(Lights up on ​SIR​ sitting in a bathtub)

SIR

Jeeves? Jeeves!

(J​ eeves​ enters the bathroom, unperturbed)

JEEVES

What is it, Sir?

SIR

I have had a little… accident…

JEEVES

So you have, Sir. What would you like me to do about it?

SIR

Well, I’d like you to tell me what to do.

JEEVES

SO YOU’VE GOT A LITTLE POO IN THE BATH

AND YOU NEED TO FIND A WAY,
THROUGH ALL OF YOUR DISMAY
TO REMOVE THE THING THAT CAME OUT OF YOUR ARSE

LUCKILY FOR YOU

I KNOW THE WAYS OF POO

SIR

SO TELL ME WHAT IT IS I HAVE TO DO.

JEEVES

IT’S CALLED THE

WAFFLE STOMP
IT’S CALLED A WAFFLE STOMP
IT’S THE CRAZIEST LITTLE CRAZE IN THE WHOLE DARN WORLD

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO,

STOMP DOWN ON THAT POO

IT GOES DOWN
YOU GET UP

SIR
I don’t get it.

JEEVES
You don’t get it?

SIR

Why did you say “down” when you sang the note up?

JEEVES

It’s to show I’m crazy. Like in “You’ll Be Back” from ​Hamilton.

SIR

Oh. Alright. Well, anyway, I don’t know what one of these waffley stompers is.

JEEVES

You don’t know what a “waffle stomp” is? Urban Dictionary states:

TO DEFECATE IN THE SHOWER

AND THEN PROCEED TO TRY TO STOMP IT DOWN THE DRAIN
WITH YOUR FOOT

SIR

That’s cleared everything up for me!

JEEVES

Has it?

SIR

No.

JEEVES

Oh.

SIR

But I think I get it.

JEEVES

You sure?
 SIR

Yes. I’m pretty sure that all I’ve got to do is stomp.

(Dance break)

JEEVES + SIR

WAFFLE STOMP!
WE’LL DO A WAFFLE STOMP!
IT’S THE CRAZIEST LITTLE CRAZE IN THE WHOLE DARN WORLD

JEEVES

YOU NOW KNOW WHAT TO DO

SIR
STOMP DOWN ON THAT POO

JEEVES

YOU KNOW IT.

SIR

I KNOW IT!

JEEVES

SO YOU'VE STOMPED DOWN ALL THE POO IN THE BATH

AND YOU NEED TO FIND A WAY, THROUGH ALL OF YOUR DISMAY,
TO REMOVE THE SMELL THAT COMES OUT OF THE DRAIN

LUCKILY FOR YOU, I KNOW JUST WHAT TO DO

BLEACH, BLEACH, BLEACH, BLEACH,

BLEACH, BLEACH, BLEACH, BLEACH,

SIR

BLEACH?

JEEVES

BLEACH.

SIR

BLEACH.
 JEEVES

BLEACH!

JEEVES + SIR

IT’S CALLED A
WAFFLE STOMP!
IT’S CALLED A WAFFLE STOMP!

JEEVES

IT’S THE CRAZIEST LITTLE CRAZE IN THE WHOLE DARN WORLD

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

SIR
STOMP DOWN ON THAT POO

JEEVES

WHAT IS GOING ON?

SIR

AH!

JEEVES

NO, THAT’S AN A FLAT

SIR

I THINK WE USED TOO MUCH BLEACH

JEEVES

YOU THINK?

SIR

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

JEEVES

I DO NOT KNOW

SIR
WHO ARE ALL THOSE PEOPLE OVER THERE?

JEEVES

I DON’T KNOW

BAND

DOUBLE “U”, “A”, DOUBLE “F”, “L”, “E”

DOUBLE “U”, “A”, DOUBLE “F”, “L”, “E”
STOMP, STOMP, STOMP, STOMP
STOMP, STOMP, STOMP, STOMP
STOMP, STOMP, STOMP, STOMP
STOMP, STOMP, STOMP, STOMP

JEEVES + SIR

WAFFLE STOMP
IT’S CALLED A WAFFLE STOMP
ARGH!