A comment or

Text from my initial The change(s) I made

question I received How this change
WP submission: to what I initially
(from impacts my paper:
(Note which WP) wrote:
whom/where?)
WP1: Comparing
This gets the
different discipline’s
The research audience to be more
research on same TA: The title is a bit
perspective that suites interested on what I
topic boring
you best will be talking about
in my writing

WP1: The two This gives better

The two disciplines
disciplines research description on what
research schizophrenia
schizophrenia trying the main differences
TA: Repeated trying to understand
to understand the between the two
evidence twice and the layers of the illness
layers of the illness genres are. Without
doesn’t take into using research
using different letting any of them
account other factors question, jargon,
evidence, jargon and out, it helps the
that are mentioned in article organization,
evidence. audience already get
the body paragraphs audience and results.
an idea of the
differences between
the genres.
WP1: In the article,
Genetic Vulnerability
to DUSP22 Promoter While I was reading
Hypermethylation Is my paper over, I
Involved in the found that this
Relation between in information could be
Utero Famine They begin by giving simplified so it can
Exposure and background bring out my claim
Schizophrenia, at the Self-reflection: information in the of the way the
introduction they give Information that introduction and the structure was being
a description to as wasn’t useful towards following information written not so much
what is schizophrenia the claim I was given to the audience on what the
and a background making is then categorized by information. This
setting of China headings with helped to make the
where they will be different subheading. paragraph clearer
testing people to without bring in
determine the information that
relationship of famine wasn’t relevant to
exposure to the risk the claim.
of getting
schizophrenia.

WP1: Some of my Peer: Spacing out I split up my The distribution of

information was put some information and paragraph on the information allowed
into one big make it shorter so it formatting of the the essay to get a
paragraph and each paragraphs with the better flow with not
topic could have had sentence I had about so much information
their own paragraph the jargon of the essay in one paragraph. It
to talk about the can make more sense and I decided to make allowed to create
importance of it and to the reader to each topic from each two different point
how the different understand side a paragraph which that could be talked
communities use this are now paragraph 6 in separate
topic. and 7 paragraphs.
WP1: In the medical The last factor that is This allowed for
essay they conclude different is the result both paragraphs to
their research by TA: The paragraph 5 and how each have clear topic on
trying to give an and 6 on the draft discipline approaches what they were
explanation on what didn’t really have an it and demonstrate going to talk about
their results were able understanding topic their overall purpose and the way this
to give them. of this essay. influences each
genre writing.
The results provided
by the medical
researchers shows us
that they’re not afraid These last few
to tell their audience sentences following
that their hypothesis a quote help to
was wrong and give clarify the
WP1: The way they
them a bit of importance of the
implement other
knowledge on the results. Before it
information from TA: Making the subject. The used to talk mainly
other resources and claim more effective
researchers essay the importance on
give them credit in toward the discourse
consists of trial and the topic but in the
the footnotes gives it communities and not
error with a hypothesis revision, I was able
more credibility to so much on the topic and proving it, which
the research. they are refereeing to. is seen in many to incorporate both
sides and show how
medical researches all this technique is
over. The results taken used in this specific
for medical discourse
researchers vary with community.
the sociologist
research.

WP1: There is plenty Peer: How is this These results were These sentences
of sources to back claim effective to the able to come to really were after a quote
their results up just overall claims of the reflect sociologist which helped to
like the medical essay research purposes explain the
research which makes overall. These aren’t importance of the
them more credible experiments, these results or the
 researchers’ goal is to
and informative for get results from the conclusion in their
their research public and enlighten papers. It helped to
purposes. At the end, anyone interested in showcase the
they were able to get this topic with facts importance that each
the result out to their from people who go genre uses their
audience and prove if through this. Each conclusion in very
their claim was right genre has their own different ways to
or wrong. goal in mind while explain their overall
writing their essays. research.

This is my
introductory
WP1: Both Both disciplines, sentences to my
disciplines, medicine medicine and conclusion, and I
and sociology, have Peer: The conclusion sociology, have some changed it up for it
some factors that are was difficult to factors that are to be more
different such as follow due to the long different which makes interesting and also
jargon, evidence and sentences each style of writing a in this paragraph I
the audience they talk research essay unique separated most of
towards. to their genre. the ideas so it could
be easier to
understand.
WP2: Myself and a A few of my
few of my colleagues colleagues and I
decided to begin our Reading: Using decided to begin our By modifying this
own research in an correct grammar own research in an sentence, it makes
attempt to contribute when addressing attempt to contribute the ideas flow better
to the understanding something to the understanding and much easier.
of the disorder of the disorder.

WP2: First off, we TA: There are some First off, we began by In this sentence I
began by attempting sentences that sound attempting to come to tried to split it up
to come to an run on and can an understanding of into two parts. These
understanding of improve what exactly two sentences have
what exactly Schizophrenia is. We the same ideas but
Schizophrenia is, by came to an by splitting up the
doing this we came to understanding that sentences they bring
an understanding that Schizophrenia is a a much more
Schizophrenia is a very dangerous interesting and
very dangerous disease that can affect understanding view
disease that can affect 1% of anyone in the to the way of
1% of anyone in the world and is usually describing
world and is usually diagnosed during the schizophrenia.
diagnosed during the teenage and early
teenage and early adulthood years.
adulthood years.

The format of the blog

WP2: My idea to was simple, it had By adding this
translate this essay Peer/TA: Adding many short or middle- sentence it give a
into a blog was taken more information to sized paragraphs much more specific
from The TSA Blog your work from followed with a few detail for the reader
and other blogs that I sources/ clarifying pictures that were to visualize how the
researched. ideas on blogs about objects they bog was set up and
were talking about structured.

WP2: In the case of

schizophrenia by This sentence helps
posting blogs about By posting blogs to show how to
that research it can about the medical condense
motivate people that research on information. With
are interested in the schizophrenia, it can condensing the
medicine field, but it Reading: Style motivate people that information it allows
can also give a readings help to point are interested to see a the ideas to have a
different view of out how to rewrite different view on point on their own
researching sentences researching and it also makes the
schizophrenia, for schizophrenia, for sentence less wordy
example in a example in a with things that are
sociological way and sociological way. unnecessary to the
researching the topic being
causes in that way. explained.

WP2: In my case, the In my case, the idea of

idea of a blog helped a blog helped to This was a simple
to explain all the explain all the main change in the writing
main information that Self-Reflection: One information that is but it made me feel
is essential to the of the factors that essential to the necessary for the
research and for the needs to be changed research and for the writing to not be as
readers to understand that can make a readers to understand, wordy to lose the
and not only make it difference not only making it meaning of the
understandable to understandable to sentence.
medicine workers. medicine workers.

WP2: In this case TA: There are some In this case what I did The small detail of
what I did was spread sentences that sound was spread out the punctuation in my
out the dates to show run on and can dates to show each sentence it was to
each section of the improve section of the research; break up an idea for
research the the introduction would it to run smoothly
introduction would be be day one, the and make more
day one, the research research would come sense. The sentence
would come in a few in a few days after and gets the idea of the
days after and finally finally about a more structure of the blog
about a more spread spread out date the much easier to
out date the results results would come understand with the
would come out. out. punctuation.
WP2: In this case and
in every writing
audience plays a huge
part on how you give The format of
your information. The sentences that I
audience in the essay changed was useful
Finding a targeted
helps the researchers in a way to help my
audience allows the
to know what type of ideas to get to the
writer to create an
words and phrases to idea of the
TA: There are some established
use so others in the paragraph. This
sentences that sound perspective and set of
field can be able to sentence and the
run on and can terminology in order
understand what they way I changed it
improve to fit the targeted
are saying. This helps helped my point that
audience as best as
the researchers not to I made to come
possible.
really change the way much more clearer
they express most of than it was before
their information for the audience to
because for them it’s understand.
like if they were
talking normally with
the same jargon.