Title: Something New Whole

Title: Something New
Series: TF2
Pairing: Scout/Miss Pauling, Spy/Scout's mom, ensemble, OFC children, eventual mentions of
Heavy/Medic, Demoman/Yana
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
Summary: After the gravel wars and the robot wars, Scout takes on his biggest challenge yet:
fatherhood.
Author's note: notes under cut.
<lj-cut>
Contains character names, given being post-series.
Miss Pauling: Sophia

Scout: Liam
Spy: Referred to as simply Spy as he has many names.
Scout's mother: Colleen
Heavy: Mikhail, often called Misha by family
Medic: Erich
Sniper: Mick (Based on the name on the figure)
There's more parts to come. Technically it's a fic verse, but I'm keeping it together like a chapter
fic for organizational purposes.
Many of the scenes are inspired from Otpprompts prompts (or elsewhere) but the chapters are
often too long to credit each one individually. To follow along on which ones, and see extra
random baby memes and other things that inspired scenes or I just feel applies, there's <a
href="http://yourunderwaterskies.tumblr.com/tagged/alice-tag">this tag</a> and <a href="">this
pinterest board</a> and also <a href="">this pinterest board</a>
The "Jacket" scene was based via an In-character AMA done by Nathan Vetterlein. It also
references <a href="">this voice line</a>.
Editing and large-scale revisions was taken care of by high-roller-yunalesca/ZoisiteMoon, who

did a truly astoundingly thorough job. Last I counted the google docs file changes was in the
800s. In fact, it was so thorough, she's now a co-author. She in fact, did such a good job she got
bumped to the status of co-writer.
Later chapters contain characters who are owned by Bowlersandtophats, and are used with his
enthusiastic permission. We basically adopted each other's OCs to a degree a while back and
have been collaborating in various forms ever since.
Series: TF2
Pairing: Scout/Miss Pauling, Spy/Scout's mom, ensemble, OFC child, eventual mentions of
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
Summary: After the gravel wars and the robot wars, Scout's up for his biggest challenge yet:
fatherhood.
Author's note: The first chapter has been heavily revised. It started out simply to correct things
which new canon updates had revealed (such as Heavy's name) but eventually I got caught up
and added several new scenes. Since there's some large name changes, and lots of new
content, I'd advise checking it out, even if you read the original version, as it might be confusing
otherwise.
"I can't keep our deal any longer, she said.
Spy drew a cigarette into his mouth.
"If he asks me, I'll tell him what I know. I promised I wouldn't lie to him anymore. At least, not as
much."
"Do you think you can simply change yourself? Once a killer, always a killer. Even if you hoist
around your baby carrier, and pretend like the wolves won't come to your door."
"I stopped running. Isn't it time you gave it a try? It's been what, almost thirty years now?"
It's too late for me," Spy said.
"As long as you're still alive, it's never too late."

Spy chuckled. You sounded like him then. So hopeful, to the point of cliche."
She smiled. "He rubbed off on me. Even when I told him not to trust me, he couldn't help
himself."
"He is a fool, both then and now," Spy said.
"A happy fool," she said.

She heard a cry, and started in. But the sound stilled. Over her baby monitor, she could hear
Liam singing an old Lullaby in broken French.
"I sang to him. It never occurred to him why his mother sang him French lullabies."
"He doesn't realize it's French. He thinks it's just a 'nonsense language,'" Sophia said.
"It's hardly French; his accent is atrocious. But I have myself to blame for that.
She leaned up to kiss Liam's cheek. "Thanks for taking care of her."
"Not gonna brag, but I'm a pro and givin' bottles and changin' smelly diapers," he said.
She chuckled. "Everything's bragging with you."
"Ain't my fault that I've got an awesome life and awesome wife. Everybody's gotta know," Liam
said.
“A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier,
clothes shabbier, the past forgotten and the future worth living for.” -Anonymous
<center>Prologue.</center>
She always thought the scrapbook was a bad idea. After all, it gave ample evidence and her job
was to destroy evidence, a habit she retained long after she’d left TF Industries.
But he loved it. He loved to look through it and keep pieces and parts of their time together. In
fact he considered it one of his greatest treasures, even above his dog tags, even above the ball
he'd caught from the last Red Sox game with his father, even above the Rosemary Clooney
vinyl record he’d gotten from his grandma shortly before she’d died. Even with the somewhat
overwhelming evidence of copious amounts of crimes they'd gotten into over the years, it still
managed to stay. He was always reckless like that.
After the wars, pictures were donated from some of Spy's blackmail files. (Liam said he'd donate
his fist to Spy's face for that one, though he'd yet to fulfill his promise.) The first few were taken
around corners. They were pictures of a kiss obscured by bushes, of his hand slipping into hers,
of their fingers laced together; of him standing too close in a group picture, his adoring gaze
fixated solely on her.
The next photos were from years later, one of which had him grinning at the unseen
photographer as he sat on the mangled remains of a particularly large robotic Heavy and held
up its head as a prize.
Near the end of the first part was her in white lace, flowers braided into her hair and him pulling
at his suit tie again, but looking jubilant. Thumbs up for her at the camera, a triumphant fist
pump in the air for him after the wedding vows.
After that, there were many pictures of her at shaky angles: her looking up from a pile of bills,
her caught in the middle of a sigh, her listlessly answering the phone, her reclining on the couch
while on the verge of falling asleep, her pulling the purple robe closer around her waist. He was
never the photographer Spy had been, as his hands shook too much from his constant nervous
energy.
And finally, there was a picture of her swollen belly, which he was pointing to with both hands.
He had a particularly smug grin etched on his face while she looked back at him with a mix of
affection and irritation.
This would be the last picture of just the two of them. Sometimes she would linger at that one,
the closing of that part of their lives, and her mind would go back to when it had all begun.
<center>-Part One-
Something New</center>
April 2nd, 1977. A blurry Polaroid taken in poor lighting of a small empty box that he refused
to throw away.
3PM.
It was a bit late for an April Fools’ joke, but here she was, wondering if the universe had played
a trick on her. First the paper instructions fell, then the test itself right into the sink, then her
glasses fell to her nose, completing the adage of bad things happen in threes.
Sophia wasn't superstitious by nature, but that one seemed to happen quite often. Except for
her, it was multiples of threes. Nines, to be exact.
"Oh, damn," she muttered.
She balanced on the balls of her feet as she retrieved the piece of plastic from where it'd fallen.
Glasses back in place, she reeled from the sudden rising vertigo-like nausea that she'd been
experiencing all week. This certainly hadn't been according to her plans, but here it was. In a
few short minutes, her life could change forever.
She leaned on the sink for support, only then remembering that she'd already misplaced the
instructions. Damn it. Where the hell could she have put them? She bent down to look for the
box.
"Hey, gorgeous!" Liam called from the other room. The door slammed behind him, not so much
as an act of anger, as more or less that he simply couldn't do anything quietly.
She heard his voice taper off and some kind of rustling. Given that she didn't like broadcasting
every single thing to the neighbors, she didn't respond immediately. He'd find his way to her. He
always did.
She pushed herself up and peered inside the garbage can. Still no instructions. Where was that
damn box?
"Did you bring home dinner?" she asked when he was a few rooms closer.
"Yeah, I got some leftovers from ma right here. Hey, what's thi–a―a pregnancy test?"
Liam was quiet for a few moments. She opened the edge of the door to peer out, but she
couldn't quite see him. Three years ago, she would've suspected his reaction to be the sound of
the door slamming as he took off on a run.
"Pregnant? You're preggers?"
"Well, I'll know in a moment." By this time, the color on the test had finally started to materialize.
She frowned as she turned it over, attempting to remember what each sign meant.
"You've got the box, right? What's two blue lines?"
"Baby!"
"What?"
"No, baby!"
He pushed through the door and held the box up high.
"Baby," he repeated once more.
He had a huge grin on his face, and before she could even ask him how he felt about this, he
lifted her up and spun her so fast that they nearly fell into the counter. The test fell back into the
sink and she nearly did as well. Her dizziness returned in full force and she clung to him tight
enough to leave marks.
"Liam!” she yelled. ”Come on, we're about to tip right over here."
"Oh, yeah, that would be no good for the kid," he said. He put her down with some reluctance
and settled for staying close on the ground instead of staying close while being mid-air.
"I take it you're happy about the results?" she asked.
"Damn right I am! Oh, this will be great!"
She retrieved the test from the sink, threw it into the trash basket and then bent to wash her
hands.
He bent to retrieve it again. "We should keep it, y’know, for memory's sake―"
"It's covered in pee," she said. “That's how the test works.”
Liam leapt back in a defensive pose of his hands in front of his chest she'd seen many times.
His back was to the wall only a second, like he might have to fend off an attack.
"―yeah, I'll just keep the box." He threw the test back into the trash basket.
"That's probably for the best."
He put his arms around her waist again, his hands lingering at her stomach while she dried her
hands.
"You won't be able to feel anything for a while."
"It's never too soon to try.”
And here she'd thought he'd have worries and misgivings about fatherhood. Then again, she'd
also thought that he'd be the type to never commit and he was the one begging her to marry
him five dates in, and she was the one who had to make him slow down.
Though she'd said yes. Eventually.
She caught a side of his face in the mirror. He had a smear of yellow across his cheek which
she first thought was food, but she knew Colleen would never let him out of her sight with a
messy face. Another glance showed that it was actually pollen.
Even though they were married for two years already, whenever he came home soon enough,
he'd have flowers. Perhaps it was daisies this time.
On any given day, her apartment was so filled with displays of flowers that it resembled a
funeral parlor. She'd even gotten condolences from the landlord when he'd come in to fix their
pipes.
He'd been talking, but she'd lost herself in memories. It wasn't often that she'd known the luxury
of trusting someone enough to be able to not be on guard at every moment.
"---and then we'll take 'em out to the park, and we'll get a dog and oh, oh, this is goin' to be
great," Liam said.
He paused to glance at her in the mirror's reflection.
"Hey, you ain't said nothin'. You worried?"
"I'm still processing it, that's all," she said. “This is going to be a gigantic change for all of us. I'll
have to do something about my job, but… I'm not disappointed.”
"See, I didn't think you'd be happy about this,” Liam said. “Eight years ago, you wouldn't have
been."
"Eight years ago, I wouldn't have married you, you wouldn't have married me, or anyone
for that matter, and you wouldn't have been happy to hear I was pregnant,” she replied. “Things
are very different now."
"I'll be excited for the both of us," he said. He shifted around so he could kiss all over her face,
smudging her lipstick and leaving traces of pink on her cheeks, the line of her chin, and even
the bridge of her nose. She laughed, his eyelashes tickled against her for additional accidental
butterfly kisses.
She cupped his face when they were finally apart. He was a little more scarred in these six
years, but his face had remained boyish and hairless, much to his displeasure.
“Hmm, it’s actually kind of funny,” she finally said after a few minutes of silence.
“What is?” he asked.
"I have a history of being wrong about you, it seems.”
"Ain't your fault. I'm a man of mystery. Too awesome for just words, y’know? I mean God,
a kid! This is goin' to be wonderful."
"Yes, I can't wait to have 3 AM feedings and swell up like a balloon while I eat everything in
sight."
Sophia sighed. Considering how her family kept on post-pregnancy weight, she would just have
to get used to being pear-shaped for the rest of her life.
"Correction, you're finally goin' to be eatin' enough. We'll eat out at allll the restaurants in town,
maybe several a night. It'll be like one big date that never ends."
"Oh really? I will grow enormous and crush you." She couldn't quite manage menacing, so it
came out as more of a dread prophecy of things to come.
"Babe, I got sat on by Heavy once when I stole his sandwich. Bring it."
"You know what this means, don't you?"
"You goin' to drag me shoppin' for little baby stuff after I track down all the guys and give them
the news?"
"Well, that too. We're going to have to tell my parents eventually."
Without fail, her parents always managed to make several mentions that there were very nice
divorce lawyers in the area, and many acceptable men who weren't ex-convict thugs from the
slums of Southie and practically unemployable outside of TF Industries. Their disapproval was
so strong that even he got it, and considering just how dense he could be about other
people's issues with him, that was saying something.
"We could put off telling them for a few weeks at least. If we put off telling your mother,
however, we'll never hear the end of it."
He chuckled. "You better call her in the next ten minutes, or she's never goin' to forgive you. In
fact, I'm callin' her now. Otherwise, there'll be bloodshed, and I gotta say, ma is scarier than any
Heavy."
He bent one last time to kiss her neck before he left. From the other room, she could hear his
voice.
Hey, ma, guess what? I'm goin' to be a dad!
She was fairly sure the entire apartment complex could hear him as well, but it was hardly the
most embarrassing thing overheard because of Liam's lack of an indoor voice.
9PM.
Many phone calls, and more personal moments later, they were wrapped up in wedding
quilts. Two years ago, Colleen and the women of Southie had come together for a quilting day
and sent her three magnificent quilts. They told stories through old rags reused. This had a
pattern of birds flying, through so many of his old favorite shirts he'd outgrown. It was an art of
another era, hidden away in dusty hope chests. His hand rested on her stomach. He traced his
thumb about her navel over and over, in a soft, slow motion.
"Did I ever tell you this one? About the quilts?" Liam said.
"I don't think so," she said.
Ma and all the women would come together and make a big quilt whenever somebody got
married. They'd move the chairs and make a frame with these boards and metal stuff. I don't
know what they were called. Looked like the kind of stuff Dell has in his workshop. They'd
spread the material over and chatter the whole time, just laughin' and laughin'. I was the
youngest, so sometimes when I got tired of runnin' around and bein' a little shit, I'd crawl under
there and take a nice long nap. When I said called Ma, she said there'd be another quiltin' time
comin' up."
"That's sweet...and surprisingly quiet. Most of the stories you tell me are more in line of 'here's
how I almost died and scared my mother shitless.'"
Liam chuckled. "Oh, yeah, I got plenty of those. Really, though, this is such great news. It's like
a late birthday present."
Birthday present? A sudden thought--remembrance--came to her.
"...Oh," Sophia said.
Liam's hand tensed. He wrapped his arms about her waist, and pulled her towards him
protectively. "What? Did the baby kick?"
"That won't be for a long while yet. I'm just calculating. Crunching numbers, if you will," she said.
"Calculatin' like what? You seriously doin' the taxes in your head as pillow talk?"
"I can do things with a u70 form you couldn't even imagine. By the time I'm done with it,
the IRS would be paying me millions," she said.
"Damn, I bet you could."
"Mmhmm, I'll show you sometime. Actually, it wasn't taxes at all this time. I just thought we
hadn't been...together in a while. There was that business trip which took a couple weeks. I
made it back in time for your birthday, but right after that I had a few really long days and I came
back too tired, and then was the funeral for your great-great uncle, and we were cooped up in
such a small room with such an uncomfortable mattress that squeaked so loud if you so much
as breathed, and after a long drive, plus, well it was a funeral. That means it's pretty
obvious when this all... started."
She'd been so completely wrapped up in the business trip, and the takeover of several
companies that somewhere, she must've forgotten to take her birth control pills.
"Wait, you're sayin'..." Liam's voice became downright giddy. "--you really did get me another
birthday gift? Except it's goin' to take nine months to get here?"
"Well, technically, you helped. And I'd say it was more your birthday present lead to something
extra...something new." She couldn't help but giggle. "You could say it's the ultimate
homemade gift."
"Holy crap, this is the best birthday ever!" The bed shook as he pushed the covers back to pile
over her. For a moment, she thought he might start jumping on the bed in sheer joy.
"Liam, please keep your woohooing to a minimum. I've already been really nauseous all week.
Quiet cheers. Indoor bedroom dancing."
He didn't respond right away. The covers were smoothed, as he wrapped tight about her again.
She out a soft, and happy sigh as he kissed her shoulder.
"A birthday kid, holy crap. This is incredible..... The kid can't call you ma, though. That'd be
weird, and probably get confused when the kid comes in and says 'Where's Ma?' and I say
'probably on a date with that good-for-nothin' jackass.' Then the kid is cryin' because they think
their mama went off and left with somebody else. That's just no good," Liam said.
"That's a long ways away," she said.
"Hey, you're the one who taught me to always be prepared."
"Most of the time you don't listen and jump right out and swing at those zombies, or aliens, or
tell Jane something that makes you get choked."
"Yeah, but that's because I know I got an awesome back up who's never goin' to let me get
backstabbed. We really are the best team. Like the Sox of couples."
She laughed. "Of course you'd bring baseball into it."
"Babe, I always bring baseball into it. If you think I'm not already thinkin' about how great it is to
take the kid to their first game at Fenway, then you're totally off base."
"At this rate, the first thing she'll say will be 'fuck the Yankees,'" Sophia said.
"Hell yeah, that's how we raise 'em in Southie," Liam said.
May 2th, 1977. An old company photo. X's were drawn over every person Sophia had to kill
in her line of work. Only Marley, Saxton Hale, Bidwell, and the Administrator were left.
After the Gravel Wars and the Robot Wars, work had slowed down considerably. Saxton Hale
had since moved on to other endeavors, including a new television show of his exploits, a guest
spot on “The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson,” and a personal line of products (which
included cologne, no less). The Administrator remained on, but now Sophia almost never had
any bodies to work with. Hat sales were a far more peaceful line of work than gravel disputes.
She'd filled out the papers the day after she'd found out for certain, but it took many more days
(or rather weeks) for her to actually submit them. Liam had enough joy for both of them, which
left all the worrying to her. TF Industries wasn't an institution anyone quit or left without
some form of loss, whether it be memories, money, reputation, or even their life.
With the gravel war over, Liam was no longer Scout, as there wasn't a war to be fought
anymore. These days Mann Co.'s hats outsold guns, much to Sophia's dismay.
But that didn't mean her job had been lost. The Administrator had more papers to be disposed
of than bodies, but at least shredders didn't get blood all over her clothes like woodchippers did.
Typically, most people in the business would have to deal with weeks before they knew and
their severance package would be her gun to their back and a bag of quicklime. She'd known
before the hour was done.
Sophia had just finished putting away her sole potted violet into a little box to straighten out what
few possessions she kept at her desk, when Marley strode in. He closed the door, his hands
shaking, as he swallowed, like it was a bomb attached to his chest and not the Administrator on
a portable television screen. He'd lasted longer than most because he knew how to keep his
mouth shut. Even now, the screen trembled ever so slightly from his labored breaths. His trench
coat was slick with rain and new dark stains she thought must be blood.
His hat was pulled low to obscure his angular face. He hadn't shaved in days, leaving a new
stubble. From the television strapped to his chest, the Administrator stared out with a
disapproving glare. She hadn't filed the papers yet, but of course, the Administrator already
knew. Nothing ever got past her.
"Explain," the Administrator said in a terse voice. Her hands were steepled, which made her
impeccable manicure look like some sharp, deadly weapon in this light.
"It's simple, really. I'm pregnant."
Administrator's lip curled as if she'd said something repulsive.

"I know the company's maternity leave policy, or lack thereof. And I can't raise a child on one
day a year off. So I'm giving my two weeks' notice."
In all her time as a worker, she'd never seen someone survive long enough to quit. Firings
usually were quite literal and referred to guns (or even cannons) once or twice. The
Administrator was quite creative in her methods of carnage. To say this was a brazen bluff was
an understatement.
She turned and put another pen in her box. It was a dangerous thing to turn your back to the
Administrator. Sophia had killed more than her fair share of former coworkers who had looked
away just long enough for her to pull out her weapon.
None of the workers here were unarmed, especially not Marley, who'd lasted this long. With
every paperweight moved, every inch of the box filled, she expected to feel steel against her
neck but she continued packing. It was a test of wills, a quiet war. Very few had gone head to
head with the Administrator and won, let alone escaped with their lives. But ever since she'd
met him, she'd started to act out, little by little. A kiss stolen, a date, a secret meeting.
At this angle, neither of them could see the slight tremble as she forced herself to calm. This
was against everything she'd learned in these years. Never threaten the Administrator if you
wanted to live, never leave yourself open, never try and fight for anything, lest you join all the
others who outlived their usefulness.
Marley cleared his throat, but she ignored it and continued to fill her box.
Over the screen, she heard the rustling of some kind of papers.
"Marley, give Miss Pauling the forms."
The Administrator had never bothered to get the message that she was technically no longer
Miss Pauling, but Mrs. Dempsey. Given her feelings on Sophia's husband, though, it was likely
a decided slight against him.
The beleaguered assistant swallowed and looked from side to side as if someone might be
lurking there. He handed her the papers with an unsteady hand. He'd been here long enough to
know that there was only one way out of Mann Co., and that was a shallow grave covered in
quicklime.
She waited for the usual I'm disappointed in you and the same discussion that had
happened before her wedding, but the Administrator just lit another cigarette instead.
As she glanced over the paper, she realized that she'd never seen this kind before, despite
years of working there. The way the Administrator looked at her was like a dare, eyes narrowed,
a tight grip on her cigarette.
Every once in a while, the Administrator would show a human side. Of course, she'd never let
the Administrator realize she'd thought of her as anything but an iron queen with a ruthless grip
on all her holdings and employees. Sophia was smart enough to know that any show of mercy
should be only barely acknowledged, lest the Administrator change her mind.
A generous paid maternity leave, with flexible vacation days and weekends off. Everything she'd
always wanted, but never dared to ask for. For a few moments, she put off looking up and
facing the Administrator.
The Administrator had been prepared to lose. If anything, this could very well be a test of how
much Sophia would demand. She'd never quite dared to believe that she could be considered
invaluable, that she could ask for more. She was too pragmatic and far too experienced. Yet,
here it was. No penalties and no shallow grave in her future. She hadn't even lost pay or had to
resort to blackmail. If anything, it felt like the spoils of war, something akin to a promotion.
"I'll have these notarized before the day is done," she said.
She didn't say thank you because the Administrator never wanted thanks. It would be
beneath her, an insult to the faint kindness, which was more likely simply that Sophia hadn't
outlived her usefulness yet.
The Administrator didn't bother with a goodbye. She always considered pleasantries frivolous
and beneath her. The screen went dark and the assistant let out a long breath.
She nodded to him. There was no use in taking in the details, of thinking of the family he'd leave
behind when he had to be killed. That was life working for TF Industries and she had accepted
it.
But with this new chance, she just might have another future in store. She pushed her plant
back into place and began to put all her pens back in her desk. She could only imagine the look
on Liam's face when he heard the news that he'd finally get time with her without waiting years
for her day off. Just the thought of his happiness could make her smile. And that thought would
be an ember, burning low through the day. A constant source of little joys.
For the first time since she was hired, she had a little bit of hope about her place in the
company.
May 14th, 1977. Sketchbooks and cards, the first mother's day..
Liam didn't bother to undo his shoelaces. He just went toe to heel, and kicked them off at the
door. Only the flickering light over the oven was left on. Liam went on ahead, turning on lights as
he did.
"Man, I'm stuffed. Ma always makes the best dinners. Fried chicken, fresh
mashed potatoes, fresh flaky biscuits..." Liam let out a happy sigh. "And then, chocolate cake so
rich, it tastes like a billion dollars."
Sophia didn't respond. Her soles ached, as she removed the shoes. They weren't even heels.
Instead, she'd gone for a sensible pair of black flats.
Liam glanced back, with a worried expression. "Er, I mean, don't get me wrong, you're pretty
good cook too."
"I'm not threatened by your mother's cooking skills. Besides, I could get the recipes easily,"
Sophia said.
"Then, what's up?"
"I'm just a little tired," Sophia said.
"That reminds me--" Liam grinned. The whole day it'd been like he'd smiling to himself. Liam
never could keep a secret. She'd expected him to pull some big stunt or gift all night.
He pulled out a little envelope, and handed it to her.
"Happy future Mother's Day."
As the paper rustled, and she pulled out the card, Liam bent down to reach under the couch,
and pulled something off. He blew off the dust bunnies, and held out a sketchbook.
"I thought about buyin' you an island, or some more jewelry, or maybe some big trip. But, I gotta
save something for your birthday."
Liam never forgot anniversaries. To this day, he could recite little things, with a special cake--
usually made with his mother--for the first time they met, the first time she smiled at him, that
time he stole a briefcase and they almost were killed by sentient mutant bread. He even
celebrated the day they would've had their first date if she hadn't had to cancel because of work,
when he stayed outside her office until three AM just to give her flowers, even when the gravel
wars started at 6AM.
"But, don't think it's because I forgot or was cheap or anythin'!"

She flipped through the book. He'd definitely been improving lately. He refused to consider it
anything but 'doodling.' She'd occasionally pick up sketchbooks, because otherwise doodles
might appear on her important papers. Little hearts, little love messages.
He meant well, but if it obscured too much of the text, she'd have to spend the night redoing the
paperwork.
Inside were many drawings. Quite a few of her: at her desk, brushing her hair, or eating. Many
smiles, even some with expressions which she knew had happened when she was unclothed.
"Who is this? Some superhero I don't recognize?" Sophia said.
"Oh, that's our kid! Or at least, what they might look like. I can't stop thinkin' about what the baby
is goin' to be like. Who they're goin' to resemble, you know. I checked all the stores, and none of
them carry spandex, so I'm going to have to get it made custom."
There were pictures of little girls and little boys, and ones where she couldn't quite tell the
gender. Each had features of the both of them. Her green eyes, his smile. There were dark
haired boys, flexing in their superhero suits, and little blond girls jumping up. He captured
motion in such a perfect, fluid state that she could only stare in awe at how far he'd progressed
in his art.
"Whatcha think? I can't wait to teach the kid how to run, and how great baseball franks taste. It'll
be amazin'!"
"For a long time, the baby is going to spend their time sleeping. It'll be a long time before they'll
be going on any 'adventures.'"
"All superheroes need an origin story," Liam said.
"Here's hoping it won't be Batman's," Sophia said dryly.
"Nah, our baby is goin' to have their own thing. Ain't never goin' to be a superhero like them. I
just wanna meet them already. But I gotta wait so long," Liam said. He smiled, and flipped a few
pages ahead. "Just imagine, your pretty green eyes, my charm and incredible handsomeness
and speed. This is goin' to be the coolest baby around."
Sophia tapped her finger on the book. On the drawing, there was a sketch of her face in
ecstasy. Thankfully, the rest of her body wasn't drawn in this particular one.
"Just one thing: keep it G-rated. If they're anything like you, they'll get into plenty of mischief on
their own, without semi-pornographic pictures of their mother hanging around."
Liam grinned. He pulled out a pencil, and added to the sketch. Now, she had a chocolate
cupcake in hand.
"See? G-rated," Liam said.
He looked so damn happy with himself. She had to give him that one. It was pretty clever. And
she had looked like that eating chocolate cake, once or twice before.
He kissed her cheeks, one by one. "I'm goin' to be a dad."
Sophia laughed. "We've established that."
"Yeah, but I'm just so happy. Like I'd hear about guys who got their gals pregnant, and
think man, I sure am glad that ain't me. And now, I can't wait."
His stomach let out a loud growl.
"Seriously? You had thirds back at your mother's."
"You know me. Metabolism of steel. I sure could do with another piece of the cake ma sent back
with us. Want some?"
"Mmm, let me think about it," Sophia said.
As he rummaged around in the kitchen, Sophia opened the card again. She hadn't had the time
to read his scrawl last time.
Sophia,
I know you're goin to be the best mom ever. I know I tell you all the time, practically every day,
but
without you, I probably would be dead in some alley somewhere. You're like my jacket. You
keep me warm and safe, keep the wind at bay, and kept us mercs all together for so many
years.
I can't even say that the weddin day was the best day of my life, because each day with you is
the best day of my life. Even when it's hot and nasty and the garbage outside smells like shit.
I love you, I love you, I love you. I could fill this whole card with 'I love yous' and it wouldn't even
be nearly enough to match how much I feel. In fact, I will.
I hope I'm lucky enough to get to tell you this every day. All my love and then some, Liam.
The rest of the card was I love you scrawled over and over, each time growing messier
along the way. Even the back had a few. At the very end, near the price of the card, was one
last note. This ain't nearly enough, but it's a start.
She pressed the card to her face, the pressure of the edges like a kiss against her lips.
May 25th, 1977. Outside the theater, a kiss under the flashing marquee.
"Holy crap, that was amazin'! With the lasers, and the big fight-- That death star went BOOOM!
And I can't believe Darth Vader was---"
"Liam! Don't spoil the people in line," Sophia said.
Liam grinned sheepishly. "You're right. Nobody should be spoiled for that."
They lingered outside the movie theater. On the display was Star Wars in big black
letters.
For Sophia, Science Fiction always hit a little too close to home. She'd already fought wizards,
aliens, robots, and skeleton kings. It only brought on memories, not stress relief. But Liam loved
every space opera. Comics and pulp Sci-fi books were strewn about the house. He would go
into deep adoring rants about every space adventurer and superhero. It never seemed to bother
him how close the danger had come.
And being Liam, he couldn't help but share and gush about every Buck Rogers or other hero he
found. Because of him, she now knew details about so many things she never would've if they'd
never met. Comic book and Sci-Fi heroes, Kung-Fu movies, and baseball.
Sometimes it came to her what her life would've looked without Liam. She tried not to think, but
like a dark cloud, the reminders would come. All she could imagine was a world with a lot less
smiles, and probably a much earlier death. Either from an ambush, or working herself to death
in the most literal way.
Sophia smiled as she watched Liam gush on and on. She'd enjoyed the movie, but Liam looked
like he had a life-changing experience. She knew soon enough there'd be new tee-shirts, and
she'd be greated with kisses and laser sounds every morning.
"Jeez, it was so frickin' amazin'! But, I wish the kid was here to see it in theaters," Liam said
wistfully.
"Even if she was, she wouldn't understand what was happening."
"Yeah...but as soon as she can, we're watchin' it together. It takes time to make movies, right?
At least a couple months."
"More like a couple years," Sophia said.
"Hey, let's make a promise that I'll definitely take the kid out to the next one in theaters. We'll all
go as a family. Maybe even in costume. I'll be the Han to your Leia," he said.
Sophia had spent the movie rather transfixed by both. Definitely the most interesting part of the
movie by far.
"I'll tell you what, we'll take turns."
Liam lifted his eyebrows. "Take turns? Hmm, you in a vest like some rogue captain would be
pretty hot."
"You aren't even questioning that bath robe and cinnamon bun hair get up," she said.
"Anythin' for you, babe."
June 18th, a saved card.
"Happy future Father's day?" Liam read aloud. His face softened as he opened the card. Unlike
his, which had a long affectionate scrawl, of almost legible love notes, Sophia's just had her
name. He always was the one who had a way with words. The one who thought of grand
dramatic gestures, who remembered every anniversary, and stayed up late just to make sure
she ate.
She handed over a book. On the front was a yellow sticky note with an IOU on the front.
"I convinced your mother to share. And then I was too busy with work to actually make anything.
But, one of these days I'm bound to have more than five minutes a day off," Sophia said.
"I guess it's not much," she said. "I never was very good at gift giving."
"Don't be ridiculous, you bein' around is a gift. You know, Father's day always kind of sucked. It
was just salt in the wound, remindin' me of what I never had. That was the day I'd get in fights,
come back bloodied and with black eyes. It was always like a punch in the gut."
He shook his head at the memories.
"My dad never did show up. But, I turned out okay. Hell, I turned out awesome. Just because
my father was never there don't mean that I can't be the best damn dad in the whole world."
Liam leaned over and kissed her. "But, it don't matter. I'm happy now. And my little girl ain't
never goin' to wonder where her daddy is. I'll be there for every recital, every baseball practice
and school event."
She remained quiet. Records kept away. A DNA test locked away. She'd made a promise to
Spy once―or more precisely, a deal-- but one day, she'd have to break it.
July 9th, 1977. A Polaroid taken by Spy of a white hospital room. Colleen and Liam look over
a hospital bed.
Liam had been pacing the length of the room for the past fifteen minutes. Colleen had taken up
a seat by the bed, her large robin's egg blue purse resting just at the edge of her purple heels.
For years she'd worn red to cheer on her son, but now it was Sophia who was getting a little of
the color-coded support.
"One of these days, you need to come over and visit me,” Colleen said. “I’ve got plenty of
recipes to share."
"You're havin' cookies without me?" Liam asked, seeming rather disappointed.
"We'll be talkin' about scary girl things, honey," Colleen replied.
"I doubt I'll be able to eat the whole batch," Sophia said.
“Oh, that’s okay. Veronica’s still got an appetite from havin’ Regan. She could probably help you
with that.”
Liam didn't seem remotely mollified, but the elderly nurse had come back. With all the chairs
taken, he settled for leaning against the white walls. He jiggled his legs as he looked around, as
jittery as if he'd drank five cups of coffee before coming in. Knowing Liam, he just might have.
"Sir, please don't lean on the wires," the nurse said.
"Oh, yeah, got it---" He pushed himself up from the wall.
"Now, everything's in order?" the nurse asked cheerily. She had a habit of ending sentences
with a questioning note, even when they weren't questions.
"Mostly," Sophia responded.
"I had a ton of these, it's nothin' to worry about,” Colleen said. “A bit cold, but it doesn't hurt at
all."
"I wasn't worried," Sophia said.
"Me neither," Liam said less convincingly.
He bent down next to the bed and rested his arms on the metal frame.
"Your legs are going to get sore," Sophia said.
"Babe, I have run over the whole earth at least three times total with all the runnin' I've done. I
can deal with a little stiff knees."
"Probably more, considering that a normal person will run the length of the equator five times in
their lifetime."
He twisted his fingers into the sleeve of her purple button-up sweater. "No sexy hospital gown?
Not like you aren't knockin' that sweater out of the park..."
"Only you would think a hospital gown was sexy."
"Excuse me, backless to the extreme? That's pretty sexy. To say nothin' of those little
ties..."
"They're shapeless and have horrible colors."
"Oh, I'm sure you'll pull it off. You'd pull off, like, a barrel or a burlap sack or somethin’."
The nurse couldn’t help but laugh at their conversation. "It's good to have some fire in your
marriage,” she said. “But when the children come, well... then it starts fading after a while. Sad,
isn’t it?"
"Ain't goin' to happen," Liam said.
He watched as the liquid dripped over the slight bulge of her stomach. He reached out to touch
the gel, but the nurse swatted his hand away.
Sophia flinched slightly at the unfamiliar chill. "Ah, it's cold..."
"Now, no touching until the test is done," the nurse said. “You'll make me have to reapply it all.”
He settled for holding her hand instead.
"I never did get used to that part,” Colleen said. “It always felt like an ice cube slipped down my
shirt." She shuddered at this.
The nurse rubbed the transducer over her abdomen. Liam provided a few comic sound effects
for the device; some things never changed.
"This won't take long,” the nurse said as she brushed her hand through her thick gray curls.
“We've upgraded our technology." She then proceeded to walk off for a moment into another
section of the room.
And it wasn't a lie. Liam had barely gotten into some barely believable– and she knew from
experience, largely exaggerated –story when the nurse returned. A monochrome screen in the
back flicked on. Through it, a little blob of a shape could just be made out amongst the blurry,
empty space. Liam looked up at it, completely wonderstruck by what he was seeing. His hand
squeezed hers tightly.
"Holy shit… my baby looks like an alien," Liam said in wonder.
"Liam, she does not," Colleen scolded. She frowned down at him, but he was too
entranced with the picture on the monitor screen to notice. "All babies look like that, except you.
Your pictures never came out right because you were runnin' even then and you wouldn't sit still
for the ultrasound."
"No, it's awesome. I'm goin' to have an awesome superbaby! She'll be liftin' cars before she's
two, just keep her away from the kryptonite."
"Actually, I'm going to be having the alien baby," Sophia said dryly.
"I helped!” Liam protested. “A lot. In fact, you could say she couldn't have done it without me."
The elderly nurse looked at him sternly. "Do you want a wave of angry pregnant women and
nursing mothers coming your way for waking them up?"
"Oh shit, no―!"
"Then I advise you to be quiet," she said.
He promptly shut up, but not before loudly whispering, "Awesome alien superbaby."
Sophia shook her head and squeezed his hand back. He had such wonder and whimsy. Without
her there to tether him, he probably would've lost himself to his idealism and fancies.
"What's the flickerin' mean?"
"Oh, that? That's the baby's heartbeat?" The nurse said. She smiled.
Liam could only gape as he watched the screen. "You think I can feel it?" Liam said.
"Not now, you can't. Well, anyways, everything looks healthy so far," the nurse said with a smile.
“And it looks like you're going to have a little girl.”
"A girl," Colleen gasped, her voice both full of wonder and cracking as though she were
on the verge of tears. "I never got one of those."
"Well, now you sort of do," Liam said.
Colleen smiled softly and took Sophia's other hand into hers. "No, you're right. No 'sort of' about
it."
July 12th, 1977.A picture of Tavish, Jane and Liam on the couch together. Each held up a
bottle in a cheer.
It wasn't an uncommon occurrence to walk in and find hired killers in her apartment, especially
when she’d worked alongside those same people for many years. Given how they usually
behaved, however, she couldn't tell if she was relieved or disappointed to find that the
furnishings were still intact in all their tacky, ugly glory.
Pregnancy had only made her hatred of the era’s aesthetics that much more intense. She had
eschewed the current fashion choices of bright oranges, floral decor, and patterns that looked
more at home in a kaleidoscope, and she viscerally understood Oscar Wilde's last quote:
Either the wallpaper goes, or I. She never was one to follow the trends, always settling
for something safe and classic in the end.
"I see ye have been outdrinkin' him again," Tavish commented.
“Hmm?” Sophia looked down at her stomach. "Oh, this isn't from alcohol; I haven't had a single
drink in months… unfortunately."
"Nope, it's from baby, and that is all my fault," Liam said. He smirked as he took a sip of
his beer. "I'm doin' the drinkin' for both of us."
"Then I better help, because we all know yae can barely take a thimbleful before yae are cryin'
on the floor or tryin' to fight ol' Heavy again," Tavish said.
"Hey, it was more than a friggin' thimble!" Liam protested. “A bottle, at least.”
"A bottle is but a thimble to us Scots." Tavish pushed back a drink and guzzled deep. "Aye, little
Scootin' one. I ever show yae a trick I can do with Brandy?"
"No lighting beer burps in the house,” Sophia said. “No farts either."
"Hey, I ain't done that in years," Liam said.
"Didn't Erich say you were to stop with the binge drinking?" Sophia asked.
"Aye, but he says a lot of things,” Tavish said. ”I'd best get a second opinion than some back
alley organ thief."
With him, it was generally the best plan.
"You're pretty daring, though," Liam said. “Most women would shank you if you said they were
fat. It was like the first thing Spy told me when he was teachin' me some stuff ages ago.
Especially don't say a woman's ass is fat… though I don't get that one. I like fat asses, doesn't
everyone?”
"I dinnae say she was fat," Tavish protested. “A beer belly is nothin' to be ashamed of. It's a sign
of how powerful yae liver is.”
"Talk about livin' dangerously!” Liam smirked at his own quip. “Like, you never heard about that
you never ask a woman's age, or tell her that she looks fat in those jeans? Never at all?"
"The only woman in my life is Rum and she's a dirty girl. She never once minded if I said so, but
I always pay for a night out with her," he said.
Jane squinted at Sophia's stomach like it might hold a potential danger.
"Babies, you say?” Jane narrowed his eyes. “Zhanna has already had one of those!"
"It's not a friggin' contest. But my baby is goin' to win, hands down. All the contests. I mean have
you even seen Sophia?" Liam motioned to her. He had a habit of going dreamy-eyed just
at the mention of her name. Six years of tension, coupled with several years of dating and
marriage, had done nothing to lessen his starry-eyed adoration.
"Son, my baby is the prettiest baby in America, and that is the law. And if that is not the
law, I will punch the president until it is the law!"
"Please, you need glasses. Soph and me are goin' to make a kid so pretty, the universe is goin'
to break. People won't be able to look at her. Lookin' at my baby would be like starin' at the
sun."
"Zhanna is the most ravishing woman in the world; her babies will punch out bears before
they're weaned!"
Liam punched his right fist to his left palm. "Please! My kid is goin' to be runnin' marathons
before she can walk, no contest there. Who wants smelly bears anyways? My kid is goin' to be
wearin' a coat of all the blue ribbons she took home before she could walk."
He gripped Liam's collar. "I should introduce you to Admiral Fist, and Rear Admiral other fist!"
Liam snickered. "Rear Admiral, good one. Shouldn't that be Rear Admiral boot?"
Jane thought a moment, then dropped Liam to the ground. "Meet Rear Admiral boot, who I will
personally introduce to your ass!"
"Hey, that's much better,” Liam said. “See, I'm a master at witty lines."
"Accordin' to ye, ye are a master of everythin'," Tavish said. “I'm half surprised ye didn't travel
back in time and personally create the pyramids by flexin' at them.”
"C'mon, everybody knows the pyramids were created by aliens! Just like everybody knows
Abraham Lincoln created stairs."
"I will alien my boot up your---"
Liam rolled his eyes. "That doesn't even make sense. I gotta teach you how to properly trash
talk sometime. Less on the 'America' and more on the 'you suck."
"Less--on the America?" Jane's fist began to quiver.
"No breaking all his bones," Sophia said.
"Not even a little?" Jane asked, sounding like a petulant schoolboy.
"Doc isn't in town and I don't feel like another midnight emergency room visit, so no," Sophia
replied. “Besides, he can’t be a master of everything if his ribs are crushed.”
Jane reluctantly let Liam fall back to the couch, with all his promises of violence left unfulfilled.
Liam snickered and leaned back on the couch. He always managed to turn failures into victories
in his mind, which was good, as he'd failed quite a bit over the years.
"Ye are hidin' behind ye wife and actin' like it's a victory?" Tavish asked.
"You'll understand when you're married," Liam said.
Tavish shrugged and took another sip from his silver flask. "Ye got me there, lad. Ye got me
there."
August 3rd, 1977. A Polaroid taken of Colleen. A red dress was laid over her lap. She looked
back with a smile at someone beyond the view of the camera.
She'd already gotten used to waking up feeling like she was on an uneven ship every morning,
with creeping nausea that often lasted long past morning. What she wasn't used to was being a
cup size larger. None of her blouses rested right over her stomach and the pearly buttons
constantly came undone.
Liam was the only one who was thrilled with this new development, but he was thrilled about
everything else that had happened these past few months... except for the morning sickness, of
course. He preferred to sleep late, and the sound of her rushing up from bed and everything
after always woke him up.
She wasn't too thrilled about the morning sickness either.
The tiles were cold against her knees. She took a swig of mouthwash and wiped at her mouth.
They'll be gone by the next trimester, she thought to herself. You just need to get
through this.
The door opened slightly and he slipped in. She didn't look up, but in seconds he was down on
the floor with her. He rubbed his hand down her back in comforting circles.
"You okay?” His face twisted in concern. “You sounded like the rest of the other fellas the day
after a night on the town."
"It passes," she said. “It's just another fun pregnancy thing, like having to eat constantly and
gaining fifteen pounds.”
Liam leaned down to rest his head against her back. He laid his hand on her stomach and made
soft circles there as well.
"Hey, sweetie, I know you're excited but you gotta be a bit nicer to your ma," he said softly. “Not
too many dancin' parties, okay? We'll have more than enough of those when you get outta
there.”
He laid a towel over her shoulders. It did nothing to alleviate her nausea, but it was a sweet
gesture regardless.
"You up for breakfast?" Liam asked.
"I should at least try and drink something," she murmured.

"By the way, you probably don't wanna go out there like that."
"Why? Did Tavish fall asleep on the couch again?"
"Nah, I called in ma. She'll be here in a few. I even put some tea on for her. And yes, before you
ask, it was the metal one this time."
Last time he'd tried to fix tea, he'd put the teapot and not the kettle on the stove. They'd ended
up with shattered glass all across the kitchen, but at least it hadn't been antique or anything too
special.
"Liam, you can't just keep calling your mother at all hours whenever something happens.
Morning sickness is just a normal part of pregnancy."
"Yeah, but ma is an expert at bein' knocked up. She's been knocked up almost to the
double digits, so she knows what she's talkin' about. I'm sure she'll know exactly what to do!"
Sophia sighed and rested her head against the bathtub. The room still felt somewhat unsteady.
"When will she be here?"
"Knowin' her, she's probably already here. I could carry you out if you ain't feelin' up to it."
"No, that's all right."
"Here, at least let me help you up--" He held out his hand. Liam couldn't help but fuss over her
constantly. Gentleness was something he'd had to learn over time, not a natural trait. Because
of this, he often went overboard in his acts of affection and kindness.
She took his hand. Despite that he tried to hide it, Liam wasn't good at hiding things, least of all
from her. He grimaced just slightly and wobbled as he pulled her up.
"Next time you'll need to get a dolly to lift me up."
"Hey, you ain't fat, just preggers. Besides, I didn't even feel it. I’ve got muscles of gold,
you know."
"Liam, gold is one of the softest metals on Earth."
"That just means my biceps are walkin' trophies."
She was used to his continual bragging by now. There was always an edge of seeking
reassurance under all that bluster.
"You certainly are a master of the gun show," she said.
He brightened at this. Just a little compliment from her would have him riding on a contact high
all day long.
"Can you tell her I'll be there soon enough?" Sophia asked. “I still have to get ready. If I went out
looking like this, I'd look like, well, a slob.”
"You'd look gorgeous; you’d be a gorgeous and sexy slob!" Liam exclaimed.
She looked down at one of his too worn shirts which was so large on her it doubled as a
nightgown that hung well to her thighs. The bullet holes had never been patched, much to
Liam's pleasure.
"I'd rather leave the slob part out and not flash your mother, thanks.”
"Got it, save the slobbin' for the bedroom.” Liam winked and closed the door behind him as he
left.
She took a quick shower and dressed. Her still-damp hair clung to the back of her neck as she
walked out into the kitchen.
The living room was a bit more cluttered than the night before. In that small amount of time, not
only had Colleen arrived, but bolts of material and a sewing machine had materialized. Sophia
could only assume that some of Liam's brothers had been enlisted to help, or perhaps Tavish
and Jane. Colleen had a nigh magical way of making men behave and work to her bidding,
especially the former mercenaries whom she was barely able to control even on her best days.
Colleen wore new diamond earrings, and a form-fitting dress that she pulled off better after eight
children than Sophia could manage in her best years.
"So..." Colleen began. “Liam tells me you're havin' issues... and I can already see one.”
Sophia wasn't a procrastinator by nature. It was just more a case that she had to put things on
indefinite hold due to her job. Now with actual time off, she had no easy excuse for the fact that
her clothes were beginning to tighten. Her lavender blouse stretched tight over her chest. The
buttons were stretched to the breaking point, leaving unintentional skin-revealing slots that Liam
loved, though they made trips to the grocery more awkward.
Well, one. She'd tried to shop once- when she'd only been a month along -but the maternity
clothes were boxy and uncomfortable, comparable to a burlap sack, and she hadn't looked
deeper.
"Well, I've been meaning to buy new clothes, I just haven't exactly gotten around to it," she said.
Sophia shrugged. "Shops are full of clothes, clothes which are supposed to be for pregnant
women, but are just awful-- I guess I don't have to explain this to you since, you know, you’ve
been pregnant eight times already."
Sophia cleared her throat. Even before noon, Colleen had the sort of smoky lounge-singer
appeal. The tea smelled of cinnamon and other herbs she couldn't name. Sophia took a sip of
the now lukewarm drink. It was a bit strong, though it had probably been good ten minutes ago
when Liam had made it.
She rubbed at her head. If she thought she'd miss alcohol, she had no idea she'd miss caffeine
this much. Both she and Liam had basically lived through workdays that never seemed to end
via many, many cups of coffee.
"Well, considerin' how easy it is to get like this, I bet it's a surprise how hard it is to manage."
"The mornings aren't exactly pleasant, that's for sure, and I really, really miss drinking."
"Yeah, I'm glad I don't have any of those anymore,” Colleen said. “You just gotta be a little
creative, that's all. I never had money for new dresses and I wouldn't be caught dead in the kind
of things they wear. I don't even know who designs these things. Whoever it is, they have no
eye for anythin' flatterin' or fashion."
Sophia held her teacup poised, but didn't sip. The relief was palatable, yet a surprise. She was
so used to succeeding that struggling left her uneasy and off course. She set the teacup down
without taking a drink.
Colleen chuckled low. She set aside her teacup and patted Sophia on the shoulder. As she
smiled, Sophia could see the hints of age that her lipstick and makeup couldn't quite hide.
Colleen was as much a master of illusion as Spy was. The right makeup, the right poise, and
she looked thirty years younger. But it was more than mere makeup. Colleen had a certain
presence: a force that demanded obedience, and few ever managed to resist her will.
"I can't say it gets easy, because it ain't called labor for how fun it is, that's for damn sure. But
you're a capable girl. Liam spent ages goin' on about how strong and smart you are. Hours and
hours he'd go on. I practically had his spiel memorized about the time he married you. I know
you can take this."
"Thank you, but this is too much. Liam shouldn't be calling you constantly--”
Colleen cut her off. "You're my daughter, not just some 'in-law' who married my son. The least I
can do is let in and make you some clothes. Besides, this is a dream come true. I never got to
dress up my boys in pretty things and I never had a girl until now.” She rummaged through a
bag of fabrics. “You want all purple or you want some other colors to go with it?"
Sophia was about to speak the usual refrain I don't have time for this when she
remembered that now she did. She had whole weekends to herself, with no uniform, and every
color imaginable for her to wear.
"I think a change would be nice for once," she answered. “I've always wondered if I'd look good
in red.”
"You'd look stunnin' in any color, but mine is the best of all," Liam said.
He leaned over the top of the couch, his arms folded beneath his chin.
"Did you remember to get my purse?" Colleen asked.
"Course, ma," Liam said. “I set it by the door so you wouldn't forget it.”
"You brought this all in yourself?" Sophia asked.
"Of course. Haulin' things is what I do for a livin'. And ma's usually nicer about orders than Old
Man Hale. At least most of the time she uses my name and not 'that thing.'"
"Is he bein' mean again?” Colleen asked. “I'll have to have a talk with him again."
"Geez, a talk. I sure am glad I ain't Old Man Hale right now. I've been through ma's 'talks'
before." Liam shuddered.
"Oh, hush,” Colleen said. “You make me sound like some kind of monster. Anyways, you got
any suggestions? Anythin' you wanna see your girl in?"
"She'd look incredible in anythin', even a burlap sack, so anythin' but blue. Unless it's navy and
got some red in it, like the Sox logo," Liam said.
Liam never was good at forgetting rivalries, even ones which had long faded into myth and
memories.
"Now, I can either surprise you with a bunch of bolts of cloth, or you could go out shoppin' with
me. Though I know this heat is somethin' else. It always gets so much worse when you're
knocked up through the summer. Like you're carryin' around your very own heater."
"Just add up the bills," Sophia said. “And I'll repay the effort and calculate the amount of time
you spent on each dress.”
Colleen refreshed her ruby red lipstick. "Sweetie, you don't owe me a dime.”.
August 9th, 1977 Several matchbooks from restaurants, most with sailboats or serving sea-
food. Sophia always had them hidden away in drawers. Every time she would look for a pen or
address book, the memories would come flooding back.
At first, she hadn't thought there was any ulterior motive to him taking her out to eat more often.
She was often far too tired to cook and they already relied on Colleen's kindness too much,
though his mother would never say so. Besides, their wedding anniversary was coming up.
However, she soon realized that like many things, this was a form of showing off. He put their
chairs close together and made sure to lower back when the waiter came, so everyone could
see her swollen stomach. And in the unlikely chance that anyone missed her wedding ring and
baby bump, Liam would be sure to point it out.
His Argyles, or date clothes, as he put it, were about as close as he willingly got to
dressing up. He laced his fingers in hers and would turn back every so often to smile at her, and
that point of contact. She hadn't worn prints, let alone florals, in years. Colleen's handiwork
made for a comfortable yet flattering cut; it was high collared with an A-line skirt and just a hint
of a pleat.
Had the dress been cut any lower across the chest or higher across the leg, she never would've
left the apartment or worn the dress for very long.
The place they'd picked was far more fancy than they usually went to, even though it was only a
'family' restaurant, not a black tie event. Liam visited the chicken joint near where they lived so
many times that all the servers knew him by name.
It was rather empty for a weekend, though she thought that perhaps it was too early for the
rush. Dinner and lunch and brunch all were moved up and extended now. All the jokes she'd
heard about pregnancy over the years were now simply her state of being.
Liam pulled out the chair and took her coat. He'd picked up the skills of a gentleman along the
way, even if he wore them off-center, like a borrowed coat that didn't quite fit. As he looked
around, he couldn't stop grinning.
The waiter set down two cups of water and complimentary buttered rolls.
Liam motioned to her. "This is my gorgeous wife and did I mention that we're goin' to
have a kid? Only a few more months now!"
"That's nice, sir," the waiter said. “But I need your order.”
He wore thick red flannel, which seemed to be the uniform. It had to be a Massachusetts thing,
something about the cape or fishermen. She was still getting caught up on the lingo here.
She pushed the silverware back together on the checkered tablecloth. Only a few other couples
were seated nearby, and all were caught up in their own little dramas and lives. For some
reason, the entire building never lost the faint scent of saltwater and fish.
"Oh yeah, burger and fries for me,” Liam said. “Don't skimp on the ketchup. What about you,
Soph?"
"I'll have the number four seafood special, the Fettuccine Alfredo, the Caesar salad, and a pie to
split," she said.
"Which slice of dessert would you prefer, sir?"
"Just bring us one of everythin',” Liam said. “Like an everythin' pie. Wait, make that two of
everythin', like two everythin' pies!"
"Of course, sir," the waiter said.
Liam watched her with interest as she set the menu aside. For a moment, she rubbed at an
unfortunate stain on her floral dress. Thankfully, it was ink. Bloodstains in public were always
such an annoyance.
"So... nice choices there," Liam said.
"I'm ordering for two," she replied. “Three, if you count that you always sample my food. Last
time, you ate half my fries and I only got a small order.”
"I know, it's great. That kid and I are goin' to hit every single hot dog eatin' contest on the
coast, mark my words. You could help us reach the championship.”
"Hey, someone has to take the pictures."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. You can catch all our trophies when we got the Dempsey family
champions. We'll even get matchin' weenie suits, because everyone knows you are what you
eat, so if you go in there with a hot dog suit, you'll win for sure!"
She couldn't help but smile at his fanciful outburst. He was always building up seemingly
impossible dreams that he somehow managed to make real. It was just one of his own little
miracles.
By this time, the other patrons had quieted. It was only a matter of time before Liam would get
their attention. He never was good at keeping quiet.
"I'll cheer you on," Liam said. "And steal your noodles, I mean that's a given."
"This isn't the kind of restaurant where you slam the table and yell 'chug, chug, chug,'" Sophia
said. “Or in our case, 'eat, eat, eat.'”
"C'mon, this is Boston. We'll make it one. I'll slip the waiter a Franklin. No way he'll kick
us out then."
She shook her head and hid the hints of her laughter behind her napkin, but he saw, just as he
always did, and leaned in for a kiss. His lips always tasted sweet, like bubblegum, cherry soda,
or candy mints always hidden away in a pocket.
He traced his thumb across her cheek and down her jaw. Sometimes he would just lose all track
of thought and get lost in her.
He laughed at a joke he didn't share or just the lingering happiness at getting to kiss her.
"I get to spend weekends with you and I get to kiss you whenever I want," Liam said giddily.
"Almost whenever you want," she said.
"Close enough." He stole one last kiss. He only pulled back when the waiter cleared his throat.
Liam's elbow was blocking his path.
"Newlyweds?" the waiter asked with faint amusement.
"Not quite," Sophia replied. “Our two year anniversary is coming up soon. Well, wedding
anniversary, anyways."
She dabbed at her lips. Mann Co. could build teleporters, yet they still hadn't championed a kiss
proof lipstick. More often than not, Liam ended up wearing more Deadly Mauve #57 than she
was.
"He still thinks we're newlyweds, though."
The waiter set down their plates. Before he could read off their order, however, Liam got a
gleam in his eye. Sophia thought of them as five hour gleams.
Liam took Sophia's hand and kissed it. "I been in love with this girl from the moment I first
caught sight of her back in nineteen sixty-nine. I was just too much of a dumbass to realize it for
a while. Spent a ton of time tryin' to get my shit together and get her to look my way. Well, in
nineteen seventy-three, the stars finally aligned and we got to go on a real date. And on August
11th, nineteen seventy-five, I married her. Now, she's havin' my baby."
"Ahem, yes...that's very sweet, and lucky, I suppose," the waiter said. He pulled at his collar,
and looked desperately back towards all the other customers, many who would likely grow
restless without their order.
"Just between you and me, pally, I say that to myself in the mirror every single freakin' day,"
Liam said.
"Er, right. Congratulations," the waiter said as he rushed off back to the kitchen.
Sophia made a mental note to tip him handsomely to make up for any scolding the waiter
received in the kitchen, or from the other patrons.
Liam squeezed her hand. "I always wanted to go to this place. It was too expensive back then.
I'm glad we got to go together."
It wasn't even that fancy of a place, simply a restaurant down by the dock. One with strange
choices in décor. Fishhooks and fishnets, with the occasional bucket and rope for extra 'rustic'
quality.
Liam lifted his complimentary water and lifted it like a toast. Before he finished the glass, he set
it aside to wave at a person across the restaurant. These days, he could never go anywhere
without running into acquaintances. Though she suspected he was seeking out people just to
show her off to.
"To my lovely wife, who's goin' to have our first kid in a few months!"
It only resulted in some minor greetings yelled across the room. The waiter passed by them,
taking a tray to another couple.
"If you ever stopped showing off, I think you'd die," she said.
"Probably," Liam said.
"I'm surprised you didn't chase him down and force him to look through the ultrasound pictures."
"I can't help it, Sophie. I'm just so happy, I want to get a telephone and call past me. ‘Hey, Liam
from nine years ago? Yeah, that girl you about ran into a wall the first time you caught sight of
her? Guess what? She's my wife now. She's knocked up with my kid, and I get to sleep
next to her almost every night, and I get so much sex now.’ Old me could have never
imagined this much awesome sex. I don’t think even twenty-three year-old me’s dreams
would’ve allowed the kind of sex we have. The me of back then thinks his life is awesome then,
but it's about to get a million times more awesome. And all he's gotta do is push a button."
"Gee, why don't you talk about our sex life louder, Liam? I'm sure there's people in Fenway Park
and Antarctica who haven't heard of it yet."
"That's a great idea--"
"Liam, no. And you wonder why the neighbors don't like us."
"The neighbors are friggin' jealous. I mean, I don't blame them. Not everyone can get like me, or
get with you. Somebody had to have the most amazin' life in existence, and that someone is
me."
"I think the thin walls help contribute to it."
"Like I said, they're jealous."
"Maybe a little bit."
It was a different waiter who brought their food back on a large tray. Liam brightened and began
the ritual all over.
Hey, by the way, this is my wife, and she's goin' to have our first kid in a few months!
This time, she just sipped her water. Soon enough, he'd be stopping strangers to show off
pictures of his children or let them peek into the baby carrier. Even though her child wasn't born
yet, she knew this was exactly the kind of father he'd be.
August 20th, 1977. A picture of Liam carrying bags back, taken unaware by Spy.
In her defense, she never asked for pickles and ice cream, though more than once, Liam had to
make late night trips out for midnight snacks when nothing appealed in the fridge-- or they'd
managed to go through most of the contents due to her pregnancy eating, and Liam being Liam.
There were a few restaurants which worked all hours, and Liam became on a first-name basis
with several of the workers there. Even if they were more than likely open all night because of
mafia affiliation, that didn't mean they didn't make a damn good Fettuccine Alfredo.
At 3 AM, they had not a midnight snack, but another dinner. The light over the stove flickered
over and over, threatening to burst. She'd have to get that replaced soon. Another thing to
report to the landlord.
Liam dropped the bags on the table, careless in his hurry to get his welcome back kiss. Any
restaurant around knew to bag their food with the strongest containers around, and then add
some tape for good measure. If it wasn't his impatience which made them spill, it would be his
determination to get home as soon as possible.
She righted the bags and poured out the contents into only slightly chipped bowls.
"They're still warm," she said. She savored each creamy bite.
"Told you I'm the fastest thing around," Liam said. He dug out a large forkful of noodles. White
sauce fell in drops from his spoon back into his bowl.
"By the way, you still ain't picked out a name," Liam continued in between bites. "And I guess
we can't just keep the kid on the couch, right?"
White sauce dripped down his chin. He wiped it away with his thumb.
"Well, I looked at the books you bought me," she said. “Nothing I saw just stood out as a name
for her.”
Even he had pulled out What To Expect When You're Expecting, and attempted to read it
before he suddenly stopped to fling it at the wall. She couldn't tell the exact reason why he’d
done that, but she guessed there was some too graphic detail about childbirth which had
traumatized him enough that he wouldn't even look at the book.
"We could call her Kara. You know, like Supergirl,” Liam said.
"I suppose there's worse superheroes to name her after," Sophia said. “I mean you don’t see
any girls out there named Namora, do you?”
"Well, we sure as hell aren't calling her Batman; we both know what happened to his parents."
"And no, we can't call her Lois. Naming her after your first fictional crush is out of the question.
So is calling her Cher, Barbie, Moneypenny, Pussy Galore, or Jean Grey. God forbid we name
her after a pop star, a doll, a Bond girl, or a woman who could literally destroy the world with
her mind if she wanted to."
"What about Lucy? Lucy Dempsey has a nice ring about it."
"No Lanes."
“I was actually thinkin’ of Lucille Ball. She’s a comedic genius.”
“Still…”
Liam slurped down more noodles. His plate was almost picked clean. It wasn't just running he
had remarkable speed with. He did everything fast, be it talking, eating, or losing his temper. It'd
always come in handy in the past, when the only time they could spend together had to be
multitasked through work and lunch periods.
"Hey, no biggie. We got time. Babies take like two years, right? Plenty of time!"
"That's elephants," she said. “We've only got a couple of months left.”
"Well, crap," Liam said. “We gotta get on this. Right after these noodles, we're goin' to have a
nameless baby and no cradle. She'll have to sleep in a suitcase.”
"You don't need to rush," Sophia said. “Nothing will be open at this hour.”
"I mean, a brick is the best way to get it done--"
Sophia shook her head. "The last thing we need is me having to break you out of jail again. Can
you imagine us running from the cops when I'm like this?" She motioned towards her
stomach, which had gotten large enough that sitting at tables was growing more difficult by the
day.
"I'd have to steal you a skateboard. You could teach the little Dempsey how to ollie before she's
even born--"
Sophia crossed her arms over her breasts, which turned out to be a harder (and more painful)
feat than before given their current size. "Liam. No stealing things until I can properly on
the run. Scooters, skateboards, and unicycles don't count. Neither does you giving me a ride."
"It's all right, I can keep my stealin' to kisses," Liam said. "So, we'll go out lookin' tomorrow?"
"Mmm, we'll probably have to wait until next weekend," she replied. “The hours have
normalized, but my time off hasn't come in yet.”
Liam twirled several noodles around his fork. He was the only man she knew who ate soup and
stew with a spoon. "Gotcha. Anythin' you don't want?"
"Hmm... just no creepy pastel animals, that's all I ask," she said.
"Deal--- I think they're creepy too. Another thing we agree on. Aw, yess, I gotta remember to put
this in my journal." He pulled out a pen, made a victory mark on his wrist, and spun the pen
around in his fingers.
Liam had been counting up things they had in common, or things they agreed on since long
before they were married. She was pretty sure he had it hidden somewhere. Even after two
years of marriage, he was still keeping tabs. She had a feeling he'd be doing this well into their
nineties, if they even lived that long.
She folded her hands. His joy was infectious. "You haven't filled up that journal yet? You
must've gotten a huge one, because I see you writing down in that constantly."
"Please, this is like the fifth one," Liam said. “With the way it's goin', I'll be well on my sixth
before the baby gets here.”
"More like seventh," Sophia said mischievously.
Liam leaned in close, until he could rest his hand over hers.
"Or eighth," Liam said.
September 5th, 1977. A photo of Sophia's side of the family taken in a dim restaurant. No
one is smiling in the picture.
6 PM
Sophia set the phone on the cradle. Ever organized, the first thing she did was pull out her
appointment and to-do list, and start crossing out and reassigning tasks. Liam leaned into the
kitchen, his hands in his pockets. He shifted several times before he finally spoke.
Enough of their potential dates had been canceled that he knew the signs.
"Uh oh,” Liam said. “Was that the Voice?"
"Nope, that was my parents. About that weekend spent baby shopping-- we'll have to postpone
it, as my parents are in town.”
"Your parents are comin'? Don't you know better than to invite them in? You-you don't invite in
evil past the threshold, that's just the rules! Hell, I'd rather deal with the friggin'
Voice than them!"
"That's vampires.”
"You say that like there's any difference.”
"They live five hundred miles away. The last time we saw them, it was the wedding. Once every
few years isn't that bad.”
"Hmm, who do I want to spend this weekend with? Flesh-suckin' creatures, that's who! Once
every few years isn't nearly enough time to not spend with your parents. How about we not
spend time with them for the rest of our lives!"
Sophia rolled her eyes. "Would you prefer they imply that since my husband isn't around, there's
plenty of men to fill that empty space?"
"Fuck no! God, this is goin' to be a shitshow, but I ain't about to throw you to the wolves
on your own. I will be right there, helpin' you disappoint your parents. Teenage you would've
loved me."
Sophia closed the appointment book and put it in her purse.
"Teenage me was so busy studying, I barely looked at anyone, let alone tried to rebel against
my parents.”
"She still would've loved me.”
"Adult me loves you, and that's all that should count. After all, teenage relationships aren't
exactly known for their stability.”
"You could even say you adore me.”
She stood up on tiptoe, hands cupping his cheeks. "You could say that."
"I could, but you're the one I want to hear it from, not me.”
"Liam, you already know all this.”
"I still want to hear it every single day.”
Of course. Liam was always starved for attention. Be it screaming "Look at me!" on the
battlefield, to speaking louder just to get her to turn his way, he'd always want more.
"You feel that? That's my wedding ring and my engagement ring. Remember those?"
Liam chuckled. "Aw yeah, I sure as hell do. I was lookin' at rings for a long time, stoppin' in
every storefront that carried 'em, but when ma brought out hers, I knew it was the right one. I
put it in the wine glass, and you almost choked on it. I didn't have the nerve to tell you then, so
it'd be months later, when that whole robot mess was over with, and we were back to buryin'
bodies. You had that body halfway through, halfway down into that shallow grave that I finally
couldn't take it anymore.”
"That was a ring?" Sophia asked. "I thought Spy had messed up the wine and put pitted
olives in it."
"Nah, I wanted it to be a surprise. I fucked up bad. Watchin' you almost die was one of the worst
things I've ever been through."
"You were pretty weird after that. You could barely look at me for a while. This explains a lot,
actually. I thought you got cold feet. I genuinely thought you were about to break up with me."
"What? No, not even a little! Pretty much from that minute I took the leap and stole that
briefcase I ain't thought about runnin'. Okay, maybe there were some rough patches before we
got together where the distance made me lose hope and wonder if we were anythin' at all, but I
always doubled back, because I knew deep down you were all I really wanted."
She stroked his cheek. Old history she'd mostly heard before, but Liam would gladly repeat.
Like a legend, he kept those anecdotes close.
"Well, good, then you'll have lots of practice facing impossible fights, because we're going to go
out with my family. We best get dressed soon; they'll be here in an hour. We have a little time as
you already showered, but I wouldn't press it. Knowing them, they might just arrive early."
Liam let out a groan. It was with reluctance that he moved away with her and to his side of the
closet. Newly showered or not, his ratty red t-shirt with new chilli dog stains across the chest
wasn't exactly going to impress her family.
"So, should I wear a suit, or go out and beat some Yankees fans and come in covered in
blood?"
"What do you think, Liam?" Sophia said, with just a hint of annoyance creeping through. "They
already think I've made a horrible choice. Why don't you dress like a greaser and put on some
iron knuckles to just cement their view of you?"
"Actually, that sounds like a lot of fun-"
"Liam, don't," she said.
He kicked the carpet, dulling his shoes even more. "They always bringin' up ways to get you
away from me. Sometimes I wanna impress them, sometimes I wanna be the boogeyman they
keep sayin' I am just to watch them shake in their boots for a little bit. If I'm goin' to be the bad
guy, I should at least be able to punch some faces in."
"I know, they're insufferable at times, but it's only a short visit. You can survive it without
maiming any of my family members. Just last year you didn't fight with a single family member
of yours. I'm pretty sure you set a new record," she said.
"Hate to break it to you, but there was a bit of punching when you went out for more punch,"
Liam said.
She let out a long sigh. "Of course there was. Then at least you fought a lot less with your
brothers than you usually do last Thanksgiving," she said.
"You missed the big fight when you went out for more beer, and that time you were takin' a
leak," he said.
"Forget I said anything," she said. She rubbed at her head. The night hadn't even started, and it
was already shaping up to be a disaster.
Sophia pulled on a floral number which Colleen had let in for her. The nights had just started to
get chilly, this could be her last sundress worn this year.
"You know, it's almost worth it."
"So you're saying you'd go through hell to see me in a sundress?" she asked.
"I'd go through hell to see you period, already have a couple times, in fact." What he was about
to say was cut off as he took a deep breath. Liam tugged at his collar. "Is it supposed to make
you not be able to breathe? Pretty sure you don't want me chokin' before dessert."
"Just take it for a little longer," she said.
"You'll be hidin' my body if you don't do somethin'," he said.
She reached to loosen his tie. "Is that better?"
"A bit," Liam said. "It's a shame these suits are so damn uncomfortable, because I look good
enough to stun someone to death in 'em."
He grinned at the mirror, and spun around for her, showing off every inch.
"Not bad," she said.
"Hell yeah it ain't bad. You might even say it's incredible," Liam said.
"You know what else would be incredible? You not punching anyone out for a night. Especially
not with the waiters," she said.
"If he's an ass, I'm punchin' him," Liam said petulantly.
"Good thing I'm heavily pregnant, then. That usually dissuades those pesky flirty waiters.
Seriously, Liam. The doctor said no burying bodies until after the baby is born. You're just going
to have to be patient, or at least not fight to the death. Remember, maim if you must, but no
killing."
"You're goin' to Doc for the baby stuff? He ain't even on this continent!"
"I had some questions that you can't exactly ask Dr. Parker. And the answer was no on all of
them," Sophia said.
"Were any of them sexy?" Liam said.
"I asked your mother those, and she said it'd be fine until the very last months. Well, that and
there's upsides to the third trimester as well," she said. She lifted her eyebrows suggestively.
Few people but Liam ever got to see her this flirty.
Liam lifted his fist up in triumph. Not even the source of the information could dissuade him.
"That's fuckin' great news- pun intended -but, couldn't you just find some mafia doctor? They're
a lot less likely to try and steal your kidney or give you extra organs, as a bonus. Did I ever tell
you about the time he accidentally left his bird in my chest?" Liam said.
"You've told me that story so many times I've memorized it, right down to the number of times
you screamed when he took his bird back without anesthesia. And you're probably right about
him but he offered things outright when I last talked to him for work. I didn't even have to
blackmail him this time."
"Always a plus, I guess," he said.
"Oh, definitely. With blackmail you always risk the person going rogue, or trying to double cross
you or just kill you off instead. And considering that the Administrator made him the entirety of
the TF Industries health plan a while ago, he isn't exactly a man to be trifled with."
Sophia had to stop herself. Explaining blackmail was just such a fun activity, sometimes she
forgot that it wasn't the type of thing she could talk about in most everyday conversation.
Thankfully Liam was usually better than random strangers whom she'd have to kill later. Though
he was very, very bad at the keeping secrets back. With the kinds of company they kept, it
hardly mattered.
7 PM
They'd chosen a French restaurant which might pass for a two star if bribery was involved. She
was acquainted to it only by Spy's mutterings about how poor a representation of French food it
was. He may have been a perfectionist and a snob, but that was hardly a winning review,
especially given how many times he'd used the word "abomination" and "I've eaten better things
from Soldier's stew pot―the one he wears on his head and lets his raccoons play in."
Her mother's hair was cut into a light brown bob that accented her sharp cheekbones. She
leaned in for an air kiss--something that was thankfully absent in much of her own work. Like
pleasantries, Sophia saw little point in these social niceties.
Her father wore an argyle sweater. His horn rim glasses had fogged over from the chilly
September night. Liam scrunched up his nose.
"Can't believe he wore argyle, that's my thing," he muttered.
"You don't have a patent on argyle," she said under her breath. Liam's mouth twisted into a
grimace.
"No, but I got a patent on awesome," Liam said. Except it wasn't under his breath. Her parents
looked on in slight confusion, but didn't ask. They didn't persist, or question on a lot of things
related to him.
"Sophia, it's been so long. Really, it's been much too long since we've last seen you,"
she said.
"Work has kept me pretty busy," Sophia said.
"Ah, it's always work with you. You must've gotten that from your father," she said. The
politeness faded from her voice just a bit, peeling back the mask from old fights.
When she turned to Liam, her smile, practiced as it was, faded entirely.
"..Liam," her mother said, pronounced like one would an insult. She gave him a curt nod. "I see
you're here as well."
"Yeah, amazin'. You know what else? The sky is blue, and bears shit in the woods."
Less than three minutes in and Liam was already ready to fight.
They didn't respond, and didn't even pay him mind, which was about as bad as if they'd insulted
his team, her and then thrown water in his face after calling him a wimpy man. They'd barely
gotten past introductions, and Liam was already close to table flipping and making weapons out
of the nearest wine bottles. As they sat down, Sophia rested her hand on Liam's thigh. There
was little Liam hated more than not being paid attention to, and if it came from a dismissal of
someone far richer than him, he'd be seconds away from breaking something---usually
someone's nose.
She leaned in to whisper. It's only a few hours. You can make it. I believe in you.
He let out a long sigh. "For you, Sophia," he said.

He never was good at whispering.
Her family wasn't full of the rough and loud affection that Liam's was, not that they would've
embraced him even if they had been. They'd had plans for her, ones which didn't quite intersect
with her own plans. When she'd found the adoption papers at age ten, she'd felt even more
distant from this family she looked little like, and shared even less in common with.
They seemed almost relieved when she confronted them, as if there didn't need to be a charade
anymore.
He picked up the menu and turned it over. Most of the menu didn't have translations. He
grimaced as he held the offending object out, like it might bite him at any moment.
"What kind of frog speak is this? I don't wanna eat snails," Liam said.
"I'll order for you. Don't worry, Liam. I'll make sure there's no snails," she said. She patted his
knee, another reassurance. She was certain it wouldn't be the last peacemaking attempt for the
night. Her work ensured she had plenty of experience smoothing things over--and keeping Liam
from batting in someone's skull.
"Not a surprise," her mother said under her breath. She flipped the pages. "Paris was far
superior. Why did you choose this one?"
"The alternative was a 'clam shack,'" her father said. He pronounced it like someone holding a
dirty object away from them.
"And the wine? Their menu is dreadfully lacking," her mother said.
"Wine? You're ordering that?" She looked up from her menu. French cuisine was a bit more
complex than other potential restaurants as she was left mentally calculating which foods
contained wine.
"We need to get through the dinner somehow, Sophia dear," her mother said.
"Actually, I'll just have water. In fact, both of us will," she said.
The last thing she needed was Liam drunkenly yelling insults at her parents, and then trying to
hit them with cutlery and chairs. His temper was bad enough when he was sober.
"I wouldn't blame you for shying away from this menu. Substandard wine is a tragedy on par
with Antigone," her father said.
"I could say the same of this restaurant, if I dare call it that," her mother said.
She'd made due with cheap teufort wine many nights after a long day's work. With hours like
hers, she had to stop being picky. Be it whatever food was left on base, or whatever alcohol
hadn't been finished off by the men.
Liam was bunching up his napkin over and over. His left eye had begun to twitch.
"Actually, I'm not having any wine because― well, I'm pregnant," she said.
Her mother dropped her fork, openly gaping for several seconds. Her father had a far off stare,
the kind she'd only seen on truly tragic occasions, like them running out of wine.
"Yep, I knocked her up," Liam said. “Also, she's married to me, in case you forgot. She's my
wife, so that technically makes you both my parents. Ain't that right, mom and
dad?”
"Liam," Sophia said under her breath.
"Soph, I tried bein' a gentleman, it ain't workin'!"
Her mother cleared her throat. "When is it… due?" she asked.
"About the end of the year," Sophia said.
"Well, your mother and I will be traveling about that time, but of course we'll send a card."
Liam clutched his glass so hard that she was surprised it wouldn't break. He'd been jiggling his
left leg even more restlessly than usual. She laid her hand on his back to steady him, and
hopefully keep him from violence.
"Don't worry about it," Sophia said. “You can always come visit her later. She isn't going
anywhere-- hopefully, anyways.”
"Or never," Liam said under his breath.
She gave Liam a sideways glance. Even if she technically agreed with the sentiment, it was one
better left unsaid.
"Her?" Sophia's father asked.
"Yes, I've known for a few months, but it was something I really wanted to tell in person," Sophia
said. “Plus, I was busy with work.”
"It's always work with you," Sophia's mother said.

Liam rested his hand on her stomach. "I'll do it for you both," he said under his breath.
"She's a lot better about that, though. She used to work so hard, harder than anybody I ever
knew. Anybody else would've burned out before a week was done, but she kept up like a real
trooper," Liam said.
His anger hadn't faded, but he'd somehow channeled his charm into his favorite subject: her.
The whole table had a collective sigh of relief as the waiter arrived with the wine.
8 PM
Liam tossed his tie aside. For once, she didn't bother to mention his carelessness. The night
had taken its toll on both of them. She took off her coat and hung it beside the door, and left her
heels near the coat rack. She'd ruined hundreds of pantyhose in her life; one more wouldn't
change much.
"I'm just glad your dad didn't try and call the cops on me or somethin'," Liam said. “Try and dig
up some crap and frame me and have me arrested. He probably would.”
"To be fair, he wouldn't have to frame you," she said. “I'm sure you have plenty of crimes you'd
be guilty of. Either way, I'd bail you out and get the charges thrown away.”
"Still, that man don't like me at all. Your ma ain't too fond of me, either. They weren't too
happy to hear they're gettin' a grandkid."
"'I knocked her up' isn't exactly the best way to break the news."
"It's true, though. What, was I supposed to sugarcoat it? ‘Oh, Soph and I had a child of love!
’" He drew out the word “love” in a falsetto voice and rolled his eyes. "I'm not goin' to pretend
like I don't fuck you, geez. I fuck you all the time, and I'd gladly tell the whole damn world
how lucky I am."
"Please don't. Save the screaming my name for the bedroom.”
Liam smiled; he did plenty of screaming in there anyways. One of these days, she was going to
get around to soundproofing their entire apartment.
He slipped into his chair with a sigh, uncaring that he might wrinkle his suit. It hardly mattered
anyways. He'd already spilled sauce on the side, something that would take the laundromat at
least a week to get out. She'd lost the fight of looks versus comfort, and now the entire decor of
the apartment was marred by one plaid chair among the hated 70s decor. Like the LSD
daydream of a businessman, the browns and oranges always managed to turn her stomach.
Liam let out another long sigh. "They ain't never gonna be won over, are they? Like I could do
everythin' right, and they'd still look down on me."
"You won me over, shouldn't that be all that matters?"
Liam ran his fingers through his hair. "I guess I can't get the perfect girl without gettin' the in-
laws from hell. Some kind of unwritten law of the universe or somethin'."
"I got lucky and you got the evil in-laws. But your mother is the one we see most of all, so it all
evens out.”
"Ma may be great, but you also get the asshole as part of that package in-law deal."
"Oh, I've dealt with him for years. He's actually much better behaved with Colleen to keep him in
line."
"Yeah, she's good at keepin' people in line, that's for sure…” There was a brief pause. “You
know, even if they don't appreciate you, you'll always be a Dempsey."
Dempsey. The word was like a comforting blanket about her shoulders. She took off her
fitted cream white wool coat, and hung the filmy white scarf on the coat rack just above it.
"Thanks. I guess I'm just the black sheep of the family." She paused with her thin gloves.
Reopened old wounds always stung. And here she thought she'd gotten over those petty fights,
those insecurities. But there they were, always just underneath the surface.
"You got siblings? You never mentioned them."
It was a luxury to be able to share things again. Often, she forgot that she was no longer locked
to code names, and ordered to keep all identifying details about herself secret.
"Oh, they were born long before I was. We're not close at all. They were just these older
strangers at family gatherings. I'm adopted, actually."
"Adopted?"
"Yeah. I looked into it. Sealed records, completely cold trail." She cleared her throat. "I actually
even tried to get Spy to work his magic, but nothing. Whoever I'm related to wanted to ensure I
never found out. There's always been something kind of odd about that, like I was an unplanned
adoption, though I know that's an oxymoron. I don't really understand it, but I've given up trying
to."
She put her gloves in the pocket of her coat and undid her boots. Bending was harder now.
Even putting on socks was something that required help.
At least this would only last a few more months.
"My family had plans for me and I went and became a hired killer, though they don't know about
that part," Sophia continued. “They think I'm just a secretary, and that you're just a dropout from
the projects. I don't exactly share that we're millionaires. It's hard to explain a salary like that.”
"I'm sure their plans for you sucked. Ain't their job to try and plan your life like you're some kind
of mini-them. And some boring doctor? Please. You got the best, and so did I.”
"Their plans for me were pretty dire. Pearls and marrying high, a socialite life, a college
education in humanities done for show. From what I hear, they did the same to my siblings, so
it's nothing much." She pushed her hair back, and undid the bobby pins one by one. "I might
have even done it, too, had I not gotten into that Mann Co. early program just when I was
looking for my Undergrad program. Fate and all that."
Liam made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. "What is this, the friggin' eighteen
hundreds? I can't deal with anyone who isn't one-hundred percent completely happy to have
you in their family. Like, how could they disapprove of you? You're you. You're awesome
and kickin' it. How the hell can anyone not be okay with this?"
"Well, father wanted me to get a different degree, so it's not completely out there. They just
didn't see me having such a manual job, though they don't know how manual, and um,
blood-spattered it is. They didn't expect me to marry a guy with a criminal record straight out of
the projects, either."
"You missed a few words in there. Like sexy criminal record, extremely handsome,
charmin', millionaire and literally the catch of the century. Hell, I want to marry myself
now."
"I'm sure you would if you could."
"Too busy bein' married to you." He patted his lap. "Now c’mon, take a rest with me. I ain't
gotten to touch you nearly enough tonight."
"Have you seen me lately? I'll crush you to death.”
"Come on, you ain't that big, just more round. Guys like curves. I can confirm, I am one."
"It looks like I'm trying to steal a watermelon. Besides, I need to get something."
"Hungry again?"
She nodded. "I'm eating for two. And this one has one hell of an appetite. She must've gotten
that from you. I hope she got your metabolism."
"What, more pickles and ice cream and, like, whipped cream on fried rice?"
"That was one time, and it wasn't even pickles and ice cream. And for the record, peanut
butter and noodles are delicious together.”
Liam chuckled. "It's good to see you eatin'... you always eat like a bird, and that's no good. Bring
me some while you're in the kitchen!"
“I'd kill for your metabolism. You could eat a whole carton of ice cream and not gain a pound."
"What can I say? I work it off. You can always go runnin' with me anytime. Or you know,
other fun exercisin'."
"Like jogging?" she asked dryly.
"Yeah! And aerobics! Also sex, sex is totally on the table. But not that one, we'll fall off."
She laughed and shook her head as she took those steps towards the kitchen; a walk which
was much harder now that she was walking for two. In the kitchen, she pulled out some chips
and an entire thing of salsa. Salty was the flavor of the moment. Spicy was acceptable,
too. Sometimes she'd suddenly have the strangest cravings, like to drink soy sauce straight
from the bottle, a spoonful of nothing but coconut oil, or a loaf of bread with nothing on it. She
carried the bags of corn chips out to the living room. Any crumbs could be vacuumed up later,
after all. As far as she was concerned, the extra cushions were worth the extra clean up.
Just as she set the chips out on the coffee table, she paused and put her hand to her belly.
“Oh…”
"Is somethin' wrong?" Liam asked out of concern.
"No, she's just being active again."
"Wait, is the baby kicking? Lemme feel!"
He leapt up, nervous and excited all in one. She guided his hand to her stomach. "Hey, I feel it!
This one's bound to be a runner! Seriously, a champion. I always knew I'd have the
coolest kids."
He fell to his knees and rested his head against her swollen stomach. She ran her hand through
his hair in gentle strokes as he listened to her body.
"Y'know what?”
“What?”
“I like you better when you’re like this."
"Chubby with bloated feet and eating everything in sight?"
"Like I'm goin' to complain that your tits are bigger, I mean come on."
"All of me is bigger. I can't even roll over or sleep on my stomach."
"I know, it's wonderful. We're goin' to have a ton of kids. Just imagine it, enough of them to have
a whole baseball team together―fightin' and terrorizin' the whole city. It’ll be a new age of
Dempseys."
"Uh-huh. We'll get on that as soon as you start helping me with the carrying of them.”
"Do piggybacks count?"
"No."
"Damn. Well, babe, if I could, I would. Just for you. It'd be the manliest frickin' baby ever."
She rested her hand on his head. "If that didn't break all laws of science and nature, I'm sure it
would be."
She rubbed at her back. Already, a pain had started to radiate upwards from her lower back.
"Oh yeah, rest yourself. Bein' preggers really wears you out, huh?"
She sat down on the couch, and tried to get comfortable. At this stage, this was getting more
and more difficult with each month that went by. "You have no idea."
Liam settled down against her.
"Think it'll sound like the ocean if I put my head there?"
"If she's anything like you, I think it's more likely you'll hear her telling you to fuck off. Well, either
that or she’ll probably kick you in the face."
"Oh God, she totally would learn to flip someone off before she learned 'dada.'"
They shared a moment of laughter with all these awful possibilities.
"I bet she's goin' to run before she can walk-- I bet we're goin' to have to bolt down every frickin'
thing. Everythin'! I know ma had to when I was born. She said I had a natural gift for gettin' into
trouble."
"Okay, that's one thing I hope skips generations."
Another series of kicks made that possibility less and less likely. Liam rubbed another soothing
series of strokes across her abdomen.
"I wish I'd known you sooner, so I could've told you sooner."
"That you'd carry my baby in some mockery of modern science that Erich probably could
achieve if he put some effort into it?"
"Nah, everythin'. Just think, we could've been married for like ten years instead of two.”
"You spent high school lighting farts, flirting with any girl within a ten mile radius, shoving other
students into lockers, and getting expelled constantly. That didn't change much when you went
into Mann Co. except you then moved on to getting arrested. It's probably for the best that we
didn't meet until we did.”
"If I ever get a time machine, I'm doin' that. Well, that and makin' a friggin' ton on the
lottery."
"Don't forget to invest in the stock market. You'll know exactly what companies will rise in the
next decades. I'd personally advise investing in Mann Co. You could prevent the robot wars
from ending like they did simply by buying up so much stock that Saxton didn't have as much
control in the company.”
"See, this is why you're wonderful, you got all the plans. Well, one of them. I'd go on the rest,
but we'd be here for the better part of a month. Good thing I got the rest of my life to do it.” He
patted her stomach. "And when she's born, I'll tell her all about how great you are every single
day."
"And then, knowing you, you'll tell her how great you are, likely on a daily basis. Wait,
make that an hourly basis."
"Damn straight, I will. I'm totally rehearsin' for when she finally shows up."
"I can always count on you to brag for hours. It's some kind of Guinness World Record talent
you've got for talking about yourself there."
"What can I say, Soph? I always gotta be the best."
"Well, you certainly win when it comes to the gift of gab."
Liam's face lit up. "Wait-- what if she's like that too?"
"Oh God, I will never have a moment of quiet again."
"Hell yeah, screw that stupid quiet! Every day is goin' to be a party!" He wrapped his arms about
her even tighter, nuzzled against her dark hair.
"That's what I'm afraid of. Never a dull moment, I guess."
"Nope! I'm goin' to dedicate my life to make sure you are never bored, not even for a
second, no matter how much shit I gotta break."
"Breaking the furniture isn't going to help, Liam. I mean, I suppose it would be startling, but
that's not how to keep everything interesting."
"Babe, I'm talkin' about people's noses and skulls."
"Oh, I should've known." She tapped his nose with shades of affection and mock scolding.
"Remember, you have to keep all your bloodshed until after the baby comes."
"Yeah, no buryin' bodies until after, I know, I know."
She rested her head against him. After a rough night, she had finally begun to unwind. He
leaned down to kiss her forehead. Her stomach let out a gurgling noise.
"Liam, I'm going to start gnawing on your arm if I don't get anything else to eat."
"Oh, shit yeah. Chip away, babe." Liam pulled open the bag like he was doing some herculean
feat. At least this time, the chips didn't go all over the room in an explosion of hubris and bad
choices.
She leaned forward to dig into the bag.
"Just a couple more months." He dug in for a few corn chips of his own.
"You're right, though."

"Yeah, I totally am." Liam smirked, only to break off from his usual egotistical reverie with a look
of pure confusion. "Wait, what? What am I right about again?"
"Waking up with you for ten years would've been nice. But we'll still make it. Here's to the next
ten, and the next ten after that..." She held up her chip like they were making a toast.
"And every year after that ever."
They clinked corn chips together. Salsa dripped to the carpet, and over the table. The old
worries and old hurts were pushed back into their old scarred places. After all, Liam always
ensured that all attention was on him; he was always too busy making her smile to ever linger
long on the past.
September 2nd, 1977. Liam with several bags of tangerines. Scrawled across the back was
"Making puns wasn't enough, he had to pose with them as well.”
9 AM
The curtains were drawn. She didn't call out for him when he came to the door, so startled at the
sight of her that he clutched the knob tight.
"Babe? You're still here? You're never still here.” There was uncertainty in his voice.
She tossed another used tissue into the almost overflowing trash can.
"I have a cold," she said. She sniffed. Her voice had turned unusually nasal. A well of pressure
throbbed from her temples to the bridge of her nose, only worsening an hour-long migraine.
"A cold?" The uncertainty in his voice only grew. He sat on the side of the bed.
"Don't worry, I called Medic. He said it's fine for the baby as long as I don't get a fever. Well, that
and I can't take most medicine.” She blew stray black hairs out of her face. "No caffeine, no
alcohol, and now no medicine. What a pain in the ass."
Liam leaned in to rest the back of his hand against her forehead. "Hmm, you don't feel hot, but
you sure look it." He leaned in to kiss her nose.
"You're going to get my cold. Also, you obviously need glasses."
He plucked her glasses up off the nightstand and put them on his face.
"Nope, I can't see shit. Except you; you're a pretty cute blur over there.”
"A cute blur, huh?"
"The cutest. Can you believe this'll be your first sick day?"
"What a great milestone, huh?" She sneezed into a Kleenex. "I'm totally going to put this
down on my bucket list. Mmmhmmm."
"I ain't on call today; Ol' Hale is off punchin' up a storm across the world. I'll pick somethin' up for
you."
Sophia pulled the covers on a little tighter. Even with three layers of blankets, she still felt
chilled.
"Ugh, I can't punch this one away. Wish I could, though. Damn. Anythin' you need in particular?"
Sophia groaned and turned towards him. "Soups, citrus, orange juice… I always eat a lot of
soup when I'm sick. Well, technically I'd take a bottle of alcohol and pour some BONK into it.
Demo suggested it as a remedy, but I can't have any now."
"Oh yeah, The Scottish Spankin'. That stuff will make you friggin' fly off the walls like you're a
rocket with fire shootin' out your ass! He made me some when I was sick. He always makes the
best remedies."
"Well, that's out of the question now. I'm not sure he even makes it anymore, not with his recent
adventures in sobriety.”
"Naw, it's okay. I'll go get you somethin' so good that it puts The Scottish Spankin' to
shame."
"I bet you will."
He puffed up, almost like he would flex in triumph for a moment. Even that small amount of
praise was like rocket fuel to his ego.
"It'll be the best stuff ever, promise. Though bein' married to me, you're already used to the best
stuff!" He leaned to kiss her cheek, before he rushed out, filled with new determination to bring
back her very own tonic.
Liam never could take being second place in anything, even when the people around him were
masters of their trade. Years around mercenaries meant he'd gotten many broken bones as
thanks for his "helpful advice." Still, Liam never learned.
11 AM
She awoke in stages to the sound of rustling and clattering in the kitchen. It wasn't long before
he was coming back again, his arms full of bags. He bent to pull out an entire netted bag of fruit
with Cuties written on the tag, just above a smiling anthropomorphic tangerines.
"Need a cutie?” he asked. “Too late, you already are!"
Liam set the entire bag aside, and chuckled to himself as he peeled off the peel and dropped
each bright orange piece of rind into the garbage. He held the tangerine out to her. It looked
almost like a flower in his palm.
"I'm surprised you didn't tape them to your biceps and try and flex the cold away," she
deadpanned.
"Man, you have the best ideas. Oh, and ma's comin' over with her special chicken noodle
and garlic soup, with extra garlic. Called her this mornin' with my usual mornin' call and she said
she'd brew it right up. I gotta say, vampires sure won't get anywhere near you with this stuff. Ma
uses two whole cloves, plus an onion. I almost got no sick days, because ma kept givin' me this.
Plus my immune system is almost as freakishly handsome as I am."
For once, she kept quiet about Colleen overstaying her welcome with her hospitality. The quilt
was pulled up to her chin with only her fingers curled about the top edge.
"You need another blanket or somethin'?"
"If I have anymore, I'll be buried under them and probably start sweating. Did you put away the
rest of the groceries?"
"Yup, all of them. We got so many tangerines, that cold is goin' to get dropkicked in the
balls." Liam mimicked a very small karate chop.
She didn't have the heart to tell him that wasn't how dropkicking worked.
"Yes, that's exactly how the human immune system works."
"Totally the scientific term." He popped one of the pieces of citrus into his mouth. "Good stuff.
We should get sick more often. Just think of the sick days spent together."
"There's nothing quite as romantic as snot dripping down your face as you're trying to make
out… and then having to take vomiting breaks."
"Eh, I'd still do it."
"I know you would."

Sophia took a bite of citrus and grimaced. "Ugh, I can barely taste this. It's juicy, though."
"You'll be tastin' it once ma gets her soup in here. No more sick days for you, so you best enjoy
today."
"If you can call a mountain of used Kleenexes enjoying it."
"Hey, I'll pamper you until she comes here. It'll be like every other day, but with more coughing
and sneezing."
"I'll repay the favor when you catch my cold… for the whole fifteen minutes I have before I go to
work."
"Deal." He climbed under the covers with her.
Sophia didn't have to worry about being cold anymore.
October 15th, 1977. A scribbled doodle of a baseball and sun on yellowed paper.
She shifted, pulling the dark covers over her. He was very forgiving of her constant blanket
stealing, even if she'd left him without anything but pajamas in Coldfront more than once.
"Go to sleep," Liam muttered.
He reached for the blanket and finally settled to curling as close as he could to her. Quite some
feat, given that he was always nuzzled up as close as he could manage.
She sighed and tried unsuccessfully to find a comfortable spot. The baby’s ever-shifting
positions made that nigh impossible, however. Liam shifted with her, ensuring that there was
never too much distance between their bodies.
"Your child thinks now is a good time to practice for marathons." She squinted at the bedside
clock. "At 3 AM, no less."
This was enough to fully wake him. He pushed up her black t-shirt and rested his hand on her
swollen abdomen. Despite his fairly lean frame, Liam was perpetually warm. This was a
blessing for her in the winter months and a curse in the summer, as he always wanted to sleep
close, even when it was ninety degrees out and the air conditioner was broken again.
"This is so amazin'." His voice was filled with awe. He rubbed soft little circles around her navel.
"You tryin' to jailbreak already, littlest Dempsey? I know you're excited to get out, and so am I.
I'm just real friggin' thrilled you're goin' to be runnin' with me, but your ma needs some sleep or
she'll get real cranky. I mean, like, real cranky. Mass grave with all us guys and an
explosion in the distance cranky. Why don't you take a breather and let her rest, okay? You
can't keep her up all night."
He rubbed his hand over her navel in slow motions. The kicking soon lulled into peace. Liam
leaned his head against her stomach, listening intently like the child might whisper secrets
through her skin.
"See, that's much better." Liam traced a heart across her stomach. "I know you wanna be
your dad's slugger. My little champ. As soon as you spring out of there, I'll take you to the park."
"You can't throw baseballs to a newborn, Liam."
"Hey, I'm pretty good at waitin'. I mean, I sure as hell waited for you and I had to wait a
long time, but boy was it worth it."
He laughed to himself. By now it wasn't just a declaration of love, but a fond memory. Through
the years, the pain, the constant threat of death, he'd waited for her. She reached down to trace
her thumb down the back of his neck.
"I would've done it again, too. Would've waited ten more, no, a hundred more years if that
was what it took to get to here. Maybe even a thousand more.”
"I'm glad you didn't have to wait that long."
"Me too. I mean, I did it, but it was hard. I wanted to be spending all that time with you...
but really, though, I bet this one is going to be tryin' to run with me. Mark my words on that."
"I wouldn't be surprised. It feels like she's done nothing but bounce about in there for the past
three months."
"Already practicin' for runnin' to home plate.”
Just the mention of baseball was enough to get her moving again. There was a throbbing ache
at her back, just mere inches from one of her kidneys, and a kick inside like a persistent
drumbeat. So much for her child being convinced to sleep.
"There she goes again," Sophia murmured.
"Don’t worry, I got this," Liam assured her.
He reached into the white end table at the side of the bed. There was some rustling noise as he
sorted through--- and likely made a complete mess of ---papers, pencils, among other things.
What he came out with was a red pen. He began to make several scribbles across her stomach.
He drew remarkably quickly, in a cartoonish way, like a thousand doodles she'd seen on official
papers and contracts over the years. The pictures of Spy being forced to wash his mask had
long turned to idly doodled hearts and stars.
On her skin, he sketched a sun at her navel, a little field and house with a family on the side,
and what she thought was a dog on the other side. For some reason, it was a superhero family,
complete with capes and masks. Even the baby had one.
He capped the pen and laid his head on her stomach, smearing color on his cheek. "Is it
workin'?"
"Well, she hasn't moved in a while. Just don't mention any sports again."
"I'm tellin' you, this kid is goin' to be just like me. I know a future Red Sox fan when I see 'em."
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"If she's anythin' like I was as a kid, she's going to keep you up all night."
"I'll say. It's getting harder to sleep now, even if I am exhausted most of the time. Your daughter
keeps wanting to go on late night runs.”
"Yeah, you seem worn out lately. Is that a preggers thing? You used to get pretty worn down
back then, too.”
"Well, after a while, that's what happens when you get one day a year vacations that never
seem to actually come."
"But you finally got time off, and all I had to do was get you knocked up to do it. Though I
would've stolen plenty of briefcases if it meant you got to take even one more day off."
"And I would've had to kill you eventually."
"And when I got outta Respawn, my first words would've been 'great shot.'"
She chuckled and rested her head against him.
"Alright, sweetie. You just let your ma get some rest and I'll go buy you your first ball and mitt."
"It's a little early to be stocking up on baseball equipment, don’t you think?"
"Joke's on you, babe. It's never too early for baseball.”

He never came home without something for her or for the child now growing within her. She
already had a pile of sports supplies and shoes they wouldn't need for years to come. At this
rate, they'd have to move just to find enough room for the child's things.
If she didn't already keep a tight grip on the purse strings in their family, he probably would've
put them in debt over tiny baseball cleats. He was always a little too giving with his money. He'd
overtip to show off, was sporadic at best when it came to grocery shopping, and if she didn't
check to make sure he had the list, he came home with nothing more than sugary cereal and
three packs of beer.
Shopping with him was always an adventure, as he'd find beauty even in the mundane.
He tapped on her stomach. "Drum solo."
With the way their daughter was kicking, it felt like she was doing a drum solo of her own.
"You're ridiculous," Sophia squeaked. “You know that?”
"Yeah, ridiculously in love with you." He rolled back, laughing at his own joke so hard that
she was worried he might fall off the bed.
He didn't, largely because she caught his arm. She bent down to pull him into a headlock. When
she got him close enough, she snatched the pen from his hands and drew a red ink mustache
on his face.
"Ugh, don't turn me French."
"Just for that, I'm giving you a goatee."
She pulled him even closer and gave him a kiss on the cheek, which left her lips red with ink
and smudged fake facial hair.
He leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Sexy French words."
She couldn't contain the laughter this time. So much for drowsiness and sleep. She just took in
the utterly absurd moment together and savored it while it lasted. "Ridiculous."
"Ridiculously sexy."
"Ridiculous in every sense of the word."
"Then that means I'm also ridiculously wonderful, handsome, awesome, magnificent, great, and
all those other words. Huh? Huh?" He waggled his eyebrows.
She giggled a bit. "You've got me there," she said softly.
"And there." He put his arms around her and kissed the back of her neck. "There too… you want
me to count you some sheep?"
"Go ahead, maybe it'll lull us both to sheep, I mean sleep."
She closed her eyes as he described all the fluffy sheep he could think of. Many of them got
names and even backstories. By the time their daughter was born, she was sure the sheep
would have whole kingdoms.
It only just now struck her that her insomnia had become rare, where it'd once been standard.
With happiness, she'd forgotten the sleepless nights when she'd trek home after a long mission
to an empty apartment, and still be too exhausted to sleep.
"Sixty sheep, this one's name is Celia, and we love her, sixty one sheep, this one's Greg, and
he has a drinkin' problem, we're all gonna have an intervention for him soon. Sixty-two is a real
winner, called Sara, and she's the fluffiest sheep of all. She's got awards and everythin'...."
His voice was soft, and his breath warm against her neck. She drifted off into dreamless sleep.
October 31st, 1977 The first photo of many family coordinated Halloween costumes. The
theme for this one was skeletons.
3:30 PM
Liam had been stocking up on candy for weeks. At first, she'd simply assumed it was his usual
sweet tooth, but it was only when he pulled out ten bags of them and poured all the contents
into the biggest metal bowl he could find that she remembered Halloween had a function other
than Merasmus coming out from the depths of debtor hell to try and kill them again. He'd pulled
on a skeleton suit underneath his Star Wars shirt.
"See? See this? Totally a spooky scary skeleton here."
"Are you preparing for trick or treaters?" Sophia asked.
"Yeah, 'tis the season, give me free candy and all.”
"I don't think many children are going to come up several flights of stairs to an apartment."
"Well, there's gotta be some from down the hall, right? Then they'll come our way and before
they know it, bam! Candy, right in their faces!" Liam punched his fist into his palm.
"Our neighbors are mostly elderly."
"So then... maybe we should go to the streets and give it out? Or make signs?" Liam was
sounding a little more panicked now.
"Liam… I really don't think that's going to work. People will assume you're some kind of drug
peddler or worse...”
"Aw, jeez. I just wanna have lots of practice and give candy out to kids. Is that so bad? I mean, I
guess we could eat it together, but it won't be the same..." Liam looked down to his metal bowl.
She hadn't seen him this downcast since the last time his team lost another shot at the pennant.
"I'm sure Colleen will have plenty towards her house, right?"
"Oh yeah! She's always shooin' my brothers out because they steal the candy, so she'll
welcome the help!"
Liam unzipped his duffel bag and poured all the candy inside. Despite it all, the bag still wasn't
stuffed, so he slipped another five bags worth of Snickers in there.
"Good God, are you preparing for trick or treaters or the apocalypse?"
"I mean, considerin' my brothers always sneak tons, I really should've gotten more."
"Only your brothers, huh?"
"Gotta keep my strength up for the trick or treaters," Liam zipped up his bag and slung it over
his shoulder. She supposed with the amount he was sure to sneak, it evened out in the end.
3:45 PM
"Hey, maaaa!" Liam held his arms out for a hug, but stopped when he got a glance of her outfit.
She wore a green skirt and pearls over a seashell bra. The sides of her skirt flowed out like a
mermaid tail. "Whoa, aren't you cold?"
She waved his concern away. "Oh, I'm fine," Colleen replied. “I'm mostly indoors anyways. Ain't
you a bit old for trick or treatin'?”
"I'm young at heart," Liam said. He stole into the candy bowl and shoved it in his pocket before
she could stop him. "Besides, I'm practicin' for when I got kids of my own."
"I saw that."

Liam held up his bag. "No problem, ma. I got tons of reinforcements. I just really wanted some
Mounds. Forgot to buy any of those, and I love me some Mounds."
"I always thought you were more of a milk chocolate kind of guy," Sophia said.
"He just loves sayin' the words and makin' perverted jokes," Colleen cut in. “Like grandma, like
grandson, eh?”
Liam snickered. "Guilty as charged."
"Come in, come in, my tits are goin' to freeze off if we just keep yappin' out here. And Liam
always was extremely good at yappin'."
They came in through the door, the October chill momentarily shut away behind them. The tree
in the backyard still had a few glorious orange leaves that the fall rains hadn't blown away.
Through the kitchen windows, she could just see the tree's last stand.
"Liam stocked up, but there aren't many trick or treaters that many floors up. He was so
disappointed."
"Well, yeah, this is prime practicin'. It sucked on ice that we can't do it back at our place, but
here, there'll be tons. Tons and tons, and I can scope out the costumes for when this little
Dempsey baby comes around."
"That's all well, but neither of you are going in costumes? I never thought I'd see the day when
Liam didn't use any excuse to run around in a cape."
Sophia's hands rested at her stomach. "I guess I could go as a blob from outer space... or a
pregnant woman."
"Oh, you just have to incorporate it into the costume, that’s all. For this one, I was a watermelon.
I painted my stomach and everythin'."
"A watermelon? Jeez, silly! It's really been too long, ma!" He pulled her into a hug.
"Careful about the make up, I spent a lot of time on it. ‘Sides that, it's only been less than a
week."
"I know, right? Way too long."
She brushed the back of his neck. "You need a haircut, silly. Oh, and some of your clothes got
mixed up with mine in the wash. There was an old Halloween costume, some painted bones,
some black clothes."
Liam's face lit up. "I was lookin' for those! Thanks, ma!"
"Remember, don't eat too much candy now, even if you did bring more. Heaven knows you
don't want to spend all of the night with a stomach ache, or pukin' your guts out."
"No problem! I bought extra and I'm goin' to give it to so many little talkin' Frances!"
A phone rang from the kitchen and Colleen went in from the cold. On the step, Liam turned to
Sophia with renewed vigor.
"Hey, hey, hey! I got an idea. You could have a costume, too! You could be my skeleton
wife, we could bone."
Liam laughed loudly at his own joke, hard enough to the point where he had to lean on to the
door. "Oh God, that was some classic genius there. They should write my quotes down.
Guaranteed bestseller right there."
"That is the worst line I've ever heard. And considering all the lines I've heard from you, that's
something.”
"Hey, I finally hit rock bottom! Come on, gimme five!" He raised up his hand.
She laughed, but gave him the high-five anyway. After this many years of knowing each other,
the fact that he could still make awful puns and creatively bad come-ons was some kind of
twisted talent.
"I'm sure I can find some more to fit you, and some fast dryin' paint. Bam, spooky scary skeleton
wife!"
"If I wear the costume, are you going to make bone puns all night long?"
Liam put his hand over his heart in mock solemnity. "I promise I will make the worst bone puns
all night. And by the worst, I mean the best."
"You're probably going to keep digging and find even worse lines."
"Oh, I'll be diggin', all right! Only the best, I mean worst, for my bone wife."
"Do your worst, just don't give yourself a stomachache from eating too much."
"Too busy drawin'. Art is life, babe. Skeleton life, that is!" Liam lifted his arms up in triumph as
he finally went inside.
4 PM
Finding a matching black shirt and skirt wasn't too hard. Liam painted out the delicate white
lines with quick, accurate strokes. He'd always had a surprising artistic flair that he'd done little
with, except whenever he would doodle on diner napkins or make crude drawings of his
teammates just to bother them.
But it was at the middle of the long-sleeved shirt that he started the smallest strokes. Even
without a reference handy, he'd done quite a good little skeleton to complete the set.
Even through the painter's mask, she could see his smile from the crinkle of his eyes as he put
the last touches on the child skeleton.
"You better not introduce us as ‘Mr. and Mrs. Boned.’"
"Nah, I'll just say 'the knee bone connects to the thigh bone-- and this bone is for the wife!’" He
laughed so hard that he couldn't even manage a proper pelvic thrust to complete the ridiculous
line.
"It's official, you've hit rock bottom and now you’re digging your way to bad pun hell."
"Oh yeah, I am goin' to unseat Michael, rule bad pun hell, and make you my queen. Well, I
mean you're already mine, but you'll be friggin' royalty."
He wrapped his arms around her waist and rested them on her abdomen.
"Just think. In a couple more months, it's goin' to be a lot louder around here."
"I've already heard horror stories from your mother. We're going to have to buy ear plugs for the
entire floor.”
"Make that the entire buildin' and you'll be a lot closer." Liam broke off with a shocked
expression as he put his palm to her stomach. "Whoa, is that a hand? Did I--I almost hold hands
with my little girl before she was born?"
"I can't tell, she's moving so fast. I think she's breakdancing again." Sophia tried to stretch to
ease the ache in her back. Even moving around was turning into a hassle, especially with her
equilibrium offset.
"Hey, little Dempsey. What do clouds wear? Thunderwear."
It sure hadn't taken him long to switch from awful pick up lines to awful dad joke puns. Liam
laughed and laughed, far more than the joke warranted. Given how much her child was moving,
she'd like to think that she was laughing too.
"Don’t worry, I got tons more where that came from." Liam let go and knelt before her. He
leaned to kiss her stomach, only to quickly draw back and rub at his mouth. "What the fu--?!
That little shit just kicked me in the friggin' mouth! She ain't even born yet and she's already
tryin' to pick a fight!"
"That really solves who she's going to resemble." She could already see visions of herself
chasing after a child with boundless energy.
"It's goin' to be amazin'. There's goin' to be a little person that's a little bit me and a little
bit you. She'll be fast and charmin' like me, and gorgeous like the both of us."
"There's still a few years before we can tell about those… though I bet she'll be energetic. I
swear, she has barely stopped kicking for the past four months."
"Okay, little bone baby. I'll pay you back for that later on." He kissed Sophia's stomach one last
time, though this time he didn't get a kick for it.
6 PM
Sophia was genuinely surprised about how soon the paint dried, though she shouldn't have
been. Liam had so little patience for anything slow that Sophia had slipped on the painted
jogging suit. It only took one dark hallway to realize the paint was glow in the dark.
"Lookin' good! Though, if you think this is somethin', you should see the kinds of things I got
planned for Smissmass!"
"Matching ugly sweaters?" Sophia asked.
"Oh, God, yes. We are goin' to hit every sweater party in the city and kick all those other tacky
sweaters' asses! We will have the ugliest sweaters on the two hottest people ever." When a
knock at the door came, breaking off his Smissmiss plans, Liam broke into a huge smile.
"Oh, kids are here!" He leaned in to give her one last kiss before he rushed to the door. "Movin'
through, I got it! Michael, get out of the candy bowl, I got kids to give that to!"
He held out the bowl so fast that the little ghosts and pirates drew back in fright.
"Oh, no need to worry, kids. I'm a good skeleton. See, I give out candy. And beatings, but
only to bad guys. Like people who don't pay my boss."
He held out the candy.
"Nice costume there. Arrr, matey.”

"Arrr?" the child sounded. His hat and beard were made of cardboard.
"Arrr!" Liam said back. He waved as the children as they uncertainly moved towards the next
house. "Come again next year! The candy's goin' to be even better, I swear!"
"Dad lessons," Liam said and nodded to himself. "I am goin' to be the coolest dad ever."
Or at least the most aggressive, she thought.
"Speakin' of daddin', c'mere!" He held out his hand towards her stomach. "C'mon, tap my fist,
littlest Dempsey."
"I think it'll take at least a few more months before she can brofist you."
"Never too late to start practicin'. I gotta keep my dad game super fresh and awesome."
He leaned down to nuzzle against. "And you'll be the bone princess." He looked up in complete
wonder. "Next year, we can all go in matchin' costumes again! Oh shit, I gotta plan it!"
He pulled out a notebook from his duffel bag and started jotting down ideas.
"I think you have some time."
"Hey, I can't wait for you to get here, littlest Dempsey. We are goin' to have so much fun
together, and I'm goin' to get you a pony!"
"Where would we keep a pony in the city?"
"I don't know, we'll buy a bigger apartment--- we'll find a way."
She slipped a piece of chocolate in her mouth and thought for a moment. By the time she'd
finished the sweet confection, a plan had come to her. "I suppose we could rent from one of the
stables. Or we could buy some stables, somewhere in the country."
"See, see, you always have the best ideas!"
"It's best to start out with a stuffed pony. There's no chance of her getting kicked by one of
those."
"Okay, fine, but one day I am goin' to buy my kid a whole herd of ponies. I will personally
bat in the skull of whoever I need to until I get my kid a sparkly unicorn."
She squeezed his hand. "I know you would, though you'd have to fight off Saxton Hale for it.
You know how much he loves punching wildlife."
"Dammit, leave my future unicorns alone," Liam muttered. He jotted some more things down in
his notebook.
Sophia went back to the kitchen to get a drink of water. Even two rooms away, she could hear
Liam's enthusiasm for the next batch of trick or treaters.
11 PM
The children had all gone home, but Liam was still buzzing with energy. It wasn’t much of a
surprise, given the amount of candy he'd consumed throughout the night. Sophia, on the other
hand, was filled with an entirely different kind of energy. According to the books, it was all
supposed to get better by the third trimester. The morning sickness was supposed to have let
up by then, but instead of going away, it somehow managed to get even worse. She couldn't
help but wonder if her daughter's constant moving had anything to do with it.
Sophia had been sipping on ginger ale for hours, but it'd done little to help, so she'd turned in.
She touched her stomach and shook her head.
"Whoa, your stomach is doin' stuff," Liam murmured.
"I swear she's doing backflips in there," she said.
"Oh man, seriously? I have the coolest baby ever." Liam climbed under the navy blue
covers with her. He then made a fist against her stomach and placed it gently against her skin.
"Second try's the charm. Bump me one, littlest Dempsey!"
"Please don't. The last thing I need is to have her boxing in there."
"Boxin'? Oooh, my kid is goin' to come out already pumpin' iron and ready to take on
Muhammad Ali!"
"How about instead of revving her up, we calm her down? All I want is the magical power to
make babies nap on command, that's all."
"Calmin'?" Liam tapped his lips several time as he worked over the plan in his mind. "I can't give
a kid a beer, let alone one that ain't here yet. And I sure as hell can't do the other stuff I do to
calm down, like runnin'. Not yet, at least."
"You're right, we're not the best couple to ask about relaxing. I've never been good at relaxing in
my life.”
"Maybe we could read to her or somethin'?"

Liam sifted through the books at his bedside.
"Now what do we have here? Kama sutra.... I don't think so." Liam chuckled. He set the
book aside and picked up another to sift through. "Well, there's comics, but she can't appreciate
the pictures yet. But once she's out, I'll be introducin' her to Flash and Supes and Bats and Billy
Batson and Peter Parker! The whole gang will be here!"
"You'll have to spend a lot of time explaining what's going on."
"Yeah, you got a point. I should probably wait a bit for those.”
He dug a bit deeper and pulled out one of the books he'd brought back from his mother's. It was
a thin picture book with a little space boy on the cover. "Hey, I ain't ever read this one before. It's
pretty neat.” He flipped through the pages. "It's got pictures, too. Books are better with pictures.
That's why comics are so great. Sometimes I draw in my own if the book is stupid enough to not
bring the art along."
"I know you have plenty of imagination. I've heard you describe plenty of things, usually about
your plans with me.”
"Oh, that was just the beginnin'. I've planned heists and comics, and sometimes comics about
heists."
He flipped open the book and started to read aloud. "Once when I was six years old I saw a
magnificent picture in a book-- Oh hey, he's drawin' an elephant, I like the guy already."
She rested against him. Her daughter hadn't kicked for quite some time. She'd like to think that
her child was listening rapt to her very first bedtime story.
November 1st, 1977 A picture of the completed nursery.
She awoke to a strange and overpowering acrid scent. Pregnancy had made her sense of smell
many times more potent than it was before. Just the smell of coffee and eggs in the morning
would be enough to make her stomach turn; so, too, would new smells surprise her and make
her feel that much more nauseous. She groaned as she sat up, a new ache in her back. Getting
up had been so much easier when she didn't have a stomach bulge the size of a basketball,
and a much larger cup size to boot.
"Only a few more months and my center of gravity will be back," Sophia muttered to herself.
She patted her stomach. "Easy, girl. Your Russian step dance routine is the last thing I need
right now while I'm trying to walk."
She moved the pillow back to its original spot, but the dark purple pillowcase only clashed with
the orange floral wallpaper. For her, it was like staring at the sun, or at least the sun if it was
painted by a hippie after taking LSD.
"Here’s hoping the eighties are better," she muttered again. “I don’t know how much more of
these goddamn wallpaper acid trips I can take.”
As much as Saxton Hale had tried to eradicate the hippies and their subculture, their
unmistakable influence still managed to show up everywhere, but it was especially predominant
in her living room. Like a patchouli-scented nightmare, the wallpaper mocked her.
It took her some moments of waking to figure out what exactly the overpowering odor was. It
only dawned on her as she started walking towards the extra room, where most of the noise
was coming from as Tom Jones belted a song out from a tinny boombox. The volume was far
lower than usual.
Every window in the apartment was opened as far as they could manage, even the ones that
creaked and had to be forced open and held up with boards. The air outside was filled with
snowflakes, the buildings littered with frost.
Sophia had traded sand and heat for Nor'easters. At least the snow melted away and didn't
scrape against her heels.
She'd originally pegged the room as a home office, but life hadn't quite gone that way. Neither
had birth control, for that matter. Nevertheless, she'd learned to take what life gave her, a
lesson that started with a stolen briefcase and then a stolen kiss.
He had on a painter's mask and an old red, bloodstained and bullet hole-ridden t-shirt he could
never bring himself to throw away, now it was flecked with white paint.
"Oh, mornin', Soph. Hope I didn't wake you, I needed Tom to get in the groove of paintin'."
"I needed to be up anyways," she said. "I thought we were going to pick these out together?"
"Was I supposed to wait even longer? Oh, crap. Yeah, I remember that now, I was. See, I was
just goin' to get some milk for your coffee because we're out, and I passed by some stores. Saw
somethin' in the window and sorta went overboard." He chuckled to himself.
"I was waitin' and waitin', but it's the weekend, and you sleep hardcore on the weekends now."
At least he'd remembered to put down tarps and pull out the furniture before he started painting.
She hadn't even had to remind him.
"But when you see this stuff, you will totally get it. Cutest friggin' thing. In fact, I gotta take you in
there just to show you--there---there were little booties! Such tiny friggin' feet!"
"Little booties?" she asked. "Really little booties?"
"Like everyone compared to Mikhail friggin' big McHeavy, that's how small!" He set aside his
paint roller, just to try and show the size with his hands spread apart. Paint dripped down onto
his shoes, and puddled beside his feet across the tarps.
"That's pretty small. How long have you been up?"
"I dunno, lost track of time, I guess. Was goin' to surprise you, but it turned out into a bigger
surprise than that. By the way, brought back donuts and stuff for you in the kitchen. Oh, and if
you haven't been to the living room yet, um, you better watch your step."
She rubbed at her sleeves. Even a flannel pajama top wasn't enough in weather like this.
"I'm going to get some coffee. Do you want anything while I'm up?"
"Nah, I need a breather anyways--"
"Don't forget to take your shoes off before you come out."
The living room was utterly packed with new purchases. A large red crib and a matching red
bookcase, plus a rocking chair and a new mobile with baseballs. A red blanket folded with little
clouds-- no, make that baseballs --was folded up near the TV. There was a whole stack of
children's books all over the couch, and stuffed animals of all kinds upon all the chairs.
"Jeez, Liam, did you buy the entire store out?"
"They had at least three things left when I went out of there."
"You really did go overboard."
"Yeah, what can I say? I was walkin' home, and there was a store, so I went in. Everythin' just
leapt in the cart, I swear."
"Is there anything else I need to know about?"
"Maybe I got some onesies, but they said Daddy's little slugger on them. There were
some more like Daddy's alarm clock and Daddy's personal trainer. How was I
supposed to leave that behind? Oh yeah, and a rockin' chair, but those are like mandatory,
right?"
She pinched the bridge of her nose. "It's a good thing we both get large paychecks."
"Oh, please. It wasn't even in the seven digits. Only six tops, I swear."
She made more than that in a day. Since Tom Jones wasn't around any longer, he hadn't
invested in much lately, save for the occasional baseball cards. Considering that it wasn't her
nemesis 70s décor, clashing colors or full of shirtless Tom Jones posters, she didn't exactly
have many complaints.
"Oh, and you probably don't wanna go back there in the other room. Or the bathroom. Or by the
door. At least not until I clear the packages out."
"What- do I even want to know?"
"Oh, just baby stuff. They had tiny, tiny cleats! And there were these little, little snowsuits, and
shoes-- we can't have her bein' cold with the winter comin' up!"
He'd bought a rocking chair with little scenes of bunnies painted across the top, and a crib with
some of the highest bars she'd ever seen. It was definitely the maximum security prison of cribs.
Some of the clothes were large enough that they wouldn't fit her child until at least a year or two.
"I was a climber as a baby. Ma practically had to lock my crib down like Alcatraz. I figure if she's
anythin' like me, we better be prepared. Plus," he said, drawing the word out like a
salesman. "I got some of these."
He brandished the outlet covers with a big grin. "See? See? They're clear, but the baby can't go
near them with forks, like I used to do for fun."
This apartment had been the first thing they'd gotten together, back when they'd made that first
precarious precarious leap.
(Well, technically the first precarious leap had been into a bread monster.)
The decor wasn't her style, and the small rooms felt less cozy and more crowded with the
promise of one more little person living right there with them.
There were memories in every corner. They'd fed pigeons on the balcony, and stayed up late
after her shift, eating take out he'd gotten on his way back. For two years in this little apartment,
it'd been just them. Now she could only see things to be fixed. Sharp edges to be covered,
outlets to be filled, and locks to be installed.
But he'd already gone and made those first steps-- or in his case, first leaps and bounds.
"Outlets covers!" he said again, looking to her with slight concern at the edges of his bliss.
"Liam, I--- Thank you. You've done a wonderful job so far. I'm just still a little groggy from just
waking up."
"I'd give you a mornin' kiss, but I'm kinda covered in paint." He looked down to his spattered
shirt with a grimace.
She looked around, lifting up little booties and onesies. She could only imagine his glee, the
mountain of purchases and him whistling all the way home. She unpacked a red one that had
soft pattern of ladybugs. The next one was light red, almost pink, with the words Daddy's
little slugger on it, with a pattern of a rattle behind the words.
"This is all really lovely. You have pretty good taste in baby clothes."
"Yeah? I mean, of course I do. I got good taste in everythin', I mean, just look at the girl I
married."
He reached in, only to draw back. "Damn this friggin' cockblockin' paint."
"It'll wash off soon enough. Then you can catch up."
"Yeah, you're right! I'm goin' to paint like the friggin' wind. Paint for the prize! All the
kisses!" He punched the air and lifted up his paint roller like a battle cry. Tom Jones still crooned
in the background.
"It'll be good to have it done before Thanksgiving," she said above the noise of the tape deck.
“We were supposed to get this done months ago, but after my parents came, we never got
around to it.”
"Thanksgivin'? Aren't we havin' it at ma's like usual? I don't think we could fit even half of my
family in here, let alone yours."
"Oh, definitely. I couldn't even imagine hosting all of your family in this little apartment. Besides,
it'll be better to have this be one thing I don't have to worry about."
He leaned on the door frame as a wave of dizziness hit her.
"I don't think I could even finish a turkey, let alone a pie in this state. I don't know how your
mother did it."
"Me neither, but I ain't got that sort of stuff, so I don't know jack shit about this. Though, all that
barfin' like you're hungover for months don't look fun. Anyways, you don't gotta worry about a
thing. It's all goin' to be all right, and if it ain't, I will punch people until it is. In fact, speakin' of
punchin', after this I'm goin' to install some more stuff. Got one of those baby monitors, and a
baseball nightlight!"
"Impressive."
"Yeah, it was." But beyond his bragging, he smiled so bright at the simple compliment. Just a
little encouragement or praise from her would put him in the best of moods, sometimes for even
days.
"Do you think maybe you could redecorate the rest of the apartment? I've never been a fan of
that wallpaper."
"Oh, hell yeah. This time we'll pick it out together.”
"And we could get a few more onesies. I want to see you running around a baby store,
practicing your 'ultimate dad-fu.'"
Liam broke into an even bigger grin. "You say that when I can't kiss you? Oh, screw it, I'm
kissin' you anyways, even if I get paint on you!"
He leaned in, careful to not let his sticky shirt touch hers. Close-mouthed and warm, she rested
against him even as the scent of paint made her feel lightheaded. She pulled him closer for one
last touch. One ruined shirt wouldn't matter in the long run.
Already, their little apartment was taking shape into something she finally loved. No longer
would she hold back just because they might move on. They would leave their mark, and the
memories would last on long after the paint had faded.
November 12th, 1976 A picture of Sophia surrounded by mercenaries and presents, with
baby shower written on the back in Sharpie.
3:30 PM
Colleen had insisted on setting up the shower, though Sophia considering simply skipping it.
Her job had left her little chance to make friends, and events like this only reminded her that
Colleen and the few mercenaries she'd kept in touch with was the closest thing she had.
There were some familiar faces, as well as some she hadn't seen in quite a while. Misha had to
stoop to get into their door. His massive presence made everything seem smaller by
comparison. He held a brown sack, hoisted over his shoulder, and thick enough that it almost
got caught in the door.
"Practicing for your gig as Santa Claus?" Sophia asked.

"Hey, I am doin' the Santa thing," Liam said.
"You'd have to gain a whole lot more beard and belly for that," Colleen said. She poked at his
flat stomach. "I guess I'll have to make you a lot more cookies to get anywhere near Santa level
trainin'."
"Skinny Santa, it's a thing now. Santa took up aerobics. Also, he got super charming and no
beard."
"Sure you didn't write the n in the wrong place for what you're tryin' to be?" Colleen asked.
Spy peered from just outside a corner. "Trying?" Spy asked.
"I'm not the devil---just devilishly handsome," Liam said. He patted his hair back. His mother had
forced him out of his hat and jeans for one day, so the infamous argyles were back.
He was cut off by the sound of an egg timer going off. Colleen rushed to the kitchen, leaving any
more jokes about Liam's charm or lack thereof for later.
Sophia had positioned herself on the couch, mostly because at this many months along, she
was banned from most things. Heavy lifting was especially high on the list of no-no's, along with
alcohol and pretty much anything enjoyable. Liam sat beside her and eased his arm over the
back of the couch, just like he had on many dates, faking a yawn to make a move.
"Look what Spy and I went and rounded up. Well, some of them anyways. Doc's off somewhere
else, probably pissed off some high level black market person again, and Jane couldn't come.
Dell's gonna be here any minute, though."
"Doktor has not responded to letters," Mikhail said. He nodded solemnly. She would've patted
him on the shoulder if she could reach it without a ladder.
"I'm sure he's just on the run from the mafia again,” Sophia said. “Knowing him, I'd be more
afraid for them. They're probably already carved up and in his basement to power his next
freakish Frankenstein-esque experiment."
Mikhail nodded. "He is fearsome."
"Really, you should worry for them more than him. Because anyone chasing him might as well
just be known as 'future victims.' He never was good at hiding the evidence, though I always
had to get rid of the blood trails… Anyways, I'm sure he's fine."
"You are right," Mikhail said. He sifted through the large burlap sack and pulled out some small
knit bonnets. "My mother sent these. She made them herself. There are many more."
They were so soft and tiny. Sophia cupped her hands around the little pastel wonders. "I'll have
to send her my thanks," she said. “I hope she's enjoying Paris.”
"Bronislava and her send back many notes. Little cards with pictures on them. I keep them all
and put them on the wall of my cabin in Siberia."
"Oh? You went back for a visit? I mean, of course you did. I'm sure when they're done traveling,
there'll be a great bear punching party--" Her stomach rumbled so loud that several mercenaries
turned her way. "Ugh, I'm famished---" Before she could say another word, Liam had a slice of
cake held out. "Were you sneaking bites?"
"You better not have, the cake is for everyone!" came a yell from the kitchen.
"Naw, I'm just that fast and great," Liam said.
She took a small bite and groaned at the sheer explosion of flavor in her mouth. Creamy and
rich, she couldn't help but take another bite and another. "Mm, chocolate with buttercream
frosting. My favorite. In fact, it reminds me of my wedding cake. Liam almost fell into it." She
balanced the plate of cake on her stomach. Sometimes, these things did come in handy. She
rubbed at the cake crumbs on her mouth. "And here you said I'd be the one fainting and
falling for you."
"I'd been up for eighteen hours, babe, I couldn't help it. I couldn't sleep at all. I was just so
excited."
"That seems to be a running theme, considering you did that when you first asked me out, and
on our first date, and second, and third..."
"I mean, can you blame me?" He leaned in, until they were forehead to forehead. "You were
worth not sleepin' for."
It wasn't until she heard a sigh of disgust. that she realized their public displays of affection had
gone a little far. Liam chuckled and whispered to her, “They're jealous again.”
"Ahem, moving on-- everyone dig in. I was going to wait, but I needed some food, stat."
"Everyone can multitask, right?" Liam asked. There was just an air of a possible threat in his
voice. Leave it to Liam to let his fatherly instincts lead to mass amounts of potential punching.
"Of course, boyo," Tavish said. He was out of his usual uniform, and instead wore a suit. She
suspected that this wasn't the only party he was visiting tonight; he always did juggle as many
jobs and events as he could.
"I'll kick this party off early since I'll be leavin' soon," Tavish said. He lifted up a piece of rough
hewn metal with a string threaded through. Next to it was some kind of creature's dried head. "I
cut this off myself, infused with iron. It'll keep the dread fae away from stealin' the wee one in
the night and replacin' her with a changelin’.”
She'd known that one of them would be bringing heads; she just thought it would be Jane.
"Um..." She stared at it, blanking out with shock. She caught herself moments later. "I mean,
thank you, Tavish. I will… be sure to take care of that. Really, thanks..." She cleared her throat.
"Thanks again! Really, thanks."
"Aye, ye are questionin' now, but when ye are face to face with the UnSeelie queen, remember
that I had your back." He took a seat at the sitting chair she usually used for reading. Really,
their apartment wasn't equipped to host this many people. They couldn't even fit Liam's family
on a good night, let alone all these wild hired killers she'd worked with for so long.
Liam leaned forward on the couch beside her, and clasped his hands together. He kept
nervously squeezing his fingers together.
"Is there any of those which can keep wizards away? And ghosts? I hate ghosts, almost much
much as I hate doctors, and I want to keep those bastards as far away from us as possible.
Real good we ain't fought no ghost doctors yet, eh?"
"Did I ever tell ye about the dread ghost doctor that roams the lochs at night? Just lookin' for a
patient to sink his bonesaw into? They say ye can hear him howl 'leave me birds alooooooone'
in the night."
"Ghost Doctors? The only way this could be worse if they were also wizards! Damn, I knew they
had to exist somewhere!" Liam shuddered.
"Liam, you have a ghost for a hat," Sophia pointed out.
"Scary Hat ain't like that. The only wicked he's got is wicked handsome.”
"So that's where doctor went to," Mikhail said.
"Wouldn't be surprised if that doctor of ours has taken up to hauntin' us, cursin' us and screamin'
at the hills. I always thought he had it in him.”
"Probably," Sophia said. "I hope he hasn't picked up the dark arts. God help us if he studied with
Merasmus and picked up black magic in addition to his Frankenstein science."
There was a sound at the door. Sophia nearly dropped her cake to the floor in surprise at the
exact moment.
"I hope saying Merasmus' name doesn't summon him, like it works with Liam," Sophia said.
Liam got the door, and Dell almost fell through. He just barely caught him.
"Ph--yew, those are some stairs," Dell said.
"Ye must be gettin' old. Ye used to carry that big fun of yaes all over the battlefield.”
"I reckon so. We all are. Well, except for him." He nodded towards Liam.
"He doesn't age, he merely gets more annoying," Spy said. He lifted up the box and brought it
back to the kitchen before Dell could even respond.
"By the way, Mick won't be showin' up. We couldn't get ahold of him. Probably off in the deserts
huntin' again."
"That's too bad," Sophia said.
"Yeah, we totally wanted a jar of piss as a gift for the baby shower," Liam said.
"Liam," Sophia said sternly. "You don't know that it'd be that. It might be… a crocodile, or an
empty jar, or maybe a gun."
Liam snickered. "Little baby guns. Mann Co. could find their newest line. Guns for
babies."
She cracked up despite herself. "That's awful. I'm sure he would've given something
better."
He never was much of a people person, so his absence wasn't surprising. Considering he'd
been known to give things like jars of his own piss as Smissmiss cards, bullseye sweaters, and
the occasional Smissmiss card attached to an arrow for the other team, it might've been better
for him to skip this particular event.
Colleen peered out from the kitchen. "Anyone need more cake?"
Every single plate was raised for another helping.
4 PM
When the cake was mostly gone, another person stumbled through the door.
"Sorry I'm late, the train got delayed― Oh, I forgot to knock! Sorry about that."
Blond hair spilled out of her thick hat that seemed more suited to an ice age than an nor'easter.
Her coat, too, was a dark brown puffy down that made her seem about twice the size that she
actually was. Her name didn't quite come to mind. She only came to about Mikhail's chest as
she stood on tip-toe to hug him.
"Mikhail! Don't tell me you've been holed away! You should go see New York, it's
amazing."
"Miss Pauling, this is my sister, Yana."
"Dempsey. I married her―hell, I've been married to her for years! Two whole years, in
fact!"
"Old habits die hard," Mikail said.
Liam crossed his arms. "Well, fix your habits--"
"No threatening to 'fix the face' of someone who could-- and has --broken you in half," Sophia
said.
Liam shrugged. "What can I say? Old habits die hard."
"Ah, never mind that. We should have more cake and wine… actually wine would be an awful
idea." She held out her hand to greet Yana. "This one doesn't want to kill me too, right?" Sophia
asked, only half joking.
Yana looked shocked. "What? I would never--"
"Yeah, she don't get on with Zhanna, they had some kind of misunderstandin'," Liam cut in.
"Well, Zhanna always was… spirited," Yana said.
Mikhail nodded. "She would hold a grudge forever. Stalk her prey to the ends of the earth."
"Wonderful," Sophia said. "I didn't think before opening my mouth and got a bear-wrestling
Russian amazon as my forever enemy."
Liam nodded. That was essentially a description of most days of his life, complete with the bear-
wrestling.
Liam rested his hand over her forearm. "One of us should talk to Jane. He can probably get her
to calm down. I mean, what did you say? Insult her braid or say she smelled like bear grease--"
"I inadvertently insulted the gift of ears Jane gave her, and implied she was a wild untrustworthy
killer who might be a spy," Sophia said. "Um... I didn't think she spoke English."
Mikhail grimaced. "She will hate you until the end of time."
"Hey, it ain't all that," Liam said. “I'll have to ask Tavish next time he visits. He's still close with
Jane, he'll get her to calm down and realize that Soph didn't mean to hurt anyone.”
Yana's face lit up. "Misha's other coworkers are here? Wonderful! I wanted to get to know
them!"
"Except Tavish, you just missed him," Sophia said.
"What? He was the one I wanted to meet the most! Ah well, there's always next time." Yana
started to go into the other room, but quickly doubled back. "Make sure I'm invited to the next
party. Make sure there is another party."
"Um, all right," Sophia said.
"I wanted to try grillin' anyways," Liam said.
"Where are we going to grill? The balcony?"
"We'll have to rent a space. I could get a kiss the cook man-apron, and you could take that
suggestion literally every single time you see me."
"This doesn't sound like the kind of grilling party that anyone else would be coming to. Or that
would even have a grill."
Mikhail cleared his throat. She flushed, for a moment she'd forgotten he was there. Sometimes
Liam would catch her attention and distract her from everything around. It wasn't that she meant
to be rude, he was just, to quote his oft repeated phrase, a force of nature. Ignoring him
was like ignoring a thunderstorm happening around her. And that was when he wasn't dialing it
up to ensure that no one, ever tuned him out.
"I am going into the kitchen," he said. “I am too old for all this.”
"Man, all this time I was tryin' to find the weaknesses, and I could've taken down the other team
by just kissin' and flirtin' with you."
"That would've been outside of the company guidelines," she said.
"What, not murderdeathy enough for them? Whatever, I can murderdeath with the best of them,
but I'm a way better kisser."
"We're being rude hosts, and also whenever I leave the men too long, they tend to do things like
get drunk and go streaking across town or plan jewel heists, so we better make sure they're
being good."
"Okay, but I call kissin' dibs for later," Liam said petulantly.
"You always have kissing dibs. That's pretty much the definition of being married."
"Thank God for that. Bein' married is fuckin' awesome. I get dibs on everythin'! Even cake!"
"Speaking of which..." Her stomach growled. He helped her up, and they joined the others in the
kitchen.
Once inside, he caught the laughter and merriment of his mother and Spy, as he fed her bites of
cake. Spy was too caught up in her that he hadn't even noticed the dab of frosting that had
fallen on his expensive suit.
"Jeez, I was better off in the kitchen," Liam said. His grimace matched the look on Mikhail's
face.
Yana laughed. "Poor Misha, so many happy couples. You need someone of your own."
"I need you all to calm down and eat instead of this," Mikhail said.
Dell chuckled. "You think you'd get used to it after this many years of havin' to listen to him go
on, then Jane went and got himself hitched as well."
"Even I have limits," Mikhail said. He rose. "I wish you well and a good baby. I must go back
where there is no people."
Yana slipped her arm in his massive one. "Just for that, I'm dragging you to the most romantic of
comedies."
"As I said, is time to go back to Siberia."
"There's always more time for Audrey Hepburn. There's going to be a marathon at the drive in,
and we're going to watch them all."
Mikhail walked on, with only a nod for a goodbye. He never was much of a talker.
"Oops, we broke him," Colleen said.
"You already broke me," Liam said.

"It's a mother's job to embarrass her son. I'm tryin' to set a good example, so one day Sophie
here can go an’ embarrass children of her own."
"I think we're doing great on that," Sophia said. “We just scared poor Mikhail away.”
"Oh, Misha's just scarred by having to watch Roman Holiday with me three times in a row,"
Yana said. She grabbed her hat off the table and pulled it down across her ears, so low that her
bangs disappeared beneath the fur.
"Well, I'll best be goin' as well. My farm has some needs to be attended to," Dell said.
More goodbyes were said, from every side and every corner. Colleen set off to do the dishes
while Spy dried. The day was already growing dark. Slightly over full, she just watched the sun
recede and simply savored the moment. Sweet, like an aftertaste of chocolate cake, she held
the seconds close in her memory.
5 PM
Sophia patted her stomach. "I ate way too much cake," she said.
"Unless you got a stomach ache, there's no such thing," Liam said. He leaned down to help her
up from the couch, only to miss her mischievous grin as she pulled him down with her. "Oh, you
are so goin' to get it.” He pulled her close, stealing a kiss.
He licked his lips. "You taste like chocolate. We should make regular big cakes a thing."
"Ughhh, I can't eat until I'm stuffed every day! Even the thought makes me feel a little sick..."
"That's what I do and I turned out alright. In fact, I turned out better than all right-- friggin'
awesome, to be exact.”
"You have a freakish metabolism and immune system. I'm frankly a little jealous. If I did half the
the things you regularly do, I would die several times over, probably on a daily basis."
Liam put his arm over the back of the couch. The faint blond hairs on his arm just tickled the
back of her neck. "I'm jealous of how great I am, too, and I am me. Oh! I bet littlest Dempsey is
goin' to get this. She'll never get sick and she'll help me with all the eatin' contests. I can't wait to
meet her." She'd noticed that he'd started wrecking her calender with X's counting down to the
middle of December, when the doctor guessed Sophia's due date would be.
"I hope parenthood is as glamorous as you think it will be, but I think there's going to be a lot of
stinky times and sleepless nights," Sophia said. “At least that's what your mother keeps warning
me.”
"Still, totally worth it," Liam said. "Besides, I had plenty of stinky times and sleepless nights just
goin' to work. Man, some of those guys can snooore. And the shit you hear in the night--"
She couldn't help but laugh as he tried to make an imitation of the noise, which sounded like an
elk call.
The floor was still strewn with wrapping paper, and occasional plates hidden in odd places, like
that one fake potted plant Liam had won in a bet. She had a new fancy coffee machine that
could probably kill a man thanks to Engineer. She was pretty sure that third setting was stun
and the fourth was to bury all traces.
"You tired out, babe?” he asked. “We could head back for a nap since you got today off." He
rubbed at his hair. "Feels friggin' weird to be sayin' that after all these years. Frickin' amazin', but
I ain't used to havin' you to myself so much." He kissed her forehead, and she nuzzled a bit
closer.
She rested her head against his shoulder. "I'm exhausted, but I'm way too old for all these
naps."
"Hey, hey, you are never too old for naps. Naps are amazin', like cookies, or sex, or
cookies on top of sex, but they usually don't leave crumbs in the bed."
"Well, it's hard to argue when you put it like that. I should pick up this mess first," Sophia
said, glancing around the room. At least there weren't any ruined windows or walls this time. No
one had fought to the death, or even blown up the toilet. All in all, it was quite a success, even if
half of the guest list hadn't shown up for reasons or other. Ones that she hoped weren't because
they were running from the law again. Just the thought of waddling out and having to bury
bodies in her current condition made her feel dizzy and exhausted all over again.
"We can get it later. The mess ain't goin' nowhere, unless aliens gatecrash and steal our
garbage again."
"As far as I'm concerned, they can keep it.”
"As long as they don't steal all the booze again.”
"I can't have any for months anyways. Someone might as well enjoy it."
"When the kid gets here, we'll totally get shitfaced together, I promise. We'll make the kind of
stuff Tavish used to get to look tame."
Big words for someone who could take about one beer tops before he started trying to fight
people. But that was Liam, always big dreams and big plans, even if they didn't quite make
sense like punching out the moon.
She laughed. "Not quite that much."
Curled up together, she could almost forget that the couch wasn't quite large enough, that he
was already making a horizontal slide towards the floor.
Almost.
"This is cute, but one of us is going to fall over and break bones against that coffee table," she
said.
"Well, littlest Dempsey, looks like you cut out the couch cuddlin' for a while. I hope you don't
grow up to be too much of a cockblock," he said. He managed to actually help her up this time.
November 13th, 1977 A photo taken at the doctor's, just before her first―and last―Lamaze
class. Sophia looked unsmiling into the camera.
10 PM
"Hey babe, how did the lam-mazzy thing go? Sorry I had to bail, ma called me on--" He paused
as he caught sight of her expression.
Sophia twisted the towel over and over, scrubbing the water residue. Technically, they'd eaten
out and all that was left were a few glasses and utensils from before, but she'd taken on the
task.
"I didn't mean to bail, but ma had this thing―"
She cut him off. "I left early," she said tersely.
"What, were you not feelin' good?"
Her doctor had recommended the class and even given her an exclusive invitation, which
should've been her first warning. Stepping foot inside that room had been like a living flashback
to her youth, and all the country club gatherings her mother had dragged her to.
She was well into her thirties. She should've been beyond feeling like the lost child looking into
a sea of people who only held disdain and judgment towards her.
And, as always, she didn't measure up in these situations. Her poise was off, her conversation
skills lacking, and when she got nervous, she always blurted out random facts to fill the silence.
She wasn't great at socializing with anyone whose occupation didn't at least have killing as a
part-time job. She would plaster on a smile and try to think of something to say, but her mind
always blanked, save for her best skin dissolving and body disposal tips.
How embarrassing to admit that she'd run away from a bunch of snotty Beacon hill socialites
like she was a teenager.
"I think it's dry, babe," Liam said. He leaned in to watch her at the kitchen. "Need help? I bet I
could dry the fuck out of that glass."
"What's wrong? You got a headache or somethin'?"
She set the glass aside, lest she break it.
"No, I've got everything under control. My job, my life-- it's all just perfect!" Her voice
tightened as she set the glass down on the rack. It tipped, smacking against the side. For a
moment it looked about to topple, but Liam quickly righted it.
She started to dry a knife, and reached out to tentatively touch her arm.
"Uh, babe, how about you leave the knives to me? In fact, why don't you go take a break?"
"What-- you think I can't handle this? You think I don't have this under control? Well, I'm telling
you, everything is perfectly fine."
"Whoa, whoa-- I didn't say that at all!"
He stepped forward, and rested his hand on her shoulders. "What's wrong? Is this like super
PMS: baby strikes back or somethin'? Do I need to go get the chocolate and wine… wait, crap,
you can't have that-" Liam grimaced as he saw her expression. "Right, probably shouldn't have
said that. I'm a friggin' dumbass, we’ve been through this."
She set the knife aside and twisted the damp cloth in her hands. She reached out for the glass,
only to have it slip to the floor. Liam stepped back at the crash, the glass shattering.
"Oh shit―I'll get it, I forgot to take my shoes off." He grabbed the yellow broom from behind their
fridge and began to sweep up the shards into a pile.
She stared down at the mess she'd made. Her vision blurred from tears―traitorous tears―that
dripped down to her chin.
"Babe---! It's okay, it's okay! I'm getting' the pieces, it'll be okay. It was just a glass. It wasn't
even a special one. We paid like a dollar for it at the store, and we can buy a whole bunch of
them."
"It's not that... I just--I don't want to be one of those women who lose themselves. Their
lives end when their children come until they never read books or talk about anything but their
kids. I--I don't want to be like that. I want to keep working and I just know I won't be able to do it
all--"
"Soph, what the hell? We talked about this. You were goin' to get another job, though they kept
you with different hours, so that changed. We were never like other pairs, though. We spent half
our dates with dead bodies in the trunk. Raisin' a kid ain't goin' to be any different."
"I haven't even babysat in years, how could I be trusted to take care of a child?"
"Whoa, that's a load of bullshit. You pulled us out of so much stupid crap we got ourselves into.
Some baby ain't got nothin' on what us nine used to put you through," Liam said.
"I don't do well with failure. I can't stand losing, I can't stand admitting to myself--- And there's so
many things that could go wrong. I could have a miscarriage, she could die right after--- I'm
going to have to go straight to Respawn and input my child's DNA to make sure we don't kill her.
What does that say about me as a parent?"
He stepped towards her, but glass crunched under his feet.
"Whoops, I gotta take care of this." He swept up the rest of the pieces and disposed of them in
an empty cereal box.
"Don't forget the edges," she said flatly.
He bent down with the broom and got over the entire checkered linoleum. Under the edge of
counter and appliances. Once she wouldn't have trusted him with cleaning up a mess.
"We'll get a dozen more glasses, no worries."
"It's not that...I've never been good at making friends. I was a workaholic, and sometimes I can
be very judgmental." She pushed dark hair behind her ear, her gaze turned to downwards. "I
always worked so hard that I never had to worry about these things. Now I have time to myself,
and all these worries are back. I can't even go into a damn Lamaze class without being
so awkward that it feels like I'm in high school again."
She laughed, mirthless, at the memories. She'd been the girl in the corner, her face hidden
away by a book. She'd lost count of the times she'd been captivated by some boy in argyle, or
girl in a plaid skirt, only to have them whisper behind her back. Every time she'd try and talk to
someone, she'd get nervous and just start repeating facts, or realize she'd said something
awkward and clam up, or completely retreat with an awful excuse.
"Did somebody mess with you? Because I'll introduce them to my fist," Liam balled his fist, lifted
it up. He was always just a step away from getting into a fight.
"No, this is a battle I should've fought myself. But I didn't. I ran."
She pushed her glasses up and wiped at them. "I feel like a damned fifteen year old, just as
gangly and helpless, and I never wanted to feel like that again."
With that clique closing in, and conversations that she could never quite break through, she'd
been that girl again. Over fifteen years had passed, and she was still just as awkward.
He embraced her from the back, his face buried to her neck. She tensed for a moment, then
slowly began to relax into his arms.
"I've spent so much time running away from this, and here it is all again. I probably couldn't even
schedule a play date for my daughter. How pathetic is that? It's not just that… I'm not. I'm
good at working, at burying people in the ground, but I'm not good with people who are actually
alive. I used to spend time at the mirror rehearsing just to send you all contracts. Even
something as simple as 'I've got a contract' took work."
"It says that you're prepared and plan ahead, and that's super sexy. You ain't alone in this, you
know. You got me, and I'm sure ma will help us out when we ain't got a clue."
"We can't just keep running to her every time. She has her own life."
"She's yours now too, you know. You're a Dempsey, and a part of this family."
"How can you be so calm about this?"
"Because I know you'll fix everythin' right up. You always did. No matter if it was Merasmus
screwin' with us again, or aliens attacking, or plans fallin' through on your vacation--you always
got the job done. Look, sometimes you just gotta take the leap when it comes. When I thought I
was goin' to kick it for real, I knew I had to find a way to get to you. And this, it ain't too different.
Just just gotta take my hand and jump."
"We don't have to go back, if the class ain't your thing. And you ain't givin' up anythin', you ain't
goin' to be like one of those stay at home girls. The Admin would kill me if I ever took you away
too much."
She sniffed and rubbed at her eyes. "You're already very high on her to kill list. She's just wary
that I might betray her if she pushes me too much, and training a new recruit would be too much
trouble."
"See, you're savin' my ass just by lovin' me."
She pushed her glasses and rubbed at her eyes. her mascara had run, and she hadn't even
bothered to wear gloves. Her polish had chipped and worn. He rested his hand against her
cheek, and she leaned into his touch.
"There's my gorgeous girl," Liam said. His voice was so low, barely above a whisper.
She put her hand over his. Amid all these painful memories that the class had dredged up, she
remembered him babbling into her answering machine. Even when she felt drained, she'd could
always count to have a very full answering machine.
"Maybe I'm just tired. I'm being unreasonable, I'm all over the place these days-"
"Hey, you're just new to this parent thing, and about to kill half of your Lamaze class. But you
know what? You got this. No, no we got this. Maybe sometimes we're goin' to feel like
we're slippin' sideways, but one of us just gotta right it. It's probably goin' to be you."
He believed enough for the both of them. She held to the counter, as a sudden trip of vertigo left
her world feeling sideways.
"Why don't you go on ahead and rest a bit? I'll finish up. You'll feel better with some rest."
"I'll stop being a ridiculous crybaby now," she said.
"The only ridiculous you are is ridiculously awesome and ridiculously good lookin'," he said.
She didn't go to bed. She sat back on the couch and didn't bother turning the television on.
10:15 PM
Liam held out the phone.
"Liam," she hissed. "We've been through this― it's the middle of the night. We can't just keep
calling her every time something goes wrong--"
"I hate seein' you like this," Liam said. "And for once, I don't know what to do. I don't know how
to fix this, and not even you know what to do."
Colleen's voice was loud enough that she could hear her even at this distance. So that was
where Liam got it from.
"You think this is the first time Liam kept me up? Nobody could delay bedtime like him. He was
a damn pro at beggin' for just one more story, one glass of water and so on."
"I'm sorry he bothered you so late," Sophia said softly.
"He was worried about you," she said.
Sophia sighed and took the phone.
"I've just been strangely emotional lately. A cup shattered and I just broke down. I keep worrying
about so much. I was never like this before."
All the books had warned her that she'd be emotional, that strange moods would come in the
oddest of times. But Sophia hadn't quite thought it would happen to her. She was
capable, she had handled keeping nine of the rowdiest men around in line, to say nothing of
occasional wizard fights, alien invasions, and dinner with her parents. But just sitting there had
been like watching the walls close in on her.
Pregnancy had been as sudden as stumbling in to find the Administrator's chair empty, to
finding that the entire company had been lost. Though, at times, it was just as confusing. Even
books couldn't give her a map for every symptom.
"Sophie, I've popped out eight of them. I think I know a few things about bein' knocked up.
Frankly, I'm surprised it took you this long. You must have one hell of a sweet baby. When I was
pregnant with Liam, I was about ready to fight anyone. My boys had to hold me back to keep me
from punchin' the ref down at Fenway. Fuckin' awful call. From practically the first month I just
wanted to smack anyone down, I was so angry all the time."
"Not surprisin'. I was probably givin' that ref the finger before I was born," Liam said.
"Knowin' you, you probably were," Colleen said.
"I tried a Lamaze class. It...didn't go well," Sophia said. She shifted the phone.
"But she's been weird for a while. Like she has me move the furniture every day. Is that a
preggers thing? Technically she's been lookin' at the wallpaper like she was goin' to bury it in a
shallow grave for a while, but--"
"That's nestin', sweetie. I did a ton of that with every boy I had. It's completely normal."
"I just figured the kid was goin' to be one of those house decorators. Anyways, Sophie says the
lame-aze class was full of rich fucks. No wonder she bailed."
"Oh, did you go up to Beacon Hill? Snottiest people around. No wonder. You should've come
down here and listened to the knitting league. None of us knit, we just drink wine and talk about
our kids. It sounded better than the Jack Daniels league, though."
"Maybe after she's born," Sophia said.
"Oh, we all think it's just an exaggeration, then you're halfway to the dugout with your purse held
up like you're goin' ref huntin'. It happens to the best of us. No need to worry."
"Ma, you try to fight the refs even when you ain't knocked up," Liam said.
"Someone's gotta knock some sense into them."
Over the phone, she could hear a door open. Bon noir, murmured so low, she almost
didn't hear it.
"How about we talk about this tomorrow? We can have some more tea."
"That―" It was on the tip of her tongue to refuse, but she caught herself. "-would be nice. Thank
you."
"Don't be silly, and think you have to take this alone. You're my daughter now, after all. Now, no
more stories for tonight, go get some sleep."
"Goodnight," she said. She put the phone back in the cradle and turned to him.
"If you're angry, okay. I guess I deserve it. But could you not kick me out of bed? It's so cold and
cramped on the couch. I just didn't want to see you sad anymore." Liam’s voice had gone quiet,
even pleading.
She sighed. "I'm not too angry at you. I guess I needed help that time, even if I wasn't going to
admit it to myself."
"That's what bein' part of a family is."
"See, I'm not that great at being a part of a family, either. I never send cards, I don't call back,
and I never ever ask for help."
"It's never too late to start, you know?"
"You'll have to give me lots of lessons," Sophia said.

"No worries, I got you covered. Literally in a minute."
It was a stupid joke, but she still smiled for the first time in hours.
10:20 PM
She got dressed into pajamas. She'd had to stick to long nightgowns; everything else didn't fit
her anymore. This one was particularly frumpy, with a neck full of lace and long sleeves edged
with rough lace, like some Victorian spinster's dress.
He patted the bed next to him.
"If you're hoping to get lucky, you'll be disappointed," Sophia said. “I'm utterly exhausted.”
"I'm hopin' to get warm, it's winter in Boston―my balls are about to freeze off!"
She chuckled as she ducked under the covers. He pulled her into his arms and nuzzled against
her. He suddenly let out a yelp as her feet grazed his legs.
"Your feet are freezin! Lemme get you warm."
He pulled her close into a spooning position. He'd let out little starts whenever her feet grazed
his legs. Still, he didn't pull away.
"Jeez, are your toes frostbitten? If you'd been out on the floor a few seconds more, you
would've been turnin' blue."
For a few moments they just curled up, and found comfort in this warmth, this shield against the
outside cold. She broke the silence. Usually it was him chatting away, talking until they fell
asleep.
"The truth is, I was always that person making excuses not to talk to people. I was always the
person who raised the hand in class, and sometimes I'd get on a tangent and people would
mock that. I spent a lot of time alone. So I crushed them in the rankings and later on
blackmailed them and blackballed them from ever getting jobs in their fields. The ones that I left
alive, anyway."
"Jeez, that's hardcore," Liam said. “I just shoved people in lockers and punched 'em out. Here,
you were fuckin' ruinin' them.”
She chuckled. "My trainers in Mann Co. always said I had a knack for this kind of thing. At least
until I had to kill them."
"Brutal," Liam said with pride.
"You know, I still have those answering machine tapes you left for me. It was nice. You never
seemed to judge me at all, and you always wanted to talk to me. Even when I was awkward and
blurting out random facts. Or running away."
"Of course you couldn't. You could just ramble about anythin' for a whole date and it'd be great.
In fact, wasn't that pretty much our second date? Besides, I got plenty more where that came
from."
"Which was the second date? I thought it was the one that aliens cockblocked?"
"No, I'm talking about the cafe time that got cut short after I talked about gun terminology for
thirty minutes."
"Wait, are we not countin' the bread monster thing? We almost died together like fifty times,
that's gotta count for somethin'."
"We weren't even together then," she said.
"You gotta admit we had somethin' goin' on. We were dancin' past that bread thing."
"That was flirting, not dating."
"Then it's―pre-dating? Flirtating?"
"It means we'll never look the same way at the free bread when we go to dinner ever again."
He chuckled. "Damn straight we didn't. I had nightmares about bagels chasin' me for
weeks."
"I'm not surprised. I never thought I'd have to write mutant bread with tentacles as something
we'd ever have to face."
"We faced it together. And, look, you don't gotta ever take this alone, you know? Maybe
teenage you had to be sad in the corner, and it's too bad I couldn't be there to tell her she was
beautiful and great and make her smile. But I'm here now. And so is all my family. Us Dempseys
don't let each other down."
"You would've shoved me in a locker. I was awful."
"Naww, not happenin'," Liam said.

"You've never seen my yearbook photos? There's this period where I had these awful braces
and really thick glasses before I got my new prescription. You would've walked on by."
"I bet you pulled it off."
"No, I really did not." She shifted in his embrace. "Thank you.... ah, this is hard to say. Thank
you for not judging me when I'm at my worst. For always believing in me, and supporting me
and... just thank you."
"That's what you do when you love somebody. Well, at least that's what you do when you're
awesome like me and just effortlessly takin' the husband of the century award. They got an
award for that, right? Because they should."
"I'm sure I can make a cup or something."
"Good. Make sure you get yourself some awesome wife of the century award, too."
"We can put them side by side, right beside your 'biggest ego in existence' award."
"Just where they belong," Liam said.
November 15th, 1977 A picture of the second shopping trip. Liam posed in front of a very full
shopping cart, with his arm about Sophia and a big grin across his face.
The second shopping trip had been delayed so long that if they waited any longer, it'd be done
post-natal. He helped her out of the car, and offered his arm for her to hold. Liam had been
hovering for days, just as he did whenever she got a little too upset. A fight or even mild
disagreement, and he'd amp up his usual spoiling to her to overdrive.
But he couldn't help but let go the minute they got into Mann's Babymann Store, and rush
towards the displays.
"Look--- look at this!"
Liam lifted up the canopy over the car seat and peeked in.
"It's like a Ziploc bag tent, but for babies? A pillow fort just for them? Man, I'm jealous of babies,
they get to go in their PJs all the time."
Liam passed by the pastel pink and baby blue, and settled on red. He placed it in the cart, along
with every other thing which had caught his fancy.
"And they get the shake stuff and make noise, and sleep all day. Yeah, bein' a kid is the life. I
sure didn't appreciate it when I was a baby. Or at least I don't think I did. I don't exactly
remember."
"At least you didn't say they were lucky because they wear diapers," she said.
"Well, plenty of guys wear diapers when the innings go long. It's a thing," Liam said. As he saw
her horrified grimace, he put his hands in front of his chest. "No, no, I ain't done it, but it
happens."
"Ew... moving on." Sophia took several steps forward, her fingertips just shy of some new
bottles.
"Oh, those look great! I didn't get nearly enough of those when I last went out."
She chuckled. "You've got baby fever."
"Naw, I ain't got---"
She turned towards him, and touched her hands to his cheeks. "Admit it. This is absolutely baby
fever. You have a raging case of the dads."
It was harder to embrace now, harder to walk and keep her balance. Still, he put his arms about
her and hugged her as close as he could.
"Maybe, baby," Liam said. He spun them around, a half dance in the childcare aisle. All told,
she'd danced with him in stranger places.
"If you dip me, we're both falling," she said.
"I wouldn't mind fallin' with you, but psych, I already fell for you!"
"We're not screwing on the floor of a baby supplies store. I can't do it with the pastel teddy
bears watching."
"That's your only problem? Really?"
"That's one problem."
"Does this mean public sex is on the table? Park tables, to be exact?"
"Not in a baby supplies store. With how loud you are, you probably already shocked some of the
soccer moms so much they went into labor."
"I won't even charge them for helpin' out," Liam said. He went through the shelves, past
pacifiers and more toys. The organization in this store was beyond reason, but there was little
else to expect from Mann's Babymann Store. Organization was never Saxton Hale's
strong suit. Even with Bidwell to try and make order of the chaos, chaos often reigned.
He set a rattle up on her stomach. "Okay, you like that? One kick for yes, two for no." He put his
ear to her stomach. "Awww, I got a kick! She likes it!"
"By those standards, she likes everything, or hates everything too," Sophia said.
"Oh, so you're goin' to be a happy baby? I like you already." Another kick seemed to confirm his
guess. Either that or she would simply come out kicking and screaming, just as Liam had.
At the end of the aisle were many books with mice and blocks on the covers, all written by
Richard Scarry.
"I better get these for next Halloween, I can give 'em out, and give 'em somethin' real
Scary. Eh? Eh?"
Their daughter hadn't even been born yet, and he already had the dad jokes down to perfection.
"Are you done buying out the entire store or are you going to start commissioning custom
inscribed baby designs now?" Sophia asked.
Liam's face lit up. "I never thought of that! I gotta ask Spy where I can get some of that. I'm sure
he knows that, he speaks fluent rich fuck."
They'd need a bigger place if they were going to be able to store even half of the stuff Liam had
plans to get.
November 24th, 1977 The first full Dempsey family picture that included her.
Most of her holidays had been spent away from family. She'd worked through her holidays at
college, and then continued the trend by working three-hundred and sixty-four days a year at
her job. Her family got used to their calls not being returned, and eventually stopped bothering
to send cards.
She'd forgotten what it was like not to work through the holidays, this respite, this closeness.
She was still learning.
The house was filled many different wonderful scents. From the herbs over the cooking turkey,
the spice in the pumpkin pie, and the new scent of buttery rolls just being slid into oven, each
was enough to make her mouth water. Put together, it was somewhat dizzying. Pregnancy only
made the aromas that much more potent and overwhelming. A football game blared in the living
room, with most of his brothers, uncles, and cousins, along with a few aunts avidly watching the
score.
Liam paid little mind; baseball was the only sport which could bring out his enthusiasm.
The apron was frayed and stained with many years of use, but it did its job, keeping her blue
evening gown free from oily residue. Colleen lifted a spoon to her mouth to taste a sauce that
smelled strongly of garlic and oregano.
"We're a bit late, but do you need any help?" Sophia asked.
Colleen waved her away. Her hand still held the wooden spoon she'd used to stir the mashed
potatoes. Little flecks of white fell onto the countertop. Like Liam, she talked with her hands.
"Don't be silly, I've got this. Just go sit down. It's always hell to be on your feet in the third
trimester."
Sophia nodded and took a seat at the small table in the kitchen. Her sense of gravity had felt
quite off for some time, often resulting in something like vertigo. Morning sickness was
supposed to end after the first trimester, but for her, it hadn't. It was only intensified by how
active her daughter tended to be, and her spurts of kicking like she was already practicing to
run.
"Liam, get out of the cookies, you'll ruin your supper."
Liam wiped the cookie dust from his mouth. "Trust me, ma, I always got room for more."
"And I know that if I don't keep my eye on you, you'll steal that whole batch. Just like you did in
nineteen sixty-eight, and a hell of a lot years before that, but in sixty-eight, you were brutal."
"Aww, come on, ma. I hadn't had your cookin' in ages. I meant to only grab one, but it
was so good, I just went overboard and ate the whole thing. I'd had so many cold beans and
take out that year. My brothers had your cookin' all the time, they could spare a few cookies.
Besides, I paid for more cookie the next day."
"Then you went and ate those ones too."
She hadn't had the luxury of being late to awkward family gatherings because she'd accidentally
slept in in years.
"You can sneak all the cookies you want," he said.

At first she thought he was referring to her pregnancy and how it had affected her appetite, but
she realized exactly what he meant when he slipped a napkin wrapped around some stolen
food onto her stomach.
"Just one of the many services I offer," she said dryly.
"Hey, hey, this way---"
He grabbed her hand and led her down the long hall. There were so many posters that she
could only see slivers of the wall through the spaces. A few pin ups, baseball stars she didn't
recognize, though a few more years with Liam and she'd probably know them all by name.
"And there's Tom Jones. I should pour one out for him, considering he made me rich again."
Liam saluted the poster with just a hint of sadness for his favorite singer, his life taken too soon.
He pulled out a whole wrapped batch of cookies from his pocket and grinned wide. "You have
as many brothers as I do, and you learn to sneak some food."
He shoved a whole cookie in his mouth, but had at least the decency to finish chewing before
he opened his mouth again. "Want one?"
"No, I'll pass."
Liam laughed to himself and shook his head. There was something nostalgic in his gaze, even
more than his usual fare.
"Let me guess, high-fiving a boy from the past?"
"Do you have any idea how much I wanted to bring a girl back to my room? Any, any at all?
Especially a girl as amazin' as you are."
He leaned his back against the bed, with his head resting against her legs.
"I can guess," she said.
She was still having issues with relaxing, given that after so many years, her mind would
attempt to remind her of things that she no longer had to do. And when there was nothing to do,
there was silence, and mandated allotted amount of small talk, and witty quips which she would
only think of too late.
Uncomfortable silence, or any kind of silence was never something she had to worry about with
Liam around. He flipped through the pages of his comic, something about Tom Jones saving
Batman from aliens. She'd never been a comic reader, she never had the time.
"That reminds me, I never showed you my baseball cards--"
A knock at the door interrupted him. "Dinner is ready," Colleen said through the door. “If you're
naked, you better put some clothes on before the food gets cold. We don't have leftovers in this
household, so if you both don't hurry, you'll miss out.”
"We're both quite clothed, I assure you," Sophia said dryly.
"Good, that means there might be some left by the time you get out here, might is the keyword,
so don't dawdle. I'll try and hold my boys back, but I can't keep them from dinner long." There
was the sound of several footsteps, then her yelling above a clatter and crashing in the
kitchen."Michael, don't you dare try balancing that on your head again--"
"What, no jokes? You must be getting rusty."
"Nah, I just like you clothed. Don't get me wrong, I love you without 'em, but it's pretty
nice with them on, too."
He pushed himself up, and helped her up, even though they both knew she could do it herself.
He was always pulling out chairs, opening doors, and then smirking to himself about how he too
could be a gentleman if he wanted. He didn't let go of her hand as they walked back towards the
kitchen, past photos of an earlier era and family members she had never met.
The wallpaper had faded to yellow with water stains. Somehow, they hadn't gotten fixed yet in
all these years.
"Ta-da! All here," Liam said. He managed to gesture to her without letting go of her hand.
"You could say, that's a Pauling," Michael said. He snickered, and nudged Jonathan
beside him.
"For heaven's sake, am I goin' to have to put a pun jar like the swear jar I had to put in?"
Colleen asked.
"Probably," Michael responded. "I just will keep pun-ishin' you all."
Several people around the table groaned.
"And I'll be pun-chin' you if you don't fill your piehole with cake," Jonathan said.
Michael smirked. "Bring it. With those scrawny hands, you won't go far."
Jonathan narrowed his eyes. He was a full foot shorter than his brother, and without the
stockiness which had won Michael plenty of fights simply by outlasting whoever he was fighting.
"You want to have a go at me? A barrel-chested brute like you couldn't even make a dent."
"You know the rules," Colleen said. “No fightin' at the table. And nobody's goin' to save you
anythin', so you'll end up hungry and without pie.”
"He ain't worth it anyways," Michael muttered.
The table was heaped high with what looked like enough food to feed an entire neighborhood.
The turkey was browned and covered with a honey-spice glaze, surrounded with vegetable
dishes, salads, and more food than she could even process all at once.
And looking from Liam's huge, scarred brothers, wild enough to rival the mercenaries, she
wasn't sure it would be enough.
Just at the edges, she could see a lace tablecloth, and the blue and white of porcelain plates.
"Be careful with that," Colleen said. “I brought out the good plates since this is Sophie's first
Dempsey family Thanksgiving.”
"Well damn," Michael said. “Here I was goin' to play fuckin' Frisbee with the plates, then take the
rest out and use 'em as shootin' practice in the livin' room, but you had to go and ruin all my
dreams.”
"Michael, you're on thin ice here."
He chuckled. "Can't help it, I'm the biggest smart-ass in this family."
"Excuse you, I'm the one who set a friggin' world record for getting' his mouth washed out with
soap," Liam cut in.
"Just because you got a lot to say don't mean you got anythin' good to say," Michael
said.
Liam's fist curled. Sophia patted his leg, and mouthed the word food. His hand
unclenched, and she intertwined her fingers with his. He instantly forgot his anger, far too
distracted by Sophia to ever turn away, even if all his brothers started joining in on the mockery.
Fights with the mercenaries had gone done 50% the minute they started dating.
"Okay, if you're done snarlin' around, it's time to get thankful, so we can get some food," Colleen
said.
"Maaa, can't we skip the whole thankin' thing?" Jonathan asked. “Liam's goin' to keep us until
friggin' Smissmass braggin' about how awesome his life is.”
"Damn straight I will. In fact, I got tons more to say---"
"Eh, we can multi-task," Colleen said. “Just no climbin' on the table like you tried to do the year
you married her.”
"I'll save that for when the baby's here," Liam said.
"You know the rules, Liam. No feet on the table, even if you did marry the girl of your dreams."
Her height of the table and her stomach made it hard to sit properly. Just as she was about to
get up, Liam slipped behind her and leaned in to drape his arms about her shoulders. "I got
this," he whispered. He winked and kept on talking. His brothers, so worn down with his droning
on didn't even catch him sneaking food, moving quick enough to grab the most choice pieces,
which all ended up on her plate.
Liam's gift of gab could be quite a weapon when he wanted it to be. It'd gotten them out of more
than one sticky situation.
"I always get my stuff first and I always take extra," Liam said smugly.
"Well, good, because I sure am going to eat extra. Mmmmm, this is delicious--"
A camera flash made her almost drop the piece of turkey right off her plate.
"You're pretty late. Good thing I saved you some food."
"You are a treasure, as always," he said. There was a low murmur among her boys. At most,
they tolerated him.
"Good you realized," Colleen said. “So, you got another piece for that scrapbook?”
"Savor the moment, ma chére," Spy replied. “It may never come again.” He took two more
pictures. She couldn't tell if it was merely a failsafe, or if he wanted to keep savoring those
moments as well.
"Thanks for that, Mr. Optimistic. You always bring rainbows around, generally to make my sons
cry. Do you want pie?"
Spy snapped one last picture, and let the camera hang about his neck.
"I always want pie," he said.

December 14th, 1977. Two Polaroids: a creased photo of Liam making a phone sign with his
hand, and another of Liam making a heart sign with his fingers. 
"Revision LLC, this is Ms. Dempsey speaking, how may I help you?"
"New shell, huh?" Liam asked.
"Always some new front," she said. “It's hard to keep track of which ones are going to be the the
fake company today. Liam, this is the--" She checked her notes. "--thirty-third time you've called
today. Are you trying to set a record? It's pretty hard to beat the amounts of messages you used
to leave when we were working together."
"You know me, always breakin' records. Anyways, everythin' okay? You hungry? I could go grab
somethin'. If they want you to lift stuff, just ask me. Promise I won't look, even if the papers fall
down at my feet."
"Liam," she said, her voice growing slightly stern, "Just as I told you the last thirty-three times,
I'm fine."
"When's the due date again? I feel like I've been waitin' forever."
"You sound like a kid counting down the days until Smissmiss"
"Well, it kind of is a gift, and it's pretty close to Smissmiss, too. And yeah, that sounds
sappy enough I want to punch myself, but it's true."
"Catch!"
A paper airplane hit against her window. She opened up past the chill and pulled in out of the
snow on the windowsill. Folded inside was a picture of Liam making a call me sign with
his hand. It'd been the last thing he'd said to her the first time they'd met, and through the years,
it'd taken on some special meaning between them. Even for a shared laugh at his extreme
asshole years.
"Wait, are you camped out on the top of a building?" Sophia asked, her voice growing panicked.
"What?” Liam asked back. “I'm hangin' out with Mick on a job." The phone started to dissolve
into momentary static as she heard Mick mutter something she couldn't quite catch.
"Liam, no!"
"He's just spyin'. Kinda funny, though, sittin' up here and watchin'."
"Wait, is he spying on us?"
"Nah, we're pointed the other way, actually."
She pushed herself up from the desk and squinted out into the sunlight.
"Aren't you cold?"
"A little, but it ain't so bad. Besides, I got this stack of papers, and Mick is lettin' me use his
portable phone for a bit! Did you get it?"
"Yes, I've got it right now. You've got some aim to make it that far."
"Hell right I do, I had lots of practice in school. Bonafide class clown and class charmer
here."
"I can imagine."
Papers scattered across the floor. She bent to pluck them up. Static came over the phone. The
room was bare with open space all around. At least in New Mexico, they'd had potted plants;
even if those plants had been bugged, it at least put some sort of coziness to the rooms. Here it
was just spare, severe colors, and an open metal shelving unit at the side.
"I can't hear you--"
"That better?" His voice was much more clear now.
"Yes. Listen, everything's fine, but I have a lot of work to do, so no interrupting me, okay?"
"Until dinner? That's hours away."
"I think you'll manage. If anything happens I'll call you, but right now I need to focus on this…
exciting paperwork."
"You want me to call some more, keep you company--"
"If I want to actually still be with this company, I need you not to keep me quite so much
company."
"Another job could be like an adventure. We could go be treasure hunters in the sea!"
"I'm hanging up now, Liam. I'll see you at dinner time."
"All right, all right, goodbye, but only for now," Liam said. “I'm totally eatin' with you later.”
She cut off before he got into another turn of you hang up first, no you hang up first and
tried to get that many more moments to talk to her.
A few minutes later, another folded airplane soared in through her window. The Polaroid was
slightly blurry, but it showed Liam making a heart with his hands. His face was slightly cropped
off, lost to the black line which must've been someone else's finger over the lens. (Probably
Mick's, all things considered.) She slipped it into her desk with all the other little things he'd
sneaked to her through the years.
December 17th, 1977 The first photo that contained all three of them. Written on the back
was “The happiest moment of my life was probably when my daughter was born.” scrawled in
purple ballpoint pen.
3 AM
She'd been trying to count the rising arcs of pain for the past few hours while Liam paced the
room. The pains had started hours ago, though how many hours ago she'd forgotten. Sometime
around midway, she'd mistaken the overwhelming pain for a bad stomach cramp. By 3 AM,
she’d been counting between what she now realized were contractions. It wasn’t exactly an
ideal time for her to be enduring this much pain and agony, of course, but that was the least of
her problems. Their child was coming, and it probably wouldn’t be long now.
"How many?" Liam asked when he’d stopped in his pacing to face her. His whole body had
tensed up, he was so worried.
"I don’t know, I just lost count again," she answered him tautly. She curled into a ball on the bed
and tried to catch her breath again. Ooh, she could see why they called it labor now, and it
certainly wasn’t for how enjoyable it was.
"Jeez, cripes! Can't we just get Dell to, like, build a teleporter in there?"
She couldn't tell if he was joking or not. Either way, she didn't have the strength to deal with it.
"We don’t have time for this shit, Liam. We should get to the hospital.”
“Can you get up?”
“I’ll certainly try.”
She took a deep breath and tried to stand. The excruciating pain that shot through her made her
feel unsteady on her feet, and it wasn’t long before her knees gave out from under her. He
managed to catch her before she could collapse onto the floor, and then he helped her back into
bed. She was counting the seconds and and moments between contractions, just as the book
had said to do, but his hyperventilating kept making her lose count.
"Fuckin’ hell… isn’t there an easier way to do this? Okay, I got this, I got this, I– shit, shit, shit,
holy shit! What do I do?"
"Call your mother!"
"Right! Calling ma now!"
He ran out almost immediately to get the phone. She could hear his panicked voice while she
reached to pull the overnight bag she'd packed in advance a little closer. Between Liam and his
mother, there was no such thing as secrecy, not when she could overhear them two rooms
away.
"Ma, wake up! It's happening now! What do I do? Where are you? The kid’s comin' right now!
You gotta come! You gotta-- Ma… don’t let… two… I. Me."
She heard a sharp thud and the sound of the phone dropping. She didn't have to look around
the wall to know that he'd fainted.
Sophia tried to rise again, but the fear of falling over again made her feel uneasy. At this rate,
she'd have to call a taxi.
“Sophia?” she suddenly heard someone call out to her.
The kitchen door opened, and Spy came in with Liam's unconscious body sprawled behind him.
“Spy?” Sophia asked in a bit of confusion. “What are you doing here?”
"I was in the area," he answered. "She's going to meet us at the hospital; it's closer to her."
"And just how much time do you spend spying on us?"
Spy smiled just a little. "A magician never reveals his secrets."
"And Liam?"
"Fainted in the kitchen."
“Of course he did.”
It wasn't quite as rough as that first time he'd fainted at the sight of one of her more gruesome
jobs, and she'd had to drag his body back across the cave and desert and haul him right over
her scooter along with her latest burials.
"Leave him to his mother," Spy said as if he knew what Sophia was thinking. “He'll probably run
the whole way out of shame when he wakes up.”
With little time for humor, she took his arm and allowed herself to be helped to the waiting car.
She'd seen notes about his red Ferrari, but she never had the chance to ride inside. Spy wasn't
known for his kind, giving personality, after all.
"I might bleed on the seat," she said.
"You wouldn't be the first and probably won't be the last," Spy quipped.
He said nothing more after that. Just as she could count on Liam to always fill a silence, she
could count on Spy to leave her to her thoughts. Something she was thankful for, given that
sharp sudden spikes of each contraction left her in less than a talkative mood.
3:25 AM
It wasn't long before Spy and Sophia had finally made it to the emergency room. It was
absolutely packed, much to their chagrin. Several nurses and doctors were tending to patients
that had either been mauled during Smissmiss shopping or injured themselves just getting
ready. So when Colleen had finally come up to them, Sophia took in the one moment of relief
she had before another contraction hit her.
“There you are, I was startin’ to wonder where you were,” Colleen said. “Don’t tell me you left
Liam at home. Heaven knows what sort of brain damage he might have if he just lays there.”
“Well-” Sophia was about to speak up before another contraction shot through her and
prompted a yelp.
“Don’t stress, ma chére,” Spy assured Colleen. “I’ll have him here before anyone knows what
happened.”
“You better be good to that poor boy.”
“Only because you asked so nicely.” With that, he left.
Colleen turned her attention towards Sophia and asked, “So, how ya holdin’ up?”
“Holy shit... I never want to go through this again.”
“I know the feelin’, sweetie. I thought Brian was goin’ to be my only baby when I first had him,
but then one thing led to another and I found myself pregnant again.”
“No, really. I never want to do this again. I swear, I’m going to have to get my tubes tied after
this.”
4 AM
She'd miscounted, despite attempting to remind herself. She'd been in this hospital bed for
some time, though the signing in process had gone through with such ease that she was fairly
sure either bribery, blackmail or outright threats had been given, either by Spy, Colleen, or both.
Knowing them, part of the hospital might’ve very well been on fire right now. To say nothing of
possible guards tied to chairs and locked away in the basement.
She was quite sure that had Liam been conscious, he would've joined the fray as well.
As of now, there was the promise of a return from a couple nurses. An IV drip had been set up,
and she'd been scrubbed with some kind of antibacterial gel. (She had to bite her tongue to not
protest and do the prep herself.) She closed her eyes, waiting for the epidural to kick in. It was
only when she heard Colleen's voice that she roused, only somewhat drowsy. She seemed to
be talking with someone, presumably Spy, but Sophia couldn’t see him.
"Well, that was all taken care of," Colleen said. She bent beside Sophia's hospital bed. "Don't
they usually have chairs in here, like a rockin’ chair or somethin’? Well anyways, I sure hope
she don't pop 'em out like I did, he can't take many more knocks to the head at this rate. I never
dropped him on his head as a kid, for the record, though his brothers did a time or two. Heck,
Brian actually whacked him 'cross the face with a fryin' pan once." Just then, she noticed Sophia
was awake. "Oh, good, she finally woke up." She reached over and squeezed Sophia's hand.
"You're doin' great, honey. Just keep rememberin' to breathe, and pushin' when they say.”
"You weren't kidding about labor not being fun..." Sophia murmured. “Oh God, would someone
just kill me already?”
Colleen chuckled a bit. "Tell me about it. Just be lucky that you don't got any twins in there.
George and Luke about killed me, and that ain't even an exaggeration."
The doors pushed open, and Liam stumbled in with a bandage wrapped around his head and
his cap awkwardly placed right on top.
"Oh, there you are." Colleen smirked a bit while watching him try his best not to fall over again.
"It sounded like you banged yourself pretty hard when you fainted."
"For the record, I didn't faint," Liam said. “I passed out from lack of air.”
"You fainted, sweetie. Ain't no two ways about it.”

"Passed out! Faintin' is for girls, passin' out is what guys do. Guys like Tavish, though
that usually takes a lot of Scrumpy, though for the record I wasn't drunk at all."
"This is going to take a while," Sophia said. “Maybe you should just go home.”
"You kickin' me out?" Liam asked, a tremor in his voice. "Like, 'on the couch for weeks because
I got you here' kicked out? I didn't mean to faint― I mean, pass out!"
"What? No. Don't be ridiculous, I didn't even have to drag your body across the desert this
time."
"I'll just go get some water," Colleen said when she noticed how tense things had gotten. She
was much more adept at reading the atmosphere than her son ever was. "'Scuse me." With
that, she left.
Liam gravitated towards the edge of Sophia's bed. He couldn't help but notice how much space
she was taking up, which- unfortunately for him -meant that he couldn't just jump in and spoon
her like he'd done the last time she'd been sick, and he'd gotten the cold just about the time
she'd started to get well. He then looked over to the foot of her bed. Once again, there was not
enough space for him to join her. His grip tightened on the bedsheets as he looked around, his
anger finally starting to rise and making his angles more drawn.
"Shouldn't there be a nurse in here? Some kind of doctor, something? What the hell kind of crap
hospital is this anyways―!"
Whenever she was hurt, when he felt powerless, he tended to take it out on whoever was
nearby. He'd pick fights with men twice his size. Sometimes he'd win, and sometimes he'd come
back with bloodied knuckles and new breaks and bruises for her to bandage up and fix.
"Liam, I just need you to do two things, all right?"
He jerked his head around and gave her his whole gaze. "I'm listenin'."
"First, I need you to steal some chairs. Bring them from the halls, bring them from somewhere
else, I don't even care where you get them."
"―to beat the frickin' doctors senseless with, right?"
"No, because we're all going to be here for a while. These things take a lot of time."
“How much time we talkin’ here?”
“They usually take hours, but they can go on for days.”

"Hours? Friggin' hours? Who do I have to beat up to make this painless and quick and
not so bad for you?"
She shook her head. "It doesn't work that way, Liam."
He let out a long sigh. "Sure the teleporter thing can't work? I mean, if we try, we could install
it---"
"Just get the chairs."
“Okay, okay!”
He then ran off to do as he was told. A few minutes later, he came back with a chair and new
bruises, which she was fairly certain didn’t come from the furniture.
"I'll go get more in a sec."
"No, that's― enough." She cringed and he reached out to touch her.
"Look, I'm here through thick and thin. I’ll let you strangle me if you feel like it."
But before either of them could say any more, a couple nurses and a doctor came in behind
them to check on her. As soon as he saw them, Liam wrapped his arms around the stolen chair
and glared directly at them in a harsh manner. She knew that anybody who saw that look from
him usually didn't live to tell the tale, but then she'd gotten used to this by now.
"He's staying," Sophia said.
"Damn right I'm stayin'!" Liam joined in. "So don't even try it."
The nurses just stared at each other in confusion while the doctor shrugged off the empty threat.
"She's strong, she'll kick this thing's ass!" Liam called out to the nurses while they left to get a
few things. He then turned to face the love of his life. "I totally believe in you, Sophia. We should
get you some awesome birthin' music like Black Sabbath! Wait, I have an idea. Why don't I track
them down and have them play for you?"
"Not happening," Sophia said.
"Fine, though I totally bet ma threatened to rip someone's throat out."
"I wouldn't be surprised."

Liam was hopped up on so much caffeine that he couldn't sit still. Even as he held on to her
hand, he kept jiggling his leg and looking around.
"How many cups of--- coffee did you have?"
"Three, maybe... or four, I can't remember. Is it really supposed to take this long? You― you
think somethin' might be wrong?"
"According to your mother, this is normal, even fast."
He leaned in to kiss her hands, apologetic as he rested his forehead to her knuckles.
"I wish I could shoulder some of this pain for you. Hell, I wish I could just take it all."
"I'll be okay. I've had my nose broken by an angry Russian woman and gotten shot plenty of
times. I've even been stabbed and mauled by bread before. This is---- nothing.” She grimaced
as another contraction came through her. "Okay, maybe not quite nothing, but... I've got
this."
"Still wish I could fast-forward through this part."
"Me too."
There was a rattling in the hall. Liam started to rise.
"Want me to go make 'em be quiet?"
"No. Just stay. That's all I want."
He squeezed her hand. "No worries. Nothin' could make me leave."
12:30 PM
Her daughter was born at noon sometime later, surrounded by worn out, caffeine fueled family.
Her own parents had accidentally been left out in the rush of the night, but she figured it was
probably for the best anyway. Her mother tolerated Colleen only a little better than Liam, and
the last thing anybody needed right now was a hospital room fight, especially with Spy so close
and so willing to take on hits for Colleen.
Her daughter screamed at the top of her lungs, her face utterly red and wrinkly, while the doctor
held her. Held up to the light, she was surprisingly tiny. She sure hadn’t felt that way coming out.
Liam looked taken aback when she was placed in his arms. He hesitantly reached out to brush
his fingers over her own.
"She's so small and so… fragile," he said. “I feel like I could drop her any second.” His lower lip
trembled as he brushed his thumb over her forehead ever so lightly.
"The last thing you need to be doin' is droppin' your baby on her head," Colleen said. “Hand her
over, I got plenty of experience holdin' babies.”
"No, I got her." He pulled the blanket more snugly around his daughter. "I think I'm getting the
hang of it. It's just hard to take in, is all. I'm a father now. Hey, little girl. Welcome to the world.
It's goin' to be real great, though your ma says we can't play ball for a while yet."
"At least a few months," Sophia interjected.
"She's all ours now," Liam said, his voice full of wonder. "All those times I said 'just you wait until
you go runnin' with me' and now it's finally here… she's here."
"Any runnin' will be a few years off yet," Colleen said.
The child let out a particularly loud shriek.
"Aww, she's screamin' almost as loud as Liam did back then." Colleen bent to brush her hand
over the child's cheek. "At least she won't break the windows."
"That's a joke and you know it. Right, ma? It's nothin' but a joke, right?"
"Sweetie, with how many windows you broke, it ain't much of one."
"The windows had it comin'."
"By the way, you got a name for her? Don't tell me you forgot, Liam."
"Me? No, I guess we never did find somethin' to call her. Nothin' really stuck."
As much as they'd discussed names, nothing had truly seemed fitting. And now with their child
right here, nothing seemed deep enough for the moment.
"Though, the truth was… I always had an idea. Sophia, can you trust me on this?"
"Well, I trusted you with actually making and having the child. I think I can trust you with picking
out the name. Just don't call her anything too silly, that's all I ask.”
"Hey, ma… c'mere!" Liam called out loudly enough to echo in the small room.
Colleen came in a little closer. Despite everything, not a hair was out of place. She had to use
industrial-level hairspray, which Sophia could’ve sworn was infused with Australium.
"You never did get to name any girls, so you name this one. That's what I want."
"Really? You'd do that? I guess you ain't so bad after all." Colleen ruffled her son's hair.
"Ma, I'm totally bad," Liam protested.
"Whatever you say, sweetie," Colleen said. “Hand her over a bit. I gotta get a look at her.”
Liam reluctantly let his mother take her from his hands.
"The doctor lied to me, you know. Said little Liam here was going to be a girl and it turned out he
was a boy. I remember ma and I were so devastated at the time. I couldn’t believe I went out
and bought all pink for nothing, though of course I couldn't just take them back. I paid good
money on those. You had the cutest little pink onesies with clouds. His brothers never let him
live it down, of course. Poor little shit."
"Maaa, come on," Liam whined.
"I've seen the pictures," Sophia said. “You were a pretty cute baby.”
Colleen had wasted no time in showing her every embarrassing photo she owned, from the
bunny onesies to the cowboy hats and his little pink clothes.
"Ehh, it's just a color. Don't change anythin'."
"How about Alice, just like the books you used to love, huh? He always loved the white rabbit,
probably reminded him of himself. Back then, I had time to read to him. He was such a
troublesome kid. He'd wake me up callin' for water and more stories and another glass of water,
then of course he had to take another leak. He was an expert at fightin' bedtime, that's for sure.
It'd take hours to get him to sleep."
"Alice?” Sophia asked, testing the name on her tongue. “Hmm… I like the sound of that. Alice
Colleen Dempsey..."
"You picked out a name after all," Liam said, proud of the fact that she'd been named after his
mother in some way.
"Aw jeez, I'm goin' to wreck my make-up with all this cryin'," Colleen said. She dabbed at the
corners of her eyes. "What can I say? I always cry at weddin's and when babies are born.
Always have, always will."
Alice let out another throaty scream, loud enough that Sophia was surprised the glass stayed
intact.
"Goin' to need ear plugs for that one. Trust me, Liam cried for two years straight."
"Only two?" Spy asked. “Oh, chére, he never stopped crying.” He pulled off his doctor's
mask and stepped out from the side― she hadn't even realized he'd been infiltrating at the time,
though she should've guessed.
"Ahahahaha, shut up," Liam said. “You think you’re so funny, don’t you? Fuck off.”
"Hey, be good or I'll send you both to time out," Colleen said without looking up. She started to
rock Alice, who quieted slightly as she started to speak softly to her.
"You makin' your battle cry already, baby girl? I'm the one who should be screamin' that Liam
went and made me a grandmother."
"Hey, I wasn't the only one who made you a grandmother!" Liam protested.
"No one will believe someone so young as you could be a grandmother," Spy said. “They'll
assume he was adopted. Granted, they already assume that.”
"I'll have you adopt my fist to your face once we get out of here. I'll even go sign the paperwork
and everythin'.”
"You'll both be up for adoption if you don't behave," Colleen said.
Liam and Spy narrowed their eyes at each other, but said nothing more. Anything they could've
said was drowned out by Alice's shrieks anyway.
"I've already got some ear plugs for you… but I'm bettin' you'll need to buy some for the rest of
the apartment buildin'," Colleen said.
All of a sudden, the camera flashed and caught the first moment together of Sophia, Liam,
Colleen and the new ruddy and wrapped up addition to the family. As Sophia would later come
to remember in retrospect, it was a moment well spent.
"Surprise," Spy said.
December 24th, 1977
She woke late, an early Smissmass gift from Colleen and the rest of her in-laws. She was used
to sleep deprivation due to her work; she'd even woken up due to screaming and crying more
than once, though it was usually from grown drunken men getting in some fight again, not her
daughter.
She'd only gotten back from the hospital days before. The extent of the decoration was three
stockings stuck to the wall near the television, which was the closest they had to a mantelpiece
in their small apartment. Each stocking was well worn, with the brocade and felt fraying. They
were secondhand mementos from his past. On each smaller one, Liam was crossed out
to make way for Alice and Sophie.
The only tree that could fit in their apartment were the tiny and fake variety, and the last thing
she needed was a fire hazard with both Tavish and Jane as constant visitors in their apartment.
But Liam had gone and bought a little Santa hat for Alice and one for himself. He'd put mistletoe
in strategic areas, and thrown a small amount of tinsel about the house, a haphazard, sparkling
surprise which she would find hidden away in cupboards and hanging off her coat, like a feather
boa.
Alice greedily suckled at the bottle with surprising strength.
"I think she's eatin' at a third grade level, at least," Liam said with pride. "I think she'd hit me if I
tried to take it away. Just a complete swing. Wow, she is goin' to town on this bottle."
"It'll still be a few more months before that, but I wouldn't be surprised," Sophia said wearily.
"Okay, now it's time for the burpin'!"
Liam patted her on the back, shifting from side to side. Liam's eyes widened as she let out a
truly monstrous, wall rattling burp.
"This kid's got potential. As soon as she's old enough, I'm goin' to teach her how to burp the
alphabet," Liam said.
"My parents will be so thrilled," she said flatly.
"All the better," Liam said.
A stack of presents wrapped in shiny red paper were in a corner. Others were marked with her
name, a surprising amount, considering that Liam routinely couldn't bring himself to wait that
long to give her gifts, so that she often got 'birthday' and 'Smissmiss' gifts months in advance.
"I don't know if that stack back there counts as Smissmas or birthday," he said. “We didn't
exactly get to celebrate in the hospital.”
"It hardly matters," Sophia said. “With her birthday this close, it'd likely be combined.”
"Like hell we are. Even if they're only little more than a week apart, there's no way my baby girl
is going to have to skimp out on gettin' presents. Hell, I'll loan her my birthday if she needs
some in the middle of the year. Every day is goin' to be presents. I didn't get a lot as a kid. And
she ain't ever goin' to go through that. She ain't ever goin' to wonder what her dad was like, or
wake up on Smissmass mornin' and know there will be nothin' there."
"I'd be more worried that she'd get lost in the sea of presents, to be quite honest. We wouldn't
be able to fit that much in this apartment, though… are you going to buy her a storage unit to
keep all her things in?"
"No, I'm goin' to get five storage units and fill them until they're burstin' to the seams."
Liam sat down on the couch near Sophia and started bouncing Alice on his knee.
"Only five?" Sophia asked dryly.
"You're right. Ten would be much better. Or maybe I'll just make it easy and buy a whole
storage unit place. They probably go for under a million. I could even make some bucks on the
side."
"'Dempsey's storage. We store things discreetly and don't touch my daughter's stuff.'”
"See, you already got us a slogan. You run the books, I bring my charm, natural good looks and
smooth talkin', and we'll have ourselves a real fine place!"
"Special extra on body disposal."
"Okay, that was so awesome, I need a high-five. We always can count on you, the best of the
buryin' brigade. Those mafia goons ain't got nothin' on you."
He leaned in for a kiss as she high-fived him. Liam always snuck in kisses whenever he could.
It's A Wonderful Life was on low in the background. Alice was on the verge of sleep, and
so was she.
"Colleen isn't waiting for us, is she? I feel like I could sleep until New Year's Eve.”
"Go on. The Dempsey family has got you covered."
She rested her head against him.
"You goin' to sleep right there?"
"Mmm-hmm."
"With luck, Alice will sleep a whole ten minutes this time. I swear, she's always hungry."
She nestled close to him. He kept whispering to Alice. It mixed with the sound of the show
whenever a bell rings, an angel gets their wings and the sounds of her family breathing.
Even as exhausted as she was, there was a joy to the mundane times spent with those she
loved.
December 31st, 1977.
Technically, she wouldn't start work again for a few months. However, Bidwell had sent her a
panicked call, and as usual, she had answered. Three stories up, the only noise was the
shuffling of her paperwork. The windows were covered in a lacework of frost, but just through
them she could see the city lights, and all the other people in the city who were out spending
time with friends and loved ones.
She massaged the back of her neck, and tried to focus again on the paperwork for this latest
nightmare. The clock ticked down. It'd be the first time in years that she hadn't had a kiss lined
right up for the countdown of seconds to the end of year.
He'd promised her that she'd never spend New Year’s Eve― or any other night ―lonely, not if
he had anything to do about it.
There was an insistent tapping at the windowpane.
"It must be a pigeon," she said.
She turned back to her work, only to have the tapping start up more desperately. She rose and
opened the window.
"Shoo----Liam?"
She'd expected a large ball of bird fluff, not her husband hanging from the windowsill, inches
away from slipping and falling to his death.
"Do me a solid and help me out here?" Liam asked. “Unless you wanna clean me up from the
pavement.” By now, he was just barely hanging on by his fingernails. She swiftly leaned out into
the cold and gripped his wrists.
"That is not how I want to spend New Year's Eve!"
Sophia helped to pull him the rest of the way, a burst of icy air and snow fluttering in behind him.
There was snow in his hair, and frost encrusting his eyebrows and lashes. His skin was so cold
that he should be shuddering, but all he looked was happy as he entwined his chilled fingers
with hers.
"Did you borrow Jane's rocket launcher and rocket jump up here? You could've blown your legs
off!"
"Naw, I climbed up like I was Spider-Man. Somebody thought the stairs meant party time, and
there was a massive Conga overload. I could've punched them, but it would've been too late, so
I went the superhero route."
"That doesn't make it better! Wait--- what happened ---Is Alice okay?"
"Yeah, somethin' is wrong: you were over here. It's New Year's Eve, you're the only person I
wanna spend this with."
In the hallway outside the room, she heard the sound of shouts and a countdown. Originally, the
office party had been a few levels down, but apparently they'd gotten drunk enough for the party
to shift higher.
"Come on, beautiful, let's ring in this new year with style," he said.
He leaned in for a kiss. His chapped lips were warmed from the cold. She laced her arms about
his shoulders, the seconds passing into nineteen seventy-eight. For those moments, it'd felt like
she was falling back into old habits. Falling asleep at her desk, being cut from any attachment.
But just as he had many times before, Liam would go any length to reach her.
"You ran through the Boston winter without a coat, and climbed up the side of an icy building
without even any gloves--"
"You make it sound like it's hard," Liam said.
"Dammit, Liam. I need you, preferably alive. Could you cut down on the heroics, Spider-
Man? I'd rather not have to spend the new year burying the pieces of you.”
"Can you blame me? It's been a whole hour since I kissed you," he said. He pulled her into
another kiss. This one was lingering. His skin had begun to warm, just so slightly, under her
touch. It was a burst of remembrance, a tingle of love and every reason why she'd chose him.
But kissing him was not quite so magical that it could beat back the Boston winter.
"Okay, I've got to close that window," she said. She pulled herself up from the floor shut out the
cold night of the new year.
She rested her hand against his cold cheek.
"In the scale of stupidest brave things you've done, this ranks pretty high, though heavy on the
stupid," she said.
He took her hands. He hadn't even bothered to put gloves on, let alone a coat.
"Then I must've done good, to unseat all the rest," Liam said.
"The year's lookin' great already. Just imagine...three hundred and sixty-five days with you and
my baby. I really am the luckiest guy on the friggin' planet. The handsomest, too," he said.
"One thing, though. I definitely need some kisses. I ain't been kissed for an entire year! I'm dyin'
over here!"
He always said that. She'd find scribbled notes in her purse, phone calls, and a million little
reminders of his affection.
"Do you have any resolutions this year?" Sophia said.
"Well, if I become anymore awesome, I'm goin' to break somethin'. What about you? You got
any plans? I gotta say, you're pretty much perfect as is."
"Since you're obviously going to do something stupid like play Spider-Man, I'm going to hire
some interns to do paperwork emergencies like this," she said.
"Murder interns? Awesome! I love those guys! And now I'll love them twice as much, since
they're givin' me my wife back!"
Liam paused at the word and smiled, like he was curled in a soft blanket, or had just sunk into a
warm bath. Just the reminder that she was married to him would make him go dreamy-eyed and
distant, caught in some reverie of his own making.
"I'm glad you came. Honestly..I was really lonely and regretting my choice," she said. She
pushed a strand of dark hair behind her hair awkwardly.
"I bet you got it all down pat. Let's go back home, Soph. I can think of dozens of ways to
christen this new year, and only like half of them are naughty," Liam said.
She laughed. "Only half? You must be slipping. I know years when that number would've been
completely on the frisky side."
"I'm a dad now, so you gotta sneak in that baby snugglin'. She's probably in bed now, all curled
up." Liam smiled to himself.
She took one last look at the papers.

"Let me just put these back. I don't want any of the office workers barfing on my desk, or god
forbid, screwing on it. You never know with Mann Co.. parties. You wouldn't believe the kinds of
things I've walked into. Usually in my office, too," she said.
"Fuckin' wild place," Liam said. He helped her lift the rest of the folders, and they stuffed them in
the U part of the thick, fireproof filing cabinet.
"You know, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'Me' and 'U' together," Liam said.
"Me isn't a letter. Your awful pick up lines aren't even making sense. They're like post-modern
satire on pick up lines-- so bad they turn into something brilliant," Sophia said.
"All I'm hearin' is that I'm brilliant, you adore me, and you want me to carry you the whole way
back," Liam said.
She shook her head and laughed. "Let's go home, Mr. Dempsey. We've got a new year to finish
ringing in."
He swept her up, just as he said he would, and carried her into the night. Liam never went
halfway on romantic gestures.
"You know home is at least five miles away, right?"
"I can make it, I knew all that exercise would come in handy."
"You know, we've never made out in a cab on New Year's Day."
"Holy shit, you're a friggin' genius, put it on the list! That's definitely my resolution for the year."
"Your only one?"
"Nah, just my first."
He waved down a cab surprisingly fast, considering the hour. They ducked in. "Hey, pally, I
need to go down to the South end, and hurry."
"Everythin' all right?" the cabbie asked.
"Everythin's great! We're goin' straight home! I stole her from work and everythin'."
Liam gave the directions and pulled at her collar. Nestled together, his skin began to warm
under her lips. He brushed the snow from her hand, fingers tangled in dark strands. She
laughed between kisses, their voices low in the new morning.
"Twenty kisses already, and it ain't even an hour in," Liam said. “It's goin' to be a good year. Of
course, it always is with you.”
The snow came down harder outside, an orange glow of streetlights in the distance. Sometimes
she'd see them from the corner of her eyes, lights out far, and little shining stars. So much
possibility and warmth was stretched before her. Visions of all the flowers and kisses and
dancing moments spent together. Colleen's house was minutes away, but she was already
home.
Author's note:
The <a href="http://scoutpauling.tumblr.com/post/124593611694/i-was-so-bummed-when-i-

forgot-to-cap-and-check-my">Telephone calls happened</a>, though this line wasn't voiced, so
it isn't well known.
Referencing <a
href="https://wiki.teamfortress.com/w/images/b/b3/Plng_give_contract_rare_scout_05.mp3?
t=20150703014543">This</a> rare contract line.
"The stupidest brave thing" was a line that was sadly cut from the original Expiration Date.
Sometimes I bring it back to remember what could've been, like the cut canon dates and Scout
saying "I like you, too" to her, and Spy confirming that they were dating in cut voice lines.
Sniper really does send people bullseye sweaters, gift people bottles of his own piss with
Smissmiss notes written on them, and send. The first two from from the Smissmiss cards, and
the latter is an asset from the festives in the game.

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.
-Part two-
Baby Steps
The best thing mama ever taught me was how to be a pain in the ass.
-My Most Excellent Year, by Steve Kluger
kidfic ideas
going to mcdonalds
sitting on hamburger seats
playing in the play area
valentine's day
picking out the perfect valentine for the other kids
Noah really treasures his and keeps it.
While out to dinner, Liam can't stop taking pictures of her. Alice poses for the camera, too. He
writes stuff on the back like "I'm the luckiest guy around."
January 1st, 1978. 
6AM.
The baby monitor was blissfully silent, after a three-AM feeding. Sophia's body, however, was
used to working under intense hours. After a few moments, Liam lifted the device and held it to
his ear.
She turned over. "Liam, what are you doing up?"
"Thought I heard somethin'. Is that a gurgle?"
"Maybe your stomach," she said.
"Probably. Soldier once tried to blow my stomach out, thought it was a dragon, when in reality, it
was just Chilli dogs. You got the day off?"
"The entire company does. Apparently it's mandated to give employees time off. Who knew?"
"We could sleep in--"
An ear-splitting scream came across the baby monitor. So much for quiet.
"About that," she said.
He yawned. "That's some alarm clock. Need to figure out where the snooze button is, though."
"Tell me when you find it," Sophia said.
Her toes curled in as her feet hit the cold floor. The crying only got louder as she briskly walked
down the hall, to the nursery. She'd been warned numerous times about how having a child
would be such a trial. Everything changes when you have a little one many had said,
even Colleen among them. Harried mothers talked about how they never slept, and how there
was crying at all hours of the night.
But so far, she was getting woken up far less than work had. And making up a bottle was a lot
easier than gunning down someone and burying their body in a hundred degree temperatures.
She'd already worked for one tyrant; Alice hadn't even sent armed men after her. As far as she
could tell, it wasn't even half as hard as a single day at Mann co.
Though, a few weeks was likely too early to say anything. Alice hadn't even hit her terrible twos
yet. Colleen had for many years regaled her of the things Liam had done as a child.
"It's okay, it's okay. I've got you," Sophia said in her most soothing voice. Alice's screams faded
to a series of whimpers. She hoisted Alice to her hip as she prepared the formula. After a few
minutes, the bottle was ready.
Alice sucked greedily at the bottle. On television, there'd always been some kind of orchestral
chorus, and they never focused on the inelegant slurps, or the kinds of stains she had to get out
of her shirts.
Still, it technically wasn't as bad as the time she had to get guts off her shoes, or when she
found brain matter in her purse. Though almost mentioning that at the mother's gathering hadn't
gone too well. Maybe she'd do better with someone who worked at Mann co. A shame the only
other mercenary wife and mother was Zhanna. Jane would start a commune based on
free love and the teachings of Karl Marx before they became friends.
"Is she makin' sounds like a kitten?" Liam said incredulously.
Sophia looked up. Liam stood just before her, with long plaid pajama bottoms, and an old t-shirt.
"Why didn't you go back to sleep? You'll freeze like that, you don't even have a robe on," Sophia
said.
"I wanted to see what was goin' on. Besides, I've been through Viaduct and dozens of
Nor'easters. It's going to take way more than that to freeze my balls off."
She chuckled." I'm just feeding our daughter. It's nothing too exciting," she said.
"Speak for yourself, this is cool. Whoa, she is goin' to town on that bottle."
Sophia smiled. "She's definitely got an appetite," Sophia said.
"She's drinkin' at a third grade level!"
"I don't think they exactly drink out of bottles," she said.
"Okay, an eighteen year old level. Because they definitely drink out of bottles," Liam said.
She'd taken over the feedings until Liam could get enough lessons from his mother. His first
attempt was a clumpy disaster which had to be thrown out. His second wasn't much better.
"I know what time it is," Liam said. he lifted Alice up.
"---Burping blanket," she said. She laid a soft pink thing, with kittens it across her shoulder.
Some of the choices had come directly from Spy, and she was convinced were done simply to
'undermine his masculinity.' Oddly enough, Liam was taking it very well.
"Knew I was forgettin' somethin', thanks," Liam said.
He tapped her on the back. "Pretty soon, I'll have her burpin' the alphabet. She'll be the first
baby who could burp it before she could write it."
"If anyone, you would," she said.
9AM.
Alice had been put down for a nap, so she had approximately five minutes to herself. Which
compared to her usual five seconds at work, was downright generous.
A truly monstrous snowstorm had rolled in for the new year. Given most of the people's
indifference to this much snow, she had a feeling the first few years in Boston were an anomaly.
Of course, Liam had told her many stories of the fabled Nor'easters, but he was prone to
exaggeration. And after so many years in New Mexico, she forgotten how the wind would cut
through even the thickest hats and gloves. She rubbed her hands together, and blew over them.
White clouds formed in front of her. He caught her up in a kiss. She blinked up at the mistletoe,
before he stole another kiss. His lips were cold against hers, after an hour or so outside. The
snow shovel lay just near the door. Salt was thrown across the sidewalk, and little rivers of white
powder had already drifted past all his hard work.
"Mmmm, you're nice and warm," Liam said.
"And you're freezing." She put her gloved hands to his cheeks.
"You goin' to warm me up," Liam said suggestively.
"I'd rather not get cited for public indecency, so all you're getting is the G-rated Disney movie
version. Honestly, I'm surprised the mistletoe is still up. Smissmass was last year," she said.
"Hey, I am milkin' free kisses as long as I can."
"We're married, in case you forgot. Free kisses are a part of the package."
"Trust me, I high-five myself and fistbump this ring all the time because of it."
"So that's why I keep hearing you in the bathroom going 'Liam Dempsey, you hit the jackpot.' I
just figured you were practicing for when you won the lottery," Sophia said.
"Already hit it. Got the cutest wife and kid combo in the world. And if anybody disagrees, I'm just
goin' to have to smash their face in."
"You're saying you'd turn down a few million, without even having to bury any bodies this time?"
"Please! You make more than that in a year," Liam said.
Several icicles fell from the roof and shattered. Smissmass lights still circled their outer balcony
rail. Alice hadn't even start to crawl yet, and she already put a padlock across the sliding door.
As far as she was concerned, there was no such thing as being too careful when it came to her
little girl.
"It's snowin'! You know what that means? Snowball time!"
"She's too young to throw snowballs at," Sophia said.
"Yeah, but you aren't," Liam said. He bent down and started to pack snow together.
Sophia ducked, though he hadn't tried very hard to hit her, not with how she'd seen him bean
his fellow mercenaries from across the battlefield.
"You really think you can beat me?" Sophia said.
"Hey, I'm such a prize pitcher, I'm half surprised I ain't been drafted," Liam said smugly.
She undid two buttons on her coat as she bent to pack snow. The air was cold against her neck.
It was only now that she remembers the scarf she'd left wrapped up in the hall closet.
"You're playin' dirty!"
She raised her eyebrows. "It's just a handicap. I can barely even see with how fogged over my
glasses are."
"Then that's the opposite of a handicap, because you won't be distracted by how hot I am, so
you can focus on makin' snowballs, and not rippin' my clothes off."
"Actually, it's cold," she said, and redid up the buttons on her coat.
"I don't blame you for not noticin'. After all, I'm radiatin' hotness. So hot, the snow is meltin'
around me." Liam said.
He broke off as the first snowball hit him right in the chest.
"Hey, no fair."
"No bragging immunity," she said.
Liam smirked and bent to make a snowball of his own. He made a big windup, that sailed right
over her head and crashed against the rust-colored brickwork of the apartment behind them.
"It's like you're not even trying," Sophia said.
"Maybe I was blinded by just lookin' at you, you ever think about that?"
Before she could respond, Liam rushed up and shoved handfuls of cold, wet snow down her
shirt.
She shrieked, and broke into laughter. They fell together into pile of snow, which was less soft
than it looked--at least, less soft when fallen on.
"Oof! You're cheating."
"Yeah, well you're cheatin' by makin' me fall in love with you more every minute. I can't
even aim, look what you've done to me."
He wrapped his arms about her and buried his face against her neck. His breath was warm
against her skin.
"I guess we could call it a draw," Sophia said.

"It's always a draw with you, babe, because we both won. Well, that and I'm doin' as much
drawin' as possible. Hey, we makin' snow angels down here?" Liam said.
"You can. I'm going back inside to get some dry clothes on."
Sophia rolled over, and pushed herself up. Her hands left prints in the sparkling white
landscape. She brushed the snowflakes off her coat. "God, I think you got snow even in my
underwear."
Liam's eyebrows shot up. "Underwear? You definitely need some help warmin' up. And
in fact, I'm just the guy to do it. In fact--" He pushed himself up, and leaned in to whisper
some very suggestive, and very naughty things in her ear.
"You make a compelling case, Liam Dempsey," she teased. She crooked her finger into his jean
belt loops and pulled him closer. "I can't think of a better way to spend my days off."
He put his arm about her as they walked in, and up the stairs.
January 5th
Liam tied a tie around his head, which draped down his shoulders. He'd put on an old faded T
with the Flash symbol on the front, and his lucky jeans. At this point, he needed the moral
support.
He punched the air. "I'm goin' to do it. I'm goin' to--"
Behind him, Spy stirred his martini, which floated in mid-air. Slowly, Spy became visible. His suit
was just as snooty and flawless as ever, like it was woven from pure hundred dollar bills. "Going
to what, act like a drunken fool? You hardly need any psyching up for that. Tavish taught you
well."
"I'm psychin' myself up to feed a baby. Just because I made a mess ten--"
"Twenty," Spy cut in. "And that's only counting the formula messes, not the one you've made of
your life over the years."
"Eh, who's countin'?"
Spy cleared his throat, and held up a pencil.
Liam rolled his eyes. "You're a fuckin' snitch, that's what you are. Don't you know the worst thing
you can be is a rat?"
Spy sipped at his martini. "You'd do the same if the positions were switched," Spy said.
"I'd laugh in your face for failin', not go runnin' to Ma. That's how men do it," Liam said.
Liam made his way to the kitchen. He pulled down the tin, and started the pull out a spare
bottle. He turned back as he heard the sound of uncloaking behind him.
"Yo, why you followin' me?"
"Watching you fail at simple tasks amuses me," Spy said.
"I can friggin' make formula, okay. I am a one-thousand percent certified dad. I got a certificate
and everythin'."
"That's really not the purpose of a birth certificate," Spy said.
Liam rolled his eyes. "Don't you have anythin' better to do?"
Spy smiled. "No; your mother is busy."
Liam grummbled as he brought the water to a boil. Spy peered behind him. For a second, Liam
was sure that the asshole was even making notes like he was doing some kind of
grading. "Don't let it boil over."
"I friggin' got this," Liam said.
"Oh do you?" Spy said. He smirked.
"Yeah, I do--"
"It's boiling over,"
"Crap, crap, crap on a basket!" Liam reached out to turn the flames down. Already white foam
was all over the stove top. He'd have to wipe it down himself. Before he got married, Liam
thought they just magically cleaned themselves, but Sophia had pulled him aside and taught
him a thing or two. Or even three.
Liam reached for the bottle. Spy made tsking sound. "Now, now, you must let it cool a little."
"Seriously? Can't you just pour it in?"
"Mon Dieu, you'd burn the baby's tongue."
"What? Dang! Okay, okay, not puttin' it in hot," Liam said.

"So you are capable of listening to someone other than Miss Pauling. Fascinating."
Liam narrowed his eyes. "She ain't a Miss Anymore."
"Indeed. Miracles do happen," Spy said. He took another sip of his martini, and then set the
empty glass on the flecked counter top.
"You're damn right they do--In fact--"
Spy held up his tiny gloved hand. "Spare me. You should how you need to test it on your wrist
to make sure it's cool enough."
"I gotta test for burns? That's hardcore," Liam said. He spooned out some of the milky white
liquid and dropped it down. After the white droplets hit his skin, Liam shook his wrist.
"Fuckin' hell--"
"Put it under cold water! Mon Dieu, well past thirty and you still don't even know how to
treat a burn."
"I know how to take care of a fuckin' burn, I just didn't expect to get it from the damned baby
formula!"
Liam muttered more curses as he put his wrist underneath the faucet, and turned on the
soothing cold torrent of water.
"I didn't mean immediately. I can't believe I have to specify not to pour boiling hot liquid on
yourself."
"You told me to fuckin' check it!"
"Unless you want your kid screaming out profanity, you'll want to quiet that mouth of yours," Spy
said.
"Fudgin' fuck---Damn, I ain't good at this," Liam said.
"Might I interest you in a swear jar?" Spy said.
"Only if you put the money down too," Liam said.
Spy smiled wryly. "Perhaps."

"And that frogspeak, that counts as swearin' too. Don't you try and get out of this. If we're goin'
to do this, we're goin' down with 'fudges' and 'darn tootin's' together!"
Liam started to pace. He craned his neck to check the clock on the wall five times, as the
seconds ticked by.
"Can't you manage to stand still for a mere second?"
"You've known me for what, a decade? What do you think?" Liam said.
Spy shook his head. "I shouldn't be surprised."
"You friggin' shouldn't. So, what. Do I put it in the fridge or somethin'?
"No, simply let it cool."
Liam started to tap his foot.
"I'm surprised you aren't stopping to do push-ups," Spy said.
"Good idea! Gotta keep in shape for my girl." He knelt down to the floor, and started to exercise.
Spy sighed and rolled his eyes.
He pulled out a pocket watch and watched the seconds tick. Liam counted down each one
seven, eight, nine, ten.
"You should check," Spy said.
Liam all but sprang up. "Nice burn, I dig it. Hey, it ain't all lumpy this time. I guess you do know
somethin' about this formula stuff. I'd say thanks, but you already got all your thanks just
watchin' me get burned and make an ass of myself."
Spy half-smiled, and faded into nothing. Liam filled the bottle, and hummed to himself. He came
into the nursery. It didn't smell toxic, and she wasn't crying, so it must not be the terrifying diaper
time.
Alice had a little onesie with ducks on it. Her room was full of stuffed animals, and other toys
which she wasn't even big enough to enjoy yet. Liam couldn't help himself. Everywhere he went
there were things which would be perfect for his girls, and money didn't matter. After spending
most of his life so poor that he'd wonder if they'd even get enough to eat, let alone whether he'd
have presents for Christmas or birthdays, Liam reveled in being rich. Not just having a decent
chunk of change, but rich enough to buy small countries if he felt like it to give to Sophia as an
anniversary present.
Liam plucked up a little bear and put it a bit closer to the crib. Sure she probably didn't even
know what it was yet, but he'd just introduce them a little, and it'd all go wonderful. They'd all be
great friends before it was over.
Liam burst into a smile as he bent over the crib. "Hey, Alice! You hungry? Guess who's the
greatest dad? They're goin' to give me awards at this rate. Even if the Dad Awards don't exist
yet, they'll invent them just for me. Just you watch."
But Alice only had eyes for the bottle. Liam lifted her up, and cradled her in his arms. "There you
go, doooin' the dad stuff. It's baby chow time!" He chuckled as the formula steadily disappeared.
"You got my appetite, that's for sure."
Liam couldn't exactly think of any lullabies, so he just hummed Take Me Out To The Ball
Game which sort of turned into a medley with It's Not Unusual. When he ran out of
songs to hum, Liam started to rock her. The wall wasn't exactly that engaging to watch. He'd
already mentally high-fived himself for that framed picture of the family, the little baseball motif
in red.
"You know, I gotta get down on this mutitaskin' stuff. If I'm goin' to be doin' the watchin' thing,
then a game should be on."
After cleaning up, and making sure Liam carried her out. Flipping through the channels wasn't
exactly inspiring. If it'd been earlier, he could've caught a game show. A woman sobbed in a
poorly lit hospital. He switched to see yet another woman crying, except this time it was in a
library. The third one had a woman crying in a theater.
"God, daytime television is the worst," Liam said. "Screw the guys that made them cry, though.
If anybody ever makes you cry like that, I'll knock their teeth in. That's a looong time from now,
though."
Liam finally settled on a calming guy painting trees. "Trees ain't bad, but I'll teach you how to
draw somethin' real cool: Superheroes! Oh man, I can't wait to introduce you to my two best
friends: Marvel and DC comics. Might have to wait a couple of months until you can actually
hold things."
She gripped onto his finger. For a moment, Liam just gaped. "You can hold stuff! Wait,
lemme get a pencil--"
He stopped, and shook his head. "Nah, it can wait a bit. You wanna finger wrestle, baby? You're
practially a month old, I gotta show you how to teach those other babies a lesson." Liam
chuckled so much that he didn't even hear the door behind him. Only when he felt the brush of
her lips against his cheek, and was enveloped in the soft flowery scent.
Liam burst into a big grin. "Soph! You're home early."

A fine line of wrinkles, almost like a pattern, had spread across her lavender shirt. He was used
to a thick layer of bloodstains, and ripped clothes to match. But Sophia hadn't come home with
sand and red across her, not since the 'negotiation' as she called it.
"It was a slow day at work. It's really different since the robot wars ended. Not nearly as many
bodies to bury," Sophia said wistfully.
"Yeah, but that's a good thing, right?"
"Well, it's better for my sleep schedule, I don't want to get out of practice..." Sophia said.
"Fine, we can moonlight as vigilantes, no problem. I'll make up some costumes, put Alice in her
little carryin' thing and get my beatin' stick," Liam said.
Sophia laughed. "I'm not that desperate...though it sounds fun. Just like old times."
"If you want old times, we could always just rob a bank and go on the run from the pigs. Now
there's a memory."
Sophia chuckled and shook her head. "We really don't need the money, and I think we should
wait until Alice is at least a little older before we do anything that wild." She bent down to
brush her fingers over Alice's forehead.
"Oh, you already fed her? All by yourself?"
"Yeah, er, well not all by myself, Sir Asshole was there. He's tryin' to make me get a
swear jar started early."
"Well, he certainly thinks ahead," Sophia said. She smiled. "You're doing a great job."
With her heels in hand, she walked out towards their bedroom. Liam watched her go, and let out
a happy sigh.
"What a gal. See, Alice? I married her. Can you believe it? Because yeah, I'm awesome
and all, but sometimes I gotta pinch myself. Not only that, we got you. Nobody can call me a
virgin anymore, not with you around. I gotta teach you to brofist, just so you can hit me one for
that."
Alice tightened her grip on his hand.
"Soph, Soph, look!"

Sophia rushed, her glasses half-askew. Her buttons were half-undone, which made for a great
view of her purple lacy bra.
"Look---She's doin' it again, she's holdin' my finger! See, see, see?" Liam pointed frantically to
her. "She lifted it up and everythin'. I swear she was tryin' to brofist me."
"Liam, you---" Sophia rested her hand against her thundering heart. "I thought something awful
had happened!"
"But, it's important. She ain't never done that before," Liam said.
"What's next, Liam? 'look at the way Alice filled her diaper?'"
"Depends on if she's takin' a dump at a third grade level or not," Liam said.
Sophia shook her head. "Leave it to you to turn everything into a performance. I'm going to take
a shower--"
Liam brightened.
"--it should be about time for another feeding in fifteen minutes, if that spreadsheet I made is
right, and I went over the logistics with both Erich, Dell, and your mother, so I think it should be
accurate down to a few seconds. Can you please make sure the formula is ready? I swear Alice
nearly shattered the windows last time she got hungry."
"Yeah, I should have the hang of it," Liam said. He lifted Alice up, and balanced her on his hip,
only to find her sliding down a little. "Soph makes this look so easy. Maybe because she's got
those sweet curves....Right, formula. Hopefully your mom is goin' to take a real looong shower."
Liam pulled out the formula, which in retrospect, he didn't remember putting away. Maybe it was
one of those magic kinds that just climbed up into the cabinet. He had just started to boil the
water when he heard a throat clear behind him.
"My, my. Aren't you forgetting a step?"
"For fuck's sake, don't you have a hobby?"
Spy pointed at the new swear jar on the counter. "Yes, mocking you. Now pay up."
Liam glared at him as he pulled out a quarter. "I'm doin' this for Alice's, not you, you asswipe."
He put in another quarter.
Technically, Sophia could buy every college in the country---maybe the world--and still have
enough left over to live comfortably on for the rest of their lives, but he'd still put away those
quarters. Maybe he'd need them for her bubble gum vending machine needs.
Come to think of it, they could buy a vending machine. They couldn't fit it in the own apartment,
but maybe in the hallways of the brownstone apartment complex they lived in. He'd have to ask
the super. Now there was a title he always wanted. Except for hero, not for cleaning pipes and
stuff.
Behind him, Spy cleared his throat.
"Fuck off," Liam said. He dipped another quarter into the swear jar.
January 7th A picture caught of Liam covered in baby powder.
Everything out of Liam's mouth had been nothing but one long string of curses, so quick and
close together that not even she could make out anything he was saying. Sophia stood at the
kitchen, ready to move and take over. He'd promised he'd shape up enough that they wouldn't
have to hire a nanny. Then again, his choices for nanny included an ex-military man with a
proclivity for snapping people's necks.
"I could take over―" Sophia said.
"I can do this," he said. He squared his shoulders and took a deep breath, one which he
regretted a second later.
"Ugh, hell! It was easier takin' on ten Heavies at once than this!" He gagged as he stepped
closer, baby powder ready.
"Wait, I got an idea--"
Liam disappeared into the other room. A few moments later, it was Pyro who stepped out of the
room. But no, she realized, as the "Pyro" gave her a thumbs up with powder in hand, it was just
Liam.
"A hazmat suit, really? It's just a messy diaper.
Liam pushed up the gas mask.
"I love the kid, but she's a toxic waste dump."
He pulled the gas mask down his face. However, this left his words muffled. He pulled it back
up; Liam always had to have the last word.
"I can do this, though. See, I'm bein' creative." He pulled down his gloves with a snap.
"Really, Liam? We buried bodies together," she said. "She doesn't smell half as bad as the
average day old body in the Badlands heat."
"Hell no, they didn't compare to the kind of stink bombs this kid can make. My kid is the
stinkiest around."
He always had to win, even if it meant racing to the bottom and being the worst. Alice had only
become an extension of this. His child wasn't just the brightest, happiest and cutest baby
around, she had be the loudest, and smelliest as well.
He heard a chuckle behind him, and turned just in time to get a face full of baby powder. Liam
let out a shriek, his vision blinding to white as he was nearly pushed over. In that moment of
distraction, Spy had not only changed Alice, but disposed of the dirty diaper, and put her in a
clean new onesie with little knives and boomerangs stitched on, courtesy of Mick.
"I swear to―the fuck did you just do? Are you a friggin' magician now?"
"You're just realizing that now?" Spy said.
"I was goin' to do it! I ain't afraid of a little....toxic nuclear stuff―"
"I might teach you how, but there'd be consequences, and pay," Spy said, in a way that
could only promise embarrassment for Liam.
Liam scrunched up his face. "You stupid asshole with that stupid suit―"
"Looks like you got all suited up for nothin'. Now, if you're done bein' twelve year old boys, are
you goin' to come in for dinner, or not?" Colleen leaned against the door frame, flour dusting
her in her dark hair, oil stains spread across her new blue and white apron.
"I still ain't callin' him dad, even if you did get a fake drunk marriage signed by an Elvis
impersonator."
"I prefer papa," he said.
Liam glared at him.
"Sweetie, it was just a bit of fun. I did get a pretty ring out of it. Besides, I thought you
wanted him to marry me."
Liam scrunched up his face. "It don't count. And he's still an asshole."
"Some people are never happy," Spy said.
Spy handed Alice over to Colleen.
"I suppose it takes a group of mercenaries to raise a child," Sophia said.
Colleen shook her head. "Do that, and this little one is goin' to know how to do a chokehold
before she's out of kindergarten."
"Damn straight she will," Liam said.
January 3rd. Stroller time!
Even though Liam had boughten out half the baby store, somehow a stroller had eluded him. It
was only when they went through the things, to realize what had been missing all along.
Which was how they ended up back in the baby store. It was a good thing they were multi-
millionaires, because Liam was just determined to make their cart total end in four figures.
"Babe, look!" Liam gestured enthusiastically towards the rows of strollers. Some of them looked
like mini-tanks, sturdy enough to withstand a robot attack.
But, unsurprisingly, it was the superhero one he stopped at. The stroller was black, with wing-
like flaps, and extremely sturdy wheels. Right in the middle was the Bat signal in a circle
of yellow.
"I thought you were more a 'The Flash' and 'Spiderman' kind of guy. Something about them
being more relateable for being snarky working class heroes?"
"Oh come on, I don't hate the Bat. Besides, imagine how cool it would be to drive a really fancy
car like that?"
"You always said you preferred running," Sophia said.
"To a beat up Ford truck, sure. But to a masterpiece like the Batmobile? I'll friggin' take that
ride."
Sophia bent to inspect the contents. There were hidden away pouches, and the seatbelt looked
like the bat belt, or whatever it was called. She'd have to ask Liam later.
"Does that stroller have a gun holster? Did Saxton Hale make it?"
"You'd think so, but no. I checked and everythin'."

Sophia considered her options. If there was a The Flash one, it would inspire races. Or at
least, even more stroller races than already were surely in the future for Liam. She didn't even
want to think of the kinds of acrobatics a Spiderman stroller might inspire.
Liam looked so hopeful, as he waited for her answer. He couldn't even sit still. "Babe, we'll have
the coolest kid on the block."
"I thought you said we already have the 'coolest child ever,'" Sophia said.
"I know, it would seem impossible, but this would make her even cooler."
"Okay, but no fighting crime. At least not with Alice in tow," Sophia said.
Liam laughed. "We were always kind of more the handsome and incredibly charmin' villain type.
Okay, at least I am. Some of the other guys think showers are communist inventions."
"And thank God for that," Sophia said.
"Showers are sexy, I'll take ten showers a day, I don't give a fuck. They're more fun if you share
some water with me," Liam said.
From across the aisle, a mother gave them a withering glare. Liam didn't even notice. How nice
to know that her ex-con, former mercenary husband would be popular with the soccer mom set.
She'd really have to make more notes to him about not bragging secrets which just might land
them in jail again. Even if she could break them out before sunset, being on the run with a new
baby would be much more challenging than the old days.
As Liam wheeled the stroller out towards the counter to pay, Liam hummed the Batman theme
under his breath.
January 10th
It looked more like a house of horrors than a doctor's office. Sophia's gaze turned wary as she
went deeper into the office. Several mideval torture implements were attached to the wall. His
doves roosted above them. Back in the badlands, it had been just another eccentric part of her
job. She killed for a living; it was only fitting that their doctor looked as if he'd been misplaced
from overseeing plague victims, right down to his bird-mask hung on the wall. But as she walked
past the body parts in jars, both human and animal, she drew Alice closer.
Other doctors wanted things like legal names, papers, and considering how many times she'd
had to falsify those for the both of them, that could bring up a whole mess of trouble.
Liam, however, took it all in stride. His face lit up as he ran towards the only part of the room
which looked like a normal doctor's office: the stack of jars filled with gloves and tongue
depressors.
"Ooh, free stuff! I friggin' love free samples!"
"That's not--" she began, but Liam had already pulled out the tongue depressors, and turned
them into drumsticks. He made electric guitar-like sounds, as he mimicked not just a drum solo,
but the whole damn rock concert. Rather than crying, Alice watched rapt. She let out an eager
cry, and watched rapt to all his antics.
"See, she likes it," Liam said. "She got my taste in music. She'll be dancin' with me to Tom
Jones in no time."
"I think she'll have to learn how to crawl first," Sophia said dryly.
"My baby will be the first baby to breakdance before she can crawl. I can feel it," Liam said.
Erich's white labcoat was stained with blood. Sophia raised her eyebrows. "Oh, this?" he
laughed. "No worries; it's not my own."
"How reassuring," Sophia said dryly.
Sophia watched over, with arms crossed and a tense gaze as Alice was weighed, her heart was
listened to with a stethoscope. Alice didn't even cry, not with how Liam had caught her attention
so well.
He lifted up the pages of the clipboard and looked over the results.
"Ah, she seems very healthy--"
Sophia narrowed her eyes. "She doesn't need any adjustments or 'upgrades,'" Sophia said
firmly.
"I was going to suggest that you might need some more vitamins, because knowing you, you
used up the pills and didn't restock because you went back to work early," Erich said.
Guilty as charged. "Maybe," Sophia said.
"I thought so."
"She's a lovely little baby. Also, your husband is doing a drum solo against the counter with the
tongue depressors."
"You're surprised?" Sophia said.
"I shouldn't be, and yet, and yet," Erich said. He shook his head. "Somehow I always am."
Liam's hips started to sway to the tune of Sex Bomb.
Erich chuckled to himself. "Good to see some things never change, I suppose," Erich said.
"Look, she's bobbing her head. My baby is already this much closer to headbangin'," Liam said.
"No headbanging until she's at least a year old," Sophia said.
"You say that, but you can't stop the beat."
Erich smiled, and shook his head. "Don't push yourself too hard. You don't have enough extra
organs to offset the stress."
"Enough...extra..organs? You know what, I don't want to know," she said.
Liam shoved several more latex gloves into his pockets. He looked like a grand heist as done by
out of work clowns.
"What even would he need them for..." Erich said. His question was answered as Liam blew one
up, and sent it flying across the room. "Score! Ten points for team Dempsey!"
Erich shook his head. His ink pen was poised just at the receipt. She always read carefully any
paper that Erich gave her. He'd personally gotten Jane to agree to several new organ
transplants, when Jane thought they were just playing tic-tac-toe.
"Your patience is quite admirable," Erich said.
Sophia looked back to Liam, and smiled. "You could say I've had lots of training over the years.
You all certainly kicked in to make motherhood seem easy by comparison."
Erich chuckled. "Happy to help."
January 17th, Sophia's birthday.
Both Liam and wore little conceal hats, though Alice's was quite a bit smaller.
"That's adorable," she said. Sophia snapped a picture.
"You're usually a lot more undressed for my birthdays. I remembered what you did for
last birthday. You had on nothing but a birthday hat...it wasn't on your head."
"I had to go all around town for extra-large birthday hats, too," Liam said.
He covered up Alice's ears. "Hey, you were just sayin' I can't swear in front of her anymore."
"She isn't even a year old yet, Liam. I think we're safe for a little while longer," she said.
"Eh, guess you're right. Besides, I heard Ma say all kinds of things about my dad, and I turned
out pretty okay."
February 12th, 1978
Her hair was swept back in a knot at her neck, though the red ribbon was a new, and random
addition from her husband. He'd decked out the underside of her desk with red streams and foil,
and little paper hearts stuck on with tape. He'd gotten a mountain of candy, and eaten at least
half of it, with a large pile of red and silvery foil balled up in a pile.
For years he'd snuck into her office to steal kisses, and her time away. Now their daughter
napped against his chest in her new baby carrier as he shoved more unwrapped chocolates
whole into his mouth. The new office workers knew him by name. If someone had told her
years ago that Liam would be wearing a pink baby carrier covered in kittens across his chest
and cooing to his baby girl, she would have told them it would only happen if alcohol, shotgun
marriages bets, and possibly hell freezing over had happened.
In retrospect, she probably should've read Dante's trilogy before she added the last part.
None of the above had happened, and yet here he was, curled in a corner with chocolate
around his mouth. Each stolen kiss tasted sweet, even saccharine. Liam had a taste for cheap,
childish candy. Bubblegum, penny pop, and cheap dime store hearts that lost their trite sayings
in the sweat of his hand.
Hits to his dignity aside, Liam was taking fatherhood much better than she ever would've
guessed. Whereas she spent time wondering how she'd juggle both a eighteen hour workday
and a baby, to say nothing of actually find ways to spend time with her husband, Liam was
perpetually in a state of pure adulation, even when he was covered in multiple body fluids the
baby had expelled, and going on three hours of sleep.
"You know that Valentine's day isn't for another two days, right?" she said.
"Days, smays, I'm goin' to eat chocolate and send you love notes, just like any other day which
ends with 'y,'" Liam said. He made a heart with his hands, as if the whole affair wasn't
endearingly cheesy enough.
"Besides, do we really got to wait two whole days for chocolate? How about we celebrate the
thirteenth, and the twelfth, and then the fourteenth?" Liam said. He shoved several pieces of
unwrapped chocolate into his mouth.
"I suppose we're adults and can eat chocolate any time we want, it just won't be Valentine's
day candy," she said.
"We'll make it a holiday. A whole new holiday just for us. A shame Alice can't have any candy
yet," Liam said.
"I'm sure she'll make up for it later," Sophia said.
"Just imagine--Halloween costumes, sendin' her a bunch of those little heart candies, and
father's day! I'm goin' to get father's day cards!" Liam let out a gasp filled with wonder. "One
day, I'm goin' to get a cup with Number one dad on it!
Sophia pressed a finger to her lips. "You'll wake her up if you're not careful."
He cupped the back of Alice's head. Despite his outburst, she didn't even stir. Thankfully, she'd
followed after her father, and turned out to be quite a heavy sleeper. Considering Liam had no
indoor voice even when he wasn't excited, and he'd walked into parenthood in a state of
constant glee, even when he was covered with questionable fluids and holding a screaming
child, she was glad Alice seemed to be following this side of his gene pool.
She might retract this gratitude when Alice got big enough to zip around the house. Colleen had
told her horror stories, like Liam running around the roof at age 2. Sophia made a mental note to
check the doors again when she got home, just to be sure. Sure, Alice couldn't even crawl yet,
but as Colleen had said: it was never too early when it came to a Dempsey baby.
He held out his hand, full of little red and white pieces of foil candy. Hugs and kisses, he smiled,
waiting or her to get the joke.
"She helped me pick them out," Liam said in a too-loud whisper. "She's got good taste, too."
Sophia smiled despite herself. "Did she blink in Morse code or something?"
"Naw, she smiled. And no, it wasn't gas. I burped her like a real man would."
"As opposed to a fake man?" Sophia said dryly.
"You know me, just keepin' it real," Liam said.

Sophia looked back to the door. She'd spent many hours with her ripped pantyhose to her
ankles, watching the door every few seconds, jolted from growing hickies from a noise in the
hall outside. Now she was sneaking around again, except with candy and her child hidden here,
a hint of baby powder and that fresh, indescribable scent.
She pushed the chair back and climbed under the desk as well. It too some maneuvering to fit,
as she pushed the hill of discarded foil aside with her heel.
Liam held up one of those chalky tasting candy hearts that. It said Hot stuff. He winked.
"These candies know what they're talkin' about. A shame they don't taste as good as they look."
He shrugged, and shoved another handful into his mouth anyways.
"We should celebrate Valentine's every single damn day," Liam said.
"You'll get a stomach ache if you eat that much chocolate all the time," she said.
"Okay, every other day, then."
She unrolled the foil wrapper in slow silvery red shavings that curled down. "You just might get
tired of chocolate that way." He looked skeptical. "It could happen."
"Like hell I would. Two things I never get tired of: You, my little girl here, baseball, Tom Jones,
chocolate, pizza, runnin'--" He started to count off on his fingers as he got into the dozens.
"That was way more than two things," she said.
"Yeah, I kinda thought up more as I went along. At least kisses every day," Liam said.
"Hersheys, or--" she pointed to her lips.
"Why choose?" Liam said.
February 16th.
"Oh, ugh. Pretty sure that ain't comin' out," Liam said.
Sophia pressed down the pedal with her foot, and threw the ruined onesie in with the rest of the
diapers. The lid slammed down, though Alice was never disturbed by loud noises. Not
surprising, considering that Liam always took her to watch taped baseball games that he always
brought out when the season was over. Even though he knew the games by heart, he always
cursed out the referee. Except now he did it with a baby held to his chest.
"It's a good thing somebody went on a buying spree, and we've now got enough onesies to
clothe a small army," she said.
"One made entirely of babies," Liam said with a big grin.
"You could call it a very small army," she said.
"Ooh, good one! Bump me one!"
"You probably want to wait until I wash my hands for that," Sophia said.
"You got me there. I'll take an IOU on that," Liam said.
She left to clean up. Suds filled the sink, the bubbles lingering in the drain long after she'd
turned off the faucet. Another way her job had prepared her for motherhood was the complete
and utter fact that no bodily fluid phased her. From cutting up day-old bodies, ripened in the
unforgiving temperatures, sanding off fingerprints off of corpses, plucking out teeth one by one,
to stealing the maggot-filled remains of Soldier's head collection on the Administrator's
command, a soiled diaper was nothing in comparison to this.
She dried her hands, and found herself inclining to listen. She'd always been aware of her
surroundings--with the police always one stupid drunken mercenary away from bursting in and
landing them all in jail, it was always a necessity. But now, she found herself focused on other
rooms, like she'd gained some mother sense of sonar.
She still had a decent amount of maternity leave. Well, more like a begrudging amount of
maternity leave by the Administrator, who was unwilling to quite let her go from the company,
even if she strongly disapproved of her choices.
"Hey, look what Tavish sent," Liam said. He held up a little tartan knitted onesie, with Boom
Boom stitched on the back.
"I bet his ma knitted it. Pretty good for a blind lady," Liam said.
"No, I think Tavish did it. Apparently Mick taught him before everyone went their separate ways
again," she said.
Liam snickered. "Great hobby. I bet he has drunk knitting parties with Jane all the
time."
"He would, if he still drank," Sophia said.
"Yeah, I keep forgettin' that he's been off the bottle. Sort of feels wrong, like a part of him died."
"From how he was when we last spoke, I think he feels the same," Sophia said.
"Maybe I'll send him a gift basket or somethin'. Somethin' to get his mind off the lack of booze in
his life."
Liam shook a cardboard box which had seen better days, and smelled like it'd been taken
straight from the alley―one which had a very large population of male cats, and that saw a lot
of rain.
Sophia reached in and out from the debris of packing material made from many old fruity cereal
boxes, she pulled up something wrapped in newspaper. She unwrapped the egg-shaped thing,
wondering why on earth Jane of all people would be giving her some Russian egg
Faberge.
What she held was decidedly not Russian art, or art at all. It took her several seconds to
process just what Jane had sent her.
"A Grenade? Naw, it's probably some fake joke―it's plastic or somethin'―oh hey, it's from
Jane! I wonder what he's gettin' up to. Still livin' in a cardboard box in the alley, I bet," Liam said.
Sophia handed him the child, and with as much calmness as she could muster, dug out her
clutch and shoved the grenade in. Seconds after she closed it, the metal tines of her purple
clutch shuddered as a loud noise went off inside. The purple clutch wasn't even dented, let
alone destroyed by the considerable blast.
"You have a grenade-proof handbang?" Liam said.
"Of course; It's come in handy quite a few times," she said.
She'd had to give Jane the weapons talk more than once on base. Then it hadn't been
quite as pressing, when it was just a waste of resources and her time. If he snapped someone's
neck then, it was unfortunate, collateral damage.
Now, her child sat on Liam's lap, just inches from where he'd shook the box above her head.
"The fuck was that about? A real live grenade? Jeez, I'm going to smash his face in!"
She lifted up the card. She skimmed over the poorly spelled card wishing them well in what was
either his own―or someone else's––blood, or particularly messy red ink that had turned a
brownish shade with age.
"Sending us supplies for our... bunker," Sophia said. "And congratulating us on our new uh,
recruit."
"Right, punchin' his damn face in it frickin' is!" Liam balled his fists, ready to push himself
up. She picked up Alice before she could be unseated in Liam's rage―a good call, as Liam
sprung up and began to pace.
"I can't frickin' believe it. What's next, Friggin' Medic showin' up and askin' if she needs to
be customized with a pair of friggin' bird wings on her back?"
He paced, his words blending together in angry fits and starts.
Alice laughed, and he looked down.
"Sheesh, you aren't scared at all, are you, you little Alley cat?"
Years ago, she wouldn't have guessed him capable of such tenderness towards anyone. Now
she knew better; he could be as kind to those he loved just as much as he could be cruel to
anyone else who didn't fall into that narrow scape.
He bent down before her, and rested his hand on her knee. "It's new....and weird. I mean, God,
what if she pulls half the shit I did as a kid? I used to jump roofs to impress girls! It's how I broke
my arm the first time!"
She touched his shoulder. With every bit of calm she didn't feel. "It's going to be all right," she
said. Even breath in, even breath out.
Alice made a gurgling sound, but had remained surprisingly content, even amused by his
outburst.
"―we'll get used to it," Sophia said.
If she kept telling herself this, then it had to be true.
"I'm still punchin' Jane in the face," Liam said.
"I'll help you," Sophia said.
Liam climbed up on the couch, still seething, but with a new calm edge. He rested his head
against her shoulder, she rested against him. They were just two new people, trying to find their
way in a confusing new world of tenderness and feedings.
After all, all they'd known for years was killing.
"We―We'll knock this out of the park," Liam said.

March 18th. Alice gripping Liam's hand tight.
"Peekaboo! Yeah, you love that!" Liam stuck out his tongue. Ever since she'd read about ways
to entertain babies, Liam had refined his peekabooing and silly face skills to a sheer art.
She giggled, and started to babble again. Her stream of baby talk was constant, and completely
unsurprising, all things considered. What was surprising, was how little she cried. Sophia had
been prepared for screaming. After all, she'd certainly dealt with her fair share back in the day.
Technically it'd been screams of agony, but really, who was counting? Colleen had imparted
stories of babies who screamed and wouldn't sleep for years. Like a grizzled veteran, Colleen
always had some kind of horror to relate.
But Alice showed no signs of the terrors Colleen had spoken of. Colic, finicky babies, loud
screamers, or the worst, Liam who had never met an outlet he didn't want to lick or stick forks
into, and who had run screaming and naked into the streets more times than Colleen could
count.
Alice clutched his fingers tight. Liam absolutely lit up at the attention.
"Aww, lookit! You're goin' to be liftin' before you know it. Weights, not stuff from stores." Liam
winked at her. "I'll buy anythin' you need, so you don't gotta go to the clink for tryin' to get food
so your family doesn't go hungry that night. Though you should've seen me back in the day.
Nobody could catch me. I got all the five-finger discounts."
Sophia raised one eyebrow. "Nobody could catch you? Because I remember a very different
turn of events."
"Okay, I couldn't stop talkin' about how great I was at stealin' stuff. You could call it my Achilles
tendon. Luckily, somebody came and bailed me out. And I got a different kind of job,
where I stole briefcases and hearts instead! Mostly, a certain girl's heart. Though I'm sure
there's some girls out there who are just full of regrets they never got a chance with me."
Sophia slowly crossed her arms.
"I'm just sayin', they're heartbroken. I totally got on a table and told all the people of Teufort I
was taken, though. I got up on the counter at Inquisitor Chicken, but they just told me to get
down and pay for my meal. They took me off to jail again, but it was worth it."
"Liam, you'll give her nightmares." Sophia bent over. "Don't worry, Alice; I'll never let you stay a
night in jail. I'll bury all the bodies, forge all the papers and keep you safe."
"And I'll beat anybody who tries to take you in." He smiled up at Sophia. "We'll be a great
team."
"We already are," she said.
Alice kicked her legs, letting out little cooing sounds of delight. He made a buzzing noise. Alice
tried to mimic him, but only succeeded in making bubbles.
"I bet I have the smartest baby in the history of ever," Liam said. "Engie babies ain't got
nothin' on this."
"That's a pretty big challenge. Knowing Dell, his kids will probably have PHDs before they're out
of diapers. That's how that whole family is," she said.
"So what? My baby is goin' to have a PHD in runnin'. And that's the best kind!"
Alice continued on with her babbling, and kicked her legs.
"Look at that. You're runnin' on air! If anybody says they got a cuter daughter than me, I'll punch
them for bein' a liar and wrong!"
Liam leaned down to blow a raspberry to her stomach. Alice burst into giggles. Her feet started
to kick wildly, as he blew another raspberry.
"Look at that kickin'. She's goin' to be Legendary. Hell, I bet she'd leave a trail of flames
while she ran, she-she'll be so fast!"
"Your mother told me a lot of things. We're going to need a miracle to survive her terrible twos,"
Sophia said.
Liam covered Alice's ear's with his hands. "Hey now, she doesn't need that kinda talk. I bet her
twos will be like, like...terrific twos! She'll just turn cuter and maybe louder, because she
is my kid, but still. Ain't that right? You're goin' to be terr-rriific! Just like Tony the
tiger, but with less teeth. And probably less fur and tails. Ain't that right?" Liam said.
Alice grinned. She would smile at any provocation, and laugh even more easily.
"See?" Liam said.
March 24th, 1978. Liam leaning over the crib. On the back written with sharpies was the
word 'lullabies and nursery rhymes.
9PM
"Babe, look," Liam said.
He all but dragged her to the kitchen. She'd never seen someone boil water with this much
determination. He checked his water, then mixed together until there wasn't a single clump. He
didn't even spill it as he slowly assembled the bottle. After a spot test, Liam held up the bottle
like a trophy.
"Bam! That was so good, I wanna make twenty more of them, just because nobody's seen
anythin' like it. They should give awards for makin' formula this good!"
"Alice will have to be the judge of that," she said. "I hope you made enough. She likes to eat."
"Future eatin' contest champion, I'm tellin' you. We're goin' to be famous."
"I wouldn't be surprised."
Colleen had boughten a bunch of gold stickers, and chore board and Liam had put up the height
chart, though she wasn't even weaned yet. Liam put on a stick, and made finger guns, like he'd
just made some big commission--a killing, a bank robbed, and not simply a bottle of formula.
"So how does it feel?" Sophia said playfully.
"Feel like a million bucks, but I feel like that every day. Probably because I'm just real rich," Liam
said
"No mentions of how handsome and strong and and all that other stuff you are?" she said.
"I was gettin' to that. And lucky, never forget that."
"Of course, you never let me forget it," she said.
Together, they went back to the nursery. There was a definite swagger in his step. Sophia had
to chuckle. The things Liam could find to be proud about. Once they came in, Liam bent down to
lift her up. "There's my girl! Dad's here, so everythin's better. You hungry? This isn't as good as
a pizza, but Doc says you can't have any of that for a while, so it'll have to do. Apparently this
crap makes babies grow strong and sassy."
He settled down into the rocking chair.
"You like that, don't you?" Liam chuckled. "Yeah, you're just a little eatin' machine, that's what
you are." He slowly rocked in a chair that was a memento of past eras, passed down through
the family, that had come across the seas. It'd taken three mercenaries to get that rocking chair
up those stairs. She'd paid them in what Liam assured her was the traditional way: a case of
beer and some pizza.
For the first few months, she watched over him as he got up to feed Alice, be it midnight or
morning. At first it was just to make sure he got everything right, but as time went on and he
didn't drop her, or put the diaper on the wrong end, she began to watch simply to see her
husband and child together in a pristine moment.
"Daamn, this bottle is almost gone. This girl is a champion eater. I swear, she's eatin' at a third
grade level. She's a friggin' genius," Liam said.
She finished the bottle and reached out for more.
"Seriously? More? Is that bad baby karma or somethin'?"
"I don't think a little more will hurt her. I'll make it this time."
"Pretty soon she'll be able to punch chucklenuts out," Liam said. He made a fist and gently
mimed a knockout. "Wha-pow, that's my girl."
"If she was a G&G character, she'd have shrieks that could break glass as a power. And
protect, and parent's rage..." Sophia said. She hummed as she counted off the resistances and
strengths her little bundle of screaming would have. She'd have to crunch the numbers later.
"Oh yeah, and put all those together and we'd get a bonus. Awesome Dempsey Family powers.
Boo-yeah."
She smiled, and set off to make another round of formula. Surprisingly, when she returned,
he'd kept Alice from fussing too much. His voice was soft as he kept telling tales that were way
too filled with gore and top secret events for her age, but with their life, and their history, it was
inevitable.
"There is is, Alice. There's your mom, the prettiest girl in the universe. She also makes the best
formula, I bet. Even better than me."
She handed the bottle over. "I'll let Alice be the judge of that," she said.
She settled down to her knees, and brushed her finger across Alice's soft, dark hair. There
were many things she could be doing, from laundry to cleaning out the dishes, but she basked
in the small moments, the sound of Liam speaking softly to their child, and the slight squeak of a
rocking chair.
As Alice settled into drinking, he grinned at Sophia.
"I almost forgot to show you." Liam gestured to something new by the bed. It wasn't a new teddy
bear to join Alice's veritable zoo full of stuffed animals, but a little yellow bucket filled with
possibilities. "Baby's first Legos!"
"More like 'baby's first toys embedded in my feet," Sophia said.
"Mmm, nah! I'll put them away, and I'll cook somethin' up real nice. A tower, or maybe a car.
They got those now, Lego cars. Science is amazin'."
"Are you suggesting Legos as foreplay?"
Liam waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "You ain't seen how sexy my buildin' skills are. I can
put Dell to shame."
She covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. All she could think was he was one step away from
being a bower bird, dancing around his little arch to get her attention. Hell, she was surprised he
hadn't done that. It had to be a world record for his shirt staying on.
"Bein' a dad is so cool! I get to play with cars and Legos all day, and instead of bein' 'immature'
and a 'manchild' I'm a good dad. It's like I get to be a real superhero."
"I thought you already were a superhero," she said dryly.
Liam scratched his chin thoughtfully. "I already got the amazin' looks, bombastic personality,
and darin' speed. All I need are some spandex and some free time, and I can totally go punch
some Nazis. Speakin' of which, got you some new brass knuckles, just in case you gotta do any
punchin'. Should be out by the flowers," Liam said.
"Brass knuckles? Awww, that's so sweet of you, thank you. I just broke my last ones at work."
"I'll make sure my wife's got the toughest left hook in the entire country," Liam said.
When he was done, he unsnapped the feet of her onesie, and started to tweak her toes "Look
what I got! This little piggie went to the gun show, and this little piggie was a squealer, so the
mafia made him into bacon, and this little piggie was a fuckin' Yankees fan, so he went cryin' all
the way home when we beat their asses."
"Working on her college education, I see?" Sophia said dryly.
"If she's goin' to Harvard like you, then I gotta get started early. Though I bet your got your
brains, so she'll kick all those nerds' asses," Liam said.
"Well, she'll have a heads up on advanced body burying," Sophia said.
Liam lifted his eyebrows in surprise. "They teach that there?"
"Unfortunately, no. I would've been better prepared for work at Mann co. if they did."
"I should teach a class there. Call it "the school of hard knocks," Liam said.
"Would I be guest speaker, then?" Sophia said.
"How to pick the perfect gun for your assassination, how to bury a body like it's friggin' art, how
to be the best girl around--yeah, you could school 'em."
"Speakin' of school, I got somethin'." He pulled out a flashlight from beside the rocking chair.
"See? See? I bet she'll love 'em." He tried to hold it, and do the shadow puppets, but only
managed to almost drop the flashlight in the process.
"I think this is a two-person job," Sophia said. She dimmed the lights, and took the flashlight.
She stood behind him, holding the light up just right.
"Thanks, Soph! You always come and save the day."
Liam made little wolves and aliens and dragons across the wall. How much Alice could see,
she couldn't know, but she sounded happy through it all. Sophia couldn't help but smile at the
little display, the tiny puppet theater of paraphrased and fairy tales across her wall.
March 29th, 1978. A photo of Liam turned away, frowning from someone just beyond the
view of the camera. Written on the back in sharpie was a note: "My boys never get along."
A blue and red afghan hung across the top of the couch. It still smelled faintly of smoke, just as
everything else did in Colleen's house. Sometimes it was the faint ghost wisps of clove
cigarettes, or the Camels Scout would run to the store to buy his mother.
She tapped the burning ember of against that crystal ashtray. Flecks of gray fell down.
"I swear, I have to fold this again about every five minutes. My boys are always runnin' through,
until the walls are practically shakin'. So many have picture frames have fallin' down as they
stampede through here. You'd think they were a bunch of ten year olds, not grown men."
"We can't help it, Ma, we're all wild at heart," Liam said.
Colleen crossed her legs at the ankles. "More than at heart. You all are wild, period. Well, you
were, at least. Now you went and got married, and are havin' babies of your own. A
grandmother. I don't know if I want to hug you or yell at you. I'm much too young to be a
grandmother," she said.
"Hey, I ain't the first to knock somebody up," Liam said.
Colleen reached out, her perfectly painted nails, making a string of red at the back of his neck.
"But it's a whole different kind of milestone when it's your youngest havin' babies. You used to
be so tiny. And here I thought you'd be immature forever. Like that one baby who just won't
grow up. I thought to myself, it'd be okay. He'd always be my baby."
"Ma, I wasn't that bad."
"Yes you were," both Colleen and Sophia said at the same time. They looked to each other and
smiled, a shared sort of secret, and the weight of memories they'd both known.
Colleen had out one of her many photobooks spread out on the coffee table. Despite care, the
table had seen better days. Cracks marred the wood, as if it'd been pieced together again
several times with nothing but glue and determination. Knowing Liam, she wouldn't be surprised
if it had.
The first time she'd met Colleen, these pictures had been brought out. Every embarrassing
photo, and story had been trotted out with a sort of sadistic glee.
She held out an empty one. "Here, now you can blackmail your kid when they start bringin'
home dates," she said.
"And to enjoy the memories," Liam said.
"Trust me, sweetie. The blackmail is that much sweeter," she leaned in to kiss his forehead.
Liam rolled his eyes. "You been spendin' way too much time with that jerk. He's rubbin' off on
you."
She smiled. "He did teach me a thing or two along the way. I can lockpick like it's nobody's
business. I never gotta worry about losin' my keys and bein' locked out again. I can even slip out
of a pair of handcuffs; I've had lots of practice," she said.
Liam drew back in disgust, and almost knocked the photobook off of the coffee table with his
knees. "Way more than I needed to know, Ma," Liam said.
She laughed, and pulled his hat up. "That's what mothers are for, sweetie. We get back at all
the times you kids embarrassed us by embarrassin' you when you all get to be teens. It's the
circle of life."
"Hey, I ain't embarrassed by you, I just don't need to hear that kind of stuff," Liam said.
She lifted a cigarette to her mouth. A flame came from the air. He slowly sprung into view, the
cloak falling gray, like the smoke from her mouth.
"There you are, Monsieur Fantôme." She smiled, and cupped his chin. "I like this one.
He's had some other interesting names, but Monsieur Fantôme has just such a ring to it,"
Colleen said. She was a breath away from gushing. Her eyes always lit up when she talked to
Spy, and even now, there was a youthful, pleased flushed to her cheeks that showed past her
rouge.
There were several stubs pushed into the ashtray at the middle of the table, though oddly
enough, none of them were from Colleen for once.
Liam rolled his eyes, and emptied his glass before speaking. "You do know that just means
'Mister Ghost'? The whole name is another lie," Liam said. He lifted his chin defiantly. Sophia
was pretty sure those were some of the the only words he knew in French, other than some
swear words and insults he learned simply to insult Spy in his own language.
"Oh, of course. He don't give out real names. It's romantic! I gotta keep a notebook to keep track
of 'em all, though. I never have to worry about him thinkin' I said the wrong name in be―"
"Ma!"
"Oh, hush. You're not a baby anymore," Colleen said.
"That's not a mental image I need!"
"I don't gotta spell out swear words; you know them all. You're out havin' a child, so I know you
ain't a virgin anymore," she said. she shook her head. "This one always wanted to drive my men
away," she said.
"I can believe it," Sophia said.
"They sucked," he said. He gave a sour look to the man just coming out from invisibility at the
edge of the table. "This one sucks the most, though."
"That he does," his mother said. She had a bit of a dreamy expression as Spy lifted up her hand
to kiss the back. "You know they say about the French–it's true."
Spy smiled, just a hint of skin behind his mask. He lifted her hand, in an almost courtly fashion,
and kissed the back of it. "Your pleasure is my pleasure, ma coeur."
"I'm going to go scrub out my ears and pour bleach down them until I can get rid of that," Liam
said. He did a full body shudder in revulsion.
Spy chuckled. "And you never will forget it," Spy said. He leaned down to light Colleen's
cigarette.
"What a gentleman. They don't make 'em like you anymore," she said, cupping his chin.
"Good; the less competition for your heart, the better. I already have to distract all those boys
who think you could do better. Though, you could say he's been my best ally. What if one of
those other men had won you over? I certainly would've won you over eventually, but you're a
rather loyal woman. It would've taken time," Spy said.
Liam rolled his eyes. "God, fine. I friggin' give up. You ever gonna marry her, you rat? Or
you just gonna be like all the others and leave her cryin' in the end?"
Colleen rolled up the morning paper, left just at the edge of the couch, and smacked him across
the shoulder with it.
Liam drew back and rubbed at his arm. "Ow, ma! What the frickin' hell was that for?"
"Now you be nice to him, you hear? He's some fancy agent, he don't got time to be sittin' around
the suburbs! Besides, who said I need a husband? I already had one of them, and he's gone
and buried overseas."
Liam clutched his dog tags, and the room filled with silence. She'd seen the one black and white
picture left of him, faded and dotted with tear stains and yellowed from age. Liam bore a passing
resemblance to the man who hadn't come back from after the war.
"If I married her, my past might affect her even more than it already has. And that far outweighs
the stain of leaving her an unmarried woman," he said.
"That don't mean–"
"Liam," Sophia said. She touched his shoulder.
"Babes, I gotta say this," he said.
"Liam," Sophia said again, with more force.
Spy snickered. "It looks like you've met your match."
"Spy," Colleen said. She gave them the sort of glare that made grown men twice her size
cower beneath her. Colleen was used to keeping her boys in line―having often employed a
similar look to nine very unwieldy mercenaries, Sophia had to admire her skills.
"Of course, cherie," he said.
"Well, pally. Looks like we just hit Pussywhippedville, population us."

Sophia raised her eyebrow at him. "Pussywhippedville?"
"I didn't mean it like a bad thing," Liam said, flashing his bucktoothed smile. "I like bein'
whipped."
"Do you also like sleeping on the couch?" Sophia said.
"No," Liam said. "That's about my least favorite thing ever. It's way too small, and―oh. Yeah.
Um, shuttin' up now."
"I ain't ever seen anybody shut him down like that. You got talent," Colleen said. Her cigarette
had burned to embers. The edge had a trace of her bright red lipstick.
"I could say the same. Spy used to cause so much trouble during his spare time, he even outdid
Liam, and that's saying something," Sophia said.
"Hey, that ain't so. I was way worse than he'll ever be. I can't help it, bein' wickedly charmin' is in
my veins," Liam said.
She gripped his tie firmly and pulled Spy to her level. There was something seductive and yet
steely in her gaze.
"Now don't you be backstabbin' my boys, and you treat my girl here nice. Don't go makin' too
much trouble for her."
"Anything for you," Spy murmured.
Alice let out a shriek.
"She's got a set of lungs on her, just like her father," she said,
Colleen smiled in reminiscence, soft with nostalgia. Smile lines lined her ruby lips. "I had such
hard time getting' him to be quiet. So many sleepless nights, until I figured out that he couldn't
stand no one payin' attention to him, not even for a second. The minute I went to see what other
boy of mine was sneakin' into the cookie jar or breakin' all my china, he'd start bawlin'."
"How little has changed," Spy said.
Sophia nodded knowingly.
"C'mon, gimme a break," Liam protested. "I ain't a crybaby."
"My, how you're proving your point," Spy said. He twisted Liam's cap sideways.
"You wanna see these knuckles up close? I'll make you a sandwich of 'em--!"
"Now, now, you know the rules. You goin' to fight, you take it outside. No guns or knives or iron
knuckles. Save those for whoever you gotta beat down."
She kissed them both on the forehead, leaving ruby lip prints that neither bothered to wipe
away. The truce was a tense, silent one. Liam finally shrugged and started out of the living
room.
"Eh, he ain't worth the bloody knuckles."
March 30th A picture of Spy holding Alice. As he looks down at her, just a hint of hidden
sadness can be seen in his gaze.
Sophia had always been a light sleeper. She couldn't say what woke her, whether the flutter of a
drape, the slight chill of wind, or a mother's intuition. Liam lay on his side next to her, murmuring
in his sleep. There was no fear he'd wake up; he'd slept through bombs exploding and
tornadoes before.
She rubbed at her eyes to wipe away the sleep. The baby was floating, with only a trail of
smoke visible going outside the window.
The chair rocked back. Slowly, he came into view. She'd rarely seen him without his mask. It
was made of material which wouldn't burn off, and not even his worst enemies dared to remove
it. When he looked at Colleen, his face changed. Past the hard planes of his angular face, past
the disdain of a man who knew death intimately. Around them was the tenderness and humanity
she had never seen on the forefront of war, that she in truth never suspected lay within him.
"Sneaking up on a former hired killer isn't a good way to stay alive," he said without looking back
to her.
"Former?" she said.
"I'm sticking to lesser sins lately. I wouldn't want my money laundering to get rusty," Spy said.
"And I wouldn't want to spend my weekends breaking my coworkers out of jail skills to get rusty
either, I suppose," Sophia said.
"Not even for old time's sake?" Spy said.
"Of course, I'll just put Alice in a bulletproof baby carrier while I dispose of the evidence and the
jailers. Why didn't I think of that before?"
"Have a little trust in me for once," Spy said. He smiled back at her, Marie clutched to his chest.
At first he had seemed afraid to hold her, but now in small moments he would rock her to sleep
while Colleen slept.
"Lack of trust is an occupational hazard," she said.
"Granted. Except towards him," he said.
"True. And you're saying you don't trust her? Otherwise you wouldn't be here. Your mask would
still be on," she said.
"We're both fools, it seems," he said.
The rocker creaked, and Marie made a sleepy sound. He murmured to her in French. No
surprise; he was always ignoring her or undermining her plans. When there was a problem back
then, he would usually be behind it. Either with an insult goading Liam to action, a bottle of
scrumpy stolen and then left at someone else's door, so they would get the brunt of Demoman's
explosive temper, or conspicuous smudges left on Heavy's gun.
Even now he'd be undermining the peace and teasing Liam until he'd be angry all day. Some
things never changed.
"...do you ever worry that one day it will catch up to you?" She said.
"You merely aren't talking about me," he said.
Of course he would see through her; he saw through everyone.
She plucked up the bib rag and handed to him. The rocker leaned back, and he took it without
even grazing her hand.
"It takes an unimaginable amount of pain to burn away one's fingerprints and past; I'd know," he
said.
"But that's not what you're asking in the end," he said.
He lifted his gaze to her, and she saw the same old steel she had known for years. "You're
asking for an ally willing to get his hands dirty should we need to destroy all traces."
"I'm glad you understood," she said coolly.

"One former hired killer, now that would be easily taken. But nine? Any city that tried to hold
them would be destroyed. Likely by Soldier or Demoman, knowing their penchant for blowing up
everything in sight."
Spy never did take to using the names of his former coworkers, even when they were
declassified.
"I had hoped to let you sleep," said the voice. In a moment, he uncloaked, and was visible.
"She'll ruin your suit if you're not careful," she said.
"I've had enough suits ruined by blood and that idiotic bushman's jars to keep entire families of
tailors in business. Your child would have to outdo nine grown men to even make a dent in my
suit collection."
"She's his child, so you might be tempting fate," she said.
"I can tell. She certainly has his lungs," he said.
She began to fuss, threatening to turn into a full out scream again. He put a bottle in her mouth,
and she sucked noisily. He held her with the kind of experience she hadn't guessed he would
ever posses. Spy never kept anyone around who might be a weakness or a liability.
Except for Colleen, but even she was fairly well-hidden and guarded away by her boys.
"Did you ever have any of your own?" Sophia said.
He gazed out the window. She could just see a tightening of his jaw at this angle.
"Once.. But it was a long time ago," he said.
"I see," she said. She knew well that he wouldn't answer anymore questions. She was surprised
he'd even answered this one.
He had the scent of gun smoke on him, a speck of blood he'd missed on his sleeve. Barely
home from the hospital and her daughter was already being exposed to death. It was inevitable.
Loving Liam was one thing–he had Respawn to deal with his recklessness. Knowing that he'd
be back in less than a minute numbed any worries of seeing him blown to pieces on the
battlefield.
But this new child brought out sides of her she didn't realize she had. She felt on edge, with a
new protective fervor so intense that it took some getting used to, like every nerve was rubbed
raw.
"You can go on back to bed. I've already had several cups of coffee; I won't be sleeping until
Colleen wakes up."
"Thank you," she said. She ended on a pause, as if something else should be there, but nothing
came. Spy never was one to open up, least of all to her. If anything, they were wary allies as
always. Bound only by keeping safe the ones they loved.
April 1st., 1978. Liam gaping at a room full of sports merchandise.
Considering the height difference, it was remarkably hard to keep her hands over his eyes as
she walked him in. Next time, she'd have to use a blindfold, or something. But knowing Liam,
he'd just think it was some kind of foreplay.
"Gifts? Really?" Liam said, his voice grew eager. "It ain't my birthday yet. Actually...what day is
it? March 31st, right? Spy is always on me about that...I refuse to call that fucker boss, or papa,
or Boss Papa, for that matter."
"Don't worry about that."
She pulled her hands back. "Ta-da! I remember you mentioning a team you like so much. Of
course, I don't pay much attention to these things, but I definitely remember one name
you said a lot."
She held up a onesie and grinned. "I got a great deal. There's onesies, and jerseys for us. We'll
all match when we go to games. I'm sure everyone will just love our team spirit."
Liam's face turned from eagerness to sheer horror as he finally saw just what she held.
"The Yankees? I---what---"
"Yes! That's the team you always go on and on about. And I got a bunch of posters, too. See?"
"You...really... went all out." He tried to smile but it came out strained, and more like a grimace.
"You really don't remember goin' to Fenway at all?" He said desperately.
"Oh, you know how I am. I can never leave work behind. I got the right one, right?"
Liam forced a smile. "Yeah, you got the right one."
"And one more thing..." She snapped a picture. "April fools!"

He put his hand over his heart. "Oh, thank God, I thought you were serious for a moment, and I
was goin' to have to go root for the enemy."
She laughed. "I'm not that forgetful."
She started to roll up the jerseys, and stuffed them into a large bag.
"Well, it was either that or getting your mom to dress up in Halloween makeup and let me
pretend that I accidentally killed her, and we had to bury her....Oh, I shouldn't have said that.
Now I won't be able to use it for next year."
"Wh-what the hell, that's brutal. Like some whole other level of April Fools...Like April
Kick-A-Guy-In-The-Nuts."
The bags were stuffed at the edge of the couch. Sophia tapped her lower lip thoughtfully.
"Hmm, maybe it was going too far. But we haven't even played the trick on your mother yet."
Liam looked more than a little alarmed. "Wait, what could you possibly have in store--do I even
want to know?"
"Hmm, I got so wrapped up in this one I wasn't sure." She pulled out her notes and handed
them over. Liam's face turned to a grimace as he read them off. "No, God no, oh damn,
she'd kill us for that one. Uh, let's just get her plastic flowers or somethin'. Or, even better, we
could just do somethin' nice, and she would be convinced it was somethin' bad. Like the flowers
we bought her were full of water spurtin' stuff, but in reality they were just flowers."
"That works," Sophia said. She crumpled up the paper and tossed it in the trash.
"Did you seriously buy all this merch? Babe..."
"No, I paid Spy fifty to steal it from a warehouse. He was nice enough to burn their warehouses
down, too. If you want, we could burn all these, but we'll have to go back to your mother's
house. We can't exactly burn things here in the apartment."
"Man, I was just going to put down some whoopie cushions and call it a day. You really go all
out. And gettin' to burn all these Yankee merchandise really is like a birthday." He rubbed at his
neck, and looked back at the Yankee posters. "...You really do know about the Sox though,
right? You weren't just ignorin' me and treatin' Fenway as a mobile work station?"
She laughed. "I was teasing you. Of course I remember the Red Sox. You've taken me to so
many games and gone on about them for so long, there's no way I couldn't. I don't really get the
mechanics of the game, even though you explained it about a thousand times, but it's fun to hurl
obscenities at the other team."
"Besides, even if I hated baseball--which I don't--I'd go because I love how happy it makes you."
She reached up to cup his face. "Your face always lights up when you describe some play. I
certainly dragged you to enough of what I loved. There aren't even any decomposing bodies to
dispose of in baseball. At least not in any game I've ever seen," she said.
"And even if there was, because it was zombie baseball, we'd still go as a family," Liam said.
"You know, that's a game I think I'd do well at. When the umpire comes for your brains, you hit
his head out of the park with a baseball bat," Sophia said.
Liam chuckled. "Sounds like one of our dates."
"The one with the aliens or the one the wizard crashed?" Sophia said.
"Both," Liam said.
April 8th. 
7PM
"I sure as hell didn't miss this while I was pregnant," she muttered to herself.
Sophia leaned back on the couch She was far past frayed patience, and the deep, throbbing
ache in her back sure wasn't helping her mood.
At this point, the pills did nothing to dull the pain. If Respawn were an option right now, and she
could come back alive without this particular aspect of her biology for the month, she would've
gladly stepped on that mine, or whatever got her skipping through life and death.
She flipped through a few channels, before tossing away the remote in annoyance. She heard a
door close down the hall.
"Hey Soph, you're home early. I just put our little slugger down for a nap. Oh, you waitin' for the
game? It ain't on today," Liam said.
He leaned down to kiss her forehead. "How was work―oh, lemme guess, classified, right,
right?"
"Work... I almost miss the good old days when I got to gun people down on a daily basis for
their incompetence."
"Oh boy, sounds like a Monday all right," Liam said. "You want me to beat up anyone for you?"
"It sounds tempting, but I'll pass for now. I don't want to even want to get up to go to the fridge,
let alone pick up a shovel and bury bodies."
"What's wrong, Soph? You not feelin' well?" He rested his palm across her forehead. "You don't
feel hot, though you sure look it."
She knew for a fact that her makeup was smudged, her purple work dress was strained, and her
nylons looked like swiss cheese with the amount of runs coursing through them. But, Liam
never noticed all that.
He titled his head. From this angle, she could just see his shirt, with a Red Sox logo
across the chest. It seemed tighter than it had a few months ago. He must've been working
about again.
"Well, about that---Liam, could you get something for me?"
"What, you want a cold one?" Liam said.
"No, in the bathroom, under the sink. The women's things," she said.
"Women's things―wait---"
"You got it," Sophia said.
Liam flinched. "Oh man, I prefer when 'bloody week' means you and me had a lot of corpses to
take care of," Liam said.
"You and me both," she said dryly.
She heard the rustle and crash of things underneath the sink, with a series of curses. Leave
Liam to always take the complicated way. But in a few moments, he came back with a box
under his arm. "This what you want?"
He held up a faded box to the light for her to see.
"Well, that's a blast from the past," she said.
He opened up the faded package, which showed a discreet belt, and little clue what lay inside.
"War duration? Sanitary belt? Babe, are girls secretly superheroes? Like, I didn't know about
monthliies and crap, but this...It looks like Superman."
"Having enough patience to not kill people is a super power, I suppose," Sophia said.
He held it up and stared from side to side. "Where is it even supposed to go?" He lifted it up,
and placed it on his head, like it was a helmet. The straps dangled down his chin. "I don't get
how this helps. Is this some chick thing I missed?"
"Where do belts go, Liam?" she said.
Sophia had put up with a lot during her life. Long hours, little kindness from the Administrator or
her family, but today, the return of the monthly terrors, was more than enough.
"Not on the head, apparently," Liam said. "So it's like a diaper or somethin'? That's where it
goes?"
"It goes in the trash, that's where it goes. This isn't the nineteen-forties, and I don't have to put
up with this kind of bullshit. Was that really all that was left?"
"Just this and an empty box," Liam said.
She massaged the bridge of her nose with a sigh. "All right. Could you please go pick some up
from the store for me?"
"Like these?" Liam tweaked the straps at his head.
"No, like the empty box in the bathroom. Take it with you if you need to figure out what you're
looking for."
"So...should I pick up chocolate too?" Liam said.
"That would probably be for the best. Make it bulk. It's that kind of day," Sophia said.
"Got it, enough chocolate to keep Sophie from killin' a man." Liam pretended to write a to-do list
on his palm with his finger.
"There's a grocery list on the fridge. Don't try and just remember it, you always forget
something," Sophia said.
"Got it," Liam said. He winked, and went off to the kitchen.
She turned the television back on. After years with Liam, she now needed sound in the
background, because silence was often a bad sign of prison breaks to come.
7:10 PM
To make things go faster―because Liam was all about speed, especially when his wife needed
something―Liam stopped by a store a few blocks down, right into the edge of Southie territory.
It was some slighty ratty gas station, but one that still stocked everything he needed.
The (presumably) once white floors hadn't been mopped in so long that they looked grey, the
flickering lights were just a few months away from fitting right in with a Halloween horror house,
but if he could make it in under twenty minutes, it'd all be worth it.
Liam kept rubbing his finger across the ink on the list. Even if it smudged, and left a little splotch
of ink on his fingertips, he couldn't quite stop. There was a whole bunch of these things. He still
didn't get the point of them having wings. Though he had a feeling if he asked Soph right
now, he'd get an answer like to fly away from bullshit.
The guy behind him raised his eyebrows. He almost looked like he was going to make some
stupid quip.
"What, I got a wife? You got a problem with that? In fact, she's the most gorgeous girl in the
world. I got a kid, too, but she's way too young for this. But when she grows up, I'll be buyin' her
chocolate and these girlie stuff. Ain't nothin' wrong with it."
The man behind him walked on. Liam muttered asshole under his breath.
He finally picked the most wing-y of the maxis, one that probably had pegasus-sized wings, if
the slogan on the box was anything. He shoved a few Reeses pieces, some Hersheys dark
chocolate, and enough marshmallows and graham crackers to make dozens of smores.
In the flickering light, he picked up yogurt, and bread, like the list asked. He scanned the aisles
as he made his way back to the front, just to figure out what kind of thing to bring back to make
the day officially better. He'd already gotten her flowers that day.
He pulled out the brown leather wallet which was stuffed thick with cash and pictures, enough to
put an unseemly bulge in the back of his pants. Just as he was about to put the last change for
his purchase on the counter, the pictures caught Liam's eye. He opened it up to show the
cashier, his thumb pointing straight towards his beautiful little family.
"See, this is my girl, and this is my kid. Ain't they the cutest things you ever seen? First time I
ever saw her I just had this feelin'. I didn't know what that feelin' was until years later, but that's
what it's like, when you meet your future wife. But I had to get my shit together first. She had
little Alley just a bit ago. Cutest thing, though she has some lungs on her. Just like me---"
"Hey, Mister."
"And this is the weddin' picture, and this is the first baby picture---"
"Mister," the man said more forcefully this time. "I don't need your family history. All I
need is ten cents in change so you can pay for your purchases. You only have a five here."
"Nobody cares about your stupid family, just move the line the fuck on up," came a voice from
behind. Liam whirled around. It was the same jackass who had smirked at him over in the
women's aisle.
He had on some ratty Celtics coat, and ripped jeans. Some scrawny asshole, probably in his
late twenties, with a scragly brown beard that probably drove the ladies away in droves, and his
faded Celtics cap pulled down low enough to obscure his face.
Liam's gaze changed from that of a benevolent father, to the killer he was in seconds.
"Oh yeah, tough guy? I care about my family. I hope you care about my fist, because you're
goin' to get real well acquainted with it in a minute." Becoming a parent had given him more
stealth than tons of work with Spy. Even if he looked rough, the minute he brought out those
photos, no one saw the gun to their head, or the punch coming.
Of course, that hadn't been his motive. He hadn't held up a place in years, and Sophie would
probably exile him to the couch for ages for all the cleaning up she'd have to do. It wasn't like
they needed the money or all. The asshole had just forced his hand.
"What, you too good to hear about my family? Maybe I'll give you some time in the
hospital and wipe that smug grin off of your face!"
Liam had been on the wrong side of the tracks long enough that he knew the first shot was the
alarm. He pulled out his bat, with a faded Red Sox printed across the side. That was the
breaks of getting blood everywhere. Things tended to fade after all the bleaching.
"See this bat? I killed men with it. And one day, I'm going to use it to play catch with my kids in
the yard. But today, it's comin' out for a piece of shit like you."
"You sure can talk. Think you can back any of it up?"
The man pulled a bat of his own, except this one was wrapped in barbed wire and with nails
sticking out. He hadn't seen one of those in a while, not since he'd been down in the badlands of
New Mexico.
Usually, when he got in fights up here, he had a whole bunch of bigger brothers to back him up.
But backing down wasn't an option.
Liam smacked the bat to his palm. "Talk this, asshole," he said.
A hand gripped his arm before Liam could strike. Liam whirled around, only to see someone real
familiar. He'd recognize that douchey fedora anywhere. Spy stuck out in Southie, with his suit,
the large expensive scarf that was draped around his neck, and the long jacket which was
probably made from sheep fed nothing but truffles and gold considering how much it had to
cost.
"Consider your choices," he said softly.
"Oh, come on, the guy was askin' for it. Besides, she'd take care of anythin'."
"Some days a woman would bury the bodies for you. Other days, she'd be tempted to toss you
into the grave as well."
"Two, huh? I can take those odds," the man said.
Spy pulled out a revolver from a back holster. "Be quiet. Trust me, I won't miss. Unlike the
loudmouth beside me, I actually have the ability to aim."
"For the last time, I told you, goin' the speed of sound makes things harder to hit!"
"The only speed of sound here is your mouth getting you into trouble again," Spy said under his
breah.
"No worries, I have no interest in your sub-par goods. Though he had an interest in robbing the
till. There's a gun at his side, and a knife near his boot."
"Geez, you got radar vision or somethin'?" Liam said.
"Unlike you, I actually read the situation," Spy said dryly.
He cocked the pistol. "Now, what's going to happen is you will walk out of here and go back to
whatever rat hole you climbed out of, and I'll leave you alive."
"Yeah! I'm goin' to let you live, but only because my baby's too busy to go buryin' all the bodies I
leave. Better thank your friggin' lucky stars, asshole."
Liam turned back, and paid the last dime the goods. Being so close to Southie territory, the
cashier hadn't even gone for the phone.
"Third fight that happened today. I had to throw out two Celtics fans who came to blows earlier,"
the cashier said. He adjusted his Red Sox cap.
"Sounds about right, those Celtics fans are real asswhuppers," Liam said.
Down here, if someone tried to rob your till, you just brought out a gun of your own. That was
the Southie way. Nobody wanted to be some weak-ass rat, running to the police, when fists, or
a baseball bat could solve a problem just as easy.
It was only when they got outside, near the broken streetlight, that Liam finally exploded. Broken
glass crunched under his shoes as he whirled around on Spy.
"Why'd you fuckin' stop me? I could've taken that guy!"
As far as he was concerned, anyone who didn't like pictures of the cutest kid in the world
deserved to have their jaw broken.
"The last thing you need is more of a criminal record with some sloppy fight," Spy said.
"I know Soph. She wouldn't let me rot a day in jail." Liam brushed off the sleeves of his jacket.
"Just be glad more people weren't around. Then I'd have to knock your teeth out for
disrespectin' me, just to save face. Wouldn't matter if you're with Ma."
Spy lifted one eyebrow, and chuckled. "How amusing that you think you could catch me."
"So what if you got your disappear-y spy stuff. I'm fast."
"Fast enough to avoid a bullet, or a knife, with no Respawn or doctor to heal all your wounds?"
Spy said.
"What, you still don't get it? In Southie, men fight. We don't need to police to get in there. People
disrespect your family, you smack 'em down. I always kept a second baseball bat around,
wrapped in wire. That was how I grew up. I didn't have any dad to keep me safe, just my
brothers. I had to teach myself how to be fast enough to run, fast enough to survive."
His face softened. "My little girl ain't goin' to have to go through that. Ain't nobody goin' to call
her a bastard. I'll teach her how to run, though. Anyone bullies her, I'll break their legs. She ain't
ever goin' to look to the television and try and make a pretend dad from movies, just to stop the
empty feelin' inside. Even if I didn't have one, I'll be the best fuckin' dad there ever was, they'll
make awards for how good I am."
"Then consider it making up for lost time," Spy said softly.
"Just because you're marryin' Ma don't mean you're any kind of 'papa' to me. Don't even joke
about crap like that," Liam said. He hoisted the chocolate over his shoulder and walked down
the street.
Spy let out a sigh. "Who's joking?" he said softly to himself.

7:30PM.
"Soph, I got the goods!" He held up the bag in a wave. "Okay, is this a Reeses day, a Herseys
day, or should I just bring the whole bag?"
Before she could respond, Liam climbed up on the couch with her, and caught her by the waist.
He kissed the side of her temple.
"Okay, I got maximum wings," Liam held up a few boxes of feminine products, "And enough
chocolate to probably kill a man in more ways than one."
She laughed, despite her mood. "That's definitely my kind of chocolate."
"You feelin' better? Anythin' I can do?"
"You've already made it better. Now I wish these painkillers would just start working already."
"Doctor recommends vitamin chocolate," Liam said.
"Erich probably would," she said with a laugh. She peeled off the wrapper and took a small bite
of the Reeses cup.
"Ugh, I can't believe I'm sayin' this, but Spy was right," Liam said under his breath. Imagine how
much colder it would've been sitting in a cell.
"What?" Sophia said.
"Oh, nothin'," Liam said.
Besides, if he got a bad rep for backing down for the fight, he could always take them down with
Sophie along, and make them rue the day they ever faced off with a Dempsey. All those punks
going around the streets with their ripped Celtics jackets and thinking they were something.
Sophie could've had them in pieces in her truck in seconds.
Liam smiled to himself, and rested his head against her. The thought of his wife cutting that jerk
into pieces calmed down all the lingering irritation from the trip back.
April 12th, A morning photo. Two cups of coffee set on the table.
Liam twitched as he poured out more of the brown liquid into his glass. He never could take his
coffee straight; he always had to cut it with milk, and more sugar than the average candy bar.
Hell, given the smell, she had a feeling he'd started melting down candy bars into his drink to
make it more palatable.
"How many cups of coffee have you had so far today?"
"Four, no five. Maybe six? Or was that only what I had in the last hour? I don't know, I tried to
count on my fingers, but my fingers were blurry. Hey, there's three of you!"
She slowly started to pry the coffee out of his hands.
"Hey, Hey--I need that--"
"And I need you. So don't blow out your organs," she said.
She poured the cup down the drain, and ran water until the last of the brown liquid disappeared
down the drain.
She had practice from work on how to do a long day on maybe three hours of sleep, but Liam
had started falling asleep at the kitchen table and in the middle of conversations. Sometime
while she'd been at work, he must have increased his coffee intake until he was almost as
buzzed as when he drank BONK by the carton full on the battlefield.
But, death wasn't a revolving door any longer. Illnesses and injuries couldn't be healed in
seconds with Australium-infused machinery.
She had a persistent worry that he'd damage his heart. Like Tavish, they were all making
adjustments now without the safety net of Respawn.
"The fact is, I fell asleep. Just completely conked out. I woke up and she was all wet and I
couldn't tell how long she'd been cryin'. I just felt so bad. Like I completely failed at this dad
thing."
"I don't wanna be a crappy dad. I didn't have one growin' up. So I'd look to the television and
imagine what it'd be like if my dad were the president, a superhero or James Bond. And I'd think
to myself, Liam, he couldn't be here because he's savin' us from the Russians. He's a big super
spy, on a mission far away. One day he's goin' to step right in and be all 'there you are, son. I've
always been proud of you, I got so much to show you.' But he never came back."
She rested her hand on his. "You have nothing to worry about. Honestly, this is going to go
straight to your head, but I've never seen a better dad than you."
Liam beamed. "Really? I mean, no surprise that I'm the best, it is me after all, but, still.
Really?"
She let him have his moment of egotism. "I keep hearing women complain about their husbands
never being around or never watching the children, never doing chores and ignoring them in
favor of sports and bickering constantly... and all I can think is wow, I really cannot relate to
this at all." She shrugged.
"You hit the jackpot--and so did I. Hell, we all did, this whole lucky damn family."
April 15th, 1978.
May 14th
6AM.
It used to be that Sophia woke up with alarm, wondering if she'd remembered to destroy a
particular body, or if she'd forgotten to calibrate the mainframe, and the entire company would
be in tatters because she fell asleep on the job.
That was years ago. Even as the company still lived, by all means, she was almost something
like a legit businesswoman.
Perhaps with more than average amounts of money laundering, but she hadn't buried any
bodies in years. Now it was little details, anniversaries and birthdays and all the holidays in-
between that she woke straight up at.
"Did you remember to get your mother a gift?" Sophia said.
"Havin' a son as amazin' as me is already a gift," Liam said.
"Liam--"
"And bein' that amazin' means rememberin' to get gifts too. C'mon, have a little faith in
me," he said.
"Did you coordinate it with your family and Spy to make sure you didn't say, all decide to give
her toasters?"
"That only happened one year!"
"Anyways, we all got it planned. Since we can't all take her out on the same day, we just kind of
make it."
*
"Oh, did you hear? Spy's takin' me to Paris,"
"Paris, really?"
"And he got me this beautiful thing, oh, I'll have to be careful where I wear it."
"You would kill them with your beauty, cherie," Spy said. (tk)
"C'mon, man. You ain't playin' fair. How am I supposed to top that?"
"Now Liam, don't be cross. I'm sure I'll love whatever you got for me. As long as it ain't a toaster;
I already got a dozen of those."
Liam looked to Sophia. She quickly shook her head. He'd already used the see, here's a
mother's day gift for you, the girl I'm going to marry! a couple years back.
"She's been cryin' for ages. I tried singin' to her---that only made her cry more. I tried rockin' her,
feedin' her, burpin' her, changin' the diaper--I don't know what to do."
Liam started to tap his foot. When Tom Jones came on, he danced, no matter what the
circumstances.
"Wait, she started to get quiet. What are you doing?"
"Talkin' to you, dancin'---wait, she likes her dad's moves! I got this. Love you, bye!"
Liam started to move.
"You know what's not unsual? How good I dance! Though I'm kinda surprised I didn't rupture a
hip or somethin' with the way I was shakin'."
"Knowing you, it'd be the arms," she said.
"God, I've been dancin' for hours. I ain't tired, though."
May 30th, 1978.

June 1st.
"This is AwesomeDad to AwesomeKid, over. Is AwesomeKid there?" He
"If you wake her up, then you'll have to put her back to bed," Sophia said.
"Aw, I was just havin' a bit of fun," Liam said. He put the
She laughed, and leaned down to kiss Alice's cheek. Alice had on a little purple knit cap.
Colleen had sent it, along with a package. A knit blanket, and several mementos of Liam's past.
The emergency wine nestled between that blanket was for Sophia, though.
She had a slice of cheese in hand. Alice reached out.
"Don't even think about making a cut the cheese joke," she said.
Alice let out a happy burbling sound.
"We can't feed her too much cheese, but I'm sure there's something else we can try."
She poured out some applesauce into a bowl.
June 1st
"A is for frickin' awesome, B is is for Big Frickin' deal, aka me. Actually, I can think of a
couple more bees: like battin' a chucklefuck's skull in, oh, and G is for guns! Your mom
loves those. Speakin' of which, you ever seen mine?" Liam curled his bicep. "One day,
you'll punch enough people that you get guns like this."
"Wait, I skipped ahead, we gotta start again."
Alice put a block in her mouth. It was a S.
"Yeah, that's your mom's name! Or part of it, anyways. I gotta snap a pic for Soph. I
knew you were a friggin' genius."
Liam smirked and arranged the blocks to form a series of words for Sophia, mostly a long
suggestion of what they could do tonight. He snapped a picture. "I'll surprise her at work, slip it
under her door and everythin'."
"Good thing you can't read yet. Not sure what I'll do when that happens. Teach myself some
foreign language so I can sneak it past you. But not French, because fuck the French. Mostly
Spy, but you get me. Maybe I'll ask Heavy to teach me Russian. Your mom probably already
knows it; she knows everythin'. And that's a pretty manly language." Liam stroked his chin.
"I'd go for pig-latin, but I just know you'll pick that crap up--you're my kid, after all."
June 18th. Father's day.
"I ain't givin' him a card," Liam said. He crossed his arms, and glared in the most petulant way.
June 28th, 1978 a business card with LeCroix and sons printed on the front.
The noise of the game was drowned out by a little whimper, then a loud cry. Without looking up
from his position on the couch, Liam put a bottle in her mouth. Liam took a sip, and frowned. He
took another before he looked to see that it was a plastic bottle with duckies in his hand, not a
glass one.
"We're not tellin' your mom about this, all right?" Liam said.
Alice let out a burp that would put Tavish to shame.
"Jeez, you reek. Can I give babies mints?"
With one eye on the game, Liam inched to the phone, and dialed a much hated number.
"I need some help, no questions asked―is there a way to make a baby not stink of alcohol? "
He heard a sigh on the other side of the phone. "Do I even want to know?"
"I said no questions asked," Liam said.
Another sigh. "All right, all right, I'll be there in a moment. Mon Dieu, I've done a lot of cover ups,
but this one takes the cake."
"They were the same shape, okay! I was just openin' up a bottle while I was watchin' the game,
and picked up the wrong one. It wasn't until I got a mouthful of formula that I realized what was
up."
There was nothing but silence on the end of the phone.

"The game was on! I really though they were goin' to win this time," Liam said.
There was a whole lot of muttered French, probably swear words, knowing Spy.
"I'll be there in a few," Spy said curtly.
And when he said a few, he meant a few. It wasn't five minutes before Alice was being lifted out
of his hands.
"It ain't like I dropped her on her head, I just―I just was watchin' the game."
Liam let out a sigh. He'd promised Sophia that he'd do this right, that she wouldn't have to give
up her job. And he really thought he could, it'd seemed easy. He'd always been good with kids
in the neighborhood. Just take them out for a game, out for a run, tell them a story. They weren't
that hard.
But Alice was fragile. She cried and sometimes he didn't know how to fix the crying. And he
hated not being able to fix this, not having an easy answer, and the gripping feeling that he
might not be good at this.
"They should give a manual with this," Liam said.
Spy flipped a card towards Liam as he lifted her up.
"Think about it," he said.
"Leacrawxic and sons," Liam read out loud. "Difficult jobs made easy...hey, what's this?"
Spy cringed. "I have never heard someone butcher the French language like you."
"You hirin'?"
"I've decided to take on some local work for a while," Spy said. He didn't look back. He had
something in his hand, and in a second, he'd given Alice some kind of black pill.
"I always keep extra pills around," Spy said.
"But, for babies―"
"She'll be fine," Spy cut in.
"You think I'll ever get the hang of this?" Liam said.
"Of course. Even you can manage to learn with enough practice," Spy said.
He lifted up the bottle from Liam's side, and stuck it in Alice's mouth. She sucked noisily, no
longer reeking of booze.
"This―it's just goin' to be between you and me. All right?"
"Excellent blackmail material, I could threaten to bring it up at every family gathering," Spy said.
"I'm friggin' serious here!"
"Hmmm. I'll think about it," Spy said. His mischievous smile wasn't exactly making him seem
more trustworthy.
"Geez, you ass....What kind of work is it?" Liam said.
"Occasional work of the sort you used to do," Spy said.
"Like?" Liam said.
"The usual. Laundering money, hiding bodies, destroying documents. You'd be in for 'grunt
work.'"
"Funny to hear you say somethin' like that out loud―you're always such a clam about stuff like
that. All man of mystery and stuff," Liam said. He punctuated 'man of mystery' with appropriately
wiggly mysterious finger waggles.
"No one checks for bugs more than Sophia. If there's anywhere in the world where we wouldn't
be overheard, it's where she lives."
"Yeah, she's pretty awesome," Liam said, with a big grin. "I'll need to have somebody take care
of Alice, though―"
"I've already taken it over. Colleen would be delighted to, besides, she's staying in for the next
year."
The door opened with a jangle of keys, and Liam's grin froze as he saw Sophia come in, with
Colleen just behind her.
"We've got a couple rotisseries―I know Liam can eat about three whole ones in a sittin'––and
some fresh potato salad," Colleen said.
"Should I set a wine glass for you?" Sophia said.
That was his girl. She sure caught on fast.

"Oh no, it's makin' me sick these days. I won't be havin' anymore wine for quite a while," she
said, with an enigmatic smile.
He remembered one thing his brothers had told him over the years: it never failed, if wine made
his Ma sick, there was going to be another brother soon. He could only gape as his mind
processed the information.
"You son of a―"
"Now be nice to him, Liam. He's goin' to be around a lot more now. He promised, and even said
that you get to beat him up if he breaks it. Now isn't that nice of him?"
"I'm already goin' to beat him―"
Colleen frowned at him. "Don't you dare."
Liam sputtered, looking from Spy to his mother. Sophia had put away the rest in record
time―nobody was more efficient than her, Liam would fight on that, and several other
things―and in a moment, she was beside him.
"Isn't this what you wanted?" she said in a low, comforting voice.
"No!" Liam burst out.
"I still ain't callin' him papa," Liam said.
"No, you'll be calling me boss," Spy said. He leaned down to kiss Colleen on the cheek.
The ring on Colleen's finger may have been a fake from a fake marriage, but even Liam had to
grudgingly admit that the feeling behind it wasn't.
"She found her feet! And now she's eatin' them. Should I be worried?"
She bent over, and smiled. "Are those some tasty feet?" Colleen chuckled. "I wouldn't worry
about it; you used to do far worse."
She turned to Sophia and shook her head ominously. "You wouldn't imagine the kinds of things
he did when he was little. God, I still have nightmares. I don't know how he or I survived those
terrible twos, that's for damn sure."
Spy smirked. "Good thing Sophia has horrible taste."

"I could've done far worse," Sophia said.
"See, she knows what's up. She got a friggin' treasure."
"What was it, the missing declaration of independence?" Spy said.
Liam crossed his arms. "I can't tell you it around the baby, but it was friggin' amazin', and
happens a lot. Okay, maybe a little less with the kid around, but Doc says that it picks up more
later."
"Oh yes, a childless man would certainly know," Spy said.
"He's a doctor. They teach him baby stuff."
"Among other things," Spy said. He breathed out a cloud of gray smoke.
"They don't let him graduate doctor school without knowin' a thing or two about kids," Liam said.
"Ahem...you do remember that he lost his medical license, correct?"
"Oh, c'mon. Anybody could lose a skeleton!"
"I thought you hated doctors," Sophia said.
"Totally do, but I gotta take Alice to one."
She held out the swab. "Open up, Jane."
She studied the sample. A collaboration between Dell and Erich had provided a quick electronic
test with a truly amazing scope of possible diseases and maladies.
"Good news, you don't have rabies again," Sophia said.
She narrowed her eyes as Tavish bent over the crib. Wait, could alcoholism be transmitted
through the skin? No, that was from heredity. Wait, could he have dangerous chemicals on his
hands, leftover from making bombs? She made a mental note to make gloves mandatory for all
mercenaries who visited.
Well, all but Liam, at least.
"Now, just sterilize your hands here. The tingling means it's working," she said.
"We came for the pizza," Tavish said dryly.
"All the more reason to go wash your hands, Jane," she said.
"Just be glad I'm the one doing it. Erich would've saved your DNA to make clonebeasts of you
all," Sophia said.
"Please, Fraulein. You make it sound so crass. And like I haven't been doing it since 1969."
Liam's eyebrows shot up. "Whoa, does this mean there's literal sexy beasts? There's a whole
army of me?"
"If they existed, they would've sought me out, so I doubt it," Sophia said.
Erich shook his head. "Too noisy, I never could get those to behave. Now, Mikail, his genes
were much more...quiet."
Liam chuckled. "You can't improve on the original. Probably would've been awkward to have to
fight a million copies of me. Hot, but awkward. It'd solve the problems of babysittin', though. But,
wait, imagine all we'd get done if there were tons of Sophias around."
 September 7th, 1978. Several drawings of superheroes. 
The clothes from before were still somewhat snug. The buttons still wouldn't close right over her
breasts, and there was still something of a swell at her stomach. She might have to request
some more of Colleen's taking in--
No, she'd find a professional tailor. They already asked Colleen to watch Alice when they
needed a moment-or a night-alone. And she'd gotten plenty of other post-pregnancy beauty tips
from Colleen along the way. She rubbed her skin down with cocoa butter lotion every night.
Supposedly, it'd help her skin return to normal. She hadn't seen much difference yet, but as
Sophia kept reminding herself, it wasn't infused with radiation or Australium, like many of the
Mann co products were.
"Lookin' good. Hell, you look more like a goddess every day, and that's sayin' somethin',
considerin.'"
She smiled as he took her hand, and squeezed. He was always seeking some form of touch: an
arm about her shoulder with late night shows, a hand slipped in hers as Alice walked between
them, and a stolen kiss whenever he could manage.
Years ago, she would've said many things: don't you go chasing other girls; you'll regret it if
you break my heart. A thousand little stutters, parrying every compliment, as if it might be a
frilly, gift-wrapped lie. Each a warning, a wavering.
Sophia was never good a trusting, even before she'd worked with hired killers, and become one
in her own right.
So many times she'd heard-and resigned herself-to the fact that passion faded, but love
remained. Passion was untrustworthy, and burned itself out. Find someone to be your friend,
but never trust that sweet-talking boy.
It'd been over 8 years since she first caught him staring at her starry-eyed, over three since he'd
stolen a briefcase, awkward and too stiff in preppy clothes which didn't quite fit. In all those
years, little had changed. He didn't stutter when talking to her, but sometimes he still lost
himself, like she'd stunned the words right out just with a glance. Every time she looked back,
she knew he'd be there, with a crooked grin, a handful of flowers and that same love-dazed
look.
It turned out, she never had to sacrifice a thing.
"Well, it's good that you think that, because all my family grew more pear-shaped after
childbirth," she said.
"Babe, I ain't goin' to complain about more ass. You must've got me mistaken with No Ass
McGee, who probably hates kittens."
"No one would ever mistake you for having no ass," she said.
Liam snickered. "Nope, nope, that they couldn't. Hey, you got racin' stripes!"
She looked down to her hips, which had revealed the white lines all down the sides.
"Just call me Captain Mom," she said dryly.
"Okay, Captain Mom. I'm....Captain Cool McSuperDad."
"That's sure a mouthful," she said.
Liam looked downright thrilled. "That ain't the first time I heard that!"
She shook her head. "I deserved that one. I should've seen it coming."
But Liam was still focused on her 'racing stripes.'
"It's like you got hit by lightnin'," Liam said with awe. "We just gotta get you a mask."
"I suppose hours of labor is some kind of super power," Sophia said.
"Yeah, the best kind! I got a cute kid out of it!"
Before the day was out, she had new art pinned to her fridge. Liam was constantly doodling. On
stalls, on her arms, on the side of paper. One day, she knew her daughter's drawings would go
up there. But for now, it was Liam's ideas for tattoos and their future as a superhero couple.
Right in between Mr. & Mrs. Superhero was a little baby with a lightning bolt across her chest.
For her first year, Alice rarely slept in her crib. Liam wouldn't put her down, even when she'd
ruined his favorite shirt, he simply passed her off to his mother and went to change, before
scooping her up again. Sometimes he'd go through as many as five shirts in a day. He'd fall
asleep in front of the television, with her balanced right on his lap, and wake up covered in drool
and other even less appealing fluids.
When Liam wasn't holding her, Tavish, Colleen or Spy plucked her up. She had Scottish and
French lullabies sung to her in turn, and the occasional patriotic drinking song, when Soldier
was allowed in the house.
Her first word wasn't 'mama' or 'papa' but "wef." It took some time for it to sink in that she'd
spent so much time around the men in her life, that Alice would be cursing out the referee
before she was even out of diapers.
It was hardly the only thing she had in common with her father. Almost as soon as she could
hold onto objects, she would begin to pull things off of every flat surface she could reach. At first
it was harmless things like caps, helmets, or snapping eye patches. While Liam's egotism had
thankfully faded just a bit in the years, the merest hint that she might take on his traits would set
him off telling her exploits to anyone who would listen, be it fellow former mercenaries, family, or
her. No matter how many times they'd heard it, he was always ready to tell any anecdote
concerning Alice and her.
"She's like me," he said again.
"I'm sure there's people who see this as a sign of the apocalypse."
"Yeah, well they suck and their opinions don't count. You know she said it again--wef! I know
she's goin to say dada one of these days."
"Hey, little Alley cat. 'da-da. Can you say da-da?"

She reached out.
"trust me, when she says it, it's goin' to be great. 'da-da.'"
"Hey, Alice! Guess what?"
Alice paused in sucking at the teething ring, and looked up at him.
"You're the best kid ever!"
She gave him a big toothless smile.
"Look, look! she's grinnin'! And don't tell me that's gas, because I've had that, and you only grin
when you fart on somebody."
"Da-da. Can you say that?"
He looked with so much hope, as she started to open her mouth.
"Dwag--"
Her second word was Dog.
Liam fell back into the couch and let out a long sigh.
"It's like I gotta put on dog ears to get some recognition around here," Liam muttered.
Sophia leaned down to pat him on the shoulder. "One of these days, she's bound to say it. And
look on the bright side...at least it wasn't 'frog' this time."
Liam held out the little plush with pride.
"Okay see this cool thing? it's a Frog. Can you say frog?"
"fff....." Alice started to form the words.
"That's it, that's it you're doin' it! Frog!"
"Fuck!"
Liam gaped. The plush dropped from his hands to roll onto the floor. Alice reached for it, just
grasping the green foot.
"Who fuckin' taught her that?"

"Yes, I bet Spy snuck in at night and whispered curse words to her," Sophia said.
"I'll punch his brains in---"
"We're just going to have to be a little more careful with our language. Apparently she's really
good at picking them up."
"I guess we'll have to make good use of that swear jar Spy was talkin' about."
Before the day was done, Liam had cut a slot out the top of an old empty coffee can. He slid in a
1$ bill.
"You're goin' to have to contribute, too. That means you'll have to get a little baby job to pay for
your expensive swearin' habit," Liam said.
Alice let out a little happy cry and held out her arms. The frog was clutched tight in her little left
fist.
He lifted her up. She giddly kicked her feet. Liam never cared if he got bruises.
"That's a frog. Not a...actually, I think I know where she got it. I've called Spy both of
those," Liam said. He shook his head. "You're lucky, my Ma would've washed my mouth out."
Sophia never missed a moment. Every day she'd come home to a new folder of Polaroids. Most
of his pictures were blurs, given how he could never stand to be still. She could never convince
him to throw these out. Somewhere in that mess of orange streaks was his beloved daughter.
"Hey, little Alley! Let's show mom what you were doin' earlier, okay?"
He took Alice by both hands. She shakily moved her foot forward amid her father's cheers.
"Look at that! She's got the tiniest little feet."
"One of these days, she'll be runnin' on her own," Liam said.
She let go of the table, and took two shaky steps.

Liam let out a gasp. "That's my girl!" He knelt down, and lifted Alice up into his lap, and into a
big hug.
"D-did you get that on film?"
"What? No--We'll--just have to remember it, I guess," Sophia said.
"I did," came a voice from behind her. She looked back, only to find Spy, holding a Polaroid.
She hadn't even seen the flash. He shook the photo, as it came to life. This little moment
captured.
So often he would leave off to some other mission, only to return the next morning sitting in their
kitchen, along with their mail. Spy always managed to make his break-ins productive. He never
broke the locks when he picked them, and more than once, she'd found he'd restocked the
fridge without even being asked.
"Thank you so much," Sophia said.
"Uh, uh, uh. There's a price," Spy said.
"Wait, are we talking work, or---"
Spy smiled. "I'd say this is a work of its own."
"I mean, usually I'd say what the hell are you doin' in my home? But I owe you one this
time," Liam said.
New photos appeared in their life: Spy and Liam at the newly founded LeCroix and Sons
business, with Alice balanced on her father's knee. Jane and Tavish were in many pictures, in
the back, holding Alice―they'd managed to forgive him the grenade incident and move on, after
enough punches, that was.
He wouldn't have had it any other way, and would happily punch Liam back, leaving many a
picture with all the men–save Spy―with black eyes, bloody knuckles and big smiles.
Life moved on faster than she ever thought. She kept close every moment she could, never as
sentimental as now, with her daughter growing up faster than she ever could have imagined.
*
"Hit my head again," he said with a chuckle, as he rubbed his head. This was the third time this
week alone.
"But the kid's fine, so this old noggin can take plenty," Liam said. He balled his fist up, and
knocked at his head to prove his point.
"I think I'm gettin' the hang of this," Liam said. He lifted up Alice.
"I have to take this call, can you keep watch on her?" Sophia said.
"Sure thing," Liam said.
Alice was entranced by the gold on his finger. Liam waggled his fingers, and grinned big.
Keeping a girl's attention was his favorite thing. "Hey, you like that? I like it too. You see that
pretty lady over there? She married me. I know, right? Sometimes I wake up and it all
comes to me again. My whole pretendin' to steal a briefcase gambit worked."
Alice made a little sound at the back of her throat. Her eyes followed the gold of his wedding
band as he told the story. Liam always told stories with punctuation from his hands.
"You know how I met her? She worked at the same place. I didn't know right away, but it stayed
with me. This gorgeous girl who just ordered us all around, could kick anyone's ass even if they
were twice her size. Back then I flirted with allll the girls, was a real charmer. I mean a
really charmer. But I couldn't forget her. She was just. Incredible, totally unforgettable.
And before I knew it, I started forgettin' about those other girls, because all I could think about
was her."
Alice always looked so rapt. It made telling her all the stories all that more entertaining, because
unlike all the other people who scoffed or shushed him, she looked at him like he was the
coolest thing around. Sometimes she finished it off with vomiting on his shirt, but Demoman did
the same, and they were still friends.
"But there was this big bread monster, because Jane was bein' a dumbass and teleportin' bread
all day long. You'd think he'd get a hobby or somethin'! But he's married now, so he's got better
things to do with his time than blow up shit and declare war on fake commie countries I made up
just to see if he'd try and find 'em. Anyways---"
"She won't remember," Sophia said.
"Then I'll tell her again, and again. Hell, she's goin' to hear it tooons," Liam said. He laughed to
himself, though she knew well it wasn't a joke.
Alice put her own fingers in her mouth.

"See, she likes ladyfingers. She got my sweet tooth, that's for sure."
His white t-shirt was tight, and stained with oil. He had a smear of oil on his cheek, a comic
edge to his smile. His jeans were torn at the knees, all coming together to make him look like a
street thug meets punk rocker.
"Is this your new uniform?" Sophia said.
"Somethin' Spy wanted me to wear for movin' more boxes. That's real popular with my jobs
lately. Whatever, I'm gettin' paid, it ain't like he tells me anythin'. Well, anythin' other than that
I'm a dumbass," Liam said.
She leaned it and kissed his jaw, taking his moment of surprise to slip her hand under his shirt.
She rested her palm over his chest, and smiled at the feel of his pulse rising.
"Don't get too caught up in the act that you forget who you come home to. I'm a jealous
woman," Sophia said, her voice growing husky.
"Shit, I'd never forget. I never forget how damn lucky I am for a minute. You don't gotta worry, I'll
be too busy showin' off my ring and baby pictures," Liam said with pride
She laughed.
"What, it's true," Liam said.
She playfully poked his chest. "I was just thinking how past you would react to finding out you're
completely tied down. Sometimes, even literally."
"Past me would be so friggin' thrilled, especially about the literal part."
Someone cleared their throat. Liam looked back in annoyance. "Can't I flirt with my wife in
peace? Jeez! Don't start me on cockblockin'. I ain't called The Little Cockblock That Could for
nothin'."
"Indeed, the men did refer to you that quite often," Spy said.
"I mean Ma," Liam said.
"Don't be too mean to him," Sophia said.
*
She frowned as she heard a cheer rise up. It wasn't baseball season, and Liam wouldn't touch
many of the other sports. His brothers watched every Celtics game, but Liam snubbed the sport.
"And it's Blazin' Alice Dempsey wins again! Man, your kid is a nerd, Jane. Look at 'em,
eatin' his book."
Jane's son had one of Alice's cloth books about dogs shoved into his mouth. He lay back,
completely uninterested in everyone around him.
"Meanwhile, my kid is trainin' for the Olympics." Liam's face lit up. "Oh man, they won't even
know what hit them. She'll take tons of medals."
If Sophia had to ask herself would my husband organize a baby crawling race, and start
betting on it? The answer, of course, would be, yes. She supposed it could be worse. At
least it wasn't a baby fight club.
"Come on, son! Show that boy what a true American is made of!"
"Uh, hello, I'm from Boston, that's part of America. I'm a true American," Liam said.
Jane narrowed his eyes. "Boston? I've never heard of that state. That sounds distinctly
Canadian. Admit it, you hate America, you Maple-sucking coward!"
"For fuck's sake, just because Mounties wear red doesn't make 'em communists. And Boston
still isn't Canadian. Massachusetts is where the friggin' Pilgrims landed. It's more
American than givin' George Washington a blowjob while flippin' off communists. Fuck Texas,
they don't got anythin' on us."
"Insulting Texas? That sounds--" Jane's hands were poised to strangle and neck snap.
Sophia cleared her throat.
"No fights in house," Sophia said.
"Until later, Canadian traitor," Jane muttered. He pointed two to his eyes, then back to
Liam.
"Sure thing. You're still in my house, and talkin' to my wife. You ain't goin' to lay a finger on me
while she's around."
"You'd hide behind Miss Pauling, like a coward? For shame!"
Liam rolled his eyes. "It's called dating the top dog, you should try it sometime. And again,
My wife. Mrs, not Miss."
"Liam, don't push your luck. I can't physically stop him if he gets too angry," Sophia said.
Mints were laid out on the table. "Check out the bounty I got."
"I hope that's all you won. If you bankrupt them, Zhanna will come and break your neck. Hell,
you'll be lucky if that's all she breaks," she said.
"Yeah, he don't got cash with him anyways, just Raccoons," Liam said.
"You...you made him wash his hands before he came in, right?" Sophia said under her breath.
What if he'd gotten rabies again? She looked for signs of frothing.
Wait, that was just Jane's natural state.
Getting her into the high-chair had been easy enough, but the rest, well that was something
else. She'd been fine with bottles, sucking away and falling asleep in his arms, but now she'd
been throwing most of the baby food. Even if the deposit on the apartment was probably gone
now, he had to admire her throw.
"You are goin' to be one hell of a pitcher when you get a little older. You're goin' to knock it clear
out of the park. And you'll be battin' world records before you're out of diapers."
Alice held on to his hand.
"You think this is goin' to be it? Are you goin' to work towards that 5k? I bet you can do it. I can
just see the headlines now: Boston baby, child of incredibly gorgeous and amazing millionaire
parents wins marathon."
"Billionaire," Sophia said. "Well, almost trillionaire. I just need a few more million. I should reach
it by the end of the year with the new stocks I bought, even with the way you spend."
"Dang, when I wasn't payin' attention, you got even richer."
"But you can't go runnin', unless you got your fuel. You feel me?" Liam opened up the jar and
lifted up a little red plastic spoon. "Ooh, look at this! This is going to be somethin' amazin', just
you wait."
"Okay, open big. I got somethin' great, better than sex―wait, you didn't hear that. Better than...
Damn, what do babies like again? Oh yeah, naps! Better than naps."
He lifted up the red bowl of baby food like he was lifting up a championship trophy. "This is
some good stuff here. Quality baby stuff. Now open up for this flavor plane!"
However, Alice looked seriously unimpressed.
"You had to have gotten that from your ma. She could give stinkeye like it was nobody's
business. Still can, I just see less of it, and more smiles. Though man did I get that look
when Spy went and told her about the beer incident. I always knew you and me would be
getting' drunk together one day, I just didn't figure it'd be as a baby."
She pulled away, with the beginning of a sob. Her entire face was contorted as he drew the
spoon over her lower lip.
"C'mon, this will be great. Oh yeah, what'd they do with babies---airplanes, right? Or was it
trains? Anyways---" He made an engine sound. "All aboard the flavor plane. This is going to be
incredible. Like pizza and beer, but you know, neither. No, like pancakes. My ma can
make some mean pancakes. One of these days, you're gonna get your first Dempsey Sunday
pancakes, and you will never forget that. That is just a life-changing experience right there."
Alice puffed out her cheeks, and let out a little sound of discontent. Her dark hair had started to
curl. Some days she looked like she went several rounds with an electrical outlet. On other
days, she resembled the pictures of little angels across the churches he never went to.
As far as he was concerned, that just meant she was part badass in training and half angelic.
"Look, daddy's eatin' it. Look how go--" He choked, unable to finish the sentence. Liam nearly
dropped the spoon. As a poor kid, he'd had to take a lot of horrible meals in his life. Most of the
time he didn't even have lunch to take to school. But this was the absolute worst thing he'd ever
had, and he'd accidentally ingested evil bread goo and Soldier's cooking before.
"Oh God, Alley cat. I didn't know it was bad. I'm so sorry. Dad is gonna make this better, all
right?"
He leaned in to kiss her forehead. He'd once heard that babies had a kill switch in their head,
like a built-in self-destruct button. Because of this, he'd already started to buy her little helmets,
though if he left them on when she ate, she'd duck down like she was going to headbutt him.
"I gotta go make a phone call. I'll be right back, and with much better food."
Spy answered on the first ring.
"Yo, Spy, so, you know all about this kid stuff. Do they make pizzas for babies or somethin'? Do
I just order one and put it in the blender, or what?"
"Surely, and tiny designer cars, with baby wine. Though I suppose regular wine could do as
well..."
"Ha ha. Real funny. Just help me out here! I ain't feedin' my kid this slop. I accidentally got
some, and I'll never get that taste out of my mouth. It's the grossest thing I've ever had, and I've
had to eat Soldier's cookin' before."
"You could feed her like a bird," Spy said. There was just a hint of laughter in his voice, never a
good sign.
"A bird, and how exactly would I go about that? I ain't feedin' my kid worms!"
For the next five minutes, Spy explained in far too much detail how bird parenting worked. It was
only pride which kept Liam from gagging over the phone at the new biology lesson. He was
never going to look at birds the same way again, that was for damn sure.
"First, forget I asked. Second, fuck you," Liam said. He hung up to the sound of snorting
laughter on the other end of the phone.
Sophia picked up on the third ring. Just hearing her say TF Industries, this is Mrs. Dempsey,
how may I help you?" filled him with a little thrill.
She'd almost kept her name hyphenated, but around that time some chucklenut detective
started looking into Mann co, and she thought a name change would be a good thing.
Sometimes he still slipped up and called her Pauling.
"Liam, don't you have work?" she said.
"The asshole is payin' me not to come to work today," Liam said.
"You know that probably means he's just trying to spend more time with your mother alone,
right?" she said.
"Fuck," Liam said.
"They probably are," Sophia said.
"Babe, you're not helpin'," Liam said. He tried to think of other things to clear his mind, like
Sophia, or baseball, or Sophia in a baseball uniform. Except hers wasn't quite standard. Maybe
a few cuts, maybe a bit shorter, maybe even missing some parts.
"Cross peas off of the baby food list, it's awful. I wouldn't even feed this to Spy," Liam said.
"How much of it do you have in your hair now?" Sophia said.

"Most of it that isn't on my shirt," Liam said.
"Polaroid moment," she said.
"Yeah, real award winnin' photography materiel here, you'd just rip my clothes off---and then
throw them in the washer," he said.
"I'll buy some different brands of baby food on the way home," she said. "Are you sure you can
handle this on your own? I could call Colleen, though I don't want to impose too much..."
"Hell yeah, I can handle this fatherhood thing. If I can beat down a bunch of robots, and beat the
BLUs, and win you over, then I can take care of a kid no problem."
"Just no alcohol breaks," she said.
"That was one time! And also an accident!"
She laughed. Already his big mistake had moved on to anecdote territory.
"At least, no alcohol breaks without me. Clear your schedule, I'm bringing dinner home," Sophie
said.
"Just the words I wanna hear. You workin' late?"
"Actually, I now have more normalized hours. Amazing, I know. I think she gave up on turning
me into a killing machine, and is training a new victim to do all her dirty work," Sophia said.
"Music to my ears. Though, everythin' you say is that," he said.
"You're such a flirt," she said.
"Only for you, Sophie. All the other girls are missin' out on this a-game flirt action," Liam said.
"I'm sure they cry themselves to sleep every night because of it," she said.
"They should, because I am one-hundred percent locked down in love with you," Liam said.
"You make it sound like Stockholm Syndrome," she said, and laughed.
"Fuck the Swedes," Liam said.
She laughed harder at this. Every bit of laughter, every smile to him was a victory. Every
morning he woke up beside her, he'd think I can't get happier than this. Even with a dry
mouth, morning breath, his arm asleep. And every day he'd prove himself wrong. This was peak
happiness, and there was no falling down. Eventually Alice wouldn't be a crying and leaking
from both ends, and one day he was going to running around with his girl following.
In his mental image, Sophia was right there with him. He never left her behind anymore, not
even in the fantasies where he was a superhero from another planet that he made up to get
though the work days.
"Look, Sophie, I just--" he said.
"What happened? What did you do?---Did something happen with Alice?" she said.
"No, no, it ain't like that, I just really love you is all. I suck at this sappy stuff, but I love just
hearin' your voice, and talkin' to you, and everythin'. You make me so damn happy, okay?"
"Actually, I'd say you're pretty good at being sappy," Sophia said.
"Really?" Liam said.
"Yes, you've gotten pretty good at giving long speeches that sound like you're on the brink of
death and only have two seconds to call your loved ones. In fact, this is the third one today.
Then again, you always were good at long speeches, and talking. You're really, really good at
talking," she said.
"Hey, in my line of work, I've friggin' danced on death's blade more than once. I congaed
on that son-of-a bitch. And you dragged me out a couple times too."
"I guess we both had a lot of practice with that," she said.
"And three times ain't nearly enough. Twenty's a way better number," Liam said.
"Twenty hours, or twenty times?" Sophie said, with amusement in her voice.
"Both at once, obviously," he said.
"I'll be home in a couple of hours, then I can show you just how much I care. You're the more
verbal one, but I'm the hands-on kind of girl," she said.
"We can make it into a contest, though I bet I'll win," Liam said.
"You probably will. Nobody can go on for five hours like you can," she said.
"Is that a challenge? Because I bet I can go six, or even seven this time," he said.
"Not this time, I need to actually sleep once in a while, and Alice is determined to keep us up all
night."
"I don't even know if we're talkin' about what I think we're talkin' about, but I'll look forward to it.
Even if it's like, waxing the floor."
"Nobody can wax poetic like you do," Sophia said in her most suggestive voice. She broke out
laughing as they said their last goodbyes. She always hung up first, because if he had his way,
he'd keep her on the phone for hours.
December 10th. Liam, covered in tinsel, winking at the camera.
Red, shimmering tinsel was wrapped all around him. "I must be some kind of babe magnet for
all these decorations. they can't get enough of me." Liam balanced the star on his head. "You
can just call me the star of this show," Liam said.
She chuckled, and stood on tiptoe. "Stealing all the spotlight as usual?"
"You're damn right," Liam said.
Liam was always too happy to reach up and get the cup she couldn't get from the cuppboards--
another annoyance at the apartment.
She should get him to wear tighter pants. At least, when he did decorations.
December 18th, 1978. Several pictures: Alice's face covered in red and blue icing, with a
decimated cake beneath her; and a shot of tk
"I can't believe you're already a whole year old. You're already sayin' things that Ma would've
washed my mouth out for." He snickered at this
"Somehow, I'm not surprised," Colleen said.
Alice grabbed a handful of cake and shoved it in her mouth. She smeared the icing across her
face. Sophia bent and tried to wipe her face, but Alice turned away.
"No!"
"She's getting good at this," Sophia said. "A little too good at that word."
"She's just hungry, that's all. I don't blame her. I get cranky when I'm hungry, too."
"Ain't that right, Alley? You don't wanna share your cake."

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.
-Part three-
 The Terrific Twos
May, 
Alice had cheerios stuck to every part of her face, and in her hair.
"Man, that takes dedication. My kid is bein' messy at a whole other level. Like a messy
genius," Liam said.
She kicked up her legs, letting out a happy squeal as he came closer. "Hey there, littlest
Dempsey, you ready for more snacks?"
"It'd help if you'd put a bib on her."
"She hates 'em. Every time I try, they end up on the floor. I'm raisin' an escape artist."
Liam smiled. He had an idea.

"Hey, baby. You wanna wear a cape like a real hero?"
Alice reached out, and started to grab towards the bib. "Mine!"
"...Liam, it's not going to help if it's backwards."
"It'll catch the food which falls from her hair," Liam said.
"Look what I got!" He lifted up a little stick of cheese.
"Your mom said I can let you have some as long as I watch you."
He pulled pieces of the string cheese apart, and played it like a one man band, complete with
providing sounds. Alice giggled and clapped. That was one of the first things he'd taught her,
along with how to make raspberries.
He put it to her face, and tickled her checks with each string of cheese. Alice opened her mouth
and tried to catch the pieces.
Liam put the pieces of cheese to his face. "How do you like my handlebar mustache?" Liam
said.
She giggled and held out her chubby little hands out.
"Can you say 'cheese'?"
"Cees!"
"That's my girl! Man, you're goin' to be the star of every picture."
Cheese dripped down her face. Alice looked in surprise at the mess, as if she'd had nothing to
do with it.
"It'll come out in the wash," Liam said. "My ma's a friggin' wizard with that stuff. I don't know how
she does that black magic, but boom, all the stains are gone. Even blood."
"It's just bleach, honey. Though with how excited you get about detergent, you should star in
infomercials," she said.
"Infomercial, huh?" Liam cleared his throat.

"Boom! gets stains out like a punch in the face! No clumps, no nothin', this is good shit, and for
just nineteen ninety-nine, you can get two of 'em. Wow, look at that deal! Ain't no other
deal like that!"
Alice broke into giggles, and waved her little arms.
"You like that, huh?" Liam twirled, and made little sound effects, just to hear her laugh more.
"For a special demonstration, I will come to your house and punch you, then punch the stains
out of your shirt. Wow! Look at that, just like new!"
Alice laughed and laughed. Nothing made Alice laugh more than the stories of one of her
parents beating somebody into a pulp.
"Okay, she got that one from the both of us," Sophia said.
From almost the moment she could walk, Alice got into trouble. She hoarded things like a
magpie, from her mother's makeup, to her father's remote. Liam had to empty the couch of
spare change and occasional stickies, just to keep her from collecting it, or trying to eat it.
Lipstick drawings appeared on the walls. Sophia got child-safe locks, and started to put things in
cupboards so high, only Liam could reach them without a stepping stool. Crayon marks joined
them, some suspiciously more skilled.
The deposit was long gone, lost to ink stains across the walls which never quite came out,
though Sophia thought an improvement. These days, Liam's hands always had smudges, and
her life always had the scent of crayons. Little ink smudges of flowers on Alice's face left by
Liam. He'd have scribbles on his face every time he napped and she woke up first.
Crayons were spread all across the living room floor. His drawings of Super Pauling over the
years had gradually shifted to allow for Super Alice as well. His drawings were right beside
Alice's on the fridge. Sometimes she'd find little drawings slipped into her purse, or mixed in with
the papers on her desk.
"That's pretty good. I bet drawin's like those belong in a museum, or a comic book. But I'm goin'
to do one better, it'll go straight to the fridge."
She got the nickname the backpack, for if she wasn't in his arms, she was clinging
around his neck and up on a piggyback ride, or asleep on his back while Liam laid out on the
floor on his stomach, drowsily half-watching Ghost Detective, the latest spin off of Ghost
Attorney.
*
"Hey, these bags are pretty interestin'. People at the border didn't even check us," Liam said.
"You used our daughter to smuggle drugs?"
"Don't be ridiculous, I don't work drugs! We smuggled guns in her stroller," Liam said.
"Oh, Guns---were they pretty?"
"All covered in flowers. Saxton's doin' this whole thing where he's fightin' with diamond makers.
Called the Gun: For Her line or somethin'. I would've snuck some back, but Spy threatened to
shank me if I did. I bought one on the sly, though. I think they were headed down to some
Australian Seniors shootin' club. Anyways, they all had their safety latch things on, so no
worries there."
"So Spy is working with Saxton Hale again," she said.
"I dunno. Every time I ask him about stuff, he says somethin' about workers not needin' to
know." Liam shrugged. "I figured it was just one of those cases where it was better I didn't ask.
(age 2)
"Liam, where's Alice?"
"What?" he rubbed at his head. The TV still blared on some daytime show. "She was right here,
asleep on the couch..."
"Oh god, oh god, I left the window open."
"It's too high, she couldn't climb it."
"This is my kid we're talkin' about! When I was her age, I was climbin' onto the fire escape and
runnin' around the roof."
They tore through the house, looking under beds and table, and calling her name. Liam barely
kept the tears back in his panic.
The door opened without a knock.

"Oh God, you found her!"
He took
"Went for a walk in the park. Jane ended up takin' his kids home. She thought the birds were the
funniest thing."
He patted her head. "She's such a darlin' wee thing. I need to get me one of those," Tavish said.
"Damn, man. At least leave a note next time. I nearly had a heart attack."
"I did."
In her crib was a messily scrawled note. off fighting dragons with uncle Tavish.
"I thought you said you looked in there!"
"I saw she wasn't there and kept lookin'! I thought the paper was one of the drawin's I left her!"
"I wouldn't mind one of those."
"A beer?"
"Don't give him one, even if he begs," Sophia said.
"I've switched to apple juice, lass," Tavish said.
"Miracles can happen, the mere fact that he managed to get married is proof," Spy said.
Tavish smiled. Liam was in the kitchen, a starry-eyed fool hugging his daughter and wife tight.
*
They could barely keep the pantry stocked between the way Liam ate, to say nothing of Tavish
and Spy's contributions. It'd gotten so bad that she was even sending Liam out grocery
shopping. No matter what she put on the list, he'd always end up coming back with candy,
sugary cereal and a new criminal record when Tavish or even Liam himself invariably punching
someone out in the process.
.*
"Soph, Soph! I found this place--"
"I can barely hear you, you've got to slow down. What did you find?"
"A Gymboree!"
"A...what?
"Gymboree! It's a thing for babies. I guess they want the babies to have real great arms for
flexin'. So, we were walkin', right? And there's this place, I see all kinds of stuff goin' on. I ask
what's it about, and they let me tour the place. They say she's crawlin' at a two-year level!"
"Come on, stripes. Keep friggin' still. I can barely see this way," Liam said.
"Why can't you wear shoes like any reasonable person. There's spikes in your shoes."
"Cleats! Hey, I found something you don't know, Stripes.
"Yes, speak louder, why don't you? It's not as if this is a secret mission."
"Ain't a mob war. Hey, Ma!"
Spy gritted his teeth as Liam teetered, then fell off his shoulders entirely.
If he'd thought that that one last shudder that knocked him over would be a fitting revenge, he
didn't see Liam's heavy cleat's smacking against his head as they both fell to the pavement.
April, 1980. A
"This came from your husband. He said it was important," Bidwell said.
With a slight tremor in her chest, she opened up the envelope. It was always in the back of her
mind that one day she'd be facing exactly the same thing she'd done. A picture of a bloody room
and hostages―that was, if she didn't come home to nothing but bodies and the rubble of her
life.
Inside was a series of Polaroids. Liam and Alice both made faces at the camera, which must
have been taken by Spy, or Colleen as Liam could never get the timing without blurring. There
were little suns painted on Alice's cheeks, and scribbles all over his arms.
In the next couple of pictures, she realized that he had been the one to take them, given that
she could see the slight shadow of a thumb on the lens.
"Did you need something else, Mrs. Dempsey?"

She closed the envelope, and set it aside with some reluctance.
"No, I'm fine. And thank you...it was very important," she said.
She considered going through every picture during her lunch break, but thought better of it.
She'd ration them throughout the day. Every time she felt annoyed, or tired, she'd find a little
envelope of sunshine.
As a child, she'd dressed Alice up in many cute little girl dresses, often in the same purple. She
could never get Alice's curly hair to sit still enough for a bun. Even pulled back into ponytail of
pigtails, her hair seemed as active as her.
But as she grew stronger, her dresses would get ripped, or fall upwards when she inevitably did
a handstand or cartwheel.

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.
-Part four-
 The Three Of Us 

1979
“She discovered with great delight that one does not love one's children just because they are
one's children but because of the friendship formed while raising them.”
-Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Sophia's face twisted as she took a sip. "Ecgh. The coffee tastes really different today."
"She asked to put somethin' in. I said of course."
It was then that she noticed something had bobbed up to the surface. Sophia spooned it out.
"She put in a lead pencil," Sophia said. She shook her head with a sigh. "Not even five yet, and
she's already tried her first assassination attempt."
"Aww, she didn't mean it. She was just tryin' to make your drink pretty."
Sophia poured out the coffee. Alice let out a little wail. Mama!!
"She liked it so much, she's sharin' it with the sink," Liam said.
"Little brass knuckles, eh?"
"For your information, they're little unicorn finger puppets," Colleen said. "They had 'em right in
the magazine."
"C'mon, Ma, I know brass knuckles when I see 'em. Those are baby's first punchin' practice,"
Liam said.
Alice's cars were flipped upside down in long rows. Liam never seemed to be able to leave a
grocery store without at least one little matchbox car slipped in.
"I'm frwank," Alice said. "I'm pecanic."
"A pecanic? Is that someone who eats pecans?"
She had a smears of chocolate across her face, it looked like a little beard.
Sophia bent down, and wiped away the stickiness from her mouth.
Alice looked on the verge of tears. "I'm not fwank the pecanic anymore?"
"Frank had to shave," Liam said.
Alice let out a wail. Both knees of her jeans were completely ripped out.
"Oh, shit, shit--I mean, shiiiooot."
"Look, slugger," he said. He started to clean the gravel out of her knee. "I know it hurts like hell,
but you gotta suck it up. When The Flash was goin' after Zoom, he couldn't cry, and when I was
makin' towards home plate with a bunch of bullets in me and an enemy Soldier right on my tail,
hopin' to blow me up. You wanna be a hero, you gotta take a lot of pain sometimes."
"n-not crying," she said.
"That's my strong girl."
Sophia pulled an entire first-aid kid from her purse. It never failed to amaze Liam just what she
managed to fit in there.
"It's okay to cry sometimes," Sophia said. She dabbed at Alice's knee with a wet kleenex.
"Please, our kid is goin' to be a superhero. Crybabies can't be superheroes. If they stop and sob
every time they stub their toe, they'll never survive a single battle."
"I'm not having my little girl become emotionally vacant and drowning herself in work and
alcohol because she wasn't encouraged to express herself. Now, crying doesn't make you any
less of a strong girl."
She poured peroxide over the cuts. Alice started to whimper. "I-it h-hurts!"
"Hey, look at the fizzy bubbles," Liam said. He tapped the top of her knee, where it hadn't been
scratched, to gain her attention.
Alice's lower lip trembled. She burst into tears as she clung to both of them.
"Aww, it won't hurt before you know it. It'll be all bandaged up, and be as good as new."
age 3
He tried to remember exactly the checklist for the play thing. Calling it a play date felt a bit
weird, and left him unsettled. The only dates he wanted to be going on were with Sophia.
"The kids can play outside," she said. The lady had a husky voice, like she smoked ten packs a
day. It smelled like it, too.
"Uh, you goin' to wear that for playtime?" Liam said. He averted his eyes. The robe was silky
and loose. His Ma had worn one so often, when filled with wine and regret. He'd always
associated it with his mother crying, red-eyed at the table.
It would take years for him to put the pieces together and recognize which were gifts from
him.
"Um, maybe you did not get the message, but I ain't a single dad or nothin', I'm super married.
See," He thrust his hand up and pointed desperately to the gold ring, "Maa--rriied."
"We're in modern times. Who cares about silly outdated things like that?" She laughed to
herself. "My husband certainly didn't. Ex-husband now."
"Uh, me. I care. I care a whole lot. See, my wife would kill you, then she'd kill me. I don't
even mean that like a joke or somethin', she would literally bury you in a shallow grave outside
of town---"
She cut him off with her lips. Liam jerked away like he'd been slapped, and rubbed desperately
at his lipstick stained lips.
Liam barely managed to pull away. The stench of the perfume and cigarettes was giving him a
headache. His mind was racing.
"Daddy, why do you have red all over your face," Alice said.
"I tripped."
Liam rubbed at his cheek desperately. It only made the smear of lipstick grow worse.
Liam panicked clutched at his shirt. He could smell the scent of the woman there, with how
she'd writhed against him. Years ago, he would've fucked her, no questions asked. But he fell in
love with a girl with green eyes, and glasses that always inched down her nose.
His breath came faster as he pulled it off. A thought that left him stumbling and numb kept going
through his mind: what if she doesn't believe me?
There were no eyewitnesses, and what he had was pretty damning. On their very first date,
she'd told him don't you dare cheat on me; I'm not a forgiving woman.
Oh god, he'd fucked up. He'd fucked up so much. He pulled off his hat and ran his fingers
through his hair. It was just a play thing. He didn't think any of the moms would make a
move. They were all so whitebread; a dirty joke would probably scandalize them for weeks.
"You smell like another woman's perfume," Spy said.
"I-I tripped at the counter. You know I would never step out on her. Never!"
"There's lipstick on your collar," Spy remarked idly. As usual, Liam couldn't read him at all. But
even by his standards, there was something distant, and even enigmatic about his expression.
As if he wore a whole other mask than the balaclava.
"Look, all right, all right, I didn't trip. One of Alice's kid friends, she made a pass at me.
That was all. I told her I was married, and but she wasn't listenin'. I got out of there,
but..."
"I see. Is there anything to back up your story? Evidence, perhaps?"
"No! I ain't got no proof. God, she's...she's goin' to leave," Liam said. His voice broke at the last
words.
"Don't be silly; she'd brutally murder you and bury you in a shallow grave for betraying her," Spy
said.
"I can take bein' killed, but livin' without her and my little girl? That's worse than bein' murdered."
The first slap hit him so hard that his hat came off. Liam clutched his cheek any stared back in
shock and hurt. "I told you, I'm innocent, dammit!"
"Calm yourself," Spy said. He took Liam by the shoulders. "If she sees you in this state, she'll
get the answer soon enough. You always were the worst at keeping secrets, and the first to
crack under pressure."
"But, you believe me, right?" Liam said. He began to hyperventilate. "I'm goin' to lose it all, I'm
going to--"
"It doesn't matter if I believe in you or not; I'm not who you have to convince," Spy said..
"But, I want you to believe me. You know I wouldn't do somethin' like that, right? You know I
wouldn't stray?"
Spy reached down into his cigarette case and fished out a cigarette. "What would I know about
such things? I'm no husband or father."
Liam struggled for breath. He bent down and put his head between his knees. "I can't lose it all.
I can't take this."
"I'm willing to smack you as many times as it takes," Spy said.
Liam didn't respond.
"I believe you," Spy said finally.
Liam looked up.
"You do?" Liam said.
"You were never even half the ladies man you claimed to be. Even with my tutelage, you were
always so...hopeless," Spy said.
"I was enough of one to win Sophia over, that's all that matters. She's the one who mattered.
Matters. She's the only one I want to be with for the rest of my life," Liam said.
Legos fell down his face.
"Don't be sad, dad."
"I'm...okay." Liam struggled for breath. "I'll be okay. Just don't talk about this play thing, okay?
It's--um, there were ghosts there, so we had to run away. But if we talk about the ghosts, then
they'll come find us."
"That house was smelly anyways," Alice said.
"If you're determined to beat yourself up about the inevitable, then I might have a man for you."
(later that day)
She came through the door to find three men and her daughter arrayed in Tutus and jerseys.
Alice wore a crown and Jersey without and frills or finery. Sophia took in the scene and tried to
figure out the meaning behind it. That was becoming a more common occurrence, though it was
always a given from the company she kept.
Tavish tipped his bottle of apple juice back and took a swig.
"It just ain't the same," Tavish said. He let out a deep sigh and shook his head, the tiara slipping
from his head. Alice popped and began to tug on his large tutu.
"An apple juice a day keeps doctors away," she said.
"I wish. But my organs are too taken by the drink for him to ever try and steal them in my sleep,"
Demoman said.
"Good thing, that. Did I ever tell you about the time our doc put a bird in my chest?" Liam said.
"And then you went 'coo' and he went 'Archimedes'!" Alice said.
"Yeah, that's how it goes!" Liam said.
"Do I even want to know how drunk you all are?" Sophia said.
"One hundred percent sober. Whatever Alley Cat wants, she gets," Liam said.
"So, were the tutus her idea?" Sophia said.
"Tea time! We gotta celebrate. We killed a hundred communists today!"
Several dolls had been decapitated on the side of the couch, with the sort of "evil Red Menace"
drawings that only Jane could achieve. She'd remembered those dolls, taped together by Jane,
and possibly stolen from garbage dumps around the place, if the smell had been any indication.
"You heard her, men. All out," Jane said. He had an extra sparkly tiara and a fairy wand.
Somehow, he made it work.
Liam was prone to spoiling her at every occasion, which meant she was always had to play bad
cop, so to speak. Given that Alice inherited both her father's talkativeness, temper, stubborn
nature, and insatiable need for attention, this was quite a trial.
At least she had the comfort, and possible blackmail material of constant phone calls.
Alice adored her Colleen, who knew a little more about training Scouts than she did.
"Mom! Tea time!"
She reached out, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Up, up and away!"
She was technically getting too big for pick ups. For her, at least. She had a feeling Liam would
still be giving her piggyback rides when she was twenty-five, if she asked.
"I missed youuuu," she said. "Did you bring me anything? Did you?"
Sophia thought for a moment. "I brought myself, does that count?"
Alice thought a second on that, before nodding so hard that her crown almost fell off.
"Best thing you could bring home, well, except maybe you in somethin' spicy--"
"Not in front of the child and coworkers," Sophia said.
"What, I was talkin' TexMex food," Liam said.
"Sure you were," Sophia said.
"Sometimes, I just crave tacos," Liam said.
"You're always craving tacos," Sophia said.
Tavish had been far too busy staring at his apple juice as if he could turn it into hard cider
simply by glaring at it hard enough. Without warning, Jane clocked him right in the face. He
didn't fight, simply rubbed his cheek.
"You can get over this!"
"Now, drop down and give me twenty! Pain is your friend! Now take it out to dancing―dancing
on alcohol's grave!"
An alcohol advertisement came on, catching Tavish's eye. Jane got up, and wound back for
another punch. He his Tavish so hard that Sophia was surprised he didn't spit out teeth.
Tavish didn't protest or fight back. She'd seen him get in tons of fights with his coworkers until
he was bloody both in and out of the battlefield. Even after working for TF Industries, visits often
ended with a hospital visit if Medic wasn't around.
"You've earned thirty pushups! Now you get down there, and I don't want to see you get up until
you have fifty abs!"
He flipped off the television and went straight for the floor. Jane bellowed above him, ever the
drill sergeant. Alice didn't even blink an eye at the display, or beg Jane to leave them alone.
Which meant this had to have happened before.
"I thought you were going to go visit your friend's for a playdate?"
Liam cringed. He almost dropped the teacup entirely.

"Playdate? I-I That's not really the word for it. Anyways, we're stickin' to the park for now on.
And away from...there."
Sophia set her daughter down. "Alice, how did your visit with Judy go?"
"We were only there a little while. It smelled and dad said there were ghosts so we had o go.
Dad looked really sad, but he wouldn't say why he was sad. He smelled yucky and kept wiping
at his face. I tried to give him bear bear and legos, but he wouldn't stop being sad," she said.
"Oh crap," he said under his breath. For Liam, things muttered to himself always ended up still
being loud enough for everyone to hear them. "Alley, you weren't supposed to tell."
Alice looked a little alarmed. "Does this mean the ghosts will catch up to us?"
"They always find ye," Demoman said. He looked despondently at his apple juice.
The room went very silent.
"Ye didn't...."
"I didn't! I just dropped my kid off for one of those play things."
"Alice, I need to talk to your father a minute. Alone."
Alice looked from Sophia to Liam. "Am I in trouble?"
"Of course not," she said.
"Even though I couldn't keep a secret?"
"Nah..." Liam pulled off his cap and rubbed at his head. "I'll put some ghost spray.
"Is dad going to sad?"
"That remains to be seen," Sophia said.
She closed the bedroom door behind them, and turned on Liam.
"What is this?"
"Oh, Old Jane, he's started a business. Motivational and all, he punches people for money, tells
them they're maggots and gets 'em back in line. He needed work because his roommate threw
him out again. So, there's this job where he helps old Tavish keep away from the drink―he's
got a liver problem ever since he got out of the mercenary work―"
"Not that. I gathered that Jane was doing," Sophia said tersely.
"Ey, explain what, why I got such a hot wife and amazin' kid? Well, I―"
"You know what I mean. What did Alice mean?"
Liam squirmed. "Yeah, uh, that―"
"What is she saying about red on your face and a yucky smell, and you're acting so
strange<?i>. Liam, you didn't--"
"No! God, no, it's just..."
"I'm listening," she said.
Liam rubbed at the back of his neck.
"It's just... Look, one of the girls Alice plays with, yeah, that kid's mother made a real strong pass
at me when I went to bring Alley over to see this kid's dog. Like real strong, pushin' me
towards the couch and grabbin' me into a...kiss. I told her I was married, showed her my ring ton
of times, and finally I got out of there. She got some of the lipstick on me when she tried to
make the moves and all... I freaked. That's it. You gotta believe me. I-I couldn't even imagine a
life without you and Alley. I know I used to be that guy who flirted with all the girls, but I ain't him
anymore. I swear on my grave, Soph, I ain't that guy. If I'd have known she'd try somethin' like
that, I never would've gone there."
"What?"
"Yeah, that's why Alley cat ain't gone out to play lately. Every time she goes and asks why she
can't go see Judy, I gotta feel like shit all over again," Liam said. He cleared his throat and
tugged at the collar of his shirt. "Is it hot in here, or is it just me? How about I open up a window
and―"
She spoke over him. "And what did you do?"
"Picked up my kid, pulled the fire alarm and ran. Ended up makin' the whole apartment complex
go out in the lawn. Nobody told it was me, though."
His unavailability had made him extremely attractive to a certain kind of woman. It was such a
turn of events, really. After years where he no woman would even give him a second glance,
now that there was a ring on his finger and he was proudly carrying around his baby girl, some
women would just love to get ahold of him.
She never could understand the psychology behind it, but for some people, the unattainable
was the most desirable thing around.
One of the biggest reasons she'd held back from dating him so long was the possibility that he'd
wander. But, for once, his ego took a backseat to Alice and herself.
"Look, I get it if you don't believe me. I know I used to run around when I was younger, but you
wanna put me through lie detectors or whatever else kinda tech you got handy, I'll do it all. I---I
just, please don't leave me over this. I didn't know she was after me. I know this sounds stupid,
but it's--it's true...."
He was on the verge of tears. He kept moving in nervous gestures.
"Soph? Sophia?" He breathed out, like a sob. "If you won't forgive me, then just kill me. Take
me out and put me out of my misery, bury me in a shallow grave, because livin' without you and
Alice, that ain't life. Put a bullet between my eyes. You can tell Alley...you can tell her I got
called away or somethin'. You'll make up somethin'. You always were smart with cover stories."
He bit his lower lip and looked down to hide his tears. He rubbed at his eyes roughly, with
desperation to try and hide the evidence. She slowly pushed his fists down with her hands,
before he broke blood vessels.
"I believe you," she said.
"You--you do? Oh god, you have no idea how--" Liam clutched his chest. "I thought I was goin'
to lose it all."
He pulled her towards him and clung tight. Each breath came out desperate, strained.
"Liam, you're my husband. I know you wouldn't cheat on me. You spend all day telling me and
showing me that I'm the only girl that matters to you. We worked hard to build this trust. I'm not
going to throw this away just because someone made a pass at you and got aggressive about
it," she said.
"I didn't know she was goin' to make that pass, honest. I was just takin' Alley in for a thing," Liam
said.
"In fact, think it's about time I start sending Alice on play visits," she said. There was a
stern determination in his voice. For the first moment since he'd come back to the room with
her, Liam started look more calm.
"Aww, you goin' to kick her ass? Don't kick her too hard, Alice is already askin' why she can't go
see her Judy anymore."
"She'll be able to see her soon enough. And so will I," Sophia said.
She came closer, until her face was against his chest. Spilled apple juice and that cheap
cologne he'd never get rid of, even when he wasn't poor any longer.
"Look, one more thing. I know you wanna kill her, but could you just I don't know, beat her up or
somethin'? I can't be the one to tell Alice that her friend's mama got buried in a shallow grave.
She would be so sad, and I can't do that to my baby."
"I'll do one better. I'll rearrange my schedule and show up at these visits. I'll remind her at every
possible moment what I have and what she will never, ever have. Bring your serenading out in
full force, Liam. We're going to make some housewives and single mothers jealous," she said.
"Is that a challenge? Because I already planned to bring you flowers every day. Hell, I was goin'
to buy you the damn flower shop."
"You don't have to apologize. You weren't angry at me when those men catcalled me," she said.
"I used all my rage breaking their bones, and then disposin' of the bodies," Liam said.
He pulled her to his chest. His grip was so tight, like the desperation of a drowning man.
"Jeez, feels like I lost ten years of my life. I just kept thinkin', what would I do if she didn't
believe me? What then? I couldn't imagine a life without you and Alley."
"...You know, you can ask for more. It isn't like before. We don't have to sneak around in the
dark anymore. I cared about you enough to risk my job and life to be with you. I care about
you―about my family."
She leaned up to kiss him. His lips tasted of salt. She'd spent so much time working that it
provided a comfort. Any anxieties she could bury in the grind. Even as her family members and
friends drifted away, got married, she could lose herself in work.
She never knew how to balance life; she'd lost herself just as much in studying when she was
younger.
"It's really become unreasonable lately. I think...some more changes are in order."
She didn't voice it, as Liam would've simply been unhappy, but she had a sneaking feeling that
the Administrator was in her own way, punishing her. Perhaps she was even trying to break
apart their marriage. She'd destroyed people for less. In another life, Sophia could've been a
high ranking official, a second-in-command. She'd almost gotten it, but the toll had been too
much. Even she couldn't sacrifice all her humanity, all intimacy and her family for that much
power.
"You can do that?" Liam said.
"I could leave right off. We could survive on the money we have for a long time, though–" She
swallowed, the words difficult to say. "I'd go stir-crazy without some kind of work to occupy me."
It'd been the first discussion between them when marriage came up. She would work, and she
would take care of the bills.
"Nobody leaves the TFI all the way, especially not someone like you. Don't worry, though. I'd
kick the ass of any assassins they sent," he said.
(age 3)
A screech sounded in the background, and a huge clatter of what, she couldn't tell, only that it
came through .
"What the hell happened, Liam?"
"Oh, that? Alley's goin' to be a heavy metal star. All she's got to do is grow her hair a little more
and learn to headbang," Liam said.
"Liam, we live in an apartment building," she said.
"Hey, no worries! I got this, see, I handed out ear plugs," Liam said.
She could barely hear Liam over what she now recognized as a pot drum solo.
"Hey, peanut, ten minute break, the band's got to take a few,"
The drumming continued.
"Alley! Pipe it down for a second!"
"Hold the phone out," Sophia said.

Sophia took a deep breath, and yelled over the noise, in a fierce tone she'd had to use on Liam
more than once: "Alice Colleen Dempsey!"
She heard the wooden spoon fall to the floor. The drumming noise still thrummed in her head.
It wasn't silent for long. Little footsteps, and a little, questioning voice came over the phone.
"Mom? Am I in trouble?"
"You just have to know when to take a break," Liam said.
"Okay," Alice said.
"Why don't you have her in the bedroom? We soundproofed that ages ago," she said.
There was a moment's silence. "Fuck, I forgot about that."
"Forget? You literally told me last night that I could moan as loud as I want, because none of the
neighbors could hear," Sophia said.
"--Forgot that it'd be useful for Alley Cat's future band," he said.
A bright smile with two missing front teeth.
"Two? That means you'll get a whole bunch of dough from the tooth fairy."
"So there's this fairy, right? She apparently takes your teeth, but now while you're still holdin'
onto them. Then she gives you some cold, hard cash for it," Liam said.
"Why would a fairy want my teeth?" Alice said. "Why is cash cold and hard?"
"I don't know, maybe she makes necklaces out of them. I never asked. Here's what I learned:
when people are givin' you money, it's best to not ask questions."
"She sounds like a serial killer," Sophia said.
"Babe, you have a murder kit in your purse," Liam said.
Sophia rolled her eyes. "Like you don't have a bodycount," Sophia said.
"Yours is ten times more than mine," Liam said.

"Ten? Please."
"Alice---what happened to you?"
She had bandages all over her arms. She held them out, with pride. Sophia shakily peeled one
back. There was a churning, sinking feeling in her gut.
Nothing but healthy, soft skin.
"Did your father put these on?" Sophia said. Her forehead creased as she tried to figure out
what it could be this time. Practicing for a Halloween costume? Playing as mummies?
"I'm like dad," Alice said.
"Oh, it's a--fashion statement," Sophia said.
Little things had a habit of making their way into the cart. And if Liam was alone, then he'd find
all kinds strange and wonderful things to bring home. Today it was a large contraption under his
arm. At first she couldn't tell if it was a tripod, or something else, but once he set it up, she knew
exactly what he'd found.
"An easel? Are you going to take up painting?" Sophia said.
"Nah, this is a kid version easel, like an easyel," Liam said.
"It was ten bucks on the corner, so I got it. And guess what else I got?"
Liam mimicked a drum roll as he reached through his duffel bag. He brought out the splattered
paint case.
"Someone sold their dreams for ten dollars? That's kind of sad," she said.
"Don't be silly, they're fingerpaints. See?" Liam pulled out the equally splattered and yellowed
case.
"Won't they be all dried out?"

"Naw, I'm sure we can make 'em work."
"Don't forget to put newspapers around. In fact, just fill the back room.
"It won't be that bad, babe," Liam said.
"Trust me. Put the newspapers down," she said.
Paint had been trailed all across the room.
Liam had little red handprints on his face.
"I think she got real promise. If people are goin' to buy stuff that looks like a guy took a dump
after eatin' a bunch of watermelons, I bet some snooty rich types can take a look at my girl's
masterpiece."
"They'd have to wrestle it from the refrigerator," Sophia said.
October 18th, 1979. Three photos. A line of jack 'o lanterns and a mess of seeds. Alice
smiled wide with a pumpkin balanced between her crossed legs. In the last, Spy made good use
of his knife.
Liam carved a crooked, buck-toothed smile into the pumpkin.
"Damn, this is thick," Liam said.
"Which is exactly what Soph said last night," Liam said under his breath. He chuckled to himself.
Alice was at that age where she repeated about anything she heard, usually to any disapproving
relatives or priests she could find. He'd had to form a complex series of substitutions, which
mostly worked.
But sometimes, like a stubbed toe, or stepping on a lego, a good fuck was all that could
do.
"She said that last night too," Liam said.
"Oh, oh no," Liam said. He mimicked a retching noise as he pulled the seed-filled guts out.
"Man, I think this pumpkin drank too much last night. He's goin' to have one hell of a hangover."
Alice giggled, even though he was fairly sure the joke completely flew over her head, but she
was at that age when gross noises like farts and barfing would make her laugh, even when
faked with a whoopie cushion or a raspberry against her arm.
Liam had technically never grown out of that age.

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.
-Part five-
 Four the Win

1980
Believe me, my children have more stamina than a power station.

-Robbie Coltrane
Liam grabbed Alice before she flopped face first into a hydrangea bush. "Butterflies, dad!
Butterflies!"
"Are butterflies tasty? Are they friends with breaderflies?"
"Nah, breaderflies are friggin' evil."
"So that's what they mean when people say--" she scrunched up her face at this, "That's
appaling!"
Liam burst out laughing. "Kid, you're hilarious."

"When the moon has a base, and it looks like your face, that's a Pauling, when the moon looks
like the death star, and to goes zoom zoom zoom--that's a Pauling!"
"Nice ending there," Sophia said dryly.
"Hey, freestylin' is hard. I think I landed it, though. Look--"
Alice rushed across the path, yelling ZOOM ZOOM at the top of her lungs. She jumped
up and let out a shriek.
"Now, Alice, don't yell," Sophia said.
"In fact, this is the very place where I popped the question."
It was easy to see plans form right on his face. He would slowly smile, until she could just tell a
plan was coming. It used to be this would be her instinctive point to go Scout no, put that
brief case down! or Scout, that wasn't water you poured yourself with, it was gasoline!
Pyro, no!
But nowadays, it almost exclusively meant she was about to get dipped and kissed, often right
in the middle of the grocery store.
"In fact, what do you know? It was this very day. What a surprise," Liam said.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a little gashapon. He popped the top off to reveal a
little chintzy ring.
"What about me?" Alice said.
"You're way too young to get married. You can't get married until you're way older. Like thirty.
Or eighty."
"But, I'll never forget my girl," Liam said.
He reached into his pocket and tossed a little striped ball. Alice caught it in mid-air--she'd
definitely inherited his reflexes.
"...you just want to be able to run through and tell all the other mercenaries 'guess who is
marrying Miss Pauling, this fella, that's who! Stop laughing, it's true, you assholes!""
"You saw all that?" Liam said incredulously.
"...Liam, I worked surveillance. I saw pretty much everything you did, even though I wish I could
forget some of them. And I married you anyways."
"Another honeymoon," Liam said.
"Another wedding," she said. "You got so nervous last time, you almost puked in the flower
arrangements."
Liam fiddled with his collar.
"I see Spy picked it out for you this time," Sophia said.
"What gave it away? The stench of cigarettes, or the monkey suit?"
"That the suit was actually good for once, compared to the usual things you used to wear," she
said.
"I dress sharp, sharp enough to put someone's eye out," Liam said.
"Liam, I saw you wear a plaid suit once. The only eyes you were putting out were Spy's. He
threatened to gouge out his own eyes in shame at what you were wearing," she said.
"That was a bet. I got twenty bucks and got to piss off Spy. It was well worth it," he said.
"Well, this is certainly an improvement from then. You caused accidents, Liam. And not because
you looked so good."
"Oh, so you're sayin' I look good now? I bet you have a total crush on this hunk right here," Liam
said. He thrust both his thumbs to his chest.
"Liam, we're married. We have a child. We've been married for years," Sophia said.
"I'm not hearin' a no! If I knew this suit would have your panties flying off, I'd wear it every day,"
Liam said.
"You wouldn't last two days in a suit. You always say they choke you," she said.
He leaned in. "Just for that, I'd suit it up for at least three days. That and because Spy would
probably bet me that I couldn't."
Alice clutched to Sophia's legs.
"What's wrong, Alley Cat?"

"Stay away from mooom. My daddy is goin' to beat you up when he sees you," she said.
"You're silly, that's what you are," Liam said.
"Dad doesn't wear that," she pointed her finger at Liam's suit. "Dad wears caps. Spy wears that.
Not dad."
Liam broke out laughing. "I look too handsome, she can't even recognize me," he said.
Sophia couldn't break Alice's tight hold to help, but Liam was quick as ever. He plucked up his
baseball cap, and bent to her level.
"Is that better?"
"Dad?" she said
"Come here and give me a hug, you silly girl," he said. He took off his cap and put it on her
head. "Props for protectin' your mom from any random creeps. Put your fist up," he said.
She lifted up her tiny fist.
"This kid is catching on," Liam said.
March, 3rd, 1980. A
"Dad, there! Go in there!"
She pointed out eagerly towards Goodwill.
"Eh? You don't gotta go there, Alley. We got tons of cash, you don't gotta be takin' on anyone
else's leftovers."
"But it has a smiley face," she said.
[buys a doll, turns it into nunchucks.]

*
1980 A "fish" breakfast. Legos scattered across bread.

"Breakfast," Alice said.
On a little toddler's plate decorated with goldfish, she brought out toast with a plastic shark on it.
On the other piece of toast were several legos.
"You know, when Doc said I should have more fish in my diet, I don't think this is what he
meant," Liam said.
"Sure, you're almost a good a cook as Jane is," Liam said.
He lifted up the shark and pretended to eat it.

*
"Is that a plate of chicken wings you're taking to the bathtub?" Sophia said.
"I get hungry, mom."
"Do mermaids eat chicken wings?"
"Of course they do."

"Whoa, that;s brilliant. She totally got this from you," Liam said.
"No, this is all your side of the family," Sophia said.
Sophia pulled the sunhat down further. In retrospect, she should've chosen a color other than
purple for this outing, but old habits died hard.
She glanced around behind her.
"What, you look like ninjas might jump out of the bushes at any point," Liam said.
"Did you forget who I work for?"
"The screamin' lady who hates me," Liam said.
"The other person I work for," she said.

"Saxton―"
""I hate zoos" Hale," she said.
"Come on, he's burned down how many zoos? He's got to be bored of it by now," he said.
"You think an aquarium would be safer? Apparently he doesn't hate fish," Liam said.
"You gotta be the one to tell her she can't go see the monkeys like you promised."
"Let's just hope it doesn't burn down around us," she said.
(Age ?)
"You got your waders, peanut?" Liam said.
"Yep!"
Alice spread out her arms like she was about to fly. Two yellow floaters were attached to each
arm.
"I'm a duck, dad," she said.
"Good," Liam said. "I'll have to call you ducky at this rate."
Alice started to quack, waddling across the square of sand beneath their umbrella. Everything
else was too hot to traverse.
She'd pulled on a large hat, and a book which she knew would never get read. The pages
brushed against her thigh as she watched her husband and daughter do a matching duck
She lifted her head as she heard a long whistle.
"Whoa, pretty lady. That is one nice bathing suit. You wanna go on a date with me?"
Liam flexed, and winked at her. Behind him, Alice lifted up her arm and tried to copy her dad,
only to find the waders in her way.
"According to you, every day with me is a date," she said.
"That's right."
She covered her mouth and chuckled. Liam gave her a questioning look. She pointed behind
him, where Alice was trying to flex, only to get a face full of yellow floaters.
Alice held up her arms until they began to shake. She focused intently, and tried so very hard to
lift up her biceps, even as her elbows trembled.
"What are you doin', baby?"
She tried harder, until even her knees began to tremble.
"Aww, I'll show you how!" He peeled off the waders, and curled his bicep. Alice tried to mimic his
every moment.
"See, see, you're gettin' it, you're gettin' it! You'll be showin' off your great muscles before you
know it."
Alice nodded, with such seriousness that Liam couldn't help but crack up. "That's my girl. Holy
shit, look at that flexin'! Look at her go, she'll be super popular, catch the eyes of all the girls."
Sophia raised her eyebrows. "Boys or girls," she said.
Alice ran in towards the beach. She let out a little shriek and ran back.
"What's wrong, slugger?"
"It's cold, dad! My shoes are slosh now," Alice said. She lifted up her leg and water dripped out.
"Slosh, slosh, sloshy slosh."
"Silly, you were supposed to change out of those," Liam said.
"The sand is hot," she said.
"Yeeepus-! That's some cold-ass water right there!"
Several of the other families glared, but Liam paid them no mind. Alice let out a happy shriek,
the sort that could shatter glass. Liam laughed and lifted her up. She kicked in the air, just
narrowly missing his leg.
"Don't go too far out there," Liam said.
She stood up in the salt spray, and held out her arms. When the water came in around her toes,
she let out a shriek and stepped back.
"Dad, it's cold!"
"That's how water is around here. Cold, and possibly full of dead bodies," Liam said.
"You ready to go in for snacks?"
"The sand is hot as balls--hot as your ass, and even the whole of you," Liam said.
She lifted an eyebrow. "Little ears. One of these days she's going to say something absolutely
foul, and you'll only have yourself to blame."
"It's goin' to be friggin' hilarious. Besides, just tally it up to my swear jar college fund tab," Liam
said. He leaned back and rested against her. Alice climbed up into his lap, and laid her head
again Sophia's thighs.
"Worn out already?"
"Nah, she's here for the snacks, aren't you peanut?"
Alice simply opened her mouth and held it open, waiting.
Liam laughed. "You too tired to eat?"
She pushed herself up. "Noo."
"I bet your mom packed some great stuff. She always packs the good stuff, like goldfish."
"I don't want to hurt the fishies, though. They should go swim."
"These aren't those kind of fishes, like animal crackers ain't real things. They're just delicious
cookies," he said.
"Good, because they taste too good to dump in the toilet anymore."
"So that's why there were goldfish crackers hidden away in the toilet plunger," Sophia
said. It'd been a worrying find, to say the least.
She shoved a handful of crackers in her mouth. Her fingers were stained in orange dust.
"Aren't you goin' into the water?" Liam said.
"I'm good," Sophia said.
"What, you'd rather watch your studly guy hang around and be perfect? I'll flex extra hard
for you," Liam said. He winked and struck of pose.
(age 4)
*
Liam closed the book. "Look at that, we're to the end. That means it's sleepy time...you know,
the part where you sleep. And no more water, you're goin' to be peein' all night at this
rate."
"But, dad."
"No, pumpkin. You gotta sleep, or you'll be tired tomorrow."
"Race you for it?"
"For what, countin' sheep?"
"Around the block!"
Liam couldn't help but laugh. "Wait, you want to race me for goin' to sleep? Oh, it is on.
Sorry, Alley cat, the gloves are off. Prepare to be destroyed. These are the legs that ran all over
the Badlands."
"Babe!I need you to time us!"
"Liam--" She looked from her daughter's face to her husband's. They were completely serious.
"It's almost ten o'clock, and she's four."
"Four years old is old enough to get destroyed in a footrace," Liam said.
Sophia pinched the bridge of her nose. "I can't believe this is happening. Actually, I can."
"C'mon, babe. We fought zombies, robots, wizards and evil bread. This is like a 2 on the weird
crap o meter," Liam said.
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're right. This is your side of the gene pool she'd jumping
into."
"Hell, she's canonballin' into it."
Liam stretched.
Alice went as fast as her little legs could manage, but Liam had so much more experience. And
much longer legs.
"You gotta train more, pumpkin."
"One day I'll beat you!"

"That's the spirit," Liam said.
It started with throw pillows that happened to make their way to his face. From across the room.
Then, his pop disappeared, which was an outright declaration of war if there ever was one from
the hands of a little girl.
"Alley cat, you ain't bein' a stealth master. God, don't tell me Spy's been givin' you lessons."
Liam shook his head. God help them all if that ever happened.
She popped up from the side of the couch. He hadn't seen this fierce a grimace since she
experienced her first Red Sox loss.
"Daddddddddddd."
He switched off the television, and turned to her.
"You know what time it is? Tickle time," he said.
She let out a shriek as he lifted her up before he could race off. She'd been running with him
lately, and already could keep up pretty well for a five year old.
"You can't outrun me, I used to run thirty miles a day, you know," Liam said.
"Your father exaggerates," Sophia said from the kitchen.
"Come on, it had to be at least that much with all the uh―"
He caught Sophia's meaningful look.
"―field work I did, back where I used to work."
He tickled at her ribs, enough to leave her giggling, her legs kicking up at empty air.
"Daddy's tickling meee!"
"Tough, kid. You know what happens when you get in the way of the game."
"Then I think it's time for revenge, now isn't it?" Sophia said.
She came out from the kitchen and gripped his arms. He let her hold onto him as Alice snuck in
to tickle at his ribs.
"O-Oh jeez―I ain't―"
He broke off into laughter, burying his head against Sophia. She let go just enough to tickle
down his belly. He shuddered only a moment, before what little resolve he had broke. He was
crumbled down, laughing and shaking, unable to avoid the onslaught of both of them.
"Jeez, uncle, uncle! Unless you want me pissin' all over you like you got Jarated."
"Ewwwwwww!" Alice pulled back, and hit him with a pillow. Sophia let him go, only for Alice to
start a new assault with a throw pillow, smacking him over and over right on the leg.
"If you make a mess, you're cleaning it up," Sophia said.
"Sheesh, uncle, uncle! You're a little spitfire! Now, lemme go to the can you little brat."
Liam said brat the way one would say darling. Sophia shook her head, chuckling
as he swung their daughter up once more before
He disappeared down the hall, and it wasn't long before she heard a large whump on the
floor, followed by more giggles.
"No jumping on the couch," she said. He'd returned, and they looked up at her, both giving her
what she'd mentally began to categorize as 'the puppy face'. "You heard me. I'll fix you
something to eat, but if I hear another bounce..."
"We're toast, kid. The only thing we can do is sit still watch the game," Liam said.
She peered out of the kitchen. "You two wouldn't know the meaning of 'sitting still' if you tried,"
she said.
Even now Liam was jiggling his leg, unable to keep still even during the things he loved the
most. He shrugged at her, because this was one battle no one was winning.
He usually brought home the takeout, but he never wanted to be bothered when baseball
season was in. Besides, she'd get too rusty if she didn't cook every once in a while. The giggles
in the other room eventually settled down as she finished squeezing mustard over the
sandwiches.
When she came back, Alice was asleep on his chest. He was barely awake, just catching the
end of the game. Children had such energy, and fell asleep so quickly. Hell, it took her hours.
She hadn't caught the game, but Liam's disgusted grimace told her all she needed to know. At
this rate, she knew the team wouldn't make the final playoffs, and he'd be in a sulk for months,
refusing to even look at the television. Whenever Baseball season came, he'd end up running
longer than usual, go down to sports bars, and come back with more bruises than before.
It was just a part of life of the Dempsey household. And Alice was already showing signs of
falling into the same sulks as her father about the team scores. She couldn't tell if she was
simply emulating the father she adored, or if Liam really had succeeded if turning her into a
baseball fan as big as himself.
Either way, whenever they went down to Fenway park, she'd have whole new colorful inflections
to her vocabulary that somehow only came up around Sophia's parents.
October 31st, 1981. Three Batman Masks and a slightly dented pirate hat.
(age 4)
Liam let out a whistle as she walked out, black catsuit and cape, heels high enough to kill a
man. It was hard to keep on both her glasses, and in the end, the mask had won. She'd
considered dying her hair red, but had settled on a wig instead.
"Talk about fightin' crime, you'll just kill people walkin' by dressed like that," Liam said. He
clutched his heart.
Sophia made a finger gun. "You could say I'm dressed to kill," she said.
"Babe, I say that every single day of the year."
Sophia lifted her eyebrow at his get up. "I thought you said you were no one's sidekick."
"What Alley cat wants, she gets," Liam said. He posed, adding a sexy edge to his boy wonder
costume.
"Your legs are going to be freezing," Sophia said.
"Ey, I took on Viaduct and Coldfront. I'll be okay. You'll just have to warm me up later
on―"
Alice came out with a batman mask and a baseball jersey. Someone in her class had gone as
princess Batman, and ever since then she'd been determined to go as Baseball Batman. She
put her wiffle bat across her shoulder and put smug tough guy pose which was completely out
of character, but looked remarkably like her father.
"See, we're a real bat family now," Liam said. "Ain't I one lucky SOB?"
"You say that every day, often to random strangers," she said.
"Best part of their day," Liam said.
"You're going to have to lead me around at this rate. I couldn't fit the mask over my glasses,"
Sophia said.
"Like I need an excuse to hold your hand....or other things," he said.
"Not in front of Alice, you can't," Sophia said.
"Little frickin' cockblockers. Adorable little shits, but―fuck, I swore in front of the kid
again."
"Uncle Dell said that whistling at girls is bad," Alice said.
"I'm allowed to whistle at her, she's my girl," Liam said.
"That certainly never stopped you before," Sophia said.
"To be fair, I never whistled at you. Was too busy gapin' and stuterin' and losin' my damn mind.
But, I'm a bad guy, I can't fuckin' help it―it's in my bones."
Liam bent to fix her mask. "Daddy is an asshole. A handsome, awesome asshole. Don't date
boys like daddy," Liam said.
"Daddy's gotta put more in the fuckin' bloody swear jar," Alice said.
"So do you, now, Alley cat."
She shook her head. "That's what Uncle Tavish calls it. That's the oh-fwishal name."
"Yeah...Uncle Tavish could pay for your entire college fund in one football game," Liam said.
Jane had pulled out his robot costume again, Tavish basically just went through the
costumes of Pirate, Vampire and Werewolf. This year, he was a pirate again, with a bandana
tied around his head. Alice had added her own scribbled skull and crossbones on his eyepatch.
Real swords, of course, were banned. There'd been a sword confiscating intervention, and now
they resided in a crypt in the family DeGroot home in Scotland. All save for Eyelander, who was
too addicted to buddy cop shows to be contained. She'd had to hit him on the hilt with a rolled
up newspaper to train him out of decapitating anyone, as well putting him in time out, but he
seemed to be genuinely reformed. A lack of Ghost Attorney did that to him.
Tavish pulled out a bottle of scrumpy and lifted it to his mouth.
Sophia cleared her throat. She gave him a meaningful stern look that worked on grown
mercenaries and five year olds alike.
"Lassie, I got to stay in character," Tavish said.
"You'll fall off the wagon again. Last time we had to search all over Vegas for you. We nearly got
ourselves into a mob war. To say nothing of the state of your liver."
"Sorry, pally. I had to give up Bonk outside of the forts," Liam said. "You just gotta rest this one
out."
"Alcohol, I miss ye. My one true love," Tavish sighed.
"I'm sure you'll find a better one. One that doesn't give you hangovers and severe liver
damage," Sophia said.
"Just don't make it gamblin'," Liam said.
"Aye, with luck like mine, I'd lose everythin'," Tavish said. He gave the bottle over to Jane's
thick, metal-gloved fingers.
"Do it for me, Jane."
Jane saluted him. "Soldier's honor," he said, as he tipped back the bottle.
"Should I call the fire apartment per-emtively, or hope whatever Tavish took is so strong that he
passes out?" Sophia said.
"It's your day off. We can call the police later. Besides, he don't got a rocket launcher or a
shotgun on him," Liam said.
"With his choking habit, he hardly even needs one," she said with a sigh.
"I got this," Liam said. He cupped his hands around his mouth. "Remember you're a dad! You
wanna see your wife only on conjugal visits? I didn't think so!" Liam called across the way.
"Plus, it's real patriotic to not kill people on Halloween, and just eat candy instead. I'll have you
know that Washington himself told me. Yeah, we're bros," Liam said.
"What, you never heard of ghosts? He drops down to listen to Tom Jones records with me. And
he just told me you should seriously not kill anyone tonight!"
Jane saluted them. "Dead Washington, I'll make you proud."
"See?" Liam said, smirking. "Easy."
"I'm impressed. I wouldn't have thought of something so creative and bizarre, but of course it fits
for him," she said, and laughed. In the night air, her laugh echoed. Alice swung her plastic jack-
o-lantern shaped bucket along as she skipped.
"Oh, what can I say, I'm friggin' brilliant. Oh hey, don't get too far ahead, Alley cat!" Liam called.
"Your ma ain't built for stripper heels."
Alice bounded up the stairs of a house without even a jack-o-lantern. From the white picket
fence to the pristine walls, the whole place oozed respectability. She jumped to hit the doorbell
just as Liam caught up with her.
"I am the night!--Hey, nice costume, really scary!"
The woman frowned. In pearls and curls, she resembled a Stepford wives paradise version of
Sophia's mother.
"Alice, manners," Sophia said under her breath.
"But she looks just like grandma," Alice said.
He just barely caught Alice as the door was slammed in their face.
"She's like grandma all right, she didn't even give me candy," Alice said. She pouted slightly, but
didn't burst into tears. Liam lifted her up and kissed her forehead.
"It's okay, baby. She probably would've given out stupid stuff anyways, like raisins, or apples, or
even toothbrushes."
Alice matched her father's grimace. Both of them looked like they'd been sucking on lemons.
"She got that from you," Sophia said.

Liam ruffled her hair with pride. "She's a Dempsey, all right. We don't sugarcoat anythin'.
Except when we're flirtin'. Then we lay on all the sugar we can find."
"I can't take you two anywhere," Sophia said.
"Nah, you can only take us the best places with the best people. Ain't nothin' better than a low-
class party. Those rich fucks don't know what they're missin'."
"Language," Sophia said. "We might as well just put the swear jar as her college fund."
"I'll swear twice as much, just for her. That's my damned financial plan," Liam said.
"I suppose as far as financial plans, it's a bit up from betting everything on singer merchandise,"
Sophia said.
"It made me a billionaire," Liam said.
"You got lucky," Sophia said.
"Hell yeah I did, just look at me," Liam said.
Alice rushed ahead. Sophia started to protest, but Tavish caught her in just a few steps. She
laughed as he lifted her up, making airplane sounds.
"C'mon, weewee lassie, we'll go be dirty spies and convince them to give us all their
candy, but for that, you've got to be tricky."
She did a young imitation of an evil laugh.
At the next house, she saw Tavish break into a grin. She couldn't see who answered the door at
thing angle.
"Aye, I'm just here with my co-worker's daughter, but when I'm not, I'm busy fightin' monsters.
Yae ever met a man who fought the Great beast of Loch Ness?"
"Uncle Tavish is the best pirate, he fights all the monsters, he even fought the monsters under
my bed," Alice said.
The woman was much kinder looking than the previous. She was dressed as catwoman, Eartha
Kitt edition. She tipped out several full-sized candy bars into Alice's lantern.
"What a darling. You're babysitting of your own free will?"

"Of course, a lass like Alice is never a chore," Tavish said. He patted her on the head, careful to
avoid the two big spikes at the top. She smiled up at him.
"Are you too busy with her, or would you like to come in for some coffee?" she said.
"Go back and tell your mum I'm gettin' some candy of me own. Okay, wee lassie?"
"Okay, Uncle Tavish!"
Alice rushed back towards them humming the batman theme as fast as her legs could manage.
Her mask covered her hair, so this time he couldn't. "Lift one up for your dad," he said.
"Now make a fist. Like that? See, bop my fist and---Fiiistbump! That's my girl!"
He looked up to Sophia. " A great wingman, and she ain't even ten yet. Just when I thought I
couldn't get any prouder of that girl," he said.
"Let's hope he just doesn't make a habit of it," Sophia said.
"Aww, he's livin' the life." At Sophia's frown, Liam started backtracking. "I mean, not like I'm
jealous of him, but as a former flirt, I gotta lift my glass for him. Even if it's filled with chocolate
milk."
"Chocolate milk?" Alice said. She looked up expectantly.
"Yeah, we got plenty of that at home. Hey, girl wonder. You gettin' tired yet?"
"These heels weren't made for long walks, but I can deal. What about you, Alice?"
"Can we get store chocolate milk and go on adventures?" Alice said. She made a car noise, and
Liam scooped her up before she could get too far ahead.
"Babe, I'll carry you if your feet start hurtin'. How about that?" Liam said.
"It's been a long time since you gave me a piggyback ride," Sophia said mischievously.
"At least hours," Liam said.
"You think you can carry us both?" Sophia said.
"Hell yeah I can. Look at me, supportin' my daughter's college fund, I'm the best dad," Liam
said.
Sophia laughed as he hoisted her up.
The room was covered in candy wrappers. They crunched beneath his feet, obscuring the He
had to brush them aside to sit down on the couch. He had to guess that Sophia was still passed
out, because
"Did ye father help with all this?"
"Mom too," Alice said.
She'd pulled on her mask, even though it wasn't Halloween anymore. Sometimes, a girl just had
to live the dream and be Batman. He respected that.
"Did you call back the nice lady?" Alice said.
"Ye goin' to go and try and woo her for me again?" Tavish said.
"It worked last time, but you didn't marry her. Did I not work hard enough? Maybe I should throw
some candy at her."
"Marry her? Lass, I'd just met the girl. And that's yae date strategy? Throwin' candy? How'd you
like it if some boy or girl throw candy at ye?"
"I'd catch them with my mouth," Alice said. She opened up her mouth and made a pose like a
baby bird.
"Uncle Tavish, why don't you have a family like Uncle Jane?" Alice said.
"I have a family, wee wee lassie. I've got Eyelander, and me mum," Tavish said. "But a wife,
aye, that's much
too dangerous. I'm a man who lives or dies on the cut of a wire. Maybe a girl who wrestled
bears could tangle with me and survive."
"Uncle Jane says his wife wrestles bears, though I've never met her," Alice said.
"True, but lightning doesn't strike twice, lassie."
"If I put on my Baseball Batman outfit, will you meet someone? It worked last time, it could work
again," she said.
Tavish laughed so hard that the chair leaned back. "Oh, oh, your father was the same. Always
schemin' to go datin' and out on the bars together. He went on so many double dates with Jane,
and sometimes with me. Struck out with every girl but yae mum."
"Good!" Alice lifted her arms in joy, but almost fell off the couch. He caught her and lifted her up
long before she could fall.
"I'll tap them on the hand and go 'have you met my uncle Tavish? He fights dragons."
"Yes, that's one conversation opener. You're a natural wingman," Tavish said.
"So, I get to fly?" Alice said brightly.
"Not quite, but you help me 'fly,' if you put it that way," Tavish said.
"One day I'll repay the favor, lassie. Though we'll have to run fast, because yae father will be
pullin' out his shotgun on any boys that look your way."
"Okay! But if anybody throws their candy at me, it's mine," Alice said.
"Ah, it'd be rude for me to take a love token like that," Tavish said. He chuckled as he lifted her
up.
"Ref, maybe you need some glasses!"
"Booo! You suck!"
(age 4)
The choker of pearls and lavender cocktail dress seemed more fitting on Colleen. Sophia
couldn't help but keep touching to her throat at the unfamiliar feel of tightness against her neck.
"It's not that hard, Sophie. Worst case scenario, you can always kill them or wipe their memory if
it turns out to be a disaster."
"Psychin' yourself up? Aw yeah, I do that too! Want Alice and I to come and flex at you for moral
support?"
"No need, it's just a dinner party. In fact, your brothers aren't even coming. Of course, it's the
first time I've hosted something, and your mother will be here, and so will Spy...and he's
impossible to please."
Wine sounded great right now, but the last thing she needed was to be a tipsy host. She was
always such a lightweight.
"He's such a friggin' snob, but if he says anythin', I'll punch him out. Break his nose. See how he
likes it then!"
"You'd never hear the end of it from your mother if you did that. We'd have to fly in Medic, either
that or kill him and hide the body. Which technically this wouldn't be the first party we had to do
that, but-"
"Gotcha. Then I'll, insult his Frenchy Frenchness, and say he smells."
"Well, I'll be the first to say he really needs to wash that balaclava more. There's practically
visible--"
"--stink lines."
It was said almost in tandem. Liam smiled. "And you say we don't finish each other's
sentences."
"That's because most of my sentences end with "Liam, no."
"Speaking of no, where's Alice?"
"In her room. Got her a brand new colorin' book full of dogs. She'll probably fill that whole thing
up tonight."
"Check on it. Last time we weren't watching, she ended up running around on the roof."
Liam disappeared. Sophia fussed with the food. They usually ate takeout, or at Colleen's, so her
skills were more than a little rusty. She'd thought about hiring catering, but decided against it.
Liam wasn't the only one who had ego problems.
Sophia checked her watch for the fiftieth time that night. "Do you think it's too late? I can't
believe I forgot that allotted small talk is a lot larger than the five seconds that was written into
my contract...."
She bit her lip as she stirred. Liam didn't respond. She looked back, only to find that he hadn't
returned. She should've known better; Liam couldn't manage more than a few seconds of
silence, unless his mouth was occupied.
"Of course, Sophia. You're being silly. There's only one way to get Liam to be quiet and...well,
even then he's not that quiet, he's just too busy to be using his mouth to talk."
Liam was spread out on the floor with a coloring book before him.
"You goin' to give all the dogs dots?"
"Uh-huh," Alice said.
"Hey, babe, calm down. It's just ma. You seen her tons of times. You ain't gotta prove anythin'."
She took several breaths. "I don't even know why I'm letting this get to me. I've help overthrown
governments and buried bodies and narrowly avoided firing squads. But making small talk?
Ugh," she said.
"Then I'll make all the small talk for you. And the big talk, and maybe even some of the middle-
sized talk. Hey, Alley cat, you goin' to make some talk too?"
"Uh-huh. Can I show Grandma my dogs?"
"Of course," Liam said.
"Coffee? I think we're out--"
Liam was right behind her. His fingers trailed up her back, and rested at her shoulders as he
reached up. She took a sharp intake of breath. Of course, back then when the fight had looked
so bleak, she'd kissed him. Even though it'd been years ago, she could still remember that kiss,
with the scent of machine oil and smoke near.
"What? I'm helpin' to get stuff off the top shelf. I'm good at that," Liam said.
"We're adults, and this-acting like teenagers, and sneaking around-is ridiculous," she
said.
"Gettin' coffee is ridiculous?" Liam said.
"Though I suppose if we're adults, that means we get to define what it means," she said.
"Babe, it's coffee," Liam said.
She gripped his black suit jacket and pulled him down to her level. The coffee can fell to the
floor, but the clatter was ignored. On tiptoe, she deepened the kiss, almost teetering back into
the stack of corn.
"Oh, crap, I got lipstick all over," she said. She grabbed at the paper towels, and yanked hard
enough to pull out a good quarter of a roll. She ran it under the water and began to scrub at her,
and Liam's face.
"But they'll notice if I come back with a change like that, so--"
She dug through her purse, pushing aside guns and mints, and old strips of gum with bent silver
wrapping until she found a little gold tube of lipstick at the bottom. She tipped it to the side to
check. Ah, this definitely wasn't the poison tube. That must be in the other purse.
"Nice lipstick, though weren't you wearin' a different shade before?" Colleen said.
"I couldn't find the other, so I improvised when I...left too much on a wine glass rim," Sophia
said.
"Yes, it truly brings out the color of his collar," Spy said.
Liam took it in stride. "Still got it," he said.
Alice nearly knocked over a wine glass.
"Did you see my dogs?"
Spy lifted the glass up, away from her one-woman wrecking crew of a daughter.
"Noo, you haven't shown me any dogs. Did your dad get you a new colorin' book?"
Alice nodded. "Uh-huh."
"She goes through like one a day," Liam said.
"Aww, she's creative, just like her dad."
"Did you find a sitter for Marie?" Sophia said.
"Nah, she got ahold of one of her daddy's watches. Now I've got the invisible girl runnin' around
causin' all kinds of havoc. I swear she's tryin' to take your place as the most troublesome kid I
got," she said.
The side of Liam's mouth twitched downwards. As much as he had fought against being the
baby, from the constant teasing of his brothers, and his difficulty at being taken seriously, being
displaced and now nothing more than the youngest middle child [finish sentence]
"She's under the table," Spy said.

Alice pulled down her book so fast that the wine glasses almost spilled again.
"Kids, they're friggin' experts at makin' messes," Colleen said.
"Do you want to see my dooooggs??"
Without waiting for a response, Alice laid down the coloring book. "See, this one is Spot, and
this one is Dot, and this one is Spotty, and this one is Dotty..."
"I see she's going through a pointillism phase," Spy said.
Colleen laughed, and reached to touch his arm. "Oh, you. You're one witty man."
"Mooom, where's my crayons?"
"Probably right in the room where you left them, unless you left them all over the floor for us to
trip on. Like those legos..." Sophia knew torture intimately, but she had never even conceived of
the pain that stepping on a lego could cause.
If she'd still been working, she could've made much more use of a bucket of legos than her
usual implements of torture. She wouldn't even have to waterboard anyone, just make them
walk a trial of legos, and they'd be begging for mercy before they took two steps.
"Liam was so good at that. And drawin' on the walls.You shouldve seen what he did as a child.
Always was a little artist. And he sure did love drowin' dicks." She shook her head. "He'd draw
the most offensive things. Took me a while to realize my kid was drawin' stick figures with giant
breasts. Most kids get pictures of families and suns. I got nudity all over my walls."
"He never got out of that phase," Spy said. "Did he ever send the masterpieces he made of me
and the Eiffel tower?"
"That was friggin years ago," Liam said. "I wasn't even married then!"
"Alice has started to do that," Sophia said. "And I'm pretty sure some of those drawings on the
back wall are a little too detailed to be done by a child."
"She looked like she was havin' so much fun, I had to give it a try," Liam said.
"Just heat it up with a hair dryer. It'll come right off," Colleen said.
"Do you want to draw dogs with me?"
"Non!"
"Oh, god, she's in her 'I don't speak English' phase again. I wonder where the hell she got
that from," Colleen said.
"He did that twice to me last week. Tryin' to pull like he doesn't know English," Liam said.
"I can speak English just fine; it's idiot I'm not fluent in," Spy said.
There was a scratching sound, and the chair teetered as Alice climbed up in his lap.
"Dad, look, dad, dad, dad--"
She held up her coloring book. "I finished the whooole thing."
"Lookin' good! That has to be a new record. You finished that in like what, fifteen minutes?
You're a little speed demon, that's what you are," Liam said.
Alice smiled wide.
Sophia quickly moved the plate and wine towards the center.
"Did you show ma and Spy your skills?"
"Not since yesterday," Colleen said.
"I want a puppy, but mom says the apartment is no pet." Alice pouted.
"And yet somehow they let Liam in. What hypocrisy," she said.
(age 4)
She was nestled up beside Liam, who was passed out in front of the television. With chubby
cheeks and big blue eyes, Alice charmed everyone she met. Her dark hair had started to
thicken and curl, and now hung to about her shoulders.
"Did ye find what ye left?" Tavish said in an undertone. Jane nodded. He never could do stealth,
so through the years Jane had just gotten to not speaking at all when they were in as he put it
"enemy territory."
A houseful of babies had finally gotten him to learn how to be quiet. He may not have feared
Nazis, but he certainly learned to fear that bear-wrestling wife of his.
She opened her eyes and reached out. Alice was in that stage where she pulled everything she
could. She'd grab down things from shelves, pull on whatever beards or ponytails she could
reach, and laugh with such pure joy at little things. The sight of his shield, a talking ancient
sword, an episode of television, or even just ripping paper. Her father went and ruined every
notebook in the house just to make her smile
Alice always seemed to be laughing. Certainly she was the least fussy baby he'd ever seen.
Not that he was an expert at babies. Far from it. He'd never even babysat. Even from a young
age he was doing the biggest jobs.
"Oh, wee lassie. Do ye want to come along?'
Tavish couldn't even keep Jane's children straight, and he visited his friend daily. He wondered
if even Jane and his wife could keep all those little ones apart.
He'd talked to Jane several times about rubbers, but Zhanna wanted a big family. To a woman
who cut off her own arm and fought bears, childbirth was nothing but a minor inconvenience
which kept her off her feet for a while.
And according to the things he'd overheard, apparently the sex was worth it.
Jane's latest baby was wrapped up in a blanket of bear fur. The onesie had a hood and little
ears stitched on.
"Oh, Alice? You want to go out for a walk?"
She smiled, and giggled. This girl was always laughing. By comparison, Zhanna's latest little
one was so quiet that Tavish had rarely heard him cry.
(age 4)
She couldn't remember the last time they'd had dinner out that wasn't stopping by fast food, or
eating at his mother's. As she arranged the details with the concierge, Alice rode on her father's
shoulders. She had a pink tutu underneath her baseball jersey and over her pants. Sophia had
long given up trying to make her daughter wear clothes that made sense. It was hard enough to
get her out of her favorite jerseys enough to wash them.
"I'm tall!" Alice held out her hands, like she was going to fly away.
"You're a friggin' beanpole, Alley cat. You're a tower, and you're goin' to crush us at this rate!"
"Grawr," Alice said. She spread out her hands in her best monster impression.
"Jeez, don't shine that scariness too high. They'll throw us out, and try and send the demolition
crew. I mean, with how fast I go, no bombs would even graze us, but that'd ruin our night out."
"Grar," Alice said, so softly it sounded like a purr.
The booth was just large enough to fit them both. Alice slid into the other side. "My kingdom
now," she said.
"Yeah, you need that whole side for yourself. You got this big, scary aura."
He snuck his hand under the table to find hers. The only difference from their first dates was
that now he'd be holding Alice's hands as well.
"I wanna look at you, but I also wanna be across from you. Some day some date scientist is
going to figure out how to do that," Liam said.
"Date scientist, eh?" Sophia said.
"I bet he'll go by the name of Dr. Love," Scout said.
"Now that just sounds like a porn star," Sophia said, low enough that her daughter couldn't hear.
Lucky for her, Alice was transfixed by the coloring part of the kid's menu. She'd rather hold off a
few years until she had to explain what a porn star was.
"You got any clue what you're gettin'?" Liam said.
"I'm still looking. You?" Sophia said.
"Sure as hell not that salad," Liam said. He scrunched up his nose.
"You won't die if you eat a salad for once," Sophia said.
"You say that, but apparently you forgot the time Jane tried to stuff cabbages down my throat.
Whole friggin' cabbages. And doc said he could modify me to make them fit---hell, I still have
nightmares about that," Liam said.
"Did the cabbages have little guns?" Sophia said.
"They all had Jane's face, and were talkin' about doin' me in for the sake of America," Liam said.
She squeezed his hand. "Don't worry, I won't let the scary lettuce leaves get you."
"My mouth hurt for days when that happened," Liam said.
"Then I'll have to kiss it better, won't I?" She leaned in, just far enough to keep his hands from
wandering. She kissed the side of his mouth, and stroked his cheek to his jaw. "Really, of all the
things Jane did to you, that was the one that really stuck? He choked you on a daily basis, and
once he broke both your arms," she said.
"Who knows, dreams are weird. Except the ones I had about you, those are nice," Liam said.
Sophia lifted her eyebrows. "Are they things you can repeat around Alice?"
"Plenty of 'em. You were the girl of my dreams long before I realized you were the girl of my
dreams."
When she looked back, Alice had disappeared. Just as Sophia felt panic rising, she saw a puff
of pink, and realized just where her daughter had went.
"Alley cat, this aint't he time to practice your handstands. What, are you goin' to eat with your
feet? Then your food would get all smelly," Liam said.
Her legs in the air and her little pink tutu puffed down, until it fell in her face.
"Conquerin' the land below? I bet you're terrifyin' the people down there. My toes are absolutely
hidin' in their shoes," Liam said.
Alice giggled and ducked under the table completely.
The waitress was in sight. Sophia took one last glance at her menu, as the small brunette came
their way. Her hair was tied up in a clip. Sophia guessed her to be roughly college-aged.
Freckles heavily covered her arms and face. As she talked, the woman--Dotty--showed a mouth
full of the metal glint of braces. Sophia wondered if maybe she'd over-estimated her age.
"Should I wait until your husband returns?" the waitress said.

Sophia looked down to see four eyes peering back at her underneath the table. It wasn't enough
that her daughter decided to be a dragon today, her husband had also disappeared under the
table.
"No, I'll just order for both of them. I'm sure they both want lots of vegetables," Sophia said.
"She means hamburgers, with fries, and no pickles. For both of us," Liam said.
The waitress looked confused for a moment as she tried to figure out where the voice came
from. Liam waved from below. "Just down here in the kingdom of the super rad. Also, I'd love a
Coke, not Pepsi, I can tell the difference. Technically, they don't sell the kind of stuff I like to
drink, then again I'd light up like a reactor these days."
"Nothing's wrong, he's just collecting our daughter," Sophia said.
"Oh, I see," the waitress said. She collected her clipboard for the order, and looked back with a
curious glance.
"I can't take you two anywhere," Sophia said.
"The only thing you can do is come down to our level. C'mere, Queen Sophie, your kingdom
awaits. We got ourselves a dragon bouncin' around, too. Just be careful or she'll burn up all
your villagers."
Sophia looked back across the restaurant. The walls were deep brown, and the carpets a darker
blue, like the ocean. Red booths, and red-cushioned chairs were placed as tightly as possible.
All the other couples were paying attention to their own conversations.
Both Liam and Alice smiled so eager and sweet up at her.
"It's probably very cramped down there," she said.
"We got plenty of room in this kingdom. In fact, we've got a throne just for you," Liam sad.
Sophia slipped down under the table. She'd barely gotten seated beneath the booth, when Alice
climbed up in her lap.
She patted Alice's hair. No matter how much she brushed, it remained a mess of wild waves
and dark curls.
"I thought I was going to have a throne, not be a throne," she said.
"Dragons get what dragons want," Liam said.

From above, she heard a voice.
"I brought your drinks.... Ma'am?"
"Down here," she said. She held out her hand. She couldn't see Dotty's face, but she expected
the waitress looked pretty surprised. His life had been absurd for so long, that something like
this made perfect sense. She wouldn't have traded shreds of respectability to strangers, not if it
meant she'd miss the big grins on her daughter and husband's faces.
A family picture. All their of their faces sparkled gold. (age 4)
Like the hint of a blood trail, the first sparkle made her take pause. She followed the little
glimmers across the carpet.
"Oh, Liam, don't tell me you brought home glitter---"
Alice's entire face was covered in glitter glue. Liam's arms were more than a little sparkly,
covered with little girl ink drawings. He'd done the same across hers, with superhero families
and suns and stars.
"Hey, Soph!" Liam said.
As he stood up, glitter poured off him. Now in the light she saw a massive glitter fight must've
happened. Sparkles coated the walls, the carpets and even the walls. Alice left an almost
magical trail of sparkles wherever she went.
"Liam---"
"What? It's no big deal. Just a little craft project. It'll all clean up or wash off."
"Glitter is hard to get out of things, almost impossible, in fact. It's easier to get bloodstains out
than pull out that one piece of sparkly stuff which is completely eluding the vacuum hose. You
can try and suck it up, and it'll stick to corners. And glitter glue--that's even worse."
"How would you even---wait, Pyro?" Liam said.
"Of course," she said. "We can't even go back to that base. It's like a toxic waste dump.
Everywhere you step, there's some glitter. You can barely even see, everything is so bright."
Sticky fingers reached out, leaving trails of sparkles wherever she touched. Despite the mess,
Sophia couldn't help but smile. "My little shiny girl." Alice twirled around, hair flying, shining in
the light, a rain of sparkling dust all about her.
"I wonder if glitter will make us lose the deposit," she said.
"Babe, we lost that battle a long time ago," Liam said.
But, her smile was so big. She shone in the light and reached out for Sophia's hands with sticky
fingers.
"Worth it?" Liam said.
"Worth it," Sophia said.
*
(age 4)
The tv was a dull hum of words she couldn't hear. Her family was sprawled out on the couch,
Liam's legs resting off the side, with Alice asleep on his chest. Her hair had grown long and
thick, and even braided up into two parts. Colleen must've been there, as Liam knew nothing of
hair, his usual answer was to put her tangled hair into a ponytail and slip it through the back of a
hat.
Sophia closed the door and redid each lock. The sounds of the door caused her husband to stir.
He was usually a deep sleeper, but maybe along the years he'd shifted a bit.
Maybe they all had.
He blinked, in a sleepy, just waking moment. As she took off her heels, he suddenly pushed
himself up, his arms snug about Alice.
"Mama's home! She's finally home!"
Alice got up, and started to dance a groggy dance. She bounced around in her green footie
pajamas, covered with little shiny scales, and a tail that swung out behind her as she walked.
She even had a fanged hood, like a dinosaur or dragon's head. Liam had picked it out, so she
never could tell which. Sophia bent down to her knees, her large floral purple purse slipping
down her shoulder.
"Did you miss me?" Sophia said.
"Big," Alice said. She tried to hold out her arms. Sophia quickly pulled her close, hugging her
tight against her chest.
"Got you," she said, amid Alice's frenzied giggles. She leaned down to kiss her daughter's
cheek.
"Ooh, you have sleepy lizard breath," Sophia said.
"Yeah, we should hit the bathroom and do some serious garglin' before we go snuggle up to
your mom."
His white t-shirt was wrinkled, with little spots where Alice had drooled in her sleep. It had some
local store logo from New Mexico, almost lost in old stains and rust marks. She could only
assume it held some memory for Liam to keep even as it grew thinner each time.
Then again, he never was good at letting go.
Alice made little stomps on her way to the bathroom, mimicking a very quiet roar.
"Are you a dragon?" Sophia said.
"Doin' your best Godzilla impression, huh? She went after moths this mornin', trying to recreate
Mothra vs Godzilla."
"Did you win?" Sophia said.
"Dad helped," she said.
"Good to see she's finally understanding that apartments aren't places for screaming or battle
cries. Now if only you'd learn that lesson..."
"Hey, usually you're the one screamin', not me," Liam said.
"As if, you moan like a p-o-r-n star," she said.
"You makin' suggestions? Because I'm down," Liam said.
"Maybe," she said. She kissed his cheek as well. For him, she had to get on tip-toe.
Alice pushed up her little stool and climbed up. She'd gotten a little too used to the stool, and
scuffed the linoleum. Sophia had to put the cookie jar up on top of the fridge.
"Hey, Alley, you know what time it is? It's race car time! It's goin' to sound just like drivin'.
Like brrrrrvrroooooooooommmmmmm!"
"Kids have such cool stuff these days. I never had minty toothpaste and toothbrushes with cars
on them. They should make them for adults," Liam said.
She tried to mimic the sounds, her toothbrush went in uneven circles, and didn't always make it
to her mouth.
Liam leaned back and gargled. Alice giggled at the noise. Even though this routine happened
every single day, gargling.
"You keep up like that and I'm goin' to tickle you and give you a reason for laughin'," Liam said.
"Floss time," Liam said. "Gotta get those teeth nice and clean."
"Fwoss, fwoss," Alice said.
She struggled with the string of floss between her fingers.
"Do you need some help?" Sophia said.
She stuck her tongue out between the lines and made a face at her father.
There were several bowls in the sink, filled with pink water. More than two servings, so they'd
either had company, or had nothing but ice cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Or possibly both.
"Did you have ice cream for dinner?" Sophia said.
"Oh yeah, we had the healthy stuff. Strawberry ice cream, see it's got fruit in it."
"And breakfast?" she said.
"Cereal. She wanted to have the Wheaties, because it said on the box that it's the breakfast of
champions. She's already got plans to go runnin' in marathons and stuff."
"Hmm, I wonder who gave her ideas like that?" Sophia said.
"Who knows, must be the TV," Liam said.
"You saved me some, right?"
"Of course," Liam said.
Liam opened up the freezer. He'd always be the first to offer to get something off the top shelf,
or find something for her. She'd always thought it had to be because he didn't get to be the tall
one around many people. Not the mercenaries, where most of the men made him seem utterly
tiny by comparison, and after meeting his family, she knew he was definitely the runt in every
aspect. Each trip back was like being seated next to a bunch of thugs and pit fighters.
Several scoops were shaved out with care. He put them together, until it was like a rose. He'd
given her hearts before, and made the foam in her coffee turn to shapes and smiles. Even if he
never called himself an artist, he was always showing bursts of creativity. These days, usually
for her, or Alice. Give him a pen and too little attention and he'd be sketching love letters across
her arm, whole bouquets and I love yous. Sometimes little candy hearts with ur a q
t drawn out, or just a squiggle to get her to look his way.
Liam wrapped his arms about her, and buried his face against her neck.
"It was just a couple hours later than usual," she said.
"A couple hours too many," he said.
"I think it's someone's bed time," Sophia said.
"But you just got home," Alice said.
"I know, sweetie. I worked later than I thought I would."
"Will you be gone tomorrow?"
"I have work," she said, with some regret, "So I probably will."
Alice grimaced. "It's not fairrr."
"Tell me about it, I been sayin' that about your mom's job for ages," Liam said. "I used to have to
wait a whole year to spend lots of time with her. And then half the time the Voice would steal her
day off anyways."
"A....yweer," she said.
"And that is a long ass time."
"A long pass time..."
Liam chuckled. "This kid is great."
Alice gave a big gap-toothed smile at that.
"You owe some money in the swear jar, mister," she told him.
"Yeah, yeah, I got it," he said. He pulled out a handful of quarters. The jar was already near full,
and it'd been empty just last Sunday.
She lifted an eyebrow. "Are you paying out for a lot I don't know about?"
"Stubbed my toe this morning, then stepped on a Lego. Also, the Yankees won a game this
season. Multiple games, even," Liam said.
The clock in the hall rung a new hour. He leaned in to kiss Sophia's cheek. "There's your good
mornin' kiss, just a few hours early."
"Morniing? Then it's not bed time?" Alice said.
"This just means you should've been to sleep a long time ago," Sophia said.
Liam bent down to her level.
"Hey, Alley cat. You know how much I love you?"
Liam held out his hands. "Bigger than this."
Alice giggled and grinned big.
"You remember pictures of Mikail? That big guy I used to work with all the time? The Russian
one? Bigger than him. Remember the Empire State buildin'? Bigger than that. Wayy bigger than
that."
"Huge!" Alice said in wonder. She tried to hold out her hands, but her arms were too small to
reach her father's. He took her hands in his and spun her around one.
"Hey, Soph, what's the biggest planet?
"Well, Jupiter is a gas giant..."
Alice giggled. "Gassyyy. Does this mean it's made of---" she put her palms to her mouth and
blew a raspberry.
"A whole planet made of farts. Glad I ain't anywhere near Fartiper. Peee-yewww!" Liam said. He
held his nose, so his words came out nasal.
Alice only giggled more.
"See all those stars in the sky? Bigger than all those. The universe ain't got anythin' on the love I
got for you and your mom," Liam said.
Alice kicked up her legs. "Big, big big!"
"The biggest!" Liam said. He held out his arms wide and took her little hands in his. "The
hugest!"
"Hugsest?" Alice said.
"Aww, sure, why not," Liam said.
Alice held out her arms. "Hugs?"
"Hugs!"
"Okay, it's your turn," Liam said.
"I'm not as good at this as you are," Sophia said.
"Nah, you'll do even better. You're good at tons of stuff."
"You know how much I love you? Ditto to what your father said," Sophia said.
"What's a ditto?" Alice said.
"She's sayin' she loves you more than big Russian men, big buildin's, big stars and big stinky
planets, too," Liam said.
"Dittoooo," Alice said. She tried to say the word.
"Now it's time to go countin' some sheep.
"Soft sheepies?"
"The softest. Maybe we'll find some cows, too."
Liam was knelt beside Alice's little bed.
"Why did the cow jump over the moon?" Alice said.
"You know, I ain't got no clue. I think whoever made this was probably seriously drunk."
"Mooom, are you going to come to my next baseball game?"
Before she could reply with another Sorry, alice, I have work Liam cut in.
"Of course she'll be there--when we show her the pictures. See, that's the great things about
pictures. Anyone who wasn't there, they're there the minute you show 'em one.
"And to think, you once killed people," Sophia said.
"I can still kill people. Who you want killed, baby? I'll show off my great abs and incredible
family, and they'll die of shame."
"That's one way to kill someone. I suppose it'd be hard to track. No evidence of a crime."
"Do it enough, and my biceps and cute family are goin' to be illegal. We'll have to go on
the run, because the judges will be all 'no one should be this great, you're killin' me over here!'"
"I thought you were killing people with your abs," she said.
"I can multitask, I'm just that great."
"Dittooo"
"She's goin' to be sayin' that one for ages," Liam aid.
A green tail hung out of the bed covers. She couldn't sleep on her back, but Alice would do
anything to keep her favorites.
A whole guard of little stuffed animals was under the bed. Someone had recently outfitted them
with felt helmets and uniforms.
"Did grandma Colleen make those for you?"
"Yeah, she gave them to me today when she came over."
"That was real nice of her. Did you say thank you?"
"Yeah! I gave her a big hug, too."
"Good," Sophia said.
"Okay, what bedtime book are we gettin' here? Or you want a story?"
"What books aree there?" Alice said.

"Hmmm, I wonder. I gotta go take a look," Liam said. He peered over the small bookcase
dramatically, and more for Alice's benefit than anyone else. They'd already read every book
twice.
"She's just stalling for time," Sophia said in an undertone.
"Yeah, I know all the signs. I was a master of 'one more story, a glass of water, oops ma I gotta
take a leak.'"
"I suppose one day she won't need us to tuck her in," Sophia said.
Liam looked back at her, incredulous, full of denial. "Not a chance."
"You're going to be tucking in a twenty-three year old?" Sophia said.
"If she wants to be read to at twenty-three, then I will damn well read her all the things she
wants."
"The little Engie that could?" Liam said.
"You mean Engine?"
Liam held up a new one, put together with thick paper, and cartoonish drawings by himself.
"Once there was a little Engie, takin' a wrench to all his machinery."
"Some chucklenut thought he could make it, and ran straight into the path of his gun. The little
Engie took a sip of beer and laughed as that poor sop was turned to Swiss cheese."
"Cheese? Turned to cheese?"
"Totally. Bet Engie never went hungry like that."
"Cheesiest cheese!"
"Do you need another blanket?"
"Mom, can it be warm blankets?"
"Warm blankets?"
"When my ma was here, we all went on an adventure to do the laundry. Alice really liked the
drier."
"I don't know, Speed Racer, you think you can get there fast enough before she falls asleep?"
Liam pushed himself up. "I'm goin' to break the friggin' speed of light, that's what I'm goin' to do."
"Don't fall on the way," she said.
Sophia rinsed out the cups, and pulled out the rack.
"Are there bubbles, mom?"
Alice rushed off to push her stool to the sink.
They'd learned pretty early on that everything had to be on the highest shelves, or Alice would
find a way to climb up there. The cookie jar had evolved into a steel cat-shaped safe that was
bolted to the counter, and had a code.
(age 4)
She was used to him humming, but it wasn't until he was half mumbling how to get to
Sesame street....oh friggin' hell that she realized this was no Tom Jones tune.
She raised her eyebrows.
"Friggin' ear worm. I've had that stuck in my damn head all day. I guess this is what it means to
be a parent. Singin' kids songs. At least I don't gotta carry around that diaper bag anymore."
"You always find a bright side."
Alice pushed about a car and made a spectacular car crash. Across the floor was a massive
Lego building.
(age 4)
Alice had daisies caught in her hair, in a clumsy attempt at a flower crown.
"Did you get into your dad's flowers?"

"He said I could," she said. As she jumped, flowers fell around her.
"My little wood nymph," Sophia murmured as she bent to pick them up. "Are you a fairy
princess, now?"
"Maaaybe. I have to be a lot of things, mom. It's hard to decide."
"Yes, a dog, a mermaid, a Merdog, a superhero. Are you going to run for president next?"
"Run? I'm good at running! Dad says I have it in my veins!"
"Not that kind running," Sophia said.
"So what kind of running do presidents do? There's other kinds of running?"
"They say a lot of lies, make deals with big business, and rarely keep their promises. Most of
their time is spent in meetings, or making speeches and decisions."
Alice scrunched her face up. "I like my version better."
"Me too," Sophia said.
In all her life, Sophia had learned the dark sides of everything hallowed. Presidents were little
more than figureheads who didn't even have a fraction of the power the Administrator wielded.
"Dad, I think I'm going to be...fast," Alice said.
"Of course you're goin' to be fast. You got me for a dad. You think I'd let my kid be draggin' their
feet? Nah, you're goin' to be a blur."
"Fastest evers," Alice said.
"Well, you gotta beat me for that. I been breakin' records lately. Your mom needed decorations
for her new office."
"Mom says it isn't good to break things and I have to be careful not to run in the house," Alice
said.
"Not that kind of breakin', alley cat. You got some chucklenuts who think they're big makin' that
route in a minute, and I got plans to do it in thirty seconds.
"Thirty seconds?"
"You got no idea how good that is. That's half a minute."
*
(age 4)
Liam shuddered, and turned toward her.
"You know, your blanket stealin' skills sure are somethin'. I don't even have a little bit."
"My cover stealing? I don't have any! You're the one--"
"Did it get kicked off? Maybe we were a little too acrobatic."
Liam chuckled to himself. He flicked on the light and squinted into the dim room. He padded
barefoot across the wood floors.
"Ain't on the floor," he said.
He bent beneath the bed and scanned past the dust bunnies and bins Sophia had stored under
there.
"Oh, there's my ball! Ain't any blanket, though," Liam said.
"You're saying someone came into our bedroom and stole our blanket? God, what wizard did
we piss off this time?"
"What wizard didn't we piss off? At this rate, who isn't gunnin' for us," Liam said.
"Fair enough," she said. She reached for her glasses and slipped them on. "There's too much
iron in this house for it to be fae," she said.
"Good old Tavish, his charms work like a charm."
He stepped on something squishy. Liam pulled back, with a muttered curse. He lifted up a
technicolor blue bunny.
"That's---"
He tightened his grip on the stuffed animal and took off on a run towards the living room. He
craned his neck, desperate for more signs.
"Alice? Sweetie?" Liam's voice grew more panicked. "Alice!"
The quilt was laid over the couch, with a glow coming from inside. He couldn't smell any blood,
but it was with trembling fingers that he lifted up the quilt. He'd done enough in his life to make
all kinds of enemies.
Alice peeked her head out.
"Dad? Is it hide and go seek time?"
Liam fell to his knees and pulled her into a hug. "Oh, Alley cat, Alley, Alice. You scared me."
"What are you doin'? You practicin' your thief skills? You can't go into a dungeon without a
dungeon master!"
The flash light glowed across the ceiling.
"Alice...it's bed time," Sophia said.
"It's blanket fort time!" she said. She pulled the big quilt about her shoulders, like cloak.
"You really like that blanket, huh?" Liam said.
"My blanket wasn't big enough," Alice said.
"Did you have a nightmare?" Sophia said.
"Mare...that's a horse?" Alice said, with renewed interest.
"A bad dream," Sophia said.
"Blankets weren't soft enough," Alice said.
"Look, peanut. When we wake up, we'll make all the blanket forts you want. But we need that
blanket to sleep!"
"Do I have to? It's comfy and warm in here," she said. She was surrounded by many of her
stuffed animals, bunnies and birds and teddy bears, all in a variety of colors.
"Yeah, we gotta get our z's."
"We should go for ice cream. We can eat it on the way back. Bet we could make it back before it
even melts. Wanna see?" Liam said.
Alice's eyes widened. "Yeah!"

"You'll get brain freeze," Sophia said.
"Nope, too fast! Cold can't catch us!"
She'd started running with her father, or at least trying. He slowed down to let her keep up, just
like he had with Sophia herself. She bounced in place, her ponytail flopping up and down.
"Faster than the speed of sound! Faster than the speed of light!"
"Damn right I am," Liam said.
He never lost his youth, even as he became a father, even as he moved from the city he loved.
"Now, now, there's no need to show off. You'd probably knock over the ice cream," she said.
Being a killjoy was in her veins; it'd only gotten worse when she'd become a mother.
"Showin' off is what I do best," Liam said. He grinned at her, the same flirty smile she'd been
seeing for years.
"You've always got my attention," she said. She took his hand. "Why don't we drive together and
make it a family gathering?"
He squeezed her hand once, before letting go. "Sure, I'll go tell ma."
She laughed. "We can't fit all of them in the truck, not even if we borrowed a horse trailer from
next door."
"I guess we'll have to bring some back," Liam said.
"You'll need more than a quart to feed all the men," she said.
"Well, damn. I guess we'll have to buy out the whole stock for that,"
"All the ice cream? Cooool!" Alice said. She leapt up, her ponytail bobbing. She'd gotten a red
tie with two small baseballs. They clattered together every time she jumped, which made Alice
only want to jump more.
"The refrigerator isn't nearly large enough for that," Sophia said.
"Okay, get a bigger fridge, buy all the ice cream, anythin' else I'm missin'?"
1981, a long, rainy day.

Noon.
Empty bowls sat in the sink. The last orange box of cereal, a gigantic orange Wheaties was
tossed in the trash, but stuck out at an angle.
Alice had on a pair of aqua feetie pajamas, with little clouds and bunnies all over. Her hands
were against the window.
"Mom, I want to go outside!"
Rain pelted furiously pelted at window. Through the currents of water, she could see leaves
fluttering blowing across the sky. Soon enough, the golden leaves would turn to brown. "You've
got to stay in until the storm is over."
"But, mom---"
"No buts; it isn't safe, there's lightning out there."
Liam snickered.
"Liam, can you stop laughing about the word 'but' for two seconds? I need back up here."
"I have some paperwork that needs to be done. Can you look after her for today?"
"Aw yeah, I'd love to play with Alley all day."
"Don't worry, Peanut. There's lots to do in here. We can...uh. Watch television, I guess."
"I'm glad I took notes for when this day would finally happen." Sophia smiled to herself, and
handed over a little blue binder with a sticker of a bunny on the front. Inside were several
papers with a list of ideas.
"It's nice, these days I get to actually keep to-do lists binders around. I used to have to burn
them constantly. Sometimes the notes would be so neat and I'd just think what a shame it was
to have to throw them away."
"Yeah, your orders were always so cute, I hated havin' to destroy 'em," Liam said.
"And one more thing, don't get too loud. I'll need to focus," Sophia said.
"Quiet? Babe...that's askin' a lot," Liam said.
"I know if you try, you can manage it," Sophia said dryly.
Alice let out a whimper, and threw herself back on the couch. "Nooooooo."
"Me too, Alley. Me too."
12:05.
Liam glanced over the list. "Okay, first up is drawin'. Good for you, I'm a pro at drawin'," Liam
said.
"G-rated drawings only, please. And no Eiffel towers!" Sophia called from the other room.
"Babe, are you psychic or somethin'?"
"I'm leaving the door open," she said dryly.
Liam put his finger to his lips. "Let's play a game called 'ninjas drawin'."
"Ninjas drawin'?" Alice said.
"Drawin', but quiet. Stealthy."
"All right, drawin', drawin'..."
Liam bent down and pulled out a clear bin from one of the lower cupboards. Inside were ruled
notebooks, drawing pads, half-scribbled coloring books, several boxes of crayons. 64 jumbo, 13
sparkly, 12 scented, and countless broken and worn down ones.
"You wanna doodle horses, Alice?"
"No. I want to draw doggies!" Alice said.
Liam put his finger over his mouth. "Remember, Alley. We're bein' stealthy drawin' ninjas. No
screamin'."
"Draw doggies," Alice said in a hoarse whisper.
"That's the stuff," Liam said.
He pulled out new coloring book, 101 Adorable Dogs. Cartoonish dogs with large floppy
ears frolicked across the cover.
Liam was always bringing back little cars, coloring books, and pieces of candy for Alice. He'd go
out for milk and come back with tons of little gifts that were never on the grocery list.
Liam pulled out a blank drawing pad. "Mm, love the smell of a new drawin' pad. It's great
breakin' 'em in."
He started out a quick sketch of three figures.
"Cooool. Dad, dad, what are you drawing?"
"I'm drawin' the coolest superhero family in the galaxy, that's what I'm doin'," he said.
"I get to be Kid Flash?" Alice's eyes shone.
"Of course!"
The crayons had rolled across the floor. Burnt Umber cracked in two beneath her shoe. Sophia
bent to pluck it up.
"I wanna draw too, dad."
"Lemme see your dogs first," Liam said. He flipped through the pages. Squiggles of brown were
drawn all over the pooches. Alice still had trouble coloring in the lines.
"You'll get the hang of it eventually, doodlebug. Or maybe you're goin' to do some of that
'abstract art' like that guy with the cans and the splatters."
He ripped out a page and handed it to her. "Don't get paper cuts, okay?"
"Mom! I finished a drawing!"
"See, here's the mommy, and here's the daddy, and here's the bodies," Alice said.
"That had to have killed some time." Liam made finger guns. "Bang, bang, shot that time dead."
"Bang bang." Alice laid back and copied his movements.
Liam looked up at the clock. "Add the one and...fifteen minutes? Jeez, we'll never make it."
Alice fell back and let out a groan.
"Daaad, I wanna go outside."
"Me too, Alley cat. Me too. Usually I'd be trainin'."

12:20.
Every blanket in the house had been pulled out into the living room. A broom and beige couch
pillows helped keep the top of the 'fort' up.
"This is goin' to be the best blanket fort known to anybody. The Manniss book of world records
is goin' to come in here, take one look around and go that is one damn fine blanket fort.
Then they'll give us both the Nobel prize for blanket forts.
"Okay, now we made it...now what."
"I know!"
"The floor is lava, Alley. We gotta keep safe!"
Sophia passed by the fort. Liam pushed aside the blankets.
Quick, the floor is lava! reach for my hand!"
Sophia rolled her eyes. "Really, Liam?"
"Really! Hop up!"
Sophia kept walking into the kitchen.
"Is mom going to be okay?" Alice said.
"Oh, she's so tough, lava won't even go near her."
"Mom is toughest? Tougher than you?"
"Oh yeah, she's the baddest girl around," Liam said.
12:45
"Okay, this list has got to have somethin'... Cook up somethin' special, eh? I am kinda hungry.
You hungry, Alley cat?"
Alice nodded enthusiastically.
"You're always hungry," he said.

Liam opened the door to the fridge, and thoughtfully stared in. Alice slipped just past his knees
and pushed in as well. She mimicked her father's thoughtful stroking of his chin.
"Okay, we got bread and---I don't know what this is." Liam pulled off the cover and took a sniff.
"Ugh. Still don't know what this is. Don't think I want to know. Did Doc park one of his
experiments in here?"
"We ain't got any jelly left. Somebody ate it all."
"Jelly thief?"
"Yup, somebody stole in here at night, and ate all the jelly."
"And left crumbs all over the counter. And the bread out," Sophia said.
"The bread needed some air," Liam said.
Sophia poured out water into a glass. Alice stared in wonder. "Can I have some too,
mom?"
"Soph, the fridge situation is dire. I'm havin' flashbacks to the gravel wars, when there
was nothin' in the fridge but a severed head, moldy bread, beer, and some kind of freaky
sentient bread."
Sophia checked the fridge, and winced. "I meant to go earlier. We'll head out as soon as I'm
done with my paperwork, and the storm clears up."
"Snack time," Liam said.
He pulled out sandwiches.
Liam shoved the sandwich into his mouth.
Alice had a cape tied about her neck.
"Now here's a movie for you."
Liam turned on the television. Nothing but gray static greeted him. "I swear, someone so much
as farts in this buildin' and the damn antenna goes out." He sighed, and turned it off again.
"Guess it's back to the list, Alley," Liam said. He glanced over it. "Hmmm... how about hide and
go seek?"
"I wonder where she could be," Liam said.
Only Alice's head was stuck under the bed. She burst into giggles as Liam carefully walked
around her, stepped over here. "Aw man, I had this great cupcake that I was goin' to share with
my Alley cat, but it looks like she ran off. I sure am goin' to be lonely..."
Alice immediately pulled her head out from under the bed. She let out a whimper and stared at
her hands.
"Rugburn? Yeah, that sucks. C'mon, we'll go get your mom. She's the official band-aid and boo-
boo kisser.
Liam knocked on the door and waited. "Rugburn emergency boo boos that need kissin' right
here."
Sophia looked up from her desk."You fell?"
"You promised cupcakes," Alice said petulantly.
"We'll get some when we go grocery shoppin'," Liam said.
She looked on the verge of a full on breakdown, but Liam thought quick.
"Oh no, what's that?! It's a tickle monster!"
Alice let out a series of giggles and went running down the hall. Liam caught her in just a few
steps.
Liam lifted up the Polaroid and flipped it over. "These things are neat. The best part is, they ain't
full of film. So much better than pickin' up the film from bein' developed, and thinkin' it's shots of
that last great, but it's really traumatizin' pics of my Ma!"
"C'mon, gimme a smile," Liam said.
Alice pulled the corners of her lips and stuck her lips out.
"Ey, we gotta get in this together. They should make a stick for this, to make it easier to take
pictures of yourself, instead of havin' to constantly stop strangers. I'm thinkin' we should call it
the 'selfie.'"
He waited for them to dry, and slipped them under theatrically
"You know this is a declaration of war," Sophia said.
"Mooom! Thunder is over! Can we go outsiiiiide!"
Sophia glanced out the door. The gray clouds had lightened. There'd been no rumble of thunder
for at least an hour.
"If it starts again, you have to come in," she said.
"Then, cupcakes?"
"We'll buy a whole thing of cupcakes, doodlebug," Liam said.
Alice took a leap straight into a puddle. Her yellow waders, covered with ducks kept out most of
the water. It matched her little rain coat, which had just as many ducks as her little yellow
umbrella. She spun the umbrella around, in a way which didn't keep any of the rain off of her.
"Aww, yeah! I ain't jumped in puddles in ages, I gotta fix that. You're a genius, Alley!"
Liam leapt straight to the puddle, scattering dirty water across the parking lot.
It'd been raining all day. Keeping Alice (and Liam, for that matter) inside was proving harder
than fighting a drunken wizard. But Colleen had brought the little rain gear―she was almost as
prone to bringing back little gifts for Alice as Liam was.
Cracked pavement with potholes and rusting beer cans wouldn't have been her first choice for a
playground for Alice, but the dirty indentations had caught Alice's eye. Even though Liam kept
ahold of Alice's wrist, Sophia kept glancing towards the road. Becoming a parent had turned her
into a hypochondriac of every kind. Every cough might be whooping cough, every car that
passed might be a future trip to the hospital. She'd seen what could happen to the human body,
both from the mercenaries and her own work.
It wasn't until she became a mother that her daughter sharing that same fate started to haunt
her dreams. Reminders, security systems―nothing quite drowned out the voice of possible
disaster at every corner. It was something she was simply learning to live with.
Sophia shook her head, on the verge of laughter.
"What am I going to do with you two?"
"Face it, babe. You can't beat us, too much puddle-jumpin' and joy here. What you wanna do is
come on and join us. It's great."
Sophia came to the very edge and peered in. A muddy and distorted reflection of her family
looked up at her.
"What, you never jumped in puddles?"
"Most of the year, the badlands don't even have puddles," she said. She tentatively stepped in
the water with one shoe, then drew back.
"You can't do that pussyfootin' around. You gotta take the leap! Like remember when I pulled
out you into the rain to go dancin'?"
"We were soaked," she said.
"It sure was fun peelin' it off." He reached out for her hand. "You ready?"
She nodded and hand in hand they leapt straight into the biggest, muddiest puddle. Droplets
cascaded through the air. Alice reached up to catch them. Her little hands just missed the spray.
He leaned in to steal a kiss, but a quick one. Alice could run past them at any moment. Sophia
splashed dirty water straight towards him, pulling back laughing as he caught her.
"Hey, Alice―we'll make a carousel. Remember them?" Liam said. He took both their hands,
though he had to stoop to reach Alice's level.
"There were horsies," Alice said. She stood on the balls of her feet, and burst into a big grin.
"And lions, and dragons, and more horsies!
"That's right! You rode those things for a solid hour and a half. I was surprised you didn't barf all
over, but you took all that spinnin' like a champ!"
Alice's stormy gray eyes lit up. "Can we go ride the spinny horsies again?"
"Not unless we find some drunk ones around here. Pretty sure it's closed, Peanut!"
"The horse at the grocery store is still available," Sophia said.
"Hey, you're right! We gotta beeline right there."

"We're all going to have to get changed, and probably drink buckets of soup so we don't get
sick," Sophia said.
"Yeah, but it was worth it," Liam said.
Alice giggled. "Ride, ride, ride!"
Liam looked down to her. Water sloughed down over his back. As usual, he hadn't bothered to
put on his raincoat. "You already tired of the Dempsey family carousel?"
"But rocy store horsie has ice cream and stickers and hot dogs, and ce'wal!"
"Man, you got plans. You goin' to be an evil genius, Alice?"
Alice broke into a gap-toothed smile.
Sophia could already see all too well, a future of pneumonia, head colds, or even worse, a trip
to visit the former doctor Humbolt.
"Clean clothes first, then we'll go to the grocery store," Sophia said.
Liam lifted Alice up. He paid little mind to the dirty water that streamed down the sides of Alice's
rubber boots. Either she'd stepped too deep, or she'd tried to save water to play with later.
Knowing Alice, it could be either or both of these things.
"Hey, babe. My heart Beets for you," Liam said.
He tossed up the can and laughed to himself.
"Beets, now that's genius." He pulled up another can, and flipped it over. "Hey,
my...okay, I can't do good material with a can of beans, just fart jokes. You wanna hear those?
I'm loaded with 'em," Liam said.
"I worked with nine mercenaries; I've heard enough fart jokes for a lifetime, most of them from
you," Sophia said.
Alice sat in the cart, her little fingers clutched the grate of the cart.
"Liam tossed up another can. I'd tell you a joke, Alice, but it's too corny. See?
Corn, get it?"
When she started dating Liam Dempsey, the notorious flirt, she didn't think she'd end up
married to Liam Dempsey, king of the dad jokes.
"Mom, can we have Wheaties? Please?"
"Don't we have some at home?"
"Probably not. That kitchen was like a wasteland in there," Liam said.
Her daughter seemed to share her husband's palate--or at least, Liam had the eternal tastebuds
of a young child. Like an eternal summer of saccharine things, she loved all those things Sophia
found fathomless like candy hearts, bubblegum and gummy bears.
Her parents always had said Sophia was born old. Even as a child she'd never taken breaks, or
liked the typical things.
Alice, without fail, would pass the Sugar Smacks, the Mann Sugar Bombs, and always asked for
Wheaties. She pushed at the cart, as if she could get it faster. Her gaze was decidedly starry-
eyed as she caught sight of the orange box.
"Wheeaties!"
"Don't you want a change?" Sophia said.
"Wheaties is the breakfast of Champions, though. If I eat lots of milk and ceweal, I'm
going to grow big and strong and win lots of races," Alice said.
"Well, I can't fight with that. You know champions also eat their vegetables," Sophia said.
Alice grimaced. "Do I have to? Can I just eat the little trees?" Alice said.
"Your mom has it all wrong. The only vegetables I ever had were on a burger," Liam said.
"You also drank straight nuclear waste by the carton, so I'm not sure you're the best example for
our daughter," Sophia said.
"Yeah, you're right. The killin' and buryin' bodies we did is totally a better example for her," Liam
said.
"Liam!"
He chuckled as she swatted him with the coupons she'd carefully clipped. a few of them fell to
the floor, and they knelt down together, almost bonking heads in the process. Liam scooped
each one up, and stole a kiss before she rose.
Sophia sighed wistfully. "It was so much easier before DNA testing became a thing. Now I have
to bribe labs, too."
"Dad, I'm hungry," Alice said.
"Didn't you just eat before you left?" Sophia said.
Both Alice and Liam looked at her blankly. "'Course we did. What's that got to do with anythin'?"
"We'll head to the deli in a minute," she said. She fumbled with the book of coupons a moment.
"We just have....ten more aisles to go."
"Tennnnn?" Alice flopped back on the pile of beans, much to Sophia's displeasure. She bent
down and began to look over her daughter for new scratches or bruises. Between her and Liam,
they went through about a package of bandages a day.
"Can I eat in the cart?" Alice said.
"Actually, it might be better if I just finish this up on my own. Could you go get her something?"
Sophia said.
"I was just gettin' hungry," Liam said. He lifted her out.
"Zoom zoom zoom!" Alice rushed out towards the delicious scents of the deli.
"Whoa, there, tiger!"
She wasn't a match for someone as athletic as him, which Sophia was all too grateful for.
Liam scooped her up and kissed her cheeks, still chubby with baby fat.
"No ditchin' your dad," Liam said.
Alice punched her arm in the arm. "Fried chicken!"
"Yeah, that looks great. Good idea."
He set her down, but kept a grip on her wrist. A moment's distraction and Alice would be
running down the aisle.
At least her habit of screaming at the top of her lungs made her easier to find.
"Are you real hungry, hungry hungry, or hungry mchungry?"
Alice giggled. "Hungryyy, dad," she said.
"Hungry dad? You can't be hungry dad, I'm hungry dad," he said.
"Hungry!" she bounced up and down repeatedly.
"Hey, lady---" Liam glanced over the entire display. "I'm pretty hungry, too. I don't know if I'll
have enough left. You might have to have wait until they make another batch."
"Daaaad," Alice bounced disconsolately.
Liam laughed. "Just kiddin', Alley cat. Ey, lady, just bring me the whole thing," Liam said.
"The entire batch?" the woman said incredulously.
"Yeah, she's a growin' girl, and I need my protein before I go for my run tonight," he said.
"Of course, sir. I'll pack it up right away."
"Come on, peanut. We gotta eat it outside," Liam said.
"There's fish in there, but they look like bugs," Alice said. She craned her neck to look back at
the lobsters. "Bugfish?"
"Nah, that's lobster," Liam said.
"Lob star," she said. She said it several more times, sounding out his thick accent. Liam had
knocked in a lot of teeth for people making fun of his accent over the years. But Alice found
such wonder in horses said like hasses and all his other tics.
"Do they come from the sky?"
"Hell no, Those creepy things ain't flyin' about, and thank God for that."
"Are they nice? Can they be my friends?"
They're like underwater garbage vacuum cleaners. Delicious with butter, though,"
Alice giggled. "Butt ah. Butt!"

"You're a butt," he said, and ruffled her hair.
"Don't forget cupcakes, dad," Alice said.
Liam glanced over the tiny bakery, which was wedged right between the deli and meats. "You
want chocolate, strawberry, or vanilla?"
"Both," Alice said.
"Both?" Liam said.
"I need my poteen," Alice said.
"Cupcakes don't have protein, unless you put a slab of meat in the middle of 'em, or cook 'em
with bacon. Now, fried chicken, that's got tons of protein. See, you need lots of protein to build
sick muscles like your dad has." He flexed his bicep to show. "You wanna feel? Guns of
steel. I shouldn't go anywhere, these guns are so illegal."
Alice reached out to squeeze his arm.
"Oh hey, the order is here."
As the cashier rung him up, he pulled a wad of cash out of his pocket. Alice tried to break away,
her gaze caught by the rows of gumball machines and toy cranes at the front of the grocery
store.
"Uncle Dell always wins these," Alice said.
"Of course, he's all good with robots," Liam said.
Liam handed them two twenties. "One more thing, think you could you give me my change in
quarters?"
"Sir, that'd be over twenty dollars in quarters," the cashier said.
"That should be just enough," Liam said.
The entrance to the grocery was lined with little machines that dispensed toys, balls, stickers,
and candy. Just ahead of them, a little boy stuck in a quarter, and the machine lit up and started
to play a song as the bubble gum rolled down the long circular path. Alice's gaze flitted from
bright light to bright light.
"Dad, dad! Pleaaase?"

Liam grinned. "Everythin' but bubblegum. You know the rules."
First up was a flat, black machine with glittery and shimmery stickers of all kinds.
"Which stickers you want? I'm gettin' a ninja," Liam said.
Without even thinking, Alice responded with, "Sparkly cat ones!"
"People will see you for miiiles with one of these," Liam said.
She stuck the winking cat right on her cheek.
"You should have one too, dad," she said.
He stuck the ninja face straight on the side of his arm, like a tattoo.
"Let's see, there's Shoulderpad warriors, Mann Destroyer--but you don't want a Saxton Hale
action figure, he smells."
"There's some ninja warriors over here, too. They can hang with your little green soldier men,"
Liam said.
"And keep the communist monsters out!"
"You been hangin' with Jane and Tavish again," Liam said.
"You want some soda? Course you do, you're goin' to be thirsty after all this chicken."
"Grape!"
Liam hit the buttons, and the machine made a great crashing noise as they rolled down.
"We better wait a bit, unless you wanna be all purple," Liam said. She jumped up and tried to
reach.
"I wanna be purple, dad! Let me be purple!"
"You can be purple when you get home, I'll find you a purple shirt or somethin'. Your Ma has a
whole closet full of them," he said.
"Fountain!"
"You wanna make a wish?"

"But dad, it's shiny," Alice said. She clutched the coin in her tiny hands.
Liam bent down. "Hmm, you wanna keep that one?"
Alice nodded.
"Okay then, I'll find some nasty coin or somethin', but not too nasty."
He came up with a penny so dulled that the numbers couldn't even be read. "How about this
one."
"How do I make a wish?"
"Okay, you gotta turn around. No, not in a circle, we ain't havin' a dancin' party. Like this."
She followed his lead.
"Now, you gotta flip it over your shoulder so it lands right in that fountain.
"Dad, dad! I wished for--"
"Shhh, you can't tell a wish, doodlebug. You gotta keep them secret."
"Then what did you wish for?" Alice said.
"Me? I got everythin' I ever wished for. I hit the jackpot so many times, sometimes I just make a
thumbs up like thanks, pally at the big Guy upstairs."
"Vroom zoom! Preparing for blaaaast off!" Alice rushed around with her arms outstretched.
"You gotta eat your chicken first; you can't go to space hungry!"
She took a big bite of her drumstick, and ate nosily. No surprise, given that she did everything
nosily. Everything was an adventure waiting to happen in her world.
[time]
"Hey, good lookin', I got a bucket of chicken," Liam said.
She had two carts, filled to the brim.
"You break the bank?"
"Hardly! They paid me thirteen dollars when it was all over," she said.
"That's my girl," he said.
"You gotta come down from space, my little princess."
"Only if you draw me a sheeepppp!" Alice called. She knew the story almost by heart
"You'll have to ask your dad for that; he's the artist in the family," she said.
"I don't know, the way you kill those chuckleheads is kinda a art in itself," Liam said.
Liam pulled out a pen from his pocket and drew first what looked like a cloud, then he added
many c's to make four legs, two ears and two happy little eyes.
"See, one happy little sheep," he said.
She raised an eyebrow.
"What? Bob Ross makes her fall asleep," he said.
Alice hopped down before Liam could catch her. Sophia just caught the back of her shirt before
she could run into the parking lot without even a glance for incoming traffic.
"I thought your mother was exaggerating when she said you gave her so many gray hairs. Now
I know," Sophia said.
He hoisted Alice up, the toys, stickers and sodas all in tow.
"Let's go cart racin'. Vroom vroom!"
"Vroom zoom!" Alice kicked her heels in time to a beat only she could hear.
Liam provided all the racing car noises they could ever need, complete with the sounds of
skidmarks and applause.
"We really need to work on getting her to look both ways," she said.
"Or you could do what my Ma did and get a leash," Liam said.
"Why am I not surprised?"
"Because you saw the pictures, probably," Liam said. "She shows 'em to anyone who will
listen."
They filled the back to the point of bursting. A single point of mercy was Alice hadn't figured out
how to undo seatbelts and safety locks yet. Sophia honestly didn't know what she'd do when
Alice finally did. Probably enlist Dell to create some futuristic lock.
"Mom, I want to be purple," she said.
"Purple?"
"Told her she'd turn purple if she had that soda. It got fizzy as hell on the ride down."
"Fizzy as bell," Alice said.
"That....that's the cutest thing I ever heard," Liam said.
"You said that about her eating peas yesterday," Sophia said.
"That too," Liam said.
"Dad, I'm thirsty," Alice said.
"Hand her back a water bottle, would you?" Sophia said.

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.
-Interlude-
 The Old Farmhouse

1981
(notes: the fight and finding the house part)
Sophia hit her knee on the way in, which almost seemed like a sign. She rubbed at the pain, her
mind blanking out to stars for a few seconds. Her papers had fallen in the collision, scattered
across the floor. She bent to pick them up. She'd seen enough secret files that the plots and
bodies blended together in her mind. But this was different, in that she'd rarely discussed
purchasing buildings.
For many years, she'd simply lived off the bases. Just far enough to keep her away from prying
mercenary eyes, like most of the upper tier staff.
"Bringin' home work?" Liam said.
"Actually, the last meeting I had with the Administrator was talking about managing something.
We've talked about moving to a bigger place, and this would be a much bigger place. A
base, in fact, though not a very visible one."
"I'm listenin'," Liam said.
"It'd be quite a ways away," she said. She pulled out the map of the general area.
"I can't go that far off, ma will be really lonely," Liam said.
"You left her behind when you worked, and that was for far longer periods," Sophia said.
"Yeah, but she'll miss Alley!"
"...you just want the free babysitting, don't you?" she said.
"Well, I'd miss that, but I'd miss her too. She's my ma, after all!"
"She could come visit―she could come buy a second house for all the money she gets
between you and Spy constantly spoiling her."
"Another house with lots of maids and a nice garden, like a real fancy rich fuck." He leaned
back, with a slow, satisfied smile. "She'd friggin' love that. I always thought she should live like
some kinda queen."
"Would you really be willing to leave Boston for good?"

"Babe, I go wherever you go. You wanna go live in the frickin' Antarctic? Alice and I are goin' to
learn how to make some damn find snowmen. Besides, it's not like we won't come visit. There's
these things called airplanes, they zoom through the air and take people places. Maybe you
heard of them?"
"This is the folder for the first," she said.
He gripped the picture so tight that it bent.
"That--There's a baseball field in the back!"
"Are you sure?" She peered down at the photo, and saw that he was right. Complete with
diamonds, though no stands, someone had made a field right in their backyard.
It wasn't the location for the prescribed base, but it was close enough that she would have a
short commute time.
"Are you sure you want that one? We haven't even looked inside, or at the others--"
"You kiddin'? Friggin'. Baseball. Field. At. My. House! Alley and I could go play catch all
damn day! I'd be the coolest dad at little league."
"Technically, we could make a field in another one."
Liam didn't listen--or didn't hear her, lost in the plans of all the things he could do with a baseball
field in the backyard.
She flipped through the other pictures. No water damage that she saw, though the price was
surprisingly low. Maybe it was haunted. Liam would hate that, but Tavish would rout the ghosts
"I'll contact the realtor in that county, and find something for your mother as well," she said.
"Can't we just throw money at them until they give the house?" Liam said. He was so excited
that he couldn't stand still. He shifted from foot to foot, squirming in anticipation.
"They won't even be open right now, and we have no idea what kinds of problems the house
might even have―"
"We can fix it! It'll be a project, super fun and stuff! Like how we fixed up Alley's room!"
He wrapped his arms about her waist and rested his head on her shoulder.
"C'mon baby, we can do this. Let's go for it!"
Just seconds ago, he'd been not quite so keen, but a single picture had changed everything.
"Remember the time you tried to fix the shelf and we had to have the entire wall replaced?"
"Yeah, but―"
"And the time you said 'don't worry about it' and we had to buy a new fridge and throw out all the
food we had, when you unplugged the fridge and forgot to put it back?"
"Then―we can throw money at people until they fix it, or even build new, or―somethin'! Hey,
Alley cat, c'mere. Look at this house, there's a baseball field in the back of the house," Liam
said.
She rushed in, her feet leaving dark marks on the floor as she slid. Her eyes lit up when she
saw the picture. "Baseball field in the back of a house! Baseball field! Baseball field!"
"Two against one, babe," Liam said. He put his arm about Alice. They both grinned up
triumphantly at her.
"All right. Provided that the house isn't filled with black mold or vampires, we'll make the
purchase right away."
"Vampires? We could kick the ass of any vampires who dared take our house―I mean,
we already got ghosts, a demon eye and a wizard. A vampire will just give us a full friggin'
bingo."
"Down low!" Liam held his hand to be hit, and Alice lifted her tiny hand and high-fived him as
hard as she could.
"Daaamn, girl. You hit hard. You're goin' to be a real bruiser someday, just like me."
"Someday?" Alice said. She stuck out her tongue and struck a cocky pose.
"Looks like that day is goin' to be today," Liam said. He lifted her up, even though she was
getting far too big to be carried around. "We're goin' to have a blast."
Sophia had been trying to break her of this, but Liam was so amused by it, it was nigh
impossible.
*
They never had to even see the house. She had only mentioned it to the Administrator before
the deed was mailed to her.
Of course, the Administrator never did anything out of the kindness of her heart. Before they
could even be packed, certain additions were made. Several houses added, to be exact, and
several plots of land bought in the surrounding area. Sophia wasn't sure if the land was for sale,
or if corpses on their doorsteps convinced them to take offers and leave while they still could.
"It's the size of a frickin' park," Liam said. "My entire family could live here, and we wouldn't
even be crowded. Even the distant cousins still overseas. Hell, the rest
"I wouldn't be surprised if that was the plan," she said under her breath.
He hadn't heard her. He'd already lifted up Alice, airplane style, and was zooming her across
the grassy fields.
"There's stands and everythin'! It's like this place was built just for me!"
"Yes... just like," Sophia said.
Sophia had known from the first that the apartment would be only temporary. Some days when
the decor annoyed her too much, she relished the fact. But after so many years together, so
many memories, the emptied rooms filled only with boxes to be put into the moving vans were
all that was left.
Liam had danced with her late at night, long before Alice, to the low sounds of Tom Jones over
an old radio.
"Somethin' wrong, babe?" Liam said.
She shook her head. "It's...nothing. Nothing important, anyways."
"No such thing as not important when it comes to you."
"I didn't expect saying goodbye to be hard," Sophia said. "It's just an apartment. It wasn't even a
luxury."
"Of course it's a bit sad. I had a real hard time leavin' Boston to go work, and I'd be lyin' if I said
that I won't miss this place. But, we'll make tons of new memories. Plus, we got all those
pictures to help us remember."
"Home's wherever you and Alice are," Liam said.
He hoisted up a box. Another step away.
She remembered that dent in the wall. They'd have to fix it if they wanted their deposit back.
Liam had been on the top of the couch, trying to show off for her, and had fallen off straight into
the wall. He'd had to go in and get multiple stitches across the back of his head. When the men
started making fun of the patch of hair which had been stripped away, he shaved Soph
across the back.
When they'd first come here, eating late and trying to sync their schedules, she'd never
imagined that she'd have a child a mere year later. Yet here they were, parents moving away.
When the doorbell rang, she could only blearily glance at the clock at the bedside. 2AM. A wee
bit late for a social call.
"Jeez, I bet it's Tavish or Jane, expectin' us to bail one of 'em out of jail again," Liam said.
He opened the door to a man in a trench coat. When he pushed up his hat, Sophia immediately
recognized it as Marley.
"Pretty late to be makin' social calls," Liam said peevishly.
Without a word, Marley held out a manila envelope. Sophia reached out, her mind numbed by
dread.
"Liam, go check on Alice," she said.
"What? Is somethin' the matter?"
"You never want to leave yourself open to being backstabbed when you're dealing with TF
Industries," she said.
She quickly looked over the documents. Her mouth tightened at the final words on the express
post, red-ink lined paper. The pictures that came with it were blurry.
Liam came out with Alice in his arms. "Marley is good with us, right?"
"He's well aware that if he messes with my family, I'll make his death particularly excruciating,
yes," she said.
"Heavy, Medic and Sniper, and their families are about to be executed."
"All at once? Damn, what kind of party did they have?" Liam said.
"This isn't the time for joking." She gave him a stern look.
"Yeah, I can't help it. Sorry," Liam said. He leaned down to look over her shoulder at the
documents. She knew very well that he didn't understand even half the terms. TF Industries
used so much legalese as to practically be its own language. Most people saw nothing but line
after line of complex contracts and turned away.
In her years of working there, Sophia had learned to read fast and translate the clauses quickly.
"So, what'd they do?"
"What they've always done. The public just is done with war games. If we hadn't kept Tavish
and Jane close, this would've happened to them sooner or later. Saxton Hale only remains on
due to his wealth, and even he's had to do more jail time than usual. Not even Bidwell can talk
him out of being indicted most of the time."
Really, it was just a ticking time bomb. They were too violent, too crude for this new world. The
Administrator may have kept her control securely on her corner of business, but the era of
Saxton Hale and testosterone-ridden heroes was giving way to businessmen and lawyers–the
same sort of men Saxton Hale hated almost as much as hippies, at least when they weren't
working for him.
"So, super spy woman. What are you goin' to do about it?" Liam said.
"I'm thinking. If we leave them alone, they'll just get in trouble again," she said.
"When I signed onto the job, I didn't think I'd be babysitting nine mercenaries for the rest of my
life," she said.
"Alice, though―" Liam said.
"We'll leave her at Dell's. Call it a sleepover. She'll get a huge kick over gettin' to spend more
time with Delia," Sophia said.
"Maybe call ma and my brothers to stay there, just in case."
"If Dell doesn't mind the company," she said.

"It's going to be a dangerous mission. Perhaps harder than anything we've ever done, and this
time, we won't have TF Industries backing us up or coming in to save us. And there's no
Respawn."
"Babe, I chow down on danger. I've been livin' dangerously since I was in friggin' diapers. And
you've organized tons of crap like this. Ain't nothin' that can put a stop to us. It'll be one last
heist. We spring them, and bring them back with us. Between you and me, we done it tons of
times."
The Administrator had added several rooms, just enough to habitat a few aging mercenaries. A
thought turned over and over in her mind. She planned this. Sophia wouldn't be
surprised if the Administrator had been the one to inform the authorities. It wouldn't have been
the first time; she'd done the same under her command several times.
She would create the danger that brought them running back, then she would erase the
problem. Be it resorting to dealing with the mafia, other organized crime, or just bribing or
threatening the right people. Once you were under the Administrator's control, she never let you
go until death. And as long as you were useful, you would remain in her employ.
But, for what? Another set of games? Or simply to keep them all under her watchful eye. Sophia
couldn't tell. In the end, it wasn't the current situation that worried her, so much as the
Administrator's plans. She'd lifted Liam up from hanging before, she'd survived being captured
by the original mercenaries working for Gray Mann.
She could do all that again, but facing the Administrator would be something far more deadly.
Alice stuck her thumb in her mouth. Her eyes were half-lidded, drifting off back to sleep. She
had no idea of the chaos forming around her. She still lived in a pristine, innocent world, and
she would kill to keep it that way.
She leaned in to kiss her daughter's forehead.
"We're going to need a bigger force than just us. We're not just going against a little town with
pitchforks and fires."
"So the asshole is comin' along, great," Liam said.
"Well, that means less time for him to spend with your mother," Sophia said.
"Always findin' the bright side on the shit heap, babe," he said.
"Jane is a bit unstable for this mission, and likely to bungle the whole thing up, far more than a
sober Tavish and Spy, that is," she said.
"Tell him to guard the home base, you know, for America. He'll get a kick out of that, and
leave some more firepower if the heat comes towards Dell. Then again, his home base is
probably nothin' but guns, guns wieldin' guns holdin' guns. God help anyone who tried to take
him down on his home base," Liam said.
She nodded. "It'd be easier with a smaller force."
"Soph, don't worry. Alice ain't goin' to be no orphan. You're comin' home, even if I ain't," Liam
said.
She gripped his shirt tight, with such a fierce resolve, as if even now, someone was trying to
wrest him away and put him back in the hangman's noose.
"I will dismantle the entire Australian, German and Russian governments and watch as they
burn to rubble before they ever lay a hand on you," Sophia said.
"Man, you're hot when you're talkin' about wreckin' the entire world for my sake. And, you know,
always. But especially now."
"Save your revenge fantasies for the bedroom," she said.
"We gotta try Bond and his latest Spy girl sometime."
"Okay. You can be the Bond Girl," she said.
Hours later, he pushed his hands into his coat. The wind whipped her hair free, little tresses
about her face. He couldn't keep his eyes off of her, even as his grip tightened. Siberia below
had turned into a white out.
"You can moon over me later, keep your mind on the mission," she said.
"Babe, I can multitask," Liam replied.
There were shapes and colors through the swirling chill.
"Spy, go lower!"
"Jane?" Sophia said.

At first, she thought Zhanna was leaning on Jane, but on a second look, she saw that she was
just leaning against him, her arm wrapped about his waist. She couldn't tell if it was affection, or
limping, for they were so covered in blood that she couldn't tell whose it was.
Though knowing them, she suspected a great deal of it was not their own.
"I thought you were supposed to be home, Jane," she said.
"I took a briefcase and killed several communists, Mrs. Pauling!"
"That's Mrs. Dempsey, you jackass," Liam said.
"Mrs. Pauling-Demsey is fine," she said.
"Hello, Scout!"
"Let's go back to America," Jane, she said.
"It sure is goin' to be cramped in here," Liam said.
"We could always throw you out to make room," Spy said.
"Many men have come for us. Every time we tore them to pieces and slaughtered them like
animals. Now is no different. Of course, you would expect less of us," Zhanna said. Her gaze
tightened, narrowing in distaste as she caught sight of her.
No matter what she did, she always managed to make Zhanna angry at her. At this rate, it was
practically a gift. A few careless words years ago and Zhanna had made her a sworn enemy.
Not even time, or Jane's attempts to soothe her had helped. Sophia hadn't just insulted her,
she'd inadvertently insulted Jane, and to Zhanna, that was unforgivable.
"I see some things never change," Sophia said under her breath.
To find Erich, all she had to do was follow the line of torches. The mob wielded pitchforks kept
on hand through the generations to throw out members of the Humboldt family when they'd
gone a little too far in their experiments.
"Everyone! What do you think about free healthcare? Ja? Ja? And we can forget about those
disappearances which I had nothing to do with, the loss of certain organs--All water under the
bridge, ja?'
"Kill him!" cried someone from the.
"Well, if you must make it go the hard way..." Erich reached into his coat and brandished his
medi-gun. For a moment, he flashed red, before he pulled out his bonesaw. As he lifted it up,
the sounds were drowned out by the roar of a nearby helicopter.
"That's convenient," Erich said.
"We're really goin' to need a bigger thing than this," Liam said. He was pushed against the
window, forced to sit in narrow gap between the seat and the metal sides.
"I could always remove your excess limbs to make room," Erich said.
"Not funny, Doc," Liam said.
But Mikhail couldn't stop laughing.
"Good to see you again, friend," Erich said.
"He's so big, I've never seen someone that big! Is he a giant? Does he have a bean stalk?"
"Alas, he's just human. Imagine what we could do if he could transform into a giant bear―we'd
be like gods," Erich said wistfully.
Mihkail leaned down to look at her. "Scout's child?"
"Yes!" Alice said. She brightened at his old title, something she'd learned through the years of
Jane's old war tales. "That was dad's name when he was little!"
"I could tell from the talking," he said.
"Dad is teaching me how to run, and one day I'll be as fast as him. Do you like to run?" she said.
"Is hard to run with gun," Mikhail said.
"Depends on the size of your guns. Me, I do plenty of runnin' with them," Liam said.
"I have not visited this land since before you were born," Mikhail said.
Mikhail turned to his old comrade and his craggy, scarred face softened.
"It has been long time, Doctor. Much too long," Mikhail said.
"Indeed! I sent letters, but I never got any in return―"
"Never received," Mikhail aid.
"Well, that's Mother Russia for you. The winters are unforgiving, and the government even more
so. They're not too fond of Germans, I'm afraid," Erich said.
"We have much to catch up on," Mikhail said.
"I still think he's secretly a giant bear," Alice said.
"One day, science might progress that I can add enough parts into him and turn him into the
perfect blend of man and beast. He'd be even fuzzier then!"
"Really, doctor?"
"But you'd be so very fluffy, and you'd have claws you could disembowel people so easily. Just
think of the claws."
"Can you turn him into a giant teddy bear?" Alice said.
"Oh, he's already very close. You should see him when he doesn't shave. He has the softest,
fuzziest beard around. Once, I braided flowers in it just to see if I could. He even let me live,"
Erich said.
Mick had hoisted his sniper rifle up, as not to hit Alice's head. She looked over each man with a
mix of wonder and suspicion. As he passed by, she wrinkled her nose.
"Dad, who's the stinky man? Did they never take a shower in ever and ever?" Alice said.
"Definitely Scout's daughter," Erich said.
Mick just grimaced and walked on.
Tavish guided his elderly mother into the base.
"You sold the house for this?" She tapped her walking stick on the metal walls of the base.
"It isn't sold, it's just rented," Tavish said.
"They'll clean us out of house and home, I tell ye what, those filthy renters," she said.
"I cleared out all the furnishings and put them in the crypt. If they try and get in, it'll be cursed
swords and the demolition man family secrets all rainin' down on their heads," Tavish said.
He said this theatrically, seemingly more for Alice's benefit than his own. Alice stood on tip-toes
as she watched.
"You know them, it's the McTaggarts," Tavish said.
"Ach, I know them. Always wanted to get our lands, and now you've gone and given them to
them on a silver platter," she said.
"They can have our curses, and the ghosts. When the screaming has driven them back, and
everything blows over, we can return."
|She clicked her tongue. "Screamin' won't drive them away, not with the way that McTaggart
matriarch gets on. Ye should know that."
"I needed to move for the new job. Ms. Dempsey has gone and started up things again. I get to
work with the men once more," Tavish said.
"Yae old employer? Always makin' ye go all around the world."
"Not this time, mum," Tavish said.
Bronislava and Yana each held children, with more hanging off of Misha's shoulders. In those
few years, Zhanna had managed to have five babies, with another on the way. Given the size,
Sophia had an inkling that it'd be twins.
"Mick, what are you drinking," Sophia said.
"What, you Americans never heard of lemonade?" he said.
He screwed the lid on the jar and attached it back to the large backpack. She couldn't help but
think he'd made some very unfortunate mistakes a few times, given that he never seemed to
label his jars.
"Can I have lemonade, mom?" Alice said.
"What do you say?" Sophia said.
"Can I have lemonade now please?"
"As long as Mick isn't doing the serving. Make sure you never drink any of his lemonade. He's
rather forgetful about his jars," Sophia said.
"There's a ghost here," Tavish said.
"Yeah, it's just my hat. My Scary ghost hat, that is," Liam said.
"That ghost is harmless. All he does is hang around Liam. They bonded a while back. He shows
up about every full moon for poker," Sophia said.

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.
-part six-
 Catching Fireflies
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women an occasional animal, and
the common cold
-Family Reunion, Ogden Nash
1981
A picture of Alice's first day going to school. (age 5)

She had a little red backpack with baseballs that Liam had bought her before she was even
born. The Wonder Woman lunchbox was a more recent addition. He'd saved all his comics just
for her. Colleen read her Lewis Carroll, while Liam taught her about the DC and Marvel
Multiverse.
"My baby's growin' up so fast..." Liam rubbed at his eyes.
"I ain't cryin', I got dust in my eyes," Liam said.
"No shame in cryin', honey. I did the same when I sent you off to school. My last little one. Or so
I thought. Hell, little Marie will be goin' in soon. Though I don't think she'll do too well. She's such
a quiet thing. Sticks to the corners and the shadows like some kind of ghost. I'm constantly
lookin' back and finding her hidin' behind my skirts."
Alice did her superhero pose, both arms spread out wide.
"Now, flex for me!"
She and Liam flexed at each other.
"Aw, yeah! Look at my strong girl! You're goin' to have biceps of steel!"
He lifted her up, spinning her around. Alice shrieked with laughter.
"She'll be back in a few hours," Sophia said.
"But this is the first step! The next thing you know she'll be like 'hi dad, I just got a job, and I'm
moving out, and also I just got married in Vegas, sorry I forgot to invite you.'"
"I think you'll have a few more years before you have to worry about that," Sophia said.
"You said the same thing about her goin' to school, and yet here she is. Five years already. That
means we're passin' a decade," Liam said.
"A decade? That doesn't seem right. Are you counting the point where you confessed to me,
when we started dating, when we got married, or when you fell in love with me?" Sophia said.
"Okay, multiple anniversaries. I could be down with that. I'd probably need some hell of a note
system to remember 'em, though," Liam said.
(age 5)
Alice was seated in the chair near the principal. She kicked her little legs, completely ignoring
the principal and all the other adults for that moment. The woman folded her arms.
"Alice is a very...energetic child with a rather...vivid imagination," the principal began. She
cleared her throat.
"In our first day, Alice drew this during coloring time," the principal said. She pushed out a small
piece of paper.
Her father's drawing time with her had certainly helped her become better than the average
kindergartener at drawing. It also meant that the gore of "Uncle Jane's house" was that much
more disturbing. He had a fence covered with severed heads. She'd even added the dripping
blood and flies, with stink lines to match.
The next showed Tavish with a sword covered in blood, with an even larger stack of heads, and
headless bodies.
"And something about her father...robbing banks? She asked the teachers why they don't have
'spots' and asked if their 'daddies weren't good enough for their mothers to have spots.' She
then almost got in a fight with Patricia Heinmann over 'whose father was the best.' She said,
and I quote 'I will fight you, anyone who says my dad isn't the best.'"
"She made several of the children cry with her pictures. I only hope that the parents won't
demand therapy after witnessing her...art."
All the time, Alice had been drawing a picture. Sophia snuck a glance, only to find that her
daughter had been drawing a picture of 'mom, dad and a pile of bodies she has to bury.'
"Alice, please hand that over to me," Sophia said in an undertone. "I really want to put it on the
fridge. Your dad is going to love it so much."
Liam had never been good at keeping secret things secret, and while he'd sanitized
aspects of their job, some had slipped through, usually from Jane. Perhaps she'd been naive to
think Alice could ever live a normal life. She'd seen, and idealized far too much of the gravel
wars.
(age 5)
"You got expelled in one day?" Liam let out a whoop and lifted his arm in triumph. "Even my
best was three days. I knew you'd be beatin' my records, but I didn't think it'd be this young!"
"This is one record I could've lived without her breaking," Sophia said with a sigh.
"There's plenty of schools around here. We'll find a better school for you to get kicked out of.
One made of gold! Trust me, I got kicked out of tons of schools before I just gave up. And look
at me, I'm super friggin' rich, and married to the best woman around, and I got the cutest little
girl! Stayin' in school is for frickin' chumps."
"You'd be some motivational speaker," Sophia said dryly.
"No, we can't just put her in another school. It'll just give us more witnesses to dispose of. I
already might have to bury some social workers and principals. We'll just have to hire tutors."
Sophia gnawed on her lower lip. "It can't be just anyone, however. With how chatty Alice is, well
we'll need someone who won't think anything of her talking about the gravel wars."
"You have someone in mind?" Liam said.
"Actually, yes. I've got an idea of just the kind of tutor we need," Sophia said.
*
(age 5)
A week later, two men in hardhats arrived carrying a large toolbox.
"It's shiny," she said. She poked at the teleporter with a stick.
"Yeah, they were somethin' back in the day. The guys were always cranky as hell, though. Ain't
my fault they're too friggin' slow for me," Liam said.
He disappeared into light.
"Dad? Daddy?" Alice poked harder at the teleporter. "Dad!"
Liam reappeared a few seconds later.
"Everything went Texan for a moment," Liam said. Somehow, he'd managed to get himself a
large ten-gallon cowboy hat in the trip.
"They sure made the wait time better, though. I guess old hardhat here is doin' upgrades."
A little girl roughly about Alice's age appeared in the light of the teleporter. She wore a pair of
overalls, her hair a puffy uneven bob. She pushed up her goggles, and started hitting at the
teleporter with a wrench. She was followed by a man in overalls that resembled a man seen in
the scrapbook pictures, though he was a little rougher around the edges.
"So, let me get this right. You must be Alice?"
Alice nodded.
"That's right, you're Scout's girl. You're about the same age as my youngest girl, Delia."
Alice looked him over. "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers. Mom says I already talked
people's ears off at the corner, but I looked and their ears were still there."
"But I bet you do. I've heard that you're just like him. In fact, he told me about it for three hours
straight. I tried to hang up and he kept calling back just to finish the story."
Alice broke into a big grin. "You know dad?"
"We worked together," he said.
"Then you're like Uncle Jane and Uncle Tavish, you aren't a stranger at all!"
"You could say that. Though my specialty was buildin' things. And then destroyin' things with
what I built, though mostly the buildin'," he said.
"Like, with legos? I like legos. Dad and me built a Star Wars ship together, though the colors
were all wrong. We're goin' to try a more offishwal one later on. I don't know when later is,
though. Mom and dad keep saying it, but they won't tell me when later is," Alice said.
He pulled off his hard hat, revealing a shiny bald head. "I'd say that's about right."
"Now, Delia. Why don't you go play?"
"I'm fixin' the teleporter," she said.
"That's work, though it's awful fun," Dell said.
"You didn't blackmail him, did you?"
"Oh, no. Dell and I worked something out. I almost never had to blackmail him. Now, Medic, I
had to blackmail him constantly just to get him to stop trying to smuggle in body parts. Usually
the industries wouldn't care, but he made an enemy of the Japanese mafia and I had to keep
killing their hitmen. And I had so many people to kill already, it was ridiculous. Most of the time it
didn't work. A few times he laughed in my face."
"Good thing I never got on your shit list," Liam said.
"Well, flirting isn't illegal, even if some of your old pick up lines really should be. I still can't
believe you won anyone over with 'we both got buckets of chicken, wanna do it' and yet, you
did."
Liam shrugged. "Dempsey charm, it's certifiable. But that line is nothing compared to
'ravishin'. Now that's the line that mattered."
*
(age 5)
"Delia Rose, what you got in your pocket?"
"Nothin', dad," she said.
"I'll see about nothin'. He reached in, and pulled out an advanced calculus textbook.
"When you asked for extra pockets, I assumed you'd be putting practical things in them, like
cats. Now what are you doin' with this old Advanced Calculus textbook of mine?"
"Workin' on my first PHD, that's what I'm doin'," Delia said petulantly.
She'd scribbled letters all over the front page. Though her handwriting was still shaky, she
practiced those letters as much as she could, and sometimes on walls and people's skin. Her
mini-sentry was covered with misshapen letters in blue ink.
"But, dad! I bet you'll look and find all the answers are right," she said.
"I reckon I will, but you gotta have a chance to be a kid. You just have to slow down and play
with your mini-sentries a bit more."
"I thought you'd be proud of me," Delia said petulantly.
Dell bent to touch her shoulder. "Dellia, I'm always proud of you. But there will always be times
for PHDs, but one day you won't wanna play anymore. You'll be too busy workin', and you're
goin' to wish you'd just spent some time takin' it easy instead of workin' like an adult when you
aren't even in kindergarten. It's awful lonely at the top."
"I'll make a whole room full of sentries, then I won't be lonely. Because nobody could be lonely
around one of them," Delia said.
"Delia, you're supposed to be snugglin' lots of kitties and dressin' them up and havin' tea parties
or playin' with your monster trucks and legos. And I don't mean that time you attached lasers to
the cat and almost left Beecave in flames."
"Fluffy Khan almost lived up to her name, until you took my lasers away," Delia said.
"Last time we almost made that sentry out of blocks so my mini-sentry could have a friend," she
said.
"We should make some more of those."
"She talks a lot," Delia said.
"Reckon so. She's his child, after all."
*
(age 5)
"Now, we should start on what you know. Delia here already knows her times tables, how to
count, shapes, advanced trigonometry...she went and got into that when I wasn't lookin'," Dell
said.
"Oh, dad already told me how to count. One chucklehead who's going to get beat down, two
chucklenuts who's going to get a bat, three Yankees fans who are going to lose..." She proudly
held up her fingers.
"Can you go all the way to ten?"
"Sure," Alice said. She counted out on her fingers with obvious pleasure at each nod from her
teacher.
They'd already named shapes, colors, and five ways to detect a spy trying to take out a sentry.
Delia's coloring books were all neatly done, in proper colors. Alice hummed an off-key tune as
she set about hers. Her sentries coloring book was filled with chaotic lines and things like purple
sentries and green spies. When she'd finished her page, she went on to doodle on the back
blank page.
"That's awful good. You drew this, Alice?" Dell said.
"Uh-huh!"
"Your father used to draw on my sentries, and the walls. By the time he fell for your mother, he
was carvin' their names together in the walls, trees and whatever else he could find."
"Dad still does that. She won't let him draw on the walls, though," Alice said.
"Now that don't surprise me none. Let me guess, he still interrupts people to tell them how cute
his girl is?"
"And me too," Alice said. "He'll stop people at crossings and when we get ice cream and go
shopping."
"Somehow, I'm not surprised. He hasn't changed much, but he looks pretty happy. Like he's
tickled pink every day of the year." Dell said. He chuckled, and shook his head.
"That's not quite right, he used to be a wild thing, runnin' all about and flirtin' with any girl he'd
find. And when he wasn't, he was off defacin' the walls with those drawin's of his."
"Did you keep any of his old drawings?" Alice said.
"Nope. You'd have to be a little older to see the kind of stuff he used to draw. Much too dirty for
you," Dell said.
"Why would dad's drawings be dirty? Did he drop them in the mud?"
"You could say that. That's why you can't see them," Dell said.
"Can't you wash them off?"
"The paper would disintegrate," Dell said.
"Sinte....great?"
"Fall apart," Delia said.
"You ever have paper towels fall apart on you?" Delia said.
"Oh yeah! Mom says the Brawny guy is a liar," Alice said.
"I think that's enough. Tomorrow, we'll learn the basics of level-one sentries, addition, and how
to avoid bein' backstabbed by some no-good varmint, and how to have a symbiotic relationship
with your friendly neighborhood Pyro."
"Sim...sim..." Alice said.
"Like bees and plants," Delia said.
"Pyros are bees? Or are sentries bees?"

"Neither," Delia said.
"Dad, I already know how to add," Delia said.
He laid out two coloring books.
"Neon is NE...Oxygyn is O..."
Alice peeked over Delia's shoulder.
"You wanna play tag?" Alice said.
"Naw, not yet. I gotta clean my mini-sentry," Delia said.
"Is it like a kitty?" Alice said. She leaned in to inspect the tiny robot.
"Don't get too close. See, it fires bullets at bad guys," Delia said.
"But I'm not bad," Alice said. "Dad said so."
The mini-sentry let out several beeps, almost as if it were responding. Delia laid her hands on it.
The gloves were too big for her small fingers, and always slipped down.
"Coool!" Alice said. "So it's like the stories dad talks about. The old days."
"The gravel wars," Delia said. "They weren't the first fight, though. Just the more recent one.
These wars go back to the eighteen-hundreds, all over two brothers fightin' about gravel. At
least until their other brother came in, and killed them both, sparkin' the Robot wars."
"Dad talks about it all the time. Mostly stories of him being cool, and how he met mom. He talks
about that one a lot. It's so great though. He stole a briefcase, and went on a mission for her!"
"My daddy always did say he was a talker with a mile long tongue," Delia said.
"What does that even mean?"
"Means he wears out his tongue from talkin'," Delia said.
"I don't think you can do that. Mom says dad once talked for five hours straight, though dad says
that he was trying to outlast some jerk and get some time to talk to her. What's a teleporter
like?"
"They're complicated stuff," Delia said. She pulled out her backpack and held the textbook to
her chest.
"Ooh, a book? Is it Dick and Jane? Dad made me my own book, called Dick and Uncle Jane! It
mostly has drawings of Uncle Jane punching communists!"
"Naw, I ain't readin' that. It used to be my dad's. He highlighted everythin'."
She opened up the page to complicated numbers and figures. "Maybe he saw right through it. I
can never get anythin' by him."
"This isn't Dick and Uncle Jane," Alice said, and frowned. "It doesn't even have any kitties."
"Dad drew one on the back," he said. She flipped open the textbook to a picture of a kitten in a
large pocket.
"Ooh! So that's why Engineers have big pockets," Alice said.
"Do you like to play with monster trucks and legos, too?"
"Love 'em," Delia said. She smiled for the first time.
"We should make a monster truck palace! For the princess and prince monster truck to take
over."
"If we get enough of these things, we could make a house for Beepy," Delia said.
"You named your sentry Beepy?"
"And why not? You got a problem with my gun?" Delia said.
"No, that's neato! I didn't know you could name them."
"You can do about anythin' you want with your sentries. Paint 'em, modify 'em. Put lasers on
'em. There's no games or rules, so they're just for show. But one day, this beauty is goin' to
shine."
*
(age 5)
"What did you learn today?"
"Uncle Dell taught me how to not get backstabbed! Dad already taught me counting, so Uncle
Dell says I can move right up to sentry moving, coloring, and more shapes!"
"He liked my pictures too. They went up on his fridge.
"How's the weather down there?"
"You ain't short, you're the perfect size.
"Heyy, how did Hardhat treat you? If the answer isn't 'best teacher ever' then he's goin' to have
to discuss things with my fists."
"I learned how to take care of sentries, and how to check for spies, and
"So it's just you and his kid, huh?"
"I have a feeling Marie will have the same problem that Alice did, so maybe they'll have another
girl in their class next year."
"Could be, but knowin' him, he'd find some fancy teachin' person.
"A tutor?"
"No, those places rich people ship their kids off to," Liam said,
"Oh, boarding schools," Sophia said.
"We can't fit a tramp over here," Liam said.
"I always wanted one, but we could never afford it."
Sophia guided them up the stairs. The mattress was laid down.
"It was a closeout. Hop on it all you want," she said.
Alice leapt up and started to bounce.

"Didn't think you'd figure out a way to get it up those stairs, but I shouldn't have doubted you for
a second," Liam said.
(age 5)
March, St. Patrick's Day, 1982

It was unseasonably warm this March; the spring had peeked out early. So far, March was
seeming far more Lion than Lamb, though she knew all too well that all this greenery could
easily be lost in a blanket of snow. As if winter were petulantly reminding them that they weren't
out of its grips quite yet.
It was the first week that Alice could go out without a hat tied snug at her chin, and a coat
always left a little loose when she ran out before Sophia or Liam could get her completely
zipped up.
Alice hopped off the desk and ran full tilt, with her arms outstretched.
"Neeeraawwwooooookesshhh!! Bambambambam! Zoom zoom rocket!" She hopped up, with
more airplane noises. She went even higher as Liam lifted her up, until they were both laughing.
"Be careful, it's still a little muddy, you might trip!" Sophia called out to them.
"Krrtshshhhsh. This is your awesome captain speaking, we're headed for an emergency landing
right about--now!"
He set Alice down. "Now, don't run too fast, okay? Don't want you gettin' skinned knees again."
Liam smiled. "I ripped out so many pairs of pants, ma just stopped tryin'."
Alice tugged on his shirt. "Dad, is it true that people not wearing green get pinched??"
"Who told you that? My Ma?"
Alice nodded. "She had on a green dress. It was pretty!"
"She always gets real into the holidays," Liam said.
Alice looked up at him with concern. "So you will get pinched, dad? I don't want you to get hurt."
He bent down to her level.
"Doodlebug, don't worry about it. Just because I don't wear much green doesn't mean anybody
is goin' to touch me. First, they'd have to catch me, which just ain't happenin', And then, if they
tried to pinch me, I'd punch them," he said.
Sophia laughed. "Don't wear much green? Are you forgetting the lime incidents? You'd
blind the opposite team, causing such a long streak of unbalanced wins that lime green had to
be banned from the battlefield."
"See? I was so stylin', they couldn't even take it. They lost in shame. Not that there was much
difference from before, when they were losin' just because they sucked."
"You looked like a running, very loud strobe light. I couldn't even keep track of you on the
battlefield," Sophia said.
"It's called bein' fashionable. I'd tell you to look it up, but you already know the word real well."
He smiled up at her. "By the way, you look great today."
"It's just my usual business clothes," Sophia said.
"And you pull it off great," Liam said.
Liam leaned in to the deck. "Speakin' of great--"
The phone rang, and Sophia turned. "I've got to get this," she said, and disappeared inside.
"Cockblocked by the phone again, it never ends," Liam muttered.
Alice tugged on his shirt some more. "Daaaad."
"Whatcha need, Alley cat?"
Alice plucked a handful of grass. She climbed up onto the deck, until she was high enough to
almost reach his shoulder. He had to put the final last leaves of grass on his shoulder.
"There, now nobody will pinch you," Alice said.
He plucked up the handful of grass and weeds from his shoulder. As he sifted through the
blades, he broke into a smile.
"Hey, you found a four-leaf clover. You're awful good luck, Alley. Well, and proof I got real lucky.
Jackpot luck." Liam chuckled to himself.
"Really? Does this mean we get to pet lions and lambs? I heard on the news someone say
something about lions and lambs!"
"We can go to the pettin' zoo, but I don't know of any that let you get up and personal with the
lions. Unless you're old man Hale. Though they don't reeally let him, he just kind of jumps in and
does it anyways."
"Okay!" Alice said. She turned around, and broke into a big smile as a little bird fluttered down
into the crook of a nearby tree.
Alice jumped off the deck, and started pointing upwards "Dad, dad, look! A pair of tits! Titties!"
"I ain't supposed to look at any but your mom's." Liam ruffled her hair. "But, you sure got that
from me."
"See, fluffy tit, but also mice."
Liam's brow creased in confusion. "A what? What are you talkin' about, baby?"
Alice pointed at the little gray birds that fluttered up to gather in the branches.
"Oh! Titmouse! Titmice? Whatever they're called. Whoever named them, I bet it was a guy."
Liam broke out laughing. "You think that's neat? Wait until you run into the Blue Footed
Boobies. I got my hide tanned at school the day I learned about those. Was worth every
strike of that ruler." Liam chuckled. "Heh, Boobies.
Alice's eyes widened. "They have blue shoes? The boo bees?"
Alice took in a deep breath and screamed out boobies!
"One of the best words in the whole language, ain't it?"
Alice bent down to peer at something underneath one of the fallen branches.
"Look, dad, there's a bug!"
"There's a lot of 'em out here. At least they ain't roaches. The bugs down south are huge. They
got spiders as big as the palm of your hand. The winters keeps the bugs small. So you should
thank your Uncle Nor'easter for keepin' the death spiders away," Liam said.
"Dad, dad! The bug, it was shiny and greeeeen," Alice said. She hopped up to her tip-toes. "Do
you know what kind of bug it is?"
"No idea, I ain't too into bugs. Hey, you know what else is green? Grass. You can make it into a
whistle. Wanna see?"
Alice's eyes widened. He plucked up a blade of grass and put it between his thumbs. He blew,
and blew, yet nothing.
"This grass is faulty. Gotta get some new ones," Liam said. He flicked it away, and plucked up
another one.
Sophia returned, her brick-sized portable phone in hand.
"Why did I have to hear both you and her screaming about 'tits' and 'boobies' while I was on the
phone with my mother?" Sophia said sternly.
"Remember when you said it'd be fine for Alice to read that bird book? Guess what her favorite
bird is?"
"Tittymice!"
"She likes all the best birds," Liam said.
"She got that from you," Sophia said with a sigh.
Liam grinned. "I know, ain't it great? Right now I'm tryin' to show her how to make a grass flute.
But all this grass is friggin' defective!"
Sophia set the phone down on the railing, and bent to pick some grass of her own. She whetted
her lips, cradled the blade between her fingers, and blew. It sounded like a duck's call.
"Hey, you got it on the first try." Liam smiled. "You always get stuff easy. And you're real good at
blowin'--"
"Little ears," Sophia reminded him.
"--whistles, blowin' whistles," Liam said.
"--That was a quack! You have a duck hidden away in there? Can I pet it?"
"Yeah, we invisible ducks, it's a thing," Liam said.
"Wait, does that mean Grandpa Spy is a duck?"
Liam chuckled and ruffled her hair. "That's exactly what it means. Though usually I'm changin'
out that d for an f, and addin' on an 'er.'"
"Don't forget the 'mother' on it," Sophia said dryly.
She opened up her hands and let the blades of grass fall down. Alice reached to touch and
expect, her gaze full of wonder.
"I don't see any feathers," she said.
Liam bent to her level. "We should get some of those. Then we'll glue them to the back of Spy's
suit..."
"You know he'll just get Marie to help some horrible revenge, like putting glue in your running
shoes," she said.
"It'd still be worth it," Liam said.
(April 11th, 1982. Easter)
The Island at the middle of the kitchen was cluttered with little bottles of dye in every color
imaginable. A now-ruined plastic tablecloth in a sickly shade of yellow was laid across the
counters. The splotches only made it look more like some disease had afflicted the poor
tablecloth.
Liam's rough hands were stained with drops of color. Splashes of blue and pink were stained
across the old, bullet hole ridden red shirt, to match the old spattering of paint he'd gotten all
over it when he painted the nursery.
He lifted up egg with pride. It looked like a superhero version of a Faberge egg. On the rack
were bunnies, hearts and a bunch of rainbow shades.
For all his bragging, he always downplayed his doodling lest someone notice and tease him.
Every day she'd wake up to more drawings on the fridge, only some of them Alice's.
Alice's were a bit more messy, as was Alice herself. She'd somehow managed to get dye in her
hair. It seemed too even to be a mistake, meaning her tight curls were a shade of purple, pink,
blue and green all in the front, while the rest remained her usual brown.
"That's the last one, doodlebug. Now we just gotta wait for these to dry. Though Ma had the
good thinkin' to make some extra to search for. Seriously, she's a friggin' genius. I don't know
how she does it."
A rack of frosted bunny and egg cookies were at the middle of the Island. Just out of reach for
Alice, but not enough to sneak by Liam. He could sneak a cookie so fast, it would be nothing but
one last bite before she even realized the saran wrap had been lifted.
"Dad, that was fast," Alice said.
He winked, and slipped one down to her underneath the Island. "It's all in the wrist. Well, that
and you distract 'em, then you steal some chucklenut's wallet," Liam said.
Alice watched with wide eyes. Sophia would have to discuss Liam the difference between
reminiscing and teaching Alice his old pickpocketing ways.
The cookies were also a gift from Colleen. Sophia's cooking specialty started and ended with
'buy cookies from the store.'
Somehow, Sophia managed to escape a single drop on her clothes. Patience helped, as did her
history of diffusing--and sometimes rewiring--bombs. As did the rarely seen outside the
bedroom apron. Though this one wasn't the tinier, frillier one (which she'd gotten him to wear
once or twice) but a larger one, like a smock to keep the dye away from her clothes. Though
she'd had far worse stains over the years. She undid the ties at the back and tossed it over her
shoulder.
She was well used to never declaring any clothes a 'favorite' as everything in her wardrobe
would be covered in blood eventually, but that didn't stop her from actually trying to preserve a
purple blouse once in a while.
She started to gather up he dyes, before Alice got any creative ideas that involved dying the
carpet, or god-forbid, the walls again.
"Maybe I'm too much of a heathen to get it, but I can't really see the correlation," Sophia said.
"The what?" Liam said.
"This is a religious holiday. How exactly are colorful bunnies and eggs and baskets related to
God again?"
Liam shoved another cookie in his mouth. He never had quite gotten over the habit of talking
and eating at the same time As anyone who knew him could say, nothing kept Liam Dempsey
from talking. "Bunnies are friggin' adorable, that's how. What, God likes adorable things. It's
pretty obvious."
As if on cue, a pair of sparkly blue bunny ears lifted up from the side of the Island counter.
"Hey Peanut."
"Where's your eaars?"
"They're right here," Liam said, pointing to the side of his head.
Alice puffed out her cheeks. "We're supposed to match!"
"Oh, those ears," Liam said. "Why don't you just wear 'em?"
"But daad! We gotta match! Mom needs some too! Family of bunnies!"
Liam grabbed the second bunny headband, a purple one, from the Island and unwrapped it
from the plastic. Then, with a smile, he placed it on Sophia's head.
"There, two little bunny girls."
"Oh no you don't. You're not getting away that easily. If I have to look ridiculous, you're going
down with me," Sophia said.
He slowly opened the red ears, and placed them on his head. "See, we all match."
He tugged at the rabbit ears awkwardly.
"Don't tell me your 'masculinity' is so fragile that you can't even take some little bunny ears,"
Sophia said.
"Hey, my masculinity is as as rock solid as my abs. Probably should've gotten a glitter-free pair
of ears, but Alice picked 'em out."
"I could make some suggestions of something you could do with those bunny ears," Sophia
said. She leaned up to whisper in his ear.
"Playboy bunny?! Ain't you supposed to be the one in that?" Liam burst out.
"I will if you will," she said.
"Both at the same time? Some bunny on bunny action? Or like one at a time? Eh, I'm game,"
Liam said.
Alice peered up from the side of the Island, with wide, curious gray eyes trained right on them.
"Playboy bunny... Dad, what kind of bunny is that? I want one!" Alice said.
"The type you ain't meetin' until you're at least eighteen," he said.
"But, I wanna see the bunnies," Alice said.
"You'll see tons of bunnies, trust me. Most of 'em will be chocolate."
"Then you'll show me the playboy bunnies?" Alice said hopefully.
"When you're older, doodlebug," Liam said.

"Yay, bunnies! I'm going to catch all the bunnies and put them in the basket!" Alice rushed out
into the living room. The red light of her flashing shoes lingered for a moment, like a trail of
flames.
"Careful on the landin'!" Liam called after her.
He waited for the sound of a crash that didn't come.
"Phew, I thought she'd hit the wall again," Liam said.
Sophia raised one eyebrow. "Why does it sound like you're planning to take our daughter to
see strippers one day?"
Liam shrugged. "What else am I supposed to do? I had to distract her. Hey, you were the one to
told me I had to keep it on the down low because our kid was goin' to be repeatin' stuff we didn't
want her to hear. With any luck she'll forget or figure out what a Playboy bunny really is by
then."
His expression had turned to one of concern.
"--You know I'm not tryin' to really go to strippers, right babe? Right? You know the only one I
wanna see strippin', right?"
"I'm more concerned that Alice will remember one day and we'll have to make a family trip to the
nearest strip club."
"Eh, knowin' her she'll wanna go to the zoo instead. I'll tell her there's lots of bunnies there,"
Liam said.
Finding colored eggs seemed a rotten disaster waiting to happen. But she had relented, as long
as it went outside. The possibility of a technicolor rotten egg minefield was more tolerable than a
hunt inside for the awful smell that went on for weeks, because Alice knew how to hide things.
She could barely walk in the living room. Liam couldn't pick which basket to get of the giant,
quite expensive ones in the store, so he had simply boughten them all. If they'd been less
Perishable, she would've simply put them away for later dates. But as it is, there was an
army of stuffed neon bunnies, more candy than even her sweet toothed family could consume in
a month.
Alice returned to the kitchen with a tall green shimmering basket in hand.
"You ready for the egg hunt, Alley cat?"
"I'll find all the eggs to keep the world from ending," Alice said with determination.
"Oh, there's my little action hero!" Liam said. He bent to her level, started to hum a dramatic
action theme. Which one, she couldn't remember.
Apparently Alice's understanding of the holiday were about as tenuous as her own.
Alice held up her little green basket filled with shimmering yellow decorative grass and went
running through the yard. A few of Jane's children came out to join the game as well, but without
the pretense of ears.
She'd considered offering to give them a basket as well, but the last time she'd tried to give
them something, even as little as cookies, Zhanna had interpreted it as her looking down on
them and being smug, and had somehow made her hate Sophia even more. She hadn't even
thought that possible, but with Zhanna no grudge was impossible.
Sophia had long accepted that no matter what she did, Zhanna would hate it. She hadn't meant
accidentally become someone's archnemesis, especially someone who wrestled bears, but
sometimes life just gave her things like that. With her, it usually came with a side dish of alien
attacks, wizards and zombies.
Jane's boy reached down into the grass and pulled out an egg. He plopped down and cracked it
open, sprinkling colorful shells all across the grass. Alice ran up to him so fast that Sophia
worried she might collide. But she caught herself just in time, as not to kick him.
"Here you go," Alice said. She pulled out a big chocolate bunny from her basket, and stuck it in
right beside him. "Bunny bunny!"
Noah considered the chocolate, before muttering a very soft thank you. One so soft that
Sophia could only tell as she'd gotten very adept at reading lips over the years.
Alice rushed off, hair flying and basket held high. "Find them all before they explode!"
Alice let out a whoop and a war cry, as Jane's Victoriya looked on with worry.
Victoriya already had a full basket. Sophia smiled to herself as she found that some of those
piles of chocolate bunnies had found their way to their baskets after all. Alice couldn't
comprehend things like old grudges, all based on misunderstandings.
"Who told her Easter was an egg D-Day?" Sophia said.
"Probably Jane, I mean, who else turns everythin' into a war against communism?"
Sophia rubbed her temples. "Of course. I should've known. I can't turn around without him
convincing Alice communists nazis from the moon are attacking."
"Aw, I'll get her back in the bunny spirit, don't you worry." He leaned in to kiss her temple, and
hopped off the deck with a war whoop of his own.
He reached into a patch of clover and plucked up two eggs.
"Check out this craftsmanship. Ain't nobody else who can make eggs like that. Boom!" He
tossed them carelessly into his basket.
"Hey, kid aren't you goin' to get more?"
Noah placidly took another bite of chocolate.
"Eh, you got a good thing goin'. I don't blame you for sittin' and watchin' the party. Well, chow
down!"
Liam led the children around the yard, chasing after the giggling girls with a swinging red
basket.
Noah, was glad to simply sit under the shade, peeling egg after egg, long after the little ball of
foil was balled up, like a little treasure stuck beside him.
April 13th
Alice had a crown of bubbles, and had even pulled the bubbles up across her chest, like some
sudsy turtleneck. Several ducks and boats bobbed around her feet, and peered up from
between her toes.
"Did your dad pour the whole bottle of bubbles in there?" Sophia said.
Alice nodded. Suds dripped down to slip to her nose. Alice tried to lick it off, but couldn't quite
reach.
"Oh, you don't want to eat the bubbles," Sophia said. "Though they look tasty. But like
detergent, you don't want to eat them."
She flipped the dollop of white fluff off of Alice's nose.
"There, all better," Sophia said.
"Mom, why don't I have a frog tongue? Then I could get snacks without having to get up when
shows are on."
"Well, I suppose that would be handy, but if you had a frog tongue, you'd want to eat nothing but
flies. Then I'd have to make you yucky fly and bug soup every day."
Alice grimaced and stuck her tongue out. "I don't want a frog tongue anymore. Mom, I think I
wanna be a mermaid when I grow up," Alice said.
"A mermaid? That's...that's interesting," Sophia said.
She figured Alice wouldn't be the type of girl to have a ballerina phase, though a mythical
creature phase, that was new. Then again, ghosts and wizards were real. Maybe mermaids
were as well.
"Are mermaids good at races?" Alice said.
"No, mermaids don't run at all. They're good swimmers, but unless they make wishes with sea-
witches, they won't be winning any running awards."
Alice puffed out her cheeks, and frowned. "What about a part-time mermaid? Can I run then?"
"I don't think it works that way. Now, Selkies, those can go part time, but you'd be a seal girl.
And your father and I would miss you awful much while you were spending so much time
swimming around under the sea," Sophia said.
Ducks bobbed up from the huge fluffy mass of foam. Alice never had to worry about bathing
alone, as Liam would be sure to pull out any of her dozens of bath toys---and some of her other
toys as well. Sometimes Sophia would find little cars parked in the bathtub, or on the tables.
Sophia had a hard rule of no stuffed animals underwater, so one of her ever present bears
stood guard on the sink. The rest remained as sentries in her closet and under her bed to fight
the monsters.
"Maybe I won't be a mermaid when I grow up, then," Alice said. She thoughtfully lifted her foot
out of the mess of suds. Bubbles dropped back into the water.
"I'm sure you'll figure out something. You've got plenty of time, after all," Sophia said.
"What'd you want to be when you were my age, mom?" Alice said.
"Me? Well I--wanted to be a dinosaur."
"A dinosaur! I hadn't thought about that. But what one. Maybe a Terodacy, or a trihorn on, or a
big tee-rax," Alice said.
"You already stomp around in your t-rex outfit," Sophia said.

"Rawr!"
"Tokyo is doomed," Sophia said. She laughed as Alice lifted up her hands.
"All winkly," Alice said.
"Oh, You've got prune fingers. I'd say you've got a whole fruit's basket worth of prunes," Sophia
said.
"They turned into prunes?" Alice said. She wiggled her fingers. "Are they tasty?"
"Hmmm, let me see," Sophia said. She pretended to nip at Alice's fingers, while her daughter
squealed and pulled away, a whole wave's worth of suds spilling over the side and onto the
floor.
Sophia bent beside her. "No, they're just wrinkly. All scrunched up with water, like a sponge.
They'll go back to normal once you dry off...I'm sure Erich or Dell could explain it better. They're
so much better at that...science stuff. Are you ready to get out?"
Alice nudged a duck with her knee. "Water's still a little warm," she said.
"True, but you'll miss your favorite shows if you stay in too long."
Alice pushed herself up so fast that she almost slipped. With a sudden, clenching feeling in her
chest, Sophia just caught her. She understood Colleen's repeated notes about how her son had
given her so many gray hairs over the years.
She lifted Alice out, dripping and sudsy and set her on the fluffy bath mat. Alice shook her head
in a quick motion, flinging suds across the walls, ceiling and even the mirror.
Sophia quickly lifted arm in front of her face, but it wasn't in time to stop her glasses from being
spattered with soapy water. "Alice!"
"I'm going be a dog instead," Alice said.
She grabbed a towel from the rack next to the sink, tied it about her shoulders like a cape as
Sophia dried off her glasses. Just as Sophia put her glasses back on, she saw Alice reaching
for the door, and then taking off on a run through the hall.
"Alice! Come back here! Alice---!"
"Mom, I'm flying!"

She made a run for the stairs, a trail of wetness and suds and bubbles behind her.
"Oh no you aren't, not on my watch!" Sophia grabbed another fluffy white towel, except it caught
in the door. It took one last tug to pull it out and take off after her daughter.
Alice's makeshift cape, and wet hair were flapping as she just made it to the banister.
Sophia reached out, almost tripping as she Alice up before her daughter could start leaping
down the stairs.
She tapped Alice's nose. "Alice! You can't go running around naked and wet."
"But since I can't be a mermaid, I gotta be a superhero! And I gotta practice lots if I'm going to
catch up to dad!"
"I thought you were going to be a dog?" Sophia said.
"Superdog, mom! Like Kypto!"
"Of course, the superdog. How could I forget?" Sophia said dryly. "You can practice your
supering after you get dressed. Though right after that, you'll be helping me clean up this mess
you made."
"But mooom, superheroing!" She lifted up her arms.
"Superheroes have costumes. They don't go running around the house without any clothes on.
And I think Captain America would want you to. In fact, I know he would," Sophia said.
"What about Wonder Woman?" Alice said.
"All of them would," Sophia said.
"Okay...I will do it, for Wonder Woman--wait, you think The Flash would want me to run?"
"He'd want you to listen to your mother and dry off, put some clothes on and help clean up all
the mess you made," Sophia said firmly.
"Okay..." Alice said. She bent down to help Alice dry off. They went back, hand in hand, lest
Alice go on another run, towards the bathroom. She pulled the pajamas out from the cupboard
under the sink. She'd always had to put Alice's things away lest they get splashed--though
usually the bathroom didn't look like it'd been flooded.
She held out another towel, and together they pushed the across the checkered linoleum floor.
Alice got on all fours and scooted it along, providing little racing noises as she went. Sophia
wadded up the damp cloth, and pulled out another to clean off the mirror. Once it was dry
enough, she could see her daughter making faces just behind her.
Alice got on tiptoe and bounced behind her. "Can I go, mom? Can I?"
Blow drying was relegated to emergencies, as it made her hair dry out and turn to a tangled,
frizzy, poofy mess. Sophia pulled out yet another towel and tied it about her shoulders.
"Only if you go down with your cape," Sophia said.
Alice smiled bright as she tied yet another towel around her shoulders. This one had
superheroes that had been faded from so many washes. Usually she didn't have this much
laundry from one day, but it was worth it to see the big smile on her daughter's face. My
sunshine girl, Liam called her. As a baby she'd laughed at everything, and now she smiled
just as much.
Alice gave her a quick hug, and raced down the stairs.
"Be careful--"
She heard a crash and sped towards the door. Alice had already moved on with new bruises,
and another scrape against the wall.
Sophia let out a sigh and pushed the dark hair stuck to her forehead. She followed down the
stairs, several steps behind her light-footed daughter.
She lost Alice at the bottom of the stairs. She'd expected that she'd be right on the couch, but
her daughter was nowhere to be seen. Sophia took a moment to catch her breath. Liam looked
up from the television, and muted the sound.
"Sophie, what happened? You're all wet!"
"Well, your daughter decided she wanted to dry herself off like a dog, after she decided to be a
mermaid and flood the bathroom, that is. Then she decided to go running naked through the
halls with nothing but a towel for a cape. Then she tried to slide down the banister, but I caught
her. We mopped up the mess and she's in her pajamas now, but I haven't had a chance to get
changed."
Liam laughed. "That's my girl."
"That she is. I'm starting to sympathize with the sorts of stories your mother was always telling
me about your childhood..."
"So she's my daughter when she's running naked and screaming she's a superhero, and
she's my kid when she decides to climb on the roof. When is she your kid, when she's sleepin'?"
"She's always our daughter, but sometimes she's more your daughter than mine," Sophia said
dryly.
Before she could say more, a shriek sounded. Alice sped through the living room with a bear in
her arms. She took a big leap and landed against Liam.
"I flew, dad," she said. "I flewww!"
"Whooa, you jumped far. That's pretty cool!"
Sophia pursed her lips. "I'm going to get changed, and call your mother. I think I need a drink,
and some commiserating."
Liam just laughed.
"Is mom mad?' Alice said. She ducked her head, like a scolded puppy.
"Nah, she's just had a long day." Liam leaned in, the back of his hand to his mouth. "We tire her
out sometimes. I say she needs to run more," Liam said.
"I'll make her run more! I'm good at it!"
"You are! You goin' to make her chase you around?"
Alice held up her arms and let out a shriek. "Race, race, race! Racing race car!"
The phone dropped in the other room.
"She's okay!" Liam called back. He patted Alice's shoulder.
"Well, Race car girl, it's better that you run around with me. I'm the fastest runner around, and I'll
be with you with all your superhero adventures."
Alice bounced her knees while she watched. Just like her Liam, she never could sit still.
April 15th,
6AM
Liam climbed out of bed as quietly as he could, with one last wistful glance back. It'd taken
some climbing to make it out of being the big spoon with his back to the wall and only a small
amount of space to climb down from their bed, which truth be told, was high enough to get
bruises if someone fell off of it. She'd boughten a homemade quilt off of Heavy's mother to
christen their new house.
He pulled out the clothes he'd set out from the night before, so he wouldn't wake her with that
squeaky hinge on the dresser, and changed in the hall. She always was a light sleeper. He'd
had to teach himself the stealth of a spy to let her sleep in.
He knocked lightly a few doors down. When there was no response, he opened the door. There
was a bump under the piles of thick quilts.
"You ready, Alley cat?" Liam murmured. Alice pulled the blanket down. Her hair stick up every
which way. He didn't quite have Sophia's ability to make Alice's hair look like a the tangled
mess of curls was a fashion statement and not a night of tossing and turning.
"Mmm, five more minutes," she said.
"I'm leavin' in four, I gotta beat the mornin' crowd. If you don't wanna go for a mornin' run..."
Alice sat straight up. "I'm coming!"
"Shh, baby, you gotta keep quiet, or you'll wake your ma. We're tryin' to let her sleep in today,"
Liam said.
"Is it special?" Alice said.
"Every day is special when you're a part of this family," Liam said.
He stepped out as she pulled her thick curls into a ponytail. They met again at the bottom of the
stairs. Her cap was pulled low over her eyes. She'd pulled on her lucky baseball jersey and a
pair of long jeans.
"If you get tired, I'll carry you the rest of the way to the coffee shop," Liam said.
"I'll keep up," Alice said.
Mentally, he noted that the jeans would chafe eventually. He'd probably have to buy her some
more running pants. She'd already grown another size in the past few months. His baby was
growing up right before his eyes. Something both amazing and bittersweet at once. He wanted
a pause button, and a rewind button, so he could just savor the moments.
7AM.
"You kept time with me for a whole fifteen minutes," Liam said enthusiastically. She was
perched on his shoulders, her arms up in the air.
Of course, he'd ran a lot more slowly than he usually would. She couldn't keep up at his
maximum Scout level, but one day, he was sure they'd be able to go toe to toe.
"One day, I'm gonna beat you, dad," Alice said.
"I'm lookin' forward to that day," Liam said.
The nearest town was a tourist trap. One of those little villages that made most of their dough
selling supplies to people headed up towards the cape. Something clicked into place, and he
mentally made a note to look into beach houses.
Maybe he could run a job and somehow smuggle the money off without Sophia finding out.
Though that was a challenge in a half. She could sniff out a secret for miles, and the minute he
tried to hide something because he was trying to get her a birthday gift, she'd go into hot stern
policewoman mode and assume he'd offed some chucklenut and she had to do burial duty.
He ducked as he walked into the coffee shop. They'd spiffed up the place to attract the rich fuck
crowd which tended to circle around the cape like a bunch of vultures. Once it'd looked more
like a cornerside diner, but now they were trying for the cafe side. Fancy grates and metal sides,
little swirls and pictures on the wall. All of it was just window dressing for some damn fine
sweets and coffee, but whatever drew in crowds to keep them afloat and still selling him coffee
in the morning was fine with him.
"Whatcha want, Alice?"
"I get to pick anything I want?" Alice said. She pushed herself against the display glass, her
eyes wide as she tried to count all the baked goods for sale. Just in the front there were
chocolate eclairs, croissants, frosted chocolate doughnuts, and Sourdough doughnuts, which
were a whole lot better than they sounded. Liam was never much into 'sour' candy as a rule.
The only bitter sweet stuff he could stand is lemonade, and only if it was thoroughly doused in
sugar.
"Hell, we'll go buy 'em out if you want it all. Though you gotta save some for your ma, and the
rest of them," Liam said.
She pointed to the frosted doughnut.
"That one, you sure?" Liam said.

Alice wavered. "Um, maybe that one," she said, pointing to the eclair.
"Ooh, those are good. Hey, lady, I'd like some--" He started reading off the numbers, but lost
himself in the quickness of his sentences. "Actually, screw it. Gimme the whole display case,
and a ton of coffee. Enough for like twenty people. No worries, I'm payin' cash," Liam said.
The receptionist quickly started to tally it up.
"See anythin' else you want, Alley cat? Remember, we gotta carry it home, so we can't bring
back, so the only type of puppy you can get is a hush puppy."
Alice turned around quickly, her eyes wide. He'd said the magic words to get her full attention.
"Will I ever get a dog?" Alice said.
Liam scrunched his nose. "A dog, huh? I always wanted one of those, but I was always in the
city, and the last place didn't allow pets. They barely allowed us to keep Jane around. Kept tryin'
to cite us whenever he visited. We'll talk with your ma, all right? I can't fit a puppy in my
pockets," Liam said.
"Puppy! Puppy! Puppy!" Alice bounced.
"Soon, soon!" Liam laughed. She jumped into his arms, and he gave her a quick hug.
"Remember, save some for your mom," Liam said as he righted the bag. It had the coffeeshop
name printed on the side, and was filled to the point of bursting.
"Probably better tie that, she might drop it," Liam said.
"I won't drop it!" Alice said with determination. She was so dedicated to this, she even did her
serious stance.
"Better safe than sorry, you don't wanna eat dirty donuts, do you?"
"Ewww," Alice said.
"I ain't much for extra dirt flavor either," Liam said.
He took two big holders of coffee in each hand. they were made of cardboard folded together,
with a handle at the top. Inside was a total of sixteen coffees between the two.
"Anythin' else you want before we leave? We ain't got time for a trip to those arcade this
mornin'. They aren't open for a couple more hours, anyways," Liam said.
"I'm saving for the puppy," Alice said.
Liam laughed. "You're a determined one, just like your dad. I'm sure you'll get somethin' furry
eventually, and I don't mean Mikhail getting' drunk and dressin' up in fairy wings and puttin'
flowers in his beard, either."
Alice giggled. She was a prime offender of the flower beards and doodles that so many of her
'uncles' ended up with when they took naps. Even if they had to wash suns and daisies off their
faces, none of them could ever bring themselves to be angry at her.
8:30AM.
Liam always felt a sense of calm come over him as he caught sight of the the mailbox, and the
long driveway. The house was hidden away by sprawling trees.
"We're almost back, Alley. You nappin' up there?"
"Noo," Alice said with her mouth full.
"That's my girl, now don't eat too much and get a sore stomach," Liam said.
He saw slivers of red through the trees as they came around a bend. Liam had to resist the urge
to speed up, and do his last burst of speed, fueled by thoughts of seeing his wife again, and
getting that welcome back kiss.
Several of the former mercenaries were already out and about. At least nobody was practicing
their yodeling in the morning this time. Doc came out wild-eyed, and giddy in the way that
usually was bad for everyone else.
"Did you even sleep, doc?" Liam said.
"I made a breakthrough! Science cannot wait for mere things like sleep!" Behind him, Mikhail
appeared in the doorway.
"You should take care, doctor," Mikhail said. His voice was a low rumble.
"Oh, you're such a worrywort. We used to work twelve hours in the midday heat, surrounded by
the stench of blood and corpses, we fought for gravel."
Mikhail grunted. "It was a good job," he said.
"Ah, the best. Except when Miss Pauling would stop my fun," Erich said.
Liam set down the cases on the bench, just near the first barn that Erich had wasted no time in
turning into a laboratory. He doled out several cups of still-warm coffee around to Mikhail's
family, and Erich, who had in-essence blended into that same group.
"Thank you for the coffee. Next exam is free. You've probably never had your prostate
checked," he said.
"I don't even know what that is, and I don't wanna know," Liam said.
Erich chuckled. "You can't outrun time, you know. Though perhaps you can beat it through
enough surgeries. Speaking of which, are you free, Mikhail? I got a wonderful new shipment of
very fresh organs that, ahem, fell off a truck."
Behind them, one of Mikhail's sisters poked her head out the door. Her thick blond hair was
pulled away from her face in a loose ponytail. She still wore a puffy coat and hat, despite it
being much too warm for the weather. Liam supposed that old habits died hard.
Yana shook her head. "You have some enthusiastic friends, Misha."
Mikhail nodded. "The coffee will only make him more excited."
Already Erich was staring at his coffee cup like he'd discovered the meaning of life.
"Just don't wake up the neighborhood. Especially not my girl, okay?" Liam said.
"No promises," Erich said.
"Jeez, doc. Tone it down a notch."
"Doktor never tones down anything, except the enemy," Mikail said. He looked to Erich with
pride.
He took the coffee from Erich's hand and downed it in one very long gulp.
"Now sleep," Mikhail said, his voice growing harsher, yet nurturing.
"There's two of you, and it's fascinating. Have I discovered the secret to cloning?" Erich said. He
wobbled for a moment, before finally falling against Mikhail's chest.
Liam went on, his lady awaited him.
9AM.
It was a good thing they had an extra large kitchen to fit that table. Sophia and he had put in the
extra slats and made it so it could almost hold about half of the people on base. Liam laid out
the bags, and held his arms out, as if they glowed gloriously. He could almost hear a heavenly
chorus. Sophia came down the stairs, groggy from waking. It wasn't often that he got to see her
so unkempt. Her hair wasn't brushed yet, and had been pulled into a messy bun, with black
hairs trailing down her neck. She'd accidentally―or on purpose, to get a whiff of how great he
smelled―pulled on his large terrycloth red robe, which was oversized on her, and dragged on
the floor. The pink bunny slippers had been a gift from Colleen, as a joke. As a baby, Alice had
thought them so hilarious that she'd laughed whenever she saw them.
She looked at the table for a moment, as if she didn't understand. Tavish slipped in past the
kitchen door.
"I hope ye saved me some doughnuts," he said.
Alice nodded. Her mouth was so full, that her cheeks puffed out like a hamster's.
"Good. I'd have dueled you for that chocolate eclair," Tavish said.
"Hey, no duels until she's at least sixteen," Liam said.
"Sixteen? I was duelin' when I was a wee lad of twelve," Tavish said.
"You also lost an eye by then. I'd rather her keep all her body parts for a bit longer than that,"
Sophia said.
"From a wizard," Tavish said.
"No being apprenticed to wizards with evil bomb books, Alice," Sophia said.
"Technically, the Bombinombicion took over hell. He even put up some apartments, and started
a snack bar. He's really cleanin' the place up," Liam said.
"Good to know when I next have to go down there and drag your soul back to the realm of the
living," Sophia said dryly.
Liam smirked. "She would, too."
Alice shoved another doughnut into her mouth, apparently unpreturbed that he future wizarding
apprenticeship had been cut short.
"I'm not sure that full bakery I bought out is gonna be enough, Alice. Don't eat so much
you puke it all up!"
He passed a coffee Sophia's way. "Hey, beautiful. I know you can't function until you get
caffeine, so I brought you lots. Did you sleep well?"
"Too well, in fact. It's 9AM. I haven't slept that late since our honeymoon," she said.
Liam chuckled to himself at the memory. "We slept way past noon then. 'Cause we didn't get
that much sleep the night before..."
"Little ears, Liam," Sophia said.
Tavish sipped at his coffee. His eclair still lay just beyond Alice's reach.
"Like I was sayin'...and I didn't even spill the coffee. BAM, that is how how you become
the most awesome husband in the history of ever. I almost feel sorry for all those other
husbands which aren't me, but hey, not everyone can be this great," Liam said.
"Ye are ruinin' it for the rest of us, lad," Tavish said.
"I ain't goin' to apologize for bein' awesome, I was just born this way. Then I went 'you know
what, bein' extremly frickin' handsome isn't enough, you're goin' to be the fastest, coolest guy
this planet had ever known!' and then after a ton of trainin', I was."
"Aye, ye grew into the biggest braggart that ever was," Tavish said.
"Hey, I'm just tellin' facts," Liam said.
Sophia leaned in to kiss the side of his face. "Did you have a good run?"
"Yeah, she kept up with me for at least an hour!"
"I hope you aren't over working her," Sophia said.
"Dad's being silly, it was only fifteen minutes," Alice admitted. "Also can I have a puppy? Please,
please please mom?"
"A puppy? Who is going to take care of that?" Sophia said.
"Oh, I don't know, one of us twenty? We've got a whole base," Tavish cut in.
"I'm going to have institute a no sarcasm rule at the dinner table," she aid.
"It'll never fly, lass," Tavish said.

"He's right. I got in trouble for havin' a smart mouth more than punchin' people. I was the class
clown and heartthrob. They had to keep throwin' me out of schools because no girls could focus
when I was around," Liam said.
"And that was the only smart thing about ye in high school," Tavish said.
"I'm not sure if you should drink more coffee or less," Liam said.
"Uncle Tavish is a crankypants," Alice said sagely.
"All your 'uncles' are. Except for Doc, he's just happy about the wrong things," Liam said.
"I'll think about the puppy; it's a big responsibility," Sophia said.
"I vote for one," Tavish said.
"He gets votes now?" Liam said. Their conversation was halted as the door opened.
"Little Alice!" Yana lifted her up and spun her, taking the time to hold the girl close. "What are we
voting on, now?"
"Whether wee Alice gets a puppy or not," Tavish said.
"Oh, I'd love a dog around here. I definitely vote yes."
"Here I thought our marriage was just us, and now it turned into a democracy," Sophia said
dryly.
"Lass, it never was just you. He was begging us to help him woo you for years. We kept most of
his stupid away so ye wouldn't be scared away. Couldn't hold all of it off, though. It'd take duct
tapin' him."
Liam shrugged. "It was never a democracy. It was a kingdom ruled by a really hot queen, a
princess, and her boytoy," Liam said.
"Technically the term is consort, though that's pretty accurate too," Sophia said.
"What's a boytoy? That sounds fun! Can I have one?" Alice said.
"Jeez, no! Give me a friggin' heart attack!"
"Yana laughed. "I could use one, but you have to be in your twenties at least before you get one
of those," she said.
Tavish raised his eyebrows. "Yae hiring?"
She blushed.
"Oh, yeah, I know lots of stuff about that--"Liam said.
"He can sort it out himself," Sophia said.
"Times like these made me wish I still drank," Tavish said. He reached for another doughnut.
"You just drank some coffee, though," Alice said.
"You're a genius, lass," Tavish said.
"Classic Scout genius," Liam said. He reached out for a high five. Her hand was a fraction of the
size of his, and was covered in frosted sugar. When Alice got up, Yana pulled Alice up into her
lap and stroked her curly hair.
"I caught you!" she said. Alice smiled wide.
"You did! Though I wasn't trying to run very hard. If I was trying to run, then only dad could catch
me," she said.
"I'll have to train very hard if I want to catch up with you and give you hugs, then. What kind of
puppy do you want?" she said.
Alice thought a moment before answering. "A fluffy one!"
"Are we talking fluffy like a collie, or fluffy like a poodle?" Yana said.
"Ummmmm," Alice said. She looked so focused on it, Liam broke out laughing.
"Make a statue of her, better than that 'Thinker' any day," Liam said.
"Only a little bit biased," Sophia said.
"Nah. I have the cutest kid that ever was. Soph, you should put that in the history books, and
the Guinness world book of records," Liam said.
"I don't think there's a cutest child section in there yet," Sophia said.
"Well, there should be," Liam said.

Yana hoisted up Alice to her hip as she walked into the living room. "I bet your family has
pictures of many dogs. We'll look through them and pick out exactly the kind of puppy you want,
okay?"
"Okay!" Alice said.
Tavish's eyes followed her as she left.
"Look, I know, I know, Soph told me to stay out of it, but Alice is a natural wingman. You go out
there and read with them, and she'll be goin' like 'did you know uncle Tavish is also single and
does all this romantic stuff?' That kid has real skills," Liam said.
"For once, boyo, I'll take a page from your book," Tavish said.
"Just not literally, because Alice would be devastated if she couldn't get to look at the dog
pictures," Liam said.
9:05AM.
The den had a whole lot less bullet holes and ghosts than any place he was used to living in. He
would've guessed someone like Pauling would've decorated the walls with guns and the heads
of her victims, but it was more muted. A lot of family photos. Though he suspected that was
Liam's doing.
Yana and Alice were curled up in the loveseat. It was such a small little couch, he was sure this
had to be Liam's doing. That boy would do anything for a bit of snuggling with his girl. He was
over thirty and still acting like some lovestruck boy.
If only I could be so lucky, Tavish thought.
Alice rested her head against Yana's side. "Can you see it from here?"
"Uh-huh," Alice said.
"And this one is called a Border collie. Do you like the Rough Collie, or the Border collie better?"
Yana said.
"I like both," Alice said.
"Me too," Yana said.
She flipped several pages, though her hands stuck as she saw him enter. She drew back, and
nearly dropped the book.
"Are ye quite all right, lassie?"
"Oh, it's just a paper cut," she said.
"Uncle Tavish, remember the time you told me about the evil bomb book?"
"Oh, he wasn't so bad. He can mix a stiff drink, and throw one hell of a party.--He'll raise the
roof, quite literally," Tavish said.
"Boooom," Alice said.
"Just like that, lassie," Tavish said.
"Ye got room for two?"
"If we scoot," Alice said.
He fitted close, his arm rubbing just gently against Yana's. Alice's feet rested across his lap,
until he was half cushion for her.
"I was just a wee boy, workin' for a wizard. Back then, I had two eyes," he said. He pointed to
his eyepatch. "But that book, I couldn't resist a peek. And for it, I got me very first curse," he
said.
"A curse?" Yana said. For a second, her hand was poised against his cheek. She drew back,
embarrassed.
"Tons of those. At this rate I'm collectin' them. But they ain't killed me yet. No matter how many
drakes or dread fae or ghosts they send at me," he said.
"Uncle Tavish is a swordfighter, too. His sword talks," Alice said.
"Aye, me rusty haunted sword. He's a character, that Eyelander."
"You sound like some kind of hero of a legend," Yana said, her voice grew dreamy, until she
caught herself, and tried to right her composure.
"Ye have never fought any of the fae? They're all over Scotland. We have to drive them back
constantly, those pesky things. Good thing they hate iron," Tavish said.
"Only bears," Yana said.

"I never fought a bear. There's not many of those in our lands, unfortunately. I'd love to wear
one of those pelts," Tavish said.
"Well, we could always...fight them together," Yana said.
"I like the sound of that, lassie," Tavish said.
"Then we'll go get a puppy?" Alice said.
"Aye, lass. We'll make sure ye get yae puppy. We just gotta work a little magic and thaw yae
mum. She'll come around.
Alice gasped. "She's cursed to hate puppies?"
"Not quite, she just doesn't know how much she needs a ball of fluff in her life," Yana said.
"I have to go save mom, I'll go tell her all the dog facts I know!"
Alice rushed away so fast that the book went toppling onto the floor.
Tavish chuckled. He bent to pick up the book. "She's one hell of a firebrand."
"She's a darling, and so different from Zhanna's children. Especially Noah. We can barely get
him to talk."
"Aye, that one is an odd egg in the nest."
"Mother thinks he follows after Misha. I can see it."
"Ye want to go out on the town with me, lassie?"
"I'd love to--though I have to say, I've never dated. Twenty years in that cabin, reading novels
and fighting bears. I've read all these books, and I'm not really sure what to do."
"It's not that hard. Ye go to bars or dances―though the only things I'd be seeing now are juice
bars."
He took her hand in his.
"I'll show you the ropes. Take it nice and slow."
She rested her head against his chest. "Not too slow. We are talking twenty years
without a boyfriend here," Yana said.
June 10th, 1982. Photos of a family breakfast.
The kitchen table was covered with various toys: a few errant legos, two little matchbox cars,
and a stuffed cat. Sophia moved them to the far side of the table, and started the coffee
machine. There was a huge bouquet at the counter. Liam made sure to keep every single floral
shop around in buisness, that was for sure. He'd only missed a few days: the birth of their
daughter, the day they brought the mercenaries home, and the blizzard of two years ago, when
they'd been stuck inside for days. Even then, he'd drawn her flowers across her palms, her
wrists and up her arms, and then given planted some on paper, just to tape over her fridge.
Sophia bent to bury her face in the petals. She flipped over the card. For the best wife in the
world. Love you, babe.
Liam pulled his shirt down, revealing just a hint of his hips for a tantalizing moment. His hair was
still wet, and slicked back from a morning shower.
"You want me to go out and pick up somethin'?"
"No, I'll take care of it. If I don't cook every once in a while, my skills are going to completely
atrophy. Then the only thing I'll know how to do with a pan is kill a person. Well, kill a person in
ten ways..." Sophia said.
She bent down to pull out a cast-iron skillet. Liam grinned. "I bet you killed more people with one
of those than I did."
"I don't know; you had a thing for that pan. You couldn't help but run around and hit the walls
with it."
"The sound was just so satisfyin', though. A nice clang, clang as those skulls
caved in. Almost as good as hittin' people with a bat."
Just as she was put a dab of oil across the pan, and cracked and egg, Liam took her hands in
his and spun her, so sudden and unplanned that she almost bumped into the stove.
"Breakfast, though--"
Liam hummed as he managed to spin her around, and crack two more eggs with his other hand.
He turned the burner on low, just to be sure.
"Just call me Mr. Multitask," he said.

"Okay, Mr. Multitask. When you're hungry and breakfast isn't done, you'll know exactly
why," Sophia said.
"Naaah, it's a dance off. Loser gets all the kisses, winner gets all the kisses."
"Hmm, that sounds a little biased," she said.
"It sounds perfect, that's what it sounds."
They did a slow dance, with one or the other of them occasionally moving to stir the eggs. He
couldn't help himself, and bent in close, amid laughter.
"Liam, the toast hasn't even been made yet. Cold eggs taste like rubber," she said.
"Kisses, though," he said.
She stood on tiptoe to give him a quick peck. "There, you win. Or, technically, I win. Now, I have
to get these quickly, or the eggs will be cold by the time the toast is done."
Liam smiled. "I'd say we both won."
There was a crash in the upstairs. Sophia lifted her gaze upwards. "Check on her, would you
please?"
"Gotcha, Superdad is ready for action." He cupped his hands about his mouth. "Heyy Alley, you
come down for the dance off?"
She charged down the stairs, and just as she started to trip, Liam rushed in and caught in,
complete with airplane sounds. He spun around before finally setting her down.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! You gotta slow down, sometimes. What if you fell down and got hurt?"
Alice raised her fists to the sky. "Fast! Fast!"
"Yeah, you're like me. Only got one speed." Liam grinned. "Think you can handle this dance
off?"
"I'll win!"
Her feetie pajamas were covered in little bouncing rabbits, which she sought to emulate at every
turn. She waved her arms around, and tried to follow her father's attempts at Tom Jones dance
moves--attempted being the key word here.
He had pity on her, and did one final spin, before lifting her up.
"You won a kiss!" He kissed her forehead. "This family is just full of winners."
"'gry!" she said.
"What, Alice?"
"Hun---gryyy," Alice said.
"It'll be ready before you know it," Sophia said. She turned the burner up, and stirred the bottom
of the pan.
"See, she got it covered. You always can count on your mom," Liam said. He lifted her up, and
put a few nearby cushions to prop her up enough to see the table.
"You want your own chair today? or is it lap time?" Liam said.
"Mom sits on your lap sometimes," Alice said.
"That's because she's not big enough to see the table, either," Liam said.
"I heard that," she said.
"Hey, I didn't say it was a bad thing. It's cute," Liam said.
Outside, some of the other former mercenaries were out and about. Mikail's hulking frame
almost completely blocked her view, but she could just make out Erich with a comically small
basket balanced in the crook of his arm.
She doled out breakfast.
"This is great, babe. Tomorrow, I'll do breakfast, okay? Make it even," Liam said.
"Knowing you, it'd be pizza for breakfast," Sophia said.
Alice lifted her arms in a cheer. "Pizza for breakfast!"
"You got the best ideas," Liam said.
Sophia glanced out the window one more time. Now, Erich had some kind of herbs in his
basket.
"Maybe I should've cooked enough for everyone else?"

"Nah, they can make their own stuff. It's Dempsey time."
"empsy time!" Alice echoed. She tried to mimic a superhero pose Yellow egg yolks dripped
down her cheeks and mouth.
Sophia reached for a napkin, and began to dab at her face. "I swear, you have some knack for
mess making. I've never seen someone who could eat like that--and that's saying something,
considering what I've seen the mercenaries do."
"She definitely got that from me," Liam said proudly.
June 13th.
(age five)
9AM.
The cicadas were so loud, they drowned out his music, and even his wife's voice. Liam carried a
heavy load of laundry down the steps, only to find himself knee-deep in murky water before he
hit the last step.
"Shit---Soph, you gotta call somebody. At this rate we could sell submarine rides down here!"
She peeked down the stairs. He'd insisted on carrying the laundry, just as he insisted in opening
doors, pulling out her chair for her, and carrying her books.
"Please tell me this is some kind of practical joke," Sophia said.
Scout kicked his feet, sending several droplets across the wall. His feet made a splosh,
splosh sound as he walked.
"Nope, it's all serious. Though if you want a joke, I could pinch you or put some of the water
down the back of your dress if you want," Liam said.
"No, that's all right. And you should come up right away; who knows what kind of debris has
gotten in there. If it's gotten to the electrical wires...I don't even want to think about that," she
said.
Liam climbed back up the stairs, more slowly this time.

"Fuckin' hell, this is goin' to be such a pain in the ass to clean up. The basement is goin' to get
all moldy and gross. At least we hadn't gotten around to movin' much down there. Told you my
procrastinatin' would save us one day," Liam said.
"I'll have to admit you're right on this; I was about to move the pictures down here," she said.
Liam lifted his arm up in triumph. "Saved by laziness once again!"
Laundry piled up quickly in their house, and a series of busy days had made it gather even more
quickly.
Mikhail's mother had been in with her latest quilt.
"I heard many noise and screaming. Is everything all right?" she said.
"The washer broke," Sophia said.
"Ah, these machines are untrustworthy," Mikhail's mother said.
"I have washed by hand many a year. Now is nothing more," Mikhail's mother said.
"Mama, you do not need to toil any longer," Mikhail said.
"He's right; there's no need for you to wash this many clothes by hand. There's a laundromat
less than five miles away," Sophia said.
"Did Spy or Saxton have any work for you?" Sophia said.
"Saxton said I had to go home and shotgun protein shakes until he could stand to look at me
again, and Spy just disappeared and didn't tell me anythin'," Liam said.
Liam looked suspiciously at the air-conditioner unit. "It's blue, so I bet it's gonna blow next."
"Technically it's gray," Sophia said.
"A blue kind of gray," Liam said.
"Well, you're the artist," Sophia said.
Sophia always kept a short supply in the one place few would touch: her tampons box. Liam
was endlessly amused at just how much she could hide under skirts, in secret pockets her bras,
and in a variety of boxes. She returned with a stack of bills. She counted a few twenties out and
laid them in his palm.
"This is enough for laundry and some extra expenses, like lunch. Make sure you finish the
laundry first, and don't spend all your coins on arcades instead. And don't use the card; with all
the issues we've had this year with executions and all, I'm still working on moving banks
offshores and getting them some more fake IDs," Sophia said.
Behind them, Mick leaned against the wall. He let out a low chuckle.
"That's an awful lot of permission you gotta ask for, mate," he said.
Tavish nodded, and took a long sip of his apple cider. "Ye are one whipped laddy boy."
"Might as well just put a collar on your neck and let her lead you around for all the freedom you
have," Mick said.
"Don't knock it until you've tried it," Liam said. He looked to Sophia suggestively, a shared look
full of secret memories.
"I'll just stick with my guns, and my medicine," Mick said.
"I'll have to get Mick to drive you into town. Though with less work, you could get your own
driver's license," Sophia said.
"Nah, I'd rather run, or ride with you, and I can't fit it on a motorcycle. I'm a city boy through and
through, and we never had enough for somethin' like that," Liam said.
"You're also a multi-millionaire now, and that's not even counting my own part of the income,"
Sophia said.
Liam shrugged. "Old habits die hard. Besides, I get distracted easily. You really wanna hear that
I wrecked out because I drove past the lingerie shop and thought of you in some of those on
display in the front?"
"Forget I said anything," Sophia said.
11AM.
"The bases are loaded, and the incredible pitcher and sometimes batter, Liam Dempsey is at
the plate. He throws a curve ball, and the crowd goes wild!" [check baseball terminology]
Liam pitched a balled up shirt straight into the large washer. Alice held the door open.
"Strike one!"
He held his hands up to invisible crowds screaming his name, and balled up another shirt.
"If you do it like that, it'll take all day," Mick said.
"But I'm playin' catch with the kid and doin' laundry. Multitaskin' at its finest!" Liam said.
"I have some errands to do. Don't go runnin' off or causin' trouble," Mick said.
"Did you eat too many sour gummies? You have a face like that time daddy made lemonade,
but forgot the sugar," Alice said.
Mick just shook his head. "Of all the traits to get, she got your mouth."
"Hey, I'll have you know that I'm takin' that as a compliment! My kid is so cute that if you could
bottle her and share her, there'd be friggin' world peace! Except not her, but like pictures and
video of her!"
"Whatever you say, mate," Mick said.
"Now, where were we?"
"Second strike! Second strike!"
"Riiight! The star pitcher was delayed, because women were faintin' in the stands and screamin'
for him to marry him and give them handsome Dempsey babies. But he had to answer back
'Sorry ladies, I'm already married to the most wonderful girl, and I got the cutest baby in all the
universe. You'll have to settle for somebody not nearly as handsome, charmin', rich and amazin'
as me."
"The crowd all had to put on mournin' gear, they were so sad. In fact, they started sellin' black
veils wherever Liam Dempsey played, because all the women would have to go through months
of dealin' with the fact that he was taken."
The laundromat was pretty big, especially compared to broken down place he'd grown up with.
And even then, they'd never had money. His ma would have to do it by herself, hanging their
clothes between the alley and the other close building.
He'd gone there sometimes, though, just because it was a warm place that wouldn't turn him
away on cold evenings. The church down the way was always filled with so many rules. Don't
jump on the pews, don't run down the aisles, don't swear, don't think dirty thoughts or even dare
have any fun.
But his local laundromat never cared if he ran down the cracked front sidewalk, and more often
than not, skinned his knees. Until he got his balance, Liam had skinned his knees and the palms
of his hands at least three times a week, and usually more.
Alice had already started to do the same; even now her little palms were wrapped up like his,
except hers were bandages for a wound, and not to prevent bones breaking.
There was a whole other room set apart from the machines, filled with a couple pinball
machines, a couple arcade game, a vending machine and even a female receptionist who sold
sandwiches and cold treats. In another life, he'd have flirted with her, maybe tried to get her
number. But now looking at her, or any other woman who was reasonably attracted, but nothing
like his Sophia brought a smile to his lips. Some of them mistook the smile aimed at them, and
not at fond nostalgia for the hellion he was, and just how far he'd come, and who'd be waiting on
him when he got home.
Liam set stacks of quarters on the top of the washing machine as he put in the soap. There was
a small wooden stand full of various brands of soap just the corner. Liam scrunched his nose up
as he looked them over.
"Hey, Alice. You wanna smell like flowers of bubbles?" Liam said.
Alice wrinkled her nose. "I don't wanna smell like either. I wanna smell like...baseball!"
Liam smiled as he looked down to his daughter. "You wanna smell stinky and dirty? Then you'll
be like a real alley cat," Liam said.
Alice stuck her tongue out.
"Eyy, free tongue," Liam said. He reached out, and she pulled back, giggling all the while.
"Dad! You always said baseball had a smell. Like new grass and new leather, and happiness. I
want my blankets to smell like that," she said.
"You got me there, that's a pretty great smell. I gotta figure out how to bottle it. I didn't think
happiness had a smell until I met your mother. Then I knew it did. She smells even better than
the new fields," he said.
"But, mom that smells like new fields?" Alice said.
"Bump me one. You are one hell of a genius. Not surprisin', considerin' you got two of the most
brilliant and gorgeous parents in the world," Liam said.
She reached out to bump her little fist against hers.
Alice watched the clothes spin.
"You're gonna get yourself dizzy if you keep on like that," Liam said.
"Boop? Beep boop?" Alice said hopefully.
"We can't go to the arcade until we got these dried, and that's goin' to take at least a half hour,"
Liam said.
"Beep boop," Alice said sadly.
"Hey, the park's pretty close, though we can't stay long, or we'll have have to go naked for the
rest of the summer."
"Park! No clothes, only park!"
"Goin' naked it is," Liam said.
11:10AM.
Liam climbed right on a swing set, his fingers wrapped around the two chains. Alice climbed up
beside him.
"Are you a big enough girl to swing yourself now?" Liam said.
Alice kicked out at the sky, and gained traction. The swingset lurched forward.
"Yeah, you've got it! I took your mom out here when we were first datin'. Over there I got to
second base," Liam said, nodding towards the gazebo in the corner of the park.
"But there's no field," Alice said. "Did you use paper plates for the bases?"
"We, ahem, played catch," Liam said.
He pushed her on the swings.
"You goin' to kick the sky, Alice? Be careful you don't kick the sun out! That ain't a soccer ball!"
"I'm going to fly!" Alice said.
At the highest arc, she leapt from the swingset and landed in the
"Oh!
"You just gotta work on that landin'. Did you scrape up your knees again?"
Alice held up her hands. They were dirty from the woodchips, but this time, the band-aids he
kept stocked in his pockets weren't needed. He brushed away the dust and kissed her palm.
"There, no soreness, or ouchies, or owness, or whatever."
"I flew, dad," Alice said with pride. She raised her arms about and made airplane noises as she
rushed through the park."
"That you did! You were really zoomin' around there for a minute," Liam said.
11:39AM.
"Phew, I'm glad nobody went and stole our clothes. We would've been goners," Liam said. He
hauled out the clothes, and threw them into two large driers. After slipping several more
quarters in, he inputted the time.
"Bam! I make this look easy!"
"Bam," Alice echoed. She jumped up, and her hat came loose. Only her thick curly ponytail
slipped through the back kept it from flying off.
"Whoa, don't overdo it. You gotta know when to fold-em," Liam said. he winked. Becoming a
dad had made his pun skills so much better, Micheal’s crown as punmaster was long gone.
"Everythin's in the driers now. You know what that means?"
"Quarter time!" Alice said.
"Yeah!"
"Now, let me show you how it's done."
He licked his lips, and looked on to the pinball machine like it was a great rivalry. The Hatfields
and the McCoys, the Red Sox versus the Yankees, or even Scout versus Scout.
The pinball machine lit up.

Liam guided the little orange disc.
He put several quarters in the vending machine. On one part of the division were skittles, the
other jellybeans.
"Now, which one do you want?"
"Don't skittles make you sad? Spy said so," she said.
"I was cryin' because I got one stuck in my throat. It's one of those knee-jerk responses," Liam
said.
"Why are knees jerks?" Alice said.
"Naw, that means like when the doc is there and plottin' to take all your organs, he hits you with
a hammer and your leg kicks out. Or another hammer if he's in a bad mood," Liam said.
He took out a handful of jellybeans for the both of them, and they both took a seat.
"Your mom says we gotta get somethin' other than vendin' machine stuff. Back in the day we
practically lived off this stuff, but now she's all 'you gotta eat healthy, at least one vegetable a
day.'" Liam smiled at the memories, and sighed happily.
"But jellybeans are a fruit and a vegetable," Alice said. She held up a bubblegum pink colored
jelly bean in her fingers. "I just had a strawberry one. I don't know what fruit this is, but it's also a
bean," Alice said.
"Hey, you're onto somethin' there, kid. Technically pies have fruit, and this can of orange soda?
Probably about the same as eatin' an actual orange. Nothin' like the stuff I used to drink back in
the gravel days, though. That stuff was off the charts sweet."
"Can I have some Bonkle?" Alice said.
"They don't make it anymore Some stupid crap about it bein' 'toxic waste' and a 'hazard to
humanity.' I drank it by the carton, at least five a day, and I'm still kickin'. In fact, I'm doin'
great."
"Paccy eats fruit," Alice said.
"He also fights ghosts. Ghosts suck, though ghost hats? Those are awesome. I got me one of
those," Liam said.
"Why doesn't Uncle Scary Hat come out more often?" Alice said. She reached up for the
counter, her sticky fingers curling at the edge, towards the bell that summoned the receptionist.
Liam moved it just out of reach.
"He's up in the attic. He only likes to come around when there's a full moon about, or around
Halloween, but we go play poker with his friends Gibus and Clucky when he comes to visit. He
kind of misses the old days when we'd go out on the town and he'd get to flirt with all those cute
hats, but I went and settled down. And then I had you!" He bent down and pulled her into his
arms.
"Technically your mom had you, but I helped," Liam said.
She hopped onto the motorcycle. Liam always had a few quarters in his pockets for those
supermarket rides. Alice was already showing a deep competitive streak, despite her sweet
nature. Even at the t-ball field, she'd give that ball such a look, like she could peel the leather off
with a smirk alone.
"Look, you're already super speedy. Yeah, it runs in the family," Liam said.
"Oh, tattoos!"
Alice scrunched up her nose. "Yankees stickers."
"It's like they want the place to be friggin' vandalized," Liam said.
"They got our team, though. Kiss the quarters for good luck that we'll get them."
12:15
The driers had taken a few more quarters.
Alice hopped into the laundry cart, almost flipping it over in the process. "Race car!"
"Now if it was me, I'd just toss it all back in a pile, but your ma told me to fold it, or they'll get
wrinkles. And she knows best on pretty much everythin'."
"Winkles?" Alice said.
"That is so friggin' cute, I'm goin' to get the word personally changed to that. Not sure how,
maybe I'll have to take over the world and get it changed around right. I bet your mom could do
it easy. Hell, she could do it before dinnertime."
He lifted her up to sit on one of the many white folding tables. Alice kicked up her legs; just like
him, she never could manage to sit still.
"If you take over the world, do I get a puppy?" Alice said.
"If your mom becomes supreme overlord of the world, you will get all the puppies."
"But, will the other families without puppies be sad then?" Alice said.
"Okay, you can share as many puppies as you want."
He booped her nose, and left her laughing. "You got such sweetness in you. Don't know where
you got it, because your ma and I are friggin' merciless. But you, you got sunshine inside.
You're my sunshine girl."
Alice grinned wide, revealing her missing front teeth. "Funshine?'
"You got that right," Liam said.
The animal shelter was at the end of town. Almost the entire front was covered in fences, and
as they stopped, dogs barked inside. Mick had been forced to take the wheel, with Alice
between the three of them. She kicked up her heels and sang off-key, a Tom Jones song.
"I don't know how you have the energy for 'em, then again, it is you. You were always bouncin'
around," Mick said.
"Her? Please, my Alice is incredible. She's fast, and happy, and adorable! I mean it's not a
surprise that I helped make the best kid in the world, but I'm still pretty happy about it."
"Can't say I see the appeal, but whatever makes you happy, I guess," Mick said. He pulled a
slightly used cigarette out of his pocket. He'd pushed out the ember waiting for them.+
Alice had on an extra pair of Mick's glasses on. Just as he was about to speak out, he saw that
Liam had his other pair.
"I can already tell you this is a bad idea," Mick said.
"Oh, come on. What can it hurt? Little Alley gets to pet some dogs."
At the last cell, a large white pitbull lay down in the corner. His face was covered in scars.
"Aww, what happened to the guy? He try and race a car?"

"They'll what?" Liam said.
"You got how many dogs?"
"Look, I know that twenty is kind of high, but we'll find other homes for them---I didn't have any
choice!"
"You're worse than Pyro! How do you go to town to do laundry and come back with
twenty dogs? Wait, did you even remember to get the laundry back?"
"What? Yeah, of course I did," Liam said.
"What was I supposed to do? We were just killin' time between loads and saw a place with
dogs. She wanted to see, and I thought, what's the harm. Then Alice found out it was one of
those shelters, and started bawlin' her eyes out. It turns out that threatenin' if they kill the
dogs you kill them just gets them runnin' for the cops."
Alice was snuggled up with a dog with many stitches all across its face and body.
"She named 'em Baseball," Liam said.
A memory of recent sad events, a dog fighting ring broken up not too far from them. The dog
was a massive white pitbull.
"You know, this means she's just goin' to keep askin' about the other dogs," Liam said.
Sophia closed her eyes and took several deep breaths. "This was my fault, obviously I should
have done it myself."
"Would you have been able to sit there and watch her cry, Soph? You would've done the same
damn thing. Except you probably would've killed the receptionist guy," Liam said.
"She'll grow up completely spoiled rotten if you keep up buying out stores for her when she so
much as remotely wants something,"
"I want my baby girl to think the world is a wonderful place, even if it ain't. And even if I gotta buy
out a shelter, or a dozen shelters to make her happy, I'll do it. I'd do it every time," Liam said.
"And what is she going to do when she realizes that the world is cruel? What then? You can't
keep her from the harshness of the world forever. Hell, we killed thousands of people.
That's how we made our money."
"Oh, she knows about that. Besides, we got money, we can change up this awful world if we
want," Liam said.
"You're a dreamer," she said. "Always were, always will be."
"And what's so bad about havin' dreams? You never dream about anythin'. You stay in your
cubicle and say 'yes, Administrator' and kill and file papers. We don't even need to work
anymore. We couldn't even spend this money if we never made a cent and friggin' tried
to bankrupt the accounts."
"We might not, but I need to," Sophia said.
"You just gotta see it my way." He gently touched her shoulder, and turned her towards the
vision. Alice was laughing, covered in puppies. Beside her, Yana had lifted up a small one.
Tavish had bent to pet one of the older dogs, one with only one eye.
A small toy dog yapped about Mikhail's feet. "So tiny," he murmured. the dog fit in the palm of
one of his massive hands. He pulled back in surprise as the little ball of fluff licked at his hand.
"It looks like we already found some homes for some of them."
"I might've brought home some cats as well," Liam said.
"You bought out every single animal there? Just how full was Mick's van?"
"Pretty full. And I am tellin' you, he was n--o--t happy about it," Liam said.
"Erich will throw a fit if any of them get to his birds, so we'll have to find homes for those. That
shouldn't be too hard; there's several farmers in this area. They're always looking for good
mousers," she said.
"At least I'll have company now when I'm in the doghouse," Liam said.
A small black dog ambled towards her. She couldn't begin to guess all the mixes of breeds that
made up its heritage. She bent down and stroked its soft fur.
"You know, I never had a dog, either," she said. "I didn't even get a goldfish."
The dog started to whimper, and she bent down. "I-is it okay?"
She lifted up the dog, and stroked its soft ears.
"So?" Liam said, smirking just a little.

"You're not helping your case if you're going to look at me like that," she said.
"Tell me that ain't the softest thing you ever felt," he said.
"Honestly, we got enough money to buy every dog in the entire world--"
"Please don't give Alice ideas," Sophia said.
"But, but, think of it. We could find homes for 'em. Hire somebody to walk and take care of 'em.
Alice can come visit her house of puppies..."
They found homes for most of the puppies, save the one Alice had chosen as her own. A few of
the others ended up on base, except for Erich, who remained staunchly a bird fanatic. By the
end of the week they were down from twenty dogs and a number of cats to only 5 dogs.
Pomme the Pomeranian loved to yap at any noise. She would dance to go out, spinning in
circles, like a little circus dog.
Alice let out another sob as she clung to the televison.
"There was a sad dog on the tv, so I'm trying to hug him until he's h-happy--"
She let out another bawl as the commercial came on again.
"I thought you said we saved all the dogs,
"Uh, we did," Liam said.
"But why are they crying?"
"See, we saved 'em all around here, but there's dogs all over," Liam said.
"We've got to save them!"
Alice ran to her room and overturned her plastic piggie bank.
"Is this enough?"

"Lemme count it out."
"50 cents. Wouldn't even buy some dog food," Liam said.
"Daaad, can we go save them all?"
"Sure, babe--"
Alice brightened.
"---we just gotta ask your mom."
"Alice, you can't adopt every dog in the world!"
"Look, I don't ask for much, but is it enough for you to take some time off to spend with your kid?
Because hell, I know you won't do that for me--"
"You don't ask for much? How lacking in self-awareness are you? Wait, don't answer that
question, I already know."
"What more do you want me to do? I have work. After I had Alice, my hours were cut down until
it feels like I'm barely even a part of this organization anymore."
"Yeah, that's a good thing! It means you have more than one day a year off! And God, I love
you, but you ain't got no ambition at all. You take so much shit from your boss, from your family.
We're friggin' rich and we don't do anythin' with it. Would it kill you to I don't know, do
somethin'?"
"Do something? I work
"Then do somethin' other than work. Other than sayin' yes ma'am to that a tyrant..."
"That boss who kept food on your table--"
"You know very well what I mean. Look, Soph, you did all kinds of crap back in the day. Now
you're even better--you're like a force-a-nature. If you don't wanna be livin' in some richass
place and drivin' fancy cars, then we can be those rich assholes who
"
"I'm sorry, dad. I didn't mean to make you and mom fight."
"It's okay, Alley cat. All adults fight sometimes."

She climbed up onto the couch with him. "Here. You can hold Mankie Medic. That way you
won't get lonely and cold."
"Oh, you're givin' me your toy? You never sleep without that," he said.
"We'll have to share," she said.
"That's good. Mankie Medic takes away all the tears," Liam said.
"I don't have any to give mom. Is that bad?"
"Of course that's not bad, sweetie. I don't think we can fit your stuffed animals up here. We'd all
fall off," Liam said.
Sophia tried to calm herself. The fight had left her out of sort and frazzled. Worst of all, his
words had cut deeply.
Alice was curled up beside him. Her little family. She let out a sigh of relief.
"Babe, go to bed. It's late, you'll."
"I...was worried about Alice. I went to check on her and no one was there."
"Do you have any room for one more person?"
Liam looked up from the covers. Alice already had fallen asleep. He softened, and pulled his
blanket back. He never remained mad at her for long.
"Babe, there's always room for you," Liam said softly. Though he needn't have. Alice could
sleep through hurricanes and even Liam's beloved team losing again, and the inevitable storm
of foul language and anger that always followed.
Sophia scooted Alice towards the back pillows, and climbed up just behind her, while Liam took
the more dangerous outer edge.
*
The fridge didn't merely show off Alice's scribbles, but many of Liam's doodles as well. She
looked over the many different dog drawings--there'd been a definite theme in Alice's artistic
interest, and Liam's several drawings of her and Alice.
She picked up one of Alice in a superhero costume. They'd been fine-tuning the costume,
spending hours pouring over different comic books for inspiration. She slipped it into her back,
along.
Mikail sat in the shade, a book.
"Do you know how to make money?"
"Offer to put out a hit on someone. That'll bring you some change," Mick said dryly.
"People pay you to hit them?"
"Pretty good--but only when you're older," Mick said.
Mikhail muttered something and shook his head.
"She don't get it," Mick said exasperatedly.
"You know nothing of children," he said.
"And I intend to keep it that way. Never wanted any ankler biters," he said. He took his glasses
down and cleaned them.
"Ankle biters? Is that some kind of pet?"
"It's you," he said. "Little loud things runnin' around, makin' messes."
"Make a little lemonade place. Sell 'em, you'll get some money."
"Uncle Mick. Also he told me not to call him Uncle," she said.
"He said I'd make money by hitting people, but only when I'm older," she said.
"I'm goin' to friggin' punch him," he said.
"He said to make a lemonade stand."
"As long as he ain't bringin' any lemonade."

"I don't know," she said.
"Daddddd, can I?"
"Guess I better start gettin' you a stand together, peanut. Then we gotta go get some lemons..."
"Uncle Mikhail's mother!" Alice called. She slammed a rhythm on the door, drumming her hands
in time to her favorite song.
"Uncle Mikhail's
"Oh, what a mouthful. Please, call me Tatiana," she said.
"Did you come to see Noah again? His sister is out, I'm afraid, but he didn't want to go. He
never does, unless it's the library or bookstore."
"Dad said I should ask for how to make lemonade. I'm going to make a biiiiig stand!" She held
out her hands to demonstrate just how large it would be.
"I see. I'm afraid I've never made any. There were no lemons in such a cold place. But, my
Misha brought me this lovely cookbook," she said.
Alice followed her in, hopping along through the small cabin.
"Does it have pictures?" Alice said.
She peeked over her. "It does!"
"It does," Tatiana said. She smiled, and turned several pages. There were cakes and muffins
and cookies, as well as all kinds of other food Alice didn't even know what were called, but
looked delicious all the same.
"Ooh, they all look good," Alice said.
"Something tells me if you had a bake sale, you'd eat them all," she said.
Mikhail's mother stirred the glass around. Alice got on her tip toes to watch.
"Is it ready yet? Is it ready?"
"Not quite," she said.

"Hi, Noaah. Do you want to buy some lemonade?"
She
2 Sav Dogs was written in messy crayon.
"Fifty cents a lemonade!"
"Mom, I made five whole dollars. Can we go get the sad dogs now?"
"Five dollars, huh?" Liam let out a low whistle. "You'll be a millionaire in no time with business
skills like that."
She held it out the paper for Liam to see.
"The Alice foundation," he read.
"You're right. I've been a in a rut. I used to have excuses. I was too busy with work, Alice was
just a baby and needed all my attention. But other than diversifying my portfolio with some
stocks for those new tech companies, Microsoft and Apple, I haven't done much."
"I love this logo, it's perfect. She's goin' to be so happy."
"I expected more of an 'I told you so,'" she said.
"Uh-uh, hell no, I've been on the couch. Don't wanna go back."
"I was right there with you on the couch," she said.
"Babe, even if you're with me, it's still the couch."
"She must get it from your side of the family. When I was a kid, I was never makin' some. I was
buyin' comics and hopin' to join a gang and have my ma not find out. She's got a big heart, and
I'm so proud of her." Liam smiled as he held onto the copied paper.
"Well, I don't know anything about my blood family. There's really no telling. Though it didn't
come from me. I never really had much on the merciful side. Which was better for my job," she
said.
"Oh, that's a copy. You can turn it into a paper airplane if you want. It doesn't matter."
"You know, it ain't just goin' to be every dog in the world. This last Smissmass she went and
wanted to clean out buy the place for all the sad kids out there without toys. She was so happy
to pick them out."
"I suppose I can spare a few million," she said.
"Hell, I'll put the first millions in from my accounts."
He laughed.
"What?"
"You just know she's goin' to friggin' change the world. There she was, makin' that lemonade
stand, willin' to give up her entire piggybank."
"It'll be a change from burying bodies," she said.
"A big change," Liam said.
Lying back, she noticed that both her bra and his boxers had ended up on the ceiling fan. She'd
liked that vase, and escaping the mess of torn-off clothes and accidentally broken things would
take some finesse.
"I bolted it to the nightstand and it still broke," she said.
"Yeah, sorry about that. Didn't mean for the headboard to slam the wall that hard." He let out a
long breath, and sighed happily.
"I guess I'll have to bolt the nightstand to the floor as well," she said.
"If makin' up is goin' to be that fun, we really should fight more," Liam said.
"Okay, that can be arranged. Baseball is boring, though if I had to pick any team, I'd pick the
Yankees. The Red Sox haven't won in decades. Also, Tom Jones is highly overrated. Especially
his dancing skills."
Liam clutched the covers, his face contorted in anguish and horror. "W-What? Oh god, tell me
you're jokin'!"
"You said you wanted to fight. The only other thing that would get you swinging was saying your
daughter and wife aren't pretty or something, and that doesn't sound very authentic from me,"
she said. "I suppose I could import a waiter for you to hate in here, but you'd probably just
punch him. Actually, that'd be pretty hot..."
"Oh god, you scared me. You were just kiddin', right??"
She climbed up on top of him and leaned in to run her hands along his jaw. The covers slid
down her naked back. "Any distaste I ever could've had towards them is drowned out by how
much they remind me of you. Even if I hated every Tom Jones song, they'd make me smile
because I'd remember all those times. When you broke out dancing to 'It's not Unusual' or when
you took me to that first game and leapt out of the stands to take a swing at the ref."
"I totally broke his nose for you," Liam said.
"I know," she said.
"You know what I should build out there? A friggin' slide. And one of those climby things? Some
monkey bars? Man, do you have any idea how much I would've loved one of those as a kid?
We had to walk miles for one of those, and if we went too close towards the one in Roxbury,
we'd get rocks thrown at us, and worse. And a tree house! That tree is just big enough!"
Sophia mentally calculated the possible joy, the savings, mixed with the heightened possibility
of broken bones and scraped knees.
"There--there's a five year old helpin' him! She went to kindergarten with my kid!"
"She's an engineer baby, Liam. You can't compare yourself to them. She probably has like five
PHDs already, and is working on her sixth. If you compare yourself with them you're just going
to be drinking in the gutter, sobbing and wondering where your life went wrong that you only got
a bachelor's degree in your twenties."
"Bachelor's degree? I ain't one of those anymore, I got married," Liam said.
"You'd feel bad about only graduating grade school," Sophia said.
"I graduated the school of hard knocks, and the school of marryin' you, that's the only ones that
matter," Liam said.
Delia's shoulders tensed. She clutched tighter to her little hammer.

"Don't worry about it; we all go at our own pace."
"This is borin'," she said.
Delia Rose held out a PDA with daisy and glittery cat stickers on it.
"Daddy says I gotta keep that around, because you were dropped on your head as a kid, and
are as thick as a mule, and twice as slow."
"Hey, watch it, kid. I got ears. I'll tell your dad on you," he said.
She adjusted her goggles and gave him a scrutinizing look. It was hard to get anything by the
kind of kid who probably already had a couple of PHDs under her belt before she was in double
digits.
"Last time you told daddy, he gave my allowance a raise. I got all the scrap metal I wanted.
Then he told me you used to demand dispensers all the time, and how all he wanted to do was
modify you in the night and fix you right up."
"It was rough out there. Hardhat wouldn't get it, all back in his crystal palace of sentries and
stuff," Liam said.
"Daddy always said that you wouldn't need so many dispensers if you could take more than two
hits and a stiff wind."
"Kid, you're hangin' around me too much. Obviously the Boston rubbed off on you," Liam said.
"I guess I got a smart mouth. I think that's a good thing, though," she said.
"I got a smart mouth too, kid," Liam said.
"Daddy says that's the only smart thing about you," Delia said.
"You know what? That tree up there would be perfect for a treehouse."
As if a siren had gone off, Sophia clung tighter to her coffee cup, and looked up in alarm.
"You aren't thinking of doing it yourself, are you?"
"It's just a couple of boards. How hard can it be?"

She could make Home Depot the official sponsor of the Yankees, Sophia was sure she could
blackmail or buy her way on. But that would take time, and it wasn't merely him accidentally
putting a sledgehammer through the wall, or shorting out the electricity, or breaking the pipes
accidentally.
She had many visions of him falling--or Alice--falling out of trees.
"Dell? He's doing it again. In fact, he just went off to Home Depot. Name your price, I need."
"Maybe a back deck? We could have barbeques out here. Mmm, I am goin' to have so
many hot dogs!"
"Liam, we need to talk about your do-it-yourself projects," Sophia said.
"I know, I'm totally a dad," Liam said. He grinned. "I guess this makes it even more official."
"You're definitely a dad, but you're also a disaster," she said.
"Hell yeah! A handsome disaster, a force-a-nature---"
"No, an actual disaster when it comes to home projects," Sophia cut him off. "You have good
ideas, but remember how you broke the water line and we had to completely redo that room?"
Liam cringed at the memory. "Yeah, not my brightest moment."
"And remember how you assembled that tv stand backwards? It was like some...Frankenstein
monster. We had to put it out of its misery."
"What kind of guy can't even make his kid stuff?" Liam said.
"Don't be ridiculous. This doesn't make you less of a man. In fact.." she reached to
entwined.
"Think of all the free time we'll have when we hire somebody."
"Because we're either going to have
"That's rough, Soph," Liam said.
"If you're trying to flirt, I'm not really a carpenter kind of girl. Besides, you'd be cutting into your
running laps while shirtless time," she said.
"
Delia nailed the steps.
"This is going to be sooo coool!" Alice said.
"You can come up and play, too."
Alice bent down and lifted up.
The Jenga game had been going on for the past three hours. Alice curled up on the couch, only
half watching as Delia and her father removed parts of the structure that just wouldn't fall apart.
Their lego world looked like a palace. For fun, Delia had even crafted a house of cards with her
father. At least until the family cat barreled into it and completely destroyed all their work.
November 24th The Dempsey girls in the kitchen, Alice can just be seen zooming out, like a
blur.
9AM
"Zoom, zoom rocket!"
Alice's curly dark hair had many little melting snowflakes all over. Her coat was lopsided, half
undone hastily, then left. Her little peppermint-striped snow cap was pulled down so low, her
eyes were almost completely obscured.
Sophia reached out for a bottle which went flying as Alice raced through the room.
"Alice! Airplanes fly outside."
"Airplanes need fuel!" Alice grabbed several of the cooling cookies and rushed out of the
room.
"Alice---!"
But she had already gone too far to hear. She waited for the sound of something breaking, but
only the door slamming came. It was rarely anger with her; she was just always going so fast,
things toppled and slammed.
Colleen burst out laughing. "Liam did the same damn thing. Except he was the friggin' Flash."
Outside, she heard laughter. Sophia came to the window, to see Liam holding Alice up. Both
were making airplane noises now. For a second, he toppled. She reached to push the window
up. But just as she was about to call out, she heard them giggle some more, and make the most
crooked snow angels imaginable. They were still making engine sounds.
"Liam never was much for football," Colleen said. "Now Michael, he's wild about it. But Liam?
It's baseball or nothin'."
Sophia rubbed at the bridge of her nose. "I don't know how you did it. Alice keeps me on my
toes, and she's just one girl. You took care of eight rowdy boys."
"Alcohol, mostly. Margaritas are a girl's best friend," Colleen said.
"Oh, I know all about the wonders of alcohol, trust me. That's how I got through as many years
in Nevada as I did," she said.
Colleen stripped away the skin of potatoes. All about the kitchen was chaos. The beginnings of
an apple pie, the start of mashed potatoes. At least the turkey, glazed with oil and spices, had
been put in. Though, there wasn't room for a second one, and not enough turkey would equal
another war. She knew all too well how these men eat.
"Got any tips on how to feed a small army and keep them from killing each other in the process?
I had them stock up, but I'm not sure we can get enough on time."
"Well, it'll go better if their team won. Then they'll be drunk and happy, and there's less chance
of fights breakin' out. Otherwise, the best you can do is accept that it's a fact of nature, and
make them take any fights outside."
Every time she looked out, Liam had found more children. Was that Jane's boy peeking out at
them from behind the trees? She thought she recognized the little bear hat, but from this side,
she couldn't quite tell. Alice rushed over and dragged him out. She watched as Liam bent down,
and then lifted him up on his shoulders. She shook her head, her chest full of warmth, like
sunlight.
Sometimes he would do something and just win her all over again. She smiled to herself as she
watched Alice tug on his jacket. Her very own family. Occasionally maddening and hazardous,
and yet, the most precious slice of the world she ever had known.
10:30AM.
Alice ran over towards the trees.
"Hey, hey, peanut, you don't wanna get too far---" Liam broke off. Alice had wrapped her arms
around something distinctly furry.
"Alice--you might wanna just step away before that....before the mom comes back."
A little face that was distinctly human peered up at him.
"Oh, you're one of Jane's kids? He friggin' would dress 'em all up in fluffy crap. Probably
caught those bears himself."
"Though it stands, you probably don't wanna anger that mama." Liam shook his head.
She grabbed his wrist and all but dragged him from the woods.
Liam stroked his chin. "Technically, I should probably be tellin' you not to drag him, but I'd do the
same if I wanted to play with somebody, so I'd be one biiig stinky hypocrite."
"Hippos? Are there hippos? Are they hungry?"
"They're still in Africa--and Zoos. And I hope they ain't too hungry," Liam said. He knelt down to
the boy's level.
"Hey, Jane's kid, you got a name?"
He looked down at his feet.
"Y'know, if Zhanna thinks we made you sad, she's probably goin' to rip my head off with her
thighs," Liam said.
"But, how can anybody be sad? There's snow!"
"I had to shovel snow, that made me pretty sad," Liam said. He smiled a little. "Well, I got
happier when your mom gave me somethin' to warm me up...and some other somethin's...that
ain't for little ears, though."
Alice started to jump up and down. "Play in the snow! Play in the snow! Play in the snow!"
"Wait, Dad, is it time?"
He checked the watch.
"You got some time, peanut."
"You won't let me miss it, will you? I hate it when I miss wish time," Alice said.
"Nah, I got an alarm set and everythin'," Liam said.
"Food?" the boy said softly. "Food time?"
"Wish time! On 11:11, you gotta make a wish. I wish for--"
Liam cut in. "You can't tell a wish and have it come true. Same with birthday wishes when you
blow out the candles. You gotta keep them to yourself."
"And Smissmass wishes?"
"Nah, you gotta tell me, so I can keep Santa from findin' out, breakin' in the house and beatin'
me senseless."
Alice's mouth formed a little 'o.' She tugged at Liam's sleeve. "Dad, I'll beat Santa up!" She let
go of his sleeve, and started to punch the air. "Santa won't stand a chance!"
"That's my girl!"
Alice turned to the little boy, who kept moving around snow with his furry boots. "When snow's
yellow, you can't eat it. It looks like banana slushie, but dad says never to try it, it's yucky."
"Okay," he said softly.
"Did you see the snow angels we made? But I stepped in it," Alice said. "So we gotta make 'em
again!" She fell back laughing, and started.
"You are the weirdest and coolest kid I ever had," Liam said. She kicked her legs and held her
arms up. "Up, Dad! Up!"
"Updad? More like up yours, Dad! I know you, you're goin' to kick me the minute I pick
you up."
"Ehe~!"
"Aight, I'll pull you up, but no clockin' me this time."
She looked back, only to find the space around them empty.
"He's gone," she said with disappointment.
"Probably went back to his cave with Mama Bear and Daddy Bear," Liam said. He chuckled to
himself. "Your cheeks are all red."
"As red as my hat? As red as a dirty communist? as red as the grand old flag? as red as red red
team?" Alice said excitedly.
"Man, Jane is rubbin' off on you," Liam said. "Maybe a little too much."
Alice grinned wide. He rubbed her little cheeks.
"Dad, your mittens are coooold."
"Yeah, we should go in a bit. Get warmed up."
"But--"
"The trees ain't goin' to be lonely. In fact, they need a nap."
Alice tilted her head. "Trees sleep?"
"Course they do. Don't you and me? Dontcha see all the flowers are all closed up at night?"
"Flowers are all gone," Alice said sadly.
"Only for a bit. They went for a biiig nap."
Alice brushed at a pine frond. "They aren't sleeping."
"Of course they ain't. You're screamin' up a storm. Besides, naps are for sleepin' in the day,"
Liam said. "C'mon. We'll see if we can't go get some hot cocoa."
Alice jumped up, and lifted her hands in a cheer. "Zoom zoom!"
Liam grinned, and bent down for her to climb up onto his back. She gripped his coat, and they
were off. "That's right! All aboard the Air Dempsey. This is your handsome pilot, we're cleared
for takeoff."
10:35AM
Alice rubbed her cheeks on Sophia's purple skirts.
"Alice--"
"Coold, mom!"
"Did you have fun outside?"
Alice nodded. "I didn't eat any yellow snow."
Sophia laughed. "Well, that's good."
"A bear came to visit."
"Did he now?" Sophia said.
Alice nodded. "He was thiiiss big." She held out her little arms, and almost toppled into the
kitchen island in the progress.
Sophia reached quick and grabbed her up before she could crack her head.
"Careful--"
"I didn't die!" Alice said cheerfully. "But the airplane needs more fuel."
She reached for the cookies.
"Oh no you don't. You'll ruin your supper."
Sophia laughed to herself. "I sound like such a mom."
"I know, it's hot," Liam said.
He reached towards the cookies.
"Ahem, did you not hear what I said?"
"Hey, I need some fuel."
"There's oatmeal and eggs and bacon your mother made."
Alice's eyes widened. "Bac---"

"That is, if Michael left any," Colleen said.
"God, it would be just like him to totally go and steal all the food," Liam said. He lifted up the lid
of the frying pan. "Hey, it's still here."
Alice got up on her tiptoes, but it wasn't quite enough.
12PM
"It's quiet," Sophia said suddenly. She
Colleen smiled. "And nothin' worse than a quiet."
Several of the mercenaries and Liam's brothers were all packed around the television, until she
couldn't even see the score. Pyro was in a corner, shifting a slinky from one side to another,
over and over again. She'd already checked outside, and couldn't see them.
Liam was sprawled out with Alice asleep against him. The television played a taped baseball
episode.
12:30PM
"I wonder if they're boycotting us. Probably think we're capitalist pigs or something," Sophia
said.
"You really want them in here?" Colleen said.
"Holding a grudge for this long?"
"Wouldn't you do the same?"
"It depends on what they said about Liam. If they said he was a loudmouth and egomaniac, it'd
just be like stating the sky is blue," Sophia said.
5pm.
"Guess what, everybody, I got a friggin' lot to be thankful for." Liam cracked his knuckles.
"For fuck's sake, Liam. It ain't a contest. At this rate, we'll not get dinner until next
Thanksgivin'."
"Excuse me, the holiday is about bein' thankful, and I am goin' to be damn thankful,
because guess what? I got a lot to be grateful for."
"Oh, how about my fist? You can be thankful for that."
"Daaad, I'm hungry!"
"Can't we just eat while he yammers away?" Michael said.
"The more he brags about his girls, the less turkey he gets," Colleen said.
"You could multitask," Sophia said.
"But not talkin' and chewin'," Colleen said.
Liam
"Okay, back in the day, I'd just found out I had three days to live---"
"I've heard this story thirty-four times," Michael said.
"Looks like today is your lucky thirty-five," Colleen said.
Michael let out a moan of agony and leaned back in his chair. "Can't you kiss him or somethin'?
Save our poor ears."
7PM.
"I'll dry," Liam said. Somehow, he could make the most innocent of things sound like
completely kinky sex acts.
Liam flicked water at her.
"Liam, that's not how you dry--" She was cut off as flecks of dishwater hit her nose, and
splattered across her glasses.
"Oh, this is war," she said.
She grabbed a drying cloth, and waved it at him. Liam chuckled as he flicked more water her
way.
Sophia dried the last dish and reached to put it away. The cabinets were a bit high. Before she
could reach for a stool, Liam reached up and put the dish away. He always took such pleasure it
getting things for her, possibly because she was the only person other than Dell in the
workplace that he got to be taller than.
He bent to kiss the back of her neck.
"If you do that, putting these dishes away is going to take awful long," Sophia said. He kissed
her neck again, and she couldn't contain the laughter.
"Great new way to do the dishes. I'm surprised I didn't think of that," Colleen said.
"Didn't you?" Spy said.
Sophia patted at her now damp hair. A glance at Liam showed that he sure had a lot of lipstick
all over his face. She wetted a cloth and started to dab at his face.
"Why not let me keep it?"
"Because you'll smirk and brag all night long, and all you'll want to talk about is how we made
out," Sophia said.
"Goin' to do that anyways," Liam said.
"Well, you know me. I'm always hiding the evidence," Sophia said.
"Pick out whichever one you want," Liam said.
"Then we keep the tree forever and ever?" Alice said.
"Sure--if by forever, you mean a couple weeks."
"Why? Why does the tree have to go?" Alice said.
"Because we're cuttin' it down," Liam said.
"The tree dies?" Alice said.
"Well, yeah, that's the circle of life," Liam said.
"I don't want to kill a tree! I like trees, they smell nice!" Tears welled up in her eyes. "Dad, don't
hurt the trees!"
"Aww, Peanut, no!" Liam bent down and wrapped his arms about her. He patted her back.
"Now, see here, no cryin'."
"We could always just get a fake tree," Sophia said.
"I don't wanna give my kid discount Smsismass," Liam said. "She should have the whole thing,
except maybe the eggnog. She's gotta wait a few years to get wasted on eggnog and do stupid
shit."
"Or we could have a tree made of guns, like back in the old days," Sophia said. She turned
dreamy and nostalgic for that moment, when sticky bombers and medigun's were wrapped
around a sickly little pine tree, supported by a bunch of beer cans.
"When we heard hooves on the rooftop, we could just grab a gun and blow Santa away," he
said.
"Those were the times," she said. She looked back to the corner, with very flammable drapes
nearby.
"That'd probably just burn down the house, and I rather like this house," she said.
"It wouldn't feel the same without somethin' there."
"We could buy an expensive tree, then it'd hardly be discount," Sophia said
thoughtfully.
Everything set Alice's face alight with wonder. The lights, the tinsel, the shining presents.
"That tree is purple, just like mom!" Alice said.
The tree was already trimmed with garish silver trim. It was the girliest tree imaginable. She
expected Liam to virulently protest, to protest his 'masculinity,' but he bent to her level. "Heh, it
does look a bit like your mom. Especially with that wide bottom. You want that one, peanut?"
"But will taking it home kill the tree?" Alice said.
"Nah, this one is plastic. I'm not sure fire could kill this thing," Liam said.
"Let's not tempt fate, okay?" she said.
"So, it'll be okay?"
"It's goin' to be with us forever," Liam said.

"But, will the tree be lonely? It won't have any friends," she said.
"It can hang out with you uncle Scary Hat up in the attic once Smissmass is over."
"If only the boughs were just a bit stronger to hold more guns," Sophia said wistfully.
"Eh, we'll hang 'em from the ceilin' or somethin'. Wouldn't be Smissmass without 'em."
(time)
The garish tree fit right in her room, completely at odds with the decor. It was like a flashback to
the old apartment, but at least this time, it was temporary.
"Are you sure they won't be lonely this far?" Alice said.
"They can tree-speak to each other. Like ESP. Wait, Treesp," Liam said.
December. Several pictures of mercenaries in Santa suits.
3PM.
She never thought she'd see the day when the jingle suit and ears came back on, but Alice
leapt with delight when her father came out looking like Santa's most murderous, and tallest elf.
"Dad says Santa likes cookies and milk," Alice said.
"Santa likes sandwiches. He's watching his weight, now that his job isn't so active," Sophia said.
She didn't look up as she drew the knife across the bread to assemble yet another one.
"Uncle Jane says Santa is red and evil and communist, and we must stop him," Alice said.
Sophia paused in her work. "That's Australian Santa, and we already stopped him. Though I
don't know about his political ideology," she said.
"And we killed him," Liam said.
"You killed Santa?" Alice said.
"The Australian one, though if Kris Kringle comes down here, he'll find himself kringled."
"How would you know so much about Santa, Mama?" Alice said.
Liam wrapped his arms about her waist, and embraced her from behind. "Your Ma knows
everything about everyone. She's like some kind of super spy when it comes to this stuff. But
not an asshole, like Spy."
"Your father exaggerates," she said.
"Not much, the president knows less than you do," Liam said. "And she's got Santa's private
line, so you better be good, or she'll call him up."
"You'd have mountains of coal by now, mister biggest troublemaker in badlands."
"I've got all the coal I want right here," he said, low against her ear as he ran his fingers through
her bun, pulling her hair free.
"You're going to get hair in the food," she said.
"Looks like you'll have to start all over," he said. He reached around her and stuffed the
sandwich into his mouth.
"Don't eat like your―"
Sophia stopped as she saw her daughter's face stuffed, her cheeks puffed out like a hamster.
She sighed. "What am I going to do with you two?"
"I got some suggestions, but it's a party for two. Hey, Alley. I got a mission for you. Send this to
the base, and try and beat my time. Think you can do it? I put my best time on the wall over
there. I'll give you a five dollar bill if you can beat it," Liam said.
She took ahold of the baking tin with a grin.
"And no sneakin' in, these are for the guys, all right? When you get back, we'll raid the cookies
together," Liam said.
"Liam!"
He grinned impishly at her.
Alice grabbed ahold of the tin and rushed off, her ponytail bouncing along with every step. Liam
had already been working for years on giving her a great runner's stance. She had the build for
it, and the drive. He'd been almost too good at teaching her to be fast, which meant every
moment alone they'd have to make sure that their daughter hadn't snuck back in behind them.
"Don't slip on the ice, and don't forget your coat, mittens, scarf and hat!" Sophia called after her,
but she was already too far to hear–or just not listening. With her, that was always a possibility.
"With how fast she runs, that means we might have all of three minutes of free time. More if she
remembers her coat, and with that wind, she probably will," he said.
"Three whole minutes. The things we used to get up to in that amount of time on my breaks..."
she said.
He buried his face against her neck. "Three minutes, is that a challenge?"
"No," she said with a laugh as he slipped his hands under her apron.
3:15PM
"Aye, it's a little lassie," Tavish said.
"Mom sent cookies," she said.
A whole army of wooden carvings were across the mantelpiece. Mikhail brushed wooden
shavings off of his lap.
"Did she, now?"
"What are you doooing?" Alice said.
"That's ye favorite thing to say, isn't it? That and why."
Alice grinned, and undid the lid of the can. "Maaybe."
"We're sittin' around like a bunch of old men, plannin' with to do on this long night. I vote we
make use of those rooms," Tavish said.
"Not to be said in front of a child," Mikail said.
"For a party, ye daft old prude," Tavish said.
"Party?" Alice said. "Do I need to get my birthday hat?"
"Not that kind of party, lass. Though ye can pull it out. It's close to yae birthday, anyways," he
said.
5:30PM
Darkness came soon, but they made their own illumination with dozens of strings of lights
strung across the rafters both inside and outside of the barn.
The fact that there was an reception area hadn't gone unnoticed by the men. It wasn't the first
time she'd stumbled into a party happening on base, though at least they'd somewhat calmed
down from the kinds of events she used to find, with Tavish passed out wearing nothing but a
lampshade, and Dell furious the next day for all his workshops broken into in a bit of drunken
revelry.
But, Tavish had stopped drinking, and Liam had stopped flirting around, so the parties had
become a much tamer affair, and had a much higher likelihood of having small chairs and many
fathers each trying to put on a show about how their child was definitely the best.
About the naughtiest thing was a few springs of mistletoe, which Liam had definitely noticed,
from the suggestive looks he kept giving her.
"Hey, at least they aren't blowin' stuff up, and the punch probably contains punch this time,"
Liam said.
"Who's idea was it?" Sophia said.
"Don't remember. Not Spy's, that's for sure. Maybe Tavish did it," he said.
"The decorations don't look like a discount prom put up by kindergartners, so it can't be you,"
she said.
"Hey, I can't keep secrets either, so I would've told you," Liam said.
"Good point," Sophia said.
The music was provided by a small victrola playing Sinatra. Liam nodded his head in time to the
horns, and Sinatra's crooning voice. Sometimes he danced worse than he thought, such as his
attempts at congaing, but with other dances, he was agile and smooth, and an excellent partner.
At the edge of the dance floor, Alice had been doing nothing but bouncing in place for the past
ten minutes. She was completely out of tune with the slow music, but she just kept bouncing
along.
"Hey, Alley cat. You're dancin' pretty hard over there. You gonna cut a rug with me?"
Alice nodded enthusiastically, bobbing her little ponytail as she did. "Are you gonna get big
scissors for that rug?"
"You silly girl, I'm talkin' about dancin'," Liam said.

She wasn't quite tall enough, so she stood on his shoes as he bent down to hold her hands.
"You got my skills, I just know it," he said.
"You think so?" Alice said. He grinned wide, showing a gap of lost baby teeth.
"I know so. Look at that bounce stamina you got."
Sometimes Alice would shift over to a more Tom Jones style dance than Sinatra. She'd spin
away from her father and then go back to the slow dance on his feet. He'd match her steps, and
they'd look equally ridiculous, each convinced they were utterly cool.
"Yeah, I knew it. You got my rhythm! Though your ma, she's got some pretty good skills, too."
"Ey, watch where you're goin'!"
"You can't stop the rhythm!"
Liam lifted Alice up and spun her around, just narrowly missing Yana. Tavish pulled her close
against his chest.
"Ah...thank you. Good to know you'll save me from small children," Yana said.
They laughed, together and she didn't move away.
5:35
"She's so darling, though. Such a sweet child," Yana said.
"Yae should've seen her when she was a young thing. She had a pair of lungs on her enough to
sound like a banshee."
"Somehow, I'm not surprised, given the kinds of things I've heard about her father," Yana said.
Tavish laughed. "Trust me, all of them are true."
"Care for a dance, lassie?"
"Oh? A dance? I haven't done much dancing, I'm afraid. I'll probably step on your toes."
"Do your best, I've got steel-toed boots. Helps keep my toes on when the explosions come..
Take it slow, you'll get the hang of it. We'll be like a couple of teenagers at their first dance. All
sweaty-palmed and bumping around like we can't dance at all."
She took his hand. The disco ball made little purple sparkles across the room.
"It's so magical," Yana said.
"A disco ball?" Tavish said. He chuckled.
"Everything. The world, you---I mean---" She faked a cough and tried to hide it.
"I mean--Did you go to many dances? You're quite a good dancer," she said.
"Nay, I was too busy gettin' cursed by wizards, and fightin' monsters, all the fun stuff," Tavish
said.
"Me neither," she said. "Too busy fighting bears."
"I never fought one of those. Yae must teach me sometime."
"I'd like that. It's been a while, I wouldn't want my skills to be rusty. Though you can't blow it up,
we'll need the fur."
"Aye, I'll put that rug right in the house."
"Do ye miss the land ye came from?" Tavish said.
"No, not really. The winters are so warm here, and we can actually have food other than bear.
Misha assures us that we'll never have to eat bear again, except for bear claw ice cream.
Though the person behind the desk assured me that it didn't contain actual bear claws, or
anything to do with bears." She laughed to herself. "I much prefer that type of bear."
"Do you miss your home?" Yana said.
"Sometimes. I'll go back. I always do. I'll take ye there if ye want. No need to fear the monsters
of the loch; Eyelander and I will keep you safe."
"I'll fight any monster that comes right by your side, and keep you safe, too," Yana said.
She flushed, and muttered It's like we're playing twenty questions.
"I suppose neither of us has much experience datin'. Too busy punchin' and blowin' up things,"
Tavish said.
"Well--we could multitask. Make punching things a date?" Yana said.
"Lassie, ye have the best ideas."

5:50PM
Alice's head bobbed. She was in that sleep tipsy state, with half-shuttered eyes.
"Can I cut in?" Sophia said.
"With scissors? Dad says I'm not supposed to run with scissors, but can you dance with
scissors?" Alice said.
The tune turned from a lively beat to a slower one on the radio.
"She means dancin'," Liam said. He ruffled her thick mop of dark hair. Even pulled into a
ponytail, she was always a little unkempt. Often from hats, or that none of them could resist
mussing her just a little more.
Alice bobbed her head. "'m tired anyways."
"Go get a good rest, Alley," Liam said.
He took her hand and his expression softened.
"Hey, beautiful. I've been thinkin' about you all day. Course, I do that every day, but I was
thinkin' extra hard," he said.
"I was just two rooms away typing out a report," she said.
"Way too far," Liam said.
"It was only a few hours," she said.
"Way too long. I did my time in the sixties and seventies."
"I think seeing me more than one day a year has you getting spoiled," Sophia said.
"I always wanna see you. Even when I've just kissed you, I wanna kiss you again. I'm a greedy
SOB, I know. But I need my Sophie fix."
She rested her head on his shoulder as they rocked, a slow dance for late nights.She could
hear each breath, the faint sigh of fatigue, of relaxing into the person she loved.
"Then I'm your drug?" Sophia said.

"You always were. They say love fades and all that shit, but they just ain't as awesome as us.
Cause it's been years and it ain't faded at all. You come in the room and I gotta remind myself
I married this girl."
She'd gone and married a dreamer, a man of many words, a man who built fancies and castles
in the air and lived in them.
"You married me, and then you went and married me again," she said.
"Multiple honeymoons, though," Liam said. "...we should call ma, tell her we got an emergency
sleepover."
"She might have plans," Sophia said.
"Then I get to cockblock an asshole. I don't see a problem here."
"At this rate we're going to have to start paying her for all the babysitting," Sophie said.
"She should be payin' us for the honor of gettin' to spend time with the cutest kid ever," Liam
said.
Sophia couldn't argue with that one.
6:00PM.
Everywhere Alice tried to sit down, the cushions were missing. She kept walking, drooping her
head as she went. "Tired..." she muttered, and rubbed at her eyes.
She noticed a dim light in the back room, and peeked in there. Maybe Uncle Erich was making
shadow puppets for his birds again.
Inside was a fort made of all the missing couch cushions. There were no birds or shadow
puppets, just the faint light leaking out from the corners.
Alice crawled down to look inside. A boy in a bear onesie had a large book spread across his
lap. His too-big helmet was turned upside down, and filled with snacks he'd gotten from the
table near the front.
"You took all the couch pillows," she said.
She looked up from his book, but said nothing.
"Can I come in?"

Another page turned. He pulled the bear hood down over his eyes. She didn't wait for a reply,
and crawled in, causing the pillows to shake. However, it didn't collapse in on itself.
"Whatcha reading?" She said.
He held the book. She squinted and tried to read. A Little Prince was on the cover.
"Are you like Pyro? I don't see a mask," Alice said.
He shook his head. Under the hood, she could barely see the movement of his chin.
"Okay," she said. She turned over. She let out a long sigh and pulled her knees in towards her
chest. When her breath had steadied, only then did the boy dare move up from his book. He
studied her, reaching out to touch her hair, only to draw back.
She turned over, muttering something in her sleep. Noah jerked back so quickly that the pillow
fort almost collapsed in on itself.
With flushed cheeks, he watched her.
7:00PM
"Leaving our own party at 7PM? I guess we're officially old now."
"I'd rather party with you all night long," Liam said.
"Just let me check up on Alice first," Sophia said.
"Liam--Alice isn't in bed."
"She could've been kidnapped by wolves! They saw how fast she was and decided to make her
a wolf girl!"
"Let's not get carried away," Sophia said.
"Deep breaths, Liam," Sophia said, her voice as commanding as she could make.
"Okay---gasp---I---gasp---"
"What if she got kidnapped? What if---I shouldn't have let her out of my sight," Liam said.
"Liam, the room is filled with nine of the most potent killers the world has ever known. That isn't
even counting Mikhail's family. Besides, with as many dogs as we have here, there's never a
surprise. Not even Spy could get past them cloaked."
"Told you they'd come in handy," Liam said.
"I'll let everyone know. She's probably just gone off to sleep somewhere."
"But, all the couch cushions are gone. We've got a cushion thief on our hands!"
"Jane's child does that. You have to watch him, or he'll take anything soft," Sophia said.
7:30PM.
"Eh, he is fine. He can fend for himself. Noah will find trees to
"Talk about mother of the year award," Sophia muttered under her breath.
Liam tried to
"Zhanna, drop this grudge! We are looking for children," Mikhail said.
Zhanna narrowed her eyes. "O
"Trust me, this wasn't the first time my mouth got me in trouble," she said.
Liam smiled. "I know how that is."
7:35PM
"Where did my little bear cub nephew go?" Yana always made her calls to him sound like a
song. Noah spooked so easily that like a little feral animal, he'd crawl into a corner and be hard
to find. But if she sang little songs, he might come peek out. Though no one could find him as
well as Misha, who would bring along bird feathers and Russian working songs.
The shift of light caught her eye, which was how she came across the fort. He would steal
blankets, coats, clothes, or whatever else he could to make himself little dens in the corner.
Most often it was under tables, where everything soft, and many books would be hidden away,
like a magpie.
"I know a flashlight when I see it," Yana said. "There you are, you sneaky little bear cub."
She peered down, and smiled at the sight. "And there's Alice. Oooh, did you get yourself a
girlfriend?"
Noah scrunched his nose and pulled the too-large helmet on top of his head. Little wrapped
candies fell out around him, and into the collar of his onesie.
Yana chuckled. "Maybe when you're older."
"Puppy? Pupppers....Daddy I...." Alice shifted. Even in sleep she was full of energy. She clung
to the pillows with sticky little fingers.
Noah only studied her. He didn't draw away.
"You got used to her fast. Did you finally make a friend? I guess everybody loves Alice. She
even makes Mick smile sometimes," Yana said.
"Alice," he repeated her name softly, then again. "Alice."
"Yes, just like the book Misha read you. With the girl, and the bunny. You remember that one,
don't you?"
Noah nodded. Books were one surefire way to get his attention.
"Well, Alice, your father is looking all over for you. You about gave him a heart attack." Yana
pushed apart the top of the fort, and reached in to lift her up.
She shifted, but didn't wake.
"You're some deep sleeper. I bet a big bomb could explode and you'd sleep right through it,"
Yana said.
"….Aunt Yana." Noah tugged on the bottom of her shirt to get her attention.
"What is it, sweetie?"
"...Will she come back?"
"Of course. She lives right in the main house, after all."
Noah smiled, a rare sight indeed.
7:40PM
"Oh, thank god!"
"She was just asleep in a little couch fort with Noah."
Tavish chuckled. "Ye won't be as happy when ye are findin' her curled up with Noah when she's
older."
"Don't give Liam a heart attack. He already was worried enough with Alice going missing," she
said.
9:00PM
"Hello, Mrs. Dempsey," Liam said. He'd attempted to lower his voice, and even attempted a 'jolly
laugh,' though it came out more as a snicker. The red and white suit was obviously borrowed,
as it was about three sizes too large on him. Or perhaps they just didn't make skinny boy Santa
costumes. A large black trash bag was slung over his shoulders. She supposed clean up detail
was something like a Smissmas present.
"I already emptied the trash cans in here, but the thought is nice," she said.
"Please, this is goodies. I've been hidin' this stuff for months. You know how hard it is to
hide stuff from people like I work with? They're frickin' professionals at hide and go friggin' seek.
Mikhail's goin' to be doin' most of the festivities, though some of Jane's kids already figured out
it was him. I think some of them are convinced he's actually Santa. The good one that leaves
guns for good children, and not the one that tries to kill you in your sleep."
She had noticed the children treating him especially nicely as of late. Though Jane's children
were already surprisingly well-behaved and quiet, so it was mostly Alice trying to give Mikhail
cookies at every opportunity.
"Santa, huh? You're a bit skinny to pull that off," she said.
"Santa went on a diet, obviously. And he took up runnin'. I still got all the jolliness packed away,
trust me," Liam said.
"I rather liked the elf costume. The ears were cute," she said.
"Really?" Liam said. "How about I bring back a comeback tonight? Even better, I can find
a pair for you, and you can be my elfin fairy sorceress princess tonight with Gargoyles and
Gravel," Liam said. He lifted his eyebrows suggestively.
"That doesn't even make sense lore wise, see, fairies and elves are completely different, though
they come from a similar base. Fairies are best suited for magic or thievery, while elves are
more versatile," she said.
"This is almost as hot as that time you explained that exploit about Kobald thieves to me," Liam
said.
"But is it as hot as the time I went through the DC and Marvel multiverses with you?" she said.
Liam groaned. "Don't make me rank the hottest points, or we'll be here for the next five years
minimum just doin' that."
"Good point. We've got much more to do tonight," she said.
"Oh, like what?" Liam said. He scratched at the side of his neck.
"Like Smissmas shop, because you still don't have a gift," she said. "And it isn't even my work's
fault. We took you shopping twice and you got lost in the toys section and bought enough to
spoil our daughter rotten."
"She's too sweet to ever be rotten. Somehow, I got the sweetest and cutest kid around, and
she's awesome like her dad. I mean I'm not surprised, considerin' she's a bit of me and you.
Besides, you know what I want," Liam said.
"What you always want, and ask for at every possible moment?" Sophia said.
"Damn straight. Just let me spend some time with the family, and wrap you up in somethin'
pretty, so I can take that wrappin' paper off later on. That's what I want," Liam said.
She had to lean up to pull away his fake beard, and kiss him. When she pulled away, her head
rested against his. He nuzzled just a little closer. "You got great taste in gifts, and a great taste
in general. You been suckin' on lollypops or somethin'? Those lips taste even sweeter than
usual, and I gotta say, kissin' you is pretty damn sweet."
"Punch, actually. And really? Nothiiing at all? So if I bought you the Red Sox, you wouldn't want
them?" she said.
"You bought me my favorite team?" Liam clutched to her incredulously. "Seriously?" He looked
on the verge of bouncing, and likely taking her with him.
She brushed the fake hairs from his chin. "I'm not about to spoil your gift that easily. Though I
might have been talking with necromancers about getting Tom Jones back. Do you mind if he's
a bit undead?"
"That's sweet, but that has fabulous undead dancin' apocalypse written all over it," Liam said.
"I wouldn't mind doing the undead shuffle with you. We've already fought a bunch of monsters,"
she said.
He lifted her up and spun her around. The room became a haze of lights. From the faint glow of
the Smissmas tree, to the ones strung outside, and up the stairs.
"What's that for?" She said, laughing all the while.

"Because I can! And it's you, all you. And, because I got to marry you, and spend the rest of my
life with you. And that's like a million Smissmases in one, and every birthday wish stacked up
high. Every day of waitin' until eleven-eleven and wishin' that you'd look my way, every star I
poured my heart out to as I wished for just a date, a kiss, and then so much more. Because we
fought monsters together and come back before dinner and it's just a normal day. Hell, I could
go all days with these."
He let her down slow. On tip-toes, she stole one more kiss, his fake beard scratchy against her
cheeks.
"We should take this somewhere more private, before Alice thinks I've got a thing for Santa
Claus," Sophia said.
"Aww, she'd help me punch him out if he tried to make a move on you," Liam said.
"That's what I'm afraid of. Anyways, Jolly with a belly full of jelly isn't my type," she said.
"Awesome is your type, also men name Liam who are awesome and extremely handsome.
Actually, mostly just me," he said.
She pulled on his collar. "People who make me laugh, or at least a specific one who always
makes me smile."
Liam waggled his eyebrows. "Oh yeah, I heard Specific Man is great. Totally ripped and
handsome, and the best damn dad and husband this world has ever seen."
"Really? Funny, he hadn't bragged for at least three seconds--I must've forgot," she said.
"I can fix that!" Liam said, lifting up his arm, like he was going to punch the air. She laughed,
and shook her head. "Diiiid I mention I was awesome?"
"Come on, Mr. Dempsey, we've got some unwrapping to do," she said.
Liam tugged at his collar as he followed her. He couldn't stop smiling, though this was normal
for him whenever he was around her or Alice.
8AM
The snow was so high that the men had to dig out the driveway. Mikahil's family, all save for his
mother all hauled out large snow shovels. It'd been their first purchase here.
Sophia stayed in. It was best for everyone that she stay as far away as possible from Zhanna.
Besides, Liam tended to be distracted whenever she was around, and would likely pull her into
the snow and try and flirt instead of finishing his task.
9:15AM
"This snow is nothing. In Russia, this is what we call summer," Mikhail said. He lifted a
monstrous shovelful over one side. His snow pile was already almost as tall as Liam.
Yana, Bronislava and Zhanna tossed aside piles of snow almost as large as their brother's. "It's
very crisp and warm today. I like the weather here---and especially the lack of bears. The only
bears I want to see for the rest of my life are gummy bears and teddy bears," Yana said.
"I love a woman who can lift," Tavish said.
"Amen, brother," Jane said. Zhanna smiled back.
10AM
"Here, I'll show you a little trick I used to do in winters. Except back then, I had to go steal the
dishwashin' liquid. Usually somethin' like that would get me stuck with actually doin' dishes. Was
still worth it, though. Now, they got fancy bubbles and everythin'," Liam said.
He pulled out the tall yellow bubble liquid.
They instantly iced over. Alice's eyes widened. "Wow!"
"Cool, huh?" Liam winked, "Your dad is magic."
Two litttle bundles of fur coats and knit scarfs waddled near.
"Loook, I can do magic!" Alice blew bubbles that instantly frosted over.
She handed over the bubble. "Wanna play?"
Liam put his hand over his heart. He never even had to teach Alice to share as a baby. She'd
picked that up right on her own. Though not from him, because as a baby he'd beat the ass of
anyone who tried to take his toys away. And if they tried to touch his bottle, they'd be black and
blue.
*
Sophia felt a shock. She let out a little cry and turned. Alice's hair had ballooned out, sticking at
every which angle. She giggled as she rubbed her feet over the carpet some more, gathering
static electricity.
"Was it Dell or Erich who taught you that?"
"Neither! I saw it in a book. Delia showed me," she said.
"Are you tryin' to be a superhero?" Liam said.
He lifted her up, flinching only somewhat at the static shock.
"You're goin' to be a villain with hair like that. Flyin' around with a suit made of socks and rusty
hangers. And your hair will be even more of a mess," Liam said.
Liam had been through a lot of things in his life. Aliens attacking, Halloween monsters, the robot
wars, and winning over Sophia among them. But nothing, not even stints out at Coldfront and
Viaduct prepared him for Massachusetts winters.
He thought he'd seen Nor'easters in Boston, but once there wasn't any trucks and salts for the
roads, it looked a hell of a lot more like a Siberian winter.
"Forty―Forty-one, forty-two---" Liam had his hands behind his head. His red and white baseball
shirt pushed up every time he leaned forward. He had two types of bike shorts: one for actual
running, and a pair so tight so Sophia could enjoy the view.
"Forty-three, forty-four---"
"Dad, what are you doing?" Alice said. She had a big bow in her hair, but running had put it at
an awkward angle. The black leggings she wore were already covered in white fur so
thoroughly, that they looked like a pattern on the fabric. Her white sweater, hung down long
enough to be a dress and this one hid the animal fur a little better. There was a small beaded
Smissmas tree design that hung lopsided, due to being tugged at by puppies.
"Just a sec, Alley. I almost got fifty."
He grunted as he pushed himself for those last six crunches, even as a little bit of ache started
around his neck and shoulders.
Liam leaned back on the floor.

"Phew, I made it, so I can take a few off. See, I'm workin' on my crunches. My abs are goin' to
be so bomb, your mom is goin' to rip my shirt in two when she sees how great I look. Seriously,
she'll want to kiss and be introduced to each one personally. And that's not even countin' how
great these biceps are goin' to be once I'm done with these push ups. I mean sure, I already
look great, but there's always room for improvement."
Alice rushed off to the kitchen, her little bow bobbing two and fro in her curly mass of hair. When
she returned, she held up a box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
"Crunches?" Alice said.
"Heyy, you're right, that is crunches! And I might even have some of those after my work
out."
Alice set the cereal box down and sat beside him. She put her arms behind her neck, and tried
to mimic his stance.
"You goin' to do some crunches with me? All right! Dempsey family superiority! Now, let's try for
a hundred!"
He started up the count, and she tried to follow. The bow finally fell out of her hair, sinking to the
carpeted floor.
She laid flat on her back, like she was going to make snow angels.
"Come on! You only did one! Ninety-nine more to go," Liam said. He grunted as he passed the
ten mark on his next set of crunches.
"I like ceweal crunches better than these," she said.
"Oh, come on. You like runnin', don't you? You gotta stretch before you run. This is like
stretchin'."
She tried again, and then laid back down on the floor.
"I made two," she said. She opened up the box and filled her little hands with fistfuls of
Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Flakes of cinnamon and cereal dust fell to the floor around her. She
still had a habit of taking bigger handfuls than she could actually manage to carry.
"Everybody's gotta start somewhere," Liam said. He reached for a some of the cereal.
"I have to say, I'm pretty fond of these crunches too," Liam said.
"Best crunchies?" Alice said.
"Pretty good, but your mom is the best crunch."
"How is mom a crunch? She isn't cereal," Alice said.
"See, your mom is the best of everythin'. Doesn't matter if she ain't an exercise or a cereal,
she's still the best."
Alice nodded like she understood, though he knew she didn't One day she would, but he didn't
want to think of that for at least twenty more years.
December 17th. [number] birthday pictures
9AM
Alice threw back the covers and vaulted out of bed, almost hitting the wall in the process. She
took the stairs so fast, she nearly fell down them. Her dad caught her midway and swung her up
into his arms.
"Got you! You gotta be careful about stairs, Alice."
"Dad! Dad! Dad!"
"What, what, what?" Liam said. He broke into a big smile.
"I'm older today! Did I get any taller?"
Liam squinted and looked her over. "I bet your grew a whole inch overnight," he said.
He spun her around, and set her down at the bottom of the stairs.
"A whole inch?" Alice stood up on her tip-toes. "Am I as tall as you yet?"
"Almost!" Liam said. "I bet by next year you'll be caught up."
Sophia took a sip of her coffee. "You're going to break her heart when she goes for the height
ruler check," Sophia said.
"All you have to do is lie a little," Liam said. "Then no hearts broken, or anythin' like that."
"That's some skewed morality," Sophia said.

"C'mon, you lie all the time. It's like a second language to you! Though you probably aren't as
fluent as you used to be back when you were doing secret crap central with all those sexy
briefcases and stuff," Liam said.
"Sexy briefcases?"
"Oh, c'mon. They were totally sexy strapped onto my back as I leapt around like some cooler
and more handsome James Bond. You totally drooled over me watchin' over those video
screens."
"Did I, now?" Sophia said.
"'course you did. I put on waayy too sexy a show for you to not. Sometimes, I even went
shirtless." Liam raised his eyebrows. "Ey? Ey? Shirtless."
Liam chuckled. "Man, younger me versus current me? I can't even figure out who is more
handsome."
Sophia leaned in to kiss his cheek. "I'm pretty fond of both."
"Don't forget to get your breakfast. You gotta drink lots of milk to grow bigger, okay? You can't
race around on an empty stomach! You gotta fuel up!"
"Okay! I'll lift up the milk jug, and be very strong," Alice said.
Sophia rose up, and set her coffee aside. "I'll pour it this time," Sophia said. Alice's cup was
plastic, with faded and scratched superheroes all over the sides. Every night in the dishwasher,
they disappeared a little more, until they'd just be faint pastel memories where fiction once was.
Alice looked at her milk like a challenge. She guzzled the glass down, with drops of milk
dripping from the sides of her mouth down to her pajamas.
The eggs and bacon she'd cooked were still lukewarm. Alice shoved them in her mouth two at a
time.
"Now that's a future eatin' contest champ right there," Liam said.
2pm
The decorations looked quite a bit like the ones he'd used on his first attempt to woo her.
Sophia couldn't tell if it was a case of Liam loving to call back to that moment, or he just only
knew how to decorate one way. Purple streamers, with little fish and glitz pulled across the
kitchen ceiling. The only thing missing was a disco ball, and it was too difficult to lug the one
from the barn in here.
Alice reached out to the small mountain of presents stacked right next to the table, that was
taller than she was. Her eyes were wide as she felt the outline of the boxes and started shaking
them.
"Not yet, Alice," Sophia said.
"But, they're mine," Alice protested. "Can't I just open one?"
"Just wait a little longer. Everyone wants to see you open their presents. They'll be very
disappointed if they don't get to see how happy you are."
She flipped open a name tag. from dad. "There's a lot from dad here!"
"He never can help himself," Sophia said. "So, see. Your dad won't get to see how happy you
were with all the things he picked out. And trust me, he's been packing these away all year. I
turn away for two minutes and he's run off to the toy aisle and put half of the stock in the cart."
"Okay, I'll wait," Alice said.
She climbed on tip-toes. "Hug, then? Since I can't open presents?"
Sophia pulled her daughter close, and patted her curly hair. She smiled at the faint scent of her
no-tears detangling shampoo. Now even the site of them in the store would make her
remember her little family. Somewhere through the years, Sophia had become a nostalgic
person.
Alice sat down on the chair. Her leg was jiggling so fast that the table vibrated.
"Is it time yet, mom? Is it? Is it?"
"Alice...." Sophia sighed, and pushed the dark wisps of hair that had come undone out of her
face. "It hasn't even been a minute. Why don't you go running with your dad, and get rid of some
of that energy?"
"Dad! Mom says we have to go running! It's the law!"
"Too bad I'm a law breaker, huh?" Liam said.
"Dadddd!"
He laughed. "All right! We'll get ready for our 5k!"

"Liam...she's five," Sophia said.
"I know! Five for five k!" Liam pulled on his jacket. "It's the perfect time to get started."
"Yay!"
Alice bounced up and down. Knowing her, she'd be excited even when she found out what a 5k
race really was.
Liam broke into a wide smile. "I've got to have the strongest and cutest baby in the universe.
Aliens are goin' to invade because they're so jealous of what a cute kid I have!"
"Well, that'd give them more reason than last time, when they invaded because their found our
hats offensive. Either that or the Administrator threatened them in some way the last time we
made a pile of bodies visible from space. We never could tell which. We just got them drunk and
sent them to the bottom of the ocean," Sophia said thoughtfully.
"Tavish has some damn great ideas," Liam said. He helped Alice with her little boots, edged
with fake fur and brown, to hide the constant mud.
Sophia had opted for clothes and furniture that hid as much as possible. Though at this rate,
she'd have to paint the walls brown as well, as she'd come in to find muddy footprints on the
ceiling and walls.
"Don't wear her out so much that she sleeps through her own party," Sophia said.
"Worn out? Hell no, she's my strong girl! She's goin' to be liftin' serious weights before she even
hits double digits, mark my words," Liam said.
"Strong," Alice said. She posed in a flex, just like her father. It hadn't taken her long to pick up
that habit.
Liam flexed back at her. "Super strong. Strongest family around."
She let out a shriek of a battle cry, and they rushed off into the snowy day.
3pm.
The only child that had come so far was Delia, and even she was so old beyond her years that
she'd probably spend the time tinkering with the machines she brought rather than playing with
toys. All the mercenaries, save for Jane, had shown up. Zhanna and Bronislava had
unsurprisingly not appeared, though Yana came carrying a large wrapped gift of such bizarre
dimensions that Sophia couldn't have guessed it if she tried. Her energetic, talkative child
scared most other children whose norm wasn't parents. She had a habit of repeating the worst
possible things to anyone who shouldn't hear things. And with Liam's constant stories of the
past, a day didn't past where Alice cheerfully went on about how her mother was the best ever
at hiding bodies.
In some ways, she wished that Liam and the other mercenaries had waited just a little longer to
tell her stories of the past. She would never be a normal child growing up in a world free from
assassins, aliens and monsters attacking.
Still, her daughter was so happy, that it was hard to believe she would regret these days. She
didn't seem to have a single resentful cell in her body.
At least some of Zhanna's children came to talk to her, even if their mother couldn't get past the
grudge for even a child's birthday.
Alice tugged on Sophia's skirts. "Bear boy isn't coming? Did he need to go find his honey and
sleep for the winter?"
"Look under the table," Yana said.
Alice lifted up the checkered red tablecloth.
"Bear boy! There you are!" Alice said.
He clutched something tight to his chest, and turned away at the sight of light streaming in past
the tablecloth.
"It's all right, Noah. Didn't you want to meet little Alice again?"
"Alice....?"
He pushed the hood down and turned back. He handed a book towards her. Instead of
wrapping, it had several dandelions placed on top.
"Alice...in wonder...land," she read aloud.
"And Through The Looking Glass," Yana said.
"It's got my name on it!" Alice said.
"Yes! That's what you were named after, isn't it?" Yana said.
Alice nodded. "Yup! Grandma Colleen named me right after the bunny girl."
"The white rabbit is different from Alice," the boy said. His voice was so soft, that it was almost
lost in the din of the party.
The dandelions fell to her lap. Alice reached down and twisted one stem. Another got put behind
her ear. Yana wove several of them into her hair, like a crown.
Alice reached out, and Noah stared at her in confusion.
"No hugs?" Alice said`.
He pulled his hood down low enough to hide his face.
"I'll hug you, Alice," Yana said.
"Hugs!" Alice said. Yana stroked her hair. "Give him time. He's a very shy little bear."
"Do bears like cake?" Alice said.
"This bear prefers pie," Yana said.
"Do we have pie, mom?" Alice said.
"I'll check the fridge. Your father always can never help himself when it comes to shopping,"
Sophia said.
The chair looked like a toddler's playset compared to Mikhail's bulk. Rather than wrapped, he
set a delicately carved little family of wooden bunnies.
Alice held up the carving and looked at it every which way, smiling more and more at each
detail. "It's got bunnies!"
"Uncle Misha made it," said a small voice beneath the table. "He makes lots of things."
"New hobbies for these hands," Mikhail said.
"I'm surprised you didn't give her a sword," Sophia said dryly.
"Now, now, don't ye spoil her Smissmas surprise," Tavish said.
Liam's gifts were the largest part of her pile of gifts. Sophia had taken on the uninteresting gifts,
new clothes and socks. More often than not, she had to be the one who took on everything
unsavory. From discipline, to keeping Liam's continual pipe dreams in check, Sophia was ever
the grounding force.
Alice would go through clothes at an alarming rate. What wasn't stained from mud and dirt
would be ripped out. they nearly went through a whole package of band-aids a week with all the
scrapes and cuts she got through her exploration of the nearby woods.
That, and detangler. With her thick, curly and prone to tangling as a briar patch. And more often
than not, Alice would have actual thorns stuck in her hair from her travels. Humidity would make
her hair puff out and frizz, though Sophia could do little for that, considering they lived in
Massachusetts. The farmhouse was only marginally better than Boston.
But, her smile didn't damper as she opened up the more utilitarian gifts. "Thanks, mom!" she
said, without even looking to the name tag.
Sophia opened her arms, and Alice rushed to her.
"I'm sure you'll have a blast destroying these ones, now won't you?" she said, and smiled. Alice
nodded.
"Climbin' all the trees, runnin' around... And, oh man! You think that's a mountain? You should
see part two," Liam said.
"There's more?" Alice said.
"Your father means for Smissmass," Sophia said.
"How long until Smissy?"
"Eight days," Sophia said.
"That was so fast--that's super hot," Liam said.
"It's simple addition," she said.
"Still super hot," Liam said.
They could never work on Alice's homework together, considering that Liam would get
distracted as she helped teach their daughter simple mathematics, and could never restrain
himself from flirting with her.
He took her hand and kissed it.
"You can multiply with me anytime," Liam said.
Sophia laughed. "We've already done plenty of multiplying," Sophia said.

"Never enough multiplyin' for me," Liam said.
"Tch," Mick said. He rolled his eyes.
"I thought the same, but the lad's got a point, even if he is as sappy as a Spring love song,"
Tavish said.
"I got all I need," Mick said. He put aside the can of soda he'd been sipping.
"Couldn't think of anyhin' a kid would want, so I just bought her some bonds."
Considering the things he could have brought back, from mason jars that weren't empty, to a
crocodile he'd personally wrestled, this was one of the better possible outcomes.
"Bonds? Like James?/' Alice said.
"Please! We don't need any super secret agents around here," Liam said.
"Grandpa Spy is a Bond," Alice said.
"He ain't your grandpa, he's just the jerk who's datin' my ma," Liam said.
"Married to your ma," Colleen said. She held out her hand, to show off the large engagement
ring.
"Ma, do you have to keep remindin' me? Can't you just dump him already?"
"Now, be good. That's your employer and stepfather you're talkin' about."
"He just hit me in the face with a cream pie in the kitchen not ten minutes ago! And yes, it was
delicious, but that wasn't the point!"
"It was funny, like on TV," Alice said. She giggled as she walked around, presumably imitating
some comedian, though she looked more like a penguin.
From the many pockets in her coat, Yana pulled out a pair of light red and white knitted mittens,
and a matching scarf and mittens. She wrapped the thick scarf gently about Alice's neck. Alice
licked it. "Doesn't taste like peppermint," she said.
"Oh, no sweetie. You don't eat it. It's a scarf---"
"I know, it just looked tasty!"
"This was from mama. She wanted to come, but Zhanna would see it as a slight," Yana said.
"All this over a child's birthday party. She's utterly ridiculous in this grudge. I said one thing, and
suddenly I'm marked for life," Sophia said. She clenched her fist. A bow she'd been working on
forming hung from the corners.
"Honestly, lassie, ye should just take it out in the ring. Once ye break her nose, ye will have her
respect."
"Ah, Sophia... I do not think it would end well for you. Zhanna has only honed her skills since
marrying Jane. She was always the strongest of us girls, but now she is merciless. Having
children hasn't softened her at all. She would likely break off your limbs and then beat you to
death with them," Yana said.
"Please, Sophia here is the most dangerous one of all. She's killed so many people, she just
puts my numbers to shame. Bears ain't nothin' to the kinds of scum she's taken
down. Zhanna just can't compete with that kind of badassness," Liam said.
"And you don't mind her wrath?" Sophia said.
"Someone had to watch Noah. And...there's many good reasons to visit the main house," Yana
said.
"The prettiest girl for miles by me side... yae would think it was my birthday, and not wee
Alice's."
"Dude, only for miles? You really gotta step up your game. I can give you tips. I am just
full of tips--you could say I'm a love fixin' machine," Liam said.
"Tips on exaggeration," Sophia said.
"Well, of course it's an exaggeration. I already married Soph. The prettiest girls in the world are
all Dempseys now. But tellin' the truth and bein' all 'you're the prettiest girl after Liam's wife and
daughter, because nobody will ever be as gorgeous or smart or amazin' as them' ain't goin' to
get you chicks, even if it's the truth. Listen, pally. You need more oomph. 'The prettiest
girl around here' just ain't goin' to cut it. Try more like 'the prettiest girl I've ever seen' or 'damn
girl, I can't believe someone so gorgeous sat by me. It must be my lucky day'!"
"For once, yae actually have a point. Instead of tryin' to tell me chemical combinations that
would get us all killed," Tavish said.
He took Yana's hand.
"Yae remind me of the element AU. That's gold, for those around here who don't know their way
around the periodic table," Tavish said.
"Wow, nerd much," Liam said.
Yana laughed. "I'll take that compliment. Though I liked the last one as well. You are quite the
sweet talker."
It was some kind of machine, with a painted flower pattern. Alice turned it over, though when it
beeped, it showed only numbers.
"What is it?" Alice said.
"It's a calculator. I built it myself," Delia said. "You're goin' to need that soon for schoolin'. You
can't do advanced Algebra without it."
"Well, dad helped too," she admitted. "But I helped assemble it. I would've given you your first
sentry, but dad says it's best to start small."
She pulled out something else from her bag. "Dad said a calculator wouldn't be enough, so I got
one of these things," Delia said. She held out a baseball with a bow stuck on the top.
"Baseballs! You can never have too many of those!"
Sophia returned with a plate full of lemon meringue pie.
"See, I told you buyin' that extra pie would come in handy," Liam said.
"For once your spending habits really saved the day," Sophia said.
"Only once? Excuse you, whose idea was it to get that disco ball? And I totally chose this
place," Liam said.
"Are you going to take it under the table?" Sophia said.
"Maybe we should all move down there and have a bear party," Alice said.
"Do you want that, little cub?" Yana said.
Somehow, he'd already managed to pull several couch pillows underneath the table unnoticed.
Cocooned in a borrowed sheet, only the felt ears on his onesie could be seen.
"We should give him some more time," Yana said.

"Do you want to share a piece of pie with Uncle Misha?" Mikhail said calmly. The sheet moved
ever so slightly as Noah peered out. He reached out and took the plate.
3:30PM.
"I don't get the point of this game," Delia said. "Is it some kind of exercise buildin' thing from
your dad?"
"No, you run around and tap someone, and then they run around. It's tag!"
"Tag?" Delia said. She sounded almost suspicious, as if Alice might be pulling one over on her.
"Hey, I got this," Liam said. "I am a master at tag---tag, you're it, Alice!"
Alice let out a squeal of joy as she ran after her father. He leapt over the chair and disappeared
into the kitchen.
"Be careful--don't break any---" A crash sounded from the kitchen.
"Nothin' broke!" Liam called back.
"Ha! Got you!"
"Now, you're it," Liam said.
From the den under the table, Noah watched as the whole process repeated itself. Liam let out
a roar that sounded more kitten than lion, and chased a giggling Alice through the living room,
and up the stairs.
4PM.
The sky was already turning to dusk. Someone had threaded lights through the forest of cedars.
Lights lined the driveway.
At least these weren't explosive. Or at least she thought they weren't explosive.
Noah hid behind Yana's legs.
"It's about time you go home. I bet your mother and father miss you so much. And Misha, too.
Whoever will he read to without his little cub there?"
"They're sad?" Noah said.

"Oh, they aren't sad. They're happy you got to have fun today. But they'll be glad to see you
again, I'm sure," Yana said.
"Thank you, bear boy! I liked the book a lot! Are you going to be back for Smissmass?"
"I sent Santa cookies. What did you ask for Smissmass? Uncle Tavish says swords and pistols
are traditional gifts, for killing Australian Santa. Mom says I can't have a sword, though," she
said.
"I don't know," Noah said.
"There's still time, but you better be careful, or Santa won't know," Alice said.
"If that happens, I can give you presents. It'd be sad if you woke up to nothing under the tree,"
she said.
9PM
"You all tuckered out?"
She had a baseball snuggled up beside her, and an army of stuffed animals under her bed to
keep the monsters away.
Alice nodded. her long curls were pulled back in to loose ponytail to try and keep them from
being tangled into a giant rat's nest by morning. Unsurprisingly, she was an active sleeper.
December 19th
6pm.
It'd already turned dark and the type of cold that slipped through coats and left cheeks red and
lips chapped.
Alice looked like a little walking peppermint strip with her new red and white wintery attire.
Sophia had gotten her a new coat, with fake fur trim that spread out like a long recital dress that
made her look like a little lost child from the Claus family, or maybe an elf. Snow gathered white
and downy on her coat, and in her curly hair. Her mitten covered hand was in his as they walked
down the streets of Boston. He'd known these streets once, but little by little, they'd changed.
The falling in apartments, the cracked pavement, and the constant undercurrent of the
mob―the only thing keeping the community together. These were all swept away. Now, it was
covered in lights, with a fancy coffee shop on every block.
But all that paint couldn't take away the smell of the shore, salty with an edge of rotten fish, and
stale water.
"Ah, smells like home," Liam said.
Alice wrinkled up her nose. "Smells yucky," Alice said.
"Oh yeah, it's pretty fishy down near the docks," Liam said.
White lights lined every streetlight, and were scattered in the branches the lines of small trees.
Alice reached up, but couldn't quite touch the snowflakes.
"Don't let go, Alley cat. I don't want you runnin' away and bein' an actual alley cat. Then you'd
have to live on trash can lids, and I'd be the saddest dad in the history of ever," Liam said.
She pulled her hand out of her mitten, only to hug his leg. "Don't be sad," Alice said. She looked
up to him, with a worried expression.
"I'm the happiest guy around as long as I've got my girls around," Liam said. He lifted her up,
and spun her around until she laughed.
She stared out at the store they'd ended up in front of. Stuffed animals with santa hats were
pushed to the front window, with a train set circling forever in a figure eight track just beyond the
wall of teddy bears.
"You wanna go in?" Liam said.
"Yeah!" Alice said.
They had to duck under the shop door, with a sound of a bell alerting their arrival. It was a
smaller store, a boutique among the larger chains which were slowly drying up downtown
activity all around.
The interior was filled with dark wood and brick walls, which made it seem smaller and cozier
than it actually was. There were toys stacked up high on many shelves, all decorated with bits of
tinsel and occasional Santa hats to fit with the season.
"So many bears!" She walked from aisle to aisle, and reached up, but couldn't quite reach the
lines of stuffed animals. He lifted her up again, until she could touch the soft fur on her own.
"Who you shoppin' for this time? Soph said you had somethin' in mind, and tugged at her skirts
until you made it happen. You got Smissmass shoppin' to do? I thought you were just goin' to
give us all hugs this year," Liam said.
"Can I give both?" Alice said.

"Of course you can," Liam said. "In fact, I'm takin' mine early." He squeezed her tight, amid
giggles. "Then I'll have to hug you again!"
"Good, exactly as planned!"
Her laughter carried through the small shop, though Liam paid no mind to the looks from the
other shoppers. Instead he led Alice through the many toys, pointing out ones as they went.
There were bears with glasses, in Santa hats, in little white dresses, and that was only one
aisle. She reached for one with glasses, and a small felt book sewn on to its paw.
"This one? Looks like a total nerd," Liam said.
"This one for bear boy," she said.
"Yeah, an egghead like him is goin' to love it," Liam said.
"Egghead?" Alice said. She frowned as she tried to focus on the word. "He's Humpty Dumpty?"
"Not quite! Means he's always got his head in a book, like Dell, and Doc," Liam said.
"So he'll become a super smart machine doctor like Uncle Dell?" Alice said.
"Maybe, though he's mostly readin' classics, from what I saw. Those get you...actually I don't
know where the hell those get you," Liam said. "Ask your mom, she'll know stuff. She's smart."
He put the bear under his arm.
"One down, a bunch more to go. Hey, you want snacks? All this daddin' around is makin' me
hungry," Liam said.
"Okay! Dadding makes me hungry too," Alice said.
"Naw, you ain't daddin', you're daughterin'. And doin' a damn fine job of it, too!" He kissed her
forehead, as they came nearer to the check out counter. An elderly man in a Santa outfit rang
up their purchase.
"Straight from Santa?" Alice said.
"I help out with the big man," he said with a faint smile, that was almost entirely hidden by his
massive white beard.
"So there's many Santas?" Alice said, her eyes wide with wonder.
He put a gloved finger to his lips. "How else would we get that many children taken care of in a
night? But shh―don't tell anyone."
Alice mimicked the same finger to lips gesture. She took one last long look over her father's
shoulder as they walked out the door.
"Well, he's a lot nicer than the Australian Santa," Liam said. "How about some hot chocolate.
We got a lot more shoppin' to do, and we just got started!"
"Yeah!" Alice said.
The little bear was put away safe into a bag as they exited into the Boston streets.
"I used to run all up and down this place. I never got to go into that store. Never had enough
money," Liam said.
"You never had a bear?" Alice said.
"Naw, with eight of us, I only got hand-me-downs. But I turned out all right!"
"We should go back, and get you a bear. I'm sure Santa must've just lost your list," she said.
"I don't need a bear, because I got you and your mom to hug," Liam said.
"Were you sad? I wish I could hug sad daddy," she said. "The little one," she clarified, even as
she reached to lay her head against his shoulder.
"I missed havin' a dad around even more than toys. I could always run around, tease the girls. I
was a hellion, all right." Liam chuckled to himself. "But it all turned out real good. I suppose it
happens to a lot of kids. But you, you're never goin' to wake up without a tree, and a bunch of
presents," Liam said.
"A lot of kids aren't going to have toys?" Alice said.
"Yeah, life sucks sometimes," Liam said.
"Dad...could we go back to the store?"
Even before she said anything else, he knew what she was going to say.
"Of course, baby. They got little boxes all over where they take in stuff and give 'em around to
the poor kids. I'm sure we'll find some as we go on," Liam said.
"Like Santa?" Alice said.

"More like elves, those Santa's helpers stuff. Though, you're goin' to have to help me carry all
these bears," Liam said.
"I can do it. I'm strong," she said. She lifted her arm up to flex, just as he had taught her.
"Oh yeah, you look like you could wrestle a bear!"
Alice roared, and sounded more like a kitten than any bear. They both laughed as they
stumbled back in to the shop.
"Did you forget something?" the elderly shopkeeper said.
"Santa, we need more toys!" Alice called out.
"Yeah, she's gone and made the whole city on her Smissmass list, or at least all the poor kids,"
Liam said.
The man smiled. "Good to hear."
Liam mentally made a note to call Sophia at the nearest payphone he found. He had no plans to
go home anytime soon.
December 20th
The gingerbread house was slightly lopsided, given that someone had taken a bite of papa
gingerbread man's leg.
Liam still had cookie crumbs all over his face. "What?"
December 25th
There was a whole mountain of gifts beneath the tree. Alice could only stare starry-eyed at the
glittering tree, and the many shiny wrapped boxes.
"It's all mine? I can really have it all?" Alice said.
"It's all yours," Sophia said. She tenderly reached down to rest her hand on her daughter's
head. Fast enough to feel an impact, Sophia threw herself against Sophia in a hug.
"Careful, no knockin' over your mom," Liam said. He had an entire plate of Smissmass cookies
on his lap, and had already eaten through about half.
At the front door there was a knock. Alice only clung tighter to her mother as Sophia tried to
move.
"Hey, I helped with those gifts, too," Liam said.
Alice tried to reach out her arms wide enough.
"One day arms will be big enough to hug," Alice said.
"Just keep drinkin' your milk. I mean, lookit these arms. They aren't just for one hell of a gun
show, they are super great at huggin'!"
"Sorry for the wait, Alice didn't want to stop hugging us," she said.
"Am I too early?" Yana said.
"No, you're just in time. I don't think Alice can wait any longer to open her presents. She's
already pretty wound up," Sophia said.
"She ain't the only one! I'm dyin' to find out what I got, too," Liam said.
"You'll have to wait until later for that," Sophia said.
"That kind of present? Boo-yeah!" Liam said.
"When is it not that kind of present? You ask for the same thing every year," she said.
Sophia was so used to being able to slip things past her innocent daughter, that she'd
momentarily forgotten that while Alice was completely oblivious to the turn her parent's
conversation had take, Yana was not.
"I mean, come on in, there's no need to be out in the cold---"
Yana dunked, and laughed. "A happy marriage is nothing to be ashamed of."
"I suppose as long as it's not a happy marriage that keeps the neighbors up at night."
"Actually, I wasn't alone. I'm not sure where he ran off to," Yana said.
"Jane's son?" Sophia said.
"He scampers so fast sometimes. I want to take him out to see the parks and the towns around
here, but I'm afraid he'll hear a noise and rush off." Yana shook her head. "That would be such a
tragedy. I'd love to show him a library one day, though. I think he would be so pleased."
"Put 'em on a leash. It's what my ma used to have to do with me," Liam said.
"Somehow, I'm not surprised," Yana said.
Yana held out a small plastic bag.
"I'm sorry, I didn't get a chance to wrap it," Yana said.
"She'll hardly notice. She's good at ripping right through that wrapping paper," Sophia said.
"Can you blame her? Man, I would've killed to have a Smissmass like this. All I ever got was
rocks painted black, 'cause my family was too poor to give me coal."
"Maybe you would've gotten more if you hadn't always been so bad," Colleen said.
"What can I say, I got a natural talent," Liam said.
Alice lifted up the white fluffy onesie, and looked up to Yana uncertainly.
"It's just like Noah's. Well, it's a bit different. I found a little bunny one for you...it seemed fitting,"
Yana said.
"I can be a bunny girl," Alice said. She rubbed her face against the material. "Sofft. It feels like
I'm rubbing my face against clouds."
"You've been snuggling clouds lately?" Sophia said
"Dad has. He told me he jumped up way into the skies," Alice said.
"They look like you could lie on them, and eat them too. And they'd taste like marshmallows and
cotton candy," Alice said.
"Hate to break it to you, but clouds are wet, and you'd fall right through," Delia said.
"You can fly?" Alice said.
"It's just plain science," she said.
"Now, Delia. Let the girl dream a bit," Dell said.
A pair of ears protruded from under the couch. "Bear boy! There you are!"
"Dad, you hid it. Where's his?"

"Should be at the tree," Liam said. His face was covered with crumbs, and he wasted no time in
stuffing another cookie in his mouth.
Alice pulled out the bear, and ran back towards the couch. She pushed the bear closer, to let
him get a better look. "That way you won't be lonely."
He looked up, startled, like some wild creature. When he caught sight of the bear, he crawled
out just a little bit.
"It's yours," Alice said.
He considered the bear in his hands for some time, turning it over to see every part. The door in
the kitchen opened hard enough to slam against the wall, and Noah clutched the bear against
his chest and crawled quickly back under the couch.
"Honestly, they went and scared the poor boy," Yana said. She bent down and reached under
the couch.
"It's all right. It was just the door. No need to worry, little cub."
Down there he made no noise. She could see him curled into a little ball, the bear tight against
his chest.
"Is he okay?" Alice said.
"He gets scared very easily, especially by loud sounds," Yana said.
"Now, don't forget your thank yous," Yana said. She turned back to Alice.
"He's just very shy. This is actually uncommon for him, he barely opens up to anyone but Misha.
But, he really wanted to be here. He tugged on my sleeve all morning."
"ank you," came a tiny voice under the couch.
"Do you know his name, Alice?" Yana said.
"Bear? Beary?" Alice said.
Yana laughed. "Not quite. That's Noah."
"No--ah," Alice said. She burst into a big smile. "Noah beary bear boy!"
A book with shining gold writing on a blue starry background was slid underneath the couch.
Fairy Tales was printed on the front. Alice reached out like she'd caught a whiff of magic.
"For me?"
There was no response inside. Yana bent down and picked the book up.
"Yes, that's the one he asked me to get. Though it sure took a long time to figure out what he
meant. But when I showed him, ah he was so happy."
"I'm sure Noah would want to hear these lovely stories as well. When you're done with your
presents, maybe we all can read them together
"Do the voices!"
"The voices?" Yana said.
"Whenever Liam reads to her, he acts them out. Often with shadowpuppets as well," Sophia
said.
"The voices! The voices!" Alice spun around several times, until she wobbled, almost crashing
into the tree. Liam caught her before she could.
"Careful! Don't get yourself dizzy there, champ," Liam said.
"Dissy," Alice said.
"Zippers are hard, dad," Alice said.
"Tell me about it. Just be glad you'll never have zipper trouble," Liam said.
"Trouble now, dad!" Alice said.
"Not that kind of zipper trouble," Liam said.
She raised her arms, and together Liam helped her put the little onesie on over her pajamas.
Her little mass of curls poofed out, spilling over her shoulders, and out of the hood.
"It's really warm," she said.
"She's going to get so many tangles from that hood," Sophia said.
"Maybe, but look at how cute she is," Liam said.

Alice pulled out another box. She'd already managed to wreck two of her birthday outfits, and
there hadn't even been grass to stain her jeans.
"Next year, I should buy you the entire state of Maine," Liam said.
"Maine?" Sophia said.
"Yeah, you're right. Maine sucks, Masshole all the way, I'll buy Boston and rename it
Baseballton. We'll call this state Alicechusettes. Maybe we gotta get another capital for
Sophiaton," Liam said thoughtfully.
"Your world domination is pretty limited.
"You're right! I gotta take over all these places, then name them all after you and Alley!"
December 26th
10AM.
"Oh look, more snow. There's somethin' new," Liam said.
"Boston wasn't exactly a tropical paradise," Sophia said.
"Yeah, but we had trucks that went through and shit. Over here we just got Heavy, though he's
about the size of a truck, and could probably lift one with one hand, too," Liam said.
"You probably shouldn't say that around him. I'd prefer not to be widowed, and Alice really
doesn't " Sophia said. She tapped his arm, both fond and chastizing at once.
"Like he could catch me. With that gun of his put in storage, all he's got are his fists, and he's
been gettin' rusty, doin' nothin' but carvin' birds and readin'. Meanwhile, I've been keepin' up my
runs. Like a fine wine, I've only gotten more awesome with time."
"Besides, its a compliment. Who wouldn't want to lift a truck? I'd do it, right with these manly
biceps," he said.
Noon.
"Mom! Please zip up?"
Alice was puffed out so wide with coats over her snowsuit that she could only waddle. She'd
managed to stuff two lopsided hats on top of each other, the bunny ears trailing over her
peppermint stripped hat.
"Alice, sweetie, you don't wear them all at once," Sophia said.
"But, soft!" she said. Alice tugged at the fake-fur lined coat, and tried to pull it over the three
other coats, including a little jersey.
"Remember the time you ate all those cookies because you couldn't decide which one you
wanted?" Sophia said.
"Tummy hurt?" Alice said.
"Well, not quite," Sophia said.
She bent down to adjust Alice's hats. "But, you won't be able to run very fast. It might be good
for rolling, though. And you'll get awful warm."
"Warm!" Alice said.
"Not too warm. Then you'll be burning and crackling up."
"Like the tasty witch in Hansel and Gretel?" Alice said.
"Not exactly," Sophia said. She couldn't help but smile. The only moral Alice had gotten out of
that story was that people might be edible and delicious. She'd had a slight nipping problem
ever since.
"Like the sun?" Alice said.
"You'll get sweaty," Sophia said.
"Dad says sweaty workout is good," she said.
"But then you'll get sick," Sophia said.
Alice grimaced. Her expression was so dramatic that it turned comical. "Ewww. I hated being
siiiick."
"Most of us do. That's why you have to wear just enough coats, so you don't get overheated and
sick. You'd hate to not be able to run around in the snow, wouldn't you?"
Alice pulled off three pairs of gloves and one set of fluffy red and white striped mittens. She
shrugged off two coats, a jean jacket, and three holiday sweaters. Left in only her pajama top,
she held her hands up.
"I can't choose, s---o you'll have to choose for me, mom," she said.
"Hmmm. I think this jean jacket is more of a baseball game jacket. It'd be sad not being able to
see anything underneath all those other coats," she said.
"I don't want to make my jeany sad," Alice said. She'd turned wide-eyed and contrite. The very
suggestion that she'd hurt anyone could send her into a flurry of concern and apologies. For a
child, she held a lot more love and unselfishness than Sophia was used to.
"Then we'll just let her rest until the next game."
"I know you like these, but your candy winter suit is going to get dirty if you go out and play with
it. Don't you want to look nice
"Daddy says his girls always look nice, even if they just woke up," Alice said.
"That he does. Sometimes he'll say it for five hours if no one stops him," Sophia said.
"Can I at least keep the hat? I don't want bunnyhat to get lonely. Dad says hats get lonely, that's
why he always keeps a Gibby up with Scary hat," Alice said.
Her old Halloween costume. He'd gone as a chicken as a dare, and made some truly atrocious
puns, the kind that couldn't be repeated in front of Alice, lest she repeat them to any adult that
came around. Then Sophia might have to make another social worker disappear.
She wrapped a brown scarf about Alice's neck. "Now, that isn't too tight, is it?"
Alice shook her head. "It's soooft," she said. she buried her face in the material and rubbed her
face vigorously.
1pm.
"Okay, we got this drive cleared. Again. You can stop snowin' anytime, nature. Seriously, I
mean any time."
"Think of it as a good work out. You wouldn't want to get out of practice, now would you?"
Sophia said.
Liam suddenly punched up at the air. "Actually, hit me with your best shot. I'm goin' to have
even better abs than before, and do you know how hard it is to improve on perfection? Really
frickin' hard!"
Alice fell face-first into a pile of snow. Liam leapt a truly incredible amount, covering so much
ground that he was by her side in seconds. Liam helped her up, and examined all over her face
"Dad, the snow whispered secrets to me!" Alice said.
"Oh? What are they sayin'? Don't tell me we've got an infestation of ghosts again," Liam said.
"They said...we should have hot cocoa when we get in!"
"I think that was your tummy, Alley cat," Liam said.
"My tummy is snowy now," Alice said. She spat out white dust.
"Probably is. At least that snow ain't too yellow. Don't go eatin' yellow snow, even if someone
says 'oh look, it's lemonade snow' don't trust 'em. I knew better. I was a super smart kid then,
and I ain't too shabby now."
Each breath formed little white clouds. Alice's eyes lit up.
"Dad, I can make clouds!"
He blew into the air.
Liam pulled the little purple sled behind him. They started at the smallest hill, with Alice in front.
"Alice!"
"What----oh hell no!"
Liam dived down that hill.
He hit the tree first, his arms tight around Alice.
"Yep, that is one hell of a broken rib. Fuuuuuuuuckin' helllllll."
"Daddy! I'm--I'm sorry. Is it my fault?" She'd already begun to tear up.
"Nah, Alley cat. I've had way worse. The doc will patch me up. Though hold off on tight hugs for
a bit, okay?"
"Oh, who did Jane kill this time?" Erich said. He pushed up his small glasses, that had grown
fogged over by the weather, and tried to study the situation through the haze.
"Were you taking a face-first drunken slide down the hill? As your medical practitioner, I can't
really recommend that. Even less than drunken demolitions," Erich said.
"Hey doc, could you back up with whatever grudge you had back in the day that made you
ignore me callin' for help like your medical thingamabob had a big line that said do not heal
Scouts on it?"
"Oh yeah, I totally though to myself 'you know what would be great? a bird in my chest! It'll
friggin' liven up the place! Not like it wasn't constant excruciatin' pain or anythin'!"
"Are you fiiiighting?" Alice said. She had started to sob now. She wrapped her arms about
Liam's arm, shuddering in terror.
"Look, you made my kid cry," Liam said. He started to cough violently, covering his mouth with
his white gloves. When he pulled his hand back, the glove was stained in red.
"Ooh, a punctured lung?" Erich said. His voice was far too cheery and excited for the subject
matter. "You best come with me right away."
"Look, Alice. Doc has pulled us all out of much worse stuff. He hasn't even stolen any of my
organs recently," Liam said.
"Your organs are too radioactive to be useful," Erich said.
"You want to watch me work on your father? It's quite a fascinating task," Erich said.
"I think she's fine without seein' my chest opened up," Liam said.
2PM.
"Daddy is better?" Alice said.
"Doc can heal people up in seconds. He's the best backwoods sawbones around," Liam
said. Even when he was complimenting other people, he had a habit of making it sound like he
was still bragging about himself.
She pulled.
"Are you sure you don't want to go in and rest?" Sophia said.
"Please. Did I rest all those times I saved the day back on the gravel wars? I'm good to go, I'm
fine! Hell, I'm better than fine, I'm Liam Freakin' Dempsey."
"And here I thought your middle name was Donovan, after your mother's side," Sophia said.
"That too. I got a lot of middle names," Liam said.
He took her arm as they slid together across the ice.
"Careful, Mrs. Dempsey, you're so hot, you're goin' to melt that ice just like you melted my
heart," Liam said.
"I-In fact, the two of us should make this place be hundreds of degrees all the time. Melt the
snow right off with a kiss. Somewhere Mother Nature is off fannin' herself," Liam said.
"Apparently Mother Nature prefers redheads," she said dryly.
"It's worth a try, though," Liam said. He leaned in, slowly circling her in the ice. Just as he was
about to touch her, he fell backwards in a puff of white dust and silvery skates.
"Oh--!"
"Nothin's broken this time! Well, except for
"Then it's a good thing you'll have plenty of more chances, now isn't it?" Sophia said. She held
out her hand. He was wobbly as she pulled him up.
He stole a kiss then, and another. She laughed between kisses as he couldn't stop touching
her. Fingers through her hair, a desperate press of lips to every inch of skin that wasn't covered
by her coat. Not that it kept him from kissing the woolen scarf, and then spitting out rough fibers
a moment later.
"Still worth it," he said, and kissed her scarf again.
"I missed out. I gotta make up for it tenfold!"
"It was only one kiss," Sophia said.
"Only one kiss? It was the perfect moment, and friggin' Mother Nature had to cockblock it. It was
the kind of moments you see on movie screens, and comic books. The kind of moment you
remember."
"So is this one," Sophia said.
"All of 'em are," Liam said. "This one, and this one, and even the one where you're hungover
and barfin' in the john."
"I think we can leave that one out of the scrapbook," Sophia said.
"What you did today was really amazing," she said.
"Just another day of bein' superdad, the world's greatest dadtective and steamy lover to one
Superest woman around," Liam said.
She pulled off her glove and rested her hand to his cheek. "I mean it."
"So you're sayin' I impress you?"
"You should know that already," she said.
"I always wanna hear it, though," Liam said.
She skated away. A figure heart of a heart, lost in the falling snow.
"You always surprise me in the best ways. Every day I underestimate just what you're capable
of. I think everyone but you does. Well, you and Alice," she said.
"Good. I wanna keep surprisin' you until the day we both kick it. And yeah, we're dyin' together.
You go, I go. Simply as that. My heart ain't goin' to last two seconds without you around," Liam
said.
"Don't be silly, Liam. With Respawn, we're all going to live forever. I kept my own personal copy.
We're not letting go," Sophia said.
"You always think of everythin'," Liam said.
2:24
All the blankets, save for Alice's bedsheets, were built for two or more people. Or to be precise,
two and a half, with the little daughter who had a habit of curling up under the covers.
Liam brought out a huge beer cup full of hot coccoa, with so many marshmallows drizzled with
chocolate syrup that it looked like a mountain.
"Are you going to have any hot cocoa with those marshmallows?" Sophia said.
"There's some whippin' cream too. And some rum," Liam said.
"I don't know how you even survive sometimes."
"Oh, this is nothin' compared to Bonk. That was like bein' hit in the face with a baseball bat, but
in a good way," Liam said.
"Daaaad. Does it hurt? Is your chest ow?"
"Nah, I'm good. Told you, Doc knows his stuff. See?" Liam said, knocking against his rib cage
with his fist. "Good as new."
Sophia rested her head on his shoulder. Two empty cups were edged with foam, with a rim of
chocolate brown all around the glass. Hers had a slight imprint of lipstick at the edge, Perfect
Mauve #904.
"So, you're the brainy one. Like, what do you call a heart orgasm, but one that's goin' around
always, and that ain't always about just sex?" Liam said.
"It's just called being happy," she said.
"But really happy?"
"Let's see: Joyous, giddy, rapturous, ecstatic---there's a bunch of them," she said.
"All of 'em, and more," Liam said.
In the low light, the leftover Smissmass lights had a blurry sort of light. Low reds and white
turned golden.
"I'll tuck her in."
"Why don't we both tuck her in?"
Her stuffed animals were a furry wall of soft guardians over the edge of her bed.
"Me? I'm not the storyteller. That was always your dad. If he's got any gift, it's words. Stories.
Anything to do with talking, really," she said.
"Hey, I want to hear a Soph story too," Liam said.
"Liam, all my stories involve burials and shallow graves," she said.
He pulled out a book about a little bear who went on a trip. Just as many other times, Liam
found his own way to save a situation. She may have saved the world, or at least them a few
times, but just as many times he had saved awkward conversations, or pulled her out of the way
of bullets. Sometimes both at the same time.
"Man, if I knew breakin' bones would get my girls to give me this many hugs, I'd go and break a
leg every day."
She touched his nose, her fingers cold to his skin. "Don't make a habit of it," she said.
"Bet I could carry you all the way," Liam said.
"I bet I could do the same with you," she said.
"As hot as it is, it's my turn for the bridal style!" He scooped her up, and carried her all of maybe
ten steps to their bedroom.
November 14th.
Alice had a red blanket with baseballs draped about her shoulders. She held her knees to her
chest, and rocked herself slowly, trying to combat the shuddering.
"Mom, is dad going to die? ...am I going to die?"
"It's just a cold. You'll be fine," Sophia said.
"Speak for yourself, I'd rather take bein' blown apart than this. At least it's faster," Liam said. He
pulled the blanket over his head and coughed several times. With a worried gaze, Alice reached
out and tugged on his blanket.
"Dad? ...Daddy?" She said, her voice raising with worry.
"Ugh, I'm fine, Alley cat. At least it ain't the flu. We don't have nearly enough toilets to deal with
crap like that. Literally, even," Liam said.
"There's a flying sickness now?" Alice said. "Is it like a Peter Pan sickness?"
"I wouldn't mind a sickness which let me fly about. It's the shooting everything from both ends
which gets me."
"Lasers?" Alice said.
"Nope, that'd be cool. A laser and flyin' sickness. Why don't we have colds like that? I could
totally be down for a week of flying."
"If you let Dell and Erich have their way, you probably could," Sophia said. She had one of
Alice's stuffed toys under one arm, and a box of kleenxes under the other. She slipped both
close the the huddled blanket family. Her bun had almost completely fallen apart, and her purple
dress had several new oily stains across the skirts. She nodded forward for just a weary
moment, the dark circles under her eyes all too evident.
"Always lookin' on the bright side, babe," Liam said. His voice had grown husky and thick, like a
smoker's. He leaned in, only to break out in another coughing fit. "Damn, you're beautiful. But,
egh, this sucks. I can't even kiss you. I'm goin' to be sleepin' on the couch and I ain't even done
anythin' to deserve it," Liam said. He pulled his blanket tighter around himself petulantly.
She leaned down and pressed her hand to his forehead. "If you waited six years and then
some, you can wait a few days. Besides, you're sure to make up for it once this is over."
"You're damn right I will," Liam said. "I will become a kissin' bandit, and make up for not just all
these days, but all those years, too."
"I'm pretty sure you already made up for those, and then some," Sophia said.
"Then I will do it again and again, and maybe again, dependin' on whether
you have an early mornin' or not," Liam said.
He looked to her lips with a pained expression. She blew a kiss his way. "You're good at being
patient. Just wait a little longer."
"You can go to jail for kissing?" Alice said.
"Probably can somewhere. That'd be some hilarious way to get in the clink again. 'Oh me, I was
just makin' out, and the pigs were so jealous, they took me in.'"
"Why would pigs arrest you?" Alice said.
"Because I'm so handsome, it's a crime," Liam said.
"You have to be a little uglier, dad, I don't want you to go to jail," Alice said.
Liam laughed. "Don't worry, baby. I've outrun the cops more than once."
Lint, and the constant rubbing had turned her hair into a mess of tangles. It was almost as bad
as the time she'd gotten a bunch of burrs in her hair, and tried to untangle them by wetting her
hair at the water pump. Even the thought of trying to brush her hair left Sophia with a pounding
headache.
Alice tugged at his blanket again. "Dad.. Is uncle Tavish going to die? He's been singing 'Oh
Danny boy' and making dying bagpipes sounds for the past fifteen minutes."
In retrospect, she shouldn't have used Mann co brand cough syrup. Whatever was in it had
done nothing for the coughing, and turned him into even more of a gloomy poet than usual. She
couldn't tell if it'd caused him to hallucinate, or they really were infested with fairies again.
"He'll be fine," she said.
Alice ducked her head under her blanket. "I don't want dad to die."
"Aww, sweetie, I died tons of times. It ain't so bad once you get used to it. Okay, it's painful and
awful, but it's quick, and you come back fast, and better than ever!"
Alice's eyes widened. She stilled, her fingers gripping tight to her blanket. She made a little
whimpering sound in the back of her throat, and pulled the red fuzzy covers over her head.
"You're not helping," Sophia said.
"Daddy ain't dyin'! I'm a tough S.O.B, and I got a lot more fight in me. Besides, I'd come back
from the dead just to meet your mom all over again. No way in hell I'm lettin' her be a foxy
widow."
"We're all going to live," Sophia said.
There was a quick knock at the door, though the person didn't bother for her to answer it. Yana
appeared a few moments later, red-cheeked from the cold, her puffy brown down coat was
buttoned up past her lips, so every word she said came out somewhat muffled. Blond hair
spilled out from her hat and across her shoulders
"It's spread to my sister's household. She's already talking of revenge," Yana said.
"Nothing new there. She'll blame me for anything. A comet coming from the sky? 'I bet it was
her fault.'" Sophia sighed and shook her head."You'll be coming down with it soon enough,"
Sophia said.
"I doubt it. My immune system is strong. Where's Tavish?"
"Dying," Alice said solemnly.
"He---what?" Yana said. She looked alarmed towards the other rooms. "He's on death's bed,
and no one told me?"
Sophia pushed errant dark hairs which had escaped from her bun out of her face. "He's just
being dramatic. That's what we get for having a Shakespearian-trained actor on base," Sophia
said.
She pointed down the hall, where Tavish was holed up in one of the spare bedrooms. Yana
lingered at the door. Tavish stared at the apple core in his hand mournfully. A tartan blanket of
black and red was draped up to his chest.
"To be, or not to be....aye, that is the question." He broke off coughing. "Aye, tappin' on my
door, ever rappin', with the name...Lenore."
The apple core dropped to the floor. Tavish leaned up and coughed, shuddering from the violent
force of each hack. There was a large mesh trash filled to the brim with used kleenex. Tavish
reached for little cardboard dispenser, only to find it empty.
"I'll bring you some," Yana said. She returned in a few moments with an entire new blue box.
"Are ye an angel?"
"And I thought you didn't drink anymore," Yana said.
"The grim reaper is chasin' at my heels. Wee Sophia gave me a green drink. I think it was
magic, and the magic is inside, eatin' me alive."
Sophia appeared at the door with a bowl of soup. "It's just cough syrup. I don't buy potions from
Merasmus' Potion Barn, if that's what you mean. Last time one of them got mixed with my
cleaning supplies,and we got an infestation of fairies," Sophia said.
"Aye. Took me all day to get those wee bastards out. It was a curse meant for Jane," Tavish
said.
"I'm not sure how Jane's potion got mixed with my cleaning supplies," Sophia said.
"These things happen. None of us mercenaries can resist freebies. Tis our curse," Tavish said.
"I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well. I don't have any flowers or gifts like that. But I thought
you could use some company," Yana said.
"It's okay, lass. Yae are as pretty as a whole bunch of flowers, and ye never give me allergies,"
Tavish said.
"You're about Liam level when it comes to pick up lines," Sophia said.
Yana chuckled. "That must be some compliment, considering you married him," Yana said.
"I didn't marry him for his pick up lines, that's for sure," Sophia said. She set the bowl of soup by
end table, just under the bolted lamp.
"Now, don't jostle this when you get up. You're going to have to feed yourself your own soup.
Alice is afraid that we're all going to die from this sickness and keeps calling me back to make
sure I haven't died on her," Sophia said.
"Aye. Thank ye. Let the wee lassie know that I'm still kickin', will ye?" Tavish said.
"I'll be sure to," Sophia said.
"Mooom!" came a cry from the other room.
"Speaking of which," Sophia said. She went towards the living room, where her husband and
child were wrapped up in covers.
"Don't listen to her, even if you are slightly more Shakespearian than usual, you're perfectly
charming," Yana said.
"Good. She's not the one I want to charm, anyways," Tavish said.
Yana reached to squeeze his hand, but he drew away.
"Lass, I'm in no state to be holdin' hands. I haven't bathed in days."
" I spent years smelling like bears. We had no running water, and often it was too cold to wash. I
certainly will not judge an ill man." She lifted up the bowl of soup. "You'll have to lean up more,
or this soup will spill all over, and Sophia will kill us for ruining her carpet."
"Trust me, I've done worse things to her carpet, and she still hasn't killed me yet. At least, not in
a long while," Tavish said. He chuckled, but it turned into a series of coughs. He held a white
kleenex against his face.
"Truth be told, lass, this isn't how I saw the first date goin'," Tavish said.
Yana smiled. "Life's like that sometimes. Now, say 'ah.'"
She blew on the soup first, before slowly bringing the metal spoon to his lips.
"I never had anyone nurse me before. Not even in me hangovers," Tavish said.
"That's all about to change," Yana said.
age 5
*
The presents had all been put away, the wrapping paper and boxes thrown away. The living
room looked downright bare compared to how cluttered it'd gotten over the holidays.
"Do they have to leave?"
Liam bent to her level. "Oh definitely. They wanna go take a long nap, and talk about tree stuff,"
Liam said.
"But you said they had Treesp!"
"Yeah, but now they can give each other tree hugs and all that crap. It's like, just because you
can call me on the phone doesn't mean you don't want to talk to me to my face. Plus, they can
make new friends. Scary hat will love the company. he'll probably float around those trees and
play hide and seek with that Gibus he's got a thing for."
"Scary hat!" Alice said. Her eyes always lit up at her favorite mystery.
"Yeah, he'll be comin' out in a couple of days, and then you can go visit with him again," Liam
said.
"Ey, notice anythin' about the top of my head?" Liam said.
"Uncle Scary hat is back!" Alice said.
"Talk about fashion. Bam!"
"Bam!" Alice echoed.
The ghost hat mouthed the words he said, and grinned, before doing a little spin.
"Do you want me to go get
"There's never too many hats, though. I should take her to work with me sometime," Liam said.
December 31st.
11:30PM
"I brought you some cider," Yana said.
"Thank ye, lassie," Tavish said.

She sat down beside him, the bench felt warmer with her there.
Mikhail's mother had knitted sweaters for most of them for Smissmas. His was a soft red piece
with little sticky bombs, hers was little bears in a green forest.
(No one got purple sweaters, for even the color could cause Zhanna to turn into a sour mood.
He didn't even have to be a demolitions expert to know there was going to be an explosion
there someday)
The party went on without them. Truth be told, it was a much tamer affair. Here they were, all
getting tame lives. Jane and Liam had gotten downright domestic, so utterly wrapped up in
spoiling their children. He never thought he'd see the day when Liam Dempsey and Jane Doe
were doting fathers, but Tavish was never much of a gambling man. He gambled enough with
death by playing with the chemicals, and he never had the luck for cards or the turn of the die.
Her hand rested on his, like a hesitant question.
"This will be my first new year's kiss," Yana said. She looked up, just a little shy. Golden wisps
of hair fell out from her knitted cap. Red and green, just like the sum their sweaters.
"I can't remember too many of those, either. Then again, the drink and the explosions, they
made me forget a lot. The curses, too," he said. He sipped at his punch. No one had spiked it
this year. Too many children about. He was glad for that fact.
"Then we'll make a bunch of new memories for you," Yana said.
"Aye, I'm lookin' forward to it, lassie."
They clinked their glasses of sparkling apple cider. The disco ball had gotten quite a bit of use in
the holidays, and scattered lights across the room, like starlight pulled down from the sky. He
counted down the seconds of a new year, and a new life with her.
11:35PM
Dick van Dyke was rocking in New Year's eve, but mostly Sophia was thinking about the
paperwork she'd have to do soon. Liam had nodded off on her shoulder.
"We're officially old now. You're falling asleep before twelve," she said.
Liam yawned. "Yeah, you woke me up before dawn."
"Babe, pinch me," he said. She obliged, and he rubbed his cheek. "That's a pretty good pinch."
"You're not dreaming," she said with amusement. She was all too familiar with his serenades, as
she called them.
"Less than thirty minutes until the new year," she said.
"Technically you could kiss me now," she said.
"All right, one for last year," Liam said.
"Maybe another for last year, because it was a pretty good year," Liam said.
"And in a half hour, there'll be one for next year," he said.

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.
-Part 7-
 Seven Ate Nine 
1983
"Throw strikes."
"I will, Daddy."
And then, like a maestro conducing his last orchestra, I raised my voice to the infield and said,
"Ladies...in the immortal words of Robert Frost...let's kick butt!"
-Tales from the Dad Side, Steve Doocy.
age 6
"Whatcha think?" Liam said.
There were several bikes on display. The boy's bikes were covered in colors like mud and
camouflage, while the girls had horses.
"Dad, why aren't there any green horses? Aren't the boys sad that they don't get horses and
dogs?"
"Do boys not get dogs and horses?"
Alice had read her way voraciously through every horse girl book the local library had. Their trip
through the dog books hadn't been quite so lucky, however; Alice still cried sometimes about
Old Yeller.
"Of course. It's just, boys don't get pink unicorns," Liam said.
"Why?" Alice said.
"Hey, I don't make the rules," Liam said.
Sophia knelt beside her. "They're stupid rules. If you want a green bike, or a pink bike, you can
have either."
"This one has horses, but they look weird," Alice said.
"We could try a custom paint job," Sophia said.
"Custom?" Alice said.
"It means you'll have whatever you want," Sophia said.
"I like custom!"
"Until then, why don't we look through to see what you like? Of course, we'll need to get some
training wheels..."
She held tight to Alice's hand as Liam pointed out everything he could. It wasn't merely safety
any longer; Sophia knew all too well that one day Alice would consider herself too big, too
grown up to sit in laps, or be led hand in hand through the grocery store.
Between Liam, Spy and Colleen, so many of Alice's life had been caught in pictures. Gap
toothed smiles, or mud pies held out.
Time continued on, and their little girl grew.
"I never could afford one of those," Liam said.
"Oh, by the time."
"Then we all should get one. We could go biking in the park," Sophia said.
"I want a horse on mine, and a dog, but not those pink ones with the weird eyes," she said.
Alice never had taken to the Lisa Frank Aesthetic, even if they were covered in dogs and horses
and dolphins, all in a technocolor LSD daydream."
The bike she got was shiny and red, with white metal covers over the wheels, each with animals
painted on. There was a basket, so her toys could go along for the ride, and streamers at the
side.
"See those animals? I made the design," Liam said.
The postman just nodded and smiled. Liam never missed a chance to brag to anyone he could.
Her helmet was red, with a white stripe down the middle. Alice had picked out many sparkling
animal stickers, and baseball stickers all over the front, until it shone so brightly in the sun that it
was hard to look at.
"It's like you got a halo--a halo of dogs," Liam said.
"She's got too much of us in her to ever be that good, unless the halo is crooked from being
held up by horns," Sophia said.
Liam snickered. "You got the best lines, babe, except for me."
tk edit scenes together
May
Sophia saw a little post it note on the door. Tag, you're it! Now you have to find us A
winking smiley, with a heart was left in lieu of a signature.
"Hmmmm, I wonder where my family could be," Sophia said. She waited for the sound of
laughter, but perhaps Alice had caught on. The last few hide and go seek points, Alice had
revealed her location by falling into a fit of giggles.
She bent to look under the couch. Alice wasn't under any of the beds, or in her closet.
"Hmm, I guess no one is going to enjoy pizza with me if they're gone," Sophia said. She heard a
gasp, and a shift just about the window. The curtains rippled.
"Aha! There you are," Sophia said.
Alice giggled, and threw her arms about Sophia. "You found me, mom!"
"I did! Now, we have to find your dad."
"You know, I think the Yankees definitely deserved to win the pennant with their stellar late-
game season," Sophia said.
"What? No they friggin' didn't! The only thing they deserve to win is my fist in their face!"
It came from the kitchen. She opened up the pantry. He had managed to just duck himself
beneath a shelf, with a stack of cans artfully sculpted into male genitalia behind him. Given the
shapes of the other cans, he'd been trying to make a full set with female anatomical features as
well.
"Ta-daaaa. Also, that was a low blow. You're damn sneaky," he said. He leaned in to kiss her.
"It's hot, though."
When she came inside, a large sign in bright ink greeted her. Player 2, grab your weapon.
Loser has to get dinner.
She'd long ago learned that whenever possible, lamps should be bolted to end tables and made
of the least amount of breakable material, and everything breakable should be behind locks
where they could not be reached without rocket jumping, and no rockets allowed in the house.
She picked up the bright yellow gun, just barely ducking in time as a spongey arrow flew her
way.
She used the couch as cover, and just peered over the edge. She heard a giggle, followed by
hushing. Sophia fired a warning shot into the hall that stuck to a wall, like one of Sniper's
arrows, if they were made of rubber and neon plastic.
"Man, your aim is gettin' rusty. If this was back in the gravel days, you'd have blown my balls
clean off."
She peppered the wall with shots.
"Still missed me. Speakin' of which, you totally missed me while I was gone, and not just
with bullets, either!"
"You better be careful, I always get my man," she said. She put another clip into the gun and
held it up, scanning the hall for any sign of him.
"That you do," Liam said. He stepped out in socks and low-slung jeans, his old Red Sox jersey
hung low and several sizes too large. The shot hit him right in the heart, the sticky cut held on
red fabric for only a moment before it fell to the ground.
"Yeah, I let you win, though technically, we're already pickin' a pizza order."
"Where's the pizza? I don't see it? Is it invisible pizza?" Alice said.
"I bet it's not-here-yet pizza," Liam said.
"Actually, it's on the kitchen counter pizza. You wanted pineapple pizza, right?"
"What? Pineapple on pizza is a friggin' stain on pizzakind. Wait, you seriously got it? Baaabe,
you got one hell of a strange sense of humor," Liam said.
Sophia laughed. "I got cheese, meat lover's special, and mushrooms for me. Though I suppose
I should've gotten one for myself and eaten it just to show you that it can be done," Sophia said.
"You got nerves of steel," Liam said.
Liam pulled out a piece. Strings of cheese came up, and he grinned as he started to 'play' it,
mimicking banjo sounds. "Ooh, time for a drum solo!"
"Drum solo with a stringed pizzament?" Sophia said.
"I've seen Engie do it with his guitars. Get him drunk and he turns into a complete rock star,"
Liam said.
"You think the guys want some as well, or is this a Dempsey family affair?"
"I think a whole other gravel war would happen if you ordered pizza and didn't share," she said.
"Wake up and there's a sentry outside my door, stickies everywhere, a couple rockets with my
name on it, a sniper sight straight to my head, and needles. Needles friggin' everywhere." Liam
shuddered. "What kind of creep uses needles?"
"The same kind who orders organs on the black market to implant in his teammates," she said.
"Yeah, that's our doc," Liam said.
"Besides, you're forgetting the minigun," she said.
"Nah, he'd take it personal, all fists style."
"Don't forget to knock. Especially on Erich's room."
"Yeah, blood and guts, I get it," Liam said.
"Among other things," she said.
She was the assistant of the Administrator; nothing escaped her watchful gaze.
*
June, 1983. A photo of Sophia holding Alice. Both had painted faces. Scrawled on the back
was a note: My baby with our baby.
3:15PM
"Alice, don't run too far ahead!"
Liam rushed up and scooped Alice up, amid a fit of giggles. "You think you goin' to outrun me?
You silly goose, I'm a speed star."
"I'm going to beat you, dad," Alice said. She kicked up her heels as Liam held her up.
"Oho? You goin' to beat me up?"
"Your recoords!"
"Hey, leave Tom Jones out of this, he ain't done nothin' wrong," Liam said.
Alice giggled.
"Speed! Speed!"
"Oh, you'll have to go to Guiness world records for that. They threw me out for bein' too
handsome and too damn fast for them."
Alice's hair had blue and pink cotton candy threaded through, like a fairy crown.
"You savin' that for later?" Liam said.; He pulled out some of the candy floss and wrapped it
around his finger.
"I'm Cyndi, dad," Alice said. She struck a pose.
"Are you, now?" Sophia said.
Alice nodded.
"Hey, you wanna show your mom our dance moves we've been workin' on?"
They both started a moonwalk, with Alice providing the beat. Sophia clapped and laughed.
"You're completely synchronized," she said.
"Yep, mom, I'm sinning," she said.

"That's---that's not the word," Sophia said.
Liam broke out laughing. "Oh god, wait until she breaks that out when your parents come to
town. You know she will."
Alice bounced in her seat, like she was dancing to a song no one else could hear.
"You have to sit still, unless you want to have a Jackson Pollock on your on your face. We could
take a photo and sell it as art," Sophia said.
"See, I knew you had some of this charm. I'll teach you all the moves--the pencil moves, that is,"
Liam said.
He bent down and kept her attention with an ink pen. Little hearts on her palm.
"It tickles," she said.
"Yeah, but it's over fast. Way easier than amputation without anesthesia. Doc was way too fond
of that," Liam said.
The painter paused for a moment, his hand on the paintbrush tensed. He gaped.
"Public places, Liam," Sophia said.
"Please, it's Boston. Hey, Pally, you from Harvard Square, one of those artist types?"
"Sir, I'm trying to concentrate--" Alice bounced again.
"Mom! Mom! What are you going to get?" Alice said.
"Get? I already ate," Sophia said.
"No, no, on your face. A star? A horse with a star? A star horse?"
"Oh, my face? I hadn't thought about it," Sophia said.
"Come on, we'll match," Liam said. He winked and pointed to the red printed letters with Red
Sox on them.
"Mooooom," Alice said. She bounced in the chair, her curls flying.
"Oh, all right. I'll take a little heart. Not too big," Sophia said.
Her was done in just a few short brushstrokes. At the corner of her eye, like a beauty mark, the
painter drew a little heart.
3:30PM
"Dad, look!"
Alice bounced up and down as she pointed to the giant bear, almost as big as she was. "Look,
look!"
"Well, damn. That's one huge bear."
"Can I have it, dad?"
"What do you say?" Sophia said.
"Pleaaaaseee?"
The man smirked.
"Five dollars a try? What a friggin' rip off," Liam said.
Sophia drew closer as not to be heard. "The odds are stacked against you. It's probably rigged."
"The odds can kiss my gorgeous ass. I'm gettin' my little girl that bear," Liam said.
3:35.
"Dad! There's chickens!"
"Extra crispy?" Liam said.
She got down on her knees and started to stroke the fluffy white chicken.
"Bawk...bawk...Dad! Can we have chickens?"
"I don't know, your mom wasn't too thrilled when we adopted all those dogs, even if we did find
most of them homes."
"What even would you do with chickens?" Sophia said.
"Pet them!" Alice said.
"Alice... They're smelly," Sophia said.
"Yeah, but so is Mick and he still gets to stay!"
Liam broke out laughing so hard that he started coughing.
"She got that from you," Sophia said.
"Erich is the bird guy, Why don't you ask him if he'd get some and let you feed him? I mean he's
already got a whole bunch of doves and shit. A couple more won't hurt."
"Really?" Alice said.
"I just hope he doesn't turn them into zombie chickens like he did with his doves," Sophia said.
"Well, it'd certainly make this Halloween more interestin'..."
"Oh god, for once I'd just like a peaceful one. No wizards, no invasions, no curses, just taking
Alice out in another superhero costume and eating too much candy before we pass out," Sophia
said.
"The one when you were preggers was pretty good. No fightin' or anythin'. We got to be a bone
family," Liam said. "Then we got to..."
"We talked about this, Liam. No more dirty bone puns around Alice. She's been repeating it to
my family."
Alice ran ahead.
"Mom! Dad! Look at the goats!"
"Alice, we're not getting goats," Sophia called after her.
"They jump around, mom!"
"Your father jumps around and headbutts people all the time. Put some horns on him and it'll be
about the same. He'll smell better, too," Sophia said.
Liam chuckled. "You said I smell good."

"I said you smelled better than a goat. There's a difference."
"There's rabbits, and they're soft," Alice said in wonder.
"I'm glad Saxton is overseas. The last thing we'd need is him trying to headbutt the
wildlife...again."
"Heh, maybe it'd knock some sense into him," Liam said.
"That would imply he ever had any sense to begin with," she said.
Alice
Underneath the tree was a boy with a book. Alice ducked into the shade, her curls falling down
over her shoulders.
"Did you see the chickens? I've never seen birds so fluffy," she said.
The boy looked up, startled. He clutched more tightly to the book. With his back to the tree,
there was nowhere for him to escape to, yet he still shrunk away.
"No..."
"You should! They were like cupcakes, and pillows! And snow, but not cold! But mom says
they're stinky and I can only have them if Erich gets some."
"What, you stayin' for the friggin' perfume? Phew, somebody needs their cage cleaned," Liam
said.
The book was closed against his chest.
"Did you see the spiders? They were really fuzzy, the biggest spiders I've ever seen. They had
a special name, but I don't remember it, so I just called them all 'Terry.' Oh, and there were frogs
in the pond! I couldn't pet them, either."
The boy blinked, warily watching as Alice climbed past the thick tree roots to come closer.
She bent down and pulled up a blade a grass.
"See, a ladybug! I asked dad if that meant they were all girls, and he said they must be
lesbibugs..." The red spotted ladybird flew off into the sky, a little red dot that slowly
disappeared into the summer day.
"Ladybug?" He said a word in another language.

"You sound like big Misha," she said.
"You know Uncle Misha?" Noah said.
Alice nodded. She held her hand up above her head, and stood on tip-toe. "Big, really big."
"Ah, that's definitely Uncle Misha."
"Alice! We've still got a lot more to see, Alice," Sophia said.
"Bye! Make sure you go see the birds!"
Alice raced off after her parents. She launched herself at Liam, catching him at the back.
"Jeez! You about knocked the over!"
"Ehe, I caught you, dad! You're it!"
Before she could rush off, Liam caught the back of her hoodie.
"Dad! You're too fast!"
4PM
Liam took a drink of Snapple Apple. He might have had to give up BONK, but he made up for it
by all the sugary candy and drinks he could find. Old habits died hard. Even when there wasn't
seconds between gunfire to drink down some radiation-infused drink which would either save
him or kill him outright, Liam guzzled down drinks.
He flipped over the cap, and smiled. "it says here that you kiss twenty-six calories per minute
when you kiss somebody. You wanna work out with me, babe?"
"You know, I read a study a long time which said you burned 3.5 calories a minute during sex.
That's 210 a hour. I always figured you'd come to me with it eventually and tell me that. I
planned a bunch of comebacks for a long time and you never read that fact. I even left the
magazine out on my desk once and you didn't even peek at it."
"Really? you held on to that fact for decades?"
"More like I knew you'd find it one day."
Liam laughed. "Babe, you were workin' on pick up lines for me."
"I was not," Sophia said.
"Dad, there's ice cream!"
In front of them were two women in sunhats giving money to the ice cream man. Their children,
two rambunctious boys in striped shirts, shifted from foot to foot as they waited for ice cream.
Alice's eyes widened as her the ice cream man lifted up a Neopolitan scoop into a cone. "Hey,
Soph, whatcha want? I'm thinkin' Rocky Road or Bear Claw...maybe I'll get a scoop of both--"
"Billy, don't drop--"
Before she got another word out, Liam moved like he was stealing home. He slid across the
ground, and caught the cone before it could splatter across the ground. He held up the cone,
inches above the ground, with a bloodied arm.
"Coool, dad!"
Sophia bent and started to blot at his arm with a moist towelette. She always had a package
kept in her purse, for sticky fingers, dirty faces, and occasionally, scraped up knees.
"If there's anything I can do--" she said.
"How's it feel to be married to a bonafide superhero? Me savin' the day? Must be another
tuesday.
Or Wednesday, and Thursday, and every other day endin' with y," Liam said
"You're a hero, dad," Alice said.
"Do you still want to get some ice cream?"
"Are you kiddin'? Of course I still want ice cream. This is just a flesh wound," Liam said.
Alice gasped. "Balloons! They have stars on them...!"
"Which one you want?"
"I can't choose," Alice said.

"Then why don't we get 'em all?" Liam said.
"Other children need balloons too," Sophia said.
"Okay, one of each, then. That better?" Liam said.
Alice let out a gasp as someone collided with her. For just a moment, she let go, and the
balloons went soaring.
"No!"
"Oh, hell no!"
Liam took off at a run. He scaled up the side, and pushed himself up to the roof of the wooden
stands.
Just as her reached out, they floated beyond his reach. But he chased them down over the tops,
jumping from one to another, until he just barely caught the strings, and tugged them down.
"Got it!"
"Liam, you could've died. Those only cost a dollar a piece."
"Dyin' ain't nothin', I done it tons of times. Hell, you seen me kick it even more," Liam said.
"Did you ever think that maybe I don't want to see you die anymore?"
He took a leap off the top.
"Geez, that's a lot harder on the knees than it used to be. Guess it was a lot easier havin' Doc
around," Liam said.
"Here you go, Peanut. I got 'em back for you," Liam said.
"Dad, you're so cool!"
"You're just realizin' that now? Here's a secret, Alley: I am the coolest dad ever," Liam said.
He tied the balloons about her wrist. "There, now it won't go flyin' off."
*
Alice burst out of a mountain of brown and gold . Leaves clung to her hair, caught in her brown
curls like a crown. She shook them free, like a dog.
All the progress he'd made was blown across the grass. She leapt out, and left a trail behind
her.
As she came in, rosy-cheeked and much dirtier than before, she left a trail of leaves wherever
she walked.
"There was a big deal on mulling spices, so I just went and bought them all," Sophia said.
Alice drank down her cup too fast. The coughed, and the drink spilled down her shirt and over
the floor.
Liam took a long guzzle, and set his empty cup down. He wiped at the mouth with the back of
the his hand.
"I guess it didn't turn out so well. It's no big deal, I bought some cider, in case the first time went
bad," she said. She poured out another glass.
"Nah, it was pretty good, babe," Liam said. "It's got this spicy and sour thing goin' for it."
"You said that about the time I accidentally left for a moment and Pyro came in and burnt
everything black, too," she said.
"That wasn't your fault. Everyone's got to take a leak now and then."
"Mom's leaking? Moom, are you okay? Do you have to get patched together by doctor?" Alice
said.
"Not the bad kind," Liam said.
"It's okay to say I made a mistake
Sophia pulled the sweater tight around her. The buttons were large, almost comically so.
Lavender and long, it was even large on Liam. Sometimes when she came home late, she'd find
it draped over his chest, the collar covering half of his face.
"At this rate
"Cookin' and makin' cider in one week? Next thing you'll be buyin' aprons," Liam said.
"It's not like I'm going to join the soccer mom brigade just because I bake a cake once in a
while," she said.
"...feel free to do that you don't even got to wear anythin' under them," Liam said.
"Yes, oil burns and accidentally getting walked in by our coworkers is very sexy. If you
want aprons so bad, you can wear them."
"Hey, I'll wear one if you wear one," Liam said.
"Really now? Do I get to pick it out?"
"You're goin' to pick the frilliest, pinkest one, aren't you?" Liam said.
"Oh, you know it," she said.
"Oh, that's fine, because your apron is goin' to be a French Maid one," Liam said.
He put his arms about her waist and nuzzled her neck. "And it's goin' to be real, real tiny. And
very lacy."
"And you said the French contributed nothing to society," Sophia said.
"Those maid uniforms are about it," Liam said.
She poured out the flour. It fell across her hair, white dots like freckles over her nose.
"The cake is going to be wearing skirts?" Alice said.
"Well, that's one way to put it. It's a cupcake," Sophia said.
Alice peeled out the little coverings, and put one on her head.
"Oh--"
Sophia did the next packet, this one a chocolate swirl.
Alice stirred the bowl

age 6
9am.
Every morning Sophia would step out to a pile of wildflowers and weeds on the steps.
Dandelions, daisies, and the other colorful assortment.-
Sophia leaned in to kiss his forehead. "If you're going to leave me flowers, then you should put
them in water. They'll get all dried out there on the porch," she said.
"Flowers?" Liam said. He took a long sip from his water bottle. "You want some more? I already
brought a bouquet. I'm thinkin' about buyin' them out, so I can have some whenever I want. I
could send you dozens that way."
"On the doorstep. The dandelions?" Sophia said.
"Those weren't mine. Maybe Alley's leavin' them there. You know how she is. Always runnin'
around," Liam said.
"Well, at least she isn't raiding my flower beds again," Sophia said.
"Aw man, I know you liked those irises, but it was so cute."
"Yes, adorable with her tracking dirt in. She ripped them from the bulbs. We had to replant."
"A little dirt ain't nothin' compared to those memories," Liam said.
She could just picture it. Alice smiling up at her, holding out a purple iris she'd managed to pull
completely out by the roots. Spy had snapped a picture.
She had managed to save the irises, though they'd been wilted and unhappy for months, before
they finally began to look healthy after a week of rain.
"I'm going to dump out the dregs of coffee pot," Sophia said. She headed back towards the
door. It was more than just keeping gritty coffee grounds from making a mess of the trash can,
or clogging the drain. She could look out to a forest of greenery and breathe in the freshest air
she'd ever known. Something she'd never had in the Badlands, or the cities she'd stayed in.
A small mountain of picked flowers was already growing. A boy placed more. He looked up, the
hood falling back. His dark hair was perpetual bedhead.
A boy in a bear onesie rushed away, dropping flowers as he went. He stumbled, falling face first
into the grass.
Sophia reached out, her mouth an o of surprise. he righted himself without a single tear
and kept off into the forest.
So that was on mystery solved.
9:10AM.
"You been hoardin' flowers, Alley?" Liam said.
"Noo, you said I should leave mom's flowers alone," Alice said. She climbed up on her chair to
lean in, so she could catch a whiff of the scent of new white roses. Liam always brought back
bouquets bought in town, or wildflowers picked and left in a mason jar for the sink. Now he back
little daises, wrapped up in an unbreakable vase for Alice. Every horizontal piece, from the
kitchen table to the counter and even the window sills were filled with flowers.
"A little bear keeps leaving us flowers," Sophia said.
"Really, bears? I didn't think they came this far out," Liam said.
"I bet the bear thought Alice here was some honey, because she's such a sweetie," Liam said.
Alice giggled, and started to tug on his arm.
"You're more right than you think," Sophia said.
"Bears won't last long with Mikahil and his group around," Liam said.
"Not those kind. The little kind, that reads in corners."
"Bears can read now? What's next--are they goin' to be pickin' up guns? Geez, no wonder big
guy is always punchin' 'em out," Liam said.
The first shriek was enough to make Sophia almost drop the cup she'd been holding. She
quickly righted herself, spilling lukewarm coffee on her dress in the process. She rushed out the
door to the sound of another scream, louder than the last.
Liam ran past her, pushing the door open so fast that she was almost knocked back. Sophia
caught her footing at the porch.
"Is---" Sophia fought to keep her breath. "Alice---?
"I was just practicing my battle cry," Alice said. She raised up her arms and let out another
bellowing yell.
"You about gave me a heart attack there!"
"Am I in trouble?" Alice said.
"We're going to have to make a designated screaming area," Sophia said.
"Y'know, that ain't a bad idea, considerin' all the screamin' Jane and Tavish do, mostly at sports
games. And the screamin' Zhanna and Jane do? That's a whole nother story."
Alice scraped the toes of her sneakers against the floor. Even when watching things she loved,
like cartoons, or the latest baseball game, she couldn't manage to sit still.
"It doesn't make any sense, dad," Alice said. She held up the paper for him to see.
"I know some of these numbers," Liam said. He squinted. "Don't know most of these words,
though. Are you sure you took home the right paper?"
"I don't knooooww. I'm bad at this," Alice said. She looked sadly up at her dad.
"Of course not. Just because you take some more time to learn stuff, you ain't a dummy. Hell,
even if you fail out of school, you'll never be a dummy, okay?" He patted her head.
"Not sure why a five year old would have crap like this. I guess I must be really gettin' rusty if I
can't even make my way through this," he said.
"I think we've got to call your mom in on this," he said.
"Hey, Soph!" he called. "C'mere!"
She appeared a few moments later, slightly more dusty than usual, with her glasses askew.
"Can you help Alice with her homework? I tried but it all went whooop. All over my head," Liam
said. He demonstrated putting his hand way over his head. Alice attempted to copy him, as she
often did.
Sophia frowned as she read the list of problems. "Uh, well, this is advanced trigonometry. I'm
pretty sure there's some mistake. There's still quite a few years before she gets to those.
Either that or I really need to talk to Dell about his homework assigning habits," Sophia said.
"I mean, really talk with him. Maybe it got mixed up with Delia's, though I can't imagine even she
would be doing something this difficult."
"Does this mean I'm done?" Alice said.
"I'm not even sure someone her age should have homework," Sophia said. "Not that I'm
the best to ask―I was always in the advanced classes."
"Sure thing, Alley. Whatcha want? An evening run? Some TV?"
"I have to choose? This is bad as the cookie choice," she said.
"That's why you have to eat them all," Liam said.
Alice burst into a big grin. "All of them!"
"You know what we should do? Gravel and Gargoyles. She's five, she can totally play along
now. You're old enough, you've earned your own robe and wizard hat."
Alice bounced up from chair so fast that it almost flipped over.
She sped up the stairs, just behind her father. As much as she tried, Alice couldn't quite catch
up with him.
"Careful about stairs. I went face-first down a couple of those. Usually because some asswipe
pushed me. Woops, another one for the swear jar. At this rate you're goin' to double college!"
"Is Uncle Scary hat around?" Alice said.
"Nah, it ain't a full moon, so he's sleepin'. But you can go visit him as soon as a couple more
days pass. I'm sure he misses us, and can't wait to see us again!"
Liam blew off the dust from the big black costume trunk, and let out a sneeze. "Jeez, it looks like
a ghost town in here. Get it!" He lifted his fist to the air to be bumped. Alice had to jump to bump
fists.
"Wherever you're nappin', pally, that pun was for you," Liam said.
"So, what do you wanna be? A wizard?
"I wanna run fast," Alice said.
"So a thief, huh?" Liam said.

"I'm not sure teaching my daughter petty larceny was what I had planned for," Sophia said.
"Fictional petty larceny, though teachin' her to lockpick would be hilarious," Liam said.
"Do you really want to deal with her lockpicking our doors?" Sophia said pointedly.
"Okay, maybe not that funny," Liam said. "We should teach Marie to do that, especially to
unlock doors at night."
"You say that like he hasn't already taught her. That girl probably already is backstabbing
people," Sophia said.
Sophia pulled on a majestic blue cloak with a pattern of stars inside. The witch hat she donned
had a matching pattern.
"Prettyyyy," Alice said.
"Yeah, that she is," Liam said.
Sophia spun around. The stars sparkled, while Liam held his hand over his heart. "You're castin'
a spell on me, black magic woman. And me, I'm goin' to be a muscle wizard, obviously!"
"There never has been a class of muscle wizards, Liam. There never will be a class of muscle
wizards, it would be an insult to the very concept of the magic class," she said.
"I break reality all the time with how stacked and awesome I am. Gravity cannot take the force of
my perfectly sculpted ass," Liam said.
"Another for the swear jar," Sophia said.
"Told you, our girl is goin' to the Ivy Leagues. She'll be in Harvard. By then, they'll have
an advanced degree in awesome, but she'll already have it, because she's got that awesome
deep---deep in her."
"Awesome!" Alice lifted her hands up and did a bunny hop.
"That's right!"
Sophia tended to get very focused when shifting into Dungeon Master mode. She didn't look up
from the new rules.
"I'd slot you down as a monk, but they're celibate," she said.
"No---t happenin'," Liam said. "Make me a dashin' Elfy rogue, because I'm a big Elfin'
deal. Like real life, but with more push ups."
Sophia nodded and jotted down some notes on the game.
Liam pulled out another hat, a green trilby with a feather at the band. "Now this is some quality
thievin' hat." He set the hat down on Alice's head. The hat fell down so far that her face was
hidden under the brim.
"You'll grow into it," Liam said.
Alice pushed the hat up so she could see. Her little fists balled at sides, but not even her mass
of curls could keep it up.
"Do you have to wear hats?" Alice said.
"Yeah, it's the law," Liam said. He picked up a stetson. "Cowboy Elfin cowboy, comin' to a
theater near you."
"Dungeon master says no crossovers," Sophia said.
"Aww, okay," Liam said. He tossed the hat back in, and came out with a brown feathered cap.
"Mom is a master?"
"Oh yeah, she always does it. She taught me how to, in fact," Liam said.
"See, I play an elfin swordsman build. Can you say that?" Liam said.
Alice attempted to pronounce the words, but got lost.
"You'll get the hang of it eventually! Now, let's find you a thief hat!"
Liam dug through the large truck, displacing hard hats and many baseball caps which had
grown dusty and broken through the years. Finally, he found a little plastic fireman's cap. Alice's
eyes lit up as she reached for it.
"A sprawling meadow is before you. There's a unicorn feeding, its soft, fluffy tail swishing with
each bite," Sophia said.
"Ooh, I'm goin' to get myself some unicorn mane. That's good for craftin', right?" Liam said.
"In no universe could you ever pet a unicorn, not even a fictional one," Sophia said.
Liam chuckled. "Oh yeah, I get alll the ladies."
"Do you now?" Sophia said. She raised on eyebrow.
"The ones named Sophia Pauling-Dempsey, that is!"
"Good answer. It's up to you, Alley. You goin' to go up to that fancy horse?" Liam said.
Alice squinted and scanned the room.
"I can't see any horsies," she said.
"You gotta use your imagination! Kind of like I did before I get married. Different kind of
imagination, though," Liam said.
"Liam, do you want to make that unicorn run away?" Sophia said.
"Hey, I had just as many fantasies of takin' you out and showin' you a good time as that, and the
kid can hear all about how I scoped out flowershops for six months before I finally bought you
roses. They had to be the perfect roses for the perfect girl," Liam said.
Alice closed her eyes scrunched up her nose. "No soft," she said.
"Here, let me help," Liam said. He pulled out a piece of graphing paper and began a quick
sketch. In just a few minutes he had a cartoonish and sassy looking unicorn sketched out.
"Okay, horse, horn, some kind of water and crap. Bam! Check out how fabulous this
unicorn is. I make drawin' horses fast look easy!"
Alice stroked the paper. "Soft?"
"Be careful to not give yourself a paper cut," Sophia said.
"This isn't soft," Alice said. She scrunched up her nose. Liam reached under the table and
pulled out a fuzzy neon yellow stuffed horse. "They're everywhere. I check under the couch and
there's ten more. I think they're breedin' and goin' to take over the house."
"That's soft," Alice said.
"So, pettin' the horse, what next? Since she's there, what about me goin' up and sayin' a hello,
maybe gettin' some tail--unicorn tail, that is--" Liam said.
"If someone impure nears the unicorn, it will flee," Sophia said sternly.
"Okay, so you have to do this one alone, Alley Thief," Liam said.
"I pet the unicorn!" Alice said. The paper crinkled under her stuffed animal. "It's...soft?"
"And fluffy, fuzzy, furry, even," Liam said.
"There's a big fluffy bunny ahead eating lots of yummy clover. It's friends with the unicorn, in
fact," Sophia said.
"Be careful, Alley. I've seen Monty Python before. Nothin' ends well with rabbits," he said.
"This is a nice rabbit. It shines with kindness and concern," Sophia said.
"Concern? What is this, a friggin' magic nurse rabbit?" Liam said.
"Yes, it came straight out of a magician's hat," Sophia said.
"I don't trust it," Liam said.
Sophia lifted one eyebrow. As she tilted her head, her top hat almost fell off. She moved to
steady it. "What, are you going to use your signature move?" Sophia said.
"Hell yeah. I flex at the rabbit. If it's evil, it'll be madly jealous of these guns and want to fight
me," Liam said.
"The rabbit is unaffected by your display, because it is a rabbit," Sophia said dryly.
"What are you going to do? Thief Alice?" Sophia said.
"I'm going to pet the bun," Alice said.
"Can you say bunny, Alice?" Liam said. "Bun-knee. Not the playboy kind, the fuzzy, cute kind. I
suppose the Playboy kind are fuzzy and cute too--"
"Liam, she doesn't need 'Playboy bunny' in her vocabulary," Sophia said.
"Bun," she said.
"Close enough," Liam said.
The rabbit's soft ears go back as you pet it," Sophia said.
"We should get her one of those," Liam said in his version of an undertone, which wasn't quite
at all.
"A magic bunny?" Alice said.
"A stuffed bunny, maybe," Sophia said.
"She already got about fifty of those," Liam said.
"You see a tea party up ahead. The rabbit now wears a stylish black top hat, a monocle, and a
red bow-tie," Sophia said.
"I told you the rabbit was shady, like some car salesman," Liam said.
"Next to him is a cat, also wearing a stylish top hat. He's an insurance salesman," Sophia said.
"Nine lives insurance, eh? Good one," Liam said.
Alice looked from one parent to another. She had started to fidget.
"Are you tired, Alice?" Sophia said.
Alice nodded, her little head bobbing down.
"Then you should take a nap. The tea party can wait until later," Sophia said.
"I thought you said campaigns can't be restarted," Liam said.
"Dungeon master always has the final say," Sophia said.
"Good call," Liam said. He hoisted Alice up over his shoulder. "Time for naps, Peanut." Sophia
started to clean up the board and notes. Off came the wizard hat, the robes, the magic
moments. Back to the normal world, and soon, to bed.
She came down the stairs and into Alice's room. Liam had alerady tucked her in, and was in the
middle of story.
"No five hour stories," Sophia said.
"Nah, nah, this one's real shot," Liam said.
Sophia bent down beside the starry covers. Liam couldn't help but buy new sets whenever they
were out. Things had a way of sneaking into their cart. She didn't get that many stuffed animals
by accident.
"How did you like your first game of Gargoyles and Gravel?" Sophia said eagerly.
"It was bun," Alice said.
"You mean fun?" Sophia said.
"No, bun," Alice said. "Night night." She turned over, and Sophia covered her mouth to stifle her
laughter. Her daughter was an endless source of entertainment.
*
"Hey, scary hat," Liam said.
That hat floated above him, filmy and pale white, like smoke.
"You seen a typewriter over here? I know we lugged one over here. Soph went and upgraded to
somethin' else, but she didn't want to toss it."
Liam bent to sift through a stack of boxes. Dust came up in clouds, shining in light from the
triangle-shaped window.
"Sheesh, it's like a friggin' sandstorm in here. You probably got lots of dust bunny friends to chat
with up here, don't you, Scary Hat?"
The hat floated over a specific mountain of boxes, far from his usual perch.
"You find some cute fedora to flirt with?" Liam said.
"Ohh, there it is. Thanks, Scary Hat! Gimme five!"
The hat floated up to his hand. A chill went through his body as the hat passed through his skin.
"Nice," Liam said.

*
She bent down immediately. Alice's skin was red, and covered with dots. Her mind reeled
through the possibilities. Chicken pox? A rash?
"Alice---did you get into poison ivy?''
"She's the best Batman villain," Alice said.

Sophia chuckled. "I see your father has been reading you comics before bed."
Alice nodded. "We read lots. He says Flash is next because.." Alice frowned as she tried to
remember. "Zoom arc is sad."
Liam's skin was red and blotchy. He kept scratching at his arms.
"What did you get into?"
"Bugs. Yeah, the fuckers were bitin' me somethin' fierce."
"You're just takin' it?"
"I put on mosquito block," Mick said.
"You need some fish," he said.
"Fish?"
"Put 'em in the water barrels out there. Your problem will go right away."
Alice pressed her face to the side of the glass. Little fish swam up to the top, where a thin sheen
of food covered the top.
"Which ones you want, Alley cat?"
"They gotta go outside and eat up the bugs."
She pointed to one covered in dark brown spots, then to one with white markings all over its
gold body.
"That one is Spot," she said.
"But Spot can't be alone, he'll need a friend," Alice said.
"Bye, fishies!"
"Dad, it's time to feed the fish! DAAAD!"

"Babe, it's six AM. The fish are sleepin'," he said. He turned over and groaned. "And so should
you."
"But, I don't want them to get hungry," Alice said.
"They eat bugs. We'll give 'em a snack later," Liam said.
She carried the large container outside.
"You gotta break it up. They're tiny," Liam said. Flakes covered the top of the water. Little
orange mouths opened and closed.
Alice scrunched up her nose.
By twelve, Alice was rattling pans in the kitchen. "Mom, it's time to feed the fish!"
"Didn't you and your father feed them earlier?"
"But, it's lunch time," Alice said.
"Silly pumpkin, they don't need to eat all the time. They're snackin' on bugs. Now, I think that
sounds awful, but to them it's yum yum. These fish have weird tastes. Maybe they're French,
they eat snails and stuff."
Still, Alice took the rim of her pizza and tossed it into the water barrels.
By tomorrow, it was a soggy mess.
"Guess they're more of a buggy-back ribs kind," Liam said.
Between the shade of the trees and gentle breeze,.
A hoe was left beside several upturned points of sod. A whole flat of strawberries.
He brushed his knees off.
"What's that? What's that?" Alice said excitedly.
He held out a little yellow watering can with a daisy for a spout.
"For you," Mikhail said.

Alice turned it every which way, enthusiastically looking it over.
""What is it? Is it magic?"
"You could say it's magic. It'll keep these plants alive," Erich said.
Water splashed over the sides.
"Maybe a little less water, considering she's not even ten yet," Erich said dryly.
"If she fills it full, she will get big muscles," Mikhail said.
Alice lifted up her arms and flexed. "Big big!"
Mikhail curled his arm. His bicep was the size of her head. Alice giggled and jumped up. "BIG
muscles!"
"Think you can beat me? Maybe next year. You will have to fight with little Noah and practice."
"I could beat him in a race!" Alice said.
"Perhaps," Mikhail said.
He didn't even bother with a trowel. He simply would scoop up the tilled earth up.
"Now, is time for watering."
Alice struggled with the can and almost toppled into the hole. Erich just caught her.
Alice had held the plastic watering can with both hands, but she marched right behind Mikhail.
Liam let out a sneeze.
"Ugh, there's tree spooge everywhere," Liam said.
"Spooge?" Alice said. She sounded out the word, oh so eager to add it to her vocabulary.
Tavish burst into uproarious, thigh slapping laughter. He had simply been watching as Mikhail
planted strawberry plant after strawberry plant.
"Uh-oh," Liam said.

The window opened, and Sophia poked her head out.
"Liam, we need to talk about appropriate language around our child," she said.
"So, you'd prefer I call it tree jizz?"
"Jizz!" Alice said excitedly.
"What? That's what it is! That's what my Science teacher said, anyways..."
Sophia sighed and rubbed at her temples. "Remember how I told you to keep the swear jar
contributions around the men, and to start making nice substations like fudge?"
"Tree...icing...?
"Pollen, Liam. Just say pollen," she said.
"I like this word, it's so fun. I want to say it every day. Wait, what does 'jizz' mean?"
"Jizz? I mean--Jam. Tasty, tasty jam. And Jazz. JamJazz."
"Trees eat jam?"
"Everybody needs a good PB&J after they do their laps and workouts," Liam said.
Alice's eyes widened. "Trees do laps?"
"Well, in The Lord of the Rings, they do," Liam said.
"Keep digging yourself into that hole, Liam," Sophia said.
The clear, cloudless sky was filled to the brim with stars. A yardlight hummed near them.
Mikhail pointed one massive finger up at the starry sky towards the large red star.
"Do you know what that is?"
"Mars," Noah said.
"Da. Good. And that?"

"Jupiter," Noah said.
"Good. What are they named after?"
"Greek...." Noah said uncertainly.
Mikhail shook his head. "Not quite, but close. Roman," Mikhail said.
"Roman gods," Noah said.
Mikhail pointed again, this times towards an almost ladle-shaped constellation. "What is this
called?"
Noah frowned as he thought. "Big...dipper," he said uncertainly.
"And what is the other name for it?"
"Urs..." Noah began.
"Ursa Major. Big bear. It is the mother bear."
Noah smiled big, a rare event. "Bears..."
"That's right, little bears."
He flinched as Alice slammed into him and crawled up his back. "Whatchaa doiiing?"
"Dad said that's the 'I have the cutest family' cons-shell-ation," she said. "And over there is the 'I
love you, Alice and Sophie' con-shell-ation."
Mikhail grunted. "He would."
Alice kicked her legs and hummed as she held onto him.
"He said all the stars in the sky are the 'Dempsey family is the best' con-shell-ation."
Erich sat down beside them, a tall glass of lemonade in hand. He took a sip and offered it to
Mikhail, who shook his head.
"Do you want to help her learn the true names of the stars, Noah?" Mikhail said.
Erich chuckled. "She's a bit young to have a wingman already."

"Wingman? Does that mean I'm going to go fly? I want to fly!"
Alice let go and rushed off into the night with her arms outstretched. She ran in circles, making
airplane noises as she went.
"Warring factions would marry their children off for peace?
"Already planning marriages to save the peace? My, here I was thinking you'd be some
barbarian, but maybe you'd double as one playing the entire court."
"Noah, you want to go flying?" Alice held out her hand. Noah burrowed a little more into his
book, his cheeks flushed.
"He's like an old man already," Erich said. "No wonder you two get along."
"Humph," Mikhail said.
Noah set his book aside and held up his hands, almost hesitantly.
"Uncle Mikhail is going to be my wingman!"
"Like hell he is," Liam said. "I'm goin' to be your wingman, with a shotgun."
"That sounds like the opposite of a wingman," Sophia said dryly.
"Exactly! Nobody's gettin' near my little baby. Five is way too young to be datin'."
"Not when she's five, that's for sure," Sophia said.
"Hey, babe, can you buy the stars?"
She pushed up her glasses. "Yes, actually. Why? Wait...you want to spend the entire fortune
and name it like the fartbag, don't you?"
"Excuse you, I was goin' to name it the Alice and Sophie star stuff. I'd save the fartbag
one for last, just to make those poor kids stuck in science class a little easier."
"Well, I was half right," she said.

He lifted Alice up onto his shoulders and they both went rushing around the dewey grass,
making airplane noises.
July 1st
July 2nd.
July 4th, 1982
5PM
It was too hot for even Alice to kick up her feet and hum. She drooped, like a wilting flower in the
patch of shade across their backyard porch. She wore a little yellow tank top with a daisy on it,
and some cut-offs with flowers stitched on the pockets. Just near her feet were two empty metal
buckets.
Sophia had slipped into a pair of purple capris, with a tiny purple t-shirt that had a little pocket
over her left breast. Anything tinier and it was going to end up on the floor when Liam caught
sight of her.
"It's hot, dad," Alice said.
"You think this is hot? Pfft, you ain't seen nothin'. I used to run for hours in the Badlands
of New Mexico. So hot, the soles of your shoes would melt off. This a nice cool breeze
compared to there, and you ain't even got sand in your shoes," Liam said.
Alice let out a groan and stretched out on the deck. She glanced Sophia's way.
"Mom, what happened to the cold? Did the penguins and the panda bears take it back?"
""Panda bears? I think you mean Polar bears," Sophia said.

"Panda bears are the ones with the masks that look like they're goin' to rob the place, and
grizzlies are the communists," Liam said.
"I don't think bears subscribe to any particular political ideology," Sophia said.
"You say that, and yet Jane keeps punchin' them, so they gotta either be communist or hippie,
and I'm pretty sure they don't want love and peace. Except for the teddy bears," Liam said.
"The electrician is going to come and see what happened to the air-conditioner," she said.
"If we were back in the gravel pits, people would be dead by now," Liam said, his tone far too
cheerful for the subject matter.
"Did you unload the truck?" Sophia said.
"Aw, crap. Yeah, I gotta go get that."
"lectrician," Alice said the word. "Is he the one who comes and beats on the cold back? Like a
super Engi?"
"Well, wrenches will be involved," Sophia said.
Liam returned with bags of ice over each shoulder.
"But, no worries! We survived back in my day with nothin' but hangin' around at mob-filled docks
and stealin' ice from the local store. That guy would chase us down the street, firin' off bullets
and just missin' us. The others, anyways. I was already five blocks away by the time he got his
gun out."
"Speakin' of ice, the iceman comin'!" Liam bellowed. He opened up the bags. A waterfall of ice
cubes flooded into the buckets. When they were empty, he let them flutter down to the deck.
"Bam! Ice!"
He shoved his hand deep into the basin and pulled out a fistful of ice cubes. He shoved them all
into his mouth until he resembled a hamster with bulging cheeks.
Alice followed his example, but only managed a couple.
Sophia had visions of her family choking on ice cubes. "Let's play a game---spit out the ice
cubes into the bucket. The winner gets a--" her mind blanked.
"---Gun."
Ice cubes thudded against the bottom of the bucket.
"Is that all of them? Open up and let me see," Sophia said.
"A gun? Really?" Liam said.
"A water gun," she said.
Just as she peered down into the bucket, she felt something cold slick down her shirt.
Sophia let out a shriek. "Liam!"
"Cooled you down, huh," Liam said. "You sure jumped!"
"You're awful," she said.
"Yeah, awful cool, awful awesome, awful handsome, ooh, I got one, awful lucky to be
married to you!"
She picked up an ice cube, and tossed it at him.
"Fightin' fire with fire, eh? So that's how it is," Liam said. He reached down to grab an ice cube.
"You're lucky you're alive," she said.
"That too," Liam said.
"You know, you look pretty, um, sexy, right there, all icy--"
"Yeah?"
"Like I'd warm you up--" She leaned up, like to steal a kiss, only for him to draw back as an ice
cube slid down the front of his shirt.
"Oh shit---You play dirty. But nobody's as dirty as me!" He grabbed a handful of ice and she let
out a shriek amid laughter.
She couldn't stop laughing as he chased her through the shady yard, a handful of ice cubes in
each hand.
Alice paid little attention to the ice fight. Instead, she had her eye on what rustled beneath the
deck.
"Kitty, kitty? Mister kitty, are you lonelyy?"

Alice climbed down and hung upside down on the side of the deck. Beneath the grates, a boy
was almost entirely obscured by his book. Only little fluffy ears showed above.
"Hey, bear boy. Do you need an ice cube down there? We have popsicles, but if you eat them
down there, you'll get it dirty and the ants will steal them!" She looked back, as if the ants might
be able to hear. "You know, they can carry way more than their body weight," Alice said
in a hushed whisper.
Out of his usual bear outfit, he came out with a smear of dirt across his face and knees. She
could just barely reach the outside.
"Not thirsty," he said.
"Okay!" Alice said. "Whatcha reading?"
Noah pulled his book closer to his chest. "My book."
"I'm not going to steeal it!"
The little boy went deeper under the deck.
"Humph," Alice said. She looked up in time to see Sophia run back towards the deck. Sophia
grabbed the entire bucket, caught Liam two stairs down, and dumped the entire bucket over his
head.
Liam shuddered as the ice poured over his body. "F-fuck! O-Okay, you win. God, you're brutal.
My balls are gonna be frozen at this rate."
"You're going to have to put enough in that swear jar fund to send fifty kids to college," Sophia
said.
"You'd be swearin' too if you had ice cubes in your tighty whities!"
"Oh trust me, I do," Sophia said.
Liam let out a whistle. "Nice. I'm just goin' to keep that mental image with me alll day."
Sophia's shirt was completely soaked, and her hair clung to her face. Her flirtation turned to
horror as she saw Alice grip the cover of the outside freezer.
"Alice, you shouldn't open---" She stopped as she saw the pile of popsicle wrappers surrounding
Alice. "...that freezer."
An entire case of beer fell down onto the deck. Alice jumped away as can after can fell to the
deck.
Oh well, it won't be the first time the mercenaries drank fizzy beer.
Something furry scrambled out from underneath the deck and rushed away.
Sophia whirled around, and reached for her gun on instinct. "What the hell was that?!"
"There was a bear under the deck," Alice said conversationally.
"A bear?" Sophia said with growing alarm.
"A whataha?" Liam said, utterly flabbergasted.
"A bear boy," Alice said.
Sophia pushed her wet hair back. "Oh. Of course. Jane's child." Alice was going to knock ten
years off her life at this rate.
"Where did that kid go anyways?" Liam said.
"Back to the woods, I think," Sophia said.
"He has a book, but he won't let me see," Alice said.
"I'm sure he'll share eventually," Sophia said. Though if he took after his father, he'd probably
smash the book over the head of anyone who tried to take it from him.
"But that ain't the best part. You know why I got all this ice?―And come to think about it, I think I
need more ice."
"Polar bears?" Alice said.
"No, we're havin'a fourth of July grill. Are you ready for a party?!" Liam said. He lifted up his
arms, which were as dripping wet.
"Party!" Alice followed after her father, her hands lifted up as well.
"We're goin' to grill in the back, and there'll be fireworks! You'll take care of all those popsicles, I
bet," Liam said.
Alice gave him a salute.

"What taught you such cool things?"
"Mr. Jane," she said. He and Mick were one of the few who hadn't gotten the 'uncle' nickname.
Mick, due to being largely uninterested in children.
Jane, largely because Zhanna disapproved of the entire Dempsey family, and the mere thought
of being related to them was neck snapping worthy.
"Does he know about the party? Leaving people out of parties is bad. Just look at Sleeping
Beauty," Alice said.
"I'm pretty sure everyone in fifty miles knows. Your father isn't exactly subtle, or quiet," Sophia
said dryly.
"Then, big party?" Alice's eyes shone. She didn't wait for a response before she want running
through the yard, with her hands up screaming big party!
"And you're going to have to get more ice, because someone started an ice fight and now we
can't use these for food," Sophia said.
"Worth it," Liam said.
8:30 PM
Several bottles of wine were spread out across the counter. If it was a good night, they'd only go
through a couple. If it was a bad night, there'd be shards of glass and shattered wine bottles
everywhere from one last fight.
If Tavish relapsed, then all bets were off.
Sophia mentally figured out ways to keep Tavish away from the alcohol.
Alice gripped her fingers on the mottled counter, and tried to pull herself up. She wasn't quite
strong enough.
"When's the fireworks, mom? I've been waiting all day and there's no fireworks," Alice said.
"They won't be until dark. You can't see them otherwise. Unless Jane and Tavish got somethin'
planned..."
"They better not," Sophia said.
Outside a few finger food had already been set out. The pigs in a blankets had already
disappeared around the time Jane showed up.
At least he was wearing clothes this time, she thought to herself. There was no guarantee that
would last until the end of the night.
"What's that?"
"That is a wine opener." Sophia worked a little magic, and pulled the cork out.
Alice reached out with wide eyes. Sophia placed it in the drawer, and patted her head. "You
have a few more years before you can have any of this."
"Mom, when's the fiiiireworks?"
Before she could respond, Liam cut in.
"Fireworks, eh? You know where those are? The sky! I think it's airplane time!"
Liam lifted her up, amid Alice's giggles.
"Careful with the bottles--"
"No worries," Liam said, and winked.
Alice let out a scream. Sophia clutched her red disposable cup hard enough to crush it. But
then, Alice started laughing as she ran. Liam chased after her. He let out a growl, mimicking
some monster, and reached out for her. Alice let out a shriek, but he caught her, and lifted her
up.
"I got you!"
Alice kicked her legs.
"Oh, you're kickin' me, you're kickin' me!" He held her up and spun around until they both were
laughing and dizzy.
"It's my turn to be it," Alice said.
"Crap, I better friggin' run fast, with a speed demon like you on my heels."
He slowed, far less than his usual fast speed, but enough to keep just ahead of Alice.
Sophia let out a sigh and took a sip of wine. Sometimes, just watching them made her tired.
9PM
Alice lifted her arms. "Firework time!"
"Almost! How about some sparklers?"
"Sparkles?" Alice said.
"They're like little fireworks you can carry around," Liam said. He pulled out his lighter, and lit
one. Alice gasped as it began to spark. Liam carefully handed it over to her.
"See? There you go. "Be careful, now," Liam said.
The sparklers left little trails of light through the night. Alice laughed to herself as she twirled
them around and around.
She held them up, and waved them from side to side as quickly as she could. "I'll be like a
superhero!"
"Okay, Sparkle Girl," Liam said.
"Don't burn yourself!" Sophia called after her. Alice paid her no heed, running even faster and
taking a jump in the air to send her ponytail bobbing. She had a big red scrunchy that was
coming loose with every jump.
"Heheh. Kids are awesome," Liam said. He walked over to the campfire pit, covered in ashes,
where Tavish and Jane had set up an explosives operation. Tavish took a swing of his apple
cider. He had a box of fireworks right beside his chair, all of which he was modifying in his own
way.
Jane wore American flag army fatigues, likely a modification; most of his army things were, from
his guns held together with duct tape to his bottle cap medals he gave to himself.
Tavish's armor was loose. Without the extra calories of alcohol, he'd lost his beer gut gained
from those dire months of unemployment back in the robot wars.
Jane glared at him. He looked like a walking, breathing, and very angry, personification of the
American flag.
"Hey, hey, hey, don't you be messin' around too much with those explosions. There's kids here!"
"Son, leave it to the experts. You can run around with your little toy bat and gun and play
cowboy, but us men know explosives," Jane said.
"Experts at gettin' yourself blown up, more like it! . She's just a kid, she don't need to see
anybody in pieces," Liam said.
"Aye, but she won't be little for long. Before you know it, she'll be datin'," Tavish said. Liam
grimaced. Spy must've told him, now they were all laughing at him, the best dad in the world.
Liam suddenly got up. Sophia had been sipping at a punch that smelled like it'd been more than
a little spiked. Sophia had been in one of the deck chairs all along, carefully surveying the scene
around her. He sat by her, and touched her shoulder to get her complete attention.
"New rule: Alice ain't datin' until she's eighteen at least and I'm greetin' all potential boys with a
sawed-off shotgun on my shoulder. Also, hirin' Spy to do a background check."
"Liam....she's five. I think you can keep the shotgun in the case for a little while longer," Sophia
said.
"Yeah, well.... Sometimes the thought of guys gettin' to her makes me want to smash some
heads in. I mean, do you have any idea the kinds of crap I used to get into? The thought of guys
tryin' out schemes to pick up my little girl and then run off like she was nothin'...uh-uh, ain't
happenin'. Not to her, I ain't just gonna let some heartbreaker get ahold of my little girl."
"God save us from the reformed wannabe playboy," she said.
"Here's hopin' karma is a bunch of bunk, otherwise I'm screwed. With you and me as parents,
you just know Alice is goin' to be a stunner, and everybody is goin' to want to flirt with a girl like
that," he said.
She patted him on the back. "You never did break any hearts, you were too busy striking out."
"I was super charmin', they were just playin' hard to get," Liam said, folding his arms across his
chest.
"Keep telling yourself that," she said.
"I was totally charmin'. A real charmer!"
"You were good enough to win me over," she said.
"Hey, that's winnin' the jackpot! Who cares about those other girls?"
"A very good mantra to take," she said.
"It's just...." Liam pulled his cap off and ran his fingers through his hair. "What if somebody
breaks her heart? I'm goin' to have to beat his skull in, and then I'm headin' for jail, and I'll only
see you and Alley on weekends, and I'll get limited conjugal visits, and probably get shanked in
prison!" Liam pushed his fist to his palm.
"I already been to prison a couple of times! Orange ain't my color, and the food sucks."
She rested her hand on his forearm.
"Liam, I've hardly gotten rusty. If anybody breaks her heart or hurts her, there'll never be a trace
found. In fact, I can even frame whoever you hate the most for the murder. Besides, if you ever
got in jail, I'd just break you out again. Though, we could always do the conjugal visits on our
own. We've certainly got enough handcuffs," Sophia said.
Liam looked at her with such tender wonder. He finally smiled.
"You're the best---We're the best together," Liam said.
"Don't I know it," she said.
He lifted up his hand, and she high fived him. After this many years of being his wife, they
worked in tandem even when it came to murder plans. "Hey, bump my fist."
She laughed. "Really, Liam?"
"Totally."
"Fine," she said, with a little chuckle, and bumped his fist. Their rings clinked together.
"It's like bein' Green Lantern, except my power is havin' an awesome wife."
Dell manned the grill. He wore a large apron over his overalls, with Engineers Do It All
Night printed over it.
When Alice returned, she was walking with Dell's daughter, Delia. Slowly behind them, a boy in
a little bear onesie peeked from behind one of the many deck chairs.
"What's that kid's name again?" Liam said.
"I don't remember," Sophia said.
Considering that Zhanna still hated Sophia after one accidental insult years later, he wasn't any
closer to finding out, either.
The boy had a large helmet with a flag printed on it---both of Jane's children were arrayed in
patriotic colors of some sort. His daughter even had an American flag painted on her face.
Delia's light brown hair stuck out at every angle under her little plastic hardhat in an unkempt
pixie cut, like she'd rubbed her socks across the carpet until she'd created enough static
electricity to fuel a doom ray. Knowing her, she probably had. Usually, thick goggles hid her
eyes. But this time, she'd hung them around her neck to reveal light blue eyes. Dell had always
said she had eyes as clear as a Texan sky. She smiled wide, revealing a large gap of missing
teeth in her smile. "Dad, I made a death ray! We're gonna call her Daisy, and paint flowers on
her, before we take over Australia."
Dell bent down at pushed her little hard hat painted with roses and daisies up.
"Now Delia, we've been over this. That's a sentry, not a death ray," Dell said. He patted her on
the head, mussing up her unkempt hair in the process. "You'll be buildin' death rays before you
know it, but sentries are the foundation of bein' an engineer. And you should let Australia be for
now. Saxton Hale won't take kindly to you takin' over the animals he wants to punch."
"Not even a little? They probably won't miss a bunch of desert."
"Not until you're sixteen at least."
Liam nodded. "Good age for world domination," Liam said.
Dell smiled. "I thought so."
She raised her eyebrow at him again.
"So world domination is fine, but dating isn't?"
"And you said she ain't got none of her mama in her," he said.
"Come on, this is Alice. She's more likely to adopt every lost dog in the world than take it over."
"You're just temptin' fate right there," Liam said.
"God., I am. It could be worse," Sophia said.
"So, what you're saying is anything is all right, as long as she doesn't pick a boy from the wrong
side of town who flirts with all the girls? A boy like her father?"
"...you know, I think I'm startin' to get why your daddy don't like me," he said. "God, I hope she
don't go for anybody like me. Awesome and likes sports are fine, but not with the flirtin' and
chasin' girls."
He sunk against her. "Fatherhood is hard. Anyone that tells you otherwise is lyin'."
She took his hand in hers and squeezed it. "I think you're doing a pretty good job of it, all things
considered."
"I gotta take up drinkin' where Tavish left off. Five more years and she'll be a ten year old.
Couple after that and she'll be a teenager. God, a teenager. My baby is goin' to be a
teenager. I need a drink."
Dell absently rolled over the franks before they burned. "Now, Delia Rose, you know the rules.
No level three sentries until you're at least ten."
"But daaad!"
"Now go take care of your mini-sentry. It's been chirpin' to be fixed for some time now."
"I just fixed it," Delia said.
"Probably one of those explosives went awry. You always gotta be wary of things like that. Even
a Scout could take out one of your sentries if you're not careful."
Liam chuckled. "Trust me, I messed with some of his sentries. I danced with danger and flipped
off death more times than I can count."
"Kay, I'll take care of my sentry real good," Delia said.
Several of the little robotic guns had bonnets on them. Alice and Delia Rose seemed to be
playing a strange game of house that was also about killing communists, then putting the baby
sentries to sleep, after they were made to race in death games.
Right next to the grill, Pyro was snuggling a puppy, completely unperturbed by the heat rising
next to him. Every so often, Dell would burn a hot dog by "accident" and blow on it, before
handing it to Pyro, who would gleefully feed it to the little dog.
"Hey, smokey," Liam said. He gave a wary look over to Pyro, who still kept his cap on.
Liam may have gotten marginally more comfortable, when he realized that Dell had made it so
Pyro wouldn't burn his face off, but that didn't stop the wariness. Pyro was like personal
nightmares brought on by too many dime horror novels personified.
"I can't go anywhere without him pickin' up puppies and kittens to bring home. Kids love it, but I
need to hire a person just to walk 'em all," Dell said.
"You open to me doin' the job? Because I am telling you, Alley and me could give all your dogs
a real good run."
"Can you take bein' near Pyro?" Dell said.
"Ehhh, well, maybe. I mean, he ain't lit my ass on fire recently...."
"You'll have to fight Tavish for it. Since he quit drinkin', he's been takin' on dozens of jobs at
once. Somethin' to keep his hands busy, and mind off of everythin'."
"Yeah, I can only imagine."
Dell used the tongs and pulled the last frank off the grill. "Now it's about time for a whole other
load. Y'all eat more than an entire squadron of new army recruits, and are twice as loud."
"Shut up, it's freedom time!" Jane bellowed.
"Hey, doodlebug. The show's startin'!"
"These fireworks are in honor of Lady Freedom, and all the communist bears I punched in the
name of America!"
"Just shut up and light the wick," Tavish muttered. But it was low enough that Jane hadn't heard,
otherwise there would've been a brawl.
Tavish jumped back as the first whistling rocket launched up. It was so loud, it sounded like an
atomic bomb dropping over them, with a plum of smoke to match. A giant spray of red covered
the sky.
He lifted Alice up onto his shoulders. She pointed up enthusiastically at every colorful explosion
in the sky.
"Whoooa! They're like--pretty sky flowers!"
"They sure aren't going to smell like flowers in a moment," Dell muttered.
"Dad, can we have big booms every night?"
"Eat beans, and you will," Liam said. He cracked up at his own joke.
Jane's voice echoed, as if he had somehow gotten ahold of a megaphone. The mere thought
was disturbing. "Yes we will, because every day is a celebration of the freedom of
America!"
"Yay, freedom!" Alice lifted her arms, and let out a shriek as another set of fireworks went off.
It was almost midnight, and there hadn't been one hospital visit, or a single fight to break up. No
one had gotten injured by explosives, and Tavish hadn't gotten ahold of any alcohol.
As far as Sophia was concerned, it was a resounding success. "Let freedom ring," she
murmured to herself, as she glanced from the fireworks, back to her family. Both Liam and
Alice's faces were filled with wonder as each firework lit up the sky.
*
(age 6)
Even though it'd been years, the men still had problems realizing they weren't immortal. Liam
was the worst at it, starting with a yeah, I've got this and ending with a sickening crack.
"Oh, hell. I should've landed that one."
"Medic went back to Germany, remember? I told you that just last week," she said.
"You're a cheater, friggin' wheel! That guy deserved a dollar and you know it! He put his
shoulder into it!"
"Yeah, a cheater!" Alice said, joining in. She looked to Liam, with a worried glance, and tugged
at his red t-shirt. A new mustard stain had joined the older ketchup stains on his stomach. His
leg was propped up in a cast. The furniture had been moved to allow room for a hospital bed.
Alice wrapped her fingers around the metal bars about the bed. She stood on tie-toe to get a
better look.
"You need a drink, dad?" Alice said.
"Nah, I got one right here."
He looked away from the television, and leaned in to pat her on the shoulder.
"Don't look at me like that, Alley. I just got a broken leg. Sure it sucks that I can't run, but I been
through way worse stuff before. Once, Heavy ripped off my leg and beat me with it."
He sipped at his soda. Alas, this one didn't give him super speed and radiation powers, but
without Respawn, he couldn't take that much radioactivity and not croak.
"And then you beat him? Super fast, and with your bat?"
"Nope. Then I had to go to doctor and get all fixed up. Don't disturb sleepin' bears, Alice.
Especially big shaved bears who hate people."
"Is he a real bear?"
"Well, I mean not a real, real bear, but he's big, and he probably eats people if they touch his
stuff," Liam said.
"Can you help a bit? Hand me those crutches, would you?"
She hauled them out towards him so fast that she almost tripped over her own feet in the
process.
"Hey, hey, be careful. We don't need two broken legs."
"It's no fun running without you, dad," she said.
"I miss our runs, too. I used to get over broken bones real easy. I ain't been laid up since that
time I tried to fly when I was twelve. Ma says I gave her dozens of gray hairs and took ten years
off her life just for that."
A series of pictures of games Alice had been to, from the one
Liam had been stocking up on jerseys since before she had even been born.
"Technically, the first game you went to was before you were born. Ma said you really kicked a
lot that day, I'd like to think you were cheerin' along even back then. And you were there with
me when I was holding you and caught that ball! They even let us keep it, with signatures, too."
She'd threaded her thick, dark ponytail through the back of her baseball cap.
"Are uncle Tavish and uncle Jane going to come?" Alice said.
"Nah, they're football guys. Course, they've come to blows over the actual meaning of football.
Whatever, give me baseball any day."
He hoisted her up onto his shoulders to better see the action.
June 23rd
"Mom! Dad! Look, I found a kitty in the woods!"

"A cat, huh?" Liam's face froze as he saw what was in her arms. Black, with a long white stripe,
and a big tail.
"Alley---that ain't a kitty cat!"
"It's not?" Alice said. She stroked it behind the ears.
"You wanna put it down slowly. Don't make any sudden movements."
"Alice...that kitty--it's stinky, and it's going to make you stinky too."
"That's mean," Alice said. She held the 'kitty' closer to her.
Liam let out a shriek as they were both sprayed.
"M-mom," Alice whimpered. "It stinks!"
Sophia nearly tipped over her coffee cup when she caught sight of Alice.
"I got pickers, mom. But that's okay, I put water on 'em. Now they'll come out."
"You put―water, in your hair?"
She started to try and pull out the tangles.
"Any luck?" Liam said.
Liam bent to her level. "Hey, slugger. How about a cute hair cut?"
Sophia pulled her hair back, and slowly began to snip curls. Burrs and long, brown tresses fell to
the floor. Tears fell down her cheeks.
"It's okay, Alley. It's goin' to grow back."
"Can we give it to the birds?" Alice said.

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.
Interlude: Vera
She was wrapped up in a blanket.
"She came out screamin' a battle cry, her little fists balled, like she was already pickin' a fight.
Aye, this one's goin' to be feisty," Tavish said.
When she opened her eyes, she looked annoyed. He couldn't help but laugh.
"Aye, ye look rather hung over, like ye got dragged to work," Tavish said.
"Yae are a DeGroot, all right. Barely a few minutes old, and ye are already tellin' the world to
feck off," he said.
"Are ye okay, lass?"
"I once had a wound get infected. I was feverish for weeks. This was painful, but not like that,"
she said.
"That's me strong lassie."
"Is the baby here yet?" Alice said. "Is she? Is she?"
"Aye, she's here. Now, keep yae battle cry practice low for a bit. Me wife is restin'," he said.
"Quiet screams?" Alice said.
"Very quiet screams," Tavish said.
"It was a really long wait," Alice said.
"Aye, it was. But it was worth it," he said. He looked in at his wife, and the child clutched to her
breath. His child, his family.
Interlude
A Vacation On the Run
age 7
"Guess what, we're goin' on a vaacation! We're goin' all the way to Disneyworld
"Disneyworld?" Alice said. Her eyes widened.
"Yep!"
Sophia leaned in. "Who are we running from?"
"I don't know, Spy set up the whole thing.
"Spy did this?"
"No, it was Jane," Liam said.

"Dammit," Sophia muttered.
"Naw, we ain't gotta leave for good. Just need to have a nice alibi, and maybe."
"What about the dogs?" Alice said.
"Oh, we got people who will take care of them."
"Baseball packed himself in my suitcase," Alice said.
They'd gotten somewhat lucky, for his history, Baseball was gentle to them, and there had been
no hint of the fighting dog he'd once been.
But there was no telling.
Besides, she'd seen him turn vicious once, when a mailman came to their door.
*
They now had approximately 53 postcards, most with dogs on the covers, from each state
they'd come from.
"On your left, you'll see Stinkin' River. Pee-yew," Liam said.
Alice broke into laughter, and didn't stop. Even long after they'd left the river behind, she was
still laughing.
"You're still laughin' about that stinkin' river?" Liam said.
Alice fell over in a fit of even more giggles.
"What's with the wall?" Liam said.
"I thought you were the tour guide here," Sophia said.
Before Liam could start his usual bullshitting, Sophia began to explain.
"It's a floodgate. If the water comes up too much, it holds it in," Sophia said.
"Really, it'd go that high?" Liam let out a low whistle. "I bet they get some serious surfin' out of
that."
"Mom, there's clouds in the trees! Are they caught, like a kite?"
"That's the fun part about bein' in the mountains. Well, that and you get some dang good work
on your hams goin' up that mountain."
"Do you think I can hug that cloud, mom?"
"You could try," Sophia said.
"Darling, it's been months since we were on the run from the cops," Colleen said
dreamily.
"Hey, doodlebug, we got a new game to play. It's called 'duck down and avoid the bullets,'
okay?"
He pulled out his pistol, and started firing off shots at the car behind them.
"It's been age since we had a nice long romantic buryin' in the woods," Liam said.
"This soil is much easier than down there. But, we'll have to dig much deeper; I don't have any
Quicklime handy."
Liam winked. "Don't you keep that in your purse?"
"I sure used to," Sophia said.
"I can't believe the Administrator ever let DNA testing become common practice. I asked her,
and she said I could use the challenge. Can you believe that?"
"Sounds like her," Liam said.
"I'm surprised I haven't become completely rusty," Sophia said.
"You had a lot of practice," Liam said.
"Okay, I can do this," Liam said.
"Readin' instructions is for nerds. I got a sense for this."
"Have you even ever been camping?"
"Only in the livin' room when doodlebug wanted me to go into her fort. But I made some damn
mean blanket forts in my day."
He
The tent collapsed in on itself. Liam jumped back.
"Are you finished?" Spy said.
"Finished bein' awesome? Never."
"You're so handy," Erich said.
"Knuckles up!"
Alice held out her fist to Noah, who started to draw back.
"Son, you're being challenged to a fist fight."
"Naw, there's pretty much nothin' more American than a brofist," Liam said.
"C'mon, doodle bug. Knuckles up,"
Alice held her hand out, and he gently touched his knuckles to hers.
"See? It's like touchin' freedom," Liam said.
Jane narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "I know freedom like the back of my hand. The
hand I will slap you with if you insult Lady Liberty!"
"Then I guess you're behind on the freedom stuff. Also, my kid could've beaten down your kid, I
mean c'mon."
"Noah has been trained in the art of snapping necks since he was in diapers."
"Well, my kids been runnin' laps since like, forever. Also, your kid is a nerd, admit it."
Alice
Colleen
"Are you really sure you
"It's good proof we were on a 'vacation,'" Colleen said.
"Sweetie, you look adorable. Don't
The kayak almost tipped--even more so than it had, with Alice looking as if she was trying to
dance in there.
Sophia came out to the deck. Both of them had lifejackets on.
*
Alice kicked her heels, water splashed across the lake, and caused ripples that sailed out
towards the other side.
Beside her, Noah was quiet. He slipped off the deck and into the water. In a quick movement,
he struck, and lifted up a small fish.
"Wow, Bear boy, you did it!"
"There he is. My son is already catching fish with his teeth."
Noah flushed with pleasure
"Don't tell Mr. Hale about this," she said.
Alice pushed her nose up to the glass. A chimpanzee looked right at her, its mouth open in an
considering 'o.'
"D
*
If she believed in a deity, or multiple ones, she would be praying now that Jane didn't punch out
a mascot. As it was, all she could rely on was this handy child leash, that came in extra-extra
large.
Alice had on a pair of mouse ears.
"C'mon, we'll all match."
"I thought we were the rabbit family," Sophia said.
"Well, you and I certainly do some things like bunnies--"
Sophia could only imagine the kinds of places Alice would fine to repeat that.
"Why does that friggin' horse have teeth?"
Far be it from the LSD trip that was Lisa Frank unicorns, the creature before them was thick, like
a Clydesdale, with slitted eyes and the sharp teeth of a carnivore.
"Dad, can I keep him? Can I keep him? I'm going to call him Fred," Alice said. She reached up
to nuzzle against its massive jaw.
"Alice, no! We can't be keepin' no friggin' carnivore horses. Are you sure that even is a
horse? Don't they like, eat grass and stuff?"
"But, daddd!"
"We'll get you a real pony when we get back, one that don't eat people!"
Its eyes were turning red. Liam grabbed her and started off on a run.
It didn't neigh, so much as make a cry that seemed to come from the depths of hell itself.
"It's going really fast, dad."
"That's not good, doodlebug! We gotta bounce--literally!"
He leapt over a fallen tree. A creek was ahead.
Alice giggled. "He wants to play! He's a friend!"
"No, he's tryin' to friggin' gore us!"
"A carnivorous unicorn, really?" Sophia shook her head. "Just when I thought I'd seen it all. We
should start a bingo at this point. Aliens, wizards, skeleton kings, zombies, and now dragons.
What's next, dragons??"
"Babe, don't jinx it. I nearly got my ass gored."

Series: TF2
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
fatherhood.
otherwise.
-Part 8-
Eight Sideways Is Forever
*
1984
"UGH!" Alice tossed aside her backpack.
"It's Nancy. She's the worst! I want to take that baseball bat and smash her smug face
in."
"Use gloves. And if you can, try something else that isn't associated with you, like a golf club.
That way you have plausible deniability. I'll make sure you have an ironclad alibi."
"Wow, mom! you're a real pro at murder!"
"I just have lots of practice."
Liam grinned. "Oh, she's real good."
"Liam, what did I tell you about creating witnesses?"
"Aw, come on. Alley's a good girl. She won't squeal."
Alice sat at the table, her cereal bowl pushed aside. Milk still pooled in the bottom. Occasionally,
she swished her spoon across the bottom, turning the consistency into a soupy mess.
"Don't play with your food," Sophia said.
"It's yucky now, though," Alice said.
"Cereal doesn't keep well. Just ditch it and eat your food faster next time," Sophia said.
"You always tell me to eat slower, now you want me to eat faster?" Alice said.
"Because I don't want you to choke on your food," Sophia said.

"Hey, mom? How did you meet dad?"
"He's been telling you that story since you were born. He used to tell you it almost every day for
a while there. I think you'd probably have about memorized it by now," Sophia said.
"I never heard it from you, though. Uncle Dell says stuff like 'history is written by the victors' and
'everyone is a hero in their own story.' Stuff like that got me wondering..." Alice said.
"We worked together," Sophia said.
"But, like what did you think about him? And...how did you know he was the one you wanted to
marry him? The one you were in love with--"
"Those are two very different questions," Sophia said.
Liam leaned in to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of water. He twisted the cap, but waited for
her response before taking a sip.
"When I met him, I thought your father was the biggest asshole I'd ever met, and that's saying
something, considering that his teammates were constantly vying hard for that crown. He made
a pass at me about a week later, and I thought 'hell will freeze over before I ever go out with
you.'"
"Yeah, I was somethin' back then, glad you noticed," he said, and winked at Sophia. "And what
do you know, last time I saw Bombinombicon, he had ice capades goin' on down there," Liam
said. "He gave out free prizes, too. A real trooper, that book."
Liam took a long sip, and sat down beside Alice.
"Only you would take that as a compliment," Sophia said.
"Hey, you thought I was memorable, and the best, how can I not?" he said.
"The best at being an asshole," she said.
"Everyone's got different talents. Except for me, I got all of them," Liam said.
"Really? What's the square root of pi?" Sophia said.
"Soph, I leave the brainy stuff to you. You do it so well. You're super hot when you balance the
checkbook and pay the taxes," Liam said. He grinned at her, sneaking in the kind of suggestive
glance that Alice was still too young to understand. "Your glasses slide down, you sorta look
frustrated, like you could stab someone, and your hair falls from the pun. The way you write
those neat lines while balancing the checkbook.."
He shook his head. "You slay me, Soph. Right through the heart."
"So, you thought dad was a jerk, but you married him?" Alice said.
"He got better," Sophia replied.
What I'm hearin' is that you wanna hear the story of how I met your mother again, that's one of
my favorites to tell!" He pulled at her cap, and ruffled her dark hair.
"Really, I thought you would've gotten tired of it, but I can tell it again. See, we thought we had
three days to live, so I went to Spy, and asked him to help me man up, and then I went
screw it, I'll put this date on myself, I put on my best date clothes and pretended to take a
briefcase. She was furious, but we kinda bonded between that evil bread, and she let me
hang around while she worked. Then, the robots attacked, Mann co. got in a bit of trouble, and I
got to jail for stuff I didn't do, but your ma, she saved me. She literally held me up so I wouldn't
get my neck snapped."
Liam took another sip of water.
"We had to go do other stuff then, go find the rest of the team and bring 'em back, so we could
all kick robot ass together. Your ma and I were apart a long time then, but we talked a lot. But
when all those rustbucket robots were finally in pieces, I got to take her on that date. And we
went on another one, and anoher one. Hell, we still go on dates, whenever I can get her out," he
said.
"Fallin' in love is like a punch to the gut. It was like that dread when a job was goin' bad and I
didn't know if I'd make it in one piece. But in a good way, more like, knowin' that I gotta put
everythin' into it, or I'll just be blown away. And I don't even mean that like a metaphor, I mean
literal guts on the floor," Liam said.
"So...being in love is like wanting to punch someone in the face?" Alice said.
"Guess it depends on who you're fallin' in love with," Liam said.
Tk edit together "That's dad?" Alice said.
On the paused newscast, a twenty-three year old Liam Dempsey smirked at the screen. He had
his arm about a girl. The Nightmare before Smissmass: Teufort saves world from Australian
Santa was printed on the newspaper. He grinned smugly, showing off his non-existent
muscles to whoever would look.
"Was there another Scout? It doesn't seem like dad," Alice said.
She paused as she watched Liam smirk at the screen. He'd bragged for so long that he hadn't
even noticed when the newscaster had left. "He seems kind of mean."
"He used to be very different," Sophia said.
"Were you married then?"
"Oh, we weren't even dating then," Sophia said.
"Though I wished we were. Though not the way I would wish later, then it was less marryin' and
more...wantin' to spend some ahem time with her," Liam said.
"She doesn't need to be introduced to Liam Dempsey circa nineteen sixty-nine," Sophia said
sternly. "At least not until she's older."
"What happened?" Alice said.
"Well, should I tell this one?" Sophia said.
"As much as I love hearin' your voice, this story is all mine. Though it can be summed up
without even a word," Liam said. He pointed to Sophia.
"That's why. I feel so hard for this girl I worked with, that I couldn't help but clean up my act a
little."
His breath tickled her neck. Liam put his arms just a bit tighter around her. Morning peeked in
under slats of curtains, golden sunlight spread on the bed. He worked his way up her shoulder
with light kisses.
For weekends there were no blaring alarms, and no deadlines. But she still still instinctively
woke up early---at least by his standards, nine AM was early.
"Mornin', beautiful. God, it's like I'm winnin' the lottery, but every day's a payout," Liam said. He
brushed his fingers through her hair.
"Winning the lottery? Really? Even on the days when I'm PMSing?" she said.
"Eh, there's still ten dollar wins, but mostly you're a million, even when you got a gun pointed at
my head."
"Gee, thanks," she said.
"Speakin' of a million bucks, you look like it. But less green, and more awesome," Liam said.
"My hair is a mess, and I have morning breath," she said.
"Yeah, and guess who made it that way? This guy!" He attempted to high-five himself, but he
couldn't bring himself to let go of her.
"You are the biggest dork---"
"---And you know you love me," Liam said.
"I do," she said.
"Besides, you can out dork me any day. You cheered louder than both of us that last Sox game,
and you totally got into that kiss cam. 'course, you'd had a few drinks, but everyone has a few at
a baseball game--"
The door burst open, and Alice leapt in, dark hair flying. She landed at the foot of the bed, and
climbed her way to sit right on top of his legs. She was still in her little baseball pajamas, and
clutched her pillow, ready to hit anyone in her way.
Sophia pulled the covers up tighter around her chest.
"Did Spy friggin' teach her to pick locks?"
"I'm guessing yes," Sophia said. She reached for her glasses at the bedside table.
Liam pulled Alice into a gentle headlock and rubbed her wild, unbrushed dark hair. "Eyyy,
there's my favorite little cockblock!"
"You know she's just going to say that to my mother next time she's there," Sophia said.
"Good. It'll remind her that you never married a doctor or some stuffy banker guy. I got to you
first. And I'm never goin' to let go."
"You'd better not, I'd throw a ball at any doctors or banks that tried to take mom away," Alice
said.
"You and me both, kid. Good to see you got my back. And you got a pretty mean throw, too.
Probably leave that chuckenut with a black eye."
Liam held out his fist to be pounded, and Alice enthusiastically dropped her pillow, and brofisted
him back.
Alice twisted the deep blue covers in her hands. She was always full of motion such as twirling
her hair, a pencil, or jiggling her leg. Even for things she enjoyed, she was always waiting to
race off to something else, some new shining thing which had caught her eye.
"Aren't you hungry, dad? You said you'd take me out to go to the sandlot and if we don't get the
morning run in, we'll be late," Alice said.
"Alley cat, it ain't even noon yet. You know we don't go out in the heat of the day. Last time you
got a sunburn so bad, you looked like you'd gone a round with Pyro."
Alice puffed her cheeks out in frustration. "But daadd! If I don't show up, Nancy is going to talk
crap about me."
"If someone talks crap, then you gotta talk right back," Liam said.
"I can't talk if she's way over there!"
"You're right, but I gotta fix that. Breakfast first, then we'll head out. Okay? Now, you go
cockblock Spy. I gotta go get to third base."
"You can play baseball in the bathroom?" Alice said.
"Well, technically, bases got different---"
"You're not having that conversation with her. Also, I'm about to go shower, and will do
so alone if you take any longer, " Sophia said pointedly.
"Oh yeah, I gotta go help your ma. See you in a bit, Alley cat, you queen of baseball diamonds."
Alice jumped up in a cheer. "I'm queen of the cockblocks and diamonds!"
She let out her own personal battle cry, which had definitely come from Jane, and rushed out to
the kitchen.
"It's like Medic put twenty of you in Repsawn, and turned them into her by accident," Sophia
said.
"I know, right? It's great," Liam said.

Mornings were the quietest part of the day. Many of the noisier mercenaries slept late if they
could, Medic had recently sound-proofed his laboratory, so they weren't woken up from screams
and maniacal laughter in the middle of the night any longer, and Liam had already gone for his
morning run.
He used to sleep late as well, but after dating her, he'd started to align his routines so they could
spend more time together. He'd never really become a morning person, and it took at least two
cups of coffee before he'd start sounding more human and less sleep-deprived zombie creature.
Alice, too had a habit of getting up early, though for entirely different reasons.
Liam had brought home a large height measure poster, one that reached high enough that even
Misha could get his height checked, though Sophia would have to bring a ladder indoors to
make the mark. Ever since then,
attention would steadily fall back to that ruler. Sophia had been forced to limit the measuring
sessions, as otherwise Alice would beg to check every half hour, and be disappointed when she
hadn't magically sprung up six inches.
"Is it time yet, mom? Is it? Can I go see how much taller I got?"
"Finish your eggs," she said.
Alice stabbed the fork in her last sunny-side up egg and shoved the entire piece in her mouth in
one bite. She'd been trying to work on table manners, but Alice often ate with the men, and
she'd gained their more unsavory aspects. At least she hadn't tried to take up smoking cigars or
lighting farts yet.
"Mnow mom?"
"Finish chewing. And don't talk with your mouth open," Sophia said.
With much determination, Alice chewed as if she were running a race with her mouth.
"Don't eat too fast so you choke," Sophia said.
Alice put her plate in the sink, and rushed over to the wall.
Alice couldn't stand still. She kept looking up, her head moving enough to make the pencil line
jerk all across the ruler.
"No standing on your tip-toes, Alice," Sophia said.

"Dad says I have to be tall to be a really good runner," she said.
"Well, it certainly helps. Though I wouldn't worry about that; with how much of his genes you
got, you're bound to be tall."
Alice puffed her chest up. "Am I taller, mom, am I taller?"
"You have to hold still, I can't read the numbers right if you keep moving," Sophia said.
Alice took a deep breath and held it. Her cheeks were puffed out like a hamster's, and in her
attempt to hold still.
Sophia studied the marks on the wall. Beside it was a large stickerboard with many names over
it. Even the men had gotten into chores, and would often break out in fights over who deserved
the most sparkly star stickers. At the moment, she was leading, though she could swear that
Zhanna was taking on chores just to beat her, as if she could win back Jane's honor one sparkly
sticker at a time.
"Hmm, not today," Sophia said. "You'll have to drink a little more milk."
Alice let out her breath and gasped. She looked back at the wall ruler as if it had personally
betrayed her.
"Then bring all the cows! I'm drinking all the milk!"
Before Sophia could respond, Alice had already rushed to the fridge and pulled out the carton of
milk. She opened up the top, and a flood of white liquid cascaded over her.
"Alice, you don't have to drink the entire carton---"
Milk poured down her chest and onto the floor. She was so startled that she dropped the entire
thing and milk pooled across the floor.
Alice let out a little shriek, and stepped back. Her socks were already sodden, and made
flopping, sploshing noises as she tried to walk.
"Alice, be careful!"
"Aww, no! That-that didn't work at all. I'm not taller, and all the milk is gone."
She looked up, realization hitting her all at once.

"Am-Am I in trouble? I didn't mean to!" Her face twisted in remorse. Her shoulders began to
shudder with sobs.
"It was just an accident. Next time use a glass," Sophia said.
"I can't reach them. I'm not tall enough," Alice wailed.
Sophia reached in for the mop. "Give it time, you'll be tall sooner or later."
"Probably later," Alice said. She pushed a chair from the kitchen table to a corner, and
sat facing the wall.
"I told you, Alice, you aren't---"
Liam hit the floor before she could give warning. She hadn't even seen him come in. He had an
awful habit of jogging indoors, unable to slow down even at rest.
"Dad, no! Now I've angered the milk, and I'll be even shorter than mom!"
"Alice, the milk isn't sentient; it isn't going to get revenge," she said.
"Well, at least the stuff that doesn't have evil bread in it. The stuff that does? That bites like you
wouldn't believe," Liam said.
"You're not helping. Remember the talk we had about telling stories about Merasmus
summoning monsters every Halloween when she was convinced there were monsters under the
bed?"
"Yeah, but Tavish and Eyelander took out the monsters infesting our house, so it's all good
now," Liam said.
Alice leaned over the side of her chair. "Dad, are you okay? I was just trying to be tall like you,"
she said.
"He leaned up, and rubbed at his head. "No worries, I've taken a lot harder falls than that. Why
you in the corner, Alley cat?"
"I tried to drink lots of milk, but I spilled it all over. Now I'll never grow tall!" she let out a wail and
clung to the chair.
"She isn't in trouble," Sophia said.
She bent to help Liam up. Though his legs wobbled, and they almost slipped together, they
made it up.
"Damn, I'm soaked. I needed a shower after that power run, anyways, I guess," he said.
"Really? How many miles," Alice said. Her face would always light up at her father's stories. No
matter how badly the day had gone, just a hint of the sound of gravel, and another story Sophia
knew was exaggerated, and she'd be rapt for hours.
She never corrected him. He didn't have to brag to be a hero in Alice's eyes, but he was so
used to bragging, Liam didn't know how to stop at this point.
Liam lifted her up, milk dripping all over the newly mopped floor. "Ten, maybe twenty. I lost
count. I'll tell you while we go get you some new socks. Man, Alley, you are goin' to be so
tall. Even taller than me, I bet. And you are goin' to run so fast, and maybe even challenge my
records. But I'll be workin' extra hard on 'em, so you gotta practice hard. And how to drink milk
right. You ain't supposed to be bathin' in it!"
Alice laughed. "I wasn't bathing in it, you were!"
"A milk a day keeps the doctor away. Even more if you bathe in it," Liam said.
"That's apple, dad!"
"I'm pretty sure it's milk," he said.
She could hear their laughter far down the hall, long after their voices had become indiscernible.
age 8
"Well, maybe I friggin' will!"
Liam had been staring at the table for longer than he could tell. A pen was in his hand, mostly
because he figured that's what writers did.
Though, to be fair he'd never met a writer, or knew what the hell they did.
This was like essay hell back in school days.
"Whatcha doing, dad?"
"Writin' a book," Liam said.
Alice sat up at the table and stared.
*
"Spy insulted me, so I'm writin' a book," Liam said.
"Were bets involved?" Sophia said.
"Not this time, just dignity!"
"So, you're writing a novel---"
"Not a book, a book! You know, about people that lived. It'll be so popular, they'll want to
make a movie out of it, and then all those Hollywood types won't be nearly good enough, so
they'll have to hire me to play the role of me in my own movie!"
"Ohh, a memoirs. You might want to actually write a word before you plot the movies you'll star
in," she said.
The blank page mocked him. Stupid sassy page, sticking its tongue out and calling him a stupid
fuck.
"Yeah, you got me there. Like where do I even begin? 'In the beginnin'' is already taken, and so
is 'once upon a time.'"
"Where do you begin when you tell the stories with us?"
"Usually by blockin' the exits," Liam said.
"I'm about ready to throw this typewriter out the window. What the hell do I know about books?"
Liam sighed. "Guess it was just a stupid pipe dream. Liked that idea, though. Just imagine the
look on all those chucklenuts' faces when I show them I wrote a friggin' book!"
Sophia set her book aside. One of her purple spaghetti straps had fallen down her shoulder.
"There's more than one way to finish a book, especially as this isn't a novel. You could get a
voice recorder and start dictating a rough draft," she said.
"So, I could write a book just by talkin'? I'm real good at talkin'! Hey, maybe I can do this!"
"We'd have to hire someone to sort through all your rambling, and then someone to censor
about half the secrets you spill... And know you there'll be about twenty tapes for a single
chapter, so some condensing will be involved..."
"While I was workin' on this book, I got to thinkin', I know a lot of crap, so what about one
of those motivational books? Like, a pep talk, but in paper, for nerds."
"I already got the title! How Not To Be A Frickin' Wuss. It's great, I bet even
"He doesn't read. He has Bidwell do all the reading for him. If Bidwell weren't so utterly loyal,
he'd have been embezelled ten times over.'
"Oh man! I bet if you worked for him, you'd totally steal his crap!"
"It'd be just payment for having to put up with him hitting on me, calling me toots, breaking all
the windows, and generally being Saxton Hale," she said.
"If he did any of those things nowadays, I'd beat him senseless. Totally frickin' senseless." Liam
clenched his fist.
Sophia placed her hand over his trembling fist.
"Liam, he's twice your size."
"Yeah, but can he catch me? I bet he can't beat me in a foot race! All those stupid abs of
his are heavy! He'll tire out, and then who will win? That's right, me. I'll be the winner."
The envelope came on a Saturday morning. Liam and Alice had just come in from their run, and
the mail was in a pile on the table. The air was rich with smells: bacon, new eggs, the faint after
tinge of olive oil, and newly brewed coffee. Liam leaned down to kiss her.
"Alice, don't eat all the bacon," Sophia said.
"It's so good, though. And I have to eat lots after running. I made a whole mile today."
"Yeah, she totally kept up!" Liam beamed with pride.
"We can always make more, I know we got some in the freezer," Liam said. He patted her hair,
before stealing one strip of bacon for himself, and leaving the rest for her.
She sorted the bills to be paid later after the kitchen had been cleaned up, but one envelope
stood out. She'd opened dozens of those a day years ago.
I leave everything to my assistant and sole remaining member of my family, my daughter,
Sophia Helena Pauling-Dempsey.
She let the paper drop, the rest of the words fading into nothing. Clauses and situations,
numbers and facts she couldn't process right then.
"What, are you okay? Did somethin' happen?"
Sophia remained quiet.
"Babe--? Can you hear me?"
"The Administrator...she, well, she... she's gone," she said.

"Oh," Liam said. He and the Administrator hadn't quite gotten along once she went from the
person who paid him to the person who had different plans for Sophia than he did.
"That's..." He laid his hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry," he said finally.

"She left me everything," Sophia said.
"Really? I figured she'd make it into some pirates treasure, or give it to ol' man Hale," he said.
"I wouldn't call that many bases and shell corporations a pirate's treasure."
He sat next to her.
"Look, we didn't get along, The Voice and me, but I'm sorry."
Sophia pushed up her glasses and rubbed at her eyes. "I'm fine, really," she said.
"She was my mother. I worked beside her for years, and she never even told me."
"She didn't exactly seem the touchy-feely type, but I guess she respected you in her own way. I
mean, she gave you all that stuff to do."
"Well. I'm the Administrator now," she said.
"She didn't want a funeral, but...it felt wrong to not."
"Well, I'm she she's taken over hell by now," Tavish said.
Sophia cleared her throat.

*
"She wouldn't have wanted a funeral," Sophia began. The mercenaries all had dry eyes. She
was the only one with a twisted feeling in her chest.
She sighed. "But I couldn't just have the news without something."
There wasn't a caskett, or even an urn. It was just them, and the memories of nineteen sixty-
nine.
Sophia prodded at the fire, shifting ashes and logs with the metal poker.
"Mom?"
"What is it, Alice?"
"Cyndi Lauper is really pretty," she said.
"True, she has a really interesting style."
"I mean, really pretty. But, The Goblin King was amazing in Labyrinth. I couldn't take my
eyes off of him whenever he was on screen," Alice said. Her voice had grown hushed with
wonder.
Sophia had to agree, though hers was more staring in horror at the tightness of his pants, and
knowing that Liam would get ideas.
Alice looked down and played with her hair, twisting her long brown curls over and over in
circles about her fingers.
"I want to be just like her, but I also wanna hold her hand."
"Do you have a crush on them?" Sophia said.
"A crush?" Alice's cheeks turned bright red. "I feel giggly."
"Is this normal? Am I weird? I watch all kinds of shows and stuff and there's never any stories
about girls who have crushes on both Cyndi Lauper and David Bowie."
"Oh," Sophia said. She set the poker aside. Her fingers were stained with soot, but she stroked
Alice's cheek. "Lots of people are like this," she said.
"Is it a big secret? Does nobody talk about how both boys and girls are pretty--or am I
different?"
"No, not everyone is like this. You're--well, you're special!"
"Really?"
"Of course, silly. You're special for many reasons."
She was getting far too large for Sophia's lap. Sophia pulled her close into a hug, and stroked
her hair.
"Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong. Unless it's Dell, and he's telling you to work on your
studies. Or your driving instructor. Wait, that's not right...what I'm trying to say is that you
shouldn't let anyone tell you that you're wrong for loving someone."
"So there's lots of people like that?"
"Well, some," Sophia said.
"Like who? I've never seen it on TV at all, and I watch lots of TV," Alice said.
"Um, I don't pay much attention to media," Sophia said.
"Then...there's no one else? There really is no one like this?" Alice said.
"--I am," Sophia said.
Alice looked up at her.
"I'm like you?"
"Of course you are. You have bits of both me and your father. Well, you have a lot of
your father in you."
"You think girls are pretty as well as dad?"
"Some of them, yes," Sophia said.
Alice giggled, and Sophia found herself pulled into a hug.
"I'm like you! I didn't know I had anything of mom in me, but I do."
True, she had gained mostly Liam, from his lithe features, to his bright personality. She stroked
Alice's head. At times, they were so alike in ways she didn't fit into.
"Why did you marry dad?"
"Because he loved me more than anyone else I had dated before ever had. None of the others
were willing to wait for me, but he did."
Sophia smiled as the looked to the fire. The log crackled, a fire showing through the shades of
black.
"He drives me up the wall sometimes, but I would've loved him no matter who he was, girl or
boy."
"Really, though. Aren't little girls supposed to be disgusted by their parents?" She ruffled Alice's
curls. "I thought you'd be hating me by now."
Alice emphatically shook her head. "Never!"
"Dad always looks so happy when he tells the story, though. And it's really exciting. It's got
everything!" Alice counted off on her fingers. "Evil bread stuff, evil robots, a happy ending, a lot
of bodies... it's like a great tv show, but with more explosions!"
"He certainly can tell a story. He loves to make himself a hero of all of them, too, that's for sure."
"That's because he is a hero!"
"Is dad like us?" Alice said, her voice hushed. "Are we a secret team?"
"A secret bi team?" Sophia chuckled. "Not quite."
"That's what it's called?" Alice said.
Sophia nodded.
"As for your father, I don't think so. He only dated girls. Though 'dating' might be a stretch.
Ahem, anyways, once when he was pretty drunk, said he'd have married me no matter what,
even if I was a guy, he would've loved me just the same, so take that as you will."
"One day, when I'm ruler of the world, I'll make all the television stations show everything you
want, okay?"
"Really, mom?"
"Your dad already has the capitals named after us picked out. I wouldn't be a very good future
Administrator if I didn't try and manipulate the media to my will. In fact, I've already got a lot of
power and weapons. Complete control of the media sounds fun," Sophia said.
(end)
"Aren't we a little young to be rocking on the porch? We aren't even forty yet," Sophia said.
Liam took a sip of iced tea. He put his arm about her shoulders and drew her closer. "Well, as I
see it, we done so much in our teens and twenties that we need a break. Sure, one day we'll
probably be globtrottin' and hidin' the bodies again, but sittin' on a porch with nobody yellin'
orders is one hell of a vacation."
"We haven't even left the house this whole week," she said.
"Every day around you is a vacation. Though I wouldn't say no to you wearin' a cute little two
piece more," Liam said.
She rested her head against him. The sky had turned gold with dark edges across black lines of
trees. It was just warm enough to enjoy this pre-Spring moment. "I barely know what to do with
myself. Weekends and nights off? I even get to sleep in."
"See, and all I had to do was knock you up. We should've done this years ago," Liam said.
She chuckled. "Maybe."
She spread the photobook across her lap and opened it up.
Agyles and a smug grin that just belied a little uncertainty beneath the facade.
"Oh, there's the date clothes. Haven't seen them in a while," she said.
"I should dust 'em off," Liam said.
"And look, there's the pile of robots," Sophia said.
"Aw yeah! I destroyed so many of those bastards. I was makin' a mountain, just for you," Liam
said.
"Wait, this one was just before that Director guy fucked off. Man, I hated him."
Liam chuckled as he looked at the picture. "Aw, man, this is us. Long time ago, though. Just a
few minutes after this shot, I had plans to make the moves on you, but you got called away. It'd
be months before I saw you again."
"You're forgetting--you did flirt with me. You asked me if I'd ever seen you shirtless," she said.
Liam laughed. "Nah, that was just like an appetizer. That wasn't the moves. A bit of
flirtin', sure. Hope it gave you a great mental image."
"Your 'moves' were so pathetic that I felt sorry for you," she said. She put finger quotes about
the word moves.
"And man am I glad for that. 1969 me was a fool. If I'd managed to get with you, I would've
fucked it up. But instead I grew the fuck up, took the long game, and hit the jackpot." He
smirked. "You could say I hit that jackpot almost every night, except when it's like, bleedin' time,
or we're too tired."
"I see 1969 you has come to visit again," she said.
He leaned in and brushed her jaw with his palm. "I can't help myself. There's always goin' to be
a bit of imp in me."
"It's all full. Which is saying something, as we got the biggest one imaginable," she said.
"You know what we gotta do? Get another one, and fill it to the brim. We can make a whole
room of 'em. We could call it the 'memories room!'"
"The next one will probably have her graduation, her wedding..." Sophia said.
"Jeez, you're givin' me a heart-attack here," Liam said. He clutched to his chest and shook his
head.
The sun had started to set. Alice was determinedly plucking up every single dandelion and
blowing the seeds. Each fluffy ball arced into the sky and dispersed across the slight breeze.
Little seeds had caught in her curls, right along with the wildflowers she'd stuck in a makeshift
messy flower crown.
"Mom! Dad! are you going to make a wish? I saved you some!"
"I already got all my wishes," Liam said.
"But, you could wish for pizza, dad!"
"Pizza? Your wish is my command!" He lifted her up, as she kicked in glee and laughed.
"You want pepperoni on yours? I bet I could cut 'em to look like little guns."
"Meat lover's supreme, with extra cheese," she said.
"Good choice," Liam said.
"What about you, slugger?"
"Cheese!"
"Okay, extra cheese. anythin' else?"
"Cheeeeese!"
"Either you want a picture, or you want about ten tons of cheese on there," Liam said.
"Cheeeeeese!!!"
"Okay, I'll tell them to put cheese on cheese with extra cheese and a side of cheese," Liam said.
He went inside to call in the order. The sun was slowly going down in a haze of orange and
gold. She took one last look at the photobook. She had more stretchmarks, and more lines than
the woman in those photos. But she also had so many more smiles. What a change it was from
the first few, to the dating and married photos. How tired and miserable she looked. And then,
like light filling in, each one got a little brighter.
She closed the photobook and went back into the house. The sound of laughter greeted her.
Her family was dancing in the kitchen.
"Hey, make room for your mom," Liam said.
Title: Something Old

Series: TF2
Pairing: Scout/Miss Pauling, Spy/Scout's mom, ensemble, OFC children, eventual mentions of
Heavy/Medic
Rating: PG-13
Word count:
Summary: Erich and Mikhail reignite and old flame.
Author's note: notes under cut.
All Mikhail's carved animals had turned to birds. There were already at least twenty doves on
every mantlepiece.
"Are you saving them all for one gift?" Yana said.
"No. Simply inspired," Mikhail said.
She rested her hand on his back, for she couldn't reach his shoulders without pushing up a
step-ladder. "Oh, like those artists who do nothing but pain pictures of trees their whole time?"
"He's done plenty of other things, though," Bronislava said.
"My, I'll have a whole flock at this rate," Erich said.
Archimedes fluttered down. He pecked at the little figure, knocking it completely over.
"Oh, don't be jealous, you silly thing." He picked up the birds before he could destroy it.
A wild haired girl ran through. Yana lifted her up. "Heey, Alice!"
She reached out, and he lifted her to his shoulders.
"I'm on top of a mountaiiin!"
"When are you going to have some of your own, Misha?"
Mikhail grunted. "I can barely keep up with the children now. I am too old for such things."
"That's so sad. You gave all for us, and you have nothing. No wife, no children..."
He brushed his large hand across her cheek. "I have three wonderful sisters."
"And some brother-in-laws," Yana said playfully.
Misha only grunted at this.

*
"A shop?" Yana said mischievously.
"Like a little tourist place? Maybe with all the little figurines you've made?" Bronislava said.
"No," Mikhail said.
"How capitalist. I bet Jane will approve."
The victrola played an old German song. Above them in the rafters, doves cooed. Erich never
kept them caged if he could help it. Birds should fly free, Heavy, he'd said so many
times.
Erich kept time with his violin. He had a good singing voice, though it always took several drinks
to get him to join in with the radio. Danke Shoen was a common one.
Pomme even kept quiet at the sound of Erich's playing.
"A place to sell all those strawberries you've been growing? A stall---what do they call it over
here? Ah, I do not know, something about grocers who are green..."
He poured out the beer.
"Ah, another. This American stuff...it can hardly pass. It's like water. But good German beer,
that's a true wonder of the world."
His gaze was unfocused, but intense. "Don't you think we've danced around this enough?"
"Doctor, you're drunk," Mikhail said uncertainly.
"Oh, I'm barely buzzed. I've been drinking American beer, and it's to steady my nerves. The last
time I did this, I ended up with a tattoo on my arm. He rolled up his sleeve.
"I cut it off so I wouldn't end up in a camp. One cut with my bonesaw, except it was a bit deeper
than I meant to. I didn't have the Medi-gun back then, either. Stole someone else's identity who
didn't need it anymore, married an understanding woman who almost had the same kind of
tattoo as I. That was the kind of life I lived until I returned to my home town."
"If you say no, then I'll have to do something with those memories. If you say yes...it's a new
era. I'm sure we can find a place in it."
He covered Erich's hand with his own. "Doctor, you know the answer already."
"I hope I remember this in the morning,"
"You are more drunk?"
"Tired. I spent many hours rehearsing this," Erich said.
Mikhail lifted him up, as effortlessly as a rag doll. He carried him to the bed.
"Stay," Erich said.
"There is no room. If you want me to stay, buy a bigger bed," Mikhail said.
"This whole place could use a renovation. We'll have to do it together," Erich said. His eyes
fluttered shut. "We'll build it...together."
cat party: DemoYana, though. Anything you want there?

cat party: I had a piece started about little!Vera for you. It has DemoYana
cat party: though if you want get together fic, that works
cat party: prompts would be appreciated, because I honestly am having a hard time coming up
with stuff for them
cat party: I had a longer thing planned
cat party: where Demoman goes to there instead of Pyro
cat party: and he causes an avalanche with his explosions
cat party: and he and Yana have to survive the cold until they get found
cat party: and bond over it
cat party: but I haven't gotten to get to it yet
Бowlerandtophats: Awoghhhghs omg that would a hell of a fic I would read over and over
Бowlerandtophats: To contribute to more prompts
Бowlerandtophats: I was thinking like
Бowlerandtophats: Demo still unbeliving he's gonna have a kid and Yana is all smiling and
'calm' about it
Бowlerandtophats: While Tavish is all "... I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE HAVIN' A KID"
cat party: oh, them telling his family?
Tk edit it a bit more!

Title: Happy Endings
Series: TF2
Character/Pairing: Demoman/Yana (Hints of Scoutpauling and Soldier/Zhanna with mentions of
second gen OCs)
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 5,700
Author's note: part of kidficverse, technically set in (unposted!) part two. An art trade with
Bowlersandtophats.
Thanks to Carrie for betaing.
<lj-cut>
The first thing he did when he heard the news, was pour himself a long drink. Except the drink
was simply cider, with no bite to it, and nothing to dull the worry. He didn't miss the mornings
after, but he missed the forgetting the first sound of fire, of bones and wood crackling and the
end of his own childhood for a fleeting second, that was something he missed.
Now he had to live with his ghosts. Alone, it had been just him and the alcohol, but she was
helping.
Sometimes he needed something with weight in his hands, heft of glass and oblivion. This
wasn't quite oblivion, but it was as close as he got these days.
He was trying out living, instead of a half-life stupor.
He leaned back on the couch, and let the news sink in. Sometimes he had to remind himself
that it wasn't a base in the desert, or a stone castle in his homeland, but a new era. A base in
Massachusetts, with a baseball field and no wars, at least not yet. These boards didn't have
bullet holes, or carvings made while he was drunk. They weren't haunted, but something out of
someone else's life. Gingham tablecloths and little stitch-art pictures on the wall. A gift from
Zhanna to Yana when they'd moved across the seas. Home is where the bears are
punched was surrounded by little bear paws.
They almost looked like a home, or at least, someone else's idea of home. One without haunted
swords, curses and magic hidden in every shadow.
The worst was the faint disappointment in her face. Had she been expecting something else?
For him to be like Liam and run and tell every stranger that he could catch that he was going to
be a father?
"I know it's rather soon, but--"
"It's a lot to take in, lass of mine. I never thought I'd have a family. Not like this. All I saw in my
future was no eyes and a grim bloody future. Still hard to believe, a happy ending? I'm steeped
in tragedy. Touch me and ye will get that curse."
Six months of quick romance, flirting at something more. Each day was standing at the edge of
wire and trying not to fall. All his love affairs had been short. A night, a week at most. No woman
wanted to dance with the fire and fight monsters, not until her.
He took another long drink of cider. It didn't make the world softer, but it was something to hold
onto. He put his arm about her waist and rested his head against her stomach. The red flannel
of her shirt, so like his family colors, was rough against his face. There wasn't even a slight
bulge, no hint of the child that was growing inside her.
"I'd raise a toast, but that feels wrong with this," Tavish said.
"Now, now, Tavish. Your doctor said that he'd have to replace your liver again if you weren't
careful, and he mentioned something about diabetes. It was hard to say, he went bird chasing
partway through," Yana said. She patted his shoulder with the kind of affection he was only just
getting used to. She gave love so freely, a gentle fierce girl with so little cynicism to the world.
"True, he'd enjoy that way too much." He set the cap on the bottle. Without the constant
battlefield, he no longer needed the boost. "No more toasts for me, not if I don't want me liver to
leave. Well, lass, there'll be no vodka for you for a long time," he said.
"It's a good time to stop. If you can't drink, then neither will I," she said.
"Ye would give up that for me?" Tavish said.
"It's not that much, but I gladly would," she said.
To him, it'd been like giving up his last solace, like giving up his childhood dreams. A bit of
Dutch courage for the battlefield, a bit of rum to sleep, and many in-between whenever the
battlefield jarred his nerves.
He rested his palm over her navel. There was no flutter of feeling under his fingertips.
"I'm not that far along yet. In a few months, though... Zhanna says childbirth is annoying, but
nothing as bad as cutting her own hand off. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not--she always
was the most reckless of us," she said.
"Mum had me and then went back to her job hours later. Then again, she did the same after
losin' her first eye," Tavish said.
Yana laughed. "She sounds like quite a woman. I think I'll need more than a couple of hours."
"That she is," Tavish replied.
*
The shades were drawn. The room was painted dark blue, and made only darker by the lack of
sunlight. She had her implements spread out on the table, dust and chemicals and wires. It left
a familiar, acrid scent in the air.
He'd tried to get her to spend more time with other women, but she remained steadfastly
separate. Even now she'd kept up what she could of her work. Every morning she'd have sticky
bombs filled for him, with a cut at him. If ye were half the man yae father was, ye'd have
done this all night between yae jobs.
He'd spent more time teaching little Alice about science than blowing up anything recently.
These days, he had to take out his bombs for a controlled demotion, just to be reminded of that
adrenaline rush amid the explosions.
It wasn't the dark halls of DeGroot keep, but something smaller. One day he'd bring them back,
but this base was better than others he'd been to. At least he wasn't having to constantly pour
sand out of his boots.
She inclined her head near him. Years of explosions was taking her hearing as well, but she'd
refused every chance at hearing aids. She wore the traditional colors, bedecked in the past.
Even in this, she steadfastly clung to memories and nostalgia.
Even if she couldn't see him, he'd changed into his kilt for her. A small thing to appease her and
the ghosts.
"Speak up, ye know I can't hear yae mumblin'," she said. She cupped her ear with her gnarled
hands. Arthritis had taken its toll, making her bent, like a twisted old tree.
"Mum, Yana's pregnant. The line won't die with me after all," he said.
"Well, ye proved that one wrong, at least. Does she know anythin' about demolitions?" she said.
"She can fight with a sword like the best of them, but she prefers her fists. And one day I'll teach
her the chemicals. I hadn't, yet."
It'd been a plan of many more dates in the future. A slow, gradual rise that had been cut short in
a single accident.
"Then I suppose ye are prepared for the consequences? We'll call the orphanage, they know us
well enough. The McTaggarts are good for somethin' in the end, at least," she said.
"Mum, the tradition dies with me. I won't have any child of mine fostered away," Tavish said.
Had it been strength, or an inner coldness he hadn't possessed. Had it hurt as she turned away
from her child, and back to her many jobs? Perhaps that was the reason for the jobs, to cover
up any pain or feeling until her heart was stitched with wires.
She shook her head, and rested her cane upon the floor. "Tch, Tavish. You always were a
rebel. Goin' off and fightin' the loch ness monster with your haunted swords. Yae even still have
one last eye!"
"And she'll keep hers. They've made goggles and weldin' masks. There's no need for any son or
daughter of mine to lose parts due to unsafe explosions. In the past ye may have taken it as a
sign of battle scars, but we've got protection from the fires now."
She shook her head. "You'll lead this family into infamy, Tavish Finnegan DeGroot. A
demolitions expert with two eyes, raised by their own parents? What even would the world come
to? The ghosts will be furious. The McTaggarts in our castle, the ancient rituals ignored, and two
eyes..." She shook her head. "Yae are dancin' on the graves of your elders, and the curses ye
bring up will be tenfold."
"They'll have to get in line with every other ghost, monster and outlaw that wants me dead,"
Tavish said.
His mother tapped her cane twice and rose. She rarely bothered with goodbyes. She'd been
forged in the highlands, all roughness and skill. Warriors had to sacrifice their heart for power.
He'd heard so many tales of yore, from MacBeth to countless others of a heart lost for power.
Somehow, he hadn't lost his. Just another line in a failure to the line. Hundreds of bodies, a
swathe of destruction across the other worlds, until he had to cloak himself in iron just to keep
away the curses, and through that, he still felt.
He opened up the heavy wooden door, and came face to face with Yana. She stepped back in
surprise.
"I didn't mean to listen in. I was just going to help break the news to her, but you beat me to it,"
she said.
"Yae don't have to apologize about bein' in yae own house," Tavish said.
He closed the door behind him, though even at this distance, his mother likely wouldn't hear.
Too many explosions. One day, he'd start to feel the repercussions of a life of Demolitions, too.
No one escaped the chemicals. It took them through force, blown to pieces, or slowly, taking
limbs and eyes and hearing until they were walking corpses due for a long death.
"There's so much you haven't told me," she said.

It'd only been a few months, and yet every fiber of his life had changed. In many ways, Tavish
was still catching up and trying to mesh years of bachelorhood with his current life. Maybe one
day he wouldn't have to remind himself that he wasn't alone anymore.
"Aye. Got in the habit of keepin' me trap shut, lest I get witnesses," Tavish said.
"But if you tell me, then I can back you up, and be your alibi," she said. "And if we go to jail, I'll
bend the bars, and you'll blow up the walls. We can escape together."
He stepped a little further from the door, and she followed into the windowless hall.
"The highland demolitions tradition is to leave the children to foster, until they're grown. It ends
with me. No child of mine will be goin' off to work for wizards and not knowin' a thing about
where they came from."
She reached to touch his face. It'd taken him months to not draw away from her, or expect an
attack. He leaned into the warmth. Her hands were almost as calloused as his were. Scars
down her, from large gashes and bullets.
"If you're going to fight monsters, then let me fight them with you. Even the ones inside
yourself," she said.
"Lass, yae are much too good."
In that claustrophobic, windowless hall, she leaned in towards him until her forehead rested
against his chest.
"No, I'm just what you need, and just what you deserve," she said
To that, he had no words. All he could do was brush her gold hair and feel everything inside him
that he thought never would be his.
Jane had moved steadily out further and further from the base, for Zhanna and Sophia got on
like ammonia and bleach, and if they didn't get those two as far away from each other as
possible, eventually there'd be no survivors.
He had a feeling that being even this far off base wouldn't be enough to stop Zhanna.
Eventually they would have to go farther away, into a wilderness so deep that not even Sophia
could worry about anyone being injured.
When they arrived, Jane was nowhere to be seen. The rest of Mikhail's family was packed into
the crowded cabin. Zhanna looked up from the quilt she was inspecting. Wrapped inside it was
a tiny child, he could only tell from the hands sticking out and gripping the side of the material.
Racoons nested in the eaves, and the scent of mayonnaise mixed with the woodsmoke brush of
the fireplace. At the corner, Bronislava sorted through some potatoes, scraping the skin off into
a bucket. The sleeves of her blue flannel shirt were rolled up to her elbows.
"You just missed him. He is out collecting firewood. He said there is lots of cider for tonight,"
Zhanna said.
He and Jane had started to replace their nightly beer runs for coffee, but Jane on caffeine
resulted in too many casualties, so now it was just a chilled glass of non-alcoholic cider.
"Aye," Tavish said.
"That's not why we came. We're--well, I'm--pregnant!" Yana said.
Bronislava rushed over to hug her. Zhanna's arms were filled with children, both human and
raccoon, while others tugged at her leg.
"Good, then they will have cousins," Zhanna said. Two children tugged at her legs. At her right
was her youngest boy, who wore a pair of footie pajamas pieced together from bear fur. The
hood even had little bear ears made of felt stitched on.
Tavish bent down to get a closer look at the boy peeking out of the blanket. "Did ye kill that bear
yeself?" Tavish asked. The boy shook his head.
"This one would rather be read to by the fire than bring home game," she said.
"Is not bad. He will be professor, and get his own PHD in literature," Mikhail said. He sat in a
chair carved out of a stump near the fireplace. A checkered quilt was lain across his lap,
catching wood shavings. Beside him were many carved wooden animals, mostly of the avian
variety. Peace had made them take on many new hobbies along the way. Zhanna had even
started making quilts to show at their wrestling matches. They all featured the stories of the
mercenaries in floral patterns. Here was Mikhail fighting bread, here was Jane meeting her.
"It's gotten so much more noisy around here, lately. When will you have children of your own,
Misha?" Bronislava said.
"I have doves. Is enough," Mikhail said.
"Don't worry, doctor will build him one eventually," Yana said.
Behind her, Bronislava laughed.
"Doves," Mikhail repeated, more forcefully this time.

"Up," said Zhanna's eldest. "Like an airplane."
Mikhail set aside his blanket and carving implements, careful to put them away where little
hands couldn't get ahold of them. Tavish made a mental node. Considering the amount of sharp
things he had, he'd have to take care. It would be much easier without the alcohol to constantly
dull his senses.
"You will be the highest of airplanes," Mikhail said solemnly. He lifted her up effortlessly, and the
child laughed and laughed.
"She's a scamp, that one," Tavish said.
"It's good to see so many young faces. Once, I wondered if I'd live long enough to see my
grandchildren. If only
your father had lived to see it," Mikhail's mother said.
She had remained quiet all this time, surveying their family. He could see the loss on her. It
must've been some anniversary that no one spoke of. Mikhail let the child rest down, the air
plane ride and jovial antics ended. For a moment, they were solemn. A silence for a lost family
member, a wordless prayer for ghosts.
He sat back before the fire.
"He would be happy for us," Mikhail said finally.
"Yes, he would," Mikhail's mother said.
The boy in the bear pajamas climbed up into Mikhail's lap.
"Please read it again," he said.
"Again? I will start with a passage," Mikhail said. He pieced through the pages until he found
exactly what he was looking for. As he flipped the pages, he pushed up glasses strikingly
similar to Medic's.
"Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really
great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth," Mikhail read aloud.
"Now, Misha. This is very advanced for them. Why not start with a picture book?" Yana said.
"They will grow into it," Mikhail said.

Zhanna's youngest boy reached for the pages. Mikhail had to hold them up and away to keep
them from being ripped.
"He's trying to eat the book," Bronislava said, and laughed. The boy looked up at her, and
reached for the book again.
"Already a thirst for knowledge," Mikhail said with pride in his voice.
"I just didn't think it would be literal," Yana said.
When Liam came to the door, he only paid a fraction of attention to greeting. He craned his neck
to look over his shoulder. "Alley, don't forget to pack your stuff okay?"
He'd rolled up the sleeves on his outer shirt over his slightly wrinkled red Red Sox shirt, with his
ever-present dog tags obscuring the letters. Both seemed too large for him, as all his clothes
did. The only clothes that managed to fit were inevitably ones picked out by Spy or Pauling
herself.
A baseball bat leaned against the wall near the door, surrounded by two mitts of different sizes,
and a duffel bag.
It was quite obvious that Pauling had been the one to pick the decorations. Either that or the boy
sure liked subtle shades of purple and lavender and lampshades with a hint of lace on them,
simply because they reminded him of her.
He wouldn't be surprised. Liam was so thoroughly domesticated, Tavish could only wonder
what would come in his own future. The boy would talk all day about his family if given half the
chance--then again, it was Liam they were talking about. He'd talk the hours away long before
he'd gotten married. He'd just finally stopped talking about himself, and moved on to talking
about his wife and child.
He brightened as he finally focused on his guest. "Ey, I ain't seen you in ages, which is weird,
since you live like right outside. You want a drink? I got all kinds of stuff," Liam said.
"I stopped drinkin' ages ago, boyo," Tavish said.
"Oh yeah, I know you ain't drinking booze anymore--I meant soda or juice or somethin'. After the
whole accidental drunk baby thing, I been keepin' the beer under close guard. I got grape, root
beer, cream soda..." He walked off to the kitchen, still yammering away as he went. Tavish
heard a a rustling sound in the very full fridge as he rifled around. "Some kind of tomato thing,
but it's not soda. I don't know what the hell it is." He pulled out the bottle and sniffed it, then
recoiled in disgust. "Actually, don't think that's tomato. Has doc been keepin' his crap in my
fridge? He's goin' to have to surgically remove my foot from his ass if he has."
"Yae plannin' a party?" Tavish said.
"Sophie is always prepared for everythin'. We never run out of anythin', and trust me, I've tried.
She's amazin' like that. She goes to store like she's on a mission, with this big list, and comes
back and we're stocked enough to last out the winter, even if it's just in the middle of June,"
Liam said. His face changed when he talked about her. Even the mundane would bring out
such tenderness that he'd almost forget that Liam had been a ruthless hired killer for years.
"So, whatcha want? We got snacks, too--"
"No need to read them all off, lad. I already ate before I came. How many arcs full does she
have stocked away?" Tavish said.
"Enough to feed the whole group and then some," Liam said with pride.
"And let me guess, an underground bunker?" Tavish said.
"She told you about that?" Liam said.
"Just a guess," Tavish said.
"Ah, well, you guessed right. Though that was already here. Or was built when we got it, don't
know. All these buildin' weren't here to start. Guess it was the Voice behind that, Sophie is
pretty tight-lipped on what happened between us talkin' about buyin' it and actually arrivin'."
He gestured with his hands at the air. Not even when talking could Liam manage to stay still.
"So, any preference, or should I just choose for you?"
"Can't get drunk on root beer, or at least not this kind, but it's still got a bite to it," Tavish said.
"Gotcha, a couple of root beers comin' right up."
Liam brought back two root beers. The glass bottles clinked together, and were covered with a
thin line of condensation.
"Ye know, I was jealous of ye," Tavish said.
"I don't blame you. I'm jealous of me sometimes, and I am me. It seems unfair to have
the awesome body, awesome personality, awesome life, awesome kid, and the awesome wife,
like I struck a deal with God or somethin'," Liam said.
"About yae little girl, not ye massive ego, yae daft fool!"
He lifted up his root beer, which other than root ginger ale, was the closest he got to alcohol
these days.
"Ye just looked so happy. Didn't think a man like me would ever find anythin' like that," Tavish
said.
"We were all rootin' for you, pally."
"Well, at least somebody believed in me," Tavish said. He stared down at his can of soda.
"I have to ask ye for somethin'. Some advice, to be precise."
Liam laughed, looking positively giddy. "You-you really want to know? I knew the day would
come. All this time I was mentorin' you guys, and waitin' for this day-- You want to learn how
to really run? I can show you all the right stretches, and a good stance, plus some pacing tips.
Or about baseball? I knew you'd come around eventually---"
"None of those. Ye have been a father for a while, and ye wee lassie has turned out well. In
fact, yae make it look easy," Tavish said. He folded his hands together.
"Even better!" Liam said, his face lighting up with pure delight.
"Okay, first, you do whatever she says, because she knows best. Also because if you don't, the
couch is cold and cramped. No matter what it is, it ain't worth the couch. Nothin' is worth that.
Would rather go back to fall into a bottomless pit filled with ghosts than the couch at night. And
you know how I feel about bottomless pits," Liam said. He did a full body shiver at the memory.
"The kid?" Tavish said.
"Your wife! Or soon to be wife, right? Pretty sure the big guy is gonna snap your neck if you
don't marry her. I'd rather you be alive, and I bet she and the kid probably do too," Liam said.
"Aye, he would. No worries there. I already bought the tickets for a highland weddin'."
"Oh yeah? You pick out your best man yet?" Liam said hopefully.
"Jane, of course," Tavish said.
"Yeah... of course," Liam said, with just a hint of disappointment in his voice.
"Ahem, about bein' a dad?" Tavish said.

Liam bounced back, cheering up instantly at his latest favorite topic: his family. He started to
pace, counting off on his fingers as he listed advice.
"Okay, kids are stinky. Get yourself a gas mask. They are also dirty, so you either gotta get
good gloves or just learn to take it. You should be writin' this down, I am a master dad, a
whole five years in. They should make a dad medal for me for the power of my dadness."
Liam opened up his soda, and guzzled it down. He always ate and drank so fast, that he must
barely even taste, let alone savor what ever he'd consumed.
"Uh, did I tell you about the time Alice got thrown out of school on her very first day? We had to
go hire Engie to tutor her. Now she knows all about sentryin' as well as her numbers and facts.
He'd probably teach your kid, too."
Liam let out an admirable belch, and crushed the can, throwing it behind him. It just bounced off
the recycling bin in the kitchen.
"Hey, I'm a runner, not a basketball player. Anyways, you also gotta say goodbye to your
dignity. You will get barfed on, and you will eventually get used to bein' barfed on, because it's
like a daily thing. Probably more like multiple times daily. You will wonder how such a cute thing
got so much stink in them. But eventually they get potty trained and start talkin' and actually
lettin' you sleep. Then you gotta put all your sharp things away, and wake up freakin' out
because you're havin' moments like shit, did I remember to lock the knife drawer?"
"I know what it's like to be covered in vomit, and drunk beyond dignity, lad. I've had more than
my fair share of practice. I've got a lot of sharp things to put up out of reach, though," Tavish
said.
"Make a checklist. You should write this crap down, I'm spinnin' pure dad gold here!" Liam
laughed to himself, and got up to put the can away.
"Lemme guess, the wife will get you if she finds the can?"
"Yeah, no more peein' in the shower, or drinkin' from the milk carton. Also, I gotta wear clothes
most of the time. I get to go shirtless, though," Liam said. He grinned at the memory. He was so
far gone that even a bunch of rules was sexy to him.
Tavish shook his head. He wasn't one to judge. Soon enough he'd be ordered around and
loving it just as much as this poor soul. He drank the last of his soda, and set the can aside.
"Just one thing... Does it get any easier?" Tavish said.
"Well, do you mean does the fear that you're gonna one day wake up and find out she was
kidnapped by some awful person, and you're but a second too late? And even the knowledge
that you're goin' to make it so he feels every minute of pain tenfold, until the fucker begs for
death doesn't get rid of that horror that you failed your family in your dreams? Nah, that's pretty
much here forever, but it'll join the fear you'll have that you'll lose your wife, too! Then your fears
won't be lonely. They'll just both wake you up in the night after bad dreams. Misery loves
company and all."
"I thought as much," Tavish said.
"If it helps, the lady fights bears. Any kid you guys have will probably punch the doctor comin'
out," Liam said.
"Oh yeah? Did I mention about how Sophie used to bury like eighty guys a day? Most of 'em
she killed herself.
These days she's more buried in paperwork. It's a good time to get out, though. With all these
new science stuff, it makes killin' a lot harder."
"I know; I was there," Tavish said.
Tavish was used to his bragging and one upping. Any topic would turn back to himself, his
family, his interests. Only Sophia had managed to break him of his habits, where he spent the
majority of the time talking about how great she was. Some things never changed.
"Oh, and get yourself a babysitter. But not Sophie, she's already busy enough as it is, I gotta
make time. Otherwise, you won't get any sleep and you can just forget about any 'alone time' if
you know what I mean. But with a babysitter? You can go on dates! I mean, you'll probably
head to the nearest hotel and nap, and do other stuff, but hey, dates."
"Dad, tee-ball practice is soon," Alice said. She wore a little baseball uniform, with The
Wildkats printed over the front. Her thick hair had been pulled back in a ponytail, so her cap
was tilted over the red scrunchie.
"Oh, crap, I got to talkin' with Tavish here and totally lost track of the time. I'm sorry, Alley cat."
He bent, and pulled her ponytail through the back of the cap.
"You got your stuff ready?"
"I left it by the door, so it wouldn't be like when we went there and forgot everything, so I had to
sit and watch everyone else play," Alice said.
"Was that your mom's idea? She always has good ideas like that," Liam said.
"Think so," Alice said.

"I am goin' to kiss her so hard for that great idea when she gets home. And just because she's
home," Liam said. He grinned wide at even the mention of his wife.
"It's me fault, lass. I didn't mean to hold ye up," Tavish said.
"It's okay, mister Tavish. Are you going to watch me play?" Alice said.
"You mean watch you beat Nancy again?" Tavish said.
"Yeah!" Alice leapt up in a cheer, punching the air above her. She was so enthusiastic, that her
hat almost flew off in the process.
"Maybe next time. There's a lady waitin' back at home for me," Tavish said.
He bent down to her level.
"Ye won't need that mask anymore when ye go out with me. Lightning strikes twice, lassie," he
said.
"Wait, mister Tavish, does this mean?" Alice said.
"Aye, lassie. I'm goin' to be goin' off the market soon, and have a little one of my own. One day,
maybe I'll even be as pathetic a fool about her as your dad is about your mum.
"I'm takin' that as a compliment," Liam said.
"Ye should. Not everyone gets to be a fool in love," Tavish said.
"Mister Tavish! You're going to get married!" She tackled him into a hug so tight, it felt like a he
was being wrestled. Tavish laughed.
"Aye, that I am. Are ye goin' to be my flower girl?" Tavish said.
"How do I become a flower girl? Do I wear a flower suit, like those Halloween costumes?" Alice
said.
"Ye put petals all across the way up that aisle I'm goin' to walk. There'll be a beautiful girl there
in white at the end."
"Ye see, I'm goin' to have a little girl," Tavish said. His voice had grown soft.
"Really!? When can I meet her?" Alice said.

"It'll be a while yet," Tavish said.
"A whole week? That's pretty long time to wait," Alice said.
"A little longer than that," Tavish said.
"A month? An entire month?" Alice said.
"Try nine of them," Tavish said.
"Nine months? That's so long, almost a whole year." Alice puffed out her cheeks. "Babies take a
long time."
"A really long time."
"But, ye both always believed in me. And I won't forget that. You always thought I had a happy
endin' in store, even when no one else did." Tavish wiped at his eye. "Ah, I'm a great big sap. A
toothless dragon of a man. And to think, I used to fight these monsters."
"You still fight monsters. You took out the monster under my bed! Now you won't fight them
alone," Alice said.
"Yae are right. I'll be teachin' my little girl to fight. Well, both me and my wife will," Tavish said.
"And I'll teach her how to play baseball!"
"Aye, that you will. I'm sure ye'll teach her all kinds of things like that."
Liam could only take a few minutes of the attention being away from him.
"Hey, Alley, share the wealth!"
She hugged like a raging bull, and rammed into him so hard that Tavish was surprised he didn't
accidentally get a headbutt to the stomach instead.
Liam lifted her up and spun her around until she laughed. She smiled up at him, gap-toothed
and so full of joy.
Soon, I'm going to have that, Tavish thought.
"I've never seen ye so happy, or so smug," Tavish said.
Liam looked smugger than ever. "Can you blame me?. I have the cutest wife ever, cutest kid
ever, I win all the awards."
"No, lad. I'll take that crown from you. Just a few more months," Tavish said.
"Oh, bring it on. Alice and Sophie will win any day of the week. I got the best family ever.
We should win the nobel prize for family. Bam!"
"Bam!" Alice echoed. She lifted up her little fist.
"Keep on dreamin', lad," Tavish said.
Tavish took one last look as he let himself out, and held open the door for him. Liam had Alice
balanced on his hip, and the rest of the tee-ball supplies over one shoulder.
"Seeya, in dad battle, future dad," Liam said.
"I've never lost a battle yet, and I won't now," Tavish said.
But Liam had already gone on ahead to the car. Tavish shook his head, laughed to himself, and
moved on back to his house on the compound.
She'd fallen asleep on the couch, blond hair like cornsilk fallen over her face. She hugged a
throw pillow to her chest. More often than not he woke with her by his side, her face to his chest,
and the soft feel of her skin brushing against his.
He was used to waking alone, whatever loves he'd found rarely lasted until morning. Like a
dream, or fae gold, they faded away to a faint memory by dawn's light.
He sat down on the rug, made from a bear she'd taken down on what was technically their
second or third date. It was hard to tell which, whether one date could spread over days in the
Siberian wilderness, or if they would have to be separated and measured by the hour.
Caring was a a lot harder than checking out whenever things got rough, until everything was so
blurry he couldn't remember. He'd shouldered the curses by destroying himself until not even
the ghosts wanted him.
She stretched, and almost fell off the couch in the process. He held her steady.
"You're back," she said.
"I only meant to rest a little bit, but I guess I just nodded off. I've been so sleepy, lately. I thought
it was all the rain we've been having, but I guess it wasn't the weather at all," Yana said.
"I just went to go visit Liam. Didn't mean to stay late, but ye know how Liam is," Tavish said. He
mimicked opening and closing his hand, until it looked like a bird's beak.
"That's the first time I've ever heard you use his name," Yana said. As she pushed herself up,
the burgundy throw pillow fell to the floor.
"I suppose it's only fair, considerin' I asked advice," Tavish said.
"Oh, you asked him about his family? I'm surprised you came home before dawn. Make that
dawn of next Wednesday," Yana said.
Tavish chuckled. "His wife and little wee lass keep him pretty occupied. I swear it's all he talks
about these days. He barely even spends any time talkin' about himself. And that used to be his
favorite topic."
She reached out and took his hand. She was always full of such little gestures which left him
quiet and wondering. He was used to loneliness, and grand flirtations that fizzled out, not the
kind of things that lasted.
"Everything will be okay," Yana said.
"Lass, I'm not a man for a happy endin'. Never have been. Ye hitched to me, and ye will get my
curses," Tavish said.
"I will make your you're happy, no matter how many bears I have to punch to do so. And if
anyone else comes after you, I'll punch them too," Yana said.
She had such a lovely smile, like sunlight in winter, that brightness through the cold. He
brushed his thumb across her palm to feel that roughness and strength.
"Yae think of any names?"
"I always liked the name Vera," Yana said.
Something Old.
By The Way.
1975, A Diner in [redacted].
Liam tapped his fingers on the table between them. He looked up towards the waitress for only
a moment. As she came to take the order, Liam looked to the wall, to the floor, everywhere but
the waitress.
"You ready, sugar?" she said, with a long southern drawl. Down here, everyone was "sugar" or
"baby" or "darling" which was confusing. For a while there, she'd assumed that the stereotypes
were wrong, there was some kind of mistake along the way, and all Southern women were very
bisexual and very much hitting on her.
A shame it didn't turn out to be true.
"I think we need a few more minutes," Sophie said.
Liam let out a sigh of relief as she passed, as if some palatable danger had left the room.
"So, what you gettin'? I'm thinkin' those pancakes look real good. Not as good as the stuff Ma
makes, but few things can ever beat that," Liam said.
"They do," Sophia said.
"She's cute," Sophia said.
Liam clutched the menu tighter. "What? I don't know what you're talkin' about! No, no,
you're cute. You're all I wanna look at, too. I ever mention that? Because I barely noticed
her at all, honest."
"I'm not going to freak out if you find another woman attractive. As long as you don't do anything
about it," Sophia said.
"But, I ain't like that anymore," Liam protested. "I'm all good boyfriend and crap. No whistlin' at
other girls. You're the only one I whistle at now!"
"What I'm trying to say is...."
Saying this was always a risk. She ran her thumb along the end of the menu. She'd trusted him
with her life, in and out of bread monsters, against robots, or even scarier--when the
Administrator got angry.
"--is that I agree, she's cute," she said in an undertone.
"But--"
"--And I don't blame you, because I agree."
For a few moments he mulled it over, deep in thought. He looked to his glass, and then to her
with a questioning expression.
"You're sayin'..."
"Both are cute," she said. Then, he suddenly gripped her hands. "You like tits too? You
understand how amazin' asses are? Holy shit, we have so much in common!" He looked
about one step away from stepping onto the table and yelling out that he loved her, just as he
had years ago.
"Shhh! This isn't something to be yelling out!"
"But, yours are the only ones I wanna see or talk about," Liam said in an undertone.
"Well, pin ups are fictional," Sophia said.
"If it's fictional tits, I guess it don't count...I'd still rather be lookin' at yours. So, you an ass girl, or
a tits girl? Or a legs type of girl?"
"All of the above," Sophia said.
"You are the perfect woman, but let's just get this straight--the pin ups of Ma? Off the table."
"Ugh, no. She's like a mother to me! It'd make Thanksgiving really weird anyways," Sophia said.
"So, that waitress?" Sophie said in an undertone.
"Eh, she's all right, but I know a girl who's way cuter than her. She's got these green eyes, and
her glasses fall down her nose like just so--"
"How many beers did you have?"
"Lost count. Some kind of Scottish holiday. Beersgivin'." Liam let out a laugh. "I think Tavish just
made that up to make us go drinkin' with him."
"You smell like a refinery. How many did you have?"
"Drank me under the table. I had three of 'em before I passed out," Liam said.
He grinned at her, tender and giddy. Liam reached out until his hand entwined with her.
"Y'know....if you were a dude, nothin' would've changed. Would've taken that briefcase, and
taken you on that date, no matter what." He stretched and let out a yawn.
"Wait, you're like me?"

"Dunno. Don't wanna think about anybody else than you. We'd have to adopt, though. It's
always gonna be you. It was always you...."
She didn't respond immediately to the immensity, like a diamond had been slipped on her
finger, even if the only cool pressure was his hand in hers. He never could keep a secret. She
rolled over and stroked his cheek. His eyes were closed, his breath even.
"You never could hold your drink...you're going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow," she
said. She'd have to leave him some orange juice. With her job, there was no way she'd have
time to nurse him in bed.
She chuckled to herself. "I guess I was worried over nothing."
He'd never said the question yet, but he'd hinted in a million different ways. Even though the
words had yet to be said, Sophia already felt the word yes on the tip of her tongue.
1975,
The air was filled with the aroma of spring. New blossoms filled every inch of the new botanical
gardens--so new, the sign had been covered over.
Sophia glanced around in awe at the colors. Butterflies flitted about, orange with veins of black.
"It's beautiful," she said. Sophia bent down and buried her face in a huge purple bloom.
Liam chucled, and tapped his nose. "You got pollen--right there. It's cute, though."
Liam unveiled one sign. Pauling ABotanical Gardens
"Wait, what?"
"The truth is, I been thinkin' a lot, since we got a real important day comin' up. One whole year
since we really went on that we been talkin' about for ages."
I thought, I'd get you a flower for every day I knew you, every time I thought about givin' you a
bouquet and takin' you out. Which was every day since I met you. But, cut flowers fade, and
this love ain't gonna. Man, that sounded less cheesey in my mind."
Liam rubbed at the back of his neck.
"I had 'em plant a flower for every day I knew you."
Liam dug into the pocket of his jeans, presumably in search of a note.
"You forgot?"
"You make me forget a lot of things. Like other girls. And sometimes, when we're together at
night, I swear I forget my own damn name."
He got on his knees. Sophia gasped, and covered her mouth with her hand.
"Sophie, I'm greedy. I loved every minute of these three-hundred and sixty-five days with you. I
wanna spend all the rest of my days with you, too."
Butterflies filled the air, startled from his sudden movement.

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Title: Something New

Contains character names, given being post-series.

Miss Pauling: Sophia

Editing and large-scale revisions was taken care of by high-roller-yunalesca/ZoisiteMoon, who

"I can't keep our deal any longer, she said.

Spy drew a cigarette into his mouth.

It's too late for me," Spy said.

"As long as you're still alive, it's never too late."

"He is a fool, both then and now," Spy said.

"A happy fool," she said.

She chuckled. "Everything's bragging with you."

"Oh, damn," she muttered.

"<i>Pregnant?</i> You're preggers?"

"You've got the box, right? What's two blue lines?"

He pushed through the door and held the box up high.

"<i>Baby</i>," he repeated once more.

"I take it you're happy about the results?" she asked.

"Damn right I am! Oh, this will be <i>great!</i>"

"That's probably for the best."

"You won't be able to feel anything for a while."

"It's never too soon to try.”

Though she'd said yes. Eventually.

He paused to glance at her in the mirror's reflection.

"Hey, you ain't said nothin'. You worried?"

“What is?” he asked.

"I have a history of being wrong about you, it seems.”

"You know what this means, don't you?"

"Well, that too. We're going to have to tell my parents eventually."

<i>Hey, ma, guess what? I'm goin' to be a dad!</i>

"I don't think so," she said.

<I>Birthday present?</i> A sudden thought--remembrance--came to her.

"...Oh," Sophia said.

"Damn, I bet you could."

"That's a long ways away," she said.

"Hey, you're the one who taught me to always be prepared."

She laughed. "Of course you'd bring baseball into it."

"It's simple, really. I'm pregnant."

Administrator's lip curled as if she'd said something repulsive.

"Marley, give Miss Pauling the forms."

"Then, what's up?"

"I'm just a little tired," Sophia said.

He pulled out a little envelope, and handed it to her.

"Happy future Mother's Day."

"But, don't think it's because I forgot or was cheap or anythin'!"

"Who is this? Some superhero I don't recognize?" Sophia said.

"All superheroes need an origin story," Liam said.

"Here's hoping it won't be Batman's," Sophia said dryly.

"See? G-rated," Liam said.

He kissed her cheeks, one by one. "I'm goin' to be a <I>dad</i>."

Sophia laughed. "We've established that."

His stomach let out a loud growl.

"Seriously? You had thirds back at your mother's."

"Mmm, let me think about it," Sophia said.

"Liam! Don't spoil the people in line," Sophia said.

"Even if she was, she wouldn't understand what was happening."

"I'll tell you what, we'll take turns."

"Anythin' for you, babe."

June 18th, <I>a saved card.</i>

He shook his head at the memories.

"We'll be talkin' about scary girl things, honey," Colleen replied.

"Sir, please don't lean on the wires," the nurse said.

"Oh, yeah, got it---" He pushed himself up from the wall.

"Mostly," Sophia responded.