COUNSELLING SKILLS

FOR MANAGERS
 Some statistics around psychological illness in
the work place in India
• Mental health problems and associated costs are a worldwide
issue.
• 2017 WHO report finds that 18% of global depression cases
emanate from India. About 57 million people!!
• A 2016 survey of 200,000 professional in India found that
46% reported extreme stress as a consequence of their work.
• An Assocham study shows 43% of private sector employees
in India are afflicted with mental issues at work.
• Adjusted for population size, India ranks first in the incidence
of mental disorders, and low-and middle-income countries
tend to have the higher incidences.
• A systematic review of studies of work-related
stress estimated cost to be as high as $1 trillion
per year, with the majority of the expense
coming from lost productivity, not direct health
cost.
• As clinical depression has risen by around 50%
in the last eight years, there has been increase in
other ailments including obesity, diabetes,
hypertension and cardiac disorders. Major
depression increases absenteeism and
‘presenteeism’ (reduced productivity) and has
direct medical costs.
Some symptoms of psychological discomfort among
working professional include:

• mood-swings,
• agitation and apathy;
• insomnia;
• difficulty in waking up in the morning;
• lethargy and drowsiness;
• lack of interest in daily affairs;
• over eating, or conversely loss of appetite;
• unexplained aches and pains in the body; and
• increased consumption of alcohol and tobacco.
 THE NEED FOR WORK PLACE COUNSELLING

• The welfare of employees is one of the major

responsibilities of the employers. More and
more employers realize that illness and
productivity do not go well together.
• The fact that harassed employees can take legal
actions is another reason why organizations
should introduce counselling.
• Employers are turning to counselling as one way
of helping the employees to cope with the
changes taking place in organizations.
• Counselling can be seen as a way of improving
mental health of the troubled persons.
Employees do not leave their problems aside as
they enter into work-place.
• The financial expenses borne by the
organizations to deal with the psychological and
social problems are quite high and it can prove
costly to an organization in situations like poor
relationship between two members of the team, a
manager going through an impending divorce, an
employee beginning to be abused by drug
• More and more companies are realizing that
their employees are one of their best
assets.
• The direct link between the responsibility of
taking care of their staff and the drive for
achieving success and/or profit is a major
factor in convincing employers to employ
counselling services as one of the means to
manage workforce constructively.
• Counselling services can also be viewed as a
preventive service. Counsellors are in a unique
position within the organizational settings to offer
the kind of training and education that prevents
mental illness.

• Organizations are realizing that a ‘wholeness’

approach needs to be adopted towards employees
which implies that their physical, mental, emotional
and social well-being go together and that they need
to be worked with in totality. Emphasizing one
element is not enough.
 DEFINITION

Counselling is defined as the

“individualized and personalized
assistance with personal, educational,
vocational problems, in which all
pertinent facts are studied and analyzed,
and a solution is sought, often with the
assistance of specialist, and personal
interviews in which counselee is taught to
make his own decisions.
 Survey Results
Survey of 20 companies revealed different
emphasis given to counselling in
organizations:
– Majority use it in the context of
performance review, both formal and
informal
– Some use it as a part of their training
methods
– Used in the context of career counselling
and redundancy counselling
– As a part of their disciplinary procedures
 Reason for Disengagement with Counseling
We can use Counseling skills but cannot engage in
Counseling process for two reasons:
• Role conflict
• Lack of training: inability to listen. Understand,
communicate; these help and motivate better but
should not attempt to deal with deep seated long term
emotional problems.
• Some people feel that they do not have the skills,
others simply do not understand, and some others do
not know how it works
• People in business are not exposed to it.
 Role Conflicts in Counseling
Results from the ambiguities of managers as
counselors:

1. Managers and supervisors carry a natural responsibility

to evaluate, control and improve performance.
Manager and counselor can have different priorities:

– A manager may need to confront whereas a

counselor can afford to wait.
– A counselor can afford to accept any one of the
solutions but a manager may insist on only one.

The gulf between two perspective is too wide to bridge.

2. People often come to a manager because
there is something or other he can do for
them.
3.The employee does not start by owning a
problem.
4. Issue of confidentiality
5. Ambiguity of the situation
6. A kind of ambivalence which is rooted in
the genuine difficulty of good listening.
7. Some people are unwilling to be involved in
the counseling role. Reasons:-
a) Some people simply do not have a natural
sympathy, warmth & caring for others.
b) Some would rather describe themselves as
‘pragmatic’.
c) Some nourish the conviction that other people
are basically lazy & inept.
d) Some see counseling as encouraging
malingerers rather than trust & loyalty.
 Counselor's Needs in Counseling
Before taking the responsibility, critically
examine your motivation for being a
counselor

– What do I expect from this relationship?

– What will be my satisfaction and reward in
this relationship?

The reason for helping are seldom pure

and altruistic.
These motivation affect the effectiveness of
relationship.

• Be aware of your motives – credibility and

effectiveness will be enhanced. Self
deception hinders effectiveness.
• Self clarification is essential for personal
growth. Have courage for in-depth
analysis.
 Findings of why counselors help others?

• To avoid dealing with their own problems:

This limits the effectiveness and client is not
able to develop trust and confidence in the
counselor.
• Wants to control and obtain status:
Will have only one type of client as others
would want to avoid the controlling
behaviour.
• Believe that they have solutions to life’s
problems:
Try to convert the client in their way but end
up alienating many.
• Out of the sincere wish to help others:
No hidden motivation but are viewed with
skepticism by suspicious and cynical clients.
APPROACHES OF
COUNSELLING
 ELEMENTS OF COUNSELLING
THEORIES
The substantive elements of a
counselling theory include:
 Assumptions regarding the nature of
man.
 Belief regarding learning theory and
change in behaviour of people
 Commitment to certain goals of
counselling
 Definition of the role of the counsellor
 Generic contribution made by the theory.
 PSYCHOANALYTIC APPROACH TO
COUNSELLING: SIGMUND FREUD
 Guided by unconscious impulse.
 Man has both animalistic and humanistic
tendencies. Energy has to be channelized in right
direction.
 Goal: Emotional maturity by enhancing
relationships, talents, freedom from conflicts and
anxieties.
 Individual born with fixed biological energy – Libido
 Libido has to be invested on people, objects and
thoughts: Cathexis
 Individual is born with ID. Ego and Superego
develop as he grows.
Five stages to invest this energy:
1. Oral: 0 – 18 months
Alcoholism, smoking depression, excessive
optimism or pessimism
2. Anal: 18 months to 3 years
Miserliness, aggression, passive resistance
3. Phallic: 3 – 5 years – superego develops
Complexes (Oedipus and Electra),
pompousness, narcissism, boastfulness.
4. Latency: 5 – 11 years Dormant
5. Maturity: 11- 15 years, Attraction towards
opposite gender
Excessive energy or repression results in
fixation.
Psychoanalysis as mode of therapy

 Talking: The client is encouraged to talk as

freely as possible about troublesome situations.
 Free Association: Suspend control over what
he or she says and just let speech flow
 Dream Analysis: Dreams are analyzed for
clues to the unconscious
 The counsellor tries to understand the client’s
motives and to interpret to the client his or her
thoughts, feelings, and behaviours
 With interpretation serving as an important
counselling lead, psychoanalytic counselling
depends heavily on the counsellor’s knowledge
of personality dynamics
 BEHAVIOURISTIC APPROACH TO
COUNSELLING

Human behaviour is neutral. Maladaptive

behaviour is learnt from individual responses
and reactions to external factors.
Humans are neither good or evil. Behaviour is
the result of
 Previous learning
 Current state of person (Health)
 Genetic make-up
 Immediate environment
Behaviour is viewed as 3 part paradigm

 A: Antecedents (stimuli, signposts)

 B: Behaviour (response to stimuli)
 C: Consequences
Manipulation of 3 part paradigm.
Thoughts are not empirically verifiable.
Goals: Manage behaviour by managing
ABC.
Steps in Counseling

 Identification
of the problem
 Development of clear goals by
mutual agreement
 Implementation of techniques
 Evaluation
 HUMANISTIC APPROACH TO
COUNSELLING
 Humans are purposeful lot who make choices and
decisions that affect the environment. They are
basically good. The urge is to change and each
one has the capacity to change.
 The motivational force is Self Actualization which
is the inherent tendency to develop all capacities
in ways that serve to enhance the organization.
Goals: To help a person reach self actualization.
Answer the question “Who am I?” Get in touch
with himself/herself.
Carl Rogers: Client Centered Counseling
(CCC)
 Characteristics of the person moving
towards self actualization:

 Openness to experience: antithesis to

defensiveness
 Self trust: people doubt their own abilities
which impedes their development
 Internal locus of evaluation: Look at self
for validation of worth as individuals.
 Willingness to be in process: not a product
which is static, unchanging.
 Implementing the goals of CC Counseling
Conditions:
 Two persons in communication
 Incongruence on the part of the client
 Congruence on the part of the counselor
 Counselor's unconditional regard for the client.
 Counselor’s empathetic understanding of client
 Client’s perception of counselor’s regard and
empathy.
These conditions will free an individual to
express himself – leading to more incongruity –
threat – impetus to change – starts accepting
denied or distorted feelings – reorganization –
positive self regard.
 Counselor helps in bringing following
changes:
 Congruence of feelings and actions
 More realistic perception
 Enhanced problem solving abilities
 More congruence between real self and ideal
self
 Reduced tensions and anxieties
 Positive self regard
 Realistic perception of others
 Heightened creativity and adaptability
 Self-Angering
Philosophies/Ideas
 Self-Angering Philosophies/Ideas:
Shouldings and Musting
Irrational Idea 1

 I MUST do well and win the approval of others for my

performance else I will be rated as a rotten person.
 I MUST have sincere love and approval almost ALL
the time and from virtually ALL the people whom I
find significant in my life.
 I MUST prove myself a thoroughly competent
achiever.
 I MUST find a high degree of order, certainty, and
predictability in the universe around me in order to
feel comfortable and perform adequately.
Irrational Idea 2

 OTHERS MUST treat me considerately and kindly

and in precisely the way I WANT them to treat me.
If they don’t society SHOULD blame and punish
them for their inconsideration.
 OTHER people MUST treat EVERYONE, but
especially ME, in a fair and considerate manner. If
they don’t, they are rotten people and they deserve
punishment.
 OTHER people MUST not unjustly criticize me. I
can see them as rotten people who deserve
practically nothing good in life if they do so.
Irrational Idea 3

 The world (and people in it) MUST arrange

conditions under which I live so that I get everything
that I WANT WHEN I WANT IT. And further
conditions MUST exist so that I don’t get what I don’t
want.
 Things MUST go the way I want them to go because
I need what I want, and life is horrible and terrible
when I don’t get what I want.
 I MUST find correct and perfect solutions to my
problems and to those of other people whom I care
for. If I don’t catastrophe and horror will surely result.
 ABC Framework

 Unpleasant Event (A)------ Irrational Belief (B) -

---Unhealthy Negative Consequences (C)

 Unpleasant Event (A) ------ Rational Belief (B) --

----Healthy Negative Consequences (C)
 Situation
One day you met the VP of your company Mr. Jain in
the office party. You greeted him but he did not return
your greetings, to which you reacted negatively.

This being put in the ABC Format.

Reaction 1
 A - Greeted Mr. Jain and he did not return the
greetings
 B – He ignored me. He is in such a high position and
its obvious that he would not take a note of a person
like me. I am too small a fry for him.
 C – Feeling inferior
 Reaction 2
A - Greeted Mr. Jain and he did not return
the greetings
B – He must be terribly angry with me. I
wonder if I ever spoke negative about
him in the office and someone has
informed him about that. God knows
what damage he can do to my career. I
have heard that he is a kind of vindictive.
C – Extreme anxiety
 Reaction 3

 A - Greeted Mr. Jain and he did not

return the greetings
 B – May be he did not hear me or see
me.
 C – Neutral
 Process
A does not cause C. It is B that causes
C.
 In the first case it is not his not returning
greetings that made you feel inferior but
his belief that he ignored you.
 In the second case it is a belief that he is
angry with you and may jeopardize your
career that makes you terribly anxious.
 In the third case the event is not
disturbing you and you remain calm.
 Cognitive Errors/Biases
 Disturbed evaluations of situations often occur
through cognitive errors or biases. Cognitive errors
often arise from faulty assumptions or
misconceptions. Some cognitive errors that cause
unhappiness are (David Burns in his book ‘Feeling
Good’, 1999):
 Fundamental attribution error: We judge others on
their personality or fundamental character, but we judge
ourselves on the basis of situation
“Akshay is late for the class as he is lazy; I am late
for the class as there was traffic jam on road”.
 Self-serving bias: Our failures are situational but
successes are our responsibility
“I got the award because I worked hard; I failed
as I was not supported”
 Halo effect: If a person has one positive trait, it will
spill over the other traits (same for negative traits)
“Disha cannot be mean, she is so cute”
“Manan is irresponsible; don’t tell me he is
sensible”
 Naïve realism: We believe that we observe objective
reality and that other people are irrational, uninformed
and biased.
“I see the world as it really is… others are dumb
 All-or-Nothing Thinking: also called Black and white
Thinking or Dichotomous Thinking. This includes
viewing things in extremes, with no middle ground –
excellent or terribly bad, success or failure, right or
wrong, moral or immoral and so on. “If I didn’t get A
grade, I am a failure in life.” This kind of thinking is
unrealistic because nothing is absolute in life.
 Authority bias: We trust and more often are influenced
by the authority figures
“My teacher told me it was fine”
 IKEA effect: We place higher values on things we
partially created ourselves
“Don’t you love this pot that I bought. I painted it
myself”
 Declinism: We tend to romanticize the past and view
the future negatively, believing that societies and
institutions are largely in decline
“In our days, kids had more respect”
 Pessimism bias: We sometimes overestimate the
likelihood of bad outcomes
“Nothing will ever get better”
 Optimism bias: We sometimes are overoptimistic about
good outcomes
“Its going to turn out great”
 Blindspot bias: We don’t think we have biases, and we
see in others more than ourselves.
“I am not biased.”
 RATIONAL EMOTIVE BEHAVIOUR
THERAPY (REBT)

REBT teaches that our belief systems, based on MUST,

SHOULD, OUGHT TO, NEEDS AND HAVE TO are
likely to create unrealistic, inaccurate and crooked
inferences and distortions in thinking. These inflexible
philosophies have to be replaced with more flexible and
self-helping attitudes. The healthy alternative to being
demanding is unconditional acceptance of humans.
 ACCEPTANCE

To be emotionally healthy, we must accept

reality, even when the reality is highly
unfortunate and unpleasant. Three types of
acceptance:

Unconditional self-acceptances

 I am not a perfect human being; I have my good

points and my bad points; There is no reason
why I must not have flaws and weaknesses; I
am no less or no more worthy than any other
human being
Unconditional other-acceptances

 Other people will treat me unfairly from time

to time; There is no reason why they must
treat me fairly; Those who treat me unfairly
are no less or no more worthy than any other
human being

Unconditional Life acceptances

 Life doesn’t always work out the way that I’d

like it to; There is no reason why life must be
the way I want it to be; Life is not necessarily
pleasant but is never awful but it is nearly
always bearable.
 A-B-C-D-E FORMULA
A – Activating Event
 I made a presentation today in the board
meeting when the entire senior management
was present. There were a few very harsh
criticisms about my presentation.
B – Irrational Belief (iB) I have about A
 I really messed up, I am no good. I am
worthless (Overgeneralization, Mental Filter,
Black and White thinking)
C – Consequences of having those beliefs
about A
 Feeling downright miserable
D – Dispute the irrational beliefs in rational
beliefs by turning them into questions and
answers
 Where is the evidence that I am a perfect
human beings and I cannot make mistakes?
 Why am I thinking that my performance has to
be either extremely good or extremely bad?
 Just because my presentation was not up to
the mark, it doesn’t make me a worthless
person? In fact, how is my worthiness related
to my achievement?
E – Effective new thinking - substitute something
rational instead of iB
 It is unrealistic to expect that everyone’s views should
be same as mine.
 Nowhere is it mentioned that I should make a good
impression. It is not possible for everyone to like me
and my work all the time. If they do so, it’s great, if
they don’t it’s not the end of the world.
 Even with criticisms there were some points which
were appreciated as well. So how can I label my
performance as bad?
 Just because my performance was not up to the mark
it doesn’t make me a worthless person.
 I am too hard on myself. If I try to be perfect, I feel
stressed, and disappointed with myself.

Result: Feeling less miserable

Analyze these situations on the basis of
A-B-C-D-E
 “I see rampant dishonesty in my office. I see my colleagues in
Marketing accepting bribe from customers. I see Purchase
folks taking bribes from suppliers and I see almost everybody
inflating their conveyance and miscellaneous expenses. I am
very upset”.
 “I have an important personal commitment tomorrow. My boss
agreed last week that he would give me leave for that. Now
he says that I have to come to the office tomorrow (for some
work which surely can be done later on) and that he had
never agreed to let me take leave. What a damn liar! It’s
unfair! I can’t stand being lied to”.
 “Had a huge conflict with my best friend at work. In fact, it was
my friend who started it. Since the fight happened, he/she has
been steadily ignoring me”.
 Cognitive Errors/Biases
• Disturbed evaluations of situations often occur through
cognitive errors or biases. Cognitive errors often arise
from faulty assumptions or misconceptions. Some
cognitive errors that cause unhappiness are (David Burns
in his book ‘Feeling Good’, 1999):
• Fundamental attribution error: We judge others on
their personality or fundamental character, but we judge
ourselves on the basis of situation
“Akshay is late for the class as he is lazy; I am late
for the class as there was traffic jam on road”.
• Self-serving bias: Our failures are situational but
successes are our responsibility
“I got the award because I worked hard; I failed
as I was not supported”
• Halo effect: If a person has one positive trait, it will
spill over the other traits (same for negative traits)
“Disha cannot be mean, she is so cute”
“Manan is irresponsible; don’t tell me he is
sensible”
• Naïve realism: We believe that we observe objective
reality and that other people are irrational, uninformed
and biased.
“I see the world as it really is… others are dumb
• All-or-Nothing Thinking: also called Black and white
Thinking or Dichotomous Thinking. This includes
viewing things in extremes, with no middle ground –
excellent or terribly bad, success or failure, right or
wrong, moral or immoral and so on. “If I didn’t get A
grade, I am a failure in life.” This kind of thinking is
unrealistic because nothing is absolute in life.
• Authority bias: We trust and more often are influenced
by the authority figures
“My teacher told me it was fine”
• IKEA effect: We place higher values on things we
partially created ourselves
“Don’t you love this pot that I bought. I painted it
myself”
• Declinism: We tend to romanticize the past and view
the future negatively, believing that societies and
institutions are largely in decline
“In our days, kids had more respect”
• Pessimism bias: We sometimes overestimate the
likelihood of bad outcomes
“Nothing will ever get better”
• Optimism bias: We sometimes are overoptimistic about
good outcomes
“Its going to turn out great”
• Blindspot bias: We don’t think we have biases, and we
see in others more than ourselves.
“I am not biased.”
 Ethics in
Counseling
Obligations of Counselors
 Counsellors are for the client. Those who
violate their clients’ trust, are insensitive
to clients’ needs and values, use their
power exploitatively, or experiment with
counselling interventions for which they
have no training or experience are acting
unethically.
 They are supposed to be loyal to the
institution that employs them and to
promote the good reputation of the
counselling profession.
ETHICAL PRINCIPLES
 RESPECT FOR AUTONOMY
 BENEFICENCE
 NONMALEFICENCE
 JUSTICE
 FIDELITY
COMMON ETHICAL VIOLATIONS
BY COUNSELORS
 Using counselling sessions to discuss the
counsellor’s problems
 Violations of confidentiality,
 Misrepresentation of competence
 Sexual Exploitation of the Client
 Non-sexual dual relationships like
borrowing money from clients, employing
their clients in their practices, or begin a
close personal relationship with a current
client.
 WHY UNETHICAL?
 Some counsellors blunder into unethical
actions because “they just didn’t think about
the ethical issues” or they weren’t familiar
with the code of ethics of the profession.
 Other counsellors act unethically because
their primary motivation is self-interest or
because they think codes of ethics are for
professionals who are less experienced or
gifted than they are.
 Professionals sometimes act unethically
because they are distracted by personal
difficulties or are made especially needy by a
personal crisis.
Assessment of the
Problems
 The Problem?
• Is the problem within the individual?
• Is this a problem that the client has irrespective of the
organization? Could it be an interpersonal problem he/she
had since childhood? Depression that has been around for
a long time?
• Is the problem because of specific work situation that the
client is in? Sexual harassment, bullying, difficult manager,
poor team relationship, bad work environment? Could
there be an interplay of dynamics specific to the work
environment, or come directly from the work itself to the
client or for which the client has little responsibility?
• Is the problem due to factors outside work? An unhappy
marriage, problems with children, family, financial
problems, medical illness?
• Is the problem due to the organization? Poor
management, change within the organization, redundancy,
reorganization, downsizing?
Assessment of individual and/or organization

Who needs help and what help is needed?

• Is the individual dysfunctional?

• Is the individual growing?
• Is the organization dysfunctional?
• Is the organization growing?
 EUSTRESS
SELF- COLECTIVE
(DEVELOPMENT)
ACTUALIZATION EVOLUTION

Individual Synergistic
Excellence Excellence

INDIVIDUAL STRESS ORGANIZATION

Organizationally
Personal
precipitated
Difficulties
difficulties

PERSONAL DISTRESS SYSTEMIC

DISINTEGRATION (BREAKDOWN) DESTRUCTION
Assessment of the client within the organization

• Obtain a clear description of the situation

troubling the employee
• Determine who sees the situation as
problematic
• Why has the situation become problematic?
• How often has the situation occurred and for
how long?
• What efforts have been made to deal with the
situation?
• What solutions are possible and what helping
resources may be required?
 GUIDE MAP TO THE COUNSELOR

Complaint - some questions:

• When did it all start?
• What else was happening at that time?
• Has it occurred before, when?
• What triggered it off?
• What does it feel like?
• Who else knows about it?
 History
During history taking it is important to also to monitor
how things are being told, e.g., as a joke, matter of
the fact, despairing, cynical, angry, detached, too fast
(not wanting to be heard), too slow.
In reviewing life history, start with the most
immediate:
• Adult life: occupation, current and past
relationships, social and work context, physical
problems,
• Childhood: family structure, role models,
rivalries, cruelties, abuses, family rules, etc.
• Adolescence:
• Any history of psychological disturbances
 Reformulations
The essence of reformulation in the
context of assessment is a brief linking of
clients presenting problems with his or
her coping strategies in early life. The
content is:

• This is what you bring

• This is how I understand it
• This is how we understand it together
AIM
• Clarify what the client hopes from
counseling and what you think you
can offer

PLAN FOR SUCCESS

POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY
 WHAT IS POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY?

“Positive psychology is the scientific study of what

makes life most worth living” (Peterson, 2008).
The positive psychology movement is founded on three
maxims:
 “What is good in life is as genuine as what is bad. …

 What is good in life is not simply the absence of what

is problematic. …
 And third, the good life requires its own explanation,

not simply a theory of disorder stood sideways or

flipped on its head.”
In positive psychology, there is an emphasis on
meaning, not just on fleeting happiness. Martin
Seligman, often regarded as the godfather of positive
psychology, has described three paths to happiness:
 the Pleasant Life (Hollywood’s view of happiness),

 the Good Life (focused on personal strengths and

states of "flow"),
 and the Meaningful Life (aimed toward a higher
purpose).
What we should strive for is eudaimonia—Aristotle’s
concept of flourishing—rather than hedonia (pleasure).
Positive psychology focuses on the positive events
and influences in life, including:
 Positive experiences (like happiness, joy,
inspiration, and love).
 Positive states and traits (like gratitude, resilience
and compassion).
 Positive institutions (applying positive principles

within entire organizations and institutions).

 History
 1960’s-70’s: Learned helplessness leading to depression by
Seligman
 Frustrated with the focus on being the narrow and the negative
focus of psychology
 Felt that too much attention was paid to mental illness, abnormal
psychology, trauma, suffering, and pain, and relatively little
attention was dedicated to happiness, well-being, exceptionalism,
strengths, and flourishing.
 Elected as president of American Psychological Association in
1998.
 He proposed a new subfield of psychology with a focus on what is
life-giving rather than life-depleting.
 The foundational paper of this new field, positive psychology, was
published in 2000
 A relatively small change in one’s perspective can
lead to astounding shifts in well-being and quality
of life. Injecting a bit more optimism and gratitude
into your life is a simple action that can give you a
radically more positive outlook on life.

 Positive psychology was not established to replace

traditional psychology, but to complement it with a
positive bias that’s just as strong as psychology’s
negative bias over the last several decades.
 Researches on Positive Psychology
 People overestimate the impact of money on their happiness by quite a
lot.
 Spending money on experiences provides a bigger boost to happiness than
spending money on material possessions
 Gratitude is a big contributor to happiness in life, suggesting that the more
we cultivate gratitude, the happier we will be
 Oxytocin may provoke greater trust, empathy, and morality in humans,
meaning that giving hugs or other shows of physical affection may give
you a big boost to your overall well-being
 Those who intentionally cultivate a positive mood to match the outward
emotion they need to display (i.e., in emotional labor) benefit by more
genuinely experiencing the positive mood.
 Happiness is contagious;
 People who perform acts of kindness towards others not only get a boost
in well-being, they are also more accepted by their peers
 Positive psychology and workplace
Positive psychology also lends itself to improvements in the
workplace:
 Positive emotions boost our job performance;

 Positive emotions in the workplace are contagious, which

means one positive person or team can have a ripple

effect that extends through the entire organization;
 Small, simple actions can have a big impact on our

happiness, meaning that it doesn’t take much to

encourage your workplace to become a happier and more
positive place.
 Positive psychology ultimately leads to Success
 The flip side is:
 Forcing people who are not naturally optimists to “just think
positively” can do more harm than good; unrealistic optimism is
detrimental, along with intense pessimism
 For defensive pessimists, worrying about upcoming challenges is
not only a way of life but also a healthy coping strategy that
helps them prepare for adversity. For defensive pessimists,
positive psychology has a decidedly negative side.
 If you knew someone in school who drove everyone nuts
worrying about how he/she would do on exams and who ended
up getting A pluses on all of her his/her exams, he/she was a
defensive pessimist.
 For some people, a purely positive approach to everyday life
appears to backfire
 Goals of positive psychology in counseling

 To positively impact the client’s life—this goal is above all

others, and all others feed indirectly into this goal. The main
goal of counseling is to improve the client’s life.
 Increase the client’s experience of positive emotions;
 Help clients identify and develop their strengths and unique
talents;
 Cultivate the client’s sense of happiness and well-being;
 Nurture a sense of gratitude in the client;
 Help the client build and maintain healthy, positive
relationship with others;
 Encourage the client to maintain an optimistic outlook;
 Help the client learn to savor every positive moment
Model of Positive Psychology: PREMA (Seligman, 2000)
Enhancing Sense of Well-being
 Experiencing more positive emotions; do more of the things that
make you happy, and bring enjoyment into your daily routine;
 Working on upping your engagement; pursue hobbies that interest
you, develop your skills, and look for a job more suited to your
passions, if necessary;
 Improve the quality (and/or quantity) of your relationships with
others; work on building more positive and supportive relationships
with your friends, family, and significant other(s);
 Seek out meaning; if you don’t find it through your work, look for it
in volunteering opportunities, personal hobbies or leisure activities,
or acting as a mentor for others;
 Keep your focus on achieving your goals—but don’t focus too hard;
try to keep your ambition in balance with all of the other important
things in life (Seligman, 2011).
 Criticisms of the Movement
 Research findings are often invalid, overstated, and
misleading.
 There is too much emphasis on self-report and cross-
sectional survey data.
 Positive psychology has a cultural and ethnocentric bias
 The field is too individualistic.
 Positive psychology is just a promotion of a
“Pollyanna” personality type (happy, bubbly, cheerful,
extroverted), not an authentic exploration of the good
life.
Managing Emotions
 Emotions
 Emotions are mental state that arise
spontaneously rather than through conscious
effort and are often accompanied by
physiological changes. Emotions are expressed
in two ways during a counseling session:
 Clients may be in an emotional state to start
with or may suddenly have an emotional
outburst in the course of conversation.
 They may be repressing emotions in a
detrimental way.
 Working with people means working
with emotions
 When people are
working at a common
place, emotions will
play a role
 “Don’t bring your
personal problems to
work” is one of the
variations of the
argument that
emotions are
inappropriate in the
workplace
 Types of Emotions
Happiness -Happiness is a positive emotion. It is an
expression of pleasure, contentment, good-luck or good
fortune. Positive emotion

Surprise -An expression used when something unexpected

or sudden occurs. Positive emotion
 Disgust – Disgust is a strong feeling of dislike. Negative

 Fear -A feeling that something dreadful or dangerous is

about to happen. Negative
 Anger: Anger is a strong feeling of annoyance and
displeasure. Negative

Sadness: The state of being sad, unhappy, sorrowful, or

mournful. Negative


 Outburst and Ventilation
 Emotions need to be discharged before defining
them or managing them.
 Allow them to ventilate. Accept their expression
and release.
 The problem in society is that it is considered to
be shameful to show ones emotions.
 The concept of professionalism is to not to show
emotions and ignore them. People generally
adhere to “logical” and “matter of the fact”
problem solving.
 Release of emotions
 Crying is a healthy release of emotions.
 Anger also should be allowed to express till it is not
harming others and the company property.
 Anything discussed during strong emotional state will
not be heard, therefore release is important.
 Useful comments in the form of reflection, and
reassurance that feelings are normal is all that is
needed.
 This would lead to the beginning of viewing of the
problems in a logical manner but don’t deal with the
deep seated long-term emotions.
 Repression of emotions
Two ways:
1. Feeling Thoughts Behaviour

 Thoughts are the expression of feelings which get reflected in

behaviour. If there is an awkward beahviour, it may be due to
repressed feeling. Feelings are often displaced into easier and
safer targets. e.g.
 Inadequacy displaced into compulsive perfectionism
 Anger towards dominating partner displaced into taking it out on
subordinates.
 Once the feeling is revealed, acknowledged , expressed and
accepted the tendency of that behaviour is reduced.
 The counsellor has to either reflect on the emotional content of
their communication or ask direct questions about what they
feel.
 Positive Thinking
The other way:
2. Thoughts Feeling Behaviour

 In this one starts with a positive thoughts, it

affects the feelings and then gets manifested in
behaviour
Power of Positive Thinking
 Positive Thinking works only after negative
feelings have been validated; otherwise its just a
way of repressing them.
Emotional Blocks to Take Actions
Emotional blocks can impede people from taking
actions. Some common blocks are:

 Fear of failure
 Fear of other people’s reaction to their change
 Fear of high expectations from others
 Uncertainty about choices
 Difficulty in visualizing self in new position or role
 Fear of unknown and risk

People are creature of habits and somehow comfortable

in their position. They get used to being unhappy and
change threatens them
 Need for Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence is very

important for all employees as it is one
of the important deciding factor for
conflict and relationship management
resulting in motivation, retention, self
management & managing others.
Is emotional intelligence about delay
in gratification or something
more???
The concept of Emotional Intelligence is all about
bringing intelligence to our emotions or in other
words managing one’s emotional life with
intelligence.
The idea is not to repress feeling but rather to do
what Aristotle considered the hard work of the will.
He says in ‘Nicomachean Ethics’’
“Anyone can become angry that is easy,” but to be
angry
 with the right person,
 to the right degree,
 at the right time,
 for the right purpose, and
 in the right way
—this is not easy.”
ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY
INTELLIGENT?

OR

YOU STILL THINK (not feel) THAT IQ

MATTERS MORE THAN EQ
 IQ v/s EQ
The research shows
20%
that IQ can help you to IQ

be successful to the
extent of 20 percent 80%
EQ
only in life. The rest of
80 percent success
depends on your EQ
 WHAT IS “SUCCESS?”

 Is it your IQ: Exams passed, competitions

cleared, percentage of marks in schools and
colleges, academic qualifications etc.

 Earning fat salary, top positions in

workplace, being rich and wealthy,
powerful, dominating, being influential etc.
 OR SUCCESS IS SOMETHING ELSE?
The word "success" is a relative term
 Reaching a top position in carrier may be an
indicator of success for others
 For some having a satisfying job and/or having lot
of money may be an indicator of success
 Living a healthy and happy life may be an indicator
of success for some.
 Only the tangible achievements may not be
indicators of success in life. Many a times non-
tangible performance or achievements may be
termed as successful.
 A high EQ may help us to be successful in life!!!
 What Exactly Is EQ?
Emotional intelligence or Emotional
Quotient is simply defined as:
 Knowing what feels good, what feels bad,
and how to get from bad to good.
 Knowing your emotions and knowing
emotion of others.
 It refers to emotional management skills
which provide competency to balance
emotions and reason so as to maximize
long term happiness.
 Emotional Intelligence

Bosses and leaders, in particular, need high EQ because

they represent the organization to the public, they
interact with the highest number of people within and
outside the organization and they set the tone for
employee morale
Leaders with empathy are able to understand their
employee's needs and provide them with constructive
feedback when they require it.
 Why Emotional Intelligence is
necessary

Helps us handle Teaches us to cope when change &

adversity & set back uncertainty hits our personal or
professional lives.
 Help us in being focussed
Help to manage effective
and stay on track by
relationship.
remembering purpose &
vision.
It also provides us with the All employees want a
courage to push against the supportive, caring
system to make necessary Supervisor or Manager
changes for their people. who has their best
interests at heart
Developing EI in the workplace
• Developing EI in the
workplace means
acknowledging that
emotions are always
present, and doing
something intelligent with
them.
• People derail because of
classic emotional failings,
not the lack of technical
skills
Probabilities of not having an Good Emotional
Intelligence and their consequences

There are adverse consequences to have low

emotional intelligence. These includes:-


Relationship Problems as a
result of conflict
Poor decision making
capability
Rage in the workplace

Failure to advance in career

 Can EQ Be Measured?

YES. Though some critics may argue

that emotional traits can not be
measured accurately, the psychologists
have shown that EI can be measured by
using standardized scientific tools.
 THE POWER OF REWORKING
YOUR LIFE’S STORY: LIFELINE
 Creating a Lifeline
 It’s been said that a picture is worth a thousand words.
 If so then capturing your life on paper with a lifeline
exercise may be worth millions.
 A lifeline or timeline exercise is a grid that allows you
to have a bird’s eye view of your life, and to see the
positive and negative shifts along the way on a single
trajectory.
 It can be a tool to make conscious self-directed changes
that, literally, rewire your brain to heal itself.
 Our brain has an innate capacity to make changes in
positive, healing directions.
 Benefits of Lifeline
Everyone has a unique lifeline.
It consists of a series of events, trends and turns that culminate in
producing cycles of positive and negative shifts, highs and lows in the
course of a lifetime from birth.
It helps us:
 To recognize key achievements, growth opportunities, lessons,
persons, new wisdom, and so on.
 Realize the value of negative shifts as opportunities toward positive
shifts.
 Increase a sense of purpose by connecting life events in new ways.
 Find new meanings between your life at present in relation to your
past and future.
 Understand how your experiences better prepare you to face future
challenges.
Re-working your life’s story?
 Your story tells you who you are, what you believe, and how
to best fulfill your emotional needs to matter and
meaningfully connect with others and life around you.
 Everyone has a story, or stories, because humans are story
tellers by nature.
 A story has a limiting focus, it is likely to produce de-
energizing or disempowering emotional states inside.
 Your story is powerful because your sense of self-worth lives
in your storyline.
 The toxic thinking and limiting beliefs of the subconscious
mind can unnecessarily activate your defense strategies,
which can jam or have a paralyzing effect on the otherwise
amazing abilities of your brain for reflective thought.
 The bottom line is that, unless you learn to let go, for
example, of your need for others’ approval to feel
worthwhile, you will have difficulties in effectively
processing emotions of fear and anger in ways that
allow your brain to engage certain natural integrative
processes that your brain is willing and able to
accomplish.
 When you let of giving others power to define you, you
create internal shifts, that allow you to take ownership
of your story, and embrace new possibilities, i.e., to
experience greater acceptance of your intrinsic value
and worth.
 Seeking meaningful connections in life is an innate emotional drive,
a uniquely human characteristic. In many ways, life is a lifelong
process of telling your story, filling in the details as you go along,
interpreting and reinterpreting the meanings.
 In addition to capturing these meanings, this exercise is an
opportunity to examine and accordingly shift the focus of how you
relate, i.e., to yourself, your life, your past, as well as your thoughts,
emotions, needs, passions, wants, and so on.
 It takes courage, however, to liberate your mind from old stories,
and to stand instead in the truth of your highest aspirations of who
you yearn to be.
 To probe more deeply, we can move on to the next Phase.
 Phase 3 – Deepen awareness of self and life

 A timeline is a unique way to tell your life story, a

contemplative exercise that provides an opportunity to
capture the positive and negative shifts of your life on a
single trajectory – from where you may also choose to
create new, potentially healing shifts in meaning.
 Phase 3 is designed to deepen your awareness and
knowledge of certain aspects of your life story, and
how past experiences shape the present
 Awareness is key. Making conscious what is subconscious
in itself activates dynamic processes of neural integration in
your brain and body, such as growth of new neurons and
changes or expansion of existing connections between
neurons.
 The goal here is to use the timeline you put together in
Phases 1 and 2 to deepen your awareness, more specifically,
to develop your capacity to consciously observe how past
experiences and responses shape the present, and
additionally, to understand, perhaps even to appreciate, the
value of past events, even negative ones, in strengthening
who you are today
Looking at your timeline, in a notebook or journal, write
down your responses to some or all of the following thoughts
and questions (or similar ones):
 Identify any negative turns, big or small. Reflect on what
you may have gained or learned. Consider any redemptive
value and how this might have contributed value to your
life.
 Identify key decisions that, in retrospect, were fruitful. In
each case, what made the choice effective? What positive
results did it produce? How did you respond at the time
(thoughts/feelings) to each decision/results? At what point
did you know this decision was a ‘good’ one?
 Identify choices that didn’t turn out well. In each case, what made
this a poor choice? What were the costs? How did you respond to
each (thoughts/feelings in response to choose/outcomes)? When
did you conclude this to be a poor choice?
 What key differences and similarities, can you identify between

the ‘strategies’ you’ve used to make decisions that are effective

versus ineffective?
 Look more closely, see if you can identify the ‘steps’ you take
(patterns of thought/feeling/action) think/feel/act) in executing
effective strategies; do the same for the ineffective ones.
Phase 3 questions can also be helpful in fostering mutual
understanding and teamwork between partners in couple
relationships, or a group of friends, extended family members,
business associates, and so on.
 The choice is yours, and always there.
 The personal lifeline exercise can be an amazing opportunity to take
the reins as captain of your life, by taking key decisions out of the
hands of your subconscious mind, and choosing instead to step into
the role of conscious choice maker and captain of your life ship.
 It highlights how your life is shaped not just by the power of past
events, but also by your expectations and beliefs about what
possibilities the future holds.
 Telling and re-telling your story is a process of interpreting and
reinterpreting the meanings. Your life story is rich with meaning, and
putting your timeline on paper can capture essential meanings, and
bird’s eye view of your entire life.
 It takes courage, however, to examine old ways of doing things, and
then to consciously act in ways that liberate your mind from old
stories and move on with the new ones.
 The power of the timeline exercise resides in using it to
create positive, changes in your brain.
 Creating a timeline of your life’s story is a process you
can use to make new sense of your life, and grow the
courage, integrity and compassion you need to take the
reins of your body-mind emotional energies, to disallow
them from ruling your life and to take the reins as the
agent of your life.
 Thinking of yourself as a communicator, creator and
choice maker opens up space and opportunities to create
new shifts and healing meanings, a new reality.
 Do we sometimes project
suppressed parts of ourselves
onto others?
 Why we sometimes choose these
"hated" people for our close
relationships?
 The truth is that man’s real life consists
of inexplorable opposites – day & night,
birth & death, happiness & misery, good
& evil, persona & shadow.
 We are not sure that which one will
prevail over the other. Life is a
battleground. It always has been and
always will be.
 The shadow, said celebrated Swiss
psychiatrist C.G. Jung, is the unknown
‘‘dark side’’ of our personality–-dark both
because
 It tends to consist predominantly of the
primitive, negative, socially or religiously
depreciated human emotions and impulses
like sexual lust, power strivings, selfishness,
greed, envy, anger or rage,
 and due to its unenlightened nature, it is
completely obscured from consciousness.
 Whatever we deem evil, inferior or
unacceptable and deny in ourselves
becomes part of the shadow, the
counterpoint to what Jung called
the persona or conscious ego personality.

 The shadow is a primordial part of our

human inheritance which can never be
eluded.
 Defense mechanism known as projection is
how most people deny their shadow.
 Projection is one of the commonest and
inevitable psychic phenomenon.
 Everything that is unconscious in ourselves,
we discover in others, and we treat them
accordingly (Carl Jung, Archaic Man).
 The shadow is destructive, insidious and
dangerous when habitually repressed and
projected,
 It then manifests itself in myriad psychological
disturbances ranging from neurosis to
psychosis, irrational interpersonal hostility, and
even cataclysmic clashes among people.
 The first sign of shadow projection appears
as a strong emotional reaction to anyone or
anything in the environment.
 The instinctive reflex arising out of such
affect then projects the source of the feeling
outwardly onto some other person, thing or
situation, often in the form of emotionally
pungent criticism and blame.
 It is this very tendency, in fact, which can
serve as the prime indicator that the shadow
is in play.
 By becoming mindfully aware of the people
to whom the persona is positively or
negatively attracted, it is possible to
recognize the shadow.
 To detect and integrate the shadow it is
suggested that the individuals need to
investigate their own first-person experience
during the act of fault-finding.
 The emphasis should be on inquiring
into why and how such criticism arises,
particularly on how its very development
emanates from a failure to acknowledge much
greater defects within themselves.
 The fact is that if one tries beyond one’s
capacity to be perfect, the shadow descends
into hell and becomes a devil.

 The shadow must never be dismissed as

merely evil or demonic, for it contains
natural, life-giving, underdeveloped positive
potentialities too.

 Coming to terms with the shadow and

constructively accepting and assimilating it
into the conscious personality is central to
the process of Jungian analysis.