While there may have been advanced warning signs the scope and effect of the Coronavirus

was unprecedented for many Americans, including myself. There were whispers and
implications at the start, but the virus very quickly made itself known, it’s presence and the
threat it held. Living in a developed country there is often an expectation that you will be
protected, whether it be from invasions, famine, drought, or in this case disease. I know that I
expected a swift and accurate response from my country when the virus was just becoming
known, but there was no such action, and now it feels as if the virus has made itself a member
of our society. It would not be difficult to say, in any capacity, that this virus has changed the
whole world drastically and caused everyone to scramble.

For me, I recall the earthquake shaking my home around 9 a.m. in the morning, my cats
scattering around the room like drunk butterflies. It took me a bit to realise what had happened,
but I simply got up and went to work anyway. What else was I going to do? That day I went into
work and they eventually dismissed us due to the amount of aftershocks. I remember this day
clearly as a time where COVID-19 was present, having already changed the way that we
interacted with our cafeteria by establishing a six feet apart rule where they put tape on the
ground for the line. However, people were just being sent home, it still felt that perhaps this
whole thing was temporary. It was just a day where I got to celebrate not having to work, and
the virus was still just a dull presence in the background.

It was when I was finally sent to work from home that the reality started to set in. I work taking
calls, but they had asked me to be reassigned to the email department because COVID-19 had
caused a higher volume of emails, so much to the point where the department was starting to
get months behind when they usually only take 48 hours to respond. I was shocked not only by
the sheer amount of emails, but the reality that I was going to be stuck at home until July. I
wasn’t sure how I felt about it, and it was hard to adapt. A lot of people dream of working from
home, but when it’s not your choice it starts to feel like a confrontation. My days became filled
with these emails, and reading them only made this virus more real. Emails from people who
were financially struggling due to the pandemic would come in one after another, people
concerned about their stimulus checks that were accidentally sent to closed accounts, and
those claiming that they have been unemployed, and begging to have fees reversed.

It was when working temporarily in this new department that political and social tensions rose.
There were not only protests about having to remain indoors and instructions to wear masks,
but on social injustice and criticism about the government’s ability to handle the overarching
situation. Over Memorial weekend cases rose two week later, as one would expect from a
weekend of close contact and family meetings. I constantly refused, and still refuse to meet with
friends and family regularly. While I still have to reach out and socialize, I personally grew more
paranoid about what was going on in the world and hated the thought that I could inadvertently
contribute to someone else’s suffering by spreading the virus.

I found myself with a lot of time to myself, I was no longer able to go and enjoy a lot of what I
used to with friends. I wasn’t even initially that social, but I found that it really makes a
difference, when you can’t make a choice for yourself. I could understand why people were
frustrated in being told what to do, but I understood that it had to be done to an extent. I became
at first, very critical of everything in isolation. I felt trapped a bit hopeless, every trip to the
grocery store filled with dread, always wondering who was infected and not wearing a mask. I
wasn’t really worried for my own life, but worried that I would perpetuate the cycle of spreading
this virus to strangers and loved ones. I already don’t like going to the store, but this made
everything seem hostile. Everyone was tense, going to Walmart was specifically a nightmare
because people filled it up to the brim. You’d encounter someone almost every aisle, and every
time another cart threatened to bump into mine I felt threatened just because I felt my space
was being invaded. Half the people by then had gotten too comfortable with the virus, many
refusing to wear masks or not owning them and going about their business. Every time
someone coughed I tensed up. I stopped going to Walmart.

While my initial isolation led me to a general sense of discomfort and unhappiness, like humans
do, I found myself adapting. After a while I stopped minding the time alone and invested more
into my new hobby of gardening on my balcony. I was able to more appreciate what I had in
terms of shelter and the almighty power of good AC. Whenever you’d look at the News online
the headlines ranted about politics and unemployment, protests on not wearing masks and
letting children go (or not go) to school. Seeing that there were others that lost their jobs and
even housing to the pandemic, I had an eerie but uncomfortable feeling of being blessed. I
didn’t grow up in the most ideal conditions as a child, but I worked incredibly hard to live in my
apartment and I felt that I shouldn’t punish myself for what I did have, but rather reach out and
see what I could do for others. The answer happened to be fairly simple, which was talking to
them. The News always continued to buzz in my ears however, growing more and more grim or
intentionally trying to drag people into the rabbit hole of paranoia and unease. I stopped reading
and watching the News.

After tossing away Google News articles and focusing more on those around me, I started to
finally feel a little more ‘okay’ and little more ‘normal’ with everything going on. It wasn’t normal,
at this point all stores required a mask or else you were asked to leave, at this point ICE had
tried to force International students to go home if they refused to go to on campus classes.
Tried. Of course, this received a lot of backlash, as it was not beneficial to the students, schools,
or families housing these students and so it was revoked. My friend got to stay in America, and
I felt a wave of relief after what felt like another attempt to make the year of 2020 worse. I still
sometimes checked the News, the local news, the weather, but I had completely stopped
looking at social media because it only made me more and more unhappy. It doesn’t feel great
to constantly watch the masses tear eachother apart online. When everyone is stuck at home
and already at the end of their rope things tend to get heated faster. I had to completely shut it
down, so that I could be happy.

It was maybe around here that I overall accepted that everything was kind of terrible in one way
or another. It wasn’t the best resolution but it was one that made me the happiest because I
could set it aside and focus on the plants on my balcony. My tiny, self managed bubble of safety
and stress management. I was at the point where I’d returned to my normal job and it became
easier to maintain my old schedule. I really liked tending my plants, and while a lot of them
would end up dying it was more of a lesson to me in the long term than a detriment. It was hard
to lose my first plant, it felt like a stark commentary on what was going on in the world today.
That things weren’t being managed properly and that it was all going downhill. However since I
had nothing else to do, I kept at the thobby. I lost a lot more plants, sometimes in July I found
that a cat I had cared for passed away too, but I had to keep going because the thing worse
than grieving was not having anything else to do. I’m not sure when, but I suddenly got better at
managing plants. The cucumbers that I thought were going to die a second time did a last
minute revival, and the tomato that had it’s leaves curling suddenly became taller than me.

The plants I raised were a constant. There was a lot of trying to get my cat ​not​ to destroy my
hard efforts by knocking the plants on the ground and having to learn about fertilizing, pruning,
and pests. While constantly having to face life and death during a pandemic doesn’t really
sound ideal, it was everything I needed right then. It gave me some sort of peace, as bizarre as
it sounds, to be constantly involved in a plant's life cycle. There have been other things that I do
to cope, I obsessively clean on the weekends more than I ever used to, but more to maintain my
own space than to avoid a virus. My self care became better, because I wasn’t constantly
rushing to get to work and back, and my eating habits became better because I hated going to
the store so much that I started to cook more out of desperation.

I’m not certain how long this pandemic will last, all things eventually come to an end but right
now COVID-19 seems to affect everything about our lives. Even after we vaccinate the virus, I
don’t think a lot will be the same. The pandemic brought a lot of the worst out of some people,
because they were forced to choose survival, but I think it also brings out a lot of kindness. If
anything, I hope that this pandemic prepares the rest of the world for any future crisis. I believe
that there are some things that you’ll never be ready for, this was maybe one of those things,
but I hope we can at least be prepared for the unexpected should another virus appear the next
century.
Cucumber Before and After
Sunbathing and Sheet Bandit Cats