BLEST BE THE TIES THAT BIND

Beth Williams
 PROLOGUE
It continually amazes me that as we mature, what we thought we knew when we were
younger is quickly built upon by different experiences and events that happen in our lives. At a
young age, I thought I knew everything about relationships and the love that abides within
them. However, this sudden epiphany did not come to me because of my great intelligence,
extra education, or even surfing the web. This “Aha!” moment occurred only after my loving
husband and I started having devotions together in the morning.

For the first 15 years of our marriage, my husband and I were happy together. We had
our ups and downs like any couple, but we were happy nonetheless. Sometimes the hard times
seemed to overshadow what happiness there was, but we always seemed to come back
together stronger than before.

Usually I am a very private person about my personal life, so very few people actually
know what goes on behind closed doors. In fact, only one other person in my life knows as
much about me as my husband, and that would be my best friend, Dianne. And this tidbit is
about her, as well.

About 5 years ago, my husband and I realized that our relationship was in trouble and
that we needed help. To be frank, we were talking the big “D” word and sought out help from
our pastor. We really didn’t want to give up on our marriage, but we honestly saw no other
way.

Our pastor sat us both down and asked the routine questions that all couples get in
marriage counseling. “What seems to be the problem? Have you told him/her how you feel?
How long has this been going on?” The list of questions seemed never ending; we just wanted
a quick fix. But something happened that day that changed the course of our marriage,
strengthened our relationship with one another, and planted a deep, abiding love that had not
been present before.

The advice that Pastor gave us as “homework” came after he asked the question, “Do
you pray or have devotions together?” Well, as involved as we had been in the church and as
regular attendees to Sunday morning worship, we were a bit appalled when we realized this
was not a part of our daily lives. In fact, we felt we were doing well by our children since we sat
down regularly after supper and had family devotions. You might have even called what we felt
“pride”. (Ah, one of the seven deadly sins!)

As we shamefacedly answered with a weak “No”, Pastor handed us a book and said,
“While this book may not always follow our theological convictions, it is an excellent book to
help in your marriage. Think of it as baby steps to getting your marriage back on track. You
might have to overlook the differences in theology, but you might gain something from the
devotions. My wife and I have also used this as a devotional in our marriage.”

When I was little, one of the chapters of the Bible that my Sunday school teachers and
my teachers always taught was 1 Corinthians 13, sometimes called “The Love Chapter”. One of
Christ’s apostles, Paul, was speaking to the church at Corinth when he spoke of this deep,
abiding love that transcends any relationship -- spouses, children, and friends alike. Paul was
emphasizing the fact that the basis for any relationship is this love that flows from the Holy
Spirit and saturates every facet of our being. And as well it should, because without love, there
is no way for any relationship to last, unless that love is based in Christ.

While this is in no way a perfect love, because perfect love comes only from Christ, the
love that exists in our interpersonal relationships while we are here on Earth can be near
perfect when Christ is the center of it. While we cannot love each other in perfection, we can
love and forgive because God loved and forgave us first.

So my husband and I started doing daily devotions. At first, it seemed a little awkward.
As far as our personal relationship with God went, we were both doing just fine. However,
when asked to share our relationship with our life partner, it seemed a little different. We were
uncomfortable praying together more than just a mealtime prayer or a prayer said in church.
Sometimes we were not as open as we should have been with our troubles and our thoughts
that we shared. Sometimes it didn’t even seem like our devotions were making a dent in our
marriage. But the seed had been planted and what we saw blossom in the weeks and months
that followed were amazing.

Devotions with our spouse changed our lives forever. This wonderful transformation
did not happen at first. And at the time of this writing, it still is not perfect. But I can genuinely
say without a doubt that our marriage and our lives are 100% better now than they ever have
been. We have learned to communicate better. We have learned how to be open and honest
with each other without walking on eggshells around each other. We have learned that we can
and should pray for each other on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, depending on the need,
whether that need has been voiced or not.

Now the reason I write about this and include it in a book on friendship is because of
this. Once you put your marriage right and it becomes stable, all of your other relationships will
reap the rewards. The love that flows between your husband and you overflows into your
relationships with your children and your closest friends. Even your co-workers will notice a
difference in your demeanor and the way you handle situations at work.
 Perhaps the greatest difference I have seen in my interpersonal relationships since my
husband and I have started devotions together is the change in my relationship with my closest
friend. Our relationship has definitely changed for the better, and I can only say that it has
changed because God is in the center of it. Because I saw what a difference it made in my
marriage, I decided to let God be the focus of my relationship with my best friend as well. And
our relationship has never been better.

Now, my best friend and I have grown up together, but not really. She is about 7 years
older than me, and she actually ran with my brother and his friends. In fact, when asked to
define our relationship, she has said more than once that I was always “the pesky kid sister that
she never wanted.” This has always been said in jest, but as we were growing up, this was
more truth than jest. I was just the tag-along, the little brat who wanted to do everything her
brother did but whom no one wanted around.

As we grew older, though, it seemed like she was always a part of my life and I was
always a part of hers. When she went through some tough times in high school, I was there, in
the background, but she didn’t know it. I was there, watching her and how she handled her
adversities. I was there, admiring the way she lived her life and achieved her dreams in spite of
some of her situations. I wasn’t her best friend at that time, but I knew enough about her that
the foundation for our future relationship was being laid, unbeknownst to either of us.

As far as how and when we started getting closer, our relationship actually did not start
growing closer until right before she and I married our husbands within a year of each other.
Our husbands and my father started out becoming friends, playing dominoes together on a
weekly basis. She and I would either hang out together, or she would be at work (she’s a nurse)
while my husband was with her husband. We bowled together, went to church, and generally
started sharing more of our lives.

Then we developed more connections through the paths in which our lives took us. Her
son was born, and we were among the first people to greet him into this world. My son was
born, and she happened to be the labor and delivery nurse who helped bring my preemie baby
into this world. (I do not think this was a coincidence…it was truly a God-given gift.) Her
daughter was born, and my husband and I were literally the first people who saw her, besides
her husband, mom and dad. My daughter was born, and her husband and she became our
daughter’s godparents. So besides being friends, we were also connected through our children,
who are now almost as close in friendship as we are.
 So it was that our relationship changed and matured. For the longest time, our
friendship grew because our children ran in the same circles, even if they were not the same
ages. When I decided to go back to nursing school, my best friend offered to watch my son,
even when she had worked the night before. In fact, he was at their house more often than he
was at our house for a while. His best friend was there, and he had a second mom, whom to
this day still feels like his other mother. It was wonderful in the fact that he even took his first
steps at her house! Since I wasn’t there to see it, she made sure I had the low down on
everything that happened.

As our children grew, we moved into a house that was just across the alley from them.
This added another dimension to our relationship, simply because close proximity allowed for
frequent trips to each other’s houses, even for a quick conversation. The children quickly wore
a path between the two houses, and the gates stood open more often than not. The boys were
always playing video games and the girls could be found in one or the other of their rooms,
playing dolls or getting into makeup that was clownishly applied. Domino games ensued when
her husband was in town, and family suppers were the norm. But the God aspect was still not
what it could have been.

Now, I’m not saying that God was not a part of our relationship. I mean, that was how
we grew up – in the church. Neither one of us could see NOT having church and God as a big
part of our lives. But it was something that we didn’t share as much, mainly because she went
to a church in which my family had problems previously. We were both the same
denomination, but it just wasn’t the same as being at the same church and sharing that aspect
of our lives.

Yet another commonality that we had was the fact that we were both nurses. As I was
going through nursing school, the only thing I ever wanted to be was a labor and delivery nurse
like my best friend. I figured I could be just as good at it as her, and I had an “in” at the hospital
– she would be my reference. But I quickly learned that the saying “It’s not what you know, it’s
who you know” did not hold true for every job. It was more like “”It’s who you know that gets
you the job, and it’s what you know that keeps you there.” Even with Dianne as my reference, I
did not get my “dream job” and was devastated when I was turned down. Who did I call first?
Dianne, of course. But not to complain or ask why I didn’t get the job. I knew that she would
give me the encouragement I needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps and try again. She
made me realize that that particular position may not have been right for me. At the time, I
didn’t see it, but as time went on, I realized that I wanted to work there more because Dianne
worked there and not because I was really interested in that aspect of nursing.
 Eventually, I procured a job in the NICU at the “other” hospital in town. My stay in that
unit was short-lived and I learned a lot about nursing. But I also learned that that wasn’t my
area of expertise either. However, being a night nurse had its advantages. When I was done
with my assessments and all was quiet on the unit, I could call Dianne at her hospital and chat.
For one thing, she was the only other person I knew that was awake at all hours of the night.
For another thing, she alone understood the nature of my job in the fact that we could be
chatting about something and either she or I might have to hang up suddenly because an
urgent situation arose that needed our attention. Anyone else would have gotten mad at being
hung up on as often as we did each other, but we knew the reasons behind the hasty goodbyes
and never thought twice about it.

For a while, our paths seemed to go in different directions and we stopped talking as
often. I moved onto another job, still nursing. I decided to go back to school and leave nursing
far behind to become a teacher. She supported my decision because she knew the reasons for
the change in careers. She knew the ugly truth behind the switch, and yet she didn’t think
twice about it. In a situation where she could have easily judged me, she did not. She just let
me know that whatever was going to happen was God’s plan. Many times she just listened to
my worries and plans for the future.

When I finally received notification that I was a teacher, she was happy for me, but
again, our paths went in different directions. By this time, I was a special education teacher
who worked most weekdays at a high school. She was still a night nurse, and somewhere in the
interim, she became a nurse who worked at a doctor’s office during the day. Talk about a
culture shock for her! But my closest friends at that time seemed to be the people with whom I
worked.

As I look back on it, I see that I left her in the background during that time. I became
close friends with a woman who taught in the same portable as I did. Our friendship was a
hard, fast friendship that saw us through some tough times. But all the while, the one person
with whom I could be totally me was Dianne. When we got together, she was the one to whom
I could spill troubles and count on. She was there still when the others faded away. I regret
sometimes not letting her know then how much her presence meant to me.

After my stint of three years teaching special education, I came home to where I grew
up. It was this same school that Dianne and I both attended growing up, and the church to
which it was attached was also our childhood church. As I dug myself into my new job of
teaching 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders English and language arts, our paths crossed again. I taught her
daughter and she seemed to always be up at the school doing odd jobs related to her nursing or
the various committees of which she was a part. I saw her more in those few years, and it
seemed that once again, our friendship had yet another tie to bind us together.
 During the years when I taught the older kids, Dianne made a big appearance back in my
life again and would stop by frequently just to visit, see how I was doing, and give me words of
encouragement on rough days. There was never a day that went by when she was up at school
where she didn’t come by and at least check in, if just to say hi and bye. I started to get used to
seeing her two or three days out of the week. When we made the decision to transfer our
church membership to Trinity permanently, we saw each other on Sunday mornings as well.

Then it happened. The God thing I was talking about earlier. As I transferred down to
the prekindergarten classroom, Dianne became more of a permanent fixture in my life. She
encouraged me to take the job offered to me even though I was very unsure of myself and
whether I could do a decent job. She continued to encourage me and made the comment,
“They would be silly if they didn’t see what a good job you would do. Of course they’ll choose
you! But remember, if God wants it to happen, it will happen.” Perhaps this above all other
comments was what encouraged me to take that step in faith to become who I am today. And
this, of course, is the strongest tie that binds us together to this day – our shared faith in Christ.

In the intervening years, Dianne and I have become almost inseparable. We talk almost
every day. And when we get too busy to talk to one another, it feels like something vital is
missing from our lives. Even if it’s just a check-in to see how the other one is doing, or a good
night, or even a good morning, there’s always a message to let each other know that neither
one of us is far from the other’s mind.

It’s not to say we haven’t had our disagreements. But God has stepped right in the
middle of those disagreements and made them easier to reconcile. What I have learned in my
relationship with my husband I also apply to other close relationships around me, including that
of my best friend.

First, I have learned not to always assume the worst of the other person. This was a bad
habit that I had gotten into throughout my marriage. With the help of God, I now give the
other person the benefit of the doubt first, because I know that those people closest to me
would never hurt me on purpose. I say a little prayer before I confront the other person, just so
I know the right words to say and how to say them.

Second, I have learned to confront the other person as tactfully and as swiftly as
possible. I have learned never to let the sun go down on my anger, whether it is in my marriage
or in my relationship with my best friend. While I still work on this daily, I would rather talk
about any problems or concerns I might have than to let it sit and fester within my mind.

Third, (and this is something I continuously learn) silence is not always a bad thing. If
your husband or your best friend is silent, it can be a comfortable silence. There may not be
anything wrong, and it is not anything serious, but it’s just a time to be comfortably silent. I
have learned to enjoy all the times with those who I hold dear, because sometimes just hanging
out is the best thing to do.

Finally, I have learned that with God as the center of the relationship, there is nothing
you can’t handle. Problems will arise, whether they are disagreements with each other or
problems with the boss, problems financially or problems with the spouse. But whatever the
situation, when you put God in control, whether it is through prayer or a note of
encouragement, then that relationship is destined to flourish under the nurturing of God’s love.

I thank God daily for the blessing of that day when my husband and I had come to the
end of our rope. If not for the pleading we made to our God in a time of trouble, our
relationships with each other and with those around us would have been doomed to sin.
Without us getting our lives on track with God and with each other, the rest of our lives would
definitely not have been blessed as they have been since that day. Sometimes it takes us
dropping to the very depths before God will lift us up to the very highest, where we can enjoy
the fruits of His labor in every facet of our lives. And I am so very thankful that God is the
center of my relationships with both my husband, Neil, and my very best friend, Dianne.
 CHAPTER 1

“Are you ready?” Dianne asked in a no-nonsense voice.

“Yes, I already went back up to my school twice and checked the classroom. I also made sure
my mailboxes were empty and there were no personal belongings in the file cabinets,” I answered. As I
pondered all the things I had crossed off on my famed “to-do” list, I searched my memory for something
I had forgotten. The utilities, the mail, and the Internet all had been transferred to our new home in
Austin. We had even found a vet on our last trip down when we finalized our jobs, so even our dogs
were set for the move.

“Yes, but are you sure you’re ready?” Dianne asked again, this time in a little firmer voice. It
sounded like she was getting upset with me, but I couldn’t quite figure it out as I searched my brain
trying to think of what I could have missed.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I said, not quite getting what she meant. “I already went back through the
house several times to make sure we left nothing. The only things that are left are the pencil marks on
the wall for the kids’ heights. Can’t take that with us, can we?” I couldn’t think of what she thought I
had missed, and this was already hard enough, so the answer came out more irritably than I wanted.

If anybody knew whether I had gotten everything taken care of, it was Dianne. Besides my
husband, she was my best friend in the world. She had helped me pack up everything I needed for this
move, so she should know. In fact, it was Dianne that made moving easier. Moving would have been
next to impossible since I was packing by myself; Neil had already left for orientation at his job in Austin.
Dianne made packing, sorting and getting rid of trash much simpler and much more fun because she
was there to help and reminisce. As soon as Neil left for Austin to get settled into his new job, Dianne
and I stayed up most nights in our house, packing away old pictures, clothes that our children had
passed back and forth, and just reminiscing. Because she worked nights as a labor and delivery nurse,
Dianne was always good to go after 9:00. And because I had already quit my job as pre-kindergarten
teacher, I could stay up and pack at night and sleep during the day. It made for a good arrangement as I
got things done before my final day in the house AND I got to spend these last few weeks with Dianne.

I wasn’t sure why she kept asking me if I was ready, except for the fact that she always did
that. She had always made sure my ducks were in a row, even before I did. When she asked if I was
ready, I became annoyed that she kept “mothering” me. After all, she was my best friend, not my
mother! So I turned around to make a snarky remark to her, like we usually did when one or the other
would push a little too far.

But, Dianne’s tone had softened as she asked me one more time, “Are you sure you’re ready?” I
had been meaning to tell her to knock it off, but when I heard the change in her tone of voice, I changed
my mind. I noticed in her body language what I hadn’t heard in her voice – the slump of her shoulders,
the downturned half-smile, eyes that were glazed over with tears. I thought, “Oh, no, I can’t do this
now. I have to be on the road in half an hour and Neil is waiting for me at the moving van company.”
But, she was my best friend, and I owed her this good-bye.

“Yeah, I guess I’m ready,” I said quietly. “I mean, things are packed obviously. The utilities are
transferred, and Neil is waiting for me. You know if I’m not on the road, he’ll be champing at the bit.
But I really don’t want to leave this house, this city, or you. Where am I gonna find another
Woodstock?” Dianne had earned the nickname of Woodstock when she had come to lunch with my
family after staying up all night working and then attending church with us. She had been so tired that
she rambled on like the bird named Woodstock in the comic strip Peanuts. Ever since then, the name
stuck with her.

I drew her into a hug and felt as if my stomach was rolling. I could feel myself starting to cry
and couldn’t help it. But I knew if I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop, and I had to be the strong one.
So, I sniffed a couple of times, drew back, and looked at Dianne. I felt my stomach drop. To my dismay,
I shouldn’t have worried about crying because she had already started. For once, my Woodstock was
speechless, but it wasn’t a good thing.

“It’s not like we can’t text every day like we do now,” I said, trying to put a positive spin on it.
“You can tell me about your work and the kids and I’ll tell you about everything new that’s happening.
You’ll be busy with band, CPR classes, your work, and all the little jobs you do up at the church. You
won’t even have time to miss me. And we’ll text every day, just like we do now! We just won’t have the
face-to-face time or our walks or pool time or….” I had to stop myself because I knew I would start
crying harder, thinking about the many aspects of our lives Dianne and I shared. I was going to miss her
so much! I pulled myself together. “It’ll be like nothing has changed. We will still ramble on endlessly
like we always do; it’ll just be over texts. Nothing will change. ” Now if only I believed that!

Dianne was still speechless as she tried hard to take in everything that I was saying. She was
chewing her lips and her mouth was twisted in that way that she always did when she was trying not to
cry. I had seen her too many times when she was about to cry to not know that look. I didn’t know if I
could stop myself from crying when I saw her do that.

“And think about it this way,” I continued. “ We don’t live that far from the farm. You just may
have to visit the farm more regularly.” Her parents had a pecan farm just outside of Austin and they
visited at least every 2 years for a family reunion. “Now you don’t have to wait for the reunion! And,
when you visit Matthew in College Station, you can spend the night with us before heading down to see
him.” Matthew was her son who was attending Texas A&M. “It’ll be just like it’s always been!” Even as
I said the words, my heart would not accept them. My mind said this was for the best because this
move would make my husband happier, but my heart didn’t follow suit because I was leaving everything
I had always known behind. I could almost feel my heart breaking.

Dianne didn’t say anything else; she couldn’t because her chin was quivering more than before.
On one hand, I couldn’t believe Dianne would cry over me, but on the other hand, I knew her well
enough to know that good-byes were just not her thing. Dianne had always been the strong one, the
one seemingly without emotion, at least over the big things. Mayonnaise commercials would send her
into a tailspin, but births, graduations, and weddings were no big deal – at least on the outside. Now, as
our time to say goodbye drew closer, I saw her on the inside for what seemed like the first time, and it
was heartbreakingly clear. I had meant more to her all these years than I ever thought possible. So the
best thing to do was make this quick and painless.

“Ok, gotta go,” I said. “Really, really gotta go now. I promise I’ll text you when we stop and
when we finally get there. Remember all those times I asked you to text after work and on your
vacations to Maryland and…” I had to stop. My voice was too choked to continue. I composed myself
once more with a deep breath and continued. “Woodstock, you’re my bestie and that will never
change no matter how many miles separate us. I love you whooooole bunches and then some.” This
was my standard goodbye to her when we texted and I hoped it would make her smile. Unfortunately,
it had the opposite effect. Dianne started to cry in earnest, but she managed to croak out, “Love you
bunches and bunches and bunches.” Again, her standard sign-off to me, but instead of making me grin,
her words left me hollow and flat on the inside, like a deflated balloon. This time, I just couldn’t smile.

We pulled each other into a hug that seemed to last forever. Usually, we were not that physical
– a quick side hug, maybe a tap on the shoulder, but full hugs – not usually. This time, however, when I
tried to let go, she pulled me even tighter, like she would never let me go. I held on, thinking that this
was the best feeling in the world – to be hugged back. It was too bad that it came when we would
forever be separated. I’m not sure who let go first, but as my arms emptied from her hug, my heart felt
just as empty.

Turning around, I slumped into the car, shutting the door as quietly as I could, knowing that if I
shut it any harder, it would shatter the moment. I turned the radio on and blasted out my favorite 80s
station, hoping it would drown out my thoughts. Just then, I received a text from Neil, my husband.

“On your way? We really have to leave. See you in 10.” I had to go, so I texted him back with
shaky fingers. “I’ll be there in 5. Love you!”

I waved out the window to Dianne and she waved back. She was covering her mouth now and
wiping her nose. She turned away quickly, probably so I wouldn’t see her, but as she got to the end of
the sidewalk, she turned back towards the street. She never did cry well, and I was sure she didn’t want
me to see her cry now, even though I had seen it plenty of times.

I started my car and turned my turn signal on; I gunned the car into the intersection. My mind
was not even on the cars coming from the stoplight down the street. I turned back to my house once
more to see the life I was leaving behind, the best friend who had made me a better person. As I turned
my head to look through the windshield once more, I heard the screech of tires, the crunch of metal,
and saw a brilliant flash of light. Then, all went black.
 CHAPTER 2

“Judge not, lest you be judged.” Matthew 7:1

“Annie…Wake up. It’s time to go.”

I knew it was time to go. I just told Dianne good-bye and was heading to the moving van
company. Why was she telling me it was time to go? And why couldn’t I open my eyes? And why was
she calling me Annie? Nobody had called me that in years!

“Come on, Annie. My meeting is over and we have to get home.”

That was Mom’s voice. Why was she telling me it was time to go? Go where? Mom had moved
away with Dad to Indiana over 5 years ago. How could she be talking to me in person?

I slowly opened my eyes and felt a wave of nostalgia and confusion wash over me. As I looked
at my surroundings, I realized I was at my church in a room commonly used for Sunday school. A sickly
yellow color covered the walls and I was lying on a musty orange couch that had seen better days, no
matter how comfy it was. But this room hadn’t looked like this for a long time; it was used for day care
now. But why was I here? I was supposed to be driving to Austin with Neil!

“Mom, what are you doing here? I’m supposed to be on my way to Austin with Neil – you know
that! And why am I at church? And why do I look like a kid?”

“Annie, you must have had some really strange dreams. Who is Neil and why would you be
going to Austin? And you look like a kid because you are a young lady – you’re only 12. Be thankful you
still look like a kid. One of these days, you’ll be thankful for that! Now, let’s go.”

Still feeling disoriented, I stood up from the couch as a wave of dizziness washed over me. I
steadied myself and started walking with Mom to the car. Perhaps I was having a strange dream now.
Maybe I would go with it and hope to wake up soon. I had mixed feelings about this, because I couldn’t
believe I was talking to Mom face to face. We usually talked on the phone weekly, but they hardly
visited us anymore. Their health was not as good as it once was, and it hurt to see them getting older.
Maybe I shouldn’t wake up.

“Are you sure you’re ok, Annie? You don’t look like you feel so good,” Mom said.

“No, I’m fine. So, how was your meeting, Mom?” I decided to ask her about her meeting
because that would make this feel more normal. Yeah, that would be my plan.

“Oh, you know. It was the usual. We planned some meals for people, had a Bible study and
talked a bit…same song, different verse.” Even though she sounded like she was bored with her
meeting, I knew Mom better than that. If she didn’t like what she was doing, she wouldn’t do it. She
was just tired.
 “Oh, I did learn something tonight. We are going to be hosting a baby shower for Dr. Smith and
Charlotte’s youngest daughter, Dianne. It seems that she will be having a baby sometime in February.
She doesn’t have many things for the baby yet, and some of her friends want to help her out. I think her
friends Marie and Christine and Susan are helping, as well as Betty Hansford, but Charlotte asked that
we ladies help with the refreshments. I said we would be happy to help.”

As I processed this information, I had a strange feeling of de ja vu. I thought I had gone through
this conversation before with Mom…in fact, I was 99% sure of it. But I felt it eating at the corners of my
mind and my head was starting to hurt a bit, so I just passed it off as I was just not fully awake yet.

“But,” I said, “isn’t Dianne still in high school? How can she be pregnant? Why? What do Dr.
Smith and Charlotte think of this? And why are we helping her?”

“Well,” my mom said, “Dr. Smith and Charlotte have been members of this church for a long
time. And instead of making them feeling bad about something that is already done, we are doing the
right thing. We are not to judge, especially when someone needs our help. Remember, Jesus told his
followers not to judge others if they didn’t want to be judged. It’s not our place to look down on others
when they do something wrong because we all sin.” At this, I just rolled my eyes; I had heard this
sermonette too many times to admit. “So, do you want to help out or not?” Mom asked.

I thought about it for a minute. At 12, I tended to see the world in black and white, as either
right or wrong. There was no room for gray area, and I felt a flash of anger that someone would
deliberately do something wrong like this. As I had just graduated from a private elementary school, I
tended to be more judgmental and less forgiving. I felt like I was better than anyone else and would
never do something like that. And I felt like since Dianne got herself into this, she shouldn’t be helped.
This was her choice, right?

But then a curious feeling came over me…one that felt light as a feather. One that made it seem
like I was breathing through a tube. My heart actually felt lighter and I heard a voice inside of me say,
“Don’t be so judgmental. That’s not what she needs. How would you like to be judged like that? Do the
right thing and be the friend she needs right now.”

At first, I thought this voice must be a manifestation of all the weird events that had been
happening lately. For one thing, this was not a voice I’d heard before now. It sure wasn’t the voice that
usually invaded my thoughts. Maybe it was my conscience? Maybe it was the voice of my parents? I
wasn’t quite sure, but I really liked the feeling that came over me as I thought about helping out
someone who needed me -- especially Dianne.

While she was one of my older brother’s friends, I still looked up to and admired Dianne. I
wanted to be just like her when I grew up. She was funny, she had lots of friends, and she played the
flute in band. She always seemed to know what she wanted, and she was really good at making
everyone laugh. I was so shy and introverted; I wished I could be more like her. Maybe this was my
chance to finally get to know her better and get past the “bratty kid sister” image I knew I had been
tagged with long ago.
 “Ok, I’m up for it,” I said. “What can I do? I’m only a kid and I don’t have any money. But put
me to work anyway. I’ll do anything for Dianne. She’s like my big sister.”

“Well,” my mom explained, “you can be listed as a hostess. You’ll get food ready for the shower
and you can put your name on the hostess gift for the shower. I know you don’t have any money, but I’ll
pay your portion. You will probably be asked to serve food or punch while you’re there. Do you think
you can handle that?”

“Sure, “I said, “I’ll do whatever needs to be done. Just say the word.”

My mom just smiled at me as we walked out to the car together. As the night sky fell over us
while we walked to the car, I could feel a sense of fuzziness settle over me. I knew I was sleepy, and I
felt myself slipping away….
 CHAPTER 3
“She’s waking up! Hurry! Someone go get the doctor and let him know. And get her husband,
too! He and that other woman have been waiting out in the waiting room for hours! Hurry!”

This was a voice I didn’t recognize, but it held a sense of urgency. And why were they saying I
needed a doctor and my husband? And why wasn’t I talking with my mom anymore? We were just
going to get ice cream while we planned…what were we planning?

All of a sudden, there was a flurry of activity happening around me. Whistles sounded and
alarms went off. I knew I was in a hospital, but I wasn’t sure why.

I heard quick footsteps moving towards me as a deep voice broke in to my thoughts. “Mrs.
Prescott, I’m glad you’re coming back to us. Can you squeeze my hand? Can you move your fingers?”
His voice floated away from me as he voiced the question, “Nurse, how did you know she was waking
up? She’s not even responding to my voice commands. Let me talk to your supervisor….” His voice, as
angry as it sounded, started trailing off as he continued the tirade against the poor nurse.

“Must be one of those doctors who think he’s God,” I thought.

“Well, all that for nothing? I thought you were going to wake up. I wonder why the nurse
thought you were waking up. I need to talk to a nurse who knows what she’s doing!” This voice
sounded frustrated and almost as angry as the doctor, but his words didn’t seem to be directed at
anyone specifically – well, maybe the nurse who just left. Then his tone seemed to soften a bit. “Please
wake up and be ok. I can’t afford to lose you! I love you so much and no job is worth anything if you
aren’t there with me. Please wake up! I need you!” I began to recognize this voice – sort of. On the
edge of my conscious, I could barely make it out. I wasn’t sure, but could this have been Neil, my
husband? Why did he sound like he was crying?

“Spidey, wake up! You can sleep when you’re dead! Isn’t that what you always tell me? Why
are you just lying around like this? Were you trying to use your web slingers again and they pooped out
on you?” This person sounded like she was trying very hard at an attempt at humor, but not quite
achieving it. Then the lightheartedness stopped, giving way to a much more serious tone. “This sure is a
bad way to get attention! I’m supposed to be at work in a few hours, and I need a nap! You’re keeping
me from sleeping!” As brash as that sounded, this voice seemed choked as well, almost as if it was
trying very hard not to cry. I couldn’t quite discern the voice, but it played at the corners of my pain-
fogged brain, like a mouse barely nibbling on cheese in a mousetrap. I tried to reach for the voice, but it
slipped away. And why was I being called Spidey?

Nothing made sense right now. I vaguely remembered that I had been talking to my mom, going
for ice cream at Dairy Queen, and planning something. But why did I hurt so much right now? It felt like
a jackhammer was pounding inside of my head and shards of pain were running up both of my legs.
 I struggled to sit up and open my eyes, but my body would not obey my mind. I desperately
wanted to know what was happening and who was talking to me. But I just couldn’t move.

“Honey, it’s Neil. I’ve been here for a long time and I need you to wake up. Your bestie is here,
too, and she won’t leave your side except to go to work. Please be ok. I’ll do anything if you’ll just wake
up and be ok.”

I could feel myself reaching for some memory that would tell me to whom I was talking. My
brain hurt trying to figure it out, and I could feel the memory in the corners of my brain, but I just
couldn’t remember.

“Hey, it’s Woodstock and you have to wake up,” said the other voice. “Who am I going to talk to
for hours at a time? Who am I going to go on spur-of-the-moment road trips with? Who is going to help
me when Allyson graduates and I need someone to keep me together? Come on, it’s Dianne and I need
you to get better, Anne!”

I knew that voice. I could just barely make out a face in my mind, but when it came into focus, I
would feel a searing pain and the face would shimmer away. It felt like an old-time television with
rabbit ears that needed readjusting between shows. The picture got fuzzy and would almost be clear,
but then it would slip away again. It was very frustrating.

All of a sudden, I started feeling as if my whole body had fallen asleep and was trying to wake
up, like a thousand pins and needles were roaming over my body. I started feeling numb and prickly at
the same time. Suddenly, I felt as if I was falling through a tunnel and tried to reach out my hand to grab
on to something, but I couldn’t move my hand. I tried to cry out, but my lips and my voice wouldn’t
work.

Suddenly, both of the people who had been talking to me started yelling at once, “Someone
help us! Her blood pressure is dropping. Nurse, please help us!” Both voices sounded desperate, but
the female who identified herself as Dianne seemed a little calmer, like she had done this before. Neil
just sounded scared.

A quick patter of footsteps, followed by a shrill voice different from the others suddenly
shouted, “She’s going into cardiac arrest! Everybody get out of the room while we work! Go, now!!!”

Wait, wait!! Come back! Please tell me who you are and why you want me to wake up! Please!
Don’t leave….
 CHAPTER 4
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.” Matthew 5:7 (ESV)

“He’s beautiful…looks just like a Smith…look at those big blue eyes...he’s gonna be a
heartbreaker when he grows up!”

In front of a nursery window…looking at all the babies, but one in particular. Everyone was
looking at a tow-haired, blue-eyed baby that the nurse in colorful scrubs was holding up like a trophy.
He was, of course, squirming to be let down, as if this performance was not one he was ready for. His
face reddened as his eyes scrunched and he let out a howl. As cute as babies were supposed to be, this
one just looked mad and ready to fight the world!

As I looked through the nursery window, I could barely make out the shadow of my own
reflection. I stared, puzzled, because I wasn’t quite sure how I got here. I thought I had been riding to
the ice cream shop with my mom and planning a baby shower for…for Dianne and her new little boy.
What had happened? Did we have the shower? Was this her baby?

Why couldn’t I remember how I got here? It was almost as if large chunks of my life were
missing, and all I could remember was parts of it that involved Dianne. I knew something wasn’t right
with this, but I also kept thinking that I was in a dream and I would wake up soon.

“Oh, my word! Isn’t he so cute?!” That was my mom. That was her way of exclaiming over
something, anything that she thought was adorable.

I looked around at the other people admiring the new life on display – Mom and Dad, Dr. Smith
and Charlotte, Marie (who was her best friend),and Robert and Renee, her brother and sister-in-law.
Again, I had a feeling that I had been here before and done this. The feeling crept at the back of my
mind, but I quickly dismissed it because I had always been told that I was too deep of a thinker…just
relax and quit thinking so much…don’t be so serious! Instead, I focused my attention on the new life in
front of me and the people around me.

“How big was he?” I asked. “What’s his name? Is he healthy?” And of course, the ever
important question that kept nudging my brain was, “Is Dianne ok? When can I see her?”

Dianne’s mom, Charlotte, answered all the questions in succession, but I only picked up on a
couple of pieces of information. His name was Charles Paul, named for his father and grandfather.
Mom and baby were both healthy, and I could go see Dianne whenever everyone else had gone to see
her, if she wasn’t too tired. She still hadn’t even come out of recovery, so I knew it would be awhile.
Because I wasn’t really “family”, I had to take a number in able to see her after the other family
members.

As I shuffled off to the waiting room to sit for a while, my mind started analyzing a million
different scenarios. Who was going to take care of Dianne’s baby while she was at school? How was
she going to finish school? What did Dr. Smith and Charlotte really think of this whole situation? Would
she still go to college? Then I started wondering how I could help out, even though I was only 13.
Maybe I could babysit or raise some money for her or…well, maybe I could just be her friend. She didn’t
seem to have a lot of them right now.

When I got to the waiting room, I sat and stared mindlessly at the television for what seemed
like hours as I watched several mindless comedies in succession. To my young mind, this seemed like a
waste of time, except for the fact that I would soon get to see Dianne and the baby -- especially Dianne.
I wondered what I would say to this person whom I admired so much when I actually saw her – I had
never been in this situation before.

I knew that more than an hour had gone by when my mom and dad finally came through the
double doors leading back to the patient rooms. Excitedly, I went up to them and repeated my previous
questions. I was as ready to get out of the waiting room as I was to see Dianne.

“Can I go see Dianne and Paul? Is she ready?” I asked.

“Sure you can go in. Her room is 319 and she has been asking for you,” my mom said.

Incredulously, I asked, “She’s been asking for me? Why? I’m just the kid sister of one of her
friends. She’s better friends with Lee than she is with me.”

“Yes, but I believe she has something to tell you that she wanted to tell you in person,” my mom
said softly.

“Alright,” I said. I still wasn’t sure what she would want with me. Like I said, I was just the tag-
along kid sister and didn’t think she ever knew how much I admired her and wanted to be like her, never
mind even noticing me. So I slowly walked through the double doors, looked at the sign to make sure I
knew where her room was, and silently walked down the hall.

As I got closer to her room, I experienced the labor and delivery floor of the hospital as I never
had before, and it fascinated me. Behind a few doors were the tiny hungry mewls of newborns. Down
the hall was the keening wail of a soon-to-be-mother as she went through the final stages of labor. The
fresh, clean smell of antibacterial soap permeated the halls, along with an undercurrent of some
unidentifiable scent that I could only ascertain was the smell of new life. Some doors were brightly
decorated with announcements of new life in the form of decorated wreaths of flowers while other
doors were just labeled with patient names and eerily bare. Those made me wonder, but I didn’t have
much time to ruminate as I got to Dianne’s room.

Knock, knock….

“Come in,” I heard from the other side of the door. Accompanying that was the small cry that
could only be Paul. As excited as I had been to see mom and baby, I felt a little unsure of myself as I
inched through her door and stood for a moment. I wasn’t quite sure what I would say or what Dianne
wanted with me. Shyly, I let myself into her room.
 “Hey,” I found my voice and whispered as I walked in the door. “My mom and dad said you
wanted to see me,” I whispered, not wanting to startle the baby. “I saw your baby in the nursery
window. I think he’s really cute.” I blurted out, “He looks just like you.” I mentally smacked myself,
thinking that was a dumb thing to bring up, simply because I knew the background of her situation.
While I was happy for her, I still didn’t want to say anything wrong.

“You think he looks like me?” Dianne asked. “I think he looks just like his dad.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I was still so naïve about these things that my response
seemed lost in my head. Finally I came up with the only conversation I knew was safe. “What’s his
name?” I asked.

“His name is Charles Paul. I named him after his dad and my dad. Would you like to hold him?”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t. I’m no good with babies. Can I just look at him from here?” I asked
tentatively. In an effort to get over the awkwardness I was feeling, I asked Dianne about what my mom
had told me in the waiting room. “My mom said you wanted to talk to me. What did you want?” As
soon as I said it, I knew it sounded bad, but Dianne didn’t seem to notice and kept going with the
conversation.

“Yeah, your mom was right. I did want to talk with you. You know, your mom and dad are
pretty special, and they are almost like my second set of parents. Did you know that through this whole
situation, they never looked down on me or judged me for anything? A lot of people in church judged
me and some aren’t even my friends anymore. Your parents are very special and I want you to know
that you are blessed,” Dianne said. She continued, “And did you know something about your brother?”

“What about him?” I said with some trepidation. After all, I didn’t get along with Lee, and
anything that people said about him didn’t register well with me.

“Well, he said he would marry me so that my little boy would have a last name. He was very
sweet about it.” She paused here. “But I don’t like him like that – he’s just a friend. And I don’t think
he’s the right one for me. I just want you to know you have a pretty special family, and you should
always keep them close to your heart.”

At this point, my 13 year old wisdom was not picking up what she was saying. I didn’t think my
parents were special – they were my parents. They were the ones who set the rules, set curfew, and
told me when to go to bed. I still didn’t see what was so special about them. Anyway, my dad was the
pastor. He wasn’t supposed to judge anyone. How was that special? And that piece of news about my
brother? Well, that just blew me away!
 “What I wanted to say to you was thank you. Thank you for being just like your parents. You
have not judged me this whole time with Paul. You helped with the baby shower. You continued to talk
to me at church when other people would look away. You never seemed like you were embarrassed or
ashamed of me. For the kid sister of Lee, I think you’re pretty cool – even if he can be a dork sometimes.
So I just wanted to thank you for being you. Now, would you like to hold Paul?” He was quiet now, so I
didn’t think it would be too bad, but I was still trying to process what Dianne had just said to me.

I was speechless. Nobody had ever thanked me for anything like this before. And for Dianne to
thank me was an even bigger deal – the person who I looked up to most in this world was thanking ME.
I was in awe, but as I continued to process what she had told me, I told Dianne, “Yeah, I think I’d like to
hold him, but only for a few minutes.” In my head I thought, “I don’t want to mess up, but I don’t want
Dianne to think any less of me.” But as I picked up Charles and smelled his sweet newborn baby smell
and looked at him as he slowly blinked his eyes at me, I knew he was the most precious boy I’d ever
seen. And I knew in my heart that I would do anything to protect him and help him grow up, just
because he was Dianne’s son. I knew he would be in my life for a long time to come, and I had a flash of
him grown up with a family of his own.

I blinked rapidly because I didn’t know how I had seen that picture, but the image of Charles
seemed so real, it confused me. I blinked a couple more times and saw that Charles was wrinkling his
forehead and curling up his little pink lips. I swiftly but gently handed him back to Dianne, and I
murmured, “He’s beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Dianne answered. “If I need a babysitter, can I count on you sometime? I really
think he likes you.”

“I’d love to do that for you sometime. And my mom will be there to help, so he’ll be in good
hands. Just call me sometime.”

“Thank you for coming by; it really meant a lot to me,” Dianne said sweetly. “But it’s almost
time for Charles to eat and I’m getting tired. I’ll be sure to call you if I need you.”

“Talk to you later,” I waved as I walked out the door and down the hall. The smells, sights, and
sounds were still the same as when I went in. I was still just as fascinated by it all as I started thinking,
“Maybe I could do this someday. I’ve always wanted to work in a hospital. It would be so exciting to
bring babies into the world every day and get to hold them! Maybe someday…”

As I turned the corner to go back into the waiting room, the hospital sights and sounds grew
dimmer and faded into the background. I couldn’t figure out what was happening as I nudged open the
doors to the waiting room. As I blinked my eyes and tried to clear my head, the room started spinning
and my eyes darkened. I vaguely remember seeing Mom and Dad before I slowly fell to the floor.
 CHAPTER 5
The pain in my body was excruciating and my mouth would not work. I tried to cry out to
someone, but I found my voice gone. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t tell anybody how I felt and why
it was so difficult for me to move. I started flailing my arms – or at least trying to. My arms felt like lead
weights coming off my body. I felt a gentle touch on my arms.

“Honey, don’t try to move. Let me get the nurse or the doctor or someone…Doctor!!!” His
voice faded as he seemed to leave the room. Maybe he was going to get help.

I knew that voice. I felt a warm feeling at that voice, but I couldn’t remember. Why couldn’t I
move? And why did I need a doctor? I was just visiting Dianne and baby Paul! This wasn’t real. I tried
to identify what was going on around me, but it seemed like such a gigantic chore just to open my eyes.
My head hurt so badly. I just wanted to go back to sleep.

“Hey, you! I’m glad you’re waking up! But Neil is right…you shouldn’t try to move much until
the doctor comes in and checks on you. Can you open your eyes? Do you need anything? Squeeze my
hand if you can even hear me.”

How could I squeeze the hand that was supposed to be holding a baby? I recognized that voice
– it was Dianne. But why couldn’t I speak to her? And why was I supposed to squeeze her hand when I
should be able to talk to her like I always had? I fought hard to try and squeeze her hand. Nothing. I
tried again, but only succeeded in making my head hurt worse than it had before. If only I could go to
sleep…then I could wake up and everything would be back to normal. I would be visiting Dianne and
Paul in the hospital. My mom and dad would be waiting for me, and I could go home and do homework.
THAT was normal! And who was Neil?

“Well, ok. Maybe you’re not as awake as we thought you were. Neil’s going to be so
disappointed. Stay with us until he gets back. Twitch a finger or something. I can see your eyes moving.
Please just wake up! I miss you, Spidey!”

Why was she calling me Spidey? And why couldn’t I wake up? My head was really starting to
hurt, almost like a migraine. Maybe if I just went to sleep….

“Spidey…Anne…are you there? Oh, my gosh, hang on! I need to go get Neil and the doctor –
your blood pressure is spiking! I’ll be back, I promise. Hang on!”

Peace. Quiet. Sweet oblivion.

 CHAPTER 6
“A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Ephesians 4:12b

“Wow! You’re getting married!? When? What will your colors be? Who are your bridesmaids?
Where are you going on your honeymoon? Details, I want details, girl!”

“Cool your jets, Anne! All in good time. We’ll be getting married on August 22 at our church.
Your dad is going to marry us. I don’t know my colors yet, and Oliver is surprising me for our
honeymoon. All he is telling me is what kind of clothes to pack and not much more.”

I noticed that she had not answered the question about the bridesmaids. But I assumed she
would have at least Marie, if not Christine as well. They were her best friends from high school and
church, girls who seemed to stick together through everything.

“Well, I’m happy for you! Is there anything I can do for you to get ready?” I decided to let her
know how happy I was for her instead of voicing my concerns about the swiftness of the engagement. I
had a million questions to ask her, but I wanted to encourage her happiness instead of laying out
doubts.

“I know you think it was a fast engagement, but I really love Oliver and want to marry him. He’s
good to me, and he accepts that I have Paul. And he is good to my parents. What more could I ask for?
Now, I do have something to ask you.” Dianne was being awfully patient for someone who just
announced her engagement. Where was her excitement over this wondrous occasion? And then I
remembered – she was always the practical one, the level-headed one. As this thought fleetingly
popped into my head, a random stab of pain accompanied it. Why would the thought of Dianne being
unemotional and level-headed cause me to wonder? Where had I thought that before?

“Hello,” Dianne said as she snapped her fingers to bring me back from my ponderings. “Yes, you
can do something for me,” Dianne said. “You have stuck by me through lots of things, and I really
appreciate everything you have done. You’re pretty cool, and we have been friends for a long time. I
was wondering…if you can find the time…with getting ready for your wedding and all….” She was
stammering, and I had never known Dianne to be at a loss for words. “I was wondering if you would…if
you could…be one of my bridesmaids. You would be a junior bridesmaid because Marie, Susan, and
Christine will be up there.” She went on, but this time, her voice didn’t sound as emotional. “I mean,
you’re going to need the practice for your wedding next year, aren’t you? This way, you might not trip
up the aisle because you’ll have already done it.” Now I knew Dianne was trying not to show her
emotions, because she was getting a little sarcastic. It was her defense mechanism when she didn’t
want anyone knowing her true feelings.

I wanted to turn the tables on Dianne a bit, so I pretended to think about her question for a bit.
I narrowed my eyes and looked like I was deep in thought. “I don’t know if there’s room for another
bridesmaid up at the altar. Do you really need me? You already have enough people up there, don’t
you?” Dianne looked worried, as if she thought I would say no.

“I guess I could be a bridesmaid that day. Let me check my calendar. You know, I am getting
ready for my own wedding next year. I may just have to fit you into my schedule.” I pretended to think,
and I paused just long enough to make her worry. I wasn’t trying to be mean – this was just how we
acted around one another. But then I saw her face show some real doubt, and I knew I had to give her
my answer before she became upset.

“Of course I’ll be a bridesmaid! That’ll be so much fun! I’d do anything for you! You know
that!” As I answered, I hugged Dianne hard, just to let her know my teasing was all in fun.

“You know I think the world of Oliver and I want to see you happy,” I said to Dianne. “I’ve
actually never been a bridesmaid for anyone before. I have to find out what I have to do. I have to start
writing my list. I have to check with the other bridesmaids about the shower. I have to….”

“Hang on just a second!” Dianne exclaimed with an exasperated sigh. “Don’t go all analytical on
me and overthink it all. Just let it happen. I’ve got the planning part down. The other girls also know
what to do, so just take it as it comes. You’re actually a junior bridesmaid, so let the other girls plan
things, ok?”

I sighed, knowing she was right. That was one of my downfalls. I was always too much of a
thinker, and sometimes I would think things to death, especially when it came to relationships. Dianne
could see this in me and she was one of the only ones who could bring me back to reality and tell me to
get a grip without hurting my feelings. I had learned with my fiancé, Neil, that overthinking could lead
to trouble. While it was ok to plan, sometimes spontaneity was not a bad thing, either.

It still overwhelmed me a bit that Dianne actually asked me to be a bridesmaid. I knew she
thought a lot of me, but I also knew her friends that she ran around with were much closer to her and
probably knew more about her than I ever would. Still, I privately basked in the fact that she considered
me close enough to have me in her wedding.

As Dianne’s wedding day grew closer, I heard more and more details of what was going to
happen that day. Because I wasn’t in on the planning, it just made me think more about what needed to
be done at my own wedding. I wanted to include Dianne in my wedding just as much as I was in hers,
but I had already chosen my bridesmaids a long time ago. I felt bad that I hadn’t thought to include her.

One day, while we were sitting and talking about our weddings, I suddenly had the realization
that we could include both of them in our wedding, even if they couldn’t be a bridesmaid and a
groomsman.

“Hey,” I blurted out to Dianne. “I already have my bridesmaids, but I still want you to be part of
our wedding.” I wasn’t too good at subtlety or at gracefully asking questions.

Dianne looked at me dubiously. “Okay. So, what do you want me to do?”

 “I was wondering if you would be a server at our reception. I know it’s not as big as being a
bridesmaid, but I really want you to be there.” I explained. “If you really want to know the truth, I am
starting to regret even asking Patricia to be in my wedding. I wish I had asked you instead.”

Dianne looked at me curiously. “Why?” she asked.

I replied, “Patricia and I haven’t been getting along for a while. But I already asked her to be in
the wedding. If I could change and have you in our wedding, I would change right now.”

But leave it to Dianne to be pragmatic and sensible, even as she was getting ready for her own
wedding. If she was touched by the sentiment, she didn’t let it show. “You can’t do that now. You’ve
asked her to be in your wedding and you can’t take that back. Just be polite and be as nice as you can
be to her. Remember, it won’t be forever, and you can get through that one day. But I’m flattered that
you want me in your wedding.”

“Well,” I said, “I do want you to have a more important part, though. I want you to serve the
wedding cake. I trust you more than anyone else I have chosen, and I know you’ll do a good job.” I
actually wouldn’t have it any other way, because I knew the type of person Dianne was and that she
would do the best job she could.

“And I think Neil wants to talk to Oliver. We would really like Oliver to be an usher, but I think
that is Neil’s job to do the asking of the men. But, you might want to give Oliver a heads up.”

“There’s also one more thing we’ve been meaning to ask you,” I said as a final note. “You know
that Paul was in Neil’s first Sunday school class when he started teaching. And we love your whole
family. That’s why we have chosen Paul to be our ring-bearer. Do you think he’ll want to do it?”

“Ok,” Dianne said with her eyes shining brighter than usual. “I think I could be counted on to
serve the cake. My mom actually has a really good way of making sure the pieces all come out the same
size and shape and it still looks good. And while I am not answering for Oliver, I am sure he would love
to be an usher. Just have Neil ask him. And as for Paul, I will give my permission for it, but I think Neil
should ask him. I think it would mean more coming from him. You know, Paul does look up to Neil an
awful lot. And he really thinks a lot of you, too. Just ask.” By this time, Dianne was back to her normal
self and I started thinking I was imagining her bright eyes.

“I really am honored that you asked me to be a part of your reception,” Dianne said. “I will do
whatever it takes to make sure that my family is there. We wouldn’t miss your big day.”

“Awesome!” I gushed. I only wished that I could have included her in more of my wedding, but I
also knew I couldn’t change anything now.

As Dianne’s day grew closer, I grew to know more of Oliver’s family – all of his kids, who would
soon be Dianne’s step-kids. Boy, it was hard to think of Dianne as a step-mom, but a step-mom she
would soon be. As I spent more time with Oliver’s kids, I saw flashes of the men and women they would
become, almost like flashbacks of the future. The boys grew into handsome young men, and the girls
grew to be beautiful young women. They all had features of Oliver, whether it was in their eyes, their
body frames, or in their characteristics. I couldn’t figure out how I knew how Oliver’s children would
turn out, but every now and then, a faded picture would float through my memory. And every now and
then, I would see flashes of other kids, kids I didn’t know, but who I knew had to be Dianne and Oliver’s
kids because they were their spitting images.

The day of Oliver and Dianne’s wedding arrived and Oliver was handsome in his tuxedo. Dianne
was the most beautiful bride I had ever seen, and I couldn’t help but cry as she walked down the aisle. I
slid my gaze to the side as I noticed Christine, Marie, and Susan all brushing away tears as well. This was
the day we had all waited for – when someone as good as Oliver would promise to love Dianne and Paul
and protect them for the rest of their lives. The one prayer we had all always prayed for was being
answered in the best way possible, because we all knew that Dianne would be happy.

As my dad performed the wedding ceremony, I couldn’t help but snicker in a few parts. He had
Dianne and Oliver down to a “T”! I guess it was because he knew both of them so well that the wedding
couldn’t be anything but wonderful – that was one thing that made my dad so good at weddings. He
always made them personal. And I could tell that this wedding meant something more to him ---
something that even he couldn’t define. It was like he was gearing up for my wedding the following
year, because he treated Dianne just like another daughter. It was all anyone could do not to cry,
because it was such a touching ceremony.

The wedding reception couldn’t have been more beautiful. As I stood in line watching all the
guests come through and wish Oliver and Dianne their best wishes, I knew I wanted to be just like them
on my wedding day. They looked so happy and Dianne looked like she was a queen. As Dianne glanced
my way and winked slightly, I knew she was happier than she ever had been, both for the fact that she
was marrying the one she loved and the fact that all of the friends and family who she treasured most
were right there with her on the most important day of her life.

As the reception continued, I kept having flashes of memories and pictures of people flash
through my memory, as if I was looking at a movie trailer. As the reception continued, I mingled with all
of Dianne’s many family members as well as people she had invited from the church. I’m sure there
were times when I looked confused as I would start to talk with one of Oliver’s kids and suddenly get a
feeling that I had done this all before.

While I continued to wonder what was going on, I heard my name called. “Anne! Heads up!
This one is for you!” I looked up just in time to see a bouquet – Dianne’s bouquet – headed straight for
me. While I was never much of a catcher, I brought my hands in front of my face just in time to loosely
grasp the flowers I saw coming at me. Catching them, I grinned at Dianne and Oliver, who were laughing
as if they had just told the funniest joke. I must have looked dazed, because Dianne came over to me for
the picture and said, “Are you ok, Anne? I didn’t mean to scare you. Oliver and I just thought it would
be neat if you and Neil caught the bouquet and garter, simply because you two are getting married next
year. It was kind of a set-up. But you don’t look like you feel well.”

“No, I’m ok,” I said as I blinked several times to get my mind focused again. Those flashes of
older kids were still haunting me. “Let’s get our pictures taken so you two can get on with the wedding
night and the honeymoon,” I said cheerily.

Soon picture time was done and the happy couple was on their way to a destination that was
unknown to Dianne, but evidently a romantic getaway for just the two of them. As they rushed out to
their waiting car amid birdseed and rice, I felt dizzy and I started to sway. The happy couple faded away
as a slipped down into sleep.
 CHAPTER 7
In the darkness of the room, I heard an incessant beeping that kept breaking through the haze.
Behind my eyelids, I could see Dianne to my left as we rang hand bells for the church. To my right, I saw
Jean, my other best friend and my children’s other godmother, ringing right along with us. Something
sounded off every time a bell rang, like one of the bells was out of tune and we couldn’t figure out which
one. It sounded awful and I wondered why our choir director didn’t stop the rehearsal. Then I finally
realized the discordant sounds were coming from the walls and monitors around me.

I slowly opened my eyes and tried to focus through a film that had seemed to settle over my
eyes. All I could make out was that it was very dark and quiet, except for the beeping. I knew where I
was, simply because of all the times I had spent there with my dad when his health was failing. I was in
the ICU at the local hospital. Then it all rushed back to me in a memory – packing, leaving Dianne, the
sound of the screeching tires, and the scraping of metal upon metal.

My head started to hurt at the rush of memories and I turned my head to the corner where a
person was sitting in the shadows, her face glowing by the light of her phone. She looked intent on
whatever she was reading. Then I recognized her as Dianne, my bestie, my Woodstock. I opened my
mouth to ask what had happened, but I couldn’t make a sound. The alarms behind me starting going
off, alerting Dianne to the fact that something was wrong and she raised her head to look at me.

“Spidey! You’re awake!” Dianne said in a hushed but excited tone. “I need to go get the
doctor!”

“No,” I whispered quietly when I could find my voice. “Please stay. Can’t we just talk? Seems
like forever since it was just you and me.”

Dianne’s face betrayed her as I could see her mind warring with what she knew was medically
sound and the fact that she wanted to follow my wishes. I instinctively knew her logic was debating with
her emotions and I prayed that for once, her emotions would win. Between the two of us, she had
always been the more logical one and the one who kept my emotions in check when they got out of
control.

Finally, I could see her face soften as she let her emotions win this time. Maybe it was the hand
of God, or maybe she was just tired. But for whatever reason, I was thankful that she sat and listened.

“Why are you here tonight? Why aren’t you working? Don’t they need you?” I asked her.

Dianne replied quietly, “No, they gave me the night off – not really a night off, but an LC. They
just didn’t have many patients on the floor and I was the one they sent home. But I opted to come here
and sit because I never can sleep when they give me an LC. I figured I could stay awake up here and be
beside you just as well as I could stay at home. I’ll be fine.” She must have said this last part as an aside
as she watched my eyebrows furl in concern. “Really,” she said. “I’ll be ok.”
 “Have you been here this whole time?” I asked. “Where are Neil and the kids? And you really
do need your sleep,” I said, but my words started trailing off as I tried to remember what I wanted to
say.

“Neil and the kids are at home. They all needed to rest a bit because they’ve been up here
constantly. He loves you so much, and the only reason he is not here with you right now is because he’s
exhausted. When I called into work tonight and found out they were going to let me go home, I
convinced him to go home and get rest while I took this shift. I was going to be awake anyway, and he
really needed his sleep. It was a tough fight, but I won.” I could barely make out her smirk and her
eyebrows that were slightly raised, but I knew her expression instinctively as she said this.

“I’m glad you’re here tonight,” I murmured. Now that you’re here, we can just hang out. I
mean, I’m not going anywhere soon,” I said, wincing as I tried to chuckle a bit. “You know, I was thinking
- I know you probably got tired of me calling you Woodstock all the time, but you are truly my bestie and
sometimes, you babbled a lot – especially when you were tired. But I gave that nickname to you out of
love and I hope you know that.”

“Of course I know that,” Dianne smiled. “Why else do you think I put up with your gifts that you
gave me all the time with Woodstock on them? I love that you called me that, because I know that you
and I are forever besties, no matter what happens. And I knew that you called me that because you love
me – it made me feel good that was something we shared.”

“You know, I have been able to hear you this whole time while you have been talking to me,” I
murmured. “I can remember why I call you Woodstock, but you keep calling me Spidey. I can’t seem to
put my finger on why you don’t call me by name. I kind of remember, but then it slips away.”

“You really don’t remember why I call you that? That’s your trademark nickname and
EVERYBODY knows you by that name. However, I’m the only one who ever calls you Spidey. Don’t you
remember the zip line at the Corn Maze? Don’t you remember falling off the hay bale and hurting your
back? I told you to go to the ER instead of going to the minor emergency center.” Dianne kept firing
information at me and my head was starting to hurt again. “When you finally made it to the hospital,
you asked for me. I was so worried about you, that I left a newbie in charge so I could check on you. I
thought you were badly hurt, but when I saw you, I was relieved. Even though you looked like you were
in a lot of pain, it was good to see that you didn’t get hurt worse. “

My head started to hurt even more as I reached for the memories that didn’t come as easily to
me as they did to her. I closed my eyes to stop the pain, but I whispered, “So why do you call me
Spidey?”

“I teased you unmercifully after that accident. After we found out that you were going to be ok
and just had to rest for a week, I tagged you with the name “Spidey” on Facebook. I told the whole
world that your web slingers had stopped working and that you thought you were being Spiderman.
From then on, the nickname “Spidey” stuck.
 “But that wasn’t the last time you tested your web slingers. Working with the littles, you were
always pushing the limits as to what you could do. Sometimes you got hurt, like when you flew across
the gym floor during a game you were playing with the littles. You hurt for a week after that, but you
never quit having fun with the kids. I always admired you for that spirit – Spidey.” As Dianne finished
her story, she seemed to taper off and look away, seemingly holding back tears. She took my hand and
squeezed it. “I don’t think there has ever been a better, more joyful prekindergarten teacher than you.
You have to get better and come out of here so the littles can have their teacher back.” As she said this,
Dianne swiftly wiped her eyes, seemingly so I wouldn’t see her tears. I remembered seeing her cry
another time, when I was getting ready to move away with Neil.

As Dianne held my hand, I began to feel drowsy, and my eyes started to feel heavy, like when
you just can’t fight sleep anymore. I let my eyes drift close as my tongue started feeling thick. In the
distance, I could hear Dianne speak my name, “Anne, Anne…what’s going on? Anne, your heartrate…oh,
my gosh, get the doctor!”

“Dianne,” I slurred. “Love you to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond, and forever and
ever.”
 CHAPTER 8
“…casting all your anxieties on Him (Jesus), because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7

“Bye, honey! Have a good time playing dominoes tonight with Oliver!” I kissed Neil good-bye
and sent him on his way. This was a weekly routine for them – dominoes with my dad and Oliver,
Dianne’s husband, in town for the night. Sometimes I would go and sometimes I wouldn’t. Tonight, I
opted to stay in and put away the baby clothes we had just gotten at our baby shower. Dianne was
working, and this was a guy’s thing tonight, so I thought my time was better spent at home. Plus, I
wasn’t feeling quite right from my last bout with morning sickness.

I went into the nursery that had been decorated in Peanuts characters. It was a bright and
cheery room, now that all the wall hangings were up and the crib was together. The changing table was
ready; the chest of drawers was slowly getting filled. Yet, I still had this feeling that something needed
to be done. I figured it was what they called the “nesting” syndrome. After all, the baby would be here
in just four short weeks.

I decided that should really go through the presents that we had received at our latest baby
shower. The people from church were just way too nice! “Ok, Mom, what do you think of this outfit?
Should we pack it in the hospital bag or put it in one of the drawers for later? It is very cute, but it
seems to be more for a boy than a girl. What do you think?”

Mom gushed over the outfit and then gave me a bit of advice. “Why don’t you pick out one boy
outfit and one girl outfit and pack them both? That way, you’ll be prepared for anything! The rest you
put back in the drawers for later.”

I agreed and looked through more outfits before I decided on 2 – with Mom’s opinions, of
course! My relationship had come a long way since my middle school years. I valued my mom’s
opinions much more now, especially with the baby’s birth just around the corner. I was gleaning every
bit of advice that I could from my mom, simply because this was my first time being a parent.

I continued to sort and put away clothes and gifts for the next hour or so. I finally looked up at
the clock and decided to take a break. I wondered if Dianne was busy tonight or if she was sitting
around talking with her friends. On a labor and delivery floor, it was either feast or famine, so on any
given night, one could expect one or the other!

As I settled on the couch for a quick break, I began to realize that the baby hadn’t moved the
whole time I was working in the nursery. At this time of night, the baby was usually pretty active,
making my stomach flutter on a regular basis. I laid my hand on my small tummy. Nothing.

“Mom, I think something’s wrong. I haven’t felt the baby move in over an hour. I’m starting to
get a little worried.”
 “Well, I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry. Why don’t you call the doctor? I know you’ve
been worried since you were sick last weekend. Maybe he can just tell you to rest and come by the
office in the morning.” Mom always had a way of looking at things that made me worry less.

“Ok, I think I’ll do that,” I said. I had been rather worried lately, but I had chalked it up to being
a first time mother and the birth date getting closer.

I called the doctor’s number, knowing I would not get anything but an answering service tonight.
But at least I could get into the office first thing in the morning.

When the answering service picked up, I started to tell the voice on the other end what was
wrong. As I continued on, I could hear pencil scratches in the background, as if she was writing as fast as
I was talking. Every now and then, the nurse would interject a quick question and then continue.
Finally, when I had stopped explaining everything, the nurse said, “Let me call the doctor and see what
he wants you to do. I’m sure you’re fine, but it doesn’t hurt to check things out.” I was sure she had
heard this a million times, especially from new mothers.

In the time it took for the doctor to call me back, I called Neil in town and told him what was
going on. He seemed worried and wanted to come home. I told him no, everything was fine so far and
not to cut short his game of dominoes. I would give him a call if anything came up.

I also wondered if I should call Dianne. After all, she was my best friend and a labor and delivery
nurse to boot. But I figured since she was working, I shouldn’t bother her unless absolutely necessary.

When the doctor called back, he started asking questions in his usual dry manner. He didn’t
seem nearly as worried as I did, so I just listened intently and tried to follow as best I could. He finally
finished his conversation by telling me to drink a Coke and lie still for an hour. I should count how many
times the baby moved in that hour, and if he hadn’t moved 6 times within the hour, I should call him
back.

By this time, I was really starting to get nervous and I so wanted the advice of my best friend.
But I restrained myself, knowing that I could call her in the morning, or at least later on the next day, just
so she could clear my mind.

I drank my Coke and lay down in our bedroom so I could be still. Mom didn’t seem too worried
still, so she asked if there was anything I needed. When I told her no, she went back into the living room
and watched television.

As I rested, I thought about what Dianne would be telling me if I were to call her and ask her
advice about my problem. Knowing she was a brand new nurse (or all least still considered a “newbie”);
I wasn’t sure what her advice would be. All I really did know is that she wouldn’t get too excited about
it – that just wasn’t in her nature. She was always calm, cool, and collected about everything. What she
knew about nursing, she would put to good use in her assessment. What she didn’t know, she would
find out by asking. And she always was one to think through things and solve problems quickly. I
wondered if I should call her. “No,” I thought, “I’ll wait for the doctor and see what he has to say.”
 An hour passed and I had been checking every few minutes for the baby to move. I still felt very
little movement, so I called the doctor back.

“Well,” the doctor said in his dry voice. “It looks like you’ve earned yourself a trip to the
hospital. We may just be having this baby tonight.”

“Tonight,” I thought in a panic. “There’s no way I am ready to have this baby tonight! I have to
call Neil and let him know and I have to make sure Dad is there.” I was getting scared and not thinking
straight. But the one thought that was kept niggling at the back of my brain was, “At least Dianne is
working tonight. She’ll know what to do.” That gave me a bit of comfort and kept my voice from shaking
as much as I called Neil at Oliver and Dianne’s and told him the situation.

“Honey,” I started. I gave him a brief explanation of what had been happening during the
evening and told him that we would meet him at the hospital, as per doctor’s orders. On the phone,
Neil sounded amazingly calm, but I knew better. Inside, he was just as nervous as I was but was holding
it together for me.

“I love you and I’ll see you at the hospital,” I said to Neil. As I hung up, I started ticking off things
to take in a bag for the hospital, just in case we had to stay for a longer time. I quickly headed to the
living room to tell Mom what was going on. As we were packing items in my suitcase and getting ready
to go, I relayed both my concerns and my comforts to Mom. “I’m really scared about what might
happen. But I know Dianne is working tonight. Maybe she’ll be my nurse. At the very least, she will be
there.” That made me smile, even as I wondered what would happen in the next 24 hours.

The 20 minute ride to the hospital seemed to take an hour as I played over different scenarios in
my mind. I was silently and vocally pleading for the baby to move a little so we wouldn’t have to go
through anything at the hospital. But nothing seemed to get the baby to move, so we were destined to
be at the hospital, at least for a night.

“Maybe it won’t be a big deal and you’ll get to go home after a night. Maybe you’re just
dehydrated,” my mom consoled me. I knew she was just as worried as I was but was not showing it as
much. Or maybe she was and I was just not seeing it.

When I arrived at the hospital, Neil and my dad were not far behind. As I was wheeled up to the
labor and delivery floor, I wondered again if Dianne was going to be there and if we would see each
other. In my mind, I felt better knowing she might be there to get us through this, no matter the
outcome.

I was checked in at the desk and wheeled behind closed doors. As I was wheeled through the
hallway that was all too familiar to me, I felt a twinge of memory flicker through my mind, and I
remembered visiting Dianne up here after Paul was born. I hoped that the outcome of this night would
be just as wonderful as her night was.
 The charge nurse told me they would check me in and do a stress test on the baby, according to
the doctor’s orders. I vaguely knew what this was, just because Dianne and I had talked about them
before.

The charge nurse, a big lady who seemed to be in a hurry and very brash, settled me in too my
room and told me that my nurse would be in shortly to take my history and vitals and get me ready for
the stress test. At this point, I knew Dianne was working, but I hadn’t seen her. I started getting anxious
thinking that she might not be here.

Neil looked at me anxiously and asked, “Are you ok?” He looked more concerned than I did, so I
smiled affectionately at him and said, “I’ll be fine. They’ll take good care of me here and we’ll go home
tomorrow.” Inside, however, my stomach was in knots and my head was starting to hurt.

“So, couldn’t wait to see me, huh? You’re not supposed to be here yet. Your baby’s not due for
another 4 ½ weeks. Just wanted to hang out with me, huh?” I recognized that voice instantly and my
breathing settled down a bit and my headache started to fade. In walked Dianne and I immediately felt
less tension.

“”They told me I was going to take care of you tonight,” said Dianne. “Now, if you’ll just
cooperate and tell that baby to cooperate, we can send you home and not see you for another month.
You got that?” She sounded like she was trying to be mean, but I knew better. She had that twinkle in
her eye that let me know she was just kidding with me. She smirked and said, “Now, let’s get the ball
rolling so you can go home.”

I breathed a little easier knowing Dianne was taking care of me. I knew she hadn’t been a nurse
very long, but I trusted her implicitly, and I knew I was in good hands with her on my side. I sneaked a
glance over to Neil and saw that he was looking a little less stressed – not much, but some, as he trusted
Dianne as much as I did.

“Go ahead,” I said. “I want to go home, too.” In the back of my mind, I somehow had the
feeling that I would not be going home at the end of the night and that we would have a long road
ahead of us. But, I just didn’t know WHY I knew that. I just chalked it up to being scared.

Dianne started questioning me for the initial paperwork of admission. I laughed at some of the
questions because I thought she already knew most of the answers. She knew why I laughed and said,
“This is just a formality that I have to do for your admission workup. You know I know the answers, but
refresh my memory so I can write it all down.” It was almost like she was reading my mind.

“Well, the doctor should be coming soon so we can do a sonogram. Rest for a while. Do you
want something to drink? We really need to get that baby to move. Oh,” she started as she turned to
Neil. “”Do you want something to drink? You’re not the patient, but we don’t want you passing out on
us.” As Neil silently nodded yes, Dianne turned to me and said, “You need to take better care of Neil.
He looks like he’s about to pass out and he’s not even the patient!” Again, she gave a sarcastic smirk as
she left to go get drinks for both of us. As she was leaving the room, I thought to myself, “She didn’t
even ask what I wanted. She already knows without asking….”

Dianne came back shortly with drinks for both Neil and me, and then left, saying she had other
assessments to do, but she would be back later to check on us, before the doctor visited with us. Neil
and I looked at each other and held each other’s hands. We were scared, but the situation was made
better knowing that Dianne was taking care of us.

The doctor came in about an hour later, after Dianne had poked and prodded me and asked me
if the baby had moved. As she left, she frowned and looked at my chart, as if trying to figure out
something. This made me nervous, but I didn’t say anything. As the doctor started to ask me the same
questions that we had answered earlier, I started to feel light-headed. They told me to turn on my left
side, as this would help the Coke get to the baby faster and start his heart jumping. But the doctor told
Dianne to get the sonogram machine, because they wanted to check something. I stated that we had
not had a sonogram for the whole pregnancy, but the doctor blew me off, saying that unless there
seemed to be a problem, they didn’t do sonograms routinely. Dianne frowned again, as if deep in
thought.

I lay back in the bed as the doctor squirted the chilly jelly on my pregnant stomach. He
commented, “You don’t look like you gained much weight during this pregnancy. In fact, it looks like
you lost weight. Good for you!” Again, Dianne looked at the doctor and frowned, looked like she
wanted to say something, but instead closed her mouth once more.

The doctor moved the wand over my small belly and looked serious for a moment. He moved
the wand again, squinting through his glasses at the monitor that projected my baby on the screen for
everyone to see. As the doctor measured different parts of the baby’s body, he made little noises and
gestures to Dianne. The doctor then started commenting on the amount – or lack of – amniotic fluid
that he was seeing. I didn’t understand much of what he was saying, but I knew enough to know it was
bad, especially when I looked to Dianne’s face for confirmation.

The doctor turned to me and said, “I’m sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Prescott. It doesn’t look like your
baby is viable. It seems that there is no amniotic fluid surrounding the baby. And what’s more, he does
not seem to have any kidneys. If your baby is born tonight, he will not live more than a few hours.” As
soon as he said this, he left the room, as if he had not given us the most shocking news of our entire
lives – or at least the most devastating news.

As Neil and I tried to fathom the news that we may not have a baby soon, I started to cry. Neil
looked shell-shocked and said he was going to leave the room so that he could tell Mom and Dad what
the doctor said. I turned over on my side as Dianne walked in the room.

Looking at the monitors behind the bed, Dianne started to look concerned and then looked like
she was all business. “Anne, you need to calm down. Everything is going to be ok. God isn’t going to
leave you now. You know He will take care of you and the baby. Anne, calm down. Your blood pressure
is getting a little high. Anne….ok, somebody call the doctor. It looks like her blood pressure is not
dropping.”

Dianne left the room as I started to cry in earnest and my head started to take on a headache of
epic proportions. She was back in the room in the blink of an eye, saying, “Sorry, sweetie. There is no
easy way to tell you this, but we have to go back for a C-section. We have to get you moving now. Up
go your feet and lift your gown.” She looked like she was pained about this whole process, but she also
looked like she meant all business. The next thing I knew, she started prepping me to go back to the
operating room and saying, “I’m sorry if this hurts, sweetie. Now just breathe slowly through your nose
as I insert this catheter. Count down from 10.” Even as I counted and knew Dianne would take good
care of me, I was scared. I knew my blood pressure was going up and I started asking where Neil had
gone.

“We’ll get him in a minute. He’s just out in the waiting room as we get you ready. We’ll let him
get dressed and he’ll be there,” Dianne said in her kindest, firmest voice.

“I just want Neil,” I said shakily.

“Ok, here we go,” Dianne said as she took the brakes off the bed and started to wheel me
through the door to the back. “Someone go get her husband,” she called out to a person on the other
side of the wall. “He’s in the waiting room and she’s going back now.”

“Don’t worry. Neil will be back here before the baby is born,” Dianne said. “We sent for him
and he has to come back and get dressed. Don’t worry, Anne. You just have to calm down. See, I’m
calm.” I looked at her like I couldn’t believe she had just said that, and she just winked at me and
smirked to let me know she was just kidding.

As I was wheeled into the operating room, I again asked for Neil. I looked up at Dianne from my
helpless position on the gurney and said, “Please tell Neil I love him.” My chin started to quiver as
Dianne answered, “I’ll make sure he knows. But I have to take care of you, too, you know.”

The next thing I knew, I was being lifted onto the operating table, cold and shivering beyond my
control. I looked to my right and saw a team of doctors and nurses filling the operating room, but the
only nurse I focused on was Dianne. I could only hear her voice above the voices of the team members
who were trying to save me and my baby. I faded out of consciousness as the medicine the
anesthesiologist gave me started to work. The lights started to fade and I fell asleep.

The next moment, I woke up to bright lights and my legs not being able to move. I looked
around the recovery room and found Neil at my side. “We had a healthy baby boy’” he said. “They took
him away to NICU because he had some issues, but he’ll be ok. Everyone else is concerned about you
and so am I. How are you feeling?”

“I won the bet,” I groggily stated. Before our son was born, Neil knew we were going to have a
girl. I, however, knew deep down that we were having a boy. We bet a steak dinner on it, and it turned
out I won. After I heard that my baby was healthy, I just wanted to tease Neil about our long-standing
competitiveness.

I fell back asleep, only to wake up about 6:00 in another room by myself. I looked around for a
phone to call my boss and tell her the good news. I dreaded the phone call, because I knew she would
not be happy about me being gone. As I made the dreaded call, I thought to myself, “I bet Dianne hasn‘t
gone home yet. I wonder if she’ll come by and see me before she goes home.”

It wasn’t long before I had my question answered as there came a soft knocking at the door.
Quietly, I called out, “Come in,” as the door opened softly.

“What’s up?” Dianne asked as she came in the room. I know I had heard that greeting many
times before, but this morning, it was a relief to hear her voice.

“Oh, you know,” I said, “the usual. Just hanging out here having a baby. Have you seen him
yet? Is he cute? I haven’t seen him yet.”

“I went and saw him before I left the unit this morning. He is cute. They will take good care of
him – don’t worry. But more importantly, how are you feeling?” Dianne asked.

“My throat is really sore and I can hardly talk. But other than that, I just want to see Benjamin,”
I stated. My eyes started to well with tears. “I just want to hold my baby and make sure he is ok.”

“Well, they have to make sure he is ok before you see him. And we have to make sure you are
up to seeing him. Don’t go see him without somebody being here. Call a nurse or wait for your family
to come before you go down there. You’ll have plenty of time.” Again, Dianne came across as a big
sister, but this time, I really appreciated it.

“You must be so tired,” I said. “Why don’t you go home now and get some sleep, ok? I think I’ll
rest before the family comes back to see me as well. I promise I’ll be ok. Thanks for coming to see me.
And thanks for checking on Benjamin before you came over here. I promise I’ll be good.”

Dianne gave me a hug and left. As soon as she left, I sat up a little straighter and waited for any
dizziness to come. When I found out I felt fine, I lifted myself out of bed and unplugged my IV pole from
the wall. I had been on this floor enough to know where I was going, so I grabbed my robe from the end
of the bed and started gingerly walking to the door of my room. As I opened the door, I started feeling
light-headed and found a wheelchair right outside my room and sat down.

I knew the way to the NICU from my room, so I started to push myself down there slowly. It was
hard with the IV, but I managed to get to the door of the NICU. I had to stop and catch my breath as I
pushed the button for the doors to open. After the outer doors opened, I wheeled myself to the
windows where I might be able to catch a glimpse of my baby boy.

I rolled over unnoticed to the windows that were darkened. As I made my way to the window
nearest the door, I peered over the sill into the dark room. I could just make out an isolette with his
name written on a piece of paper stuck to it. I wondered if they had spelled his name right. I stood up
and tried to lean on my wheelchair to get a closer look, but I started seeing spots flashing in front of my
eyes. I slumped into the wheelchair and gave into the darkness that surrounded me.
 CHAPTER 9
A friend who offers help without asking for explanations is a treasure beyond price. – Robert Heinlein

One more semester, one more class to take before I graduated from nursing school. It seemed
like this last semester was a long tunnel that was never-ending, and I couldn’t even see the light at the
end of the tunnel. I wasn’t feeling well because I was newly pregnant with my second child and I was
still suffering from morning sickness almost every morning. But I knew I had to get through this final
push – I needed to graduate in December and this was the only class that was between me and my BSN.

5:30 in the morning. Ugh! Why did they have to make mornings so early? I turned over and
tried to make myself get out of bed. It was already hard enough to wake up, but now, being pregnant,
my body just didn’t see itself moving at all.

As I pushed my way to the kitchen to start making coffee and get myself ready for the day, I had
a strange feeling that wasn’t related to the morning sickness at all. Almost like a sense of foreboding.
Like something was going to happen that day, but I wasn’t sure why I was feeling like this.

I’ll have to admit, I had been feeling a little off since my father lost his job as the pastor at the
church we had attended since I was a baby. The future was uncertain at best, and I wasn’t sure which of
my friends I could trust and which I couldn’t. All I really knew was that even the people I had known for
years didn’t even seem that trustworthy.

I was just about to wake Neil up when a wave of nausea overcame me and I had to rush to the
bathroom. Whatever was in my stomach never seemed to last long anymore, even if I swallowed a bit
of toothpaste (or especially if I swallowed a bit of toothpaste!)

Groggily, Neil walked into the bathroom just as I was finishing up my daily ritual. “Are you going
to be ok to go to class today, honey?” he asked.

“This is my first day of class. I have to be there – you know what happens if I miss even one day.
There’s no possible way to make these days up – and I hear that this instructor is really hard-nosed.” I
speculated on what I would actually miss if I couldn’t drag myself to class.

“Well, if you’re not feeling well, then you can miss. I’m sure she’ll understand,” Neil said as he
grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste.

“No, it’s just morning sickness and I’m not sick all day with it. I’ll be fine by lunchtime.”

Just then, the telephone rang. Who would be calling us at 6:30 in the morning?

“Anne, Anne are you awake? You need to sit down.” It was my mom and she sounded scared.

“Mom, what’s wrong? Yes, I’m sitting down,” I said, feeling suddenly very shaky.
 “It’s your dad. I think he’s having a heart attack. I already called the ambulance and we are on
our way to the hospital. When can you get there?”

“Today is my first day of nursing classes. I’ll have to call my instructor and let her know I won’t
be there today. But I can get ready in 10 minutes. I just have to get dressed.” My morning sickness
suddenly disappeared and I was all business. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“You need to hurry,” Mom said shakily. “I’m also calling James and Melissa and Dianne to let
them know.”

“Ok. Love you. Bye!” I hastily hung up the phone and filled Neil in on what was happening.
While he went back into the bedroom to finish getting ready, I punched in my instructor’s phone
number with shaky hands, having to start over twice just because I couldn’t hit the right numbers.
“Dang!” I muttered.

The phone rang once, twice on her end when she picked up. Her voice as she answered “Good
morning,” was no-nonsense and business-like.

“Yes, Mrs. Toliver. This is Anne Prescott, and I should be in this morning’s class on nursing
management. But, my mom just called me and my dad has been rushed to the hospital. They think he
is having a heart attack. I need to be up at the hospital right now. I hope you understand.”

“Well, if she just thinks he is having a heart attack, then he might not really be having one.
Surely you can make it to class until you find out. You know, you can’t make these classes up,” Mrs.
Toliver stated without emotion.

Taken aback, I gasped quietly and spoke again. “No, Mrs. Toliver, my dad is having a heart attack
and I need to be with my parents at the hospital. I will do what it takes to make things up, but I need to
be there for them right now.” I paused as if waiting for her permission or approval.

“Well, as a nursing student, you have to get your priorities straight, and your classes are your
priority. I expect to see you in class this week.” She did not even sound sympathetic or caring, as nurses
should sound in a crisis.

“I understand, Mrs. Toliver. I will let you know what happens and if I will be in class this week.”
This last was said in my “I really don’t give a flip what you think, but I will be nice to you anyway because
it’s my grade that counts” voice. I knew if I wanted to graduate, I needed to be nice to my instructor, no
matter how I actually felt.

“Just remember,” my instructor said, “these classes are not for the faint of heart. You will be
expected to get notes and assignments from your classmates. And you can’t make up clinical times, so
you’ll have an independent assignment to work on to make up for days missed. We will have to get
together for you to get that assignment.” Just as I thought she was about to be done, she inserted (in a
little softer voice), “I hope your dad is ok. Go be with your family.” So she did have a kind streak, after
all. Who knew?
 “Thank you, Mrs. Toliver. I will do what I can and I will be contacting you as soon as I know what
is happening. Good-bye.” It took everything I could do to place the phone gently on the base and not
slam it in her ears. I had more important things to worry about than a snippy instructor who probably
didn’t even have a family.

Neil came into the room and asked, “Are you ready to go? Did you call your instructor? Are you
going to be ok? Why don’t you let me drive?” He led me out to the car at a quick pace and opened the
door for me. As I lowered myself carefully into the seat, I started wondering if Dianne had worked the
night before. If she had, would she even be at the hospital or would she go home and sleep? I was
pretty sure she would go home and sleep – she always needed to catch up on her sleep one way or
another.

When we arrived at the hospital, the doctors had already taken my dad back to the holding
room in preparation for surgery. Mom was sitting in the surgical waiting room looking rather pale.
James, my brother, was standing right by her, stroking his goatee nervously as he talked non-stop. I
quickly walked to her side and asked what happened.

“Well,” my mom said in a shaky voice, “Dad wasn’t feeling well last night after supper. He
thought it was a little heartburn and he went to bed early. This morning, he got into the shower and
started sweating profusely. He called me in and said he was feeling light-headed. That’s when I brought
him out and he started throwing up. He couldn’t catch his breath and said he felt like he was
hyperventilating. He told me to call an ambulance, so I did. They took him straight to the back where
they did a heart cath right away and said he was blocked in at least 4 places. Plus, they did a carotid
sonogram and said he was 80% blocked on the right side and 100% blocked on the left side. They want
to do bypass surgery as soon as possible.”

Wow! I thought as I sat down heavily in a chair beside her. I didn’t know it would be that bad.
He never even acted sick!

As I was processing the massive amount of information that was given to me, I said a quick,
fervent prayer in my head that everything would be ok. Mom looked at me and said, “Dad was afraid
you wouldn’t make it before he went back. You’d better go see if you can see him before they take him
back. He was almost crying because he thought he wouldn’t see you again.” Her eyes looked glazed
over as if she had already been crying. James looked over at me and gave me the “big brother” glare I
had come to know so well. I blew it off and took Neil by the hand to go see Dad.

Neil and I looked at each other as we walked down the hallway to Dad’s holding room. Up until
this point, we had told nobody that we were expecting, simply because it was too soon. We didn’t want
to jinx it (even though we really didn’t believe that) since it was only the first trimester. But we agreed,
silently that if this was what was needed to pull Dad through the surgery, maybe we should tell him, just
so he would have some sort of hope.

We walked into Dad’s room and saw him hooked up to all sorts of machines and tubing and
monitors. Because I was almost finished with nursing school, I glanced around at everything, thinking I
could get a clearer picture of what was going on just because I knew what everything meant. Or so I
thought I did, just because I had a little knowledge of lots of medical mumbo-jumbo. I started to get
scared when I saw his numbers on the monitor, but then I remembered what my critical care instructor
had taught me – “Don’t treat the monitor, treat the patient.” Wonderful words to live by when you
weren’t taking care of your own family and imagining the worst scenarios. But then I glanced down at
Dad and found that his numbers really did match his appearance. He was sickly gray and looked to be
struggling to breathe. His eyes looked scared as he held my gaze and said, “I thought you wouldn’t
make it.” I choked back tears as I held his unencumbered hand and said, “I was coming as fast as I
could.”

I glanced once more back at Neil and nodded at him, almost imperceptibly. As I turned back to
Dad, I opened my mouth to tell him the biggest news since the day I announced Neil and my wedding
plans. “Dad, we’ve got something to tell you. We were trying to hold back and not tell anyone yet, but
we have figured now is as good a time as any.”

Neil stepped up and held Dad’s other hand. “Dad,” he said. “We’re going to have a baby and
we are due in April. We found out a little while ago, and we figured you needed to know that you were
going to be a grandpa again.”

Dad’s eyes welled up again, but this time it was from pure joy instead of fear. Shakily, Dad said,
“Well, that’s the best news I’ve heard yet. I will be around to see that baby.” And with that, Dad drifted
off to sleep as the medicine they had given him began to take effect. As he slept, Neil and I left the
room so that Mom could come back and talk to him before they took him back.

“Well, at least he knows now,” I thought. “Maybe this will pull him through.”

As Neil and I walked out to the waiting room, I saw relief flooding Mom’s eyes from across the
room. Melissa, my sister-in-law, had taken my brother’s place and was standing and talking to my mom.
On her other side, however, was the person whom I thought brought me the greatest relief, simply
because she was the one who could decipher the medical jargon that I could not – Dianne! She was still
in her scrubs, and she had a large tote bag beside her. Her eyes looked tired, and the way she held her
body bespoke of a long night on the third floor. But yet, here she was, sitting quietly by Mom, holding
her across the shoulders.

As I walked over to her, Dianne said nonchalantly, “What’s up?” like she did very time we met.
Even in a dire straits situation, Dianne had a cool head on her shoulders and never let people see her
true emotions. So even when my dad was dying (or at least, we thought he was dying), Dianne’s way of
calming everyone down was to just be calm, cool, and collected.

“Well, the ceiling is up. The third through seventh floors are up. And the elevators are up.
Anything else,” I said, joking right back with her. For some reason, the fact that she was the calm one
helped me joke around and release some of my stress. I could feel my brother and the rest of the family
looking at me behind my back as if I had gone batty. But I knew what she was trying to do, and so I went
with it. “Dad will be up soon, too, once they get him fixed.”

“You know I worked last night and haven’t gotten any sleep. You guys sure picked a fine time to
call me back to the hospital! And here I thought I was gonna catch a nap.” As Dianne was saying this, I
felt a twinge of something that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, as if she had said this to me before
somewhere. I remembered these words, but I quickly blew it off as there were more important things
to think about right now. She wasn’t really being snarky; this was just one of the many ways she reacted
to stress, and I knew this.

“We went back to see Dad before they took him to surgery. He looked scared and relieved to
see us. I hope everything will be ok. I just hope….” I trailed off, not daring to think about the potential
consequences of what might happen on the operating table. A six-bypass surgery was a big deal, and
we didn’t know how Dad would respond to everything.

“He’ll be fine, I’m sure,” Dianne said softly. She drew her arm from behind Mom’s shoulders
and gave me a quick hug. “You know he’s stubborn, a German, and a Lutheran to boot. He’s not going
anywhere anytime soon.” What she said made sense, but all I could think of was why I hadn’t spent
more time with him when I could have.

I slyly looked at her from where I was standing and told her the rest of the story. “We knew he
was not doing well, so Neil and I decided to give him the news that we had been waiting to tell
everyone. Neil and I are going to have a baby and we are due in April.” As I said this, I could see Mom
put her hands up to her face out of the corner of my eye. I could also see Melissa break into a grin as
large as the Grand Canyon from behind me – or I could actually feel her smile. Neil put his arm around
me protectively and stood proudly. Dianne grinned from ear to ear and gave me a giant hug, telling Neil
“Congratulations” at the same time. Her face seemed to glow at the news.

What felt like a somber mood just one minute before turned into a joyous occasion right there
in the surgery waiting area. All of a sudden, there were hugs and laughter, tears of joy, and
exclamations of “Congratulations!” Some of the dreariness faded as we discussed my health, the baby’s
health, and the upcoming months. But we were all playing the waiting game as we waited for my dad to
come out with a clean bill of health.

As the morning dragged on, some of my family stayed around and waited. Neil had to get to
work, and he had already asked off enough time for other days. If we were going to support a larger
family, he couldn’t afford to take any more days off work. He reluctantly walked with me to the car and
said, “If you need anything, just call. I’m only a couple of minutes away, but you know I have to go in.
Besides, I can’t do anything here except wait, and at least I can be earning money while I wait. You stay
here for moral support and I will be here as soon as I get off work. I love you and can’t wait to be a
family with you, our son, and our little one.” He gave me one last lingering kiss and then left. I almost
started to cry, but I knew he had to go and I had to be strong for my mom.

As I walked back to the waiting room, my anger welled up again at my nursing instructor. How
dare she be so callous about a situation like this?! Wasn’t she supposed to be kind and compassionate?
Wasn’t she supposed to understand about things like this? As I continued my trek, I could feel my
cheeks getting red and my blood pressure start to rise. My emotions must have shown on my face as I
entered the waiting room, because Dianne looked at me and raised an eyebrow. She came over to me
and took me by the elbow. “Come on. Let’s go take a walk. You look like you could use some fresh air.”
Again it struck me that she had been up all night and had not had a chance to go home and get sleep,
but she was here with my family when we needed comfort the most.
 “So, are you feeling ok? Have you been to the doctor yet? How far along are you? Are you
wearing clean underwear?” I knew Dianne must have been tired because she kept babbling on, even
though she was asking me more questions than I could answer at that point. While I knew she wanted
to know the information and she was trying to clear my mind of the stress, she also wouldn’t let me get
a word in edgewise to answer her. And when she asked about the clean underwear – well, that was just
a joke between the two of us. Every time either of us would start asking a million questions of the
other, we would end our questioning with the one about the underwear, just because it was funny.

“Yes, I’m feeling fine,” I answered. “No, I haven’t been to the doctor yet, so I don’t know
everything for sure yet. I don’t think I am very far along because the only signs I am having is morning
sickness every day and of course, I missed my period. But, I also feel different. I have an appointment
to see my doctor next week, but I hadn’t even thought about that this morning. And yes, my underwear
is good for at least three more days.” At this last comment, I snickered.

“Well, you know your dad is going to be fine. He has the best doctors and nurses taking care of
him – I know at least 2 or 3 of them. In fact, I even went back there before you got here and talked to
some of them while they were taking care of your dad, and they gave me the straight story. I can assure
you he will be fine – it might be a little touch and go the first day, but he will pull through this.” Leave it
to Dianne to tell it to me straight, get to the heart of the matter, and pull no punches. “By the way,” she
continued, “where is Benjamin and who is going to take care of him later tonight? If you need me to
have him at my house, we can do that. Matthew would love to have him spend the night. And you
know he’ll be in good hands.”

I was dubious about this because I knew that when Dianne had not slept for a while, she slept
hard when she finally crashed. But, she was offering, and her own kids had always been safe, so I said,
“Let me talk to Neil when he comes back and see what the plans are later. I’m sure that would be great
if we need you. Thanks!” I reached over and gave her a hug.

“Hey, we probably need to get back to the waiting room,” said Dianne. “Your mom probably
needs some other people to talk to and I need to sit down for a while. I’m kind of tired. But, before we
go back, I wanted to say I’m really happy for you! I can’t believe my little sister is having another baby!
If you need anything, just let me know. And wherever you deliver, make sure I am the nurse on
duty…that’s what I do for family and friends.”

“Well, there is something that Neil and I talked about when we found out we were pregnant
again. You know that Jean will be one godmother to this child. But we want you and Oliver to be the
other godparents to this child. We want a couple who is strong in the faith. And, we want someone
who we are close to. We would be really happy if you two would agree to be our baby’s godparents.” I
paused for a breath, and glanced over at Dianne to see her reaction.

I was surprised (but not really) to see Dianne’s eyes welling up. I knew she was tired, and I knew
she tended to cry at the drop of a hat (now where had I thought that before?) So at this point, I wasn’t
sure whether she was tired or happy, so I waited and watched, waited for the silence that stretched
almost too long.
 We stopped walking back to the waiting room as Dianne drew me into a full hug. She hugged
me like she wouldn’t let go as people filed down the hallway on either side of us. Just as I was about to
pull away, Dianne let me go but kept a hold of my hands. “While I can’t speak for Oliver right now, I’m
sure he would have no problem being a godparent to your baby. I know I am honored and happy that
you to would even consider us. So that’s why I am saying yes, we will be your baby’s godparents. Now,
we need to go back. I’m sure we have been gone longer than we should have been.”

As we filed around the corner to the waiting room, we saw Mom and the rest of the family just
sitting there, not talking. We quickly went up to Mom and asked if they had heard anything yet. With a
shake of her head, she replied, “No, but no news is good news.”

As we looked at the clock and realized that very little time had passed since Neil had left and we
had taken our walk, Dianne and I decided to sit down near Mom and rest awhile – mainly because
Dianne was looking as if she was about to fall dead asleep on her feet.

Dianne, Mom and I sat and talked for some time about the medical aspects of what Dad was
going through and what would happen afterwards. Then, when it seemed as if Mom was all talked out,
Dianne and I talked about the baby, what we thought it would be, and how excited we were about the
upcoming event. As we talked, Dianne pulled out a “water worm” from her bag of goodies, a child’s toy
meant for those under the age of 5. However, it was just what was needed to break the tension of
waiting.

Now, a “water worm” is exactly what its name implies – a worm full of water. Some genius
came up with the idea of filling a Ziploc bag with gel-filled water and glitter. Because there is so much
water in it, this bag turns into a cylindrical tube that is very slippery and hard to hold. As you squeeze it,
it pops out of your hand like a flying fish. It’s a crazy toy that should not be as entertaining as it is, but in
the hands of a person with very little sleep and a person under a mountain of tension, it is the height of
hilarity!

As Dianne and I sat in the waiting room, passing time that seemed to never pass, we played with
the water worm and giggled hilariously. We dropped it numerous times on the floor, always wondering
if THIS would be the time that it exploded. Then we would really be in trouble, especially since Dianne
still had her St. Anthony’s scrubs on! We tossed it back and forth to each other and continued to see
more fun in a water filled Ziploc than there ever should have been. By the time an hour or so had
passed, our sides were hurting from laughing so much over a seemingly small thing.

As if on cue, Dianne put the toy away and settled down a bit. I think she was afraid that if she
stopped moving, she would crash, and she wanted to be a support for us (because she is just that type
of person.) I settled back in my chair next to her and was quiet for a moment. I looked at the bland
pictures on the waiting room walls, pictures that were supposed to be a comfort to waiting families. All
they did was cause a dull headache. The pain started throbbing in my temples, and I closed my eyes for
a second, thinking that the pain would go away with a short nap.
 A movie started playing itself as soon as I closed my eyes. I saw myself packing and putting
things away in a house that I didn’t recognize. I saw Dianne as she talked and laughed with me late in
the evening. I heard my snarkiness as I explained to her that everything was packed and ready to go.
Then I saw Dianne’s face contort, as if she was trying hard not to cry. I felt the same warm comfort and
support as if she had just wrapped her arms around me. And then I felt emptiness, as if I had just lost
my best friend. With a jolt, I opened my eyes and looked around.

I glanced sideways to see if anyone had noticed my jolt awake. Dianne was blessedly talking to
my mom, so I knew she hadn’t seen it. Not that she would have made fun of me in a mean way, but she
was sure to have said something about it. I felt a sense of relief that I could calmly wake up now. Then I
felt a sense of dread as my dream came back to me in bits and pieces – especially the feeling of loss. I
asked Dianne and Mom if they had heard any news yet.

Dianne answered, “No, we would have woken you up. But you managed to wake up on your
own – and not too delicately, either,” she said with a wry smirk. So she had seen it and was not going to
let a chance to tease me slip away. I must have blushed a little, because Dianne returned with, “Sorry,
but you must have been having some dream. You bolted out of that chair so hard I thought you were
going to fall out. And by the way, I’m the one that is supposed to be getting sleep….I’m the one who
worked last night!” This last she said with a grin that let me realize she was teasing me once again.

“It was quite a dream….I dreamed that we were moving and you were there and we were in a
house that I didn’t recognize and….” I broke off as the dream started to fade like wisps of cotton candy
on a windy day at a summer carnival.

Dianne looked at me strangely, but then gave me a shoulder hug. “You sound like you are really
stressed right now. Why don’t we go get something to eat from the cafeteria? It’s my treat…I have my
badge and you two really need to eat.” By this time, James and Melissa had gone to check on their kids
and had said they would be back later. So it was just Mom, Dianne and I waiting patiently but not so
patiently.

I looked at Mom and coaxed her into getting up and going with us. As I stood up, a wave of
dizziness washed over me and I had to stop for a moment. Across the room, the door to the operating
suites opened and a doctor wearing a pair of green scrubs started across the room toward us. Dianne
reached for my mom’s hand as well as mine, but I had sat back down in my chair, trying to get rid of the
dizziness. My eyes closed as I heard the doctor start to say to my mom, “Well, your husband will be ok,
but he’s going to need a lot of help getting his heart back in shape.” I knew I could just let go at that
point because my dad was ok. I sank into darkness.
 CHAPTER 10
“…but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Proverbs18:24b

“Let’s go to Bahama Buck’s tonight. Are you up for a walk around the neighborhood,” Dianne
texted.

“Sure, I’m always up for a walk around the neighborhood! I even have some money! So when
do you want to go,” I texted back.

“Right now. Or at least when you have the time to drive over here.” Dianne’s text sounded
urgent. It sounds weird, that a text would sound urgent, but when you know a person so well that they
are your best friend, you can even tell by the tone of their texts what their feelings are at the moment.

I knew she had been having some tough times at work, and usually a walk around the
neighborhood was just what she needed to clear her mind of all her problems and get happy again.
After all, what are best friends for, right? But I felt a slight pain behind my right eye as I kissed my
husband good-bye and told him where I was going. I couldn’t quite figure out why I was feeling a pain,
but I was too excited to go on my walk, so I dismissed it with a wave of my hand and an “oh, well.”

As soon as I pulled into Dianne’s driveway, I could tell she was ready to go and willing to talk.
This was either going to be very, very bad or just a therapy session of epic proportions. “Have your
money?” I asked her.

“Yup,” she said. “And I have my card for some money off, too.”

I knew I could count on her to be frugal.

“So, what’s up?” Dianne’s standard greeting to me never surprised me anymore. There could be
a cataclysmic hurricane coming, and she would start every conversation the same way. As if there was
nothing better going on than the weather forecast for the day. I loved that about her!

“Well, I think the better question should be what’s up with you? You have that look on your
face that means you are dying to vent to someone about something.”

So for the next hour and a half, Dianne launched into a diatribe about her work, the kids, her
husband, and life in general.

On our way to our favorite snack place, Dianne and I talked about her job and the changes they
would be making, the changes she wished they would be making. And it was always funny to listen to
the “live” stories of life in Labor and Delivery – she usually peppered her work woes with funny stories
of patients and coworkers that made her laugh.

As we walked, it seemed that time just flew by, and before we knew it, we were at Bahama
Buck’s. “”I’ve got to sit down for a minute,” I said. “I don’t feel so good. All of a sudden, I feel really
dizzy….”
 “You don’t look so good,” Dianne replied. “Why don’t you tell me what you want and I’ll get it
this time for you.” I didn’t put up a fight and pretty soon, I had a Pina colada smoothie in my hand – it
seemed to be just what the doctor ordered.

“I’m sure I’ll be alright once we walk again,” I said. I didn’t want to worry Dianne since these
dizzy spells had been coming with more frequency. I thought for sure it would go away, so off we went,
talking and eating our smoothies, hers sour apple ice and mine a Pina colada smoothie.

As we commenced our journey back to her house, Dianne started talking about her family
reunion that was happening in September. I already knew that she would be gone over my birthday,
and this made me sad. I had always celebrated with family on my birthday, and this would be the first
birthday in a long time that I wouldn’t have Dianne and her family at my family celebration.

Dianne told me everything that would be happening at the reunion, including her dad’s desire to
have a cow chip throwing contest and her numerous cousins that would show up as the life of the party.
As she was talking about her weekend, I thought to myself, “What a family. I wish I had family like that!”
What came out of my mouth was, “I sure wish I could go.”

“Well, why don’t you go with us?” Dianne asked.

I looked at her incredulously and said, “Really? You’re serious?” I didn’t want to invite myself
along, but I knew that I would be unhappy with her gone for my birthday. I gauged her expression and
found she was being serious.

“Well, yeah,” she said. “I didn’t want to ask you because it is your birthday and I thought that
your family would be doing something big for you, especially Neil. But yeah, it’d be really cool if you
could come. Look, why don’t you talk it over with your family and see what you’re doing, and then we
can talk some more about it.”

I looked at Dianne again and said, “Well, we are celebrating my birthday the weekend before
with everybody. This would be such a cool birthday present! A best friends’ weekend! What more
could I ask for? And I know tons of your family anyway, so it wouldn’t be as if I were a total stranger.
But wait…” I had a sudden thought that I would be infringing on a family gathering, and I didn’t want to
horn in on any sacred territory. “Are you sure it would be ok? I mean, I’m not really family.”

“Oh, plenty of people bring friends along and they just have name tags that say who they are.
And my family knows you anyway, so you’re one of us. Just talk to Neil about it first and see if it’s ok.”

It sounded like so much fun, I almost couldn’t contain myself. But, I knew that it was probably
not as big of a deal to Dianne as it was to me; after all, she went to this reunion every two years, so this
was just something she did. But to me, it was a chance to get away, to spend time with their family, and
to make memories with her. I held all my questions inside for a time while we continued talking about
other things, because I didn’t want Dianne to know how excited I really was. But I think she could tell
anyway.
 As Dianne, Allyson, her daughter, and I continued walking back home, we continued talking
about Allyson’s high school band, my little darlings in my afternoon class, and different things that
Dianne had to take care of as a virtually single mom. It seemed the “to-do” list was never-ending. As we
looked ahead at our calendars, time seemed to be in short supply, but things that needed to get done
never seemed to be in short supply.

Our walk around the neighborhood finally came to a close and we parted ways. Never
forgetting to say “Love ya” to each other before we left, we said our standard good-byes and hugged.
As we pulled apart, another wave of dizziness came over me. I tried to hide it, but Dianne was too
astute to miss even the tiniest flinch.

“Why don’t you come in and sit down for a while?” she said. “I’d rather you get home late and
safe. Better yet, why don’t you text Neil and ask him to come pick you up and Allyson and I can drive
your car back to your house. Then you don’t even have to drive.” As stubborn as I usually was, I didn’t
like the way this was turning out and how I was feeling, so I gave into her requests.

Neil came to pick me up and eventually, we were settled back home for the night. Neil was
concerned about me, as he rightly should have been. I asked him if we could go out on the front porch
to talk. After looking at me with concern and love in his eyes, he agreed to go with me, “as long as you
feel up to it.”

“So, how was your visit with Dianne? Did y’all get a chance to talk? Did you have fun?” Neil
asked.

“Yeah, I always have fun just getting together with her. We went to Bahama Buck’s and walked
around the neighborhood. Hey, I have to ask you a question,” I said. I didn’t know how Neil would
respond to my request to go on a girls’ weekend, especially on my birthday, but I hoped he wouldn’t be
too upset about it.

“Can we go sit on the front porch swing and talk? It’s been a while since we caught up.” Since
we put up the porch swing the previous summer, we had enjoyed it at least 2-3 times a week, especially
on the warm summer nights.

“Sure,” Neil said. “Is everything ok? Did I do something wrong?”

“No. Everything is ok. I just need to ask you a question. It’s really not a big deal.” I really
wanted to go with Dianne, but I didn’t want to seem too eager, simply because it was my birthday
weekend on which I’d be gone, and I didn’t want to seem like I wanted to be away from my family.

“Ok, here’s the deal,” I said. “Dianne has a family reunion coming up on the weekend of my
birthday. I know we had planned to go out on a date that Friday night, but I was wondering if we could
postpone the date and I could go with them that weekend. I don’t know if Oliver is going, but if he is, he
won’t mind me tagging along. Dianne actually asked if I could go.”
 “Do you really want to go?” Neil asked. Again, I didn’t want to seem too eager to go, but I also
wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt his feelings. “Yes, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings because I’m
cancelling our date. I love spending time with you, but this is a chance in a lifetime. I think we’re going
to visit College Station with Matthew while we’re there. College Station is not too far from the farm.”

“Well, if you’re sure you want to go. Will you have fun? I mean, it is her reunion and you may
not know many people there,” Neil stated.

“Oh, I know lots of people in her family. Remember, I grew up with half of them. It will be good
to see all of them, especially Robert and Renee.”

“Ok, then. Why don’t you make sure you get the details? If you want to go, I don’t mind at all. I
just want you to have fun!” I kissed Neil and told him thank you. Now the preparations could really
begin!

Three weeks later, Dianne, Allyson, Matthew and I were on our way to the farm down near
Austin. I had been there once before, but not under the best of circumstances. It was so pretty down
by the farm, out in the country, being able to see for miles around. I could hardly wait to see the farm
again. But I was even more excited about the drive down and the drive back – 9 hours down and 9
hours back of time with Dianne. If we didn’t sleep (which I was sure one of us would at some point),
then we could talk the whole time!

The Thursday that we were to leave dawned dark and wet. We were supposed to have rain,
which at that point was a rarity in our corner of the world. I hoped that the rain would not cause our
trip down to be any less fun, but I knew that driving at night would not be as fun if we were worried
about rain the whole way.

As Dianne and I talked at lunch, there were still preparations to make and errands to run before
we left. Dianne said she would try and get a nap in before we left, but there were no guarantees. “I’ll
bring some 5 hour energy drinks,” I promised. Dianne texted back, “Ugh! Can’t stand those things. I’d
rather have a large Coke with extra, extra, extra ice from Sonic.”

“Alright. I’ll see you at 9:00, ready to go and have an adventure!” I was so ready to go and get
out of town, ready to have fun as only besties can.

That night was stormy as my husband and I went to a school function at Elizabeth’s school. This
was the last responsibility I had before I could leave on the trip. That and making sure I had an air
mattress to sleep on and a place to pack it. As the storm progressed through the city, I received a text
on my phone saying that the function had been cancelled due to impending weather. Where but in the
Panhandle of Texas does a function get cancelled due to impending weather? But in the back of my
mind, I thought, “Hey, I can get a nap since I’ll be up all night anyway!”

No sooner had I laid down for my snooze than I get a text telling me that it’s time to go
whenever I was ready – or at least it seemed like it was a couple of minutes later. I texted back, “Can I
come at 9? I still have a couple of things to do. Thanks!” The reply was classic Dianne – “Sure. What
did you think we would do? Let you swim over here?” Leave it to her to have sarcasm in any response!

On the road a couple hours later, Dianne, Allyson, Matthew and I were laughing at anything and
everything – conversations, comedians that were listening to on the radio, each other. I could already
tell that this was going to be one big party. Every now and then, I would still get a twitch of dizziness
and turn quiet, but not for so long that Dianne would notice – or not that I was aware that she noticed.

About 11:30, all became quiet from the back seats where the 2 kids were camped out for the
night. The satellite kept going in and out, so we were lucky when we went through towns to hear
snippets of songs or comedy routines. But it was ok, because for the majority of the trip, Dianne and I
talked. About anything and everything. And it never seemed like we ran out of things to say, even in
the wee hours of the morning when we had talked non-stop for hours.

As we neared College Station around 4 in the morning, the 5 hour energy drinks started wearing
off. Dianne still talked on and on while I listened to her stories about her family as I was trying to pass a
crash course on Smith History 101 before the reunion. However, stories seemed to run together as I felt
my eyes grow heavier. Finally, I begged for a nap as Dianne replied, “”Sure, I’ll be ok. We’re just about a
half hour out.”

As I drifted off to sleep, bits of country music swam in and out of my consciousness. Pictures of
past family gatherings and major life events swam through my head like a fast-moving film. I know I
started talking in my sleep because Dianne’s voice broke through my dreams, saying, “Hey, are you ok?
Wake up. You’re talking in your sleep and we’re almost there. We have to stop for gas.”

Breaking through the fog of sleep deprivation is one of the hardest things to do, but waking up
to sticky heat, even inside an air-conditioned car is even harder. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I tried
really hard to focus on what we were doing and tried not to look so sleep deprived. Thankfully, my
dizziness had subsided, so I was able to blink my eyes a couple of times and reply, “I’m ok. Just had a
couple of really vivid dreams. I’ll be alright.” That was one of the things that made Dianne my bestie –
she was always concerned for me and let me know it.

As I walked slowly from the car to the restrooms, I felt a shot of pain zip behind my eyes as spots
swam in front of me. Dianne’s voice faded behind me and I could barely make out the words. “Annie,
Annie, are you ok? Hey, somebody help me! Beth!”

I collapsed in a heap on the pavement and heard footsteps slapping the wet ground as they
came closer. Then, the darkness closed my eyes as I drifted to sleep once more.
 CHAPTER 11
I smelled something. Something that tickled the edges of my memory and made me think of
babies and dark rooms, beeping noises and syringes. As I struggled to move my mouth to ask questions,
I felt a warm hand on my arm, rubbing it lightly up and down.

“Don’t try to talk, Anne. Just lie there and rest for a while longer until the doctors come back
from their rounds. You’ve scared us enough for one day, and I just want you to lie still. I love you so
much and want you to know we’re doing everything for you. I just want you back. Please, don’t be
stubborn this time and do what we tell you to do and rest.”

Ah, I remembered this voice, but I couldn’t figure out why he was telling me to lie still and take
it easy. Neil was always telling me that he was concerned about me and that I did too much. So I could
understand when he told me to rest, but I couldn’t quite figure out why I hurt everywhere. The last
thing I remembered was falling down in the middle of a gas station parking lot and hearing Dianne call
for me.

I tried to move my lips to ask Neil why I hurt so badly, but I couldn’t feel anything move where it
was supposed to move. I wanted to scream with frustration, but I found that my whole face felt tight as
a drum and wouldn’t do what I wanted it to do. Nothing was making any sense.

“Honey, just take it easy. You were in a really bad car accident and you’re still in intensive care.
You’ve been here for about 4 weeks now and we are still waiting for you to come back to us. Dianne
just left to go back to work, but we’ve been taking turns sitting with you. She stays with you when I’m at
work, and I’m here when she’s not. Your parents have been up here visiting as well, but you know Dad –
sometimes we just have to get him out of here. He is crazy. But I’m trying to be nice for your sake. He’s
just so frustrating, you know?”

I tried hard to reassure him that I knew his frustrations, but I was getting frustrated myself in
not being able to see or talk or communicate in any way. I just wanted to go home and get these crazy
dreams out of my head. I just wanted everything to be back to normal. And I just wanted it all to stop
hurting. It seemed like there wasn’t a part of my body that was pain-free.

“I love you, Anne,” was all that Neil could say. He rested his head on the bed next to me and all I
wanted to do was wake up and tell him I would be ok. Tell him that I would never leave him and that I
loved him more than life itself. I wanted to turn back the clock and start everything over again so this
accident would’ve never happened. I felt so bad about not being able to reassure Neil.

As I started feeling anxious about trying to reassure Neil, I could feel my heart start to race a
little. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and started taking shallower and shallower breaths. I could hear Neil
saying my breathing was slowing down and that we needed a doctor in my room – NOW! His voice
seemed to be coming from down a long hallway, and it got dimmer and dimmer and eventually faded.
 Suddenly, everything came into focus clearer than I’d ever seen it. I was standing in my old
church sanctuary, holding hands with Neil as music played, surrounding us. I glanced at Neil and could
see the love in his eyes as I felt his warm hand caressing mine. Hesitant, I glanced to my left and right,
noticing all my friends and family around us. Neil and I were lighting a candle and then, we were
suddenly at the back of the church, shaking hands and hugging well-wishers.

Fast forward the vision a little and I could see Neil and I cutting a wedding cake, and even
though I was looking at the vision from above, I felt everything as if I were there. And then it began to
fade and I could hear talking, noises and machinery in the background. And when that, too, began to
fade, I mouthed, “I love you, Neil,” and then sank into dreamlessness.
 CHAPTER 12
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13

It had been four months since the accident that landed Anne in the intensive care unit of the
hospital. During that time, there had been several close calls, but there had also been times when it
almost looked as if Anne would pull through this and go home. But as the days wore on, it looked more
and more as if Anne would not get better.

Neil came every day and sat with her after school until he absolutely had to go home. When
there were meetings to attend or other things he had to do with the kids, (now that he was virtually a
single parent), Anne’s parents came and sat by her side. And when she got a chance to get away from
work or have some down time from Allyson’s activities, Dianne also came and sat by Anne’s side.
Dianne came more often if she happened to be at work, because it was just a short trip on the elevators
from the third floor to the ICU.

Anne’s doctors had been in meetings with the family all day, and Neil and the kids were
exhausted from the overload of information they had received. Because of tests that had been run on
Anne, it seemed that her body was shutting down slowly on every level. All of her vital signs were stable
at this point, but the doctors weren’t sure just how much longer Anne could hold out. It was almost as if
Anne was waiting for a sign from someone or something before she would let go.

That night, Dianne came into Anne’s room to visit and talk. Dianne had made a habit of doing
this on her down time for two reasons. First, Dianne missed talking with her best friend on a daily basis
and wanted to keep talking with her, even if Anne never said anything back. Second, the doctors had
said that while Anne couldn’t say anything, she still heard noises and conversations, evidenced by slight
changes in her vital signs at certain times, so Dianne did what she did best with her best friend – talk. If
there was something on Dianne’s mind that she needed to work through, Dianne discussed it with Anne.
If Dianne needed an opinion on something, she asked Anne for her perspective. Even though Anne
couldn’t answer, it seemed to Dianne that her mind cleared and her decisions were easier to make after
talking to Anne – as if Anne had actually voiced her opinion and made the solution simple.

“Hey, Spidey, how’s it going tonight? I heard the doctors were talking about you all day today.
What a way to get attention!” Even though Dianne sounded like she was perturbed, she really wasn’t,
and this was just her way of joking around when situations got too serious.

“So, labor and delivery is well staffed tonight, they didn’t need me in NICU, AND I have a little
down time. I probably can’t stay for long tonight, though, because I have to work on schedules. But I
have something on my mind and thought you might want to know about it.”

Nothing changed on the monitors but a slight increase in Anne’s respirations. This was enough
of a sign to Dianne that Anne might actually hear her, so Dianne continued.
 “So, you know that Allyson has been working at La Mexicana while going to school. She works
practically every day now, even when I don’t work. But she sure is saving a lot of money for college.
That’s at least some money to help. And she really likes it and they treat her well. She’s taken on a lot of
responsibility lately, especially since Matthew left. It seems like she never stops!”

“But I’m a little concerned about her. She’s always tired, even when she doesn’t have to work.
She never has enough energy to do things; even when I suggested we get a pedicure, she turned me
down, saying she just needed a nap. You and I both know that is not like Allyson – she’d never turn
down a girls’ day out like that.”

“Am I just being overprotective? Should I be this worried about her? I know how tired I get
when I haven’t gotten to rest. But she’s 17, and her body should be able to rejuvenate itself faster than
my old body can. I only became this way after years of working the night shift and my body rebelling
against everything I do to it. (Speaking of, when you get out of here, we really need to start back to the
gym. I don’t have a gym buddy to go with anymore, and you really need some exercise, girl!)”

“Ok, I know what you’re going to say. ‘Physician, heal thyself.’ I should know better than
anybody what I need to do. I need to just take her in and have her checked, just to make sure. But you
know, she’s never sick, and so this just doesn’t seem right. I just have a hunch that there is something I
am missing.”

Just then, Dianne’s pager that she wore when she went off the unit buzzed and she jumped.
Taking Anne’s hand in hers, Dianne said, “I’m glad I got to come down and talk to you, even though you
can’t talk back. I always feel better after I have talked with you. I have to go now --- patient coming in
and they need me. I’ll let you know what happens with Allyson after I have taken her to the doctor.
Thanks for listening. Love you bunches and bunches and bunches!” And with that, Dianne slipped back
up to the third floor.

Early the next morning, Neil swung by Anne’s room before he was off to school. He eagerly
checked her charts to see if there was any change. He questioned the night nurses to see if anything
had improved, and when met with the words, “No change”, left with a frown and a downtrodden heart.
Neil said a little prayer that this situation would be resolved soon, no matter how it was to be resolved.

As the weeks wore on, Anne’s prognosis looked more dismal. Very rarely did she respond when
people came to visit, so people stopped visiting as often. Her parents just couldn’t handle coming to see
her every day, because even they were not in as good of health as they used to be. Her colleagues from
work had slowly drifted away, mainly because they had their own families to think about, and school
was winding down for the year. The only visitors who remained constant were Neil and Dianne; even
her own kids had tapered off in their visits.

About 6 weeks later, Anne’s usual late night visitor entered the room in scrubs covered by an
isolation gown -- standard attire for someone coming from the labor and delivery floor to the ICU. The
nurses didn’t even give her a second glance as Dianne entered Anne’s room after visiting hours – they
were so used to seeing her come and go at odd hours that they never said anything.
 “What’s up, bestie?” came the greeting from Dianne. However, it wasn’t said in her usual jovial
manner. There was a hint of exhaustion beneath her words, as if it took an effort just to say hi. But
then she continued on in her usual “Woodstock” ways, rambling on about every subject in the world,
jumping from topic to topic randomly. This was a habit she got into especially when she was extremely
tired.

“So, when are you getting out of here?” Dianne asked. “You know, hand bells just aren’t the
same without you. I mean, when you took over Jonathan’s hand bells, it was the first time in years that
those bells have been on time and in rhythm with the rest of us. Now, we kind of miss hearing them
behind us. Mark’s threatening to give your position away, and then you could never come back to
harass the back row.”

“And oh, by the way, you are on altar guild next month. You know that if you’re not there,
Loretta will just divide the work up among the rest of us. She’s already working herself into a frenzy
about you being gone and who will take your place. I think she lives to worry.”

“And, you know, the parish nurses are about to start another edition of “The Biggest Loser” next
month. This time, we’re going to do it for 6 months and then we will see where we are with it. Some
people have already started signing up, and you have to be there with me when we start it up. I need
some motivation, and when you’re not there, I have no motivation. So hurry up because you’re missing
out on a lot of things at church!”

As Dianne continued to talk, she noticed that nothing had changed with Anne. Always holding
out for a glimmer of hope, Dianne watched the monitors and then would shift to watching Anne, hoping
to see some sign of change. Every now and then, Dianne would get a lemon swab and put it to Anne’s
lips or get some lotion and rub it into Anne’s hands.

Finally, Dianne started talking about the real reason why she had come to visit – the doctor’s
visit about Allyson. All of the sudden, Dianne’s voice sounded tired, as if she couldn’t even finish the
conversation.

“We went to see the doctor about Allyson. She was still getting very tired every day, even when
she hadn’t done anything. The doctor asked lots of questions – some I hadn’t even noticed. Now I feel
bad because I have been so busy working and coming up here that I didn’t even see some of the things
the doctor saw. She said that Allyson’s lips were a tiny bit off color – almost a bluish hue. And her
fingers were starting to club a little. I never expected to see that! When she listened to her lungs and
heart, she noticed that Allyson’s heart sounds were different, so she did an EKG and a chest x-ray.
Anne…Spidey…Allyson’s heart is enlarged to two times its normal size. Her blood work…well, it doesn’t
look good. Her heart is working harder to do the work it needs to do, and it’s not operating at full
capacity. The doctor mentioned medication to see if the virus would slow down, but ultimately,
Allyson…” And it was here that Dianne broke down and wept - something she hadn’t really done since
Anne had been in the accident.
 Sobs echoed through the room, but no visible signs came from the bed to let Dianne know that
Anne even knew what was going on. As Dianne sniffed, she took a Kleenex from table at the side of the
bed. Looking up at the monitors, Dianne noticed that Anne’s heart rate had increased slightly, so she
tried to settle herself a little.

“We’ve put Allyson on a waiting list for a new heart. But it doesn’t look hopeful right now. The
medicine that they put her on will only do the job for a little while, but it will only stop the virus from
growing. It won’t return her heart to normal.” Dianne paused, catching her breath. “I just can’t believe
this. First you get in an accident and I’ve all but lost you. Now, I may lose my daughter, too. Why is God
doing this to me?” And Dianne broke down and wept again, putting her head down on the bed next to
Anne’s arm and taking her hand, stroking it softly as she cried. Dianne’s sobs shook her body, and the
blanket became wet. “I can only take so much,” Dianne sniffed. As Dianne’s sobs subsided, a nurse
came in to do her nightly rounds.

“Let me get out of your way,” Dianne whispered. “I actually need to get back up to the third
floor. I’ve probably been gone too long.”

“No, wait, you can stay. I’ll only be a minute,” said the nurse. “I just have to administer one
med and then I’m gone again. Hey, I’ve seen you before down here, haven’t I? You’re here a lot. Are
you her sister or something?”

“Yes and no,” replied Dianne. “She wasn’t born into my family, but we are as close as sisters –
even closer sometimes. She’s been my best friend for a long time, our kids are best friends, and our
parents are friends. You could say that we have lots of ties that bind us together. I just can’t believe
that it doesn’t look as if she will.…” Dianne couldn’t finish her sentence because she had started to cry
again. The nurse looked at her consolingly and waited.

“I had a best friend like that once, too. We did everything together. I am her kids’ godmother
and she was in my wedding. We shopped together, went to church together, and even had our kids at
about the same time. We were very close and when I started my house cleaning business, she worked
for me for a while. It turned out that her husband was pretty jealous of our relationship. He didn’t like
it that she talked about me a lot, so she got a different job. Then, when her husband took a transfer and
I got my job here as a nurse, she stopped talking to me entirely. I still grieve over that relationship. I
can’t imagine losing someone like this, but I can empathize with losing a friend. I’m sorry.”

“She just has always been there for me, through the bad times and the good times. She always
made me feel special. Do you know,” Dianne snickered a little, “one time, for my birthday, Anne
decorated my car with birthday wishes and blew up balloons and stuffed my car with them? And she
stuffed those balloons with pistachios, my favorite snack. I had to pop those balloons just to get my
pistachios! And then she videoed the whole thing! I’m just glad I didn’t say anything bad, because when
I showed it to my friends that night at work, they thought it was hilarious! And then another birthday,
she got me a Texas A&M cake and ropers – ropers! I only said that I needed a new pair one time in her
presence. I can’t believe she would remember something like that….I just can’t….” And here, Dianne’s
voice faded away.
 “It sounds like she thought the world of you,” said the nurse. “And it looks like you just might
feel the same way about her. Make sure she knows that, even if you don’t think she can hear you right
now. She can. And if you ever need to talk again, just ask for me, Tonya. I have noticed that you are
here pretty much every weekend. Maybe I can help you through this, if you need someone. I happened
to hear you when you were crying, asking why God was doing this to you. You know, God has things
happen for a reason, even if you don’t like what’s happening now. Everything happens for a reason.
You just have to trust in God and He won’t ever let you down.” With that, the nurse walked out of the
room and disappeared into the next patient room.

Dianne dried her eyes and wiped her nose. She really needed to get back to work, but she
didn’t feel like going back up there tonight – her least favorite nurses were there, and they usually made
her night more miserable than it already was. Maybe she could claim a headache and go home. After
all, it wasn’t far from the truth. Or maybe she could just come back here and sit for the rest of the night
with Anne. Even if they didn’t talk, their silences were comfortable. And there was something soothing
about being in here with the monitors’ soft beeps and the steady breathing that was Anne. At least if
Dianne sat with her, she felt that she was doing something for Anne.

Dianne went back up to her unit and checked on everybody. Then, she begged off to her next in
charge to go home because of a migraine. Dianne didn’t ever do this, but she felt she needed to be with
Anne tonight, if only for the rest of the night. Something about what Anne’s nurse had said struck a
chord in Dianne, making her feel as if she should spend tonight beside Anne.

Dianne packed up her bags after giving report to her next in charge. With “get better soon”
wishes echoing behind her, Dianne stepped onto the elevator and made her way back downstairs to the
ICU. She felt mildly guilty about lying, but not too much so. She did have the start of a headache, but
she figured she could wait for a couple more hours before she slept.

Stepping back into Anne’s room, Dianne looked around for Anne’s nurse so she could let her
know that she would be staying the rest of the night. Not seeing her, Dianne stepped quietly up to the
nurse’s desk and told the charge nurse, who nodded her assent. Dianne turned to go back into Anne’s
room, looking around for Tonya. Not seeing her anywhere, Dianne sat down. Even now, when she
walked in here, Dianne still held onto a glimmer of hope that something, anything would have changed.
And she always felt slightly let down when she noticed that everything had stayed the same. Why
wasn’t God listening to her prayers?

As Dianne settled in a chair for the rest of the night, she glanced at the monitors and shifted her
eyes to the still figure in the bed. “Love you more than you know or understand,” she whispered as she
drifted off to sleep, still holding on to Anne’s hand.

Early the next morning, before change of shift, Dianne was awakened by a slight noise outside
the room. As she came fully awake, she again glanced at the still figure in the bed. Nope, no change
still. Dianne supposed she should get home to sleep, for her headache had not gone away. She decided
to wait awhile, just in case some of her coworkers from the third floor were just getting off. And Dianne
was pretty sure that the nurses down here would not shoo her out just yet – too many of them had seen
her come and go. She just wanted to thank Anne’s nurse, Tonya, for her kind words and thoughts.
Sometimes it took someone else reminding you that God was still there, even in the midst of trouble,
before it really sunk in. As she stepped out into the hallway, Dianne looked around for the familiar face.
Upon not seeing her, Dianne stepped back into Anne’s room and waited patiently for shift change to
end.

Dianne’s eyes started to cross and drift shut as she waited. She had to leave soon or she would
never make it home in one piece. Plus, she needed to get home and see if Allyson was okay before she
left for school. Allyson hadn’t been the same since she was put on the transplant list and Dianne
wanted and needed to be with her as much as possible. But she also knew that Allyson may still be
asleep, and she wanted to be here for Anne. Dianne just felt so torn because she needed to be in two
places at once right now. Finally, it seemed as if the shift had changed over and Dianne was free to go.
She stealthily slipped down to the parking garage, just so she wouldn’t see any familiar faces. She
started her car, and headed for home. As she drove, the one thing that kept her awake was the
thought, “I wonder if Anne knows how I feel about her?” When she got home, Dianne checked on
Allyson, who was still sound asleep and called her sick into school one more time. Dianne fell into bed
with her clothes on and her last thought as she drifted off to sleep was, “God, we need a miracle.
Please, don’t leave me now.”

Later that afternoon, Dianne woke up with a start. She wasn’t sure if she had heard Allyson
stirring or if one of the dogs had barked. All Dianne knew was that she was having a weird dream in
which she and Anne were the main characters. They were in the middle of the country, seemingly on a
road trip, looking for a boll of cotton. They were returning from a day trip and they were getting the
cotton for her, her dad, and Matthew, her son. It was something they did after the Aggies would win
the Cotton Bowl. In the dream, though, Anne turned to Dianne and hugged her tightly. Dianne felt such
an immense sense of joy and love at this hug, but then Anne disappeared. Dianne was left holding
cotton and looking for Anne, but still feeling that overwhelming feeling of love. When Dianne woke up,
feeling fuzzy and unclear, she wondered at why she dreamt of that particular day.

Dianne first went to check on Allyson. Allyson was sitting on her bed, typing what looked like
homework into her computer. She gave Dianne a weak wave, looked at her quizzically, and went back
to typing. Dianne asked Allyson if she needed anything, but Allyson replied, “No, just finishing up some
homework to turn in since I missed so much of this week.”

“Ok, well, I’m about to call the hospital to check on Anne. Are you sure you don’t need
anything?” Dianne reiterated.

“Mom, I’m ok right now. I’ll let you know if I need something.” Allyson replied, going back to
her homework.

Dianne had the hospital on speed dial, but not the ICU. As she dialed the main number of the
hospital, the odd but pleasant feeling of overwhelming love came over her again. As she listened to the
phone ring on the other end, she became impatient to know if everything was still ok with Anne.
 “St. Anthony’s hospital. How may I direct your call?’ said a voice on the other end.

“I need to speak to a nurse in the SICU, please,” said Dianne.

“Just a moment and I’ll transfer you,” said the man as there was an audible snick on the line.

“St. Anthony’s SICU. How may I help you?” stated a female voice. Luckily, this woman sounded
friendly, so Dianne continued.

“Yes,” said Dianne, “I’m calling to check on the status of Anne Prescott. She’s in room 42.”

“Just a moment,” said the nurse. A quiet muffle was heard as she covered the phone and asked
a couple of questions. When she came back on the line, the voice softly asked, “Are you friend or
family?”

Dianne’s stomach dropped and she felt as if she would throw up as she heard the voice repeat
the question. All of a sudden, Dianne started seeing spots before her eyes as her vision blurred. There
was only one reason why a nurse would ask such a question to someone calling the ICU. “I’m family,”
Dianne voiced meekly.

“I’m sorry to tell you this, umm…”

“Dianne, my name is Dianne.”

“Yes, I’m sorry to tell you this, Dianne, but Mrs. Prescott passed away about 3:00 this afternoon.
I’m very sorry for your loss.”

The phone clattered to the floor as Dianne sunk down to the chair beside her. The voice on the
other end kept asking, “Dianne, are you ok? Ma’am…”

At that moment, Allyson walked into the living room, and seeing her mom on the floor, asked,
“Mom, are you ok?” Dianne couldn’t get a word out as Allyson picked up the phone and asked if
everything was ok. As the lady once again repeated the news, Allyson started to cry and bent down and
hugged her mom. Telling the woman on the line thank you, Allyson hit the button to disconnect the call
and held onto her mom.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry, Mom,” was all Allyson could get out as they hugged each other.
Anne had been as good of a friend to Allyson as she was to Dianne – like an aunt. They held onto each
other for what seemed a long time and sobbed.

After some time, Allyson and Dianne had seemingly spent every tear they had. Their eyes were
scratchy and their faces dry from the tears. As they glanced up at the clock, they wondered if they
should go up to be with the family or if they were more needed at the house. Dianne dialed Neil’s
number, just to get an automatic voicemail. They then realized that the best way to find out answers
was to just go to the hospital to be with the family. It was what they needed to do.
 Allyson offered to drive as Dianne was still prone to crying. As they rode to the hospital, the car
was silent as both were lost in their own thoughts. Even the radio seemed to be in mourning as it, too,
was silent.

As Dianne and Allyson rode up in the elevator, Dianne saw some people she knew from the
hospital. They would look as if they were going to ask her a question, but then they would stop as soon
as they saw Dianne’s red–rimmed eyes and splotchy face. They would step away quietly and act as if
they had other things to do, hurrying away.

Dianne and Allyson stepped off the elevator and into the hallway leading into the ICU. Slowly
walking past a waiting room, Dianne saw Anne’s family huddled in a corner, some with tears on their
faces, and some with wide eyes, looking as if they had been hit by a truck. Dianne and Allyson stepped
into the waiting room.

“Oh, honey, I’m so glad you’re here,” said Anne’s mom as she took both Dianne and Allyson into
a giant hug. Neil stood off to the side, looking disheveled, talking with James, Anne’s brother. Anne’s
dad sat in a chair near her mom, looking as if he had aged about 10 years. Anne’s kids, Benjamin, April,
and Elizabeth sat in chairs nearby, not speaking or crying, looking shell-shocked.

“Did you see her last night?” Anne’s mom asked Dianne.

Dianne answered, “Yes, and I sat with her until this morning when I was supposed to get off
work. I left the unit last night with a headache. I decided that Anne needed me more down here than
they did up there. I’m glad I chose to sit with her last night.”

“How’s Allyson?” Anne’s mom asked. She knew about Allyson’s situation and was genuinely
concerned that she wouldn’t get a heart in time. Anne’s mom looked closely at Allyson’s face and saw
that she looked paler than usual. Dianne told both Allyson and Anne’s mom to sit down.

“Well, the only news we have on that front is that Allyson is on a waiting list for a new heart.
The meds will work for some time, but she won’t get better without a miracle.” At this, Dianne started
to cry again and sat down.

Neil looked her way and stopped in his conversation with James. He walked over to Dianne and
put his arm around her. “You know, she loved you. She really, really loved you. There wasn’t a day that
went by that she didn’t talk about you in one form or another. Did you see her last night?”

“Yes, I sat with her for about half my shift,” replied Dianne through her tears. “I sat with her and
talked with her about everything that was going on. By the way, do you remember the name of her
nurse last night? She came in and talked with me for a while, but I wanted to thank her for her kind
words. It started with a “T”, but I can’t remember right now.” Dianne looked at Neil with hope on her
face.
 “I don’t remember Anne ever having a nurse with a name like that. Her nurse last night was
named Carla, and we have been writing everyone’s names down. That’s odd,” Neil finished, rubbing his
hand over his face.

“But she was there and she gave Anne a medication and she talked to me…,” Dianne rambled.
“In fact, I’ve seen her there before when I’ve visited. She’s always been very nice and we have had
conversations about God and His timing…,” Dianne trailed off and closed her eyes.

“You know,” Neil said, “Anne was an organ donor. We had talked about it many times and the
doctors were already looking for a match when she passed away this afternoon. I wonder if Allyson…,”
Neil trailed off. At that moment, the pager that had been assigned to Dianne and Allyson buzzed and
Neil was cut off in mid-conversation.

“Excuse me, I have to call this number,” said Dianne, as she hurried away to an alcove to have
some privacy. But everyone in the family knew what that pager meant, and they held their breath in
anticipation.

Everyone stopped talking, stopped crying, as they waited for news that could be so good on this
day of mourning. Maybe Allyson would get a heart today!

Dianne spoke into the phone and the family watched as her expression went from one of
anticipation to elation, and then seemed to melt in upon itself. Surely they had found a heart for
Allyson? Now they just had to get Allyson prepped and ready, if that was the news.

Dianne said thank you into the phone and slowly walked back to the family.

“Well, what’s the news?” Anne’s mom said. “Did they find a heart for Allyson?”

“Yes, they did,” Dianne replied. “In fact, it’s right here in this hospital…” as her voice faded
away, the family couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t more excited.

Dianne continued. “It’s a heart from a 40 year old female who has been here for 4 months.
They just pronounced her brain dead a while ago, and her heart is a match and it’s in perfect condition.
Guys…Anne’s heart is a perfect match for Allyson.”
 Epilogue
3 months later

“Are you ready?” Dianne asked Allyson.

“Yes, Mom, I’m ready. I have my books for my three classes and enough pencils to kill a horse. I
also have my computer that I will take notes on. And besides, these classes that I’m taking right now
aren’t that hard. I’ll have plenty of time to rest, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Allyson reassured
her mom. With a twitch of her eyebrow and a kiss on the cheek, Allyson walked towards the garage
door. “I’ll be fine, Mom. And I’ll be home for lunch. That way you can see for yourself that I’m fine.”

“Alright, have a good day! Lubber you!” Dianne responded.

With a roll of her eyes, Allyson walked out the door.

Dianne walked back to the couch and sat down. She couldn’t help worrying just a little bit.
Allyson had come through the heart transplant with flying colors and was recuperating faster than the
doctors had expected. It turned out that since Anne’s heart was a perfect match for Allyson, Allyson was
assured a long and healthy life. The anti-rejection drugs she took on a daily basis were working, and her
body showed no sign of rejecting the heart that beat healthily within her. But Allyson was not
completely out of the woods, and she still had to have checkups. To make sure her body would not
reject the heart and that it was still doing the job it needed to do. So that little nagging sense of “what
if” lingered with Dianne every day.

Dianne settled in to watch an episode of “M*A*S*H”, her favorite show, but she couldn’t seem
to focus. She just needed something to occupy her mind so that it wouldn’t wander too much where it
shouldn’t go – Matthew at A & M, Allyson getting back to a “new” normal, and her best friend gone
forever. She knew she should sort laundry and clean house, but she just couldn’t get motivated, even
though Oliver was supposed to be coming through town shortly. His truck had to be serviced again, and
Dianne was always there to help him fix the truck.

Since she couldn’t stay focused on tv, Dianne looked around her living room and spied the book
that Anne had given her about 2 years earlier. One of Anne’s hobbies had been writing, and she always
said she would get published someday. Her first attempt at a book had been a book about friendship,
specifically the friendship between her and Dianne. It was good, and Dianne went back and read it
whenever she had down time now, just so she could feel Anne was still around. Dianne could almost
hear Anne laughing at something she said, or making a snarky remark whenever she read the book.
Sometimes it was devastating knowing that she would never get another letter from Anne or that the
book would never be finished.

But then Dianne would look at Allyson and know that everything worked out the way God
wanted, even if it was bittersweet. She knew that because Anne had chosen to be an organ donor,
Allyson still had a full life ahead of her. So even when the depression would sink in about never seeing
Anne again, Dianne knew that she would forever be grateful to Anne, her bestie, for giving Allyson a
second chance.

Today, Dianne picked up the book again, and while she really didn’t feel like reading, she did feel
as if she needed to be close to Anne somehow. When she opened the book, the bulletin from Anne’s
funeral fell out. Since the funeral, Anne’s book had morphed into more of a scrapbook than just a book.
There was the bulletin from the funeral, some notes that Anne had written to her, and even a couple of
funny cards that Anne had given her “just because”. Dianne just couldn’t bear to get rid of them.

As she glanced through the bulletin, Dianne tried to remember the day of the funeral, but found
there were parts she just couldn’t remember. As she thought back, Dianne knew that she had not been
altogether there that day – her grief had almost consumed her. Oliver had come into town for the
funeral, and while she appreciated his comfort, the feelings from that day were still too raw. Allyson
had undergone her surgery just a week before Anne’s funeral, and everything happening at once had
been too much to process. Dianne tried to remember bits and pieces of that day.

Anne’s favorite verse was 1 Peter 2:9, a verse that spoke of how important and how special we
are to God. Pastor Hesse had preached his sermon over this verse, and when he was finished, there
wasn’t a dry eye in the sanctuary. As Dianne kept reading, she noticed that the schoolchildren had sung
“Brothers and Sisters in Christ” in Anne’s memory. Dianne didn’t remember them singing that song, but
she knew that had been Anne’s favorite song from when she taught her littles. Dianne thought that may
have been the time when she had excused herself to go to the bathroom, tried to strengthen herself for
the rest of the service.

By the time Dianne had collected herself enough to rejoin the service, the congregation was
about to sing a hymn that Dianne just knew was chosen because of the friendship between herself and
Anne, “Blessed Be the Tie That Binds”. Dianne had made herself sit through that hymn simply because
that was the hymn on which Anne had based her book. And while she had always enjoyed that hymn, it
was especially poignant now and would forever remind her of the best friend she ever had.

Dianne continued to read through the bulletin and finally got to the benediction. Tears flowed
fresh down her face as she remembered that this was Neil and Anne’s wedding verse. She remembered
that now every time she was in church, and if there was ever a time when she was sad during church, it
usually came at the benediction.

Taking a Kleenex from the box beside the couch, Dianne wiped her eyes, placed the bulletin
back in the book, and leaned down to put it away. As she was doing so, a closed envelope fell from the
back of the book. Strange, Dianne thought, she had never seen that in the book before.

On the outside of the envelope was writing she remembered so well, the name Woodstock. It
had been Anne’s nickname for her after she had too little sleep. Dianne had a way of rambling on and
becoming giddy after not having enough sleep or after she had worked the previous night, so Anne had
appropriately given her the moniker Woodstock. Nobody else called her that, so when she saw the
envelope, she immediately knew who it was from and wondered why she had never seen it before.
 As she slowly opened the letter, she realized that this was the last communication that she
would ever have with Anne.

Dear Woodstock,

If you are reading this, it is because something has happened and I can no longer write to you or
about you on a regular basis. I am writing this the day before I leave for Austin, simply because I have a
feeling that I may never see you again. Call it an intuition or call it paranoia, but it’s just a feeling I have.

When Neil took this job in Austin, I was devastated, not because of anything else but because of
the fact that I would be leaving you. With my parents gone, the only real family I have left is you. I could
always find another job, another church, another doctor, but I could never find another sister.

You have been the one who made me a better person, just because of how much you loved me
and how much you thought of me. We may not have been besties since we were little, but we sure made
up for it in the time we had together. I have to say that the best present you ever gave me was given to
me for my fortieth birthday. It was the most heartwarming “labor of love” that you could ever have
done. I will make sure that my family cherishes it forever, for now they will know what an amazing
woman you were because you treated me like a precious treasure. And yes, it was a “labor” of love
because I know how closely guarded you are with your feelings. The fact that you sat down on a daily
basis and wrote to me about our friendship when writing is not your strong point let me know how
important I was to you. The gifts that you gave me were fantabulous, but it was truly the thought
behind it that was the best present you could have ever given me. And when I found out that you
couldn’t even finish this book because of emotions…well, that was all the affirmation I needed to know
how you truly felt. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

No matter how far apart we are in distance, we will always have a deep love for each other. I
pray that we will always be close, if not physically, spiritually, because we will always share the love of
God between us. And if ever you need a reminder that I am always with you, just hug your Woodstock
and know that I am with you, watching over you, and loving you forever.

Love you whooooole bunches and then some!

Spidey

And as Dianne looked up from the note, tears streaming down her face, she noticed a
movement out of the corner of her eye. Bambi, her dog, sauntered into the living room with something
yellow in her mouth. As Bambi came closer, she gently laid a stuffed Woodstock at Dianne’s feet and lay
down with her nose between her paws. Dianne laughed out loud as a feeling of utter happiness rolled
through her. She picked up the Woodstock, patted Bambi on the head, and settled down to watch her
favorite TV show.