DR.

HORRIBLE‟S SING-ALONG BLOG

By Joss Whedon, Jed Whedon, Zack Whedon & Maurissa Tancharoen

Blog #1

DR. HORRIBLE

Ah hahahaha. Ah ha haaaa. A haaaa.

So that‟s you know... coming along. I‟m working with a vocal coach. Strengthening the “ahhaa”.
A lot of guys ignore the laugh and that‟s about standards. I mean, if you‟re going to get into
the Evil League of Evil you HAVE to have a memorable laugh. I mean do you think Bad Horse
didn‟t work on his whinny? His terrible... Death... whinny. No response, BTW from the League
yet but my application is strong this year. A letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor.
That‟s gotta have some weight, so, fingers crossed. EMAILS! 2sly4you writes: “hey genius”
wow. Sarcasm. That‟s ORIGINAL. “Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of
that bank vault with your trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers.”
Well no, there not going to say anything in the press. But BEHOLD. Transported from there
to here. The molecules tend to shift in the trans-matter... um... event, but, they were
transported IN BAR FORM and they clearly were... (and by the way it‟s not about making
money. It‟s about TAKING money. Destroying the status-quo because the “status” is NOT
“quo”. The world is a mess and I just need to RULE it.) I‟m gonna... that smells like cumin.
So, Trans-matter is 75% AND more importantly the Freeze-Ray is almost up. This is the one.
Stops time. Freeze-ray. Tell your friends. We have... OH! Here‟s one from our good friend
Johnny Snow. “Dr. Horrible. I see you are once again afraid to do battle with your nemesis. I
waited at Dooley Park for 45 minutes.” Ok, DUDE you‟re NOT my nemesis. My nemesis is
Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer, Corporate TOOL. He dislocated my shoulder... Again... last
week. LOOK! I‟m just trying to change the world, OK? I don‟t have time for a grudge match
with every poser in a parka. Besides, there‟s kids in that park, so...(MORE) (CONTINUED)
Here‟s one from DeadNotSleeping. “Long time watcher, first time writing.” Blah blah blah
blah... “You always say on your blog that you will „show her the way, show her you are a true
villain‟. Who is „her‟ and does she even know that you‟re” ...

Laundry Mat

Version 1 Page 1
"My Freeze Ray"

DR HORRIBLE

LAUNDRY DAY

SEE YOU THERE

UNDER THINGS

TUMBLING

WANNA SAY

“LOVE YOUR HAIR”

HERE I GO

MUMBLING

WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL STOP THE WORLD

WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL FIND THE TIME TO FIND THE

WORDS TO

TELL YOU HOW

HOW YOU MAKE

MAKE ME FEEL

WHAT‟S THE PHRASE?

LIKE A FOOL

KINDA SICK

SPECIAL NEEDS

ANY WAYS

WITH MY FREEZE-RAY I WILL STOP THE PAIN

IT‟S NOT A DEATH-RAY OR AN ICE-BEAM THAT‟S ALL JOHNNY

Version 1 Page 2
SNOW

I JUST THINK YOU NEED TIME TO KNOW

THAT I‟M THE GUY TO MAKE IT REAL

THE FEELINGS YOU DON‟T DARE TO FEEL

I‟LL BEND THE WORLD TO OUR WILL

AND WE‟LL MAKE TIME STAND STILL

THAT‟S THE PLAN

RULE THE WORLD

YOU AND ME

ANYDAY

Love your hair

PENNY

What?

DR. HORRIBLE

No... I... I... I love the air...

ANYWAY

WITH MY FREEZE RAY I WILL STOP –

Lab

MOIST

Hey doc.

DR. HORRIBLE

Moist! My evil, moisture buddy. What‟s going on?

Version 1 Page 3
MOIST

Life of crime. Got your mail.

DR. HORRIBLE

Hey, didn‟t you ahh. Didn‟t you go on a date last night? Conflict Diamond told me you were
doubling with Bait‟N‟Switch.

MOIST

Yeah, ahhh...

DR. HORRIBLE

Yeah?

MOIST

It was all right. I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait, but...

DR. HORRIBLE

I hear ya. I saw Penny today.

MOIST

You talk to her?

DR. HORRIBLE

So close. I‟m just a few weeks away from a real, audible, connection. I‟m gonna ask... Oh my
God!

MOIST

Is that from the League?

DR. HORRIBLE

It‟s from him! That‟s his seal isn‟t it?!?

MOIST

Version 1 Page 4
The leader? The... Oh my God!

DR. HORRIBLE

I got a letter from Bad Horse!

MOIST

That‟s so hard core. Bad Horse is legend. He rules the league with an iron hoof. Are you sure
you wanna...?

"Bad Horse Letter"

BAD HORSE CHORUS

BAD HORSE

BAD HORSE

BAD HORSE

BAD HORSE

HE RIDES ACROSS THE NATION

THE THOROUGHBRED OF SIN

HE GOT THE APPLICATION THAT YOU JUST SENT IN

IT NEEDS EVALUATION, SO LET THE GAMES BEGIN

A HEINOUS CRIME, A SHOW OF FORCE,

(A MURDER WOULD BE NICE OF COURSE)

BAD HORSE

BAD HORSE

BAD HORSE

HE‟S BAD

Version 1 Page 5
THE EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL

IS WATCHING SO BEWARE

THE GRADE THAT YOU RECEIVE WILL BE YOUR LAST

WE SWEAR

SO MAKE THE BAD HORSE GLEEFUL

OR HE‟LL MAKE YOU HIS MARE

YOU‟RE SADDLED UP

THERE‟S NO RECOURSE

IT‟S „HIGH-HO SILVER‟

SIGNED: BAD HORSE

MOIST

It‟s not a no...

DR. HORRIBLE

Are you kidding? This is great! I‟m about to pull a major heist. You know the Wonderflonium
that I need

for the Freeze-Ray? It‟s being transported tomorrow.

MOIST

Armored car?

DR. HORRIBLE

Courier van. Candy from a baby.

MOIST

You need anything dampened or made soggy or...?

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DR. HORRIBLE

Thanks, but... the League is watching. I gotta go this alone.

Street

"Caring Hands"

PENNY

WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAND

TO SHELTER THOSE WHO NEED IT?

ONLY HAVE TO SIGN YOUR NAME

DON‟T EVEN HAVE TO READ IT

WOULD YOU HELP?

NO? HOW BOUT YOU?

WILL YOU LEND A CARING HAND?

DR. HORRIBLE

Arghhh!

PENNY

Oh. Oh.

DR. HORRIBLE

Argh. Ah. Hah. What?

PENNY

I was wondering if I could just... Hey, I know you!

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DR. HORRIBLE

Hello. You know me? Cool. I mean. Yeah, you do. Do you?

PENNY

From the laundry mat.

DR. HORRIBLE

Wednesdays and Saturdays except twice last month, you skipped the weekend. Or, if that was
you. It coulda been someone else, I mean, I‟ve SEEN you. Billy is my name.

PENNY

I‟m Penny. What are you doing?

DR. HORRIBLE

I‟m texting. It‟s very important or I would stop. What

are you doing?

PENNY

Actually I‟m out here volunteering for the Caring Hands Homeless Shelter. Can you spare a
minute?

DR. HORRIBLE

Umm... Ok, go.

PENNY

Ok, we‟re hoping to open up a new location soon, expand our efforts. There‟s this great building
nearby that the city is just going to demolish and turn into a parking lot, but if we get enough
signatures...

DR. HORRIBLE

Signatures? *pfft*

PENNY

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Yeah.

DR. HORRIBLE

I‟m sorry, go on.

PENNY

I was saying um, maybe we could get the city to donate the building to our cause. We would be
able to provide 250 new beds, get people off the streets and into job training so they could...
buy rocket packs and go to the moon and become... florists... You‟re not really interested in
the homeless are you?

DR. HORRIBLE

No, I am. But they‟re a symptom. You‟re treating a symptom and the disease rages on,
consumes the human race. The fish rots from the head as they say. So my thinking is why not
cut off the head?

PENNY

Of the human race?

DR. HORRIBLE

It‟s not a perfect metaphor... but I‟m talking about an overhaul of the system. Putting the
power in... DIFFERENT... hands.

PENNY

I‟m all for that... This petition is about the building...

DR. HORRIBLE

I‟d love to sign it.

PENNY

Thank you.

DR. HORRIBLE

Sorry I... I come on strong.

Version 1 Page 9
PENNY

But you signed.

DR. HORRIBLE

Wouldn‟t want to turn my back on a fellow laundry person...

PENNY

Well if WE can‟t stick together I don‟t... I‟ll probably see you there.

DR. HORRIBLE

No, I will. I‟ll... She talked to me. Why did she talk to me NOW? Maybe I should...

"A Man‟s Gotta Do"

A MAN‟S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN‟S GOTTA DO

DON‟T PLAN THE PLAN IF YOU CAN‟T FOLLOW THROUGH

ALL THAT MATTERS IS TAKING MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS

SOON I‟LL CONTROL EVERYTHING

MY WISH IS YOUR COMMAND

CAPTAIN HAMMER

STAND BACK EVERYONE

NOTHIN‟ HERE TO SEE

JUST IMMINENT DANGER

AND IN THE MIDDLE OF IT ME

YES CAPTAIN HAMMER‟S HERE

HAIR BLOWING IN THE BREEZE

THE DAY NEEDS MY SAVING EXPERTISE

Version 1 Page 10
A MAN‟S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN‟S GOTTA DO

SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU

THE ONLY DOOM THAT‟S LOOMING IS YOU LOVING ME TO DEATH

SO I‟LL GIVE YOU A SECOND TO CATCH YOUR BREATH

DR. HORRIBLE

You Idiot!

CAPTAIN HAMMER

Dr. Horrible. I should have known you were behind this.

DR. HORRIBLE

You almost killed her

CAPTAIN HAMMER

I remember it differently.

DR. HORRIBLE

Is she? *urgh*

CAPTAIN HAMMER

Its curtains for you Dr. Horrible. Lacy, gently wafting curtains.

PENNY

THANK YOU HAMMER MAN, I DON‟T THINK I CAN

EXPLAIN HOW IMPORTANT IT WAS THAT YOU STOP THE VAN

I WOULD BE SPLATTERED; I‟D BE CRUSHED UNDER DEBRIS

THANK YOU SIR FOR SAVING ME

CAPTAIN HAMMER

Version 1 Page 11
Don‟t worry about it.

A MAN‟S GOTTA DO WHAT A MAN‟S GOTTA DO.

PENNY

(YOU CAME FROM ABOVE.)

DR. HORRIBLE

(ARE YOU KIDDING?)

CAPTAIN HAMMER

SEEMS DESTINY ENDS WITH ME SAVING YOU

DR. HORRIBLE

(WHAT HEIST WERE YOU WATCHING?)

PENNY

(I WONDER WHAT YOU‟RE CAPTAIN OF)

DR. HORRIBLE

(STOP LOOKING AT HER LIKE THAT)

CAPTAIN HAMMER

WHEN YOU‟RE THE BEST YOU CAN‟T REST, WHAT‟S THE USE?

DR. HORRIBLE

(DID YOU NOTICE THAT HE THREW YOU IN THE GARBAGE?)

PENNY

(MY HEART IS BEATING LIKE A DRUM)

CAPTAIN HAMMER

THERE‟S ASS NEEDS KICKING. SOME TICKING BOMB TO DIFFUSE.

PENNY

Version 1 Page 12
(MUST... MUST BE IN SHOCK)

DR. HORRIBLE

(I STOPPED THE VAN. THE REMOTE CONTROL WAS IN MY HAND)

CAPTAIN HAMMER

THE ONLY DOOM THAT‟S LOOMING IS YOU LOVING ME TO DEATH

PENNY

(ASSUMING I‟M NOT LOVING YOU TO DEATH)

DR. HORRIBLE

(WHATEVER)

CAPTAIN HAMMER & PENNY

SO PLEASE GIVE ME A SEC TO CATCH MY BREATH

DR. HORRIBLE

Balls.

INTERMISSION

Blog #2

Dr. Horrible sits with blank expression.

Street

"On the Rise"

DR. HORRIBLE

ANY DOLT WITH HALF A BRAIN

CAN SEE THAT HUMAN KIND HAS GONE INSANE

Version 1 Page 13
TO THE POINT WHERE I DON‟T KNOW

IF I‟LL UPSET THE STATUS QUO

IF I THROW POISON IN THE WATER MAIN

LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODY‟S HEART

AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND

HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART

AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND

I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES

HOW THE WORLD‟S FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES

BUT IT‟S PLAIN TO SEE

EVIL INSIDE OF ME

IS ON THE RISE

PENNY

LOOK AROUND. WE‟RE LIVING WITH THE LOST AND FOUND

JUST WHEN YOU FEEL YOU‟VE ALMOST DROWNED

YOU FIND YOURSELF ON SOLID GROUND

AND YOU BELIEVE THERE‟S GOOD IN EVERYBODY‟S HEART

KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND

WITH HOPE, YOU CAN DO YOUR PART

TO TURN A LIFE AROUND

I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES

IS THE WORLD FINALLY GROWING WISE

CAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME

Version 1 Page 14
SOME KIND OF HARMONY

IS ON THE RISE

DR. HORRIBLE

ANY ONE WITH HALF A BRAIN

COULD SPEND THEIR WHOLE LIFE HOWLING IN PAIN

PENNY

(TAKE IT SLOW

HE LOOKS AT ME AND SEEMS TO KNOW)

THE THINGS THAT I‟M AFRAID TO SHOW

AND SUDDENLY I FEEL HIS GLOW

DR. HORRIBLE

(CAUSE THE DARK IS EVERYWHERE

AND PENNY DOESN‟T SEEM TO CARE

THAT SOON THE DARK IN ME IS ALL THAT WILL REMAIN)

PENNY

AND I BELIEVE THERE‟S GOOD IN EVERYBODY‟S HEART

KEEP IT SAFE AND SOUND

DR. HORRIBLE

(LISTEN CLOSE TO EVERYBODY‟S HEART

AND HEAR THAT BREAKING SOUND)

HOPES AND DREAMS ARE SHATTERING APART

PENNY

(WITH HOPE YOU CAN DO YOUR PART)

Version 1 Page 15
DR. HORRIBLE

AND CRASHING TO THE GROUND

PENNY

(TO TURN A LIFE AROUND)

DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY

I CAN NOT BELIEVE MY EYES

HOW THE WORLD‟S -

DR. HORRIBLE

FILLED WITH FILTH AND LIES

PENNY

FINALLY GROWING WISE

DR. HORRIBLE

BUT IT‟S PLAIN TO SEE

PENNY

(AND IT‟S PLAIN TO SEE)

DR. HORRIBLE

EVIL INSIDE OF ME

PENNY

(RAPTURE INSIDE OF ME)

DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY

IS ON THE RISE.

Laundry Mat

Version 1 Page 16
PENNY

It is so dumb that we‟ve been coming here so long and never spoke.

DR. HORRIBLE

I know. All those months doing a stunningly boring chore.

PENNY

I‟m a fan of laundry.

DR. HORRIBLE

Psych! I love it.

PENNY

The smell of fabric softener.

DR. HORRIBLE

MMmm.

PENNY

The feel of warm clothes in your hands.

DR. HORRIBLE

So good. Hey, this is weird. I ordered one frozen yogurt and they gave me two. You don‟t
happen to like frozen yogurt do you?

PENNY

I love it.

DR. HORRIBLE

You‟re kidding! What a crazy, random happen-stance. Here.

PENNY

Thank you.

Version 1 Page 17
DR. HORRIBLE

So how was your weekend? Did you spend the whole time hunting wild signatures?

PENNY

Um, actually, I went on a date...

DR. HORRIBLE

Get right outta town. How was that?

PENNY

Unexpected. He‟s a really good looking guy, and I thought he was kinda cheesy at first...

DR. HORRIBLE

Trust your instincts -

PENNY

But, he turned out to be totally sweet. Sometimes people are layered like that. There‟s
something totally different underneath than what‟s on the surface.

DR. HORRIBLE

And sometimes there‟s a third, even deeper level and that one is the same as the top surface
one.

PENNY

Huh?

DR. HORRIBLE

Like with pie... So, you gonna see him again?

PENNY

I think I will...

DR. HORRIBLE

Version 1 Page 18
Huh.

PENNY

Billy?

DR. HORRIBLE

Yeah?

PENNY

You‟re driving a spork into your leg.

DR. HORRIBLE

So I am. Hilarious.

Blog #3

DR. HORRIBLE

All right. The wait is over. This my friends, is my Freeze-Ray which, with the addition of the
Wonderflonium I obtained at my famously successful heist last week. I say successful in that I
achieved my objective. It was less successful in that I inadvertently introduced my arch-nemesis
to the girl of my dreams, and now he‟s taking her out on dates, and they‟re probably going to
French kiss or something. She called him sweet. How is he sweet? RIGHT. Freeze-Ray. SO as of
tonight I am in the Evil League of Evil if all goes according to plan; which it WILL because I hold
a P.H.D in Horribleness. See you at the aftermath. PEACE! But not literally...

Blog #4

Dr. Horrible returns battered and bruised.

DR. HORRIBLE

*cough* Ahem. The Freeze-Ray needs work. I also need to be a LITTLE bit more careful about
what I say on this blog. Apparently the L.A.P.D and Captain Hammer are among our viewers.

Version 1 Page 19
They were waiting for me at the Mayor‟s dedication of the Superhero Memorial Bridge. The
Freeze-Ray takes a few seconds to warm up and I wasn‟t... Captain Hammer threw a car at my
head. Not to worry though, because I‟m.... Oh, one second.

"Bad Horse Phone Call"

BAD HORSE CHORUS

HE SAW THE OPERATION

YOU TRIED TO PULL TODAY

BUT YOUR HUMILIATION MEANS HE STILL VOTES NAY

AND NOW ASSASSINATION IS JUST THE ONLY WAY

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

IT MIGHT BE YOURS

SO GO KILL SOMEONE

SIGNED: BAD HORSE

Lab

MOIST

Kill someone?

DR. HORRIBLE

Would you do it? To get into the Evil League of Evil?

MOIST

Look at me man. I‟m Moist. I mean, at my most bad-ass I make people feel like they want to
take a shower. I‟m not E.L.E material.

DR. HORRIBLE

Killing‟s not elegant or creative. It‟s not my style.

Version 1 Page 20
MOIST

You‟ve got more than enough evil hours to get into the Henchman‟s Union.

DR. HORRIBLE

*Pfft* I‟m not a henchman. I‟m Dr. Horrible. I have a P.H.D. in horribleness.

MOIST

Is that the new catch phrase?

DR. HORRIBLE

I deserve to get in. You know I do. But killing? Really?

MOIST

Hourglass says she knows a kid in Iowa that grows up to become president. That‟d be big.

DR. HORRIBLE

I‟m not gonna kill a little kid.

MOIST

Smother an old lady.

DR. HORRIBLE:

Do I even know you?

Laundry Mat

DR. HORRIBLE

I just, you know, REALLY think I‟m qualified for this, this job and I just can‟t get my foot in
the door.

PENNY

I‟m sure you will.

Version 1 Page 21
DR. HORRIBLE

I wanna do great things, you know? I wanna be an achiever. Like Bad Horse...

PENNY

The thoroughbred of sin?

DR. HORRIBLE

I meant Ghandi.

PENNY

Well, I‟ve gotten turned down from plenty of jobs. Even fired a few times.

DR. HORRIBLE

I can‟t imagine anyone firing you.

PENNY

Neither could I. Now I can visualize it really well. But, you know... everything happens.

DR. HORRIBLE

Don‟t say "for a reason".

PENNY

No, I‟m just saying that everything happens.

DR. HORRIBLE

Not to me.

"Here‟s a Story"

PENNY

HERE‟S A STORY

OF A GIRL

Version 1 Page 22
WHO GREW UP LOST AND LONELY

THINKING LOVE WAS FAIRY TALE

AND TROUBLE WAS MADE ONLY FOR ME

EVEN IN THE DARKENSS EVERY COLOR CAN BE FOUND

AND EVERY DAY OF RAIN BRINGS WATER FLOWING TO

THINGS GROWING IN THE GROUND

GRIEF REPLACED WITH PITTY

FOR A CITY BARELY COPING

DREAMS ARE EASY TO ACHIEVE

IF HOPE IS ALL I‟M HOPING TO BE

ANY TIME YOU‟RE HURT

THERE‟S ONE WHO HAS IT WORSE AROUND

AND EVERY DROP OF RAIN WILL KEEP YOU GROWING

SEEDS YOU‟RE SOWING IN THE GROUND

SO KEEP YOUR HEAD UP

BILLY BUDDY

It‟s like Captain Hammer‟s always saying...

DR. HORRIBLE

Right. Him. How are things with "cheesy on the outside"?

PENNY

Good. They‟re good. He‟s nice. I‟ll be interested to know what you think of him. He said he
might stop by.

DR. HORRIBLE

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Stop by here?!

PENNY

Yeah.

DR. HORRIBLE

OH! Goodness. Look at my wrist. I gotta go.

PENNY

But what about your clothes?

DR. HORRIBLE

I don‟t love these. See ya. Ah!

CAPTAIN HAMMER

Oh, Pardon.

DR. HORRIBLE

Pardon.

PENNY

Billy, this is Captain Hammer.

CAPTAIN HAMMER

OH! Billy, the laundry buddy. well it is very nice to meet you.

DR. HORRIBLE

We‟re meeting now for the first time.

CAPTAIN HAMMER

You look horribly familiar.

DR. HORRIBLE

One of those faces I guess.

Version 1 Page 24
CAPTAIN HAMMER

Have I seen you at the gym?

DR. HORRIBLE

At the gym...

CAPTAIN HAMMER

I don‟t go to the gym, I‟m just naturally like this. Oh well. Who wants to know what the
Mayor is doing behind closed doors? He is signing over a certain building to a Caring Hands Group
as a new homeless shelter.

PENNY

Oh my God!

CAPTAIN HAMMER

Yep. Apparently the only signature he needed was my fist. But, with a pen in it. That I was
signing with.

PENNY

I, I can‟t believe it!

DR. HORRIBLE

Congratulations

PENNY

Thank you, THANK YOU!

CAPTAIN HAMMER

ahh

PENNY

Oh

DR. HORRIBLE

Version 1 Page 25
Well, this is great. I wish I could stay and chit-chat.

CAPTAIN HAMMER

Well it sure was nice to meet you... Doctor... You got a little crush, don‟t you Doc? Well
that‟s gonna make this hard to hear. See, later I‟m gonna take little Penny back to my place,
show her the Command Center, Hammer Cycle, maybe even the Ham-Jet. You think she likes
me now? I‟m gonna give Penny the night of her life. Just because you want her, and I get what
you want. See, Penny‟s giving it up. She‟s givin it up hard, cause she‟s with Captain Hammer.
And THESE are not the hammer. The hammer is my penis.

Street

"Brand New Day"

DR. HORRIBLE

THIS APPEARED AS A MORAL DILEMMA

CAUSE AT FIRST IT WAS WEIRD THOUGH I SWORE TO ELIMINATE

THE WORST OF THE PLAGUE THAT DEVOURED HUMANITY

ITS TRUE I WAS VAGUE ON THE HOW SO HOW CAN IT BE THAT

YOU

HAVE SHOWN ME THE LIGHT

IT‟S A BRAND NEW DAY

AND THE SUN IS HIGH

ALL THE BIRDS ARE SINGING

THAT YOU‟RE GONNA DIE

HOW I HESITATED

NOW I WONDER WHY

IT‟S A BRAND NEW DAY

Version 1 Page 26
ALL THE TIMES THAT YOU BEAT ME UNCONSCIOUS

I‟LL FORGIVE

ALL THE CRIMES INCOMPLETE, LISTEN, HONESTLY

I‟LL LIVE

MR. COOL, MR. RIGHT, MR. KNOW-IT-ALL IS THROUGH

AND THE FUTURE‟S SO BRIGHT

AND I OWE IT ALL TO YOU

YOU SHOWED ME THE LIGHT

IT‟S A BRAND NEW ME

I‟VE GOT NO REMORSE

NOW THE WATER‟S RISIN‟

BUT I KNOW THE COURSE

I‟M GONNA SHOCK THE WORLD

GONNA SHOW BAD HORSE

IT‟S A BRAND NEW DAY

AND PENNY WILL SEE

THE EVIL ME

NOT A JOKE

NOT A DORK

NOT A FAILURE

AND SHE MAY CRY

BUT HER TEARS WILL DRY

WHEN I HAND HER THE KEYS

Version 1 Page 27
TO A SHINY NEW AUSTRALIA

IT‟S A BRAND NEW DAY

AND THE SUN IS HIGH

ALL THE ANGELS SING

BECAUSE YOU‟RE GONNA DIE

GO AHEAD AND LAUGH

YEAH I‟M A FUNNY GUY

TELL EVERYONE GOOD-BYE

IT‟S A BRAND NEW DAY.

Multiple (T.V., Street & Lab)

FEMALE REPORTER

Looks like we‟re finding out what a true hero is

MALE REPORTER

The mayor himself will be on hand to dedicate the new

homeless shelter and unveil the statue of Captain

Hammer.

FEMALE REPORTER

It‟s a good day to be homeless.

MALE REPORTER

Ahaha, it certainly is.

"Perfect Story"

MOVER #1

Version 1 Page 28
SO THEY SAY CAPTAIN HAMMER‟S BECOME A CRUSADER,

POLITICAL, HE‟S CLEANIN‟ UP THE STREETS. About time.

GROUPIE #1

SO THEY SAY IT‟S REAL LOVE

GROUPIES

SO ROMANTIC

GROUPIE #3

HE SIGNED THIS.

PENNY

SO THEY SAY WE‟LL HAVE BLANKETS AND BEDS. WE CAN OPEN

BY MONDAY THANKS TO YOU.

CAPTAIN HAMMER

Thanks to ME.

REPORTERS

IT‟S THE PERFECT STORY

MALE REPORTER

SO THEY SAY

FEMALE REPORTER

A HERO LEADING THE WAY

REPORTERS

HAMMER‟S CALL TO GLORY

FEMALE REPORTER

LETS ALL BE OUR BEST

Version 1 Page 29
MALE REPORTER

Next up, who‟s gay?

GROUPIE #2

SO THEY SAY HE SAVED HER LIFE.

GROUPIE #1

THEY SAY SHE WORKS WITH THE HOMELESS, AND DOESN‟T EAT MEAT.

GROUPIES

WE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER.

GROUPIE #3

THIS IS HIS HAIR.

CAPTAIN HAMMER

THIS IS SO NICE

I JUST MIGHT SLEEP WITH THE SAME GIRL TWICE

THEY SAY IT‟S BETTER THE SECOND TIME

THEY SAY YOU GET TO DO THE WEIRD STUFF

GROUPIES

WE DO THE WEIRD STUFF

PENNY

THIS IS PERFECT FOR ME

SO THEY SAY

I GUESS HE‟S PRETTY OK

AFTER YEARS OF STORMY SAILING

HAVE I FINALLY FOUND THE BAY?

Version 1 Page 30
MOIST

He‟s still not picking up.

DR. HORRIBLE & PENNY

THERE‟S NO HAPPY ENDING

SO THEY SAY

DR. HORRIBLE

Not for me anyway.

PENNY

SHOULD I STOP PRETENDING

DR. HORRIBLE

(STOP PRETENDING)

TAKE THE CHANCE TO BUILD A BRAND NEW DAY?

PENNY

(OR IS THIS A BRAND NEW DAY?)

GROUPIE #3

THIS IS HIS DRY-CLEANING BILL

GROUPIES

FOUR SWEATER-VESTS.

Town Hall

MAYOR

Version 1 Page 31
And in just a few minutes we‟ll unveil the statue of the man himself. Thank you. Thank you.
Justice has a name, and the name it has (besides justice) is Captain Hammer. Ladies and
Gentlemen; your hero.

CAPTAIN HAMMER

Thank you. Thank you Mayor for those kind words. "I hate the homeless... "-ness problem that
plagues our city. Everyone should have the basic... " You know what? I don‟t need tiny cue
cards. When I fell DEEPLY in love with my serious, long term girlfriend Penny (wave your hand
Penny) There she is. Cute huh? Sort of a quiet, nerdy thing. Not my usual, but nice. Anyway,
she turned me on to this whole homeless... thing... which is terrible, and I realized, I‟m not the
only hero in the room tonight. I‟m not the only one who‟s fighting.

"Everyone‟s a Hero"

IT MAY NOT FEEL TOO CLASSY

BEGGING JUST TO EAT

BUT YOU KNOW WHO DOES THAT?

LASSIE. AND SHE ALWAYS GETS A TREAT

SO YOU WONDER WHAT YOUR PART IS

CAUSE YOU‟RE HOMELESS AND DEPRESSED

BUT HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

SO YOUR REAL HOME‟S IN YOUR CHEST

EVERYONE‟S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY

EVERYONE‟S GOT VILLAINS THEY MUST FACE

THEY‟RE NOT AS COOL AS MINE

BUT FOLKS YOU KNOW IT‟S FINE

TO KNOW YOUR PLACE

EVERYONE‟S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY

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IN THEIR OWN, NOT THAT HEROIC WAY

SO I THANK MY GIRLFRIEND PENNY

YEAH, WE TOTALLY HAD SEX

SHE SHOWED ME THERE‟S SO MANY

DIFFERENT MUSCLES I CAN FLEX

THERE‟S THE DELTOIDS OF COMPASSION

THERE‟S THE ABS OF BEING KIND

IT‟S NOT ENOUGH TO BASH IN HEADS

YOU‟VE GOT TO BASH IN MINDS

EVERYONE‟S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY

EVERYONE‟S GOT SOMETHIN‟ THEY CAN DO

GET UP, GO OUT AND FLY

ESPECIALLY THAT GUY

HE SMELLS LIKE POO

EVERYONE‟S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY

YOU AND YOU AND MOSTLY ME AND YOU

I‟M POVERTY‟S NEW SHERIFF

AND I‟M BASHING IN THE SLUMS

A HERO DOESN‟T CARE IF YOU‟RE A

BUNCH OF SCARY, ALCOHOLIC BUMS

EVERYBODY!

EVERYONE‟S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY

CHORUS

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(WE‟RE HEROES TOO)

CAPTAIN HAMMER

EVERYONE CAN BLAZE A HERO‟S TRAIL

CHORUS

(WE‟RE JUST LIKE YOU)

CAPTAIN HAMMER

DON‟T WORRY IF IT‟S HARD

IF YOU‟RE NOT A FRIGGIN‟ TARD

YOU WILL PREVAIL

CHORUS

(AHHH AHH AHH OOOOOO)

CAPTAIN HAMMER

EVERYONE‟S A HERO IN THEIR OWN WAY

CHORUS

(WE‟RE HEROES TOO)

CAPTAIN HAMMER

EVERYONE‟S A HERO IN THEI...

"Slipping"

DR. HORRIBLE

LOOK AT THESE PEOPLE

AMAZING HOW SHEEP‟LL

SHOW UP FOR THE SLAUGHTER

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NO ONE CONDEMNING

YOU LINED UP LIKE LEMMINGS

YOU LED TO THE WATER

WHY CAN‟T THEY SEE

WHAT I SEE

WHY CAN‟T THEY HEAR THE LIES?

MAYBE THE FEE‟S TOO PRICEY

FOR THEM TO REALIZE

YOUR DISGUISE IS SLIPPING

I THINK YOU‟RE SLIPPING

NOW THAT YOUR SAVIOR‟S

AS STILL AS THE GRAVE

YOU‟RE BEGINNING TO FEAR ME

LIKE CAVEMEN FEAR THUNDER

I STILL HAVE TO WONDER

CAN YOU REALLY HEAR ME?

I BRING YOU PAIN

THE KIND YOU CAN‟T SUFFER QUIETLY

FIRE UP YOUR BRAIN

REMIND YOU INSIDE YOU‟RE RIOTING

SOCIETY IS SLIPPING

EVERYTHING‟S SLIPPING AWAY

SOO

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GO AHEAD

RUN AWAY

SAY IT WAS HORRIBLE

SPREAD THE WORD

TELL A FRIEND

TELL THEM THE TALE

GET A PIC

DO A BLOG

HERO‟S ARE OVER WITH

LOOK AT HIM

NOT A WORD

HAMMER MEET NAIL

THEN I WIN

THEN I GET

EVERYTHING I EVER

ALL THE CASH

ALL THE FAME

AND SOCIAL CHANGE

ANARCHY

THAT I RUN

IT‟S DR. HORRIBLE‟S TURN

YOU PEOPLE ALL HAVE TO LEARN

THIS WORLD IS GOING TO BURN

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BURN

Yeah, it‟s two "R‟s"

H-O-R-R. Right.

BURN

NO SIGN OF PENNY

GOOD

I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING

NOT TO HAVE HER SEE

IT‟S GONNA BE BLOODY

HEAD UP BILLY BUDDY

THERE‟S NO TIME FOR MERCY

HERE GOES NO MERCY

That‟s not a good sound...

CAPTAIN HAMMER

WAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!

A Death-Ray? Looks like Dr. Horrible‟s moving up. Let‟s see if this one works any better than
your others.

DR. HORRIBLE

Don‟t...

CAPTAIN HAMMER

I don‟t have time for your warnings. You give my regards to Saint Peter... or whoever has his
job, but in Hell. [Backfiring Death Ray] Awww ahhhhh I‟m in pain. I think this is what pain feels
like. Oh mommy! Someone maternal. Get outta my way! I gotta get out!

DR. HORRIBLE

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Penny! Penny? oh

PENNY

Billy? Is that you?

DR. HORRIBLE

Penny, hold on. Oh no no no no no.

PENNY

Are you all right?

DR. HORRIBLE

Hold on, we‟ll...

PENNY

It‟s ok. It‟s ok. Captain Hammer will save us...

DR. HORRIBLE

Penny?!?

"Everything You Ever (Finale)"

PRESS

Dr. Horrible, why‟d you kill her?

Dr. Horrible, was this all part of your plan?

Dr. Horrible, over here. Why‟d you do it Dr. Horrible?

DR. HORRIBLE

HERE LIES EVERYTHING

THE WORLD I WANTED AT MY FEET

MY VICTORY‟S COMPLETE

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SO HAIL TO THE KING

CHORUS

(EVERYTHING YOU EVER...)

DR. HORRIBLE

ARISE AND SING

SO YOUR WORLD‟S BENIGN

SO YOU THINK JUSTICE HAS A VOICE

AND WE ALL HAVE A CHOICE

WELL NOW YOUR WORLD IS MINE

CHORUS

(EVERYTHING YOU EVER...)

DR. HORRIBLE

AND I AM FINE

…and I don‟t feel a thing.

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