CHAPTER 9

PERSONAL
REL ATIONSHIP
LESSON 1

ON TEENAGE
REL ATIONSHIPS
Teenage relationships may start with attraction,
develop into love, and, if various factors permit,
end up in commitment.
Attraction can be considered as a precursor to love.
When one is attracted to another person, there is
the physical or sexual feeling or desire being felt.

Attraction is responsible for the desire to feel (e.g.

kiss, hold the hand, or touch) the object of affection.
Some say it is the “chemistry” part of love.
Adolescents are usually attracted to physical beauty.
Individuals who display good grooming and hygiene
normally get more attention.

But there are those who are attracted to individuals

who are intelligent, with great sense of humor, or with
good personality. Persons who are sociable, cheerful,
and display positive dispositions are preferred.
Similarity in interests, intelligence level, socio-
economic status, or religious affiliation may also
serve as cause of attraction.
Nonetheless, some are attracted to people who have
personalities opposite to their own.
Age may also be a factor. Adolescents are typically
attracted to people of the same age.
Other bases of attraction include race or ethnicity,
family background, popularity, and wealth.
 FORMS OF ATTRACTION
Crush is a form of attraction. According to Elizabeth Bergner
Hurlock, author of Developmental Psychology, crush is “the love of
an adolescent toward an older member of the same or opposite sex.”

1. IDENTITY CRUSH – formed when adolescents find someone they

admire, want to imitate, or wish to follow as their leader.These
often last long because the admirer is using their ‘crush’ in shaping
their values, ideals, personality, and development.

2. ROMANTIC CRUSH – formed when an adolescent finds someone

as attractive, and feels the desire to be around or spend a lot of
time with them. Most are short-lived because there is a tendency
for charm of the crush to wear off.
 FORMS OF ATTRACTION
Hero worship is another form of attraction. It is characterized
by the absence of personal contact with the one being
admired. It is like a ‘celebrity crush’ in which the object of
affection is loved from afar.

It can serve as an inspiration to strive for success, helping

individuals to set and achieve their goals.
FORMS OF ATTRACTION
Courtship can be considered under attraction stage. It
involves the “getting to know each other” part which could
be a basis for the persons involved whether or not they will
upgrade their relationship to a higher level.

1. Dating – usual activities are eating out in restaurants,

going to the mall, engaging in games together,
and watching movies and concerts.There is
usually no commitment whatsoever between the
two persons.
 FORMS OF ATTRACTION
2. Selective Stage – after dating, a person decides whether or
not to continue ‘seeing’ a certain individual. A person also
starts selecting the individual who will be their ‘steady,’
that is, the person with they want to have a romantic
relationship.
3. Going Steady – This is where a sort of romantic
relationship is made official.This is marked by the
presence of ‘mutual understanding between two persons.
This is also involves the agreement of exclusively dating
each other.
 FORMS OF ATTRACTION

4. Engagement Period – the couple is formally (and usually

publicly) known as ‘engaged.’ This encompasses a
sort of contract and promise that on a set date, the
engaged couple will marry each other.
LOVE
Love is something which cannot be fully captured in
any single definition. It is a very multifaceted and
complex concept which could be experienced in
every stage of human life.
THE TRIANGULAR THEORY OF LOVE

The psychologist Robert Sternberg is one of the experts

who theorized about love. According to his theory, love has
three components which are intimacy, passion, and
commitment. Resulting from the combination of these
components are eight types of love:
 TYPES OF LOVE
1. Nonlove – the three components of love are absent. Refers to
the most common relationship humans make such
as informal interactions or acquaintances.
2. Liking / Friendship – characterized by feelings of closeness
without passion or commitment.
3. Infatuated Love - There is experience of passionate excitement
but intimacy and decision / commitment
are missing. It may suddenly fade if the
feelings do not continue to grow.
4. Empty Love – there is no love or passion but only
commitment. Examples of this are fixed
marriages.
 TYPES OF LOVE
5. Romantic Love – intimacy and passion are present.There is
physical and emotional bond, but
commitment is missing.
6. Companionate Love – considered as stronger than friendship
because of the presence of intimacy.There is no
passion but long-term commitment exists.
This is what we observe in long-standing marriages
and in the love among family members.
TYPES OF LOVE

7. Fatuous Love – concrete examples are whirlwind romances

and marriage.There is passion which resulted
to commitment.
8. Consummate Love – Couples cannot find happiness from
other persons aside from their respective partner.The
relationship persists and survives difficulties. However, this is
hard to achieve and even harder to sustain as passion may
fade.
 COMMITMENT
Commitment in a relationship is a promise, pledge, or decision
to stick by each other thorough ups and downs of the
relationship. It is about wanting and deciding to stay together
as a couple in the future – despite twists and turns that life
encounters.
 DIMENSIONS OF COMMITMENT
1. COMMITMENT AS AN ATTRACTION OR THE “WANT” ASPECT.
- A person wants to be committed to someone because of
what the relationship gives to them.The relationship may
be a source of satisfaction and happiness.
2. COMMITMENT AS A MORAL OBLIGATION OR THE “OUGHT TO”
ASPECT.
- The decision to stay in the relationship, even it is no
longer satisfying, is because of its being an oath or duty.
3. COMMITMENT AS A CONSTRAINT OR THE “HAVE TO” ASPECT.
- Many decide to stay in a relationship or marriage because
getting out of it will involve risks and consequences.
Considerations may include finances, children’s welfare, and
reputation or career.
UNACCEPTABLE AND ACCEPTABLE
EXPRESSIONS OF ATTRACTION
Adolescents, especially the ones who are new to relationships,
are very impulsive.They want to spend almost every minute with
their partner. Unaware, some may be displaying unacceptable
expressions of attraction.
Though expressions of attraction may vary from one culture to
another, the following are some acceptable and generally
unacceptable expressions of attraction:
ACCEPTABLE
1. Glancing at each other
2. Verbal communication – saying “I love you” or “I like you”
3. Smiling
4. Writing letters
5. Phone calls or chatting
6. Giving presents
7. Showing attraction through social media (with limitations)
8. Holding hands
9. Walking arm in arm
10. Kiss on the cheeks
11. Going out
UNACCEPTABLE
1. Kissing / cuddling / holding in public
2. Flirting
3. Invading personal space / touching without consent
4. Intimate activities
5. Back rubbing / massaging / caressing / stroking