BIRDSEND

by

Keith Huff
 Characters
8 Actors to play the following:

Bird Margie
Ig, a pigeon * Stage Manager, (non-speaking)
Cathy, a psychiatrist Albert Flood, packing plant owner
Ben Fenster, worker at packing plant Jules Flood, Albert's brother
Josephine, hospital admitting clerk

*Ig is a puppet. Stage Manager is his voice and puppeteer. Stage Manager also plays the
following non-speaking roles: Waiter, Popcorn Vendor, Piano Player, Antoine, and
Hospital Orderly.

Time & Place

The present -- Chicago

ACT I

Scene 1: Bird's apartment

Scene 2: A restaurant/street comer
Scene 3: A packing plant
Scene 4: Bird & Margie's apartment
Scene 5: A private hospital

ACT /I

Scene 1: A public hospital

Scene 2: The packing plant
Scene 3: A payphone near the packing plant
then a rooftop
Coda Margie's apartment

Birdsend may be performed without an intermission.

 Scene 1

(A dark, empty stage. Stage

Manager brings on the set from
the darkness. Bird asleep on
an old, torn couch. Pattern of
light on the stage suggests a
window, a fire escape beyond
and a city below. Some
chicken wire and tools spread
out near the window. The
suggestion of a door at which
Margie appears. Margie knocks.
Stage Manager exits. Margie,
finding the "door" open,
enters, "chaining" it behind
her. Margie stands near the
couch and looks at Bird.)
MARGIE
Bird?
(Bird squints at Margie, his
vision slightly blurred. As
he recognizes her, he smiles,
thrilled to see her, but
mistrustful. He crosses to
the door and checks the lock.
Finding the "door" locked,
Bird stares at Margie,
uncertain whether she
really there or not. He
tentatively reaches out and
touches her with his finger.)
It was open so I just-­
BIRD
It's locked.
MARGIE
I locked it.
BIRD
I never sleep with the door open.
MARGIE
I knocked. You didn't answer, I-­
BIRD
Kids with shivs cut throats for quarters this city you
sleep with the door open.

 MARGIE

(turning back to door) Never mind.

BIRD
I dream this dream, Margie: a locked door, you come home.
We get married, have a baby, we live happy-

MARGIE
I don't dream.

BIRD
Everybody dreams.

MARGIE
I need $500, Bird. I wanna­ I'm pregnant. I wanna get
away.

(Bird digs around for his check

book. )

Don't ask what happened. It just happened. Things happen.

(Bird, finding his check book,

writes Margie a check and hands
it to her.)

Aren't you gonna ask what happened?

BIRD
No.

MARGIE
I'll pay you back. Soon as 1 ... 1 dunno. Soon's I get back
on my feet.

BIRD
Spend more time on your feet you don't go costing me no
more five hundred dollars.

(Margie, hurt, once again half

heartedly turns to leave.)

Where you going, five hundred dollars an abortion?

Bangkok?

MARGIE
I wanna get away after.

BIRD
You get away. What about the baby? (beat) Go on. Buy
some wings.

- 2 ­
 MARGIE

I'll send it back, every penny. Really, Bird. With

interest.

BIRD
I'll wait by the mailbox.

MARGIE
Why're you so mean to me?

BIRD
You touch me, Margie. Outta blue nowhere, me, you come
here, why me?

MARGIE
It's not 'cause you still love me, it, Bird?

BIRD
Five hundred dollars generally does not mean hell withya.

MARGIE
I'll tear this up if you do. I'm not coming her to take
advantage. I want you to really clear on that. This is
a loan. So, if you do, it.

BIRD
Forget it? Forget what? This is not trade, exchange, deal
me tit-for-tat, here. This is help me, Bird, I help you.

MARGIE
You don't still me?

BIRD
I asked you to marry me once. Who said anything about
love?

MARGIE
(beat) After I-- (beat, unconvincingly resolute) After,
I'll get a job. I'll pay you installments. It's money
between us. Nothing else.

BIRD
Okay, Margie. I got sleeping to do here.

MARGIE
just happened to me like you happened to me. And I
didn't go looking for it. And I didn't ask for it, ther.

BIRD
G'bye, then, g'bye.

MARGIE
( ingly hysterical) And I never killed anything
before in my fe! I want to be really clear on that.

- 3 ­
 MARGIE

(continuing) Except a baby chipmunk once. But that wasn't

even my idea. My brother, Max, said he'd stick a frog down
my shirt if I didn't put the hose down the drain pipe. And
how was I supposed to know the back license plate on my
dad's car was hanging off? It's not something you think:
"Oh, I'm driving to K-Mart, better check the back licence
plate, make sure it's not hanging off so in case a runaway
baby pig escapes I don't slice him in half with -!"

BIRD
Margie, you're losing me, you're losing me.

MARGIE
You lost me already! So don't even consider it! I never
said I'd marry you! I never said a baby! And besides the
chipmunk and the baby pig, I never killed anything my whole
life so don't call me names! Don't call me anything! When
I send this back, I won't even call or drop by! I'll send
it Western Union! 'Cause I never said "I love you, Bird!"
From the very beginning I made that clear! I don't love
you! I don't love anybody--!

(A passing el-train drowns out

Margie's exhausted tirade. She
halts and listens as it passes.)

I lost my place. I don't got any place to go. Stay. (to

herself with a disgusted laugh) Go, stay, go, stay.

BIRD
Sleep on the couch.

(Bird yanks a blanket off of

his couch. Papers, cans, etc.
go flying and scatter to the
floor. )

MARGIE
I was so excited about the baby. I called ahead from the
doctor? I get home, dork I'm living with leaves fifty
bucks and moves out. The landlord's changing the locks.
My stuff's in the hall in garbage bags. We were gonna
start a band. I was gonna be the singer. (another
disgusted laugh, beat) My brother, Max, he's got a fiancee
hates my guts. I can't go there. I called my Dad in
Seattle? Asked if I can come stay with him? I haven't
talked to him in 7 years since my Mom died. The phone was
shaking. I kept saying over and over: "There's always,
Bird. Bird was always so nice to you. Even though he's
nuts, there's always Bird."

BIRD
'Least you thought-a me.

- 4 ­
 MARGIE

Just to calm myself down enough to dial the lousy phone.

When I let slip to my Dad about the baby? Bastard asks me
if I know who the father is. I mean, just 'cause I live
with five or six men a few times means I bounce from one to
the next so much I can't keep count? He tells me: "How
much do abortions run days, Sweety? I'll send you a
check." (disgustedly glancing at rumpled check in her
hand) A check. (beat) Can I sleep on your couch really?

(Bird his best to make

the tattered couch comfortable
for Margie, plumping cushions,
sweeping crumbs away.)

Couch does not mean bed when I say couch. I wanna be

really clear on that, Bird.

BIRD
You hungry?

MARGIE
I just threw up.

BIRD
Thirsty?

MARGIE
(holding check out to Bird) I knew you'd be an easy touch.
Take this.

BIRD
(ignoring check) Juice or milk?

MARGIE
I'm using you, idiot.

BIRD
Juice or milk?

MARGIE
(beat) A coke?

(As Bird crosses the stage,

Stage Manager enters and stops
Bird short with a glass of
milk and a box of Kleenex.
Bird turns back to Margie and
hands them to her.)

(wincing) I hate milk.

BIRD
Milk's good you. For the baby.

- 5 ­
 (Margie tosses Bird an icy
glance and blows her nose.)

MARGIE
Don't you hate me?

BIRD
Makes you feel better, sure.

MARGIE
Make me feel a lot better.

BIRD
I hate you.

MARGIE
You're the first guy ever tried to kill himself over me.

BIRD
I didn't try to kill myself.

(Ig, a pigeon, appears at the

window. Bird crosses to
window, picks up bag of
birdseed, and feeds Ig during
the following:)

MARGIE
Can't blame me for walking out on you. I couldn't take it,
Bird. You were so ... You're so weird. I lived here how
long? Three days ­

BIRD
Weeks. Three weeks.

MARGIE
And all that time you never touched me? Saner person
wouldn't-a stayed that long. It's not weird. It's
perverted.

BIRD
You got it upside down, Margie.

MARGIE
So I'm the crazy one.

BIRD
Cook County they made me take a psychological evaluation.

MARGIE
About frigging time.

6 ­
 BIRD

Lady wanted me to talk about flying. But I talked about

you mostly. I told her, "Margie, she's so beautiful. I
look her eyes, I see through, another world, world where
people don't fight, lie, smell, die. I see a place: all
this light, the sun I missed, possibility. Place a man
like me can grow wings and soar."

MARGIE
No wonder they locked you up.

BIRD
Lady referred me to a specialist.

MARGIE
Anybody uses my name and beautiful in the same sentence
needs one.

BIRD
You are beautiful, Margie.

MARGIE
I'm a hick town bimbo with crooked teeth, no voice, and a
lop-sided figure.

BIRD
You got a beautiful voice.

MARGIE
Liar. (beat) You really think so?

BIRD
Your teeth aren't crooked.

MARGIE
(showing him) My bottoms are crowding.

BIRD
I don't mean beauty you see, Margie. That beauty sags,
sinks, stinks, rots, it drips off the bone. That beauty
dies.

MARGIE
I feel much better. Thanks.

BIRD
I mean beauty inside you. You're a good person, Margie.
That goodness in you, 's not something you touch. Not
something you make love to. It's something you feel with
your eyes and touch with your soul and makes you wanna rise
up and flyaway.

- 7 ­
 MARGIE

If you could really see what I'm like ... Something in me,
something ugly decides to kill a baby easy as ... (sighs
exhaustedly) ... shit.

BIRD
Did you do it, yet?

MARGIE
I don't give a damn about life any more.

BIRD
Don't kill that baby, Margie. You don't got death in you.
It's life. You're a good person. Tear up that check.

MARGIE
I don't want a baby, Bird.

BIRD
Marry me.

(Margie stands and crosses toward

the door.)

MARGIE
(of check) Thanks again for this.

(Bird blocks Margie's way to the

door. )

BIRD
Read the papers, Margie. Watch the news: 2, 3, 4, 5, a
dozen deaths a day this city. You got life in you.
Something living. You wanna go and add a statistic?

MARGIE
That's not fair!

BIRD
A baby, Margie. A human life. That's the whole world all
over again.

MARGIE
I can't be a mother. I can't marry you. I don't love you,
Bird.

BIRD
Love? Do animals love? They build nests, they raise
families, they die. We'll make an arrangement.

MARGIE
But I made you kill yourself.

- 8 ­
 BIRD

Do I look dead!?

MARGIE
You tried.

BIRD
You look at the sky, you see blue instead of forever!

MARGIE
The lady called me from Cook County, Bird. She told me my
"husband" jumped off a twelve story building.

BIRD
I fell.

MARGIE
"I falloff the bed" is a fall. Not 12 stories.

BIRD
It was 11.

MARGIE
11 stories is still no fall.

BIRD
10 you count the canopy.

MARGIE
You told her we were married?

BIRD
I hit my head. I was delirious.

(Margie tears up the check.)

MARGIE
I don't need this. I'll go stand on a street corner and
earn it honestly.

(Margie tosses the pieces of

the check. As they flutter to
the floor, she shoves past Bird
to the door.)

BIRD
Margie, pleasel I'm fighting for my life here! Gimme a
chance! I didn't try to kill myself! I flew!

(That stops Margie in her tracks.

She turns.)

They call me crazy for that? What'll they do next? Lock

up doves and pigeons?

- 9 ­
 MARGIE

You flew.

BIRD
Go to the airport. Thousands do it every day.

MARGIE
Most people use planes, Bird.

BIRD
You, I can do anything.

MARGIE
(to herself) I must be part squirrel. Nuts and more nuts.

BIRD
Wait, Margie, wait! Okay, I admit: I was a ttle upset.
You're gone, I'm all alone, I had no one to live for. I go
up to the rooftop. Sit in the coop. There's no point to
my life. I'm useless. Like a pigeon. I get frustrated,
see. I explode. Tearing the coop apart, I start grabbing
pigeons, one by one. Twisting their necks. Daring God to
stop me, show me li , my life, any life is worth saving.
This heap of pigeons, useless -- especially this city.
They do nothing. They eat garbage. They're ridiculous.
Like me. Helpless creatures. Dead. Limp. The pi , it's
growing. And last, I grab this white one. Pure white.
Except for tips of gray on his wings. And just as I'm
about to snap his good-for-nothing neck, he talks to me.

MARGIE
Who did?

BIRD
The pigeon.

MARGIE
The pigeon talked to you?

BIRD
Introduces himself. His name is Ig. He knows all about
me. All my day after day talking. He took it in. He
ls me: "Don't wring this scrawny pigeon neck, Bird. You
don't, I'll make you a deal. Spare my li , I ' l l teach you
to fly." I can't fly. "D' you ever try?
II No. "Then stow
that logic and get flapping." "Flying," Ig tel me, "it's
ability you're born with." Not something you learn. "It's
a way of life. It's letting the wind take you wherever it
wants. It's a state of mind where your wants don't matter.
It's release. It's freedom. It's letting go of
everything." So I spared Ig's life and flew off that
rooftop. Ig showed me the sights. I took it all in:
Chicago on wing. Just looking. Not making sense of it
all. Just tiny people scrambling. Trains thundering by.

- 10 ­
 BIRD

(continuing) Brushing through the shadows of skyscrapers.

No me, Margie. Just the world on wing.

MARGIE
But the lady from Cook County said-­

BIRD
I know what she said, I know what happened! I was there!
Who you gonna believe, me or a disinterested third party?

MARGIE
(beat) It wasn't 'cause-a me?

BIRD
So, my barrel roll nose dive needs work. I had a little
trouble landing. The point, Margie, the point is you're
back. You're here. You're real. I'm outta Cook County,
now. It's a second chance and for you, Margie, I can be a
husband and a father. I can do sane. I can do anything.
I dunno. Maybe I am crazy. But there's mystery here.
Where we come from. Where we go. I don't got answers.
For that I'm nutso? Hey, I don't talk pigeon any more.
Plus, I got a good job. No lie. Long as pigeons don't
talk back, I'm great. Give us a chance. Too much dies.
Don't add to it with the baby, you, me, us.

MARGIE
But it's not even your baby, Bird.

BIRD
What's ours here? We borrow, we use it, we share it,
g'bye.

MARGIE
(beat) You got an answer for everything, don'tcha?

(Bird and Margie exchange a

smile. Margie, worn down,
worn out, confused, exhausted,
crosses wearily to couch and
sits. Bird hands her the
glass of milk again.)

BIRD
Sleep on it.

(After a beat, Margie reluctantly

takes the glass of milk and sips.
She makes a face. Bird gestures
that she drink it all. She does.
As Margie lays down on the couch,
Bird fusses with the blanket,
gently tucking it in around her.

- 11 ­
As Bird turns off lights Stage
Manager enters and rolls couch
and Margie off into darkness.
Bird watches him.)

(NOTE: Throughout the play, Bird

is aware of Stage Manager's every
move, while the other characters,
with the exception of Margie in
the final scene, ignore him. An
occasional smi or nod from
Stage Manager to Bird would not
be out of place. Stage Manager
is, after all, just doing his
job. Each scene transition
should occur so suddenly that it
throws Bird off balance. His is
a world of shifting realities.
Transitions take place in plain
view of the audience. Shifting
scenes and Bird's reactions to
them are an integral part of his
world and of this play. Scene
changes should happen instantly ­
- as they would in a dream.)

- 12 ­
 Scene 2

(SFX suggest an extremely

crowded, extremely busy greasy
spoon restaurant in downtown
Chicago. Bird, having lunch
with Cathy, is served real food
by Waiter. Cathy is served an
empty plate but proceeds to eat
as if eating real food. Bird
observes the incongruity and,
understandably, is anxious and
tense. His knee and arm
occasionally twitch. When this
happens, he struggles to
suppress it, thereby increasing
his frustration.)

BIRD
I want one thing. I want off the Thorazine.

CATHY
You're an outpatient. Thorazine was the only way.

BIRD
Cath, it's a city here, a big city, survival counts. And
these pills, you toss me out, say I gotta take them, they
make me a helpless baby. Throw a baby out on the streets.
See what happens.

CATHY
Fine. I say: "Fine, don't take the pills." We have
another rooftop episode. You're dead. I'm fired. Then
what?

BIRD
I'm not gonna kill myself. Are you listening to me? It's
not just me any more. It's Margie, it's a baby on the way.
I've got it now, Cath: a point to life, to my life, to me.
I've got something to live for now. I tried work, that job
packing groceries, the Jewel. Jerk fires me first day,
says: "I do not pay minimum wage for slow motion!" It's
the pil ,Cath. They make me feel dead. Lookit:

(Bird picks up a coffee cup and

bops himself hard in the head
with it. He acts as if doesn't
feel a thing.)

Retardo, the zombie. I need to feel alive to make a

living. Married, now. A baby coming. State aid's not
enough. Babies need things: cribs, nipples, stuffed bears,
diapers. And Margie, Margie needs maternity stuff, food,
peanut butter and doctors. Real doctors with clean hands.

- 13 ­
 BIRD

(continuing) Not Cook County call the morgue pig-sty. Let

me off the pills! I can work! make a living! live.

CATHY
If the Thorazine zonks you out! let's try an alternative.

BIRD
Sure! electro-shock'd be just perfect.

CATHY
Fluphenazine is popular. It's more potent.

(Bird's hand begins to tap upon

the table.)

BIRD
Why not a lobotomy?

CATHY
It'll give you the most anti-psychotic effect with the
least milligram dose. We can start you at 200 milligrams
and reduce the dosage gradually.

BIRD
(explosively! slamming fist on table) I'M A GROWN MAN AND
I DROOL!

(Dishes fly and break)

(forcibly controlling himself) Drugs! I can't tie my

shoes. I'm dead already.

(Bird and Cathy fall silent as

Waiter enters and sweeps up
broken dishes. After tossing
Bird a smug look! Waiter exits.)

CATHY
I'm not saying you don't have a right to a wife and a
family.

BIRD
No! you're not saying! you're looking. You're looking like
you always look! like: Bird! you're asking the impossible.

CATHY
If it was your baby I could understand.

BIRD
What's it matter! my baby! her baby, your baby! his baby!
IT'S A HUMAN BEING!

14 ­
 (Bird takes several deep breaths
to calm himself. Cathy has had
enough. She pays the check and
turns to leave even though
neither she nor Bird have
finished eating. As Bird his
chugs cof , Waiter removes
table and exits. Bird, off
balance once again, follows
Cathy out.)

(The scene shifts to Downtown

Chicago. Cathy buys two bags
popcorn from Popcorn Vendor. As
Bird joins her, she hands him a
bag of popcorn. Cathy and Bird
eat as they walk. Bird
occasionally drops some popcorn
here and there to feed some
nearby pigeons.)

CATHY
You haven't been taking your medication at all, lately,
have you?

BIRD
I'm taking it.

CATHY
Don't lie to me. You've given me a very difficult decision
to make. If you're taking it, then why are you so jumpy?

BIRD
What, jumpy? I'm not jumpy. I'm always jumpy. It's
coffee. I had three cups of coffee. It's the coffee.

CATHY
How long, Bird? (beat) How long?

BIRD
Day. Two days, a week. Week and a half, maybe two. I
lost track. I had to buy things.

CATHY
I prescribed the medication in order to alleviate this
anxiety.

BIRD
Wrong, Cath. As long as I'm not a danger to myself any
more, I don't need the pills. That's what you told me. Is
that right or is my whole life a lie? (beat) It's
different, now. I'm different. I care about life. A
little baby, that means so much. Cath, a little baby.
That means everything.

- 15 ­
 (Cathy looks closely at Bird,
sizing him up. After a
moment, she hands him her bag
of popcorn and digs into her
briefcase. She copies an
address onto a business card.)

CATHY
This is the number for Albert Flood. He runs a packing
plant at Darnen and Fulton. He needs a worker. A hard
worker. (holds card out to Bird) He knows me. I've sent
him help before.

BIRD
He knows I'm nuts.

CATHY
He understands.

BIRD
So I'm off the pills?

CATHY
Show me there is such a thing as rehabilitation. I want to
be use ,too. (beat) My head's on the block for you.

(Cathy finally gives Bird the

card. )

BIRD
Thanks, Cath.

CATHY
If you feel the anxiety's intolerable, call me.

(Bird cannot help smiling,

Cathy, quite fond of him,
smiles as well. She walks
away, leaving Bird holding two
bags of popcorn. Elated,
Bird, about to exit, runs
smack into the Stage Manager,
holding a bottomless crate.
Stage Manager snatches the
business card and popcorn away
from Bird and shoves the crate
into his arms. Factory sound
comes up as the lights change
around Bird. The action is
continuous. )

- 16

 Scene 3

(The factory noise is an ominous,

mechanical but unobtrusive din.
Stage Manager reveals paint cans
stage right and stage left. Bird
begins working. He places
bottomless crate next to paint
cans at one side of the stage,
packs cans into it and lifts the
crate, leaving paint cans behind.
He then crosses to the opposite
side of the stage, sets his crate
down, makes a tick mark on a
chalkboard to keep count, and
then repeats the procedure over
and over throughout. Bird works
very hard, very quickly. When he
carries the bottomless crate back
and forth it should appear to the
audience to be very heavy. Bird
remains always a few beats behind
the factory din and is always
aware, frustratingly so, of the
inherent futility of his labor.
Ig appears at the factory window.
In this scene, Ig's voice is
understood by those who hear it
to be coming from Bird -- the
staging problems this creates may
easy be remedied Ig is miked.)

IG
Doing a bang-up job there, Birdbrain.

BIRD
Go away, Ig.

IG
Ain't seen you around lately. Need some advice. Women. I
don't get 'em. I sing, I fly, I strut the stoop like cock
of the walk. I coo. She turns her beak up at me.

BIRD
The dove?

IG
Beauty herself, Bird. She's white like ivory. Morning
turns her pink, yellow, orange. She's the sun coming up.
She hates me 'cause I'm pigeon. (a woeful sigh) Little
gray on my wingtips and mine's a life of misery. The world
unjust. (trying out the woeful sigh once again, beat)
Hey, appreciate the sympathy, Bro'.

- 17 ­
 BIRD

I'm listening.
IG
Wanna meet her?
BIRD
I got work to do.
IG
We'll just fly over, bring her some donut, fly back.
BIRD
My flying days are over.
IG
For this?
BIRD
You live, you work.
IG
Not me.
BIRD
You're useless.
IG
And you're essential? We'll just wing down to the Cultural
Center.
BIRD
No.
IG
You're useless. You fall once, you quit.

BIRD
I almost died.
IG
Whatta putz.
BIRD
They called me a suicide, Ig.
IG
I've called you worse.
BIRD
I got responsibilities, now.

- 18 ­
 IG

Useful?

BIRD
You paint my life ridiculous. Stop it.

IG
I call it "used."

BIRD
Back me up for once, okay?

IG
I'm too rational for that, Flyboy. Absurdity ad futility:
this job you got. Sleep-around wife. Christ, it ain't
even your kid.

BIRD
Stop saying that!

IG
I said it once. You got head echoes?

(Fenster, a small man with a

bad back, enters carrying a
large box.)

BIRD
What's it matter, my kid or no? It's a human being, isn't
it?

(Bird, realizing Fenster is

nearby, goes diligently back
to work. Fenster looks at
Bird strangely, checks Bird's
tally on the chalk board and
exits. )

IG
Feed me some new lines, Boobala.

BIRD
Others didn't work?

IG
Not a ruffle. She's cool blue in moonlight.

BIRD
She's an American dove, buy her something.

IG
I'm not talking materialistic bimbo, Wing-wang. I'm
talking "classy." From NYC.

- 19 ­
 BIRD

How'd she get to Chicago?

IG
Working a magic act in L.A. Stopped off riding the jet
stream home.
BIRD
Sing to her.
IG
You ever hear a pigeon can sing? Only one sings worse than
me is your little hambone, Margie.
BIRD
Don't call her that!
IG
Only I don't got professional aspirations about being
talentless.
BIRD
What's it matter how she sings if she means it?
IG
Nothing, she sings earplugs and aspirin.
BIRD
Stop picking on her.
IG
She can't sing, Bird.
(Fenster enters as before,
this time from the opposite
direction and, once again,
unseen at first by Bird.)
BIRD
Like I can't fly? Can't should keep us from trying!?
(Bird realizes Fenster is
there. As before, he buries
himself in his work. Fenster,
exiting, not-so-accidently
brushes up against Bird's
chalkboard, erasing a row or
two of Bird's tick marks.)
I help you, don't I? Advice. I saved your life.
IG
Spare me.

20 ­
 BIRD

I ask you for help, you trip me up, again and again.
You're heartless.

IG
I'm a realist. I got hollow bones. (beat) White wings,
I'd be the dove of her dreams. Yank out the gray ones
again. I'll suffer the tortures hell for her. Do it,
Bird.

BIRD
No.
IG
Why, Pal?

BIRD
They grow right back. Lies, Ig. It's no good. If she
can't accept what you are, it's no good.

IG
Just long enough to catch her eye. Pluck away. I can take
it.

BIRD
We pluck them, we bleach them, what's the difference? You
sit around and moan about the pain and can't fly.

IG
Hey, we never tried paint! Gimme a wingtip touch up!

(Albert Flood enters with

megaphone. )

ALBERT
Hold up there a second, little fella.

(Albert clamps Bird's hand

in his and pumps it.)

I want to shake your hand. You're a damn good man, Burt.

BIRD
Thank you, sir.

ALBERT
Hardest worker I've got. Get in early. Stay late. Work
through your breaks. A work horse if ever I've seen one.

BIRD
I got a baby on the way, sir.

21 ­
 ALBERT

I like babies. They're so cute. Except when you burp them

and they puke up that Gerber goo. Diapers can get pretty
mean, too. You watch yourself.

IG
Whatta putz!

ALBERT
Hm?

BIRD
We're due in four months.

ALBERT
Family men always give me a hundred ten percent. Single
bums the one's I've got to watch out for. Lazy-ass ri
raff.

(Albert switches on his

megaphone and steps forward.
As he does, Bird takes a swipe
at Ig, trying unsuccessfully
to shoo him away. Albert
speaks through his megaphone
out toward aUdience.)

Men. And Ladies. I see you Gladys. I want you all to

take a look at Burt, here.

(Albert turns back to Bird,

catching him on the verge of
throttling Ig. Albert waves
Bird to his side.)

Two months he's been with us. And in one hour, I've seen
this man process more paint, glass, nuts, and bolts than
any you ever done in a day. His kind comes in here, I give
him a chance, he works hard. Let me say it for the record:
Burt, here, is aces above the lot you call yourselves
normal. I want all you to take him as example. That's
all. Back to work. (switches off megaphone, to Bird)
I've been thinking, Burt. I'm switching you to hourly
wage. Like the rest of the men.

(Bird is about to object.

Albert cuts him off.)

Don't thank me. You've earned it.

BIRD
I'd rather stay on piece work, sir.

22

 ALBERT
(just loud enough for the eavesdropping "workers" to
overhear) You want to be paid by the piece?

BIRD
If it's okay.

ALBERT
You want that?

BIRD
On piece work I make more.

ALBERT
Do you? (produces pocket calculator, calculates) So you
do. Burt, you're costing me a fortune. Hey, I'm glad to
pay you. Don't mistake me. It's just the, uhf men. The
men don't like it. I like to keep everybody equal.

BIRD
But the more boxes I process, the more money you make.

ALBERT
(beat, calculates) Smart man. (switches on megaphone, to
workers) Men. And Gladys. As of right now you're all on
piece work like Burt, here.

(General grumbling from

unseen workers is heard.)

10 cents a box plus a dollar an hour you make the thousand

box a day quota.

(Grumbling grows louder.)

Oh, cut it!

(Grumbling halts.)

You've got no reason to gripe. Already Burt, here,

averages 2 dollars an hour over wage I'm paying you. Big
money potential, here. Do a good job, company makes money.
Company makes money, you make money. That's why we're
here, right!?

(Dead silence.)

Quit standing around! 1'm not paying you for it any more!
(switches off megaphone, to Bird) I was wrong about you,
Burt. I say that for the record. 1 ' m getting back on the
horn this minute, have Cathy send me a dozen more like you.

- 23 ­
 ALBERT

(continuing) And tell you what: I'm giving you a fifty

dollar bonus you break yesterday's record. How's that
sound?

BIRD
Thank YOU t Sir.

ALBERT
What's this "sir" bullshit? You call me Boss. You've
earned it.

BIRD
Thank you ... Boss.

ALBERT
No. Thank you.

(As Albert exits t he wiggles

a finger at Ig.)

HeYt there t little birdy.

(Ig nips Albert.)

Ow! Damn­

(Albert instantly puts his

nipped finger to his mouth.
Realizing too late that that's
not the most sanitary thing to
dOt he spits disgustedly.)

(to himself) Lousy pigeons: nothing but rats with wings!

(to Bird) Burtt shoo that mangy bastard!

(Albert exits t grumbling.

Bird t angryt crosses to Ig.)

BIRD
You trying to get me fired?

IG
Be doing you a favor. (looking off at co-workers) Uh-oh.

BIRD
What?

IG
Lookit the way they're looking.

(Jules Flood enters followed

closely by Fenster.)

- 24 ­
 IG

(continuing) Yes, Folks! He's Mister Popularity, now!

(Jules, swaggering malevolently,

wears a whistle around his neck
on a shoestring and carries a
clipboard.)

JULES
(beat, a sudden smile) Burt. Buddy. Pal. Just come to
compliment you once again on the fine job you're doing.

FENSTER
Yeah, doing a real job on us all!

JULES
(to Fenster, with an edge) Ben. Please. Nice the way we
do things. (beat, to Bird) Don't know you know you
noticed, but my brother's got no head for business. Up his
butt's where he keeps it. That's between you, me,
confidential. He never been down the trenches. You, me,
down, dirty, out here on the floor. Never bent his back,
ate sweat, us guys, a hangnail, the guy faints. You get
what I'm saying?

IG
Yo, speak English and try it again there, Genius.

JULES
(to Fenster, of Bird) What'd he say?

FENSTER
He's lipping off.

JULES
(to Bird) You lipping off at me?

BIRD
I didn't say anything.

FENSTER
(to Bird) You didn't, who did, uh?

JULES
(to Fenster) I'll handle this.

FENSTER
Why don'tcha take a hike back to the loony bin, buster
brown!? Uh!? Why don'tcha!?

JULES
Fenster, will you keep it in your shorts two seconds!?

- 25 ­
 FENSTER

I'm just saying-­

JULES
(cutting Fenster off, explosively) I'M SAYING "CAN IT!!1t
(beat, smiling his nice guy smile allover again, to Bird)
Brotherhood, Burt. Brotherhood is the word I am saying at
you. (snaps fingers at Fenster) Show him your letter.
(Fenster removes a rumpled
sheet of paper from his
pocket. He hands it to
Bird. )
(to Bird) Fenster got a certifiable bad back. (pointing)
Doctor signature right here.
FENSTER
(snatching back sheet from Bird) Real doctor, too, loony
bin.

JULES
(after a cautioning look to Fenster, to Bird) My point I'm
making: lotta men can't do piece work. Fenster, here.
Guys with families. Home's a job itself. Headaches,
bills ...
FENSTER
Six kids eat like pigs!
JULES
(beat) My point I'm making, it's this: We come to work, we
like to relax. I'm not talking take advantage the boss,
his head's turned. I'm talking fair shakes. Even deals.
Brotherhood. Piece work is whipping our butts eight hours
a day. You understand my point?
IG
Sure. You need your butts whipped.
FENSTER
Take him, Jules!
JULES
(collaring Bird) Listen, you little turd ... !

FENSTER
Break him in half!
JULES
Lemme explain something.

BIRD
(pulling away) I know: a slowdown.

- 26 ­
 (Bird shoves past Jules and
goes dilligently back to
work. )
JULES
You don't slow down, we're gonna make you slow down.
(Jules gives Fenster a nod.
Fenster trips Bird. Bird
falls. )
Family business, my apologies. That's the way we work
things.
FENSTER
Yeah, accidents can happen, Wacko.
JULES
(looking up) Lotta crates lifted right overheada you.
FENSTER
Frayed cable snaps.
JULES
Things break down.
FENSTER
Derrick breaks.

JULES
Happened before, guy like you.
FENSTER
Had to hose that guy away like squashed broccoli.
JULES
My point I'm making is accidents can happen.

IG
You're walking proof of that.
JULES
(furiously slams down his clipboard) I'LL TAKE YOU RIGHT
HERE YOU WANT IT!!
FENSTER
Break him!
BIRD
That wasn't me! It was Ig!
JULES
Ig.

- 27 ­
 BIRD
The pigeon.
(Jules and Fenster turn
toward Ig. Ig coos like a
real pigeon.)
JULES
A talking pigeon.
FENSTER
Wacko been yakking at somebody all day. I seen him.
JULES
You talk to pigeons, you're telling me.
(Jules steps on Bird's fingers,
applying more and more weight.)
BIRD
I'm just doing my work.
JULES
So, whatta you telling me?
BIRD
Nothing.
JULES
What?
BIRD
He talks to me!
JULES
The pigeon.
BIRD
Ig.

JULES
Ig is the pigeon.
BIRD
Yes.
(Jules, feigning sudden interest,
steps off of Bird's fingers and
stoops down close to him.)
JULES
And pray, what does he say?

- 28
 BIRD
Girl problems.

JULES
Girl problems.

BIRD
He's in love with this dove.

JULES
No. Really?

BIRD
But she don't want anything to do with him.

JULES
Course not.

BIRD
Because he's pigeon.

JULES
Doves and pigeons.

FENSTER
Guy lives in China.

BIRD
She's stuck up.

JULES
The dove.

BIRD
Yes.

JULES
Yeah, I, myself, noticed most doves are stuffy that way.

FENSTER
Yeah, I was talking to a crow just yesterday-­

JULES
(cutting him off) Shut it, Fenster.

BIRD
Ig's wingtips are gray.

JULES
He wears shoes, the pigeon?

BIRD
No, his wings have gray tips. Otherwise, he'd be a dove
himself.

- 29 ­
 JULES

Oh, so the dove is what you might call a racist.

BIRD

We tried plucking the gray feathers out but that hurts him
and he can't fly.

JULES
(his arm around Bird: pals) Did you try feather dye?

FENSTER
Or Grecian Formula 101?

BIRD
We tried bleach but that got him sick.

JULES
(nods, smiles and wraps his hand around the back of Bird's
neck and begins to squeeze) I had enough of you,
Birdbrain.

(Bird sinks to the floor in

pain. )

BIRD
I don't mean any harm. I just want work. I got a baby on
the way. My wife is pregnant. She needs things.

FENSTER
We're all living that sad story.

JULES
We all need things. Now, you be a good little birdy. Slow
down and we'll all be back on hourly wage Tuesday. We'll
all be chums, rubbing elbows, maybe even invite you
bowling. Till then, keep your eyes on the sky, Chicken­
Licken. 'Cause you screw up, it might fallon your empty-­

ALBERT
(entering) That'll be enough, Jules.

(Jules releases Bird and

"helps" Bird to his feet.
Albert's nipped finger is
absurdly bandaged.)

JULES
Just complimenting the new man on the fine jobs he's doing,
Albert.

ALBERT
pick up your clipboard or you lose it.

- 30 ­
 JULES
(picking up clipboard) I like his ambition. Don't you,
Albert?

ALBERT
Get your men back to work, Jules.

JULES
(blows whistle, to "Men" and Gladys) You heard the boss!
Get your lazy butts in gear!

ALBERT
Any problem here, Burt?

BIRD
No. No, sir. (flexing sore fingers, rubbing sore neck)
Working a little to fast, I guess.

ALBERT
(aside) Don't listen to him. The man's a psychopath.

JULES
Giving him a few pointers. Haste makes waste, for one.

ALBERT
Shut up, Jules.

JULES
I know what you're up to.

ALBERT
If you had that much a brain, Dad woulda made you boss
instead of me.

JULES
Oh, 'cause I suppose he loved you best!

ALBERT
Highly probable, Jules.

JULES
That's a crock!

ALBERT
Burt, this one gives you any more flack, you come straight
to me.

JULES
It didn't work before. I won't work this time.

ALBERT
(on a soapbox) Some around here forget that this is
America. America! Where a man's a man because he worked
to be a­ (to himself) Gladys, Jesus.

- 31 ­
 JULES

Oh t real hard work t Albert. Dad drops dead and it drops in

your lap.
ALBERT
Get back to work before I take away your whistle.
(A glaring standoff as the
lights change time and
t

place shift suddenly as

before. )

- 32 ­
 Scene 4

(Bird suddenly finds himself in

his apartment as the couch is
rolled on by Stage Manager and
window light falls upon the
stage. Bird gazes out the
window, measuring the sky,
eyeing the drop shifting
reality is taking an increasing
toll on him. Margie enters,
sleepily. She is noticeably
pregnant. )

MARGIE
Bird?

(Bird steps through window and

into the apartment.)

BIRD
Whatta you doing up?

MARGIE
Something crawled on me ln the bedroom.

BIRD
What?

MARGIE
I don't wanna know. Did you just get home?

BIRD
While ago, yeah.

MARGIE
Where were you?

BIRD
When?

MARGIE
Our three month anniversary. I made dinner.

BIRD
I work, Margie. I was at work.

MARGIE
So late? (beat) I burnt the chicken so I made chili.
It's not very good chili. I don't think the beans are
supposed to be so crunchy. Want me to heat you some?

BIRD
No. Go back to bed.

33 ­
 MARGIE

There's something in there.

BIRD
Then sleep out here.

MARGIE
(with a smile) I thought it was you.

BIRD
Probably just a cockroach.

MARGIE
(approaching him) I thought it was you tickling me.

(Avoiding contact, Bird moves

away from her.)

BIRD
(an edge) Do I ever!?

MARGIE
Are you okay, Bird?

BIRD
Me, don't worry about me, it's you I'm worried. How's the,
the, the ... ?

MARGIE
Baby?

BIRD
Yeah.

MARGIE
Fine.

(Bird rearranges blanket on

couch for Margie.)

BIRD
C'mon. Curl up. Keep warm.

(Margie curls up on couch.

Bird tucks blanket around her.)

I'll take the bedroom. Things crawling on me, I could care

less. Asleep, I'm dead to the world.

MARGIE
Somebody killed somebody in the apartment

BIRD
Today?

- 34 ­
 MARGIE

I heard screams. Then a slam against the wall. Then this

sloppy kinda pitching noise like a knife stabbing. Then a
door slammed. Then dead silence.

BIRD
Coulda been TV.

MARGIE
Coulda been, I guess. Could been "Psycho." No. It didn't
have that sound, that music, that: EEE-ooo, EEE-ooo, EEE­
000. (beat) Our TV broke.

BIRD
How?

MARGIE
Things break. It just broke.

(Silence. Bird gazes out the

window. )

Bird? Insteada the Family Center, if I went to that Free

Clinic maybe we could afford some place nicer. Maybe we
could afford some place cockroach free and a new TV, even.

BIRD
Dirty people with needle marks up their arms go to that
Free Clinic.

MARGIE
They do not.

BIRD
They'd treat you like one-a them, there. We're clean
people, Margie.

MARGIE
Maybe I could get a job.

BIRD
They wouldn't understand your complications at that Free
Clinic. Not like they understand at the Family Center.

MARGIE
Want me to look for something?

BIRD
No.

MARGIE
I could find something typing, maybe.

- 35 ­
 BIRD

Doctor said sit full term, so sit.

MARGIE
Secretaries sit.

BIRD
Secretaries also type.

MARGIE
I could lie about it.

BIRD
Lies'll take you places, sure.

MARGIE
I could say I type and teach myself.

BIRD
And how would you get there?

MARGIE
I'd ride the bus.

BIRD
Margie, eTA buses have been known to kill people. They hit
a pot-hole, snap, the neck goes. And your condition, you
gotta be more careful.

MARGIE
What, the baby? Don't worry about the baby. Doctor said
he's got the best seat in the house.

BIRD
What if there's no seats?

MARGIE
Someone'd let me sit. Some kind gentleman'd stand seeing
I'm with child.

BIRD
You live in a dream world. "With child." Gentlemen don't
ride the bus through Uptown, Margie. Gentlemen own homes
in Lincoln Park. Gentlemen drive cars with chauffeurs.
Get a job typing, you couldn't even pull yourself up to the
damned desk!

MARGIE
Bird, what's wrong?

BIRD
Nothing.

- 36 ­
 MARGIE

Did I do something?

BIRD
No, not you, Margie, it's the noise, the factory, it gets
me, I talk to remind myself I'm not parta the machine, see,
sometimes, I'm quiet, it swallows me up, it follows me,
this face, it's death, this face of death, so I talk, this
voice, it's-- (digs money from his pocket) Hey, I got a
bonus today.

MARGIE
Another one?

BIRD
Broke yesterday's record.

MARGIE
We could get a new TV!

BIRD
Sure.

MARGIE
(counts money) Or just a used one.

BIRD
I'll break today's record tomorrow and we can pick one out.

MARGIE
Color?

BIRD
Sure.

MARGIE
Brand new?

BIRD
with the biggest screen we can find. And a warranty.

MARGIE
We could go out.

BIRD
Celebrate, sure.

MARGIE
Tuesday's open mike night at Orphan's. I know the doctor
said sit, but maybe we could go and try my song.

BIRD
No drinking, though.

- 37 ­
 MARGIE

wine's okay.

BIRD
The baby.

MARGIE
Half a glass. The doctor said.

BIRD
This baby's gotta be healthy, Margie. He's gotta be,
there's enough, I mean, sick, you gotta- (an exasperated,
guttural moan, half mournful cry/half enraged shout) Alive
is tough enough without being sick on top of it.

MARGIE
The doctor said, Bird. Wine relaxes me. My blood
pressure.

BIRD
Half a glass, then. If the doctor said. If you're sure.

MARGIE
Don't worry. It's a perfect baby. I got the picture all
set.

BIRD
Picture? What picture?

MARGIE
The mental picture. My Mom taught me. You want things to
work out perfect, all you gotta do, you make a mental
picture in your head. And if your picture clear and you
hold onto that picture tight and you concentrate, that's
the way it'll be. Perfect. Like when I go do my song.
That's all set, too. I see it exactly how it'll be.

(Margie, draped in blanket,

stands.)

You gotta picture this, okay?

BIRD
I'm there.

MARGIE
Orphan's they got this small room in the back. Not
cramped. Intimate.

(The lights begin to change

as Stage Manager shifts the
scene. He brings a chair and
tiny night club table to Bird.
Eyeing him warily, Bird s .)

38 ­
 BIRD

I'm ringside.

MARGIE
Drinks are served. The lights go down. The piano player
comes in.

(A pin-spot comes up on
Margie as she slips into a
nice dress. Stage Manager
hands her a microphone.
Piano music plays. If live
piano can be used, Stage
Manager may put in an
appearance as Piano Player.
Margie performs her song
perfectly, like a dream.
However, just as she is
about to finish, she doubles
over in pain. )

MARGIE
Bird!?

(Bird runs to Margie's side

as the music halts, the
lights instantly bump up,
and the scene is transformed
to ... )

39 ­
 Scene 5

(A lobby in a private hospital.

Josephine, admitting clerk, sits
at a table talking on the phone.
A line of tape on table suggests
a glass partition. As Josephine
talks, her back to the scene,
filing her nails perhaps, Bird
orients himself to the new scene
and leads Margie into the lobby.
On the way, the pains she is
experiencing suddenly get worse.
She doubles over, her water
breaking apparently. Panicking,
Bird tears off his shirt and
hands it to her to wipe herself
off. Tucking Bird's shirt
indelicately between her legs,
Margie can barely stand. The
following scene should be played
at breakneck tempo, crescendoing
to its explosive conclusion ­
dialogue may overlap more often
than as indicated.)

JOSEPHINE
(on phone) I don't know what to believe. I first met him,
I see the wedding ring, I say: "Is this the wedding ring?"
Jerk tells me: "This? It's a friendship ring." So we go
out. Morning, I get up early, the usual, go through his
wallet. He's got three kids ... Yes! Ugly little boogers.
Buck teeth, red hair. I wake the jerk up, I ask him: "Are
these your kids?" He tel me: "Those are my nieces and
nephews." ... Of course, I believed him. You believe what
you want to believe.

MARGIE
(pain subsiding) I'm sorry, I'm sorry-­

JOSEPHINE
So we been dating pretty regular for five years ...

MARGIE
I'm so sorry-­

BIRD
Quit with the "sorries" or I'll crack you, okay?

MARGIE JOSEPHINE
I feel so stupid. I wish I I told him that. I said:
was dead. "How stupid do you think I
am, Larry?"

40 ­
 BIRD

Hey, we're here, now. None-a that. Quit it, just quit.
(to Josephine) Excuse me.

MARGIE
I feel like a rutting goat. I need a shower.

BIRD
(tapping on Josephine's "glass") Excuse me.

MARGIE JOSEPHINE
It's my fault. (wiping I ask him: "Are you going to
legs with shirt) I get a divorce or not?"
should said something. "Yes, yes, yes," he says.
But, no. Idiot, I just "1'11 send you the decree
sit and ache. Why'd you from Philly. II

let me drink so much

wine, Bird?

BIRD
(to Margie) Easy. (to Josephine, tapping again on
"glass") Excuse me, please.

JOSEPHINE
(turns) Hold on, Carol, will you? Someone's here. (puts
calIon hold, to Bird) May I help you, sir?

BIRD
My wife, she's leaking or something. I'm sorry. She's
pregant. She's having a baby.

MARGIE
I feel too gross, Bird. Let's go.

JOSEPHINE
(glancing at Margie) She can't be more than five or six
months.

BIRD
You're brilliant. Could we see a doctor, please?

JOSEPHINE
Do you have an appointment?

BIRD
No.

MARGIE
(to herself) I can't sing.

JOSEPHINE
Who's your doctor?

- 41 ­
 MARGIE

Who told me I could sing?

BIRD
(to Margie) Shut up. (to Josephine) Any doctor.

JOSEPHINE
Donlt you have a regular doctor?

(Margie, half-crying, half­

laughing and definitely
drunk, cradles her knees and
rocks back and forth as she
launches into an increasingly
loud, self-mocking version of
the song she sang earlier.)

BIRD
No.

JOSEPHINE
Do you have a card?

BIRD
Card? What card?

JOSEPHINE
A card, sir. An HMO card.

BIRD
(to Margie) Knock it off, Margie!

MARGIE
Sorry, sorry, sorry.

BIRD
(to Josephine) What it, HMO?

JOSEPHINE
Our Health Maintenance Organization, s I can't let you
see a doctor unless you belong.

MARGIE
(self facingly, to
herself) Some people,
with talent, can sneak a
silent, deadly fart and
politely leave the room.
But me? Noooooooooooooo.
First time I ever choose
to fart out loud I do it
on open mike night in
front of a crowd!
BIRD
How do I join?
JOSEPHINE
(handing Bird paper after
paper) Fill out this.
This. This. Two of these.
One for each of your family
members. Processing takes
about ... (looks over her
calendar)

42 ­
 BIRD

(stoops down, aside to Margie) Margie, strangulation is

very painful and you are making my fingers itch. Behave,
will you, please, honey, please?

MARGIE
(an obedient child) I'll behave.

(Margie ls sadly silent,

rocking, cradling her knees.
Josephine turns back to Bird.)

JOSEPHINE
One month.

BIRD
A month?

JOSEPHINE
(hands Bird another sheet of paper) Here's a fee schedule.

BIRD
But my wife's having a baby, now.

JOSEPHINE
Five months it's probably just gas.

BIRD
(poking at her, against "glass") Are you a doctor?

JOSEPHINE
No, sir, I am not a doctor.

BIRD
(poking) Then stick your opinion and get me one!

JOSEPHINE
Don't be abusive with me. I'm minimum wage and I'm not
paid to take it.

MARGIE
(quietly) Bird?

BIRD
I want to see a doctor!

JOSEPHINE
Lay your mits on my glass again, Jerk, you're going to see
stars before you see any doctor!

MARGIE
(a bit louder) Bird?

43
 JOSEPHINE

Then you're going to need a doctor!

MARGIE
(louder yet) Bird?
BIRD
What, Margie!? What!?
MARGIE
I miss my Mom.
BIRD
(beat, to Josephine) Hey, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be
rude. Just there's all this wet stuff allover my wife,
the bus, my pants, my shirt, I think she broke her bag or
something. Couldn't we see just a nurse? Somebody can
tell us what's going on?
JOSEPHINE
This office, sir, is HMO members only. Cook County
Hospital is across the expressway, free. Go there.
BIRD
My wife is not going to Cook County! People go there to
die!
JOSEPHINE
It's not clean but it's got the finest medical emergency
team assembled in this city.
BIRD
Have you ever been there!?
JOSEPHINE
I've heard they're very reputable.
BIRD
You don't know squat! Please, could we please see
somebody!? I'll pay for everything! I'll make payments!
JOSEPHINE
I'm sorry.
BIRD
Can't you see something's wrong!? Look yourself! (to
Margie) It hurts, Margie, don't it? (beat) Does it hurt
or not?
MARGIE
No.

- 44

 BIRD

Screaming on the bus, you said it hurts. Didn't you say

before it hurts?

MARGIE
Yes.

BIRD
Does it hurt or not?!

(Margie thinks about it.)

One or the other, honey!

MARGIE
(waves Bird closer, a whisper) Let's go home and nail the
door shut.

BIRD
(to Josephine) It comes and goes. Maybe it's
contractions.

JOSEPHINE
At five months, I sincerely doubt it.

BIRD
Have you ever been pregnant!?

JOSEPHINE
No, but I was a biology major at the University of Chicago.

BIRD
Have you ever heard of a premature fucking baby!

JOSEPHINE
I'll call a taxi. There's a cab stand right outside. Can
she walk?

BIRD
I ask for a doctor, you call me a cab!

JOSEPHINE
(ignoring Bird, to Margie) Can you walk, Ma'm?

BIRD
What's it gotta fallout on the floor before you believe
me!?

JOSEPHINE
I'll call Cook County. TheY'll send an ambulance.

BIRD
Fuck Cook County! Someone's being born here!

- 45 ­
 JOSEPHINE

Across the expressway, they'll be here in two minutes.

BIRD
(poking "glass") Listen to me. Read my lips. I don't
want County! County's death!

JOSEPHINE
I'm sorry, sir. I've got to follow the rules. (into
phone) Carol? I'll call you back. There's some mental
case poking on my glass. (beat) Shut up, I'll call you
back.

(Josephine redials and speaks

quietly underneath Bird and
Margie's next exchange.)

MARGIE JOSEPHINE
I never shoulda kept (on phone) Hello, Cook
this. County? Could you send an
ambulance over to the Rush­
BIRD Pres. Anchor Building? I
Don't you dare say that. think we've got a woman
pre-mature labor, here. 5
MARGIE months, maybe 6. That's
I never should went what I said, but ... Right,
singing or celebrated or 1730 West Taylor. Front
had wine. desk. Thank you. (hangs up)

BIRD
It woulda went better, you didn't drink like a fish,
Margie.

MARGIE
All those people, I was so nervous, Bird.

BIRD
I know, honey, I know.

MARGIE
I should just had half a glass.

BIRD
So, you'll know better next time.

MARGIE
I'd rather die.

BIRD
Hey, how else you gonna know you can sing or not unless you
get up and try?

- 46 ­
 MARGIE

Now I know all about singing, don't I!? (almost

hysterical) I sang and they laughed and I leaked and I
farted really loud public so I hope you're very happy!

BIRD
I didn't hear it.

MARGIE
Liar. Open mike, it sounded like Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
(her laughter easily turns to tears) Why do we wanna be
stars, Bird?

BIRD
Do you feel okay? Are you better?

MARGIE
Drippy still.

BIRD
Can you stand up?

MARGIE
I never shoulda kept this. We shoulda saved for lnsurance.

BIRD
Will you shut up with the "shoulda, shoulda, shoulda!"

MARGIE
(standing, suddenly in great pain) Oh, Bird! It hurts!
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

BIRD
(panicking) Hey. Sorry. Don't panic on me. I'll get a
doctor here in a minute.

MARGIE
(through pain) No. Take me outta They don't want
us here. Let's go.

BIRD
Go? Go where?!

MARGIE
Cook County!

BIRD
Why do you think it's free?! Place's a rat trap, a death
camp! They practice on people there, that's why!

MARGIE
(more pains) Oh, God! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

- 47 ­
 BIRD

Not you, Margie! Not this baby! (pounding on "glass")

Hey! HEY! We're not shit out here! We're peo ple! You
get me a doctor! I w anna see a doctor!

JOSEPHINE
(cowering) I'll buzz security, sir. You may talk with
them.

(Josephine presses a buzzer.)

BIRD
Treat me like shit, but not my wi Not my baby!

(Bird pounds on "glass" so

hard that he breaks it. We
hear the sound of shattering
glass as Josephine jumps
back and away. If possible,
Bird's hands should run red
wi th blood.)

JOSEPHINE
You crazy bastard! You broke my glass!

BIRD
I'll break more than that, two seconds, you don't get me a
doctor!

(Bird lunges for Josephine.

Margie, with difficulty,
attempts to stop Bird.)

MARGIE
Bird, let's go!

JOSEPHINE
(grabs phone, dials security) I don't need this crap!

MARGIE
Bird! Come on!

JOSEPHINE
(into phone) Hello, security?

BIRD
(snapping away from Margie) We're not going!

JOSEPHINE
(into phone) Triangle Building. Admitting. Have you got
somebody coming!? I've got an emergency down here! (hangs
up)

- 48 ­
 MARGIE

We don't belong here!

BIRD

Dollars and cents? Is that 1 we are to anybody? Dollars

and cents!? Money can't be the only way we belong!

JOSEPHINE
Crazy bastard, you're going to pay for this! I didn't do
anything to provoke you!

BIRD
Doctors take oaths to help people!

JOSEPHINE
You're going to payout the wazoo for breaking this glass!

MARGIE
Please, Bird. Please, let's go.

BIRD
We're staying! I want good things for you and the baby,
Margie!

MARGIE
Cook County's okay.

BIRD
Things die there!

MARGIE
Some things! Not everything!

(Stage Manager as Antoine

the Security Guard enters
with nightstick. We hear
the sound of an ambulance
siren approaching.)

JOSEPHINE
Antoine, this jerk broke my glass.

BIRD
Yes, everything! EVERYTHING DIES!

(Bird, in a rage, smashes

"windows" in the lobby with
his bare fists. As Bird
smashes each pane, we hear a
great crash, the sound of
shattering glass amplified.
The crescendoing siren adds
to the chaos.)

49 ­
 BIRD

(continuing) IS THAT ANY PLACE TO BRING SOMEONE BEING

BORN!?

MARGIE
(slumps to the floor, cowering from the flying "glass")
Bird, stop it!

BIRD
EVERYTHING LIVES!

(Bird repeats his previous

action. The sound of breaking
glass is louder each time.)

EVERYTHING DIES!

MARGIE
(helplessly) Oh, Bird.

BIRD
WE MAKE THINGS!

(Crash! )

WE BREAK THINGS!

(Crash! )

WE BREAK!

(Crash! )

WE'RE BROKEN!

(Crash! )

WE MAKE THINGS BREAK!

(Crash!)

(Red flashing emergency

lights flood the stage as
the ambulance "pulls up"
nearby. Siren, now very
loud, winds down. Bird,
weakening, begins to
stumble. )

AND CHILDREN!

(Crash! )

And chi Idren ...

50 ­
(Antoine approaches Bird
with his nightstick. As
Antoine brings it down upon
Bird's head in slow motion,
we hear the amplified sound
of breaking glass played at
a very low speed. As Bird
blacks out and is slowly
lowered to the floor, the
lights fade to black.)
END OF ACT I

51 ­
 Scene 1

(Barred light rises on Cathy,

waiting, pacing. The table with
the line on it is repositioned
to suggest a visiting room in
Cook County Hospital, one in
which patients are separated
from visitors by a glass
partition. There is a chair on
either side of the table. Stage
Manager, now as Hospital
Orderly, enters with Bird in
hospital gown. Bird is heavily
sedated, his hands bandaged.
Hospital Orderly stands off to
one side in the shadows.)

CATHY
Margie's been waiting all morning. Won't you-

BIRD
No.

CATHY
Just tell her the truth.

BIRD
(laughs, then deadpan) Wanna hear a joke?

CATHY
It's only a year, Bird.

BIRD
You'll crease a gut. My therapist told me this one.

CATHY
It was the best I could do. Maybe 9 months with good
behavior.

BIRD
3 blind men go for a walk. They run into an elephant.
"What's this?" the first one asks. He reaches out.
Touches the elephant's ear. "It's a huge fan," he says.

CATHY
Bird-

BIRD
Second blind man reaches out. Touches the elephant's leg.
"It's not a fan," he says. "It's a tree," Third blind man
reaches out. Touches the elephant's side. "It's not a fan
or a tree," he says. "It's a wall."

- 52 ­
 BIRD

(continuing, beat, laughs weakly) Why can't the elephant

be the way I feel it, Cath?

CATHY
You know why.

BIRD
Cause you're a threat, Bird. To others, Bird. To
yourself, Bird.

CATHY
You were pretty violent when they brought you in.

BIRD
Jews, commies, blacks and now birds. This year, it's
definite?

CATHY
It's just a year.

BIRD
Just a year. Just a moment. Just a life.

CATHY
Some improvement, that's all we want to see. (beat) Help,
I want to help you, Bird. But my hands are tied. Should
we keep you here? Let you go? I feel like a mother,
afraid for you both ways. (beat) Don't give up on me,
okay?

BIRD
I been dragged out, drugged out, blacked out, burnt out,
fried, frittered, skewered, doped, duped ... but I ain't
stupid. Down a hole, I need a rope, I'm gonna call you?
Lady with her hands tied?

CATHY
(hurt, beat) I'll send in Margie.

(Cathy exits. If possible,

a real pigeon appears in the
"window. ")

BIRD
(squinting, crosses toward window) Iggy?

(Hospital Orderly stops Bird,

turns him around and directs
him to a chair. A slight
light change as Margie enters
and sits across from Bird at
the table.)

- 53 ­
 MARGIE

Hi, Bird. (beat) Aren't you gonna ask me how's the baby?

BIRD
(beat) How's the baby?

MARGIE
Oh, Bird, he's so ... so little.

BIRD
Real little?

MARGIE
3 pounds, 2 ounces.

BIRD
That's pretty little?

MARGIE
Too little.

BIRD
Too little for what?

MARGIE
(beat) They have him in this glass thing.

BIRD
He's all right, though?

MARGIE
There's a hole, it's got this glove, you reach your hand
through, and this glove, you touch him.

BIRD
Tell me he's all right.

MARGIE
His lungs aren't all the way developed.

BIRD
But he'll make it.

MARGIE
He grabbed my finger yesterday. Held tight. That's a good
sign, they said.

BIRD
Holding on.

MARGIE
He's getting stronger. So red when he cries.

- 54 ­
 BIRD

Does he look like me?

MARGIE
No.

BIRD
Got that much going for him.

MARGIE
Can you come see him, today?

BIRD
(beat) I gotta tell you about me, Ma rgie. I gotta tell
you the truth this time 'cause ... I du nno. (b eat) I see
things.

MARGIE
Everybody sees things.

BIRD
I see things other people don't see.

MARGIE
Myrna read my tea leaves and said you were born before your
time.

BIRD
Who's Myrna?

MARGIE
Nurse at the hospital. They're so nice to me there, Bird.
It's so expensive.

BIRD
I lied to you, Margie.

MARGIE
You never lied to me.

BIRD
From the very beginning. That check I wrote you?

MARGIE
I tore it up.

BIRD
I know you tore it, I made you tore it. It was no good.

MARGIE
That's okay.

55 ­
 BIRD

No good to begin with. Like me. I wanted you to think I'm

worth something. I wanted you to think Bird's a good guy,
I'll try him again, give him a chance.

MARGIE
You are a good guy, Bird. You done so much for me. When I
see that little red face, those kicking legs, fists, and
think I almost killed his chances before he even had any, I
just say Bird did so much for me. He's a good guy. AAd
you are a good guy, Bird, don't short yourself.

BIRD
But, Margie, I never had a job till a few months ago. I
been welfare 'cause I fly and talk pigeon and fall, see, I
couldn't work, this medication, I can't work.

MARGIE
You did a good job at the plant, didn't you?

BIRD
Too good.

MARGIE
Your first week yo u got a raise. How ma ny guys get a raise
their f t week? None, probably ever. Just my husband.

BIRD
Margie, listen-

MARGIE
Don't be mad at me, Bird, but I went back to the plant and
Mr. Flood, Albert, he said he'd take you back any time you
get out. No questions.

BIRD
It's not being in and getting out, Margie, see, I take it
with me. Wherever I go. (beat) I'm schizophrenic. Half
the time I don't know whether I'm dreaming or living.

MARGIE
Nobody does.

BIRD
I'm sick, Margie.

MARGIE
They got medication.

BIRD
I can't work, the medication. I stop, I fly off the
handle. All my life I been trying. All my life I been
falling on my face. A job. A home. A wi A family.
These are far away things for me.

56 ­
 MARGJ:E

Everybody has them.

BJ:RD

We're not even married. I lost custody of myself when I f­

fell off the roof.

MARGJ:E
(beat) We're married, Bird.

BJ:RD
Cathy said not really. Not legally.

MARGJ:E
Didn't we make a promise, you and me? Married isn't a
piece of paper. It's not something you crumple up and
throwaway. It's a promise. We're married.

BJ:RD
(beat, smiles wearily) You got an answer for everything,
don'tcha?

(Margie smi .)

Hey. You're okay? delivery?

MARGJ:E
Yeah. I was hardly in labor at all. Seed out of a peach,
Myrna said. Just popped right out.

BJ:RD
What'd you do to your face?

MARGJ:E
Nothing.

BJ:RD
You look all t focus blurry like a Doris Day movie.

MARGJ:E
I been a lotta time at the hospital.

BJ:RD
All night?

MARGJ:E
If they me.

BJ:RD
That's what you want, you tell them to let you. Tell them
I said you or I'll corne over and trash their lobby.

MARGJ:E
They usually let me.

- 57 ­
 BIRD

Whatta you do there, the hospital?

MARGIE

Just ... nothing. Just watch. There's nothing to do. Just

watch. Hope. He's gotta do it on his own. And, Bird, you

should see him. He's trying so hard. He's up against so

much. Little speck of dust he gets pneumonia. He's
fighting to live. (beat) When do you get out, Bird?
Month or two more, they hope the baby's okay. There's so
much to do and things we need-

BIRD
When the baby comes home.

MARGIE
What?

BIRD
I'll home for the baby's homecoming.

MARGIE
will you?

BIRD
Promise. Back on the job and everything.

MARGIE
Is it okay?

BIRD
Sure.

MARGIE
You're sure.

BIRD
Sure, I'm sure. Cathy told me good behavior, I'm free to
go . Any time. I just say the word, I walk out that door.

MARGIE
I'm so happy. Can I touch you?

BIRD
You need to ask me can I touch you? You're my wife.

MARGIE
I wasn't sure you wanted to. I mean, all this time.
Pregnant, I know, but you never touched me.

BIRD
You never touched me.

- 58 ­
 MARGIE

I thought, maybe it's our arrangement. I wasn't sure you

wanted me to.

BIRD
I wasn't sure you wanted me to, either. The baby, you
know.

MARGIE
Pregnant isn't breakable.

BIRD
All right, so let's do this touch then.

(Margie hesitantly slips her

hand beneath the "glass"
partition. Bird does the
same. They hold hands.)

MARGIE
I love you, Bird. (beat) What's wrong?

BIRD
Nothing.

MARGIE
You're crying.

BIRD
Medication, that's all , gets me all soupy. (beat) Hey,
you lied to me.

MARGIE
I never lied to you. When?

BIRD
You said you'd never say that.

MARGIE
What, I love you?

BIRD
Yeah.

MARGIE
I did so I guess I do. I love you, Bird.

BIRD
(withdrawing his hand) Once is enou gh. I can't take it.
Go to the hospital. Y ou're a mommy, now. You got other
sidelines to stand on. Go on.

MARGIE
(stands, beat) I watch him, Bird. He's fighting so hard.

- 59 ­
 BIRD

Course, he is. Look who he's got to come home to.

MARGIE
You, too.

BIRD
(beat) Go on, go. Bye.

(Margie exits. Bird crosses

to the "window" once again.
Pigeon flies away. Bird lifts
chair to throw it through
"window." Seeing Hospital
Orderly, he halts. After a
moment, Bird follows through
with his action. As chair
soars through the "window" a
tremendous crash of glass is
heard. Bird eyes Hospital
Orderly. Hospital Orderly
looks at Bird blankly, not
moving to stop him, perhaps
smiling ever so slightly. As
Bird climbs out "window" the
lights change, factory sound
pounds up and Hospital Orderly
exits and returns as Stage
Manager with Bird's bottomless
crate. As Bird hurries off to
escape, Stage Manager stops
him by stuffing the crate into
his arms. As before, the
action is continuous.)

60 ­
 Scene 2

(Stage Manager removes the

table and remaining chair as
Bird, tearing off his hospital
gown and bandages, goes
immediately back to work as
before -- only this time Bird
works faster, driven. Bird
develops a painful limp as he
works. He forces himself to
work through the pain. Ig
appears. )

IG
I been feeling suicidal lately, Bird.

BIRD
Don't bug me.

IG
Think that's healthy? Humans it's run-of-the-mill. But I
gotta face facts. I'm a pigeon. Suicide rate amongst
pigeons is rather scant, I fancy. (sighs) I don't wanna
love her, but I do. (sighs more melodramatically than
before) Whoever put this pigeon heart together shou1da
thought twice the world he put it in. (beat) Putz, I pour
out my heart and soul, you ignore me?

BIRD
I don't got time, Ig.

IG
Thing're swell for you, compassion your fellow bir d
f l o u t the window. That's the way this friendship
operates?

(Bird works furiously, ignoring

Ig. ,being a pest, hums a
few bars of a song.)

Race you to Buckingham Fountain.

BIRD
(halts) In France people eat pigeons!

(Bird goes right back to work.)

IG
Ain't nothing impresses the babes, Bird, like a man can
take to air and soar. Charles Lindberg. Mercury
Astronauts. Wilber and Orville Wright.

- 61
 BIRD

Don't.

IG
Evil Kneivel.

BIRD
It's no solution.

IG
Airborn a man's problems stay behind.

BIRD
I can't fly.

IG
Quitter.

BIRD
I know my limitations Ig. I can't take any more.
I I
can't - (beat back to work, determined not to let Ig get
l

to him) I can't fly.

IG
You wanna be I don'tcha? (beat) I'm talking to a
wall here?
l

BIRD
You keeping count?

IG
Two thousand four hundred eighty seven.

(Bird loads and moves, working

too quickly to pause and make
tick marks.)

Two thousand four hundred eighty eight. Give it a rest,

Paisan. You broke yesterday's record a half hour ago.
Lughead and company are thrilled to death.

BIRD
I could care less.

IG
They find out you escaped Cook County they'll take you back
home.

BIRD
Cook County is not my home, Ig! I have a home! With
Margie! With the baby! I--! (halts realizing he is
l

letting Ig get to him again, goes right back to work) Shut

UPI Ig.

- 62 ­
 IG

Shut up, Ig, shut up, Ig. You been telling me shut up, Ig,
forty thousand times a day the past week like you mean it.

BIRD
I do mean it.

IG
You do?

BIRD
I show them I can make it, I'll be fine. Cathy keeps her
job, Margie, the baby, they'll be proud of me, this chance,
I can make it, if I live, just live normal. Sick, I know
I'm sick, so I gotta be more than normal, I gotta be better
than everybody!

IG
Bird, that's crazy!

BIRD
I'm sorry, Ig. There's no room for you, okay?

IG
Room for me? I got wings, Landling. I got the sky.

(Fenster enters.)

BIRD
Then take off! Use it! Just don't bug me filling my life,
my time, my head with your chit-chat problems! I can't do
it, any more!

(Bird realizes Fenster is

standing nearby. Caught talking
to "no oneil once again, he dives
headlong back into the refuge of
work. )

FENSTER
(looks around, beat) Hey, Burt. How's it going?

(Fenster watches Bird work

in silence. Bird's pace, if
possible, becomes even more
furious than before. He
ignores Fenster.)

Seen Jules around? (beat, makes sure Jules is not around,

then confidenti ly) Whatta you breaking your back for,
man? It ain't worth it. (beat) Hey, that wasn't my idea.
Dead rat in your lunch, other day. Dog shit in your
locker. That's Jules. Worried about the slowdown, guy
panics.

63
 BIRD

It wasn't your idea, ther, you guess, tripping me down

the stairs!?

FENSTER
I came to apologize about that. I'm not the asshole you
make me out. I change around Jules. He scares me. But
without friends, I'm nothing. Fingers snap, I'm somebody's
puppy. I really am sorry.

BIRD
Yeah, thanks.

FENSTER
(approaching Bird, pointing) You're bleeding by your eye,
there-­

BIRD
(explosively) DON'T TOUCH ME!

FENSTER
Easy, man. Just pointing. (beat) I hurt you bad?

BIRD
I'm

FENSTER
Same game with me, Pal. I was you once. Low man on the
pole, I come in here. I was gonna show up everybody. But
nobody likes getting shown up. Fucking Jules, that's where
I got this back. Asshole picks me up, slams me down. My
initiation. He calls it my initiation. Showed me. Matter
of adjusting. Of fitting in. Friends, that's all.

BIRD
I'm not turning into a toad to fit in, okay? I'm not you,
okay? I'm a husband, a father, my own man. Fuck you.

FENSTER
I'm just trying to reach you, man.

BIRD
Leave me alone.

FENSTER
Nobody wants that.

BIRD
So I'm nobody. Beat it.

FENSTER
Hey, we all gotta work together. Try, least.

- 64 ­
 BIRD

Not me.

FENSTER
Not you, uh? Do it all by yourself, uh?

BIRD
You got it.

FENSTER
And fuck everybody else, right?

BIRD
That's right! Whatta you know what it means to be me!? To
have death bouncing on your back, chewing on your brain
every minute of your life!? You know nothing!

FENSTER
(beat) I might gotta die alone, but I ain't gonna live
that way. I feel sorry for you. More than before. Lotta
guys feel alone. But you are, man. So fuck you! Fuck you
sideways with a two-by-four!

(Fenster exits.)

IG
Brilliant.

BIRD
He's sorry, I'm supposed to hug him?

IG
Forgiveness'd make the world nicer.

BIRD
You're a stupid, ugly, goddamn good-for-nothing bird!
Whatta you know about anything!?

IG
Only what you told me.

(Bird, disgusted, goes back to

work. )

You want alone, I'll go, too.

BIRD
Then fly! Go! Get out! Go south! Go hang out with your
own kind!

IG
How many pigeons you know can talk?

- 65 ­
 BIRD

I'm not 1 tening.

IG

We're loners, Bird. You and me? We're birds of a feather.

ALBERT
(O.S. through megaphone) Burt! Hold up there a minute. I
want a word with you.

(Albert enters. Bird keeps working.)

Burt, I said "whoa! II Would you whoa, damni t?

BIRD
(stops working) Yes, sir?

ALBERT
(sighs) There was a policeman up by the front office
asking about you.

BIRD
Police?

ALBERT
Don't fret, son. Said I hadn't seen you. Whatever the
trouble, I don't need to know about it. Been in a spot or
two myself. (looks right, left) Here. (hands Bird money
and a slip of paper) Little something to tide you over.

BIRD
Are you firing me?

ALBERT
"Firing" is an ugly word. More like a transfer. There's
an address and number on that paper, there. You ask for
Roscoe. He knows me. Do the same thing you did for me,
you'll never be out of work. (beat) You're one of the
good ones, Burt.

(Albert exits.)

IG
They use you like a dirty rag.

BIRD
Shut up, Ig.

IG
My sensitivit are hurt, this shut up, Ig, shut up, Ig.

BIRD
I'm ignoring you. You don't exist! Vanish!

- 66 ­
(Ig flies away. Factory din
suddenly halts as the lights
change and Stage Manager
brings on payphone. He
takes away Bird's bottomless
crate and strikes what's
ft of the factory set.
The crate should be built so
that when the Stage Manager
strikes the crate and cans
this last time, the cans
"magically" stay in the
crate. Bird goes to the
phone. )

- 67 ­
 Scene 3

(All that is on stage is a

payphone in an isolating
pool of light and a few
stray cans of paint. Ig
perches nearby.)

BIRD
(on phone) Albert Flood said I should call. How long will
he be at the track? 'Cause I'm at a parking lot payphone,
okay!? (beat) Sorry, sorry, it doesn't matter. I'll
wait. I'm here by the phone. Did I give you the--? Okay,
okay, thanks.

(Bird hangs up, paces, waits.)

IG
Run from job to job they'll catch up eventually, pal.
'Less we take to the sky.

(Bird ignores Ig.)

Two can play this game.

(Ig ignores Bird. After a moment,

Margie enters with a lunch bag.)

MARGIE
Bird?

BIRD
Whatta you doing here? I told you-­

MARGIE
I know. I'm sorry to bother you at work, Bird. But a
policeman came by the apartment looking for you and you
forgot your lunch and I had good news to tell you and 1-­

BIRD
Wait, wait, wait. What did the police want?

MARGIE
Just to talk. Are you ln some kinda trouble?

BIRD
No.

MARGIE
Are you sure?

BIRD
I mighta missed my appointment with Cathy, probably.
Something stupid.

- 68 ­
 MARGl:E
When I called they said you weren't and hung up and I
got worried.

Bl:RD
Who told you I'm not here?

MARGl:E
Some man.

Bl:RD
I'm here. Don't worry. I'm ... on break.

l:G
An extended break.

MARGl:E
Are you sure you're okay?

Bl:RD
Margie, I'm fine.

MARGl:E
You don't look good.

Bl:RD
I'm better than fine. (of lunch bag) What'd you bring me?

(Margie hands Bird his lunch.)

MARGl:E
We ran outta peanut butter. Is just jelly okay?

Bl:RD
What happened to the peanut butter?

MARGl:E
I ate it. We'll some more payday. (beat) Aren't you
gonna ask me what's my good news. (beat) What's wrong,
Bird?

Bl:RD
Nothing. What's good news?

MARGl:E
What happened by your eye?

Bl:RD
(an edge) What's the good news, Margie?

MARGl:E
They said the baby can come home early. Today, we want.

- 69 ­
 BIRD

Are they sure he's okay?

MARGIE
Sure, they're sure. Long as we watch the monitor.

BIRD
Monitor, what monitor?

MARGIE
The heart monitor.

BIRD
You didn't say anything he'd be needing a heart monitor.

MARGIE
That or he stays the hospital a month more. The
monitor's cheaper. Myrna said we don't gotta buy it. Just
rent it. They'll add it to the hospital bill.

BIRD
The cost, I don't care, the cost, just you, you know what
to do and everything?

MARGIE
We'll get a bus from the hospital. Or the train 'cause
it's air conditioned. The monitor's kinda heavy but you
just sling it over your shoulder. It's got a shoulder
strap. Myrna showed me how-­

BIRD
No, I mean the baby, you never had a baby, do you know what
to do? They got soft spots on their foreheads and their
necks break if you drop them. My mom, I had a little
brother, she dropped him and he died, snapped his neck that
easy, right through the coffee table.

MARGIE
You never told me you had a little brother.

BIRD
I don't any more, stupid.

MARGIE
I'm not gonna drop him, Bird. He's mine. Ours. He's our
son. All this waiting, I finally get to hold him, I'm not
gonna drop him. It's like married, like family. It's like
you and me. We don't go steady, we don't just date or live
together. We're married. And when things get bumpy we
don't drop each other. We hold on. We're a family. We
hold on. We hold it together.

(Bird looks at Margie for a

moment. He smiles.)

- 70 ­
 MARGIE

(cont'd) If your boss'll let you off early, maybe we could

see about that crib at the resale shop.

BIRD
I'll ask him.

MARGIE
And a cake. To celebrate. Not a big cake. Or just some
ice cream.

(Bird holds up money. Jules

and Fenster appear unseen,
lurking in the shadows,
watching.)

BIRD
See this? That's one bonus and I'm pushing for another.

(Margie takes the money and,

in plain sight of Jules and
Fenster, counts it. Sensing
Jules and Fenster nearby,
Bird tries to conceal the
money from them, but ... )

MARGIE
There's almost two hundred here!

BIRD
(trying to usher Margie off) Get what you need.

MARGIE
You'll ask about early, won't you?

BIRD
I'll ask, but I dunno. If I can't, you put something down
on that crib and we'll get it after work.

MARGIE
Can't you ask him now?

BIRD
I better wait till break.

MARGIE
You're on break, now.

BIRD
(an edge) My next break. Okay, Margie? I'll ask.

MARGIE
(sees Jules and Fenster) Oh, okay. You got a labor
meeting. Call me, then.

- 71 ­
 BIRD

Okay. I'll call.

(Margie leaving. She

turns back and, catching
Bird off-guard, embraces him
fully for the first time.)

MARGIE
Something's happening. Something's changing. I'm scared a
litt but I think I'm happy. Thanks for marrying me.

(Margie kisses Bird and exits.

Bird looks her, moved
and stunned.)

JULES
Hiya, Burt.

FENSTER
How's it going, Burt, Buddy-ol-buddy-o-Pal?

BIRD
I'm leaving.

JULES
So I

FENSTER
Think we're blind, we're not.

JULES
We hear things.

FENSTER
We see things, too.

JULES
(to Fenster) Shut it, Fenster. I'll handle this. (to
Bird) You a ringer, Burt?

FENSTER
Yeah. You a ringer?

(Jules punches Fenster square

in the stomach. Fenster sinks
to his knees.)

JULES
(beat, smi ,back to Bird, advancing ominously) I asked
you a question. You gonna answer the question or I gotta
ask it again?

(Bird backs toward where Ig is

- 72 ­
 perched. )

IG
Write it down. We don't understand CroMagnon.

JULES
(to Fenster) What he say?

FENSTER
Lippity-lipshitz, looking for a bust, that's what!

JULES
(to Bird) What'd you say to me?

FENSTER
Called you a throwback.

JULES
A throwback?

FENSTER
Pound him!

JULES
(beat, to Fenster) What the hell is a throwback?

FENSTER
CroMagnon. (beat) Like a caveman. (beat) Like a guy
lives in a tree. (beat) Like Flintstone.

JULES
(finally getting it, turns to Bird enraged) You are
calling me Fred Flintstone?

BIRD
It was Ig!

JULES
Ig the pigeon, again?

BIRD
Just me leave. Jesus, what kinda place is this, you
won't let a guy work? G'bye, g'bye, nice knowing you.

(Bird tries to walk off. Jules

stops him, tossing him between
Fenster and himself. Jules and
Fenster begin to circle Bird.)

JULES
Loony-tunes, here, knifes us up the tuckus, gives us
"That's All Folks," and then calls me Fred Flintstone.
(poking Bird roughly) You are the cartoon, my friend.

- 73 ­
 JULES

(continuing) You're a ringer. And you made one fatal

mistake. You know what that one fatal mistake is?

IG
Dying to know, Fred.

BIRD
(to Ig) Shut up! (to Jules) Ig! I meant Ig!

JULES
The pigeon, again.

FENSTER
Sure, the pigeon, again.

JULES
The lovesick pigeon.

FENSTER
Snap him ln half!

JULES
Your one fatal mistake's taking me for stupid. I know a
ringer when I see one. We hear things. We hear my brother
talk to Roscoe up-town. We see the money change hands.

(Fenster snatches the note out

of Bird's hand. Bird grabs for
Fenster hands to Jules.
Bird grabs for it. Jules holds
it away from him.)

BIRD
Gimme that!

JULES
Oh, and here's Roscoe's address and phone number. Real
sweet. Now you're gonna go be a ringer for Roscoe?

BIRD
e'mon! My son's coming home, today! I gotta get home!

FENSTER
Make the ringer beg!

BIRD
Is asshole the way you do everything!?

JULES
You knew we were trying to get a union in here.

BIRD
Gimme that!

74
 JULES

Albert bussed you in here to break it up.

BIRD
He gave me a break.
FENSTER
Break our backs, too.
JULES
Just how high you guess a man's quota can go? You mighta
got away with it upping our quotas, but you mistake
power of brotherhood. I got friends work at Roscoe's shop.
You think we oughta let you go over and break them down to
piece work like you busted us?
(A whistle from offstage.)
FENSTER
Gladys got your brother up front. Let's do it, now.
JULES
I'm gonna enjoy this.
BIRD
What?
JULES
We ain't gonna kill you.
FENSTER
Killing ain't ethical.
JULES
Just gonna bust you up a little.
FENSTER
Like you busted all we busted our asses for.
JULES
So when you work, it hurts, you think about who you hurt,
your bitching piece work.
(Bird backs away again toward
where Ig is perched.)
We'll start with a few fingers, I think.
(Jules grabs at Bird and begins
bending his fingers backward.
Ig bites Jules.)
(jumping back) Sonuvabitch! You see that!?

- 75 ­
 FENSTER
It bite you?

JULES
(stunned) I'm bleeding! Lookit! I'm bleeding!

FENSTER
Let's bust up the bird, first.

JULES
You got a brain after all.

(Jules grabs Ig by the neck.

Bird advances toward Jules.)

BIRD
Let him go!

JULES
Oh, I'll let him go. First, I'm gonna show you what good
pals you screwed over. Fenster, hold him.

(Fenster holds Bird as Jules

flips open a can of white paint
and dunks Ig into it - real
paint is not necessary, merely
suggesting it will do.)

BIRD
You guys, c'mon! He's just a dumb pigeon! Leave him
alone!

FENSTER
Oh, he's dumb now, is he?

JULES
Just a dumb pigeon? No, lookit! Now he's a dove!

(Jules tosses Ig up into the air.

Heavy from the paint, Ig nose dives
and splats on the ground. Bird
breaks away from Fenster and runs
to Ig.)

BIRD
IG!

(Bird holds Ig for a moment: a

lifeless puppet, its neck limp and
twisted. Jules snatches Ig away
from Bird. Bird tries to get Ig
back. Jules and Fenster, playing
monkey in the middle, toss it back
and forth.)

- 76 ­
 JULES

Almost a spiral there, Fenster.

FENSTER
Punt!

(Jules drop kicks Ig. lands.

Bird, enraged beyond control,
composes himself a moment
and then, bellowing, charges Jules.
Fenster and Jules him. RINGING
phone adds to the confusion. As
Bird slumps to the ground, Fenster
and Jules proceed to stomp on his
fingers and kick him. Jules picks
up phone and hangs it up. Music.
Bird tears himself away and runs.
They follow and lights change.)

(Before he knows where he's going,

Bird is suddenly, breathlessly on a
rooftop. , at the edge of a
drop-off, Stage Manager cradling
the Ii s Bird halts in his
tracks. Jules and Fenster appear
behind As Bird glances back
at them, lights change to bright
white and they freeze.)

STAGE MANAGER
It's ability you're born with. It's a way of life. It's
letting the wind take you wherever it wants. It's a state
of mind where your wants don't matter. It's release. It's
freedom. It's letting go of everything!

(White light out, Jules and Fenster

approach. Bird glances back at
them, out at the drop-off.)

Go for it, Flyboy.

(In an explosion of music and

lights, Bird lunges out off of the
rooftop. For an instant, he seems
suspended in mid-air. Then the
lights blackout.)

- 77 ­
 CODA

(This scene begins exactly as

Scene 1, Act 1 began: A dark,
empty stage. Pattern of light
on the stage once again
suggests window, escape
beyond and city below. Stage
Manager brings on the set from
the darkness. This time,
however, Margie is asleep on
the old, torn couch and there
is a baby's crib next to it.
Bird appears at the window.
He appears pretty much as
we've seen him throughout, but
now he seems calm, relaxed,
not as fidgety. He perches in
the window. Stage Manager,
the spiriting force of Ig now
freed from the puppet's form,
appears beside him as Ig -­
the same as we've seen him
before, but now without the
puppet.)

BIRD
Margie?

(Bird hops into the apartment.)

IG
Don't take forever.

BIRD
What's your hurry?

IG
We don't belong here. We never did.

(Bird peeks into baby bed.)

BIRD
Margie? (beat) Margie.

(Bird crosses to Ig at window.)

(to Ig) Gimme a feather.

IG
Pardon me?

BIRD
Gimme a feather.

78 ­
 IG
You want me to give you a feather?

BIRD
Just one.
IG
Grow your own.
(Bird plucks a feather from
Ig. )
Ouch!
BIRD
Shhhhh.
IG
I'm flying with the wrong kinda people.
(Bird crosses behind the couch.
He reaches over and tickles
Margie's nose with the feather.
Margie scratches. Bird tickles
her, again. Margie stirs. She
sits up and stares at Bird.)
BIRD
Said I'd be home for the baby's homecoming, didn't 17
(Tentatively, Margie reaches out
to Bird and touches him with her
finger. Confused, she crosses to
the door and checks the lock.)
MARGIE
It's locked. You told me lock the door, I locked it.

IG
Not the window.
(Plainly hearing Ig, Margie
looks at Ig, then at Bird.)
MARGIE
I was waiting up for you.
BIRD
I could see that.
MARGIE
But you didn't come home. Cathy, she drove me from the
hospital with Jack.

- 79 ­
 IG
(shocked) You named a baby Jack?

BIRD
(to Margie) That's what you call him?

IG
I wouldn't name a pigeon Jack. Hey, Jack, I gotta flat!
You got a jack, Jack? Don't gimme your flack, Jack! I'll
give you a crack!

(Bird grabs Ig by the beak,

silencing him.)

MARGIE
(to Ig) It's my dad's name.

IG
For that you should punish kid with it?

BIRD
Shut up, Ig.

IG
Story of my life: "Shut up, "
BIRD
(to Margie) Jack's a nice name.

MARGIE
(beat) She told me, Cathy did. What happened. (beat) I
didn't believe her. Not Bird, I said. He's not dead. He
wouldn't leave me. Not now. (beat) You're not dead, are
you, rd?

BIRD
I'm home.

IG
The truth, Wing-Wang.

MARGIE
Is this Ig?

BIRD
That's

IG
Pleased to meet you, Margie. Heard a lot about you.

MARGIE
I heard a lot about you, too.

- 80 ­
 IG

Good or bad?

MARGIE
You really do talk.

BIRD
Too much.

IG
I got something to say, I say it. Unlike some people.

BIRD
Why's Jack out here?

MARGIE
He was crying. I brought him out here by me so we'd ... so
he'd stop. He doesn't like it alone. He likes it by the
TV.

BIRD
He cries a lot?

MARGIE
It helps his lungs. You wanna hold him?

BIRD
He's sleeping.

MARGIE
You can hold him.

(Margie puts the sleeping baby

gently into Bird's arms.)

BIRD
He's so little.

MARGIE
All the time I'm watching by the hospital, I'm wondering
what's he fighting so hard for? Doesn't even know what
being alive is, s 11 he-- (beat) Cathy helped me with
the bed. I of to pay it. But wouldn't
me. She tied it on her car. Right on top.

BIRD
Nice.

MARGIE
Something else. I got a check from my dad. Five hundred
dollars.

BIRD
Good check?

- 81 ­
 MARGIE

It's from my dad. Plus we got flowers, a teddy bear from

where you work. (finds notebook in couch) I got this book
so we can get organized? I drew this line here. This side
is all what we owe. This side is what we got. Credits.
Debits. Soon's they're equal, we're free.

BIRD
Running outta room for debits, looks like.

MARGIE
Yeah. The hospital was pretty much without insurance. I
talked to a man in consolidation about installments.

BIRD
(pointing) What's all this stuff?

MARGIE
Stuff you broke, the hospital.

BIRD
All that?

MARGIE
They wanted it all at once, but Cathy talked to them.
Explained our situation.

BIRD
Cathy did?

MARGIE
They're taking us to court, but they said they understand,
least. (beat, smiles) Proud of me?

BIRD
Sure am.

MARGIE
Now you're back to work, we'll break even in no time.

BIRD
I can't work.

MARGIE
Sure, you can. You broke the record, again, and your
bonus-­

BIRD
No, I can't work any more. I died today, Margie.

MARGIE
(beat) How can you talk to me if you, if you're ... ?

- 82 ­
 BIRD

Maybe you're dreaming.

IG
Either that or you're crazy.

MARGIE
I don't wanna be crazy.

BIRD
You're not crazy. I know that much. Crazy's people who
don't dream. You dream and keep dreaming, Margie. Don't
ever let them call you crazy. This world, the light's not
enough. The light, it's gotta come from in you, from
inside your head.

(Bird returns baby to bed.

He hands Margie the feather.)

Here.

MARGIE
I don't want a dirty old pigeon feather.

IG
That's a hundred percent dove, sister.

MARGIE
This isn't how I pictured it at 1. I want you, Bird. I
want us home. I want us together.

BIRD
That's all I got to give you.

MARGIE
(snatches feather, throws it on floor) I don't want it.

IG
(beat) Let's wing it, Flyboy.

BIRD
I gotta go.

(Margie will not look at Bird.

After a moment, Bird crosses
to the window.)

MARGIE
Bird?

(Bird turns.)

Can you fly, now, Bird?

- 83 ­
 IG

Fly? Wing-Wang, here, can do a barrel roll nose dive and

swoop up closer to the ground than any sparrow in town.

MARGIE
(turning) Can you?

BIRD
(elated, yet calm, at peace) Oh, Margie, when I fly ... no
more pills, no more craziness, I soar. The power. The
weightlessness. Plowing breeze with my teeth. Whiff
jet stream in my wake. The way I dart in and out
between skyscrapers, dip low, tickle myself on the top-most
branch of a tree, race with a pigeon ...

(Ig clears his throat.)

A dove. When I fly, just . .. It's a wonderful ing,

Margie. I'm free.

(Music. Bird exits with Ig.

Stage Manager appears and
strikes the set. He removes the
baby from the bed and hands it
to Margie and then wheels off
the baby bed and couch. Margie
watches the Stage Manager. The
last thing left on stage is the
feather. Stage Manager picks it
up and holds it out to Margie.
She takes it. Stage Manager
exits. Margie alone on stage
isolated in a slowly fading
pinspot. Observing the dying
light all around her, Margie
comforts herself and the baby by
holding him tightly to her.)

END OF PLAY

- 84 ­