Mallari, Jannelle Mae D.

Self Love: Perhaps, For You

Pause for awhile and come to think of this: do you love yourself?

This is for you. Perhaps if I tell this to you, something might change. Something might end.
I wish the moment it ends is also the moment you begin.

The world offers us with different kinds of love—all levels of emotion that either bloom or
destroy our state capacity. Other people won't do the saving for you. Other people won't do the
surviving for you. You do your own salvation, you do your own survival. Even if it means going
outside of the familiar. Even if it means dwelling not on your comfort zone but on the other side of
everything this world is becoming: restore the vanishing mentality over love for one's self.

Maybe some of you, which includes me, experienced staying up all night thinking how
would my capabilities be sufficient to reach my goals? How would I get over and move forward for
everything I did and failed to do? How would I be enough for the people I love?

Self love is too underrated. Ever wonder why are there too many failed love with people and
things you're passionate with? All because self love should come first. How would you provide
something you do not possess?

(Let me bring you a tea, oh well it's free to sip y’all.)

This is how you get into that kind of love:

Number one. Understand that you are your own kind of beautiful. I am my own kind of
beautiful. She is her own kind of beautiful. He is his own kind of beautiful. Acknowledge who and
what you are. Amidst the flaws you have outside and within, choose to magnify the beauty that you
are. However i am not saying that you should not assess your imperfections. They actually
contribute a big role in becoming the best version of yourself. Do both at the same time: magnifying
your beauty and becoming greater and more.

I experienced being judged by my family and friends. Everything about me felt ugly and
worthless. Everything felt suffocating. Getting stared at in all the places I went on. Hearing
whispers about what they saw on me. It was infuriating on my part because I allowed that to happen
to me. I thought I loved myself when I did quiet myself, absorb and believe everything they told
about me. Overthinking about how lonely it felt like to be judged by your own parents and people
you thought your friends. Then, I realized, I am not living to please them. I am not enduring for
them. I don't give a damn about what others think of me. This I say to y’all:

I am beautiful
No matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful
In every single way
Words can’t bring me down
 Number two. Understand that your passion is valid. Go activate it. If you are passionate
enough, you can do all things. But then accept that there are people who can do better things than
you; that the world doesn't only revolve around you. The time you understand with an optimistic
attitude that there are people who do better than you is also the time that you enhance your fortes
and bring them to their maximum potential. That leads to focusing on your own thing. Passion
enhances the capabilities you have. But know that a passion can be deactivated if not recognized
enough. Yet it remains within. It can never be taken away from you. Never let people invalidate
what you are into. Go beyond the skies and and burn within your full potential—spread your wings
and be unstoppable. You are more than you.

I experienced keeping what to myself what I love and fear about what other would think if
they get to know my passion. I feared that if I expose my passion, it won't be enough to impress
them. I was blinded with the idea of pleasing people because if I don't, they would leave me. I also
swallowed the thought that I am not smart enough to be passionate about what I fight for. But then,
who are these people to make me feel like I am an idiot? Do they have the right to define and judge
me that way? No! I decided that I’d do my own thing. I am following no standards.

Number three. Forgive yourself. Do not dwell on your past mistakes and past hurts because
there is more to see than those. Do not try hard for the sake of comparison with other people. Try
hard for the sake of satisfying your dreams. The more you get your validation from other people,
the more you'd look down at yourself. Accept that you are not everyone's cup of tea; that not
everyone would like you. Forgive yourself for living your life for other people. Forgive yourself for
forgetting yourself intentionally. Forgive yourself for not forgiving yourself sooner. Forgive
yourself for giving everything until you have nothing left. Forgive yourself for not resting and
taking a break when you have to.

I experienced wearing a mask to hide my real identity because I was scared to get judged
again. I experienced making people comfortable even when I myself wasn't because I feared getting
bullied again. But now I can say that I regret spending my time for those people who just made me
feel less of a human. What a waste!

I am still learning how to value myself more and yep—loving myself more. Everything is a
progress. Build yourself through loving yourself. Two steps forward, one step backward. Small
progress is still a progress. Again, two steps forward one step backward.

"This is for you. Perhaps if I tell this to you, something might change. Something might end.
I wish the moment it ends is also the moment you begin," said the reflection in front of me.