Subject: Language III Lecturer: Mgter.

Mariano Quinterno
Student: Silvana del Val Date: May 9th, 2014

Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

The Eternal Dichotomy of Nature versus Nurture.

Asserting that being unfaithful on one occasion necessarily implies always taking the

same course of action seems too much of a blanket statement which disregards the

capacity human beings have to adjust their new choices upon experience and reflection.

It is the aim of this essay to show that even though there are some factors leading an

individual to relapse into cheating, there are others prompting him to choose differently

the second time opportunity arises.

The Chicago Sun Times advice columnist Ann Landers appears to have a mind of her

own on this matter. In response to a letter sent by a reader who explained that she was

getting married to the man she had been having an extramarital affair with, Landers

bluntly stated: “If you marry a man who cheats on his wife, you will be married to a man

who cheats on his wife.” Little do we know if Landers is familiar with the innate feature

human beings are believed to possess which might support her adamant position but let

us try and shed some light on it.

1
Subject: Language III Lecturer: Mgter. Mariano Quinterno Student: Silvana del Val

Mother Nature apparently has endowed some individuals with “evil” genes which may be

to blame for infidelity. Professor Tim Spectorof the Twin Research Unit at St Thomas'

Hospital, in London,ascertained in 2004 that there is scientific evidence of a genetic

component to unfaithfulness. He discovered so by doing research into identical twins

who- of course- shared their complete genetic map and by comparing the results he had

obtained against those of fraternal twins who only shared fifty per cent of their genes.

After the study, Professor Spector commented: “There is not an infidelity gene, but fifty

to one hundred genes […] give us the tendency to respond to our environments in

different ways.”In other words, our biological predispositions may favour cheating but it

is our own responsibility how to channel this natural inclination for our highest good. This

is when nature meets nurture.

The Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines nurture as the sum of the environmental

factors influencing the behaviour and traits expressed by an organism. There appears to

be ever-lasting tension between our genetic code and the environment that we live in.

The factors our surrounding offers seem to be permanently arm-wrestling with those

inborn liabilities that Professor Spector made reference to. Then, is our “unfaithfulness

gene” a dictator who will not allow first-hand experience, vicarious learning and our

determination to prevail over our past to create a better present?

2
Subject: Language III Lecturer: Mgter. Mariano Quinterno Student: Silvana del Val

Author of Emotional Infidelity and The Truth about Cheating, M. Gary Neuman affirms

that the main reason for cheating is lack of emotional connection with the significant

other. It could be assumed then that the individual that decides to seek this missing

emotional connection outside his current relationship is someone who finds it difficult to

express his feelings and to voice his needs. Such is the uneasiness disclosing how he

feels provokes in him that he prefers to fill the void in secret, “by the side”. What if this

person learnt how to communicate successfully with his significant other through

psychological therapy? Would he be able to become someone new, a loyal version of

his former self? Or would he be doomed by his past wrong decisions?

Either accusing a one-time cheater of being a forever cheater orstating that under no

circumstancewill he repeat the experience would constitute an instance of

overgeneralization. Such categorical assurances tend to be both limited and limiting.

Since the human being is an expansive one who has the capacity to respondto stimuli to

the best of his knowledge, it seems prudent to rephrase the old adage to Once a

cheater, not always a cheater. In the end, there does not appear to be a one-size-fits-all

answer when it comes to infidelity, or to any human conflict, for that matter.