Health.

If it was sold in a bottle, it’d fly off the shelves like the hottest toy at
a Black Friday sale. The fact is, it’s something we all want. We each think
about it, particularly as we get older. We do this because health speaks to
our most innate desire: the desire to survive.

But, while we think about health, we often only think of things like high
cholesterol and body fat. What we fail to think about is health in terms of
romantic relationships.

Just as physical health prolongs life, the health of a relationship also

extends a union.

But how do we create a healthy, sustainable relationship that lasts? How

do we create health and longevity with the person we desire most that will
survive the test of time rather than be dragged out into the pasture and
shot?

Unfortunately, there is no medical test to rely on, no blood draw from the
soul that measures your union’s success. All we can rely on is ourselves.
However, there are 8 secrets that when laid as a foundation, create an
environment in which big problems become minor speed bumps, where
love trumps differences and fosters appreciation rather than resentment.

Below are 8 Secret Principles that happily ever couples do automatically.

Begin practicing them now, with your friends, family and of course, your
lover.

Secret Principle 1: Believe in Your Partner

You don’t need to believe that your partner can fly. But you do need to
believe in who they are and what they bring to the table. You need to
support them in their endeavors.
Refrain from complaining about them behind their back and don’t post
passive aggressive general messages about them or to them on social
media.

When times get tough and they’re inevitably faced with a life lesson, refrain
from swooping in to save them. Yes, you heard right. Trust that it is not
your responsibility to save them from failure, but encourage them to get
back on their feet when they fall.

Believe that they are capable of solving their own problems and finding
their footing. Tell them you believe in them and their capabilities when they
doubt themselves.

Remind them of the person they are when they forget. Speak to that man
or woman you fell in love with and use it as a touchstone in times of doubt.
This may seem counterintuitive, but the more you can encourage your
partner to be independent and self-reliant, the more they will love and see
you as a priceless compliment to their life.
Secret Principle 2: Adopt an Innocent until Proven Guilty Mentality
Science has proven that couples who don’t trust each other, literally, die
earlier. The energy it takes to be intimate and distrust the person at the
same time, lead to emotional, physical and spiritual burnout.

I know, you might not be okay with trusting blindly, believing that it sets you
up to get hurt. And guess what? You’re right. But the truth is there is no
reason not to trust someone until they give you a reason. Trusting blindly
may put you in a position to get
hurt – that’s true – however, it’s
also the position you must put
yourself in in to be loved fully. To
be fully seen.

So trust that your partner won’t

hurt you. Trust that you are
strong enough to handle the
situation if they do! Trust that
they will be true to their words.
Trust that they are honest unless it’s been proven that they’re not. Give
them the same kind of benefit of the doubt that you crave.

Secret Principle 3: Accept Your Partner’s Past

Everyone has a past – unless you’ve just created a new lover from your
computer program in homage to Weird Science, your partner will have a
past. Accept this. Rather than hold what a person did years ago against
them, approach each day with a chance for them to reinvent themselves.
Forgive them of wrongs they’ve committed (because you’re not perfect
either) and allow them to grow and transform with you.

I once heard a man vow to his wife of 30 years “I promise to NEVER know
you.”

At first glance this might seem disheartening, but what’s communicated in

this underlying commitment is the promise to never stop being curious
about this woman’s inner world. To never make assumptions or put
boundaries around her or who she is choosing to be in every moment,
moving forward.

Secret Principle 4: Actively Practice Gratitude

Appreciate the things your partner does for you, both the big and small.
Live in the moment, in the now, and appreciate what you have rather than
focusing on what’s lacking and trying to change them.

Don’t sit around and think “things could be better if only…”

Don’t rush to the finish line of marriage and 2.5 kids. The truth is you’ll
never get rid of your relationship problems. You wish your partner was
more ambitious, relaxed, family oriented? Well, that quality you’re trying to
change is more than likely just the shadow side of another quality you find
deeply attractive… look for those… look for the things you love rather than
the things you don’t want.

Enjoy each moment, the beautiful

and not so beautiful, because
one day you’ll look back and
wish you had.

Take time to actively practice

appreciating your partner. Set a
reminder on your phone a couple times
week. Thank them for listening. Thank them for washing the
dishes. Thank them for being present with you. With every word of
acknowledgement you plant the seeds for more of that attribute to grow
and feed your union.

Secret Principle 5: Create a “No Limits Communication” Relationship

To say that communication is the key to a relationship isn’t exactly a eureka

moment. However the type of communication I’m referring to is called, “No
Limits Communication.” This means you’re both willing and able to get
down and dirty and no topic is off limits. This is what makes a
relationship last. You must be straight with one another.

You must put away the passive aggressive behavior and take out the
straight, direct, talk with one another.
Wear your heart on your sleeve and rather than be just an observer of
your relationship, take responsibility for its health and well-being. The two
of you created this together.

It’s alive, just like both of

you and requires
presence and attention.
Straight talk brings a
straight shot of courage
and life to your
communication. Honesty,
respect, and raw
attraction are born from
confrontation and
standing up for yourself.
Accept that there will be hard times and be willing to meet these head on
by doing what is so utterly simple: talking to each other about them.

Secret Principle 6: Make Sex a Priority

Sex will plateau in a relationship – it’s not always going to be the “can’t
keep your hands off each other must recreate each scene from 50 Shades
of Grey.”

Instead, sex goes up and down (and in and out…if you’re doing it right).
Sometimes you’ll have lots of it, other times not so much. Still, letting it fall
by the wayside is a big mistake.

Make sex a priority - it’s the most literal and physical way to be close to
someone.
And gives you the ability to nurture another’s physical needs, thus
increasing the depth and richness of your relationship. Sex is also the
ultimate ‘relationship reset’ button.

Problems that seem unsolvable can be suddenly transcended and

approached with flexibility, compassion and understanding when they’re
discussed post-intimacy.

Aside from all of the health benefits associated with an orgasm, a recent
TED talk on happiness discovered that “Mind-Wandering” (a happiness
draining activity that happens throughout our day) is least likely to occur
during the act of sex. So have more sex with your partner and be happy.
It’s the most affordable therapy you’ll find.

Secret Principle 7: Respect Your Mate

Honor each other’s boundaries and encourage one another to pursue

passions and dreams. Instead of relying on the other person to make you
happy: you make you happy.
But do rely on them to be in the background cheering for you. Still, you
understand they can’t do everything – there is importance in having friends
and family and other people besides your partner. That’s why we have
relationships with people, not just ONE person. Good friends and family
help you meet your emotional needs and be a better, well-rounded person,
which indirectly takes pressure off your partner to be your emotional
superman or superwoman.

Respecting your partner also means not

trying to change them, allowing
them to go through their life
lessons and appreciating that
whatever ‘annoying’ habit they
have, is typically the shadow
side of a quality you find
deeply attractive. This isn’t to
say that people shouldn’t
continually grow and become
their best selves; however, one
should never have a ‘makeover’ of
their soul, which leads to the next
secret…

Respecting your partner means not assuming malicious intent when you
feel attacked or threatened. Respecting them is giving them the benefit of
the doubt during times of conflict or stress and having the grace to not take
their words personally. And at the same time, respecting them is
respecting they are strong enough to hear your truth and communicating
how you feel or how they are impacting you directly and honestly. That last
part is so important. Read it again.
Secret Principle 8: Take a Stand for Your Core Values
You, like everyone, have things that are important to you. Maybe you are a
huge animal advocate or passionate about the environment. Maybe you
love humor or value integrity above all else. Whatever it is that is at your
core, don’t ever change it for a partner (or anyone). Doing so will only
breed resentment because you’ll compromise the very core of who you are.

The truth is, to create a relationship of your dreams, it starts with you
becoming the person of your dreams and living a dream worthy life.
Understanding and honoring your values is at the CORE of this equation.

This isn’t something taught in schools and 99% of us aren’t handed this
knowledge from our parents. Most of our relationships, careers, lives
happen ‘by accident’, which then puts you at the mercy of those
circumstances and constantly having to REACT.
Scrap that…

There is a different way.

If you want to create a relationship and a life that is on purpose… If you

are interested in ramping up the love and desire with your significant other
or someone you’ve had your eyes on. Or even if you have a specific issue
where some custom tailored advice would be helpful, click here and fill out
this application for personal coaching.

The health of your relationship is vital to its existence, but with no test to
rely on, no supplements to swallow, you only have your actions. The above
secrets can help make your partnership last by giving it a strong and solid
foundation. The rest is up to you.

With love,

Clayton Olson