Back to the Summer

Scene One:

Lights come up as happy summer music plays. Kids go back and forth across the
stage. Some skip, fly kites, jump rope, slow motion baseball. After the song fades,
two friends, Scott and Liam enter.

Scott: This is the best summer ever.

Liam: I hope it never ends.

Scott: It won't. This vacation will last forever.

A stern, bald man enters. (This role could be played by a grown-up or a kid
dressed as a school principal.)

Principal Finley: HA! That's what you think!

Scott and Liam: Principal Finley!

Finley: You kids having a good summer?

Scott and Liam: Yes.

Finley: I bet it seems like you'll never go back to school. Well, guess what the date
is today.

Scott: June something.

Liam: Early July?

Finley: August 19th. School starts in two days. Summer's over children. I'll see
you on Monday.

Scott: Oh no!

Liam: How did this happen?

Finley: Time flies when you're having fun! (Exits laughing.)

Their friend Shelley, a very smart young lady, enters carrying some strange
looking gadget and a cupcake.

Shelley: Hey guys!

Scott and Liam: (Depressed.) Hi.

Shelley: You want a cupcake?

Scott and Liam: No.

Shelley: You wanna play with my new invention? It's a time machine.

Liam: Sorry, Shelley, we're not in the mood.

Shelley: What's wrong?

Scott: We're depressed because our whole summer is practically over.

Liam: I wish there was some way we could go all the way back to the beginning of
June. (Sudden realization.) Hey, wait a minute! Did you say "cupcake"?

Scott: Wait, you built a time machine?

Shelley: Yeah, I spent last month turning my mom's ipad into a flux capacitor.
Wanna see how it works?

Liam: Of course! Can we use it to start summer vacation all over again? (Other
kids enter the stage to watch what's going on.)

Shelley: Sure!

Scott: Then let's go!

Shelley: But first we've got to put on our safety helmets. Always remember: Safety
first.

Shelley: All right, the coordinates are set for June 3rd. The lights are blinking; the
buttons are working, the flux capacitor is… fluxing. And we link arms. Stomp
your feet. Here we go!

Liam: Back to the summer!

Fun, adventurous instrumental as the kids run in a circle then rush off stage as
the lights shift to a young man named Jeff. He is running around the stage
wearing a cape, pretending to be a super-hero.

Continue reading: "Back to the Summer" Scene Two

Mom's voice: (Off stage) Jeff? Jeffrey? Jeffrey Nathan Johnson, answer your
mother.

Jeff: Mom, I'm practicing being a super hero!

Mom's voice: Well, use your super powers to take out the trash!

Jeff: Okay. (Stage effects on the other side of the stage.) Whoa! The time travel
kids enter.

Scott: I think it worked!

Liam: Hey kids, what's the date today?

Jeff: June 3rd.

Shelley: It works! My time machine works!

Scott: Now let's make the most of this summer.

Liam: yeah. Let's watch TV.

Shelley: Hey, guys, did you notice how everything looks strange.

Scott: Yeah, your TV looks different. It's big and ugly and old.

Liam: Who cares? Turn on MTV. Let's watch Jersey Shore.

Scott: Jersey Shore isn't on. The only thing that's on MTV is music videos.

Liam: What's going on?

Scott: Where are we?

Liam: When are we?

Girls in bright 1980s clothing enter.

Scott: Who are those girls?

Shelley: And what do they want?

Musical Number: The girls sing an 80s song.

Scott: Those girls are weird.

Shelley: They just want to have fun.

Liam: Guys… I don't think we're in the right place. I think we're lost.

Scott: Like we're in the wrong neighborhood?

Shelley: I think we're in the wrong decade.

Liam: How can you be sure.

Principal Finley (With a full head of hair): Have a good summer girls. Don't
forget, time flies when you're having fun.

Liam: Oh my gosh, we're in the 80s.

Scott: Take us back! Take us back right now!

Shelley: I can't turn it back on. It's not working!

Liam: Oh no!

Jeff: Hey did I hear you guys say you needed help?

Liam: You're not going to believe this, kid, but we're lost in time.

Jeff: Sounds like you need a hero.

Liam: Yeah, I guess.

Jeff: Well, you're in luck. Because I am training to be… a super hero!

Musical Number: A heroic song... maybe something like "I Need a Hero."

Jeff: So, what do you think?

Liam: Kid, don't quit your day job.

Jeff: I don't have a day job.

Liam: What I mean is, you don't really have super powers, so maybe you should
try doing something else with your time.
Jeff: (Hurt.) Oh, I see.

Shelley: Liam, be nice. Liam: I mean, look, kid… You look familiar. What's your
name?

Jeff: Jeff.

Liam: Hey, cool name. My Dad's named Jeff. (Thinks for a moment.) Nah. Jeff,
we'd love your help, even if you don't have super powers. Shelley, let's find some
new batteries or something.

Shelley: And maybe we should try to find some new clothes or something. I feel
like I don't fit in here.

Musical Number: Another 1980s song using the ensemble. At teh end of the song,
the stage clears and Jeff enters by himself. He is holding the Time Machine.

Jeff: Hey, guys… Guys? I think I figured out what's wrong with your machine.
You just needed to press this button.

Shelley: Wait! Don't touch it!

(Sound effect - Jeff disappears behind a drop.)

Scott: Oh no! What have we done?

Liam: What are we going to do?

Mom: (Off stage.) Jeff!

Shelley: He's busy! (Pause.) Traveling through time…

Mom: (off stage.) Jeff Nathan Johnson! Get in here!

Liam: Jeff Nathan Johnson! That's my dad! That kid is my dad!

Shelley: Correction. That kid was your dad. Now he's gone back in time
somewhere.

Liam: But where did he go?

Lights change to reveal Jeff surrounded by several ancient Egyptians who bow
down before him.
Jeff: Uh, hi. My name's Jeff.

Egyptians: All hail, Jeff!

Jeff: Uh-oh.

A dramatic song is performed by the Egyptian Queen and the entire cast.
(Consider a cool song like Pat Benatar's "We Belong.")

Jeff: I don't belong here!

Queen: Of course you do, my husband-to-be. When you appeared from out of
nowhere, and taught us songs by Pat Benatar, we knew that it was a sign, that you
were our chosen one, and that you would lead us to greatness.

Jeff: What am I supposed to do?

Egyptian Guy #1: The prophecy has ordained that you will finish building the
Great Pyramids.

Jeff: The Great pyramids? Where?

Egyptian Guy #1: (Points to steps.) Right over there.

Jeff: (Stand on the steps.) These are the great pyramids?

Egyptian Guy: Well, we just got started.

Jeff: I don't want to be here. I don't understand what's going on. I want my
Mommy!

A mummy slowly staggers onto the stage.

Jeff: I said Mommy.

The mummy slowly staggers back off stage.

Queen: Do not fret, husband to be. All you need to do is command your servants
while they toil and build for you. You will find our kingdom is a paradise.

Jeff: Do you have video games?

Queen: I don't even know what that means.

Jeff and the Queen exits. He has accidentally left his Time Machine behind on
stage. Two exhausted Egyptian workers enter.

Egyptian Girl #1: I'm tired of toiling and building under this new pharaoh 's
command.

Egyptian Girl #2: Yeah, what makes him so great? This stupid box of his? I don't
see what the big deal is?

Egyptian Girl #1: What does this button do?

Jeff: No, don't touch that!!!

The girls spin around and travel through time…

New Scene: New York City, late 1800s

Egyptian Girl #2: Wow! Where are we?!

Egyptian Girl #1: What is this strange place with an even stranger smell?

Hot Dog Man: That's the smell of New York!

Egyptian Girl #2: We aren't in Egypt?

Hot Dog Man: NO, you're in turn of the century America!

Egyptian Girl #2: America?

Hot Dog Man: You know, land of the free home of the brave?

Egyptian Girl #1: Free? As in freedom? We don't have to work or toil ever again!
(They hop up and down excitedly.)

Newspaper Man: Hey you kids, stop loafing around and deliver these
newspapers!

Newsie: Come on, Newsies, let's get to work!

The two Egyptian Girls groan and join the newsies.

Musical Number: A New York/newsie sort of song.

Alexander Bell enters. He approaches two young women.

Alexander: Good afternoon, ladies.

Young Lady: Have we met? You look familiar.

Alexander: Why, I daresay you probably have heard of me. My name is Alexander
Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone.

Young Lady: My word. How did you ever think of such an amazing device.

Alexander: Simple. I invented the telephone so that I could be the first person to
ask this question: Can I have your number?

Young Lady: Good day, Mr. Bell.

Alexander: But I just wanted--

Young Lady #2: She said good day!

The young ladies storm off, leaving Alexander dejected.

Alexander: I hope my next invention can mend a broken heart.

Alexander Bell notices the time machine lying on the ground.

Alexander: What a strange device. What does this button do?

Egyptian Girls: Don't touch it!

Alexander time travels, spinning across the stage. He winds up in front of a

pirate.

Alexander: Gad zooks! A pirate!

Pirate: Arg, what does this button do?

Alexander: Don't touch it!

The pirate time travels, spinning around until he bumps into a cowboy.

Pirate: Arg! Where be I? This place looks like some sort of desert. Is anyone out
there?!

Good, Bad, Ugly styled cowboy music plays. A tough looking cowboy saunters out
on stage.
Cowboy: Well, well, well, looks like we got a one-eyed, fancy dressed, city slicker
in the town of Deadwood. And what's that pretty little thing you go in your hand?
(Tries to take time machine.)

Pirate: Arg! Get your hands off my booty.

Cowboy: I don't want your booty; I want this thingamabob right here.

Pirate: How dare you talk that way to the great Captain McFly?!

Cowboy: Oh yeah? Well, I'm Biff the Kid.

Pirate: Never heard of you.

Cowboy: (Taps on the pirates head.) Hello, McFly, anyone in there? Now give my
this thingamajig!

They fight over the time machine, then suddenly press the button simultaneously,
sending them both through time.

New Scene: Hollywood, 1932

Hollywood Director: All right ladies, line up for the audition. Now I know we're
all intimidated to be here, me a big motion picture director, and you - tiny little
people , each of you here in Hollywood for the first time. Now, there's no
pressure. We're just going to sing and dance, just like the choreographer told you
to, and then we're going to pick one of you to be a big name, world famous movie
star. The rest of you get to go back home and continue to enjoy the great
depression. Does that sound good?

Shirley: It certainly does, Mr. Director!

Hollywood Director: You, you're adorable. What's your name, kid?

Shirley: Why, my name is Shirley Temple.

Hollywood Director: I like it. It has a nice ring to it. All right, kids, let's do a
practice run. Ready? And five, six, seven eight!

Musical Number: They sing a "good ship lollipop" kind of song.

Hollywood Director: Good, now, I want to see it one more time, but this time…
What in the world?
The Pirate and Cowboy enter from their time warp.

Hollywood Director: Hey you two! Are you here for the audition?

Pirate: Arg?

Hollywood Director: Hurry up, get in line. I don't have all day. Okay. Five, six,
seven, eight.

Short Musical Reprise with Pirate and Cowboy.

Hollywood Director: Brilliant. Cowboy. Pirate. You're hired! (The cowboy and
pirate hop up and down like they've just won a beauty pageant.)

Shirley Temple: (Picking up the time machine.) Shirley Temple will have her
revenge!

Pirate and Cowboy: Don't touch that button!

Shirley Temple presses the button. Black out.

Option Musical Number with the ensemble.

In the audience, a phone rings. Adult Jeff Johnson is sitting in the audience when
his cell phone rings loudly.

Adult Jeff: What? Oh, man, I thought I set this to vibrate. I'm sorry folks, this is
embarrassing. Oh, it's from my kid, Liam. I better take this. Liam?

Lights on stage. Liam, Scott, and Shelley are talking into a newly invented Time
Phone.

Liam: Dad? Can you hear me?

Shelley: It works! My Time Phone works!

Adult Jeff: Where are you?

Liam: We accidentally time traveled to the 1980s!

Adult Jeff: And you called my cell? The phone bill is expensive as it is! I hope you
haven't disrupted the space time continuum, because I will ground you-

Liam: Dad, that's why we're calling. Is everything normal there?

Adult Jeff: I guess. Things are the way they've always been. Gas prices are high.
Uh, pizza tastes good. Queen Shirley Temple rules the world with an iron fist.

Liam: Oh no! It's worse than I thought! What are we going to do?

Adult Jeff: Well, you better figure it out. I want you back ASAP! Do you hear me,
young man, I want you back. Just like that song sung by the Jackson Eight.

Liam: I think you mean Jackson Five, Dad.

Adult Jeff: Boy, you really have messed up the space time continuum.

Lip-sync/Dance Number with a Jackson Five type song.

Blackout.

The Future. The year is 2072.

An old man walks up to a cryogenic chamber. (Which may or may not be a

cardboard box.)

OLD MAN: What's this? A cryogenic chamber from the 1980s? It says, do not
thaw until someone has invented a time machine. Oh my, I must unfreeze these
poor young people immediately. He opens up the chamber. Shelley, Scott, and
Liam step out - very cold.

Shelley: Brr!

Scott: So cold.

OLD MAN: Welcome to the future! The year is Two-thousand seventy two!

Shelley: Oh dear. I don't suppose you have a time machine we could borrow.

OLD MAN: You are in luck my friends. This will take you where ever you need to
go.

SHELLEY: Cool! Did you build it yourself?

OLD MAN: No. I bought it. I am the richest person on the planet!

LIAM: Thank you so much, Mr. uh…

OLD MAN: Mr. Bieber. But you can call me Justin.

The old man dances away to the sound of Justin Bieber music.

SCOTT: All right, let's go home!

LIAM: But first we've got to fix a few things along the way. (They pantomime
starting the car. By the way: The car might just be a steering wheel - it might be a
cit-out of a Delorian… it depends on what works best for the song.)

SONG: DRIVE MY CAR, or some other driving related song.

As the girls sing this song, Liam, Shelley, and Scott "drive" back and forth,
collecting each person who has been lost in time: the Egyptian girls, the love-sick
Alexander Bell (who they partner up with the Egyptian Queen), the pirate, the
cowboy, and Shirley Temple, and of course young Jeff Johnson.

The show could end here. Or could continue with this optional add-on:

LIAM: Well, my Dad is back in the 1980s where he belongs. And everyone else is
where they should be. I guess everything is back to normal.

SCOTT: Yeah. Except now we have to go back to school.

SHELLEY: I wish there was a way we could start this whole thing all over again.
Wait... I know... Let's do the Time Warp again!

The finale musical number should be something fun and upbeat, involving the
entire cast. (In our production we used a funny spoof of a Broadway song,
changing the lyrics to make it specific to our show (not to mention kid-friendly.)

The End.

"A History of Messy Rooms"

A companion play to the children's book

"Why Do I Have to Make My Bed?"

By Wade Bradford
About the Original Story: The children's book, Why Do I Have to Make My Bed? Or, a History of Messy
Rooms

was published in February 2011 by Random House/Tricycle Press. It is written by Wade Bradford and

illustrated by Johanna van der Sterre. The book is currently available at bookstores, libraries, and online
retail

stores.

Scene: A boy's bedroom. The story will begin in modern times. Through the magic of theater, we will be
going

back through the ages.

Jamie: Mom, I put the dishes in the dish washer. Just like you asked. I'm going outside to play.

Mom: Jamie, have you finished your chores?

Jamie: Most of them.

Mom: Most of them?

Jamie: I already told you.

Mom: You put the dishes in the dish washer?

Jamie: Yes, and it was exhausting. Can I go outside a play now?

Mom: Did you clean your room?

Jamie: I cleaned it last Saturday!

Mom: You are supposed to clean it every Saturday.

Please do it now, Jamie. It won't take long. Then when all of your chores are out of the way, you can
have the

rest of the weekend to enjoy yourself.

Jamie: All right.

Mom: That's my boy.

The Mom walks away. Jamie walks to his room, where other actors pretend to be toys scattered all over
his

floor. His bed (which might just be a pile of blankets and pillows) is very messy.

Jamie: Oh no. My room is a mess! Mom, this is going to take forever!

Mom: Then you better get started.

Jamie: Fine. First, I better pick up my Army Men. March, two three four.
(Two or three kids playing the role of army men stand up and march away.)

Army Men: Hup two three four!

Jamie: And now my toy dinosaur collection. You guys better climb back on the shelf, back to where you

belong.

(Two or three kids playing the role of dinosaurs growl like as they crawl to their proper places.)

Jamie: Oh, and I almost forgot. My robot monkey action figures. Time to go back to you box.

(Two or three kids act like robot monkeys and climb into a cardboard box.)

Jamie: Hey, that didn't take too long. Mom! I cleaned my room!

Mom: Well, now. It looks much better. (She notices his bed.) Uh-oh.

Jamie: What?

Mom: You forgot to make your bed.

Jamie: Oh, Mom! Why do I have to make my bed? I already did the dishes. I picked up my army men, my

dinosaurs, and my robot monkey action figures. So why do I have to make my bed? It's just going to get
messed

up again?

Mom: Hmm... That reminds me a of story about your grandmother when she was a little girl.

Jamie: Grandma used to be a little kid? Like me?

Mom: Of course. Why wouldn't she?

Jamie: I just figured she started out old. Like you.

Mom: No, we were all little kids once. See down the hallway? That black and white picture hanging on
the

wall? That's your grandmother when she was your age.

(A little girl from the 1950s sits still as if she is in a photograph.)

Jamie: When was this?

Mom: It's from the 1950s

Jamie: Wow. She looks grumpy.

Mom: Oh yes, on that day, I bet she was as grumpy as a groundhog because her mother said, "Make
your bed."

1950s Girl: But I already washed and dried the dishes. I dusted my rock n roll records. I even picked up
my
slinky, my Hula Hoops, and my roller skates.

Jamie: Hey, I have roller skates.

Mom: Yes you do.

Jamie: Did Grandma have robot monkey action figures?

Mom: I don't think so.

1950s Girl: Gee whiz, Mom, why do I have to make my bed?

Mom: Her mother just tapped her foot and said, that reminds me of a story about your grand father,
when he

was a little boy.

(A kid from the early 1900s steps into the scene.)

Mom: And that little boy was as mad as a wet cat, and he said..,

Jamie: Wait, why is he dressed like that?

Mom: Well, the clothes were pretty different back then.

Jamie: Back when?

Mom: Let's see, your great-great grandfather would have been a little boy around 1910.

Jamie: Whoa.

Mom: And that little boy said...

(The 1910 Kid can pantomime each chore as he mentions it.)

1910 Kid: I already fetched water from the pump, and I dusted the phonograph.

Jamie: Wait, what's a phonograph?

Mom: It's like a record player.

Jamie: Oh. Wait, what's a record player.

Mom: Let's get back to the story.

1910 Kid: I even picked up my spinning tops, my toy train, and my tin soldiers. Pray tell, mother, why do
I have

to make my bed?

Mom: His mother just smirked and said, "That reminds me of a story about your great-grandmother
when she

was a little girl..."

(A cowgirl from the 1800s steps out onto the stage.)

Jamie: What decade is she from?

Mom: The 1800s. The Old West.

Jamie: Cool!

Cowgirl: We don't say cool in the Old West. We say "Yeee-haw!!!"

Mom: But that little cowgirl was as bothersome as a badger and she said...

Cowgirl: I already drew water from the well. I dusted off pa's fiddle. I even picked up my lasso, my
marbles and

my rag dolly. Land sake's, Ma. Why do I have to make my bed?

Mom: Her mother just scrubbed the wood floors of the cabin and said, "That reminds me of a story
about your

great-grand father, when he was a little boy..."

Jamie: How far does this story go back?

Mom: Well, right now it's going back to the 1700s, to the time of George Washington, Ben Franklin, and
the

American Revolution. But in the middle of all that there was a boy who felt as ruffled as a hen, and he
said..."

1700s Kid: I already hung my britches to dry. I dusted father's printing press. I even picked up the eggs in
the

hen house and the tomatoes in the garden.

Jamie: Yikes, you have to do all those chores. That sounds like a lot.

1700s Kid: It certainly is. So why do I have to make my bed?

Mom: His mother just fluttered her fan and said, "That reminds me of a story great-great-great-
grandmother,

when she was a little girl.

(A 1600s girl steps out onto the stage. She sways from side to side.)

Jamie: Where is she from?

Mom: The 1600s.

Jamie: Why is she swaying back and forth in her bedroom?

Mom: She's not in her bedroom. She's a pilgrim, and she's on a boat, traveling across the Atlantic Ocean.

1600s Kid: get on with the story, please. I am getting sea sick.

Mom: And that little girl was as cantankerous as an old sea dog. And she said...
1600s Kid: I already swabbed the deck. I dusted off the captain's spy scope. I even picked out the rats
that were

hiding in the pickle barrel.

Jamie: Gross!

1600s Kid: So why do I have to make my bed?

Mom: Her mother clucked her tongue and said, "That reminds me of a story about your double-great-
greatgreat-grandfather, when he was a little boy.

Jamie: Now how far back are we going?

Mom: Hundreds and hundreds of years, to the middle ages.

Jamie: Like with kings and queens? Was our ancestor a knight?

(A little Medieval Kid stands heroically center stage. He holds up a small broom as if it was a sword.)

Mom: No. He was a peasant. But he was very adventurous, and loved to frolic and play outside. Sound

familiar? But on this day, he was as wicked as a warlock, and he said...

Medieval Kid: I already sheared the sheep and milked the yak. I dusted off sister's loom. I even planted
the

wheat and picked up all of the pig droppings.

Jamie: That's even grosser than the rats in the pickle barrel.

Medieval Kid: We use the animal droppings to help stoke our fire. But it is kind of gross. So tell me, ma-
ma,

why do I have to make my bed?

Mom: His mother just put her hands on her hips and said, "That reminds me of a story about your
double-greatgreat-double-double-great-great-grandmother, when she was a little girl. And that little girl
was more

thunderous than Thor, and she said..."

(A girl with a viking helmet struts onto the stage.)

Jamie: (Trying to guess the era.) Oh, I know, I know. We're back in Viking Times.

Viking Girl: Silence, scrawny boy! This is my scene! I already stoked the fire for the sword maker. I
dusted off

the sacred blowing horn. I even picked up the broken spears and patched up father's war wounds.

Jamie: No toys to put away?

Viking Girl: Toys? What are toys?

Jamie: I guess not.

Viking Girl: So tell me Mama Viking, after all of this work, why do I have to make my bed?

(A viking mother, looking very gruff, enters.)

Mother: Her mother just burped---

Viking Mother: Burp!

Mother: And said...

Viking Mother: I shall tell you, my obnoxious viking daughter, that all of your grumbling reminds me of a
story

about your triple-great-triple-great-triple-great-great-grandfather, when he was a little boy. And that

little boy

was as ill-tempered as a caged lion, and he said...

(The viking family makes way as a Boy from Ancient Rome enters.)

Roman Boy: Make way, make way! Gladiators coming through!

(Two gladiators battle their way across the stage.)

Jamie: Gladiators! We must be in ancient Rome!

Mom: 121 A.D. Almost two thousand years ago.

Roman Boy: No time to talk. I've got so much to do. (He pantomimes his chores as he talks.) I've got to
unclog

the aqueducts.

Jamie: What are aqueducts?

Roman Boy: It's how we get our water. And after that I dusted off the statues in the courtyard. (Several
actors

can pose as statues.) And I even picked up after the gladiators. (One or two gladiators can fall over, or
just drop

a sword -- the Roman Boy then carries them away.)

Jamie: That sounds hard.

Roman Boy: It is. Especially when lions are involved. So, after all of this, why do I have to make my bed?

Mom: His mother just brushed her golden hair and said, "That reminds me of a story about your triple-
greatgreat-triple-triple-great-great-great grandmother, when she was a little girl. And that little girl was
as cranky as

a crocodile. And she said...

Jamie: Just how far back does this story go?

Egyptian Girl: Welcome to Egypt!

Mom: One thousand B.C.

Jamie: It's hot and dry.

Egyptian Girl: That's because we live on the edge of the SSahara Desert, close to the Nile River.

Jamie: Where are the pyramids?

Egyptian Girl: We're still working on them. It is my job to give water to the pyramid builders, which I
have

already done this morning. Then I dusted off father's papyrus scroll. I even gathered up the plague of
frogs Big

Brother snuck into our tent. So, tell me, O Wise Mother, why do I have to make my bed? Isn't it just
going to

get messed up again?

Mom: Her mother just brushed a toad from her tunic and said, "That reminds me of a story about one of
your

ancestors, when he was a little boy. And that little boy was as sour as a saber-toothed tiger, and he
said..."

Jamie: Where are we going now?

Mom: Back to the days of the Stone Age... 30,000 B.C.

Jamie: Wow. Were there dinosaurs back then?

Mom: No. The dinosaurs were already extinct. But humans had to deal with all sorts of unruly creatures.
(Kids

can make some wild animal noises.) Woolly Mammoths... Cave Bears...

Cave Mom: Children! While I am gathering and father is hunting, these children won't stop asking me

questions.

Cave Boy: Me already clean cave! Me hunt mammoth! Me dust stalagmites! Me make fire! Why me
have to

make bed? It just get messed up again! Why? Why? Why?

Mom: And that Cave Mom looked at her Cave Son, and she was the first person in the history of the
world to

utter this phrase:

Cave Mom: (Staring very seriously at her son.) Because I said so.
Cave Boy: Oh!

Mom: Said the cave boy, who straightened his bed of sticks and fur.

Egyptian Girl: Oh.

Mom: Said the Egyptian Girl, who fluffed up her bed of flax and linen.

Roman" Oh.

Mom: Said the Roman boy, who smoothed the wrinkles out of his wool blanket.

Viking Girl: Oh.

Mom: Said the Viking girl who shook fleas from her caribou hide.

Medieval Kid: Oh.

Mom: Said the Medieval boy, who stuffed more goose feathers into his pillow.

1600s Kid: Oh.

Mom: Said the pilgrim girl, who neatly folded her mother's quilt.

1700s Kid: Oh.

Mom: Said the Virginian boy. who pulled up his sheets nice and straight.

Cow Girl: Oh.

Mom: Said the country girl, who heaped handfuls of hay into her mattress.

1910 Kid: Oh.

Mom: Said the city boy, who tucked his sheets under the corners.

1950s Girl: Oh.

Mom: Said your grandmother, who made everything tidy and neat.

(Jamie has been watching as each child pantomimes making his/her bed.)

Mom: And that, my dear son of mine, is the end of the story.

Jamie: Oh.

Mom: My son said...

Jamie: I guess I'll make my bed.

The Entire Cast: The End! Optional: Mom, Jamie, and the others can pretend to make a bed.
Princess From Another Planet

Scene 1

(In darkness)
 GENERAL

Fire!

(Bullets, bombs and explosions are heard.  Then silence a moment)

GENERAL (CONT.)

Retreat!

(Lights come up on an Alien Space Princess)

PRINCESS

Veeble brox not!

GENERAL

Send in the translator.

(A nerdy looking Scientist with a bunch of equipment enters. A soldier

is along side him protecting him as he sets up his equipment)

PRINCESS

Noow wop not!

(Princess goes toward Scientist)

SOLDIER

You sure that thing is going to work?

SCIENTIST

There's one way to find out.

(Scientist turns on machine)

PRINCESS
 Your puny weapons have no effect on me.

SOLDIER

It worked!

SCIENTIST

Can you understand me?

PRINCESS

I understand your words but not your actions.  Why did you attack me? 
Why do you insist on destroying what you don't understand?

(Scientist turns to solider)

SCIENTIST

Why were you shooting at her?

SOLDIER

The general told us to.

SCIENTIST

"Theirs not to reason why, theirs but to do and die."

SOLDIER

Huh?

SCIENTIST

Exactly.

(To Scientist)

PRINCESS
You seem different. Are you the wise warrior I seek?

SOLDIER

Warrior?

(He laughs and others can be heard laughing off stage.  Scientist gives
them a dirty look)

PRINCESS

Silence!

(She touches her necklace with one hand and makes a motion with the
other at soldier and he gets pushed back and falls)

GENERAL

Fire!

SCIENTIST

No! Wait! I'm right here you idiots!

(Princess touches her necklace with one hand and waves her other
hand)

PRINCESS

Their weapons are useless now.

GENERAL

Retreat!

(Sound of soldiers, tanks, etc. are heard and then fade away)

SCIENTIST

You appear to be pretty powerful.  Why would you need our help?

PRINCESS
We may have power but we seek wisdom.  My quest has brought me
here.  Are you the one?

SCIENTIST

I did graduate at the top of my class at Tech.

PRINCESS

Your Earth accolades are meaningless to me.  What is this about your
neck?

SCIENTIST

It's just a space rock I found.  I follow shooting stars and collect
meteorites.

PRINCESS

Oh follower of shooting stars. May I see your stone?

SCIENTIST

Uh... sure.

(He hands it to her)

PRINCESS

This is our message.  You found it.  You must be the chosen one. You
have the knowledge we need to heal our planet.

SCIENTIST

Hey guys!  I'm the chosen one!

(Soldier laugh off stage)

SCIENTIST (CONT.)

I really hate those guys.

PRINCESS
Do you want me to destroy them?

SCIENTIST

Naw... not now.  Maybe later.

PRINCESS

Why do they mock you?

SCIENTIST

I am a nerd... a loser.

PRINCESS

But you are an inventor.  A creator of new things.  They only destroy.  

SCIENTIST

That's kind of how it goes here.  We invent and they find a way to use it
to destroy each other.

PRINCESS

We will not treat you so on my planet.  Will you join me?  Please come
back to my planet and help us.

SCIENTIST

What happened to your planet?

PRINCESS

Our air has turned to poison.  We can no longer breath outside and must
hide indoors.  The energy that once gave us light and power now
destroys us.

SCIENTIST

Ever try wind or solar power?

PRINCESS
Whatever do you mean?  How can we use the wind and sun?

SCIENTIST

Wow, this will be easy.

PRINCESS

Excellent. You will be a hero.  You will be rewarded beyond your wildest
dreams.

SCIENTIST

Seeing those soldier scattered was a pretty good reward.

PRINCESS

I can vaporize them too if you wish.

(She reaches for her necklace)

SCIENTIST

That's very nice of you, but it's not necessary.  I don't want to stoop to
their level.

PRINCESS

You are wise.  I have chosen well.  Come with me and save my planet.

(Princess takes Scientist's arm affectionately and Scientist smiles

shyly.  Nerdy woman, Lila, rushes on stage)

LILA

Wait, Peter.  Please don't go!

(Princess turns and stands between Scientist and Lila)

PRINCESS

What is the meaning of this?

LILA

That man there is my Peter... He's my boyfriend.

PRINCESS

He is mine now.  He has given himself to me.

(Lila looks very hurt)

LILA

Peter, is that true?

SCIENTIST

She needs my help.  Her planet is in trouble.

LILA

How long will you be gone?

PRINCESS

You may return in a decade or two. 

LILA

What?!  10 years!

PRINCESS

Or twenty.  But I doubt he'll want to return.  We'll reward him

handsomely and give him anything he wants.

(Princess goes behind Scientist and touches him lovingly.  Scientist

looks pleased)

LILA

How could you do this to me, Peter?

SCIENTIST
Do what?

LILA

Leave me?

SCIENTIST

I'll be back.  Don't worry.

(But he's look at the Princess all dreamy.  Lila grabs him and pulls him
away)

LILA

Stay away from him.  You have him under some kind of spell don't you?

(Lila puts herself between Scientist and Princess)

PRINCESS

How dare you!  You will face my wrath!

(Before the Princess can touch her necklace, Lila jumps forward and
grabs the necklace and yanks it off her neck)

PRINCESS (CONT.)

What have you done?!  You fool?

(Scientist shakes his head and is startled when he sees Princess)

SCIENTIST

She looks mad.

PRINCESS

Give those back to me!

LILA

I don't think so.

PRINCESS

You are putting yourselves in terrible danger.  Those jewels channel my

power.  Without them, I will lose control.

LILA

I think you lost control long ago.  How dare you try and take my Peter
away.

PRINCESS

Please, give them back to me.  If the power in those are released in your
world, it will change you all...

LILA

I don't care.  I won't let you take Peter from me.  I'll risk everything to
save him.

PRINCESS

You would risk your entire planet for one man.

LILA

Not any man... this man.  He's my world.  I don't need anything else but
him.

SCIENTIST

Lila... that's the sweetest thing you ever said to me.

LILA

Quiet.  You're in trouble too mister.

PRINCESS

Please... help me, Peter.  You're my only hope.

LILA
What a drama queen.  Let's go, Peter.

(Peter seems torn)

LILA (CONT.)

I know I'm not perfect, but I do really love you.  She's just going to use
you.  Chew you up, take what you have to offer and then spit you out. 
You are just a tool to her.  A means to an end and then she'll cast you
aside.  You know I'm not like that.  You know I love you for you and not
what I can get out of you.  So... what do you chose?  A crazy, wild fling
that will end in ruin... or simple, true, honest love?

(Lila gives Scientist the jewels and Princess looks hopeful)

SCIENTIST

I chose you, Lila.

(Scientist throws down jewels and stomps on them.  Lila is happy and
helps)

PRINCESS

No!  What have you done?!

(Lila and Scientist leave and Princess goes to the jewels)

PRINCESS (CONT.)

You have released their power on your world.  It will change everything
as you know it.  It will give some of you powers and make others of you
go mad.  Some of you will chose greatness and seek good with your
new found power, but others of you will react with fear and anger and go
down a path of evil.

(Soldier enters cautiously)

SOLDIER

Princess... you are under arrest.  Please come with me.

PRINCESS
But perhaps there is hope.  Perhaps there is a phoenix that will rise from
these ashes.  I will find a champion among you whose new found
powers can be harnessed.

SOLDIER

Yeah, yeah.  Save it for someone who cares.  Let's go, Princess.

PRINCESS

I will have my champion destroy you first.

SOLDIER

General!  She's being mean to me!

(Exit and lights fade to black)