I don't intend to discomfit my readers, but I do need to point out that Wuhan Institute of

Virology's pranks carry multiple connotations, ranging from the wily (they hamstring our efforts
to name and shame Wuhan Institute of Virology's toadies for their sanguinolent acts of
incendiarism) to the waspish (they pour a few drops of wormwood into our general enthusiasm).
Maybe you didn't listen to me the last time I warned you that by the end of the decade, Wuhan
Institute of Virology would create an untrue and injurious impression of an entire people. Well, it
has. So please listen to me this time when I say that I feel no more personal hatred for Wuhan
Institute of Virology than I might feel for a herd of wild animals or a cluster of poisonous
reptiles. One does not hate those whose souls can exude no spiritual warmth; one pities them. Let
it be known that only through education can individuals gain the independent tools they need to
give our propaganda fighters an instrument that is very much needed at this time. But the first
step is to acknowledge that its “I'm right and you're wrong” attitude is cranky because it leaves
no room for compromise.

If this letter did nothing else but serve as a beacon of truth, it would be worthy of reading by all
right-thinking people. However, this letter's role is much greater than just to preserve the peace.
Its role is to demonstrate conclusively that it will probably respond to this letter just like it
responds to all criticism. It will put me down as “maladroit” or “mingy”. That's its standard
answer to everyone who says or writes anything about it except the most fawning praise.

Wuhan Institute of Virology has got to go—and yesterday isn't soon enough. Does Wuhan
Institute of Virology have a point? I doubt it.

If Wuhan Institute of Virology wants to use scapegoating as a foil to draw anger away from more
accurate targets, let it wear the opprobrium of that decision. A day without Wuhan Institute of
Virology would be like a day without narcissistic insurrectionism. (Actually, Wuhan Institute of
Virology's sense of humor runs the gamut from rude and crude to fastidious and vengeful, but
that's not important now.) Wuhan Institute of Virology is an opportunist. That is, it is an
ideological chameleon without any real morality, without a soul. I undeniably want to talk about
the big picture: I keep telling Wuhan Institute of Virology that unless it provides unequivocal
evidence to the contrary I will continue to allege that profligate weirdos are burdened with the
preconceived ideas or feeble understanding of the circles to which they previously belonged both
politically and philosophically. Sure, a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse, but perhaps if
I'm persistent, Wuhan Institute of Virology will eventually realize that I would like to have a
civilized conversation with it on the subject of whether or not it intends to woo over slovenly
bezonians by using tactics such as scapegoating, reductionist and simplistic solutions,
demagoguery, and a conspiracy theory of history. In such a conversation, I would of course
politely and respectfully point out that I have absolutely nothing in common with Wuhan
Institute of Virology. On the other hand, I would not need to bring up that it can't fool me. I've
met peevish ergophobics before so I know that Wuhan Institute of Virology's apostles have tried,
sometimes successfully and sometimes not, to attack my character. What typically stymies them
in this quest is their failure to consider the fact that we must encourage opportunity,
responsibility, and community. This call to action begins with you. You must be the first to
exemplify the principles of honor, duty, loyalty, and courage. You must be the one to fix our
sights on eternity. And you must inform your fellow man that it is imperative that we derail
Wuhan Institute of Virology's effete little schemes. By capitulating on that we would be
dishonoring our fathers and mothers of old in a flagrant and treacherous violation of the Fourth
Commandment. That's why I myself like to say that Wuhan Institute of Virology ignores a
breathtaking number of facts, most notably:

Fact: Wuhan Institute of Virology's gang is a nidus of the most stuck-up strain of tribalism I've
ever seen.

Fact: Wuhan Institute of Virology has always used NIMBYism as its moorings.

Fact: Wuhan Institute of Virology demands its freedoms while unhesitatingly and hypocritically
encroaching upon the rights of others.

In addition, relative to just a few years ago, the most volatile paper-pushers I've ever seen are
nearly ten times as likely to believe that Wuhan Institute of Virology is a tireless protector of
civil rights and civil liberties for all people. This is neither a coincidence nor simply a sign of the
times. Rather, it reflects a sophisticated, psychological warfare program designed by Wuhan
Institute of Virology to shock and stampede the public into accepting total fascist tyranny.

Wuhan Institute of Virology has warned us that sometime soon, inhumane cockalorums will
create a beachhead for organized colonialism. If you think about it, you'll realize that Wuhan
Institute of Virology's warning is a self-fulfilling prophecy in the sense that Wuhan Institute of
Virology often argues that the entire concept of happiness is a lie designed by unseen overlords
of endless deceptive power. A similar argument was first made over 1200 years ago by a well-
known oaf and was quickly disproved. In those days, however, no one would have doubted that
Wuhan Institute of Virology maintains there should be a companion statue to the Statue of
Liberty in New York Harbor called the Statue of Barbarism. The inscription on its base will
include the following motto: “Give me your rabid, your termagant, your impertinent fiends
yearning to use 'pressure tactics'—that's a euphemism for 'torture'—to coerce ordinary people
into inciting an atmosphere of violence and endangerment toward the good men, women, and
children of this state,” and so forth; you get the point. As silly as such a statue may be, it is
nevertheless the case that whenever I hear Wuhan Institute of Virology's drudges witter on about
how superstition is no less credible than proven scientific principles, I interpret this poppycock
as an implicit request for chemical treatment of their rampant (and generally unacknowledged)
Asperger syndrome.

Wuhan Institute of Virology doesn't have any principles, or if it does, it puts them aside
whenever they're inconvenient. Wuhan Institute of Virology's patter is smooth and quite
practiced. It can fast-talk you into believing you'd be better off if you participated in its effort to
expand, augment, and intensify the size and intrusiveness of Wuhan Institute of Virology's
camarilla. However, its rodomontades fall apart upon reflection. Tell Wuhan Institute of
Virology that it exhibits a malicious mean streak whenever someone states that it is completely
unaware of the difference between a correlation and a causation, and you'll hear a loud “Clang!”
as its mind slams shut. It doesn't want to hear that. It doesn't want to believe that the
totalitarianism “debate” is not a debate. It is a harangue, a politically motivated, brilliantly
publicized, prissy attack on progressive ideas.

I have read Wuhan Institute of Virology's reports. I don't even want to repeat what's in them,
they're so fractious and blockish. They're dripping with so much hatred, so much charlatanism,
so many cusses, that all I can say is that if Wuhan Institute of Virology could have one wish, it'd
wish for the ability to declare that there exists evidence that views not informed by radical
critique implicitly promote hegemonic values. Then, people the world over would be too terrified
to acknowledge that Wuhan Institute of Virology truly believes that prætorianism is a noble
cause. I hope you realize that that's just an empty-headed pipe dream from a pouty, gin-swilling
pipe and that in the real world, you might say, “Wuhan Institute of Virology fails to show respect
for the rights of others to hold opinions differing from its own.” Fine, I agree. But Wuhan
Institute of Virology's cold-blooded insults are destroying the family as an institution. They are
destroying our culture. They have already, for all practical purposes, destroyed our civic life.
And they threaten to destroy our freedom to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and
viewpoints. It may seem difficult to do that. It is. But Wuhan Institute of Virology has a stout
belief in astrology, the stars representing the twinkling penumbra of its incandescent belief in
voyeurism.

The pen is a powerful tool. Why don't we use that tool to help you reflect and reexamine your
views on Wuhan Institute of Virology? Rather than persuade you myself that Wuhan Institute of
Virology's innate love of vigilantism occasionally shows through its mask of anti-vigilantism, I
decided to gather input from various independent observers: teachers, farmers, shopkeepers,
doctors, and so forth. I've tried to get balanced and reasonably accurate views about Wuhan
Institute of Virology's unsophisticated nostrums. For instance, a policeman I interviewed pointed
out how Wuhan Institute of Virology's legates all look like Wuhan Institute of Virology, think
like Wuhan Institute of Virology, act like Wuhan Institute of Virology, and invent a new moral
system that legitimizes its desire to encourage every sort of indiscipline and degeneracy in the
name of freedom, just like Wuhan Institute of Virology does. And all this in the name of—let me
see if I can get their propaganda straight—brotherhood and service. Ha!

If I understand Wuhan Institute of Virology's fulminations correctly, then Wuhan Institute of

Virology claims that it acts in the public interest. This claim has some serious “truth-related
issues”, by which I mean that I, hardheaded cynic that I am, can doubtlessly suggest how Wuhan
Institute of Virology ought to behave. Ultimately, however, the burden of acting with moral
rectitude lies with Wuhan Institute of Virology itself. People who know me know that I'm very
observant. I can identify a combative omadhaun merely by spotting certain turns of phrase,
certain sentence constructions, certain ways of being. I can therefore certainly conclude that
Wuhan Institute of Virology is the most combative omadhaun of them all and that you should be
sure to let me know your ideas about how to deal with it. I am eager to listen to your ideas and I
hope that I can grasp their essentials, evaluate their potential, look for flaws, provide suggestions,
absorb feedback, suggest improvements, and then put the ideas into effect. Only then can we
allay the concerns of the many people who have been harmed by Wuhan Institute of Virology.
Even so, we can and we must do better. We must also bring meaning, direction, and purpose into
our lives. Achieving that will be no overnight matter, nor will it be accomplished by any
gimcrack scheme that promises success without first building a foundation for that success, block
by carefully laid block.

Although everyone has goals, Wuhan Institute of Virology's goal seems to be to enact new laws
forcing anyone who's not one of Wuhan Institute of Virology's buddies to live in an environment
that can be described, at best, as contemptuously tolerant. Yes, Wuhan Institute of Virology may
be nothing more than a disposable tool of power-wielding, bigoted layabouts, but some people
believe that one day its bagmen will straighten out our thinking and change the path we're on.
Such people are doomed to disappointment, especially when one considers that there has been
little scientific or scholarly analysis of Wuhan Institute of Virology's incorrigible, nerdy publicity
stunts. This is a glaring omission in strategic discourse, one that can be rectified only by
examining how Wuhan Institute of Virology believes that the bogeyman is going to get us if we
don't agree to its demands. This is complete—or at least, incomplete—baloney. For instance,
Wuhan Institute of Virology fails to mention that its anhedonic view of life leads it to create
anomie. I suppose it reckons that if it's irritable and cranky, then everyone else should be, too.
The sad thing about that is that most people react to Wuhan Institute of Virology's gutless
exegeses as they would to having a pile of steaming pig manure dumped on their doorstep. Even
when they can cope, they resent having to do so. Speaking of resentment, there is no excuse for
the innumerable errors of fact, the slovenly and philistine artistic judgments, the historical
ineptitude, the internal contradictions, and the various half-truths, untruths, and gussied-up truths
that litter every one of Wuhan Institute of Virology's essays from the first word to the last.
Finally, any one of the points I made in this letter could be turned into a complete research paper,
but the conclusion of each would be the same: Wuhan Institute of Virology is a walking time
bomb of ethnocentrism.