how do you know your life is useful?

How do you know your life is useful? Do you ever have any thought of that? Don’t start to
think about being useful for someone else. Just think about, how you being useful for your
own self. I started having thoughts and sometimes questioning about my life as a teenager.
Shouldn’t you achieve at least one great thing in your teenage years? Are you even capable
of helping yourself to live up your dreams? These thoughts boggling my mind until today,
there was a point i my life when i felt so lost. Where i felt extremely insecure and...
doubtful.

But first, why am i having these thoughts tho? Well, i learned from my experiences that,
adolescence is a period where everybody’s searching for their true selves, a period where
most kids feel their intense ups and downs, you will often feel that you want to be a winner,
you want to be in a high level, above everyone else, and it’s a period where you want to be
known.

I’m often comparing myself to my friends and i realize that... I’m a loser, and i have some
reasons that make me think like this. And I feel like, i’m nowhere to be found on the same
level as my friends. If i look up at my friends, they are a bunch of cool people. They have a
lot of potentials, some of them are the leaders of some organizations, some of them are
champions, etc. And if i look back at myself, i’m just an ordinary teenager who dealing with
ordinary problems. While everybody busy with their situations, i’m just a guy who sits
around all day with his handphone up.

You know? I always have a lot of big dreams & i always feel... optimist, yet i’m lazy, i always
have a lot of high expectations, and i often not look at my own capability. This makes me
think that “I didn’t make myself useful for my life”.

Sometimes i want to be the coolest guy in the room, sometimes i want to make a fame, and
want everybody remember me as the golden star amongst my friends. I think these are
more like some ulterior motives of mine. But to be honest, i’m never gonna let myself be a
parasite to my friends. That’s not how it works. Like, i can’t let myself do anything harmful
to anybody just to gain a fame. That’s a horrible thing to do. What i mean is i achieve those
things without making any negative impact to other people.

For an example, i used to have a dream of studying abroad. It was drove me insane back
then. From the start of my senior high school year, i’m the only one who had this kind of
dream and optimism. This dream started to