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Finish: Let God Your Love Story
Finish: Let God Your Love Story
1
No
XIX,
l. XX
Vo
Surviving an LDR
p. 22
Reflections...
p. 28
Between Friends
I
t was the fall of 1973 and I was attending my first year at Santa
Monica City College. Among the classes I took was German IV. The
professor liked me because my German was fluent, and she asked me
to be a tutor for her students. One of my first students was a young man
named Jason. As I tutored him in German each week, he became very
friendly and one week he told me that he liked me and wanted me to be
his girlfriend. I was shocked! Without a doubt, I knew this was a trap of
the enemy.
I asked him, “Why would you want to date a 'plain Jane' girl like me? I
wear long skirts. I don’t wear mini-skirts and the latest styles, and I don’t
use jewelry or make-up.”
He said to me something I will never forget, “The girls you describe
are easy to get. They display their bodies for all to see. I don’t want a girl
like that. You are modest and mysterious. I want a girl like you.”
I told Jason, “I am sorry, but I can’t date you. I am a Christian, a
Seventh Day Adventist, and I can only date young men who have the
same Biblical beliefs as I, and who are members of my church.”
“That’s great,” he said. "It doesn’t matter that you’re a Christian. I’d
like to have a girl just like you.”
I learned two things from that experience. The devil is on the tracks
of each young person, trying to get them to compromise and make a
partnership with an unbeliever. But notice how he also made it sound
like Jason wanted a modest Christian girl. I could have thought, “Oh
wow! Maybe I could convert him to my church.” But thank God, I had
no such thoughts. I later learned that my German professor knew he
liked me, and she had arranged for me to tutor him. After learning this
information, I decided to quit my job. I thank God for the guidelines He
has given us in His word whom we should and should not date. (Read 1
Corinthians 6:14.)
Dear youth, it is our wish and prayer that you allow Jesus Christ, the
lover of your soul, to be the Captain of your life ship, and you will sail
safely through the calm seas and the storms of life!
“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good
work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).
—Liliane Balbach
3
HOW TO
FIND
TRUE
BY TINA AND CALIN ALEXA
L
et’s picture ourselves Your bread doesn’t have to be
preparing to participate in perfect; you can improve it as you
a nationwide bread-making go as long as you are having fun.
contest, and we are looking for the There may be times when you’ll
best bread-making school. After need to start your bread over until
some research, we find two of the you get it right.” I was confused by
most prominent culinary baking his method, so I went to observe
schools owned by the finest his students. Their motto was
artisan bakers in the country. having fun, they had sprinkles of
The first artisan baker is by flour, yeast, and salt all over the
far the most popular. He insists kitchen, some burned the bread,
that his bread-baking method is others baked it only halfway. The
the most known and says that bread samples didn’t look very
Youth Messenger, Vol. XXXIX, No. 1
4
I also was disappointed, but turn good every time. Then He
I still went to meet the second looked straight into my eyes and
Master Baker. He impressed asked me, “Would you like to be
me from the start because He part of My team?”
emphasized the importance of We are all baking bread in
following his recipe precisely. the bakery of life. The question is
This Baker told his students that whose recipe are you following?
if they want to be successful, Your own and that of our
they must follow the recipe that friends in the world? Are you
he created and perfected to the doing whatever feels good for
letter. If they did that and also the moment? Are you having
accepted his assistance, success relationships with one person after
was guaranteed. Each ingredient another, and then are heartbroken
had to be carefully measured again and again? Or are you
and every student was dressed following the precise recipe of
in a white uniform provided by Jesus Christ, the Master Baker
the Master Baker. The oven had who wants to give you lasting
to be at the right temperature. happiness? Jesus says to you,
The students worked diligently “I am the bread of life: he that
and followed every step given by cometh to me shall never hunger;
the Master Baker. I noticed His and he that believeth on me shall
smile as each loaf of bread was never thirst” (John 6:35). When we
presented for His final inspection, come to Jesus and follow His plan
and the satisfaction and joy for our life and relationships, we
experienced by each student. As I will not be hungry but will be full,
observed everything, I was awed happy, and satisfied.
by His methods.
He looked at me
smiling and said,
“Life is too short
and precious to
try your recipe
for happiness
or to use one
without any
proven success,
and then hope
that your life, your
relationship, your
marriage will turn
out well in the
end. You can have
My recipe; It will
5
much, but they don’t deliver on
their promises. While many of us
have hundreds of friends on social
media, yet we may still be lonely
and depressed. One question our
young people want answered
is, “Will I find true love? Will
my marriage last under the
pressures of problems, trials,
and time?"
HE TOUCHED MY
HEART
Tina’s and my story
began back in Romania
in the summer of 1999
when we met there at a
youth conference. Both
of us grew up in Christian
families that were doing
their best but were not perfect.
From generation to Both of my grandparents were
generation both Christians and Seventh Day Adventist Reformers
non-Christians alike have been and so was Tina’s grandmother.
fascinated by the “pursuit of One day as I was reading the
happiness.” Volumes of songs, book Messages to Young People,
poems, and books have been the Holy Spirit touched my heart
written on the subject, yet young and I surrendered my life to the
people and older people are Lord. Soon after my conversion, I
perplexed about how to find true was baptized. Immediately after,
happiness. Although we may I quit my full-time job and joined
not like to admit it, each of us the church canvassing team as
is naturally selfish, and almost a volunteer. My decision was
every time we start a relationship, not understood by my family or
friendship, or even a business friends, but I made my choice
endeavor, we begin with the based on what I felt the Lord
Youth Messenger, Vol. XXXIX, No. 1
6
LOOKING FOR THE in words, looks, and actions, and
RIGHT ONE even in the tones of our voice.
At the beginning of my Having this kind of love will take
Christian experience, the subject self-control, but Christ promises
of courtship and marriage was not to help us if we ask Him. To have
a priority to me since I devoted this genuine love that brings true
most of my time to canvassing happiness, we need to follow
and giving Bible studies. But the God’s ten principles for success.
more I read God’s word, the more (See Exodus 20:1–17.)
I was impacted by the principles “The happiness of human
that our Creator set up for our beings is in their obedience to the
benefit and happiness. laws of God. In their obedience
Growing up in Eastern Europe to God’s law they are surrounded
in a small community, I witnessed as with a hedge and kept from
from an early age how various the evil. No one can be happy
families treated each other. and depart from God’s specified
Regrettably, the majority of them requirements, and set up a
were cold and distant; they lacked standard of their own, which they
love and respect, they had an decide they can safely follow."—
abrasive vocabulary and were Christ Triumphant, p. 24. [Emphasis
abusive and violent. added.]
Early on, I decided I did not I decided that before I would
want to establish such a marriage show any affection toward a young
and family. I wished to have a lady I would have to practice as
marriage that would be “almost many of God’s principles for a
a paradise” on this earth just as I happy relationship in my own life. I
read from this inspired quote: will share with you a few principles
“Self-control on the part of all I found in my study.
the members of the family will
make home almost a paradise.
“A house with love in it, where
love is expressed in words and
looks and deeds, is a place where
angels love to manifest their
presence and hallow the scene by
rays of light from glory. . . . Love
should be seen in the looks and
manners and heard in the tones of
the voice.”—My Life Today, p. 84.
So, we see that God’s recipe
for happiness is LOVE. We show
our love to family members,
friends, and girlfriends/boyfriends
7
When you are in the process of choosing a person to be your
girlfriend/boyfriend, asking him/her, “Do you love Jesus?” will not be
enough because this question is too general. Instead, you can ask them
these questions:
8
TINA’S STORY and hardworking. In the last issue
I was born and raised in an of the Youth Messenger, you can
Orthodox home in Romania where read the questions a young woman
I lived during my childhood. should ask about the young man
I loved to go to church every she wishes to marry. (See The
Sunday even if it meant walking to Adventist Home, p. 47.)
church by myself. My parents were In the summer of 1999, I went
often busy and would let me walk to visit Romania with my mom and
to church every Sunday which was brother and on that first weekend
just across the street. When my there was a youth conference
family and I moved to the United that I wanted to attend. At the
States, we started attending the time, Calin was doing colporteur
Seventh Day Adventist Reform work with three other people
church every Sabbath. At the in my hometown. I met him at
age of 16, I was baptized in that the conference and was able to
Sabbath-keeping church and that see him actively involved in the
brought joy to my life. After my program, sharing his experiences
baptism, I was afraid to fall in love in the missionary field, and then,
with someone who was not part of I wanted to know him more.
our church, especially since I was Although several other young men
attending a public school. Each were interested in me, I desired to
day I dedicated my life to God have a relationship with a young
and prayed, and He helped me man who had a true love for our
overcome that fear. Savior. Hearing the experiences
When I was ready to begin a and sacrifices of Calin and his
relationship with a young man, coworkers touched my heart.
I had certain criteria. First, the Calin and I went back to my
young man had to be consecrated hometown where we could get to
to God, and possibly be a know each other better. We were
missionary or Bible worker. I also able to find things that we had in
wanted to marry someone who common. The two most important
would be a loving father and a points for both of us were to love
good role model for my children Jesus and to practice the health
when that time would come. I did reform message. After my visit to
not want to throw myself into a Romania, we continued to remain
relationship if I was not 100% sure in touch by phone or letters. We
that I was ready to possibly marry started a serious courtship and
that young man. Although I was we prayed two to three times a
not raised in the Adventist church, day and fasted weekly. We both
my parents still had high standards wanted to make sure we were
for us as children. They would tell right for each other, especially
me that it is important to find a with a long-distance relationship.
young man who is loyal, faithful, Our relationship grew stronger
9
and I was able to go back to guidelines. After receiving her
Romania in December. While I was blessing, Tina left back to the U.S.,
there, we were able to see and feel and our relationship developed
that we wanted to spend the rest mostly by phone, with a few letters
of our lives together. Next year in in between. Since we were not able
January we were engaged, and in to be physically close, we learned a
April we had our wedding. lot about each other by talking.
Now it has been almost 20 After about 10 months of
years since we were married. We friendship and courtship, we
are thankful that the Lord has were married in our church
blessed our lives and given us two among family and friends. We
beautiful girls. “Marriage, instead are so thankful that God and His
of being the end of love, will be principles guided us for almost 20
only its beginning.”—Patriarchs and years of marriage.
Prophets, p. 176. True love, a fulfilling marriage,
and real happiness, is not only
CALIN’S STORY possible for you and me, but it
Tina was visiting Romania with is worth striving for. God is more
her mother and brother from the than willing to give you even on
United States. I noticed her and this earth your own “piece of
was observing her from a distance. paradise” if you will follow His
It was not hard for me to see that principles and guidance. This
she was living by the principles I question about how to be happy
had learned from studying God’s we all must answer, not only by
word. God helped us by creating our words but more with our own
circumstances for us to get closer lives and actions. By the way
and to learn more about each we live and act we cast a vote if
other during her short summer God’s recipe for happiness is true
visit to Romania. or false.
Just before Tina departed Dear young friend, if you
to the U.S., I was sure that I are at the beginning of your
would like to know her better journey, I seriously invite you to
so I approached her mother and consider Jesus’ recipe for love and
asked permission to enter into happiness. It has worked for us,
relationship with her daughter and it will work for you too if you
stating I would follow the Biblical surrender your life to Him!
Youth Messenger, Vol. XXXIX, No. 1
10
Your Courtship Questions
ANSWERED
BY PAUL CHAPMAN
12
WHETHER YOU ARE SINGLE OR
MARRIED, GOD HAS A SPECIAL
PLACE AND PLAN WHERE YOU
CAN WORK FOR HIM.
13
WHAT I LEARNED FROM DATING AN UNBELIEVER
AND
BY RENATA CHAPMAN
O
ne of the greatest interest in me, which was part
challenges facing of the reason I was so intrigued.
our youth today is Being a very self-conscious
the temptation to enter into person, I was flattered that
a relationship with a person someone would like me in that
who does not share their faith. way. He asked me if I would go to
I know this both from personal the school dance with him, and
experience and from hearing and I responded by telling him that
seeing the experiences of other I didn’t dance. He was surprised
youth in the church. I would like and wanted to know why I didn’t
to share my experience, along dance, which allowed me to
with lessons I have learned from explain a little about my faith.
dating an unbeliever, and how God Although he was also a
blessed me when I surrendered Christian, I knew I couldn’t be
and fully trusted Him to find the his girlfriend, knowing that he
right person for me. didn’t share the same beliefs as
When I was beginning my me. I was surprised that someone
freshman year of high school, I liked me! At church, it felt like
didn’t have very many friends and nobody thought of me as being
Youth Messenger, Vol. XXXIX, No. 1
14
My parents slowly found away from my family. Slowly
out about this relationship, and I started to realize that I was
for obvious reasons, they were losing all my church friends and
concerned. I knew that their my relationship with my family
concerns were valid. Although I became very contentious. I tried
felt frustrated with them at the to reason with myself, “What’s
time, I knew the relationship the big deal? Plenty of people get
was wrong. But I had trouble married to unbelievers and their
letting go of him and ending the families work out. Maybe I can
relationship. When I graduated go to church and he can just stay
from high school and started home, but I would have to make
college, I thought it would be sure our kids come to church!” I
easy to get out of the relationship, struggled! I cried a lot! I was under
but he was very persistent and a lot of pressure. I used to beg him
persuasive, and I was not able to come to church on Sabbath,
to end it. I spent the next three to study with my pastor. But he
years of my college life with him. always questioned so much and
It was hard and stressful. At times never wanted to study with my
I felt like I would never be happy pastor. He only wanted to study
again. I wanted him to attend our with me so he could confuse me
church and accept my beliefs, but and make me compromise.
when he would visit, I would feel I finally realized that I needed to
uncomfortable and wished he had end this relationship. It just wasn’t
not come. going to work, but I didn’t have the
He promised that he would strength to do it by myself. I had
join my church but he said, “If tried so many times before to end
I compromise and join, you’ll it, but I couldn’t. Little did I know
have to compromise on your that a whole army of people was
beliefs as well.” “Compromise!” I praying for me and pleading with
hated that word! To me, it meant God to make me willing to break
that I would have to give up up and to give me the strength to
something, but deep down inside do it. Finally, after many prayers
I didn’t believe my faith could and the realization
be compromised. I would try to that I didn’t need
go through our doctrines and a boyfriend to
discuss the similarities between be happy, I
my beliefs and his beliefs, but surrendered
we would never come to any my will
agreement. Sometimes we would
pray together, but I didn’t feel that
it made any difference.
I couldn’t wait to get out the
door every day so I could get
15
to God and broke up with my
boyfriend. He left and I never saw
him again. It was one of the hardest
things I have done, but I could
never have done it without the
prayers and support from my family
and friends. God gave me such
peace and assurance about my
decision and I did not feel alone or
unhappy because I was convicted You are walking in the path of
that I made the right decision. I God’s commandments, preparing
also learned many lessons about for heaven; he/she is following
why I should never have begun the path of pleasure, prosperity,
a relationship with an unbeliever and self-pleasing. These paths are
and how God always had a special opposite from each other and this
plan for my life if only I let Him be is why you’ll have conflict. The
in charge. Let me share with you Bible says, “Can two walk together,
some of the lessons I learned: except they be agreed?” (Amos
3:3).This is why many faithful
WHY SHOULDN’T WE youth give up their principles and
DATE AN UNBELIEVER? compromise their beliefs to avoid
God does not want His sons conflict with that person.
and daughters marrying an God’s principles of success
unconverted or unbelieving in a courtship and marriage
person even if they have a pretty relationship depend on unity,
face, the sweetest disposition, not compromise. “The happiness
and the most generous heart. and prosperity of the marriage
The apostle Paul warns us, “Be relation depends upon the unity
ye not unequally yoked together of the parties; but between the
with unbelievers: for what believer and the unbeliever there
fellowship hath righteousness is a radical difference of tastes,
with unrighteousness? and what inclinations, and purposes. . . .
communion hath light with However pure and correct one’s
darkness? And what concord principles may be, the influence
hath Christ with Belial? or what of an unbelieving companion
part hath he that believeth with an will tend to lead away from
Youth Messenger, Vol. XXXIX, No. 1
16
the Spirit of God and forfeit His As we see from God’s word,
protection. Can you afford to have the person you’re dating may
such terrible odds against you in be a sincere Christian, yet if he/
fighting the battle for everlasting she does not accept the present
life?” (Messages to Young People, p. 441). truth which you believe, you
[Emphasis added.] would be unequally yoked if
you were to marry him or her.
ONE DAY MY PARTNER Heaven forbids you to unite with
WILL JOIN MY CHURCH that person. Those are strong
I often hear the argument, words! Sometimes we can be so
“One day my partner will join my infatuated and blinded by love
church.” I also used to tell myself that we cannot see anything
this all the time. Others will say, wrong with joining ourselves
“He or she is already a Christian. together with an unbeliever, but
We share many similar beliefs and the Bible says, “Charm [favour] is
he/she agrees to come with me deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a
to church on Sabbath. How can woman [or man] that feareth the
you classify a person like that as Lord she [or he] shall be praised”
an unbeliever?” The reality is that (Proverbs 31:30).
if “the companion of your choice
were in all other respects worthy. GOD HAS A SPECIAL
. . . yet he has not accepted PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE!
the truth for this time; he is an While dating an unbeliever, I
unbeliever, and you are forbidden often felt that there was no young
of heaven to unite yourself with man in the church for me, which
him. You cannot, without peril to was why I clung to my relationship
your soul, disregard this divine for so long. It was not until I broke
injunction” (Testimonies, vol. 5, p. 364). up with him that God opened my
[Emphasis added.] eyes and made me understand
17
that I did not need to get married getting married we could be an
to be happy. What I needed was even bigger blessing to others.
to get to know Jesus first. He had Today, I am blessed to be married
other plans for my life, “For surely with the love of my life, a godly
I know the plans I have for you, young man, who shares the same
plans for your welfare and not for beliefs, goals, and love for God
harm, to give you a future with as I do. It is truly a beautiful thing
hope” (Jeremiah 29:11) [NRSV]. when two God-fearing people
After my breakup, I began get married. “Marriage affects the
to immerse myself in reading afterlife both in this world and in the
God’s Word. It was then that world to come. A sincere Christian
my friendship with Christ grew. will make no plans that God cannot
I finally realized that happiness approve.”—The Ministry of Healing, p. 359.
is only found through a fulfilling I will be forever grateful that I
relationship with Jesus Christ. As I surrendered my relationship with
began to trust God more each day, an unbeliever to God and allowed
I committed my daily plans into His Him to choose a godly mate for
hands. If it meant that I would never me. If you are currently struggling
find a young man in the church to in a relationship with an unbeliever
marry, I wasn’t worried because or contemplating one, make God
God had big plans for my life. first, ask Him to be your Counselor,
It was during this time of and you will find that this brings
complete surrender to Christ that true happiness! Even if you think
I made friends with a young man you will never find someone in
from our church. We began a the church, as I thought, let Christ
beautiful friendship with Christ at be the One who brings fulfillment
the center. After getting to know and companionship into your life!
each other for some time, we “Commit thy way unto the Lord;
realized that God had brought us trust also in him, and he shall bring
together for a reason and that by it to pass” (Psalm 37:5).
Youth Messenger, Vol. XXXIX, No. 1
18
Your Questions
ANSWERED
BY GHENNADY MELNYCHUK
20
How about hugging and kissing? Are hugs of greeting forbidden?
Is it okay to give a "goodbye" kiss on the cheek? The same principle
applies here as in holding hands. Remember Christ's words that the
sin of adultery begins in the heart. You'll need to be truly honest with
yourself about hugging and kissing: When do you give them? How
often, and how long they last? What is the difference in the length of
a "goodbye" hug and kiss given in the presence of parents or other
people, compared to kisses given in privacy? How far is too far? The
surprising answer given by inspiration: “Do not see how close you can
walk upon the brink of a precipice and be safe. Avoid the first approach
to danger. . . . Moral purity, self-respect, a strong power of resistance,
must be firmly and constantly cherished. There should not be one
departure from reserve. One act of familiarity, one indiscretion, may
jeopardize the soul, in opening the door to temptation, and the power of
resistance becomes weakened.”—Manuscript Releases, vol. 18, pp. 297, 298.
The Bible says, "God shall bring every work into judgment, with every
secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil" (Ecclesiastes
12:14). The general principle is that parts of the body that remain
covered with clothes when in the presence of others, are not to be
touched before marriage at all.
Unfortunately, all the above-written principles will only make sense
to a converted person. "The natural man receiveth not the things of the
Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know
them, because they are spiritually discerned" (1 Corinthians 2:14).
The world laughs at Biblical moral principles, and if you believe we
are descendants of monkeys, then definitely there is no sense to restrain
yourself—just live as the animals do, driven by two main instincts: survival
(food and drink), and reproduction. But if you believe that a loving God
created you and redeemed you by His blood, then live and act accordingly.
"Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to
the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31).
21
Surviving an LDR
BY LARISSA
GESSNER
W
hen I was 4 years old, doing? I answered his questions,
my family lived in Itu, but the conversation lasted for
Brazil. My father was another seven years through
the Youth Department leader of emails and social media with him
the South Brazilian Union, and we living in Brazil and me in Canada.
often spent time with the Gessner In 2016, we got married and
family. They had three sons; the brought our LDR (long-distance
eldest one was just a few months relationship) to an end for good.
older than me. The four of us Seriously, I think the years of
regularly played together until distance traumatized us so that,
one day my family moved to the since then we haven’t spent a full
United States. 24 hours apart in almost 3 years!
Ten years later, back when
*a social media platform
MSN* was a thing, I was online that is now long gone.
when a new chat window popped
up. It was the Gessner’s eldest son,
Vinícius. He wanted to know about
his aunt who had recently moved
to a city near us. How was she
22
The Truth
Long-distance is just terrible
but it’s also fabulous. There are
moments of excruciating heart-
torn-out-of-your-chest pain, but
these teach you that the level of
sadness you feel can be the level
of happiness you can experience.
23
BEFORE YOU EVER BEGIN A
RELATIONSHIP, PRAY DAILY
FOR THAT SPECIAL PERSON
GOD HAS FOR YOU.
24
OBSERVE AND TALK
More Insights TO OTHERS:
Most LDR couples, with whom I’m
FIND YOURSELF FIRST:
familiar, knew each other before
A relationship should never be
they began their relationship, but
about finding yourself in another
that isn’t the case for everyone. If
person. You should be able to
you have met each other only a
be happy on your own before
few times in person, let me give
you enter any relationship, but
you some serious advice:
especially a long-distance one.
Talk to that person’s pastor.
HAVE A GOAL: Don’t lend your ear to gossip
Set short term goals for when but do listen to advice. Seek out
you will see each other again. the people near your boyfriend/
Vini and I knew we’d see each girlfriend who can give a truthful
other twice a year and having report of their character. You
those days to countdown made are precious. You are loved. You
all the difference. Save to make are worthy of the best God has
those trips possible. Suffering in mind for you. Your time is
is tolerable if you can keep the valuable. LDRs require investment.
end in sight. Also, make long Make sure you are investing wisely.
term goals. Will you get married When you do see each other,
someday? Long-distance works observe how that person treats
better if a further commitment other people. How does he treat
is the goal. Will one of you the other women in his life? How
move closer? Who and when? does she treat the other men in
Establishing and clarifying these her life? That’s a good indicator of
goals early on are fundamental to how he/she will treat you.
“making it.” What do their family
relationships look like? That may
TRUE COMMUNICATION: be a good indicator of what your
Long distance relationships future family may be like. Are
place an enormous value on there any familial relationship
communication. You will hone traumas that you need to be
your communication skills as well aware of and which may cast a
as strengthen and develop them. shadow on your relationship?
You might spend plenty of time If you are serious about
talking about the mundane, but committing your life to someone,
you will also have deep make sure you can do so with
conversations that build wide-open eyes and heart. Actions
trust and set a speak louder than the words
foundation they have spoken or written to
for a durable you. Observe with God-given
relationship. prudence—not an infatuated gaze.
25
This is not to say that
relationships, where individuals
come from completely different
cultures or backgrounds, are
doomed to failure. Considerable
differences can always be
overcome by God’s grace. The
main thing is that both are aware
of the differences and have a
resolution in mind to which both
parties can agree.
26
BY RADU IONITA
ANSWERED
In this case, you are called to treat your loved one according to the
golden rule: “As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them
likewise” (Luke 6:31). You would not like someone to tell you, “You are
a terrible person! How could have I been so deceived to trust a person
like you? You are a loser! You’ve wasted so many days of my life!” Don’t
ever think like that. Focus on the good aspects of the relationship you
are terminating. Be humble and be gentle with the heart of the other
person. You may say: “It has been a privilege to know such a special
person like you. I respect you for so many reasons! But I understand
that I’m not the right person to make you happy. I see that we are not
compatible. Thanks for all the beautiful moments with which you’ve
gifted me. I wish for you to be happily married one day to a person
better than myself. I will remember you as a great friend.” In other
words, don’t make the other person feel guilty about the failure of the
relationship. Be nice and gentle with his/her heart. Ending a relationship
is extremely painful. Why add more to its bitterness?
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As I told my father of
my hopes and plans of
meeting a nice Christian
lady whom I could court and
eventually marry, he suggested
that we first visit the island of his
S
ome time ago I received birth which was on the Adriatic
a phone call from a friend Sea. On the way there, we stopped
and during the conversation to spend the Sabbath in Rijeka
she asked me to write about which was a city on the shores of
my courtship over four decades the Adriatic. We arrived on Friday
ago. Accepting the challenge, I and visited a brother’s home
reflected down memory lane and where a family was vacationing.
remembered it was the year 1973 There I met for the first time
when I was visiting my homeland Vesna, a young lady who was
in Croatia for the first time after an busy in the kitchen preparing
absence of 6 years. I was 25 years food for the Sabbath. Since it
old at the time, and on this trip I was summertime, there were
was hoping to find a nice young other visitors from our church
lady with whom I could share vacationing in that city, and they
the rest of my life. In Christian also came to the services on the
relationships, we definitely need Sabbath. There were several girls
at church that Sabbath, and in the
Youth Messenger, Vol. XXXIX, No. 1
45 YEARS LATER
invitation and spent a beautiful to her father about it. I respected
evening walking along the shore of her decision. When she spoke to
the Adriatic Sea. her father, he replied that it would
Sunday was a clear but a windy be good to consult her mother
day, and we visited the same who at the time was back home in
brother we met on Friday. I asked the city of Sarajevo.
Vesna, the girl I met on Friday, if The dictionary defines
she would like to go for a walk with courtship as a period of time
me around the port of the city. She during which a couple develops a
agreed, and we had a lovely walk romantic relationship with a view
around the harbor watching the of marriage. My courtship didn’t
passengers embarking ships that quite fit that definition because
were sailing to the different islands, it didn’t last that long. I did not
while others were disembarking court my wife for more than 10
the ships. days from the time we became
There is a hill on the side of acquainted and until we were
that city, on top of which stands married. But I can assure you, dear
an old citadel from Roman times, youth, that even today after 45
and we decided to go there. From years I am still courting her. Our
there we could see the beautiful courtship has never stopped. Do
Adriatic Sea and the scattered you know what is our secret for a
islands nearby. In the middle of successful happy marriage? Here’s
that view was this beautiful girl by the blueprint:
my side and the thought came to “Blessed is every one that
me, “It would be great if I could feareth the Lord; that walketh
spend the rest of my life with her.” in his ways. For thou shalt eat
So then and there I asked Vesna, the labour of thine hands: happy
“Will you marry me?” It was a few shalt thou be, and it shall be well
days before her 18th birthday and with thee. Thy wife shall be as a
she replied that she needed to talk fruitful vine by the sides of thine
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house: thy children like olive
plants round about thy table. Behold,
that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.
The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion: and thou shalt see the good of
Jerusalem all the days of thy life. Yea, thou shalt see thy children’s
children, and peace upon Israel” (Psalm 128:1-6).
People who hear our story are amazed that we are still happily
married 45 years later. But following God’s plan in relationships brings
success. It’s guaranteed! Both Vesna and I love and fear the Lord. We
work as a team and are kind and helpful to each other. From the day
I met Vesna preparing food on that Friday until today, she has been
an excellent cook, a loving wife, mother and grandmother, a diligent
worker, and a successful businesswoman. Vesna is my friend. Sure,
we’ve had some challenges, but with God’s help, there’s nothing that
He can’t help us fix. The Lord had blessed us with two sons who are
walking in the way of the Lord, and they also are happily married. And
the frosting on the cake is the three grandchildren God gave us. So, as I
read Psalm 128, I can truly say that God has blessed us abundantly, and
fulfilled every one of His promises written there, and He WANTS to do
Youth Messenger, Vol. XXXIX, No. 1
30
My Commitment
[ ] With God’s help I will follow God’s recipe for a happy
courtship, a successful marriage and a happy life.
[ ] With God’s help I choose to keep myself pure for the Lord
and the man/woman that will be my future husband or wife.
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PERIODICALS