take notes from talk 4-23-2020 from recorder app

-ask yourself why you are bringing this up - why do you intend to say what you
intend to say?
is it
a) do you want your partner to comfort you because you feel bad
b) do you mean to actually tell them "this is not ok" and that partner could
be better, and needs to know this
c) do you want to apologize because you feel bad and think you've acted
unfairly
d) is it because you just can't stop yourself? stop being on retard autopilot
emotion spitting, it's bad for you
(d) means you really want (a)

from cheering up feel (who tried to cheer up honestly, who had to be cheered up? X
= stay upset, Y = try to cheer up other person)
-when person A brings up X, that person B is responsible for bad thing X (non-
specific examples: bad will: behaviour, action,, situation - a "fuck you")
(this is especially true if X feels to be in response to person A's self-
perceived good thing Y (non-specific good behaviour examples: good will: behaviour,
action, situation - an "apology"))
sometimes person A may hold in equal regard
the precise opposite opinion
(that person A itself is responsible for bad thing X, and person B has
tried

good thing Y or any other similarly good behaviour)

-should share both possibilities for real understanding

- feeling roped into a discussion/argument/situation is when one person feels bad

because time was spent (on roped-into conversation) and now drugs worn off/need
food/water/lost worktime
(general passage of time effects)
-and that person can't think of some good reason to have spent that time and
now feel bad
- so there should be something productive happening in a conversation, if it
isn't a casual/fun talk that both parties enjoy
-even a fun converastion can be considered productive/bonding
-but if it wasn't exactly "fun",
-then there should be something productive that was said for both parties
from the the conversation
that can be thought of in a positive way to help assuage bad feelings
of perceived wasted time
-feeling roped in = not expecting to waste time but at some point/in the end
feeling like it was a fuckin waste of time

how to avoid feeling roped into a converastion?

-
-have more moments of self reflection to ask if you're unwilling to go along
with this
-if so, say "not comfortable with this sort of talking, can we do it
better if we need to talk?"
- "right now i dont feel well enough to talk reasonably; let's talk a
little later after exercise/food/nap/something cheerful so this is not emotionally
charged"
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BOTH PARTIES INTERFACE WITH EACH OTHER W.R.T. "IS THIS STILL PRODUCTIVE??" AS
OFTEN AS NEEDED TO CONTINUE TO AVOID THE ROPED-IN FEEL
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