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Love and Sadness

Brittany Clayton
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Table of Contents

Pages 1-7 Foreward

Pages 8-11 Poem Who is This Monster? Who is Meth

Pages 12-17 Fiction My Forever Man

Pages 18- 26 Drama I Do

Foreward

The pieces in this portfolio possess the greatest meaning to me. The poem that I have

chosen is one of the many sides to one of the most trying times that a family could face. The
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fiction piece that I have chosen to use in this portfolio was chosen for its genre. I have a passion

for reading and writing what I feel and things that mean the most to me. These include family,

love and romance. The drama piece, I Do, was chosen from my wedding day and was selected

for it’s sentimental meaning. The point of view is that of my husband and the guests. I chose this

piece for the meaning but I believe that the revision has made it into a great piece because of its

character.

When choosing the theme to the poem, Who is This Monster, Who is Meth?, I was

thinking of my loved ones who have struggled with addiction. Although personally I have never

struggled with the addiction of meth, I have had my fair share of different addictions. This poem

expresses the feelings and events that occurred when the person closest to me almost lost his life

to this monster. Writing my story for the eyes of others was hard because of the emotion behind

it, but at the same time, it was an easy decision because although the main character of the poem

was able to beat this addiction, many aren’t as lucky.

Once this poem was completed, revising it was a difficult thing for me to do. It was my

story and the story of one of my closest family members, putting anything false in it would deter

its meaning. I removed lines such as, “I hear the clock as it hits four. This startles me as I realize

I’m sore, and instead chose to add other things such as “The reaper can’t have you, you will beat

death. I won’t ask you but I still need to understand who is this monster? Who is meth?”

Although I chose to adjust this, the message remained the same. This poem is about addiction

and the hold it continues to have on all involved, not just the person choosing that path. There
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will be times in our lives that we decided to do things that we know will have negative

consequences. This decision however becomes more as it evolves into a disease. The mental

issues and pain that individuals feel and are trying to numb are one of the causes and must be

understood by all in order to grasp the seriousness involved.

When revising this poem, I had initially added an ending that showed a glimpse of life

after the addiction. It is a great life, but the daily struggle that is incorporated with staying sober

is one that will never have an ending. After this revision, I decided to separate my stanzas into a

series of 4, 4, 2 that allows the poem to flow at an easier pace for the reader. I also chose to

remove a few lines because the wording and meaning behind them held greater value than the

length.

For the fiction piece I have chosen, My Forever Man. When writing this story, I began by

writing my feelings for my husband which allowed me to put into words not only my feelings,

but the feelings that the narrator felt for her forever man. I then took pieces of our current life

and adjusted and added to them to allow the reader to take away positivity from the text. Doing

this allowed me to write using the future tense where my memories and emotions were fresh

which allowed the setting to be placed properly.

This piece is one of my favorites as it involves love, romance and feelings that came

natural to me. After rereading this, I realized that it lacked the main components of a plot to keep

the reader engaged. After considering how to adjust this story without taking away from it, I

decided to make the story memories being experienced by the narrator. The ending has been

changed to reflect the last moments of her life as well as the beginning of her after life. I also
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added more backstory and details on the smaller characters such as the children and the dog

which allows the reader to better connect to the story.

For my drama piece, I chose the story, I Do, in which a groom is recalling the most

important day of his life: his wedding day. He reminisces and thinks about his proposal before

telling about this day through his eyes. This piece was chosen because it is one of my stronger

stories. It comes from an uncommon perspective and has a good amount of imagery in it.

As I revised this piece, I once again found many places that lacked detail that would keep

the reader engaged. Some of the changes were minor adjustments while others were more major.

I also once again found that the ending was abrupt and needed to be expanded on for the reader.

During modules five and six, we read two short stories. The first one was “The School”

and the second “Bullet in the Brain”. After reading these, my understanding on the importance of

detail was expanded. While everyone is aware that the little details are what make one's writing,

it isn’t always as obvious what details should be included or expanded on. I believe this module

and assignment helped me improve my fiction piece. Adding the extra detail brought the story to

life.

In modules nine and ten, we read “The Black Cat” and “Araby.” These stories showed

the importance of imagery, setting, and plot. Although a plot was something many of my pieces

lacked previously, My Forever Man was the one this module aided the greatest. I was able to

revise this and find a meaning to the story.

During module 11, I read the story “Stopping By Woods on A Snowy Evening.” This

poem was interesting to me as a reader and also served as a great learning tool. I related to it

which in return helped me adjust my poem, Who is this Monster? Who is Meth?. The stanzas,
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line breaks and rhyming all stood out to me and I used these to help me better my poem by

adding more precise line breaks.

During this class I have learned many useful things. I have enjoyed all of the assignments

and I will continue writing and learning. I have always enjoyed writing, whether it was poetry or

short stories and I feel that after this class I have a better understanding of the types of writing

that I am doing and what is included in these pieces. I have really enjoyed learning how to

become a better writer and I hope to one day pass some of this knowledge to others who enjoy

this as much as I do.

In this class I have grown as a writer and expanded my writing past my comfort zone.

Although I have written many things previously, these are all unread by anyone else. I am now

more comfortable sharing my work with others as I have learned how to take recommendations

and turn them into a positive revision. I have also learned that my choice in writing needs to be

broadened. I always choose topics such as love/romance and I found that once I expand these

choices, I am able to enjoy writing things I didn’t think I’d be successful doing such as

monologues.
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Poem

Who is this monster? Who is Meth?

As the cold hits me I unconsciously begin to shake.

The month is July and the singing birds is all I can make.
As I inhale deeply, I take a breath...
I begin pondering to myself; who is this monster? Who is meth?

I wish more than ever when I got that call,

It could have been something simple, perhaps a fall.
Just know that when you awake, I will be here.
I’ll be so happy; I won’t cry, won’t shed a tear.

The reaper can’t have you, you will beat death

I won’t ask you but I still need to understand, who is meth?

The door opens abruptly, and suddenly I hear;

“I’m sorry, I just need to check on him dear.”
My trance is broke and I’m listening, all ears,
How is he doing? I stumble through the tears.

You state there’s no change, that only time will tell.

Patience is not my virtue, especially in this hell.
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My eyes are red, and lack of sleep is seen;

She says I need sleep or maybe caffeine.

Being in a hospital surrounded by death,

I stop myself before asking, who is this monster? Who is meth?

She becomes aware I’ll not leave your side.

She asks if I need anything as my tears I try to hide;
Unable to respond, for fear of the result
Instead of answering, I come to a halt.

I sat here through the night,

praying for a miracle, praying you will be alright.
You have yet to move and I fear
(continued stanza)
The end is coming, the end is near.

My only need is to see your open eyes as you take your own breath,
I shake my head though I wish to ask, who is this monster? Who is meth?

I don’t know how, but I eventually drift.

I am returning to my memories, it’s a welcomed shift.
You chose this road so long ago,
yet I find myself thinking of who I used to know.

I squeeze your hand tighter as the memories run

They’re becoming less fuzzy, I can almost feel the sun.
My memories return to you running, happy and young.
We’re playing on the swing that grandma hung.

This drug has taken you, this drug they call meth,
and I question. Is this it? Is this death?

I wish time would reverse and that once again,

We could be silly like when we were ten.
Memories of you run through my head,
I stay right here, for I won’t leave your bed.
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You chose this drug many years ago.

Though hardly 20, a baby, but still so.
I couldn’t force you to choose, though I wish I had.
I never gave up on you, disappointed or mad.

A loud noise returns my fears of your death,

and once again I wonder who is this monster they call meth

We may be cousins and mere years apart

But nothing will change that you are my son in my heart
When you first used this drug, you knew how I’d feel.
I tried helping you even though you would lie and steal.

I refused to believe and my mind couldn’t understand,

because of this, now I can’t hold you more than your hand.
You stayed away when she grabbed hold.
She refused to let go, that’s what I’m told.

I begin to cry so I step away to catch my breath

When I find myself once again asking, who is this monster? Who is meth?

I know you will be fine.

Together we will conquer, for you are mine.
When you are better you will know,
I’m always here, whether you're high or low.

Life was hard growing up

There were so many littles, you felt like runner up
You never got attention, let alone love
To get noticed, you had to act out, to push and shove

I may not know who this monster is, who is meth

One thing I know, she can take much, but not your last breath!

As we sit and celebrate the last four years,

the memories of the hospital bring me to tears.
The time you were gone, seemed to never end,
even though it’s over, I have yet to comprehend.
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You were hurting and felt desolate,

your heart was full of hate.
You felt alone in this world,
Sensing this, it was used as bait.

There are still many questions, yet now I have a clue

About who is the monster, who is meth, and how she captured you.

Times have changed, as have you.

You have grown in all that you do.
I watch as you gleam, at the sight of your young.
My heart fills with joy at this song that is sung.

You lost yourself for some time, but this didn’t last.
You won this battle because you are steadfast!
Now you have returned and love fills your heart,
Your wife is as beautiful as she is smart.

This monster is an addiction as true as your past, present and impending.

Always remember once she has you, the addiction she keeps sending.
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Fiction

My Forever Man

It is summer and the warm breeze that shifts through the air soothes my searing skin. As

the smell of fresh baked apple pie drifts through the open kitchen window, my eyes shift just in

time to see your perfect smile. I am relaxed as the air blows through my thinning hair and all at

once I am at peace. My senescence is forgotten for a short time as butterflies take over me and

my heart jumps from my chest as it swells with the endearment I receive when our eyes meet.

They state that with time, everything fades. This may be the case with my physical appearance,

but in my heart, this affection will forever remain inextinguishable.

I soon am reminded of the summer sultriness surrounding me as my mouth becomes

parched. Although feeling a slight discomfort, I am aware that the longer I gaze upon your

physiognomy, the more my tension eases. Your eyes, the perfect hue of green, shine brighter

than the midday sun and your lips are the sword in the battle of beauty. I rarely tell you the

things that cross my mind, as it would never be adequate.

In the near distance, the echoing sound of Otto, the dog you had once swore we would

never own, becomes more apparent. He runs toward you for the hundredth time today, and I

realize he is no longer just a dog, but your best friend. Rescued from the jail he was once a

prisoner in, his admiration and loyalty are evident. He was a stray pup found on the side of the
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road, with no mother to care for him. Upon meeting him, your heart swelled, knowing

instinctively that as much as he needed you, your desideratum for him was just as great.

As a pup, Otto was our children’s protector. By their bedside he would patiently wait for

their ascent from sleep. Playtime was never scarce with the pitter patter through the halls. As our

children became older, so did Otto. He is no longer a pup physically, though in his heart he will

always be. With each passing day, the dread of our children leaving and moving on with their

lives became more apparent. The day our youngest decided to leave tore my heart in two. It was

a bittersweet feeling as we knew we had done all that we could to prepare all of our children for

their next journey in life.

The sound of barking brings me back from my memories as Otto begins his hunt. He has

heard something moving in the nearby woods and is determined to find it. Hearing this, you

simply laugh your deep, soulful laugh; your laugh that is less frequently heard than it used to be.

As I stand there and notice that your hands are slightly wrinkled and your handsome face

isn’t as lively as it used to be. Your eyes that were once so childlike now seem tired; the dark

circles under them are more distinguished than ever. Your hair, once a dark brown, is beginning

to gray and your movements have become more difficult. As I realize all of this, I pray to thank

God for sending you to me. Even though time has changed your appearance, I know that

everything I fell in love with so many years ago is still there, it has just matured over time.

While noticing all of your strengths, I stand quietly listening to the singing birds and

reminisce on the amazing life you have given me. We were only children when we met. We were

happy, full of life and we had not a single worry in the world. A few years later we began a

journey unlike anything I could have imagined. You were raising a young child on your own and

this wasn’t something that was often seen from a father. The first time I saw you, you were
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playing with our oldest son and I immediately became aware that I loved you. You were caring,

loving and playful and upon seeing this, my feelings for you began to blossom. You were my

true love. You were my forever man.

In just a short time, we became husband and wife and life was slightly more complicated.

We added another bundle of joy to our happy family and money was not as flexible as it once

was. At times, we would struggle, but one thing I remember vividly is that in our household,

arguments were scarce. As others lost the love they had for one another, our bond only grew.

You continued to work hard and love harder. You were the father that all of our children needed

and the husband I had always dreamt of. In that time, I never imagined being any happier than I

was, but standing here now I am beyond happy to say that assumption was incorrect.

We have now been married forty five blissful years and in that time we have only grown

in our understanding of the world, our love and our faith. I think of the day you walked our

daughter down the aisle and my heart overflows with happiness. When we began this journey,

she was no bigger than a garden gnome. With her beauty along with her tall, skinny stature, we

feared for the impending years when she would begin to date. Love and heartbreak are a part of

life and this was something we were aware of, yet the idea of her going through this frightened

us. We knew that she would face heartbreak and finding her soulmate would take time, she

however was a girl whose heart was as big as her mind. She loved with all she had and when she

finally met her husband, you were more than delighted when she asked you to give her away as

she said her yes to her forever man.

I remember the day our oldest son became a father, and I remember praying he would be

just like you. His nervous little face that was still so young and innocent was gleaming with joy

as he told us this news. He knew that as his mother, I would be overjoyed at this new bundle and
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that you would insist on having a lengthy talk with him and he was prepared. His heart had fallen

for the mother of his child, but he had no idea the love he would feel when little fingers would

embrace his for the first time.

Can you recall the day our middle son told us he had gotten the job he had always wanted

and was leaving home to continue his dreams? This was something that he had worked so many

years to achieve and we knew immediately that his strength and desire will persevere. Although

he is many miles away, his dreams have come true and he is living his life to the fullest. There is

nothing that parents could want more for their child.

My memories of the day our youngest child followed in your footsteps and fell in love

with a single mother and is now being the father you were. We were nervous for him, yet

supported him through this decision. He has now adopted these children as his own and is

awaiting the arrival of his newest blessing. We are so proud to say that we are the grandparents

of such amazing kids.

As I begin to walk towards you to embrace you in a hug, my inability to move becomes

more apparent. I look to you as fear encompasses me and your smile comforts me. The sound of

our children and grandchildren evade me as I scan the surrounding area for them, but I am unable

to find them to my dismay. As my fear grows with my lack of understanding, an unknown

comfort begins to calm me.

My world darkens as my hands begin to shake. I close my eyes in hopes this will end and

I can return to our home surrounded by love. As I slowly open my eyes, I realize I am no longer

standing outside, rather I am now laying in a bed. Confused and frightened, tears make their way

down my cheek as my breath feels as if it has been taken from my body. I gasp and force the

words from my mouth. I need the comfort that only he is able to give me. Where is my husband?
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As quickly as it had begun, my fear dissipates. As my husband grabs my hands and states

that he will never leave my side. As I hear the voices surrounding me becoming more clear, I

realize that all of my children have come home. A smile covers my face as they express their

love and gratitude one at a time. Overjoyed with this feeling of happiness, I slowly begin to

remember the last few years. My body had been taken over by the monster and disease that is

Parkinsons, Alzehimers and Dementia. I begin to shake as my future is no longer existent. I am

now aware that this is not a happy time, rather it is my children’s last chance to say their

goodbyes.

I force my eyes to fully open so I am able to see the perfect faces surrounding me. I want

to feel the warmth of their embrace. As I begin to push myself off the bed, I wonder when my

body had become so heavy. With one swift motion, I am lifted into arms of steel. The scent of

my baby boy’s cologne fills the space. I whisper to him how proud he has made me as I wipe

away the tear that streams from his face. Once sitting upright, my face forms a smile. My

grandbabies are circling me, their innocence radiating from their beautiful faces. One by one, I

express my love and admiration for each of them. As quickly as it had begun, my eyes reminded

me that sleep was nearing. I am unable to hold my head up any longer.

Once again tears are streaming down my face as the fear of my children leaving without

saying goodbye to me alludes my conscience. It is then that I am surrounded by the familiar

warmth of my husband’s embrace. He slides into bed. His face is lost to my aging eyes, but I feel

his arm wrap around me as our bodies become one.

I softly rest my tired head on his chest and all that escapes is a whisper as I state, “I love

you, my forever man.” The next words he says will stay with me throughout eternity. “You are

my only love, my best friend and I am your forever man.”

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As I drift off, I am welcomed by my grandmother’s open arms. She is as beautiful as the

last time I saw her as she informs me that all will be okay.

Drama

I Do

(A young man enters the old, white church through the back door. He admires the

beautiful colors that are presented through the never ending flowers that allow a path through the

door. He smiles and waves as he passes the many guests who have arrived early. As the awaiting

company gaze upon him they first notice his stance is that of a prize winning stallion as he walks

gracefully towards the rest of his life. He wears a suit that looks as if it were made for him; with

the perfectly ironed sleeves and legs, the combination of black and gray that highlight the baby
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blue underneath. The shine on his shoes is blinding in itself and he had what many would call a

picture perfect groom, for his facial hair was trimmed to just the right length and his hair

accented the smile that covered his face as well as the light that shown in his eyes.)

Scott: As I entered the church that brought to life many stories from my future wife, I

paused in the doorway and was able to become one with the memories she had so fondly

repeated. She loved this place as it had changed her life and as these stories came to me, I had to

be seated. The evening previous I had been one with my thoughts and they stole from me the

night. My constant tossing and turning continued throughout the morning as I was reminded of

why I had awoken to an unmade bed. Almost a year ago to the day, I finally had conjured up the

courage to ask the question I never thought again possible.

It was months before our planned yearly vacation and although I had known from the

beginning that I wanted her to be not only my present, but my future as well, I had not found the

courage to ask her to be mine. I had finally decided to buy the ring that would sit on her perfect

hand and show the world our love. After searching every store I came across without her

knowing, I finally found the perfect ring. Her taste in jewelry isn’t something to be expected, as

she prefers simple and sentimental. She would rather have something that came from the heart

than something expensive. This is one reason I fell in love with her. She is able to take the most

simple things and make them beautiful.

Once we had left our home bound for the beautiful waters of Florida, the box in my

pocket began to burn a hole through it. I wanted so greatly to just ask her and finally know that

she wanted the same forever as I did, yet I knew this wasn’t the time. Everything needed to be

perfect, and if the right moment didn’t present itself, I was determined to make it. We spent the
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next seven days doing what every other family does. We splashed in the ocean and built sand

castles. We went sightseeing and shopping and spent time together as a family.

It was the final day before we headed home as I realized that time was slipping away. As

my eyes met hers, I extended a hand and asked her to come with me. As we made our way into

the cold waters, she began to shake. It was much colder now than normal as we had come earlier

in the year and she had chosen to avoid getting in for this reason. As we stood there, waves

crashing and the smell of salt filling the air, I kissed her head and began holding her. She didn’t

speak, rather just wrapped her arms around me. As she looked into my eyes, my ability to speak

through the forming tears became harder. As I embraced her in a kiss, I slowly pulled the ring

from my pocket. Covered in salt from the sea, I slowly opened the box as her eyes lit up with

delight.

As the next words left my mouth, the speech I had prepared left my mind. I could never

think when in the presence of her and this time was no different. I eventually regained my

composure as my courage built up. “Will you marry me?” I forced these words out through the

unexpected tears. As a smile began to form on her face, she began to shine with love and

admiration as tears took over her face. This was the beginning of our lives together as husband

and wife and I could not have asked for a better partner.

As I am brought back to reality, I slowly begin to realize that although exhausted, I

wasn’t prevented from walking on air as I knew that today was the day. I awoke this morning

with a smile never before experienced, and it was addicting I must say. As the chatter of the

filling room became more obvious, I begin to get nervous. The deep breath that entered my lungs

captured this moment, for I shall never forget. My eyes begin to scan the room, in hopes that my
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bride would allow me a glance, a view or even a glimpse. We had spent the evening apart as

tradition insisted and I longed to see the beauty that is her face.

As I scanned the smiling faces present before me, I noticed a commotion. As always

things all around were going wrong, but I was determined to handle them with ease. This was the

best day of my life, the beginning if you will. I continue to solve the issues that seemed to never

cease as I am confronted by my best man. He assures me that all is well and proceeds to inform

me that the roses, as red as the day, had arrived with my bride and that I must turn my focus to

the preparations for myself and children. As difficult as it was to turn my focus on myself, I was

aware that he was right in saying this.

My two young boys, who would stand at my side, were a replica of my younger self. As

they stood prepared to walk me to our future, they stood quietly by one another as their mature

side took over. They stole my heart, and I shall never ask for it back. On any normal day, the

fighting and bickering between the two of them would have been a never ending battle. Before

arriving, we spoke of the importance of their proper behavior and I was more than pleased to see

that for once, they had listened.

Before I knew it, the clock began chiming. As the music began, I slowly made my way to

the entrance for I was aware there was no rush. I knew the ceremony would be delayed as my

white light lived on a different time. She was late for all she did, as this was one of her many

attributes. I approached the altar with my group of merry men and began to speak with the man

who had wisely been chosen to marry us and we discussed many things until time abruptly

stopped. As the melody changed to the song that is ours, I turned to face the oncoming traffic.

Pink and gray filled the room as the bridesmaids filled in at the arms of my merry men followed
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by the ring bearers in flight. They danced as they made their way to the front and signaled the

essence of beauty that was our flower girls.

As my beautiful nieces entered my heaven, petals of pink concealed the room. As these

petals filled not only the aisle as they were supposed to but the guests as well, a slight laughter

escaped my lips. The innocence that was present in these beautiful faces as they whirled in

circles throwing the petals was overwhelming. Once they reached the altar, my legs began to

tremble as they became a form of Jell-O. I fought the emotion that was attempting to spill, but I

soon realized that this attempt was futile. My eyes glued to the doorway through the hall and I

became immobile. All at once with the sight before me, my heart stopped and the rain began

blurring my vision. The beauty that radiated from my approaching future was more than my

heart could stand.

As she continued to slowly walk towards me with my father in law in hand, my patience

soon became nonexistent. I could tell from the way her strides were slow and by the way she

gripped her father that she was as nervous as I. She was beautiful, perfect and most importantly,

she was mine. As she walked towards me, the flow of the white dress that hugged her so tightly

followed behind every step she took. The music began to slowly fade in the background and by

the time her hand was in mine, the audience was gone. No one was in the room except her and I.

She smiled her radiant smile as she saw the tears forming once again in my eyes as she softly

whispered, “I love you.”

Candles were soon lit by the ones we loved and our vows were exchanged when the

preacher finally announced that I could kiss my bride. With a loving embrace I held her face and

released passion I never felt possible. I peacefully began to wonder how it is that I love this
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woman as greatly as I do. Time seemed to speed up at this point as we made our way down the

alter for the first time as Mr. and Mrs. Scott James.