Uais press

The Vacation guide::

For all your Unedifying Needs

Eat Gourmet Travel

In this Vacation Guide

Sites 2-4
Politics 5
Sports 5-6

Music 6-7

Express yourself Hang out High-Five of the Month 8

Important Dates

**Mark your calendars

 November 24-26=
Thanksgiving Break
 December 20= Extended
Essay topics due
 December 21= Next News-
paper
 December 22– Jan 2= Holi-
day Break
 PAGE 2 UAIS PRESS

Welcome to the tundra

By: Eric Krysinski
Do you have a taste for adventure? Do amazing creature will ride reindeer limelight of quiz bowl, and a game of iPad
you like dealing with wild creatures? Do through your tanks, flight simulator. If
you hate your fingers and toes? If you and scare you with you see this magnifi-
answered yes to any of these, or even if his fearsome lecture cent creature, do
you answered no, then visit Mr. Layson’s bark, but don’t be not disturb him!
room! With temperatures ranging from a afraid, he is actually Once one becomes
warm, sunny -15 degrees Fahrenheit and a big soft teddy accustomed to the
dropping below a breezy 0 degrees Kel- bear known to be- freezing tempera-
vin, this snowy and picturesque land- friend the brave. tures, amazing land-
scape is dominated by the frozen stacks The fearsome Lay- scape, and frighten-
of unchecked four column notes and son can also be ing creatures, one
ungraded t4’s. If you can brave the frigid seen accompanied can see that this
unknown, you may see the most magnifi- by the charming section of Siberia is
cent but fearsome creature, the wild Lay- and intelligent Dob- actually the closest
son! With roots back in Finland, this bie, who enjoys a good walk in the thing to an island paradise that we have in

A P l ac e to U n w i n d
By: kashan wasti
Everyone gets stressed out, especially But wait there’s more! Also, for a limited time like this must cost a fortune! Well, it does, but
students of UAIS. To counter act this in Mr. Spear’s room, the Secret Procrastination don’t worry your 3 inch binders because you
stressful life, students go Army can whip you into can get all this by dipping into your IB exam
to Mr. Spear’s room! studying shape! It’s a treat- fund, a $700 value, for just 10 easy pay-
There you can tell Mr. ment for those times when ments of $69.99! Quite a steal if you ask me!
Spear himself everything talking just isn’t enough! So remember, if you’re feeling the world is
that seems to be bother- Anyone can go there feel- unkind, come down to Mr. Spear’s to un-
ing you and he will be ing upset, depressed, or just wind! Results may vary. Side effects include,
glad to help you out! You downright lazy, and come but are not limited to, nausea, heartburn,
will come out feeling like out feeling like a new per- indigestion, upset stomach, or even diarrhea.
new, and ready to tackle son ready to brave the To solve this problem, take generous
those hours of home- world of IB schooling! You amounts of Pepto Bismol. Thank you.
work you have been procrastinating on! may be thinking that a wonderful treatment

T h e L u x u r i o u s L i b r a ry
By: Juana Gasso
With everything that UAIS has easier on your teenage wits, think of sharing this testing experience with the
to offer you on your relaxing journey, our beautiful new library as the most whole school: UAIS students, Heritage
no site is more frustrating to have de- exclusive students, UAIS
nied access to than our brand new li- party: better staff, Heritage
brary. Although there is no doubt that fantasize Staff…
the untouched library is big, bright, and then com-
So, if you are look-
beautiful, people seem to forget that it plain, right?
ing to get your
is crucial that we are able to use it when The old cli-
head wrapped in
we need to. The few times people are ché still
signs that say,
allowed in, they enjoy the technology holds true:
“Closed without a
and books galore, but especially now, you always
teacher present”,
all of those wonderful and necessary want what
then take a stroll
resources are collecting dust, and, as a you can’t
to our library and
result, our educational experiences are have. It’s
perhaps you will
suffering. Since we can’t do anything time to make
have the privilege
about any of this nonsense job cutting— the most of
of losing your hair
besides write about it in a meager it. It’s okay
in a kind donation
newspaper that none of the right peo- though be-
to help our economy bring back a full
ple read—we are going to have to think cause even teachers are getting in on
time library staff.
of this positively. So, to make this a bit the fun, and that’s the best part—
 VOLUME 3, ISSUE 2 PAGE 3

Urban spas at a location near you

By: Joseph Schroder
When you get the chance, stop by and try - Our newest attraction is the modern teen- Ladies, check out our Girls Only Social
out our free Washroom Facilities and Ur- age angst art gallery. Here students may Support and Interpersonal Program
ban Spas in several locations throughout view messages and artistic works left by (GOSSIP). Here, young women meet
the school. other stu- to discuss their social problems and
Here students dents on provide encouragement to each
have the op- the walls or other. By creating support groups
portunity to stalls so that the ladies are able to move on and
relieve them- the entire learn once more, at least for the day
selves of their room be- or until the next session. This is the
burdens and comes a location specialized daughter pro-
wash away living art- gram of our Girls Anonymous.
their worries. work. Little
Gentlemen looking for a quiet retreat
do they
Accommoda- from a hectic schedule are invited
know that
tions include: also. Suggested times are within any
this act of
class period to avoid unwanted traffic
- Our cutting adding
through the area. Or if you are feel-
edge water artwork is
ing in a more sociable mood, bring a
therapy where certainly
friend and discuss the latest in news
individuals may not con-
and politics.
relax to the doned by
refreshing and the al- Whatever your need we can help:
soothing mighty rest- whether short stops throughout the
sounds of running water room Gods. day to regain some sanity, whole
class periods to pull yourself together,
- Comfort adjusted colors and light fix-
or if you just like the atmosphere; the
tures insure the bland and hazy walls and
We even offer gender specific work- facilities are here for you.
ceiling are sure to dull the sharp realities
shops.
students face elsewhere

W h at ’ s B l ac k , Y e l l ow, A n d s o u n d s l i k e s c r e a m i n g k i d s ?
By: Megan Penzkofer
The UAIS transportation system cause some degree of hearing loss.) Our ing effect of the bumpy road and the bright
can be considered one of the finest in the bus drivers are friendly, and don’t mind if lights of passing cars. Feel free to drift off to
world; our fleet of yellow buses (or, as I you occa- sleep with
prefer to say, “heavy-duty luxury vehicles”sionally your head
) are capable of carrying hundreds of bring a rested un-
students from place to place. There’s forbidden comfortably
nothing more comforting than a brisk drink or on the
walk to the bus stop in the morning, and highly freezing-
standing outside in that icy air is a brac-destructive cold win-
ing way to wake up and prepare yourself stick of dow;
for a long day. Fresh coffee, bathrooms, gum onto maybe it’ll
tissues, a trash can, and a comfy place to the bus— help you
sleep are NOT provided in the UAIS trans- as long as make it
portation system, but we hope you enjoy we clean through
the rest of our wonderful features! up after that lecture
ourselves. you have to
Our buses are equipped with a
They un- listen to
high-quality heating system; it remains
derstand today.
on 24/7, even in the summertime! We
as well as
also provide you with a stereo-quality, After your
we do that
blaring performance of the best radio hits half-hour
waking up
of 2006. Let your eardrums relax to the (and half-
at 5 in the
voices of Britney Spears, Gwen Stefani, asleep) journey to school has ended, we
morning is not the most fun thing to go
and, of course, Hannah Montana. (Please drop you off at UAIS in perfect time to make
through every day. They drive as best as
don’t listen to iPods. Turning them up to it to your locker and to class before the bell
they can, allowing you to enjoy the calm-
listen to the music you actually like may rings, relaxed and ready for another day.
 PAGE 4 UAIS PRESS

UAIS Museum
By: Leanne Pregizer
The Utica Academy for International entations on different artistic tech- Students have thoroughly researched
Studies has many talented students niques and styles. Students are consis- different theatrical methods from
who enjoy sharing their artistic abilities. tently challenged by Mermaid Khan to around the world and learn to take
If you are in search for some free enter- stray away from their comfort zones difficult and emotional roles. The re-
tainment, stop by the music room for and try new styles of nowned Mr.
quality vocal, band and orchestra per- art. The art being Kuhlman also
formances. Pieces of music vary from shown by the students challenges
Queen to John Williams. Special events is varied from three students to
include lectures on music history from dimensional art to pen design sets
the world famous Dr. Fox and Ms. and ink drawings. This and costumes,
Hofer. If you prefer a more cultural style part of the museum is making thea-
of music, stop by for world music pres- very engaging because tre a highly
entations from the students at UAIS. the art stands out, and engaging
Students creatively inform others of is very lively. The artists classroom.
different music around the world, and at the academy are This free spir-
bring the music to life. Being chal- very skilled, and this ited atmos-
lenged to take on this task makes the part of the exhibit is a phere makes
students at the academy more well very captivating. this a great
rounded individuals. event to attend, because it makes the
If you are looking for entertain-
scenes preformed more interesting.
For a wide variety of art medi- ment that is more animated and lively,
ums, check out the art classes for pres- the theatre room is the place for you.

U - A r e - I n - a - S pa
By: salwa choudhury

Welcome to call it cruel, but cruel is give me that look; it made sense on
UAIS: U-Are-In-a- such a relative term! I feel paper! Next is the Chinese Water Tor-
Spa. I’m your that ominous may be ture Chamber: don’t worry; it builds
tour guide, so let more precise. At our next character(s)! Moving along… the four-
us begin. At this station, we have The Rack, column note room? That’s a bit extreme
facility, we pre- where guests are for a beginner. Here’s a popular one,
pare you for the stretched by their limbs the weather chamber, a duo sauna and
rest of your life. until June. This exhilarat- meat locker: for those moments when
Trust me, you ing experience will have you just yearn to understand what
come here once, you hollering for days, pneumonia and/or menopause feels
and you won’t even months. The main like. Okay, next on the list is EE, CAS…
ever feel the function of this is to act as well, I’ve think you’ve seen enough for
need to come here again; it’s truly an ex- a prelude to the future torture that may or today. See you tomorrow, bright and
perience. First, we have the guests carry a may not occur later in one’s life. I guess it’s early; to start all our UAIS activities…like
one-ton weight on their back for approxi- good to know what it feels like before you have a choice.
mately four years [See above]. Yes, some someone experiences it later in life. Don’t

A ta s t e o f t h e g o o d l i f e
By: Sana Chishti
Only at UAIS do you get the chance to doesn’t interest you, the just like Facebook, but
experience the highlife that celebrities feel gourmet cooking will. through a really loud
everyday during lunch. There’s nothing Once you take a bite of microphone. And, to
more entertaining than keeping up with our 10:30 AM pizza, sit- ensure an exclusive feel-
the gossip and stories going on at all the ting through those long ing for the students,
lunch tables. For those who like to keep first three hours of school members of the school
tabs on everyone, every seat is the perfect will be worth it. Also, staff act as bouncers out-
spot to see who’s sitting by who, and with the lunch an- side of the cafeteria
who’s rushing to finish up those last few nouncements we receive doors. So go ahead and
four column notes. With three different every so often, you can pick up a lunch tray, and
grades sharing the same room, it’s pretty stay updated for club treat yourself to some
jam packed...with drama! However, if that events and birthdays. It’s luxury!
 VOLUME 3, ISSUE 2
Election day diaries
B y: N i c o l a f i o rv e n to
Republicans. Democrats. Tea Party. One
Nation. Health Care Reform. Does any-
body understand any of this election? If
you don’t, then good, it means you’re
human, as opposed to a lawyer, or
some other proto-simian. That’s why on
Election Day, I decided to travel across
this great nation, and see some of the
idiots who are Con-
gress, and the new idi-
ots bound to replace
them.
Kentucky
With the Sen-
ate race in a dead heat
between Paul and uh…
that other guy (I
skimmed the pamphlet,
so sue me), I wanted to
go here first and see a town hall meet-
ing. As soon as I walked in the town
hall, I saw a fight brewing between a
man dressed as the Grim Reaper and a
guy in a tinfoil hat with a Dora the ex-
plorer piñata duct taped to his chest (I
wish I was joking about this). As soon as
I saw this, I got back in the car, and did-
n’t stop till I had crossed the Canadian
border, then crossed the other Ameri-
can border, bringing me to…
Disappointment
B y: s h o b i m at h e w
It’s been another year in the Motor City
with decreasing expectations from the
home basketball team, the
Detroit Pistons. With two
veteran acquisitions who
signed enormous contracts,
one would assume that Ben
Gordon and Charlie
Villanueva are worth the
immense salaries they are
being paid, but with their
poor play and lack of deter-
mination, the Motor City is
starting to sound like a joke
of a city. With a few players
remaining from the champi-
onship roster in 2004, we
hope they will all pull it to-
gether and work as a team to bring us
home another hyped-up championship
Alaska
The only person I could find
here was a woman dressed in garbage
bags, who threw one of her cats at me.
When I asked her about the Senate
election, she said “I’m the Senator! And
I’ll still be Senator after the election! I’m
invincible!!!” I
said, “Sure,
lady.”, and got
back in the car.
Turns out she
was Lisa
Murkowski.
While crossing
the border
back into Can-
ada, I could
swear I passed
a hitchhiker looking like Ted Stevens,
but it was all in my head… right?
Canada
While driving across Canada, I decided
to try to get an interview with the waste
of skin that is Michael Ignatieff, Leader
of the Opposition. However, my Tom-
Tom malfunctioned, but I didn’t realize
year. If you didn’t notice, the key word
in that sentence is hope. As for the
Detroit Lions, they are starting to in-
crease in their hype and finally look like
PAGE 5
it until I saw a sign saying “Welcome
to…
New York
Crossing the border, I decided
to turn lemons into lemonade, and
check up on the Governor’s race here.
Asking a New
Yorker on the
street, what he
thought, he told
me that he was
running for gover-
nor. At first I
thought I had an-
other Murkowski,
but then five more
people came up to
me, telling me that
they, too, were running for governor.
Turns out everybody in the state is run-
ning for governor. Tired of all this, I
went back home.
What did I learn? Heck if I
know. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have
to call a priest, Ted Stevens followed me
home!
they know what they are supposed to
be doing. The front line of defense for
Detroit is the heart and soul
of their team now because
of the immense amount of
intensity and fear they bring
to their opponents. Even
though a championship or
playoff run is not expected
out of them this season,
there is hope that this is a
transition year for the Detroit
Lions. Through this article,
there is one word that is
mentioned many times to
understand my optimism
and that word is “hope.”
 PAGE 6 UAIS PRESS

Fantasy fanatics
B y: M i c h a e l S n i d e r
At some point, playing and watching
sports travels from the sport itself to
another game all on its own. The addic-
tive online games of fantasy sports are
not only twisting the faithfulness of
long time fans of teams, but could also
be bringing down productivity rates of
workers especially during football sea-
sons.
With the premise of fantasy
sports making you root for individual
players to get big numbers for their
game week rather then your favorite
sports teams one has to be able to draw
a line as to how loyal they truly are to
their favorite sports team. For instance if
I am a die hard Detroit Lions fan (like
those exist) and the Lions just so hap-
pen to be playing the New England
Patriots this week and I have Tom
Brady, quarterback for the New Eng-
land Patriots, as my fantasy football
quarterback, who am I to root for? I
would love for Brady to come away
with three touchdown passes and 300
yards passing, but if this is going to
cause the Lions to lose then why am I
rooting against a team that I've rooted and the people your competing against
for my whole life. This is where the true usually being coworkers or fellow peers
sports fans are supposed come out and you then have to contemplate how
support their much work effort and money
team whether is being lost during fantasy
it causes their football season. It is esti-
fantasy team mated that 500 million dol-
to lose or not. lars of work productivity a
week is in fact lost during
With fantasy football season, and
currently 19 since fantasy sports popular-
million fan- ity beginning in the early
tasy sports 1990's hasn't slowed down
users in the since it began, this number is
United States bound to go nowhere but
alone you up.
have to won-
der what kind While the addictive-
of time peo- ness of fantasy sports will be
ple have on sure to continue on one has
their hands. to ask themselves is the con-
After all you trol of a “fantasy team” really
have to draft a team, manage that worth the time and betrayal of teams
team, make trade proposals, make sure that you have supported throughout
none of your players have a bye week your whole life. Then again who knows,
or are injured, and of course keep track maybe someday you'll end up being the
of your scores as game day progresses. one making or breaking somebody’s
So with all these things to keep up with fantasy team.

Weezer: Hurley album ★★☆☆☆

By: Adam Maksymetz
Weezer takes their sixth album in ten years to I’d like to take a quick break from the
release twelve demo songs that should have music to talk about the article. Some
stayed in production longer, or better yet not people have questioned the need for a
released at all. The single from the album, music article, saying, “What’s the point of
“Memories”, will hopefully an article to review an
be compared to their past album: isn’t that why
big singles “Buddy Holly” we have 98.7 or bill-
and “Beverly Hills” which board.com?” As for
have been continued to be 98.7 I will say that
played and praised. How- while they do have an
ever, this album changes a ear for over-playing
bit by taking one of their great hits of our time,
guitars off and moving like “California Gurls”
that over to a dominating and “Not Afraid,” they
synth, losing the original insist on saying that
nerdy Weezer feel and Ke$ha is great. Don’t
possibly moving into a worry, Amp-fans, she is
new sound in the upcom- coming out with an-
ing years. This single gets other album soon, so I
2.5 out of 5 stars for dropping what we loved will be able to give a special review just
about Weezer in the first place, but still for her in my next issue.
pumping out the a unique Weezer tune.
VOLUME 3, ISSUE 2
Punk goes Pop Vol. 3
B y: C h r i s to p h e r s ta r k
For those that are new to the
“Punk Goes…” series, the compila-
tion album is jam-packed with
covers by popular bands in rock
genres. Punk Goes Pop aims to
make everyone happy by intro-
ducing pop music to the unfamil-
iar, and even rock music to those
who only listen to pop. Pop listen-
ers will recognize artists such as
Lady Gaga and Kanye West, with
new twists on their hits. Mixing
Teachers of the months’ favorite bands
Interviewed by: Adam Maksymetz and Kevin teller
Teacher name: Mrs. Yeokum
Favorite Bands (Lowest to highest)
5. Michael Franti and the Spearheads
4. Toby Kieth
3. Michael
2. Rob Thomas
1. Simply Red
DOWN
1 Gallery of "free enter-
tainment".
2 #1 sport in the fantasy
team business.
3 Lunchroom bouncers.
5 A very exclusive party.
PAGE 7
★★★★☆
everything from the punk of
Mayday Parade, to the elec-
tronic sounds of Family Force
5 and Breathe Carolina, to the
metal of Miss May I, almost all
genres are covered. The main
idea is open-mindedness.
Punk Goes Pop 3 earns 4.5
stars out of 5 for excellent
covers and a great cause of
getting people to try new
things.
Teacher Name: Miss Kasperek
Favorite Bands (Lowest to highest)
5. The Beatles
4. Sugarland
3. Maroon 5
2. Journey
1. The Script
ACROSS
4 The Motorcity.
6 Miss Kasperek's favorite
band.
7 The second station at U-
Are-In-aSpa
 A look into UAIS Bands
Interviewed by: Christopher Stark & Kevin Teller
At UAIS we also have some resident performing talent. Check out this student-formed band:
Band Name: Yours Truly
Genre: Anything we want to play
Members: Grant Ogden, Mauricio Guzman, Nolan Brown, and Brennan Brown
Influences: Nothing specific because we don’t really have a genre
Do you have any completed original material?
We have plenty of ideas; nothing completed though
If so, are there any underlying themes you mean to communicate to the listener?
They’re still in formation, so nothing just yet.
What is a song that you regularly play?
Weekend Warriors by Ted Nugent
Do you have anything recorded?
We have a couple of video recordings
If so, is there a title, and where can people get a copy?
No, but hopefully in the future
How long has the band been together?
About one and a half to two years
How did the band form?
Nolan was like, “Hey Grant, let’s be in a band together,” and Grant was like,
“Okay. Just us? Or other people too?”
Nolan said, “Other people too,” so Mauricio joined on bass/guitar and Grant on drums. Grant didn’t like playing the drums, so
Nolan’s brother, Brennan, took over, and he’s better at drums than Grant.
Is the band playing any upcoming shows?
I suppose probably, but talk to Nolan if you want to know more.
Where are some spots that the band has played?
Heritage Junior High Cafetorium and the Brown Residence
What is the current status/goal of the band?
Not sounding like crap and completing the first few songs

Brought to you by The Uais press Newspaper Club:

Juana gasso Joseph Schroder Chris stark Michael Snider

Megan penzkofer sana chishti Shobi mathew kashan watsi
Salwa choudhury Adam Maksymetz Giovanni lograsso Kevin teller
Eric Krysinski Nicola Fiorvento Megan Schram Sevil Ozdemir
Leanne pregizer Chelsea pridmore Zachary wyrzyrowski