cover it with the change you had in your pocket.

c


 

And these films
 
will never see the hypnotic laser of your blue-ray
player, no; it will
join its well-loved brothers on your sagging DVD
 


 rack forever
sealed in its glossy plastic tomb.
For those truly stricken with the movie madness,
you will certainly nod to
the ideal that there is no such thing as 'too much " 
#
 
$$

$

movies'. To that, enter 

the somewhat obsessive, often compulsive 


pastime of many addicts;
creating perfunctory lists of movies, actors, If movies are the drug then talking about them is
directors, quotes, goofs, the high, for
trivia, all the movies you've ever seen, all the there is no question a movie addict drools more
movies you want to see, quickly to then
movies by year, movies by genre, from lists ³so, what   favourite movie?´ Like a drunken
sporting the highest ilk technician
of cinema to lists smeared with the wretched at the control panel of a dam your flood of
tailings of Hollywood¶s movie-savvy bursts
backside. And all for and end that will never forth as you systematically spout off your 347
come; and you love it. favourite flicks
to a person you will never speak to again...likely
due to the
c 




 forthcoming retraining order...

Attempting to restrain your true feelings of a film

is certainly a clear Î 







mark of someone Y
a movie addict. If you feel %&


&
$
sad, you cry even
if your girlfriend gives you that disgusted cock- Ahhh yes...nothing is a bigger buzz kill then the
eyed grimace, you enthusiastic...
laugh even if you're the cricket in the field (of "Oh my god, have you seen ____???!?!" *Cue
course this is certainly blank stares*
due to the fact that you are oh so cultured, unlike But fear not movie addicts as this can be your
the ambient swine own little secret,
wolfing down their disaster movies and Freddy your secret movie love child, who one day you
Got Fingered(s)), can bring over
you cower despite the mocking of your buffoonish to your friends house and proclaim..."Look what
friends, and so IIII gottttt!!"
forth. By altering your natural responses based and burn the retinas and melt the brains of
on the crowd, you everyone there with
cheat only yourself. the sheer awesomeness of your secret find.

' 
%
&
$
&&
Ñ 






 ! Bonafide movie addicts know the merit of a solid
DVD
Another clear indication that you drink in too collection; I mean, how else will everyone know
much of the filmohol i what a
s that you buy movies on a whim for no reason freak you are? People who only download do so
other then you could only to
parade around their needlessly large hard-drive. how it went over everyone's heads and chuckle
But addicts need the tactile feeling of popping at your
open cleverness; you and all your movie loving
that case, need to see their own delirious brethren.
expression in
the glare off the plastic coating and need to
experience ´ 


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$

%


the cool, commanding feeling of a remote control #1



%1
in their hand.
Prancing home, fresh from a Friday night
screening you
· 

$



launch yourself down the stairs to your room.
(
The doorframe


)
*+
,-
*))
.
)
/) stresses as you launch yourself around the corner
and slide
Nothing irks a cinema junkie more those who to your knees at the side of your bed and
wont finish a delicately slide out
movie. To us, its like leaving during the 'the shoebox'. Daintily, you lift the lid like it¶s the
appetizer of a 12 Arc of the
course meal. There are always chances for the Covenant and you gaze upon, with glossy eyes,
next scene to the faded
be better then that which preceded it and the reminders of the thousands of dollars you blew at
same goes the theatres.
vice versa. There are more then enough movies
that
cataclysmically implode in their final act, so   
#
&




$

touting them as 
masterpieces half way through is foolish. You
HAVE to Of all windfalls of gathering with fellow film
brave through and while you may never be able junkies, the hammer
to get rid drops when you venture to the local video store
of the wretched aftertaste of tainted film from to procure a
your Friday night flick. Gazing at the kaleidoscope of
mouth, at least you can warn others about it. colours peppering
the lofty rack before you, your eyes drift from
case to case,
0 
$
i

 the memory of each flicking through your mind
like a channel
Even a blind deaf Amish person spouts the changer gone haywire. *One hour later*
occasional Unfortunately
movie quote. It's unavoidable. Film is so nostalgia and lack of a proper social life hinder
engrained into the quest, as
popular culture that even the deftest person can despite the best efforts of all those present...you
miss cannot pick
that a common phrase or quip originated in the a damn movie. Then like a whisper at the end of
movies. a tunnel,
But it takes a true doped up addict to pull out a voice, slowly growing louder as the wisest of
the the group
obscurely bizarre quotes and insert them into mumbles..."So, what, like you jus wanna get Bad
every Boys II?"
day conversation...and you smirk as you think
about
 2


$
 The great thing about movies is they can be
Part of your sworn duty as an addict is to serve enjoyed en masse
as the human or sporadically, for thrills or for relaxation and
shield for the barrage of heinous movies that blitz with friends or my
society each ones lonesome. A true addict can appreciate the
year. No more innocents need be harmed by the film as a film
surge of and not need validation from others to feel
spoofs, the ravages of rom-coms and the barrage fulfilled.
of brainless
and below-par blockbusters. In an addicts¶ never
ending quest Î 








to get their next fix we are unfortunately 
subjected to the scum
along with the gold. And with that selfless act we (10 is a general rule) and everyone has that
both clear movie...the one
the record on those movies that got a bad rap, with the dings and scratches, the one with the
and stop others cracked case, the
from taking the plunge. one that may still be lying on the table, the one
that makes
your DVD player moan in annoyance when you
c 

Ä


   put it
in...the one that essentially embodies everything
This next symptom has various degrees of you love about
intensity. Everyone the movies.
who has been puffing the movijuana has at some
point in
their life had a movie poster. That poster might '  
%#


!
as well be
structurally integral to the wall, as it is never to Saying you don¶t like an entire genre of movie is
be moved. like saying
Certain instances however, see a slow you don¶t like one of your fingers just because
accumulation of movie you poked
posters until the room is just a glorious cave of yourself in the eye once. A bad experience
tacky taglines should never
and glowering Bruce Willis'. turn you off the whole, and this is something a
true movie
addict is never guilty of. Now, this symptom
Ñ 


$
&&
#1 does have a
certain amount of give as some people cant
Nothing puts an incredulous stare on someone¶s handle gore,
face more others hate being scared and others have
then after showing someone your movie nostalgia issues, and
collection to then while that may ë

a genre...there is always
skirt around the corner to show them your that exception,
second collection. that one movie you will love, and you wont find it
(Alphabetized of course) if you stop looking.

" 

$

#!
· 






 Nothing gets a movie addict pumped up like a
rousing trailer; r
upturing your ear drums and squeezing into your Nails on a chalkboard = the following
temples...it¶s "___*insert best picture winner here*____is the
like prepping the tunicate for the first inebriating worst film I have ever seen."
injection.

0 

-
$!
&

%#1
c  

&$&





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$
3

#




 
&

With the age of DVD's and the splurge of re- Period.

makes, re-inventions,
re-boots, re-imaginings...a.k.a. re-pugnant, re-
volting re-pellant
and re-vulsive, people today either don¶t get the
chance to see
the black and white, silent and timeless classics
of Hollywood-old,
or maybe they're just ignorant and have the
attention span of
Dennis the Menace huffing reefer. We movie
addicts both respect
the new age of cinema but always leave a slice of
time for the
classics that made film what it is today. Plus
Chaplain is hilarious.

´ 
1

&$$#
%


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&

4%&4

&


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&&2
1

After a period of addiction, after the late nights,

the
Redbull¶s, Friday the 13th marathons and
extended versions
of Lord of the Rings every addict reaches a period
of clarity.
A period...an epitome...of how everything works
and why
everything is what it is. Suddenly you know why
Rob Schneider
movies are so awful and why Godzilla vs. Mecha-
Godzilla is so
bad its good, why everyone loves the Shawshank
Redemption and
when you learn to hate people who can¶t
distinguish between the
fact they 'hate' Battlefield Earth but just didn¶t
'get' The Godfather.