JUNE 10, 2050 / / MONDAY / / VOLUME 22

THE TEA
NEWSPAPER

The best newspaper that guarantees you the best

tea!

Cory Matthews
Spotted Fist Pumping
BY: JOVANI ESCOBAR

Cory Matthews was last seen on the season

finale of Boy Meets World. Paparazzi caught a
glimpse of Cory this week with the Jersey
Shore cast. He was definitely in the “guido” Snoop Dogg and Kim Kardashian face off against battle of the selfie for a position to be America’s
mood with Dj Pauly D, Mike “The Situation” Next Top President.
and Vinny. They were seen at the gym,
tanning, and doing laundry. Like the cast,
would say G.T.L. Cory ended the night at the
famous E11even club in Miami, fist-pumping
the night away to the infamous house music
America’s Next Top President
made popular by the MTV hit The Jersey
Shore. BY: MONTSERRAT NAVARRO

Dj Pauly D and Mike “The Situation” state that
fist pumping is the “go-to” move.
It’s time to start deciding on the nation’s next
sexiest president. The United States last
election was held in 2016 in which America
voted for a woman who could not keep her
emails to herself, but instead got a carrot with
hair for president! After mass disruption
within the nation’s community, economy and
health, citizens have chosen to elect someone
that can really take a selfie worth the hall of
fame. After all, can America get any worse?
Up for election we have Snoop D-O double G
who claims he can make America great again
by opening dispensaries in every state with his
strain of weed.
In case anyone is stressing, they just must
“puff puff pass” as he likes to call it. The next
candidate we have is Kim Kardashian, she
claims she started the selfie, and then went into
law school, what can’t this woman do?
The campaign will consist of three phases: the
best Instagram layout, who has the most
Pinterest looking mansion, and who can strike
the best pose on a runway. It’s up for America
to vote for the next president and truly make a
change.

PAGE 1
JUNE 10, 2050 / / MONDAY / / VOLUME 22
Kendall Jenner and the Hadid sister are spotted
leaving Mcdonalds in great fashion
THE TEA
NEWSPAPER
There's No Bikini
Season with
Corona in town,
Right?
BY: DESEMBER WRIGHT
It’s finally summer! It’s felt like 2020
has lasted for a decade at this point but
its finally summer and it’s time for
some fun in the sun. My sources told
me the country opened back up just in
time for this summer’s Model
Bootcamp getaway starting this week.
What’s that you may ask? Well every
year before the fashion season begins
the world’s top paid models go on a
little summer getaway to get in shape
and to wind down from the year.
But… this summer things are a little
different with part of the country still
in chaos top models Kendal Jenner and
Gigi Hadid will be traveling to none
other than… Greasy Fingers Ave in
Fatty Town, TX. That’s right folks the
only place that could take the top 50
super models for the summer was none
other than the fast food capital of the
world, and the kicker is there’s not a
Starbucks for 100 miles. Rumor has its
Kendall Jenner will be staying in a
Hamburger shaped cabin between
McDonald’s and Burger King and
Gigi Hadid is in a Burrito shaped
cabin between Taco Bell and Del taco.
I definitely don’t want to be the janitor
hired for that trip. Check back into my
column in two weeks to see if I have
any more juicy(no pun intended)
details from their trip.
PAGE 2
JUNE 10, 2050 / / MONDAY / / VOLUME 22
THE TEA
NEWSPAPER

Here, Kitty Kitty

BY: ELYSE FISCHL
The tweet refers to several exotic animals which The tweet has turned viral, and the whole world
The nation once again finds itself divided over reside at the Adams’ residence, including Kitty has debated over whether it was meant
the newest Twitter feud: Carol Baskin, owner of Kat, a full grown African male lion, and sarcastically, and how much of it is truthful.
Big Cat Rescue and outspoken advocate against Aristotle, an octopus. The Adams family has Memes and hashtags are calling for Carol to visit
the private ownership exotic animals, has taken come under scrutiny in the past regarding the the Adams and has placed renewed interest in the
one of the nation’s wealthiest families to task. animals, especially from the animal rights group disappearance of her first husband. Carol herself
PETA. Gomez and Morticia Adams have not yet has stayed silent on the issue. In fact, Carol and
Gomez and Morticia Adams, eccentric couple responded to the tweet, but their daughter, her current husband, Howard Baskin, have not
and famed Wall Street investment tycoons, came Wednesday Adams, was not so silent. been active on social media at all for the last 48
under fire on Tuesday when Baskin tweeted, hours, since just hours after the tweet was posted.
@BigCatRescue: “The Adams Family should set @WednesdayAdams: “Kitty Kat is actually a Coincidence?
the example for the rest of the nation. Privately very large dog, which we have shaved to look
owning big cats and other exotic animals, away like a lion. If Carol Baskin would like to verify
from their natural habitat, is unethical and this fact by dental analysis of Kitty, she is
inhumane. Big Cat Rescue would be happy to welcome to come to the house. We promise that
provide alternative care for these animals.” she will absolutely not end up missing, like her
late husband Don Lewis.”

Clash of the Reality Shows.

BY: SIERRA WAYMAN

Farrah Abraham, known from Teen Mom and other various

sources, is rumored to be the Naked Mole Rat on The Masked
Singer. Using the clues given so far it is believed to be Farrah.
Some of the clues included: the number 17 (the age she got
pregnant), cheerleading (the sport she did in high school), and
the Naked Mole Rat also talked about how her life was rough at
age 16 when she lost somebody important to her (her boyfriend/
daughter's father.) There was also a mention of previously being
infamous on a television show but very different from this type of
singing show. Although it basically could be anybody from Teen
Mom series, it is believed to be her due to the slim build and
Farrah previously identifying herself as a singer.

Farrah Abraham has more talents than people think. Besides being a mom
and a full-time reality star, she sings!

Big Ed Heads to the Bachelor

BY: CARMEN ARIAS
After Ed’s heartbreaking journey on TLC’s 90
Day Fiancé, producers from the hit TV show
The Bachelor have reached out in hopes of
giving Ed another chance at love. Many viewers
were shocked to see Ed’s relationship stop in its
tracks last Sunday, after failing to bring up he
did not want anymore kids to his potential
fiancé, Rose. Perhaps it was the cultural shock
Ed endured or the wacky routines he had, but
the producers of The Bachelor expect many
viewers to continue watching Ed’s journey in
finding love. TMZ caught up with Ed and here
is what he had to say about the offer:
“The Bachelor? I’m gonna have to keep up the
hair dye and mayonnaise! I hope these women
will have mouth wash and razors at their
disposal, considering my last attempt at love.”
Though we cannot comprehend the producer’s
choosing of Ed, we can say that some viewers
will follow him to The Bachelor in hopes of
dramatic scenes in his search for a companion.
The producers have also provided a sneak Big Ed can’t wait to dye his hair and have
peek into the next season, which entailed a women wrapped around his finger.
first impressions segment done via Zoom and
hinted that Ed will not be the only participant
with a history of participating in 90 Day
Fiancé.

PAGE 3
JUNE 10, 2050 / / MONDAY / / VOLUME 22
Almond Milk the new Boob Job!
BY: DIURANY VARGAS
Yes! You're reading that correctly research done
at Harvard University has now shown drinking
almond milk daily will increase your breasts
size. Research shown 8 out of 10 seen a large
increase in breast size in the course of 3 months.
Many body builders have come out and spoke
on their use of almond milk in their routine they
go onto explaining how much that "juice" has
helped them gain great pecs."
THE TEA
NEWSPAPER
Almond milk is one of the best ingredients you
can consume daily to increase your breasts size.
But more importantly, you need to learn about
other ingredients that are also extremely
powerful for breast growth and that will
multiply breast growth when combined with
almond milk such as papaya, bananas, and
chocolate. It's time to take that trip to Costco a
new breast size is waiting for you.
PAGE 4