REFLECTIONS: SURAH YUSUF

By: Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan

Date: 6th April 2020

Written by: Rabab Farooq

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Jewels of Deen
 َّ ‫ف َوإخ َوت ْه َآياتْ ِّل‬
َْ ‫لسائل‬
‫ي‬ ُ ‫ف ُي‬
ْ َ ‫وس‬
َ َ َ َّ
ْ ِ ‫ان‬
ْ ‫لقدْ ك‬
Certainly were there in Joseph and his brothers' signs for those who ask.
(12-7)

Certainly in Yusuf and His brothers have been many miraculous signs and lessons for those
who ask questions. It is very straight forward Ayah but Allah didn’t just say that we just have
a lot to learn from Yusuf AS but he also said that we have a lot to learn from his brothers.

Important Reflection:
1) Normally we think that we have to learn from those we look up to or those who do good
or those are role models in behaviour in their faith and their deeds. But Allah teaches a very
important lesson that people who fail also, when they mess up also we have a lot to learn
from them too.

2) Allah didn’t just say that there are lessons, miracles or revelations to learn just for the
believers but rather Allah said for those who ask questions.
Allah says there are many Ayahs to learn from the mistakes of his brothers.

Let us look at the word:

The world Sa’el means َ‫سائِ ِلَين‬

َّ ‫لِل‬

1) Curious wants to learn a lot because he keeps asking questions.

2) Someone who is in constantly in need.

We know disbeliever does not ask Allah, Shayateen don’t ask Allah but they still need Allah,
don’t they? For example, A disbelievers heart is in need to take the next beat. The heart
turns to Allah so that it can beat again. Even the tongue that disbelieves in Allah and
disrespects Allah and His Messenger SAW needs the ability to speak again, to move it needs
that permission from Allah and it needs Allah regardless.

So here coming back to this Ayah:

Important Reflection:
In Yusuf and his brothers are many lessons, miracles and signs for those who are in need
and that means this Ayah is about all of us. This is for all kinds of people who will have
different kinds of needs.
 ‫ين‬ ََّ ‫عصْبةَ ِإ‬
َ ‫ن أبانا ل ِفي ضَللَ ُّم ِب‬ َُ ْ‫ب ِإلىَ أ ِبينا ِمنَّا ونح‬
ُ ‫ن‬ َُّ ‫ف وأ ُخو َُه أح‬
َُ ‫س‬ َْ ‫ِإ‬
ُ ‫َذ قالُوا ليُو‬
When they said, "Joseph and his brother are more beloved
to our father than we, while we are a clan. Indeed, our
father is in clear error. (12-8)

THERE ARE TWO WAYS TO TYPES OF FEELINGS:

LOVE POESSESION

FEELINGS

Possession: When you want to control someone, how they want to feel. When you want
them to feel what you want them to feel that is no longer love and it becomes possession.

They are talking about their father “Yaqub AS”. Yaqub AS is a role model parent in the Quran
and it is also important because he is a parent of difficult children. Some parents are blessed
with easier children and some are given difficult children. Till his death, Yaqub AS was
concerned about his children.

We need to remove the idea from our heads that Yaqub AS was not a fair father to his other
sons. First of all, he was a noble Prophet and the way Allah talks about him in the Quran is a
surety that Yaqub AS will never do such a thing.

In the beginning, he was concerned about the safety of Yusuf AS and towards the end when
his other sons approach him in the story, he is concerned for their safety. There is a pretty
balanced picture of Yaqub AS in the Surah and to say he was not a fair father or loved some
and loved others less is not right to assume.

Let us try to understand the relationship a parent has with a child:

Encouraging
(SOFTER)

BEST
LOVE
DISCIPLINE
(TOUGH)

Parenting Tips:
1) Sometimes a parent needs to give tough love so correct their children and guide their
children. If the children do something wrong then they need to be disciplined.
2) Sometimes a parent needs to give motivation and encouragement to their children so
they continue to perform better and better their behaviour. If they do something good that
needs to be acknowledged.

All of the above are PART OF LOVE.

If the kids always received encouragement and positive reinforcement then it will not be an
act of LOVE but an act of DESTRUCTION. Why? As you are letting your child do whatever
they want even if they are doing wrong and you are showering them with positive
encouragement and good words rather than correcting and disciplining them.

Tough love is very much needed, there has to be a balance in the picture this is what we
learn from the story of Yaqub AS.
The 10 Sons of Yaqub AS:

Their Feelings:
1) Not Appreciated
2) Father loves Yusuf and Binyamin more
3) Father does not have the same look on his face when he talks to us the way he looks at
Yusuf and Binyamin, his tone changes.
4) They are so little, we are the ones running the house as in adults. We do all the labour
work we are the strength of the family and provide for the family, yet we don’t get the love
and appreciation.

We can’t say that all 10 of them had the feeling at the same time, maybe one of them felt
that way but they don’t know if each other felt that way. They can’t know this telepathically
so that means they need to discuss or talk it out to one another.

The solution to this problem:

When you feel that your parents are not treating you fair or loving one sibling over the
other than speak to your parents whether its mother or father. The parent will clear it out
the misunderstanding and make you understand why you have been feeling this way or if
their way of treatment is different from you or your sibling due to what reasons. This will
help clear out the air and disregard the ill-feeling.

BUT IN REALITY, THISْDOESْNOTْHAPPENْOFTENْBECAUSEْSHAITAANْCOMESْINْAND….

IMPORTANT REFLECTION
1) When you feel something negative about someone you love that is in any relationship,
then one of the things Shaitaan wants you to do is not go and address the problem, don’t
talk it to the person who made you feel hurt but talk about it to someone else!

2) Sometimes one problem, if discussed not with the right person, in the beginning, will be a
little snowflake but then can develop into a snowball and eventually into an avalanche. One
little problem becomes very huge because they were not addressed to the right person.

So what happened with the brothers of Yusuf AS was if either one of them were feeling they
did not confront Yaqub AS and so they ended up going and talking to each other and then as
we know it all 10 of them were involved and sharing their feelings. So when they were
discussing their feelings they end up talking about the good things about themselves rather
than the wrong that they have done to their father. So they start painting a picture about
their father Yaqub AS not based on reality but based on their feelings.
Let us go back to the Ayah:

When the sons said that they are more beloved to their father, which means that they are
talking about the heart of their father. Who are you or I to talk about someone’s heart?
When you create a conversation like this about someone this means that you know them
inside and out. You know what they feel and you become a judge and create an alternative
story.

Nowadays in the world when we watch the news we create fake realities in our minds about
people that we see on the media. The sons of Yaqub AS created a fake reality about him in
their minds.

Again a reminder that Yaqub AS was a Prophet and he had inherited his legacy from Ibrahim
AS and he was teaching this to his children all his life. Despite this his sons go so far off by
saying:

ََّ ‫َ” ِإ‬

“َ‫ن أبانا لَ ِفي ضَل َل ُّم ِبين‬
- Indeed, our father is in clear error (12-8).

The sons of Yaqub AS knew that their father is a Prophet and this shows us that how
delusional your feelings can make you when you don’t healthily address them and that is
how far it can take you.

A Simple Example:
If you keep pure water in a glass, it will stay pure but if you leave it standing there for days
then it becomes infested with bacteria and germs. Water which is a source of life becomes a
source of death. It can turn into filth and that is exactly what happens to emotions that are
not addressed.
Now there are two scenarios:

Stop confronting
Confront your
because of being
feelings and Fix
abused when
the Assumption
confronted

Dealing
with
Feelings

The first Scenario: Where you can express and address your feelings with your loved ones
and get assurance about their feelings towards you.

The Second Scenario: This is where you know the person that you are going to confront
too is not an understanding person and you will be mentally or physically abused if you do
so.ْSoْyouْdon’tْconfrontْtheْpersonْyouْareْfeelingْtheْemotionsْtowards.

ُ ُ ََ ُ َ ُ َ ُ َ ُ َ ً َ ُ ُ َ
َ ‫ونوا من َبعدهْ َقو ًما َصالح‬ َ َ ُ ُ ُُ
ْ‫ي‬ ‫ل لكمْ وج ْه أبيكمْ وتك‬
ْ ‫وه أرضا يخ‬
ْ ‫ف أوْ اطرح‬
ْ ‫اقتلوا يوس‬
Kill Joseph or cast him out to [another] land; the countenance of your
father will [then] be only for you, and you will be after that a righteous
people." (12-9)

Conversations the 10 brothers are having:

Looking at the diagram above in this case they had to pick scenario one of going and talking
to their father about the problem and solving it out. As they are not dealing with an abusive
parent where they are unable to go and confront their feelings. So in this story, we learn
that scenario 1 would have been the best to confront Yaqub AS.
They go so far off into their topic while discussing where they talk about killing Yusuf AS
their little brother or stranding him somewhere far away. These boys have been raised as
Muslims and raised by the best of fathers yet they can reach to this point.

Now we wonder why the Quran is talking about this?

IMPORTANT REFLECTION
1) This is something that can happen in our families, where we will find a better family
where the father is Yaqub AS and grandfather is Ishaaq AS and great grandfather is Ibrahim
AS.

2) Sometimes parents can do everything they can or you in a relationship can do everything
you can but when someone has an emotional disorder than to address that you can not
even help them. Then all you can do is Sabr because people who don’t want to be changed
can’t be changed. Prophet Yaqub was a Prophet and yet he could not turn their tide and
turn them to a different direction.

The way their conversation is if we put it in the psychological terminology it is psychotic

because they are saying that once Yusuf As is gone then all the love for the father will be for
them.

Question: Why you think they think this way?

Ans: They think this way because they think their actions can control somebody else’s
emotions. I want you to feel the way I want you to feel, it is more about them than the love
of their father. If they truly loved their father then why would be caring about their father. It
shows that it is not the feeling is not love but a rather toxic, possessive and controlling
disorder that they confuse with love.

REFLECT:

Now look at your life and the relationships around you. Look deep into yourself and ask the
question. What kind of love am I giving to my loved ones? Is it the kind that is uplifting them
and helping them grow through the right combination of love or is it the toxic kind that is
filled with control, obsession and possession.