Gamo, JV (Y)

Not as Simple as 1-2-3

What struck me the most about the recollection is learning how profoundly little I

knew about love and how intricate the concept of love really is, as portrayed in 1 Corinthians

13:4-8 and the talk given by the married couple. This takes me back to the time I had a

girlfriend. It was barely a month into our relationship when I started saying “I love you” to

her. My mom, who knows the most about love that I know, knew about this fact and asked

me what it meant for me to say the magic L-word to my then-girlfriend. It got me thinking

really hard and I found myself struggling to grasp an answer. I was so sure that I loved her

but when it came to explaining why, little did I know that I did not mean it at all. I always felt

jealous when she would harmlessly talk to another guy and we would find ourselves fighting

over the pettiest things. So why did I love her? Answering this question is as hard as defining

love per se. It was at that moment that I knew that I really didn’t love her and that’s the

reason why our relationship did not last that long. As M. Scott Peck would put it, the

experience of falling in “love” is invariably temporary.

Recognizing genuine love in our lives is very important because it is the foundation

upon which our future marriage and subsequent family life must be built upon. According to

1 Corinthians: 4-8, love must be patient, kind, unenvious, and so forth. But as I listened to the

talk given by the married couple, love doesn’t have to be exactly all those things for it to

persist. Love is also going beyond the imperfections and accepting them wholeheartedly. We

are all imperfect being incapable of giving and receiving the perfect love. Much like

happiness, love is a choice; a choice to disregard the imperfections and just love in spite of

these. But I think there is a reason love is described, first and foremost, as patient in the verse.

Because it’s something that one must take his/her time with, not something that should be

rushed or forced. That is why it has affected me in such a way that I am not actively and
consciously looking for a relationship as early as now, but I have simply let things take its

course and wait until the right time, which I know is in God’s perfect timing.

But all I have been talking about is agape, a facet of love anchored on commitment;

geared towards marriage. As established throughout the recollection, there is also philia, or

brotherly love that applies to friends. As college undergraduates, this was a very apt and

timely reminder because we are in a point in our lives where we spend majority of our time

with our friends in school. Sometimes, with all the work that keeps us busy, we fail to even

simply say hi or ask how our friends are doing. I myself am guilty of this tendency. I have

grown apart with some of my friends due to the fact that I have recently decided to put more

focus on my studies. But I may have put in a little too much focus that I lost some friends

along the way. This recollection put into perspective the decision I made to prioritize my

studies, which I thought was the sure fire way to go to experience the most out of my college

life. But I learned that much like anything else, a great deal of balance must be found. We are

all, anyway, social beings and therefore, relationships, beyond academic success, is of utmost

importance. Since then, I have consciously tried to spend more time with my friends, hear all

about the kwento and silly stories, which I have truly missed, smiling more at them and trying

to give them a smile of their own by cracking a joke or two.

Love is just complicated. You can never pin a single definition to it; doing so would

just downplay its very essence and spirit. But what I can do is just love, without spending too

much time defining it; love, and allow myself to be loved, while not necessarily rushing into

marriage. While I am young, this recollection taught me to love my friends by eating with

them and bonding over movies or basketball. I will, likewise, love my family by simple acts

of sharing stories and kissing them good night. Love is patient; it can wait for it to be defined

perfect. But it is also kind, and that’s what I intend to be to my friends and family right now.
How? By spending quality time with them, because allotting time, much like love, is a

choice.