Um e laila

MBA 1
19P00024

2/17/2020
Editing for conciseness
6-27: At a price of 50
A price of 50
6-28: still remains
Remains

Editing for conciseness (long words)

6.29 The old calculator is not effective for solving hard problems
Editing for conciseness (Lengthy phrases)
6.30: It is important that the payments be stopped before extreme deficit is collected
6.31: Mr. Smith’s uncaring attitude at world place warrant punishment and could impact his
promotion.

Editing for conciseness (lengthy phrases)

6-35: They didn’t find evidence for believing in the future
6-36: To destruct of a dream is tragic

Editing for conciseness (lengthy phrases)

6-37: If
6-38: so that, that
6-45: Now
6-46: No doubt

Editing for conciseness (lengthy phrases)

6-47: We belief that writing is important
6-48: A price have to increase
6-49: We will have our goals shortly
Editing for clarity (Hedging):
6-54: someone entered illegally
6-55: The changes in corporate culture in the long term are important
Editing for clarity (parallelism)
6-65: She knows accounting and read Latin
6-66: Both applicants were in their thirties, had families, were college graduates, and had
considerable experience; but they lacked social connections.
6-67: This book was exciting well written and interesting
6-68: Don works hard and knows bookkeeping

Editing for clarity

6-71: The gold-embossed keys to 34A and 35A have been given to the production manager
6-72: John received his laser printer, and Megin got her dot matrix printer.
6-73: The walnut desk cost $300 more than the oak desk.
6-92: The board of directors recommended that Mr. Ronson be assigned to a new division.
February 17, 2020

Ms. Wilson
122 River Heights Drive
Bettendorf, IA 52722

Dear Ms. Wilson:

In reference to our recent conversation regarding FG program, I have enclosed a brochure that
explains all the details of the program. I am pleased to hear that people of Brother Electric are
planning to join us. We will be privileged to give Brother Electric a 20 percent discount on all
rooms and services; moreover your executives can avail the health club service for free.
Your frequent Guest Corporate Members ID card is enclosed. Please use your card to avail
outstanding facilities on discount. We have excellent convention facilities and banquet rooms to
conduct convention and meetings. Our corporate members can get special discounts on these hall
bookings.
In addition to this, we are planning a special thanksgiving weekend rate in Chicago; please visit
us there. If you may have any query, kindly feel free to call me personally. I will be glad to
answer them.
Sincerely,
Mary Cortez
Accounts Representative