Having never participated in intensive group work consisting of conflict, I thought to

write about my last relationship. Although not quite a group, we definitely were a team and this

chapter describes most of the personality disparities which resulted in our relationship ending.

After months of contemplation, I realized it was longstanding societal gender roles and a strong

individualist-collectivist discrepancy, along with personal issues, that led to our eventual

demise.

A young teenage male blessed by female affection, I was infatuated. We were dating for

two years when my parents decided to send me to boarding school. As any teenager, our

rationality was masked by our newfound hormones so we decided to stay together. After

another year of dating, we decided to end things. I realized that simply the knowledge of the

relationship was sufficient for me whereas she sought daily interaction, as if I never left. She

required the daily affirmation and validation while I wanted the support and comfort.

Growing up in Bangladesh, seeing all my uncles work tirelessly all day and my aunts stay

home and raise their kids automatically instilled the thought in my head that I would inevitably,

have to do the same one day. Most of the lectures my parents gave me consisted of enforcing

the belief that, as a man, I will have to support my family’s needs one day. For both my parents

and siblings, and my wife and children. After having gone to boarding school and seeing the

ocean of opportunities that lay in front of me, I decided to pursue my goals undistracted. She,

however, wanted us to be together and help each other grow. I had my mind set to material

and financial success, like most masculine-oriented people while she was trying to ensure we

become a family and live a happy life.

 At the time, even after spending two and a half years in the relationship, I felt that I

need to pursue independence, prioritize personal achievement and learn to be unique and

discover who I really am. One could define me then as an individualist. She prioritized the

needs of our relationship. She would sacrifice her own time and also both of our growth by

trying to make the relationship work instead. She portrayed strong collectivist traits. Living in

that time and space, I wanted to grow on my own, while she would pursue my company and

hold on to me as I had never left.

As people, we were polar opposites. As an intuitive person, I looked at the bigger

picture of my success while she would want to follow precedents and guidelines we previously

set, not accounting for my change of location, as she is a sensor. Like a thinker, I got the tough

decision of ending our relationship out of the way but she thought with her heart instead, like

most feelers do. As told by our textbook, thinkers and feelers can be in misunderstandings

when in groups. I may have appeared unemotional and unkind while all she was aiming for was

harmony. In retrospect, I wish I was more mindful of her judgment and trusted it instead of

jumping to my hasty decisions. Instead of aiming for material and individual success, I should

have opted to listen to what she had to say and grow in her environment of nurturance which

would have benefitted me greatly today. Since I was not open to experience where our

relationship could’ve gone, we were never able to find a solution.

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