Running head: INCLUSION – ‘IMAGINING THE REAL’ & CONFIRMATION

Inclusion – ‘Imagining the Real’ & Confirmation

Samuel Ballou

Antioch University Santa Barbara

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Inclusion or ‘Imagining the Real’ & Confirmation:

Inclusion is what Buber calls “imagining the real”. Inclusion is not the same as empathy.

Martin Buber distinguishes inclusion from empathy and conceptualizes empathy as an

“exclusion of one’s own concreteness, the absorption in pure aestheticism of the reality in which

one participates” (Buber 1965, p. 97). Empathy is often conceptualized as the act of moving

from one’s own reality to the client’s side, all-the-while leaving out one’s own side. Empathy

does not allow for one’s own personal self to go over to the other side rather one’s own side must

stay separated. Empathy falls short in that the therapist never completely accesses the

uniqueness of the client, or the uniqueness of the therapeutic relation. While attempting to

understand the client through empathy, the therapist may feel obligated to leave behind their own

unique reality both in times of shared agreement and perhaps in a more direct manner, in times of

disagreement. Yet, empathy as such, fails to lead to a confirmation of the client. Maurice

Friedman writes: “Only inclusion, or imagining the real, can confirm another; for only it really

grasps the other in his or her otherness and brings that other into relationship to oneself” (1985,

p. 230).

Inclusion goes further than empathy, in that inclusion is the movement from the therapist

over to the client’s side while never leaving their own self behind. The challenge for the

psychotherapist is taking what one has learned by way study, of reading specific cases and one’s

own experience in clinical work and then using these as a base to enter into the moment, not

remaining in the past, rather being present. The temptation would be to assume that this or that

resembles this or that in a client; wherein, the uniqueness of the client that is seated in front of

the therapist becomes over shadowed by references. These references of course have

importance, but the uniqueness of the patient in the here-and-now must be the object of inclusion
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(1985). Inclusion means the therapist concurrently experiences the client’s part as well as their

own. The therapist remains open to the possibility of being changed by the client in addition they

attempt to understand the meaning that the relationship has for the client, but never lose their

own uniqueness and meaning. Inasmuch as possible the therapist confronts face-face this duality

of life-experiences by seeing through the eyes of the other while the therapist does not cease to

experience the relationship from their own side.

Regardless if the therapist finds themselves in agreement or disagreement with the client,

the therapist maintains their own experience by not giving up their sense of self in recognizing

that ‘imaging the real’ in the client, the therapist does not cease to see through their own eyes.

At the same time, the therapist places one foot in the door of reality of the client, while

remaining with the other foot grounded in their own reality. Inclusion, therefore, is an act of

becoming present to the other and for the other. Through practicing inclusion, the therapist

creates a space where confirmation and healing can occur.

Buber offers insight into confirmation when he writes: “Man wishes to be confirmed in

his being by man, and wishes to have a presence in the being of the other” (Buber 1965, p. 71).

One of the basic needs of all human beings is the need of confirmation. Confirmation differs

from acceptance in that acceptance is limited to one’s sole approval of another with the acts that

accompany that person. Confirmation does not rest upon the approval or for that matter the

disapproval of the client. Confirmation occurs through the therapist’s acknowledgement of the

client’s unique self, confronting the client and struggles with them if necessary. Confirmation

goes beyond mere acceptance when the therapist inasmuch as they confirm the client, the client

finds and discovers in the therapist what they are meant to become.
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Acceptance of the client is an essential step in the healing process, however when the

therapist finds themselves not accepting certain actions of the client, this conflict can be just as

an essential step in the healing process of the client. Confirmation allows the therapist not only

to accept the clients past and present, but is concerned with the future of their client in all of their

specific potentialities that this person has. This can impact to a great deal the outcome of the

therapy. Healing is not limited to bringing up the past hurts, but must incorporate shaping and

forming the future. For the therapist, confirmation is not an easy process and will clearly be met

with some resistance especially in situations that their own countertransference is triggered.

Friedman points toward this nuanced difference when he writes: “Confirming means that as a

therapist I may have to struggle with you, for you, to help you find your personal direction in

life. It is not that I am to impose it on you, of course, but in relationship with you I can sense it,

nonetheless, and help you in your struggle between the part of the in your being that wants to

take personal direction and the other part that does not” (Friedman 1985, p.231). Confirmation

by means of inclusion is not an easy process for any therapist. However, when the therapist is

able to use inclusion and confirmation with a client, the therapist extends a bridge between the

two dichotomous realities of the therapist and client.

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References

Buber, M. (1965). Between man and man (R. G. Smith, Trans.) (2nd ed.). Mansfield Centre,

NY: Martino.

Friedman, M. S. (1985). The healing dialogue in psychotherapy. Northvale, NJ: J. Aronson.