SMOG Analysis of Sorry Dan, But It’s No Longer Necessary for a Human to Serve

as CEO of This Company by Erik Cofer

Number of
Sample 1 (Beginning)
Polysyllables
1. I like you, Dan, I really do.
2. You’ve been the face of this company for many years, overseeing a period
3
of unprecedented net growth.
3. And on a more personal level, you’ve become a dear friend. 1
4. Heck, our wives attend spin class together twice a week! 1
5. But unfortunately, friendship only means so much in today’s cutthroat
2
business environment.
6. We—that is, the board and I—have poured over every possible budgetary
alteration, and we just can’t conceive of a scenario in which retaining your 7
services makes logistical sense.
7. All the research we’ve conducted behind your back over the last three
years suggests that the position of chief executive officer for our multi- 6
billion dollar corporation can be more efficiently performed by a robot.
8. Effective immediately, you have been relieved of your duties. 2
9. ROB-X164, seated to your left, will be sworn in as your replacement, with a
4
formal announcement coming this afternoon.
10. While we’re sure this is quite a shock to you right now, we do believe that
in time you will accept that this decision is in the best interest of the 3
company.
TOTAL 29

Number of
Sample 2 (Middle)
Polysyllables
1. In your present state of fury, you’re probably wondering, “What makes
2
ROB so special?”
2. The short answer? Everything. 1
3. We see in ROB a more personable, less error-prone version of you. 1
4. In our trial runs, he’s performed admirably, demonstrating unparalleled
adeptness in strategizing, team-building, allocating, internally storing 7
frozen foods, and launching fastballs in excess of 200 miles per hour.
5. What we’re talking about here is someone who can guide this company to
unscaled heights, not to mention its first corporate league softball 3
championship in thirteen years.
6. ROB has proven himself to be quite the workaholic. 1
7. It’s a never-ending cycle of productivity with this guy—there’s no taking
2
off for sick days, vacation, or even sleep.
8. There’s also no division of commitment to worry about. 2
9. No wife, no kids, no embarrassing coke problem. 1
10. In other words, he’s not burdened with the distractions that plague
2
sentient beings.
 TOTAL 22

Number of
Sample 3 (End)
Polysyllables
1. Observe the accompanying GIF: a smiling baby perpetually surfing through
2
waves and waves of cash.
2. We expect the company’s future to closely resemble this image. 2
3. And here’s my favorite. 1
4. As you can see, it’s an oil painting of ROB embracing me in his arms, lifting
me up to the heavens as I triumphantly hoist the corporate softball league 4
championship trophy.
5. You may have noticed that the year engraved on the trophy is outdated. 1
6. Unfortunately, ROB was still in beta testing last season. 1
7. Look, Dan, this is a tough break for you, no doubt.
8. It’s not every day you’re told that your job—for which your entire sense of
self-worth hinges upon—can be better managed by a series of
3
interconnected chips and wires concealed beneath a shiny, metallic
exterior.
9. In fact, it’s really only one day that this happens, and that day is today, so
things can’t get much worse for you going forward.
10. Take comfort in that.
TOTAL 14

Total polysyllabic words = 65

SMOG reading grade = 11

Human Interest Score of Sorry Dan, But It’s No Longer Necessary for a Human to
Serve as CEO of This Company by Erik Cofer

Personal Word
Sample Multiplier Product A
Count
In your present state of fury, you’re probably 13 3.635 47.26
wondering, “What makes ROB so special?”
The short answer? Everything. We see in ROB
a more personable, less error-prone version of
you. In our trial runs, he’s performed
admirably, demonstrating unparalleled
adeptness in strategizing, team-building,
allocating, internally storing frozen foods, and
launching fastballs in excess of 200 miles per
hour. What we’re talking about here is
someone who can guide this company to
unscaled heights, not to mention its first
corporate league softball championship in
thirteen years.
ROB has proven himself to be quite the
workaholic. It’s a never-ending cycle of
productivity
Personal
Sample Multiplier Product B
Sentence Count
In your present state of fury, you’re probably
wondering, “What makes ROB so special?”
The short answer? Everything. We see in ROB
a more personable, less error-prone version of
you. In our trial runs, he’s performed
admirably, demonstrating unparalleled
adeptness in strategizing, team-building,
allocating, internally storing frozen foods, and
launching fastballs in excess of 200 miles per
3 .314 .94
hour. What we’re talking about here is
someone who can guide this company to
unscaled heights, not to mention its first
corporate league softball championship in
thirteen years.

ROB has proven himself to be quite the

workaholic. It’s a never-ending cycle of
productivity
Human Interest Score 48.20
Very
Interpretation
Interesting