Life Is not Fair

Jenn D Thomas

They point, they stare, they make rude comments

As I sit here and take it and my body gets all tense
I�m nervous, I�m scared of what is to come next
I�m the center of attention; I am the large text
I can�t help but smile and pretend I don�t care
When in fact all I can say is: Life is not fair!
I ask them to stop but they continue to go
I go home and cry because these words are killing me so

I�m afraid to ask for help; I�m all alone

"Are you ok?" they ask. I answer, "yes," in an unsure tone
Just once... why can�t I tell the truth to them?
And maybe the seams of my life, they could help hem
I look into the mirror and try to see what they see
But I see no reflection because, to me, I�m dead already
I hesitate to leave for school each and every day
For their little game, I know, they will continue to play

When someone notices that the smile on my face has frowned

They lie to my face and say they�re only joking around
Joke or no joke, my insides are left ripped open
But, I have yet to give up, I just keep on hopin�
Lately, people have been talking behind my back
Afraid to say it to my face, courage they do lack
They�ve pushed me to the edge of the cliff and I�m ready to leap
I guess the price you pay for being so screwed up isn�t all that cheap

I now blame everything on myself; everything is my fault

Now that I have realized this... I will not grow to be an adult
Not have children to call my own
Not see my friends and family- all grown
Never again to celebrate a birthday
Never again, my favorite sports will I play
Not meet the man I was destined to marry
My nieces and nephews... I will never carry

But the most important thing of all...

I will never again be able to stand tall
Yes, I�m scared- for I can't take it anymore
I cry my tears one last time and watch them hit the floor
For tonight is the night I say my final good-byes
And have the courage as I wipe the tears from my eyes
I�m no longer scared to end my own life
And breathe one last breath, it�s all done... with a cut of the knife

I cause too much trouble, so much pain

But don�t worry now- I�m gone, I�m slain
I�m sorry for making your long-time game end
I�m sorry for not being the perfect friend
I�m sorry for the violence and all the war
I�m sorry for not being any fun, for being a bore
I�m sorry for all the tears I have shed
I�m sorry for all the blood I have bled

And for all the hearts I may have torn

I guess I�m sorry for being born
But please believe me when I say that my life was too tough
And I couldn�t take it anymore; I had had enough
So, now as the blood drains slowly and my eyes begin to close
Don�t blame yourself, for this is what I chose
So that no longer would I feel the need to pretend I don�t care
..But I�m happy now, without pain, now my life is fair

So, as you read this- please don�t think of me

But think of others... this I must plea
Think of the ones who are going through these same problems I fought
And tell them they are precious and that they�re worth a lot
And tell them to be strong and to never give in
Forget the losers- tell them... They Can Win!!!
Why didn�t I take my own advice?
Because my heart was water- which was once as strong as ice

I lost all my courage, confidence and love

And no longer did I believe in the One up above
It was too late to save my life; things had gotten too bad
I never thought positive and I was always sad
So, stop and think before you call someone a name
For this does not bring you true happiness or fame
So, stop and think before you call someone a name
For in the end it will only bring you sadness and shame

Now I must leave this earth, both body and soul

Because the problems in my life have taken a big toll
So, please, as I take these last few painful breaths
Don�t think of me, but of the others who have less
Point, stare, and laugh if you want, for I do not care
For one day, like I did, you�ll realize that life just isn�t fair.

Dedicated to all who are in this position.

Be strong, be free, and do as you want,
because you are no better, no worse,
but just as equal to all the others.