4.

Assertive Skills

Assertiveness is a skill regularly referred to in social and communication skills

training.

Being assertive means being able to stand up for your own or other people’s rights
in a calm and positive way, without being either aggressive, or passively accepting
‘wrong’.

The Verger
By Somerset Maugham

Meaning of Verger: an official in a church who acts as a caretaker and attendant.

About the Author:

Foreman had been the assistant (verger) to several priests who worked in St. Peter’s
parish. He was most dedicated to his work and kept the purity of the work (he was
next to the priest in offering prayers, etc.) He was a good man. He had worked for
sixteen years when a new priest took duty of the church. After a few days, the new
priest called Foreman to a couple of officials of the church and announced that the
parish had decided to force him to quit the service because Foreman was
not literate!

For Foreman, this decision of the priest was a blow he had never anticipated. What
will he do if he is stripped off his office? Will he be able to find another job quite
easily as long as he remained illiterate? However, the authorities gave him three
month’s time to learn but Foreman straightaway refused this offer as he had already
failed in his repeated attempts to learn writing.

That evening, instead of heading home, Foreman walked to a different direction and
reached a marketplace with several shops. Foreman thought of opening a shop there
with the savings he had made during his 16 years’ work in the church. In a few days
Foreman’s first shop opened. A man who had been helping a priest in a church now
sold tobacco – Foreman took much time to accept this.
Time passed and Foreman’s business went well. In a short period of time he opened
more shops and made a huge income from all of them. Foreman was still illiterate
but that didn’t affect his business. He deposited his income in a bank. One day the
manager of the bank had a meeting with Foreman and advised him to try his fortune
in the share-market. Foreman didn’t know what it was so he was doubtful.

Finally the manager explained how share-markets worked and made Foreman agree
to deposit in the share business. The manager prepared all the papers and asked
Foreman to read all the terms and conditions. At this point Foreman withdraws. He
admits that he could not read – nor write. Taken aback, the manager asked Foreman
what he could have become if he knew how to read and write. Foreman’s reply is a
food for thought. He said he could be the verger of the parish is he were (not was)
literate.

We can’t exactly say what Foreman meant by this. Did he mean that he still wished
to be the verger? Did he mean to say that he was proud of being a rich?

Thinking about Soft Skills

Q.1 What is Assertiveness?

TO ASSERT -- To state an opinion, claim a right, or establish authority. If you assert yourself,
you behave in a way that expresses your confidence, importance or power and earns you respect
from others. - From the Oxford English Dictionary

“Assertiveness is standing up for your right to be treated fairly. It is expressing your opinions,
needs, and feelings, without ignoring or hurting the opinions, needs, and feelings of others.”

Q.2 How is assertiveness is different from aggression?

Aggressive communication is a one-way channel. The aggressor only thinks about
what he wants without taking anyone else's welfare into account. Assertive
communication on the other hand, recognizes our rights, while still respecting the
rights of others. Communication expert, Lee Hopkins defines assertive
communication as the ability to express positive and negative feelings in an open,
honest and direct way.
Aggressive Communication Examples:
 "Can't you get anything right?"
 "Do it, now."
 "You never spend any time with me."
Assertive Communication Examples:
 "Let's do what we can to get this right."
 "This article needs to be turned in within the next hour."
 "I need to spend more time with you."
"You" is commonly used with aggressive verbals, while "I" or "we" is practiced
with assertive expression. When a team member makes a mistake on a project, he
may feel his supervisor is ganging up on him when he says things like, "can't you
stop screwing up?" However, when the manager brings him back into the fold by
stating instead, "let's see how we can correct this," he doesn't feel as if he's being
hung out to dry. Most responsible workers do enough "internal criticizing" when
they mess up, without having an angry boss chiming in.

Assertive communication focuses on results. Aggressive confrontation focuses

getting our way by bringing in emotions such as blame, resentment and even guilt.
Asserting ourselves allows us to look for and find common ground to solve
problems. It doesn't rely on blame or judgment to wrangle want we want from
others. Most importantly, it allows us to take full responsibility for our actions
while confronting others.

Q.3. What are the characteristics of an assertive person?

Refer Q.2 in Soft Skills at the workplace.

Q.4. Why do employers prefer assertive candidates?

Assertive employees display behavior that incorporates interpersonal
communication skills. Employers and recruiters look for indications of
assertiveness during the interview process, says the London South University Bank
website. On the job, an assertive employee has the ability to address customer and
interoffice issues head-on, without crossing the line into aggressive behavior.
Assertive behavior occupies a place on the behavioral continuum between passive
and aggressive conduct. Employees with passive tendencies have difficulty
expressing needs and opinions, while aggressive employees may disregard the
needs of others. Generally, employers like assertive employees, as long as
assertiveness doesn't evolve into aggression.

1. Better problem solving

At work, an assertive employee is able to address interoffice, as well as customer
issues head-on. Unlike them, people who are very passive in their approach to
dealing with others will face difficulties in expressing their opinions and needs,
while aggressive employees are more likely to disregard the needs of those they are
interacting with. Typically, this is why managers prefer employees who are able to
toe the line of assertiveness and not let it evolve into aggression.

2. More effective communication

A large part of working in an organisation is about teamwork and communicating
well with superiors, colleagues and subordinates. Unlike others, assertive
employees are able to do all these in a constructive way, and get their message
across without hurting other people’s feelings.

An objective manager knows that assertive people are more productive and are
likely to perform better, since they have the confidence to consistently make
independent decisions whenever necessary and don’t have to wait for their
manager’s feedback all the time. They also know when they need to ask for
clarification in order to perform their tasks to the required standard. They are also
level-headed and can digest critique without actually withdrawing into their shells
or exploding in anger, both of which can impede performance.

3. Valuable inputs
Whenever assertive employees interact with their co-workers, they are easily able to
delegate assignments. They can conduct team meetings (if that’s part of their job
responsibility) with assurance and make positive contributions in departmental
meetings as well. Assertive people are able to liaise with their colleagues both in
and outside of work, and become a valuable asset to the company.

4. Better customer service

Regardless of the scale of the business or the service or product being offered,
customer satisfaction becomes the cornerstone of a business. Assertive people can
communicate effectively with customers, listen to their complaints, ask appropriate
questions and resolve the issues they are facing. When they are unable to resolve an
issue, they can politely and firmly apologise that they are unable to do any more,
without hurting the other person’s feelings or giving the company a bad name.

5. Less tension in the workplace

Many organisations now opt for specialised assertiveness training sessions for their
employees, such as the one Activia provides, and smart managers know that this
will benefit them (and the company) too. In most cases, workplace tension is the
result of poor communication or the inability to control one’s emotions, both of
which can be remedied by assertiveness training.

When employees are assertive, destructive and unnecessary interpersonal tensions

are significantly reduced. The fact is that assertion breeds assertion and employees
are more likely to work better with assertive colleagues, rather than against them.
From a manager’s viewpoint, a more assertive workforce means being able to get
more satisfactory outcomes from team members.

6. Increased confidence
Assertive employees are more confident about themselves, which helps them
recognise and accept the strengths of the people they work with, instead of feeling
threatened by them. This creates an atmosphere of healthy competition within the
team. It keeps everyone on their toes, helps them improve their productivity and
ensures that no one is unhappy, which makes it a win-win for the manager handling
that team.

7. No fear of failure
One of the most important reasons why managers prefer assertive employees is that
assertive employees aren’t afraid of failures or of making mistakes. This also means
that they will be more proactive at trying out new strategies at work, and will be
more actively involved in the workings of the organisation.

They won’t step back from taking initiatives such as putting forth ideas in team
meetings, or asking whether certain changes are possible in the workings of the
department. This helps them climb the corporate ladder faster and benefits the
organisation as it keeps stagnancy at bay.

8. Less stress
When employees are no longer constantly preoccupied with losing out or upsetting
others, they save themselves a great deal of nervous energy. In turn, this reduces the
stress levels among co-workers, which are typically associated with proving
themselves and getting results. Since they are much less concerned of what others
think about them and have no fear of making mistakes, it gives them the scope to
work more productively in other aspects of their jobs.

9. More level-headed discussions

In addition to this, there are certain intangible benefits too; some of which are
directly related to the managers themselves. Every manager conducts appraisal
meetings for their team members. There are times when employees have to be given
some unsavoury feedback, which can lead to a certain amount of tension that can
impact the manager-employee working relationship.

Having to give negative feedback is tough, but it can be even more stressful to
conduct these meetings with hostile employees. Since assertive people are more
confident and are able to communicate and discuss issues in a more level-headed
manner, it helps the manager maintain positivity in the course of appraisal
meetings.

10. Honesty and integrity

It’s a proven fact that employees who are more assertive are automatically
perceived as being very honest and having higher levels of integrity compared to
those who aren’t. There are some managers who feel threatened by assertive
employees, as it is also a trait of successful and effective leaders. However, smart
managers will encourage employees to be assertive and vocal – after all, leadership
is not about holding the reins and controlling employees by pulling back. It’s about
reaching organisational goals by leading, supporting, encouraging, and honing
employee behaviour and creating a workplace culture where everyone’s opinion is
respected and every person is valued.
 Soft Skills at the Workplace.
Q.1. What are the reasons for the mismatch between education and employment?

There are all sorts of reasons to get an education. It gives you perspective on
the world, it makes you a complete person, and of course most importantly of all, it
helps you build a career.

Unfortunately this link between education and jobs seems to be breaking down.

McKinsey just published a groundbreaking study of the impact of education on

employment ("Education to Employment"), and it demonstrates the challenging
mismatch between our educational system and the job skills employers need.

It demonstrates the tremendous need for skills in the workforce, and points out
many gaps in the educational system's ability to drive these skills.
“We don't have a jobs crisis in the world, we have a skills crisis.” - McKinsey.

As per McKinsey’s research, 42% of employers believe newly educated workers

are ready for work, 72% of educational institutions do. This is an enormous mis-
match. Primary and secondary educational institutions are not keeping in touch with
corporate recruiters and the needs of business.

Again our research validates this completely. Most of our clients are investing
heavily in new corporate universities, onboarding programs, and what we call
"continuous learning" programs. In fact the L&D industry is in the middle of a
renaissance, as companies try to reinvent all types of training around new internet
technologies.

McKinsey’s research focused on skill development, with special attention to the

mechanisms connecting education to employment. We did not look at macro- or
micro-economic factors such as monetary policy, regulation or fiscal issues. Nor
does the survey deal with the least-skilled youths;
Education sector focuses very little on the real world experiences or skills that
actually required by the employer. Very few companies prefer to recruit fresh
candidates. If any company hires a fresh candidate who doesn’t have any skills,
they have to invest considerable money and time on the skills development.

Q.2. What personal qualities can help you achieve assertive behavior?
Being assertive is about respecting both yourself and the other person without
compromising either person’s rights as a human being. Assertive behavior builds
strong relationships with others and allows others to feel heard and understood even
though you may not necessarily agree with them. The following are some
characteristics I have found assertive people to possess.
1. They have confidence in themselves. In order to be assertive, you need to know
what your boundaries are; what you like and what you don’t like. Many people who
struggle with assertiveness will allow others to make decisions for them, so when I
ask “What’s your favorite food?” they honestly don’t know. If this sounds familiar
to you, this is a great opportunity for self-exploration. Look at things around you
and begin forming an opinion; are you interested in an activity because you are
genuinely interested in participating in it on your own or are you engaging in it
because everyone else is?
2. They respect the opinions of others. Assertive people feel confident about their
opinions and beliefs, but don’t feel it’s necessary to insult or degrade another
person’s opinions. Someone may feel very strongly about abortion laws; an
assertive person can disagree and share their opinions about the issue without
insulting that person’s stance.
3. Assertive people have the ability to validate other’s feelings. A person may
express the following “You’re stupid for getting mad about this.” Rather than
minimizing the person’s experience, an assertive person may say “I understand you
are frustrated with me, but I’m standing firm on my decision.” People often want to
feel they are understood.
4. Assertive individuals are good listeners. Often times when I work with couples
and families in session, they are so focused on how they will respond to the other
person that they stop listening to what is being said. As a result, neither party ends
up feeling heard. Assertive behavior includes being an active listener; behavior
which includes good eye contact, not interrupting when the other person is talking,
and reflecting back what was just said to confirm the information was heard
correctly.
5. Problem solving and compromise. Another key trait to assertiveness is the
attempt to compromise in a situation. Not everyone gets everything they want when
engaging in a compromise, but some needs are met for all parties involved.
Compromise shows that the other person’s needs have been heard and this is the
attempt at providing a solution that all can be content with.