probably scribbles down some filth about how he wants to fuck Mairon, the way
you put it, while being rather tipsy, and gives it clumsily to Thuringwethil. And besides the fact that a
few other persons get to read it before reaching Mairon, the poor Maia probably takes up a quill and
corrects Melkor’s spelling mistakes :P

“There were probably others in Angband with her abilities, so perhaps she was the leader of that
faction?”- ohhh I haven’t thought about that before but it definitely makes sense! I could totally see
her being a badass on the battlefield too :3
Oh boi, I’d totally love to see that disastrous couple going to therapy together! Perhaps Gothmog
could do that job :P But yeah, joke aside, it’s so very tragic to see them stuck in this vicious cycle.
And I’ve always wondered about how /Melkor/ feels like re: their relationship during abusive
moments, since it’s Mairon who we always explore. I mean, it does seem logical since, generally
speaking, fiction almost always focuses on the victim. Maybe Melkor’s (fucked up) POV would look
something like Sangwoo’s in Killing Stalking? Ahaha, yeah, def not outright lying, as you put it. When
you live for millennia with such a perilous person, I suppose you have to build some strategies to
ensure your well-being :P Oh damn, Melkor saying not-so-pleasant things about Mairon bedding him
first must hit a nerve. I personally believe Mairon does not take well being called a whore or
anything along those lines.

‘that weird loner who is hella talented but we’re all secretly afraid of him because we think he might
be a psychopath’- Lmfao well they were right to be afraid, after all xD Hmm I was just thinking that
maybe Mairon had always shown slightly sadistic tendencies, even back in Valinor? For some reason
I’ve always chosen to think the Valar kept an eye on him, even before Mairon pledged himself to
Melkor’s cause. ‘No one’s able to keep trying to express themselves if they’re shut down every time
and/or met with disapproval’- Yes, precisely! Do you think that’s another reason why Mairon is so
fiercely loyal to Melkor, to the point where he accepts atrocious abuse at his hands? Maybe Mairon
has grown so used to the fact that Melkor is the only one who truly understands him that he
basically can’t believe that there will ever be someone else to understand him? Ah, everything you
said about people finding out about their relationship makes so much sense! Omg ‘Angband’s worst
kept secret’, I’m living for this xDDD But yeah, I totes agree with you. A mundane way sounds like
the most likely way for that reveal to happen. AHHH OH MY GOOOOOOD Mairon flushing is
something I’ll never tire of, for whatever reason :3 I just think it’s so endearing to read about a
character that’s so strong and vicious and cruel and that has so much power and influence in the
fortress, but flushes every time people make suggestions about him and Melkor :D ‘they saw them
holding hands or kissing in a deserted hallway’- oh god, I need to hear more about those two holding
hands! Do you think they do it often in public? It seems like an unusual gesture from Melkor.

Eheh, glad to know such headcanons hurt you as much as they hurt me :P ‘But every time he was
either turned away or told his ideas weren’t up to par, so of course that brewed bitterness to mask
over his need for acceptance. And because he never got that unconditional ‘you’re enough’,’- oh
noooooooooo, poor thing :( You know, if Melkor was just some random bad guy without any solid
motives behind his actions, that would have been just fine for my poor aching heart. But Melkor
comes with such a huge emotional baggage that it’s honestly so very painful to think about his
journey, about his purpose and fate and ultimate fall. He’s a pretty tragic villain, if you think about it.
And I genuinely believe that somewhere deep down, in those dark chambers of his heart, there are
times when he wishes for redemption. But he’s too far gone, and he can’t back down now. Alsooo I
love love love everything you typed out about Melkor projecting his fear outwards as hatred and
anger at whatever he finds closest to him. This must be, like in Mairon’s case, a very lonely
experience. It’s so terribly sad that Melkor, in all his anger and pain, hurts the one person whose
comfort he actually seeks.
Asfbgbkj I’m so very very glad that you found those (rather silly) ideas interesting! ^^ And don’t
worry, I broke my own heart writing those ideas xD And I’ve been thinking more and more about
them lately because I REFUSE to accept the fact that Melkor and Mairon and all their followers are
slain in the end xD I intend to cover my ears every time Dagor Dagorath is mentioned. Or comfort
myself with your headcanon re: Melkor and Mairon being allowed to carry on somewhere peaceful
and quiet. Maybe they could take up a less stressful job there. Maybe they could start herding sheep
together or something like that? But yeah, to get back to the matter at hand, I love the idea of them
settling for simple honesty too! It just seems right: after a lifetime of abuse and lies and
manipulation and hurts, honesty seems like such a befitting end for their long, tragic saga. ‘I mean,
they literally have nothing else left but each other’ – gahhh that hurts so much, but in such a good
way??? Jeez, we’re such masochists when it comes to these two lol. But yes yes yes, you are so very
right! They have only each other. Maybe there could be a chance for Gothmog and Thuringwethil
and others to join them too, after a long while? What do you think? Ahh, I’m so happy you’re
enjoying this specific discussion, again :D ‘I had another even angstier idea about this’- Oh boy, I had
a very bad feeling about this ever since I read it lmfao. OMG abkfebjkg !!!??? Denisa what have you
done to me?????? So that idea of yours with Mairon making a desperate attempt at suicide due to
all the loneliness and hopelessness that Melkor’s absence bring is simply heartbreaking! But it does
make so much sense! I could totally see something like this taking place tbh: Mairon had already lost
Melkor twice by that point, he had suffered unimaginable hurts because of his master, he had spent
millennia by himself, letting the sorrow and guilt and such unutterable solitude gnaw at him for so
long that there was scarce of him left by the time he got reunited with Melkor for Dagor Dagorath.
So yeah, I think he simply wouldn’t bear to go through all of it again. As you rightly put it, he feels
hopeless and loss, without purpose, he’s hit rock bottom and I just think he wouldn’t want to be like
this- frozen in time without Melkor beside him. Gahhh why must you hurt me in such imaginative
ways? xD How do you think he’d try to kill himself though? Would he try to cut his veins open or
something of that sort? And yesss, this whole scenario with Mairon just being brutally honest with
Melkor would lead to a super fascinating dynamic indeed! I was thinking that, maybe, Mairon would
start off by asking Melkor “why did you do this (i.e., abuse him) to me?”, or something along those
lines. Mmm but idk, what do you think about that? And what would Melkor react like? Alsooo, since
we’ve mentioned Mairon and Melkor reuniting, I was just picturing what that would look like. I was
thinking that maybe Mairon wouldn’t believe it to be true for a long while? Maybe he would even
reject Melkor, thinking it’s just a trick played by the Valar at his expense? And then when he slowly
starts to realize it really is Melkor that is coaxing him back to him, he would involuntarily start
sobbing and simply break into pieces at Melkor’s feet? Would love to hear your thoughts though! :3

‘He’s not a shy or modest person’- Ahaha, he really isn’t, the bastard! xD I agree with what you said!
It would def give Mairon additional control over their intercourse and I do remember reading that
smut you sent me a while ago with Mairon riding Melkor and GOOD GOD, it’s exactly what I needed
xD

Ahh so glad you liked that idea about Melkor isolating himself! :3 On a side note, I do think that he
seeks comfort, of sorts. But he seeks it in his own brutal way. I mean, I think we’ve discussed this
aspect of their relationship before, but I’ll bring up the fact that Melkor feels comforted by the sense
of control (over Mairon) again. Perhaps he sometimes seeks Mairon out and lays his head in
Mairon’s lap and lets him braid his hair while they discuss about random things too? ‘Mairon is
ascending, growing in skill and power as Melkor diminishes’- Yesss, that’s precisely what I think it’s
going on towards the end of Melkor’s reign! You put it very nicely into words! Also yasss, I can totally
see the link between that fact and TGWP’s ending. I believe that, among Melkor’s last words to
Mairon in TGWP, he says something like “if this is the last thing I’m doing for you, let them say it was
good.” And gosh, that stuck with me for a long while after finishing that fanfic. It’s always made me
think that, deep down, Melkor did regret abusing and breaking Mairon so utterly. I think he truly did
feel remorse for all the hurts he had inflicted upon Mairon. So yeah, this takes us back to an old
statement of mine (I think? I can’t really remember if I’ve mentioned this before or if it was you who
said it lmao) i.e., that loving Mairon has probably brought out the best in Melkor. I think that when
Mairon was around, Melkor was at his happiest. Nothing has ever made Melkor feel as whole and
loved and worthy as Mairon’s unquenchable love for him did, and ahhh I’ve literally just broken my
own heart into pieces :(

Ashbfj thanks for letting me know you like that headcanon :D Omg yasss, Mairon’s soft spot for
animals is sooo sweet and precious <3 Perhaps it stems from the fact that Mairon knows they cannot
think or make decisions, and thus he understands that they really are not at fault for anything? I
mean, he never cared much about innocence (see erm… all the massacres caused by him?) but
animals wake something docile in him, I believe :3

‘Mairon knows how this goes down, I don’t think he’s got any expectations that someone will
magically intervene and make Melkor stop, and I’m sure Melkor is well aware of this’- oh my
godddd, why does this hurt so much? :(((( I’ll say it again: this type of abuse is the worst kind. It
evokes a terrible sense of helplessness, a visceral knowledge that this is not going to stop and that it
will just go on and on. Gosh, I can only imagine the utter /horror/ Mairon must go through whenever
he anticipates that it will happen again. And, as you said, he knows how these affairs go down. I
suppose this horrible familiarity bleeds out into submission? I know we’ve discussed this before,
but… Do you think there are any moments when Mairon ends up opening up to Gothmog or
Thuringwethil about the abuse? Also, do you think he ever spoke the word ‘rape’ out loud when it
came to him and Melkor? Does he acknowledge Melkor’s repellent acts as outright rape?

Ahaha, I love the fact that you agree with that! I, too, think that Melkor would play dumb in order to
tease Mairon and make him frustrated xD ‘maybe they try a reversed lord/vassal kind of roleplay
with Melkor calling Mairon ‘my lord’ and doing what he is told?’- Adbfjk I CANNOT PUT INTO WORDS
HOW MUCH I ADORE THIS AHHHHHH <3 This kind of dynamic is so damn amazing, and I haven’t
seen much Angbang fanfiction that toys with this type of scenario. And yesss, I do very much agree
that Mairon would be immensely turned on by this kind of roleplay :3 He would be so thrilled by the
idea that it is /Melkor/ who is eager to please and play. Not to mention that seeing Melkor
/kneeling/ would probably make Mairon’s own knees weak xD I love all of your thoughts re: the
Angbang sex locations :P ‘the meeting room (probably where they get caught most often, if, say,
they bang before a big meeting and some poor orc shows up early and sees waaaay more than they
bargained for)’- LMFAO I laughed at this bit xD This reminds me of joannabelle’s fanfic on AO3,
Playing Favourites xD Oh my goddd, I still go back for a re-read every now and then because the
whole scenario is so spot-on :P ‘They’re not gonna tell Melkor where he can or can’t fuck in his own
fortress’ – I mean… that sounds quite fair xD Hmm I was suddenly wondering: do you think they ever
fucked in public? Like… maybe Mairon gave Melkor a blowjob at a feast? Or perhaps Mairon rode
Melkor on the throne while there were still a few guards or slaves around?

Yeahhh, I don’t think Melkor enjoys receiving pain either. I mean… maybe a slap across the face
(with Mairon topping) wouldn’t bother him much? Maybe he would enjoy seeing Mairon’s violent
side that way? Perhaps he might even say yes to some light whipping with a riding crop :P Hmm now
I’ve got this interesting image stuck in my head: Melkor bottoming for Mairon. Well… thanks for that
xDD But yeah, I’m gonna agree with you! They must have given it a try at least once in the long years
they spent with each other. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt anyone, now would it? ‘Also he’d probably
come in like one minute’- Oh, Mairon, you’re such a wanton little thing smh. Lmao I was just
picturing their pillow talk afterwards, with both of them staring at the ceiling. Mairon is sweaty and
panting, savouring the after-bliss. He is happy. Melkor is frowning upwards. He’s wondering why he
thought this would be a good idea. The Maia was concerned about not hurting him. And while he
would have found this aspect endearing in other situations, it had become a nuisance. Especially
when Mairon started to ask if he was all right or if it hurt… every 10 seconds. 15 thrusts in, Mairon
came, and Melkor made a mental promise. He promised himself that he would never, EVER, fuck
Mairon so lamely. Mairon: Have you enjoyed yourself, my lord? ; Melkor: … yes, a most… /unique/
performance, Mairon.

‘I’m gonna say something that has Mairon totally /stuck/’- ahaha that sounds about right :P He’d
enjoy that kind of bondage very much, I’m sure. I totally agree with you here. Feeling stuck and at
Melkor’s mercy is probably intoxicating for him. I also tend to think he comes faster and harder if he
finds himself in such a situation. Oh, I was also thinking that they try suspension bondage every now
and then. Melkor would find it aesthetically pleasing, and it would increase the tension between
those two as Melkor tightens the knots and checks the integrity of the whole structure before
slapping Mairon upon the cheek and hauling him in the air :P

Yesss to everything you said about pet play xDDD Well, I haven’t tried it irl since I haven’t found a
partner yet, but it does seem super duper fun, and I’ve heard from other people that it works more
on the humiliation aspect rather than on the sexual aspect. I think it conveys a great level of intimacy
to the setting and, obviously, it would turn them both on a lot. ‘He’d treat him as a pet: touching
him, coddling him, using him. Maybe a little bit of light impact play but not enough to truly hurt
him.’- Yes yes yes! My exact thoughts! Mmm maybe he would play fetch with him, as you said, and
command him to splay his legs wide as he does so. And while Mairon flushes red and lowers his head
in order to pick up the toy Melkor threw at him, Melkor strikes his buttocks and testicles with a
riding crop :P I was alsooo thinking about this fun little game where Melkor might ask Mairon to read
from a book while he (Melkor) is giving him a handjob. Mairon might have to finish a whole chapter
before Melkor allows him to come, and if he stutters while reading he must start over :P

‘I think BPD can be comorbid with psychopathic traits which would work nicely for Melkor’ – Yesss
definitely! It worked nicely enough for Sangwoo, who was pretty much a confirmed BPD person in KS
and, obviously, a psychopath xD
Ahhh everything you said about Melkor after Mairon’s hypothetical death is simply perfect! I have
the exact same thoughts as you on the matter, so I don’t think I can really bring anything to the table
here. Oh boy, I think the grief would make him sloppy indeed. Poor Mel, he would lose the war at a
really quick rate, and I think he wouldn’t even care anymore. There would only be rage and grief and
hurt in him. While it would prove to be his eventual downfall, I think it would also bring the darkest
parts of him to light before that could happen…

‘he suffers to make his relationship with Melkor work and those who would not be willing to do the
same are less worthy than him’ – So much this. You’ve expressed really well everything I wanted to
say in my incoherent paragraph xD He compares his own experience of being a vassal to that of the
other people. And, while Mairon can empathize more than Melkor can, I guess that, in such
situations, he chooses not to? It might be an unhealthy way to cope with his own trauma and
frustration left boiling. Would like to hear your ideas!

At any rate, I hope you’re doing well! I’m super sorry about the insane delay, once again! Have an
amazing evening! <333