How to spot a horse girl

NOTICE!: No horses or girls were harmed in the making of the paper!

What’s that noise?

Picture this, you are in fourth grade and you have just been dismissed for afternoon
recess. As you walk to the playground with Jessica and Ashley by your side you hear
something… unusual? Whatever could it be? Did a peer get hurt, is there a motorcycle
nearby that just so happen to run over a cat? Or could it be a teacher choking on their
afternoon coffee? You begin to worry. However as you turn around your worry is gone.
The noise is coming from the one and only Bonnie, or more importantly, Horse Girl.
Horse girl seems to be mimicking the noise of her orange lipizzan horse, Autumn,
however, she sounds like a dying cow.

When in doubt, look!

There are many ways to spot a horse girl. For instance, her outfit is always a flannel,
jeans and riding boots, because everyone must know that she rides a horse. All of her
notebooks has a picture of a different horse, and even if you don’t ask, she will tell you
what breed every one is. She also wears her hair in a braid every day. But, the most
common way to spot a horse girl is how they relate to Tarzan. If you see Lea running
around on all fours at 10:15 for morning recess, she is, in fact, a horse girl.

Is she shy? Must not be a horse girl.

It is illegal for a horse girl to be shy, it is not allowed and will not be accepted by her
fellow horse girls. A horse girl must also be over eager and willing to tell those who have
absolutely no interest at all, about their favourite horse. Are you wanting to have a nice
lunch with your friends in the lunchroom? Well too bad! Emily must tell you about her
new helmet and the poney her grandpa is going to buy her for her birthday.

Does she need to have a horse?

While this may seem confusing, a horse girl does not need to own a horse to be a horse
girl. Any child who enjoys running on all fours, eating grass when necessary, and making
every other topic in the classroom, except for horses, irrelevant, can be a horse girl. Most
cases of horse girls happen outside of the town where girls have been exposed to the free
land that happens to be their backyard, but just like with everything, there are exceptions.
Girls living in the local suburbs or even apartments can end up being horse girls. They do
however face a little bit of an obstacle. Running around on all fours pretending to be a
farm animal becomes much harder in the confined space of your living room.