WHAT IS MARRIAGE?

When someone begins on that arrangement called marriage, he is getting into something

which is, to say the least, adventurous. When a couple get married, they are doing

something they know nothing about. And, from all indications, when they have tried it more

than once, they know no more about it the second time than they did the first.

Marriage is the foundation of the family unit. In this society and time, the family is the

closest knit, self-perpetuating, self-protecting unit. It is necessary economically and

otherwise to the society the way it is set up in present time. A culture will go by the

boards if its basic building block, the family, is removed as a valid building block. So one

can be fairly sure that he who destroys marriage destroys the civilization.

The marriage relationship, basically, is a postulated relationship. A postulate is a conclusion,

decision or resolution about something. When people stop postulating a marriage, it ceases

to exist. That is what happens to most marriages. It isn’t the other way around. It isn’t that

all men are evil, so therefore, contracts such as marriage dissolve usually in infidelity and

go all to pieces. That is not true. The reverse is true. When you have a purely postulated

relationship, you have to continue to create it. And a family which doesn’t continue to create

itself as a family will cease to exist as a family. That’s about all you need to know about it.

Where people are having trouble with marriage, it is because they are expecting it to run on

automatic. They think it will hang together through no effort of their own; unfortunately, it

won’t. It has to be created.

Perhaps someone whose parents weren’t making too good a go of it, looked at this and

decided, “Now, look at that! This institution which is inherent in nature, which nothing will

ever change, doesn’t perpetuate itself and is not much good because it isn’t

hanging together.”

He had a failure. He probably tried to postulate the family into a unit when he was very

young. He was working at it, trying to get a Papa-loves-Mama thing going one way or the

other, trying to show them that they had something to live for and so forth.
As a matter of fact, one of the reasons a child gets himself injured is to make his parents

realize they have responsibilities for the family. Childhood illness and all this sort of thing

occur directly after familial upsets.

Nonetheless, whether an individual had in his own parents a good example of a stable

marriage or not, it has nothing to do with whether or not he can make a

successful marriage.

If you think that everything else is rigged to perpetuate a marriage while you’re not trying

to keep it going, of course it will end up in destruction. But if you approach this with the

realization that a marriage is something you have to postulate into existence and keep

there, and when you stop working at it, it will cease, and if you know

the technology contained in the remaining part of this course, you can make any marriage

stick or you can recover any facet of any marriage, or plaster one back together again any

way you want to. But it takes a little doing and it takes a little guts and that is

an understatement.

What Is Courtship?
understand how courtship differs from dating
Courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is
God’s will for them to marry each other. Under the protection, guidance, and blessing of parents
or mentors, the couple concentrates on developing a deep friendship that could lead to marriage, as
they discern their readiness for marriage and God’s timing for their marriage. (See Proverbs 3:5–7.)
Courtship is a choice to avoid temptation and experience the blessings of purity. It is a choice to not
emotionally give away your heart, piece by piece, to many others through casual dating relationships
and instead to give your whole heart to your life partner.
It is a choice to wait for God’s best, for His glory. It is a decision to walk by faith, to trust in God,
to honor others above yourself, and to believe that God will deal bountifully with you, because He is
love. (See II Corinthians 5:7, Psalm 9:10, Romans 12:10, Psalm 13, and I John 4:8.)
Because each individual, family, and set of circumstances is unique, each courtship will be unique.
While those who choose courtship will hold to general guidelines for the relationship, their specific
choices about when, where, and how to court may differ according to their needs and circumstances.
If, during the courtship, one or both parties realize that marriage is not God’s will and they end the
relationship, the courtship has not failed. On the contrary, the courtship was successful, because God
gave the direction that was sought through it.
Although the termination of a courtship most likely will be painful, damage and hurt—which can
lead to bitterness—can be avoided. Both parties, as well as their families and all the people who love
them, should continue to trust in the Lord and accept the grace He gives to deal with any
disappointment or unfulfilled hopes. (See Romans 5:1–5.)
“Let love be without dissimulation [be sincere]. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is
good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one
another”(Romans 12:9–10).

The Difference Between Dating and Courtship

Purpose of the Relationship
The main difference between dating and courtship involves the goals to be reached by spending time
with a potential marriage partner. Men and women who choose to date often have no commitment
to consider marrying the other person. Maturity and readiness for marriage are not considerations
in the decision to date. Instead, couples usually date with the selfish goals of having fun and enjoying
romantic attachments.
In contrast, courtship is undertaken only when both parties are prepared to make a
commitment to marriage. Dating tries to answer the question, How can I find the one who will
make me happy? Courtship strives to answer the question, How can I honor God and discern His
direction regarding my life partner?

Accountability to Authorities
In a dating relationship, there is little if any accountability for the couple and little or no interaction
with family members. The dating couple is merely attracted to one another in some way and often
pursues an exclusive relationship that is independent of others’ influence or counsel. Since the
boundaries of the relationship are self-determined, the couple may easily succumb to temptation and
fail to consider their responsibility to honor each other in purity and genuine love.
A couple participating in courtship seeks the accountability of their parents or other mentors. As they
establish guidelines for their relationship, they can more easily recognize that God also holds them
responsible to honor one another. Receiving God’s grace and the support of others strengthens them
to maintain their commitment to purity.

Exposure to Temptation
In a dating relationship, self-gratification is normally the basis of the relationship. Instead of
focusing on God’s pleasure, the couple is often looking for personal pleasure. This oblivious
self-centeredness can lead only to dissatisfaction, promoting an attitude of lust (taking what I want)
rather than the Scriptural attitude of love (giving unselfishly to others).
Consequently, dating opens the door to many temptations. If defrauding (stirring up desires that
cannot be righteously satisfied) occurs, the couple can foolishly and tragically give away both
emotional and physical affections that should have been reserved for a life partner. Thus, in a dating
relationship, frequently intimacy precedes commitment.
A courting couple can evade numerous temptations by the choice to be held accountable to God-
given authorities. The dangers of defrauding can be avoided more successfully, and an honest, open
friendship can be nurtured and protected. Thus, in courtship, commitment precedes intimacy.

Focus on God’s Kingdom

Since one of the most important decisions we will make is the decision of marriage, we should make
every effort to know and do God’s will in this area. A dating relationship is usually based only on
what the dating couple presently knows about each other. In contrast, a Biblical courtship is based on
what God knows about each partner and on His plans for their futures.
Jesus gave this instruction with a promise: “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness;
and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33). When a person makes a growing
relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ the foundation of all decisions—as he or she seeks God’s
kingdom—God will provide all that is needed, including the marriage partner prepared by God just
for that person. (See Proverbs 18:22, 19:14.)

Going Steady

The definition of “going steady” might seem a bit old fashioned – straight out of an old
American novel such as J.D. Salinger’s “Catcher in the Rye”, for example – but it’s still an
important term used to categorize a relationship that you might have with a girl.

Much of the definition of going steady is strongly suggested by its name; it implies that you
and your significant other have been seeing each other steadily for a long period of time. At
the point where you want to categorize your relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend as
“going steady,” you should be past the stage of your relationship where everything is new
and exciting, and where you are still getting to know each other. Instead you should have
reached the point where you have settled into some sort of routine of hanging out together,
and consider the person you are dating to be a friend as well as a romantic partner.

The definition of going steady generally comes with a few implications that extend beyond
the length of time you have spent with your significant other, and the regularity with which
you hang out with each other. The first and most obvious of these is exclusivity. While not
all relationships that you would categorize as “going steady” are necessarily exclusive
relationships, the default expectation is that they are. If you do not want an exclusive
relationship with someone you are seeing regularly, you should certainly not assume that he
or she knows you do not want this. When you have spent enough time with someone, the
expectation is that you should not be seeing anyone else. Therefore, if you find yourself in
this position, make sure to talk to him or her and let them know very clearly that this is what
you want. However, if you do want exclusivity in this relationship, it is still a good idea to
make that desire known to your significant other as well.

The second implication stemming from the definition of going steady is that your relationship
has a future. Remember, the phrase is going steady, not steady for now. Your girlfriend or
boyfriend, as well as his or her friends, your friends, your family, etc, should know about this
relationship, and at least be okay with it having an indefinite future. If you are going steady
with someone, you should like them enough to imagine spending an indefinite amount of
time with them, and perhaps even getting married to them some day. If this is not the case
and either of you does not see a future in the relationship, then it becomes something less
and will either turn into a friends-with-benefits type arrangement or, more likely, simply die
out completely.

A final implication derived from the definition of going steady is that this person has become
a distinct part of not only your life, but your identity as a person. They should be allowed to
know where you are all the time, and you them. You have, if you are going steady with
someone, committed to them becoming part of how you see yourself and how others see
you. You have become something more than just an individual.

How Do You Know You Only Have Puppy Love?

There are many different kinds of love, but there is only one true love and this is what all
people are seeking. Now, how can you really tell what kind of love you feel? Real love
has no depth. It doesn't just come and go. It starts with one look or one touch and it
leads to eternity. You shouldn't dismiss any opportunities for love. For instance, you
should keep an eye out for the signs some shy guy likes you.

Puppy Love
1. You want them to be happy
Usually puppy love is selfish love. When people are in love, they want to be happy. In
case of real love, on the other hand, people are seeking the happiness of their
significant other. Do you want your partner to be happy?
2. You feel "at home" in the relationship
Do you know the feeling when you get home from a long trip and you feel really at
home? That feeling is nothing compared to what real love has to offer. This isn't
something you could mistake for another feeling. You will know when you get there.
3. Whatever you do, they will forgive you
It is a known fact that young love isn't forgiving love. People are constantly arguing and
fighting and breaking up. This just doesn't happen in case of real love. There is nothing
that you wouldn't forgive your partner for and they feel the same.
4. There is patience
True love is a path, a journey you follow with your partner. You will teach each other
many things along this journey and you will have all the patience in the world to make
them understand or to learn from them.
5. You embrace their quirks
All people have some quirks, but when it comes to young people in love, they find it
more difficult to accept each other's' quirks. However, if the relationship is more mature,
they will learn to love the quirks the other person has.
6. Eye contact
The eye is the window to the soul, right? If you really love someone, you will simply
stare into their eyes when you talk to them or when they talk to you. This way you will
connect at a much deeper level.
 Do You Have Real Love or Puppy Love? What Is the Difference between the Two
and How Can You Tell Them Apart?

So, what is puppy love and how can you tell what kind of relationship you have? Read
on to find the difference.

1. You want them to be happy above anything else

Your partner comes first
You might think that all people are selfish and if you were referring to young love, you
would be right. However, a more mature relationship means that you think about the
happiness of your partner. For instance, when you see something, first you think about
how happy it would make them rather than how happy it makes you. You will also find
yourself ordering things he likes or preparing food he prefers (even though you might
not be a big fan of it). Nonetheless, you should never become selfless, or some people
will simply walk all over you.
When it comes to young people in love, you should know that they are a lot more
selfish. Young people often only think about their happiness and forget all about the
people around them, even though they might have a special relationship.

2. You feel "at home" in the relationship wherever you might be

Love is your home
There is something interesting about love; when it comes to young love stories, people
are usually restless, always in search of the next best thing. However, after a while they
find what they have been looking for all these years and they settle down; this is what
true love is. When you find love, you will feel peaceful, at home. It will be better than
when you were a child and you had all the stuffed animals you ever wanted. This will
bring you peace of mind.
Sometimes it might be frustrating to be surrounded by grownups and to find that what
you think is real love they call it puppy love. They don't have bad intentions; they only
know better and they know that faith has something better prepared for you.

3. Whatever you do, they will forgive you and you move on
Real love is forgiving
The best thing about real love is that it gives you freedom. Seems strange, right? If you
are asking what is true love, you shouldn't think about a relationship that holds you back
and sets limitations. You are supposed to show your true self to the other person. Even
if you are neurotic sometimes or simply annoying, they will still love you. As a matter of
fact, they will love you even more, just for being the person you are. This means that
you can cry in one moment and laugh in the next and you will still be the most important
person in the world to your partner.
There is one problem though: finding true love isn't as easy as it may sound. Just
imagine that there are millions of people in this world who could be your true love. So
yes, it is quite difficult to find them, but you shouldn't worry; you will get there and it will
be worth your while

4. There is patience in the relationship

Love is no hurry
You may have heard stories where a partner is pressuring the other one to do
something and you might wonder: is it true love? Most probably it isn't. If it was, there
would be patience. Maybe one of the partners isn't ready to settle down yet, but the
other will wait for them. On a different note, when you are in love, you don't mind
spending time teaching your partner or listening to your partner. Don't forget that you
have a lot to teach and a lot to learn. As it has been mentioned before, love is a journey
and there is a lot to learn.
If you asked "Does true love exist?", you can be sure that there are a lot of people who
would say yes. Love isn't something you can grab; it is a state of mind you have to
experience in order to understand. Otherwise you will never know.

5. You embrace their quirks and they embrace yours

Quirks aren't annoying anymore
If you were searching for the meaning of true love, there will be no one thing you will
find. One of the sure signs of true love is that you will get to love the quirks of your
partner. If it was just puppy love, these are the things that would annoy you. However, in
this case you will love the fact that you can't share a meal because he hates curry and
you will find it cute how hard he tries on the dance floor. You will love everything about
him that other people might find strange.
On the other hand, the true meaning of love is that he will love how neurotic you can be
at times and how you have mood swings from time to time. These are the things that
others might not be able to accept about you, but he will love them and he would never
ask you to change.
6. Eye contact above all
The eyes hold an entire world
You know how sometimes you simply forget to look into the eyes of people when you
are talking to them? Well, if it was love true love, that wouldn't be the case. Eye contact
comes naturally in case of deep feelings. However, when it comes to puppy love, it is
just like play pretend. You have some kind of idea about what it is supposed to feel like,
but it is just an exercise for the real thing. When you are really in love, you will feel like
you could get lost in the eyes of your partner. It's like you could catch a glimpse into
their soul through their eyes.
All this might make you ask "When will I find true love?" The thing is that you can never
know. Maybe you will bump into them at the coffee shop tomorrow morning. It is also
possible that you will meet them at a conference three years from now. There is no way
to tell. This is why you should never leave your house in sweatpants; you don't want to
meet your true love looking like that, right?