Tightening  Your  Words  

 
At  the  beginning  of  this  lesson,  I  give  an  example  of  how  we  can  tighten  our  words  without  
losing  any  of  the  meaning.  This  printable  version  might  be  a  little  easier  to  read,  linger  over,  and  
learn  from,  than  the  words  that  flash  on  the  video  screen.  

Version  One  –  Original:    

Shorter  is  better.  You  should  always  make  that  your  mantra  in  life,”  said  the  five-­‐foot,  
three-­‐and-­‐a-­‐half-­‐inch  tall  writing  instructor  to  his  class.  (That’s  162  centimeters  for  my  
friends  out  there  who  operate  under  the  metric  system.)    

Of  course,  he  was  joking,  but  there  was  a  point  that  he  was  trying  to  make:  You  can  
write  some  of  the  best  humor  in  the  entire  world,  but  if  you  are  using  too  many  words  
when  you  write  it,  there  are  several  problems  that  you’re  going  to  run  into.    

First  of  all,  a  lot  of  your  jokes  will  get  lost  in  all  of  the  static.  In  addition,  your  readers  will  
get  bored  because  you’re  making  them  sift  through  too  many  words  in  order  to  figure  
out  what  it  is  that  you  are  trying  to  say,  so  they  will  stop  reading  what  you’ve  written  
halfway  through  your  story,  and  they  will  never  finish  it.  

Version  One  –  Edited  (Deletions  in  red,  changes  in  blue):  

Shorter  is  better.  You  should  always  Make  that  your  mantra  in  life,”  said  the  five-­‐foot,  
three-­‐and-­‐a-­‐half-­‐inch  tall  writing  instructor  to  his  class.  (That’s  160  centimeters  for  my  
metric  friends  out  there  who  operate  under  the  metric  system.)    

Of  course,  He  was  joking,  but  there  was  he  had  a  point  that  he  was  trying  to  make:  You  
can  write  some  of  the  best  humor  in  the  entire  world,  but  if  you  are  you’re  using  too  
many  words  when  you  write  it  too  wordy...,  there  are  several  problems  that  you’re  
going  to  run  into.    

First  of  all,  a  lot  of  ...  your  jokes  will  get  lost  in  all  of  the  static.  In  addition,  your  Readers  
will  get  bored  because  you’re  making  them  sift  sifting  through  too  many  words  in  order  
to  figure  out  what  it  is  that  you  are  trying  to  say,  so  they  will  stop  reading  what  you’ve  
written  halfway  through  your  story,  and  they  will  never  finish  it.  They'll  never  finish  your  
story.  

Version  Two:  

 “Shorter  is  better.  Make  that  your  mantra,”  said  the  five-­‐foot-­‐three  writing  instructor.  
(That’s  160  centimeters  for  my  metric  friends.)  He  was  joking  but  he  had  a  point.  You  
can  write  the  best  humor  in  the  world,  but  if  you’re  too  wordy,  your  jokes  get  lost  in  the  
static.  Readers  get  bored  sifting  through  too  many  words.  They'll  never  finish  your  story.  

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©  Dave  Fox,  2014.  This  material  may  not  be  published  or  transmitted  in  any  form  without  the  author’s  written  permission.