Arch Sex Behav (2014) 43:587–595
DOI 10.1007/s10508-013-0218-6
ORIGINAL PAPER
‘‘Children are Sexually Innocent’’: Iranian Parents’ Understanding
of Children’s Sexuality
Effat Merghati-Khoei • Naria Abolghasemi •
Thomas G. Smith
Received: 7 August 2012 / Revised: 7 March 2013 / Accepted: 17 March 2013 / Published online: 17 December 2013
 Springer Science+Business Media New York 2013
Abstract Sexuality education (SE) is hotly contested in the
West and there is much abstinence-only education; however, it
remains controversial in a variety of contexts, including in Iran.
The lack of consensus about children’s SE in Muslim societies
obliges us to explore different aspects of this topic systemati-
cally. The qualitative research presented here was about how
Iranian parents perceived children’s sexuality. Data from par-
ents of 26 children were collected during four focus group ses-
sions. Informants were selected from Area 5 in West Tehran.
This area included 72 primary schools for girls and 82 for boys.
The sessions were facilitated by using a semi-structured focus
group guide. Content analysis was adopted using combined free
and analytical coding to reduce data, to extract meanings, and to
categorize domains. One of the three main domains identified,
family management of child sexuality, is comprised of the fol-
lowing: (1) understanding of child sexuality, (2) family rules, (3)
parent–child interactions, and (4) opposite sex interactions. Par-
ental misinformation, accumulated myths, and ignorance about
children’s sexual development were evident. Strict family rules
E. Merghati-Khoei
Iranian National Center of Addiction Studies (INCAS): The Risk
Behavior Institution, Tehran University of Medical Sciences,
Tehran, Iran
E. Merghati-Khoei
Family & Sexual Health Division BASIR, Tehran University of
Medical Sciences, Tehran, Iran
N. Abolghasemi (&)
Child Health Office, Deputy of Health, Ministry of Health,
Tehran, Iran
e-mail: na_abolghasemi@yahoo.com
T. G. Smith
Center for Academic Excellence, Medical University of South
Carolina, Charleston, SC, USA
and a lack of consistent policy and instruction for SE were also
identified.Parentssaidtheywere neitherwell-preparednorcom-
petent to educate their children about sexuality. In fact, a majority
of mothers raised‘‘incompetence’’as an important determinant in
their own parent–child interactions. Societal changes as well as
children’s socialization patterns have forced parents to accept
their children’s opposite sex friendships as a reality. Results
suggest a community need for developing comprehensive and
culturally sensitive SE for schools and parental use.
Keywords Children
Parents
Sexuality education

Iran
Introduction
Since the 1960s, sexuality education (SE) has been subject to
political and cultural debate among Americans, Australian, and
Britons; children are usually ‘‘cast as pawns in these culture
wars’’(Nelson & Martin, 2004). However, currently within the
child health, family health, and sexuality fields, the importance
of SE for children is widely accepted. SE may begin as early as
toddlerhood, often as a response to children’s cues about what
they need to know.
Nevertheless, SE remains controversial in some societies
for two main reasons: children are viewed as sexually innocent
and many members of these societies are concerned that chil-
dren will become sexually active as a consequence of educa-
tion. As far back as the eighteenth century, Rousseau viewed
children as sexually innocent (Sauerteig & Davidson, 2009).
Prior to this idea, it was a common belief that ‘‘children were
naturally wicked and corrupted and that they required strict
education, including flogging, to form them into moral human
beings’’ (Sauerteig & Davidson, 2009, p. 2). Particularly, the
risk of masturbation was a central concern of churches and
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physicians. However, the idea of innocent children, which
gained strength during the nineteenth century, shifted attitudes
and regulations in Western societies, such as England, Ger-
many, and Austria (Sauerteig & Davidson, 2009). Despite such
changes in many cultures, the older viewpoints about children’s
SE still lead to ignorance and lack of knowledge about sexuality
in many societies and/or cultural groups.
While there are many definitions of‘‘sexuality,’’Hilber and
Colombini (2002) defined sexuality as a central aspect of being
human throughout life and encompasses sex, gender identities
and roles,sexualorientation,eroticism, pleasure,intimacy, and
reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thou-
ghts,fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes,values,behaviors, pra-
ctices, roles, and relationships. While sexuality can include all
of these dimensions, not all are always experienced or expres-
sed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, cul-
tural, ethical, legal, historical, and religious or spiritual factors.
Despite widespread resistance across various societies to the
dissemination of knowledge about children’s sexuality, schol-
ars from the public health, sexology, and pediatric fields point
out that sexuality-related knowledge does not cause inappro-
priate behaviors among children, but ignorance does (Andrade
et al., 2009; Asekun-Olarinmoye, Dairo, Abodurin, & Asekun-
Olarinmoye, 2011; Gordon, 1986). In societies where concerns
about the impact of sexual knowledge are less uniformly ascri-
bed to or codified, informal sexual knowledge may be more
readily disseminated through conversations (including those in
the family setting) and the mass media. In such settings, formal
sex education has not been found to cause early onset of sexual
activity(Grunseit,Kippax,Aggleton,Baldo,&Slutkin,1997;Scott,
2005) and there is little reason to think that the results of such
education would differ in other societies. Moreover, other rese-
arch has shown that children who received formal or informal
education by their fathers or mothers had fewer sexual partners
in their adulthood (Haglund & Fehring, 2010). Clearly, the sex-
uality ofchildren is partly dependent on the relationship between
children and parents (Schuster et al., 2008), and interventions
that begin with an understanding of this near truism seem more
likely to show some impact.
Sexuality education remains controversial for a significant
segment of the Muslim population. In Muslim families, parents
are considered to be the main source of SE (Orgocka, 2004).
Many common religious teachings lead to women feeling unc-
omfortable about discussing sexually-related knowledge with
their children even though it can be argued that the Holy Quran
emphasized the value of pursuing and acquiring such knowl-
edge (Merghati-Khoei, Whelan, & Cohen, 2008).In the days of
Prophet Mohammed (PBUH), Muslims were never shy to ask
him questions about their sexual lives. For example, Aisha, the
wife of the prophet, witnessed that the women of the Ansar (the
citizens of Madina) were never shy to seek knowledge about
their religion: ‘‘The way the women asked the prophet—dir-
ectly or through his wives is a proof that sexual matters were not
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Arch Sex Behav (2014) 43:587–595
taboo but were fully acknowledged and respected’’(Kotb, 2004,
p. 44). Evidently, Islamic morals may be read to be compat-
ible with the natural growth of sexuality as part of being human
(Merghati-Khoei, Whelan, & Cohen, 2008). Even so, a culture
of silence is the predominant view of sexuality in Iran, and this
view is often justified by a religious frame. Silence, however,
may compromise any parent’s knowledge and skills in edu-
cating children about sexuality. To break the silence, not only
attitudes,but alsoknowledgeandskills,canbeaddressedthrough
parental SE (Kanekar, Sharma, & Wray, 2009; Orgocka, 2004).
Formal school-based education can help parents acquire such
skills and knowledge.
The limited evidence about children’s SE in Muslim soci-
eties obliges us to explore different aspects of this topic sys-
tematically. This article reports on one aspect of an advocacy
and participatory research effort designed to develop a SE
protocol by exploring parents’ and health educators’ perspec-
tives about SE, targeting children in Tehran, Iran. The quali-
tative research presented here answers the following questions:
(1) In what ways do parents perceive that they should get inv-
olved in their children’s sexuality, whether this is active initi-
ation of education and communication, control/regulation, acc-
eptance/encouragement, or silence/inaction; (2) How do they
perceive their roles in children’s sexuality; (3) How do they
respond to their children’s sexuality?
Background
Iran’s constitution is based on Islamic Law. Government pol-
icies and actions are guided by Shari’a and Islamic principles.
Consistent with these principles, education for population con-
trol was established in a family planning law adopted in 1993.
This law led the Ministry of Culture and Higher Education and
the Ministry of Education to take action to increase students’
awareness about population and its relationship to developm-
ent.Asa consequence,populationcontrol issuesare includedin
the curricula at schools, universities, and premarital educati-
onal programs, but the curricula mostly avoid sexuality issues
outside the realm of family planning (Merghati-Khoei, 2005).
Regardless of Iran’s progress in addressing reproductive and
sexual health and its move toward becoming a healthy society,
a significant need for SE remains. Significant evidence has lar-
gely substantiated the need for sex education in Iran (Azizzadeh-
Forouzi & Mohammad-Alizade, 2007; Shirpak & Chinichian,
2001). A recent study showed that having pre-marital intimate
relationships was a prevalent experience among young, female
college students although it is culturally, legally, and religiously
prohibited. In this study, having had a boyfriend was negatively
associated with the closeness of the relationship with parents
(Farahani,Cleland,&Mehryar,2011).InIran,pre-maritalsexual
relationships and sexually risky behaviors have been linked to a
lack of a formal system of comprehensive SE for either children
or adults (Farahani et al., 2011; Mohammadi et al., 2006). Des-
Arch Sex Behav (2014) 43:587–595
pite such clear indications of need, comprehensive SE has not
yet been embraced in Iran as a young person’s right (McCall &
McKay,2004;McKay,2004;Tavoosi,Zaferani,Enzevaei,Tajik,
& Ahmadinezhad, 2004).
Method
This study was designed as part of a constructive relationship
(Guba & Lincoln, 2005) created between the researchers and
community partners (health instructors [HIs] and principals)
from primary schools in District 5 in Tehran. In order to build
the research process to explore such a culturally sensitive topic
(Secor-Turner, Sieving, Garwick, Spratt, & Duke, 2010), the
researchers used a collaborative interaction. We engaged the
health teachers and principals as the stakeholders in all aspects
of the research process. This participatory process was initiated
followingaworkshopconductedbythefirstauthor(EMK)about
children’s sexual behaviors for teachers and parents in West
Tehran. Ethics approval for this qualitative study was obtained
from Iran University of Medical Sciences and the Ministry of
Training and Education in 2009.
According to the Ministry of Training and Education, Tehran
is divided into 20 areas. West Tehran is known as the most dev-
eloped land (5287.1 ha) with a population of 80,000. Hetero-
geneity is this area’s character due to the number of migrants
who reside there. District 5 in West Tehran is famed for its soc-
ial stability, community participatory development, quality of
life,aswellastheextentofsocialsupports,sightseeing,andpicnic
areas (City Council, 2012). Informants were selected from Dis-
trict 5 because it was (1) assigned as a region to be covered by
the researchers’ home institution (20 areas are divided between
two main universities in terms of research sites) and (2) among
TehranUniversityofMedical Sciencessites, District5 wasmore
heterogeneous than others and has the highest number of scho-
ols. This district included 154 primary schools (n = 72 for girls;
n = 82 for boys). From each school, parents of at least two chil-
dren (26 in total) were invited to participate in focus group dis-
cussion sessions (FGDs).
Participants
In this study, we recruited health instructors (HIs) and parents.
At thefirst phaseof thestudy, we selectedHIs(reported in Iranian
journals), who were asked to invite parents. HIs selected those
parents who they believed were keen on participating in the study
and communicative enough to discuss sexuality related topics.
Withtheexceptionofonefatherwhoalsohappenedtobeaschool
HI, all the voluntary participants in this study were mothers
(n = 25) even though both fathers and mothers were invited.
This one father’s presence in the FGDs proved valuable bec-
ausehe wasalsoa trusted healthprofessionalinthe community.
As a professional accustomed to working with children and
589
parents of both genders, he ended up playing a key informant
and facilitator role.
Although all participants were Muslim, heterogeneity in the
level of religiosity was evident and this facilitated very inter-
active FGDs. We believe it also enabled the researchers to ach-
ieve significant variation in data.
Procedure
We employed FGDs as the primary means of gathering data
(Morgan, 1997) because ‘‘children’s sexuality’’ is likely to be
perceived differently across participants; parents may react in
widely varying ways to the idea of SE for children; and we
needed to clarify the potential options to address the needs of
parents in dealing with children’s sexuality (Krueger & Casey,
2000). We structured the discussion with questions as follows:
‘‘What do you think about children as being sexual?’’;‘‘What do
you think about children’s sexual behaviors?’’; ‘‘As a parent,
how do you think the children’s sexuality should be handled by
parents?’’Other questions grew out of the discussion and inter-
action that occurred among participants.
Informed written consent was obtained from the participa-
nts prior to FGDs. The data were collected during four sessions.
Each session included 8–10 persons. Two key informants from
the first session were asked to participate in the second group
because they promoted interaction. All the sessions were recor-
ded and transcribed. Content analysis was adopted using com-
bined free and analytical coding to reduce data, to extract mea-
nings, and to categorize domains (Saldana, 2012). For the first
session, coding was independently conducted by both EMK
and NA, and then we compared all transcript passages to iden-
tify codes that were similar and different. In the next step, the
differences discussed, resolved and ultimately re-coded. Then,
emergent hypotheses were tested in subsequent FGDs. Coding
of these subsequent transcripts was conducted the same as the
first round of coding.
Results
The findings on parents’ understanding of and management of
children sexuality were categorized into three main domains:
(1) family management of child sexuality, (2) school function,
and (3) customs and religion. In this article, the main theme
presented is‘‘family management of child sexuality.’’The subt-
hemes that comprise the‘‘family management’’domain inclu-
ded understandingofchildsexuality,family rules, parent–child
interactions, and opposite sex interactions.
Family Management of Child Sexuality
Although the participants came from different socioeconomic
and educational classes, they all held the idea that families sho-
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uld restrict and control their children, particularly in sexual
matters. According to the data, management means regulation,
control,andsupervision.Managementofchildsexualitywasinfl-
uenced by some key factors.
Understanding of Child Sexuality: Children’s Sexual
Behaviors in the Family Context
Parental assumptions of the necessity for managing child sexu-
ality were based on how they perceived child sexuality. Some
assumptions revealed a lack of biomedical knowledge about the
sexual development of children. The majority of the participants
expressed disapproval when they were asked about children’s
sexual games, about children who may touch their genitalia, or
about phenomena that may be defined as sexual, such as erection
in a baby boy. In fact, a number of mothers shared the idea that a
baby boy’s erection was a serious problem. They considered that
the boy’s erection was a form of misbehavior. They expressed
concern that it could become habitual and therefore provide a
meaninglesssenseofpleasurethatwouldbeharmfultothechild’s
health as well as his future sex life.
It seems that the informants did not consider children to be
sexual beings. Instead, they conceptualized children’s sexuality
asan‘inactiveenergy’or‘untappedforce’thatremainedlatentun-
less events arose, such as hearing or observing sexual matters.
A majority of the parents held the viewpoint that children are
‘innocent’ and not to be considered as sexual beings. They felt
that children are not ready to be aware of sexuality. They clai-
med that silence and ignorance would be the best means for
coping with sexuality in children. In fact, premature puberty was
defined as an unfortunate side effect of children becoming sex-
ually informed. Even more concerning them, and despite what
research has shown, the parents believed that an informed child
would search for and possibly experience sex.
The mothers’ misinformation, accumulated myths, and igno-
rance about children’s sexual development were evident. The
findings suggest that women were preoccupied with what they
perceived to be negative aspects of the sexuality of children,
rather than understanding positive, healthy, and enjoyable exp-
eriences of sexuality during childhood.
Family Rules: Supervision in the Family Environment
Most parents believed that children’s sexual development sho-
uld be closely supervised in the family environment. Despite
this clearly preferred rule, parents indicated inconsistent exe-
cution of it. Indeed, despite the agreement that supervision was
crucial,therewasadegreeofphobiaamongtheinformantswhich
seemed to undermine their ability to supervise children’s sexu-
ality. Some mothers believed that the children of the current gen-
eration are able to identify parents’ lack of knowledge and skill in
sexualitymanagement.Topreventtheirchildrendiscoveringand
taking advantage of their ignorance, they preferred to keep quiet.
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The flawed discussion surrounding family rules about sex-
ual behavior of children often caused mothers’ overreaction to
theirchildren’s behaviorsandemerging sexual awareness.These
ideas were part of the mothers’ understanding of their duty to
protect children by keeping them away from sexual informa-
tion. An analytical evaluation of SE in the Iranian family context
pointed to a low rate of attention of families to sexual awareness,
sexual behaviors, and future sexual life in the rearing of children
(Sobhaninezhad, Homaei, & Eliin, 2008). But studies have sho-
wn that it is not awareness and knowledge that cause and moti-
vate inappropriate behaviors, but ignorance and misunderstand-
ing(Asekun-Olarinmoyeetal.,2011;Charmaraman&McKamey,
2011; Wakley, 2011). Children with better information and kn-
owledge about sexual affairs are less prone to unprotected sexual
activities and relations in early ages (Andrade et al., 2009; Av-
achat, Phalke, & Phalke, 2011; Shin, Park, & Cha, 2011). Sexual
training is one of the most important issues in the field of edu-
cation; it plays a leading role in human character formation and
leavesan impact on thoughts, emotions, andbehaviors (Andrade
et al., 2009; Kanekar et al., 2009).
The majority of mothers were concerned about their ina-
bility to manage their children’s sexuality. Nevertheless, there
were mothers from the third generation (\30 years) who beli-
eved they were capable tomanage theirchildren’ssexuality. The
clear majority in their 30s and 40s argued that they could not be
an appropriate educator for their children because they were not
properly informed about sexuality themselves.
Afewofthereligiousparticipantsheldtheideathatanyhuman
being would be able to manage sexuality without education in
adulthood because sexuality is an inborn phenomenon. They
did not consider explicit learning about sexuality to be a nece-
ssity in a child’s life. Their views were that the penis itself
would ‘naturally’ find its own way into the vagina, as that was
its intrinsic character. Likewise, a breast would grow by itself
and feed a baby after childbirth; sexuality had nothing to do
with learning and, therefore, sex education was not considered
necessary. Holding views similar to the parents in a prior study
(Merghati-Khoei, 2005), the participants also believed that sex
education and ‘‘overeducating children are reasons for pro-
miscuity in Western societies’’(p. 177). From their viewpoint,
humans’ curiosity, particularly in childhood, can lead them to
explore more and to experience pleasure in the first experience
of sexual activity, which will make them misbehave sexually.
This first pleasurable experience was the point parents found
dangerous and sinful for their children and therefore hoped to
avoid.ReligionisanimportantfactorinfluencingIranianwomen’s
sexual understandings and is therefore clearly relevant to SE
(Merghati-Khoei, Whelan, & Cohen, 2008).
Golroz,1 a 46-year old high school graduate and housewife
who was a member of local parenting group to combat social
misbehaviors (one son and two daughters), said:
1
Pseudonyms were used for the participants.
Arch Sex Behav (2014) 43:587–595
We are adopting western cultural models via mobile and
internet. It means we are losing our children and have no
control over them. All of us live in apartments, and chil-
dren exchange their information regardless of what tech-
nology they have access to (FGD2).
She considered cultural changes as warning signs that demand
much more attention and educational planning for children.
Accordingtoahighlyeducatedmother,Golsanam(44 years),
with two sons at Grade five and in primary school, management
of child sexuality reflected a perception among parents that they
were unable to control/regulate their children’s sexuality. She
discussed that the lack of knowledge and fear of misguiding the
children led parents to make up concepts and set up codes to reg-
ulate their children’s sexuality. It seemed that this mother impl-
icitly approved of sex education for children as well as for their
parents:
In my opinion, such training should originate inside the
family. We should first focus on family and start the trai-
ning and modifications inside the families as the main
foundationofsociety.Thenyouwillhavedeliveredasmart
and informed child into the society (FGD1).
She considered family as the most important environment
for educating children throughout the sexual life, well into adu-
lthood even after marriage. For only a few mothers in our FGDs,
findings were similar to other studies in which parents were the
first persons dealing with and possibly observing children’s sex-
ual behaviors (Friedrich & Trane, 2002). A vast amount of rese-
arch has been conducted regarding parents as primary educators
to children in order to prevent and protect them against sexual
misconduct and rear them in a healthy and informed context
(Faghihi,2008).AstudyinCaliforniashowedthatthetrainedpar-
ents talked significantly more with their children about sexual
health and had more skills in this regard than the control group.
Studies have considered the mother to be a significant person in
reporting the sexual behaviors of her children (Friedrich, 1991)
because mothers were the main observers and reporters of chi-
ldren’s sexual behaviors (Schoentjes, Deboutte, & Friedrich,
1999).Friedrichand Trane (2002)consideredthe homeasa pri-
vate setting through which children learned appropriate sexual
behaviors from their caregivers. The importance of the role of
the mother in molding a child’s sexual behavior was identified
in large-scale studies that compared home settings to day care
centers (Larsson & Svedin, 2002; Lindblad, Gustafsson, Lars-
son, & Lundin, 1995).
In our FGDs, lack of consistent policies within families, strict
rules, and ignorance about children’s sexual behaviors were evi-
dent. The findings suggest that parents were not well-prepared
and competent to deal with different aspects of the sexuality of
children.
591
Parent–Child Interactions: Parents’ Perceived
Incompetence
Generally, a clear pattern of parent–child communication about
sexuality-related matters was not observed. This lack reflected
the obstacles mothers had about children’s sexuality. Most mot-
hers highlighted the impact of their own learning of sexuality on
their interactions with the children. They recalled how they had
learned about themselves and their bodies. They mostly identi-
fied their‘‘selves’’and their bodies based on what they had heard
and observed and how they had been brought up. The women
explicitly linked their childhood experiences to the models they
currently employ in nurturing and educating their children. Nev-
ertheless,theyexpressedtheirdistressaboutthenewgeneration’s
needs, as well as their forms oftraining andeducation. Theybel-
ieved that children are faced with new intervening factors, such
as movies, digital media, and videos. They believed that the soci-
etal condition is changing from a traditional one to the modern-
ized form. This shift has created a subculture by which children
model their sexuality, making the parents feel separated from
their children.
Golnaz, a 36-year-old mother practicing as a social worker
with twin daughters, showed that she is not ready to initiate SE
for her twins. From Golnaz’s viewpoint, her interactions with
the twin girls have different meanings and should not be con-
taminated by sexuality talk. Although this mother did not seem
to be ready to be involved in the sexuality matters of her children,
she accepted sexual education using new approaches. However,
she believed this is other institutions’ responsibility:
Our training must start via mass media and schools and
first and the most they must teach parents. We shouldn’t
have a traditional approach in our trainings as our parents
did so and willy-nilly it may affect us (FGD4).
Studies show that parents lack the required skills and knowl-
edge related to the sexuality of children (Wamoyi, Fenwick,
Urassa, Zaba, & Stones, 2010; Wilson & Koo,2010) and schools
can help them to achieve such skills (Turnbull, van Wersch, &
van Schaik, 2008). A study with Iranian women showed that in
dealingwithsexualityrelatedconversationswithchildren,parents
may lack a vocabulary of inoffensive words for genitalia and
issues such as pregnancy or childbearing. Families largely do
not feel comfortable to use sexual wordsand terms in their daily
conversations with children (Merghati-Khoei & Richters, 2008).
Similarly, Sogol, a housewife with two children, compared
her own living context with the conditions of her children:
We grew up in such a society in which nobody dared to
talk about such matters till coming to the marriage point.
Suddenly, we have found ourselves in a new era in which
video, movies, and TV channels have drawn children’s
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attention. Considering all the above limitations and huge
gaps, we keep our distance…to not motivate their curiosity
and excitement on such affairs. But nowadays, I am baffled
how to talk about such facts with our children (FGD4).
Although she believed in training and educating children
about sexual matters, the gap she felt between the children and
herself positioned Sogol uncomfortably as an unskilled and
uninformed mother. Nonetheless, the majority of mothers ass-
erted that they would communicate with their children closely
but free of any explicit‘‘sexual’’connotation (e.g., because the
Farsi word for ‘‘breast’’ can be interpreted as offensive, these
mothers would communicate about breasts using the gender-
neutral Farsi word for‘‘chest’’).
The majority of mothers raised ‘incompetence’ as an impo-
rtant determinant in parent–child interactions while other stu-
dies showed that parents feel shy and embarrassed to open a
conversation with their children about sexual behavior and
don’t have the required skills and knowledge (Turnbull et al.,
2008; Wamoyi et al., 2010). The key relation between parents
and children is crucial to SE and it is necessary for parents to
gain knowledge and skills regarding the sexuality of children
(Wilson & Koo, 2010). Parents need particular skills training to
overcome the barriers to interaction they encounter.
Opposite Sex Friendships as Taboo
Although worried about their own competence as educators, a
majority of participants appeared to consider opposite sex inte-
ractions a clear and problematic behavior with sexual impli-
cations. This most dominant viewpoint pathologizing opposite
sex friendship, however, also reinforced societal double stan-
dards about gender roles in other spheres and in otherage groups.
As Hanassab (1998) observed in earlier work,‘‘From early chil-
dhood, members of each gender were initiated into their respec-
tive roles and were socialized to a double standard sexual mor-
ality’’(p. 65). The majority of mothers believed girls should not
be involved in opposite sex friendships until marriage but that
boys could and should learn more about the opposite gender
through friendships. In the Iranian culture, dating and intimate
interactions, particularly for young women, is not accepted (Han-
assab, 1998).
Those mothers holding this view believed that girls should
be restricted in opposite sex encounters because their future life
is jeopardized if they experience emotional satisfaction by hav-
ing interactions with a boy and‘‘fall in love with him.’’In their
view, girls do not need relations with the opposite sex because
they can be satisfied by having close and intimate interactions
with their parents by which their physical and emotional needs
will be met. Nevertheless, there were several women who acc-
epted opposite sex friendships. Rose, in her 30s, suggested that
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Arch Sex Behav (2014) 43:587–595
itisthe socialcontext which determinesrulesrelatedtoboy-girl
relationships:
No choice…girls are in touch with society even more than
boys, so they should learn how to be with boys…nowa-
days girls marry at older ages…no matter how much we
mothers are annoyed… (FGD3).
In her opinion, she must train her child correctly to manage
her/his friendships. All women pointed to discrepancies and inc-
onsistencies between the traditional and modern society. In their
opinion, in the past, opposite sex friendship was considered a mis-
behaviorordisorder,butithasbecomeanormfortheirchildren.A
few mothers believed that dismissing opposite sex friendships
mightcauseproblemsintheyouth’ssocialinteractions.Themost
educated mothers utilized opposite sex friendship as‘‘an imp-
ortant index in one’s socialization process’’(Rose). According
to these parents, there was a huge difference in the socialization
of the third generation compared to their own.
A majority of participants believed that generational differ-
ences caused cultural discrepancies and contrasts between par-
ents and children so that parents could not comply with such
behaviors. Apparently, the parents accept that new generations
develop differing views about sexuality, with openness to opp-
osite sex friendships as a particular case. Yet, their acceptance
of generational shifts in mores was limited to an opinion about
society generally, not for their own children.
Clearly, parents were pessimistic about social interactions
with the opposite sex and professed a belief in‘‘holding a cult-
uralbalance between two generations,’’thoughmost did not be-
lieve in any form of relationships with the opposite sex before
marriage, for girls in particular. Throughout our FGDs, the par-
ents were unable to conceptualize the cultural balance.
Golfam, a 45-year housewife with two daughters, said:
During the era I grew up in, the friendship between boys
and girls was a taboo and misbehavior, while it has turned
into an ordinary social phenomenon right now… unfor-
tunately, this creates contrast and disagreement. So there
should be a balance created between these two eras. It is
obvious that, with the existence of new media and elec-
tronic devices, there is no way for us to take our children
back to our own time. I would love to have my children
trained either by parents or schools but this training should
be based on cultural principles, and children should know
what to do and how to behave so that they can protect the-
mselves (FGD4).
Golfam suggested that children’s awareness regarding opposite
sex friendship must rise through family relationships and daily
conversation so that they can prevent and protect themselves aga-
inst some disorders families are concerned about (she appeared to
be referring to sexual abuse).
Arch Sex Behav (2014) 43:587–595
These parents believed their children were affected by their
peersorclassmatesregardingmakingfriendshipsorrelationships
with the opposite sex when they shift from primary school to sec-
ondary school. These parents believed that, although SE should
be compatible with family culture and custom, inevitably the inf-
ormationandskillstheylearnfrom theirpeerswillbeinconsistent
withfamilyculture.Therefore,thelackofpurposefulSEwascon-
sidered as‘‘a big mistake.’’However, societal changes as well as
children’s socialization patterns have forced the parents to accept
opposite sex friendship as a reality. A few mothers highlighted
that, in order to face this reality appropriately, they must be pre-
pared and skilled in handling the sexuality of their children.
Discussion
The findings suggested that mothers’ views were constructed
silentlyandtheirpersonalunderstandingsoftheirchildren’ssex-
uality were constructed without explicitly and actively seeking
counsel from outside sources. Most of the participants who are
parenting in a gendered and sexually conservative context ass-
ume that their children are asexual yet born with an instinct to
become heterosexual. They described romantic and adult sexual
relationships to children only when the children reached marital
age; in the meantime, they attempted to make sexual matters un-
detectable to their children. These mothers’ silent presentation
of the sexual world may jeopardize the children’s healthy psyc-
hosexual development (Atienzo, Walker, Campero, Lamadrid-
Figueroa, & Gutierrez, 2009; Young, Deardorff, Ozer, & Lahiff,
2011).
Finally, very few parents strongly believed in the possibility
that children could be sexually active any time in their adolesc-
ence or prior to marriage. They reflected intellectually that they
wished for their children to be sexually informed; however, to
achieve this end, they pursued a passive strategy of ‘‘crossing
their fingers’’and hoping school would take the responsibility
of educating children. A few mothers, primarily those from con-
servativereligiousbackgrounds,workedtoprevent children from
acting out sexually. These mothers thought that they could pre-
vent their children from being sexual by teaching that sexual
behaviors were wrong, shameful, and sinful, and requiring tra-
ditionally accepted gender roles.
These findings showed parents in Iran simultaneously pa-
thologizing sexuality in childhood and perceiving children to be
asexual, innocent beings. Recognizing the potential for conflict
inherent to these two themes, within families and within more
broad cultural organizations may facilitate understanding of the
cultural foundations of sexuality among Iranian Muslims. This
understanding could assist policy makers and health providers in
suggesting culturally compatible, formal SE.
Parents, particularly mothers, seek to manage their child-
ren’s sexuality through family policies or rules which exclude
593
the possibility of childhood sexual lives. Yet, children, even very
young ones, do not learn about sexuality solely from parents nor
do children always absorb the information and meanings their
parents convey in the way parents expect. The means of sexu-
ality management that these parents offer children is likely dis-
rupted in numerous ways throughout childhood.
Traditionally, the social priorities for Iranian women have
been considered to be reproduction, mothering, and child care,
which defined as a maternalist ideology (Kashani-Sabet, 2006).
In this maternalism, Kashani-Sabet observed‘‘an ideology that
promoted motherhood, child care, and maternal well-being not
only within the strictures of family, but also in consideration of
nationalist concerns’’(p. 2). These maternalist responsibilities
place mothers squarely in the place of managing (or avoiding)
children’s sexuality.
Implications
It should not be assumed that there is a universal standard for
knowledge and truth about the meaning of sexuality. Sexual
scripts, the ways sexuality’s meanings are formulated, are not
universal (Merghati-Khoei, 2005) while‘‘sexuality education’’
is often perceived to be a unified and singular approach. We
argue that the content for SE needs to be excerpted from and
then re-presented in accord with the values of the given society
or community. However, even with the consequence that SE
content might vary across differing communities, ideal goals
andoutcomeswould bequitesimilar: healthypsychosexual dev-
elopment, protection, and prevention of sexually-related risk for
children.
Parents need awareness and information regarding sexual-
ity-related topics to be prepared to educate children from their
early childhood. Professionals must teach and train teachers
andparentstounderstandchildren’ssexualitydevelopment.Sex-
uality topics can be included in teachers’ education curricula or
integrated into refresher courses. Comprehensive and cultura-
lly sensitive SE for children in school and for parents to deliver
at home should be developed.Comprehensive sexuality educa-
tion(CSE) isa commonmodel which can besupported byfaith-
based organizations and community initiatives (Boonstra, 2008)
and move beyond reproduction. It promotes one’s sexual aware-
ness, empowers children to have control over their sexual lives,
and makes it possible for them to make decisions consistent with
their values at the time of sexual encounters. Although CSE add-
ressessexual orientation (i.e., homosexuality, bisexuality), these
are highly restricted topics and cannot be applied legally in Ira-
nian contexts. The CSE model seems well-suited for implemen-
tation in the Iranian context, in part because religious groups can
play significant roles. Currently, religious teaching and leaders
arethemostimportantSEresources.Clericsopenlyteachtheyoung
populationabouttheirsexualityinthemosquesorschools.Theyare
fully authorized to speak out and use Islamic codes to disseminate
sexuality-relatedinformation.Currently,theseteachingsmainly
123
594
focus on abstinence, management of sexual urges before mar-
riage, and avoiding masturbation. Encouraging young people to
marryisthemaingoalofSEprovidedbyfaith-basedorganizations.
In summary, the parents in this sample expressed an under-
standing of children’s sexuality that was firmly embedded in and
influenced by the contemporary cultural context in Iran. To dev-
elop a culturally comprehensive SE model in an Iranian context,
we need to take into consideration cultural and religious codes
about sexuality. The existing models of SE that do not account
for such codes or tap into their potential may not achieve the
goals of structured and commonly used SE.
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