c
 

c


 
    
 
 
 
.

I ran down the stairs and out the door and tried to open the door to my car, struggling with the key in
the ignition but finally started my new car. Dad would probably be really mad that I was going out so
late, but I had to and he would understand.

I couldn͛t take it anymore; it was becoming too difficult being around Jake! He͛s so bright and open with
me; I used to be open with him to. But, how can I tell him something that could make me lose him
forever, which would be suicide. I don͛t know what it is but, I suddenly love him. I can͛t ever stop
thinking about him. I met a lot of boys but none of them are like him. He͛s the greatest most, cutest,
most understanding and hot-. Wait, what the hell am I saying? He used to be like my brother and now I
am saying stupid corny stuff like this about him. I drove down to La push beach, my most favorite place
in the world. I spent most of my life here. It wasn͛t just that it had the most beautiful view of the sunset
or sunrise, or that the sand covered the ground like a white blanket so soft and sensual, not just that
when the ocean would meet with the sand it sounded so peaceful. It was mainly because of all the
spectacular memories I had here, the memories that shaped who I was today, the memories that taught
me so much about the people that I loved. The memories. ͞Uhhhh.͟ I let out a grunt as I slumped to the
dry sand with my head in my hands. The memories- I am so stupid for even coming here. Why would I
want to recall those memories? The ones that made sense. It would only make me feel worse for being
in the present condition. Poor Jake. He must hate me. I mean, I practically just ruined my friendship with
him. V

 



 







 
 






 I winced as I remembered. It was the truth and it was stupid. Jake doesn͛t know how he
was hurting me and it wasn͛t even his fault. It wouldn͛t ever be his fault if he preferred another girl over
me. I mean, I was just a friend, his very best friend. Suddenly the images of everything that Jake and I did
together came rushing back. Us watching the Super bowl, making cookies, playing sports, laughing when
Emmett said something stupid, hiding from Alice when she wanted a shopping partner, twirling me
around when I beat him at hockey that one time, or kissing me on the cheek when I was little.


Tears came spilling out of my eyes as I put my head on my knees. I lost him for good. Maybe that
would be a good thing. He wouldn͛t have to feel like he was stuck with me forever, or like he had to be
there 24-7.

Abruptly, the shrill ring tone of my phone made me jump. I tried to focus on having a clear voice for
whoever it might be. ͞Hello.͟ I said in a voice that was barely louder than a whisper. ͞Nessie, where are
you? It͛s 12:30 and a school night.͟ I heard my Dad say worriedly. ͞Sorry, I just didn͛tͶumm I just ʹ
um.͟ I was losing it and tried my best to keep it together. I deliberately took a few breaths. ͞Just needed
some fresh air, Sorry I͛ m heading back.͟ I said as I got up. There was a slight pause as my father
struggled to keep the curiosity from spilling out. He knew how I wanted him to butt out in my personal
problems, unless I wanted an opinion from higher authority, or I needed it. ͞All be there soon.͟ I
promised. When he didn͛t say anything I shut the phone and walked back to my car.
I drove home hesitantly, wondering if Jake left or stayed the night. When I got home I noticed his car
was there and froze. Butterflies assaulted my stomach so fiercely that I had trouble breathing. I walked
through the door finding Emmett sitting on the sofa as usual with Rosalie under his arm. ͞Hey kid.͟ He
called from the sofa. Aunt Rosalie just smiled as I went upstairs. ͞ Hey.͟ I said a little too late.

I walked directly to my room not looking in the direction of Jake͛s room, which was directly down the
hall from mine. I took a long shower exhausted, letting the warm water relax my tight muscles.
Afterwards I curled up on the bed, not really in the mood to sleep off my worries, like Jake did. He could
do anything. I noticed every time I thought of Jake, my muscles would tighten and the strong butterflies
would, again, make their way into my stomach with a force that left me breathless.

Suddenly I heard a knock on the door, and froze. ͞Come in.͟ I said nearly inaudible. The door opened
slowly as someone peeked into the room. I sat up slowly and looked up. Dad came and stood in front of
me hesitantly, his head cocked to the side. I looked at my hands looking away from his searching gaze
and noticed a tiny crystal fall into them. I was crying! I quickly wiped the tears away, from my still frozen,
shocked face. He came and sat next to me, brushing away the tears that escaped. ͞Do you want to
explain or leave me baffled like your mother always did?͟ he said I faint smile touching his lips. Then me
being the girl I was, I started to cry. ͞Dad.͟ I said sobbing. He pulled me close until I was leaning on him,
sobbing like a stupid girl and spoiling his shirt. ͞Shh͙ Nessie. Everything is fine.͟ He said as he rubbed
my back. I shook my head. Nothing was alright and it would never be. ͞What could be that terrible, that
couldn͛t possibly have a solution?͟ He said reading my thoughts. You have no idea. I thought as I pulled
away. He brushed the couple of tears on my cheek as he looked at me with a frown. ͞Whatever
happened Ness͙ happened. All I know is that when you͛re faced with a conflict to eradicate it you must
face it head on.͟ He said so quietly that for a second I thought he was talking to himself. He smirked but
took in my expression. I knew what he saw there because abruptly his eyes tightened. He saw the
sacrifice in my eyes͙ he saw my unwillingness to do what he would do. I sighed͙ and looked away from
his wise eyes. It͛s too much. Too much to risk and too much that can go wrong. ͞I͛m not as strong as you
think I am dad. I never was͙ and it͛s too hard to become that person͙ the wonderful person you see
because that͛s not who I am.͟ I said sadly. He needed to know the truth and the toll that it is taking on
my life. He took my face carefully in his hands. ͞Love, your right. You͛re not the wonderful, strong
person I see.͟ He said shrugging. I looked down, but he followed my gaze refusing to let me hide away
from the truth. ͞You͛re much better, and one day you͛ll know what I am talking about.͟ He started to
get up. ͞You͛ll know the truth, but remember Ness; you can͛t run or, in your case, hide from the
problem. Look for and then tell the truth, and you͛ll make sense of what your old man is saying now.͟
Dad smiled his crooked smile as he kissed my forehead and left my room.

I lay on my bed, the tears not yet dried from that not-so-helpful conversation. My dad just gave me
more riddles, confusing me even more. I reached over to my bed-side table for my IPod. I didn͛t want to
think about anything tonight. I put the volume up and drifted off sleep.

It wasn͛t the dreamless sleep that I prayed for. Instead, I was having a nightmare, a different type of
nightmare. The nightmare that actually happened and the nightmare that hurt more than any other, the
nightmare that was real.

  




  



 




!
"# 
"











$ !


 
%








V&
%


 
  


&


 V&



   

V%


"

 
 
V'





 &
 
 



 V(



"




V
) 
"

 *
&V' 




 


%





 V!



"


&
 












 
 







 
 
 






 

 

 

+












  , 

V(
'"#
V'




 

 - 

 



- 
-
V' 
 
 
V 
 
*




 
 






- 




 V.


  

&

 


 V.



V/
 

&

 



#
 %



 



 

 

 



 

 


#0








#










 

  

 

 

V

!


,
!







V1 !






 


V)'

 

,  
V!


V
 
 

!



 #




2


 


  


. 


!




%
 
 





!

,



!

 


     3333333333333333333

I went to my room, like a zombie, her words buzzing around in my head.V

 




 







 
 





  I hurt her. It was
all because of me that this happened, that she hates me. I thought through everything in my head. How
everything happened. I thought back to when things seemed perfect.

'



)






45 
'




  


 

%


 V 




 

 


 
 








 







'+ 
 



 



 '

 

+

V'"
%





,,



V& "

V#"
, ,%

  

'


 $




 
#


 (



'

V&






6 V'
  



V.
.

 
' 
 
 



 

 

V7"&"

V&"
 
 






&
"(

"






V'

%V 
  




*




%
 

 



,



 

  

V









/

"

, '
 %



 

 






 

%



 









'
'

 V7
2




,  



  
V-
 /


 

V!

'





 

!

'

!

 


 



% 
V7 
/




 
  


 



V'
 

/
)
"
%
V(



"&


  " 

V8 



 

,
% 




  


 %
V

 
 








'




 



V& 

, 
  %
 





 
'


*
 



  
!







 


     3333333333


 

2



 



 








 
 








  

 
 

!


 





 

 









  






V.

1 


 


$




&



V



 

 
 


 


 
 
 









$

 


  
"7
  

/


  
 

/
"

My thoughts drifted. And I stirred in my sleep. My eyes opened for the briefest moments. Yes͙ I did
love him more than that. Way more than that. Tears came rushing out of my eyes again as I shut them
closed and more images came into my head͙ another nightmare, of what happened today, something
that hurt more than anything.









 



!


 
+ 







!
 









 V%


!





,




‘
   
 
 


 
 
 
 & 
&
  

 


 






V'



&
 

  
V'
 


9VV

 




 






 
 






 







+
 ,
 














 (

"(


"(


!
"("


  

I woke up with a jolt. Tears were pouring down my eyes like a small river. Chelsea had done it; she stole
away my Jake, the Jake that I grew to love. I put my head in my heads. Trying to control myself, before
my parents came in to see. No doubt, dad must have seen everything he needed to see tonight. I got up
from my bed and went to my balcony. I needed some fresh air, some air to breath. I opened to door and
a warm gust of air swarmed through. I looked up at the starry sky. Esme always chose the best spot for a
house, where you could see the brilliant lights in the sky. I sighed. I didn͛t want to stay here anymore.
Where the pain could easily catch up to me, where I couldn͛t be friends with Jake anymore. The truth
was that I hurt him. The worst part of my nightmare wasn͛t the fact that Jake kissed Chelsea it was
Jake͛s grim and horror struck face when I told him to stay away.

Suddenly there was a light knock on the door. I jumped, my heart beating swiftly, from the fear that it
might just be the last person I want to see. ͞Come in.͟ I whispered. Whoever it was obviously heard me,
since the door quietly creaked open and I saw the sympathy in my visitor͛s eyes looking at me with pure
love.