BOY MEETS GIRL: A YOUNG LOVE STORY by Sam Wolfson GENRE — Comedy LENGTH Short play, 25-30 minutes CAST —_1 female, 1 male (2-4 actors possible: 0-4 females, 0-4 males) seT Minimal. Follow Sam and Katie as they go through the trials and tribu- lations of love at the tender age of five in this hilarious and sweet take on young romance. From the decision to check the “yes” box on their boyfriend/girlfriend contracts to more serious conversations about past nap partners, Sam and Ka- tie find themselves entering into a genuine relationship, all in the midst of worrying about the spelling bee, selling Girl Scout cookies, and figuring out what they want to be when they grow up. “Anon-stop 30-minute laughfestll!” —The Los Angeles Times Playscripts, Inc. 1900PB ‘TdID S134W AOE Wosyjoy wes AMOLS 3A0T DNNOAY “uy ‘sydunshejg BOY MEETS GIRL AYOUNG LOVE STORY A SHORT COMEDY BY Sam Wolfson BASED ON A SKETCH WRITTEN BY SAM WOLFSON AND RICHIE KEEN Playscripts, Inc.Dedicated to the publication, licen of compelling contemporary play BOY MEETS GIRL AYOUNG LOVE STORY ASHORT COMEDY BY Sam Wolfson BASED ON A SKETCH WRITTEN BY SAM WOLFSON AND RICHIE KEEN dramatic works. SEARCH our catalog of plays and musicals READ free script samples LISTEN to free song clips BUY books and performance rights All at one website: www.playscripts.com‘oy Meets GA Young Lave Sty (th Cpyrgs0 2008 Sa Walon ALL RIGHTS RESERVED ein rot, aly pst ne ap one ke ‘Ser of Amn and all uns with ws he Une She a eis eoprght rons ‘wei trogh lnc or utra eate orotherwi edinhing bt ot ed tl oa Ir covered y the Pa- Amarin Copy Coaenon he Universal Copyriat Cone, an he Reservation of igh. ih the Ply re sist eee isting, witout maton, pee ‘Sonal ad ana stage pearance nih mon tartan esta, publ eg ato tecadting, toen, ie, ad soma rearing goa be Tors &f ete! leon rerodction so bao ets note uaF CD-ROM, CD DVD, Peter, {nd iniratinn tage bret yer onde ig ef Wan ngs gens 2209) bores ‘formance Liensng and Reyalty Payments, Amat and ick pcan lg to thi lay cooled exclu by Papi, te (Payer) No stro nck rato ps ‘lita ay per hs Ply wiht lining trace writen pmisson fom Pye equa fn fo psrming i Py are pected ene th Pyar webster eric) ach vay ese et change ont nee Alou bs tok any Ne ‘ited ie pera ach petra ih equ ropa it be ad every tine ‘ieee far ot nd wher be ct arson charge. 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The rossi dasacs othe wee of he Us, Copy Ofte ew expe [AScar geasapsom), Sh rvbicon), eo NMEA reapers fae fran ‘nts nh pro sc roves roan we erm The Rules in Brief 2), Do NOT perform this Play without obtaining prior permission from Playscripts, and without paying the required royalty 2) Do NOF photocopy, scan, or otherwise duplicate any part of this book, 3) Do NOT alter the text of the Play, change a character's gender, | delete any dialogue, cut any music, or alter any objectionable language, unless explicitly authorized by Playscripts 4) DO provide the required eredit to the author(s) and the required attribution to Playscripts in all programs and promotional lit erature associated with any performance of this Play. For more details on these and other rule, see the opposite page. Copyright Basics ‘This Play is protected by United States and international copyright law. 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Copyright Office (www.copyrightgov) for more information. ‘THE BOTTOM LINE: If you break copyright law, you are robbing a playwright and opening yourself to expensive legal action. Follow the rules, and when in doubt, askus. * Playscripts, Inc. toll-free phone: 1-866-NEW-PLAY 450 Seventh Ave, Suite809 email: info@playscripts.com website: www:playscripts.com New York, NY 10123Cast of Characters SAM KATIE ‘TEACHER'S OFFSTAGE VOICE LISA'S VOICE ‘COACH'S VOICE Directorial Note ‘The two actors who play Sam and Katie should not in any way, shape or form try to “act 5 years old,” in terms of voice inflection, posture, etc. The way the show works best is to have whatever age the actors are playing the parts—whether it’s 12,20, 90, or 60—to just be themselves, and act their age. That is where the comedy lies. The more the actors try to act like children, the less funny the play will be. ‘Also~the three off-screen voices (Lisa, Teacher and Coach) could be live actors onstage if you so choose. In this particular production, they were off-screen voices, but it would work just as well with two actors playing the roles. Acknowledgements Boy Meets Girl premiered at the HBO Workspace Theater in Los An- geles, California, It was directed by Michael Stone and featured the following cast: SAM. : --- Sam Wolfson KATIE... Jillian Bach BOY MEETS GIRL A YOUNG LOVE STORY by Sam Wolfson BASED ON A SKETCH WRITTEN BY SAM WOLFSON AND RICHIE KEEN Scene (Lights up on a pre-school playgrowns) (KATIE (6 years old) sits alone and eats lunch on a bench. SAM (also 5 years old} enters.) SAM. (Saying hello to an offstage friend) Stuiet What's up buddy, how's it going? Good to see you out. (To another offstage friend) Jose—como sta, mi amigo? Sweet lookin’ Izod, buddy, that’s sharp. (Beat,) No, they're coming back, they're coming back. (GAM sits dou next fo KATIE on the bench, He opens his lunch- box and proceeds to eat his lunch, Then, attempting conversation with KATTE...) SAM. Hows it going? KATIE. OK, SAM. Right on. (Beat,) t SAM. How ‘bout that coloring inside the ines, huh? KATIE. Yeah, it’s pretty tough. SAM. I mean, I'm five, [don't need those boundaries. (Beat) KATIE. Counting to 20 ishard. + ‘SAM. Tell me about it. Up to 9it's easy, then you get to the teens and it's just like, zooah.Sam Wolfson. KATIE, And is it really necessary to be tested in front of the entire class, Like Ineed that added pressure. SAM. know! What are we, playing Hot Lava out there? Save that energy for the playground. (They both laugh. Then have nothing to say. Atokeward beat as they 10 back to eating. SAM goes in again...) SAM. And that spelling bee this morning... KATIE. Oh yeah, sorry I cant spell “parachute” correctly. Like that’s really a first round word. SAM. You totally got screwed on that one. "C-H?" What the hell are thome lottors loing in that word? KATIN, 1 know, righitt (thoy stare at envh other fora beat, then smite) KATIE, I'm Katie, SAM. I'm Sam. KATIE/SAM. Nice to meet you. KATIE. What do you do, Sam? SAM. I cat paste. That’s more of a hobby really. fm a day trader in the lunchroom. Snoballs, Star Crunches, desserts mostly. And your- self? KATIE. I'm in sales. SAM. Ob, what area? KATIE. Gitl scout cookies. SAM. Really? KATIE. I'm still usta brownie, but fingers crossed. SAM. Wow. Iis so great to finally meeta git in this grade who does rot want to be a princess. How's that going for you? Boy Meets Girt 7 KATIE, Please—the cookies sell themselves. In fact, L made a huge sale this morning to Timmy Baker. He bought like six boxes of Thin Mints, He's so sweet—oh, there he is! (Calling to offstage Timeny.) Hi Timmy! (Bent,) I don’t know how they get ‘em so minty, they just do! (Thert foSAM:) He's so yum. SAM. Yeah, he is.S0 yum. (Beat) 1s too bac KATIE. What? SAM. He got his test results back. Cooties. KATIE. He tested positive? SAM. Extremely positive. KATIE, Timmy Baker has cooties? SAM. Big ones, KATIE, He seemed like such a nice hoy. SAM. Timmy Baker? He is kissing girs all the fime, His mouths all over the water fountain, And he's always sniffing those fruit scented ‘markers, that cant be healthy. But Im clean, Katie, Cizcle circle dot dot, [got my cootie shot, but Timmy. that guy's dict. KATIE. Thanks for the tip. It's nice to meet a boy who's not just try- ing to get into my cookies. SAM, Boys can be such jerks, can't they? KATIE. All [really want is someone to pull my hair, pull my ski ‘over my head, nnake me feel special, you know? I'm 50 sick of these boys who think they're so cool. SAM. And I'm so sick of these girls where all they care about is, ‘what kind of Big Wheel do you drive, and hanging out in the back of the bus. I've hung out in the back of the bus, it's really not that cool. What am I missing? KATIE, Most people are so full of doody. SAM. My last girlfriend was the worstun Wolfson KATIE, How long did you guys go out? SAM. Two hours. KATIE. That long? SAM. Yes. KATIE, What happened? SAM, Well, in the morning I wrote her a note=I said check yes if ‘you want to be my girlfriend, she did, everything was going great. And then by lunchtime I could tell she was growing a litle distant. ‘Then at the end of the day at the carpool circle, she was like, this isn’t ‘working out, and I think we should see other people. KATIE, What changed her mind? SAM. (Beat embarrassed’) might have uh...peed in my pants acou- ple of times, KATIE. That happens to a lot of guys ‘SAM, That's exactly what | tole her! Don't get me wrong, Fm in total control now, mean, can hold it, but um...she uh...she hurt me re- ally bad. And Ijust said, no more relationships for awhile, KATIE. I'm so with you on that, My last boyfriend was just as bad. He bailed right when things started to get serious, One day we were just hanging out, sitting ina tree, KI-S-S-ILN-G, first came love, then came marriage...but when it came to the baby in the baby carriage, he didn't want any part of it. He was like—hey, I never wanted kids, and 1 was like, hey, I didn’t write the song buddy! SAM. Well you know what—if he left you for that, then he wasn't Worth it. You deserve better, you're a great gil. KATIE, (Touched) Thanks. You're a great boy. (Beat) So...what do you want to be when you grow up? SAM. Id rather not say, it's stupid. KATIE, Just tell me. SAM. (Beat—embarrasset:) I want to be a cowboy. KATIE. Me toot Boy Meets Girl 8 SAM. No way! KATIE. Way! SAM. Youte like the coolest girl ever! KATIE. I know! SAM. We could be a posse together! KATIE. Ihave been looking fora possel SAM. This is so cool— (Looking around) Where is everybody going? (Ther relizing:) Oh...naptime already. KATIE. (Gathering her stuff) Oh well, I guess we better go lay down. SAM. (Hopping up—neroous;) Woah... KATIE, No, not together! SAM. Of course not—you go to your cubby arca, Ill go to my cubby area, Were not going to lay down together—that’s crazy, right? (Beat) Well, it was really nice to meet you. And I'll see you in PE later. KATIE, Cool. Were playing with the parachute today. (Spelling the ‘word:) P-A-R-A-S-H-O-O-T—parashoot! SAM. Hey, you're preaching to the choir. (Acoleoand beot as they stare at each ote, not wanting to leave) SAM. God, Lwant to nap with you KATIE, I want to nap with you too. SAM. don't mean that in a dirty way either, I really like you. KATIE, [like you too nate just all kinds of pretty. SAM. But we probably shouldn'...anless you want to. KATIE. [hardly know you, I can’t nap with you. SAM. It’s too soon. KATIE. If | nap with you, I'm napping with everyone you've ever napped with,10 ‘Sam Wolfson (Awkward beat as they stare at each other) SAM. Ican‘tbelieve I'm about to do this. (GAM takes out a folded up piece of paper from his pocket and hands it to KATIE) SAM. That's a standard girlfriend contract. Just check yes or no, no maybes! Please, no maybes, just take your time and look it over— KATIE. Do you have a crayon? SAM. Yeah—right here (GAM hands KATIE @ crayon.) SAM. Bat there's no pressure to give me an answer now, [mean we just got out of relationships, s0 if you want to take your time and think about it— KATIE, (Checking yes) YES! SAM. (Grabbing the contract:) Oh my God—you're my girlfriend! KATIE, You're my boyfriend! ‘TEACHER'S OFFSTAGE VOICE. Sar! Katie! Inside now please! (GAM and KATIE. grab te rest of ther stuff and begin to exit ‘SAM notices that KATIE left some garbage behind.) SAM. Uh. .girlfriend? KATIE. (Stopping and turning around) Yes, boyfriend? SAM. (Pointing tothe garbage:) You're a quitter if you litter. KATIE. (Embarrassed — picking up the garbage’) 1am so sorry. SAM. It’s not my rule, KATIE. Iam NOT a quitter. SAM. No judgments, We're just doing our part. (KATIE exits. SAM is left onstage alone, He holds up the ginl- friend contract to the unseen Tiumy Baker.) a Boy Meets Giri m SAM. IN YOUR FACE TIMMY BAKER! (Lights out) Scene 2 (KATIE sits stage right on the floor fialing with yarm and playing Cats Cradle. A phone sits next to her. SAM sits stage left on the ‘flor, with a phone to his ear. He dials @ number.) KATIE. Hold it, hold it. don’ lose it... Staring at her perfect cat's cra- dle: Yeah, that’s what Im talking about. (Katie's phone rings. KATIE answers) KATIE, Baronsky residence. SAM. Hello, may I speak with Katie please? KATIE, This is Katie ‘SAM. Hey, its me, (No response beat.) Sam. (No response—beat.) Your boyfriend? KATIE, Oh be SAM. Hit KATIE. Im sorry, this s the frst time a boy's ever called me on the phone. SAM, That's okay—it’s the first time I've ever called a git! on the phone. (Beat, Its the first time I've ever used a phone, actually (Beat loss for words) So, uh. .whal’s up? KATIE, I just got back from work—T sold 10 boxes in 30 minutes— 1am UNSTOPPABLE. Whoever has the most sales gets a free trip to Disneyworld—but Lucy Finkle's already sold, like, 200 boxes, so there's no chance I'm going to win. But it’s not even like she's going door to door, her dad bought therp all, I mean, come on, that’s so NOT what is about, SAM. (Beat—stumped for something to say) Lear that. (GAM shakes his head...that was stupid.) KATIE. So...did you get an invite to Paul Pruett's birthday party?2 ‘Sam Wolfson SAM. Paul Pruett’ birthday invite? Doesn't ring a bell Katie (Look- ing in his hand—he’s holding the invitation) Oh, wait a minutel Here it was right here underneath my wh...cape. KATIE. It's today. SAM. Today? I totally forgot about this, that’s so funny. KATIE. Are you going? SAM. Am I going? I dont know, are you? KATIE, Well, I don’t really know Paul all that well, so if was going to go would rather go with somebody. (Beat. SAM says nothing) KATIE. Nobody's asked me yet. (Beat. SAM says nothing) KATIE. So I'll probably just stay home and work on my cursive. That “Q" is impossible. Is ita Q? Is ita 2? T don't know what's going (Beat, SAM says nothing.) KATIE, OK, well it was nice talking to you, Im gonna go— SAM. No wait! Before you go, [wanted to ask you— LISA'S VOICE. (Coming through the phone) Are you still on the phone, dork? SAM. Yes, Lisa LISA'S VOICE, Ihave to call Shelly ‘SAM. Leare. LISA'S VOICE. Who are you talking to anyway...your girfriend? ‘SAM. No! KATIE. Excuse me? SAM. I mean yes, Imean no, Imean~ Boy Meets Girl LISA'S VOICE. Did you asl her to your stupid party yet? KATIE. You called to ask me tothe party? SAM. No. LISA'S VOICE. I heard you practicing inthe bathroom. KATIE, You were practicing in the bathroou? SAM. This ist happening LISA'S VOICE. She wants you to ask her, you idiot, Just do it al- ready. (Beat,) Il be quiet SAM. (Beat— deep breatt) Katie, will you- (Suddenly, the sound of LISA pressing buttons on the phone is heard) SAM. Lisa, youte killing me. (LISA stops.) SAM. Katie, will you go to Paul Pruett’s party with me? KATIE. Yes, I will, LISA'S VOICE. See, that wasn't so hard...LOS-ERIt! (LISA finally hangs up the phone.) SAM. Sorry about that. So um...how about my mom and I pick you upinan hour? KATIE. See you then. SAM. (Casually, not a big deni:) OK—I love you. KATIE. (Casually back) I love you too. (They bots hang up the phorit,) (Lights out,‘Sam Wolfson Scene 3 (Lights up on SAM holding a balloon avimal and holding a tissue to his bloody nase. KATIE ts screaming at somebody offstage.) KATIE. That was totally out of line, Pruett! The spacewalk has very specific rules! I don't care if i is your party—you don't go running ut in front of another kid while he's jumping! SAM. (In pains) I think it's fractured. KATIE. This is my boyfriend, okay? You mess with him, you mess with me. SAM. You tell him! KATIE, (Beat,) What was that Paul? (Beat) Say that again. SAY THAT AGAIN, SAM. (Standing behind KATIE) What up, Paul!? What up, man!? Not So tough now, are youl? KATIE. That’ right, Paul, go crying to your momma! That's a good little giclt (Thening fo SAM— checking his nose) Oh no~it's bleeding. Does it hurt? SAM. Only when I breathe, KATIE. (To offstage onlookers) What are you people looking at? There's nothing to see here. So why don't you do the hokey pokey, and turn yourselves around. SAM. (In awe of KATIE} That was amazing, The way youjustjumped in there and gave Paul a wedgie—you didn’t even hesitate. Is there anything you're not afraid of? KATIE, Well, there's one thing, We've been here all afternoon, and Tm afraid you're not going to ask me to dance before we leave. SAM. (Beat—panicked:) Dance? KATIE, Yeah—everyone else is dancing; Let's get out there and rip it up. You know how to rip itup, right? SAM. Oh, I can sip it up. I'm always ripping stuff. We'll zip it up. (Beat) Do you mean now? Boy Meets Girl 18 KATIE, Yeah, let’ rip it, SAM, Here's the thing...they've been playing all these fast songs, and I'd rather wait for a slow one, that’s where I'm coming from, but they haven't even played a slow song all night, so they probably. ‘wort, which is too bad because— (Sucldenty a slow song kicks in—[The slow song in the original stage version was Surcivor’s “The Search Is Over" but fel free to tse whatever song you like) SAM. (Continuing: re the slow song) Another fast song! Unbelievable. KATIE. It sounds slow. SAM. Im sorry? KATIE, It sounds slow. (SAM reluctantly throws dow his balloon animal, makes his way ver fo KATIE, and they start to slow dance, swaying side to side. Ws very awkward and they can’t even look exch other in the eye) (As they switch their heads from left to right, trying to avoid eye contact, they bump heads and break apart from each other ix pan. As they hold their sore heads, they turn anc look at each other from ‘across the stage...) (Lighting change as the music swells) (And we are now in fantasy sequence... KATIE runs across the stage and jumps into SAM's arms. He spins er around ara they latch into a choreographed dance jor the remainder ofthe song Auin, this cas be open fo interpretation with each individual pro- ‘duction. But the idea here is to give the audience as good ofa to ‘minute dance sequence asthe actors can allow It's show stopping part of the show that can be exkilarating for the audience ifthe ‘actors commit and dance their heats out. "The Search Is Over” really isthe perfect song, but just make sure the ome you use has big emotional swells in i that end itself to big, over the top choreo- ‘graphed dance moves) (Lights out as the song ends and SAM and KATIE finish their lance.)Sam Wolfson Scene 4 (Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On” plays in the darkness.) (Lights up on SAM and KATIE laying om naptime mnts next to exch other. They both wakeup atthe same time) (vtusic fades) SAM. Hey. KATIE. Hey. SAM. How was that for you? KATIE. Good. You? SAM. So good. KATIE. That’s good. (Beat) can't believe we just napped together SAM. Ikaow. KATIE. You showed me yours. SAM, Well, you showed me yours frst. KATIE, Want to see it again? (KATIE guicky flashes SAM. SAM neroously recoil then racks up) SAM. (Quickly flashing KATIE:) Coming back at you! (KATIE recoils, then laughs.) SAM. Wow-I can't believe it finally happened. And I'm so glad it happened with you KATIE. I'm glad too. (Beat) I want to give you something. (KATIE takes out a matchbox car und hands it to SAM.) KATIE. I stole this matchbox car from my brother's collection, It's no biggie, i's a— SAM. (Beyond excited:) 1998 Roadster 4 cylinder model 2J-7 titanium Hot Wheels corvette! Boy Meets Girt vu KATIE. With optional tail-in. SAM. This is the greatest day of my life. I got a car. I got.a girl, And we napped together. And the best part is it’s the first time for both ofus. KATIE, (Beat—deticately:) Welt, if by first time, time for us, together, then yes, it was the fist ti time you mean the only time for me, ever, then no, it was not my frst time. (Beat—excted:) But you got a car! SAM. Oh, I'm sorry, Ijust assumed, KATIE. Its okay. Is that a problem? SAM. No. KATIE, Because sometimes boys get a little— ‘SAM. Not this one. KATIE. [amo glad we're at that point in our relationship where we can be open and honest and the other person wor’t spaz. SAM. Totally, yeah. (Bext,) How many people have you napped with? KATIE, See—I didnv* want to get into this. SAM. I'm just asking a question. KATIE, What does it matter? SAM. It doesn't KATIE. Then why do you care? SAM. I don't KATIE. Three. Ive napped with three boys. SAM. Three? (Beat,) Including me?" KATIE. Okay, our. SAM. FOUR!18 KATIE. What?! SAM. Nothing—you napped with four boys. KATIE. Are you okay? SAM. Yeah—what’s four? It's just a tiny, little old number. It’s less than 8...it’s less than 6...i’s four. One two three four. KATIE. You're acting weird. SAM. (Beat~then apologizing.) 'm sorry. Lam, Really—thank you for the Roadster, it’s just— KATIE, Hey, you listen to me, you are the only boy in my life, okay? (Ton offstage boy —firtin:) Hey, Bil (Then to another boy) Hey, Steve- ©. (And another boy:) Whats up, Greg? (Back to SAM) Seriously, just you and me, (Then fo another boy) Jack—race you to the jungle gym! (KATIE runs offstage, leaving SAM all alone, Bon Jovi’s “You ine Love a Bad Name” kicks in. “Shot Uirough the heat! And youre to blameltf Darin’ you give foe, a bad nare!!”) (Lights fade on a devastated SAM silting alone onstage.) Scene 5 (Lights up. KATIE sits on the floor. SAM stands atthe front of the class. 1's show and iell time. He holds a brown paper bag with the letters "M.C" on it) SAM, (To the unseen class) M C, the letter are MC~ooh, lots of hands. (Calling om a classmate) Laurie—mauve crayon? Not even close sweet heart. (Calling on another classmate} Josh, talk to me, marble cake? Why don’t you stop wasting everyone's time, man, What's with this guy? (Callitg on another classmate: Billy—hit me. Monster truck? You night want to think about staying back a year, Billy Boy. Guys, come on! This isr’t that hard! This is something that is very important ‘to me. The most special person in my life recently gave this to me. (Calling on another classmate) Jackie-Jack, yes? Matchbox car. You my friend are absolutely... (Pulling a Mets cap out of the bag:) Wrong! I's a Mets Cap! Pretty cool, huh? My Uncle Saul gave this to me. Match- box car was a darn good guess though. (SAM struts offstage wearing his Mets cap.) Boy Meets Gir i) (Gon Ju’s "You Give Love a Bad Name kicks in. “Shot through the heart! And ye foo Blame! Darlin” you give love a bad vate) (Lights down on a devastated KATIE sitting alone on stage) Scene 6 (GAM and KATIE stand next to each other center stage, We don’t now it ye, but they are in the middle ofa spelling bee.) KATIE. Thanks for running off yesterday without saying goodbye. SAM, My mom picked me up early for an eye doctor appointment. KATIE. Yeah, right. Then why didn you call me last night? ‘SAM. Forgot how. Ifs seven numbers, right? KATIE. You know something— (Then out t6 an unseen teacher) “Talfy"—TA-F-EY. (Them back t0 SAM You're being a butthead. And if anybody should get to be a butthead, is me. SAM. Why would you get to be a butthead? KATIE, For starters, how about during show and tell, not showing the class the present I gave you, and no felling them how muck you like like me. SAM. Where do you get off—~ (Then out tan unseen teacher.)“Pants— PANES, (Back to KATIE) Getting mad at me for that. For your information, its not always about you. Show and tell is “Sammy Time” KATIE. “Sammy Time?” What about Sammy and Katie Time? Every time I want to play with you, you're out with your posse. I am sup- posed to be your posse! SAM. | want to be able to hang oyt with my boys and build a fort ‘when I want to. Or just sit alone and read Highlights by myself and not have to play your stupid clapping games. (With accompanying rand movements) { don’t care about Ms. Susie and her steamboat! KATIE. You know, you never bought one box of cookies from me to help me get to Disneyland. (Turning out again to spell a word)20 Sam Wolfson “Goese"—G-E-ES-E, (Back fo SAM) Meanwhile, Timmy Baker bought like 15 boxes SAM. Oh, its been a whole 3 minutes since Fve heard about Timmy Baker, Lalmost forgot about him. What sit with you-you're always trying to make me jealous. KATIE. That is so not true! SAM. You chase boys all day...THATS ALL YOU DO! Would it kil! {you to just sit alone with the girls and play Lite Brite once in awhile? KATIE. Well, maybe having friends who are boys wouldn't bother you so much if you weren't such a wussy. SAM. Well, maybe if you like all those other boys so much, you should nap with them, like you did every other boy in the class, (Turning out to spell another word:) “Cheese” —C-H-E-S-E. (Back to KA~ TIE) Do you have anything else youtd like to say to me? KATIE. Yeah, Ido. You left out the second E, so I guess that means, Twin. Oh, and you know what else? (KATIE takes out the girifriend contact from her pocket, KATIE. (Holding up thecontract) Oh it’s so pretty...,iuit so pretty. (Tearing i fo shreds) NO ITS NOT NO I'S NOT! NOTTS NOT! (KATIE tosses the shreds at SAMS feet and storms offstage.) SAM. (Timing fo the unseen clas, embarrassed’) | played a little joke and put some pee-pee in her coke, she'll be fine. (Lights out) Scene 7 (Lights up om KATIE stage right sitting om the floor, phone to her ear. SAM sits slage left sisting om the floor, phiome to his ear) KATIE, ...Jook, I don't want to take up too much of your time, I'm justcalling to say— Boy Meets Girl 2 SAM. I know, I know, we said a lot of bad stuff today. And things haven't been that good lately. So, yeah, it’s probably best that we just— KATIE, I'm going to Disneyland. SAM. You won the contest? KATIE. Yeah-I thought for sure Lucy Finkle would win but I beat her by five boxes. Timmy Baker put me over the edge. SAM. (Cringing but slaying positive) That's great So...how long you going for? KATIE, Ten days. SAM. Ten days—wow. (Beat) So...you're going to go? KATIE. Of course, Im going to go. 1 mean, its not like I have any reason to stay...co I? SAM. (Bea!—tortured:) W's an amazing opportunity, you gotta go. KATIE, Look, things just moved too fast. We jumped into it, we didn’t know each other, we should have known it wasn't going to work out, SAM. We gave it our best shot. KATIE. You said you loved me, I said it back, but that’ just some- thing we've heard people say when they get off the phone. We don’t know what love is—when you grow up, that’s when love stops being complicated. SAM. Hey—we lasted longer than most people. KATIE, 72 hours. That is a long time. (Beat) And hey, we can still be friends, SAM. (Cringing agein—but staying positive) Great. Friends. (Beat,) Well, Til see you tomorrow, friends We'll get to say goodbye before you leave. KATIE. Okay. Bye Sam, SAM. Bye Katie,‘Sam Wolfson (They both hang up.) (Lights out) (Chris Issk’s “T Wonder” plays) (The following transition can take a bit of time, possibly up to a minute as itis a pretty big costume change. While some produc- tions stayed in a blackout during the scene change, the original production projected slides of SAM and KATIE in various actvi- fies. The performers had to go out and take the pictures themselves ‘and then hace the pictures turned into slides, but it wns well worth the extra effort as it accomplishes a feo things. 1) it makes the soene change less boring 2) it’s a nice recap of Sam snd Katie's relationship that is an homage to Anne Hall and 3) it can be very very fury!) (The following is a small description of the types of sides that were used in the original production. Fee fee 10 use these, or come up with your own. SLIDE 1:SAM and KATIE at lunch, arms wrapped around each other, sipping on juice bores, the same way people do with cham- pagne glasses, SLIDE 2: SAM and KATIE play fighting during art class SLIDE 3: SAM and KATIE reading children’s books. SLIDE 4:SAM and KATIE pledging allegiance fo the flag as they lovingly stare at each other SLIDE 5: SAM proudly finishing a math problem on the ckalk- > KATIE looks on at im like he's SLIDE 6: SAM injured om the playground. KATIE is hetping SAM up off the ground. SLIDE 7:$AM is trying to eat from a big jar of paste as KATIE tries fo pul the jar out of his hands. SLIDE 8: KATIE is sticking out her finger for SAM to pull on it SLIDE 9: Five seconds later, KATIE has obviously frted. SAM is holding his nose and KATIE is hysterically laughing.) Boy Meets Girl 2B Scene8 (Lights up on KATIE on stage. She wears a full cowboy costume. SAM then enders wearing a full Superman costume. It's very ok- ward and they don't acknowledge each other for a few moments. ‘Then finally...) SAM, Happy Halloween. KATIE, You too. SAM, (Southern accent) You're looking good, partner. KATIE. You like the outfit? ‘SAM, L always knew you'd make a great cowboy. (Beat,) So, you all packed up? (Southern accent) Ready to hit the open range? KATIE. Yeah, my mom's picking me up from school. We're going straight to the airport SAM. Great. (Beat-Southern accent:) Well, don't forget to pack your tobace-eo— KATIE. (Enough with the stupid accent) I got it SAM. Sorry. (eat) KATIE. Icar't believe I'm going to be gone a whole week and a half. Til weite you, you know, if you want me to. SAM. Sure, that’s what friends do, right? They write each other. when they're apart for painfully long amounts of time. (Long axokioard beat...nobody quite knows what to say...) SAM. Being friends feels pretty good, doesn't it? KATIE. Its the best 7 SAM. Because getting back together would be a— KATIE. HUGE mistake SAM. Who wants that?m4 Sam Wolfson KATIE. (Trying to ense the tension:) You just broke up with your boy- friend, what are you gonna do? I'm going to Disneyland! (They both sxokawardly laughs) SAM. (Blurting out) Don't go to Disneyland, (KATIE walks over to SAM and smacks him hart in the chest, He doubles over) KATIE. You stupid jerk! SAM. (Through his pai:) This suit’s defective KATIE. I thought you wanted me to go. ‘SAM, I wanted you to stay but you seemed so mad at me KATIE, I was mad, and Im sorry 1 got all weird on you about the show and tell, and not playing with me, is just that...cvery now and then, a girl wants to be told she's ugly. SAM. You are ugly. KATIE. (Touched: Really? SAM. You're the ugliest girl in the whole school. fm sorry—I know should have told you that more often. KATIE, I'm sorry I've been chasing all those other boys around, 1 am aware ofthe problem, and Lam working on it. SAM. I'm sorry I was a jerk when I found out you napped with 3 other boys. It doesn't matter how many times or who it was-—if it was Timmy, if it wasr’t Timmy—that's not important to me. KATIE. And as far as the whole “Tlove you" thing goes— ‘SAM. Oh, we're definitely not in love. [looked it up in the diction ary. Love means a deep and tender feeling of affection for another person. The feelings I have for you aren't deep and tender. KATIE, Me neither. Whenever fm with you, I feel like Im gonna puke. SAM. Me too! I don't know what that is, but it ain't love. KATIE, [a 20 NOT in love with you. SAM. Iam so NOT in love with you too. (Beat~confused) So...why 4o [still want to be with your? KATIE, Well, this is a really uncertain time in our lives, you know? We're looking into the future, we got all sorts of big things coming up—swimming in the deep end, fractions, it's scary stuff. Getting older is scary—it’s like jumping out of an airplane. But if you have a parachute strapped to you, you know everything's going to be okay. ‘And I know for me, when I jump off that plane...you're my para- chute, (GAM starts fo ry) KATIE, Why are you crying? SAM. Because. KATIE. Because why? SAM. Because I don't know what the hell you're talking about! And itsounds really bad! KATIE, It’s not bad ‘SAM. Oh yeah—jumping out of a plane without a parachute— that’s really good! KATIE, It’s good, Sam, I swear, it's all good. SAM, It’s good? (Beat—then realizing!) Oh. (Wiping his tears) Stupid pollen, (Beat,) So you'll stay? KATIE. That depends, Am Istill your girlfriend? (GAM takes out a piece of paper from his pocket. I's the rigped up sirifriend contract that he has crudely taped back together) SAM. It’s still binding, (KATIE smiles and takes the contract.) KATIE. I'm getting too old for Disneyland anyway. OFFSTAGE COACH'S VOICE. Alright everybody, circle up! Sam and Katie, that means you-move it or lose it!% Sam Wolfson. KATIE. (Trying to ease the tension.) You just broke up with your boy- friend, what aze you gonna de? !m going to Disneyland! (They both cokconrdly laugh) SAM. (Blurting ovt) Don't go to Disneyland. (KATIE walks over fo SAM and smacks him hard in the chest. He doubles over) KATIE. You stupid jerk! SAM. (Through his pain) This suits defective. KATIE. [thought you wanted me to go. ‘SAM. [ wanted you to stay but you seemed so mad at me. KATIE, I was mad, and Ym sorry 1 got all weird on you about the show and tell, and not playing with me, its just that...every now and then, a girl wants to be told she's ugly. SAM, You are ugly. KATIE. (Touched) Really? SAM. You're the ugliest girl in the whole school. I'm sorry—I know T should have told you that more often. KATIE. I'm sorry [ve been chasing all those other boys around. I am aware of the problem, and Iam working on i ‘SAM. I'm sorry I was a jerk when I found out you napped with 3 other boys. It doesn't matter how many times or who it was—if it was Timmy, if it wasn't Timmy—that’s not important to me, KATIE. And as far as the whole “I love you’ thing goes— SAM. Oh, we're definitely not in love. I looked it up in the diction- ary. Love means a deep and tender feeling of affection for another person, The feelings Ihave for you aren't deep and tender. KATIE, Me neither, Whenever I'm with you, I feel like Im gonna puke, SAM. Me too! I don't know what that is, but it ain’tove, KATIE. Lam s0 NOT in love with you. SAM. Iam so NOT in love with you too. (Beat confused) So. Go I still want to be with you? aay KATIE, Well, this isa really uncertain time in our lives, you know? We're looking into the future, we got all sorts of big things coming up—swimming in the deep end, fractions, it's scary stuff. Getting ‘older is scaryit's like jumping out of an aizplane. But if you have a parachute strapped to you, you know everything's going to be okay, ‘And I know for me, when I jump off that plane...you're my para- chute, (SAM starts to cry) KATIE, Why are you crying? SAM. Because. KATIE, Because why? ‘SAM. Because I don’t know what the hell you're talking about! And itsounds really bad! KATIE. It's not bad, ‘SAM. Oh yeah—jumping out ofa plane without a parachute—that’s really good! KATIE. It’s good, Sam, I swear, it all good. SAM. It’s good? (Beat—then realizing’) Oh. (Wiping his tears) Stupid pollen. (Beat,) So you'll stay? KATIE, That depends. Am still your girlfriend? (GAM tikes outa piece of paper from his pocket. I's the ripped up sivfriend contract that he has crudely taped back together.) SAM. It's still binding. (KATIE smiles and takes the contract.) KATIE. Iim getting too old for Disneyland anyway. OFFSTAGE COACH'S VOICE. Alright everybody, circle up! Sam and Katie, that means you—move it or lose it!‘Sam Wolfson. (GAM and KATTE grab a parachute from the wings the kind we all played with in gym class) There are parachutes you ean get that are small enough 10 if up with two people holding it from opposite ends) OFFSTAGE COACH'S VOICE. OK—we all now how this works. ‘You lift the parachute and I call out two names. You have to get £0 the other side before the shoot comes down or you're out. Ready? LuFT! (GAM and KATIE lift the parachute.) OFFSTAGE COACH'S VOICE, Tedd and Max! Nice work guys, you're safe. LIFT! (SAM and KATIE lft the parachute again.) OFFSTAGE COACH'S VOICE. Billy and Ron! Ron, you're too slow, son, you're out, beat it. LIFT! (GAM and KATIE lift the parachute again.) OFFSTAGE COACH'S VOICE. Kevin and Ginal Nice work, See that’s all you gotta do, get tothe other side where is safe. The mid- leis the bad place...the scary place..the uncertain place...the place where your wife of 12 years leaves you because she says your emo- tionally unavailable. When you hear Journey's “Separate Ways” on the radio and you just stari weeping right there in your cat. Dear God=Ljust need to be held. SAM Coach, are you okay? OFFSTAGE COACH'S VOICE. In time I will be-LIFT!, (GAM and KATIE lift the parachute again.) OFFSTAGE COACH'S VOICE. Sam and Katie! (GAM and KATIE wk towards each other stl holding the para hte As it falls doxon on top of tems, the lights fide.) End of Play Kissing Scene by Carl Martin Comedy, 20-25 minutes female, 1 male ‘An hour before acting class, Ash- ley and Richard meet to rehearse ‘their scene, It calls for them to kiss five times, but whenever they get to the first kiss they break char- acter to argue—about Richard's lateness, about Ashley's attitude, about who chose this scene and ‘why. Does one of them have a secret crush on the other? They! have to rehearse the entire scene to find out—if they can make it that far. The Unknown Part of the Ocean by Sheri Wilner Drama, 10-15 minutes 2 females Eight-year-old Sophie loves to en- tertain her mother with fantasti cal stories. But what's alittle sto- ryteller to do when her mother's cancer is scarier than anything in her imagination? Order ontine at: WWW. playscripts.comAlso available at Playscripts, Inc. The Audition by Don Zolidis Comedy/Drama 35-40 minutes 10 females, 3 males, 11 elther(13- 30 actors possible: 325 females, 125 males) | ‘A new theater teacher is bringing a production of A Chorus Line to the high school. Though the hopefuls range from shy to outrageous, and from diva-lke to determined, everyone has a chance to step into the spotlight. hilarious and heartbreaking look at the madness of audition- ing and the actors who brave the process for that perfect part. Law & Order: Fairy Tale Uni by Jonathan Rand Comedy 35-45 minutes 13 females, 8 males, 27 either (12- 60 actors possible: 0-60 females, 0-60 males) In the fairy tale criminal justice system, the characters from fairy tales and nursery thymes are represented by two separate yet equally ridiculous groups: the fairy tale police who investigate fairy tale crime, and the fairy tale district attorneys who prosecute the fairy tale offend ers. These are thelr stores About the Author ‘Sam Wolfson is the co-writer of Jewtopia, the longest running Off- Broadway comedy of all time, and the longest running original com: edy in Los Angeles theater history. He starred in the productions as well. The play has gone on to be a huge international hit with hundreds of productions in the United States and across the globe. He is also co-author of the best selling book Jewtopia: The Chosen Book For The Chosen People, which was released by Warner books in 2006. He has also toured the US in his two man show which he co- wrote entitled Wolfson and Fogel Lose Their Religion. In 2008, he co- authored the animated show, Middletown, which was sold to Toper Taylor at Cookie Jar Entertainment. Playscripts, Inc